Giggling about Andy's baby name, Justin Bieber's pubes, and Marilyn Monroe
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I mean the day just got away from me. Okay, what is up my Galapagos gigglers? What is that? The Galapagos Islands. That's a place in Costa Rica. Is it in Costa Rica? Close to it. Close to it. Close to it. I have some drama I need to address immediately. I felt really bad. Do you remember how you were like,

You were like, don't say your baby name out loud because someone's going to steal it. And I was like, who? Who would steal it? Why would someone ever do that to me? My arch nemesis. Is now Andy Cohen. And there's just no...

My enemy. Your enemies are after you. I didn't know that he was looking for a really cute girl's name starting with an L. I didn't know that he listened to Giggly Squad religiously. No, seriously. People listen to Giggly Squad and they want to act like they don't. How else would he have gotten that name? It's not like it's common. Not a common name. It's actually really not that common. Like, I don't know one Lucy. Okay.

What I have to say is thank you for all the kind messages I've been getting through the week. Someone even sent me the clip from Sex and the City. Do you remember where Charlotte and she's like, Shayla, where'd you get that name? And she's like, my husband just thought of it. She's like, your husband didn't think of it? And then Samantha comes in. She goes, why are you upset? She goes, she saw my baby name. And she goes, you bitch. Let's get out of here.

And that was pretty to a T. What happened? To make you feel better, I will tell my second girl baby name. Andy's going to take yours too. Save yourself. I actually want to know your opinion on it because it's kind of out there and Craig hates it. So it's like definitely happening. So we're doing it. Georgie. Okay. Okay.

For a second, though, it would be with my other girl baby name, and it sounds cute together, like Blank and Georgie. How do you feel about Georgia, but you call her Georgie? No, I want on the birth certificate Georgie. With a Y or an I? Or two I's. You want to put her on the pole right out of the womb? You realize whenever I...

I almost missed that. Do you realize whenever I meet a girl whose name is like Dylan or like someone had a really cute boy name, I was like Paige would love that name. Love boy names for girls. I have to do a shout out just to a couple of gigglers. Not so picky Nikki on Instagram brought me the cutest, so cute, the cutest charcuterie boards.

And one was like a pizza one where it came with pizza dough and like all the stuff to make a pizza, but in a charcuterie. She's awesome. I'm obsessed with her. People are just handing you charcuterie boards on the street. Like, how did you get this? What are you talking about? It was a drug. It was like a charcuterie drug deal. I made her meet me in the lobby and I was like, bring the pizza dough.

If there was a drug deal that you would do, it would be for cured meats. Leave the gun and take the guida. The gouda. Oh my god. But she shows up and I go, oh my god, your outfit's so cute. And she was like, oh no, I just put this together because I knew Paige wasn't going to be there. So people don't dress for me, they dress for you. That was, I mean... That's amazing. That was upsetting. That's hilarious though. She's funny too. She did the joke for you. And I also...

She nailed it. And then I just want to do a quick shout out to my fucking wedding planner because we are two weeks out and bitch has probably not slept. And she's Amanda Savory Events and I'm obsessed with her. Are you changing things last minute? Like what is why is it so hectic? We need to get a seating chart, which I'm going to tell you, it's a puzzle piece. Yeah. Whose table am I at? You're good. Okay.

You're at Becca's table. Don't worry. You won. Wow. I can't fucking wait for this wedding. Dude, it's happening. I also want to do a shout out to chocolates and every, wait, cupcakes and everything chocolate. She's amazing. It's at the Treatery LI who is going to be like hooking me up with cool food. Yeah, with what desserts?

So I think the next day we're doing the beach and she has this like truck and she's going to do like lobster rolls and cool drinks. Wait, that's so cute. I don't know. She's a big giggler. Oh my God. At the Treatery L.I. Hannah. She's in Long Island. You're doing like multiple day events, which like I'm really proud of you.

I don't know how I tricked Des into this because he was like, it's just a lope. And I was like, let's elope over three days. Absolutely, we're going to elope. This is a lope bang. What are you doing for your rehearsal dinner? My mom has a, they rented a place near the venue and we're having some family over. Wait, who's doing your speeches? I'm really stressed about that because Des said that in Ireland, they like, the bride and the groom give a speech. Yeah.

And it's not that I'm nervous about a speech, but there is one person in the crowd who books for a really big comedy club. But now I'm like, do I have to kill? Wait, like you kind of do. I'm like nervous. And then Des was like, he was like, you know, two to three minutes, like make it like romantic, but also funny and like charming. And like, I'm like, oh my God, I feel in competition. Perfect speech ever.

yeah and part of me is like do I just act shy and like not do a speech and let everyone talk about me but no I need everyone to know that I'm like like funny and cool and hot do you do the speech like together like you'll have a part he'll have a part no I think he wants to like like you thank people and then like say something nice about me but basically we're doing vows that are very traditional interesting

Yeah. Because people have been untraditional with vows. But if you think about it, it's a little like get a room. It's a little like long winded Instagram caption. And then whenever I leave the dishes, I promise to put the dishes away for you. The wedding, I just, that just really hit me in a weird way. The wedding I just went to, they did traditional vows. And there is something very classic about it. I agree with that.

Well, I thought you were going to say classy, but you've never called me that before. So it was classic. Thank you. I got excited for a second. But the tables are rowdy. I pick the tables based off of energies and chakras. Yeah, based off of signs. Yeah. So some tables are chaos. You're like, I can't put Samantha next to Chloe. They're Sagittariuses. They're Sagittarii. But I'm telling you, some tables, I'm like, that is...

dumpster fire energy and i'm gonna let and then there's like the sweetest tables of like the grandmas and then it's just like where in relation is my table to you close i think actually we haven't even figured that out but we are doing something fun we're not just doing like round tables or square tables we're like doing round and farm tables oh i like that and who's at your table

Just you and Des? Or are you doing your family too? We decide to do a family table. I think that's the move. Because don't you want to look at your mom and be like, this is nuts? Yeah, I mean, I do like the main character energy of me and Des sitting there like king and queen looking at our minions. That's really the vibe when they do it. They're like, oh, look at all these civilians coming to give us money. But I do like sitting there...

