Giggling about Aspen adventures, UTI bonding, and Julia Fox
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I mean, the day just got away from me. Hello, my great giggles. How? That was... That wasn't good.

It sounded like Winston Churchill. Historical. Yeah. You nailed it then. I was talking how I feel when I wear a low pony. I'm just like a captain of a ship. Hello, Paige. My little snow bunny just arrived from Aspen. How was the trip? Give me the deets. The trip was great. We could go skiing now together. I'm a profesh.

Not really, but I do two runs and then I'm like, guys, I'm beat.

Did you fall at all? Oh, yeah. The first day, I ate shit because I went with the whole group. Skiing in a group is chaotic energy. Yeah. And the group is collectively very good skiers and snowboarders. So I was like, I can do it. Because I wanted to go to the bar that's up on the mountain. So I was like, I can ski down. Double ejection from both my skis at one point. Oh, I love that. One, one flying. The instructor did say...

I am the most talented at falling that he's seen in a while. Oh, wow. And I appreciated that.

Yeah, he was like, you know how to fall. Like you fall correctly. And I said, oh my God, thank you so much. If you're going to fail, fail well. Fail fast. Right. This has become a ski podcast, so welcome. We just talk about skiing every episode. I do have more of an appreciation for the Winter Olympics. Oh, I can't wait to watch the Winter Olympics. Because let me tell you, conditions in the cold are just not...

We're not I'm not built for it. You know, like we were in Aspen, which is like stunning, gorgeous. And everyone was like, I could live here. I could live here. And I was like, never in my lifetime. I also saw you at a hilarious TikTok where you guys are probably a couple shots deep and decided to put your faces into the snow and then laugh. Yeah.

the mark that your face like i don't know what you guys thought was gonna be in the snow after you put your face in it but you're like look it's my face and then craig had like his backwards hat and i'm like that is the douchiest snow mark i've ever seen craigs was like a perfect silhouette it was like someone painted his face on this yeah yours looked like voldemort yeah i was a bald baby what

I also just saw a tweet that cracked me up that was like, did anyone ever question that Voldemort had beef with a 12-year-old? Hey, I feel like I've had beef with 12-year-olds before. Same. I also think that the cold, though, is fun when you have that liquid layer of drunkenness. Like, that was my whole college experience at Wisconsin, where, like, at first you're like, it's cold, and then you're like, I can't feel shit. Yeah, it's...

I just, I'm a beach person. If I'm going to vacay, I'm going to do it at the beach. I do think there's a freedom in falling though. Like how often in your life do you just lose complete control and fall like almost like a little kid and then you get right back up? I'd say more often, more often than you'd think. That you eat shit. Yeah. I fall, I would say that I probably fall really hard often.

I'd say three times a year like where I'm like damn I just really ate it and then you look around if people saw it it's way more painful if people didn't you're like if a tree fell in the forest my mom broke her ankle in like a Macy's parking lot like two years ago and I will never forget it yeah my grandma fell in a stop and drop and they caught it on video

Oh, Nana. Question. Are you and Craig, do you enjoy each other more in the winter aesthetic or the summer aesthetic? Oh my God. That's a great question. We really did enjoy each other in the winter. Like the last day of skiing, he came with me and we just did like flat surfaces and we had like a really fun day. This is actually the longest Craig and I have ever been together. Like days. I know.

And I was a little bit nervous. And then like a couple of days ago, I was like, are you sick of me yet? And he was like, he thought about it for a second too, which I appreciated. He was like, uh, no, no, I'm not. And I was like, great. I'm glad that you actually answered that very truthfully and like thought about it.

Yeah, well, that's the long distance thing where there's so much dopamine of like missing the person. And then you're like, oh, wait, relationships are not actually about missing them. It's actually inevitably being with them. And it's really fun to be around other couples and be like, wow, I love the couple I'm in. Whatever kind of day you had with your significant other, there's like certain couples you hang out with and you're like, I'm thankful, blessed. It's kind of like a silent bonding experience. Yeah.

True. And then to talk shit about the other couples when you get home. Yeah. That's the best. I think that's why people go on vacation. Yeah. Yeah. You know? It is fun to go out with other couples and just like complain about couple-y things. Yeah. Wait. Like, oh my God, doesn't he fart on me? He farts on you. Yeah.

Like you bond with all the girls just rolling your eyes like a fucking guys. How many are there? Oh my God. The amount of times that I was with like full wives and like fiancés and I was just like, oh, the guys, you know, and like it felt good to say it. This is weird, but have you ever observed that like the relationships that really work are not the ones that are gushing on each other all the time and not the ones who are fighting all the time, but the ones that like are slightly annoyed at each other all the time in a funny way? Yes. Yes.

You're shitting on him, but low-key like he likes it. Yeah, but the couples that are like always like oh my god Thank you, baby. Yeah, like oh you guys hate each other There was a moment where like Austin said something to Craig where he was like well Do you tell Paige everything and Craig was like no and I heard it from across the room and I like I was like Excuse you. What did you just say? And he's like, I mean, yeah, like I tell her everything he like looked at me like, you know, I tell you everything

I'm trying to look cool in front of my friends um but yeah so I love the tiktoks too where it's like when your man is just with you and he doesn't have to play tough and like he stubs his toe and he's like oh my toe and you're like come here baby it's okay that's every guy literally everything they're babies fucking emotional babies um I was actually just in Boston and how was it

We are going to have a Giggly show in Boston soon. We're just figuring that out. The crowd was fucking wild. There's a lot of Italians in Boston. A lot of Italians, a lot of Irish. Yep.

