Elle Fanning Returns
01:04:01 Share

Hey, check this out. 50 years ago, Sona, listen to this. Supercuts invented the entire concept of a value salon. Yeah. Okay? It meant you could walk right in, no appointment needed. Hello! In the old days. Hello, hello, Conan here. Can I get an appointment? Yeah!

No! This meant a special technique that ensured a great haircut, and it meant a price point just right for the common man or woman. Yeah. Okay? Now, I'm, of course, no common man, all right? But as I understand it, Supercuts has now invented something else. Supercuts Rewards. Supercuts Rewards is the first ever national salon rewards program. You earn points for every dollar you spend. Those points can be redeemed for discounts at Supercuts or even...

It says drum roll, but no. No, no, no. What is that? It's ridiculous. It just sounds like a bunch of little children running across a drum. Anyway, you get a free haircut. It can mean that.

You know, usually when someone says free haircut, I say, no, thank you. Yes. Do you know what I mean? But I think this is going to be a good haircut. If it's Supercuts, cut my hair. Yeah. Supercuts Rewards, that's a legit free haircut. Yeah. Start racking up Supercuts Rewards points at any of their 2,000 locations nationwide. 2,000 are joined today at supercuts.com. You get 50 points just for joining. So go ahead and get your butts back to Supercuts. ♪

The new Sonic Queso Smasher is now available. You're going to want to try this.

They made the Sonic Smasher you love, because you do love your Sonic Smasher, don't you, Sana? I love Sonic Smashes, and I love queso. Yeah, well, guess what? They took the Sonic Smasher you love, and they added the new Creamy Queso Enhanced Smash Patties made to order. Just makes my brain explode. I just saw your brain explode, and queso came out. The Sonic Queso Smasher is the perfect combination of Angus Patties, Creamy Queso, jalapenos, and a Southwest aioli.

Sounds like juicy goodness to me. All that's left to do is choose a double or a triple. Make mine two triples. That's a sextuplet. The new Sonic Queso Smasher. Live free, eat Sonic. Hi, my name is Elle Fanning and I feel ecstatic about being Coded O'Brien's friend. Yes, I'll take it. Fall is here, here they come.

Back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walkin' blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Hey there, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined as always by Sonam Asassian. Hello. And just put a little pep into it next time. And Matt Gourley, how are you? Hi, how are you? I'm good. Hey, I want to bring up something that was a direct quote from you just now. Okay. You just said, in this room, when I see a Hallmark movie, I watch it.

I did. We weren't on mic. I didn't know that that would come back to haunt me. Well, so you're prepared to admit that and you're good? I will not only admit it, I will encourage others to do it as well. And I'll say, many people say that our nation is divisive.

is divided, that, you know, we've lost our way. I think nothing would unify this country more than everybody watching Hallmark movies. I just enjoy the pattern. You know, you could say that there are certain tenets of drama that were set up by the Greeks and it's never really changed since then. I love that Hallmark has a certain formula. They follow it every single time with context.

chilling regularity. Yeah. And they've also come up with something that I think is revolutionary. When we think of story, we think of conflict. Conflict is the center of story, right? It's the, what is the conflict? What is the problem? Any scene, someone comes into a room, there's a problem here. How does the person get the thing that the other person's trying to keep them from getting? That's how all good drama story works.

Hallmark, I watch these things. There's hardly ever a conflict. They're conflict-free, yet they exist. They're extremely popular and it somehow works. But attractive single person meets other attractive single person. Yeah. Oh, one lives in Los Angeles and the other lives up in the mountains of Utah, but in a fairly affluent community. Yeah.

and they can get to each other within a 40-minute flight or something, hour and 40-minute flight. And there isn't really, they meet each other. She always immediately has to dislike him. But for not a good reason. It's never a good reason. There's never a good reason. And then it's a reason that can quickly be removed. So it's really not a conflict. It's a conflict the way like, I'd like to come over there, but there's a small tissue in the way. You know what I mean? Well, there's usually some big city ex-partner

that they've got to kind of like get out from under, but barely. I don't know. I've seen ones where it really is just, I've gone back and looked for the conflict and haven't found it. Do you think you could write a Hallmark movie? Yes, I do.

Do you think you should? I think I should. That's the better question. Yeah. I think it would be a good use of my time. I really want you to write a Hallmark movie. Do you think you could star in a Hallmark movie? Didn't somebody, I thought, did somebody make a Hallmark? Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig. Yeah. Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig did one and it's brilliant because so it's been done. If they hadn't done it, I would do it but it wouldn't be that funny. What would your situation, if you're the star of a Hallmark movie, what's your situation? Who are you meeting? Where are you going? Who are you leaving?

Well, geez. Okay. Wow. This is a lot. Okay. Well, um, let's see. Uh, I am a guy, a very good looking. This is the part I play. Oh, come on. There's prosthetics. Get off my ass and light with prosthetics and, and, and lighting and CGI. They could do all kinds of shit to my face. Okay. So anyway, I'm a guy who, uh, has built an in. I,

I have an in and it's up and I'm very rugged and I sort of look like the brawny paper towel guy. Wait, you're playing a rugged guy? You're playing the rugged archetype? I said CGI. No, I'm not saying... Look...

I think you're an academic. You're teaching at a university and you're like a frazzled professor. I think that's more your scene. All right. You know what, can I say something? But you're handsome. And you don't need CGI. Stop being mean to yourself. I appreciate the notes because that helped me. Sometimes I see myself differently than other people do. And I do see myself as a woodsman, as someone... A woodsman. Not even an outdoorsman. You have the specific trait of a woodsman. No, no, I...

I swear to God, did you know that I sued Bronny? You did. I sued the Bronny paper towel people because I said, you totally ripped me off because it was around the time I was doing the tour, Sona. Remember when I had the red beard? And I sued them and I said, you totally ripped me off and Judge threw it out. And he did a picture. He had a side-by-side picture of me in boxers and the drawing of the Bronny guy. And apparently they just threw it out immediately. And I tried to take it to the Supreme Court. Yeah. I...

I have to interject here because- This is, by the way, I just want to introduce, this is Aaron Blair. We call him Blay. That's right. And several major celebrities have told you to shut the fuck up. That's right. When you interject. The biggest. That's right. Harrison Ford and Tom Hanks have both, yeah. And shut the fuck up, actually. Okay, and so let's hear it. Well, I just wanted to say-

I am a huge fan of Hallmark movies and Lifetime movies. And every Monday, I watch a movie on Twitch with some people. And I think you would be really interested in a series by Vivica A. Fox that's on Lifetime called The Wrong...

So like the wrong man. Okay. The wrong tutor. Right. The wrong stepmother. Is every episode different? Every episode is different, but they're all kind of the same. And I think you would be perfect for, and I want to start a campaign for you to be in one of these movies. I would do it. I would do that. There's always a moment and you want conflict. Oh, there's conflict. Okay. There's always someone in a hoodie peeking around a tree. Oh, I could be a guy in a hoodie. Exactly. And I,

You are a guy in a hoodie right now. I'm wearing a hoodie now. And at the end. And many times, many times I've peeked around a tree at people. And at the end, she always says the title of the movie. So she's like, told you he was the wrong man. Yeah. Told you it was the wrong tutor. And I think you'd be perfect for this. And I want to start a campaign. Okay. I'm okay with that. And I want to play this part. And.

And money doesn't matter. I'll make sure that, I mean, as long as they, you know. What? I'm not sure that these movies have a huge budget. I'm just going to put it out there.

But they're fantastic. And there's like, I think there's, I think I've seen 19 of them. I'm not even kidding. Okay. First of all, first of all, you know that when someone says money doesn't matter, it means it all depends on the money. But second of all, I'm willing to do it, but I think we should explore because I do take constructive criticism and I do think I'd probably be a frazzled academic. Yeah.

