You Are So President Taft
19:34 Share

Man, holidays coming up. Gets pretty intense, doesn't it? It does. Very intense. During the holiday season, it feels like you're packing a lot into every second. Everything gets compressed.

It's stressful. So much to do. That's why ADT spends all their seconds helping protect all of yours. While you're out, the ADT Plus app gives you complete control over who has access to your home. With the Google Nest doorbell from ADT, you can know for sure if that's Santa or Aunt Mildred at the front door. See, I'd be suspicious because I don't have an Aunt Mildred. It's Aunt Mildred. Thief. Thief.

ADT has the largest number of companies owned 24-7 monitoring centers in the industry. When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com today or call 1-800-ADT-ASAP. Google and Google Nest Doorbell are trademarks of Google LLC.

It's officially sock season, otherwise known as Bombas season. That's right. The cushiest, most pillowy socks that also double as the best holiday gift. But don't be surprised if you end up keeping a few cozy things for yourself. You ever do that, Sona? I love Bombas socks. And I also love all the other stuff that they do, the underwear and stuff like that. I like it. It's perfect. And it's a great way to keep your socks warm.

a perfect time of year for Bombas. I want socks. I want underwear that's, I don't know, it's got my back. You know what I'm saying? It's holding me. It's caressing me. What? That went too far. What? No, Bombas. I'm wearing them right now. They're fantastic. So ready to feel good and do good? Head over to bombas.com slash Conan and use code Conan for 20% off your first purchase. That's Bombas. B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash Conan. Code Conan at checkout.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi, Eloise. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Hello. Hey, guys. Hey, Eloise. How are you? I'm doing okay. Yeah, I'm doing good. Okay. Well, you're talking to myself, Matt, Sona, the gang. Hi. And tell me, I don't know much. Tell me, where are you right now? Who are you? Tell us the whole story. Sure. My name is Eloise. My pronouns are she, her. I'm calling from Manila in the Philippines.

I am kind of like a healer in my community. So I'm a relationship and life coach. And I'm also my country's first openly trans soccer player. Wow. That's fantastic. And you say you're a healer as well. So you can help people. Maybe you could help me. Please. I don't know. That's a tall order. Because Eloise, people here think I need a lot of help. A lot of help.

Okay. Who do you need help with? I was hoping you would know. I have some guesses. I think that would be rude. Well, you live in Manila and tell me just a little bit about your life. What do you like to do? How do you have fun?

Yeah. So I work most of the time. Me and my fiance, we like to throw events for our local trans and autistic community. We throw little parties. We're doing an autistic-friendly drag event. And what do we do?

I play a lot of soccer and I've been eating a lot of pizza lately. I love pizza. Wow. Pizza is the great unifier of everything you just said. So you are very active in the trans community. You have lots of get togethers. What kinds of things, what kind of things do you like to do with your friends who are trans? What kind of, you know, do you have, do you have parties? Do you have, what do you do?

We do like to have parties. We like to watch a lot of movies together and kind of just bond and connect over being weird. Yeah, I would like to join you because I'm told I'm weird. It's part of my life story.

I think you would be a good addition to the LGBT community. I'm not a certified representative, but I think we could use a little bit of Conan because I think I'm the only one in my community that listens to Conan. Okay, well, all right. Well, then there's work to be done. That's why I'm here, I think. Leave them alone. Okay.

My mission has always been to expand my presence in the LGBTQ community in the Philippines. Very specifically. I said that in 1963, the year I was born. Yeah.

I remember. Yeah, you remember. Wow, you have a time machine, apparently. Yeah. Yeah. Well, would I get along? Would I fit in with everybody? I'm a pretty friendly person. Would they accept me? I guess that's the big question. Would your friends accept me? Well... This isn't going well, Eloise. Eloise, I'm not getting good signals, Eloise. Well, I think there's a lot...

I think there's a lot of work to be done and I'm not just talking about like therapy, but I think in terms of like the queer community, like I will be playing your podcast when I'm doing my makeup in the morning and my fiance, who's also here, will be listening. And you'll be like, what are you talking about? Oh, I think so. Yeah. Your friends are picking up when I'm laying down is what you're saying.

