Martin Short Live From SiriusXM NY
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This episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend is sponsored by Macy's. Let's introduce the man of the hour, Mr. Conan O'Brien! Hey, how are you? Hi, how are you? Wow. Uh, well, that was sad. Um...

No, no, that was too much. You got to try and get it a little bit in the middle. Not there. Let's stop with the woos. This is the smallest crowd I've ever played. But I know there are people. Oh, there you are. Good. Hi. Hi. Nice to see you. You're behind glass.

This is like they're testing a product, and these are people watching. I was, Blay, you introduced me. I didn't know I was being introduced. I was as far away from you. There's a hallway outside here at SXM that goes, it's like 150 yards, and I was way down there talking to our guest when I heard, go to the barn! Go to the barn!

So I ran like a madman to get here, and that's why I've had a heart attack. Now listen, we're going to have a wonderful, wonderful show. Thank you for being here. How did you all get here, by the way? Love the shirt. Don't wear it in the rain. How did you all get here? Did you apply? What happened? Are you contest losers? What happened? Yes? Team Coco winner from Instagram. Hey, nice. All right. And I know we hit a ticket somewhere. I don't know where that...

What happened? So tell me how you found that ticket. I'm just, I did a thing where I said we were going to hide this ticket outside Macy's. Were you watching?

Yeah, I saw it about 20 minutes later and I knew exactly where it was because I worked a couple of blocks away. So this is the biggest moment of your life. There will never be anything. You'll have children. You'll probably become president. But this is the biggest moment of your life. Yeah, it's all downhill from here. Yeah, yeah. Starting right now, you're going to hate the interview.

You're going to loathe it. I can't talk to these people because they're in the witness protection program behind glass. And I think there are people listening elsewhere, but it's really wonderful to be here. I call it Sirius XM. That's my little nickname for it.

I love coming to New York. I've been having a wonderful time. And I want to bring out a good friend of mine. He grew up in a cornfield in southern Illinois. And this is his first time in the big city. And I'm not kidding. He got scared when we got into an elevator yesterday. I told him, relax. It's a magic room. Let's bring him out here. David Hopping. David. A magic room. David, you are from, tell us where you're from. I'm from Carlinville, Illinois. It's near Springfield. Okay. And it's a town of like 11 people. Like five.

Like 5,000. About 11,000. 6,000. What's that? You guys can sit in the chairs. Why would we sit? Well, I'm just saying. It's the intro segment for the podcast. Who are you? I'm just... I'm saying you could stand also, but there's some nice comfy chairs there. Okay, you're right. There's some comfortable chairs. Why wouldn't we sit? There's a good sitting energy. Yeah, there's mics there. Okay, these mics work. Okay. It's nice of you to come. David, you've seen... We've been here about three days, and you've seen 15 Broadway shows. Yes.

I've seen three so far and then I'm seeing one on Saturday. Yes. Yeah. And, uh, it's great. I mean, when you were growing up in this tiny, tiny town where there's just corn, I mean, corn is every, there's a lot of corn. Yeah. There's a lot of corn and you didn't have a television. There was no heat or, or, and, and you grew up, uh,

you know, you were, I think you were a scarecrow for a while. I'm curious. Okay. And then you come to this city with Conan O'Brien. The only time I've ever been to this city is with you. And you walk around with me. I do. And your job is to tell people, hey, look, it's Conan O'Brien. He's brilliant. He's so needy. They don't seem to recognize me. You're very good at that. Thank you. Yeah. And you hand out. Someone has to do it. Yeah. You hand out, he hands out my bio explaining it. Oh, the Simpsons. Yeah.

Well, I hope you're having a good time. I am. Because that's really your job is to have a good time. The last time we were here, we spent Valentine's Day at the...

I had a really nice restaurant. I sent my wife a picture because we were here for work and I sent my wife a picture of David and I at a romantic restaurant. And I said, no, don't be sad. It was a lovely evening. I got you a rose. Remember that? You were maybe going to have a friend visit. So we had like a third place set up. And then finally the waiter just came and slowly just took it away.

It was tragically sad, but I had a good time. Yeah. You're a good friend. Thank you. You're my paid friend. You're an assistant. Yes. And this is fun. It's really fun to be here. There's an energy in New York. Yeah. Well, it's terrible. I think it makes us better versions of ourselves. We are better. Yeah. We were nice. I've been to a couple of Broadway shows already. You have. It's been wonderful. Your wife's been to a lot, too. Anything to get away from me. She goes without me.

She brings a handsome guy with her. Well, I think we should probably... What should we do? Should we bring out our guest now? Blay, you're in charge of this. You're the boss. If you want to bring out the guest, we got a great guest. You're holding the mic kind of close to your mouth in a weird way. I don't really know how these work. I've only seen kind of American Idol. Everyone I'm talking to so far is not a professional. You

You came to Conoco to install air conditioning. That's right. And then we just gave you a mic and we let you go. And you, I don't even remember how we found you. I just walked in one day. We have no security at Team Coco. I think he's our security. David's our security. Yeah, I'm really threatening everybody. Very intimidating. Yeah, exactly. You tell people, leave Conan alone or I'll take you to the Broadway show Smash. Yeah, I went to see Smash. I had a great time.

Yeah. Wait, didn't you see two shows last night? I did a double feature last night. I saw O'Mary and Sunset Boulevard. Ooh, a gasp.

Oh, Mary's fantastic. It's like hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. Perfection. I loved every second. Perfection. Well, not every second. There's one second I don't like. No, I love every one. We are blessed. I mean, this is a, I'm going to introduce our guest, who's a mystery. Your legs. There's a woman right here whose legs are going like. She's excited. She's happy to be here. Are you about to pounce? What are you going to do? You're going to charge? Anytime. Anytime.

Anytime. Our security is right here. Yeah, no, no, no. That's my security. Yeah, come on up. And if you're free on Valentine's Day, let me know. What an interesting thing to say. I have this, I introduce guests and sometimes I say, oh, I really love this person and I really don't. But,

But this person is one of my favorite people of all time has been since I was a young man He's much older than me in this card says my good friend He is a good friend and a hilarious comedian and I think no that doesn't do it He's I believe the funniest person I've ever met and I've met everybody and I

He's also one of the loveliest people I've ever met. And I am crazily thrilled that he's here with us. My guest today is all those things. And he stars on the hit Hulu series, Only Murders in the Building. I'm excited he's here. Marty Short! Yeah, right? Oh, you're not Jay Leno.

- Oh my God. - Sorry to disappoint, yeah. - Hi, I'm Martin Short and I feel duped being Conan O'Brien's friend. - Marty, I have to tell you, this woman right here, she did this. I'm gonna recreate what she just did. She went.