But one of those things where when I take my glasses off, the woman realizes he cleans up okay. But should it be that you are in a current relationship with a kind of mean, snobby academic and you go to a rural area and suddenly you meet this, let's say like,

Woodsman. A nature guide. A woman who's like, does whitewater rafting and breaks you out of your shell and you don't know what to do and you frolic and she finds the real you. Oh, first of all, I'm petrified. Yeah. And then you leave her and go back to the earth. No, no. No, no. I have, I work at a small New England college. Yes. What do you teach? History? What's that? History? I just only, my one subject is Grover Cleveland. Oh. I'm a professor of Grover. Yeah, I'm a professor of Grover Clevelandology. No.

It has to be liberal arts. It has to be. No, it doesn't have to. Because you're sensitive. Hey, give me something. This is your archetype. Oh, okay. You're a sensitive man. You know what? She's right. I've seen, you guys think this is a game for me. This is real life. I'm a sensitive guy. I teach like Emily Dickinson. I teach poetry. Yes. Okay. So, and I have a very safe but frigid relationship with this other woman, um,

who works there. She's controlling. She's controlling. And she's always saying things like, maybe this weekend we'll go and look at that antique shop. And it's always very... Sounds pretty good. Yeah.

How long, how soon is she going to be single? No, she wants to go teach at a big city, like Ivy League University. And you're like, this is my home. This is where I love teaching. God, just go, Sona, go. Emily Dickinson here. Preach, preach. Then you're like, okay, I need to go find myself. So you go on this white water rafting trip, which is so outside of your comfort zone. And then I get to do my trademark Conan physical comedy where I'm like, what?

And my glasses are getting knocked off and my book goes in the water. Yes. Symbolically. And she keeps saying, dude, just chill. Just go with the flow. The whole trick of whitewater rafting is just is letting loose. And then you guys kind of get marooned on a little forest island and you have to like kind of spend the night and make a fire together and stuff like that. And I'm of course, I'm inept.

Yeah, I'm sorry. No, it's okay. You are, but that's okay. It's okay. But then there's one point where she's kind of fed up with me and I look up at the stars. And from memory, I recite this beautiful, like Walt Whitman poem. Whoa. And she sees me in a different way. And then we go into a tent. And this is the part that's going to depart a little from Hallmark. Ha!

We fuck like animals. We go at it. And at first, the camera's outside the tent and you just see silhouettes. But then the camera pushes into the tent and it's two naked animals.

And I'm just a machine. A machine. And then you have all the cutaways to animals going, caw, caw, and owls' heads spinning around and deer running away and salmon swimming the wrong direction. Like a mama owl puts its wings over the baby owl's ears. And then you come to the, the sun is coming up and you go back to the tent, still going. You're still going.

It's like eight hours later. And then I pause to rehydrate. But anyway. But what's the conflict? Well, the conflict is then. You have too much sex. No, no, no. I lose myself, but that terrifies me. Okay. So I go rushing back to the New England College where I need crud. Crud.

Professor Enid Crud with three D's C-R-U-D-D-D awaits and she's like you said you'd be three days and you were four well on our calendar it says we're going to move up to second base we've been going out for years and we have never done it you haven't even done second base? with Enid Crud and yet I went away one night with this white water rafting woman and god damn it

I just went to, Jesus Christ. What's the name of the movie? Hold on a second. Whitewater. Hold it. Rafting. We got to think of this. Rapid Love. Rapid Love. Jesus, Sona. Why are you wasting your time with us? I know. Why are you wasting your time with us? I know. I know. That's why I ask myself every single day, why do I even do this? A lot of times you're saying it out loud. I know.

During the podcast. Why am I here? Why am I wasting my time? Rapid love. Yeah. We have to get this made and I'm going to get on this because I love Vivica A. Fox. I'd work with her any day. I think you would be fantastic in one of these wrong movies. Okay. I'm going to start the campaign. But this is great. We got a lot of business sorted out. Yeah.

All right, let's get to it. My guest today, she's one of my all-time favorites. She's a talented actress. And saying talented actress does not even come close. No, I love her. I think she's a phenomenon. She starred in the Hulu series The Great, which is one of my favorite shows. Now you can see her in the new movie A Complete Unknown. This is the Bob Dylan biopic with Timothee Chalamet, and everyone's waiting to see it. It's going to be in theaters Christmas Day. Elle Fanning, welcome. ♪

I'm ecstatic you're here because, am I not right? Yes. The last time you were here, you left and all of us were just bathed in golden light. Because you've got a great energy. Thank you. You've got like the nicest, kindest, and like super funny game. And then I came home and my wife was like, well, you're in a good mood. And I said, I was with Elle Fanning having a conversation. And I'm as happy as I've ever been. Yeah.

And then she started to cry. And then you haven't seen me for, that was a long time. And I haven't seen my wife since that night. Pretty much ended it. Thanks to you. I'm so sorry. So sorry. I've never been that happy again. Um,

No, I'm so happy that you're here. We get it today. Yeah. But I feel the same. Well, thank you so much for being here. And we were just, I mean, and the second you came in, before we could even start recording, you started talking about this call-in show that you were obsessed with for a while when you were in school and how they caught cheaters on it. And we just found out that it was a lie. Yeah.

It was a lie. I'm devastated. I can't believe that that's a lie. I know. It's sad that these cheaters are fake and that they're not real cheaters. I know. But what was the show? Just say what it was. It was... Ryan's Roses. Ryan's Roses. Yeah, which I think they still do.

do. And you used to listen to it when you were going to school. Yes. In the mornings, going to school in the mornings. And my grandmother, she actually tuned in. This was on the top of my mind because she said that she listened to it the other day and she hadn't listened to it in forever. And we would listen to it together. And now I'm like, I have to go break the news to her. You don't have to tell your grandmother. No, don't tell her. I won't tell her. She's always skeptical of things being fake, though. This isn't like Santa Claus. This is good news that this is

fake. Explain quickly what it is. Well, you know it better than I do because I, yeah. Well, yeah, Ryan's Roses, it's basically... It's Ryan Seacrest. Ryan Seacrest on Kiss FM and it's a call-in show where if a partner suspects

you know, that they're being cheated on. Someone from Ryan's team will call that person and say, we have, we're a free florist company and we're giving out free flowers today. And would you like to give flowers to anyone? Meanwhile, they're being secretly recorded. Their partner's on the other line listening in. They don't know that. And then sometimes they'll send flowers to the person that they're cheating with. And then they catch them. And then like their partner comes on. It's like, you,

That sounds horrific. But then, Sona, you come out with a bombshell. They were all actors. It's fake. It's fake. The whole thing is fake. And when I was just hearing it for the first time, I thought it would kind of have to be fake because you're destroying lives. No, we all believed it, though. You should hear it. They were really good. They were. Yeah, they're really believable. And then they

would even cut out like they'd be like oh we lost them yes you know like oh they they hung up they they realize they're gone yes that's right it's like oh we can't we're trying to call them we can't get them back

I just texted a deep source within Ryan's Roses. And I asked this person if it was fake. And hopefully by the time this interview is over, we'll have at least their denial, if not admission. Okay. Okay. This is good. If he responds and he's like, who is this? I'll say this is Ryan. Yeah. It's what we've been doing. Maybe he doesn't know. Yeah. He could be Nixon. Innocent. Yeah.

I said this too when I- You could do it on this, but do it for real. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That could be a new segment on the show. Conan's chocolates. Coco's chocolates. Coco's chocolates. Coco, Coco. Hey, Conan here from Team Coco. And I send free chocolates to people. Who should I send them to? Is that your wife? It isn't.

