2024 Memorable Moments: Conan, Sona, and Matt
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Hello, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. That was very official sounding. I know. I was trying to channel Conan, who is not here today. That's right. Sona Mocessian has moved from second chair to first. I would move? Yes. You would move. What are you talking about? No, no, no. If he...

which he is not here, you would take over as like the guy. No, absolutely not. Well, yes. Okay. But anyway, Conan is not here because sadly last week, his mom and his dad both passed away within days of each other. His dad, Dr. Thomas O'Brien was 95. Conan was actually shooting overseas for his Mac show. He came back to Brookline. And then while he was there, his mom, Ruth,

Reardon O'Brien died at 92. And today is actually her birthday. I didn't know that. No kidding. Today is her birthday. And so you never got a chance to meet his parents. I never did. No, no. So, you know, I worked for him for a very long time and his parents were very impressive, very remarkable people.

In their fields, there were celebrities in their own right. His dad was a microbiologist. He retired at 90. And I'm hoping Conan will also retire at 90. Really? I think he's gone too far already. You do? Yeah. No, I want to ride those coattails until the very end. Don't you? Yes, of course. Just like wheeling in a decrepit Conan into the studio. That's so funny.

This is terrible. I'm so sorry. I'm like sweating because I'm I have to talk about serious stuff. But but yeah, his dad is a legend in this field. And his mother was actually one of the first graduates of Yale Law School. And she became a partner at her law firm when she had five kids. And like the second female to do so. Second female to do so. I mean, she was practicing.

Yeah.

And he mentioned to us that he wanted us to do this and to set up the context as to why he's not here. Right. And be transparent about it, that he's with his family. And so we've cobbled together some of our favorite moments of the last year. So this first episode will be from the intros and segments, which you, Conan, and I do together. And then next week, there'll be an episode of some of our favorite moments from the various guests that have been on the show in 2024. Okay.

I mean, I'm acting like I don't know what you're saying. You are. We had a whole conversation before. So why are you doing that?

You're thrown by having to be serious on Sirius XM. It's in the name. I know, but it is a really sad thing. I mean, over the time working for Conan, I really got to know all of his family, all his siblings, his parents. They were always really nice. It's just a really hard thing to talk about. And I think that it's beautiful that they passed away within days of each other. It really is. It's strikingly poignant. Yeah.

I know. I know. And like you said, I haven't met his parents. He wouldn't allow that. He kept you away? We haven't thinking about him a ton. And I saw my extended family and everybody yesterday at my extended family, people who he's never met. And he's met some of my extended family was like, please tell him I'm thinking about him anyway. Yeah. We are thinking about you, boss. Yes. Yes, we are. We are. It's a really hard time.

time for him but you know he's still conan he made fun of me this morning so i think he's doing okay i think his exact words were the show must go on but you guys have to do it we could still call him a dick even though he's not here no none of this changes that he's still a dick a grieving dick is still a dick exactly yeah i think that that's okay a grieving dick is still a dick

Wiser words. Yes. And that's why I'll be delivering the eulogies. Oh, my God. What am I doing? I can cut this. Why can't I do this normally? You can. In the end, it'll sound fine. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. So let's move on to our first clip. I think an all-timer, not just for 2024. Oh, my God. This is one of my favorite.

things that ever happened. I agree. It's Conan makes a stranger take a selfie with him. I will say I have watched this clip over and over again. Like once a week, I'll just go back and watch it. The schadenfreude that you love? The feeling of Conan's like desirous ego being quashed? Yes, it's just, it's a perfect story. It's told perfectly. It's so funny. It has payoff. It's just great. Okay, let's roll it.

I have a tale to tell, and it's an embarrassing tale. And I think these are the ones you guys like. These are our favorites. This is a true story. I just flew in from Boston. I was seeing my family there. And I...

I check out my family. I check out my family. Hey, you guys are looking. Hey, mom, dad, you guys are looking good. Sexy nuclear unit. No, I was checking in on my family and seeing my fam, my sibs. And then I go to Logan Airport and I'm going to take the flight from Boston to Los Angeles.

And I am in the line. You know, you wait in the line to hand your stuff over, put it on the conveyor belt. So you're a little distracted, but I'm taking my belt off. They always say you can leave your belt on, but it always sets it off. So now I take everything off. I'm pretty much naked when I go through that thing. But I'm taking everything off. I'm putting it down into this bucket. And this very nice kid who's wearing a white sweater and he has glasses and dark hair. And he says...

"Oh, hi, Conan," and he could not have been nicer. He said, "Your show means a lot to me," or, "Your TV show meant a lot to me. I've listened to Conan O'Brien, needs a friend all the time." He is Armenian. He introduces himself, and I think he said his name was Arman. He could not have been nicer, and he was talking about, he was very,

And beautifully talking about what the work has meant to him and all that. And I just had like the nicest conversation with him. And he was kind of holding his phone, but we were just about to go through whatever, the x-ray machine. And so he had to put his phone in. And I was kind of thinking, I think he wanted to do a photo, but he didn't. Okay. Hold on. But anyway, we go through and I'm thinking that guy was so nice. So-

Then they want to look again at one of my bags. I think it's, you know, how many men travel with nine bottles of hairspray? So it was suspicious. And it's Aquanet. It's for old women. They don't even make it anymore. It was like a two-day trip. It was a day and a half trip. And it's not all for my hair. But anyway, no, I'm saying I inhale that stuff. It's an incredible high. Shout out to Aquanet. But anyway, I get through.

And I get some of my stuff and I stand up and standing there, white sweater, glasses, dark hair, this guy, and I just walk up to him and say, hey, let's do a selfie. And he said, okay.

Okay. And he starts to fish around in his luggage for his camera. And I'm thinking he was just holding his camera and he doesn't seem that interested. And what the fuck? That's weird. I thought I was being super nice because he said all those nice things. And he starts to pick it up and he goes, okay. And I went and look at him and I go,

Wait a minute. Oh, no. It's not that guy. I just... I swear to God, I just... So this guy, who's just a guy who's wearing...

And I look over and I see the other guy. Listen to me. I see... Listen to me. I'm not kidding. I swear to God, this is all exactly happened. I see the other guy. He's wearing a sweater that is practically identical. They look very similar. And he's got glasses. And I see him standing over at a post holding his cell phone. And he's thinking, why wouldn't he take a selfie with me? And I'm looking at this guy and he goes, uh, okay. And he takes a selfie of us. And...

So look at it from his perspective. He's sitting there waiting for another relative, a girlfriend or whatever to come through and Conan O'Brien walks up and goes, "Hey, let's do a selfie." He must have thought you were insane. He thought I was fucking insane. And so then I started to go, "No, no, no. I thought you were him." And I'm pointing to the other guy and the other guy isn't even looking at me at that point. He's looking at his phone 'cause he just got a text.

