You Can’t Build a Life You Love While Carrying Everyone Else’s Burdens
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From the Ramsey Network, it's the Ramsey Show. Hey, we're taking calls all day long about your life and your money. I'm your host, Jade Warshaw. Next to me, your other host, Dr. John Deloney in the house. All right. Without further ado, if you didn't know this is a live show, you can call in and request your call to be on the radio. The number is 888-825-5225. If your call in the line is busy, leave a message because a lot of times we take messages and we'll schedule your call for later. So that's the way it is.

It goes down. All right. Matt is in Providence, Rhode Island. Matt, what's going on? Not much. Just trying to figure out how to, you know, get some more financial freedom. I have about $350,000 in debt with a baby on the way. And kind of in a tight space with a family of three that's eventually going to be a family of four.

for. So we kind of also need to look for a bigger spot. And as you know, the rental market also isn't the best. And there's no houses or at least starter homes with three bedroom, two bath in our area, which is

at least something better than what we have. We're in a two bedroom, one bath right now. A rental? Yeah. Okay. What kind of debt is this 350? I was hoping you would say some of it was a mortgage, but that was wishful thinking. I was hoping you'd say med school. Like, what is it? So 300K is mine and it's law school, undergrad and a master's program. Wow. Are you practicing? Yeah.

No, I am not. I had to change career paths because the legal field just wasn't working out in this area. It is extremely saturated. Hold on, hold on. Before we go any further, I just have to say.

You have created a world where there's only stop signs. And Jade and I are going to give you five or 10 or 20 different options, but you already are a guy that just says, but no, but no, but no, but no, but no. So before we go further in the call, will you be willing to entertain that the way you've chosen to like wall yourself in, in your life isn't working and you have to be willing to do other things? Oh yeah, absolutely. That's why I called in. Okay. All right. Good. Yeah. So,

I guess here's the deal. You got into an excavator and dug a humongous hole for you and your family. And so you either have to go to a different place or do that job that you hate. That's miserable, but that's what, that's the credential you got. And,

You're going to have to do something with that. You don't have the option to not practice law right now because you don't have any money. You get what I'm saying? Especially if you say, if you tell us, hey, I actually, I got all these degrees. I like practicing law. If you tell me the only reason is because it's too saturated, then my question is, hey, that might be the case. Why can't we move and go practice law elsewhere? And you already told me you don't have any houses that you can afford in your area. So what's keeping you in this area?

Well, that's probably more my wife on her side. Her dad's pretty sick. And so part of the decision to stay here is, you know, help out with him, his medical problems. And God forbid we move and then something happened and now she's just rushing back here to be with family. So let's wait before you go on. Let's unpack that a little bit. Let's take it piece by piece because...

I want to know more about that situation. Is she like, is she 100% his caregiver? Is she just, you know, she's a child who wants to be near their sick parent. Is he terminally ill? Going to be going to pass away in six months? Or is it like a four or five year thing? Like, what's the, what's the deal?

It's in a state of being monitored. She's more or less just more the concerned child that wants to be near dad. Okay, so that's a great place to start because now we can start putting some reality around the situation. Like the two of you can sit down and jump in at any point. But if this were me...

I would say, okay, the truth is I want to be able to be near my dad when he's sick. What can that look like? How, what does the radius need to be for me to be able to do that? Whether it's me jumping on a quick hour long flight or me driving six hours up there, you know, on the weekend, whatever.

figure out what that point is because you guys are in Providence, Rhode Island. There's got to be a radius there that you can get out of that city, get out of that saturated area, get out of that high real estate area and still be able to see dad, right? So that's thing one. What's the next limiting factor? So between, well, for her, she just recently got promoted, but her job is she has to be in the office 100%. Okay, that's not too different. Yeah.

Yeah. So if we needed to move, she probably need to look for a new job. She's opened the question that could I do this remote? Because it's actually a job that can be done remote, in my opinion. Why does she need to work remote versus just getting another job at a place that will hire her to do what she knows how to do, whether in office or remote?

Is it the kids? Well, that's part of it. And then the scarcity of like, we move and she

She can't find anything. Well, you wouldn't move first. So let's put something around that so that it fits in a better space in your brain. So you guys, first you're open to the idea of moving, right? It's you guys talking about that radius like we talked about. See, my job that I have now, I'm 100% work from home, and I've been trying to move out for years. How much are you making this job? So I currently make $100K, and she makes $55K. Okay, you need to double your salary.

And you might not get all the way to $200,000, but you have a $350,000 hole that you dug for your family and $100,000 with another kid on the way. Maybe it's 100% at home, but also you're taking cases for the state on the weekends. I don't know what it is, and I know you've got kids and I know you want to be a present dad and all that. You just don't have that luxury right at the second.

And I do think... Go ahead. You go ahead. No, go ahead. For more transparency around the loss of... I'm actually not licensed. I struggled to pass the bar. I took it five times before I decided like, hey, I've dropped 15 grand in total in just registration fees that I need to go down a different path. And then that's where...

I am today in my current role. Okay. That changes things. It does. Did you, did you, can you honestly say you committed to doing all of the bar prep?

Oh, yeah. I mean, that was three straight years of, you know, the beginning of our marriage, too, was like I felt non-present because I was working a full-time job all day, and then I was up all night until 2 a.m. studying, going into the test, and then even before we got married, I was in law school, and that was, you know, part of my debt was so that I didn't have to work so I could study full-time. Okay, so you feel good about I went all in, right?

Because I know you and I both know the data about if you just do the bar prep questions and you just follow their schedule. Okay, so you can honestly look in the mirror and say, I got in that ring and I got knocked out five times. Maybe boxing isn't for me. You feel good about that? Right. Okay, great. Awesome. Then perfect. I'll be quiet about that. We can move on to the next thing. Very good. So making 100 grand, what do you do now?

So I work in transportation services for a major company out here. Essentially, I help manage business to consumer retail delivery. Okay. Can you, for a season, work that job and the moment your wife gets home from her job, you'll have dinner together and you head off for job number two at night and get your salary to $150 for a year to start knocking someone's debt out?

I mean, it's something we've discussed, just didn't really pull the trigger on it. Okay. I guess what you're hearing Jade and I say, at some point, there's something's got to give, whether it's your living situation, whether it's she goes and gets another job, or it's you get another job. But at some point, you're going to have to look at your situation and say, we just keep talking about it, but we're doing the same thing over and over and over again. We're in the same spot.

What do you think, Dave? In two minutes, I'm not 100% sold that you're done with law. I think you're a guy who's feeling really defeated and felt the weight of his debt, and it's really paralyzing right now. All right, fair. Hopefully, we can do this.

All right, Dave, you have some strong opinions. Possibly, yeah. I think so. Okay, because you really prefer credit unions over big banks. Well, credit unions, for one thing, are non-profit, which means that the members, the customers, own the credit unions.

the credit union. So any profits that the credit union makes goes back into customer pricing. So you get better interest rate on savings, cheaper checking, and so on, that kind of thing. But what's more important than that, though, is the fact that the customer is the owner changes the spirit on the credit union. So I find very few credit unions that aren't very customer-centric. Well, and I think we have found one that is incredible, and that's Fairwinds.

They are an incredible credit union that is really out with the heart to help the customer. They're the right kind of people with the right kind of values. And they've done a really, really good job with customer service. And the deals that they're offering, the Ramsey Tribe is incredible. Yeah, absolutely. And I love it. The things that we teach, they so line up with. And you're right, their customer service is unbelievable. Winston and I just signed up and we got an account. And I'm not kidding. It took less than five minutes.

