Giggling about Aruba, colonics, and how to go through his phone
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What's up, my giggle-ronies? Cute. It sounds like a pasta. I'm hungry right now, if you can't tell. We are both jet-setters. I'm currently in Europe, also known as Ireland. But you're in Caribbean waters. I'm in Aruba, and it has been so much fun. But all I could think about was the live show when you're like, you get to vacation. Yeah.

And it takes you like three days to settle in. And you're like picky about everything. Craig has called downstairs, I don't know, seven times that he's complained about. And then by the time it's time to go, you're like, I just started.

myself and like unwinding. Gigglers, we have anxiety and it doesn't go away just because you're on a beach. So my anxiety turns into like you need to have fun or you're wasting your money. And yeah, the hotel shit is so funny. Like we love a hotel. But like in what world is my sheets not cleaned in one day that I'm going to have a freak out or like the towel wasn't switched. I don't change my towel for free.

four months at home and suddenly i'm like i can't live like this but um craig's like the tv keeps cutting out i'm like it doesn't you know it goes off but you just have to turn it back on he's like i'm not living like that i they came and brought a new tv i feel like my mom has a friend who every hotel she goes to she finds a problem so she gets upgraded but like i just don't i'm too much of a people pleaser i'd be like you know what i'll sleep outside i'll sleep outside it's okay

Oh my God, we had a bug issue too. And I woke up in the middle of the night to Craig taking videos and pictures. Being like, there's bugs in this room and I need evidence. He's that guy posting on TripAdvisor, the pool and the margaritas, 10. The cockroaches on my girlfriend in the middle of the night, 7.

I was like, well, maybe we left the door open. Like we are like by a beach, like in a tropical place, like whatever. A few things about my trip though. There's a casino in our hotel.

oh craig and i are now avid gamblers oh okay okay so you vegas you just didn't like because the sun was too close and vegas i was having like a weekend i was just like yeah not into it but now because it's in aruba you love to gamble are you playing blackjack or playing blackjack and i'm big at the craps table

you're turning into like an italian mafioso wife just like blowing on people's dice being like yeah good luck buddy throw in a thousand you know i don't i don't know what's going on 95 percent of the time and that's just our life yeah it's pretty standard so i'm not like uncomfortable

And Greg has to whisper in my ear, like, what's happening and, like, what to say to the dealer. He's like, hurry up. This is the thing. Math, math, not your strong suit. Not my strong suit. Vibes and reading energy. Yes. And psychic mediumness, all you.

There was a guy at the end of the craps table and Craig was like, oh, said something. And I was like, no, I caught him talking about me earlier saying rude things. And he was like, what? How did you catch that? I was like, you have no idea the intuition that I have. You're like, he didn't say it, but he thought it. I was like, I don't fuck with that guy. What's the one where it's like red or white and that's the only bet? Roulette.

Yeah, those people are fucking crazy. Yeah. I mean, casino people are crazy because there are a few people that are like very superstitious and like very there. Like there was tension one night at the craps table and I was like, I literally feel like I'm playing for my mortgage. Like we're just here for fun. Yeah.

And I cap it like we only stay for two hours. Whether we're winning or we're losing, like after two hours, I've realized like that's – I'm like, okay, I'm going to bed. Like I don't really care what happens. Yeah. But we've won – like I won $700 the other night. Oh, my God. What are you going to spend it on? I already spent it. Yeah.

Well, that's fun because it's like literally this money that you like. It was like Monopoly money. I was like, I'm not supposed to have this, so why not buy shit? I bought a dress and a beach bag. Oh, fuck yeah. Good for you. I dated a guy who was into gambling, but it was like cool. I don't know if I said this on the pod, but he'd do it at like night. Like he'd like go to these like poker things at night. Tournaments. Yeah, because he was like good at math or whatever. But then he would like go all in and lose sometimes and like,

He'd be miserable for a week. We're not advocating for a gambling addiction.

I do have to say gambling is a full-on multi-level marketing scheme. For sure. Like actually, I watched a documentary on it where like the house always wins. Yeah. Always. And there'll be a couple people, very, very small, that will get everyone to want to keep doing it. But everyone loses except for like 0.02%. And you think you're going to be that percent. And even if you are that percent, you eventually lose. You know what I mean? I'm so oblivious to...

to like gambling culture or just like certain things. We're sitting at the blackjack table. This guy comes over to me. He hands me his card. I'm just like, okay. We get back to the room and Greg was like, who is that guy? And I was like, he was an Uber driver, I think. Like, I don't know. I have no fucking idea what he was saying to me.

Come to find out, he was the head of the casino and was wondering if we wanted to come back as hotel guests so that we could gamble. Craig could not have been more mad at me. He was like, an Uber driver? Paige, he's the head of the casino. I was like, he had one blue eye and one green. It's really all I could focus on. Yeah.