Is that how it goes? No. It's not. He has another person. She calls the guy or girl and she'll be like, hey, you've been selected to send a free bouquet of roses to anybody you want. Who do you want to send them to? So it's like you've been punked, you know, but you've been caught cheating. Here's the thing. I'm terrified of pranks. When people say, oh, let's play a prank and we're going to play a prank on someone. People have assumed because I'm in comedy that I would love a prank. I hate a prank. Hmm.

Because I always think someone's going to get hurt. Yeah. Their feelings are going to get hurt or they're going to be physically hurt. Like, oh, it's really funny. They're going to open the box and this thing's going to spring out. And I immediately go to it's going to detach a cornea. Someone's going to get hurt. Yeah. Well, because you hear those things and then it's like, oh, it's all just for, you know. Yeah. A laugh. And then it's like, they're dead. They're dead. Wait a minute. No, I wasn't allowed. I don't think you should be pulling pranks, Al. No.

My mom. Elle's pranks are always like, yeah, and then it's a bomb. No, no, Elle. Elle. Yeah, but it's funny because who would expect a bomb? Elle. But no. No, we weren't really allowed, like my sister and I, like pranking. We weren't a pranking household. No, it's too dangerous. Yeah, that's what my mom was like. Like, no, no. You know what? Let's talk about your childhood because you grew up in Conyers, Georgia. Yes. And I.

It blew my mind because I realized today that that is the birthplace of Mr. Jack McBrayer, who plays Kenneth the Page. Yeah, Kenneth the Page on 30 Rock. He's from Conyers, Georgia. Oh, yes, but I know him. Oh, yeah, you know him real well. Wait, no, I know. Wait, I think it is you. I think it is you.

Wow, this is a terrible day for Jack McBrayer. I don't know what I do. Jack Mahou? From 31? Who played Kenneth, a he? I really do. I think he knows my aunt really well, and I think they went to school. Oh, that's so funny. He is a guy who would bother your aunt. Wait, let me make sure. Excuse me. Yeah, no, totally, and I've actually hung out with him a lot of times. Yay!

I just want to... Because he does know my aunt. Yeah, yeah. You don't know him from all of his film work. He's in Wreck-It Ralph. He's just not someone that, you know... No, hey, trust me. I know him real well and I never think of him.

I've spent a whole day with him and haven't heard from him. He's exactly from there. So it's a small, small town. But I constantly give him shit all the time about everything. And whenever we're like, I had lunch with him not that long ago, right near his apartment. And we, I just love to, if we get on an elevator, I'll go, now don't be scared about this technology. I know you don't have elevators in Conyers, Georgia. And he has such a thick accent. Yes. Oh my God. He sounds like a donkey. Oh my God.

Oh my God. He's like, oh my God. Anyway. Jack is just getting offended left and right. No, no, no. We have this relationship where I've been doing nothing but abuse this man for like 20 some odd years. I've never had a real conversation with him in my life.

But anyway. But he's the only other person you know that's from there. Yeah. Conyers, Georgia. And yeah. Oh, what you got there? I have an update from this person I will not name. OK, that's OK. I asked, is Ryan's roses fake? It is right. And the person said, depends on who is asking and what they would want to use this information for. Well, we have our answer. We have our answer. We have our answer. OK, well, cut that bit out.

No. No, right? Why? Why cut it out? I'll see what they're continuing to text. Is this the biggest secret in the world? I don't want to jeopardize their standing. Okay. This is a friend. Okay. Okay. Sure. Yeah. This is the biggest secret in the world. You're the one that introduced this whole. I know. You introduced this and now it's part of the podcast and you're a terrible person. I did not introduce this.

Well, you said I'll contact the guy. Oh, anyway, any mention of Conyers Georgia has to come out too. And also any mention of Elle Fanning. Also, I never said it was a guy. Okay. Good cover.

Sonia, you like to travel. You like to go away and have a good time. I do. I like taking the boys and Tack and I go somewhere. Yeah. For the holidays this year, we're thinking about, you know, just taking a trip to, you know, Lake Arrowhead for a week or something, you know, just somewhere nearby. Lake Arrowhead, that'd be beautiful. It would. And then it occurred to me recently, what happens, because you've got a lovely home. You guys have a beautiful home. You've done a very nice restoration on it. What happens to your home when you guys are away? It just sits there. Doyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy

It just sits there. It shouldn't. I know. Think about it. If you host, okay, if you host with Airbnb while you're away, it's basically like you're getting paid to travel. Exactly. I mean, it's genius. I know. So don't leave money on the table the next time you're out of town. When you're away, your home could be an Airbnb. Yeah.

It's a cool idea. Think about it. I will. And I've got good ideas. Your home, aka your future Airbnb, might be worth more than you think. I think yours would be worth a lot because you guys did a beautiful job on it. Thank you. I hope so. Yeah. Find out how much your home's worth at Airbnb.com slash host.

Amazon Prime is a collection of excellent services. Amazon Prime includes Prime Video, Amazon Music, and free same-day delivery. All of its services help you make the most of your holidays and enable your traditions to live on. I mean,

How do we get along without this new technology, this Amazon? I know. If you want to listen to all the holiday music, you could just put it on there. You want to watch holiday movies? Yeah, but if you want a gift, what I do to my wife now is I say, see that? Click. Get that from me. What?

Get it. I don't know why I talk that way. With Amazon Prime, you get next day free delivery so everything you need arrives just in time. Amazon Prime encourages your ability to celebrate the holidays. Prime services don't simply help you get closer to your passions. They help you discover new things to get into, which is true. It's a wonderful service. Whatever you're into or getting into, trust me,

It's on Prime. Sign up for Amazon Prime today from streaming to shopping. It's on Prime. Visit Amazon.com slash Prime to get more of whatever you're into. As a B2B marketer, you know how noisy the ad space can be. So noisy. There's just so much out there. So much. If your message isn't targeted to the right audience, it just disappears in the noise. It's like throwing a cork into the ocean in a storm. You just see it bob away. What?

Well, guess what? With LinkedIn ads, you can precisely reach the professionals who are more likely to find your ad relevant. Get your message to the right person. With LinkedIn's targeting capabilities, you can reach them by job title, industry, company, and more. You'll have direct access to and build relationships with decision makers. A billion members. Jeez. 130 million senior level executives and 10 million C-level executives. Stand out with LinkedIn ads and start converting your B2B audience.

into high-quality leads today. B2B means business to business. Start converting your B2B audience into high-quality leads today. They'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash teamcoco to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash teamcoco. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be. Dot, dot, dot, to be. ♪♪♪

Where were we? Let's see. Conyers, Georgia. We're back after having an off-mic discussion. Sure. Yeah, we had a quick off-mic discussion because someone here got us into legal jeopardy.

Matt Gourley. That was my superlative in high school, most legally dubious. Yeah, yeah. I did something very recently where there was a child actor on set and I was playing a Santa Claus and there was a quick break and...

And this woman came on the set, grabbed the child and took the child into another room and started teaching her algebra really quickly. Yeah. Like in between the shots, literally, you know, like a cosine and then, you know, remember negative numbers. And then we got to get back on set. Negative numbers.