It was so user friendly. Like the step by step approach was unbelievable. And then the next day, my phone rings and it says Fairwinds on my phone. So I answered it and talked to someone there. And they said, yeah, they give calls to every new customer. And so again, they just really care about your experience. And I...

I so, so appreciate that. Plus, anything that you can do at a traditional branch, you can do with them at fairwinds.org or on their app. And you'll have free access to over 33,000 ATMs. Hey, you guys know how much I hate banks in general. And so for me to do this is a big deal. Talk to our friends at Fairwinds.

and check out the combined checking and savings bundle that they created just for the Ramsey tribe. You guys, it's incredible. Yeah, you guys, it's so easy to join Fairwinds no matter where you live. So go to fairwinds.org slash Ramsey. Fairwinds is federally insured by NCUA. All right, let's go right to the phone lines where Alan is in Dallas, Texas. Alan, how can we help?

I recently got engaged about a month ago, and now we're starting to do planning for our wedding. Nice. And I realized me and my fiance are on two different pages as far as what we should spend on our total budget. My idea, I don't want to spend over $10,000 getting married.

hers is a little over double that. She wants to spend $20,000 to $25,000. So I'm trying to figure out, am I out of touch with reality with having a budget for $10,000? It depends. Or should I just go in and do what she wants and make her happy with spending more? Oh, well. You're my hero, man. You're my hero. It depends.

It depends. I mean, if you guys really do have the money and you could spend $25,000, then that's different. If you don't have the money, then I would not do what she wants to do just to, you know, make her happy. So tell us the funds. Tell us about the money. Yeah, so...

The reason I'm not comfortable with it right now, she's in medical school. So together we bring in maybe $120,000 between the both of us. So also, you know, looking long term, we're okay right now as far as our living situation. We have no kids, but we're not in our forever home. So eventually we are going to want to move, plan for children and stuff like that. How much money do you have right now?

A lot. You got a lot. Yeah, total savings right now, I'd probably say I'm at about $30,000. Okay. And how much debt? This is just you.

My debt, I only have about $4,000 in credit cards. I pay for school out of pocket, so that's the only thing that I have. So you have $30,000 saved, $4,000 in debt. What about her? Because you mentioned medical school, so tell me about her situation. Student loans, I know she has about $20,000. She's cash flow in medical school? Yes. Wow. Man, good on y'all.

Oh, thank you. And right now... Bro, give her whatever wedding she wants, man. You're going to want to hang on to this one. You're a cash flow medical school dude. And right now, we're in her home that she bought maybe four years ago. Okay. And the home debt is $230,000. Okay, great. So again, she's just got the student loans, nothing else? Just the $20,000 of student loans, nothing else? No.

Just that and the home and a credit card. I believe she has the same, about $4,000 in credit card. Okay. Does she have any money saved? I'm guessing no, but tell me if she does. Not much. Not much. So the savings right now is completely on me. She pretty much stopped whatever she had to getting through school. And when's the wedding? When's the date? July next year. So you got one year, a year and a month to save this up. Okay.

Can I change the question, Jade? Yeah. Alan, can I ask Jade a question? Sure. On your behalf? Absolutely, please. Okay, so Jade, tell me if I'm wrong here. Sometimes the question, how much you spent on that ring, how much you spent on the wedding, it's as though the number is the value instead of did you get the ring you wanted?

Or what do you want this wedding to look like? And so when someone sits down and says, I only got $10,000, what if y'all had a conversation about what do you want this wedding to look like and feel like and who's going to come to this thing? And then y'all begin navigating. And I hate to use this word, but it's negotiating. Like, do you got to get those flowers or can you get these flowers? And we have to get some super atomic baker because you might find that when you both get what you want, actually it's 17 grand.

I think that is a very good place to start because I think you're right. There is a vibe just as much as there is dollar signs. So maybe it's, hey, we're on Pinterest and we're looking at the things that we want. And then based off of that feeling, we're rolling it back and saying, okay, what is the budget that we have to accomplish that feeling? Because

John is right. Like there's good, better, like there's good, better, best. Like there's different layers of the same thing. And if you pair them rightly together, it can still be very, very nice. So I think John is asking a good question. Just going back to the numbers, like just purely numbers for a moment. I got to say that I do tend to go on your side, Alan. $30,000 in the face of $28,000 of debt.

Yeah, it's probably better to spend between $10,000 or $12,000, somewhere in that range, because I want you guys to pay this debt off, and I think that that's fair enough. And I think it's somewhere meeting in the middle. If you said $10,000, she said $25,000, maybe you land at $15,000. Or maybe you say this. Maybe you say, hey, look, here's value number one for me heading into this marriage. I want to not owe anybody any money. And so I got $30,000.

We're going to pretend as though the day we get married, we're going to write a check for your student loans. And I know you're about to be a doctor. I know you've already bought your own home. But right now, let's deal in what we got in front of us. We just talked to a guy, a previous caller, who would have had the same conversation about what he was going to make after law school. And he struggled to pass the bar. So let's don't count our chickens before they hatch. But that means we got $2,000 in an emergency fund.

Like if we're just if we're talking about the day we get married, we're going to pay off each other's debt. So how much could you look at her in the eye and say, I'm going to go earn this money so we can cash flow this thing?

Over the next year and that means we're both gonna sacrifice is what we spend what we buy and whatever she's going to school You're gonna be working extra Maybe you take on a second job and say I'm gonna work like crazy to see what we can what I can get done Do you get I'm saying that way there's a conversation about this money isn't gonna fall from the sky and I'm not I'm not willing to borrow $25,000 for something that we can't afford but I do want to give you a nice thing So I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna work real hard for this cuz I know you're in med school That's gonna take up all your time and

Can we be realistic about what's a dollar amount we're actually going to have in hand? Because I think Jade's right. You might be able to earn $25,000 on top of paying everything off. That sounds like a tall order, though. Or you'll look at her and say, I'll go earn $25,000. I'm not going to see you any weekends for the next year, but I'll go make it happen.

Yeah. Like I said, I'm sure there's a way that I can make it work and stick to it. But like I said, I'm just kind of stepping out of feeling comfortable spending more money than was doubled, what I've had in mind. Let's don't do that. Because here's the thing. It's kind of like this. If your boss says, hey, come in this afternoon. I'm going to tell you about a raise I'm giving you. And you imagine the raise is $30,000.

and your boss gives you a raise of $20,000, you walk out of that room feeling like he took $10,000 from you, even though he just gave you $20,000. You sat down with a number of $10,000, and she said $25,000, and you're like, double! She sat down and was like, half? The conversation has nothing to do with what kind of wedding do we want to have.

And more importantly, as Jade was getting to, how much money do we actually have? Yeah. And you got to look at it. I mean, this is somebody's not going to like this. I get it. But it kind of is you do like to weigh the opportunity costs on this. You've got 30 in cash. You've got 28 cash.

in debt. So if you were to spend all 30 on this wedding or even 25, you have to then ask yourself, was I okay to go $23,000 into debt for this wedding? Because that's essentially what you're doing. If you take this money and put it on the wedding versus putting it on the debt. I'm not telling you what you have to do. I'm just telling you that's the way your mind needs to look at it and you guys both have to be okay with that. I would much rather see y'all, if y'all are my friends, have a small, fun,

like cheap wedding and then when she's uh graduates from her residency and y'all can throw the party of a century right because then y'all are rich that makes a lot of sense it does i i i i tend to veer on this side and i say this delicately because as someone who was really looking forward to their wedding it's very difficult to say hey what if you just go to the courthouse now get a certificate and then in three years you wild out like that's what i'm saying but but

It's fair advice. You know what I'm saying? It's fair advice. Honestly, Ellen, if I was you, that's what I would do. I would say, let's go to the courthouse this weekend. Let's have a big fancy dinner for five of our closest friends this weekend. And we're going to announce to everybody that we're married. And then we're going to blow it out in three years. The other side of it is, my wedding was very inexpensive. Yeah. And it was a blast. Yeah. I wouldn't change a second of it. Or you both just go hard in the paint. You go ham for the next...

