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cover of episode How to Repair Broken Trust with Carl Lentz

How to Repair Broken Trust with Carl Lentz

2025/2/6
logo of podcast Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin

Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
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Carl Lentz: 我已经意识到自己每天都在成为一个不同的人。我不再认可过去自己的行为模式和思维方式,现在以善良的眼光看待过去的自己,因为没有过去的自己,就没有今天的我,一个健康和平的我。透明度对我来说,关乎你想要拥有多少自由。只要你不透明,你的生活中就会有一些东西削弱你最好的部分。我过去认为透明度是一件非常重要的事情,现在我认为透明度是一件生死攸关的事情。我坚信透明度至关重要。更好的问题是,你愿意接受什么?透明度归根结底是,你想要接受什么?只要我能控制它,我就拥有力量。 Carl Lentz: 作为领导者,重建信任需要时间和信念。我需要时间来证明我的话不仅仅是说说而已,我也需要你的信任,给我一个展示的机会。我无法控制你是否会给我时间和信任,我唯一能控制的就是诚实地生活。作为领导者,我已经承担了我的责任,剩下的就看你了。我无法强迫甚至要求你相信我,这取决于你。一旦你决定了信任被打破后,是否要继续留在某人的生活中,那么就明确地表明你的立场。明确地表达你的感受,不要玩弄游戏,不要使用被动攻击,不要发送模棱两可的信息。告诉我你是否想再和我做朋友,我能接受,但不要让我悬而未决。做你觉得需要做的事情,不要管别人怎么评判,但至少要有勇气坚持你的决定。 Carl Lentz: 我从中获得的平静来自于深入思考我做这些事情的动机和期望。如果我期望得到回报,我就注定会失望。我所做的事情是为了做正确的事,而不是为了得到回报。我不应该去看那个计分板。更有益的做法是不去看那个计分板。我选择不激活那个计分板。我会承认我看到了计分板,但我不会让它影响我。我给那些需要在工作中重建信任的人的建议是:打破信任后,要承担责任,并允许对方表达你的行为对他们的影响。我打破了你的信任,我很抱歉,请告诉我我的行为对你产生了什么影响,以便我可以尽力弥补。重要的是要了解你的行为对不同的人产生了不同的影响。我们没有权利控制别人对我们错误决定的反应,我们应该尊重他们的感受。同样的机制适用于任何承诺的打破。重要的是要承认你的错误,不要假装是别人的错。 Carl Lentz: 也许没有平衡,只有接受和界限,因为我能接受什么?如果我能接受给你一部分真相,并且表现得友善,那么这就是我的界限。有时,我们能做的最友善的事情就是诚实。如果你接受了某人持续对你表现出功能失调的行为,那么你就是在接受它。如果我们不诚实,就会付出代价。当我不活在真诚、信任和脆弱中时,我的某些方面会受到阻碍。不信任和不诚实的生活就像穿着不稳固的病号服,随时可能暴露。你真正的问题是缺乏自由。我宁愿清楚而自信地认识到我的天赋和力量。我能控制的是诚实的力量。你的原谅和信任能力实际上是你的事。我要尽我所能地提供证据,让你有充分的理由信任我。人们天生就具有希望和原谅的能力,因为这是上帝创造我们的方式。无论你在逃避什么,背后都隐藏着力量。无论你害怕什么,背后都隐藏着自由。

Deep Dive

Chapters
Carl Lentz reflects on his past self and the changes he's made. He emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and kindness in personal growth. He also shares his thoughts on advice for his younger self.
  • Carl Lentz's transformation
  • Self-compassion
  • Kindness to oneself and others

Shownotes Transcript

This week, Money Rehab is hosted by Minda Harts, bestselling author and expert who helps organizations build cultures of trust and belonging through her speaking, writing, and innovative Trust Catalyst game. In each episode this week, she’s focusing on one of the seven “trust languages” she's determined to be essential to a healthy workplace.

So far this week, Minda has been joined by two academic experts on trust. Today, she’s joined by another kind of expert — though, his expertise comes not from studying trust, but from living it. Today, Minda is joined by Carl Lentz to talk about the trust language “transparency.” You may know Carl from his time as the Lead Pastor of the church Hillsong, where he was a spiritual advisor to many, including celebrities like Justin Bieber. In this conversation, Carl shares his advice on how leaders can repair trust once it’s been lost, and gives the exact language you can use when trying to earn someone’s trust back. 

  • Listen to Carl’s podcast here).

  • Pre-order Minda’s upcoming book, Talk to Me Nice: The Seven Trust Languages for a Better Workplace, here).

  • Follow Minda on LinkedIn here).

  • Learn more about Minda’s work here).

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