I was like, and I'm pretty sure he was an Uber driver. That is so funny. Well, as long as you guys are like capping it, because think about it. Casinos would not be so rich if people won. In any situation, selling alcohol is the number one moneymaker. Oh, you're talking about comedy clubs? Comedy clubs, concerts, professional games. Reality TV. Reality TV, yeah.

But like alcohol always wins. Like the sales in alcohol always wins. Casinos is the only thing that makes more money where they're like, fuck it, it's free. Like you don't pay for a drink.

Because when you're vibing, don't, didn't you say they like put extra air in the casino? So everyone's like, my brother said, yeah, they pump, they pump oxygen into casinos and a specific like smell that keeps you alert and keeps you wanting to play. It's like rats in an experiment. I don't, I don't like that shit at all. I'm like,

I've you know, people know I don't drink a lot. I've never smoked a cigarette. And it's not because I have self-control. It's because I don't trust myself. Like I don't want to start gambling because I would become a fiend. It's so interesting. I totally understand that. I feel like I have an addictive personality. But if it's something I really don't like.

then i'm not addicted like gambling i would never get addicted to this is my thing page if i gamble and it goes bad i have a horrible night if i gamble and i have fun then i like gambling yeah i got it okay i was an addict in a past life like a serious addict in a past life we should get that checked we should go and see what there you should get that checked out you

You should get your past life checked out. There are specific psychics that will like say what you were in a past life. And I think we should do it. Yeah. Someone told me that I was, you know, Wonder Woman. Where was she? Remember she was like training with all the women in the forest. No, sorry. I'm not caught up on Wonder Woman's origin story. Okay.

rude a feminist icon i was like one of the warrior princesses wait you're i was a warrior princess your tiktok on the street asking men what feminism is is pure fucking gold oh my god thank you because it didn't do well compared to the other ones because i think people are too upset about it oh why

You guys, my man on the street videos have actually ruined my opinion of men because of multiple reasons. One, I'm interviewing smart, like comics are smart men. Like they are smart. Are they high? Yes, but they're smart. Right. And yeah, they're trying to be a little funny. They're cunning. They're savvy. But I've learned they have no idea what a hairdo is. I know.

I think it's all men. Like if you really sat, if we really sat the men down and asked them questions, they don't know what. If we brought all the men together. They don't know what's going on. They don't, they have no fucking clue. I asked them like about fall fashion. Like they can't even, they struggled to even get an idea. Then they don't, I know some girls might not know this, but like, do you know the shape of a clitoris? It's like oblong, right? Yeah.

So a clitoris is the shape of like a V. But it goes all the way around. The top part is just like the... Yes, the top part is like the bean, but then it goes on the sides. Right. No man knew that.

No man knew that. And at first I was like, this is funny. Some of the guys don't know. And then I was like, oh, the whole male species doesn't fucking know. And we let these men run the country. Running the country. Running pretty much everything. I thought it was a bit. It's not. When you asked the question about gaslighting and they were just like...

You. I asked them, what's the definition of gaslighting? And they were like, when you can't start the car, when the car is not starting. They were like, when I say something and then she says something, but I'm wrong. I'm like, not at all. And then you're crazy because they're crazy. And you're like, oh my...

And that's the fucked up thing. We think these men are like smooth and they're like... Yeah, we've put them on such a pedestal. ...meticulous ways to ruin our lives. No, it's just like they're a natural impulse. But yeah, so I'm disappointed in men, but like I don't know why I even had any hopes. Well, I have an update added to the segment of reasons why I'm breaking up with Craig. Okay.

On this trip, I was like, I was like, we should like look into excursions, like see if there's any like excursions we can do. I was partially kidding. I can never imagine you even saying the word excursion with a serious face. Really, all I wanted to do was like go to this one beach that had flamingos, which we did go to. Excursion sounds like they're chucking you out of like a plane. Yeah.

A plane into the... Fuck that. I'm not excursioning. So Craig inadvertently took me hiking. Like I turned around at one point during this excursion and I said...

you tricked me. And then I just turned back around. So he was dishonest too. No, he booked this thing where we get, it was like a private tour of Aruba where like the guy who's giving the tours and like an ATV and then him and me and Craig were in an ATV and we went all around Aruba. It was actually so fucking sick. Um,

like seeing things that you would never see if you just like came to a resort. Like I thought Aruba, you think Aruba is like this tropical destination with this beach. It's not at all. It's literally a desert. They don't grow anything here. Like they can't, like their land can't handle it. Like I heard it's windy. Is it windy there? It's windy on one side of the island and then the other side, it's like not. That's so funny.

