The Sona and Matt of New Zealand
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Hi, Glenn, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Hi. How are you? It's Glenn calling from Auckland in New Zealand. Hi. Oh, wow. Auckland, New Zealand. Yes. Help me. Which part of New Zealand is that? I'm trying to think. Are you on the north or the south? Where is Auckland? So it's the largest city in New Zealand, and it's in the North Island. So about, I guess, 10,000 people.

Two-thirds, four-fifths of the way up, something like that, of the North Island. Okay. Well, now I'm completely confused. I've never been to New Zealand before, but I've always wanted to go. The people I meet from New Zealand are fantastic. And, of course, I've seen, of course, many images of New Zealand, and it looks beautiful. I just haven't experienced it myself, so I'm anxious to see it one day. Right. Well, Auckland is known as the City of Sails. Right.

because we're surrounded by a beautiful harbour. We have a harbour bridge that's kind of like a little version of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. The reason that you've only ever met nice New Zealanders is because we send all the horrible ones to Australia. Now, I've been to Australia. I've been there several times. So you know what I'm talking about, right? Oh, God, just filled with horrible New Zealanders.

Let's talk, Glenn. Tell me a little bit about yourself. You seem, I'm guessing you work in radio because you seem to have a professional setup there and you seem very comfortable on mic. Is that a correct assumption? Yes, that is a correct assumption. So yeah, I've literally just come off the air. That's not my show. Yeah. I'm kind of like the Matt and or Sona of the show. Oh, so you're expendable. I

Oh. The real heart. The linchpin. You could go at any time. The couldn't do without. People wouldn't care. Listen, please, those are just jokes. I love you guys. And of course, your essential part of this stew, little lentils. And I am the large piece of delicious beef. That's for sure. That is for sure. Glenn.

So you work on a radio show. Do you get recognized at all when you walk around? Only if I talk, because people don't really know what I look like. They've only ever heard me. So, yeah, they're usually pretty disappointed when they see what I look like.

Oh, that is not true. You're a very good looking gentleman. And so people must get excited. Say when you order a pizza over the phone, they must say, oh, my God, is this Glenn Hart asking for New Zealand's finest pizza? I can't say that's happened to me, but I did once when I was on a plane, you know, and, you know, everybody's doing the overhead baggage situation. That's kind of pre-flight jostle around. Somebody at that point said, yeah.

Hey, are you Glenn off the radio? And, you know, so then I had that moment of, oh, no, am I about to be stuck sitting next to somebody who is a big fan of the show? That could go either way. But luckily, New Zealanders are pretty shy. And yeah, he left me alone. Wait, are you saying are you saying you didn't want to sit next to a big fan? That's my favorite thing. I can't.

call ahead to the airline and I say, can you find out who knows Conan O'Brien and can you seat them next to me? And then can we talk about my career arc? This is a New Zealand thing, right? So, you know, US, you know, you guys love to put people on a pedestal. You love to be the person on the pedestal. Yes. Yes. In New Zealand, you know, in New Zealand, the tall poppy syndrome is, you know, is live and large.

And so, yeah, once anybody gets too successful, you know, then it's up to the rest of us to pull them down to our level. Okay. I understand. We all think we could be the prime minister if we just gave it a go, for example. I mean, I think we all feel that way. That's a very American belief. Yeah. In the United States, we all feel that way these days. Glenn, tell me a little bit about

I want to get to know Glenn Hart from Auckland, New Zealand. What's going on in your life? Well, so because I work in breakfast radio, I have to arrive here at the station about 3.45 a.m. Nope. So that means my alarm goes off at 2.52. Hard pass. So, Sona, you don't want a job in breakfast radio? No, I'm good. I'm good.

She just threw up on the floor. Yeah. Sona's working hours in her contract are 1 in the afternoon to 1.30 in the afternoon. And then we have to pay for her Uber to and fro. That sounds like a big day. So you get up at close to 2 o'clock in the morning. What time do you go to bed? As soon as I can. Yeah, all I ever want to do is be asleep. So generally about quarter past 8. Okay.

