Conan O’Brien Must Go: New Zealand Roundtable Discussion
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Okay, welcome. If you are listening to this program right now, and you are because you can hear my voice, which is proof that you're hearing it. Again, we're doing something a little different. We did this last week. Last week, we did a podcast about the Spain-Madrid episode of Conan O'Brien Must Go, because that's when it dropped. Well, guess what? Today is the day that episode two in the series drops again.

And today's episode then is about New Zealand because that is where I travel. I am joined by the crack team as opposed to the team on crack. Why not both? These are all good quips and we'll edit them out. Terrific team. Mike Sweeney, of course, at the helm. Came in a little late wearing one of the three shirts he owns. And I'm also joined by Jesse Gaskell. It takes time to pick them out.

Okay. We're interrupting Jesse's intro for that little sprinkle. Jesse Gaskell, terrific writer, producer, joke writer, and Jose Arroyo, who's

Also a terrific comedic mind. And both of you have joined. You're being nice to us. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. What you do is you put honey in the trap. And then they fall into the pit and out of the spikes. This team, this unit has come on most of the travel shows, just about all of them, if not all of them. And I'm talking about the TBS days and all those Conan Without Borders shows.

And now on the Max series, Conan O'Brien Must Go, season two, we are today discussing the second episode in the series, which is New Zealand. Guys, what did you think? It's out right now. It's out right now. Out right now as we speak.

It's amazing. I loved it from I actually saw it just to prepare for this. Oh, is that true? You did some little homework preparation for this. And I saw it. No, you're not ever supposed to watch these again. I know. I know. So how does it hold up? It holds up really, really well. Your voice went up. Sorry.

No, go ahead. No, no, it holds up really well. And it just is you jump from the North Island to the South and you cover. We covered a lot of ground, which is. Yeah. I mean, that's hard in that country because it involves flights and driving. And one of the things that we have found is in our travels is that, you know, we go in the premise of the show as I visit fans that have reached out to me through the podcast and

And so these fans were pretty well distributed around both islands, the North and the South. I learned a lot. I had never been to New Zealand before. The people were extraordinary. They were lovely. We learned a lot about the...

ancient culture. The Maori culture. Not so ancient. It turns out they've only occupied the island for 800 years. Is that true? Oh, wow. That's what they were saying during that welcoming ceremony, which I thought was fascinating. And who was there before that? Before that, it was a medical conference. Get away. And it was for Bausch and Lomb. And...

And it was interesting because when we went before we...

began filming, we were taken by a Maori guide to this mountaintop that looked over, this is in the North Island, in Auckland. And he, there was a long discussion about the history and then he led a ceremony. It was kind of moving. Blessing the film shoot. Yes, he was blessing the film shoot. Another inch, right. Yeah. Which we should always do, really. Yes. We should...

Oh, OK. So when I go to the American Girl store to drink too much with a doll, we should be a blessing first at the American Girl store. Yeah, it was it was it was really nice to be introduced to the culture and then visit the fans. And we learned a lot.

Our visit coincided with something that is in the Guinness Book of World Records, which is part of the show, which is there is a ritual there called the haka to the uninitiated. Just it looks kind of like a dance routine, like a very old kind of flash mob. Yeah, it looks like a flash mob, but it's something that's performed. It's been around for, I'm guessing, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years, and it's

very important to the culture. And they tried to break the world's record for the largest number of people doing the haka at the same time. So they filled a stadium and I was joined by none other than... Taika Waititi. Taika Waititi, who helped out. And so that makes for a fun segment. There were a lot of...

When I look at the footage of that now, when we were editing, I was stunned by how many people were doing the haka at the same time. Because when you're doing it, you're in yourself, you're doing it, you're not quite aware. When you had just learned it, too, so you were probably focusing on the moves. Oh, I was just trying to remember how to do this correctly. And it's intimidating because on one side I had a Maori guide. Yes. Maka. Maka.

And on the other side, I had Taika. Yeah. And people watching from the Guinness Book of World Records. And it's being recorded. Lots of news cameras. Yeah. Lots of news cameras. I was in my head about, let's do this correctly. Well, I didn't go on the New Zealand trip because I was still trying to figure out how to leave my baby. Which is a code for battling your addiction. Yeah.