But also I want us to give me all the attention. But then let's be honest, like we're not going to give each other attention. We're going to be all over each other the whole time. I mean, other people. I'm just I just feel like if it's 10 percent of what The Bachelorette was, it'll be good. Hannah, it's going to be I feel like I'm just going to laugh the whole time. Like I feel like you're going to be up there giving like reading your vows and I'm going to be laughing.

Des basically was like, don't be stupid. Like, take it seriously. And I'm like, well, now that you say that. No, in the moment, it's going to be very serious. But like, I was like, how are we going to kiss? I was like, have you practiced? Super tongue. Should we practice? And he's like, no, just don't be weird about it. Don't be fucking weird. I'm not. Don't be weird. Also, now we're watching the Mets again. Des is back. You guys, my husband, my second husband. No, I'm his second wife.

It's super awkward because like we all know about his second family. No, like it's... But I can't really... I don't want to start that beef right before the wedding. No, it's uncomfortable. Here's the thing. As long as he knows that we know, it's good enough for me. The thing is, I don't know if he knows we know. He knows that we know. You know he knows we know? There's no way he doesn't know that we know. Okay.

Yeah, true. I'm pretty sure some gigglers during our live with Nikki Glaser were like, oh, Hannah, he's back from his second family. How amazing was that? I mean, the Giggler Squad getting the recognition that it really fucking deserved. I mean, NBC Universal signing off on Giggler Squad. I don't know, guys. I think Giggler Squad is about to get a special. When I read the email, I was like, who is out sick?

This was supposed to go through that they just like quickly passed it by.

Also, so Nikki, when she met me, we hit it off immediately because we both had hooked up with the same guy. And that is like the best way to bond with a girl, especially when you're both over it. Oh, it's really pure joy. And I always looked up to her as a stand up and she was so nice to me. She took me in. She was like a great mentor for me. And then she met Paige and she forgot I existed. She at one point told me to shut up, I believe. She side texted me out of the group chat.

And I was like, oh my God, if Hannah even knew that we're texting in a group chat and then you also side texted me, I almost felt like I was like cheating. I was like, look, you're her new shiny toy and I'm fine with that. But like, I was like, I don't know if I can respond during it. Yeah.

But go like I'm Nikki. I do think was really inspired by watching us on Summer House during our our heyday. Who wasn't, you know, like the president watched and he was like, you know what? Everyone lay in the bed. But I think Nikki was like, I'm crushing it with stand up. I'm doing all this stuff. But she's like, reality TV looks fun and it can be. And it's like everything's going right in my life. Let's ruin it and go on a reality TV show where everyone is just.

an asshole also the met gal is going on right now have you seen anything i just got off a plane so i've been trying to like like look at pictures on instagram but so far what i've seen i'm loving kim kardashian i'm loving um kai gerber and i'm loving kendall even though she's doing like the no eyebrow thing i didn't see kendall yet i liked emma chamberlain loved emma chamberlain

she's chic as fuck okay unpopular opinion i wasn't like totally feeling blake lively oh no i wasn't either but like everyone was like you're gonna love it it has a huge bow and i was like not loving it the reveal didn't do it for me i wanted an orgasm he touched my thigh yeah i was like i don't know i just maybe it was the coloring i'm not a rose gold girl

I know rose gold is like pick a side, right? No, it's literally the girls. I can't decide. They're like rose gold. So it's like, I can't. Yeah. Isn't what was I going to say? Fuck.

People are saying that people... Oh, when people go around... It's not like your worst nightmare when you're in a group of people and you have to do a fun fact about yourself or say something about yourself. Whenever I'm in those situations, I try and figure out what wrong choices did I make in my life to be in this situation right now that I have to think of a fucking fun fact about myself. I feel like people lie. I feel like people are like, what's something kind of cool? I lie. I lie.

It's like when someone's like, what are your hobbies? I'm like, I don't know. Fucking not being depressed. Like, I'd love if I could do that more, you know? I'd love to find time in my schedule to not be an anxious bitch. I'm like, I don't know, picking the extra skin off my phone. Honestly, wait, I literally just did that. That's what I'm doing too. Same as you.

I'm like going through every social media app just to run away from one single intrusive thought. No, literally. And then I get more intrusive thoughts from the fucking apps. Wait, I don't want to like go out of order. Like we usually like, you know, save this till the end. But I'm just so proud of myself because I did watch a documentary. Okay. Documentaries are like my only thing to watch. I know. No, I know. I'm just kidding.

No, documentaries are for everyone. What is the dope documentary that you watched? I'm very proud of you. First, I wanted to ask you, have you watched the Marilyn Monroe documentary on Netflix? The new one I watched and I fell asleep at the very end because it was very late and I have to watch it, but I've watched majority of it. Okay, that's not the one I'm even talking about. I was just wondering if you had watched it yet because most documentaries I see on TV...

advertisements I'm like I hope Hannah watches that so you can tell me about it because I got it people DM me all the time like they just discovered doc I'm like I am the doc documentary doctor I've watched them all for no literally it's the best thing ever like I feel like it's like I check something off my list um I watched on HBO the not so pretty I only watched there's four parts I only watched the one about makeup so far

Oh my God, I have it up on my computer to watch it. What did you learn from the makeup one? Basically, every company is trying to kill women secretly. The body positive movement has backfired. Is it just like rat feces and everything? It's basically there's talc powder in everything. Everything. Why can't they just do baby powder? They can do cornstarch, but they don't.