She's losing it right now. Oh, no, it's just me. Hi, everyone. Yeah, these are microphones, Marty. They go a little closer. Well, Conan Diddy, Jeffrey Epstein O'Brien. It is a thrill.

to see you. Yes. Lovely to... I can't believe you because I would assume you'd be hopping a flight to Washington for the big parade tomorrow. I'm a big fan. I know you are. It must have been so weird for you, that whole Elon Trump fight. It's like kind of your Sophie's Choice. Who do you pick? I love

them both they're so good they're wonderful uh wise i uh meant everything i said in my interview in my pre-interview in my intro if you will and um you tell me if you'd had a stroke i just had one right there massive stroke cerebral event i like to call it

You, you've just, this gentleman, I first started watching him on SCTV when I was, I want to say 14 years old, 15 years old, you and your cohorts. And I thought, oh, I didn't think anything could be this funny. I thought, I thought funny was, and I'd been watching SNL for a couple of years when SCTV, when I saw that for the first time, and I thought,

oh, this is an Oppenheimer moment for me. Like, this is a new level of funny, and I still feel that way. And you have said that SCTV, you think, is maybe, despite all of your crazy success, might be the purest reflection of your craft. Do you think that's it? I think it was true, because it was so ideally done. You know, you would write for six weeks.

with people that you had known and worked with for 10 and 12 and 15 years at that point. You guys all knew each other. I went to university with Eugene Levy and Dave Thomas. Andrea Martin is my sister-in-law. I knew Katherine O'Hara since she was 18 when I first met her. And so we all loved each other. You would write for six weeks. You would shoot with no audience.

so that no one was telling you by, oh, I know you thought that was funny, but we're saying it's not funny. We just went with our instinct of what was funny. And because we were on so late and we were never that big a hit, NBC really didn't care about us. So we were on it. So we didn't have anyone. Been there, done that. LAUGHTER

But no, I know the feeling. Well, I set you up for that. I know the feeling. Oh, that was all you. Okay. Look at how he did. He took credit. Beautiful. I know what you're talking about. The essence to me of the best comedy is when you're making yourself and your friends happy and then other people pick up on that and your attitude is, look, this is what we're giving you. This is what we believe in.

And then my brothers and I are watching in Miss Kwameka at Rhode Island at our grandfather's house on a TV that's picking up a weird station in Buffalo, off Buffalo, and we're getting it in Rhode Island. And we're religious converts to what you guys are doing because

just so many fantastic characters and then jokes that were there for people that were paying attention. And I think now it was like comedy for the internet years and years before the internet because you're putting a little Easter egg in there and you guys are saying, hey, if you get this, fantastic. If you don't, you don't. Oh, and also there were, I mean, and I can speak objectively about SCTV because I joined it late. So, I mean, they had already won Emmys by the time I joined. Yeah.

So when I'd see Rick Moranis do a VJ when no such thing existed, or Conor...

comment that Michael McDonald seemed to be on every album. So you see him running from studio to studio doing and running out of the studio. I think this is the level who makes these observations that I might have thought about in the best moments of my day, you know. So listen, it was just an honor and thrill, but it was

I remember one point I was doing a piece called The Nutty Lab Assistant. And the premise was that Ed Grimley took a potion and became John Cougar Mellencamp. That was... But anyway, so now... That old bit. That old bit. So now we're on stage and I'm Grimley and John Cougar then, he didn't have the Mellencamp, was getting ready to replace me as I transitioned. And I saw Andrea and John Candy and Catherine who were playing just...

people in the audience laughing and laughing. And I thought, look at these people. They love each other. They've been friends. They've done Second City Stage. They know each other so well. And look where we are. And that was 1982, you know. Yeah. And it continues. I was such a fan that when I was in college...

I invited John Candy, it was just after, not long after Splash, to come visit the Lampoon, which is where I really got my start, come see and meet everybody and go to a dinner. And we did an event that he would be the guest at.

And I spent a day with him, which was a wonderful time in my life. - That was his real life. - Yeah, yeah. And then years later, I bump into a woman. She said, "I'm John Candy's daughter." And I said, "Oh, hi." And she said, "I have a picture you might want." And she had a picture that John took of me.

I'm the sweetest little girl you ever saw. I put on a special jacket because I'm going to meet John Candy at the airport. And you had the Buster Brown haircut back then, right? I'm dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl. And he took a picture of me, and I thought...

I don't know, it's so funny that I don't have a picture with John. I have a picture he took of me, but he was everything I wanted him to be. And that's something... Yeah, that was his genius, that he was everything you wanted him to be. And that's why when you see, especially planes, trains, and automobiles, he just breaks your heart because he was such a brilliant actor. But he was so funny and so sweet. You know, I will also credit, I'll say this about Mr. Martin Short, that...

So I grew up idolizing this guy. And then I have noticed that over the years we've become friends, which has been just one of the greatest gifts of my life. He's Marty Short 24/7. And it's...

awful. Gee, that sounds kind of desperate, actually, when you put it that way. It's terrible. He's doing Grimley, and I'm like, sit down. We're at a funeral. I was just about to say, this is my dad's funeral. But no, you came in and you're just, and always, you're one of my, I'm going to say maybe my favorite insult comic. Your insults are so... Oh no, it's done with love.

Oh, it really isn't. No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, look. When I say you look like a six-foot, five-inch creamsicle, I mean that because you're pale. Let's face it. I mean, if you had a pimple right in the middle of your forehead, you'd look like the Japanese flag. LAUGHTER

You're like, if Iceland had a face. Okay, please. Are we good now? Yeah, we're done. Are these written on your head? I had to get out of there. You know, I didn't run this morning, so. The biggest mistake I've made in my career was on... Oh, I can think of some. Okay. Yeah.

Let's take it easy there. Down, down. Yeah, rough. Was one of my final late night shows and I'll be doing it at a theater in Los Angeles a couple years ago, I think three years ago. And I'm coming to rehearsal. It's a brutally hot day. And so I never wear shorts, but I thought, oh, I'll just wear shorts in rehearsal.

what does it matter? So I'm wearing shorts. What is it? You know, it doesn't matter. I'm just there with whoever's the guest and what, and we'll just be at rehearsal and whatever we're going to do. And I'm driving in and my mind starts to go, who is the guest today? And I'm, and then I realized it's Martin short. And, uh,

Well, I mean, you walked in. It was like, first I thought I was looking at two rolls of paper towels. They were your legs. Well, this is what I go, no, no. And I'm thinking, should I try and stop and buy pants? It's too late. I get there.

Marty comes in and like a laser beam, the first thing he does is he does maybe 10 minutes that's devastatingly hilarious about my legs. I didn't know beef jerky came as spam.