Yes, I was at Cousin Rehab. You were at New Horizons. Oh, I fell off the baby again. Can I just back up for a second? You were with Child when we went to... Norway and Thailand. Norway and Thailand. And we didn't know. Of course, you kept it a secret. Well, it was early days. You know that I have a policy. Okay.

No one's allowed to... It's like Rumpelstiltskin. You get the baby. None of my writers are allowed to reproduce. And it's a thing when you work with me that you have to sign. And so you broke the rules.

And no, but so that was during the strike. That was interesting that Dot, who's now how old? A year and a half. Dot is was with us on two trips, which is really kind of cool. Oh, my God. That's right. She's been to Norway. I should bring her on all of them. Well, actually, this means that she's in the union. She's in the guild. She's in the writer's guild.

Oh, my God. Yeah. So now she's going to bankrupt the show. She owes money. She's going to done you. She owes dues. She's in arrears. Yes. So, yes, you weren't allowed to go. Well, I was. I just hadn't quite figured out a way to be gone. Because I knew the New Zealand show. That trip in particular was going to be long. It's a really long flight. And the trip was like almost two weeks, I think, that you guys were gone. Also, this was, you were newly...

You know, you were still getting to know your daughter and it was completely understandable that you were like, yeah, I don't think I'm ready to go on this trip. Yeah. And you guys were really, really cool about it, I have to say. But then immediately after that trip.

You said, I so want to get away from this child. Sign me up for the show. Well, once I saw the dailies. It's amazing. The child did come with us. Yeah. But you stayed here. Yeah. It's amazing. Just weeks later, you were ready to go to Spain and meet Javier Bardem. Yeah, exactly. Somehow I did pull it together for that one. You pulled it together for one of the most magnetic, sexy. Mommy! Mommy!

Yeah, please. Not now. Not now, don't. No, but I was going to say that I was at home and I was, you know, keep keeping track of the trip. But that first day that you landed, I woke up and all over the news were these shots of Conan doing the haka. And it was just it was perfect because part of the haka is that you do these really grotesque war faces. And so the still that I kept seeing was you with your tongue out and your eyes open.

engorged like a gargoyle. Yes, yes. Of course, hips thrust forward. It was because I said engorged. Yes. Yeah.

Hips not engorged. Devoid of any liquid. Hips deflated. But... That was our... Yeah, the day we landed. Which is probably the best time to learn the haka. It's called tearing off the bandage. 15 hours of light. Very quickly, we dove right into Maori culture and... Me at a stadium. Yes, exactly. In front of all of New Zealand. And then we did...

I don't want to give away any secrets, but let's just say we it's it's worth watching that episode to see what's happening in the stadium. Then we're making our way through the wilds of the South Island. The North Island and the South Island are quite different. The South Island is the island where Peter Jackson. A lot of fun. Both islands. He was on both islands. But yes, some of the most dramatic moments.

Yeah, when the hobbits are hanging out at karaoke bars and driving catamarans around a marina, that's the North Island. But when the hobbits are going through Middle Earth, that's the South Island. Exactly.

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Some of the distances we traveled to get, we had to go over this big mountain pass to get to Hokitika. Hokitika. And that was quite a journey. Before we left the North Island, we did meet this young woman named Abby Howells, who was sort of getting me up to speed on, I wouldn't say customs, but pronunciations, how people... Attitudes. Attitudes, how slang. And she was...

Without a doubt, one of the funniest people I've met. Yeah. Her improv, yes, and was off the charts funny. Yes. You guys were doing like a two-person improv. Oh, my God. I would tour. I would do a two-person show with her in Vegas if I could. She's so funny and really delightful. She should be an international star. I know. I think she will be. Which is not something I say about everyone. No, but she was amazing.

She's kind of the breakout, I think, kind of the breakout star of the New Zealand episode, Abby Howells. And I just want to give a shout out to her because I'm hoping I cross paths with her again. She was so...

uniquely funny. She's just funny in her bones and just so much fun. And I love the segments with her. Yeah. We're at the ocean. And again, this is one of the magical things about these travel shows is you guys do a great job of finding these people. I don't know who they're going to be. I get out of a van. I walk up. They say, this is Abby. Hi, Abby. And within two seconds, I'm thinking, wow,

She's hilarious. This is really fun. We did so much improv. I know. Well, and I normally wouldn't... I think someone telling me just watch this half hour of improv would maybe turn me off a little bit. But it was...

legitimately so funny watching the uncut version of it. Oh, the uncut. Yes. No, no. We would never... We cut it down. We would never ask you to watch half an hour of improv. No. Jesse, how dare you suggest that that's what happens. It was hard to edit because there were so many good chunks in there. And it all built as it went. So...

