Conan Recaps The Mark Twain Prize Ceremony With Mike Sweeney
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Stitch Fix, online personal styling for everyone. Free shipping and returns. No subscription required. Get started today at stitchfix.com. Hey, Conan O'Brien here, and we're doing something a little different today. I know this is usually a fan episode, but there are no more fans.

They're all gone. It's been a while. It's been a while. And we've actually used a couple of people 10 times using different voices and mustaches, which is unnecessary when it's audio. But anyway. And women. Yeah.

But anyway, the point is we want to do something a little different because I just had a very momentous moment in my career. And we thought maybe we should talk about it. And there was some people asking questions. Actually, no one was. I just want to talk about it. No one felt I received the the prestigious Mark Twain Award Prize. Yeah, that's right. It's a prize. And we looked it up. Prize is six notches down. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

It comes in a Cracker Jacks box. But no, the Mark Twain Prize, which they've been giving out for, I think, 28 years or something like that. Yeah, late 90s.

The previous century. Sure. That's so far not helpful at all, Sweeney. I'm joined by people who were there and participated. That would be Mike Sweeney and Sonam Obsessian. Yeah. And I'll start by just saying that it was a huge honor. I mean that. I'm not someone who usually gets worked up about awards and such, but the caliber of people that showed up for this event is

Me and Sona. No, but it's still... No, I'm saying you guys aside...

The lineup was incredible. It was awesome. It was a murderer's row. It was a murderer's row of just some of the people I respect the most in comedy. And they came out and they were all hilarious and really funny. And I will set the table, which is that I didn't know what to expect. And as you can imagine, being the focus of...

being talked about and possibly complimented is the lowest rung of Dante's hell for me. For any Irishman. For any Irishman. And it was, I wasn't, I didn't know how to feel about it. And I was feeling very squirrely about the whole thing. And then I showed up and there was a dinner the night before.

which in this case was emceed by Mike Sweeney, who was, and you feel free to jump on, Mike, anytime you want, Adam Sacks, 'cause you were there as well. Wow, you seem thrilled.

It looked like I just asked him, hey, if you want to, you can swallow a cup of my mucus. Adam, it'll help kill time. No, just as you were an observer, and... It's like he was at the Hindenburg. Yeah, yeah, he was there at Lakehurst. The humanity. He said, the humanity, the humanity, but... Sweeney was awesome. Yes. I told you in the moment, Sweeney, he's so funny, and...

And so he has a nonchalance about his, the way that he works. But I think it put everybody at ease. You were so funny. You came up. And it's a strange thing because...

We're all here the night before. There's some corporate tables from different companies that have given money to the Kennedy Center to help support the arts and have been doing so for many years. And immediately you started to go after those tables, which was hilarious. I want to set the stage, which is this is how strange the night was.

The night before the night before we all gather, there's a cocktail party, shaking hands, talking to different people. We sit down and I don't quite know what's going to happen. And before the evening, just as the evening is starting, I feel.

something hit me between the shoulder blades and I'm like, not hard, but something kind of thumped between my shoulder blades and I'm like, did I imagine that? Did that really happen? And someone leaned over and said, David Letterman just threw a bread roll at you. And so, I,

I wheel around in my chair and as you're getting started or the proceedings are starting, I go over to Dave who's there with his beard and it's David fucking Letterman, you know, who's such an iconic figure for all of us. And I go over and I just said like,

sir, did you throw a bread roll at me? And he looked at me with mock horror and he's like, well, no, I did not. And he pointed to someone at another table. And he was, and then Sweeney took over. You were

I hate complimenting you. I know. I love it. And you were really, really funny. You were really funny. I love complimenting you. You were really funny. And it was nice, too, because I didn't even realize that some of the people who were going to be performing the next night, these big names were in the room. I didn't realize because they showed up. Oh, I did. They sat in the corner. It was terrifying. Yeah. I know.