And it's what they're saying is that like talc powder, the way it grows or like how they get it is directly with asbestos. Like you can't have talc. You might have like a little piece of talc powder that doesn't have asbestos. But like 99 percent of talc powder has been around. Craig is right about his place having asbestos. Oh, yeah. Did his house have asbestos? Look, I'm. So what can we put on our face? Literally nothing like asbestos.

It's not in every, but okay. So when I watched it, I then went to like the FDA, like official website. Cause they have. Cause you're about to go to small clips court. And you have to get your information. I was like, this is some shit. You brought a notebook. I was like, if I have to throw away my new Charlotte Tilbury, someone is being taken to court because I will not fucking allow it.

So they have a list of every single brand and the exact product that the brand has that has talc powder in it. So it's not like in every single item that a brand has, but it's in most like, okay, the naked palettes, the eyeshadows, it's in all of them. The question is how much talc powder do I need to put in my face to kill myself? Honestly, not a lot.

So like if there's talc powder and there's like one single piece of asbestos and you happen to breathe that in, it goes to the deepest part of your lung and you basically get mesothelioma and you die. And it's a reversible cancer. It's an irreversible cancer. Like if you get mesothelioma, you're dying.

There are some cases. This is the fentanyl of makeup. No, literally. It is. And like it's in CoverGirl. There was one Charlotte Tilbury palette that it wasn't. Wait, we need some sponsors. So just stop with the brands. Sorry. I'm just kidding. Go to the. You're like fuck CoverGirl. Fuck Naked. Fuck Charlotte Tilbury.

We're going to get a call from our people being like, hey, I totally love you trying to save women's lives, but could we just not on the Maybelline? Maybelline actually wasn't on there. Maybelline wasn't on there. A lot of brands I didn't know either. It's on the packaging. They have to put it on the packaging.

Wow. You know what I would do if I was one of these ones that don't use talc powder? I'd be like the only one that doesn't use talc powder. Yeah. And put that right up in the front. Am I girl boss now?

Yeah. Honestly, girl. And then there's another there's another one that I'm definitely going to watch about hair care, because there is a lot of hair care shit that is so bad for you that we have like no idea because you they had a skin care one, too. Yeah. You're scared. I'm scared. But I'm going to watch like all of them.

Recently I was telling my mom I don't want to put a bunch of serums on Because I feel like a chemistry project Where if you mix the wrong ones How do you know if it works And my mom was like the more the merrier Just put serums on And I'm like I don't know If it's moisturizing it doesn't matter But there are some that are like lactic acid And then there's ones that are exfoliating And it's hard to know Your skin looks really good right now though Really? Thanks It's because we're on a camera screen You can't see that I'm breaking out on here

Okay. I was just trying to give you a compliment. Speaking of skin, did you see Pete Davidson has a spray tan? Oh, this is the news. This is from page news.

Wait, for a spray, quick, like half a millisecond, I thought you meant that he came out with a spray tan line. And I was like, Kris Jenner works so fucking fast. And where can I buy it? But people are joking. There's like a yassification of Pete Davidson happening. It's very subtle, but yassification. Please explain. Y-A-S-S-I-F-I-C-I-S-I-F-I-C-I-N-E.

So that's like what they do. It's like the like make. I need to Google this because I'm going to fuck it up. Yesification. The process of making something substantially better than its original version. But it's kind of like those memes where they take like a photo of a girl and put all this like makeup and glamour up and shit like that. So it's not necessarily like needed. But like I also kind of want it. It's like a glow up. I'm not mad about it.

I'm not mad about it because, okay, let's be serious. As women, no matter who you start dating, no matter who you get into a relationship with, there's always small things that you're like,

let me change this because it will make you better because naturally we are problem solvers. We are project managers. We want people to be the best version of themselves. I will say though, it has backfired on me and I have given Craig a full mental complex about his outfits and,

And it's really hard for him to get dressed in the morning. And we're working through it. And I've had to apologize. And I feel so bad. He's getting outfit anxiety. He's such a bad outfit anxiety. There was one day when he was like, I thought, like, I really dressed well. And, like, now I just – and it was the cutest thing ever. And I was like, oh, that's so sweet that you thought that. And I'm so sorry. Yeah.

No, you know what you're doing. It's actually genius, guys. Listen up to this toxic advice. She's broken down. She broke him down so bad, she forgot who he was. And now he's lost, and all he has is her to build him back up. She trapped his ass, and that is psych 101. Here's the scary part. I didn't even know I was doing it. It's because, girl, you are an experienced sociopath.

For sure. You're Scorpio. You can't help it. Literally in the house of Slytherin. I love how to us we're preaching like find someone who loves you for you. And then with Craig we're like Paige is perfect for you. She's going to change everything about you and you will be the perfect man for her and you just let it happen. It's going to hurt in the beginning. Give her six months to a year and she will totally break your spirit. But then you'll be great. His spirit is broken.

You start, you go, what the fuck is this pillow? You think this is fucking chic? You think this is cool? He literally like got up the one day and like immediately started apologizing to me. I was like, what? He was like, I just, I only have flip flops. And so like, I like, and I'm like, all right, dude, we're literally at the beach. So it's okay.

By the way, are you watching the Johnny Depp Amber Heard? How fucking insane. Like some of the clips. I can't believe that we can just watch it on YouTube. I know. Like I feel like I shouldn't be able to watch it. And then I was thinking, are we going to be able to watch Jen Shah's? Like why are we able to watch like certain ones and not like why couldn't we watch the Kardashian Black China one? But like why are we able to watch this one?

Yeah, especially when Johnny Depp is such a private person. Like, I feel like his whole life is being put out there. I also was, like, watching it as if Johnny Depp was in a movie. Like, this was a movie, and he was, like, acting in it. Because his, like, reactions. He's such a good actor. Like, there's so many. Yeah, you're like, is he acting or is it him? I think that her legal team is, you know, not the best.