And there's no good explanation for why you would walk up to a stranger and say, hey, buddy, let's get a selfie. You're going to want this. You're going to want this. So somewhere out there, there's a guy who isn't a fan.

Doesn't care. Maybe actively dislikes what I do. I came up to him and made him take a selfie. And I just... And so then I walk up to the other guy and I said, I'm sorry. I thought he was you. And the other guy, I'm just, you know, there's no... Now he just thinks, oh, so...

All non-celebrities look alike to you? No, I think what happened is there was no first guy and you just got a bad reaction from someone you wanted to take a selfie with. And this first guy's your like Fight Club Tyler Durden guy that gets you to do selfies. Nice, nice try, yes, that I see phantom people. No, I loved, it was so perfect. And I don't have photos, but if I could show you a photo of what both of them were wearing, you would laugh because it's- Some of these selfies exist though, right? It's as if,

It's as if a higher being, God said, this is going to be really funny. I'm sending down two people who look somewhat alike and they're both wearing this very similar sweater and like dark jeans. So whatever, that happened. Oh my God. And I just keep thinking about this guy, just like, okay, where's Sarah? I just got to wait for Sarah to come through. Hey!

Hey, let's take a selfie. Let's do it right now. Come on, get the camera out. Like you're doing him a favor. Like, hey, buddy. And now I think I've chosen you. Hey, guess what? Randomly, every hundredth person gets to win the ultimate lottery. You think you're about to be selected for improved security? No. No, you're getting a selfie with Conan O'Brien. I'm sorry, and you do what? Come on. Late night show, 90s, 2000s.

NBC, TBS, come on, come on. Podcast, come on, come on, get the camera, let's do this. Incredible. That's just happened. That happened 36 hours ago. And the minute it happened, I said, these exist forever.

This is why I have the podcast, because this is fresh. This just happened. Oh, my God. Hey, buddy, let's do it. Get the camera out. Let's get that selfie. I love that you said these two selfies still exist, but that guy probably just deleted it. He never took it. He went, she's like, yeah, oh, yeah, I took it. Oh, there you go. And you know what he said? He said, click. He said, click. Click.

And I was like, I didn't think he pushed the phone. And then I saw him walk up to a trash can and throw his iPhone away. And it was the new one. It's the new one with the funny new cord. Oh, man. Oh!

That is true. That picture is probably out there somewhere. Yes. If this person like has this never made its way back to that person. I want to see that photo so badly. Arman. It's me. It's so. He said he's Armenian. Maybe he's my cousin or something. But yeah, just show us this picture. Wait, no, we don't want his picture. We don't.

don't want it with our mom we want it with the other guy that he like went up to i just love to see it yeah i know it's awesome that was one of my favorite stories also very sweet that he's he was visiting his parents he said in the beginning of that clip and i i do have to say conan visited his parents constantly so i mean he was always anytime he was on the east coast he stopped by boston so he made them do selfies with him as well i know

All right. This next segment is called Conan Tries Sona's Lip Gloss. We've had a few things with my chapsticks. This one is more recent, if it's the one I'm thinking of. Is this the one where I kept reapplying because it was really tasty? Yeah, and then he basically ate a whole tube of it. That's right. And I wouldn't touch the stuff. I know. He stuck it in his mouth, I think. And yeah, I don't even know where that chapstick is. I actually think I may have thrown it away. I think he ate it all.

Oh, God, that's gross. I'm a chronic lip moisturizer. Yeah, what's that all about? But the thing is, I got a new one and I was like, this will be nice because it's like a tube. Yeah. And then it comes off and then I it tastes so good. I keep licking it. So you're basically eating it. You're eating it.

Sona. Can I see it? Can I take a look at it? Would you hand it to me? And will you say what you called it when she was putting it on? Oh, well, she kept putting it on and I said, what is that? Say something stupid sauce. Because you sure are using it a lot.

Give me some lip, it's called. We're just giving these people a free plug. We are. Do you mind if I put it on right now? I promise. I don't mind. I really don't. I have a sore that appears monthly. Ew. Well, you knew that. Why are you looking at your hand? Are you going to put it on your hand? No, okay, on your lip. Yeah. It tastes good. And also, it doesn't stay on that well. I have other stuff that kind of just like stays on. Oh my God, this tastes fantastic. That's what I'm saying. I keep eating it. And so, oh.

This is delicious. I'm not kidding. It's delicious. Oh, my God. Just keep it. You've got to keep it now. You have to keep it. I'll give it back to you. He's just sucking on a go-gurt. This is amazing. What's in it?

Oh, God. Do not ingest. Oh. Now it's 40% less asbestos. This is incredible. This really does. I see now why you keep applying it because it's very delicious. Do you ever put it on the finger and then use the finger to apply? I don't. No, I just go straight from tube to mouth.

But you're putting on a lot. Do you see what I mean? You know why I'm putting on a lot? I don't think I've ever moisturized my lips. Oh. Not once. Have you ever seen me moisturize my lips in all the years you've known me? Do you moisturize your lips? I always have a chapstick with me. I never do. Really? I don't. Eduardo. Actually, never do it. It's foreign to me. Yeah, I agree. Your lips are so shiny right now. Well, they should be. You know what? Draw attention to the mouth. They are so shiny. I've got two chapsticks with me for some reason. That's just weird. But why?

I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, but Eduardo, back me up on this. I don't participate in that. Yeah, I just think, well, we're in the world. When we evolved from the great ape, he did not moisturize his lips. So then you don't need to use sunscreen?

- Oh snap. - That's cruel, that's going after my disability. - That is, that is, oh my God, you're putting on so much of it. - Oh my God, this is disconcerting. - But you know what the thing is? I laugh a lot and I smile a lot. - If you can see this on video, don't, don't, zoom in, zoom in. - Skip it. - Help me.

Help me. Oh my God. With your like five o'clock shadow. I'm over moisturized. God. Um, you should lube up. What does it taste like though? What's that? What does it taste like? Try it. No,

Go ahead. No, no, no. Oh, come on. It's fine. No, listen. The sore I get erupts once. Take it with your fingers. Don't even open it. Just try it, you coward. Put it on, Eduardo. Eduardo, I promise you. You're all talk, dude. You're all talk. Put it on. Don't be a little bitch. Just do it. Just do it. Never kiss Conan on the mouth. Come on. No, Eduardo, I'm telling you, I...

Wait, do I lick? No, don't lick it. It's for your lips. Just put it on your lips, but then lick your lips. But then it tastes really good. Lick your lips. I mean, it has a tint. Eduardo, lick your lips. Good. Look at that. What's it taste like? I don't know. I've never used lip balm before. I don't know if this is what it normally tastes like. You know why? This is why Eduardo's never been hired to do an infomercial. Try this amazing new product. What do you think, Eduardo? I don't really want to try it.