I just made that one up. But anyway, just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And my writers were crying because they love it. They never get to see anyone really... And Martin Short comes in and it was the best treat for everybody. Well, that is the joy when the boss is ripped to shreds. Yes. And when the boss has hideous legs. No, those were not...

They weren't Betty Grable Gams, as we used to say in the 40s. You know a reference the kids will love. Thank you. Thank you so much. This is being filmed in black and white. You had a great honor, which is you were inducted not long ago into the Five Timers Club at Saturday Night Live. Great honor. Thank you.

And I've done one Saturday Night Live and then Lauren said, "Okay, we saw how that goes." But that is a, I was in the first Five Timers Club. I was the guy who opened the door. I have one of the first lines on the first Five Timers Club where they induct Tom Hanks. And I remembered all I had to do was say, "Hello, Mr. Hanks." And I think he says, "Hello, Sean."

And then, and I'm wearing a blue blazer and all I have to do is take a smoking jacket off of a hook, help him off with his jacket and put the smoking jacket on. That's all I have to do. I'm very young. It's Saturday night. Well, you're not on TV yet. No, no, no. I'm a writer on SNL and Jim Downey said, have Conan do that because he thought I was a funny lad. And, um, I am there audience live television. Uh,

And knock, knock, knock. I open the door and I go, hello, Mr. Hanks. Because I'm in my head saying, hello, Mr. Hanks. Hello, Mr. Hanks. Hello, Mr. Hanks.

He comes in, he goes, hello, Sean. And I help him off with his jacket. And then I go to get the robe and I'm putting the sleeve on wrong. And I've looked at it subsequently and it's a second. It was 30 minutes to me. It was, I couldn't get his arm through and it was horrifying. And it was my... Well, you know, the same thing happened when Jimmy Fallon was trying to put the coat on me and he couldn't get it. They finally just raped him. Yeah, but he really fucked up.

Shut up. Just inept. What are you going to do? I know. It's true. He's on NBC. Yes, he is. His show lasted. They kept him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They were like, this guy is good. Yeah. Anyway. Let's not dwell on that. No, no, no. That's a long time ago. Or dwell on it a little more.

Well, as I said, just in the dressing room, at least you hold no bitterness toward it. So that's good. I really don't, actually. Yeah, no, no, you let everything go. Yeah, that's one thing about you. You let defeats go. Go ahead. No, no, no. In my own way, it was a wonderful thing. We're going to edit that out. No one snorts at me on my show.

We have to talk about Only Maru's in the Building because it is a phenomenon and one of the things that's been lovely to see is, first of all, massive hit and second, it's so nice that it's come so late in your life. Um...

You've got like a year or two tops left. I've talked to your doctor. But no, it is such a phenomenon. And what if I, just in my sleep tonight, pass away?

What do you do with it? Do you leave these jokes in? Conan can predict the future. That is a huge win for me. I guess that's true. You've got to check out Marty's last interview where Conan predicts. Yeah. It's fantastic. Yeah, you're like the new Nostradamus. Yeah. Or Moo. Nostradamus. Yeah. We can edit that. No, I'm going to keep that in. All my laughs will stay in. Yours will go. I do the edits myself.

And hopefully you do the sweetening, because I've heard your laugh. We put crickets in on you and huge laughs from the 1950s on me. No, no, no. Before I came out, I said to your producer, I thought they had an audience, because I was hearing nothing.

No, it's a fantastic show. You get to work with your partner, Steve Martin. You guys are so fantastic together. Oh, thank you. And the idea- I love Steve. Well, you say that now. At dinner tonight, it'll be a different story after a few drinks. You don't really advice me about him. It's about him all the time.

Selena Gomez, of course, just fantastic. Mr. Short, we closed a long time ago. They're literally putting your chair on top of the table. But there's this old, it used to be a classic form in television was the double act, the two-hander. And then I think it kind of went away and you guys brought it back.

and to watch you two, as funny as you are separately, to watch you two work together and switch off. When you guys hosted SNL together, I contacted you right afterwards and I said, "That is the best SNL monologue I think I've ever seen." - God, thank you. - It was absolute comedy masterclass.

I think you two were reading, you have an amazing bit where you say, you know- We do each other's eulogies. We do each other's eulogies. And I think, is it your line or Steve's, which is, wow, I thought there'd be more people here. That was Steve's. That was Steve's. That's Steve's to you. And it is, first of all- Mine is, there's so many wonderful things I could say.

About Steve Martin, but this hardly seems the time nor the place. But watching you guys, and you were, one of the big thrills of my life was you once asked me to do a guest hosting thing at your live show. And I'm calling my brothers, saying I'm going to Las Vegas to be on stage at Caesars Palace with Steve Martin and

Martin Short. Yeah, thank you. And they, I mean, that's what it means to me. But I got to sit in at rehearsal and watch you two work together. And that was like, everyone should see that because I don't know anyone who, the two people who prepare more than anybody in the business are Steve Martin and Marty Short. Over the years, you did my show, I think, 25 times. 23 are okay. Okay.

And then there's two that were really fun, really good. But no, you were on 25 times and every time he did it, you would keep calling back the second producer, okay, send me the latest draft, working, working, working. And then you would come out and it's a Swiss watch and a lot of young people ask me, you know, how can I avoid what you did? But no, they...

A lot of young people ask me, what do I do? And I say, if you work hard and you really prepare, I mean, that's part of it. Clearly, you're crazy, crazy off the charts talented. Well, I think the whole approach that I've always done in every element of show business is prepare so much that no matter what happens, you can go home that night and toast yourself with a glass of champagne and say, I did it.

everything I could. I can't help it if Conan's a stiff. I can't.

So what I do is I over-prepare, and then I go out kind of gunning for bear, knowing I've done everything I can do. Truthfully, the host might be off, you might hiccup, the audience might be, but there's nothing more you could have done. And I even do that in movies. Sometimes you're doing a movie, and you realize the director is not that great. And so what I do is I make the crew and the cast laugh.

love me so that everyone loves me and then I can go up to the director and say, "Oh, can I have a freedom take? Can I have one more take?" And, "Should we give Marty a freedom take?" And they all love Marty, so yes. And then I can do it faster and slower and improvise and then I can go home and say, "That moron will pick the wrong take." But I did everything I can. - This toasting yourself at night with alcohol is sad. - Yeah.

Well, I don't think the first couple are sad. I think when it gets into, uh, spillage here, you know, and no one's there, you know. You've always left nothing to chance, and you're thinking about it

you know, your early Letterman appearances, your Carson appearances. I remember just how funny you were. And people who don't know think, well, it's Martin Short, so that's what happens. No, I mean, it's important that people know there's a whole architecture and a lot of work that goes into it beforehand. Well, it is a weird thing. I remember the first time I did an important American talk show, it was Dave Letterman in 82. And I remember thinking, okay, how do I do, what do I do here? And I thought, oh, I know what it is.