12 months. And earn that money? And earn that money, and then you both get what you want, and there's no sacrifice other than your time to get said money. Hey guys, what's up? It's Jade Warshaw, and look, if there's anybody who knows about student loan debt, it's me. My husband and I had $280,000 of it, but we were able to dig ourselves out, and you can too. If your student loan payment and interest rate are burying you, refinancing could be the solution. Now,

I recommend contacting my friends at Laurel Road today. Through their online application, you can get an initial rate quote in less than five minutes. And if you have a more complex situation, you can schedule 30 minutes to talk to an actual human being. Thank goodness. Laurel Road makes it simple. There are no fees involved and you could save thousands over the life of your loan. Remember, you should only refund

We'll be right back.

Again, that's laurelroad.com slash Ramsey. If you're tired of living paycheck to paycheck, wondering where the heck is your money going? Your first step is to get on a budget. I'm trying to tell you our team is hosting a free budgeting training this month via EveryDollar, which is the best budgeting app out there. We talk about it all the time because we really do believe that it's the best.

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You got to sign up for this thing and you can do that. You can sign up at every dollar.com slash webinar. Lots of people have gone through these trainings and they will say that it's the best thing that's ever happened to him, John. I love it. All right. Okay. Can we say this? I just have to say this out loud along that thing, that training. Go for it. The number of people, it's not insignificant who are very, very successful in their business

Whether it's medical, nutritional, whether it's physical, mental health, whatever. Okay. Who call and say, hey, man, kind of him all around and then say, yo, can you help me with a budget? Yeah. And they can cure people. They can fix things. Some of the top talents on the planet go to them and they say, I need some help with this. 100%. So there's no shame in this thing. That's why I love that training there. That's why I like sitting down and just saying it.

I know I'm good over here, but I'm embarrassed to say I don't know how to do make this budget thing work. I get frustrated. I get triggered, whatever. Like in those trainings are not like lo-fi for dum-dums, right? No. It's for everybody struggling. I say it all the time. Budgets are like toothbrushes. Everybody needs one. Everybody without it.

What would happen? And there's adults that go and their dentist is like, yeah, you're not brushing right. Yeah. Like you learn how you learn. Things get ratchet. They get messed up if you don't have it. Right. So budget's the same way, no matter how much money you have, no matter how little money you have. Everybody needs a budget. Everybody needs a plan for their money. And that's really all it is, is you deciding ahead of time. Here's what I'm going to do with my money. That's really it.

That's it. It's not a thing that's for broke people or for rich people or for poor people. Or for smart people or dumb people. Yeah, it's for everybody. Everybody. All right. That being said, really good point, John. Let's go to Tyler in Dallas, Texas. What's up, Tyler? Hello. Hey. What's up, man? Hello. My question is, I got engaged about a year ago and my fiance got in a mortgage with her mother about 20 years ago. Mm-hmm.

And her mother is missing payments. And we want to refinance our house.

And we can't because her mother is missing payments on her house. Is there any way she can get out of the mortgage with her mother? Has my guesses. I mean, the way to do that would be for her mom or for them to refinance the mortgage and take her off of it. That'd be the way to do it. Her mother has really bad credit and can't. And we have talked, she's talked to her mother and her mother says the bank won't do it. Yeah. And so the other thing is,

then she needs to sell that house and get into something that she can afford on her own. Her mother doesn't live there anymore. Her brothers do. Oh, even more reason. It doesn't matter. Sell the house. Her mother is in bad health. She just had a stroke last year. I'm sorry. And she's in...

pretty bad health and we won out of it in the worst kind of way. Okay, so yeah, even more reason to put some pedal to the metal on this and make her understand, hey, you're not even living here anymore. This is affecting us on a personal level. We need to sell this property. The brothers, I'm assuming, are grown and can do grown things and go live in their own space and pay for it. Her brothers are alcoholics and... Not your problem. For the purpose of this call... It's not my problem at all and yes, I am

Yes. Mm-hmm.

We're completely out of it because we moved to Texas and they're in Pennsylvania. So we're not getting the thing. The next thing you can do, and I hate this because it's family business and it's going to mess up the family, but it sounds like the family's already pretty messy. You can try to get a judge to look at it and try to force the sale since she's not living in it. Your fiance is not living in it. And basically squatters are living in it because one of the owners doesn't want them in the house.

She lets them live there. And I've told her. Your mother, your, your fiance? Well, my, my fiance is not on a deed. So she's on the mortgage. She's not on the deed. Exactly. Oh my Lord. So she just co-signed this thing. She just co-signed for your mom. She was young and dumb. Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, it's, you don't have to call her names. It just was what it was. And when most of us, when our mothers come and beg us to do something, we do it because it doesn't even mean we're dumb. It just means we just want to love our moms. Um,

She was 21 years old. She didn't know. She didn't know what she was doing. Yeah. She didn't know any better. And now it's coming back to bite her in the butt. So the three, I mean, those were Tyler. Those are the three options. Yeah. None of them are like Dave says he was young. Yeah. Here's the deal. There's no good option here. So there's no, there's no way that you get through this without somebody getting their feelings hurt or somebody getting angry. So just knowing that on the front end, that's it.

Y'all can keep paying this house. You can pay it off and let her alcoholic brothers just burn it to the ground. Dude, that's option one.

Well, we're not paying on it. We want to pay our own house off. But we're afraid we're going to lose our house.

That's why I'm trying to help you, bud. You are going to lose it. I understand. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Yeah. I'm a little scared myself. I got you. I got you. Okay, we're with you. But what we're saying is there is – you're feeling it. There is an urgency to this. So if the first two options didn't work, you got to get in front of a judge and say this – we've tried to force – we've tried to work with them. The mother is failing health. Pretty soon she's not even going to be able to decide. And these guys are living in the house. You've got to have an external party look at this and force the sale of that house. Who's got the –

Who has her mother's medical power of attorney? Does your wife have that? I don't know that anybody does. Okay. Okay. Is she living in a facility or is she living at a home somewhere? She's living with her boyfriend. Okay.

husband, whatever you want to call him. They're not really married. She's living with another man who's adjacent property. So she's just said, it's okay if my credit goes up in flames while these brothers live here. She has no credit. Yeah, she's like, I can live with boyfriend. He'll take care of me. And you guys, I mean, you guys are feeling the brunt of this 100%. Today, I'm going to look into this with a lawyer and say, hey. Yeah, I was just offered a...

new interest rate of 7.25% on my property and I'm paying 9% now, which is a $300 difference in payment. Yeah. But I can't get it because my income is only $1,100 a month. Okay. And my payment's $1,000 a month. How are you eating, man? Well, my fiance's paying the bills and I'm just paying the mortgage. So here's the hard part.