Eduardo, it's the amazing new lip balm. Try it on your lips. I'll just put a tiny bit. But Eduardo, doesn't it feel good? I don't know. I didn't say it was bad. I just, you know. I didn't say it was bad. Oh, great. You heard it from Eduardo. He didn't say it was bad. Call 1-800-555-2525 and get your not so bad lip balm.

What is your problem, man? It's delicious. It is really good. Seriously, you keep it. And don't worry about whatever sores I may have. I don't. I'm not. Nobody puts it in their mouth. I know. I don't want it after that. What are you afraid of? Be honest. I don't want. Your saliva is over right now. I know, but what do you worry is on my. Well, the visual is forever tied to that, too. I know. Have you like deep throating my cactus? Did you say raw dog? I'll do it.

I said raw dog and I was like, that's not the right one. Then I changed it to deep throating, which is what you were doing. I didn't deep throat it. I know what deep throating is. Yes. Well, you definitely...

I have never ever filleted a penis that small. That I promise you. That's the Conan guarantee. You heard it here. I've never filleted a penis that small. I've never filleted a penis that small.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. And then we've come to find out, he did tell us after the recording, he has. He has. He has. But that was not true. That had a... What did you... He's like, I don't participate in that. That made me laugh. What listeners would have never seen is that Adam's in the background, too, having never even been asked at this point whether he wants to try it, just shaking his head going, no. They made the rap.

By then, especially getting there as a fourth person. It did make the rounds. Conan's whole mouth was on that thing. You and you have French kissed Conan over the... Oh, man. Oh, God. Was it last year that he asked Julia Louis-Dreyfus to put on her lipstick? That's right. There's something... Oh, yeah. Something going on. Well, and he did that remote in Texas when he was doing... Was it Mary Kay? Where he put...

there's this insane image of him. And I think I've seen it in a gif. Like someone's probably sent it to me where he looks like a crazy person peering through a window. And he's got like lipstick all over his face. Right. Am I wrong? You're absolutely right. OK. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That haunts my dreams every night. I know.

I didn't even know the context of that. I've just seen that picture and it is harrowing. You should watch that remote he did where he meets with women who sell Mary Kay products. And it's it's really, really funny. I mean, we don't even really talk about it on this show, but I've always been a Conan fan and I've seen most of if not all of these remotes at some time or another. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. His remotes, I think, are pretty legendary. And, you know, that one is a really funny one. I also this has never come up on the show.

I submitted a packet to be a writer on his show. You did? Because I knew Todd Levin and he asked me. You're kidding. We've never talked about it on the show. Girls, you would have been a really good writer on the show because you just have such a similar sensibility. Well, I didn't get hired. Oh, well, okay. You know what? Sweeney's here. We should just ask him why he never hired you. Oh, yeah. Let's go straight to the source. ♪♪♪

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So I have a question for you. Have you gotten your butts back to super cuts? That's what it says right here. I figured. But why would it be butts plural just to rhyme with super cuts? I think so. Yeah, because it's not super cut. Yeah, super cut. You would say get your butt to super cut. But because it's super cuts, they said get your butts. Well, that's on them, not on me. Yeah. Well, guess what? The point is, a lot of people have gotten their butts to super cuts. Well, those people are talking about super cuts in a good way.

People are talking about Supercuts. They got nice things to say. And that's how you know they're doing something right. Yes. Yeah. Last month alone, more than 40,000 people left a Google review for Supercuts. That's a new review every minute. There's a review being birthed as you list being birthed. I know that's a weird as you listen to this choice. Yeah. Then they spank it and it cries. I like Supercuts. And you know how those 40,000 people rated Supercuts 4.8 out of five stars.

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Sounds like juicy goodness to me. All that's left to do is choose a double or a triple. Make mine two triples. That's a sextuplet. The new Sonic Queso Smasher. Live free, eat Sonic. This next one, oh boy. Sona, this is called Sona is a bad grandchild. I don't want to do this one. Listen, recently my mom, after we watched this clip,

you'll understand this more. I mean, I love it. I don't want to do this one, but after we watch the clip, I don't want to do this one because my mom did come up to me and she's like, you need to tell everybody what a great woman your great grandma was because I made her sound like a crazy witch. I'm sorry. We don't have time for that.

No, go ahead. This is the time. She was my great grandma who I made used to make cry just for funsies was actually an really incredible human being. And, you know, I would. OK, well, your mom has seen this. She has.

she has i don't even know how she never talks to me about like hey i saw you talk about this thing on the podcast it's just like every once in a while she brings it up so i don't know if someone sent it to her or if she just watches it and just doesn't want to talk to me about the things that i say wow yeah which it could possibly be the second one because she doesn't like some of the things

Sona, you lived with your grandparents. Yeah, and they both lived into their 90s. Into their 90s. Yeah. And they came from? They came from Istanbul. Yep. And I mean, my grandpa started, he was a butcher when he was 12. Like, they just put him to work really early. Right. So it's like the idea that you are trusting a 12-year-old with sloth.

slaughtering animals is just feels like a completely different world. But also just the fact that then they come to this country and they're living with you and it's,

you're going out to in and out to grab a burger and whatever else you're up to. It's just this amazing clash of cultures. I find that stuff fascinating. Well, my great grandma also lived with us and she was old as shit. She was really old. You don't say old as shit. She was really, really old. And I remember she was this old wrinkly lady and I was really young. I was maybe like 10 and my mom's like, she's going to sleep in your room. And I, that,

And from then on, I was terrified of the dark because I thought she was like an old witch lady. And she was just like... Wait, when you say she was... What did you say? Old as shit? Yeah. How old is old as shit? She was... I mean, when I was 10, she was like 95. Because there are young comedians out there that now see me and go, you're old as shit. Yeah.

It's all relative. That's right. I was 10 and she was 60. No, no. Seriously. How old do you think she was? She was 95. Yeah. But she was like an old wrinkly lady. And I was young and I was like, why is this old person in my room? And I got terrified. You sound like an awful grandchild. I was really bad. I love this. Like old and wrinkled. Why is that in my room? I have. We did something else. I don't want to. I should.

Well, we got it now. This is really bad. So she had a son who passed away that no one told her passed away. And then my uncle, who was still in Istanbul, and we'd hold up two fingers and be like, Menzi, you know, touch one of them. And she would touch him and be like, oh, that's, you know, Bejo Dayday, who was my uncle. And she just instantly start crying. And we thought it was...

So funny. Because we kept reminding her of these people she hadn't seen in a long time. And we'd instantly make her cry. And Danny and I were like, let's go make Menzi crying.

Oh my God, you're a monster. You're a sociopath. How is that? We were just fascinated with her instant sadness. I thought you were the true sociopath, but it's you all along. It really was messed up. What a twist. No, no, no. To be fair, I did it to my grandmother, Maudie, too. I used to go, remember that loved one that perished? No.