It was so interesting. Like learning all about it. We went to these like caves. We jumped in this like natural like pool where there was like a cave. It was so fucking sick. But at one point we did hike. And when I say hike, I had to walk up like 12 steps to a cave. And I was just like, you took me hiking. Yeah.

You took me hiking. Well, that's the hard thing about vacation. You have to find the balance of like adventure versus lying in your bed. And I think it just depends on where you are mentally. But like, I'm so proud of you guys that you actively were like, we need to take a vacation. Even though it was only like, what, four days. Yeah. But I mentally was not well and I needed a vacation. I know you weren't mentally well because you made some funny TikToks. Yeah.

I was like, that's really fucking funny. I don't want to make Craig feel bad and I don't want to make it about me. However, you did the word game. It was really... Craig didn't realize that it was a social experiment to compare. You know, people are always like, why won't you just tell Craig he's your best friend? And I needed to put science behind it. And I did. But you were so cute. You were so empathetic with him. You were like, it's okay. And he was just saying...

all the only words he knew he was he was just saying things he was seeing he said he wasn't doing word association yeah no i was like this is not how it works for people who don't know the word association game two people like you just keep coming up with words and you see if you can get the same word to see if you're on the same page and page and i freaked ourselves out and i bought you a party we were drunk we were tired second try we got the same word someone has the video i'm gonna find we have to find it we looked at each other we said okay come on let's

do this and we said okay got it one two three i said bed hannah said cheese i said we got this done one two three cheese it i love how i said the same word again but it's different it's different though this is a baked is very much much different yes a gourmet chip a gourmet cheesy chip

We're such trash. Bed and cheese? We're like, oh, come on. Cheese it. People thought we were going to be like, ocean philosophy. No, cheese it, bitch. I'm in Ireland. Yeah. How is that? It's good. I just realized I haven't seen my husband in years. So I had to go over the water. You are so good with time zone change. It's because you're so cultured.

So you know what I realized? I'm always tired. So I use that to my advantage where I'm like, you're always sleepy. So we can handle this. What are you? You're six hours ahead?

five hours ahead okay i had shows all weekend in long island so then after my shows friday saturday sunday i slept all day with butter and i was really upset because i had to leave her and then after sleeping all day you get on the plane at 9 p.m in new york and then you arrive at 9 a.m after getting like four or five hours in ireland and i'm looking at it sleep on the plane

Kind of, but you know when you're excited. Yeah. Oh, that's cute. I'm still excited. I'm still a little excited. But I got there and I was hyped the fuck up. I was like,

you know i was like this is my vacation with him and i was like we gotta go to grafton street we gotta see this vintage shop i gotta get my nails done and he was like calm down and i go you always say i'm sleepy i'm ready to fucking go and he was like you're at a 10 i need you at two he's like take a nap and i'm like i didn't come all the way here to take a nap and he's like i'm telling you take a nap and then i was like and i was out for like three hours

My thing is though is if I start a nap, I'm out. Question. Does Des nap? He can only nap for 15 minutes like a normal person. And when I nap, I nap for four hours. Craig doesn't nap. And we were on vacation. He was like, what do you want to do? And I was like, well, it's five o'clock. It's napping time. I love a 6 p.m. nap.

Because you get back from the beach or whatever you did, you shower. It's not time to go to dinner. You put your jammies on. You nap. Like we're on vacation. And he was like, okay, I'm going to – I was like, why don't you go and walk around and see what happens? Take a lap. Take a lap. Literally take a lap. And so every day on vacation at 5 o'clock, we would separate.

And I would nap like a normal fucking person before dinner. And he would go like talk to people and like see the grounds. He'll like make friends with people in the hot tub. And I come and it's like, this is Steve. And these are all his friends. And I'm just like, okay. He came back to me the other day and he goes, okay, you're going to frigging love Matt and Maddie. And he like gave me their whole, I'm like, I don't, I don't.

I don't care. Matt and Matt, leave Matt and Maddie alone. For all we know, they're trying to have a romantic honeymoon. And you're fucking in their face. You're bothering them. Even today, we were like jumped in a cab. And Des is like asking the guy a bazillion questions about the neighborhood. Because Des loves a neighborhood chat. And I'm like, you're being chatty. Like he loves small talk. And I'm like, he'll be like, so this road, how long has the construction been? And I'm like, oh my God. I go, you're chatty. Craig loves small talk.

We should just Oh my god I can't wait to vacation with them Because they will Entertain themselves They'll tire each other out It's like kids We're gonna We'll look at each other And be like They're gonna sleep good tonight Because they're so

Craig could not have asked the tour guide more fucking questions. He's like that guy in the classroom when the teacher's like, okay, any more questions? And the guy was saying how like Aruba used to be owned by the Dutch, but the Dutch basically like fucked them from the beginning of time, like stole all their gold.