And it just got funnier and funnier. And so then you're like, oh, how do we tighten this up without losing any of these great. I met the only other. I never meet anyone with the first name Conan. But you guys found someone in New Zealand whose name is Conan O'Brien. And I met with him. That was fun. He was also really funny. He was funny. They were naturally very funny people. That was our talent booker, Gina Batista, came in one day. She goes, I got an alert that there's.

Conan O'Brien or something on her phone. She goes, I don't know that there's a Conan O'Brien. And he has one of my, he had my, he had my Amex card. We figured out where the leak was. And he was, he was really funny. You know, it's funny. There's something, um, we found this a lot. It's one of the things that I like so much about the travel shows is that you go to these other countries and they're, um, very self-possessed, um,

they're like, oh yeah, okay. I know this. I've heard of this Conan guy. But anyway, and then they get on to just being themselves. And so the comedy is, it's a different kind. Yeah, they're not nervous around you. Oh God, no. There's a little scent of...

I don't know, disdain? No, it's just being laid back. Abby mentioned that that's one of the sort of national pride of New Zealand is how laid back people can be. They were all very unflappable. Yes, exactly. No matter, you know, just meeting someone in a DVD store, guys just buying...

renting videos and they're just like hey conan and they knew who you were but they're just like yeah and they're just kind of sleepy you traveled 45 000 miles to be here basically to the moon and back right to go see them hey that's cool the um we get then we go to the south island and uh that was pretty fascinating just because the

The winding van ride up over the mountains through fog past just I mean that. Yes, there's a there's a part of this life of making remotes and there's no escaping it where.

If you're going to do this, you're going to be in a van for a long period of time. Yes. And some countries more than others. And yeah, New Zealand is a van country. You're in a van. Yes. It's not luxury transport. And there's no way. I mean, if you want to get from which city were we in in the South Island? Christchurch. Christchurch. We were in Christchurch.

Then for us to get to Hokitika, which is on the other side of the island south. And this is getting closer to Antarctica. That's the fascinating part.

And I really wanted to go all the way south. And if we had been that kind of travel show that's actually trying to inform people. And we would have, I would love to go back someday and go to the very southern tip because that's almost as close as you can get to Antarctica without getting on a boat. Other than Patagonia. Patagonia, I think is a little closer. We looked and we looked into it and we were kind of like,

Dunedin and down that way there's wildlife and but you know yes it would be a long van ride and it becomes a whole different show exactly this will not be in the special but my our we finally get to Hokitika

And what you will not see in the special is we check into this hotel and I was taken up to this room that makes no sense. I've stayed in every kind of hotel room in my life. And this hotel room, there is, you take an elevator up two flights. To the third, yes. To the third floor. And then you walk down and they say, just go through that door. And you go through that door and there's some more stairs. The stairs take you up to an elevator and,

that is not functioning. It's not a functioning elevator and hasn't been for a long time. But then you like go up a ladder and there's another door and then you're in a hotel room and there's an elevator door in that hotel room, but it doesn't open. And that's in the like living room of the hotel room. It was just, I couldn't figure it out for the life of me. And then we- And they call it the penthouse suite. Yes, penthouse suite. But it's the kookiest thing I've ever seen. And then we-

and there was karaoke at the bar. And was it you, Jose, who played a cruel practical joke on me? Or was it, oh, it was Shalemi. It was Jason Shalemi, perhaps. Jason Shalemi called up a song and he said, "You're next, Conan." And I went, "I don't wanna do it." And I said, "No, no, you're next." And it was Led Zeppelin's- "A Whole Lotta Love." "A Whole Lotta Love," which if you know the song,

You know, it's that, I mean, I don't know what the rules are. If I can sing, I can't really sing it right. You can sing it. Oh, yeah. There's that part. But then there's... Let's zip on File Acclaim. Yeah, not for that. I'll just say a cat got trapped in a grain fresher.

But then, as you know, in that song, there's a long break. And so everyone's looking at me. So I'm just gyrating in this tiny bar and gyrating and gyrating and gyrating while various weird 1969 noises are playing. And then finally, you got. Ha ha.