Yeah, I think the James Bond references aren't going like... Yeah, Conan. Those are not my fault! Specifically about...

Specifically the James Bond references. That's Matt. That's Matt who has the obscure references. Hold on. Last time that came up in detail, you brought it up. Who brings up Calvin Coolidge? Because I don't think that. Thank you. I always thought that Calvin Coolidge was huge in the trans community in the Philippines. Yeah. That was my understanding. Not so much President Taft. I get it.

But yeah, but Coolidge. Yeah. Lyndon Johnson, I think, is if you if you reference Johnson more, it would might be a little bit better. OK, I'll I'll double down on Johnson. OK. Well, OK, so, yeah, you you say that let's say I came to Manila.

Let's say that you and I were to meet and you were going to take me out for a night with Your friends in the trans community. What would we be doing? Okay, I was thinking about this and the first thing we would go to is there's this event called girl nation It's a lesbian event and it's mostly all lesbian women and some trans men and then like one or two chill guys So you have to pass that?

test of being chill and also an ally. And once you do that, yeah, I think that's why I'm here to help is maybe I can teach you some slang or some things that will help you blend in and not stand out. - Yes, I wanna blend in very much. I wanna be considered a chill guy when I go out on the town with you and your friends in the trans community. So tell me, what are the things I should know? - Things, I think there's some using gay lingo like,

offhandedly, being very used to it. You don't have to use it all the time. But if you use it like once a day in a podcast, then yeah, you'll be fine. Give me an example. So I think you could say it's giving dot, dot, dot. And then you make a reference at the end of that. And you can use that to like when you're like giving someone a compliment or

Or if you want to be passive-aggressive, you can use it to give someone an insult, but you use a very specific and obscure reference at the end of it. So you can say, like, oh, it's giving, like, season one, Love is Blind, episode two. And someone would just go, oh, my God. Could I do, like, it's giving you a view to a kill, scarpine. Of course. To James.

bond it all goes back to james bond i see what you're saying though it probably has to be a reality tv show right that's better it could be a reality like like right now eloise you're totally giving me you know season six love island episode three uh cheetah i just made all that all up cheetah okay does that work

I think the delivery has to maybe improve. You know what? Yeah, because I was too deliberate about it. Yes. You got to just toss it off. You don't have to be like analyzing. You can just be like throwing it away. Like, oh yeah, you're totally... You can even reference like...

you know, presidential terms. As long as you're specific and you're like throwing it away in a gay way, it's like, okay, you are just right now. You know what? I don't need this from you. You are so president Taft and selling the OC. I don't need this right now. Do you know what I mean? And I would be like, oh my gosh, slay. Okay. Yeah. I don't know what that means. And then I say slay right back to you. Slay. Okay. See, I think already I'm doing pretty well. Do you

You're you're no one would know. You're basically a woman right now. I've heard that before. Eloise, this is a big help. You're helping me. This is good. I think you are. Yeah, I think I have to learn more about reality shows. Yes. What are the popular reality shows so I can just toss them off?

Love is blind. Love is blind. Sona maybe knows more. I would say the entire Real Housewives franchise. I mean, if you know. Oh, yeah. If you can reference that. Yeah. Is there a city that because is there a Real Housewives? I mean, Cincinnati. Salt Lake City. There's Salt Lake City. There's Atlanta. There's Orange County was the original. I call I'm going to go with Atlanta. I'm going to call it Hotlanta.

Okay. I'm not going to do that. Not good. Okay. That's not good. All right. But yeah, you know, what else? I mean, I think when I think of, you know, popular shows, I think of Real Housewives, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head. I don't know. Eloise, you're totally giving me, um, uh, uh,

It's going well. It's going well, buddy. Keep it up. You got it. Don't make you flash cards like Teresa from New Jersey. She's the classic. Oh, yeah. A little Teresa season four.