Um, I try and get a little nap in, in the afternoon after lunch, depending on what's going on in my life, because otherwise by yeah, about 6 PM, I'm not making any sense at all. Yeah. You haven't made a lick of sense since you got on with us. Well, it could be the accent. Yeah. And you're bleeding from the mouth. Um, just a little word to the wise. Okay. So you've got crazy hours. Do you have a family? Yep.

So I have a wife and two daughters, grown-up daughters. They did both actually leave and go off to university and then both came back again. How do you feel about that, Glenn? I think we know. How do you feel about that, Glenn?

Yeah, yeah. I think Matt picked up on a little tone there, as I said. We had about, it was about a six-week period when my wife and I were empty nesters. And, you know, we just sat around frequently just looking at each other, saying things like, hey, what do you want for dinner? And we'd say, oh, I don't know, just a toasted sandwich would be fine. Sure. Sure.

And everything was nice and casual. You're not cooking for anybody. You're not, you know, driving people around to places. And then, yeah, that six weeks went by and then it all went out the window again. Wait, so you had six weeks of being empty nesters. Then they're back. They're back in the house. Then one of them broke up with their boyfriend and moved back in. What are your daughter's names? So Billy and Macy. OK, Billy and Macy. I get the sense that you wouldn't be.

unhappy if Billy and Macy maybe got their own place? Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. I love these girls, right? Yes. So Billy, for example, she has her master's in classical performance music and clarinet.

And so she's gone on to be a teacher. She teaches other kids how to play clarinet. And she also plays piano and teaches piano, teaches saxophone. And sometimes she does this in our house while I'm trying to get that afternoon nap. So, you know, it would be great if that was just happening. And the other daughter loves clogging. Yeah.

She likes to wear the traditional lead cloths, which are the before wood. Okay. So, listen, don't get me wrong. I understand what you're saying. You're a good dad. You and your wife love your kids, but it might be nice if they had their own place. Yes? Yeah. Okay. How do you suggest he does that? Well, how would it go over if I spoke to them? Oh.

Would I have any sway with your daughters at all? Well, maybe. So when I told my family that I was coming on this podcast, and I said, you know who Conan O'Brien is, right? Mm-hmm.

And there were kind of semi-blank stares. They sort of had an idea. Yeah. And I explained, you know, Conan, he's a famous, you know, late show host, you know, you know. And my youngest daughter said, oh, he's not one of the bad ones, is he? Yeah.

He didn't do something bad, did he? Well, yes, I've done bad things. I know. But we covered it up. It was in the late 80s before I got on television. Okay, so they're not, they don't sound like they're super fans of mine.

To put it mildly. Yeah, let's put it that way. Listen, sometimes a blank stare, you can see a little bit of slight recognition in there. Maybe if they saw my face, it would change from blank stare more to, I don't know, horror. Who can say which way it would go? But I'm very convincing, Glenn.

And maybe I could find them a place and move them into it. What do you think? This sounds, this is music to my ears. Yeah. I have been waiting for somebody to come along. And not clarinet, which is great. Yeah. So she's a great clarinet player, but you know, it's like SpongeBob and Squidward, right? There's only so much that you can take. And then listen, the clarinet is fine in doses and that's fine. But I, she sounds very talented.

They sound like lovely young women, but I think they need to move out of your house. And I think they need to talk to someone they look up to and admire. Unfortunately, we don't know who that is. I mean, you are taller than both of them, so they would be looking out to you. You know, sometimes...

What about old Simpsons episodes? Maybe I could show them old Simpsons. Sometimes people who don't know my work now like old Simpsons episodes that I worked on. Yeah. One of my daughters was just saying the other night they just rewatched the monorail episode. There you go. There you go. I know. You could say the man behind the monorail episode is here and he's going to help you move into a new apartment. Yeah.

Yeah. Boy, has he got something to sell you. Yes, exactly. Then I could sing the monorail song to them. I'm telling you, I could... Monorail. Monorail. Yes, I know. Monorail. Apartment. Apartment. Apartment. Apartment. Yes. It's nice and cozy on your own. Apartment. Apartment. Get a job. It's kind of a separate home. Apartment. Apartment. Apartment.