But it's like, why couldn't she get the best possible legal team? Is his legal team just really good? Or is her legal team just working off of, like, not a good strategy? Well, here's my knowledge from dating said lawyer, Craig Conover. When you sue somebody, you're not paying your lawyer. So you...

Johnny Depp is suing Amber Heard. Well, they're actually both now suing each other. But Johnny Depp was suing Amber Heard originally. So he's not paying his lawyers hourly. He will pay them when if he wins, they get like part of the settlement. So if you are being sued, you then have to hire a lawyer and lawyers work hourly. So she's just literally bleeding money and he's not. Yeah.

Interesting. Which I didn't know that. Also, you heard about the $7 million. Apparently, she didn't donate. No. Wait, to what? Whatever organization she said she was going to give the money to was like, we didn't receive any money from her. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know. I think we need a documentary about Amber Heard. We have some layers. Also, I couldn't name you one Amber Heard movie. She was the aqua girl.

Yes, she was. I heard she's only in like 10 minutes of the next one. But yeah, that is interesting. And you guys, this is alleged. So we're not going to comment on the trial yet because we actually haven't been watching it. From what I've seen, though, I feel like I'm on Johnny Depp's side.

Because it just seems like everything she said, like, people have come out and been like, that just, like, didn't happen. Like, we were there. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, I can't look away. I can't look away. She also looks distraught, though, in court. Like, she's freaking out. Have you seen the, like, thing where she keeps copying his outfits? No.

I don't understand what's going on. He'll wear something and the next day she's copying it. That is hilarious. Google it afterwards, but I don't understand the strategy of it. Like, is she just being like, kind of a mind fuck though, right? Is it kind of just like, I don't care what happens. I'm still going to

annoy you yeah like it's almost like i don't care that you're suing me i just want to always be a constant nuisance in your life like she is that pebble that is in johnny depp's shoe forever yeah like she's like i just want the tag that she can't rip off in the back of his shirt yeah um speaking of things i can't look away from justin bieber posted his pubic hair yesterday are we okay i'm not loving that

I messaged Harry Jowsey and I was like, Justin's coming for your brand. What's the context, though? I think he was promoting his new song and they're like, what can you do? And he's like, I'll show my pubes. And they're like, awesome. Yeah.

I think they're just running out of ideas for things to promote. Also, Jay Biebs has showed his dick before. Like he's out here in these streets. When you say things like that, my like immediate mental picture goes to like a boardroom of like PR just being like, what can we do? What can we do? And someone's like pubes and they're like, that's it. That's what it is. It's just like, how did that happen?

I love male pubic hair being part of the scene because I feel like women are always being sexualized. So to sexualize a man is fun for me. But it was like I wasn't prepared. It was like out of context for me, you know? That's another thing that like really annoys me about like the male and women gender roles. Like if I'm not like a bald baby, I feel insecure about it. But like men can just be like, oh, I forgot I even had a dick. And like...

It can be a full on whatever. You can't even find it. Yeah. Like no one, like no girls are like saying anything. No one will say anything.

You know what it is? It's big razors. It's the razor companies. You know that women never shaved. And then the razors were like, we'll make more money if we tell women they should shave. And they did a whole campaign. It's just like the diamond industry. No one gave diamond rings until diamond industry was like, we need to make it a tradition to sell diamonds. Look, I'm very into these conspiracies and they're not conspiracy. It's kind of crazy. I remember the first time one of my girlfriends said you have to shave. They're shaving their. No, that you have to shave your vagina.

Because like your mom doesn't like say that to you as a child because they don't. Like my mom thinks it's so weird that we do. Yeah. I was in eighth grade. I'll never forget it.

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Shop the Skims Soft Lounge Collection at Skims.com, now available in sizes XXS to 4X. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select Giggly Squad in the drop-down menu. I would, Des came back from Ireland. Yeah. And when I tell you, I spent an hour and a half in the shower shaving. Yeah. To prepare. But also, doesn't that like excite you? Like, don't you get excited when you know, like,

Oh my god I'm gonna be like a seal And it's gonna be just like You feel You do feel better About yourself Like right before you have sex I feel like I feel like I was like Like got away with something Cause I was I was so hairy For so long And he came in And like the apartment's clean I made him

a papaya bowl that I looked up on TikTok. Des like loves papayas. It's very niche, but he loves it. Men are so simple. I just got a papaya from the fruit guy at the stand. I cut it in half. I got went to Trader Joe's. I got some other fruit and some yogurt. You take out the inside of a pie. You put the yogurt. You put some bananas on top. Des walked in. It was like I bought him a puppy. And are you really love him?

I do, but then I was like, I will never do that again. Like, I like doing it in the beginning just to, like, an initial dopamine hit, and then I'm like, okay, I'm going to go scroll my phone. That is so freaking cute. I don't think I've ever had a papaya. They're actually very high in nutrients. Okay, I'll look into it. They're really good for you. But yeah, I highly recommend spending less time with your significant other. Did you? Yeah.

No, because the whole ritual, it's not meant to happen. Even friendships, like Paige. Our friendship is so good because we are random when we see each other. We don't know. When we saw each other every day, it was like, oh my gosh, she's breathing again. Guys, seriously, normalize not hanging out with your significant other. Normalize, like, blocking them. Okay.

