Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
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The Wild Wild West. The shoes are... Look at these. They're my most comfortable pair of shoes. Bro, these shoes are sick. Hey. Prance around in those underarmors. Yeah, man. Modelo saying... Show these people your underarmor skills. He did get the best choice. Oh. Oh. I've never seen you kick that high. Little Jack Black. Little Jack actually black. I'll be honest. I would have bet a million dollars you couldn't have done that many kicks in a row. That was a lot. Kung Fu Panda. There he is.

Jack Black. I wish I wasn't so goddamn sleepy. Yeah, I... I had a fucking workout this morning. I was yesterday, man. I woke up. Oh, yesterday. Yesterday I played video games. Yeah, I was... It was a pathetic day. Did that thing where I opened my eyes and tried to gauge the hangover before I woke up. And I felt all right. I was just hot. I, like, woke up. It was 1,000 degrees. I thought it was 7 a.m. I reached over to, like...

I'm like seeing what time it is. I'll like see if Brittany's in bed. I'm like, all right, it's probably like seven. Didn't feel her. And I pat it. It was just a pillow. I'm like, there she is. And I lay there and I checked my phone like 10 minutes later. It was fucking 1030. I was like, oh, damn. Yeah. We were up late though. We're up super late. We got home late. Yeah. We're up super late. Yeah. I was, I was dragging. That's an early day. 1030. That was crazy. That was decadent, dude. Usually it's 637. Yeah.

I try to get up before my kids. It's 11. It's 11. It's like I did it. I got up at a decent hour. Really? Yeah. I feel like the older I'm getting, I'm just waking up earlier.

Even if you're out late? Even if it's a late night, yeah. You think it's about time? I'm not sure exactly. I'm not sure. No, no. It's not like it's a conscious decision. It's just your body. I just keep waking up early, yeah. That's the opposite for me. I'm waking up later. Really? I have to set it off. I have to set 11 a.m. alarms to be up. If not, I'll just sleep. That's nice. Fuck it. Fuck it. Sleep. That is nice. No, I just get my kids wake up at like 7 a.m.

So it's either I get up before them or I get woken up to just like a kid through a monitor. Like, it's like for real, the worst fucking way to wake up. Cause you have to get, you have to get out of bed and like go to action right away.

So if you get up before them, you like chill, relax, drink my coffee, and then it's like you'll hear them wake up. You're like, sweet. Is dad energy a thing? Like dad energy. Like you hear it and you're like, all right. It kind of kicks you into gear or is it just. Yeah, you pop up because the only alternative is like they're fine. And then you wait and wait and wait. And that can turn into just like.

Rest of their life, really, if you want to fucking tell me that. Yeah, you can just leave. You know what? They're fucking fine. A lot of people don't have dads. They'll be all right. Anything will help them. Give them a little turbo charge. A little boy named Sue. I made you stronger. I've been looking at schools. We finally found one.

Dude, it's such a fucking insane process now to find schools for kids. Yeah. We looked at them. It's insane. We looked at a bunch of schools, and then what a lot of them do, I noticed, they card out their eighth graders.

as like give you a look say this is what we do these kids out but then they come out they're like fucking robots dude these kids come out and they're like uh my passion is and it's like who's back there hitting you with fucking bamboo sticks when i was in eighth grade if they pull me out in front of parents like what do you like about school i'd been like i don't know zero eye contact yeah like recess recess i don't know if i was math sucks

These kids are coming out like they're running for fucking president. They're like, I'm actually going to a very... What the fuck? Now, this is speaking as not a dad at all, but I kind of like that. Because that's what I felt like. Wasn't that always that kind of a thing? It's like America was falling off because our kids weren't as disciplined as other countries? These kids are so smart. They come out and they're like little mini adults. They're mature. It's really weird. I kind of would like to have had that for myself. I feel like a dumbass a lot. Yeah.

to just not have that as part of my life would be beautiful just to come out and be like i'm very deeply i'm actually working with my community right i never really thought if you were dumb or not you don't seem very dumb i'm not completely dumb but i'm not student energy for sure you said cb i think the whole crew holds that down cd yeah true i was the smartest of my my childhood crew everybody got left back senior year except me you're all your boys got all my boys were super seniors and

and I and I just was out I came back from prom too though you came back from prom after I came back for a second prom I was like I'm back fellas hell yeah that swag damn that is nice

Yeah, they all. The whole squad got held back, huh? Whole squad. Is this Redding Central Catholic? Where'd you go? Redding High School. I bet that's pretty fucking standard at Redding High School. That or you just give up and just don't even graduate. A lot of people get that senior year left back and just go, I did my four years. Yeah, true. I'm done. I don't give a fuck what they said. I'm done. I feel like the same grade again must be nice. Getting held back senior year is insane. Yeah.

It's crazy. It changes your whole life. I mean, that's super senioritis. Yeah. Yeah, it does. Although it would be senior year if no one I know now, I would be a super senior. Senior year is fucking sick. I was just going to be racist. What? I just want you guys to know. Good on you. I caught myself. Good on you. That's important. You acknowledge it. You go, it'd be funny to just say black people have senioritis. I'm not going to do that.

Or just excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. I was just being racist. They made that second year look like the most fun. I for real felt it. They were having fun. They were having so much fun. It was way better than fucking real life. I went to community college after that. I went to retinary community college and it was just boring. You went to RAC? I went to RAC. I went to RAC and they were just having the most fun. I paid my dues at HAC. At HAC. I was a HAC hawk. Pay.

I paid my dues. I did my semester at Hack. I'm still doing it. That was actually kind of where I turned my life around as a student. Community college? Yeah, after I had failed out at Elon. Also, you'll feel like a superstar going to community college. If you go to college and go back, you're just like, oh shit, everybody here is dumb as fuck. And then it was like, all right, it's time to stop getting...

yeah i i was at drexel westchester i gotta get my grades up to get into west true dude i was at drexel like school so dumb what's the point of this and i went i worked uh i was with like the labor union with my like working for my dad so i had to sign up to the laborers union to work for him so the union didn't say anything and i was like college is so pointless and i was like chilling with like laborers and i would talk to them and i'm like

I think college worked on me a little bit. They would read the paper and I'd be like, yeah, but like who you got to think like who wrote that paper. They all have an agenda. They always look at me and be like, dude, it's in the paper. This is before Donald Trump busted the fake news. People would read the paper and be like, well, that's what happened. Yeah, that's that.

yeah crazy I worked in that factory night I realized yeah it was time yeah well did that yeah definitely helps there's a bunch of guys that were illiterate yeah like fully illiterate they'd be like I can't read that what's like turns out grade school kind of helped me a little dude the do some of the schools are still fucking wild now we went to this one school we really wanted I really wanted my daughter to go there and dude we had a meeting like a parent interview or whatever and

And they were like, well, we do a reenactment in the, I think, third or fourth grade where we reenact the taking of the land from Mexico. We use the third graders to reenact this. And it was just like...

And I'm sitting there the whole time. I told Brittany going into it. I'm like, they're going to probably say a bunch of dumb bullshit. Just go along with it. I just like this. Thank God we didn't get in. But we were in the thing. It's like the lady was talking about people of color. And Brittany's like, I didn't see any. She's like, she mentioned Asians. And Brittany goes, son of people of color. Like held her leg under the table and shut up. Oh, yes, dude. It's so nice. It was kind of a beast. It was beast. So nice. It was beast. The lady claimed it too. Black wife card is so nice.

It was so funny. Dude, I was dying and the lady tried to claim it herself. Bro, I mean, same as me, bro. And I'm like sitting there like, my God. It's crazy they're going to do the reenactment of America taking Mexico? Yeah, dude. With fucking fourth graders, dude. Yeah. That's fucking nuts.

It's also like if you're going to read it, like why that one? Why not? Like, that's kind of weird. Are they celebrating it? No, no. Because then I can see, yeah. Fuck yeah, the Alamo rule, dude. What a bunch of fucking pussies. Well, then it's like, why not go even further back in time? Why stop there? Yeah, let's see how Mexico got that land. Yeah, how did they?