This bed folds out and it sleeps to apartment, apartment, apartment. Don't make dad after two. Yeah. See, we're doing it. I think the two of us could get them out of the house. And I say that again with love. I mean, I like to. Absolutely. I know you love them. Me less so because they don't they don't seem to know my work. But I'll get over it.

I'll get over it. But I like you, Glenn. And I would like to, I'd like to help. I'd like to help you if I could. That's all. Hey, that's all I can ask. Well, no. A lot of people ask for other things, too. I was going to give you money, but you said that's all I can ask. So you fucked that up real good. It's just a one-time offer. Okay. Okay.

Sonia, you like to travel. You like to go away and have a good time. I do. I like taking the boys and Tack and I go somewhere. Yeah. For the holidays this year, we're thinking about, you know, just taking a trip to, you know, Lake Arrowhead for a week or something, you know, just somewhere nearby. Lake Arrowhead, that'd be beautiful. It would. And then it occurred to me recently, what happens, because you've got a lovely home. You guys have a beautiful home. You've done a very nice restoration on it. What happens to your home when you guys are away? It just sits there. Doyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy

It just sits there. It shouldn't. It shouldn't. I know. Think about it. If you host, okay, if you host with Airbnb while you're away, it's basically like you're getting paid to travel. Exactly. I mean, it's genius. I know. So don't leave money on the table the next time you're out of town. When you're away, your home could be an Airbnb. Yeah. It's a cool idea. Think about it. I will. And I've got good ideas. Your home is...

AKA your future Airbnb might be worth more than you think. I think yours would be worth a lot because you guys did a beautiful job on it. Thank you. I hope so. Yeah. Find out how much your home's worth at airbnb.com slash host.

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God, I'm looking forward to the holiday party this year. We have a staff holiday party that is, and I'm going to use it's a new term that the kids use. You probably haven't heard it before. Off the hook. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. Yep, just heard that on the street the other day. That's really old. And I love our party. And one of the things I love about it is we always elevate it with Miller Lite. I like it when things taste like Miller time. I do. It's the taste you can depend on. No games, no gimmick.

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There's a spice I found. I found a spice in Middle Earth. No. It's so simple. Simple ingredients. Malted barley for rich, balanced, toffee note flavors and the iconic golden color. It's the original light beer since 1975 when

Red Sox won the pennant. And it's still the best one. We all get together around the fire pit. We're having a good time and we're quaffing. We're drinking down those Miller Lights. Glug, glug, glug, glug. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Making memories at year-end gatherings with your staff, whether it's Chaz Billington, Phil Rockingham, Stu Mullaney.

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And what about the show? If I went on the show, would I be a good guest for your show or is it not that kind of program? Is it more serious? No, it most definitely is that kind of program. I mean, for instance, we had the big country star Luke Combs on the show just this week. Oh, do your kids know who Luke Combs is? I really hope not. I'm not a huge fan myself of country music, but... Wow. Well, I'm glad Luke Combs already did the interview.

I'm glad he's out of the building. Hey, you got him on tape, so. I hope not. Wow, I just can't believe I did a drive-by on Luke Combs. Yeah, you just shit on a guest on your show who you were bragging about. You were like, hey, we got Luke Combs. Do you like him? No. No.

Oh, wow. So the question is, though, Conan, could you get up early enough in the morning to come in and be on a breakfast show? Of course I could. So you're an early riser. Yeah, of course I could get up. Hey, listen.

I'm ready to go anytime, day or night. Okay. I am always present, always ready to go. Right. Well, then you'd be a perfect guest. Let me ask you, maybe because you've been working in broadcasting for a long time in the radio section. I only started doing the podcast about five years ago. Is there any advice you can give me? Any advice for Conan?

I'm always looking to improve. Just kidding. I'm sorry. That was funny. I know. You can see why I was so taken aback. Because I've been listening for pretty much the whole duration of the podcast. Yeah, I know. I was kidding about the whole advice thing. I just wasn't expecting you to ask for it. Yeah, I know. I don't know what I was thinking. Listen.

Listen, I think I like you. You seem like a fine fellow. You've got a good sense of humor. You wear a shirt that matches exactly the color of what's behind you. That's why you'll never be a weatherman.

