116: TANA’S HORROR STORY MIAMI TRIP… - Ep. 115
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Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. Remember when we paid upwards of $20,000 for a studio and it's done and we just keep coming here and it's rotting at my house? Yeah, I don't know why actually we're here. And do you know the other thing that I think is funny about that is that we're on tour. Why did we build a studio in my house? At least we're not renting it. Yeah. Yeah.

But like we could, I guess we also didn't really realize how nice it was to do it from here until we were already in the building process. Other than the ghost. It's like, you know. Yeah. No ghost at Tana's home studio, but also no Tana and Brooke. So. Yeah. And it's just, it's just sitting there. Like it's a fully done studio and we just keep shooting here. There's more space here. I didn't really think out how small that room is. I know. Well, I think it's definitely fine. It's fine for a podcast studio, but there's no like viewing area. There's no friends, which is probably good. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm doing this the whole time. Zach, Brian blocked you, but you don't want to talk about that. And it was like way long ago. She was like, I was casually mentioning that in conversation earlier and Tana demanded that I say it. I just think it's crazy that Zach, Brian blocked me. And like, I get it. Sometimes you're just killing it. Like she was like just telling the room and I was like, yes, bitch. Like, well, it just feels like really like it.

Like, what's the like, I was gonna say no, but why are you saying no? That's how I feel. Like, you blocked me. What did I do? Yeah, you were just like, how lucky are we? I hadn't like, yeah, it was pretty crazy. I mean, maybe I was slandering him online. That could have been. Were you?

no i feel like he just got some clinton said anything he got some like clinton strap no like oh we'll put you in the lying artist bucket we might still stream now and again but yeah you know and then yeah it was it was a mess but what the fuck like he blocked me i literally have like coronavirus i don't have covid actually i shouldn't just say that like don't say that like why i don't have covid what happened i'm really fucking sick i i literally like

I feel like old me would have canceled the whole day today, but I decided not to. I respect that about you. You know what I mean? I decided just, you know, raw dog it through life. I got back from Miami. I had a lot of stripper ass in my face and I think I caught something. Don't blame them. Well, there was a lot of like hole in my face. Like I'm not even kidding. Whose fault is that? Me? I was loving it. I was loving it. I love strippers. And, but now I'm just, I'm sick as fuck. And like,

The energy I'm almost bringing to the podcast today feels like old canceled when I'd come on like hungover and like nothing to lose. Like take me out now. Like that's how I feel for today's episode. I love that. But you know, it's crazy. I think about that sometimes because we used to always do canceled either hungover or drunk or usually both. And like lash on the cheek. Like I used to show up to like...

My own podcast so fucking beat so fucking ugly. Yeah, Brooke. I'll like see a clip and it's like maybe maybe some bronzing drops. I should have stayed away from the bronzing drops the contour everything and I had a white claw on each hand. It was a mess, but maybe that's why we were more fun then. Yeah, and then just a podcasting blacked out is so funny to think about now because it's like anything that's coming out of your mouth Tana shouldn't be right.

but you know what? You live and you learn. I'm like so delirious, Sudafed it out. Like I'm like, Sudafed like is like crazier than like Molly to me. I don't even know if I've tried Molly, but no Sudafed is fucking meth. That's why they make you show your ID because you can make meth with Sudafed. Really? Yeah. That's why they make you show your ID. I think I could just be making that up, but I've heard that a lot in life. I love spreading misinformation.

If there's one thing about me is I'm going to come on this podcast and spread misinformation. Speaking of that, I saw this clip the other day of us just butchering every international name. And by us, I kind of mean me. No, I have one I cannot say. Belfast. Belfast. Let me see. Let me go. I saved it. I also can't say Wilshire. I say Wilshire. I prefer Wilshire. I was on Wilshire today. I know you can't say Wilshire.

Ontario at all. What is it? Ontario? But so much hubbub has been made about it that I don't know which it is. I don't know what you say void in Ontario, which makes me think it is Ontario. I don't know why, but drug and alcohol helpline in the top corner. Amish Aaron just looking up Sudafed used to make crystal meth and like getting paid the big bucks for it is so funny to me. Drugs. IE. Wait, but did you have fun in Miami at least? Brooke Amber Schofield.

My sweet, sweet princess fucking angel. Okay, and I'm sure there's a Miami that I've never tapped into. Okay, I'm sure there's a little dock by the water and there's a fucking hotel, cute little, you know, white sand vibes. But like, I obviously went to the Miami that I once loved. I went into the Miami that I would once do on 2CB and no sleep and that Miami, you know? I truly like throughout it too, I feel like most things...

My takeaway is like, wow, this is better sober. Life is amazing sober. And my takeaway from that was like, I would need to relapse in order to enjoy this shit. Like just the bus, another club, another club, bus fucking energy of Miami. It was like I landed. Oh my God.

a dinner and then like the next day I get up I did a club appearance for like four hours I met like 400 fans mind you all of the fans were using the my club appearance as a pregame to go to ultra Miami so everyone's bedazzled out like I'm gonna shit myself right now like actually but the bathroom smells like dead body so I have to hold it and I'm just farting but at least am I gonna shit myself

Are you going to shit yourself? Am I going to shit myself? Wait, put your sweatshirt down at least. These are white and nice chairs. In fact, let me get my shoe off. I think I'm okay, but like, oh my God. That was like the closest call I've ever had on the Canceled Podcast. Be careful because sometimes it's, you really just don't know. And I, you know, I shit myself pretty recently. Well, don't, don't test it.

It's a lot of cold medicine and a lot of cold brew and a lot of... It'll go right through you. But if there's one thing about us, it's we're going to make this about shitting ourselves somehow. Dude, I'm so sorry. Like, it's just like, I'm sorry. It's okay. Oh, and that bathroom smells like body. Dead, like carcass. It does smell like carcass. I don't know. I forgot what we were talking about. We were talking about the club appearance. They were pre-gaming before. Oh, yes. So they used...

- They say I don't listen to you. - So they were using it as a pregame for Ultra, so it was just, you know, jaws swinging in the best way. We had a great time. But then it was like dinner, and like no dinner in Miami is giving dinner. It's giving, my hotel, the Nobu Hotel, you've been there with me. You know, it's kind of weirdly for being on Miami Beach, kind of peaceful, kind of nice.

It's Miami Music Week, so there's John Summits in the fucking lobby. People are getting wheelchaired out of the lobby, jaw swinging, bedazzled. I went to the strip club. Then I had a yacht day with the Bop House. I came back like, oh my God. And the Fort Lauderdale Airport leaving was a hellscape.

Like it was so every single flight was delayed. I've never looked at a monitor and seen that like that. And people were just crawling on all fours like in the fucking airport. Like a woman commented on my TikTok and said one time I had a layover in the Fort Lauderdale airport and I saw a woman giving birth.

And I just, I really like that really resonated with me because that's how it felt. It felt like someone was about to give birth at any moment. Like it was just, it was a hundred degrees in the airport. I didn't get home till 3 a.m. We were stuck on the tarmac. Like it just, and then now I have,

Swine flu. And I just never want to fucking go back there. I don't care that it's on a beautiful beach. Miami is a hellscape. I know. You know what? I'm sorry that that happened to you, but I knew before. You were like, I'm so excited to go to Miami. I'm going to the Bop House. I'm like, oh, I think I've seen this before. Yeah, and it's like, I made a great video, and there were glimpses of a good time. Like, I love J-Rod and Makoa and Ashley. And like, you know, I had a... Oh, he's fucking calling me. It's like, fucking call Phyllis.

I had glimpses of a good time. And like I said, there's definitely a Miami. I love the bops. They're all so sweet.

It's so funny though. I hadn't been in like a content house environment since my team 10 days and it's like truly like just so much like we should they have like scandals during the day and all the things I know what you want to should and I don't want to so fun. I actually would have loved to go to the Bob house. I think I would have really had fun. I want to just observe. I like to know about things that I wouldn't normally know about. Mm-hmm. I we were on a boat. I didn't go to the Bob house. So I had a Bob boat day on a pop boat. Yeah, and it honestly like they're all just very sweet like and just like

You know, like they're Camilla and I really catch a vibe because she's kind of like brash like me. But like the rest of them are just very like sweet little nice girls. Like I was like, oh, they get paid the big bucks. Yeah. And well, I'm sorry that you didn't you didn't have a good time or you did have a good time. You had concepts of a good time. I had concepts of a good time. OK, I had concepts of it. You ate with that.

Never mind. Anyway. You feel like you were having a good time? You said something that reminded me of something that I want to talk about, and I think that you're not going to let me. I know, didn't you? I already knew. I just tried to shut it down like mid-sentence like four ago. I know, but you think I could bring it up again? I mean, like, try. Paul American. Oh, oh, oh. What did you think I was going to bring up? Well, you go. Or Jake Paul's engagement? Yeah.

Oh, and he said for real this time. He what? You didn't see? He said what? Yes, he posted his engagement and he put for real this time. The ghost just moved that off the table. Did anybody see the ghost move my lip liner off the table or was that just... And it's every time we're talking about Jake Paul, the ghost... Wait, am I making that up or... I thought that was... Can you find out if you're making that up? Yeah, he did. He posted caption for real this time. Wait...