How did they? Spanish came and cut everyone's fucking heads off. That's because they were cutting everybody's heads off already. Yeah, they weren't like... I just thought it was distasteful. It's like, don't do that with fucking country. Yeah, Mexico, they were not very chill. Yeah. There's no play of the Comanche.

Do what? You should do a play where the kids are the Comanche. True. And they abduct white settlers and gang rape them and disembowel them in front of their families. That'd be pretty fun. That'd be cool. Fake scalpins. Yeah. That'd be nice. Pulling up fake little kids. Get like real Hollywood blood packets. That might be good. I can see that stepping up like kids productions.

We're doing Reservoir Dogs. Yeah. Yeah, we dodged a bullet. I was happy that Brittany was yapping because looking back on it, I was like, that was such a sick move. Did y'all ever do any of those things when you were kids, like kids' plays? Nah, I held it down. I was like, plays are... I was part of the tableau in the Christmas play. What's a tableau? Tableau was for all the kids who sucked that weren't part of the real play that just went up and did a nativity scene. Oh, that's sick. My job was to hold a banner behind them and go...

I just shook a banner, dude. I did stage crew. I had to do, I went to Catholic school for a little bit and we did sister act. You guys did sister act? We did sister act.

And I had to do the rapping part. He come in like joyful, joyful. Oh, man. I still kind of remember it. Let me hear it. I remember the joyful, joyful Lord, I adore thee. And in my life, I put the before thee. And I don't remember. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. I kind of felt good doing it. Do you ever think about being a rapper?

Obviously. Yeah. Obviously. Obviously. Yeah, I had a feeling. I had a feeling. At such a young age, did I ever think about it? Not one day. I thought about it earlier today. I was like, what if I could spit? True. It's like you never know. You never know. I've never even tried. Maybe I could spit.

In high school, we'd all get high and people would freestyle and stuff. It was sick. It's the best. Yeah, it's pretty fun, actually. It is. I knew it didn't happen to me. Yeah, I know. My one friend would just do Eminem. He'd be like, that's an Eminem song. And he'd be like, no. It's just an Eminem song. I just came up with that right now. Two Trailer Park girls go around the outside. I don't know. Is that a song? I didn't know that. That's crazy.

My boy did it. He played a smart girl. You guys must have all been rapping the whole time. Always. But my one boy and I. Yeah. The guys who got held back and scared you.

I got a feeling they thought they had rap careers lined up. Bobby Dante did. There was this rapper, Joey Jahad, a Philly dude. He was underground. He was big. He was about to actually blow, and 50 was about to sign him, and then somebody just sucker punched him on the street. There was a video of him just getting knocked out just in the middle of the street, ruined his whole future. Yeah. Joey Jahad was nice, too, but not a lot of people knew him, and we were in Renton, but he knew him, so he would just battle rap people for money, but he would just use Joey Jahad rap.

for like a good year was nice. I remember, I'll never forget. I was, I remember I was with this one dude. I was like, just going to my house. So like sell weed or whatever. It was a black guy and my neighbors in West Philly. I actually knew them. I like worked with the one guy and they were out in their car, uh,

like someone they knew was like their family members demo tape. They're like, come listen to this. Like the black guy I was with and he leaned in the car and he was like, yeah, that shit's fucking trash. And then just walk into my house. And I was like, what the fuck? I didn't know you could do that. Yeah. It's like, yo, that shit's fucking trash. And then just came in. I was like, dude, it's my fucking neighbors, man. Why are you doing that? It's a funny thing. And he just like, didn't even like we came in and I would have like, if I had done that to someone, I'm like, did you see me do that? He just was like, anyway, so what are we, what is going on here? And I'm just like,

Did you just fucking do that to my neighbors? Yo, that shit's fucking trash. That's very nice. It was such a beast move. The wrongs we must right. The fights we must win. The future we must secure together for our nation. This is what's in front of us. This determines what's next for all of us. We are Marines. We were made for this.

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Did you ever get to do that to somebody with a demo tape? You go, this shit's trash? No, I never. I never had the heart. I always feel bad. Somebody's trying their best. Yeah, somebody's doing it. Even when they're not trying their best, like that thing when he's doing Times Square, just handing him CDs. I used to hate that shit, but it would be like, I can't be rude to you. Yeah, I would take the CDs. Yeah, I would take them. Throw them away as soon as I...

pay like two bucks for it and you're like i pissed i did that yeah that's when they get you you go oh thanks they give it to you thanks you're like you're not gonna give any money it's like i didn't ask for this i don't want this i'm helping you you ever see this i could get this to the right people you ever see the video of 50 he's like just walking with some lady and some dude just like just starts harassing him just like listen to my instagram and he's just like

You're never going to make it. That's like what he says to him. He was like, if this is how you're going about it, you're done. Oh, man.

50's beefing with like Big Meech right now isn't he Larry Hooper he always beefs someone just like one of those guys got out of jail and he's like calling the dude a rat he's like he's a fucking rat he's like beefing with I can't think of the network it's like I want to say Showtime or something but it's he's like suing somebody over a documentary yeah he's just like I want my money by Monday he's probably my favorite Instagram yeah he's the man usually you turn on yeah did I turn on no I mean yeah I mean I'm

I've been kind of like, I don't know, man. It's hard to say anything about Ye because I love him so much, but he's gone so crazy.

But then you see, like, I was watching an academic interview just like at the beginning of it. He seemed locked in until he was like, all right, we're going to do this. It's going to look like this. And he got even more locked in. And then soon again, he put the outfit on and was like, just fucking wear it. It's so funny. At least he's not really doing anything bad. He's just saying crazy shit. Yeah, yeah. Has he done anything bad other than...

I mean, he's like... No, I don't think so right now, but he's also come out and he's like, I've beat women before. I've done this. The one... The beast thing that I will give him... I suck my cousin's dick, obviously. Suck my cousin's... Suck my cousin's weenie. But the one thing that I will give him is when...

Iggy Azalea came out being like, Kanye used to take me aside and tell me he jerks off from my pictures, and he retweeted it and just said, true. Like, all right, that's kind of sick.

Yeah. I wonder if he'll like – I feel like he's got another era, like a different thing in him. I think he's going to drop this stuff. I kind of think so. I don't think this is going to be the last thing. We're definitely not going to – there's no way he's going away. Yeah. He's just never going away. He's going to be part of our lives, man. He's going to be part of our lives. We're going to be – I don't think he's going to slow down on the tweets. We're going to get these daily updates every day for the next 30 years. You think it's going to get darker than I sucked my cousin when I was young? I don't think it can. That's about it.

I don't think he can. Yeah, it's as low as it goes. I wonder, I was like, is this some, I've said this before, is this like, is he on just another level of like performance art where it's like he's expanding just the boundaries of all this weird stuff of like KKK sucking your cousin's dick? Gay incest. Gay incest. He hit a little black lotus. He did it. He hit the true black lotus. Yeah.

You think he was just loved so much he was like he just wants to feel hated? Well, not after the Taylor Swift stuff. He was hated a little bit. He's been in a hospital for a while. Dude, I don't know. I can't even wrap my head around it.

Like why you would do that or what? But again, it could just be he's fucking nuts, man. Yeah, he could be having some type of mental break. Or he could just be the man. Who knows? We'll never know. Time will tell, dude. You got to give him 100 years, see what's up. He could go into like a Luke Skywalker phase. If he goes on a misty mountain and goes dark for a while, I mean, it's kind of what he should have done like five years ago. Yeah.

He should just go Misty Mountain, but just tweet every day about how he's on the Misty Mountain. He never, when he tweeted that he wasn't a Nazi no more, that did, that lasted for a day, right? He was, and then he was like, nah, I'm back. Oh, did he do that? He just went back. Yeah. Yeah. It is interesting. Like what the fuck? Jonah Hill was just like, the fuck bro? We talked about this. Yeah. I mean, he, I mean, I don't want to, I don't want to coulda woulda shoulda, but he could have just fell back and just been the greatest producer ever.