Um, the hard part here, I'm upside down. I know, I know, I know the hard part and this is spilled milk, but you guys probably shouldn't have bought a house yet while this was, Hey, take it off speaker for me. Okay. Tyler. Cause it's echoing back. I'm not on speaker. Okay. So the hard part is this is spilled milk, but you guys getting into a house that

before this was settled, that's really why you're feeling it because this was a huge factor in your ability to be able to carry a mortgage and now it's biting you in the butt. And so I would say that if you're not seeing a light at the end of this tunnel with your mom and the fiance and the brothers, then...

You're going to have to you might have to get out of your house before it gets foreclosed or before you lose it. If you're behind on payments, you can't refinance it. You don't have the credit. This is just going to continue to destroy your credit. And maybe we can get out of it before it goes from bad to worse. I am so sorry.

Statistics show that half of Americans don't have enough life insurance, or they don't have any at all. I don't understand this, John. Why don't people want to take care of their family? They think they're going to die or something? Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids.

And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. Oh, you're telling me. And for decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. And they don't know what to do next. Me too. I mean, you're going to have a crisis here. And, you know, you got two options while you're sitting and talking to a young widow. She's concerned about how she's going to invest all this money properly and not mess this up. Or she's concerned how she's going to eat tomorrow.

That's exactly right. These are the two options. Take care of your dadgum family, man. Term life insurance can replace income, pay off debts, cover funeral expenses, so your family can actually...

have the opportunity to just be sad, to just miss you. That's exactly what it's supposed to be. It's saying I love you to your family. Term Life Insurance. Jeff Zander and the team at Zander Insurance makes it easy and affordable. I've used them personally for 25 years. They're the only people I trust. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282.

If you love the show, thank you for listening and be sure to share it with somebody. It does a lot for us when you like and subscribe and share the show. Obviously, it helps get the word out there, but also on the different social platforms, YouTube, all the podcast platforms, it helps push it up in the algorithm, which is good because it serves up this content to not only you, but a lot of other future listeners. So that's really helpful. So thank you for doing that. John, what are you listening to right now that you really like?

What am I listening to? Shows? Yeah, share something with me so they can know what it seems like. Oh, man. Like what podcast and stuff? Anything. I mean, I've been listening to audiobooks on Spotify, and I've been listening to my same podcast I usually listen to. I listen to Peter Atiyah's The Drive. I listen to my buddy Sean Ryan's show. Those are the ones I like. What about you? That's good. I mean, I was trying to set you up to show the people how to do this. I know what you're asking me.

I was trying to say, hey, Jade, I've really been listening to this great podcast. It's called, you know, I don't know. I listen to Mel Robbins. I love this podcast. They have a great one. By Peter Atiyah. Yeah. So that's what it looks like. You just really you like Peter Atiyah? I do. That's all it is. You don't like him? Boring. You're out of your mind.

Not smart enough. Listen, let me tell you, I downloaded Outlive and I was falling asleep. You're out of your mind. I'm sorry. That's one of the greatest books written in my time. How about this? Let Them. There you go. That's the whole thing. There you go. I love it. I love it. Yes, you're right. There you go. What are you trying to say, John? Outlive. One is for smart people and one isn't. Outlive is a masterpiece. It is. I'd rather listen to Dr. Mark Hyman on the same topics, though. All right. Oh, my gosh. I'm so...

I don't even know what's happening right now. This is the show melting down. Okay, let's go to Ashley. She could save us. Ashley's in Orlando, Florida. What's up, Ashley? Hi there. Hi. What up? I'm Ashley. My husband and I...

I have been listening to you guys for a while. We actually used one of your financial advisors for a little bit until we created a budget, and it was out of budget, so we've been doing it on our own now. So we are both Navy veterans. We just got out within a year ago. We had two stable streams of incomes, two careers, a few bad financial decisions, but we're

Like we each have a $30,000 motorcycle. We didn't do it together, we just happened to come in with it. I had 25,000 of school debt. We've cleared about 28,000 of credit card debt. We have no credit cards anymore, they're all paid off.

But, you know, over and we did get rid of one motorcycle. We've been trying to get the other. It's just very upside down. So the crux of our life is we have five kids and just found out we have number six on the way. I'm also in the Navy Reserves to keep, you know, insurance and the things.

I have a hard time. I've listened to Dave a few times talking about how to really lock it down and knock out your debt. And for those in situations where one doesn't work, it was very rarely like in a situation with like a ton of kids like us.

They'd be like, you both need to go to work. And we do supplement. We do Uber if we need to when the kids are sleeping. I do Twitch streaming when they're sleeping and make a little extra. What is your income combined right now? So I'm...

So he doesn't work. He got out. I got the job first. So I've been working. I make about $115 a year between reserves, my job, and the side hustles. That's a pretty stable number, $115. Okay. Why doesn't he work? Is he a full-time stay-at-home dad?

Yeah, he stays at home. We did try to have him work, but it was very, they're all under school age. They all had to go to daycare. Oh, wow. What are their ages? So the oldest is turning seven on Sunday. Okay. So he'd be the only school age one. Then it goes, so it's, yeah, so. You have five kids, seven and under? Yeah.

Oh, yes. Ooh, mamacita. And the tick's on the way. Wow, wow. It's different at y'all's house right now. Listen, yo, I was just telling somebody, my house is crazy. I got two kids and a couple of dogs, so I retract my statement. Your house is for real. Okay, so dad's staying at home. You're out there hustling, making $115,000 a year. How can we help you today?

So I work from home. He's home. We have this amazing opportunity to be home with our kids. And we've been at this, you know...

been in this giant spiral. We've taken care of all the little things we can do, but now we've only got the big scary things left. What are they? My motorcycle. Not a scary thing. Sell it. That's dumb. Hold on. Not a scary thing. You're a pregnant mother of five. Motorcycle's gone. Tell us how upside down you are in it. I've tried. His, we were able to settle with the insurance. They just...

wanted the bike and they cleared it and it was... But yours, what do you owe on it and what's it worth? Mine is 20K. If I sold it, I would be 20K upside down. So I can make 10,000 on it from every dealer, every blue book, every, you know...

From trying. And then I would, so I owe almost 30 on it. You owe 30 and you can only sell it for 10? How? That's what you're telling me? How? Yes, I've tried for like the last three years. How old is it? It's a 2019 and I bought it, you know, fairly new at the time. And it's just been this dead weight, you know,

following me haunting me okay I've prioritized the other debts first what else what are the other debts so you got you've got a the motorcycle we know this story on that what else what else is there um so we have I have 25k school debt okay um so um I lost one of our kiddos um one of my oldest

Did you end up getting the degree?

I just can't get it from the school because I owe them $8,000. But yes, I finished all but one class. I just need to take that one class. Okay, so one class until you graduate. But in the meantime, you've got $25,000 in student loans. Any other debt we should know about, Ashley? Yes. Yeah, two others. And they're all like big chunks. Just tell me what they are, Mama. I owe for the $8,000 to unlock my transcripts.

just due to the school. So you have an outstanding balance with the school? Yes. It's not a student loan, you just owe them that? Yeah, it's not a loan, yeah. It's not a loan, that's what it takes to get your transcripts. Okay, keep going. And then after the third kiddo, we pulled them out of private school and said we can't afford this no more. But we still owe a balance to that school and we actually, we've been

Been paying all the debts, but that was one of the last. How much is that one, Ashley? I want to make sure we have time to help you. How much is that? That's 10,000. Okay. They actually served us with papers on that one. We're trying to get it. So 10,000 to the private school, 25,000 in student loans, the motorcycle, you're upside down. Anything else? 8,000 school transcripts. Anything else?

I think that's all the big things left. Okay, so my screen says that, are you wrong to prioritize time with family over kids? That's what my screen says.