Oh, he changed it. Look, it says the original caption here. It says, for real this time, sad eyes or like cry eyes, engagement ring. But then when you click the video, it says, we've come a long way, Jake Paulers, meet my fiance. So maybe it's a glitch. But you see that, right? I'm writing a book. And I just like anything. I don't know. I feel like I'm going to save anything I would say right now for that.

I tried to watch the show. I think the show is definitely going to be entertaining. I want to watch the show. I will say that. It's like I keep going to try to respond to you because I have responses, but then I'm just imagining me in one day saying Oscar cut that. So I'm trying to think of anything I won't cut. You're right. I guess we can skip over it. No, because you're providing amazing podcast content. I think that I'm happy.

Yeah. Like, yeah. I think we should have a show though. They should give us a show. Slightly smaller budget. I was driving the other day. Well, I wasn't driving and I looked up and just saw Pam Stepnick, Jake's mom, like on a billboard all big and I was like, no fucking shit. Um, I, yeah, I'm happy for everyone involved. Um,

I do want to watch Paul American. I think just his parents are a hoot. Logan's, I really like, I hate to love Logan. You know what I mean? I just like, I feel like you, like, I feel like you and Logan Paul would be best friends. Like you guys are similar. I don't know how to explain it. I really like, I do. I just have a lot of respect for Logan Paul. I like, honestly, the Pauls in general, just how much money they make. Like, how did you fucking do that? Also, I have been low on electrolytes recently and prime has been saving me. Yeah.

Well, Brooke, why don't you just fucking dye your hair blonde and get on a flight to Puerto Rico? No, but like dead ass. Like I do want to watch it. I think that family is like made for reality television and I'm super happy. I just like anything I'm saying right now, I'm already seeing the clips and it's giving me anxiety. And I don't know. I think I have too many thoughts sometimes to make them concise and I'm excited for my book. But truly, I am happy for Jake and happy for you.

that he's happy. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. With Indeed sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. A

Thank you.

Terms and conditions apply. Hiring, indeed, is all you need. You had a story to tell me? I wanted to talk about our mispronunciations. I'm sorry. No, I think you were right. What were we mispronouncing? We're saying chav wrong. Chav. Chav? Maybe we're saying it in American. No, it's chav. Chav check. Yeah, that checks out.

I think it's chav. I don't... It's whatever. Sometimes I think too hard. You sent me a TikTok the other day that actually had me fucking spiraling. Spiraling. Who's in your own stage? No, no, no, no. We should... Well... Chav.

Chav, this woman, there's a woman out there, Jessica Wetz, who had the fucking time. She had the time like Big Ben, okay? Where she took every clip of me on the podcast talking about every ailment I've ever had and then diagnosed me with a syndrome called Ehlers-Danlos. And mind you, this syndrome has the average lifespan of 48, okay? Okay.

And I open up the TikTok comments and someone just said, if Tana saw this edit of herself, I think it would put her in a coma. And you decided to send it right into my phone. At the off chance that I have it, this is a life-saving thing. Yeah, you're welcome for bringing it to your attention. I'm 80.

What do you mean, like, my feet are big and my scoliosis and my alcoholism and my urinary incontinence, like, all tie together to a syndrome that's going to make me live to only 48? And why am I being tagged in that? You know what? Similarly to the Hailey Bieber situation, I think a lot of that is just coincidence. Okay? I...

I'm going to like hope and agree with that, but you should have seen me next to Makoa. He had to talk me off a ledge. Well, I'm sorry for sending it to you, but to be honest, this girl has been at it for a long time. She's been making videos about this specific topic for probably like two years. And maybe she's right. Maybe. Well, I've never even heard of it, so I think she's making it up.

No, but what is it? What's the... It's called... Like, what do you do? Is it treatable? It's a lack of collagen, which maybe could make sense as to why I look 53. You don't look 53. Even if I do have it, it's like I want to know about it later. I have an uncle who has cancer and he just was like, no, I don't. And then he just moved on. That's so...

It's so funny because I'm so medically paranoid, but then I do not want to know slash like will not do anything about something. So it's like what? What kind of battle? What kind of fucking super smash bros is happening with my chemicals? I think it's really like a common thing. But you know what we should do that people just started doing is that like prenuvo thing where you can like...

People always say like, if I was rich, like you wouldn't know it, but there would be signs. Like the number one thing is like I would get a full body CT. They offer that now. You can just go in, spend like, I mean, honestly, a lot of money, but you can get a full CT scan and you can know every single possible thing. But I just get just the midsection and I'm like, I don't think anything's going on in these legs. So I might as well just. Oh, I got some Disney knees. So I mean, shit, I probably have to go full body, but like.

No. No? No. Okay. I mean, I'd go with you. Like, I'd hold your hand while you did it and then be like, oh, shit. Well, I just think, like, how cool is that? Like...

I just know I wouldn't come back with a clean bill of health and what a new list of problems. Well, you're right. You know what? Let me just shut the fuck up. No, like you have a point. Brooke, what did you text me the other day to do for the Patreon? Reformer Pilates? Yeah, I thought it could be fun. We're trying new things for the Patreon. The way that they would probably put my alcoholism shakes to shame. Like I can't even imagine the way I'd be on that reformer. I'm down. No, I just think your commentary would be so funny because even I the whole time I'm like,

I have to like depend on humor to like not be embarrassed. And so I saw your video of you with the little bar and you were being really funny. It's just so hard. That's good, though, that you're like cracking jokes. I think I just wouldn't even be funny. I would be just really fucking mean. You're always funny.

Speaking of looking 58, which we weren't anymore, I am getting extreme surgery day after tomorrow. This is your eyelids last canceled podcast. This is the last you're going to see of these droopy fucking eyelids. Okay. I love that you're just collecting surgeries like infinity stones and I'm so fucking. I got one boob job. That was my first surgery ever. I'm so jealous though. Like it's funny because we were just debating Coachella a bunch, Brooke and I, and then we like found out that a house was like,

$17,000 for Coachella. She's like, will you go in on it with me? You'd only have to pay like 6K. I'm like, no. No, I watched her over the course of talking about it. Like at one point you were like, I'd rather get a surgery. And then you were like, I'd rather get a surgery. And like talked yourself out of Coachella and getting plastic surgery instead, which I think is so camp. Like someone needs to like write a song about that. Well, it was like if they could, if I could get it done in that timeframe, that's what I wanted to do because I wanted to have it done before Europe. It's something I've wanted for so long. It's not like a crazy surgery at all. It literally takes like

30 minutes tops you're you can be awake when you do it we were supposed to interview bad baby 12 hours after Brooke's surgery and Brooke's like don't move it I'm down like I think you think you're just gonna come off this anesthesia and like do a cartwheel first of all I got a boob job and I was doing the YMCA I felt amazing this is way

Way, way, way less invasive. I'm just not that kind of person, I guess. That's why I can't wrap my head around it. Like, what do you mean the day after plastic surgery you're ready to rumble? It's not like a crazy thing. It's just basically I have hooded eyes.

Okay. And it didn't used to bother me that much. But like as I've aged and lost weight and like just like my eyes are getting droopier and droopier and I stopped being able to wear eyeliner, which to most people who the fuck cares, but I care. I love eyeliner. And I can't wear it and I just get frustrated when I do my eyeshadow because it never looks right. And I watch this back and I'm like, gosh, like I just wish I didn't have those eyelids anymore. But don't you think it kind of gives like Bassett hound? I don't know.

I'm just kidding. No, that's exactly why I'm getting surgery on Thursday. I'm actually just joking. I just wanted to say the words Basset Hound. No, I'm kidding. And I'm preparing for people to be like, you're so ridiculous, horrible. No, I think if you want something, you get it. And you know that's how I fucking feel. I just think you would be so... Okay. They are exactly giving Basset Hound. They are. Remember Joshua Basset? Is he dead? He's not dead. I got my driver's license last week. But...

A lot more people have this surgery than you think have this surgery. I know. I feel like I'm always hearing a girl just be like, I'm going to Pilates and then community goods and then I'm getting my bleph done. Well, it's like one of the most like not undetectable surgeries, but like it's hard to like really put your finger on it when you see somebody like all of a sudden looking like more refreshed and younger and whatever. And nobody talks about it because you can actually look completely normal in seven days. So no one's going to tell you they got it done. You're welcome for being so transparent. Yeah.

But really, I'm doing it because like I have to have stitches like probably in the next episode. And like, what am I going to do? No, I think that's everything. And I think your transparency is everything. You are right. Like, I feel like so many people I know have it. So you being honest is a slay. And like, listen, I too, if I could get the like head out the window in the wind smack pack right now like this. I don't know why you think you need that. But if you do feel like you need that, I have an amazing surgeon to recommend. Dr. S.

Get that free bleph, girl. Come on. What's his fucking name? I'm about to say a different surgeon that I want to work with. I'm going to sound like such a sellout right now, but I genuinely like the same doctor that did my boobs, Dr. Daniel Barrett in Beverly Hills. Dr. Daniel Bassett-ound. No. He was so amazing. I had such a good experience. He just did also my friend's tummy tuck.