Loved around the world. Yeah. But he's a billionaire. Isn't he? Is he a billionaire? That's the one thing I can't wrap my head around. I'm like, you're a billionaire? They said he was. Then he somehow lost. Yeah, but then he said he is again now. He's like, I'm back. He's like, I'm a billionaire again. Kind of awesome. So he's a billionaire. Wow. Sick.

I've seen Zuckerberg. Kanye seems normal for a billionaire. God damn, what was that? Why is he dressing like that? You know I like the outfit. Cle white tee, gold chain. If you're a billionaire, you shouldn't be wearing a gold chain. Yeah, but it wasn't a gaudy gold chain. It was little. He used to be such a humble autist.

He's doing jujitsu and shit, man. I'm telling you, I think that's like brand. You get guys to manage your brand for you. Yeah. So that's like a full stylist, PR, brand management, total self-reinvention. He should let Kanye be his stylist. He should have. He should have worn the fucking black KKK uniform. That would have been awesome.

Yeah, I mean, it does suck to have... Zuckerberg's got to be, what, like a couple hundred billion or a hundred billion maybe? Yeah. $185 billion. Have $185 billion and then be like, I have to be able to figure out cool.

There's got to be an algorithm. It's an algo, bro. It's got to be a cool algorithm. It's an algo. And he's kind of hitting the... I'll dress like a black guy. It's like, bro, I figured that out in seventh grade. Yeah, I figured that out in seventh grade. And then in eighth grade you go, it's not cool when I do it. True. Yeah, you kind of do figure that out. And then an older brother goes, you look like a fucking idiot. Yeah. Wow.

Me and my cousin and my bro Phil would just get crushed. We'd show up to family parties and everyone would be like, what the fuck? My cousin Pat had a Wu-Tang charm. So tight, dude. So icy. I just had the Jesus piece. You had a Jesus piece in seventh grade? It was small. Or maybe I just did a...

Did I have the J? We all had charms at one point. Charms? That was the big one. You would go to fucking Sterling Silver or wherever in the mall and we would cop our silver chain. I was three small loops, one long loop. My cousin was Cuban Lynx. Cuban Lynx is sick. Cuban Lynx with the Wu-Tang charm was nasty.

I got to remember what my charm was. I'm pretty sure it was just a cross if I know myself. Damn. Had the JP and my bro got me. So you got like Spongebob holding a pistol. I should have. I had a gay one.

I'm just remembering it now. It was a little dragon. A little dragon? You were Cisco? In like sixth grade. You went with Cisco? I didn't know it was Cisco. I just thought it was a cool little dragon. And then I got to school and they were like, you got the Cisco? Cisco chain? And I couldn't stop wearing it. Damn, the Cisco chain sucks. And that was thong song. That was like right. That was, yeah. You went under the dragon. You drew a hill.

I had blows, dude. I forgot. I forgot. I never got a chain. Never had the chain? I couldn't. I never did it. Oh, dude. I was... My friend got caught stealing one from the mall. It was the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. He switched his, took a bigger one. It was like... In like seventh grade, there was those silver chains that were like $132. Money.

Might as well have been a six-inch ruby. Yeah, that's crazy. I was like, dude, you're fucking going for it. And he put it on, walked out. As soon as we stepped out, a guy came out and went on his shoulder. Me and my cousin were just like, later. I would have cried immediately. He had to sit in the mall security booth until his dad came into the mall to pick him up. Did he have to do sexual favors to get out? He probably tried. You ever see that porn? I've seen that. Yeah.

I would have done anything to get out of that. I would have done anything to get out of that. I would have been full casting couch. I would have cast it out. I would have got onto the mall security. I would have been in dog. I would have initiated it. Yeah, I would have gone on the table. Yeah. Just get it over with, dude. Sure, I would have. Nasty little power bottom. Getting caught stealing at the mall would have been the apocalypse. Yeah. I would have gotten in so much fucking trouble. Lemise, you never had a chain.

No, I never really had chains. Damn, you could have. Guard dog, you get that Italian horn or whatever that thing is? No, I was a crucifix guy for a little while, but as a youth, I was like a shark tooth puka shell kid. Whoa. I had an alligator tooth too. You had an alligator tooth? Man, maybe LaMera was right. Maybe you are an outdoor white. True. You were in a tough area for white kids to act black, like North Jersey.

Yeah, but I still managed to do it. You can be like Sopranos. I managed to do it, but I went more Rasta when I was coming into my formative years. I can see you hitting a Rasta face. I had the puka shells at the beach. I'd hit the boardwalk, try to get numbers. This is so sick, though. Puka shells, sunburned, beyond recognition. Yeah, the puka shells were sick. I never got the pukas. I was jealous. I had the pukas, bro.

I never got the poopers, but I was dark. I was purple. I was sick every night. Every night at the beach, I was so sober.

Yeah, we would try to go get numbers from the babes at the beach. That would fall apart. Then we would just do horrendous, horrible pranks. The poop dollar was the worst. Poop dollar was diabolical. I will say, sticking the dollar up between the boardwalk cracks, people would grab it and pull it down. Nothing better. Yeah, that's great. So funny. Way to be a poop dollar. No, you leave the poop dollar. You want them to pick that up and they go, sweet. And they go...

That's fun. But you can also put a dollar between the cracks of the boardwalk. Technically the promenade, I guess. You can stick it through and people are like, fuck yeah. And they put their foot down on it and then they lift it up and it's gone. It's so funny. There's a bunch of 12-year-olds laughing at you. You have to take turns because you want to watch.

Because boardwalk guy, you couldn't see underneath. So you get to watch your boy do it. And it was the funniest shit. So funny. Yeah, that's nice. My favorite memories of the beach was just once we started drinking. Yeah. Just getting some fucking bum to buy you and your boys 30Ks of fucking Natty Light. It's the best. It was the best. It was the best night of my life.

Yeah, dude, for real. I literally, I'll second that. That's like my, that's why I love the beach so much. My aunts and uncles would just go get after it all day. They'd be done by nine o'clock. They're just, just destroyed. They'd be in a room and we would just have a cooler that had beer sitting in it from noon at like 8 PM. And we would just devastate the, and they'd all wake up and be like,

Were you guys drinking beer last night? Well, you guys were, you fucking drunk. They would try to do the math, and they were like, there's no way. The one time we got caught was we were hiding the beer cans under our bed for some reason.

And my aunt just set them out and wrote a note that said, who drank me? We just saw them. My sister did not take the fall for me and my bro one time. What? I tried. Me and my bro drank a lot of beers. And then my parents were like, what the fuck is this? And we were like, yeah, Sarah came down here and got fucking shit-faced. It's like, yeah, Sarah just sat here and drank like 25 beers. My mom was like, what the fuck, Sarah? She was like, it was them. What you talking about?

He's the run to the bus. Scream, cry, run away. Yeah, I used to get so fucked up at the beach. It was so fun. That was like, honestly, one of my fondest memories of like when you're drinking beer and you're like, you've been inside the house and you step out and it's like you smell that salt air and you're like kind of hammered. You get me going.

Bro, it was the best. Still is. Yeah, true. Nothing beats it. But as dude, as like a fucking 14, 15 year old, it is truly getting drunk with no hangover. So sick. Zero hangover. You just go out and it'd be two in the morning. The bars are let out. We just walk past like drunk adults and be like, pussy. Fuck you.

That's the worst thing that could happen to you walking out of a bar. Just kids going, pussy. You're like, God, I can't do nothing. I was like blazing weed out of a corncob pipe. Just be like, fucking bitch.

Did you guys get any nice Redding beach trips? No. No. You guys were talking about getting... The Redding squad never got to the beach, huh? We just would drink Hurricanes at the park at 3 a.m. That's probably funny. It was actually the best. Yeah. Had a Hurricane phase, dude. Three for five Hurricanes was an unbeatable deal. You couldn't beat it. I would go. I had a guitar case I would keep outside. I'd walk from the bar back to my dorms. They would just sell... In West Philly, they would sell Hurricanes to anybody. Yeah. I mean, whatever else, probably, too. And then, like...