So Craig's like asking so much trauma. And so Craig's like asking all these questions. And I look at the tour guy and you go and I go, you want to know something? And he's like, what? And I go, this guy's fucking Dutch. You threw Craig under the bus. But yeah, I love being in Europe. I'm just a new bitch. Yeah, you really are. It's like it's where you're supposed to be.

I have a new bag. I'm rocking. It's a Frittendi. It's a Fendi. That's fake. It's a Frittendi. Someone DM'd it to me and it's the funniest thing. I can't find who sent it. I want to give them credit, but I can't find the DM. It's my Frittendi. On DHgate, I have Balenciaga. Frittendi. Wait, Balenciaga. We have to think of a word for Balenciaga. Okay.

I mean, I would just put faux in front of all of them. Yeah, but pretendy is so good. Do you think I'll get backlash if I made a TikTok about them? My fake back. No, I've seen so many girls make TikToks about what they buy on DHgate. They even link it. But I don't get it. That has to be illegal.

It has to be. I told you it's literally the limewire for women, for millennial women. I'm just like, you cannot convince me to drop $4,000 on a bag that I'm going to lose. I don't deserve nice things. It's about me. It's not about them. I'm going to lose it. I'm going to, my friend's going to eat French fries and ketchup on it. I'm going to leave it in an Uber. I'm going to spill wine on it. It's so funny how different we are.

Because literally all I've been thinking for the past three months is like for my 30th birthday, what am I going to buy myself? And I think I'm going to buy myself a Chanel bag, a real one. Do you know, I actually have a real Chanel bag that a vintage store. That you never use? No. Why? I didn't know it was expensive. What does it look like? I literally don't know. It's like navy. Yeah. Just like a classic. A navy quilt bag.

stunning with a gold chain or a silver chain or like what color are the C's maybe I'll give it to you for your 30th that's okay I don't want your used fucking Chanel

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Craig woke up the other day and goes, oh my God, I just had the worst dream ever. You were in an insane asylum. And he was like, but I feel like he was. It wasn't a dream. Seems very on brand. He goes, but you were thriving. He was like, but you like wanted to be there. And I was like, yeah. You got the best outfits of everyone there. Your straitjacket was so much chicer than everybody else's.

You guys, we're trying to normalize mental institutions. We're not making fun of them. We really feel like it has to be talked about more. No, I really think that it does. Like, it's not a crazy house. It's like a reset house.

That's what I want to go to. A thousand percent. A thousand percent. I learned this new thing called music manifestation. Okay. You heard about it on TikTok? No. Basically how the songs you listen to really affect your subconscious. Like if you're listening to sad music or you're listening to like, I'm not over you. We should dive in more to the subconscious. Yeah.

How do we do that? We just look at each other. Okay. I'm getting... Okay. Um...

Okay. No, the brain is crazy. I just learned on this trip that Craig is left-handed. I've dated this man for over a year. And that's because we were talking about how like that's such a different part of the brain. He literally was signing a check and I was like, why are you doing it with your left hand? And he goes, I don't know, Paige, maybe because I'm left-handed. What hand does he finger you with? I've never looked. What?

See, I feel like when guys finger with the wrong hand, they fumble the bag.

Like I've literally been like Okay flip sides Cause like they're not Coordinated I genuinely think He was like Well I'm ambidextrous Oh he's ambidextrous Okay sir Okay sir He was like I do Like I play sports And do things right handed But I'm If I'm writing something I do it left handed So I think he's Okay is that ambidextrous Or Just something's off I think he just wanted to like Be different And like better than everyone And so he like Taught himself Okay

Wait, so why are you telling us he's left-handed? Just that you don't know him? Because we were talking about how if you're left-handed, they say you use a different part of your brain. And I really believe that. Or a different part of your brain means you're more creative or like...

if you're left-handed my grandpa growing up i don't know where he went to school but they basically believe that if you wrote left-handed you were possessed by the devil so he literally does everything so they forced him to learn to write right-handed so his whole life he does everything left-handed except he writes right-handed but writes very badly right-handed

That's very interesting. When I was in gymnastics when I was younger, I did everything left-handed. And my mom was like, we don't know. Right?

okay Paige the gymnast you love those cute little outfits didn't you I could literally only do a cartwheel and like possibly a back handspring but I was like I'm gonna go I wish you could see us in like a one of those classes when we were little like you'd be literally posing or like looking at one of your nails and I'd be like chucking myself off of like the trampoline and like face planning we were definitely so different in like

I'd be like trying so hard. I'd want the coach to think I was good. Like so bad. Like I would, I didn't, I didn't talk to anyone and I had to be able to see my mom through the window or I'd lose my fucking mind.