But that's what it was like, right? It really was. Yeah, totally. Because I, I mean, I went to a regular school from fourth grade on and graduated senior year, whatever. But when I would work, I would like go and I'd had a studio teacher that would teach me things. And it would be like you'd be doing this like really intense scenes like.

be like crying and then going down to like a basement where they've like set up a little, you know, picnic table and two chairs and you're there and having to do your schoolwork. Right. And then I also because the school that I went to was pretty hard. Like I had to keep up with the schoolwork or like I couldn't do. Well, that's good. I mean, I think it's very important, but

Then I would be like staying up till like 3:00 AM, like getting stuff done and like writing papers. And like, I think now I'm like, how did I do that? - No, but you think about it. - Like I had the energy to do that when I was little. And now when I'm doing a project, I'm like so exhausted at the end of the day, but it used to be that I would go home and have all this like work to do and book reports. I'm like,

How did I find the time? But it's just so funny for me to think of, you know, an actor at your level who's doing this intense work. Even as a kid, you're doing this intense work and then quickly take a break and you got to go make a papier-mâché dinosaur. Yeah. But it's kind of nice. Yeah, there's something about it that is nice because you switch in and out of it. And it's, I don't know, I'm not the type of actor anyways that...

Yeah.

during in-between scenes had to learn stuff. So I'm just thinking of like- And then you'd be quizzed on it later. Yeah, but I'm thinking of like Al Pacino in Scarface, you know, and he's just doing this over the top, like, let me say hello to my little friend, and then they're cut, and he's in the next room, and they're like, now remember, the Kansas-Nebraska Act in 1950, he's like, he's like, oh, yeah, I got it, I think I got it, I got it.

So, okay. That's a great skit, actually. So everything north of the 50 degree latitude had to be, okay, those are, had to be, okay, a free state, but anything below, okay, and back on set. Say hello to my little dog.

I think everyone has to do that. I like that. You know, it's hard for me to believe that you've never you've never done a scene or you've never acted in a scene with your sister. Like you guys haven't done that yet. It's crazy. We've done I think the closest thing was an animated. We were in My Neighbor Totoro when they did the American the English dubbing.

like version of that and I was four Dakota was eight I guess and we played sisters in that but it was voiceover it's not the same not the same at all no no are you guys looking for something yes yes and we have a production company that we're producing projects together is it Llewellyn yeah Llewellyn Pictures did Llewellyn do The Great did you guys were you a producer on The Great yes yes well that's so great that is good for you yeah

Really cool. And Llewellyn is our she's was our family dog. But yeah, that's we're honoring her. But she yeah, we have this. We're, you know, always looking at projects. And we had a couple projects that were like, oh, it's almost going to work out that we were going to do together. And there are still some ideas because we have to make it happen. It's like,

It's crazy that we're always looking for it. I'm going to write the script. Great. No, no, it's good. And I've never, listen, first of all, never written a movie script, but I got it. And you'll be the third sister. Yeah, I'll be the third. Yeah, I'll look like the Wendy's girl. Hello, sisters. Do Chekhov's three sisters. You know what I love? It'll be you two and people will be like, this is great. This is fantastic. Then ding dong, yeah.

Me in a big red wig. Totally like checking out, looking into the camera lens, doing all the things you're not supposed to do. Totally unbelievable. Yeah. Wearing heels, six foot eight. Well, sisters. Well, I think that's very cool. You guys both have, because I know fashion. Mm-hmm.

you know, fashion is very important to you. Yes. And you seem like a very artistic type. I know you cook. I know you like to express yourself in different ways. And you like fashion. You like to take risks. Yeah. I do not take fashion risks. You are wearing a cashmere hoodie under a blazer. Yeah, basically. That is a risk. It's called the Larry David. I think this is what he, well, that's a risk. No, but it's like, it's a good color combo.

Thank you. It's dark green with the navy. I'm doing a benefit. It's very interesting. I'm doing a charitable thing tonight. Okay. So I'm usually dressed down for the podcast, but because I'm doing this charity thing tonight, I need to be dressed up a little bit. So this is me. I would say, but I don't take fashion risks. I mean, I don't. Yeah. What I'm saying is I know that you'll really go for it sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Which is cool. I don't think I have the guts to do that. I mean, I think.

I always, like, growing up, I was kind of allowed to, like, put my outfits together and wear what I wanted to. I did a lot of, like, thrifting and vintage shopping and stuff like that. So... And then it's like...

I don't know, acting, it also comes with this whole other area that's like this red carpet side, which is like, you know, which is weird because it's like not everyone likes to do that. Just because you're in movies, it doesn't necessarily mean that you want to like get your picture taken all the time. Sure. But I think, I don't know, for me, maybe I was like, I do like this.

Oh, yeah. I do like the red carpet kind of artistic expression and getting to, it's like another character, you know? Yeah. And keeping up with those things. It is so unfair. We'll be going someplace and we'll be seen and my wife will be in the closet for an hour and she'll keep coming out and trying different things. And I just go in and put on a suit. Right.

I know. And, you know, and when my, I just put on a suit and people, and everything is just like, yep, check, you're fine. And my wife will come in, she'll come out, she's in a beekeeper's outfit. And she goes back in, she comes out, she's, you know, she's wearing like a, you know, a lion costume. It's a fashion montage every time. Fur pants with like armored beards.

Flemish armored top. You know, she's trying all this crazy stuff. But I feel like it's so much the pressure is so much different. Yeah, there is. And there are some days you're just like, oh, gosh, like you have to think so much about that stuff. But then, I don't know, other times it's very fun. But it's interesting with like with movie like this, like certain press tours and stuff, you know that it's going to be, oh, you know,

what clothes you wear. And like, that's a part of promoting films now. Yes. I don't know. Like literally what clothes you wear. Well, let's talk about this because... And especially like Timothee Chalamet. Yeah. He's a fashionista himself. He is quite the fashionista. I just, I just was...

passed the television the other day and a commercial play. It was a men's cologne ad that he's in. For Chanel. For Chanel. And he's like falling through the air wearing. And I just thought, yep, they are never coming to me. Oh, wow. Look, if we can't get Timmy Chalamet, we've got Conan O'Brien on the line.

Martin Scorsese directed that ad. Oh, really? Well, let's get into it because a complete unknown, highly anticipated biopic about Bob Dylan and you are in this movie and you are playing. It's interesting. You're playing kind of a composite character. Yes. I mean, she I play in the

in the film her name is Sylvie Russo but she's based on Suze Vertolo who was Bob Dylan's girlfriend

And she's on the cover. Exactly. I mean, I know the iconic one of the most iconic covers ever is for the freewheeling Bob Dylan, where he's walking down the street in Greenwich Village. Yes. He's with a woman who's like sort of holding his arm and snuggling up against him. And that was his girlfriend at the time. Yes. And that's her. Yeah. And so that's who you're playing. That is. And it's really honestly, it's really true to their relationship. Yeah.

It's just her name is different. That's the only thing. And I think it was actually out of a request from Bob Dylan himself because everyone else's name is what their name was. Except for Timmy, who plays Dobby Billen. Yeah. He's a folk singer, but everything's a little off. Exactly. He sings Glowin' in the Wind. Stand, lady, stand. Stand, lady, stand. Stand, lady, stand. Stand, lady, stand. Stand, lady, stand.

Do not sit long. You must stand. Stand, lady, stand. Well, first of all, I am so excited to see this film. And I would think, because also I'm fascinated with that period. We're talking 1961, 60, 61, around that era. In the village. And I've always thought...

Clearly, there are times in American, not just American history, in all world history, there are times where there's a moment that happens in a city that's organic. It happens in a place. It happened in Seattle in the late '80s, early '90s with grunge. It happened in Liverpool in the late '50s and '60s. Something was going on in the village in the '50s. Stuff is percolating.

And Bob Dylan makes his way there from Hibbings, Minnesota. Yep. And changes everything. And so, I mean, and you guys are incredible actors. I'm, I'm, cannot wait to see this movie. Yeah, it was so amazing to see. And I, yeah, because it's

It takes place from like 61 to 1965, basically ending when he was at the Newport Folk Festival and goes electric for the first time. It changes the course of music forever. And gets booed. Yes. And I think he was... Well, he was called Judas at that festival. What happened? I don't know if it was that one. I know in our movie it is because we play...