I would come back, load up a guitar case with as many Hurricanes as I could fit, and just walk into my dorm like... So tight. I could never drink the third Hurricane. I knew people I could drink all three, and I was like, dude, I got two, and I got half of that third one done. I was just like, I'm at capacity. We were kind of doing pussy shit. It was just everybody had one. Everybody had one. One and a blunt. Not bad. Yeah.

Four Locos were a bad time. Four Locos. I kind of missed Four Locos. I didn't really get hit by the Four Locos. I got hit. Yeah. Yeah, that was a bad time for the bros. Yeah. I got Sparks. The Four Loco run was crazy. I had Sparks. Sparks were sick. Yeah. Sparks were nice, but I never got the Four Locos. I had Nelly. Was it Juiced? Nelly threw his hat. Yeah, Nelly threw his hat in the ring of energy drink alcohol, and I think it was J-O-O-S-E.

Drank some juice one night, blacked out. I was down in like North Carolina somewhere, completely blacked out. It was bad. I have a, I hope this isn't a, I just have a four local, like it's not even a memory. I blacked out, but it was on my phone. My girl was staying with me. My parents were away.

And I went out drinking with my boys and had four locals and came home, I guess, trying to get some pussy, but also trying to film it. And I just have a, I just had, she was telling me I was being annoying, trying to fuck her last night. And I had this, I just had a video on my phone of me being like, come on, let's film this. She's like, no, we're not doing anything. And it's just the phone going down like, all right. That's your sex tape? You gotta leave the tape. Some bright light in her face and then just, oh.

No. This is sleepy. Girlfriend going, no, we're not doing anything. All right. Dang, bro. You were unk before you even knew it. I really, I've been old. Shay Shay's gone. You might be the new unk. I would love to be the new unk. Yeah. A hundred million's yours. Yeah.

Dude, the Root turned on Onk big time. Yeah. They wrote a vicious article about it. And it was like mean. It was like not even about his case. They were like, let's all talk about what everyone's thinking. He's just dumb. It was like, damn. It was mean.

Like, let's all face it. He's just a fucking dumbass. I know that wasn't a honky that wrote that one. I don't think so. Better not be. Better not be. I don't think the root would have allowed a honky to rip it like that. No. I mean, it was it was funny. Like, yeah, dude, he's a fucking. I'm just going to say it. This guy's dumb as hell. Fucking tired of it.

Yeah, they were just saying he should have signed NDAs. Why does he not have control of his sex tape? They're bringing up fair points, honestly. They're like, dude, he just got busted for this. But also, he's probably got crazy sex. A ton of them. There are dudes. There's a strain of dude that has to film every encounter. That was me when I was a kid. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. Which is kind of crazy when you think about it as an adult. I got a camera from MySpace days. Yeah.

Yeah, I was a big... I mean, they always knew. It was never like... Yeah, you're a... Yeah, I've been... You're a devil, dude. Yeah, I was a... I got you, bro. Come on, Lameez, you can get in there. What happened to your leg, bud? I think that was just a smash. What was wrong with his leg? What was that? Lameez, why were you lifting your leg like that? Your shoe's untied. My shoe's untied. I was going to tie it, but I just ran out of the other way.

Oh, yeah, of course. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. These days, you have to be smart with your money. If you're going to make a big purchase, you got to make it count. What's something you bought? Dude, I just invested in two bug tanks. I got two bug tanks from National Geographic. So they have a little magnifying glass on them. I got not one, but two. What type of bugs are you going to put in there? Right now, we've only gotten some roly polies.

So you can throw them in there, create their natural habitat, and you can kind of like... I'd like to see what roly-polies are up to. Bro, I got... I catch like... Me and my daughters catch like four roly-polies a day and put them in my garden. It's really nice. It's awesome. I have so many roly-polies. So yeah, I got... The bug tank's nice, man. Because otherwise, you got to carry them in your... You ever try to carry a roly-poly in your hand for like... They fucking... They're escape artists. Yeah.

So, yeah, I got some bug tanks. It's been, you know, 30 years. Yeah, yeah. Since I've tried. It's just as hard. They escape. So... I bought a bug light. You got a bug light? I got a bug zapper out there that's...

Kind of the opposite of what you're doing, but just as fun. You're battling. You sit in the hot tub and all of a sudden. God damn. You get some of these big bugs out here. My dad's big on bugs. When they die, they go. You hear them hit the fucking bug light and they go, Jesus. God damn. Another great investment.

Taking care of yourself. You're talking about these bugs. I didn't even think about that. Why don't you think about yourself? Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive, though, like between $100 to $250 a month or more or something like that. Therapy is worth it, though. And you do have options like BetterHelp, the help with the bed on it. It could help you save up to 50% per session while getting you the help you need. I've had a lot of sessions where I think about myself and take care of myself. I like therapy because...

I've benefited from therapy. Yeah, I think it's nice. I think it's a nice thing to do. Everyone could learn something from therapy.

Yeah, you can just learn how... Because it teaches you positive coping skills. Like how dumb your family is. And set boundaries. How you're doomed. Yeah, basically you get on a Zoom call and you talk about how dumb your family is. Hate to break it to you, your family are idiots and you're doomed. With BetterHelp, you can work toward being the best version of yourself while saving money. And because everything is online, it's easier to get into a session with your schedule. I love getting online sessions. Love that. With just a few clicks, you can be talking to one of their therapists. You can even switch therapists at any time for any reason.

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Hey. Getting in front of the camera. You know the rules. Yeah, getting in front of the camera. Hey, everybody. It's LeMire. May 9th and May 10th, I'm going to be at Coastal Creative in Florida. You guys got to come to that, please. And it also- Where's Coastal Creative in Florida? St. Pete, Florida. St. Petersburg, Florida, I think. Yes. Yeah. That'll be a hoot. And then Optimum Noctis at the Creek in the Cave, May 6th. We have a great lineup. Oh, who's on it? Nate Marshall. Nate Marshall.

Okay. Good job. And if you're in Philadelphia on May 6th instead of Austin, Texas, please come to my show at Helium Philadelphia on May 6th. Please. Thank you. May 31st. Go to Fargo. Des Moines, Iowa. May 31st. I'll be at Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines, Iowa. Go to that. May 31st. Iowa. This weekend, this very weekend, Cobbs Comedy Club, San Francisco, California, 5-1 to 5-3.

Crest Theater, Sacramento, California, Neptune Theater, Seattle, Washington, and the Hollywood Improv. Neptune's awesome. Neptune should be sick. You'll get some really good shows. I know. This is the final leg for the taping. Those are all great venues. I'm pumped, man. And also, I'll be doing a live taping at the Ontario, California Improv coming up. I didn't list it yet, but it'll be awesome. It's going to be great. I can't wait. Matt, I'm excited to see your new hour on tape. Thank you. I can't wait. It's a really good hour. Thank you, bro. And I like it. Appreciate you, bro. Goodbye, everybody. Bye.

Oh, bro. We're flying. Macchiato's hitting. Dang. I'm a big espresso guy now. Yeah. Sabrina. Shots of it. What'd you say? Sabrina Carpenter. Who's Sabrina Carpenter? It's just me, espresso. Dude, you know what I've been thinking about? You see the whole thing now about, I think it's kind of already out of the news cycle, but white rappers getting crushed for going country.

The game what getting crushed for like people who were white rappers that now are doing country. Oh like post Yeah, well, there's a couple others not just him Well, it's like there's machine gun Kelly not country specifically, but him going to pop music blah blah blah They tried to get a post they're saying stuff about post more. I always try to trash post, but it's also like Beyonce's fucking man. Yeah fucking beast Beyonce Beyonce is doing country

Yeah. Which is fine. I don't care. But it's like, why are you attacking my fucking... My people invented country. True. Fair enough. Facts, facts, facts. She's coming. She's coming. They invented the cowboy hat too. And being a cowboy. And they invented all of it.

I think nobody should care about any of it. Yeah. Hey! Agreed. That's what I'm saying, man. Wait, is that the point everybody's been trying to make? Yeah, that's definitely what we're trying to make. It's goddang music. And it's also like, dude, I'm all about the bag, dude. They're getting the bag. They're trying to get Harlow for that. For what? What'd he do? Harlow sang a song with an orchestra or something like that. Yeah. And he's still rapping.