It's just me. She's had three children. Oh, wow. So it's not like I don't just have friends out here like getting tummy tuck. What would be wrong with having a friend getting a tummy tuck? I don't know. You made it sound like I thought you were laughing at me. No. Anyway, I'm going to Dr. Daniel Barrett in Beverly Hills. He is one of the best in the business. World renowned. One time he saved me from a burning building. We're laughing, but he is world renowned. World renowned.

Are you going to keep them? Can I wear them like little earrings? People do that for, well, I don't know if they do that actually, but people who do labioplasties. Keep their lips. No, I just always see TikToks of like the aftermath and them just like on the table after. I have two things to tell you about this particular topic. Which do you want first? I don't know the topics. Okay, first. I'm assuming one is labia related. Neither. Oh, one of them is labia related. Okay.

I have what I consider the most important purchase of 2025 so far. You're going to say like most important labia. No, but that too. Okay. My favorite purchase so far of 2025, we are in April, is my new wide gusset. Your new what? Wide gusset camel toe proof chonies. What's a gusset? What's a gusset? What's a gusset?

What's a gusset? It's like wider because you know sometimes when you're walking and there's like a lip on each side of your chonies. Uh-huh.

I don't know why they're out to here. No, I feel you. It feels like that. Yeah. And you're flossing and I'm like, God. Yeah. So I was looking into like what can be done for that, obviously, because I've been having like, I put you in a patient group chat one time and I was like, I ran into you guys at the Grove and I was like, I actually had to leave the Grove because I was like literally getting flossed to death. Like it was like, it wasn't even okay. I get it. I really do get it. And like,

I'm wearing regular underwear. Like, I don't understand how people are doing that. Like, maybe it's like... Sometimes I feel like I have to, like, readjust a lip, like the way men readjust their, like, nuts. Yeah, but, like, once you do it once, it's like it'll never be right again. It's like it's only right the first time I place them. And after that, they're just, like, getting tied in knots. It's a whole thing. So if you have a wide gusset... You better put this shit on your Amazon storefront. ...common camel toes...

I would highly recommend this purchase. I think I just searched camel toe free. Okay, but it's important to know. So is it like a sports cup? Like we're almost like I'm playing softball as a man. It's essentially like a cardboard triangle in my underwears. Wait, in my underwear. And it's not. I feel like if I was walking around with a piece of cardboard in my underwear, I could come from that.

Shut up, U-Haul. I didn't see that anywhere in the reviews. I just know I don't have a camel toe right now and I'm really happy about it. So it's like your cup. Like how men have like a cup in sports. Well, it's like if I'm wearing, I wear leggings a lot now. So I think that's what made me like hyper aware of it too is like, wait, something's wrong. And so you just have like a little gift card inserted in there? Yes. And because of it, I look like I have just like the fucking just like, I look like I just, it's amazing. Yeah.

Anyway, that was number one. I can't wait to try it. No, because I put on something the other day. I don't want to leave you hanging, no pun intended, on what you're saying right now because I really did put on something the other day and I was like, big pussy. So, like, I'll try it.

It's really good. Like, I don't know. I've never heard anyone talk about it that much except for like Khloe Kardashian. She says she has a wide gusset as well. Wide gusset is just like so wild. I literally don't know what gusset is. Can we get a dictionary definition on gusset, please? Okay, I don't like the picture that they're showing. A piece of material. I don't have the gusset. The chonies have the gusset. Oh, a piece of material sewed into a garment to strengthen or enlarge a part of it. Look at that photo with the jeans.

That's how I was feeling for a second there. Oh my God, Brooke. Wow. Shout out to gussets. Should that be our next merch item? Like canceled gusset? We can just make sweats with an extra wide gusset. Yes. And I'm into that. Or leggings. Because I did have like a big mama drama situation in our yap. But that's because I was wearing 3X and it's like figure that out, you know. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find Amazing Candidates Fast?

Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. With Indeed Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates, so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed.

And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.com slash kids and family. Just go to Indeed.com slash kids and family right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring? Indeed is all you need.

Well, that was my first one. And then my second one, we were talking about labiaplasty on the table. Okay, that's what made me think of this. And this is my story that I've been dying to tell you. She has told me like 17 times this week that she has a story for me. Okay, well, your expectations are probably up here. I mean, you need to bring them down. But I think that almost makes it funnier. I, as you know,

At least once every couple weeks, Mouse has a trip to the hospital for eating a foreign object. Brooks Newbit has been sending me photos of Mouse's puke. I know. No invisible ink. I get it. You want me to be a part of the journey? Well, I wanted you to know what he was throwing up, which is why I had to re-gift my rug. Amari came up on a $3,000 rug because Mouse is hungry. Yeah, and I lost $3,000. Anyway, he ate the rug, so we took him to the hospital. Except this time, he has a normal hospital. And I know, like...

I hate to even talk about it because it sounds like I'm just a neglectful parent, but he eats everything. No, when I come over to your house, Mouse is like spider pig. Yeah, I think he has pica, which is where you eat non-food items. Have you seen that movie where the girl eats the marble? I keep telling you to watch it. No, but I have seen My Strange Addiction when people are eating sheets of paper. I'm there mentally. Let me just show you what he ate today.

I bought a nice new fleece. He ate a hole in it and ate. It's not like he like, oh, he bit a hole in it. He ate the whole thing. That's beside the point. He went to the hospital and his normal hospital was they had like a seven hour wait. And so they recommended us to another hospital that was in Santa Monica. OK. And I show up to this hospital. No wait. First of all, 10 out of 10. And they they go, come right on over here.

I hope you don't mind. We have an open concept hospital. I go, what does that mean? I round the corner. There's a cat here, cut open, sliced open, feet in stirrups. A dog over here, cut open, sliced open. They're playing like Chapel Roan. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. And it was the middle of the night. I was literally like... What kind of Dahmer shit? But it sounds...

really dark, but it was so cool to me because it was like, first of all, they were all like in really good spirits. The vibes were high in there. Everybody's like very casual. Like it wasn't like nobody was dying. Didn't feel like anyone was dying, but it was very like, you know, it's exhausting. You sit and you wait for hours and hours and you sit and you stare at a wall and you're like, I'm doing nothing. How cool is it to be able to just, you're in the waiting room, but there's a cat right here, like literally getting surgery.

You want to see pictures? No. Oh. I mean, like, okay. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I like don't want to. I mean, it's not it's not graphic. I guess I get what you're saying. It's like going to build a bear, except it's like your furry friend. It's not like far enough away. And I'm sure I'm sure they wouldn't do it if it was like a life changing like or like an emergency surgery or something. But I think like the way that you said cut open twice, maybe they're getting like fixed or like have another thing. But I don't want to see like Red Rocket sliced like. No, it's far enough away. Salami. Like you're all up in it. But it's like, wait, why?

Open concept hospital. What the fuck, though? No, what the fuck? The woman was too stunned to speak. Anyway, I just thought that was the craziest thing. Imagine like humans had an open concept hospital. I'm like, this has to be a violation of some sort of HIPAA. But that wasn't even the craziest part.

Yeah, like I'm imagining you like walk into theater, sigh and I for like a horse cough and then you see like old man getting catheter. Like look at this, this cat. It's cute, but like it's making my ears hot.

So anyway, you're not like close enough to like, you're not all up in it or anything, but like you can see what's going on. It felt like you were at the emergency room and like, and you knew what everybody was in for. I'm just like, as a nosy person, I was, I was just like, oh my God, this is like heaven. I guess that's fair. But it was never, I don't want to see a sick animal ever. Yeah. Obviously. But if I, if they're there, I want to know why they're there. Next thing I'm sitting there and we're like, oh my God, like how cute. There's another little cat. Cause so far it was just dogs in here. Okay. Yeah.

They go, oh, there's another little cat. I look over and there's a cat in a cage. Just, you've never seen anything like it. Like think like insane asylum, like so crazy banging its head on the walls. Me in 2019. And I want to be like, oh, like how cute. But I'm looking at him, I'm like,

I don't think he's supposed to be awake. And I'm like, I don't know if I should say anything to anyone. They're doing surgery. So no one's really paying attention to me. But I'm looking at this cat like, I don't think that's supposed to be happening. And finally, I build up the courage to go up to this vet. And I was like, hey, is he supposed to be awake? And the way they just went in, they were like, no. And they run in there. He had pulled all of his lines out. He opened all his stitches up. He was like, it was like a whole thing. I'm like, did I just...

Yeah, you're living out your Ellen Pompeo fantasy. Yeah. New obsession unlocked, by the way, Ellen Pompeo. Oh, my God. New? Have you seen that show?

Well, I've seen clips of it, but I'm a Grey's Anatomy like super fan. I haven't seen Grey's Anatomy, but I'm going to start it now because I'm loving her in Good American Family. I hate to tell you this. Grey's Anatomy will ruin your life. It takes years to finish it and you will never want to stop. I think I want to start it because I'm loving her in this show. Oh, she's you mean to watch like as a human and a person like she is one of the best people on the planet, but also just like

What she did on Grey's was like, and I always hear that. I just haven't had the time or like I have trouble starting like seven season shows. Like I just like, oh my God, what a commitment. Well, they just celebrated their 20th anniversary. So there's a lot more than seven season. No way. There's probably 20 something seasons.