It was fun. We used to call it, it was the old fun, we called it the parish game. Hey, let's go play parish. And we'd go into Monty's room. Remember the one you loved who perished? Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

Look at them waterworks. You're an awful, awful person. No, no joke. That was really bad. Yeah, you're a bad person. It was bad. We would make her laugh just for fun. All right, well, listen, let's have some good come from this. You don't need to clarify no joke. We would make her cry just for fun because we were terrible people. Let's have some good come out of this. If you're listening right now and you're tempted to go mock a very, very old relative by reminding them of someone they lost long ago, think twice. Yeah.

That's a little word from Cone O'Brien. Needs a friend. What if one day your great-grandchildren come up to you and you're old and wrinkly and sleeping in their bedroom and start doing this to you? Will you laugh? I'll be so old. Look, I think...

Did you ever do anything when you were younger? We were like, that's a shitty thing. Like I used to egg houses and now I'm like, that's not cool. We would play. Did you ever play dead man? No. Where you'd lie half in the street, half on the curb like you're dead and wait for a car to drive by and stop and go like, are you OK? And all the other kids are hiding in the bushes listening. No. And you just go, I'm just looking at the stars.

Matt, really? Don't act so surprised. That's nowhere near what you did. No, no. That is so bad. Look, my mom, unfortunately, saw this clip. My mom, that was, that's my mom's grandma, Medzik. She's my great grandma. She was an incredible woman. I can't believe I called her old as shit. And I think that that's a terrible word usage that I had. But I, she was an incredible, incredible lady. I do feel bad. I

I think I just kind of said it in a flippant way, but I do feel bad that I used to make her cry just for fun, which is an awful thing to do. How old were you? I was like, I think I was around 10 or 11. And it is definitely old enough to know better. You know what? That's the

That's the thing. I was old enough to know better. I think people are hearing your true self right now. Yes. I do think like the older I get too, the more I realize I can cry very easily. So I think that we were just kind of like, look at her have emotions just from us saying a name. And I feel like now as a, you know, a human, I would be like,

I shouldn't do that. It's kind of true. Most kids are sociopaths and then you learn empathy as you have trauma. Oh my God. Again, don't act so shocked. Look, if there's any 10 or 11 year olds listening and you have a great grandma who can cry very easily, like just don't do it. Okay. Yeah. Now we cleared that up. Oh geez. That was hard to watch. That was hard to watch. It's hard to be a partner sometimes. Yeah.

This next one is Conan's Hot Ones recap. This was quite a moment in the pop culture last year. And then we got to have Conan just kind of recap his experience on Hot Ones where he broke the system. I don't even like this. This was a fun moment for our podcast. But the Hot Ones episode, I think in terms of Conan's career, was probably one of the most unhinged episodes.

just funniest things I think I've ever seen him do. Yeah. Yeah. And it was really, I mean, it was incredible how many people were talking about him after that. And so, yeah, this one, this one's really funny. Let's listen. Let's listen.

How are you? I'm doing great. Are you? I am. Okay. A lot of people are asking me, how do I feel? Because you ate a lot of spicy food on Hot Ones. Yes. I went on the show Hot Ones, and I did not... I was aware of the show, obviously. It's a very successful show. I hadn't really... I can't say I was an expert on the show. I went in...

Thinking, well, whatever happens, I just have to eat all the wings and and just go for it and make a fool of myself. And so that's I kind of had that plan in mind, but didn't know much beyond that. The host. Very good. Excellent. I like that guy a lot. He's a very good interviewer. He is. He's a really good interviewer. And and they do a really good job on that show.

So Sean's asking me questions and I was just determined to just keep stuffing these wings in no matter what. And then of course, me being me, I start drinking the sauce and rubbing it around on my face and my chest and everything. And, um,

So when I walk around now, because a lot of people have seen this, people keep asking me if I'm okay. I wonder the same thing. Well, I also just watched Conan Must Go, which is fantastic, by the way. And in Thailand, you get pretty floored, albeit comedy, comedically by some sauce. So I thought, you're going to go down when I see Hot Ones. Yeah. No, well, we played that up for comedy and then...

and you're allowed to, in the, in a sketch world or comedy world, you can fake things a little bit. I'm aware. Yes. That's how comedy works. really? I really, when I look at you two, I think an explanation might be in order. Uh,

So what's the deal? Do you not have taste buds or something? How did you do that? I have never seen you eat spicy food. I don't eat spicy food. You know, there's people who like put Tabasco or Tapatio on stuff. I've had so many meals with you and I've never seen you eat spicy food. I have a theory is that the only thing worse than that amount of thermal spice would be you not

Somehow getting the attention that eating all of that would give you. Yes. And all joking aside. And also I've had a bunch of people posit that I have the red haired gene.

Which is, there's a, you know, when I go to the dentist and they give me Novocaine, they then go to drill and it's like, I haven't had Novocaine. And I'm always saying, I feel everything right now. And they always say, oh yeah, you're a redhead. I don't know if that's, but I've had many dentists say that to me and they keep, they give me a lot more and they say that redheads have whatever, higher,

Pain threshold or something. I don't know what it is. Meaning you feel less pain. You feel more pain. I don't know. You don't. Well, you don't feel. I don't know. I don't know exactly how it works. And I'm just freewheeling here. I just know what I've been told by people. I don't think it's it. I think you have it, Matt, which is I've always been. If I think something will be funny.

I'll do it and deal with it later. And did you? Yeah, I did deal with it later. I was dealt with later. How did it manifest itself? I spot welded an iron. I spot welded it. We're all thinking the same thing. I spot welded. I went to it. I went. I wanted it to be useful. And how much did you shit? How much did your butt hurt?

Here's what I decided to do. And do your butt taste buds. Here's what I decided to do. I decided that I wanted, after I ingested all that, I wanted it to be useful. So I found a construction site where they were doing spot welding. Ha ha.

And I went there and I said, gentlemen, if you want, I can weld these girders for you in about, I'm guessing about 15 minutes. You'll need to avert your eyes because I'll be dropping my pants. And they said, okay. And I said, I will need someone to stay behind and light it. And then we'll be all set to go. So there's a building in the Mid-Wilshire District that's going up. Oh, God.

And I think I did about 65 rivets in the building. And people were driving by saying, Conan O'Brien, his pants are around his ankles. And I think fire is shooting out of his ass and he's welding a building. And here's the biggest problem. I had to join the union. Ha ha ha.

But that way everybody wins. There's a building and trust me, that section of the building will never fall. That's the best. And they've had an engineer say, whoever did this, these are heat temperatures we've never seen. So every time you're going to weld something, you just have to eat a lot of hot wings? Yes, I'm in the union now. And all I have to do is, I've got all the sauces from Hot Ones. You are the saddest X-Man ever. Yeah.

Meet the X-Men. Really? He's on the X-Men? What do we do with him? His name's Assweld.

What's this super? And I just, and you know what it is? I have a bandolier and instead of, instead of ammunition, it's just sauces. And they're like, what are we going to do? How are we going to get out of this thing? The bad guys have sealed us in this lead safe. Hold on a second. Just to pull your pants down.