Oh my God. But the subconscious thing is really funny because I called Des the other day and I was like, babe, I had a dream about you. And he, we're at the point where we don't waste time on our phone calls of long distance. He goes, babe, I don't care about your dream. And I was like, no, no, no. Like, I just want to tell you about it. And

And he's like, okay, fine. And I'm telling him and he's like, cuts me off. He's like, this is what ready going way longer than I had energy for. And I was like, babe, you should, he's like, I don't care. I'm like, this is my subconscious. Yeah. This is your subconscious. And he's like, yeah, you have anxiety. Like, I don't need your dream to tell me that. What was the dream? Give us like a five second break. Basically, I was in Ireland and he was like, we went to some store and I couldn't find him and I was getting annoyed with him. And then we had a meeting and some woman. Okay. It's already too long. I'm interested. I,

the rare breed I'm a rare breed that when people are like I had a crazy dream I'm into it because I'm like this is something we were this woman was supposed to help us with something I forget what and I like tried to make her laugh or something and she was like I don't want to work with you guys and he was like mad at me for something I said

And I was like, oh my God, I came all the way to Ireland and it's going so bad. And then I get to his house and I realize he's been throwing a surprise party for me. And that's why he's been like, and like, yeah, like hiding. Cause he was like trying to set up all this stuff. And I was like, oh. - So he does have a second family or he doesn't? Des, we want the answers. - So Des said that people come up to him after shows in Ireland and they go, how's your second family?

Craig's like, what the fuck is the hall monitor shit that you guys are talking about? Okay, that's so hall monitor of him to say. I'm like, don't monitor my podcast. How about that? Paige, what do we do about the eyebrows? Because I'm getting, I got a thousand DMs for Kylie Jenner's eyebrows. A thousand. And it's to the point that I think I should

your trends you're a trendsetter you would actually look way better with bleached eyebrows than i would because you have like lighter hair and i feel like lighter like eyebrow hair okay i see what you're doing i see what you're doing and you're smart you're sneaky and you're smart you know julia fox pulls that shit off and i low-key look like julia fox if she was poor

I, you do have the same like skin tone. Skin tone. Yeah. As in a little bit red. No, like you have like a little bit of freckles. Like you don't have like, you have olive-y skin, but you also have like a fair skin. You're like, it's like you look like you have boils on your skin. Like you look Italian, but you could also be Irish. You always look like you just cried.

Okay, what you wrote some crazy shit in this notes. What is going on? I wrote a lot of things. Oh my god. Okay. I wanted to tell people this because this is just like for the girls to know. I'm going to post the link on the Giggly Squad page because we were traveling to so many hotels the past month.

And I use this in my like actual apartment too. I, my aunt bought my mom this thing to give to me and it's basically like a door stopper that you put like underneath the door and you turn it on. And so if anyone tried to open your door, a

crazy psychotic alarm goes off to the point where you're like anyone is like running away because it sounds like it's immediately calling the police but all it is is just like an insane noise that would like wake anyone up.

And I just feel like I've seen so many – I've been in so many hotels recently where I'm in the room, the door is locked, the latch is locked, and someone from the hotel has opened my door. Like hasn't opened the lock, but like the latch, but like the door has opened. And I've opened it and been like, yo, what the fuck?

You mean like housekeepers trying to clean? No, like the other day, this was, I forget what hotel we were in, but all of these incidents have happened when I'm by myself. Somebody opened the door and was like, oh, I'm checking the mini bar. And I was just like, okay. And then another person opened the door and was like, oh, I...

Yeah, someone wanted to come in and clean. But it's always been guys. Like if it's a girl, I care like significantly less. But like it has been men. Women don't murder people. They literally don't. They will be mental terrorists, but they will not murder you. They'll like ruin your life, but they won't murder you. I do feel like the amount of drama that that little thing will add when it doesn't need to.

is a lot like that's some chaotic shit it's chaotic but i feel like whoever is coming in is like a fuck they have an alarm on and most alarm systems immediately call the police so they don't know that you're gonna bring this to the hotels i bring it to every hotel okay

Okay, you know what? I can't tell you that you're too paranoid because I don't think you could ever be too paranoid with safety, but I want you living. I use it every single night at my apartment too.

I don't want you like going to sleep in Fort Knox every night, you know, with like booby traps everywhere. I also got a ring light when install that shit immediately. Yeah. Actually, I did have one weird thing happen. I didn't tell anyone about it, but I was after comedy. Sometimes it's late and I, I left like a random show and I, I guess I wanted to walk to the Avenue to get an Uber and the Uber was like six minutes and I'm like, fuck. And it's like,

It was like 9.30 in the Lower East Side. And I was just scrolling my phone waiting and I'm just on the corner kind of alone. It's kind of quiet there. Yeah. It was like a Wednesday. And like I look behind me and there's just like a man standing there. No. And then as I look forward, the Uber like immediately comes and I go in. And as we're leaving, he's just standing there looking at the car and I'm like,

whatever universe god whatever like was looking down on me yeah i don't fuck with that i don't wait outside anymore for uber also my mom has me paranoid that like i am going to get abducted and die it's just a matter of time yeah my mom's gonna be so mad at that story i'll call her at night and she's like are you outside yeah are you are you walking with everyone my mom is the only person that has my location

Oh yeah, my mom has my location. She used to use it to see who I was hooking up with back in the day. She's like, I thought you broke up with him.