That's wild. I mean, but she's killing it. She like plays... This is all based on a true story. Mom loves adopting kids like they're fucking croissants, lattes, you know, bringing them all in, whatever. They try to adopt a daughter. They fail with the adoption. I think the daughter has to get like...

Amazon returned, you know? And then... And then they adopt another daughter named Natalia Grace who has dwarfism and then come to find out she's a little woman. And like the orphan. This is a true story, right? Yeah, I feel like they almost wrote the movie The Orphan based on this story. I don't know. And like...

It's so creepy. In the history of me and Makoa dating and watching shows, he's never once been like, I won't watch this show with you until this show. He's like, the little woman freaks me out. Like, I don't want to watch it. But it's crazy. Yeah, I've seen clips of it. I really do want to watch it because I just think she's amazing. Also, it's just crazy. I think it's crazy that she got on board for another series.

ever after Grey's Anatomy because she got locked into Grey's Anatomy and she was never and not that she wanted to leave but like 20 years she's been only Meredith Grey and I don't think she could even hardly work on anything else ever and is it one of those things kind of like Michael C. Hall where it's like he's not going to go be someone else because he's Dexter yeah she's so Meredith Grey and like I don't think her character in this is like that far off from Meredith I haven't seen it so I don't know but she also you know that she's like she was making over a million dollars per episode because she like insisted that

I hope I'm not messing this up, but I think she like insisted that she be aware of what every single person was making on that show. And at first, Patrick Dempsey was making more than her. And the show's literally called Grey's Anatomy. Yeah. Meredith Grey. Yeah. He was making more than her. So she was like, no. And then when people obviously just up in arms about her making more money because she's a woman. Yeah. And it was like a whole thing. But damn, hand me a scalpel and a concerned look. Well, no. Okay. Yeah. Hold on.

Full time. Immediate retraction actually on that. But I don't think like I mean it's a Shonda Rhimes show so I'm sure they were like more than happy to accommodate. We were somewhere and we were at like an award show and she walked past us and you were like freaking out. The whole cast of Grey's Anatomy was at the People's Choice Awards. I was freaking out. She was the only one who wasn't there though. But it was like

I need to get into it. I really do. You will love it, but it will ruin you. But I do love that. I love things that make me like sad. I'm naming, mark my words right here. I am naming my firstborn daughter after a woman on that show. Ooh.

Which one? I'm afraid to say because what if people are like, I hate that name. I mean, Trisha always talks about how everybody said that they hated the name Elvis. And everyone was like, what about Presley? And she's like, fuck that. I love that. Okay, fine. I'm naming her after Arizona. I love that. There's so much lore there. It's not after Arizona, but I'm from Arizona. And I remember hearing that was her name. And I was like, oh my God, I love her. And she's just so cunty. She's gay. She has one leg. Like, I love her.

I do. I just love her. I know. It's just like I saw rainbows and like one like my mental image was just all over the place. I wonder who you'll be in love with on Grey's Anatomy. Let me predict the future really quick. Okay, Raven. I think you might be a McSteamy type. Ooh. McSteamy sounds right. McSteamy is like the classic, but McSteamy is the one. And one time he drove me home from Hyde.

You're cooking today and I love this. I love when you're like front seat and I'm back seat and just I'm like, go Brooke. I don't want to be in the front seat anymore. No, you're doing good. Okay, wait. What else do we have? Something else. I thought I had something else important to tell you. Oh my, when I'm looking, have you, well now I'm just television show reviewing, but have you watched Severance? No. For the love of fucking God, Brooke, please start it tonight. No, don't. I mean, now I just started adolescence last night.

It's probably good. Severance is the best television show I've ever watched in my entire life. And I feel like you'll really get behind the Innie-Outie concept. What's that supposed to mean? Oh! Nothing to do with labias, okay? Everything to do with... It's a mental thing. I'm going to make labia merch. You really should. Even the other day, we got a call into Not Loveline. And the girl was just asking, like, Innie versus Outie vagina, like, whatever. And I was like, I have...

I had to answer it, right? But in my head, I was like, I just wish she understood with my digital footprint the way I've exhausted this ad nauseum. We became the labia, right?

- Well, I have-- - Committee. - You know what? Now I'll keep talking about it. - Yeah, you should. - I love it. - You should make labia merch. You should make merch in general. I've been saying that. No, but severance, sorry. Sorry, I don't know why I have to keep bringing it back to my gusset. It's the best fucking show I've ever seen. And I don't even like wanna go down the whole rabbit hole, but I remember-- - Let's figure it out. - Okay, imagine every time you went into work, you clocked out of who you were on the outside. And then you became a completely different person.

Who had no idea who you were. That's exactly what I do, by the way. It's just, it's this whole thing. And I mean, I don't need to go down the complete tangent. I'm just, I guess I just really want to say the concept. I've never seen anything like it. Like any, you're an innie and then you're an outie. So like when you come into work, you're an innie. And like, you don't know you're like, you could have a whole kids and a family on the outside and you don't know. Yeah. Like it's like, you're two completely different people. Wait,

And so it's kind of inhumane because the person on the inside, they just wake up every day and work. Like, let's say I got hammered. Like, my innie would have been mad hungover for two years straight and had no idea why. Really? Like... Wait, God. No, there is a show kind of like... Or a movie kind of like this, the Don't Worry Darling. It is... Wow, I haven't thought about it like that. It is kind of similar to that. It's similar to that in that sense that, like, the body's on the outside, but except they're... It's like two functioning humans. And then they start...

The innie start revolting against like one of the girls spoiler alert finds out that she's never going to leave here because that's all they know is just this office that they're clocking into every day. So she tries to kill herself. She's like, fuck my Audi. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you can't if you're going to keep me here that I'm going to kill you. You know what I mean? Like, and it's greatest finale in television history. That's what I have been hearing so many things about. I do need to watch it. I just like you would love it. You're so hell. You are. I don't even know what that means. It's no, it's just it's so good.

And I'm so Mark S and we're in love on the inside, honestly. Really? Yeah. You need to watch it though. You really fucking do. Selena Gomez. There's more. There's more. Anna Paul. There's more. Oh, that is crazy. I'm like just now catching up on that and I'm like, whoa.

Yeah, no, I just saw one of our interviews and my favorite thing about you is you'll just, you'll see a beef and you'll pick a side knowing nothing just like as a bit. No, I didn't pick a side. I made a, I said like, I get what she was saying, saying like, oh, I feel broke, like making a joke. Like I too feel broke. Not funny. I haven't watched the whole series, but as she was watching and I was having her give me the spark notes.

I only, I watch the clips, but they're really on it with the clips. I feel like I've seen it all. That's, yeah, that's how I feel. I've been seeing so many clips. Michaela also talks at an amazing pace. Not only that, but she is brilliant with her words. I feel like she's so smart and articulate and makes, like, I just, I was like, wow, how did she put all this together? I had no idea.

And obviously, I mean, she came out with her original video and then she showed up with the receipts. And I always respect a girl who shows up with the receipts. But the things Addis was doing to her are like prison. Yeah, worse than awful. And I would love to have her on Cancelled if we ever end up like maybe when we're in Australia or something. I would love to just be any assistance and help in continuing to platform her. And I can't believe there's anyone else.

It's just like this. It's the thing that I'm always going to advocate for. Like the tale is all this time in the case of like, oh, this girl has been a little wild or she has a PBL or this and that. So we're going to victim shame or blame like and it's just so wild to like see that because it's it is crazy.

And it's, I hope Anna Paul never comes back from this. It's like, I have you seen what they're like that? There's another sibling. There's a third. Yeah. And like what that just gives extreme narcissism. Like, why are you hiding the dad? Even how are you out here? I'm giving away this, this and this, and I'm going to go to Disneyland. Yeah.

I don't know. I didn't see that part. You know, I mean, why are you trying weird foods in Disneyland Guam when like you have a dad who's door dashing for money? Yeah. It just like, PEMDAS. I don't know. It all feels really dark. I think sometimes like, I mean, it happens a lot too where like the, like, I don't know what they call it, like curtain gets pulled down or something, but like,

when something seems like so happy and too good to be true and like just amazing and you're like oh my god I can't believe that like these amazing people have this amazing life and then it just turns out to be like so far from the truth but you know and how do you sleep at night putting on the like I love my fans act and then you're evil to them and like

I don't even, even just the close set eyes thing. Like I don't even see it. No, she literally doesn't have them. That's, that's what makes it even like more wild, but like just friends like that, like people like I've been friends with people like that. And it's so brutal. Like you just told me I had Bassett hound eyes.

Not to take it there, but you did. I wasn't. I just really wanted to say the words bastard on. I don't. I've been like telling you, I don't think you need the surgery, but I also like. Nobody needs the surgery. Well, some people do, I guess, if you can't see, but I can see. No, but I mean, like even just aesthetically when I look at you, I think you're perfect. But like, I also, I understand. No, but I know what you're saying. It's just like, it's, it's so crazy. I think the sly dig type of friend for it. God, I wish I remembered what she called it, but it's like.