You have to pull your pants down. Does your uniform have a compartment? Oh, yeah. The uniform has... Like a union suit, the little thing, little flap? Well, actually, it's a very tiny flap that's the exact circumference of an anus. It's a tiny circle that unflaps, and then just a beam of the whitest light you've ever seen comes out. Of phosphorus. Of phosphorus, yeah. And everyone has to put on welding goggles. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Do you see what I'm doing? I'm raising my ass out of the show. Why? Because I feel like I'm just having psychosomatic symptoms of that or something. You know what? I think you asked the question everybody was thinking after Hot Ones, which is like, how did it come out? Right. He joked, but we don't really know. I know. Maybe that's true, you know, maybe. Maybe it's true that he welded a building. Maybe. With his butt.

The reason why I love that clip is that I think more than most clips shows how good Conan is at improv. I mean, he took basically a thing of like, yeah, my stomach is upset and my butt hurts.

was burning and turned it into like a movie like that. Like it was like a three act structure and a fully developed character. That's right. And had to join the union. Exactly. I mean, just so many amazing. I mean, truly, it was just like a one man show. So that's. And how many welding terms he just randomly just pulls out of his ass.

Pun intended. Well done. Thank you. I have to say, I haven't watched these since we recorded them. Me either. So this is really fun. Yeah. We should do this more often. I agree. Just watch ourselves. Yeah. Do you want to come over later and watch me? Watch you? Just me. Yeah.

You edited yourself out of every video and there's just a big, gory video out there. We knew we wanted to have some reference to Hot Ones in this because, like you said, such a big moment. What we couldn't really fit into this episode was the Dr. Arroyo special. Oh my God. Which was also- Because it's just so long, right? It's so long. But it's consistently funny. And it contains what I think might be the funniest line ever.

of the year on this podcast, which is when he says, Dr. Arroyo, I want you to come and take my pulse. And then you start choking me. And then Dr. Arroyo, Jose Arroyo, hilarious writer says, I thought you wanted me to take your pulse. Take your pulse. Take it away. Oh God, that guy. Yeah. It's so funny. Well, as brilliant as Conan is at improv, he's not a great arm wrestler. He's weak. Yeah.

He's a weak little man. This also, I think, out of maybe all the segments we've done this year, is the most chaotic. I'm trying to remember. All I can remember from this is utter victory. Yeah.

That's the only thing I remember. So I'm excited to see this. Then you're in for a treat. Did you really think he would ever beat you? I knew you were going to win. Did you really? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know because he is, I don't know about his physicality, but he has a willpower like no human I've ever met before. So sometimes that's all you need, you know? But I also, he's, he is a very strong person too. I mean, he works out, but I also know that he would put too much thought into it. Oh, interesting. And he'd be like in his own head. Where I'm just all animal magnetism. You're just a dog.

Jock. You're like, fuck you. I'll take it. Yeah, let's do it. And then I went home to my cheerleaders. Classic Matt. Classic. All right, let's roll this. I want to see this. Maybe we'll watch it twice. This is what we were just talking about. I made a declaration that I'm pretty sure I could take anybody in this room in a physical fight except...

I said, "Blay, I don't think I could take you 'cause you work out all the time." Thank you very much. You could. I don't think I could. But, and then everyone started to get into it like, "No, you couldn't, you couldn't take Eduardo." But you said more than that.

Yeah. You said I'd fight you without my hands. Yes. Well, I know that you're a huge. And I still think he'd win. Yeah. No, I think you're a huge, you're a huge soccer fan. You love Lionel Messi. It's Lionel, by the way. And I just think you're probably like in the back of your mind. Think I can't use my hands. I've got to get him with my feet. And then I just lay you out, you know? And then Adam, I'm sorry, but I just, it would be over very quickly. I disagree. Yeah.

Yeah. I think Adam's the quiet prize fighter, you know? Have you been in many physical fights? Very few. Very few. Very few, sir. Sona, I think, rightfully said that she couldn't see me getting, like, working up enough rage for the fight. Yeah, I think, first of all, you remind me, and the listener's probably thinking, well, we can't picture this Adam Sachs. Imagine a milder Michael Cera. Yeah.

Is that fair? Like even milder and not as strong. I don't know. Like Michael Cera is like on steroids compared to... No, no. Adam's tall and light. I think... Do you want to arm wrestle across the table? Oh, yes. Come on. No, I can't. This rotator cuff. Oh, really? I'd like to see this. My money's on this guy right here. Well, wait a minute. Whoever wins an arm wrestle

arm wrestling struggle does not win the fight. No, it is a one indicator of strength. It doesn't mean I would beat you in a fight, but it means I'd beat you in a single, you know, feat of strength. Well, this thing's in the way. Oh,

No, blah, how convenient. But listen, let's keep the conversation going for a bit first, okay? And then we'll see if this so-called test of fighting aptitude gets us there. You know, so every time you're in a stressful situation or let's say you're walking down the street with your wife and some thug stands in the way and says, give me your money. You're going to say, we'll arm wrestle and see who gets my gold. Is that what you'll say? It's, I mean, it came to mind. We can figure out other ways to test. How about I fight you? I fight you.

But you're blindfolded. I mean, I'm... You can't do that, you know, mic'd up. It's easier to sit at the table. And what about... Now, Matt, when you see me, when you see you coming after me, I know you're ageist and stuff, but come on. I mean, look at this guy. No, you look great. You're super fit. Free range. And, um...

I want to say this. The only thing I've got going in my corner is a desperate need to prove something to you, my father figure. Yes. And so that might be enough to take me over the top. Also, I'm betting, just because I know you go to a lot of flea markets and you love to buy weird things, I bet you have a Flemish suit of armor at home. And probably some kind of antique brass knuckle. Oh, yeah. Or a gorilla with a knife cane. You have all kinds of weapons, ironically. I bet you have those. What's an ironically?

Oh, you know, like a Bumbershoot that has a little- That's what I just said. A little knife that comes out- That's what I literally just said. I know, but it comes out- Before you even got there. But one that has like a James Bond- That's what I just said. You didn't say one that has a little knife that comes out. I did, I said- Did you? I did. Did he say that? Yes. Oh, I think I would lose this fight. I wouldn't even know I was in a fight. I'm telling you, as my body grows stronger, and it does every day, ladies.

I think my mind is going. I didn't hear you say that. But then again, I was yelling at you and I wasn't really listening. You need your mind. You know, you can't just be fleet of foot. You need your mind in a fight, you know? Yeah. And coordination. You have no coordination. You have no coordination. Let's get to the bigger thing. And I think Sona could take you. I can easily take you. And you know I can take you. You would have the rage. You know what? I do have the rage. I will say this.