Like sending dad to work, you know, like we have this amazing balance. The kids are thriving. You're broke. And let me tell you, let me tell you something because people get this wrong all the time. For most of us, John, we will all say, what are your top priorities? And for most of us listening, it probably goes somewhere along like God or like, you know, faith, family, faith. And then it's like my marriage and that includes like, it's kind of like my spouse and then it's my kids. And then under that is like,

other ancillary things, right? But we forget that when you say when you have that line item of family, there's a bunch of bullet points under that. That's like, okay, family, the way I prioritize my family can be a number of ways. It can be I spend time with them, it can be I work out every day so that I'm here for them. And I eat right so that I can, you know, keep a healthy weight so I can pick them up and wrestle with them. And it can be I

get a job so I can pay our bills on time and keep the lights on. Right? So there's all these bullet points underneath. And in a given season, you get to decide how to, how am I prioritized? Cause I'm always prioritizing my family, but in this season, which of those bullet points underneath prioritizing my family, am I going to put first? Because they're all going to fight to have the top spot and you get to decide. And in this season, you taking care of your family and loving them well is incredible.

For a season, we're going to work hard and we're going to pay off debt in order to make this happen. And that is how we're prioritizing our family. We're giving them peace financially. And that's something that has the ability to change your entire family tree.

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You're listening to The Ramsey Show. I'm Jade Warshaw. Next to me, the person that is making faces if you're watching on YouTube, is Dr. John Deloney, taking calls about your life and your money. There's some awesome kids out here in the audience today. Yeah, it was really cute. You would have to see it on YouTube, though. Yeah, it was really cute. He doesn't just make faces. Well, sometimes he does. But we're taking calls, your life, your money. I'll hit you up on the money side. John, tell the folks what you do. They already know you're famous. Yeah.

I'm just here along for Jade's ride. Okay, we're going to the phone lines. I couldn't have said that any weirder. Sorry about that. It was weird. I'm here co-hosting the Ramsey Show with my friend Jade. Love that. Love it. Love that for both of us. Sarah is in Portland, Oregon. What's up, Sarah? Couldn't have said that any worse. Hi, thanks for taking my call. Hi. How can we help?

Well, I have the opportunity to buy my parents' business. Do you want it? However I have it. Do you want it? I think it's a great opportunity. It doesn't matter. Do you want it? Yes and no. Okay, so my neighbor has this car for sale. It's like an old whatever car. It's amazing, and he's offering it at an incredible price. I just don't want it. Do you want this business?

Yeah, but is that car potentially going to get financial freedom? It does. Oh, I love this call already. Okay, I interrupted you. Keep going.

That's okay. So I already have a decent career that allows me to work from home, which is great for me. So I'm wondering if this potential to grow this business and potentially make a huge profit on it is worth the stress of owning your own business. Are you single? No.

Yes. Okay. Um, would you let's pretend this is the way I would walk through it in my mind. And I think it's kind of along the lines of what John was saying. So you've got this great career. Is it did you go to school to do this career? Or you just landed in it? What is it? I kind of ended up in it by accident. But it does have a

I will say neither my current career nor this potential one is something that I set out to do in life or I'm passionate about. But they're both really good opportunities. So that's where I was going because sometimes it's like some things can be serendipitous and they just land in your lap and it's like, you know, it's perfect. You're like, like this job for me. I'm like, oh, yeah.

Perfect. I did not set out on this path. I was in entertainment, but this aligns with the things I love and what I agree with. And it was a previous hobby of mine. So I, it made sense, right? It wasn't me just going, well, it's a good opportunity. I should just take it. And so that's what I would guard against, especially since you said you don't have passion about it. And I think that

It's one thing to become an entrepreneur and a business owner, but if you ain't got passion about it, it's about to, that'll dig you a grave in two seconds. Like that's tough. I don't want to look back on my life and say, I took a series of opportunities, but ones that took my, took my soul from me. They gave me some money, but they took my soul from me. If you told me, Hey, I owe $150,000 and I have an opportunity to do something that I don't like for two years and be done with this. I'd be all in. Yeah. Do it.

Because it's temporary. What's the job? What's the business? It's a small plumbing business. Oh, Lord. Wait a second. I'm going from being a single woman working at home just because I like my life. Now I'm going to go be a plumber. To toilet lips? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Are you going to? Yeah. I know nothing about the industry or owning a business. It would all be new to me. And to be honest, it sounds exciting. And also all this with the caveat that I'm not passionate about my current career either. I'm giving you the hundred percent. You have to do this. Yes. Go buy this plumbing business. Okay. Here's what I'm doing. I'm doing an old counselor trick. I'm just smashing the other side of the teeter totter. Okay. Go buy it.

Does that excite you? Or you're like, okay, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Does that excite you? Or do you think I am going to be plunging other people's cha-cha-cha for the next five years of my life just paying back my parents? And paying money to plunge other people's cha-cha-cha. I need to know how much this dadgum business is going to cost. They're thinking somewhere between 1 and 1.5 million. Oh, gosh. Where did they get that number?

They've been talking with their financial advisor, tax attorney. There's people who do business appraisals, kind of like real estate. I want you to find one and tell your parents, I love y'all. I want to get a number on this from a third-party professional. They'll do a net present value of the business.

And it's just a numerical calculation. Here's what it's made in the past. Here's what we think it will make in the next two years, four years. And that's going to determine the value. I promise you, unless you're like, my son's going to buy my old truck from me. We looked it up and I'm giving him a deal on it because he's my son.

And that's what they said they would do to you. Okay, but usually when it comes to parents selling their business to their kid, it's one of two things. They give you a steal or they think it's worth way more than it actually is because it's their life's love. You get what I'm saying? This is a million dollar business transaction.

I would not want to blow up my family and my relationship with my parents over this. And so I'm going to get a, like, let's go ahead and get an agent that's going to sign off on this and say, hey, we did a net present value on this business. We went through the numbers. This is what we think this is worth. And this is what it would fetch in the open market. And then dad can decide and mom can decide whether we're going to cut you a deal on it. Here's what it's worth, all that.

Right. Yep. It's a million dollar business purchase. Think of it that way. And by the way, for all that is holy, please don't go borrow a million dollars to buy this from them. Yeah. Yeah. We've kind of talked about that, that they'd, they would likely carry the loan and. No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. They get a, if you're going to do any kind of plan, they get a percentage of profit only. Until they're paid. Until they're paid back.

Not a consistent amount every month. It's got to be a percentage of profit. Because if it's not, then you don't make a profit one month, they're still going to be knocking on your door. The bank's going to be knocking on your door. Now you're in a mess. I just got to raise a flag on this one, Sarah. Don't buy this. Just view me for a moment as just your best friend sitting down. Like the person who always tells you the truth, right? You've got that friend, yeah? What I want to ask you is what makes you think

That you'll be able to just jump in, run a business, and grow it, for crying out loud, from scratch. Because your parents have had this business for however many years. They've made the mistakes. They've, you know, had ups and downs. It's not a straight line to success. And for you to kind of hop in cold, I...

for 1.5 million. And if we're really, I don't know how they did a valuation on this, but if they really just said, Hey, we're doing this at three to four times net profit, like for you, like that's all right. Like that's not a crazy, it's not a crazy opportunity in my mind. It's, it's just a normal business. Like I, I also want to frame that in the right way. Like this is not the opportunity of a lifetime. This is just a normal kind of mom and pop small business. How many employees does it have?