You know, we try to stay true, of course, to what happened. But then at the same time, it is a film. And James Mangold, who directed the movie, he wanted to take liberties as well because it is a movie. And also Bob Dylan himself as a figure. He is so mysterious and he himself likes to play with what's true or not. You know, we don't necessarily know all the truth. First of all, I am I have no time for people that sit and watch a biopic and say, hold on a second. That happened in October. I know. I know.

What they described in the film, it's November because they just had, you know, I think... And there are those people. Yes, there are those people. But the point of a film like this, an endeavor like this, in my opinion, is to capture the spirit and the energy of what was happening and transport you. It is not a visit...

To the IRS where you have all of your documents ready. So the stuff that happens in entertainment that is so out there and so explicit and so crazy. And you realize that Bob Dylan basically just plugged in his guitar and played electric at a folk festival. And someone in the crowd shouts, Judas! Yes.

Because, because, I mean, it's so preposterous now and so laughable. But there are these famous stories of he's playing and Pete Seeger's backstage with an axe trying to cut the electricity cable. So they say. Again, so they say. But you think about, oh, Pete, you know,

rap hasn't shown up yet. You know, like, like funk, rap. I mean, there's all this stuff that's going to blow your mind. You know, like, he's still playing folk with an electric guitar. And it just takes that kind of one person to be daring enough to change, you know, and step outside of the box. He risked, I mean, he,

He disappointed his core fan base, which you're never supposed to do. I've done it many times. I think I'm very brave. I think I'm very brave. Yes. If that can be the pull quote from this interview. What did Elle say about the movie? Well, Conan kept talking over her and he kept shouting, I'm very brave.

And don't sell yourself short. You've disappointed all of us as well. I was calling, listen, you are my core fan base. Oh, no. That's the bad news. Oh, no. Oh, man. But I would think... We are going to host the Oscars. I know, yeah. I know. That's insane. I know. But they'll... That's exciting. It's exciting, but I think they'll, after this interview, they'll revoke it. They'll say, Kona, did you shout, I'm brave at Elle Fanning? Um...

But I would think, Elle, I mean, I was born in 63. So this is ancient history to me because I wasn't connected to it in any way. But for you, this might as well be 1861. You know, it's such a long time ago. But...

the style of that time is so iconic. Oh, completely. And I mean, not just the music, but getting to, I would just think from a art production standpoint, like I really want to see the movie and I'm looking forward to the performances and the story, but I'm also looking forward to the cars, the guitars, the clothing. Yeah.

Yeah, it's really shot with like such authenticity. I mean, we shot in New York and also New Jersey because obviously a lot of those iconic New York streets now are very modernized. So we we actually took like in Hoboken kind of created like cafe walkers.

and West Village, you know, over there. Ariane Phillips did our costumes and she's just absolutely incredible. I think Timmy had like 70 outfit changes because it really goes from him like starting Robert Zimmerman to Bob Dylan. Like you see him as someone from Minnesota who like literally just got off the bus and seeing New York for the first time. So there's such an evolution that he takes in the film. And I was...

Huge. Saying this, it's like, oh gosh, I hear how I sound, but it honestly is true. But I was a huge Bob Dylan fan because...

Cameron Crowe, I did We Bought a Zoo with him when I was 13. I think that's what I came on your show for the first time. But he introduced me to Bob Dylan and I became like a Bob Dylan nut. And I wasn't allowed to have posters on my room, but I had a corkboard. And on the corkboard, I had Bob Dylan up there. And I would write every day. And I have to find photos of this something. But in middle school, I would write Bob Dylan on my hand right here in cursive.

Every day. Wow. Like weird. I don't know why I also did that. I think I was like, I'm cool, you know. I like Bob Dylan. And in middle school, I was like, you don't know who he is, you know. And I'm like, I do. But I did that. And I really did. So I feel like I manifested like getting this part. It's kind of wild. You manifested it. Kids in school were like,

What is that? Who is that? I'm like, you don't know. Wow. You sounded like an awful kid. I know. I was just more like, oh, you know. I love that. You don't know, do you? I wrote his name on my hand and you couldn't possibly know. Exactly.

What kind of kid were you? Well, bye-bye now. Yes. Yeah, I... But I was very excited about doing this. I was like, what? And they came to me. I was like freaking out. People have dream boards where they're supposed to, right? Vision boards. Vision boards where you're supposed to... Your hand was your vision board. That's right. You were just manifesting things. Totally. Totally. I mean, I know the movie they'd been trying to do for a while with the strike and...

And like Timothy's been training for it for like five years now. So he he sang everything live. He did the guitar live. And it was really kind of amazing, like hearing him for the first time. Like it was extraordinary. And we were in. So funny when you said he tripped and training really hard. I thought he went the Marvel route. Yeah. And so he shows up as this completely jacked and he just misunderstood. Yeah.

Bob Dylan just all roided up. Exactly. V-shaped torso. Yeah. I'm all set to go. I put on a hundred and...

Put on 150 pounds of muscle. Well, now we need to do your algebra. Come on. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So what, uh, so I didn't realize, I didn't realize he did all of his own. He did. Yeah. All of his own singing. I was in like an auditorium for the first time and hearing him sing. I think it was a hard rain's going to fall. He was singing that. And all the background artists like in the auditorium were like, that's not him. Like he's lip singing. I was like, yes, it is. I like tapped him. I was like, I know it is. I know it's him. Um,

You're always a know-it-all in all your stories. Again, I happen to know it is. And I've written it is on my hand. Like the most annoying person. Like, well, it actually is.

Oh, no. We should have you just pop into the podcast every now and then and go, ah, ah, it is. Was that Al Fanning who just popped through that little window? Well, you have Conan O'Brien written on your hand currently. I'll start. I'll start. I don't know what that'll manifest, but, you know. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to know. Being

Being on the podcast a ninth time. That's so cool. I'm looking forward to, I'm really looking forward to seeing it. And, you know, one of the things that fascinates me about Bob Dylan and always has is he was a shapeshifter. He probably still is a shapeshifter. Totally made shit up left and right. So there's this famous introduction a couple of years before the incident where he plugged in. There's this famous incident where Bob Dylan's introduced by Pete Seeger at...

And Pete Seeker says, you know, he tried to run away from home nine different times, but was caught and returned. And then finally he like jumped a train and came here and camped out with hobos. And here he is tonight. And he and they everyone believed that it later turned out to be his like parents were like, well, good luck. Yeah.

Here's some money and don't forget to write. Here's a cell phone. Yeah. Here's a credit, you know, whatever. He had made it up. Yeah. And he said he worked at or that he like worked at a carnival. Yes. And yeah, he said whatever. Part of the traveling circus, which I don't know if that's true. I don't know. But I guess I think it's part of an American tradition where people

William Faulkner completely made up his past. Ernest Hemingway made up stuff. Great artists invent themselves. I believe that. And they come up with all these stories. And I think Faulkner had everyone convinced that he had flown in the Royal Air Force in World War I. It's like, nope, completely untrue. You know, he was like tending a furnace, you know, somewhere in like Tennessee or something. But it's

But it's part of the creative process in a weird way. Sometimes you hear it and you think, oh, yeah, that's that's a sociopath. But no, that was his that was part of his process was inventing himself. Yeah, definitely. And I think even like through his I mean, obviously his songs and he's like one of the greatest writers, I think.

that we have. I mean, and it is interesting like thinking about he didn't want to kind of deal with the fuss of people judging him for his past. Yeah. You know, like he just was like, this is my work. I want you to judge at face value. I thought it was hilarious when he won, he won the Nobel Prize. And I just love that he was annoyed. Yeah.