Make them find you. No, I couldn't agree more. Just get out of routines. And so many people are just like, when are you moving in? What are you doing? Where are you going? And it's just like, oh my God. I'm going to see him once a week and it's going to be beautiful. Honestly, we could have dated people in jail.

oh my god i easily easily some mafioso guy i would have you know where they are you know what they're doing you get to see them once a week for a conjugal visit exactly where he is he's not texting other bitches he can't even have a phone you know not even all the only stalking you have to do is look at like the login sheet at the jail and you're like who the fuck is rebecca

He's just like sitting around thinking about you all the time. It's all he's allowed to do. All the time. Oh my god. Oh, you're like now thinking about your jail ex. You're like a weird thing about guys in jails. I'm not going to lie. Oh my god, he was in jail one time. And I'm like, okay, Zaddy. Yeah, they have like tattoos all over. They're naughty. They're just, yeah, it's a whole vibe. The thing with tattoos is it's a thin line between...

like Adam Levine who looks like he was like can someone put tattoos on me versus it being a lifestyle yeah like because you have to think that we're not like those people we're not dating the Adam Levine's of the world we're dating a guy who eventually is gonna coach fucking t-ball okay and

And I don't need the other moms at T-Ball being like, oh, this couple again. Our kids aren't allowed to go to their house. He's got a neck tattoo. I think Des and I are too competitive to be involved in a T-Ball league. We'll get kicked out. We'll be those parents where they're like, it's not fun anymore. Do you think that Des is going to coach something?

For sure. But I'm going, oh my God. He's like, gets so into, he gets so into it. He's such a passionate man. Your son is definitely going to be the pitcher of the baseball team and he's going to be looking at the bleachers being like, stop it.

No, Des gets so nervous when I perform on stage. It's very cute, but he'll be pacing the whole time. I'll get off stage and all my friends will be like, good job. And I'm like, where's Des? And they're like, he's pacing in the hallway. He's on the phone with his therapist. When Des performs, I'm like, he's doing great, whatever. I'm scrolling Twitter. But yeah, Des is back. I have a question for you. Okay. Do you think Des should do a Navy suit? No, no, no. A Navy tux or more of like a chill suit?

beach look because he asked me and i said i have to ask page i okay i love the love navy i do he looks good in navy too because he's blue eyes i think the navy tux yeah either that or there's like it's like a it's not like a gray where it's like a dark gray it's almost like

a lighter gray i'll have to send you periwinkle like almost but like actually not like i've never said that word before do you know what periwinkle is no like i'm telling you tom ford makes this tux that is like a gray i don't know i'll send it to you because i think that could also look super fucking cool but i feel like he might not want to because he like

He has gray hair and I don't want to like give him anxiety about it. But I do love a Navy tux and I think he would look so good in that. He like loves getting dressed up. Does Craig like wearing like Craig loves getting dressed up. They feel like they're James Bond like immediately. He tried to get dressed up the other night and I was like, take it off. I was like, we're in fucking Arizona. Someone just puked on the street. Okay.

You just puked in my purse. Like, stop. You're not wearing a blazer to the bar, okay? Oh, I feel like he thinks because he's with you that he's now fashion. But you don't just become fashion, Craig. This has taken years and years to curate a set, okay? I feel so bad sometimes. I'm like, oh my god, am? Is everyone on Twitter right? Am I a fucking bitch?

No, but I also think that Craig gets away with a lot because he's good looking. Yeah. So like he could wear nothing and everyone's like, you look amazing. He could wear a paper bag and people are like, it's honestly so right. And I try so hard and people are like, try harder. Well, that's just because people what I learned about trolls is people are going to go for the thing that you care about. That's what it is. I'm like, you're just making fun of me about it because, you know, I like it.

People made fun of my tennis for the first two years. And I was like, not my tennis. It's like you're just mad because you know I'm fucking good at it. That's what it is. You're just mad because I aced your ass. Yeah, because I would just annihilate you.

Speaking of people who don't like other people, I love transitions. Why did you write Timothy Chevrolet doesn't fuck with Justin Bieber? Oh my God. I was watching. What is this tea? So I was watching. I was on TikTok where, you know, you get all your news. And I was watching like videos from Coachella.

And there's a video of Timothee Chevrolet going up to hug this girl, like saying hi to this girl. And next to him is Justin Bieber. And they act like each other doesn't exist. And I was like, and the caption was like, whatever, something, something. So I was like looking it up. Timothee Chevrolet is like really good friends with Selena Gomez.

And so like they don't fuck with each other, which I didn't know. But it was like a feud. I didn't know I needed so badly. OK, this is good drums because how do you feel about your guy still having like beef with an ex or like still be like, we can't go there. She's there. Like, oh, I don't talk to him. He's friends with her.

That is such a good fucking question because I've been in that situation multiple times. You know my favorite ex-boyfriend? We talk about him all the time. My favorite ex-boyfriend has never been able to follow me on Instagram ever. Since we broke up. I feel like if he hasn't blocked you, he's over you. No, I've been blocked multiple times. If you're still blocked...

But like, and guys, we broke up in high school. This is like a long time ago. Never has he been able, been allowed to follow me. And like, I don't even think about it now. I mean, now he's in like a very happy, normal relationship. But like in all of our 20s, anyone he dated, he had like multiple girlfriends. He was never allowed to follow me. But also I've been the girlfriend forever.

I've been the girlfriend with like Craig before where it's like we're like maybe we shouldn't go here. This person's going to be here. And I've always said like I'm not uncomfortable. And he's been like, OK, like if you're not uncomfortable, then we can do it.

So I think it's like, yeah, I think it was kind of. Yeah. I think there's a difference where it's like they're maybe not doing it because they don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. But if you say like, I don't give a shit and they still aren't going to go, then I think it's weird. But if they're like, oh, OK, like then that's all I cared about. Like, all right, let's fucking do it.

Because I'm thinking of like in the comedy world, think about it. All the comics, it's like our nighttime job. There's a lot of hookups happening. And then when things don't work out, it's like you're all doing the same shows. So it gets complicated. Is there a lot of cheating too? There's rumors of a lot of cheating on the road. Like if you're with a comic and mainly men, they go on the road on the weekend. They do their shows. Girls afterwards come up to them.