Yeah, but it's totally rapping. He's not even changing genres. He's still rapping. He just did it at an event. Somebody filmed it and they were like, hate to see white people use our culture to advance themselves and then abandon us. It's like... My thing is like, okay, what about the bag, dude? It's the bag. You gotta respect somebody getting the bag. Get the bag. That's what I'm saying. I'm all the bag. That was, dude, Jim Jones had the best take on the whole, which one do I call it? Drake suing UMG.

They're like, the only thing that's bad for hip-hop, and Jim Jones was on someone's podcast, and he was like, bro, he's getting the bag. I was like, yeah, I'm kind of with that. Kevin also hit me with that, because I've always complained about tweets and opinions. He's like, you're on black Twitter. He also loves that I'm on black Twitter. I'm on black Twitter, and it works. You might have wrote that article at The Root. Maybe I did.

But it works getting you fired up? No, it works. And then I realized, you know, it's not a unique thought we've talked about before, but everybody's algorithm, like it's like if I was a black person and saw white Twitter, I'd be like, God damn, these honkies are fucking racist, bro. I'm on white Twitter, bro. I think I got white Twitter because of like everybody I know. And that's what it'll do to you. It'll be like.

Oh, yeah. It'll just show you the worst things. I think my algorithm doesn't know, though. It shows me black, like the shit that it would show white people to get y'all fired up, but it also shows me the shit that gets us fired up so I can kind of exist in a nice middle ground. I get both. That kind of keeps you sane, I think. It helps.

My ex is for real like I open it and it's like holy fuck. Yeah, so can we all agree that they're just not good? No Fine I'll say They do it. That's all those guys like I'm just gonna say nobody said it in the last five seconds It's just a business model thing though, it's like yeah you get algorithm. Yeah, it's designed to make you angry It's fucking wild man. I'm Curtis hit that fucks me up. Yeah, I

And we got to get a new Adam Curtis stock. We do, man. It's been a while. I keep looking for him. Well, that shit about how they claim that they can literally watch your like micro expressions as you read stuff and they'll go, yep. And they'll keep feeding you shit like that. Just say that the things watching your camera is watching. I read a thing years ago and they said they were watching your face through your camera and engaging like your how long you're staying on a thing. All that stuff.

God. And if you got the wearables, they can literally track your biometrics and be like, it's working on me. Yeah. It's not working on me, dude. Why do they keep sending it to me? Why do they keep sending me these fucking hot ladies? I'm just clutching my pearls and going, yeah, true. Every time I see the hot ladies, I go, get the fuck off my page. And they notice, too, because they go, it's like...

Scroll. Yep. Stack up for a second. Down. Back up. I hate how well it knows exactly the kind of lady you want to see, too. It's not just... It's like generic hot lady. It's like, he likes hot ladies. I could have got your algorithm without ever even knowing you. It's just ladies about to be fat. I couldn't see you even go, thick talk. That is my pole algorithm. And I can't stop it. I wonder if I could have got Meezy's. Yeah. Meezy's is just like a lady going...

Hot Asian? Yeah. Wait, like for Babe of the Week? No, I mean just guessing guys what his hot algorithm is. Yours is cosplay. Yeah, it's white ladies pretending to be Japanese. Yeah, so a black lady dressed as an anime character kind of did it for you. I wouldn't have guessed yours. Just so you know. I would have not got yours.

I cast a wide net. Yeah, I rule of thumb. I feel like if you're with a babe and she can gain weight, but the freak has to increase with the weight.

So the bigger they get, the bigger of a freak they have to become. That's my rule of thumb. That's totally fair. You can get as big as you want, but you've got to become. You're talking about pig wife. Yeah. Yeah, the bigger you get. The true pig wife. Exactly. Yes. For every pound, for every 10, let's say every 10 pounds has got to be a new thing you unlock that you do. Pig wife sounds kind of nice. True pig wife. Who would deny it?

A pretty pig wife? Like a BBW? It doesn't matter. Whatever you get, bro. Whatever you get. There were some pig moms that you would see growing up. You'd go, God damn, that guy's got a pig mom. I bet she's a... You've got to dial up the freak. She must be a pig wife. I'm not trying to be a dick. That is just my rule of thumb. People can do whatever they want. You are free to gain as much as you please.

Every 10, 20 pounds. It'd be like an RPG. You've got to unlock a new thing. Oh, yeah. It's like, well... You better get to the gym, otherwise... Something real bad happens. Something I don't even want to do happens. I'm doing it for us.

But that would be, I mean, imagine that for every 20 LBs, it's just like a new act where you're like, whoa. Damn, I'd be a freak bitch. I got to go to the gym right now. I'm a freak bull. True, man. You just be at one point, you'd be like, I just got to hit a ditty party, bro. I have not been going to the gym. I just got to go deep now.

I'd be willing to see what my there's got to be like, like, you know, the X and Y axis. Yeah. I wonder what like where my where you would tap out at.

As far as the size of the pig wife? When the weight goes up, the X, you go further out, the X axis. I mean, you might get to the point where you get like a lady, you got to, you know, put in a flatbread. I mean, it might get to the point where you got to take out a wall to get her out of the house. If you have a giant blob pig wife. Yeah. Yeah.

And you can just, anything you want, go in there. Yeah, that's new. Give me your arm. The crane comes in. You're just like, no. There she goes. They rip your ceiling off. No. You can't take my blob. Hold on. Let me get her back in his rabbit hutch. Blob wife. Pure blob.

Pure Jabba the Hutt. Let me Jabba the Slut, dude. He's Jabba the Slut. You'd be in a metal bikini standing next to her going, she just kept eating. Now I'm a fucking freak. You'd be like Han Solo on the edge of that fucking ring. You'd get sucked into the ring like, no. You'd get a blob wife. There are dudes, obviously, with blob wives. Oh, for sure.

I love the thousand pound scissors or whatever that shit is. So TLC keeps trotting out blobs. So sick. It would be. I mean, again, it's like you have to use your imagination, but you could probably go pretty. It'd be pretty.

It'd be pretty wild. Yeah, you could fuck every part of her. Yeah. Like, you could fuck her arm. Yeah, and then you would start... I've talked about feeders and gainers. You know what feeders and gainers are, Nate? No. A feeder and a gainer. A feeder and a gainer. Feeders and gainers is a fetish. I, like, talked about this to someone recently, like, assuming he knew what I was talking about. He's like, what the fuck? What? Dude. Like, a bit of a feeder, aren't you? So, a feeder is when you...

So if you're a gainer, you're just someone who's... You're a blob. Yeah, you're just going to feed them. Your fetish is getting people fat. Yeah. And their fetish is becoming your little fat blob. And you can just get into that whole thing where it's like, you want to... Yeah, eat up, babe. I wish I could dabble in different types of love. I see the wheels turning over there. Lamaze, are you sleepy?

Yeah, I'm a little sleepy. He's groggy, bro. Why are you so groggy? Yeah, I was having a who last night. Oh, the live show was last night. Yeah. So you're with the babes. Yeah, I was with the bros and the babes. P-I-T-M, babe crew. Yeah. Had a long one, you know? Tied it on. What do you think about getting a...

Something of a mascot for PITM. Maybe a blob. You guys could get a blob. I would love to have a fat lady just hang around the pod, chime in with her opinions. Yeah, man. I think it has to be fair Abraham, honestly. But you got a blob. Is she willing to gain for you guys?

For the right price, I bet she would gain. I think I said the funniest thing on the pod, but not actually. She said I was playing Bitcoin and I think about it like every day. What do you mean? She's talking about buying and selling Bitcoin. She said I was playing Bitcoin. What?

I don't understand. Like, she's saying, like, that's how she referred to it. I think what the joke is that she has such a lack of understanding of what Bitcoin is that she thinks it's an online game. She was like, I was playing Bitcoin. Like it's Minecraft or something? That's what I thought, but I wanted to make sure. It's made me laugh every day since.