I don't want to go. What do I have to go to get in? You know, just like annoyed by it all. Yes. Which would not be anyone else's reaction to winning the Nobel Prize. Exactly. Didn't want the fuss. Yeah. I know. I never, I haven't met him. I was told. I thought you did meet Bob Dylan. No, I did not. I was told. Timothy hasn't met him either. Jim has met him, James Mangold. But we have not met him. I was told that

I was going to have a rehearsal with Jim and Bob Dylan. I got this email. And I was like, oh, my God. I was like, this is amazing. Like, I have to pick out what I'm going to wear. I have to, like, what am I going to say to him? What am I going to ask? I'm, like, so excited. And I walk in the next day, and it's Jim and Timmy. Oh, no. And I was like, oh, what? Boo. I know. Who wants to meet Timothy Chalamet? I know. I was like.

What a waste of time. No, I thought it was Bob Dylan. We were laughing over that. Was he in character the whole time or something? No, I think it's just like, sometimes they do that on set. He's just being whimsical. Well, there's, you know, and, you know, an assistant had like written it down, Bob Dylan. It was like Bob Dylan.

both names like Bob Dylan, all caps, bold in bold. So maybe I should have realized. I've met him briefly. I've told you I've told it before. But just because you're here and it lines up perfectly, I can do it really quickly backstage at a concert with my good friend and guitarist Jimmy Vivino in this sort of backstage area. And then I'm pushed, like literally pushed into a room and there's a bunch of people there. And then suddenly I'm because of the way people are moving in the room, suddenly I'm sort of

spit out at the front of the room and there is Bob Dylan staring at me and I'm right in front of him and he's got the little tiny pencil mustache that he had during that phase where he's wearing the string ties and the little pencil mustache and he looks at me and he goes, hey,

I know you from the TV. Whoa. And then just then I get interrupted by somebody who literally drags me out of my one conversation I'm going to have with Bob Dylan. And Bob Dylan like skitters away. Oh, no. And that person was Al Gore. Oh.

Whoa. And I've always been pissed at Al Gore ever since because literally he went, hey, I know. He said, I know you from the TV. And I'm about to go like, oh, my God, Bob Dylan. And I'm just about to speak to him. And he's looking at me when I hear Conan, Conan, it's me, Al Gore. Oh, my God, no. Global warming is a reality. It's an inconvenient truth. The earth is warming by three degrees every day. And I see Bob Dylan shrug and kind of walk away. Oh, my God.

Did you know that? And that was it. But he knows you. He knows me from the TV. He didn't know my name. And it wasn't the TV. It was the TV. Accent on the TV. I got to get to Chalamet and tell him that's how you pronounce TV. Yeah, yeah. You should have told him. I saw him at a concert right before we went at the Kings Road Theater in New York. And I saw him and I actually... So sad. Yeah.

I had eaten a bad turkey sandwich.

And I was like in the middle, like the concert, I'd never seen Bob Dylan live before. And I'm like, I knew I was doing the movie and Timothy was there and were there. And I just was like, oh no, I'm going to throw up. And so it was, I had to leave like halfway through. And actually I, so I ran out of the stadium and it's like a beautiful theater, like really kind of grand and gold. It's like, it's really pretty. Run out right next to the concession stand, like in the lobby. And I can't make it to the bathroom just barely.

puke turkey sandwich all in the carpet. Oh, my God. And then I know I was like, oh, gosh. And I had I had to leave and I went to the bathroom. And then when I came back, they had like a sad little like cone over my throat, you know, like avoid this area. I was like, no, I have to get back to the concert. Oh, that's terrible. I must see. I know. So what was the turkey sandwich? It was not Bob. Yeah, exactly. It was a turkey sandwich. Well, I don't even I think you met to

Timmy Chalamet, but you don't even know it. I met him right before he blew up. I went and had ice cream with him. We went to ice cream after. What was that like? He was cool. He was like a young kid. He at that point had already been in Interstellar, the one with Matthew McConaughey. He was in that movie already. He had a small part in it. I think everyone was like, you're going to do great. You'll be great. And then Call Me By Your Name came out.

Yeah, you sat him down, I think, and said, you know, look, you should try comedy because acting's not your thing. And you'll, you know, try comedy and maybe you could be like half a Conan O'Brien one day. Remember when you said that? I did. I did. I was like, I don't know. Comedy seems like it would be a better fit for you than drama. And he's like, I'm going to show these two people. Yeah. You made him. We did make him. It's because of us. What's the major villain on the show?

Origin story. Yeah. Do you know what he has written on his hand? Conan is wrong. Yeah. Well, I wrote that on my hand as well. Yeah, I've seen it. Yours is a little... Yours is fucking wrong. Yeah, I think we all do. I think all five of us have something. I just had it tattooed. You know what's so nice?

I was reading different interviews with you in preparation for chatting to you today, and you said something really interesting to me, which is that you've learned different things from different people. You say that a big part of your education was working with Sofia Coppola. So your education continued long after your formal education. And I really believe in that. I really believe we learned so much.

But you said that you learned manners from working with Kirsten Dunst and Nicole Kidman. You were working with them and you learned manners. And I thought, nobody talks about manners. And now I'm gonna sound like an old man.

But I promise you, I think it is a magic power. It's a magical thing to be well-mannered. Yeah. And you are exceptionally well-mannered. You're just a, you're a very kind person. And I don't think people understand the superpower that that is. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, totally. And no one talks about it a lot. Oh.

Oh, yeah. They don't talk about, it's all about, well, you know, obviously you've got to have talent, but you also have to like, you've got to be tactical and you've got to do this. And I was like, how about, I swear to God. Just being nice. Being well-mannered. Being well-mannered. And I understand it's, maybe it's, I've always heard it's part of a Southern thing. Like Jack is insanely well-mannered. So anytime Jack McBrayer comes to my house, two days later, I get a note. Sir, it was an honor.

honor, you know. I have a feeling that's not what it says. No, no. He doesn't say it was an honor, but he does, he does write, he says, it was lovely, it was an honor hanging out with your wife. Everyone likes Liza. People tolerate me, but, but no, it's just like, that's such a nice thing. Yeah, it's true. I mean, I think like,

You must have learned a lot. Just growing up, you know, from I didn't go to like acting class or anything. So it's just like being on set and around different personalities and different people and picking up on, you know, what people do. And I mean, honestly, it's like my mom. Yes. Like, you know, she would be on set with me or my grandmother. Yeah.

and I would have, you know, write a note, get wrap gifts for everyone. Like I've just always done that. Even like small things about like putting at the end of the day, like your costume, like making sure that it's like hung up, that you hang it up in the trailer. Because then you hear, because you hear people say like, they just throw and they're like, thank you so much for just hanging it up. It's like, well, it takes like,

a second to do that. You know, like it's and also sometimes it makes you realize how other people are behaving. Right. I've had situations where I don't know, I'm doing something and I'll, uh,

I don't know, it'll be like a Sirius XM record in New York or something and I'm headed out and I'll pass the person at like the front thing and I'll say, I'm going to get coffee. Do you want any? And they go, what? What? And I'm thinking, I'm not giving you a kidney. Right. I'm saying I'm getting a coffee. Would you like one too? And you realize, oh,

It's such little things like that. I know, it just makes you feel better to, I don't know, to be kind. I mean, it sounds so cliche and easy, but in this business, it's like there's a lot of not nice people. Why'd you look at me? I don't know.

And by the way, that's a made up story about getting the coffee. I was like, did you really get coffee? No, I think you took the coffee from that person. I took her coffee and I said, thanks for the java. Now go get your own. But you are known, you actually are known as like the nicest and the best. Well, that's very sweet. You are. Everyone says it and everyone thinks it sucks.