You have to be on. You have to be like a charming person at a dinner party, but it's got to be eight minutes of your best dinner party moment. But you don't have the hour and a half to ramp up to that eight minutes. So you have to figure out what those eight minutes would be. Dave was always funny because sometimes, like one time I went on and he said, tell the Tony Randall story. And I said, Dave, I was on Saturdays.

seven weeks ago when I told the Tony Randall story. No one cares. No one's watching, he said. Yeah, yeah. But so sometimes you would find you would hit some of them, but at least you went out knowing, okay, I can relax because I'm prepared. Also, when you prepare like that, you're

available to play in the moment. Absolutely. You're confident. I always think if I want to prepare, prepare, prepare, and then get out there, and if I've thrown it all away because I get out there and something happens that I wasn't expecting, that's even better. Absolutely. If you haven't used that stuff. Absolutely. I mean, with certain hosts, you know, with you, I had to prepare every second because I knew I wasn't going to get much. But...

No, we had great times, you and I. There's a best of me and Conan, I think, on the internet that is just fantastic. There is a mashup. Some fan did a mashup of all of Marty's appearances. And you want to see a master at work. And it's mostly insulting me.

And it's one of my favorite things in the world. And then you told me once that you were on the internet and one of the comments was, does Martin Short realize that Conan's 6'4 and can kick the shit out of him? That's right, yeah. Well, what happens when you do talk shows and then, you know, I'm not on social media, but I will go to YouTube to find, look at the last appearance just to see, oh, they didn't use that joke. Oh, I can use that joke. Yeah.

And, but you're seduced by the comments. And there's always, you know, that thing of, oh, he's fun. Oh, I like him. I have been bored by that guy from day one. And then one of them was, you know, Conan, he'd tax Conan. If Conan wanted to, he could take him apart. Like, you know, as if you say these insults to me in F words, I'm like, I've got to get Martin Short. He'll pay. He'll pay.

One of the things that's so fun about Only Immigrants in the Building is you don't need them because you've got this amazing nuclear core of you, Steve, and Selena, and it's just wonderful. But then you have guest stars, and you can have whoever you want, and you're getting the cream of the crop. At one point, I looked over, we were shooting something, and there were chairs. We're in a holding area.

And I looked and there was Meryl Streep and there was Christoph Waltz and there was Renee Zellweger and there was Diane Wiest. And I was starting to count the Oscars. And it was two, four, six, eight, nine. It was insane. Yeah, I have a writer's guild. You have an ace. I have a cable ace award. Yeah.

Writers Guild nomination. Yeah, yeah. But do you have, I mean, you've had everyone on. Who's on the wish list for, because you just wrapped, I believe, season five. Yeah, that's correct. Two days ago. Two days ago. Yeah. And-

Do you have a wish list for who would come up next? I think, you know, he's from Chicago. I think Pope Leo would be the kind of guy... He did a lot of improv at Second City. He did a lot of improv at Second City. He was in the touring company.

With Bonnie Hunt for a couple years. No, no, no, no. Listen, I think it's going to be a different era. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, no, listen, there's so many, I know so many great actors that I would love to work with, but I don't know. Wouldn't Ryan Reynolds be great? Wouldn't, you know? Yeah. Ida Lupino. No, she's gone. But do you know what I mean? Betty Grable. Betty Grable. The reference in owner numbers. Yeah. She's got games forever. Yeah. Yeah.

How about those scams? No, I don't know. I'm always amazed. Here's the proudest of I Am Of Only Murders. It has a reputation of being the happiest, loosest, most fun set to be on. And a lot of these...

great legendary names that we have attracted have heard that and that's one of the reasons they're doing it. So, and I think that's because Steve and Celine and I all share a similarity that we like to work in happy joyness because that's your audience and that's you're going to work. You know, the big mistake people make sometimes in show business is that, you know, I've heard actors say, well, I try to create World War III on the set and out of the ashes come my performance.

And what's insane about that is that's assuming that this film or TV show is going to work. The only thing that you can have and keep to yourself is the experience of doing it. And that's got to be the great fun hang to go to work. And if it's not, then quit. I think the other thing that might...

I would assume you've had this incredible career before Only Mirrors in the Building, but when a hit of this size comes and you've already experienced success, but it's coming at this stage, it's coming at a time when you have a perspective on these hits like this don't come along all the time. No, no, they're miracles. They're total miracles. But I must admit, it sounds, and I really miss,

mean this that the so I've done so many things that I've just loved doing and some them didn't become popular and some did kind of and some did and I have great love for all those experiences

You know, some of the things that, I mean, I made this film Clifford. Oh, my God. And everyone, you know, when it came out, Roger Ebert, you know, attacked it on a level that he never attacked anything. Right, right. But I loved it. I think the only time when a critic gets you, the worst part is when you know it's not good and they've caught you. Yeah. You know, that's bad. But when you love something, that experience, it doesn't matter that the film didn't open well.

that weekend once, you just live with it and love it the same way you like, only murders and beatings. Also, that endures. I mean, that's the nice thing now is I think, I have a saying, and I've said this to a lot of people, good work is never wasted. And it's one of my religious tenets is that if you do something that you love, that you think has real value, it

it will, over time, it will withstand everything. Cream rises to the top. Cream rises to the top, which is actually chemically not true. Sinks like a stone. No, if you leave it out a few days, it will. I forgot that part. But I think that's,

I mean, that's when I think about you, it is... I mean, I was talking to you. I've done this before, but you came in and I was bothering you about your character on Arrested Development who is thrown by a strong... Uncle Jack. Yeah, who's thrown by a strong man to attack people. And that's one of my favorite... You're one of those people where I will... I could...

sit back and think about you and I go like, well, you know, nothing's better than Clifford. Wait, Arrested Development. Wait, that season on SNL. Wait, there's this, there's that. And there's just this constellation of incredible work that's all very distinct and different. And that is a gift to everybody. I mean, everybody in comedy, just any fans, everybody. I think, but you could say the same thing about Kristen Wiig, about Catherine O'Hara, Andrea Martin. You know, you,

So many people I've worked with, Christopher Guest, Billy Crystal, I've worked with the greatest people imaginable. And so when you work with people on that level, it's a tennis game. You've got to, oh, okay. I remember the first day working with Meryl and driving to the studio and thinking, hmm.

I'm nervous today. I haven't been kind of nervous going to the set for a long time. Oh, yes, Meryl Streep. I think I forget who it was, if it was you or maybe it was Tom Hanks told me that they were shooting a scene with Meryl Streep and...