Six. Yeah. If it's at $1 to $1.5 million, y'all are trucking along. I don't think this is the opportunity of a lifetime that it might seem like. You as the owner, maybe you make $100,000 a year or $150,000, but I... Especially after paying out six full-time plumbers. That's what I'm saying. Dealing with their HR issues and their insurance issues when they bust somebody's pipe. Yeah, this doesn't sound like it's for you.

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So are you staying on track with the baby steps? You can find out if you hear us on here from time to time. We're always talking about a financial framework that we call the baby steps here. It's seven steps that you walk through to find your the easiest and most risk free path to building wealth for your family. Seven steps. And we're going to talk about that in a little bit.

And if you want to know, hey, where am I at? Am I doing okay with these baby steps? You can take a quick quiz to check your progress and receive a personalized plan that's just for you. You can just head over to the show notes and click on the link that's titled, Are You On Track With The Baby Steps? And you can complete that quiz. All right, let's go to Mike in West Palm Beach, Florida. MyHood, what's going on, Mike? Hey, thank you so much for having me on the show, guys. You're welcome.

How can we help? I have a question. I'm trying to see if you guys can help me navigate this both financially and relationally. My dad is in quite a little bit of debt. He is retired, about 65 years old now. And I'll throw you some numbers to give you a decent picture of all of this. Sure.

Yeah, so he has about $85,000 in personal loans, another $5,000 in credit card, and then he makes about $4,000 net a month, about $48,000 a year, I would say. He's still working, or that's what he's drawing? No, he has a pension. That's what he gets from his pension. Gotcha. Okay.

He also gave some bonuses at the end of the year. So between October and December, about, I would say, $7,000 to $12,000 in bonuses on top of that. How much? $7,000 to $12,000. I don't have the exact number, but roughly around that. And that's between October to December? Correct. Okay. Gotcha. Okay.

So the situation that he's seeing, his monthly payment for the loans, it's about $2,500 a month.

Okay. And you can see how making $4,000, that can be an issue. So he's reached out to me and my brothers for some help. And we're trying to see what the best course of action here would be to help him out. And what he's asking from us ideally would be for us to lend him about $1,000 a month so that he can repay us at the end of the year with the bonuses that he gets.

which I just want to get your take on that. Do you think that will help? Is he healthy? He had a little medical situation last year, had a heart attack. It was minor, but mostly he's healthy. He retired at 49. Oh, okay. So that puts some context around this. He retired at 49. Yeah.

I feel as though, and John, you're looking at me, Mike, I feel like if I were in your shoes, if I had a father who was 49 and when he retired, he decided in that moment, I'm okay with $48,000 a year as my pension. And I'm doing this knowing that I have debt. I would say you need to go back to work. Yeah. He's put you and your brother in an incredibly awkward position. Yeah.

And on behalf of dads everywhere, I'm sorry that he did that to you. Because dads aren't supposed to do that to their boys. Like, I hate that y'all are in this position. Has he just not done anything for 20-something years? No. I mean, he does have, let's say, a farm that he grows some mangoes and stuff. But this is just hobby stuff. Yeah. So he just piddles away his time. He just kind of spends on buys what he wants to. And now he's annoyed at the payments.

And he's even going to have the money this year. He's just annoyed at the payment, so he just hollers at you two to bail him out? Yeah, yeah. Mostly, we had no idea of any of this. As you can imagine, we had no idea of his financial situation until...

And as he broke? So have y'all had a reckoning after that day? Because even that move is a lot. Yeah.

It's hard to watch your dad be sick and wonder if he's going to die. But then for him to say, hey, whatever, dude, you just take care of it. That's a lot, too. That's tough. And that at least warrants a follow-up conversation with, all right, hey, dad, you're broke, man. Like, what's your plan here? Right? You get what I'm saying? Yeah. Well, how do you...

Sorry, yes. What's his living situation? They don't live in the U.S., so living situation, they have a paid-off house. Okay. I went back home, and we did have a conversation about that, and I proposed maybe he could sell some of the properties, land that he has, like a farm. It's not a lot of money. I would say maybe $7,000 to $10,000. That's exactly what he's asking you for.

yeah correct yeah i just think it doesn't need to be repaid at the end of the year but um he said that that was his dream when he retired to be able to have that land and in the future yeah but was his dream also to go hit up his sons for money you know what i mean you know what i mean like that's just that's pride that's ego man i i you know i i don't think i i would much rather my dad call me and say i've always had this dream to have a couple of acres with mango trees

I would love it if you and my other siblings could get together. I would actually be tempted to figure that out. Then, hey, I've got this dream. I know you guys are in your prime wealth-building years. You guys want to start families, get married. Forget y'all's stuff. Can you bum me $10,000?

I just... That's just tough for me, man. And my thing is, like, he can work. He's not 85. He's 65. And he for sure has six good working years in him to say, okay, instead of asking, bumming a thousand bucks a month off my kids, let me at the very least go earn that myself. And if he really wants to get this debt paid off, you know, he can do something more. But I...

this is your dad. You love him. This is your family. But at the same instance, like there's a hard line that you kind of have to draw of, of,

I didn't do this. Like, this is not, it would be, this is not my cross to bear. You know, like, this is not my burden to carry. I don't think, and I don't think that's being callous. I just think that he made a decision at 49 years old, very prematurely, and has had many opportunities to about face and has chose not to do that. And this is different in my book, rather than if my dad called me or my mom called me and said, I don't have any food. Sure.

Sure. 100%. If I have no shelter, then I would say, come live with me. 100%. Like, I got you. We'll figure this out. And by the way, when you're in my house, here's how our house, my house runs. You're not going to come here and run my house. But I would be all about that. This isn't that. This is, I have a fantasy. I don't want to have a job. I don't want to do anything. I get these checks that come in a couple times a year. But, nah, I want that money right now. Will y'all do that? And here's another question we haven't even asked you. Can you afford it? You got 10 grand to spend? Yeah.

Yes and no. So right now my wife is working very minimal because I'm helping her through her master's program. Well, it's basically just me right now. I know that you didn't answer my question. Do you have five or $10,000 to write a check?

I do. Okay. I do, but it's the money that I have saved up for in school. Yeah, it's earmarked for something else. So that means you don't have it. If it's earmarked for something else that's a necessity, like your wife's school that you said you're going to do, that means it's not extra. Or it's actually y'all decided y'all are going to do that with y'all's money. Uh-huh. Yeah, you definitely can't take her school money and say, hey, I'm going to give it to my dad who's been retired since he was 49. She would probably flip her lid, right?

Yeah, yeah. Definitely not something that she'll be very happy about. Yeah, rightfully so. Rightfully so. And he's not even asking me for...

that he's not going to return. But at the end of the day, I don't think that... How can he return it? He gets these bonuses at the end of the year. But then it's another form of a loan. It's dead. Yeah, it's another form of debt. Which doesn't solve the problem. Right. And loans, dude, loans destroy... Look, he already put a wedge in y'all's father-son relationship by saying, hey, I know your wife's in school. I know y'all are thinking about having a family. I know y'all are thinking these things.

I don't care. I have this dream and I haven't wanted to work for 15 years. Will you send me some money? I'll get you back later. So he put a wedge in it. Don't further that wedge by creating a business transaction between the two of you. I'd rather you say, no, sir, I can't do that right now.

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Today's question comes from Ryan in the great state of Texas. Ryan asked, I'm 30 years old and I feel pressured to marry my girlfriend so she can stay in the country. Uh-oh. No kidding. We've been dating for a year and part of me thinks she might be the one. I'm just going to stop right there. Ryan, there's no such thing. That's not a thing as the one. Oh, I thought you were going to say as part of me.