And, but people got up and spoke. My good friend, Amy Letman, got up and gave a beautiful speech. And she

She is so funny, but also one of the best writers I've ever known. I went to school with her, so it was a nice perspective. She had a perspective on me, knowing me when I was, she was not in a lampoon, but she lived across the street and she used to call the cops on us all the time. And that's how we became friends. I used to sit and talk to her through an open window while she was working late on one of her beautiful stories or

prize-winning essays. And she co-created Party of Five, which for my generation is, you know, that was like a... And Masters of Sex. Yeah, yeah. And a million other... Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a brilliant, brilliant, brilliant force and a great friend. She was amazing. She gave a... I mean, one of the all-time great speeches. And then I have to give it up. So many people got up and spoke. Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross. He did a very nice job. Very nice job. I've never heard Jeff say...

two consecutive sentences. It was crazy. And then he gave... In 30 years. In 30 years. That's the most verbiage I've heard. And he gave a very nice speech. I have to say something, which is Sona Movsesian takes the stage and who's sitting in the crowd? David Letterman, John Mulaney, Adam Sandler, Sarah Silverman. These heavyweights who are going to be speaking the next night at the thing, they...

Sona gets up and she acts like, yeah, okay, here goes. That's how she always is. That's how you always are. She's a superstar. I have marveled at this, which is that Sona, there's this scientific saying that the minute you expose any particle to light, the minute you observe any particle or atom, you change it. Just by observing it, you change it. There's one exception to that. Right.

Sona Mocessian. Sona Mocessian. The time a guest didn't show up, this was Kumail, and Sona just, we told her at the last second, you're going to be the guest. And we slapped some makeup on her. This is on the old TBS show. And she came walking out like she owned the place. Miss Sassafras. And proceeded to be an amazing guest. And then when the show was over, no ego. Her head wasn't swollen. She wasn't like, oh my God, I got to call all my friends and tell them I'm on TV tonight. She's like, all right.

I'm going to go to get some In-N-Out. See you guys later. You're just, I don't know who you are. Well, there are no stakes, really. I mean, and also, I don't know if you felt this too, but that's one of the most nerve-wracking speeches, though, just to talk to you about how much you mean to people. That's a very awkward speech to do. But you didn't look, I mean...

Well, I'm a national speech champion. Which I mentioned in your intro. I know. Thank you. You are an amazing... You just hit it. You were hilarious. You were great. That's Sherry Knight. Great in all ways. And I will say this at the risk of being a human being. I love you both for being there and just...

That night, the night before, was so important because I realized, oh, I'm just laughing. And occasionally there's a kind word. I'll avoid that and I'll avoid eye contact. But mostly people were just being themselves and being really funny. And I just found myself laughing really hard. And it meant a lot to me, my...

My brother Luke and Justin were there. Your kids were there. Liza was there, which was really nice. I was never knowing that

those comedians would be there. I know. Plus, I had to say nice. I wasn't sure if they were going to be there. I had no idea who was going to be there. I did. And I was like, okay, maybe, you know, maybe David Letterman won't really show up. And, you know, it's like, yeah, he's sitting right there at table 18 throwing bread at Conan. I'm like, fuck. No. And he did a really funny thing, which was...

He was acknowledged at one. I think you acknowledged him or something. Oh, my God. And David Letterman's here. And Dave, everyone else just kind of wave from their seat. He stood like King Louis the 14th and was acknowledged the crowd and turned and then turned to acknowledge more crowd and then did more sort of regal turns.

And it was so funny that the applause continued and he refused to sit down for the longest time. And I was like, I gotta love that move. That's a really funny move. And everyone was just, that night was very special. It put me, uh,

in a good mood and made me feel like, hey, maybe tomorrow will be okay. And then the next- Can I just add real quick on that night before you- Oh, and the fact that you were there didn't bother me at all. One way or the other. Were you nervous, Sweeney, knowing I was in the audience? I was. That's podcast maestro. Adam S-S-S-S-S-Sacks. I was just going to say that- Or it's Michael Cera.