She's like, British Dave in Brooklyn? Really? Really? British Dave in Brooklyn? She's had it for so long. And when I used to like go out all the time, every night I'd get a text. Paige, I just want to let you know it is 4 a.m. And I don't see you anywhere near your apartment. Oh my God, your poor mom. I know. How did she even sleep? She didn't. She literally didn't. She would wake up in the middle of the night, check my location, text me something rude, and then...

Go back to sleep. But now it's gotten to the point now where she's like, Paige, you haven't left your apartment in four days and I think you should just get air. That is so funny. Oh my God, that is so funny. Our moms both freaked out in our last live show because we took the video of you smashing the sparkling water. My mom called me on stage.

She called her on stage just to be like, you're going to die. Don't drink that. My mom's messaging. Don't let her drink that. But I was like shards of glass are like the new like cool. Tide pod. Put a tide pod. It's giving Gen Z. It's giving Tide pod. They muddle it with shards. Okay. The next thing I had on my list is half of these I write when I'm really high. So I don't remember.

No, that's what I do with jokes. I'll write something and I'll be like, what do I mean chicken liver? What does that even mean? What kind of joke is that? Colonic. No, I know what... Okay, Paige and I, we have so many things we have to do. I think we're going to start a YouTube channel, try it all. Okay, I looked up all of the things about a colonic. First of all, our moms would fucking kill us if we got colonics. Why? Because...

If you look up like what a colonic is, yes, it looks like it's amazing. Then if you click like an actual colonic,

doctor's website they're like there's no evidence that colonics do any of the things that they claim to do and you could actually really fuck up your large intestines to the point where you could get an infection and have to have like like the risk it's definitely risk versus reward like you see and my mom was like a like a science

teacher so she's the first to be like yeah that shit's bullshit that shit's bullshit what do you think about lymphatic drainage okay now that i get all the time and i want but it's what it lasts for two days it depends like it's almost like a reset of like your water weight in your body like i recommend getting it if you have an event like if you have a wedding coming up or something

I think lymphatic drainage massages are great. Does it hurt? It doesn't hurt. Sorry, I have the hiccups. Sometimes it'll hurt on your stomach.

Because you have so much like going on in your stomach. I'm literally book, have it getting one next week. But here's the thing that I've realized because I've gotten so many of them in my life. You have to do it three days before your actual event. I did it. I did it a night before I had an event and the entire next day I couldn't stop sweating because your body like detoxes hours after, um,

So, okay, after you get it, I recommend getting it at nighttime. That's just a day in the life of being a baby. Anna Burner. You're literally a health guru. You're like, just have a sweating problem. You'll have no water weight. Um...

I recommend getting it at night because you're very tired after it. Drink a ton of water during the day before you get it, but don't drink like an hour before because then that's what makes your stomach hurt. This is already too much. It's so much admin. Like what? Is this so you look like a tiny bit slimmer? I'm not about it. No, you not only look slimmer, you feel a lot better because it's,

like everything is digesting properly and like draining out of you. So you pee a ton, but the three days after it are so fucking crucial that it's like, it's work. Like you can't eat certain things like to get the maximum out of it. Did they warn you about this?

yeah they tell you all of it like you can't eat broccoli i don't know why i haven't looked into it but i guess it makes you blue like oh no i was like what what am i gonna do but like you shouldn't eat dairy you shouldn't eat carbs you shouldn't eat processed foods you shouldn't eat sugar you should literally live on sun and light and air air but it does you do feel better after i think you should try one time

No shit, you're not eating dairy. But also for these people who are like, I need a colonic, go to Taco Bell. That's just a natural colonic. Go to Taco Bell, order the nachos, leave it in the heat for a little bit. A couple days ago, this is, that's a lie, a couple weeks ago, I like could not go to the bathroom. And I was like, what the fuck am I going to do? And I don't know why it didn't pop in my head to like go to the pharmacy. Yeah.

and like get something I was like I'm just gonna get Chipotle worked like a fucking charm like a literal charm I was like am I a doctor?

See, my side effect of anxiety mental health moment is like anytime I get anxious about something, my body's like, we got to relieve everything in it. I'm like, it's the adrenaline. Yeah, like a lion's about to chase me. When it's like literally, Hannah, you're just worried about answering the phone of an unknown number and you're going to shit yourself over that? When I was in my early 20s and I would like go through my boyfriend's phone. Yeah.