Yeah. But then the joke is that women like we do shows on the road and like we don't get hit on because guys are intimidated by funny girls and that's just science. It's not the same. I mean, I did have some like cute guys come up to me after a show and say, congrats on your engagement. Like, OK, like, are you trying to fuck me or no? Yeah. Just tell me I'm beautiful or get out of my face. Literally the worst thing.

Yeah. I have. I also, when I'm with Craig, if guys come up to me, there is like a part of me that I'm like, see Craig. And like, it's the first thing out of their mouth is like, my wife loves you. Yeah.

and i'm just like yeah yeah i'm not getting it yeah i've i've done a lot of the selfies for the yeah and i'm here for the wise and then i look at them and i'm like so you're not you don't understand my sense of humor so you do think i'm pretty or you don't sorry i must have missed the first sentence um i have some more tea about just okay wow we're justin bieber heavy but i feel like i might have talked about it is it because i secretly am justin bieber

well ever since you started doing live shows you've really turned into him to be honest you haven't been able to feel dopamine for three weeks now wait did i talk about hillsong i don't know i don't think so talk about it and i'll tell you if he is dead i was talking to claire parker who has the podcast where she of celebrities biographies okay and she reads all wow

Oh, it's really good. She's on Burning in Hell soon. But she was talking about Hillsong. Okay. Are you familiar with it? Sure am. It's basically this church. It's a cult. Exactly. So it sounds like the new Scientology because Scientology has gotten too much bad PR. It's baby Scientology. Do you know who belongs to Hillsong? Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, Hailey Bieber. Chris Pratt.

Wow, Chris Pratt. Okay. Katherine Schwarzenegger. So the tea is that they find these, the men, they find the right like wives for them. And that Hailey Bieber was originally supposed to go to Chris Pratt. But then Chris Pratt has political aspirations in the future. So they said, no, no, no, you go with Justin Bieber. He's going to go with Katherine Schwarzenegger. Okay, I don't hate this kind of.

I'd love to see who they paired me with. You go, wait, is there like... Wait a minute. Is there a sign... Roll call. Is it a sign-up sheet thing? Is it a mixer type? Like, is there a cocktail hour? Well, that's what they do with Scientology. They put Katie Holmes with Tom Cruise through Scientology. Scientology... Here's the thing, though. They cover up straight-up murder, so I'm not as inclined. But the Hillsong thing...

So creepy so weird but it's also There's it's so much deeper Than that too like they're just They're trying to like take over All of Hollywood like they're Trying to have Hollywood as like this conglomerate Company I feel like and they just like Run everything Every aspect of it which is just like Yeah we're they want all the power Yeah want the money without the tax And it's like we're so out of that world Yeah Well the guy was cheating on his wife

The Hillsong guy? The guy was... Oh, my God. The Hillsong guy, like, the head of it, like, his whole thing was about, like, monogamy and, like, being a good fucking person. And then it comes out that he's been literally banging everyone and cheating on his wife and they have kids and...

I think, wait, I might be mixing up my like celebrity drama. Yeah, my cult. Because I'm pretty sure something happened and the Hillsong family went and lived in one of Tyler Perry's homes.

It's possible. I just know that I think they're working on something coming out to, like, expose Hillsong, but there's a lot of things fighting against it. Yeah, I bet. And there's a lot of celebrities who don't want to be involved in that. But I also think it's so annoying to have these, like, famous guys and be like, which woman should we give to them as their Hillsong employee to suck their dick? I, at one point, when Kanye was starting all of his, like...

Sunday what was it called Sunday service I was convinced that that was a precursor to him trying to start his own church like a Hillsong thing but he didn't do it but I was like I was like this is definitely the angle here on a positive note Pedro on a later note um on KK squad today Pedro I really like my grid right now I'm really feeling my grid right now and when I am why

I just feel like I've done a really good ratio of pics of myself and also aesthetic pics. And so that's why I haven't posted in a while because I feel like it's only downhill from here. You know, like I'm only going to fuck it up. No, do not freeze through the anxiety of the future. There's no chance for it to get better if you don't post. Wait, I just saw a Met Gala post of the Kardashians. This is live reporting. Yeah. Yeah.

And you know how Kim wore Marilyn Monroe's dress? Yeah. Khloe's like basically wearing the same thing. She just added like a black sleeve. And Kendall looks fucking amazing. Like, I don't know. That's an interesting choice by Khloe. It's also crazy that this is the first time they're all there. This is the first time I think Kourtney and Khloe have even been invited. I mean, Kim. Speaking of. Wait, look at this picture. What?

Okay, so look at that dress. You can't like really see it because there's a glare. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's wearing the same dress. And then Kim is just gold. Like it's literally the same dress. Maybe Kim's thing was last minute and Khloe already had a dress and Khloe was like, look, I'm not finding a new dress, bitch. Damn, Pete does look tan. Does he look too tan? Dude, I feel... What? I told you. He like... People are talking.

Oh my god. Do you like his outfit though? I do like his outfit. She's like, I was distracted. I was distracted. Here's a better pick. But he is tan. Yeah, he looks good. He is tan. He looks good. I don't love the beard. I don't love the beard. Because it's not like a real beard. It's like a boy beard. Yeah, well, yeah. It's like, it's PC. He wants to look a little older. I think he wants to look a little bit grunge-y.

I like it, though. I'm partial to a scruff. But yeah, his beard is a little bit more puby than I appreciate. Did you see how Kim, like you, you're basically Kim Kardashian. Thank you. Said that she edited...

true into a photo because it looked better on her grid. She's like, my grid is pink and purple. And the fact that that fucking little kid was wearing green, I need to cut his ass out. I cut that kid's ass out. Lost their fucking minds. And I thought it was funnier that people were so mad about it because it's like, yeah, it's Kim Kardashian. She does some weird shit. They've changed their entire bodies.