I can't tell which one. That's why Sweeney was nervous. The Kennedy Center put up a highlight clip on YouTube, if people want to watch it, of the night before. I think if you look on YouTube the night before Conan Twain, you'll find a highlight reel. And I think they can see Sona and Sweeney. I will say, I think just from some background, there was some...

Obviously, for the last couple of months with the new administration, there's been some controversial stuff going on with the Kennedy Center. And there was a question of should I go? Should I not go? And I felt like it was important to show up because, first of all, we were brought in under the old regime and we.

and the people who brought me in are no longer there, but I thought we should honor their decision. And we went and it was,

really lovely because so many of the young people that have been working at the Kennedy Center for years were delighted that we came. They don't know what their future is. I got to talk to a lot of them and they're really, they're going through a lot right now. And I had a great deal of empathy for what's happening there. And I felt something about the situation that

added to the evening somehow. It made it, it really made it feel like this is, um, and without being pompous, without just, it just felt like this is not a normal event, something. And, and we all need to be on our toes and, and, and kind of be, uh, funny, but also, uh,

Bring some optimism, maybe. Bring some, I don't know. Yeah, it's not pompous at all. It was a very specific moment that this event occurred and that you had all these great comedians there and you had this change situation at the Kennedy Center that was so dramatic and was in the news all week. I mean, dramatically in the news. And so, yes, it's something that

But while fetting you at the same time, everyone in their own way, you know, acknowledged what was going on. I thought what was great is so many comedians that came. I mean, the lineup's insane. Yeah. I mean, when you start a show with John Mulaney. Yeah. Well, let's get this thing started. John Mulaney was so good. I was like, you know, just thinking in terms of comedians in a show order, you're like,

Everyone has to fall. Everyone was great. Yeah. But watching Mulaney, you're like, whoa, I would not believe.

If I was watching him and I knew I was in the on-deck circle or further down the line-up, I'd be scared. When I saw Mulaney, Mulaney was so funny that I left. Because I'm supposed to close the evening. Mulaney was so funny. We're just giving this award to Mulaney. I ran and I was halfway into an Uber when Sweeney tackled me and dragged me back. Back there, man. I

like, I can't follow that. That's John Mulaney. He was, but then, I mean, I mean, the list of people, Will Ferrell, and I mean, I don't know if we're supposed to be talking about who it is or if it's, yeah, I mean, Will Ferrell, just Tracy Morgan, uh,

Oh my God. Sarah Silverman. Nikki Glaser. Nikki Glaser. Reggie Watts. Oh my God. Kumail Nanjiani. Oh my God. You know what's so funny is Bill Burr understands because we grew up in nearby towns and we're made of the same stuff. And Bill Burr just drilled into me like, I'm going to say a couple of nice things about Conan and he'll never look me in the eye again. Yeah, I know. That was funny. You're going to sit and I was just like, this is a guy who knows how horrifying this is. But,

Andy Richter was there. Did we say Stephen Colbert? Stephen Colbert was amazing. And Stephen Colbert came out and did it. And I don't want to give away too much. There's pictures.

OK, fuck you. Fuck you and your picture. You guys know that he came in. He did a he did a hot ones thing with with with Sean Evans. It is absolutely fantastic. And I was you know, I mean, I have such respect and admiration and awe for everybody who who showed up. And, you know, there's that part of you that feels like, oh, no, people have to fly here.