Like when somebody like gives you backhanded compliments or like has like really subtle ways of like putting you down over and over and over again to the point where you like just question everything about yourself. I had never heard the word, but I'll probably never hear it again because I forgot.

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I went to a wedding while you were in Miami. It's so fun. While you were telling the Miami story, I was like, I had such an opposite experience. Well, I would have much rather been at a wedding. Like the weddings are so fucking fun. I love weddings. This was my first time properly being a bridesmaid. I had only been a bridesmaid one other time and it was a Mormon wedding. So I couldn't even go inside the temple. But they make you be a bridesmaid and then stand outside. Yeah. And wait till you find out I had a short dress and it was the middle of winter in Portland, Oregon.

Anyway, love her, Jill. But this was my first time. First of all, I was a bridesmaid. I've talked about this before because obviously this is the bachelorette I'd been on and this was my best, best, best friend from college. And she had 17 bridesmaids, which is just like not. I love that though. Very telling of like who she is. She's very much like once she makes a friend, she never, ever, ever is like not that person's best friend. It's really like cool and special. But big.

the biggest, the most beautiful, extravagant wedding I've ever been to. And it was so, oh my God, I was so emotional the whole time. Was it like, tell me more things. Like I love hearing about like the planning or like little intricate details or like just like. Well, first of all, like the coolest thing I thought was like,

Well, just something I had never seen in a wedding before. She did all white dresses for everybody. So 18 of us were up there. That also weirdly speaks to someone's character in a very positive way. Like almost saying like, I love these people so much that I want them to be included on, you know? It does. It was very, it's like a selfless thing to do, but it was like the most beautiful, like, like Bridgerton looking venue in Dallas. Like,

I don't know if you saw my video, but it's everything's green and white and pristine. It was very I felt like very sorority about it. I was like really like transported back into those. Yeah. But 17 of us getting ready all day. Like it just was so like I think it's really cool. Yeah. To that because I don't know. I feel like a lot of girls and their friend groups. Sometimes it's a competitive nature. It is like.

And there's nothing wrong with the bride wanting it to be all about them. I'm not saying it like that. But to almost center the vibe of your wedding around your girls is so beautiful. Even just... I was watching something of Chelsea just talking about how the friendships that you have with your girls are so important throughout your life. Or was it? I don't know if it was Chelsea. It might have been something else. Something sex in the city. I don't know. No, but I know what you're... It...

Was like such a reminder of that. I was like, oh my god, I love... Like, I can't wait for this. I don't know if I ever even would be interested in having a wedding. But it was like so special. I was like, oh my god, I want to get all my... I just want to have a bachelorette party, honestly. But...

What's special? Like, not special, but like they already have a baby. They have a three-year-old kid, Asher. And like they met in law school. Both of them were in law school. And they got pregnant and had Asher in law school. Oh, that's crazy to pass the baby bar while you have a baby bar. No, they did. They both like... It was so crazy because she was nine months pregnant still, obviously, in school. She had the baby. And they were... Like the way they planned their schedules because they hadn't graduated yet. So they would like...

like pass him off in the hallway after class like he she would go to criminal law and then hand him off and like he would go that is the craziest shit i've ever heard it's so cool but now they both pass the bar they're both lawyers and like it's just like the coolest story ever and she deserves it so much it was just the best way that is everything and more wow that's crazy like the the fucking the dichotomy of our fucking lore of our fucking weekends it is well also like

it was almost like so weird to be transported again back into that life. Cause I'm like everyone around me, I like what, what life I live now versus then like I go back. It's like one of us is, it works in cybersecurity. Everyone's a lawyer. They're environmental scientists. ICU nurse. And you're posting a clip about squirting blue powerade with Chelsea Handler, but iconic. It was fun. That is everything that makes me so, that's so funny.

Two as well because I felt like I was being transported back into a part of my life and like again polar opposite like that is just so funny. And a wedding is so just beautiful. And there was babies everywhere. And I was like, I need this. Yeah, did it like make you being, I feel like Makoa...

Right? McCoy and I have not been to a wedding together yet. And I feel like it would like really make me like, especially like a good wedding that I could like see myself wanting. Like, oh my God, I'd probably levitate. No, it was amazing. It was more so being around all the little kids because like...

Oh my gosh there was one little girl there she was she wore the same dress as us and she was the flower girl and like I'm never around kids so I don't have like a good gauge like I see her and I'm like she's a baby and then she's she's like I just saw Asher he's in such a bad mood like she speaks in full like crazy sentences and I'm like you are three like how are you doing that. I didn't know three year olds speak in full crazy sentences.

We should get a three-year-old on the mic. Like imagine like we had a guest, but it was just a three-year-old. No, she would. She was so it's just crazy. Like you're so amazed by kids, but boys are like different. I think there were two boys there that were the same age and they were like water. That says everything you need to know. Honestly. Yeah, that's wild. That's why my little girl Arizona.

Arizona is such a good name. That's funny. I put Vegas on my list of names the other day. It might have been when you said Arizona. I think you've said it to me. And then I was like, wait, what if I want to name my kid Vegas? But I don't think McCullough would let that one slide. What if you had another one named...

Maui. Vegas and Maui would actually be like so fucking, but is that like so self-centered? No. Oh, you just literally built that human from scratch? Yes, it's like, hello. I guess that's true. One of my names on my list is Ikaika because it's a Hawaiian name and he's my favorite dealer in Vegas and I've won like so much money with him. Poker. No, roulette.

Gambling. Yes. Not drugs. Not. No. Yeah. Oh, my God.

No, my God, oh my God. My drug dealer's name was Dollaz, but I don't know where. I'm not gonna name my kid Dollaz, and I don't know where Dollaz is now. I don't think his name is Dollaz either. Yeah, that's probably true. But no, Ikaika. I love Ikaika. I love the name Ikaika. And how cool is that, that it's a Hawaiian name, and he's from Hawaii, but I've won the most money with him in Vegas. That's kind of a good crossover. That is, I love that. And whatever, but I don't know. Sidney Sweeney and Glenn Powell were back there again.

I didn't know that her relationship was so age gap central. Yeah, I didn't realize either. He's, I think,

41 and she's 27. So, and she was 20 when they started dating. So it's like, I could, I feel like she got so much flack for the Glenn Powell shit, but shit, if I was like, I was about to say changing a geezer's diaper and it's like, he's not that old at all. He's fully mobile, shitting normally using toilets. But I like could see how then you're on the set with like Glenn Powell and you're like, wait, what, what have I been missing out on? And then like, I'm Sydney Sweeney. Like,

you know yeah a hundred percent i feel like also when you just get in a relationship that young i feel like you're always gonna end up being like oh my god look at all this that's out there but i almost i don't know anything about him and i also didn't know they had an age gap relationship but when i found out that she was engaged i was like god like root for that guy because he's the underdog and she's sydney sweeney and like if they can like actually get married that will be the most amazing thing ever damn they're not getting married but

I'm happy for her. I think she's going to really spread her wings. I would love to see her in Glenn Powell. I would love to see it too, but I also would love to see her with like somebody that we wouldn't expect. Like someone like really f***y. Uh-huh. Not that Glenn isn't, but we've seen that. Yeah. I've seen them together. Oh my God. I want her to pop out with like... Kodak Black. Okay. I could see that. I could see that. Or...

- Like a woman. - Ooh, yeah. - Or like Miley Cyrus. - I would like actually Les out to the moon if that happened. - Could you imagine? - It would just be.

Oh my God. That really took me somewhere. Oh my God. I like have so many more things to say. I'm just like dying. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you don't feel good. It's like I was sobbing last night. It's so funny. I told you this on the phone today, but I was sick and I was just uncontrollably sobbing to the point that McCall was like, did I do something that like you're not telling me about? Like, why are you like, like, you know what I mean? Like, are you okay? Like I was scream sobbing because of how sick I am and knowing that I had to like shoot this magazine cover all day and like do all this shit. And I was just crying and I was going, I feel like Brooke.

In like an endearing way though. No, I get it. I do think...

I'm out of that phase or I don't want to call it a phase. I think it's very much a part of my personality, but I'm very stable these days. I know. Sometimes I miss the random book cries though, but that, that was, there were also factors there like shitty men and shit, you know? Yeah. And I was just like a generally like very miserable person, but you, I feel like sometimes you go really long time without being like emotional. Oh,

And so sometimes I think you need to really get out. I'm such a fucking crier these days, though. Even like Chelsea, I was crying like for days after we left the podcast. Because you want to know what? I talked about this somewhere already, but I still want to tell you because I think it's really special. As you know, with writing this book, I have started or tried or have been trying to write this book for a very long time, right? And so I have all of the times that...