And I was looking at Shalemi and I was like, you fucker. And everyone's looking at me like, you need to make this interesting. Yes. But it's impossible. And then you finally get to the John Bonham. But again, that takes a while. It's the worst song to do karaoke to. Some should not be on that playlist. I agree. And Jason Shalemi, wherever you are, I'm not going to fucking forget that. And I will pay you back in kind. Oh, he's the only one who could

pull that off. That's so true. I have the whole thing on video. I will say also it's Jeff Ross's birthday. We celebrated Jeff Ross's birthday. That's right. That's right. That's why we did karaoke. Is that why we did it? That's right. It was Jeff's birthday. Jeff Ross's birthday. And Jeff said, I want...

I want a whole lot of love in a very small bar. And again, there were people in the bar, regular patrons who just could have cared less about any of us. Yeah, they had no idea. There I am. This is a photo of Conan just sitting there as it says musical break, 12 measures. Yes, 12 measures. And you know what I did? I sat down. I sat down and I look like

When someone's about to be executed by a firing squad and they allow them to sit in a chair. Yes. I'm like Gary Gilmore just sitting there waiting for it to stop. Accepting your fate. Yeah. But anyway, we had... I meet a fan there who lives in very remote conditions and that's worth watching. Off the grid. Yes. So that was fun. It was a very... Again...

None of these two shows are alike because these countries are all so different. And I stress there are a lot of travel shows out there. I promise you, you will learn nothing from my travel show. In fact...

And my travel show, and I've said this before, it robs you of any knowledge you may have had of that country. It is a protein that eats at the brain. But I think it's funny. I like to think it's funny. I hope it's funny. There's a couple of Easter eggs in it. A couple of Easter eggs? Oh, yes, that's right. Oh, my God, I get to do another dramatic turn. A lot of people right now, if you like The Pit,

With Noah Wiley. If you like The Pit with Noah Wiley, watch my travel show on Max because let's just say New Zealand has their own version of The Pit, which is just as gripping and intense. And I get to act in it. And you get to really see my acting chops. Exactly. And I think Noah Wiley...

Should fear me. He should fear if he because if he saw this, I think he would immediately. That's why they rushed the pit on TV. It wasn't ready. It wasn't ready. They caught Windu on Shortland Street. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of the basic sound editing hasn't been done on the pit.

The bit was gonna cover a week at the hospital and they found out you were coming and they said, let's make it a day. They said, Conan's doing Shortland Street in New Zealand and he blows Noah Wiley out of the water. So what they did is they just quickly made it a day. A day. And instead of having all the script ready, they just, a lot of it is just people reading medications. And contraindications. And contraindications. That's a lot of diarrhea. Well, I...

I want to thank you guys again. And again, a shout out. You're here with me. But Mike Sweeney, Jose Arroyo. Got the accent on there. Yeah, I thought that was important. And of course, Jesse Gaskell. And so glad that you guys, you guys work so hard to make these shows come out. And a shout out to the whole team.

Uh, Blay, of course you were there. Um, Eduardo and Adam, you're in the studio, but you did nothing for these shows. Uh, Shalemi, uh, shout out to you, Jeff Ross. Uh, I have, I'm very lucky to have you guys. And I'm going to say that. Um, and then I'm going to quickly make a joke about, uh,

you guys being awful and a loadstone around my neck. Or edit it out. Shout out to Bex, our fixer in New Zealand as well. Yeah, and to Bex Beer. Okay, and to Bex Beer, sure. Which I probably shouldn't do because it doesn't matter. We do have a sponsorship with the fixer. Yeah, Miller Lite. Bex is the one who found Abby Howell, so credit to Bex. That's great. This is the segment called Too Much Information. And our sheep. Wait,

We'll call it the end credits. It's the end credits. The Hyundai Accel company. They were amazing. Renting us a car. The Kia Bird. You were hilarious in many different ways on this New Zealand show. Well, listen, I'm a painter who uses many different colors. Yes, yes, yes. Which is my way of saying funny in different ways. Anyway, check it out. It's on Max. Two-dimensional. There are two episodes now out. Last week was, of course, Spain. Spain.

And this week is New Zealand. And you can tune in next week. We'll be doing a podcast about the third episode in the Conan O'Brien Must Go series. And we'll see you then. I'm hooked, I'm hooked. I'm hooked.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Take it away, Jimmy.

Supervising Producer, Aaron Blair. Associate Talent Producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate Producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are done.

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