That's making me uncomfortable. Oh, that would make me... You know what I mean? Yes, like you're an imposition. Yeah, it's an imposition and oh shit. And then everybody was so funny that I... That all melted away and there was... It was a happening and it was also really...

really nice to talk to all of the people. I say young people. They're all different ages, but to me now, everyone's young. Um, who, uh, who,

who have worked so hard for so many years for the Kennedy Center and just really have give want to give their lives to the arts and they're give them a shout out. And that was the biggest that got a standing ovation. Yeah, it did. Yeah. Because I was the whole audience was employees. No, that was a really nice moment. It was very cool. It was nice of you to acknowledge. Yeah. Well, I didn't want a lot of. Oh, OK. Well, there's a lot of uncertainty there. No, no, there's a lot of uncertainty and.

we've heard that a person or two that I spoke to that night have lost their jobs since. And this just happened. Yeah. And so it's a...

You can feel sometimes shallow when you're trying to give encouragement to people who are in that situation. But I did want it to be a positive experience. And I do think this might sound shallow, too. But when you're younger and you lose a job, that is an incredible. I feel like everyone here has probably been fired. I talk about in my speech. I start my speech with. Right. Yes. With.

a period of unemployment and what it felt like. Right. And I know that parts of what I said, I'm anxious for it to come out on, I guess it comes out on Netflix. Yeah. I think May 4th. May 4th, I think. Oh, May 4th. Yeah. Okay. What did you think? I thought it was April 4th.

No, no, they looked at the tape and everything was great, but this shit you did. No, I was just sitting in the audience. No, I know, but even you in the audience. And they're doing a lot of CGI and stuff. Oh, no. I saw the camera near me. No, it looks like one of the skeleton warriors from Sinbad is sitting in the crowd. But I think that's nice. That's a fun Easter egg. No, it frightened people. And a lot of kids can't watch now. Look, there's a skeleton.

and he's going to charge the stage. I think it's... Anyway, a lot of work is being done. So now it's been moved to May 4th. Are they adding flesh to me? Like, are they reanimating me? Yes, and they're also not just flesh, but living flesh. So that it looks like you're still alive. Right, right, right. Because we've tried adding flesh to you before using CGI, and it just looks like you're a zombie. I don't know why the word desiccated is always used to describe me. Oh, my God. It's, you know, listen...

It's my own fault because when I found you, you were in a tomb in Syria. You knew the deal. Yeah, I unwrapped you and I said, you'll be my head writer. And, you know, the lest is history. That's right. I just said the lest is history. I was going to say, I didn't want to mention it, but I heard you say the lest is history. Well, because I'm now, my head is so swollen with the Twain prize that it's hard for me to pronounce words. ♪♪

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Hey, Sona. Pretty recently I got together with a bunch of my chums. Yeah. What did you guys do? Guys I went to college with. We all played football together. Yeah. Don't laugh at that. That's real. Sorry. Yeah. It was one of those little table games of football. It's actually a video game. It's a video game.

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Did we mention that it's for achievement in comedy and it's given at the Kennedy Center? American comedy. Yeah, that's why I don't know if we mentioned what the Mark Twain Prize was. No, no, no. It is for athletic ability. Oh, no, no, no, no. Conan, someone lied to you. Oh, and guess what? Know what it is? It's the Mark Twain Prize for the most riz. No. Yes. Yes.

Yeah. For the most know-it person who should never use the word Riz. Don't make it negative that I know what Riz is and it says on the award, Twain thinks you got Riz. The Rizzler of the year award. Rizzler. Someone like a new word today. And guess what? Can I say something else? He was famous for piloting a Rizzer boat. Oh, God. We got to stop.

They just took the award away. They're here to take it away because I said Rizzerbo. They should take it. Oh, no. They should take that. First award to be taken away. Oh, no. Second. Edit out that May 4th announcement. That's not happening. No, now it's July 4th because they've got to. Oh, fuck.

We got a skeleton in the audience. I'm making dad jokes about Riz. We're all going down the drain. Without giving anything away, I think that Will Forte also should get a shout out. Oh my God. Will Forte? Will Forte is a surprise, but it's okay to talk about it. He was, I had a notion for how I wanted the evening to end. And there was, when I thought of it, I thought there's only one person who can do it, which is Will Forte.