They were in a movie with Meryl Streep and at one point they wandered over to the set and she was sitting on the couch and she said, can you run lines with me? And I think it was Tom Hanks said, Meryl Streep has to like go over the lines. He just thought that she was so amazing. This Oracle, he was, and he said he was relieved to know that she had to, she was nervous. She was looking. So the first scene we shot in Only Murders was a scene where we're at the piano and

And we're kind of flirting a little bit. And the cameras, the first shot set up is over her to me. So it's pressures on me.

And then we break down so that they can reverse the cameras and do her side. And we go into holding air and she just says, okay, nerves to half. And I go, wait a second. I was nervous. You can't be nervous. Okay, this is this fallacy that you were terrified backstage before we did this. Terrified. I know. Well, I mean, first of all, and I know, God, I hate people who criticize other people. But the...

Your breath was not pristine. My breath was not pristine. It was like the breath of a cougar, really. No, no. So I was, no. See, I do relax completely with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I shouldn't, but I do. You shouldn't, but there is a, this is different. Steaks, you know. I remember the first time we had a dinner with you and Liza. Minnelli. Minnelli.

His wife, Liza. And she just had a baby. Might have been Nev. It was my daughter, Nev. Yeah. And it was 2006. I know dates like Rain Man. October, October. And it was Pa Schaefer, my wife, Nancy, me, and you. And I'd done your show. And that was the first time we had dinner. And Liza wasn't going to come because she just had the baby. Right. But she decided to come. An hour before. An hour before.

She decided to come. And then at one point she said, I don't know if I'm hallucinating this table or if it exists. Yeah, yeah. She was, and I think she was wearing one of one kind of shoe and another of another kind of shoe. And that was 2006. Yes. I was on Broadway doing a show. Yes, yeah. You were doing Gypsy, I believe. Yes. You were Gypsy Rose. Why did they do it? I had a dream. I had a dream.

No, I mean, I have that feeling still. It's a wonderful thing not to be jaded. And I have that still. I have it today when I'm getting lots of makeup on to cover my eye vein. He had so much makeup. And it's frustrating for her because he smiled and the hump fell off. And they had to get spackle in it.

And then you walk in and I go, oh, it's Marty. But seriously, after all this time... No, you don't. No, I am very in touch with...

who was 15, 16, 17, in my 20s, 30s. I'm in touch with that guy. Very much in touch with that. Well, I think that's very true. I think that it's... Who was famous and meant something to you, whether it's sports or entertainment, when you were 12 and 13? Yes. Those are... I remember...

You know, after I now was on Saturday Night Live and I was early in the movies and Chris Guest and Jamie Curtis are friends of mine and she was having a birthday for her three-year-old daughter. So this is like, I don't know, 89 or something. And out of the kitchen comes Tony Curtis and he looks like Tony Curtis. Yeah, yeah. And my favorite film was Some Like It Hot. Yeah, oh my God. And it's Tony, and I, I, I, I, I.

It didn't matter. Tom Cruise, it wouldn't have mattered. But who I was... No, I like Tom Cruise. I'm just saying that... No, no, it's a different thing. It is. It's when I was 12 and 13. Tony Curtis. Yeah. You know? I used to have that about we would get...

A-list movie stars on the show and then occasionally we'd get someone like Don Knotts. Now I grew up watching Don Knotts. I remembered one of my earliest memories is my mom would turn on the TV and leave for a couple of weeks and I would watch the Andy Griffith show. And Don Knotts is brilliant. And then the incredible Mr. Limpet and all those movies in the 60s. And he came on the show.

And that meant the world to me. And it didn't mean- I totally agree. So that was because I connected to him through the TV screen. And that's my situation with you. Don Knotts was probably one of the biggest influences in my life because I again loved Andy of Mayberry when I was a kid.

Little Ronnie Howard was on it. But what I loved about Don Knotts was the complete commitment to doing a character. Yes. And the one thing that I think is the secret to doing any character, whether you're even in a sketch or a movie like Father of the Bride or something, if it looks like you're trying to be funny, it won't be funny. Yeah. But if you make the audience believe that this person truly exists,

with all his foibles and insecurities, because this is what life is. You go to the cleaner, I couldn't get the tail, Mr. George. That guy exists. He's not trying to be a character. Right, right. He's a real person. I was sitting in the audience on the SNL 50th. You were brilliant. Steve was brilliant. I thought it was a wonderful show. I loved it. The thing that fascinated me the most was watching Eddie Murphy.

because I don't, I've met Eddie a couple of times. I don't know him well, but I've always, he's so supremely talented and watching him, he did this scared straight sketch and watching him come out and he's just, he's not in character. He's not in character. He's not in character. He's not in character. And then they go three, two, one.

And I saw him become completely his character. And then he did the same thing on the game show sketch where he becomes Tracy Morgan. And then three, two. And I saw him at one physically become Tracy Morgan with his body. Yeah. And I thought this is extraordinary. The commitment and all my, there's a reason he's Eddie Murphy. Yes. But you know, uh,

One time when I got to go backstage and say hi to Bruce Springsteen, because my drummer, Max Weinberg, is also in the E Street Band, he said, come back and see Bruce. And I went back to see Bruce Springsteen, and I said, that was just insane. That was incredible. And he went, yeah, you know, I'm still trying. If I can get that part of that one song, it isn't quite so. And I thought, what is he talking about? Yeah.

You know, first get that mouth fixed. You've got to push the jaw back. And I keep writing him and he won't write back. No. But there's... It's a quick surgery. Well, it's a night guard he just won't wear. That's all.

No, no, it's amazing. Bill Hader told me the story that we were all at... It was 2012, and it was maybe the greatest stage thing I'd ever seen in my life. It was Philip Seymour Hoffman and Andrew Garfield in Death of a Salesman, directed by Mike Nichols. It was 2012. And it was the opening night. You couldn't comprehend. There was so much emotion on that stage. You said, well, they can't do it again. So, Bill, I was...

had escorted Bernadette Peters that night and Bernadette's sitting beside me and Bill Hader leans forward to say something to me and turns and hears Bernadette say, how can they do it eight shows a week? How is it possible? And Bill said, I'm sorry, I don't mean to ease it up. I just heard Bernadette Peters question, how do they do it eight shows a week? I'm just lean back and ignore it.

because she'd only done 35 Broadway shows at that point. But it is incredible when you see great artists, and they're still, probably Phil Hoppin or Andrew Garfield were thinking, oh, I didn't do that moment right. And you're seeing something you think is historic. What you said about commitment, you have to be 1,000% committed to the character. And I really feel that if you had kind of done...