Did you guys confront her on the poop video? No, people are pretty upset about it. I didn't. Yeah, I didn't get to that part. Can't bring up the poop vid. Not even a confrontation. It's like an exploration. We were beating around the poop bush. I heard you beating around the bush a little. How did you beat around the bush? I heard cake farts get brought up. What? They were bringing up like, have you ever done cake farts? It is funny when you get someone on and you're like, I'm bringing it up. And the whole time you're like. Well,

We only stood ten toes, I think, one time. The not important porn thing? No, because she was trying to say she doesn't. We are big on if you charge for your OnlyFans but don't show tits. Yeah. Not okay. She was talking about she doesn't show tits on her main thing. We didn't let it slide. I was pretty proud of that. What's beyond the main thing?

Like you're making a few for three men in a room to confront That's pretty awesome She left so it's like and there's another level you you can unlock for that I

For what? For tits. These are the main thing. She was saying hers was free and she charges for extra stuff which is fine. But if you charge at all as gatekeepers I like it. Somebody's got to keep the law around there. Wouldn't this be a great gift if your lady just was like

I put $100 on your OnlyFans account. Have a blast. No. No? No, I'm not in a poly relationship. That's not poly. You think porn is poly? You're circling the drain. That's... I think it's keeping you locked in the non to not stepping out

You think it is? I think it's slightly freak shit. I think I'd be very happy if my lady was just like... Now, if my blob were to approach you like that... Yeah, how much is my wife way at this point? If she's a blob, then by all means, yes. I would love to dabble in multiple types of love. Like blob love. What Kanye's got going on love. Or just like pure exhibitionism? Yeah, pure exhibitionism. Like super like...

What about if you exhibit the blob? Wait, what if what? Exhibit the blob. Like, I would need to charge people to come in. I'm saying just get a PR company just to take pictures of your scantily clad blob and publish it. You would probably make $100,000 a year. Just have the fattest lady on OnlyFans. People are going to. For sure. You're going to get, yeah. $100,000 was shooting love. Yeah. Yeah.

Now we're talking pimpin'. Yeah. Now we're talking we're pimpin' the blob. You're going to get that fucking pimpin' the blob. You're going to get that dragon chain back out. You're going to be back. The dragon chain. You're going to be pimpin' a blob. Once we start pimpin' the blob, we all hit piercing pagoda. You get like the $132 silver chain. That would be so sick. We could get our hands on a blob around here. I don't know.

They're out there. You can find a blob. We got to get a Dumbo drop, though, bro. I don't feel like growing my blob. Yeah. I don't have the patience to grow my blob. I don't think we have the patience. I mean, yeah. We could airdrop a blob in here. Have a blob dropped off by a girl. We could get the blob out in the LeMay room. True. Yeah. And that's got a good glass.

We could charge people to go look at it. Yeah, but then you need the ranch hand back. You need the ranch hand. The ranch hand would be tending to the blob. But I know what you would do, you little devil. True, true. I'd catch you snacking on the blob. This whole operation would fall apart. It would be nothing but infighting. Like, dude, I saw you with the blob. What the fuck, dude? A lot of infighting. People would be sneaking out to the blob. Right?

A lot of trips to the blob. I think I hit me up recently. He was like, you can buy apparently gorilla food and it's like the same macros for people, but it's like $2 a day. So... Oh, you mean for the blob? No, no, I'm saying I would never feed... I would feed the blob. The blob is fucking queen, dude. That'd be Uber Eats. Feeding the blob gorilla food would be fucked. If you're going on hard times, you'd have no other choice than to feed her. You'd have to feed... Gotta keep her satiated. You can buy apparently like...

primate food and it's like the same macros and it's like human grade it's like three dollars some guy was like you think i should do this i was like i don't know dude yeah i was like if you want he's like it's so cheap this is true it'd be pretty fucking sick just crushing gorilla feed it's probably terrible oh it's gotta be so bad and they're yeah but there's not even any good tasty trees in there they're vegetarian you might as well do the mcdonald's omnivore did you ever see those guys were like yeah true

I'm never... No, aren't there? No, I think gorillas are herbivores. Yeah, what the fuck? Those macros must be fucked. I think with animals, though, you toss fucking anything in there. Yeah, true. Beef them up. Yeah. That'd be nice. Yeah, you could really... They feed chimpanzees. Has anyone put a gorilla on steroids before? Shit. That would be sick.

That's... We need another pool house for our juiced up gorilla. Juiced up fucking silverback gorilla. Now we're getting into the darker quarters of the internet. Now we take OnlyFans by storm. Brother, I'm right there with you. Somebody forgets to lock the...

You teach it sign language. It's just going, take me to the blob. Take me to the blob. It would need the blob. It'd be like Pete the Dolphin. The blob would fly away. He would kill himself. One day, they would come take your blob. Once a lady's 600 pounds. The government would find out. Once a lady's 600 pounds, the government comes and she just goes, the claw. And it comes down. Did you ever see Toy Story? That.

If the government got wind that we were collecting blobs, it would be like Waco. They'd kind of tank through the fucking wall. They'd come for our blobs. They'd be in a big machine like a pizza planet. We would have to start arming ourselves. We'd have to defend the blob at all costs. We would for sure have to. Because you know the government can't stand. We need some grazing land too.

Just get like little ash or turf. Just lay little Debbie's out. I mean, yeah, once we start, once we make a money off the first blob, I think we get a bottom blob. Yeah. You know, bottom blob, get all the other blobs. We got to just take the first blob, flip that into three, four blobs. So fixer uppers.

This blob's a little old. Yeah, blobs do. They don't last long. No. Unfortunately, our sweet blobs would depart this realm quickly. True. You truck them out. You get them...

Is what it is. Take them away, do surgery, fix the blobs. Clone them. Clone the blobs. You got to be careful, dude. You get black YouTubers, be like, that blob's a clone. The last thing we would want, though, is black YouTubers finding out that we have a blob, too. It'd be Swarm in the house. That'd be the bug light for black YouTubers.

It turns out your pool house is just like an ancient fucking pyramid thing that we need to investigate. The secrets of the pyramid. Just a energy vortex. You hear them coming too. Fetty Wap. You gonna try to get our blob again? Lock down. Lock down. This is not a droop. You just hear that chill like...

It's not a drill. You see the episode two of Last of Us when they get through the fence? They're going to breach. This is one big guy. We'd have to definitely secure that fence. Get some dogs. Some spotlights. They just all have miniature fucking pictures. Would you help defend the blob or would you side with your black YouTube cohort? Cohort.

Would you be in cahoots with the black YouTubers just for a taste of the blob yourself? No. You don't want to run a train on the blob with the fellas? I'd defend the blob. No, I wouldn't. You'd defend the blob. Yeah. I know you would. Trains are gross. Trains are gross. You're exactly right. True. Unless it's a blob. It's kind of... He'd be a railroad bull. He'd be real far apart. He'd be a hard-headed railroad bull, dude. He'd be down there like, what the hell?

No blob talks good. I think it's a good rule of thumb. That's all I'm saying. And then if you can take it anywhere you want, if you're business minded, obviously like we are. Yeah. Take it anywhere you want.

Remember the video I sent you? This lady just had, like... Yeah. Dude, I found this video online, and it's a lady with, I mean, dude, beyond Fs. The most giant boobs. Yeah. And she, it's just her husband tapes her going down a water slide in one of those little things, like the raft. Yeah.

And it's just every turn they're just... And it has like a million views. And he wrote a disclaimer being like, guys, this is a family video. My wife, please don't poke fun at the way she's built. It's like, dude, you knew what you were doing. You knew what you were doing. They have statues of her in India. Those guys got a hold of those videos. Holy shit. That is the Bob. That is. It's the Shiva. That is Shiva. It's the Bob Shiva. It was a village that's like their exclusive deity. Yeah.

They build the water park like she will come. She will ride the slide. That would be pretty tough. I always forget about it. It's a nice thing about how horny guys are in India. Anywhere where there's a billion... Again, the census could be wrong, by the way. I was on war mode recently. It turns out the census is... They totally botched it. They're saying they overestimated it. Overestimated it. And there's a lot less people. I think so. But the black conspiracy is that there's way more black people than they say. That one I kind of believe.