And I did something I never do, which is I cold called him. And I don't like to do that. But I cold called him and I said, I have an idea, but it means you flying to D.C. and only you can do it. And he was laughing really hard at the idea. And he said, do it. And then I said, you have to pay for your own flight. Oh, man. And you have to pay me $5,000. That's reasonable. Yeah. And you have to kiss my feet. No, he he came and he I mean, he's again. He's the best. Again, he's just so good.

funny and he can, I thought of this one idea and I thought there's one person who can do it and sure enough, and to the degree where if he had said, I'd love to do it but I can't because I'm shooting, you know, I've got a shooting set, I'm in a movie, I'm doing this, I'm doing that, I would have done a different idea because he was the only person who could do it. So,

Everything came together. And Triumph was great. That was your idea. Oh, my God. Robert Smigel and Triumph. Robert was great. Robert was hilarious. And he took you through the evening. And the fact that you're in the Kennedy Center and it's this very impressive environment. And then Triumph. That's perfect for him. And let's just try and remember Triumph is a rubber dog.

who speaks like an old Russian lady, has a microphone and is leading us through the evening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's supposed to be like, this is where Maria Callas gets her special medal. But then...

There were a lot of old characters. Oh, well, that's the other thing. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to give anything away, but there's a lot of, you know. You could tease two old late night writer favorites. Yes. Made appearances, memorable appearances. Yeah. I sent Robert a photo. I looked up at one point and it was just, all you could see was Triumph like watching the show, sitting next to Will Ferrell, watching the show. And it was just hilarious. I sent him a photo of just Triumph watching the show. And you know what's so funny is that

When Robert is Triumph, over the, whatever, 25 years it's been since Triumph. 1998? 1998, something. But, you know, in between takes of things, I'd be talking to Robert and the puppet would be on his hand. And we'd be talking about, and sometimes Robert would be doing the puppet and I find myself talking to the puppet and Robert's not wearing a mask or anything. Right.

You talk to Triumph. But the fact that if Triumph is sitting there just watching the event and Will Ferrell's also watching and no one's like, I'm watching it. It's just the most natural thing in the world. They'll never be a dumber. I mean, there may not be a Twain award again. Will there even be one again?

again? We don't know. Who gets it next year? Yeah, I don't know. And we could tease. David Letterman was at the dinner throwing rolls at you. And maybe he showed up for the big award night as well. We'll never know until you see it. Oh, till May 4th if it ever comes. Yeah, wait till the 4th of May. It would have been the 4th of April except for Sweeney. May the 4th be with you. Did you say May the 4th be with you? Yes, I did. Why don't you take a Rizzer boat and find yourself a new job. Yay!

Anyway, it was... Conan O'Brien has a pun. You mentioned your speech, though. I do think it already has hundreds of thousands of views up on YouTube. An excerpt of the speech, which I will just say I thought was incredible and powerful. And in the moment, I think people got chills. I did. Watching this

hearing the speech in the moment and i really suggest everyone go check it out well there's that oh go ahead well you were so distracted well not distracted you're consumed by doing the oscars and then the oscars were over and and all this they were planning travel show another travel show yeah we left the morning after the twain awards to go to austria to go to austria to finish up yes the show that had been interrupted by uh uh stuff in my life but i just want to mention that that then when you finally

the week before the Twain Prize, you were like, whoa, this is coming up. You just...

You wrote your whole speech. Every part of it was written by you. It was a fantastic job. Oh, well. Well done, including the serious part, which is out already. Yeah. And has already been nominated for a Grammy, spoken word Grammy. But anyway, yes. You did a great job. Oh, and you got nominated for Best Special Effects. Yeah. Incredible. Best...