An angry Sona beats everyone in this room. Oh, yeah. I think we're all agreed. I've seen you when your blood is up. Yeah. And you are the Khaleesi. It's insane. The dragons, the whole thing. But you don't have... Yes, you are a strong person. And I have a lot of inner rage. Oh, for sure. You do, but you also... You don't have very much coordination. And I think you'd be doing a lot of bits. I would do bits. You'd be putting the pen and be like, hey, mustache pen. Yes, yes. I would do bits as I fought, which...

I think is very impressive. I manage to do bits when I fight people. I don't think that is impressive. And I think you'd get beaten up. Unless it's a distracting tactic. Oh, it wouldn't be distracting. It's a lot of me using glasses. If I have a pen, I make it a mustache or I make it...

Like, I'm a walrus with one tusk. I'm a walrus with one tusk, you know? There's only one way to decide this, and that is right now. Fight club. Yeah. Battle Royale. Why don't you guys go right now? Okay, so...

What are you doing? Trying to swing at you. Already I feel like I don't know anything about arm wrestling technique, but I can tell it's not right. I know nothing about arm wrestling. All right. And I don't think it's a chest of strength. All right. On your marks. And we hold these hands. Ready? Wait, what are you guys doing? Why the bottom? Hey, do you want to say something? Matt reached over and held my other hand. This is over the top rules. If we don't have the little joysticks. Wait, what? But why did you do that?

- I held my hand! - This is what you do! - Hey, do you wanna get one milkshake and two straws? - Yes. - Hey, how about we both start on different ends of a strand of spaghetti and move our way into the middle? - Have you people never arm wrestled with someone you loved dearly and wanted to get closer to? - Can I say something else? Sona, give me your hand. He held my hand and he did a little bit of that. It was a little bit of a rub.

What are you doing? You do this? No, that's on the side. That's not in the middle. That's on the side. That's blocking. A disagreement is broken out in chess club. This is the weirdest. I have never seen this technique. My microphone is over here. What are you doing with this one? I have never seen this technique before. When? Okay, but.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait a minute. He's, wait a minute. You're on this side of the table pushing that way. Gorley won easily. No, but you saw what he did. You're on this side of the table. There's no way. Well, let's switch places then. Arm wrestling. No, just stay there, but get here. This is chaos.

Here we go. Ready? Wait, no! One to one. One to one. Hold his other hand, Soda. I'm not holding anybody's hand. Go. He's using his arms. Oh, wow. You okay? What happened? What the fuck's wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you arm wrestle? Oh, my God.

Oh my God, look at that. He broke my skin. Stabbed him with a pen. Here's the thing. Dirty. You have a poison-tipped umbrella. Look, when I said I would win, what I'm telling you is I would win. I would use anything in the room to win. Yeah, you know what? You would. I think you would. I think you're the best, like, cheater. Yeah, that's true. I don't call it cheating. Is it cheating when...

when Jason Bourne uses, he uses something in the kitchen when the Russian attacks him and beats him. That's not cheating. He does use a pen, but he uses the pointy nib and you just took like the blunt, curvy end. Because I didn't. Look at that. Matt, I didn't want to hurt you. Do you realize if I'd used the sharp? I thought about that. You did. You could have killed me. I would like, my dream is that all of you attack me at once. That's.

That's my dream too. Okay. I think we all have the same dream. Oh, wow. Still feels good after all this time. Part two. Yeah, exactly. That really was. Yeah, no one will. I forgot how much he went after. He just totally dismissed. I think we need to have a tournament. Like, have you guys ever seen Over the Top, the Stallone movie? And that's what I'm talking about when I reference those joysticks when you do professional arm wrestling. And so when you're doing it at truck stops like I often am,

You have to grab each other's hands underneath. That's how you do it. I defend this, and there are people online that will come to my defense on this. I think the interesting thing was you just assumed Conan knew that. That's true. Maybe that was my mistake. So that you, like, went to hold his hand, and he just didn't understand what you were doing.

Well, you were. I think nobody did. I think we were all like, why are you? Yes. You guys got to get out, you know, to truck stops and dive bars and honky tonks. It's like a switch. Exactly. Yes. He turns his hat around and that's when he goes. But we need to have a tournament.

how does that work? So you just, everybody does, everybody arm wrestles everybody and then the winners proceed? Do we have to have one? It's either round robin where we all... Yeah, we have to. It's either, there's three choices. Yes. It's round robin where we all arm wrestle each other or we come up with heats into a bracket or we don't do it. I think...

The third option is probably the best. Honestly, that was there was so much testosterone in that segment, which is rare for this room. It is. That's what is so crazy is that you guys are not like you'll kick anyone's ass. You're not. Nobody in this room is like that. But we had an entire segment where we just talked about whether or not we could all beat up Conan. I

I would like to do like maybe this summer, you know, now that we're talking about this, maybe a podcast Olympics to find out which one of us is the best podcaster. And it could be different events that aren't necessarily all, you know, who has the best pronunciation of different words, perhaps who, you know. Oh, OK. Maybe not. Oh.

I didn't know what goes into being a good podcast. I stand only to lose my technique. I've almost been doing this for 20 years. And if I don't win this, I'm going to. That's a huge embarrassment. The stakes are high. I'm just saying it could lend itself to a competition. Eduardo, you're right. Sure.

i just thanks buddy what is good you forget your retainer today i'm a great pod i just love i love your idea of like being a great podcaster is do you enunciate and then do you have good mic technique that also felt like a conan joke to you oh oh yeah oh i did not think of it i was not yeah that's true i know of all the things i mean obviously i would lose that one because i'll

Well, no, because Conan does this all the time. I'm constantly editing it out. I'm constantly editing out his... Wow, you're going to lose. So you've been doing this for 20 years? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Sonia, you like to travel. You like to go away and have a good time. I do. I like taking the boys and Tack and I go somewhere. Yeah. For the holidays this year, we're thinking about, you know, just taking a trip to, you know, Lake Arrowhead for a week or something, you know, just somewhere nearby. Lake Arrowhead, that'd be beautiful. It would. And then it occurred to me recently, what happens, because you've got a lovely home. You guys have a beautiful home. You've done a very nice restoration on it. What happens to your home when you guys are away? It just sits there. Doyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy

It just sits there. It shouldn't. I know. Think about it. If you host, okay, if you host with Airbnb while you're away, it's basically like you're getting paid to travel. Exactly. I mean, it's genius. I know. So don't leave money on the table the next time you're out of town. When you're away, your home could be an Airbnb. Yeah.