Sona, you've seen the real me. I have seen the real you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have. I have. It's coming out in a tell all. You already wrote it. The real Conan O'Brien. You wrote a book. Yeah, I did. I know. That's right. I did. She wrote a New York Times bestseller called World's Worst Assistant. She basically put it all out there. But it's basically the two of us. It's good to have a little egg. Mostly you read the book and it's a hilarious book, but you mostly just read the book and think,

Both of these people are idiots who shouldn't be allowed to do anything. I think I started writing it thinking it would be a takedown of you, but it was really just an indictment on me and how bad I was as your assistant. But being your assistant, I will say there's a difference you can see between people who will dismiss you and people who actually...

talk to you. Right. I got that a lot. Right. Yeah. And it makes a really big difference. Yeah. What do you mean? Just remembering people's names. You know people. You know what I mean? Like on set you do meet a lot of people. It's like,

like people can sometimes just be very rude to assistants because they're trying to get to you. And there's a lot of people who will actually talk to you. I had a really interesting thing happen to me. I've never forgotten it, which is I was working on The Simpsons. I was a writer producer there. This is before I got the, uh,

talk show and I'm probably, I don't know, 26. I used to just wear like a t-shirt and kind of that, you know, that red James Dean, a kind of iconic jacket with the flip up collar. I had one of those. So I'm wearing like, that's just how I'm dressed and I'm wearing sneakers. And I remembered I was going to go meet my friend, Suzanne Daniels, who was a big exec over on the Fox lot. I remember for some reason I had a package in my hand that was just my package. And I walked into

into this office and I said, "Yeah, I'm here for Suzanne Daniels." And this person behind the desk went, "Yeah, just put that down. Just leave it there." And I went, "Well, actually..." And they went, "Just put it down, okay? Like, because I'm the delivery guy." Yeah.

I kept trying to stall and the person was just looking through me like I didn't exist. And then, of course, Suzanne saw me and went, Conan, hey! And this person, she was like, have you met Conan? He's a writer-producer at The Simpsons and he's going to have a late night show in a year and a half, even though nobody knows that yet. She just knew? Yes, she did. He is a delivery boy. Yeah.

But anyway, I just saw in a moment. And then he's like, oh. I saw status completely shift arbitrarily. Mm-hmm. Because why does that make a difference? Yeah. And yeah. Completely. Yeah. That executive was Jeff Ross. Oh, no. Yeah. He was terrible to me. Oh, I'm sorry. When he was assistant. No, that doesn't make any sense. You made it. Yeah.

I know. You really messed that up. Fixed that up. Yeah, I got it wrong. But anyway. No, you know who the assistant was? Who? It was a very, very young Timothee Chalamet. Oh, my God. Wow. Bring it in around. Yeah, I remember it. He was a fetus. Uh-huh. It was like, there was a fetus, a really good-looking fetus. Yeah. Wearing, like, some kind of exotic cologne. Yeah.

He said, like, just leave the package there. And I said, why do you have an umbilical cord? Just leave the feet. Just leave it there. And cue the rap, like, here we go.

Got us out. Hey, Elle, everyone's going to see this movie. And I'm just it's a complete unknown. It's you, Timothee Chalamet and Edward Norton, Edward Norton. And I can't wait to see it. But also, anytime you want to come in and just sit down and talk about anything. You're one of my favorite people. No, seriously. I want to podcast.

I want to like, because the office is, it was, this is really nice with the kitchen and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Just don't go in there. That's our kitchen. Yeah.

Like I've already had like pockets full of snacks. Okay, well, I'll need you to empty your coat before you leave. Snacks don't grow on trees. No, Conan, they're nuts. They literally grow on trees. You are an absolute delight. And as you know, I'm a massive fan of The Great and watching you in that role

walk this crazy tightrope of being near-death experiences, being assaulted, but then being hilariously funny in the next scene. I don't know how you do it. It's one of the best performances I've seen in a show ever, and it's one of my favorite shows. And then you just have this insane career, and you're a delight. You're a delightful person. So come back any time. I will. And thanks for being here and sharing your energy with us, because these guys are sucking the life out of me.

Everyone's got the big villain in their life. You know who mine is? Who? The person in my house that opens a vanilla yogurt a little bit, takes like one or two spoonfuls and then closes that foil back up again. This is so passive aggressive because it's just you and your wife. Gotcha, baby. I need just a little for my smoothie. Take the whole thing and leave it alone. It's not that big.

She's the villain in my life. How do you sleep at night, honey? Well, you already know the answer. Mattress Firm. Mattress Firm will find you the right bed with their wide selection of quality mattresses at every price. Rest easy with Mattress Firm's 120-night sleep trial. Love it or your money back. You can sleep on this for 120 nights and then say, hmm.

and ship it back? I don't think so. You're going to love it. See a lower price somewhere else? Mattress Firm will match it with their low price guarantee. Wow! Get matched at Mattress Firm's Black Friday sale and sleep at night. The restrictions apply. See mattressfirm.com or store for details. And text Conan to 766693 for $100 off your next purchase at Mattress Firm. Exclusions apply. ♪

When you give a gift from L.L. Bean, you're giving favorites in the making, designed with thoughtfulness and care for years of joyful connection. That's really something, because when I usually give a gift, it provides, I'm going to say, 15 minutes of joyful appreciation, if that. Yeah. I don't give great gifts, but L.L. Bean...

years of joyful connection, like the cozy Sherpa wearable throw made from cozy Sherpa fleece with a hood and two hand pockets. What? I love two hand pockets. I do too. Over 1,800 five-star reviews and counting. That's a lot of five-star reviews. A favorite gift for home, camp, or backyard. It's the perfect gift for anyone from teenagers to

Listen to that rock and roll. Yeah. To grandparents. Oh, it hurts. To book club friends. I read that. Shop the cozy Sherpa wearable throw and more holiday favorites at LLB.com slash gifts. This message is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know what my favorite part of the holiday is? You light a fire. You know, you get that Christmas music playing or whatever holiday you prefer. Right.

Could be any holiday. Any, it could be Valentine's Day. No, that doesn't make sense. Oh. Specifically at Christmas. Okay. I just was trying to include all different religions that happened around that time of year. Oh, that's what you were talking about. Yeah, you totally screwed up. Yeah. That's just, if you're listening to Valentine's Day music, I think something's wrong with you.

Well, anyway, there are lots of ways to get cozy during the holiday season, whether it's a mug of cocoa or wrap it up in a blanket. There's another way to therapy. Therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort that never goes away, even when the season changes. You know, and people, I think, sometimes forget that taking care of their mental health is a very important part.

of being good to yourself. Yeah, and the holidays are especially hard for some people. They are very tricky. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire.

to get matched with a licensed therapist. And then you switch therapists anytime you need to for any reason for no additional charge. So think about this. You're taking care of a lot of people on the holidays. Take care of yourself. And if you want to get cozy, remember self-care is one of the best ways to get cozy. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Conan today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Conan.

We thought we might initiate a series of staff reviews here at the Team Coco facilities. We're going to start with your producer, longtime producer, Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross, not to be confused with the Roastmaster General, Jeff Ross, the comedian. Jeff Ross has been my producer. We really started in late night together. What is it, 31 years ago, Jeff? 93 April. April.

of 93. We met in April of 93. So someone do the math. I don't want to. I think it's been... You want to go to calculator? No, no. It's been 57 years. I don't care enough. Anywho, you get the point. We've been together side by side on this crazy adventure through show business. And what we're doing, Jeff, is thinking that maybe we just review people, talk to them about their work. It's not going to go well. No, no, no. It's going to go well.