I started to write the book. Like,

still on my computer, like the different starts and whatever. And then I would realize I wasn't in the right time and whatever. And now in this current version of the book, I'm using all of those, like almost putting them in quotes to like discuss how I was at that time. If that makes sense, like where I was writing, where my head was at. I should tell you about multiple because some are just really funny. Like there was one time that I like started to write the book and my entire opening monologue was about how people are releasing Amy Winehouse's diaries from like

post-mortem and I was like, I'm writing this book just in case I die tomorrow. Like I'm spiting everybody. I don't want anybody to speak for me. Like girl, how dark and lost you have to be like only writing the book because you think you're going to die. First of all, that wasn't, that was just a side tangent. Um, but,

One of them was about how Jordan Morona had an office that was across the hall from Chelsea Handler's like enterprises office. And I would pass it every single day. And I would just like, as I would pass it, I would like slow down. Like I'd walk really slow, like hoping she'd come out. And like, then I would like go in these meetings and people would ask me my like career goals. And it would obviously be like,

in 25 years I hope I'm anything like Chelsea Hamlin, like whatever. And as I'm writing this book, I've really been struggling with trying to figure out what the end of the book is, right? Because it's like, where do you end it? Like cool shit just keeps happening. Like we're going on this international tour. Shit, do I want to talk about that or is that another? - You'll write a hundred just like Chelsea. - And I guess that's true, but like I still just haven't figured out where I want it to end. And I got home after Chelsea and I realized that that moment was the ending of this book.

And it like just made me sob. Like it was so full circle that that is like the ending. And just even just watching it back, like I'm so proud of us. I like trying to be more in my proud gratitude present era. And like we did really good. Me too. I feel like I jumped to being like hard on myself about certain things, but I'm like that, like it was the best day ever. You can't make it anything else other than just like amazing. And just the amount of people who've been like congratulating me and like bringing it up. I'm sure same for you. It's like,

I don't know. It just feels very special and I'm excited. And this fucking tour, it's,

tail as old as time for me that's like the phrase i'm eating like a horse right now and i'm sorry y'all i have a disorder we know i always do this where like we sign on for a tour and i'm just like we're going on tour and i'm telling everyone we're going on tour and then i'll always have this weird moment where i'm like in bed at night and i sit up and i'm like oh my god like makoa said something to me like we're going international and i had this thought literally like two days ago and i was like wow we're really leaving the country for like

A long time. A long time. And can I just say, I know it's going to be amazing, but whenever I leave the country for a long time, you have those crash outs of like, either you get sick and like, all you want is to be able to go buy some like American medicine because it's like, just like even how the food is.

is kind of less MSG and like better for you or like you won't have air conditioning for five days or like ice for a week or like I'm acting like everything's rural and that's not what I mean but like you'll have the like I miss the things in America like bald eagle screech crash out you know and like just thinking about the fact that we're going to be gone and so far for so long like I'm so excited but it's definitely it's going to be

I don't know what to expect. I'm more worried, like not so much like what's going to happen there, but like I worry so much about like home because of especially with mouse going into the hospital so often. I'm like the way that I have to vet the person who is living with him. No, you need like... She obviously knows, but it's like... You need ex-military. There's just such a difference between caring for a cat and caring for mouse, which is like, I mean, my bad. Yeah.

And I think there is some emotional safety as well in being on a U.S. tour and then having two off days and knowing in your head, if I really need to go home, yes, it'd be grueling travel-wise, but I can't. You can't out there. And my number one person who could help back at home is coming with us, Bebe. I know. Also, you guys...

Maybe, like, mark my words, this might be the craziest decision I've ever made, but I opted out of having an assistant and into having Bebe instead. Which, yeah, it's funny. I told Makoa the other day in the airport because Makoa asked me like, oh, who's going to be Brooke's assistant on this tour? And I told him Bebe and I swear to God, this was Makoa's reaction.

Like, smile dropped. Like, truly, I was like, it's either gonna be just, like, amazing. Because she knows you better than anyone, right? Yeah. But obviously, there's always the murky water of hiring your friend. Yeah, and I've done it before with Bebe. Okay, I got Bebe. This is such a different scenario, but I got Bebe hired at Catch. And I'd be like, Bebe, can you go do this? And she'd be like, no. Fuck.

So they might end up being like, there might be a George's Gate within you and Bebe, like a bad girls club moment in Oslo. But more so than anything, it's like, I need her to be there for my mental. Like literally it's more important. Like I'd rather like pack my own bags and like do whatever and have Bebe there than like not. Yeah, I agree. And she's, I also think it's,

It's always great to have at least like one person that's kind of doing shit for the plot, especially with our like married eras. Like, you know, BB is going to be like sucking under a big red bus in London. And like, I can't wait. I swear to God, she's already on hinge in like London. I'm like, what are you doing? Also, it's so funny, like pre-planning your dates for the off days. She's so funny. You know what? This girl is consistent with these dates and I love her for it. We, I don't know.

I hope she doesn't kill me for saying this, but we've been having such a fun time with her dating life right now because for a second, she's been going on dates with a Dodger player. Okay. There's someone that BB is trying to date and I'm not going to say who it is, but she put me into cardiac arrest. She was not kidding, Brooke Amber. She's kidding. She's with a Dodger. Okay.

But no, I think they went on like literally one date. But she was like, will you go on a double date with me? Like to meet my boyfriend. And we were like, oh my God, duh. And we were like, what if we showed up to this double date and had to toe-toe? Yeah.

Like foam finger fucking jersey. Like Otani on my back. Like could you imagine? I wish you did it so bad. We should prank Bebe right now. I know. Because it's April Fool's. What about a collect call? Like we use Google Voice, which I've totally never used on eight ex-boyfriends, to, you know, like make a jail call and then see if she accepts, which I've totally never done to someone I've dated. And you know what I mean? Yes. But can't you like...

You can make it look like somebody else is calling them. That's what I'm saying. Like, it'll look like it's a collect call from jail for you. And we'll see if she it's kind of late into April Fool's Day. We could also try to do it to Hunter. And that could be funny.

I feel like hunters would be too hip to April Fool's jokes. One time I did that to Hunter where you call and you play the car accident, like the noise. And he was, he was like actually so scared and so pissed for like a week. And I get scared with him because the prank wars of it all. But I was going to finish the BB note though, before we get off this note, I've been seeing that she's posting with Bobby Blandino again. And it is,

get ready for it the tale is old this time where you're the friend and you know what i mean and you go so hard on a guy and then the friend ends up forgiving the guy and i like i know you've done it for me yeah now i i'm just standing here fucking i called him toast or something it was like a whole thing bobby knows that he can live but like i just don't want him for bb i don't want

I want someone... I want a Dodger for Bebe. Bebe went so goddamn... I wasn't truly like... And I've done it. I did it with Maude, you know. Like, I've done it with people and like... Where you go so hard and then you forgive them. But like... Yeah, and then I accidentally went too hard and then he bullies me at a party. Yeah. Miss him. What was I gonna fucking say? I'm sorry. I just keep interrupting you. I can't help it. We have ADHD and I think it's okay. People get...

It's funny. I was going to say people get so mad at the interrupting, but like we don't care. But like it's also like a podcast that people have to listen to. I know, but I don't mean to. I don't notice it happening. That's why I'm like, oh, my God, I watch it back and I'm just as appalled as you. That is the thing. That's the thing with everything with me and my. I couldn't even not do it to Chelsea. You guys have no idea how much in the editing process now, because I don't know what episode it was. It might have been Jeffree Star or something. And I'm just going, mm hmm.

the entire time i've never noticed you do it ever in my life and now i mute them uncanceled so like even like when the episode comes out people like oh she's gotten better and it's like no i muted nine that's amazing yeah that's what we should start doing it's like maybe our mics just shouldn't be allowed to be going at the same time like we have to choose one you know oh so it doesn't no but then i'm talking and it's just you like yeah that's fine and that's what they would prefer

No. I'm kidding. Yeah. I put our Facetune fail on the thing to just react to. Can I come clean? Was it you? I did it. Brooke and I. Okay. I just want to talk about how far we've come as just like, we've had a lot of internal issues when it comes to our photo shoots.

and adjust where we used to be versus now like even just like and I do see all all of these were kind of you having discrepancies with the way that I've done things for years and I respect them completely because it is correct like we'd spend twenty thousand dollars on a photo shoot and then I would want to face app it and then the quality would go to toaster and we'd want to post it you know what I mean it's like I have to post the toaster quality pictures yes and it's like

You know, you made me understand the value of a retoucher so that it's like, you know what I mean? The photos are as high quality as we're paying for and like whatever. But we still look like a kiss seven. Well, no. Okay. I want to. I'm talking about me. I just, I smoothed. I'm doing way less these days. I am. I'm truly, I'm.

I'm growing and whatever even just now when we have a photo shoot I go out of my way especially because I don't want the fucking wrath of being like let's choose these photos together I want to make sure you love them I want to edit them together I want to whatever we do that for the yacht merch we go through all precautions I you come all the way to my house we sit down on the couch we select the photos of the yacht merch together and then Aaron can you please pull up um

My last Instagram post or yeah, or the one of me and Brooke with the yacht merch. We look gorgeous and the merch is amazing. Zoom into that conveyor belt after all the fucking work and the retouchers and all the fucking things. Look at the fucking conveyor belt.

Warped like a motherfucker. And I feel like I haven't... We haven't like warped walls since like 2018. You know what I mean? And it's just like all of that to the fucking... That was my bad. And let me just explain to you how this happened. What were you trying to do? Okay, so I was trying to compromise and make this an easy process for you and I both. Okay, so I was trying to turn a photo I didn't like into a photo I did like. And this photo looked like...