People think, okay, that applies to if you're playing Othello, if you're playing Shakespeare. Yes, I understand. I'd say, no, no, no. It's what makes Ed Grimley funny. I'm serious. You are that person. You become that person

And it is deadly serious to you, even if you've got the crazy hair and you're it's it's. But yeah, because there's another it's like I look at Jiminy Glick and if I had to sum him up, I would say a moron with power.

Yeah. Because there is an assistant. When I order tuna, I do not expect it to not have Dijon mustard. That's a sin. You know, and she's quivering and she screwed up the order. I love that idea. And Ed really- The idea that someone gave you a show. You know what I mean? Someone said he gets a show. He gets to interview people. He became powerful, you know? Yeah.

But Ed Grimley, I remember my sister-in-law was coming to California. This was 1979. I was doing a TV series, and they were flying down, and she hadn't flown that much. So it was still exciting for her. And she said, oh, my God, I changed outfits three times trying to figure out what I would wear on the plane. And I'd already become jaded enough that I thought, how adorable to be 28 and still that young.

excited by life. And that became an inspiration to Ed Grimley because so that Ed in an Ed sketch would be, the phone would be ringing and he'd say, oh, the phone is ringing. Gee, I love the phone. There's always such a sense of mystery. You know.

And so, you know, yeah, Glick's thing was he'd reprimand people and I've had it with you. And you think, who is this guy? That's why if I ever did something with Ed, I mean, with that Jiminy Glick, I would like to do Mr. Glick goes to Washington. The idea that Glick becomes a congressman from Louisiana. And he's now in and he's working on defense.

I don't know what it means, but I'm going to read books tonight. In the current environment, it's not. Unless Lucy's on. It's not. In the current environment, it's not that far fetched. No. No, it isn't. Cabin position. That's, you can't believe how broad it's gone. Yeah. It's broader than any sketch, any character that you could comprehend.

Right, because the essence of comedy and political comedy is to take something that seems a little off and then skew it and bend it this way. But you can't do that now because you open the New York Times and it's Jiminy Glick has been named Secretary of the Interior. And you'd say, sure. And then your job as a comedian is to say, Jiminy Glick, well, that's a... Jesus Christ.

I don't know what to do with that. I don't know what to do with it. Absolutely. There's nothing you can do about it. Um, I, uh, I'm going to let you go into the wild. You're a man who's much in demand. Uh, I won't let you go until I tell you that, uh, if my career ends today, I will look at a camera that's not there and say, I don't care. I know Martin short. Uh,

I love you to death. You're the funniest person I know. And I'm just delighted for you. Really, seriously. Wow, that is right back at you. And we're going to have dinner tonight. No, I don't think so. And I think, given the fact that I, as you people like to say, schlepped here, all the way here, I think you have to pay for dinner just to see what it's like. You know, Conan...

Conan is notorious for never picking up a check. In fact, people think he has an impediment in his reach. Thank you very much. Thank you. Good to try the beef. I don't have a wallet.

Okay, seasons one through four of Only Murders in the Building are available to stream on Hulu with season five coming soon. Marty Short, go with God, go with peace. God love you, Conan. Thank you so much. Martin Short!

Fourth of July coming up. You got plans? I am going to see Kelly Clarkson in Vegas. Oh, you love your Kelly Clarkson. I sure do. It's her opening night. Can't wait. And then I want to see the concert and then figure out like a firework situation. You know what? Fourth of July for me, it's about fireworks. You know, a lot of people think it's about the traditional Fourth of July hot soup. Oh. Uh,

But I say it's about the fireworks. And for me, the best fireworks, Macy's 4th of July fireworks memories. I mean, come on, I'm saying it. As a kid, I used to say to my mother on the 4th of July, can we watch the Macy's 4th of July fireworks tonight? And she'd say, why do you talk that way? You're 39. And I would say, I want to, I want to, I want to. But it's such a memory of mine. Next year is going to be the 50th anniversary of the Macy's 4th of July fireworks show. And you probably already knew that. We all knew last year was 49th.

And we were like, just want to live to be 50. I got to make it to the 50th and then I can die. Macy's fireworks display has been going since, say it with me, 1976. Yeah. For me, the best performances are the ones on the Macy's fireworks show. Yeah, it's a great lineup. Yeah, I mean, you got your Jonas Brothers, Eric Church, Lenny Kravitz, Ava Max. I mean, I'm just going by memory. Kiki Palmer, I think Trishy Irwin. Betty Grable did a great job. Ahem.

Tune into summer's ultimate watch party. That's what I call it. Macy's 49th annual 4th of July fireworks show live from the Brooklyn Bridge on Friday, July 4th at 8 p.m. Eastern time on NBC. Gotta love NBC and celebrate at home all summer long with essential finds from Macy's. Now I'm just gonna think about what I've gotten at Macy's lately that I just love. Oh man, Ninja. It's a creamy ice cream maker. Ooh.

You know what? A lot of people think when they think of Uggs, they think, oh, really comfortable shoes. Yeah. Yeah. Not me. Oh, I love the shoe. But I think of the sage plush throw. You do always say that. And then you got that Black Series laid up beanbag toss set. And I, God, I don't know what that is. I've just, I'm sorry. I, I have to admit, I don't know what that is. It's like, you know, where you toss the beanbag and it, you know,

You know, it's radioactive and it lights up. Yeah. Well, it sounds dangerous. Anyway, head to Macy's dot com or shop in stores today. What happens? Ready for the next thing? Yeah. Now we are going to take some questions from you, the crowd. Who's ready for some questions?

And Conan, you can sit. You can stand if you want. Leave me alone. I was standing and you told me to sit. Now I'm sitting and you told me to stand? I'll sit right here. It's very comfortable. We're all just pals hanging out. Fantastic. So whoever has a question, raise your hand and Hopping will come get you and ask you. Oh, my goodness. Hey, my name is Allie.

Hi, Allie. How are you? I'm great. Nice to see you today. Nice to see you, too. So I actually won through Team Coco on IG. Oh, very cool. That is why I'm here, so thank you. I just wanted to let you know that for my 17th birthday in 2003, you hosted my birthday party. What? I know, because me and this beautiful angel... Where did you get $500,000? Well, that...

We'll talk about that later. I can help you out with that. No, I'm really curious. What happened? So my best friend, this is my best friend Jasmine and I, got on a train from Long Island and went to a taping of The Late Night for my 17th birthday. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was March 2003. It was Colin Quinn, the Donnas, and Adrian Brody. So we, there were- Was he still, he was starting his Oscar speech then. Yes, he was starting. He was brewing it. And then we saw him finish it. Yes, exactly.