I would get such, this is, I'm not fucking joking. This is not a joke. I would get such a fucking adrenaline rush from going through it that I would immediately have to run to the bathroom and shit myself while I was going through his phone because like my body was so fucking amped up. When you find something. Yeah. What's the playbook? How, what do you do?

Because you're instantly in this weird place where it's like he could gaslight you and be like, why are you going through my phone? When really it's like, because I know that you're cheating on me. I always have hated... Look, I'm very much a believer in trusting your partner and never feeling like you have to go through their phone. But when I was in my early 20s, really up until I was 25, I was like, yeah, I'm fucking going through it. I...

there was something on it, but I needed like the evidence and the proof to win the argument. So when you, oh, okay. So when you're fighting to be fully confident, I needed to be fully confident to be like, I know exactly like you're lying right to my face and this is how I know that

And then I hated when guys would be like, well, but I want to break up because you went through my phone. Like that's such a fucking gaslighting bullshit. Like if I'm your partner and I went through your phone, I think if I want to fucking look at something, I'm going to fucking look at it. Like, give it to me. Like,

some people be like don't look at your boyfriend's phone whatever but it's almost empowering because it's like i feel like once you look at the phone you know you're breaking up with them you just don't know how right because here's the thing if craig came into this room right now and said let me see your phone i would be like okay like i would hand it to him and everyone's always like if you're gonna go through your boyfriend's phone you're gonna get your feelings hurt you well you shouldn't

Well, you shouldn't. If you go through your boyfriend's phone right now, your feelings should not be hurt. And if they are, he's a fuckhead, not you. I would say I've actually never looked through a boyfriend's phone. Oh my God. I've never looked through it, but I did hear if you are and you have a specific thing you're looking for, to be fast, to write the word you're looking for in the message search bar. Duh.

This is what I would do. As I was looking through it, this was before you could screen record. If I was in my early 20s now with the phone technology, I would have caught so many boyfriends. Yeah, yeah. This was before screen record. So as I was looking through things and I didn't have enough time to read all of it, I would scroll, screenshot, scroll, screenshot. So I had it all and then I would just send myself all of it. So then I could have time at my leisure to look at where this motherfucker was.

New York Times in the morning. Sorry, just catching up on some light reading. I just envisioned you like Audrey Hepburn. Like he walks in, you have a face mask. You're just flipping through your phone with sunglasses on, your hair up in a towel. Like smoking a cigarette. I'm like, ah, I've been waiting for you. Come sit. Okay.

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You know what I watched? What? The Marilyn movie. I watched it too. I was like very into the drama around it. Like I was on Twitter, like looking for what people were saying. What are your thoughts? Brad Pitt was one of the producers. Oh, I didn't know that. So interesting. Very artsy. Extremely artsy. Here's the other thing. Ana de Armas is not good at an American accent. She said a lot of things. What?

in Spanish I felt like it was distracting to me it was a Cuban it was a Cuban accent but the thing is is that it's a biopic which no one and I don't even know what a biopic is but apparently apparently it means that it's not real they did not make that clear wait like what wasn't real it's based off of a book

That was a biopic of like what Marilyn's life might have been like. And like, like, I don't think she actually. Either way, it seemed like her life fucking sucked. Well, what I loved that they did was they showed how she really detached from like who Norma Jean is and who Marilyn is. Where like she was like, that's not me. Did the show with her mom actually happen? Yes. Okay.

But I don't know to the extent. I just know her mom had mental illness, was schizophrenic. I don't think she was in a throuple. I don't think she was in a throuple either. Which is like why? I would have left that movie being like, yeah, she's in a throuple. Sure. They didn't show. I wanted them to show when she was sleeping with the president. They did show it. They did? He was the one that she gave the blowjob to. Oh, I might have fallen asleep at that point. Joe DiMaggio.

they showed that was real the joe dimaggio like beating the shit out of her thing that was real these dumb athletes and armas was amazing i do think they could have picked a more voluptuous girl as marilyn but i'm being nitpicky it was also so fucking artsy it reminded me of like the elvis movie where i was just like i don't know what's happening

Because it was filmed like it was a movie back then almost. And then I heard that like everyone on the production set had to wear that era of clothing, like the PAs and all of that because they were constantly filming. So like even when it wasn't a scene, they were still filming so that like if she did any... Yeah. Yeah.

Like the essence of the time. I do think people should watch blonde though. Like I enjoyed it. I did enjoy it too. I watched it at the perfect time because it was like pouring rain outside. It was like the middle of the day. I was on vacation. Like I was just like, I'm going to watch this three hour movie.