Who cares that she photoshopped a kid into a picture? Like, I don't care. I also want to know how she fit perfectly in Marilyn Monroe's dress. I guess she had to lose weight. That was the whole thing. But still, the dimensions are not going to be the same. Marilyn Monroe's ass was not that big. Beautiful and big, but not the hip to waist ratio that Kim has. I know. Maybe she bought it. I think it's like in a museum. Maybe she bought it for two million. I don't know. Or cut it up.

I don't think they'd let her do that. I think it's like she's saying it to the president. How crazy. How crazy must the tea have been back there back then? We don't even know the tea. You need to watch the Maryland documentary. I need. You need to. Because not first of all, you see this girl. She came from. Let me get into it. Dope. Yeah, we're into it. We're getting into it. Marilyn Monroe. Netflix just came out. She was in orphanages growing up.

Like she had a real hard childhood and she basically never felt like anyone really loved her for her, which is like giving me similar to Audrey Hepburn vibe. So I guess to get like really loved and famous, you have to really feel unloved. But anyway, that's dark. She she does get some plastic surgery. OK, just subtle plastic.

But people said the way she was comfortable in her own skin was unlike anything they've ever seen. Like the way she moved, it just like you can't take your eyes off her. But she like kind of thought that she wasn't lovable, which is just ironic. And she is basically they said that you have to sleep your way through Hollywood. Do you think that the government killed her? I'm not saying they didn't. Yeah.

Just wait So you have to kind of sleep your way That's just how they did it The execs would be like that girl's down That girl's down A bunch of execs like legit fell in love with her Like one guy was about to die In like six weeks and he's like Before I die I just need to make sure this girl Has a career like he was in love with her And you know what good for her If that's how it worked That's fucked up But if that's what you had to do Good for you

Good for you. Cause you know what long, but I mean her mental health definitely suffered, but long, she got rich and famous, whatever, but she really wanted to be a mom. She was with, how old was she when she died? Um,

I think 36. Wow. But she was, that was like right near singing happy birthday and stuff. Like that was later on her life. So her first husband is Joe DiMaggio. Yes. We love an Italian Yankee. She probably should have stayed with him. No, no, you would have loved it. Like you would have literally loved it. You would have done it, but he would beat her. Okay. And he was super controlling. He would have loved like the jail aspect that could have happened. Yeah.

But guys, this is why you see these like couples and you're like, oh my God, they're so perfect. And it was good for her fame. Like she shot up by, she was with the most famous athlete in the world at the time.

When she did the famous like white dress, the white dress coming up with the subway grate, apparently he lost his fucking mind because there was like a huge crowd of people cheering for her. You also have to remember like she was kind of like the first sex symbol in a time that it was like you couldn't be sexy. She walked so Kim Kardashian could literally sprint. Yeah. And there was no one close to the sexiness of her.

And everything about her, the fashion, you see her glow up. You have to watch. So she gets out of that marriage with Joe DiMaggio. And when I tell you the press is crazy, like she had to announce crying. They didn't have Twitter back then. They have an Instagram post. She had to go, we're getting a divorce. Like you, she had to tell the press in the moment.

it was fucked and crazy oh my god we have it so easy we can just cry on instagram stories on our couch yeah seriously and then she gets with this like kind of smart guy and she wants to be like respected and he's so smart and she marries him and it's beautiful and everyone likes him he's like a playwright or something yes you just tell yeah he's smarter than everyone

A couple months into the marriage, she finds journal notes of him saying how he thinks she's a whore and how she's stupid.

I have watched one documentary. So I do know a little bit of this. They were like, were they living in like a hotel or something? And she like found them. She found notes. Like imagine everyone's so happy for you, your marriage, and you literally find words of him talking shit about you to himself. I have actually had that happen to me before.

Shut the fuck up. Okay. Okay. Jail guy. Like when we were dating, I found him texting one of his friends about how I was so stupid. Wow. Yeah. We got into a huge fight about it. I did stay with him. I can't read, but I'm not fucking stupid.

I can't read that text, but I can tell it's me. It's so crazy to like be turning 30 and you think back to like the things that you did when you were 22 and the things that like, and it's like what makes you stronger of like a woman. So like, well, it's what makes you see green flags and guys later. You're like, oh, he thinks I'm smart. Yeah. He must be stupid. Um,

You're like, got it. But then she gets out of that. So that's two divorces in the public eye. That's a lot. And this is the crazy, this is the bomb drop. She's hooking up with JFK and his brother, Bobby Kennedy, at the same time. And they're both married. Both married, but they'd all go to Laguna Beach and hang out at this beach house. And they both knew she was having sex with both of them, but they both were in love with her. And then someone was like,

They kind of found out that this is where the conspiracy happens. They found out that JFK was kind of like telling her about like how they're experimenting with nuclear weapons. They were telling her too much information. And she they called it leftist. I don't really know what that means. But like she had some communist friends. Communism. Everyone was like very scared of back then. And everyone's like, are you a commie?

So basically they were like, oh no. And they had to cut her off. So that's real. They cut her off. They stopped talking to her, both of them. And that like really, really, really hurt her. And then it's also like, it's not like she was a spy trying to get information. They were trying to get their dick sucked and they were like, oh, and by the way, guess what we're doing in China? Like, you know, like it's not her fault that they, oh, I hate men. This just continues our, I hate mentor.

Also, the Kennedys were fucking gross. Like their dad told them like women are made to sleep with and sleep with as many as you can. Like, I'm sorry. We are done with idolizing these fucking men who will sleep with them before going to therapy. Do you think Jackie and Marilyn ever like had a convo?

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Poor Jackie. Justice for Jackie. Seriously. Justice for Marilyn. Seriously. So she ended up dying at, she ended up dying from a drug overdose. So, wait, quick question. If a girl sang happy birthday to Craig like that, what would you do? I wish you guys could see Paige's face right now.