Real Housewives of New Jersey, much Eloise. Does that work? Yeah. Slay? It sounds a little like an insult, but I'll take it. Vanderpump Rules? Oh, yeah. Vanderpump Rules. Yeah. Do you know? You're very, I don't know a lot of the characters. Scandival. Scandival. Oh, that's too obvious. You got to pick up someone obscure. More obscure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Svensson. What? He's the accountant on the show. ♪

Loving a pet often means wondering if you're providing the care they need. Is there a health issue lurking around the corner? It's a question we all ask ourselves. Does the pet need something or feel something but can't say it? My pets are actually quite sensitive.

clear with me. Oh, they speak perfect English. They talk. Yeah. But a lot of people don't have animals that speak perfect English. Pettivity is there for you. Pettivity, health kits and smart products use data and best in class technology to learn your pet's behaviors and alert you to key changes you can act on. Pettivity is reimagining pet care with a family of products designed to help give your pet a voice and empower you to provide the

the best care possible. Sounds good. Visit P-E-T-I-V-I-T-Y dot com to learn more. Hey, check this out. 50 years ago, Sona, listen to this. Supercuts invented the entire concept of a value salon. Yeah. Okay? It meant you could walk right in, no appointment needed. Hello! In the old days. Hello, hello, Conan here. Can I get an appointment? Yeah!

No! This meant a special technique that ensured a great haircut, and it meant a price point just right for the common man or woman. Yeah. Okay? Now, I'm, of course, no common man, all right? But as I understand it, Supercuts has now invented something else. Supercuts Rewards. Supercuts Rewards is the first ever national salon rewards program. You earn points for every dollar you spend. Those points can be redeemed for discounts at Supercuts or even...

It says drum roll, but no. No, no, no. What is that? It's ridiculous. It just sounds like a bunch of little children running across a drum. Anyway, you get a free haircut. It can mean that.

You know, usually when someone says free haircut, I say, no, thank you. Yes. Do you know what I mean? But I think this is going to be a good haircut. If it's super cuts, cut my hair. Yeah. Super cuts rewards. That's a legit free haircut. Yeah. Start racking up super cuts reward points at any of their 2000 locations nationwide. 2000 or join today at supercuts.com. You get 50 points just for joining. So go ahead and get your butts back to super cuts.

You know, Macy's has got this collaboration with Disney now. It's got everybody talking this holiday season. Yeah. Did you know that? I mean, everybody. Of course I knew that. I was hanging out at a bus stop today. Everybody was talking about it. Okay. Macy's, Disney, they're working together. Macy's new exclusive collaboration with Disney makes the perfect gift for all the Disney fans in your life. And who isn't a Disney fan? Nobody. Nobody. No such thing. Never seen one. Yeah. The collection features apparel.

collectibles, and more featuring new and exclusive artwork by Disney's legendary director of character art, Jeff Shelley. Jeff Shelley is an icon. He knows what's up. He knows what's going on. He knows what's up and he knows what's down. Shop now at Macy's.com or visit your local Macy's.

Hey, get ready to tackle the NFL action with FanDuel, America's number one sportsbook. Yep, because right now new customers can bet $5 and get $150 in bonus bets if you win. Here's how it works. The FanDuel sportsbook app gives you everything you need to place live bets on the NFL all in one place. So when you get a hunch in the middle of the game, you can check out the latest stats, view live play-by-play, so much more on the same page where

where you place your bets. I know this is your thing, Blay. That's right. Detroit Lions, man, first in the NFC North right now. They're doing great. 9-1-0. Now, you feel like when you place a bet or something, you got a little skin in the game. It probably raises your adrenaline a little bit when you're watching. That's right. And I love the live play-by-play because I can't always be near a television when the game's going on so I can follow along in the app. It's fantastic.

Well, it's hard for you to be near a TV because you're just a man of the world. You're always wandering around. You're like Johnny Appleseed. Wow, that's really nice. Thank you. Yeah, except he did a positive thing by planting apple trees. I don't know what you're doing. Anyway, you're just looking at your FanDuel screen. Anyway, visit FanDuel.com slash Conan to join today. You'll get started with $150 in bonus bets if you win your first $5 bet. That's FanDuel.com slash Conan. Never waste a hunch. Make every moment more with FanDuel, an official sportsbook partner of the NFL.