It's a cool idea. Think about it. I will. And I've got good ideas. Your home, a.k.a. your future Airbnb, might be worth more than you think. I think yours would be worth a lot because you guys did a beautiful job on it. Thank you. I hope so. Yeah. Find out how much your home's worth at Airbnb.com slash host. ♪

Well, Christmas is over. That means New Year's coming up fast. Okay? For that stretch between Christmas and New Year's, make sure you're as cozy as possible at home with Macy's. That's nice. You know, because this is a tricky time of year. There's this gap between Christmas and New Year, and I think Macy's has got it figured out. Macy's has all the things you need to treat yourself

To some cozy winter comfort, like fresh new bedding, warm throw blankets. Do you have any throw blankets in your house? I have so many, maybe too many. Yeah. And I could always use more. I just have blankets that I throw, but I don't know that they're throw blankets or beauty items for a spa day at home. Celebrate the new year in comfort with Macy's. Shop at Macy's.com or come in store. This message is brought to you by BetterHelp.

You know what my favorite part of the holiday is? You light a fire. You know, you get that Christmas music playing. Or whatever holiday you prefer. Right. Could be any holiday. It could be Valentine's Day. No, that doesn't make sense. Oh. Specifically at Christmas. Okay. I just was trying to include all different religions that happened around that time of year. Oh, that's what you were talking about. Yeah, you totally screwed up. That's just, if you're listening to Valentine's Day music...

I think something's wrong with you. Well, anyway, there are lots of ways to get cozy during the holiday season, whether it's a mug of cocoa or wrap it up in a blanket. There's another way, too, therapy. Therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort that never goes away, even when the season changes. And people, I think, sometimes forget that taking care of their mental health is a very important part of

Being good to yourself. Yeah. And the holidays are especially hard for some people.

So think about this. You're taking care of a lot of people on the holidays. Take care of yourself. And if you want to get cozy, remember self-care is one of the best ways to get cozy. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Conan today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Conan. ♪♪♪

Speaking of enunciation. Oh, that's right. And this was from a summer s'mores with Conesy and the Chill Chums where we played the camp game Chubby Bunny, which like holding hands under the arm wrestling, you guys didn't know or Conan didn't know. I didn't know about Chubby Bunny. You guys, you got to get to truck stops and summer camp. Here's the thing. I remember I remember you talking about how you learned about Chubby Bunny at

summer camp. But then I feel like shortly after you were saying you never went to summer camp. I learned about it when I taught at an improv summer camp at Biola Bible College. Wait, is this the same? Is this when you were also talking about when you kept getting homesick?

That was a different improv camp that I taught in the woods. You were saying that you were homesick at camp, and then it turned out you were not a camper. You were homesick. I was a fully grown adult. You said Viola? Wait, so you weren't even that far from where you live? No, it was La Mirada, and I lived in Whittier, the next town over. No, I lived in Long Beach at the time.

that's better. Also, this was improv camp that was not affiliated with the Bible college. It just rented the thing. But there's, on that campus, there's a building with a photorealistic 40-foot tall Jesus. And every time you're doing improv, you look up at this Jesus just staring down at you. Is he at least laughing? Well, he's got a mouth full of marshmallows. All right, let's roll it. ♪

When you guys were at camp, did you ever play Chubby Bunny? I don't know what that is. You don't? I don't know what that is. Okay. We don't have to do this, but this was just an idea that came up when we were discussing this season.

What happens is everybody takes a marshmallow, you put it in your mouth, and you say the words chubby bunny. And then we take turns adding a marshmallow each time until someone can't say chubby bunny anymore and they're out. All right. Okay? Can we eat the marshmallow? You have to keep it in your mouth. All right. Okay.

This is the game Marlon Brando was playing when he secured the role for the Godfather. Can I keep drinking? Yeah. Will it dissolve the mud? Oh, no, you can't drink. You can't drink. All right. So Sona's out. Chubby bunny. So you can't swallow it. You can't chew it. You have to keep it in your mouth. Let me just hold on. That's all it does a lot. Let me stock up. Never, ever heard of this. You've never heard of this? No.

God, you grew up in a strange way. I did. Yeah. You... No, no, no. I have strange tales and stuff, but there was no Chubby Bunny in my background. Who's played Chubby Bunny? Every hand goes up. Oh, my God. No, Eduardo's giving me the thumbs down. Never heard of it. Never played it? Never. Okay. Okay. All right. Chubby Bunny.

Wait, does that count as you saying chubby bunny? That didn't sound like chubby bunny. She's out. She's out. First of all, you can't articulate things when you're... Chubby bunny. Is she going snake order? Yeah, snake order. Oh, God, you all right, sonny?

I was going to throw up. Okay. This game brought to you by Dr. Heimlich. I was going to throw up. I was actually going to throw up. These are the biggest marshmallows of all time. Come on, girl. Stuff it in your mouth, girly. Stop it, buddy. Bitch. I'm just kidding.

Something is burning. Oh, no. Oh, God. There's so much spit there, girls. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. A giant mouth. Something is burning.

This is so stupid. This is so dumb. This is the dumbest thing I've ever been a part of. I just love that you can't talk. I'm fucking...

What is coming at me? It's so grotesque. Oh, God, it's so gross. Are you doing the Gettysburg Address? Yes, I am. This means I win. Okay, that's it. Ah! Ah!

Oh, God. Oh, more napkins. How'd you guys do more than one? There's no winners in Chubby Bunny, only losers. I don't know why. I have one question. Yeah. I developed this fastidious way of talking. I was going, a chubby, a bunny. And I wasn't even trying to. Thank you. But in my effort to over enunciate.

It came out as a chubby, a bunny. And I wasn't trying to do that. It's just what happened. Could you tell it was the Gettysburg Address? Yeah, I could. Oh, yeah, definitely. Well, there you go. Also, if there's anything you're reciting, it's usually the Gettysburg Address. Oh, man. Oh, my God. Chow Chums is so fun. Yeah, because we get to drink. Yeah.

Yeah, although this year, not until much later. I know. And so I remember just like downing those drinks you gave us. And I got pretty hammered pretty quickly. That's nice. Yeah, I made up for lost time. We got to change that rule for next year. We do, but I don't think Conan's going to want to. Well, he doesn't have to know. He doesn't have to get drunk because he's not, he doesn't, he can't hang with us. No, he can't.

That's why you and I will pregame. Yeah. We're going to go to Pechanga Casino. We're going to pregame there? Why can't we just go somewhere else? Okay, that's fine. That's fine, too. What was I going to say? Okay, so in order to promote the Chill Chums, because we recorded it in Altadena, Ruthie and Sam are two of the awesome people

people in our marketing team got in touch with the Altadena Chamber of Commerce. And then I ended up joining the Altadena Chamber of Commerce. And then very recently, I went to one of their events and I had a blast. Wait, don't you have to have a business to be in the Chamber of Commerce? You don't. Not in Altadena, at least. I just was like a normal person and I just signed up to be in the Chamber of Commerce. What do you do and what kind of blast did you have? Something called the Sip and Shop.