I don't even want girls like going up to him and saying happy birthday. Happy birthday period. Could you imagine? I threw Craig a birthday party and some blonde bitch popped out of a cake. Oh my God. The homicide that would ensue.

No, Hannah, I'm getting I'm mad at him right now. I can't wait to get out of this podcast and be like, fuck you and fuck February 9th. And if any bitch, there's a blonde in the fucking vicinity that even peripheral visions you. She's getting clocked. OK, given her a sandwich of knuckle sandwich. OK.

Oh my God, it would have lost my mind. So Jackie watched that happen. Also, she knew she was not only fucking him, but his brother. Why would they even have her do that, though? It's wild. But it was like, it was just, she was the biggest thing ever, I guess. And it just was, she became such a...

more famous than who she was that it was like not like this girl was singing it. It's that Marilyn. Okay, question. Did everybody know that like the president was fucking Marilyn Monroe? No.

Or did they not find out till, like, after she died? Like, was this, like, common knowledge that, like, the people of America knew? And they were just like, whatever. That's a good question, but it just shows, like, how normalized the misogyny was back then. Right. It's like, whoa. Yeah, just have Marilyn sing a sexy song to this guy. It's basically like watching a guy at a strip club. Like, duh. What, is he not supposed to touch her titties? Was he not supposed to grab her by the you-know-what? I love how I decided I'm not going to say the P word because this is a classy podcast. Yeah.

He literally said blowjob on our live yesterday and Donald was like, and I was like, yeah, we do that here. So this is the drums. I'm saying drums now. I don't know. Should I make drums happen? I don't know. I don't know. Let's mull it over. People say that they like found her in bed at 3 a.m.

But then people say, no, no, no. People were called at like 11 to come over. Like her PR person at 11 was called. They killed her. So they murdered her. And then they say Bobby was in the area.

Didn't Bobby do something else fucked up with another girlfriend? Didn't another girl die and Bobby was, it was because of Bobby? Maybe. We have to look into it. But all I know is obviously editing is a big thing and you see the context they want to put things in. But they made it like a lot of people didn't want to speak on stuff. And they also made it that they really hinted that she got murdered. Something happened. I know this. I don't know where in my brain this is coming from. But Bobby. You're a psychic.

No, I definitely learned about this in school. Tell us what you're getting. Bobby. Tell us. Hold on for a second. Hold on. Bobby and some girl got into a car accident and they drove the car into the lake. Bobby got out and this girl drowned and they covered it up. That is legit. They were like hammered.

And like, I don't know if he couldn't get her out and then he just tried to act like he was never there, but like he was there. Bobby needs to keep his dick in his pants for like a literal second. Well, he's dead. So I think this is not an educational podcast. You actually become dumber listening to this podcast.

Maybe Jail Guy was right and I am a fucking idiot. Honestly, Jail Guy had some valid points. Jail Guy was great. Finally, we have the John Wayne Gacy tapes. What is this on? What streaming platform? This is Netflix. And if you get grossed out easily, don't watch it. Basically, this guy, similar to Ted Bundy, he was in the public. He was on all these different...

things doing stuff in the community running a local business friends with everyone very vocal was he good looking no no no no he was like shrek and he he's gross but he and he got in trouble for sodomizing a young boy oh my god in iowa

And then he moved to Chicago. And back then, police stations didn't talk to each other. Yeah, I think that's so interesting. They always use that. They're like, well, we didn't know that two miles up the road, he murdered 17 people. But we did not get the letter or the pigeon. Like, you guys didn't call each other and be like, hey, anything crazy happening up there? Yeah, he was, like, on parole. I don't know. But this man...

He starts to do this thing where he says he's bisexual. He's not attracted to men, but he's bisexual. He does this thing where he, he dares the kid to like get off handcuffs. The kid's like, sure. He'd get like a teenage boy in his house, puts the handcuffs on him. And then the kids handcuffed and then he'd do whatever he wants to him. And then he'd kill him. And then he'd put him under his house. Jesus. What is he like? The wicked witch of the West. Yeah.

But then he just lived life normally and no one knew because a lot of it were like these young teenage guys that might be like they might be gay that were just around Chicago kind of being naughty and he'd pick them up in his car. So like the parents, everyone just thought they was these were runaway teenage boys. Oh my God. He had 27 boys in the cement under his house.

wait what is this on what what's streaming netflix it's crazy and it starts just because this he got you know how they get a little cocky yeah and this one kid was like oh i'm gonna ask this guy to get a job john wayne gacy because he works in construction he gets in the car brings it back home murders him and they were he the kid had told someone i'm going to see john gacy and that's the only reason they started to put two and two together but this man how old was he

Was he young? The boys were all like 16. The guy was like probably late 30s. He also had a...

He got a second wife and he's like, she wanted to have sex all the time. But I'm not gay, but she wanted to have sex too much. It's like, yeah, because you were busy with little boys. Yeah, because you're literally a pedophile freak weirdo. Wow, I can't wait to watch it. It's really, really good. Sorry, this was a very dark episode, but also sorry, not sorry. We have to embrace our dark side sometimes. Yeah, sometimes we're dark, like we're human. Sometimes we just want to hate everyone and everything.

But we don't hate you, East Coast. We're coming to you. Guys, no, that's actually insane. When I was getting emails being like, guys, we just sold out. Should we add another show? I was like, are we just going to do a week in New York and just fuck it up?

So we have a third show in New York. Tickets are available. General admission, VIP, meet and greet. Check it out in our bio on Instagram. I think we have a couple left in D.C. and a couple left in Boston. And our new merch is coming out next week. Oh, yes. And we dropped...

the youtube of the bachelorette episode if you missed it today i did hard launched it didn't tell page and then keep doing that oh yeah and then like subscribe rate review apparently it's super helpful for us apparently okay bye