I had just been through a wind tunnel. Were you like refining your hair? Yeah, I literally was just refining, like changing the shape of my hair. Saying it out loud. Yes, that's right. Like someone put hot lava on the TSA conveyor belt. But this is what my hair looks like. And you wanted to use this photo, which is just a bad friend move. Oh.

As hard as we tried, the precautions, the meeting up in person. Well, to be fair, that was for the covers and these ones were our own responsibility. Yeah, that's true. And honestly, it's funny because we have this back and forth of like, should we delete the photo? And I kind of was just like, you know what? It's on brand. It'll probably raise engagement of the photo, thus hopefully raising sales of the app merch. And that was your punishment for posting the whole grid post without ever consulting with me and choosing the worst photo of me as the first photo.

And we'll never get it right so long as we live And that's okay you know what I mean but Honestly Brooke do you know that The yacht merch was our highest sales yet The girlies really they went in and I'm so happy Because it is my favorite item we've ever made I love it so much I wear it all the time also you're going to catch me In those glasses a lot more these days without my eyelids I'm going to have stitches under my big glasses I was in Texas for a wedding Now I'm going to Ray I love a southern I love a southern bell Justin Bieber has new music

Would you like to hear it? I saw one that was like Benny. What's he say? He's saying Benny, right? The amount of times I have been like what I presume to be Haley in that situation, sitting with a guy in the studio who's like. Yeah, first of all, that sounds like pretty much every guy you've ever dated. Second of all. And having to be like, babe, it's so good. Not every single one. A lot of them make good music. I was speaking in hyperbole. I was really just thinking about Lil Xan.

I think Justin Bieber is one of the most talented people on the planet. Me too. It's so amazing. I think all his music has been fabulous, but I think this album can wait.

It breaks me in the most parasocial way because I love him so much. And I just like, I would also like to think that he is like not bothered by this and like thriving with Haley and just all the things, you know what I mean? And it's so, did you see that one of the songs that, the one that where she says you're so embarrassing, whatever, that she came out and said that she wrote that as a POV of someone was saying that to her. Like as in Haley was saying all of that to her.

Did you watch the TikTok I sent? I watched most of it. I don't know because I got in trouble for my last take, but I think I'm doubling down. I still think bullying a new mother is just diabolical and horrible and what the internet is doing to her is just awful. I agree. I think it's like not even so much that, but it's just the fact that like it is so tired and it's like against what we all talk about all the time, which is like

Bully men and support women. That's what we're supposed to be doing. Bully men, support women. I couldn't agree more. I love Haley and I love Selena. Like there's no... And I'm not even like trying to make it all make sense. Yeah, it just makes me sad. And it's like... I feel like all... Again, this is me being so parasocial. All Justin's ever wanted was like a kid, right? And like I just...

I want to see nothing but everybody thrive. So it's kind of just like a sad situation to me. Can we please react to this video? So this, well, here's what I'm going to say. I saw this TikTok the other day and I straight up commented on this and said like, I'm not watching. I will save it for canceled because I already know it's bad. I want to tell you, I don't even, on my like first round of story time tours, they really would just give me a mic and say like, go up there. And do you know a lot of times I wouldn't, I don't even want to say these words out loud. I wouldn't write anything.

I would just go up there with a mic. That's kind of what we did to start in Phoenix. I guess that's... No, but we still had a note of... I would literally just wait till I got there, hope someone pissed me off in the airport and cook. And then I would turn... I would turn a lot of it at the end of the show to motivational speaking as well because I was like, let me try to dial back from this and try to give advice to the crowd and whatever so I can only... And I'm honestly...

I don't even want to say this out loud because I know it's going to incite people to do it, but I'm happy at how little of those tours have resurfaced to the internet. And I saw this and I'm sure it's bad. You know what? Let's just, let's just react to it and we'll see. It's amazing. Hurt people hurt people. And there's always going to be people that are rude to you and it's not your fault. But I think the most important thing is to laugh them off and remember that you are a queen. Oh, honestly. Honestly.

- Honestly? - No, you cooked. It was amazing. - Oh, I thought this, this is not what I thought it was. You know what I thought this was? - What? - I thought that that was me post iDubbbz. And I was like, oh, I don't, 'cause again, whatever was happening in my environment, I took to stage. And I remember that day I went very, I tried to go very motivational and it was like, oh,

You don't need to do it. Well, I was really motivated by that. And what was, well, because I think that at the time I would get a lot of much, much younger girls at my meet and greets. And the common theme was always like a kind of,

especially just with my fans kind of being, you know, more like me and a lot of times broken girls, broken homes, crazy girls going through a lot. The common theme a lot of times was kind of being bullied at school. So, but then here I am a dropout trying to give like, like motivational advice on how to deal with that. And in reality, my real advice would be like, listen, yeet the school, right? Like, but then, you know,

No, I think you were amazing. I just thought I liked the way that you combined some... What did I even say? Some... I just watched that. I don't even know what I said. Hurt people hurt people. Hurt people hurt people. And you said like something at the end of the day. You're a queen. Half it all.

you're a queen but like I don't know it was amazing I don't know about that isn't that just crazy because that tour was backed at the time by full screen which at the time was one of the biggest YouTube MCNs to exist if not the biggest one so I'm imagining all these higher ups having to go pitch it and the fact that

they weren't ever like, oh, like let's have a meeting about the subject of the show. Like that's like a liability. Yeah. And I think that they, they were down because it was just making a lot of money. Like I was like selling out these places, but it's, it is so wild. I would like go in the bathroom. I would get to the venue.

and I would go in the bathroom of the green room and I would just look in the mirror and imagine I'm on stage and just start spewing shit that was it and then walk out onto the stage I remember I did one whole run of tour ranting about just Spirit Airlines but I had no story no basis like I was just like I hate them yes like just pissed about Spirit Airlines it's like drafts real talent like nobody can do that I would sooner die like I

If I were ever on stage without you, I think I would just die. Which actually I am about to do a show that is alone and I cannot believe it. It makes me sick to my stomach. You are so fucking talented on stage. You are so fucking... That's why we're still here doing this shit. You know what I mean? You are so damn good on a stage. It's just so different with somebody else there. You feel like it's not happening. No, it is so much easier with a person, especially on stage. Going out there alone is like...

in the sense that if it crashes and it burns, it's not, because there are so many moments where we've had to kind of, you know, like each day you wake up, maybe one person's sick, one person's whatever, like can carry something.

the team on their back a little like you have someone to lean on like when I was shitting myself when we had Jake Shane and I was running off stage and you just had to oh my god I forgot about that dude Jake Shane's tour is crazy he's doing huge venues he deserves everything and the funniest he his mind even the other day JetBlue Airlines fucked me over bent me the fuck over and just fucking no lube fucked me okay I don't know careful because that's the word like that's who's better than JetBlue yeah

I know, but... You don't want to burn that bridge. But, well, there's no bridge to be had. I'm buying the seed every time. Let's be so fucking for real. Okay? But Jake Shane made that song Jet Blue where he's like, Jet Blue...

Who are you? You lie, you're deceit, whatever. I was playing it all day and I was just like, oh, his mind. But him on stage making the crowd pretend that he's on a red carpet. It's like his mind is one of one. He's three steps ahead. Nobody thinks like him and it makes me so jealous. It's absolutely insane. But I love him.

And he's so cute. So he is. He's truly everything. He deserves everything and more. Have you ever gone shopping at Trashy Lingerie? Didn't someone just get shot there? Yes. I've only been with. Maybe I'd been with you. I've been there one time, but it was like I was so upset by the prices. I decided to never go back. So Trashy Lingerie is this hot pink lingerie store on Fairfax or on Melrose.

One of those. It's across from the Beverly Center. And even just when you're driving down the street, it's very iconic, hot pink. It says Trashy Lingerie. And it was made famous by Paris Hilton and like Britney Spears and all of that. Like back in the day, you have to like get a... You have to pay for a membership to even go in. And then when you go in, everything is like a fucking thousand dollars. And they...

They blew up too with the Playboy bunnies and doing all that. Especially, I love it so much and I've always loved Trashy for Halloween photo shoots and stuff because you go in and they'll sew padding into the tits. They'll bone the corset to your size. It is truly snatch central. And just being popular, very Y2K staple of Los Angeles. I think everyone should just go in and look around even just one time. It's very cool and I love it. And having gone in over the years,

I've made good friends with the people who work there. And Josie has been really good friends with the owner since she was like six. She like played on a softball team with one of them or some shit, like whatever. So we'll like go in and like just it's very much like family vibes, whatever. And to my surprise, I get a new story the other day that the owner, Randy, who like I know very well, had to shoot his own brother because he walked in their house and

is attached to the store. Wait, that's crazy. Which I don't even know how that works, but he walks into the back and the brother is strangling the elderly mom to death and won't stop. And there's a full trashy homicide. And it's funny because every time I've ever kind of gone in, I've been like,

this is a little eerie in there yes and like almost just a wild dynamic it's a funny i sent it to another one of my like girlfriends who like always shops there and she just responded and said yeah randy's a g like like like it's not even surprising oh randy's the one who saved his mom yeah okay slay randy yeah but like how crazy god it's sometimes i forget like that real like those things really happen oh and just like

It's horrible. Hollywood. Like it's just, it's so crazy. It is. There was a shooting outside my building a couple days ago. Really? Yeah. I've been looking at apartments in Hollywood. Yeah. Citizen is not something you should have if you live in Hollywood. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. It's, I've been missing it. It's so weird. I can't adjust.