How did they get a skeleton in the crowd? Also, Andy was great at the dinner. Andy was fantastic. The dinner and the show. Both, both. Yes. Amazing job by Andy. He had some great jokes. Yes. And he's, you know, it's, I get chills because Andy is,

The summer before the show started, I was in so much trouble because I knew I only have literally weeks to try and come up with a show that would replace David Letterman from scratch. Yes, insane. And the minute I met Andy Richter, I thought...

oh, I like this guy. And in the back of my mind, I thought it'd be cool if he was with me out there so I wasn't alone. Yeah. And he's so funny. Well, he reminds me of Sona in that he doesn't give a shit. He doesn't. Yeah, yeah. Which is unusual in a performer. No, no, no. I interrupted you. I'm sorry. No, no, no. You were going to say you loved having him. No, no. I...

That Andy is always Andy. Yes, exactly. And it doesn't matter. You can, in a beautiful way, he's always himself. Yes. He's true to himself all the time. And there's no, okay, I better gear up and get into Andy Richter character. Right, right. There's no such thing. Yeah. And the same with Sona. Yep. Sona doesn't give a shit about her performances or her work for me. Yeah. Look at me now on your podcast. Who won that one? You know, you...

You win all the time. You win at life all the time. Didn't it feel like a funeral, kind of? Sorry, doesn't it feel like we were eulogizing you in a way? Didn't Amy sort of reference that? Yes, she did say that. She said it felt like we were eulogizing you and kind of did. Yeah, and I did have the strong urge to die afterwards. Just because it's like, what are you going to do now? But then I realized, it's on Netflix. People will see it, they'll forget. I need to get that next prize.

Sorry, there was only one American humorist, apparently. I'm sure if you lived in Britain, there's probably like a humorist award every three weeks. We've only had one. We've only had one. It's Twain. Yeah. Who's the guy that created Garfield?

Right, right, right. What's his name? I don't even know. I don't know. It would be so cool if I had this. I only know Charles Schultz. I don't know if anyone's come since. No, what if they skip over Charles? What if they skip over Charles Schultz and they just give it to Jim Davis? Yeah, Jim Davis, creator of Garfield. And it's the Davis. The Davis. He's going to get the Davis. Yeah. But you have to work in a plug for Garfield. It's a bowl of lasagna. That's right. Because that's what he liked to eat.

A bowl. No one eats lasagna out of a bowl. Wow. This was going so well. Hey, I thought that 20 minute bell was going off. It went off. All right. And when you said Rizzer boat, that's when it started going downhill. Also, some great fun video surprises during the show. Yes. Yes. And some

Really good video surprises. Yeah. Some fans will enjoy. Yes. Fans, if there's still Conan fans out there. Right, right, right. After this self-congratulatory podcast episode. Well, no, I congratulated you. So that wasn't self. That's true. That's true. But of course, I'm an employee. Yeah. And what are you going to do? Value my paycheck. Yeah. I just wish I had had more time to take it in because literally the next morning, I

Everybody had to scatter because everyone's busy. Right. And you and I jumped on a plane with Ross and we took off for... And Jordan for Austria. And then we just got back. So I'm still...

And we're at it with this edit. The show's at it. It's due tomorrow to HBO. Yes. So we're at it. It's insanity. Yes. There's a lot that's happening right now. But I am I'm glad they recorded that evening because if there wasn't a recording of it, I wouldn't believe it. That's how I feel about it. I kind of just wouldn't believe it. And my love and thanks to everybody who who came out.

I mean, really busy people flew across the country to be there and I'll never forget it as long as I live. Wait, just forgot it.

it. It's a very, very funny show and very sweet at the same time. Yeah. All right. Well, I think May 4th, Netflix, check it out. I think you will enjoy it. And next week in this regular time slot, we'll probably be back with a fan or maybe just me talking more about

how I won a prize they're casting more fans this week so we'll have more fake fans for you we're paying people his name's Conan hey Cronin I loved your Blate Night show it's Conan and it's Late Night I love you since you started in 2011 yeah I love it you're great I love when you drive with people and sing songs no that's Cronin whatever fuck it where's my money

All right. Peace out, Tupac.

Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Byrne. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down there.

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