Do what? Oh, yeah. Part of me thinks she's the one. A quarter of me thinks she's all of the one. Yeah, no. But to be honest, I don't know how much she really loves me versus how much she just wants an easy way to stay in the country. Yikes. Yo, I really don't know what to do and I really need advice. Run, run, run away.

I'm going to turn you over to the relationship expert, Jade Warshall. Jade, what do you think? Oh man, no, you're the relationship expert. What do you think Ron should do here? Oh gosh. Only he knows what's really going on. But my sense is if he's even asking the question, there's probably some of that that's there.

Otherwise, you wouldn't even think to ask the question, I don't feel like. But I've never – it's hard to know. I have never been in this situation, John. Well, I can identify with the feeling of or the question of –

And I get this a lot, which is if I'm even wondering, is this the right person? That's what I'm saying. But I don't know many people who aren't the night before going, is this, are we, are this for sure? Are we for sure? I felt pretty good. Yeah. The night before my wedding. And I'd say my wife did too. She's like, oh, all of a sudden I'm marrying that dude. Rachel Cruz, we talked about, she's like, oh, 100%. I was 100%.

I was like, I hope this works out. But it's a testament to me and my insecurities, right? Okay, I got you. My concern for Ryan is he's having those natural like, I don't know, man, I don't know. James, what about you? How are you feeling? I'm good.

I was feeling 100% the whole time. Yeah, I felt 100% too. I know Sam Warshaw better have felt 100%. Have you met James? James was like, really? Really? Really? Okay. That's what I'm saying. That's saying something. Yeah. Look at Jade. Jade better have, I mean, Sam better have been at 100. I'm telling you right now, he was. I'm already getting mad. It's not even real.

So here's the thing. I like, there's like, it's a question to wonder. I just want to back out. Yeah. The idea of the one comes from that myth of a soulmate on the front end. There's just no such thing as that. It's not real. You're going to have to decide. I'm going to wade through my, my, my, I'm going to, I'm going to be all in on this thing. You're gonna have to decide that. And here's my bigger concern. If you have this big of a question, like,

I want you to be able to ask it to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Wow, yes. So if you have a concern... Let's take this... I have to leave the country. Let's take that off the table. That's huge. What if you find out she...

people in the past you didn't like? What if you found out she actually, I don't know if she actually finished college. She talks about it, but she doesn't. You just ask. You find some things, right? You just sit down and ask, right? And sometimes it's a hard conversation or, hey, your dad makes me feel uncomfortable. Like, let's ask that hard question. So I'm less concerned with the answer or what the questions actually are

When it comes to, should I marry this person? I'm more concerned with, can I ask that question? And will that person hear me out in a respectful, honorable way? And not even agree with me, but can they hear that question? Then we're starting to say, okay, now we're both on the right path. So Ryan, this is a hard one. If you are concerned that the person you've been with for a year, who's pressuring you, let's go, let's go, let's go. Ask her, hey, I've got this weird feeling in my guts that you want to marry me because of my citizenship status.

I know that I hope that'd make me feel creepier with it, but I just want to be honest. I want to put all this on the table and I want to hear what you say. Hopefully she says, dude, I can totally get that. I totally get that. I see that. I needed you to hear me. How much I love with you. I am.

Or I just want, I can't wait another minute time your wife. Or she might say, how dare you ask that question? Yeah, what if she gets pissed? What does that mean? Then she's going to get pissed about what house to buy, what neighborhood to buy, how much money we're going to send, we're going to expat our money over. Is she allowed to be pissed for at least just a minute? Of course. Okay. Yeah. Anger's okay. Because I feel like that could feel, like if she does truly love him, that could feel hurtful. Absolutely. Yeah. And so the question can hurt, but also...

Look at this. I'm marrying a guy that is not going to hide his questions and bury them down in his chest. He's going to actually put on the table, even if it's uncomfortable for both of us. Right. I want to marry that guy. Right. True that. Yes. And so, yes, everybody gets permission to feel what they want to feel. It is.

Can we hold space for each other to have those feelings? And then we go to the next right thing. That's good. I think that's wonderful advice. Let's go back to the soulmate business. You like the one idea, huh? The one. I want to ask the studio audience, do you think that there is a person out there that is the one, that's the person God has for you? Or do you think that, hey, I could make it work with really anybody I'm compatible with? So if you think there's the one, raise your hand.

Okay. It's not split. I was thinking it'd be more split. And if you think it's like, Hey, if we're compatible, we could have made it work.

Wow. Look at me. I won that one. Interesting. I don't know. I'm somewhere on the fence. I don't have a clear stance on that, but I thought that that was interesting. Yeah. I think the idea of the, you complete me, the Romeo and Juliet. There's one puzzle piece and that's it. Find it. Yeah. Is, is largely, I mean, I don't think I think that insanely debunked. Yeah. When I do believe in a soulmate, but I think, um, I always go back to my grandparents, um,

They were married 72 and a half years. And when my granddad passed away, my grandmother literally lost a part of herself. And so when I looked, I was like, oh, there's the soulmate. Like you did three quarters of a century over time. You'll breathe the same with the same lungs. You dream with the same heart. Like, oh, yeah. But so in my world, you can have a soulmate, but it's only in the rearview mirror. We like to try to do that on the front end and work back. I like that.

I like that. Okay. But at some point, yes, I decide I'm going to get up today and I'm going to be a good husband even though I don't want to be. I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed. I'm going to get up and I'm going to do the right thing today. Choices. Every single day you decide I do. That's right. I do again. There you go. I think I do. I think I do. That's the way it works. All right. Let's go to a social question, John. I like these. Let's see. Let me get one that's good for – oh, yeah.

Let me get one that's good for both of us. Actually, most of these are money, so I'll just do it. Okay, Miguel from Facebook asks, how do I determine your budget if you're self-employed and your income is always fluctuating? I like this question. So this is probably a question that we get all the time with people. The hardest...

I'll say hardest in quotes, the hardest money to budget is the money that's not regular. So you have either irregular income or yeah, your budget is changing a lot. Maybe you're paid on commission or maybe you're self-employed, right? And it's just not the same. So the truth is you still need a budget. And if anything, you need one more than ever. And the way I like to do it is kind of by a ranking system. So I start out with the least amount that I might possibly make.

So if I know I can make anywhere between, I don't know, $6,000 and $8,000, I'm not going to budget at $8,000 to start. I'm going to budget at $6,000 to start. And then on my budget, everything is listed by priority. So it's like, hey, when I get that $6,000, four walls got to be first, right? We already know what that is. That's like your rent. That's your utilities. That's your food, your transportation. Those are first bar none. Then after that are really what I would call the second two walls.

walls, which are usually insurance and daycare, right? Child services. And then after that, whatever we can get with that $6,000, and as more money comes in, now we're able to hit those other areas that are lower down on the priority list. So that's one way to think about it. And then

When you do have a month that's like gangbusters and you do a lot of money, you're setting that money aside for basically a rainy day or a lesser month. So you always have that cushion. And I, you know, as a small business owner, if you can get a month ahead and kind of have that money, you're going to be able to do a lot of things.

It's not an emergency fund. It's not that. It's just I'm always a month ahead on my budget so that if something, heaven forbid, happens and business is kind of lagging that month, you've got plenty of money and you know how much it takes to run your household. So knowing your numbers when you're self-employed, so, so key. And of course, when you have that fluctuating income, you're doing it by priority and you're making sure that you keep extra cushion in your account if you can keep a whole month and be a month ahead. That is a win.