20 years later, yeah. Because it was actually funny when you were talking about people when you were a teenager who just sit with you and stay with you. And you are one of those for me. Oh, that's nice. Thank you. But I just wanted to let you know that, you know, we were teenagers. We were little scallywags. And we might have brought some alcohol and marijuana into your studio. I remember that was a very good crowd. We were. Adrian Brody was getting laughs that he's never gotten since. That was us.

That was a bunch of... So wait, how did you sneak it in to NBC? We put it in our backpacks and we... Wow, really good security. Amazing. What's in your backpack? Don't mind. Okay. It was like, we had like 40s of old English. And no page said anything? I'm sorry, go ahead. I had a backpack with only a bottle of vodka in it. Yes. Wait a minute, you weren't just taking...

You didn't just, you took like a full functioning bar with you. Yeah, pretty much. We came out from, we're from Eastern Long Island. That doesn't explain everything. But we had an hour and a half on the Long Island's railroad. You murdered? I'm from Long Island. I'm from Long Island. But I just really wanted to let you know. And then we also had like some weed with us.

We had a lot. So you were smoking? We were... No, no, no. We smoked a blunt outside of Rockefeller Center, in the middle of Rockefeller Center. So you don't remember that... I don't even think you went to my show. We did. We did because you ran past me and your hair was just blowing in the wind. There's no wind inside? Well, you made it. It was... There were fans. You were nowhere near my show. I was. So I just wanted to say... You were watching live with Regis. Yeah.

So I wanted to let you know, thank you for a very wonderful 17th birthday party. Well, I'll tell you this. Your first name again is? Allie. Allie. It does have a lot of meaning to me. I bump into people on the street and they'll tell me, I was here when you did this or that. I really do feel like I'm seeing an old friend. So thank you. And there were years early in my career, there's a lot of people who...

get very negative about aging and we have such a youth centered culture and it's worldwide, but I've enjoyed getting older because I'm very happy about my life. And I'm very in touch with, as I was talking to Marty, I'm very in touch with when I was younger and so worried about, is the show gonna make it? Am I gonna make it? What's gonna happen to me? Is this gonna be okay? Or is anyone watching this?

So when I bump into people who are watching way back when, it's really meaningful to me. So thank you. You have been such a part of, and I'm going to speak for her, you've been a part of our lives for 25 years. So thank you. I was on for 33. I can always find the negative. I can find the negative so fast. Yeah, I am the absolute worst. You know, yeah. All right, we're going to do one more in here, then we're going out there. Oh, wait, you going?

She's got to get two more in here. What is suddenly we don't have time. This is my favorite part. I don't like Marty. Go ahead. My name is Maya.

And I actually watched the very first episode in 93 that came out. I used to cut school as well from Brooklyn. And me and my friends used to come in and watch. It was always Bob Costas for some reason. Those were the episodes. Yeah, 93 is all Bob Costas and Al Roker. And it was like Bob Costas Monday, Al Roker Tuesday, Bob Costas Wednesday. There was like a Fred Savage in there somewhere, you know, just like the A-listers. But you actually, I've waited almost 18 years to say this.

my daughter is named Nev because of the episode when you came back and you had your daughter Nev. And I think Andy at the time was like, oh, what did you name your daughter? And you said Nev. And I remember watching her go, what a gorgeous name. And my daughter is

2007 and her name is Nev and every time. Yeah. And so you've, I'm, I'm shaking right now because you have been my, my comedy like legend and I've waited 32 years to meet you. So I am, listen, I'm getting a hug before I go. I know HR will intervene, but, but I, I will tell you that it's so funny because when I named my daughter,

When Liza and I came up with the name Nev, we were thinking of names and we came up with the name Nev. We were really thinking of there's the Irish name Neve. And the only problem is that Neve, the Irish spell it because they love to do this. The Irish are such ornery bastards. They love, they'll be like, it's Neve. How's it spelled? N-I-A-M-F-K. Like they'll just throw stuff in and there's this theory that they were doing it just to fuck with the British, you know, like.

Those bastards will throw consonants and vowels in there they've never heard of. And so we just thought, no, Nev. And so N-E-V-E is so clean. And then so many people are like, oh, after Nev Campbell. And I'm like, no, but I love Nev Campbell. She's great. But we were trying to do that Nev thing, but we wanted it to be Nev. And yeah, we were, my wife and I are here in New York to do, she's got things to do and I'm doing some stuff for Sirius XM. And

And we've been waiting 'cause my daughter finished her junior year of college and she's been abroad studying.

since then and so I haven't seen her in a long time and she came to New York last night and I went down and waited on the street for her car to pull up and she came out and I just My wife and I were we've got our niff back and that's how it is You know It's no different than when I first met her when she was born way back when and I'm sure it's the same with you When they're under your roof, you're so happy and the only thing better is money in real estate

And cocaine. That's a lovely story. Thanks for saying that. One more. Let's do one more. And stop shutting down the love, Blay. What an asshole. Hello. Hello. So my name is Billy and I used to work at NBC and I was there when you first got your late night show. And it was 1993 and they had a cocktail party on the top floor of 30 Rock and

And you walked out and I was in sales. I was like, you know, and I met you and everyone in the room because you were a writer before that. So everyone in the room goes, he is the next big thing. And we were all like, and you were just so gracious to everyone and everyone loved you. And I have a question. So I actually have a question.

My question is, you started your career as a writer and you were on The Simpsons and SNL. Did you ever, when you first were starting, think of yourself to be in front of the camera or has it just happened? I did. I did think about it, but I knew it had to be the right way. I knew what I wasn't. I knew I was not a stand-up. I knew that I had something to offer, but I didn't know where it fit into the firmament. And I really didn't. I worked at SNL.

And I never once looked at any of those cast members and thought, Dana Kirby, I could do that. And then insane events took place that could not have been thought of where suddenly there's this seismic shift in late night. And this is nowadays, they'd never have picked me ever, ever. They would have said, okay, you know, the world is filled with hallucinogens.

hilarious people who've been making things on YouTube for years. And there's so many possibilities back then it was, oh no, who will host the show if Dave's not hosting it? We need to turn to an expert and they turned to Lorne Michaels. And then the whole thing started and Lorne looked around, but he kept, you know, and then lo and behold, I, uh,

I get a chance, which I was not ready for, but my lesson to everybody is when your moment comes, you may not be ready, but you have to take it and then figure it out on the way. And my analogy is a boat, a steel boat is leaving the port and it's leaving, leaving, leaving, and you know you have to be on that boat, leap. Now there's a good chance when I landed on that boat, I hit my chest against the edge of the boat.

hit my jaw, fell in the water, almost drowned, grabbed a rope, got dragged along, looked like an idiot, pulled myself up, bleeding, but I got on the boat and it wasn't pretty and I wasn't ready. And I did think seriously back then about, well, maybe I should wait till the next late night slot opens up for a complete unknown.