I did until I got to fucking Austin. True. Yeah, that's just coming from black people that live around black people. Yeah, true. They go, what the fuck? Everyone's black. Why are they saying this? Yeah, I guess you're right. You fly across the country and you go, it's been white the entire time. Yeah. It's true.

America is a giant double-stuffed Oreo. It is. But what the coasts don't understand is the blobs are in the middle. Yeah, true. You can set up the New Oregon Trail. You've got to find the blobs. The Minnesota Trail. They're in there. They're in Minnesota. They're everywhere. Yeah, true, man. You get down to Missouri...

Then you head down to the deep south. There's Bob's. There's Bob's chilling. The best. Honey boo-boos. Talking Arkansas away. Here's the thing. It's all fun and games until the blob turns on you. Then you got to go. She could turn on you, man, and that would be ugly. No country for old men. Get a cattle prop.

This is all fictitious, obviously. This is all fictitious. We would never fatten a woman up. We would never fatten her up for our own pleasure. Women will fatten you up, though. They're trying to get the male blob, dude. That's all they do. They love trying to fatten you up. Just so they can shame you. Women are the biggest fat shamers on the planet. They will fatten you and then shame you. My theory was so that you wouldn't cheat on them. They want you fat so no one else wants you, they think. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I always thought. Dude, for every five I gain, though, I get freaked out. Why are you making that face? My fucking blob's walking around. My blob just walked behind the camera, and we're all sitting there going, fucking women, nasty bitches. No, no, I'm saying they will feed you. They will blob you up. But you're right, though. Of course it's to shame you later. Yeah, yeah. You need to worry. It's like, you gave me all these fucking treats. You gave me this.

You gave me the creamy. I would have never bought. I'd never buy creamy. All of a sudden, there's creamy in the house. Yes, I'm going to take a fucking scoop. Oh, shit. This is better than I thought it was going to be. I forgot how fucking good creamy is. I'm going to stand by the fucking refrigerator and eat a lot more creamy than I thought.

Peanut butter ripple, bro? Don't even talk about that, man. Give me some peanut butter ripple. You could blob me out, dude. I might be a gainer. You could be a feeder. This might be Gator and Feeder's secret podcast. You got to dial up the freak for me. Or I will walk, bro. I will fucking walk. I will walk. What do you want? What more do you want, dude? You know about my dream I had, bro? Yeah.

It's in Patreon. We'll get podiums. We'll get podiums, but I'm going to bring in an expert and you debate them. And you have to genuinely debate them.

What is it about? What do you think you're an expert on other than wrestling? Quantum entanglement. Okay. Here we go. I'll find a professor from Texas. Oh, yes. There's a close second. WWE and the quantum entanglement. Once I've mastered the SummerSlam, I've headed straight into quantum. We can find a professor from Texas to come debate you. That would be nice, dude. Ooh, we should get a fucking women's studies.

Be La Mer? Women studies verse paintings in the mouth debate. That would be nice. But they're not ready for blob theory. They're not ready for blob theory. Quantum blob theory. Have you studied blob theory? No.

I mean, if you hit a gender studies major with for every 20 you got to get freakier, they would leave. They would fucking leave. They'd be out, dude. They do not like that kind of stuff. I would like to find a white race professor. That'd be fun. Yeah, that'd be nice. Ooh, that'd be good. A white African studies to come in here and teach you guys some things. Get those all. Yeah, get real with it.

Yeah. Is there any white African studies? There's got to be a couple. It's got to be so many white ladies. Yeah, true. With hyphenated last names. I got one. Rachel Dolezal. Dolezal. Yeah. Well, Dolezal, we can't have her debate. Yeah. Also, you guys would be... I'd be pretty excited. You would be. I'm a big fan. You guys wouldn't ask the hard-hitting questions. You guys would be like, I thought you did pretty good at the NAACP. You have an OnlyFans. I know that. Yeah.

Do you share your chips? That was just icing on the cake. I was a supporter of hers before. Yeah. She was just a white lady that loved black people too much. I was just doing Texas racial studies. Yeah. She was getting nasty on the OnlyFans for a while. Was she getting nasty? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, in the nicest way possible. She was getting nasty, but it was beautiful. Yeah. She had been in the gym. She had been a bad girl. Yeah. Yeah.

Dan, it's so nice to just doggy your way out of a like racial snap. The Department of Race, Ethnicity, Gender, and Sexuality Studies. I like that. It's all one thing? Oh, yeah. Being gay and being black is the same thing. It is weird. Why do you guys get looped in with that all the time? I need them to stop. It's not that it's a problem. It's just weird. If it was like Irish studies and gay people, I'd be like, why are you doing that? What the fuck? It's just weird.

It feels like somebody's doing it and going, got him. Like afterwards, like, I don't call him gay. Yeah, yeah, they're going to hate this. It's going to make them so mad. True. It's kind of BS, man. Yeah. Give me the... There's no honks. I can't find the directory for the... Oh, we could bring in Italian studies. That would be nice. Oh, it's definitely just language. God damn it. Yeah, true. Yeah, I was thinking there was...

in the listing here is Jewish studies is that's in that same thing as Jewish studies Italian studies gay guys and probably it's just yeah black studies that's kind of did do uh remember when like universities started doing Ebonics do we they don't do that anymore do they was that a thing for real I swear to God I think that was like maybe one or two places did that yeah

I like it. I might go back and major in it. Yeah. That's fat. That class would be so funny to sit in. Cap. Yeah, call him Cap. It would be so nice. Yeah.

Yo, teach. Just trying to figure out when to say type shit. Like, I don't exactly know how to put it into a conversation. Type shit is so nice. You should study Ebonics. That'd be sick. That would be tight, man. I think that was like a thing. It's still a thing. I guess if you do linguistics, maybe it's just like a...

Because I remember just back in the day you'd hear about it. I didn't know anything about like I didn't know the specifics. I remember they like busted that out on colleges were like we got a it could have just been like just linguistics. Like let's dive into this. But I don't know. I don't know motherfucking thing. Faculty is the word I was looking for. There you go. I'm an idiot. Fuck his professors guys. Nerds.

The director of your talking nerds. Damn, everybody here has a made-up name. For real? The faculty directory. What kind? What are we working with? I don't feel like naming names. Yeah, yeah, don't name names. Oh, who's that guy? Are they Caucasoids? Some are. Oh, Zardini, there you are. Yeah, there's one for you. What? Is it Caucasoids? That's what I call them. I like that.

What is this for? What thing is this? This... What's it a part of? I hate to be a jerk, but it looks like engineering. Oh. That's why everyone's made up names. That's why everyone's made up names. There's not one... There we go. There he is. There he is. There's one guy.

Yeah, engineering is going to be... Dude, I didn't do engineering in school. Every name is fucking gibberish. That guy's last name is kind of funny, though. What the fuck? Yeah, engineering, dude. Drexel was in engineering school and like...

I had teachers I couldn't understand, just for math classes. That's who's coming over here to battle us. Yo. That's a final boss. Lameez, can you handle him? Lameez, you're done for. Get an engineering professor to come debate critical race theory. This isn't my area of expertise. Shut up, nerd. Talk. Do big words. I know about making bridges. What are you looking up, Sean?

We can get our hands on one of these. I looked up the African American Studies faculty and it's pretty good.

There's not really any caucasoids. There's no caucasoids? No, there's one that looks like an Asian man. I feel you on that. You know that they knocked that off? Like they were like, sorry guys, we'll get you a new job, but you can't do this anymore. Never mind, I got one. Who we got? Mark? He looks like Mark Zuckerberg. Oh, bring him in. Let me see that fella. Let me take a good look at that fella. He would probably make me so angry. Wow, wow.

Excuse me. I swear to God, I thought it was Gardini. That's why I was like, yeah, you're fucking mine. No, yeah, we can't. Whatever. We can't do that. We can't release this man's. No, no. Shelter that man. Whatever we have to. Yeah. Or we could have the mayor moderate a debate between two professors and then have him summarize everything in between.