21 plus and present in Virginia. First online real money wager only. $5 first deposit required. Bonus issued as non-withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. ♪♪♪

I'm going to do the best I can, though, to learn more about reality TV. I'm going to say slay a lot. What else would we do? Oh, you can join a women's soccer training. I coached when I was younger. Yeah, you could become an elite athlete and I can help you. Yeah, I got news for you. I think you'd make a really good... I got news for you. What? I think I have a much better chance.

in the trans community. I really do. I think I have a better chance than becoming an elite athlete. I just, I don't know. I just. You don't think you have it in you? That dog in you? I'm an old, old fellow. And the other day I got out of bed quickly and my left leg fell off. And I used electrical tape to put it back on. And so that's what I'm concerned about is pieces of my body coming off

in the Philippines, you know? - You're so Kyle versus Kim Richards in season one of Desperate Housewives. - Exactly. - Yes. - That's so true. - Thank you.

You are really giving that Kyle from whatever math side. The reason I know this is because Kyle Richards, who's one of the housewives, played Lindsay as the young girl in Halloween. There you go. That's why I know that. See? What? It doesn't matter where you get the knowledge as long as you have the knowledge. I just shouldn't reveal that, right? Right now you're being so Winston Bufferman on American Roadshow with his collection of pneumatic tubes that he sold. Yeah.

You are such a Jamie Hideman from Mythbusters right now. Jesus. Oh my God. Yeah. You guys are slaying each other. Yeah, she's incredible, right? Yeah. You are such a Walt Kellerman from American Pickers season four. Oh my God. American Pickers. Spoken like a Darwin Hammelsmith from the TV sci-fi makeup show Face Off. Okay. Yeah, yeah. You guys are like a couple detectives on the first 48. Yeah. What? What?

That's a docu-series, not a reality show. What is the difference? They're reality. It's a different kind of reality. No. Okay. All right. All right. Why can't we do docu-series? You can't slay with docu-series. You can't slay with a docu-series. Eloise, can you slay with docu-series?

I'm going to have to call RuPaul and ask. RuPaul would definitely know. Okay. Hold on, I got RuPaul on the line now. What's that? Oh, quick no. Okay. Invisible phone, everybody. And I hang that up. She wouldn't take your phone. I'm sorry, Sona. Yeah. I don't know any of the references you just made.

I think I'm becoming straight again. No, I think I'm in trouble because if I bring Conan and you guys make these references, me as a healer, they'd be like, are you a spy? After what you've heard today, do you want me to come visit you? And you're allowed to say no, you've changed your mind.

That's such a long pause. That's a long pause, Eloise. She's a fan of yours. You just answered my question. I am a big fan, but I am also, you know, I have a reputation to uphold as one of the healers in my gay community. And I don't mean that in a rude way. Maybe I can do your makeup and we will style you. The American Pickers reference. I think that's what did it. That's what did it.

I think that might scare people. Yeah, probably, yeah. Well, I admire your honesty. I really do. I try. I appreciate that. Can I ask you a question? You've mentioned autism also during this interview. Are you autistic?

Yeah, I am autistic. When did you find that out? When I met my partner who is autistic and I realized, oh, we are the same. I have what you have. But for most of my life, I didn't know that I had that. And I think with autistic people, Conan can be a big hit or sometimes a miss because we have...

might be issues of taking people very literally. And so, for example, my whole family, we love watching Conan. We've been watching it since I was 18. And we would be around the TV with my mom, my sister, and my brother. And we'd be all enjoying it. And one day, my dad came in the room to kind of see what's going on. And my dad kind of takes people very literally. I don't think he has a good understanding of that context. Mm-hmm.

And we watched the whole episode of your show and we all loved it. And I look at my dad to see what does he think? And he just goes, he's rude. He's really rude. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah.