Of course it's going to go well. Jeff, you've been with me at the helm of this ship for a long time. That's how I do it. We've been through highs, we've been through lows, we've been through highs again, and then some more lows, then lots of lows, then a quick high, then years and years. No, it's been great. It's been great. We've had a great ride, but I think it's time for a brief catch-up lately on your performance here at the show. Jeff, I'm just going to come out and say it.

In all the time I've known you, you've worn glasses. Okay? This is where you're going. You've worn glasses the whole time I've known you. True. Very recently, you had a surgical procedure which you needed to have. This was not elective. It was a surgical procedure that you needed to have on your eyes. And while they were doing that surgery, they were like, hey, we can correct your vision at the same time. That's the way it works. That's the way it works. So they corrected your vision.

And I didn't, you didn't, first of all, talk to any of us about this. You went ahead and had this surgery, which you had to have, which you had to have. Hold on. Why would he talk? Because I talked to Jeff about all the surgeries I have. That's true. We've talked to each other about our various surgeries. When I was circumcised and then I went back and had it put back on. What? And then I was circumcised and then had it put back on again. I tried to talk him out of it both times. You had it and you were just like, put it back? Yeah, I wanted it back. You got to keep it? They couldn't, well. I was holding it for a while. Here's the thing. I don't.

Jeff had it for a while in his wallet. The way high school kids keep a condom in their wallet. People were like, Jeff, you've got a condom in your wallet? He's like, no, no, no. It's Conan's fourth kid.

But thank you for keeping it. You're supposed to moisturize it, but he didn't. So anyway. So wait, it's back on there? Just like an old dry pig ear? Yeah, well, we went back and forth two times because I kept changing my mind. Now it's back on and I'm not convinced it's mine. But that's a whole other story. Anyway, that's not why we're having this review. Okay. The focus should not be on the crazy surgeries that I've had.

Butchering my member. Maybe they should be. But Jeff, you had this thing and you come in and suddenly you're not wearing glasses because you don't need to anymore because you have now 20-20 vision. But I need readers. You need readers. But most of the time you're walking around the office. I just went on, we shot a travel show together in a foreign land. We

we travel the world together and you're not wearing glasses and you're, he's Jeff. You will agree. A very good looking man. Yes. You're a good looking guy. You are. You're a, you're a good looking man. Um, your, your whole, listen, the whole time I've been with Jeff, people, women always nudge me like that. Jeff Ross is a good looking guy. And I'm like, Hey, what am I chopped liver over here? Um, but, uh, Jeff, what's up? What? Uh,

I said, you make it about you? Yeah, I was born on make it about you mountain. So Jeff isn't wearing glasses now and he comes in and you walk around, you don't have glasses on and I can't get used to it.

And I'm not the only one. A couple of us, Eduardo, feel free to weigh in. Weird. It's weird. I can't get used to it. And here's the thing. I can't get used to it. And you'll get to talk in just a second. Wait a minute. I'm not even sure that's true. I might just keep talking. This is a great staffer. A lot of us are having trouble adjusting. And the thing is, it's our problem because you've had a certain look for a long time, but and then suddenly it changed and you look great.

but I'm not used to it. What are we going to do, Jeff? Let me say two things. First of all, I'm not used to it either because still I wake up in the morning and I reach over to the bedside table. Actually, it's on my left. And to reach for my glasses and they're not there. And sometimes at night when I brush my teeth and I wash my face, I reach for my glasses and they're not there. What I might do, I'm considering is what you did, which is get like...

progressive nothing up top and readers at the bottom. Yeah. Yeah. I'm considering that. I don't mind wearing glasses and I just decided, yeah, I did the progressive thing. So my eyes without glasses are fine, but I don't like putting glasses on and off all the time. Yeah, this is a pain. And so I just wear glasses so that when I can pick up a book and read...

And I'm sorry, I have a question. This is a staff review. OK, let me get back to the review part. I just do a segment of reviewing the staff reviews because I have a couple of notes. But listen, please, let's talk about your progressive lenses. Well, I didn't put it on that. That was Jeff who made the executive producer decision. You asked me a question and I answered it.

No, here's what I'm saying. I want you to immediately, it's a staff review. I want you to immediately start wearing glasses.

I want you to wear them all the time. There you go. No, those are at the end of your nose. Now you look like Grandma Moses. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't work. Okay, I want you, and if not- I'm going to go do what you did. No, no, no. Let's not get back on- Because I do that a lot anyway. Let's not get on to progressives again because that's a, Sona's told us that's a bad topic. I had a thought. Go back to your foreskin. No, no, no. That's a separate episode. That's from my staff review. Yeah, that's a different kind of staff review. And by the way, I could get it again. Yeah. Oh.

So listen, Jeff, I had an idea, which is that you get a tattoo of glasses on your eyes. You get glasses drawn on as if you fell asleep at a fraternity. And instead of a penis on your cheek, it's just some really nice glasses. Tom Ford glasses. Only if we can go back to New Zealand to that place with the guy with the crazy tattoos on his arm. He does it.

Okay. You like that guy. You like the tattoos. I like to keep it secret where we're going, but Jeff, I guess, likes to just blab it out there. Wait, you thought it was a secret because everybody knew you were there. Yeah, that's true. I saw so many things on social media. All I heard the whole time was in the van was, Blake, how's socials doing? How's socials doing? Staff reviews. Staff reviews. I like the idea of no glasses. Yeah.

It's a whole new world. I just have to get used to it. But I want, I like things. I'm at a stage in my life. I'm no spring chicken where I like things to be the same. And so the other thought that I had was get Jeff two monocles and he puts one in each eye and you walk around with two monocles. Yeah.

You know, Colonel Clank had one, you get two. I remember. And then when you're in a meeting with me and you're surprised by something like Conan stole that much from the budget, your eyes widen and they both fall out. That would be funny. One at a time, maybe. Yeah, one and then the other. Well, when something's quizzical or skeptical, one falls out.

One falls out, yeah, but you meant to keep the other. Anyway, these are just ideas you should think about. I appreciate that. And it's weird for me too. Would you like to maybe quickly review me since you and I, you're the only person that can, you're the only one that has the authority. How am I doing, Jeff? You're doing great. We're still working. Wow. We're still going. We're still going. You don't have any notes? I have a few notes. We can feed you a few notes. You don't have notes? I've been riding this gravy train for 31 years. Okay? If you think I'm going to start giving notes...

You're crazy. Jeff's sitting on top of the caboose of the gravy train. Well, Jeff, other than the glasses, and get that shit straightened away. I will. A plus all the way. I like it. Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you. And I thought this was pretty painless. Totally painless. All right. Foreskin on the table. Oh, come on. Come on.

Take it away, Jimmy. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

Man, holidays coming up. Gets pretty intense, doesn't it? It does. Very intense. During the holiday season, it feels like you're packing a lot into every second. Everything gets compressed.

Pressure. It's stressful. So much to do. That's why ADT spends all their seconds helping protect all of yours. While you're out, the ADT Plus app gives you complete control over who has access to your home. With the Google Nest doorbell from ADT, you can know for sure if that's Santa or Aunt Mildred at the front door. See, I'd be suspicious because I don't have an Aunt Mildred. It's Aunt Mildred. Thief.

ADT has the largest number of companies owned 24-7 monitoring centers in the industry. When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com today or call 1-800-ADT-ASAP. Google and Google Nest Doorbell are trademarks of Google LLC.

Hi, we're All Modern. We believe designing your space should be easy and simple. At All Modern, we have the best of modern furniture and decor all in one place. With

With styles from Scandi and mid-century to minimalist and maximalist, every design is hand-vetted for quality by our team of experts. And did we mention fast plus free shipping? That means you can upgrade your space in days, not weeks. That's modern made simple. Shop now at allmodern.com.