That'd be kind of nice. It'd be like gender studies versus astrophysicists and be like, go. Go. Go. Yeah, that's a good debate, though. That'd be kind of sick. Astrophysicists versus, yeah, it'd be like made-up bullshit versus made-up bullshit. Totally unprovable gibberish versus totally unprovable gibberish. Go ahead. Stuff that doesn't fucking matter. Go ahead. Going back to school for gender studies would be nasty.

I did social work. I might as well go all the way back. It's dude. It's being in a hostile classroom. I kind of genuinely miss it. It's so fun. Yeah, it's good that you were old enough to be able to handle that. I was big dude before 25 or Charlie Kirk. I lived it for two years. Yeah, I just didn't know it was like a cool thing on the internet.

Should've livestreamed the class. What's 25? What is it? When, like, those, like, conservative YouTubers will, like, debate 25 college students at a time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they'll be like, 25 woke students versus Charlie Cook. Yeah, yeah. They'll be like, I don't like being gay. They're like, what? No!

Yeah right You just talk fast as fuck Yeah just talk fast as fuck You're a beating dumbass Be real calm and condescending the entire time Yeah It's the key to Destroy the libs dude Yeah

You're getting a bunch of nervous college students on camera. All I want to do is destroy Libs. Yeah, dude. I'm just going to go in there. You guys triggered yet? I'd have tape over my mouth the whole time. Like, all right, I guess I'll take this off. I think Trump Jr. has a podcast called Triggered. Does he? Ooh. Yeah. Are you able to listen to it? I didn't listen to it yet, but I saw an image for it. Yeah. Damn. That's gay. Everybody say, that stinks.

Yeah, it does. It's a huge moneymaker. Huge moneymaker to deal with. Again, respect the bag. You always got to respect somebody getting the bag. It's tough. Somebody should help him. Is the font fire? Whoa. Breaking the blog.

There's an episode of Triggered called Breaking the Blob, dude. I thought we were... Trump Jr. on Triggered already sat down with Mike Benz and discussed what we need to do to shatter the blob. They're trying to take our blob. What the fuck? They're trying to break the blob. They know it's too powerful. I'm voting Dem this next election. I'm Dem. If they're going to take away my right to blob... It's a blue wave. The bear blob is a total blue wave. It's a total blue wave. Yeah.

If the Republicans are trying to get your hands off my fucking blob. Bro, the government's coming for your blobs. Over my dead body. I feel like the blobs have been staunch Republicans for a while. That's another thing that happens. You blob out so hard, you do become a fascist. Well, I think the soda ban got them pretty hard. True. Yeah, but also RFK's got to be a real... He's a menace to the blobs. Blob buster. He's a blob buster. He's a blob buster.

I'm secretly rooting for him so hard, dude. I can't wait till he bans all that bullshit in our food. Yeah, didn't he ban like Daz? There's just like 70 things illegal to put in foods in Europe that we eat. Yeah. No, I'm all for getting rid of that shit. That shit confuses me sometimes that we're not spazzing about it.

You know? Yeah, but it's very funny when a guy in Trump's cabinet does it. So then everyone's like, no. We need those dyes. I know. Yeah, it was like, do you want your gummy worms to be gray? Kind of, yeah. Root beer barrels. Those things are good, the root beer bottle gummies. Those fucking rule. They better not be fucking dyes. They are. It's all dyes. But you can do it. You can easily remove those things. It'd be a little more expensive. You can remove that shit pretty easily.

Still keep the color and remove it? Yeah, dude. You can use beet juice powder and all that bullshit.

I mean, you might not be able to have certain... You could probably honestly get certain hues. I used to make gummies, and I used natural dyes in my gummies. I had some of those gummies. They were good. They were a little too good. RFK would have told you to fucking regulate those things. RFK would have definitely taken away my Keefy Crawlers. Keefy Crawlers. Keefy Crawlers were a million-dollar idea. Keefy Crawlers. Keefy Crawlers were so nice. I had these bug gummy molds, and I would...

Keef with sugar. So I decarbed the Keef and then once I got the gummies when they're still sticky, I'd roll them in Keef. That was, you could actually eat because it was activated. Those used to fucking crush me, dude. I would drive around. Bro, I got destroyed off those fucking things. I couldn't, Skizzlers. Those, don't even bring those up. That was, I think that was just heroin.

I think that was just fentanyl. They might have had fentanyl. That was pure fentanyl, dude. I was getting blind. They were an alcohol tincture, so you were also eating like Everclear. I was just trying to play FIFA, and then I'd be... What'd you give me, dude? I'm blind.

Yeah, those things were sick. Matt, I was a fucking feeder back then. I was just sitting in the living room trying to gain and you'd come in and go, here, eat this. That was MK Ultra. That was MK Ultra. You MK'd be bad there. Just in the kitchen making shit. I was like,

I remember I boiled off. I like took grain alcohol, made an extraction, put in a rice cooker in their backyard. And it was just the smell of just like burning alcohol. It's a really harsh smell. And then I thought it was done. So I was like, all right, I guess all the alcohol is out. And I put my face in it to like and I just I don't know why I took a big whiff. And like I just inhaled a bunch of alcohol fumes. It fucking felt weird. I bet. Yeah, it was not a good feeling. I kind of panicked for a while.

Definitely took me aback. I had like this, that shit had to fuck up. I had this device that, I forget the name of it, but it was like a wee. The Nova decarboxylator? Uh, I think it was sick. I can't remember. I still got it. Or the magic butter machine? It's like a magic butter machine, but it was called something else. But I tried to make like tinctures with it and it broke, like it broke just making it. I think the fume just broke a hinge on it and then the paint under it

Yeah, man. What were you doing making tinctures? It was during, this was like 2020. Everything was done. I'm lucky I didn't know about that. I would have had to slide on you, dude. I was all the way in Jersey. I wasn't even. Nah, you were in our territory. I wasn't in your territory. I wasn't bringing it down there. You trying to fuck with Mount Vernon. Yeah.

I'm very mafia, bro. I would have had to snatch the dragon chain, bro. We would have snatched your chain, no problem. Nah, the dragon chain version of me? Menace. That was actual menace. We would have sent our top hitters, dude. We would have sent wooden bees. Yeah, true. We would have been dead, dude. Our top hitters, our fucking coppers. We would have sexually blackmailed you with barn dogs.

The bar dog. Bar dog's legend. Bar dog would have got your ass. Nah. Bar dog would have never got me. That would have been the one hitter I took out for sure. You could have got the bar dog. I got the bar dog. I just saw three of them. You would have never got to the bees. Nah. Nah. You could compromise the bees though. True. You could join your side pretty easily. Like bees. Yeah.

Bees is down. Woodman's a wild card. Woodman's a wild card. He could have got it, yeah. We just sent him to your house. He would have killed you. Nah. He wouldn't have made it. That would have been Game of Thrones. They would have killed the wrong guy. He would have, like, smashed the baby. What did you do? That was House of Dragons, I think. Oh, dude. I'm walking.

Dude, I used to eat those. It was like I had the bug mold. The butterfly was like the smallest. Then there was the spiders. Then I had these centipedes. I did the math. They had to have been at least like 120 milligrams. Yeah. And like, dude, I could only... I did a spider once and was rocked. And I remember I would eat those like a butterfly and spider in the morning and just forget and be driving around. And just they would hit me and I would be blasting L.S. Dream. The music I used for the intro for the first special was like... Trying to cross Lancaster Ave like...

I'm never getting across the street. It was crazy. I was like, I'll never get across the street. Lancaster Ave is a tough place to be high as shit driving. Bro, it's... That sucks. Man, I clocked a lot of hours driving up that just like... Lancaster Ave is fucking chaos, dude. It is absolute fucking chaos. That street is nuts, dude. It's also... Did you ever walk up and down there? What? Open air. It's open air sex.

hoes are on lancaster f that's nice lots of hoes that's nice stuff now yeah we're talking yeah we are talking yeah you can you can go get the blob you can secure the blob on like sure for sure god damn my shorts are so fucking short yeah we should end the podcast anyway what are we at an hour

God dang it. I'm about to whiz. Yeah, I got to pee big time. That fucking flew, dude. That was good stuff. The juice flying. Thank you.