And something in me said, you're an idiot. Well, we're glad you took that leap. Well, I'm delighted I took that leap. And I say often, I still can't believe, honestly, I was talking to Marty about being cynical. I cannot believe that that happened. I still wake up some mornings and go, wait a minute, what?

I'm at the Simpsons. I'm a writer in a dark room. And then that happened and it worked not right away, but it worked. That's crazy. It is crazy. So I, I, you never know when your thing is going to come along. It won't come when you want it. It won't look the way you thought it was going to look, but it, I think that's true for all of us in different ways. So, um,

I'm crazily lucky to be here and crazily lucky to have all of you caring at all about what I do. So thank you for being a part of this. You, I want you to relax. What's your name? Rachel. How you doing? Oh, you're awesome. That's another hug. If, you know, listen, I need to sign forms first before I hug anybody. But you, I'm so lucky to have you in my life too. All right, you get that? You get it? All right.

We have hopping outside the fishbowl. Do you want to take a question from out here? I love that. I told David you're banned from the studio. Yes, let's get someone from outside the fishbowl. David, do something. Hello, my name is AJ. I'm from the Lower East Side. How are you doing, AJ? Pretty good, pretty good. Having a good time. Wow, you seem thrilled. You know what? The fishbowl blocks out 80% of the enthusiasm. I promise I just didn't have a long night last night.

But we're here. Well, now I want to know about this long night. We could talk about it later. Don't worry. I don't need a hug. I think you've been hanging out with these ladies. Could have been. We could have been in the same spot. You never know. But so my question, it kind of builds off what you were just talking about a bit where I'm around the age where you...

you would have got your first late night show. And I work in music. I don't make music. I do social media work and event curation and stuff like that. And I've got to have good notes of success. I've got to make money, and I haven't had to work for people I don't want to. I've been able to do things on my own. But you start getting to the point where it feels like a lot of the other people that started...

in this kind of like field with me that are in my age range, whether a little above or below, they're starting to like give up or do something else or they think it's never going to materialize for them. And I think the things that I do like objectively are really quality and I really care about them and stuff like that. But it's easy to kind of look around and start being like, well, maybe they have the right idea and maybe it is kind of time to like,

Are you enjoying it? Oh, I love it. Every single day. Because sometimes it's not the feasible option or it's not the... You went to school for something. Maybe you should figure out something to do with that. I think everyone has to figure it out for themselves. And it would be very pat of me to say, don't give up on your dreams. But there's a...

everyone intuitively knows what the right thing to do is. They do. There's like a little person inside you that knows. And there are people who say, I'm gonna stop doing this. This isn't right for me. I think I should pursue this other thing. And I think it's wrong to say they gave up because something in them spoke to them and said, be like if I had said, I wanna make my living playing, I love playing guitar and singing rockabilly music. And it's like a hobby of mine.

But if I quit comedy and was doing that and didn't have any reserves of money or anything, I would probably at some point go, yeah, this is a fun hobby, but this is not what you should be doing. But that's something you know. That's something that you will figure out. And I think if you love it and you're able to put a roof over your head and you can buy a sandwich...

then you keep doing it if you love it. Because yes, if you've got a family to support and you're making no money on it and your kids don't have medical coverage, it's not giving up.

to say, okay, this is not feasible. You know what I mean? But if that's not the case, and this speaks to you and it's your passion, I say that you keep going because you don't know where it's gonna lead. But I think there is a Pat philosophy, which is pursue your dreams and you too can be Taylor Swift. And I think, well, no, a lot of people can't be Taylor Swift. In fact, it's been proven that...

Only Taylor Swift can be Taylor Swift. And she gets to record each song nine times and you'll buy all of them. So apparently even she can't be Taylor Swift. But you, in the pursuit of that, you will make other decisions along the way. So I don't like the pat answer. You've got to stick with your dreams, man. Because first of all, that's an annoying voice. And second of all, I think that it's,

It's the most personal thing in the world, what you decide to keep doing. And if you're willing to do the thing you love and be humble about it and realize that, no, I don't need to fly in a private jet. I don't need a Bugatti. I don't need fancy, huge this or huge that. I have all those things 10 times over. I drive 10 Bugattis at the same time. I've glued one to the other.

So if you see me in 10 Bugattis driving, wasting fossil fuels, that's just because I can have it. But that was not the goal. The goal was I love this and if I just get to meet Martin Short, I'm good and pay my rent. So my first apartment was a $380 a month apartment in Los Angeles and I drove really awful used cars that I bought at the airport.

But I was happy. I was as, I mean, in many ways, I was, it's not like I'm, I was miserable. I was happy because I was earning my, I was working with funny people and writing comedy and paying my rent. So it doesn't get better than that. It really doesn't. I mean, you add little things along the way, but the way that my life has substantially improved is my wife and my kids. But the other stuff is,

doesn't make me markedly happier than when I had a $380 a month apartment. I was happy then and I'm happy now. So that is a fallacy that it's all about money. Still, I'm glad that I've done so well financially. I think we have time for one more question. Out there, outside, there goes hopping. I like that you narrate the microphone handle. Audio medium.

Uh, hi, my name is, uh, Cooper. I'm from Long Island, New York. I haven't seen you yet except today. Uh, my question is, you don't know who I am, do you? Never heard of you. No clue. Okay. It'll work. My question is, uh, when you're on Simpsons and SNL, what was your reaction when you wrote something and an actor just completely changed it? Uh, that's interesting. Uh,

I think Simpsons was very locked down, so that wouldn't happen. And if someone did change something, it was for the better. So if you're working with a Hank Azaria or a Dan Castellaneta, I mean, they would riff sometimes. And what they would riff and come up with was just better. Yeah.

And I always like any system where the best thing wins. So if I'm working on it, if it was my script and someone improvised something and it got into the show, good chance it was better than what I had come up with. So I had no sense of how dare you, Dan Castellaneta, who are you to improvise my words? I'm 24 and my skin is clearing up.

And I felt the same way at SNL. There wasn't, it was very disciplined. The Lorne always, um, Lorne empowered writers. And so it wasn't the old studio system that you, the thing in the fifties where writers are just these guys that, you know,

banging away on typewriters and they never get close to the stars and people abuse them. I've always been in a system where writers were empowered. So it didn't really happen to me that often. It wasn't really a thing. And like I say, if someone did change something, it's because Phil Hartman or Dana Carvey changed something.

I wasn't backstage saying that idiot. It was like, wow, yeah, I wrote that. I just take credit for it. So that was my feeling. Awesome. Okay, I think we're done. That's it. We did the thing. Hey, we did the thing. Thank you all for being here. Hug. Hug. Also, I want someone to look through their bags.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Kahn.

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