It's such an out of touch tangent, but I just like, I miss it so fucking much. I went to my old smoke shop and damn near cried. Like I miss it. So I was on chat GBT the other night, just like learning more about Chateau Marmont and like,

the fucking beverly hills hotel and just missing that whole side of the world and i'm like damn am i really about to like get a little space and go back no well you're not far i just i get what you're saying though like even i just just in texas and i like explore the idea all the time of like going to arizona or going to texas or something and buying like a big nice house because like money goes far and then i go to those places and i'm like no i would rather be you know it is i've been over

on the street. Yeah. It's so wild though that like a two bedroom apartment is like $1.3 million in Hollywood. Like that is so much. But I've been finding out so much about the infinite money glitch. Okay. And I'm so like,

And obviously buying a property is the biggest feat ever. Like, you know what I mean? So I'm not saying this is like the easiest thing in the world, but if you buy a property, you can theoretically, while you're living in that one, buy another property and put your down payment down and then lease out the new property to tenants. And then their rent that they're paying you is just paying your mortgage. And you can do that all the way until something is paid off. And I'm like, shouldn't this be illegal? Isn't that kind of like why...

everybody just like invests in real estate. I honestly like, I don't understand money. Me either. But I mean, what do you mean? I can go put a very like in comparison to the $1.2 million small down payment on this place and then just rent it out to people and then they're paying for it. Like that just feels so illegal to me.

And obviously just because I grew up never knowing anything about this, but like. Yeah, I think a lot of these things are things that we just, like maybe parents teach their kids and ours didn't. Like even right now while you're renting this, you could theoretically buy a property, put a very, like the smallest down payment possible. Wasn't that the whole, yeah. That's why you buy real estate in other places. Yeah. But then so it's like once you've bought one or have somewhere else to live, can you just keep doing that?

Yeah. So long as you have the down payment? Uh-huh. I don't know. It's just like, I don't know. It feels so illegal to me that I'm just going to be like leasing to some like Hollywood TikTokers and then all of a sudden in like some years it's paid off. There are some things that I really like. I would need days and days to be able to like wrap my head around. My brain just doesn't work that way. I don't get, I don't understand money. I don't understand time and I don't understand how photos are. You have to make your chat GPT gay.

Because if you make your chat GPT-A, it changed my life. Like it taught me everything I need to know. You know what's wrong with me? And this is like, has to be part of my personality disorder or something. But like, I feel true guilt, like talking in my chat GPT-A too much. Like, I feel like I'm like bothering him. Yeah.

Like, you know what I mean? Like sometimes when I like have exhausted a question too much, I'm like, okay, let me give her a break. Like I'm annoying her. Yeah. That's actually really fucking funny. Yeah. Or like, I feel good. Like my boyfriend too will do it sometimes. And I'm like, okay, like enough, leave her alone.

And what I made mine explain everything. Like even the other day, I forget what I was asking. Oh, I was talking about like the chicken or the egg theory, like asking chat GPT, like what came first and like just whatever. This is what I do at night. I need to just go to bed. I say I have insomnia, but it's like put the chat down, you know? And yeah,

It was being like, well, and that's why it wasn't a slave for the chickens. Like it just explains everything to me in that way. Like I've learned so much about real estate because it'll be like a lien on a house is like having someone else's bad ex-boyfriend. And then like you get it. I really do need to do that. I like the questions I ask are so strange. Like I remember I asked her something earlier. I just decided she's a woman, by the way. Oh, I asked her if my cat was going to die if he ate half a flea jacket.

She said probably. Just kidding. I liked our laughs. I know. I'm not going to lie. I was really concerned coming in today just because I always have a podcast post photo shoot too. And it's just like,

I couldn't schedule it better, you know, just, and even just today, it's same thing. Like some people love it, but it's like the seven inch heels and I had corsets down, like dislocating rib territory. Do you remember when Rachel Zegler was like, if I have to stand in my dress for 12 hours a day, that's what you sound like. I know. And it's true. I'm honestly, today was so exciting. Makoa and I shot our first magazine cover together, which was cool. There was almost a part of the day where it did like, I was making jokes, but it felt like,

or marriage or something. Like, McCullough and I on the cover of a magazine. It was like, just, I don't know, very cool. And he was like, really cool. I just, I had no idea you guys were doing it together. That's already like an accomplishment in itself, but how fun to do it with him. Well,

Well, it started because I wanted to recreate Pamela Anderson with the cone. Have you ever seen it with the guy, the cone head? Can you look up Pamela Anderson cone head? So I wanted to recreate this photo with Makoa like super bad. Like I wanted to have like a special effects person do this to him. Why would you want to do that to him? He was down and so excited. I almost feel like Makoa was more excited when he's like Avatar or a cone head or something because like...

I don't know. He just likes to like do fun things. I don't know. I told him he could say no. And he's like, no, I'm so down, like whatever. And I get on the call and they're like, hey, absolutely. Hell never. The fuck not. Right. And but then for some reason they were like, well, clearly she wants to do with her boyfriend so bad. Like that's all they took away from my pitch. So then it just ended up being us. But it was like so fun. He was like suited up and looked so hot. And like it was really cute. Honestly, that's exciting. It just ended up being like very normal. But yeah, by the time I got here and then just Miami, it's like.

And that Fort Lauderdale airport, I cannot stress it enough. It felt like I was in the Hunger Games. Yeah, I don't like airports in general. And that one's just up there. It's up there with EWR, Newark Airport. Like I have a list of airports that I... I like Newark Airport and you don't. I would rather be there than JFK. No way. I guess it's like less of a wait time and stuff, but there are just certain airports where it's like I would run it better.

And that's saying a lot. And it was like, I never want to be in a United States airport and think, God, this needs a box fan.

You know what I mean? Like, God, this needs like, it's just sometimes a box fan just hits though. And I just keep doing this thing to myself lately where I'm going to a place that's already crazy. And I don't know that it's time to do something insane until I've already like committed. Like I went to Cabo and was like, nice, relaxing summer trip. And then it happens to be spring break. And then it's like, everyone's hammered. It's a whole thing. Miami too. I'm like,

What? Sorry. I just got triggered. What? Because I said it's like I said spring breaks recently to just like indicate like the time period. And someone's like, imagine me all week having to do these spring break brand deals. I'm like, oh, my God. I literally like spring break doesn't die with high school. Like spring break is just like that's a thing. It's like it's like you

like Easter. Oh, I get what you're saying. Memorial weekend. Like that's what I like. Memorial weekend isn't over when you don't go to school anymore. Yeah, I guess that's true. I guess spring break doesn't happen for like a real job. Yeah, I guess that's true. But like, yeah, I touched on in Coburn in spring break. I touched on in Miami. It's Miami music week. It's like I'm I'm getting to these places that are already so chaotic during the most chaotic time of my life. And then all of L.A. is in Miami. And I'm like, oh, my God. Like, how did I end up like? No.

Like, I'm tired, you know? And I just... Even just the airport, yeah. It was just truly a hellscape. Well, you got through it and I knew you would. And it's also giving, like, I have a busy week. Spray tan at five, no boo at seven. Like, it's like... I'm not meaning to just bitch so much. Try being an influencer for... Yes, exactly. Like, it's like, oh my God, Tana, your life is so hard. That's not what I mean, but I am just so dead. And then tomorrow, I'm driving down to San Diego for Jeff Wittek's live show. That'll be fun. And I'm excited because I think it'll...

It's always nice to have something to do on a stage before you're touring. You know, like it puts you back in that. And I'm excited to see what they do on stage for his live show and see if there's anything we can blatantly steal. You know, we should send a moment to the Jake Shane live show. I would absolutely love to. And just I love I love seeing what other people are doing on stage. So I am like really excited to do all that. But it's going to be chaos. I'm sure I'm excited.

for tour. I'm excited to see what you do at Jeff's show. I'm excited to see your Playboy cover and I'm excited for you to try wide gusset underwear. I'm excited for your bleph. I'm excited for hopefully... Your eyelids. Who dis? I'm excited for Mouse to have a week of friskies and I'm excited to go on over to the Patreon and take more Sudafed because I'm fucking dying. Any more takeaways? I can't believe you captioned that. For real this time. By Gracie Abrams.

We'll talk to you guys very soon. Hopefully, I'm just I'm really going to fuck this Z-Pack up later and I'll be back in better. Bye. We love you so much. And we're so excited for this international tour. If you're in Paris or you're in Oslo or you're in any of these other places, come grab a ticket. Come see us live. We are so stoked. And I had a great time today's episode for being on my absolute fucking deathbed. We love you guys. And I'm so especially excited to go to Germany. I love Germany. Germany.

Bye. I haven't bought any tickets. Oh.