People are mad, though, that like it was supposed to be about the fetishization of her. And they like fetishized Ana de Armas because they just she was just like topless crying the whole time. Yeah, that was an interesting part as well. Also, the conspiracy theorist in me, like I think she was murdered. I think she was murdered, too. They also this might be wrong, but they made it look like she was forced to have an abortion or the president's child. I think that might have been true, though.

See, I'm like further confused. Even more creepy. Did you see they're coming up with a Barney documentary? Yes. And it's like sex, lies, drugs, prostitution rings. And you're like, what? How much was happening on that set? Go off, Barney. I was obsessed with Barney. I was a Barney girly. I was not. Couldn't stand him.

I hate it. I was like, this is stupid. Why Arthur isn't on right now? Ridiculous to me. Okay, I did fuck with Arthur. I fucked with Arthur hard. Barney and Sesame Street. Selena Gomez was on Barney. Yeah. Barney and Sesame Street. Unrealistic. Did you watch Wishbone? Did you watch Wishbone? Yes. That's how I am so knowledgeable.

I know. Part of me was like, maybe she didn't because, you know, she wasn't too sharp. How dare you? My uncle had that kind of dog when I was little. And I would walk into their house every day, or not every day, but all the time and be like, that's like the wishbone dog. And that dog bit me, I don't know, four times. Hated me. Fuck you, wishbone. Also, is Mossimo fucking Chloe? Like, what's going on with that?

It is, I think, if it's not true, it's the best PR stunt I've ever seen in my life. And it's one of my favorites. She didn't post a photo. Is it just like behind the scenes at a fashion week thing? It was like behind the scenes at a fashion show. And then they went to an after party and they were like hugging. Like they were, you could tell he was like whispering in her ear.

I love it. That's just how Massimo talks to people. Right. Like, I think that's just, like, how he communicates. He's in a meeting and he's like, hello, sexy. He's like, I have to touch your tits. Like, that's just what we do in our culture. He's like, I want to rip your clothes off. And it's like, sir, this is a Zoom meeting. I think it's great. I would love it. Except people were commenting that she had gone to a psychic.

A couple years ago, that psychic that was like on E, I forget what his name, Tyler Henry. And he said to her, there's a guy that's coming into your life with the M name. He was like, I don't know. Like, and he was like sounding it out. And he was like, he's really bad for you. Do not go for it. And so everyone was freaking out being like, that's this has to be the guy. But is Massimo his real name? Michelle is his real name.

Massimo is his name in the movie. But yes, that's how we know. I've never drank coffee before. Pour me a cup. This is the one cup. Look at this. Is coffee a thing? I think I'm a coffee guy now. Craig's discovering coffee as we speak. Literally, get him out. Get him out. Thank you. Let's see if you like the way I make coffee. Well, you didn't make it. You poured it in the cup and added the milk. I added stuff to it for Easter.

Very good. Thank you. Tell them it's basically energizing soup. Hannah said that coffee is basically energetic soup. So you would like it. Yeah, coffee bean soup. Oh, God. Structure.

okay since since simple man since pillows and beer is obviously trying to sabotage giggly squad and we understand it though we get it when you're really on the up and up you have haters um Harry Styles makeup Harry Styles coming out with a makeup line I also saw the first Brad Pitt Brad Pitt commercial for his skincare line and I was he in it yeah

He was like, this is my routine. I wash my face and I use a serum. Then I use a moisturizer. So going to do that in the morning and then at night. Shut up. You use the tears of women. Let's be honest, Brad Pitt. I was like, you have no idea what's happening. Hairstyles, makeup. I feel like let women have something, you know, like let women like all makeup and skin care is unisex. Shut up.

And he comes in and he's trying to like take over. And it's like there's a wage gap for a reason. Stay in your fucking lane. Stay in your fucking lane. Leave us, Brittany, alone. Finally, we added an Atlanta show. Yes, we did. We're about to announce a world tour. And by world, I mean we're starting in America, unfortunately. But I'm pushing for Europe. You guys know we love our European girlies. Yeah, don't. And we are really pushing for Canada. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, for sure. We see you, Canada. Toronto, for sure. We see you. We can see Russia from your house. Yeah.

We also have a very special shirt, hopefully dropping soon. Yes, it is dedicated to Hannah. It really is. Also, do you realize that I never introduce us on the pod? You know, most podcasts are like, I'm your host, Hannah Burner. I feel like if you're tuning into Giggly Squad, you understand the debauchery already. You're not just blindly listening. Someone has said, hey, these bitches are nuts. You should listen. So you already know what you're getting into. Yeah, I feel like if we were to introduce ourselves, it's joogie.

so chewy oh my god so fucking chewy well anyway guys thank you for giggling with us we love you so much talk to you next week bye bitches