That's funny. That was my reaction. Yeah, what if he sees the real me? What if he's right? I think... I can see, yeah. It's different. I'm not for everyone. And that's always the way it's been. Who are you? You would be like, I'm on the next flight out to the Philippines to meet your dad and make him love me. I'm gonna win him over. I was pretending to be okay with your dad not liking me.

But this is odd. I'm obsessed now. What would you do? What would I do? Well. Yeah, if he thinks you're rude, how would you, what kind of comedy would you do? Well, first of all, I'd be very respectful and kind to him. So respectful and kind that he would see that I'm not rude. Then I. So hilarious. Yeah. And then I would probably bring him some gifts.

- What would you bring him? - Oh, well, what is your dad like? - Pork. - Yes. - That'll fly well.

Goes right in the overhead compartment. So I would wrap some pork in newspaper. Just a full pig. Put it in the overhead compartment and fly. I think it's probably a pretty quick flight from LA to Manila. And then get in a cab in the hot sun and take this rotten, fetid pork to your father and say, hey, you're the guy that thought I was rude. Have this rotting pork.

And then I think we'd be best buddies. Don't you think? I think he would think you were courting him. But yeah, you know what? Give it a try. You are so season three American botulism. So... I can't believe that got three seasons. It almost didn't finish one. If you can win my father's approval, then you can do something I haven't, so that'd be really cool. Oh, okay.

Maybe we can work together. I have my ways. I tend to win people over. Sonya, you've seen me in action. I have. I have. Yeah. Even the biggest naysayers. You get them on your side. Not that there are that many, but yeah. Yeah. I've seen it happen. Some big naysayers. Not so big. Win them over. Just people that had slight hesitation and they overcame it. Quite a few people. Not a lot. A lot of people. Not big naysayers. All right.

Eloise, are there any events that we would go to together? Are there any events in the trans community that I could participate in? Yeah, we are doing some events for trans women and trans men. We're doing one for men where we talk about healthy masculinity. What does it take to be a good man? Mm-hmm.

And we also give people, or I hope we're planning this, hoping to give people haircuts while we're talking about that in a barber shop. And then we have one for trans women where we talk about what it means to be a good woman in a more progressive way. Cool.

Are you interested in either of those? Sure. I was just hoping at one point there's alcohol involved, you know, going to a club or something. But yes, I like those. I think what you're doing sounds very cool and very healthy. But at some point I want to hit the dance floor. Do you understand? You've got to see my moves to believe them, Eloise. You've got to see them. Why does it sound like a threat? Yes, yes, yes.

That's not necessarily a brag. Unless my demands are met, Eloise. Unless there's a suitcase full of cash in this podcast office tomorrow, you will see me dance. Oh my gosh. Yeah. You have 24 hours. The clock is ticking.

Well, Eloise, it was a good way. Eloise, it was very nice talking to you. And you are very funny. You seem very funny and very cool. And I do believe you're a healer because I've had fun talking to you and you have healed me. So what do you think of that? That's great. Yeah. I think that'll be $250.

All right. I'll get it to you. Thank you, Eloise. Nice talking to you. Bye-bye. Bye. Thanks, guys. Thanks. Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Take it away, Jimmy.

Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Byrne. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

When you check out at the pharmacy, you see the journey from idea to medicine, thanks to our intellectual property system, or IP for short. IP safeguards inventions, like a new way to prevent seizures or lower cholesterol. And IP supports competition from other brands, then lower-cost generics, which are 90% of prescriptions filled in the U.S. Innovation, competition, lower costs, thanks to IP.

Learn more at phrma.org slash IPWorksWonders. Every day, thousands of Comcast engineers and technologists like Kunle put people at the heart of everything they create.

The way that I approach work post-fatherhood has really been trying to understand the generation that we're building devices for. Here at the Comcast family, we're building an integrated in-home Wi-Fi solution for millions of families like my own. Now millions of families can work, learn, and play together under one roof. Visit ComcastCorporation.com to learn more.