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at ramseysolutions.com slash giveaway. That's ramseysolutions.com slash giveaway. It happens all the time. People get caught up, John. They're trying to pay off their debt. They're trying to build wealth. And they forget about a very, very important component of...

this whole money thing, this whole wealth building journey, and that's insurance. It's so, so important. You gotta have the right coverage. You don't wanna have too little and you don't wanna have too much because that can impact how long it takes you to actually accomplish those goals that you're working on, right? So skimping on insurance might feel like in the moment that you're saving money, but when life happens-

man you're going to be left out there without a safety net so the right insurance just remember it really is a shield around you and your loved ones and your wallet if you do it the right way it's a shield when disaster strikes and in some cases uh it can even save you money if you happen to be paying too much for coverage right now so insurance is so so important so how do you know if you have the right coverage you need to take the insurance coverage checkup

It's a free online resource that creates a personalized insurance action plan that's unique to you and your situation. It makes an overly confusing topic like insurance very easy to understand, and it gives you very, very clear next steps. So if you want to do that, go to ramseysolutions.com slash checkup to take the coverage checkup.

or you can click the link in the description if you're listening on YouTube or podcast. So, so important. My husband is the one in our family who kind of leads the charge on this, John. He does it once a year, specifically when it comes to your home because the value is always going up. You want to make sure that your insurance is right.

Trust me. You don't want to play with that. And when you're getting out of debt, a lot of times people skimp on the things they need, life insurance, and even having the right, I don't know if you're self-employed, not having the right medical insurance. People do all sorts of crazy things. Well, and it's medical bankruptcies. It is my basement flooded and there was a rider that I didn't have on my insurance and so they don't cover it. Those are the things, the big things that we see just crush people. Yeah. And so just making sure you got those basic... And dude, when you're trying to get out of debt,

let's be honest, it hurts when you see that payment coming out every month for a maybe. But man, you and I get the honor, but not the privilege, the honor of sitting with people that they didn't have it. And I'll tell you what,

I've been going through some insurance claims and Xander has been awesome. Xander is great. Every step of the way with me. Just my personal, they've been taking care of my family, which I just appreciate. 100%. So just remember, insurance is not a baby step. It's not baby step three like you're probably thinking it is. It's the moment you find out about it, you got to get it in place. All right. Elora is in Las Vegas, Nevada. Elora, am I saying it right?

Yeah, you are. What a pretty name. Hi. Thank you. I really messed up and I make too much money. I make more money than my husband and I want to stay at home with my kids. That's all I want. I have three kids and they're so good and they're so cute and I just love them. I want to stop working and I want to get him on my team to do that. Why do you think you messed up? How do I transition? You said you messed up. Why do you think you messed up?

Um, because now I make too much money. I make more than child care costs.

Okay, that's a blessing. I would love to stay home. You didn't mess up nothing. Yeah, because I want to be a stay-at-home mom. So I really applied myself. This is like when my brothers and sisters, when we were kids, and I messed up and did too good of a job cleaning the kitchen. And then it became my chore all the time to clean the kitchen. That's basically what you're telling me. That's not messed up. That's you applying yourself. I'm proud of you, dude.

Okay, so tell us why your husband... Okay, so tell us the money first. Tell us what you make. Tell us what he makes. Okay, with my yearly bonus and commission, I'm making a little over $100,000, and he's making almost $50,000, maybe sometimes $55,000-ish. I work from home, and it's a good corporate tech job. Mm-hmm.

And he's kind of switched careers from business management to being a truck driver. And I'm pretty much maxed out at where I can go with my job. I can't make more money. And I don't want to. I don't want to work more. And he...

He could go over the road, but he's a really, really good dad and a good husband, and he wants to be at home. We'd like to see him every day. I understand. So you want everything all at the same time.

Yeah. Well, what's the problem? Is it debt? I mean, obviously, $55,000 is – it would be tight on $55,000. So what else is – It's super tight, yeah. Well, we've paid off $40,000 in debt, a little over $40,000 in debt. We're almost completely out of, like, any consumer debt. How much is left? We have, like, almost $20,000. We have two loans. One's the solar panels on our home. Okay.

which we had to take over for when we bought the home. And it would be another six to eight months until we can pay both of those loans off. Like we would be completely consumer debt free in eight months. Can I tell you, I love that. We're almost there. I love that. Can I tell you why? Yeah. Jade, tell me if I'm wrong.

That is six months, seven months is a, hey, honey, in six months, we're going to have no more debt and I want to stay home with these kids. And so we have six months, you have six months to find something else. Yeah, that's a great on-ramp. I mean, that's a perfect time.

But y'all have to, y'all are asking existential marriage questions. You're not asking finance questions right now. Well, there's one other big financial component to this. And this is the piece, Laura, I hope it doesn't bust your bubble because I do think there will be a solution if we need one, but it might not be a fun one. So a lot of times what happens is couples get married and they're both working and they purchase a home based off of both of their incomes, right? And that home is a certain percentage.

And then one of the spouses wants to stay home. And suddenly that mortgage becomes a greater chunk of their take home pay because the take home pay has now shrunk. So what I want to know is on his income, let's say he's at fifty five thousand. What does that put your mortgage to percentage wise? Well, that's where that's where the struggle could be. You see that, right?

Yeah. So and it's like right now we have like two to like we have like basically two to four thousand dollars left after budget and stuff to put towards debt. But don't think of it like that. Don't think about it as what's left. Think about what piece of the pie your mortgage is. So like for instance, right now, how much do you guys bring home a month combined after taxes? Around like nine to ten thousand dollars. OK, so you're ten thousand dollars. And then how much is your mortgage?

$1,800. Okay, so you're fine, right? Yeah, so it would be about half of his income. See, that's... If we just said right now. That's the issue. And you're not going to find a house payment for $1,800. No, we're not. So he's going to have to make more money. He either has to make more money, or maybe you guys can ease into this by saying, hey, I'm going to go down to part-time.

work from home. Do you see what I'm saying? That's the debt. The debt is a huge piece of this puzzle for you guys. But when it comes to making that sort of change, like one spouse is just no longer working, that mortgage piece is huge because to John's point, yeah, finding a house for less than that, it ain't happening. But, um, and I think that's a great mortgage price that you have, but how can you fill that gap and still get at least some of what you want that I'm

It might be there. It might be him getting more money and you working part-time. Why did he quit management to be a truck driver? He hated it so bad. It was really, really bad. I get that, but this feels reactionary. Yeah.

Yeah. Like it was 2020, he got laid off and then it was like, he's always wanted to drive truck and get a CDL. And so he did that in 2021. And there is like, there's room, you know, for him to grow in that industry, but he wants to also like start a business and become a partner with the people that, you know, he works for right now. But there's just not like a,

a ton of initiative I'm like hey this is like important now so that we can so he doesn't want those things he's just a schemer he's just a dreamer you know I'm a dreamer no I think that he really does want it but I think that he but if he did he'd go be doing it yeah let me put it this way my wife has to tell me please don't write a book this year wait till next year

I'm confident. It's like, hey, Jade, we're good. We're good. We're good. We're good. Right? Like, people who want it, their spouses are like, hey, what about us? Yeah. Not in your situation like, hey, I really want to be with my kids. Y'all have a deeper question, which is, hey, we hit the pendulum after 2020. All right, we got a new marriage. It's 2025, 2026. I want to stay at home. This is a math problem for us. How can we make that happen?

Go on now.

Don't make it weird. Okay, I got nowhere to go, so you need to go. Okay, bye-bye now. All right, this is getting weird over there, guys. What do we do?