Yes. And you sipped, you shopped, and then there was a live band and you could just dance and have a really nice time in Altadena. What did you sip? Wine. You paused. I took shots. You guys Jaeger bombed. We did a Jaeger bomb. Oh,

I haven't done a Jager bomb in ages. We should do old school drinks that we don't do anymore. Like Long Island iced teas. Oh, yeah. Right. Sex on the beach. Yeah. Southern comfort. I can't drink SoCo. I can't do it because I still remember that one time I had a house party and threw up. Zima. Four Loko. Four Loko? That was more recent, though. I still got some. No, you don't. Do you really? No, I don't. Oh, okay. All right. All right. Well. Speaking of commerce.

Oh, right. Very good. That's right. This last clip is actually not from the show itself, but an ad. And it's kind of become infamous. It's the Luxe Bidet ad. Oh, yeah. Which I have to admit, I have never fully seen. I've heard about it. Yeah. But when I edit, the ads are not in the episodes. They are what's called dynamically inserted later. And Mars...

edits the ads. So I've never really heard or seen this full thing. So I'm very excited. Yeah. I wasn't even, I don't, if this is the one that I think is the first one, I wasn't even, yeah, I wasn't even here for that. Wow. Okay. And so David was sitting in for me and, um,

Since then, we've done, I think, a couple other Lux Bidet ads, but this was the first one, and this one is apparently... I don't know if I've ever listened to it all the way through either. We weren't sure how Lux was going to react, and listeners will understand why after they, I think, see the clip or hear the clip, but they were so thrilled about it that they kept coming back and wanting more ads. Oh, they're crazy. Let's see this thing. ♪

Turlet paper has no business trying to battle the mess of a large holiday meal. Bidets, on the other hand, shoot a precise... What the fuck happened to me? I'm a good guy. I went to a good college.

I worked hard. I wrote a thesis in college. I wrote a thesis. I've worked hard for years. I've raised a family. I've never gone to jail. I've never committed a crime. And here I am explaining how you gotta shoot water up your ass! Ridiculous! Insanity! What did I do? What am I, some kind of... I don't understand how this happened!

Toilet paper has no business trying to battle the mess of a large holiday meal? Do you know what they're implying? They're implying that if I eat a large holiday meal, my bottom's going to explode? It's going to be too much for any toilet paper? No toilet paper can handle that. No. You need a whole other device. You need a bidet that shoots water.

No more smearing. It says here on the copy. No more skid marks. What happened to this? A precise stream. A precise stream. Luxe bidet. Oh, here we go. It's the number one best-selling bidet brand. And I thought I had sold out. Can I just say, they say people will laugh when they first see it, and we sure did. We haven't even seen it!

3 million satisfied customers across the U.S. and over 150,000 five-star reviews on Amazon. Who uses a bidet and then says, I've got to go give an Amazon review. I've checked back there seven times. Clean as a whistle. This is

I'm gonna keep going, 'cause people are laughing too hard. "Lux Bidet offers a range of patented bidet models." Oh, really? "Including the award-winning Neo Plus series." What does that do? Fancy. Yeah, the bidet comes and finds you when it's time to poop. "I think you should go." Really? "I think you should go. That was a large burrito."

Lux Bidet's Neo Plus series is the next generation of bidet attachment with their patented features. That's right! Never. Before. Seen. This series features a 360 degree self-clean mode. Easy. 360 degree self-clean mode. Are people spitting around on their ass?

Easy lift design, fast slide in insulation, plus all the same features as their best-selling bidets. Oh, my God. Then it says, please talk about why you love your Luxe bidet. I don't have one, but this is my favorite ad ever. This is a fantastic ad, and this is going to go out as it is or it won't go out. Get the gifts your friends and family will never forget this holiday season.

Hey, Grandma, wash your ass. Use code NA to get 20% off bidets at LuxBidet.com. That's L-U-X-E-B-I-D-E-T.com. And code N slash A for 20% off. They make... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ah.

Now, one of my favorite things about that ad that many people probably don't know is there's a person sitting in the back of that room. And Eduardo, do you want to explain who that person is? Shout out to Brendan Burns, who we had invited that day to come and sit in. Unbeknownst to me, I didn't know what Conan was going to be reading that day.

And Brendan, you might hear him in the credits he mixes for this show. But this was his first day to just kind of get a lay of the studio. I met him right before the ad session. He had never sat in on a session with us before. And then this happens. And it's really funny to watch the video and see Brendan kind of looking around like, should I? Is this how things are here? I made a huge mistake. Really, really, really funny. It does kind of make you want to buy a bidet, though.

I, yeah, I think so. I think, oh man. I love that you can like, Conan usually gets a stack of ads.

starts reading and sort of like is understanding in real time what the ad is. And you can see him discovering what he's reading an ad for as he's getting further and further into the copy. Yeah. And I do, going back to what you said about his improv, when he does ads, it is so, because he is reading everything and saying everything as he's recording. And then the stuff he comes up with is just amazing.

unbelievable like in the spot so it is it is really I mean like I didn't think I would enjoy doing ads for this podcast with him as much as I do but I I really love doing ads with him yeah it's really funny oh god that's so funny you should get a luxe bidet me they should they should send us like

You know what? Because of this ad, I got one and it is awesome. How'd you get one? I bought one. Oh, they didn't give you one? I used the code. Because now we're giving them double exposure. We're not even dynamic

this shit. No, this is all time. This is just in there. Send us our bidets. Yeah, I haven't gotten a paycheck from this place since 2003. Oh, right. None of us have. No, we don't get paid. Well, Conan's a horrible boss, but he's a wonderful man. Yes. And we're thinking about you. Yes, we are. We are thinking of... I don't think he's going to be listening. No, but I'm just sending that out. I know he doesn't listen. Yeah.

But you're right. But this hardly seems like the episode to trash talk him. It's true, but we have been. Yeah, we have. I will say it is really obvious that he's not here. He is our leader. He's just the... He always turns everything that we say into the funniest thing you could possibly hear. And I think that he's definitely missed. I do like...

just the two of us being here i'm not gonna lie you want to just go a little longer i know why not let's just how you been i'm pretty good how you been not bad not bad yeah you got a bidet i actually do you do yeah on that seat right now i installed it onto this seat and i am sitting in conan's seat so he's gonna come back with a nice surprise

We'll be back next week with our favorite clips from all the interview guests. And we should mention, if you want to see these clips in their entirety, you can go to the Team Coco YouTube channel. So what you've heard on almost all of these has just been a selected portion of a longer clip that you can watch on YouTube. All right. That's it. That's all she wrote. Excuse me? That's all she did. Who's she? She did it. Who did? She's Mrs. Podcast. Okay.

From Mr. and Mrs. Podcast, this is Team Coco saying have a wonderful 2024. What's left of it?

That was so awkward. Mine? That was so awkward. Whatever's left of it. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming and thanks for staying. Yes. Thanks for just being you. Yes. Thank you. Bye. We got to stop. Just let's do it. Let's end? Yeah. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody.

You don't want to add anything to that? Bye. We love you. Is that too much? Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley produced by me, Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao theme song by the white stripes incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our,

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode.

Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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