Like I say, New Zealanders, we just like to fade into the background. Yeah, exactly. How would I get along in New Zealand? If I come to New Zealand, how would the people treat me, do you think? I think that they might. There is a guy called Chris Parker who is a tall, red-headed comedian in New Zealand. And people might think that you're him if they don't know that you're you. Okay. That's fine. Yeah. As long as he's well-liked, I'll take it.

Yeah, yeah, no, he's very popular. So if I go into restaurants and say I'm Chris Barker and I want a lamb pie, they'll serve it up? That'll work well, except in New Zealand we have this thing. So you know the rule of six degrees of separation, right? Yep.

that everybody knows everybody in the world because you know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody, blah, blah, blah. Well, in New Zealand, we call that rule two degrees. So like I said, there's only 5 million people here, so we know somebody

who knows somebody. Right. So chances are you'll go into that restaurant and Chris Parker will actually be sitting there anyway. Yeah. Okay. So that's my scam won't work. My scam of running up a big tab and putting it on this red haired Chris Parker, probably not going to work out. And that's one of the main reasons why I wanted to be on your show, Conan, because, you know, you've talked to all these fantastic people and,

You know, people like Jeff Goldblum, people like Harrison Ford. And now I'm only two degrees away from those people. It's fantastic. Aren't you just one degree away? Well, I know you. You know them. I always get confused by this, too. I get confused by it, too. I think it's two because if it was just you, then you'd be one degree away.

I think it's more with Harrison Ford because he can be a very distant person. So I think it's five degrees of separation. He's a degree and a half. He certainly sounded like he was trying to separate himself a little bit further away during the podcast.

I tend to frighten him. I like this. I like talking to you. And I wish you all the best with your daughters. And I think maybe if you start familiarizing them with my work, who knows? Yes. Then I'll have more. Who knows?

I've been trying to get them to watch. I'm trying to get them to watch. Yes. Drink this acid. Do it. It's good for you. Maybe if you go visit, first thing you have to do is an orientation where you do a presentation on who you are to them. Yes. Then you can get them in an apartment. Maybe that's what I do. Nice. Like a PowerPoint. Yeah. I'll do a PowerPoint presentation on who I am and why they should care. Yes. And then I'll tell them to get out of the house. Yeah.

Yes. So you can stand in front of a green screen with a pointer. Yeah. And, you know, here's the monorail on The Simpsons. Here's me looking a Norwegian in the street. Yeah. The whole arc of my career. That's all you know? That's all you know? Yeah.

Oh my God. You just took Lincoln from wood, wood chopper to Ford Cedar and you skip the whole rest of the part. Listen, here's the house. Here's the apartment. Yes. Away from the house or the flat as we would call it in New Zealand. Ah, we'll get you into a flat.

I'm going to. Well, I hope someday we meet. I hope maybe it's possible that I can get your daughters to move nearby because you do love them.

You care about them. You want them to, but enough of the clarinet at two in the morning. Um, and, uh, and we'll, uh, we'll try and see if we can make that happen. I think that'd be nice. That would be, that'd be a dream. Yeah. Dream come true. Well, that's what I do. Some people say I make dreams come true. I've never, no, no one's ever said that yet. Okay.

What I said was aspirational. Okay. That someday someone's going to say you made my dreams come true. I see. Something that hasn't been said yet, but could be said in the future. Okay. So what you're saying is you could be in my dreams tonight. You frightened me. I didn't see you there. You drifted into the background again. Glenn, you're a madman. Yeah.

Hey, I haven't had a lot of sleep. I'm sorry. Yeah, you're a sleep-deprived madman. Have a great day or night. I don't know. What time of day is it where you are now? It is just coming up to 10 in the morning here. Okay, so probably time for you to go to bed. Yeah, it's almost past my bedtime. Well, my best to you, not my best to your daughters because they don't seem to give a shit.

but we'll correct that. Yeah, we'll work on that. Have a terrific day, and I hope our paths cross. I really do. Okay. So do I. I really hope they do. You never know. You never know in this crazy world what's going to happen. All right. Go change your shirt. Bye-bye. Bye. See you. Lovely to meet you, Matt and Sona. Bye.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Byrne. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.

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