They have great sense of humor. They take no shit from people. Like, they're very tough, and I like that energy. Scary, but I like it. I feel like we could live in Boston. I'm telling you, even though we were raised to, like, not like Red Sox fans, because there's that big rivalry, I take back all the bad things I said about Boston. The girls were hilarious. And so I'm talking with these gigglers, and then these two guys come up to me, and they go, I'm sorry, I just have to say something.

We're Geiglers. And I was like, what'd you say? And they go, we're Geiglers. And I was like, I like took out my phone. I wrote it down. The Geiglers are...

We have to apologize because we have not been acknowledging them. And there are a decent amount of Geiglers that listen to the pod. And these guys were so funny. They were like, we were in the middle of a fight with each other. We heard your voice. We were like, you win. We're done. And then they went to say hi. So shout out to the Geiglers out there. We love you. We see you. We hear you. The only demographic. Yeah. The only demographic I care about are the girls and the gays. You know, like if you're a straight man, I don't. Yeah, I don't.

care about your brain. What are you doing? Like what do you guys do all day? I also have an update. Okay. Do you remember the girl who was farting in jars? Yes. Do you remember that we watched her on 90 Day Fiance? Yes. We like know way too much about this girl. She's been hospitalized. Because she had a heart attack right or something?

She thought she was having a heart attack. Turns out she was just having severe gas pains from a diet of just like beans. And the doctor was like, you are going to fart yourself to death. And she was fine. She was taken care of. But now she doesn't sell her farts in jars anymore. She sells them as NFTs. And welcome to the metaverse. Here we are. Okay, wait. That's...

I have so many thoughts running through my head. I don't even know what to say first. One, this girl is vibe. I just don't even know how there's like a need for someone buying farts. I was kind of jealous. I was like, why don't you think of that? You stupid. But I just like learned in this past week, like what the metaverse is.

Like, I didn't know that this was like a real thing people were doing. Does anyone really know what the metaverse is? I think it sounds terrifying. Like, I don't want to live in a fake world. If the conversation gets to metaverse, I'm out. I'm outies. I'm donezo. I gotta go. If it's about Bitcoin, cryptocurrency or NFTs, don't talk to me about it. And I don't care, most importantly.

I feel like that's what all finance bros in Midtown are talking about all the time. And I don't think they know what it means either. They just say it to sound smart and jerk each other off. They don't. That's the thing. They don't. Yeah, because if you ask, if you actually ask a follow up question,

they don't know what they're talking about wait one thing one more thing i wanted to say about skiing when you went skiing and you saw this is a ski podcast and you saw the kids like in like their ski schools and like how they're just like little drunk humans because they can't stand and they're just like screaming did you get like baby fever a thousand percent like

Des will joke like let's wait to have kids like we have to have fun by ourselves but I was like Des we need a child the kids were like singing with each other it was the cutest and then when they fall and just bop back up because they have like no weight to them it was so cute it was so freaking cute when you put all the layers on a little kid the winter layers they can't move no they can't

marshmallows their little speed bumps i was having such baby fever when i got yeah when i was seeing like three-year-olds like whipping down the mountain like in their little ski outfits you're like whipping past me i wanted to do the tiktok that was like am i too old to be here am i prettier than these young bitches no but then i got to a certain point of the mountain where it was

Nine-year-old boys and let me tell you something. I don't fuck with them They literally hooligans hooligans whipping past me I was beating each other up throwing their poles at each other. No, and I was like me. I Know immediately. No immediately. No, I was like, oh my god You just washed away all the baby fever. I was having for the past hour. Thank you Also cuz I was on ski tick-tock don't ask why I

They were talking about to be like a cute girl on the slope, you just have to like pull the hair in front out just so people know you're a girl. So that's just a secret to look hot on the slopes, you guys. Yeah, it's hard. Oh, yeah. One last thing about baby fever. I was looking at dresses on ASOS. Sometimes they randomly have pregnancy dresses. And one of them I was like, yeah, wait, that's fucking cute for when I'm preggers. And then I was like, check yourself. Take a breather. Yeah.

It's kind of crazy. One of the girls on my trip, her daughter ended up coming at like the end of the trip. They brought like all their kids and the girl was only two years old. And she said she like looked in her suitcase and all the little girl packed were stick on earrings. She said she wanted to share them with everyone. And I was like, if I don't have a daughter immediately, I will lose my mind. Oh my God, that's so cute. That's so cute.

I feel like all the daddy gang listeners are like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? But you know what? This shit happens, okay? Okay, I think it's time to do some advice. Let's do it. Okay, to start a little dirty, and you've been doing long distance. Yeah. Do you have any advice for phone sex? This is my only piece of advice. What you're nervous about is...

He's not noticing. So like if you're like, this is a horrible angle. He doesn't notice that that's a bad angle. He's just happy to be involved. He's just happy that you've agreed to what's happening. He can't believe that you're so down. Yeah, he's really. Yeah, because think about it. He can't tell if you cut your hair four inches. He can't tell if you have a roll. No. Another piece of advice. Your legs don't have to be.

freshly shaven he can't tell he doesn't know he has no idea he has no idea it's for me i like talking and it's literally just adding adjectives that don't need to be there

So when you're trying to think of phone sex, like if you're going to say like, oh, I want to put my hand on your dick. Describe the dick. Describe your hand. Describe what you're feeling. It's like writing an essay and having to get to 300 words. You just fill that shit in and talk soft and confident. You can make no fucking sense and just sound confident.

You know in third grade when you're learning what adjectives are and like your teacher is like you have to use describing words and you have to use like three describing words in a sentence. That's phone sex. It's just describing what's happening. How do I learn to appreciate acts of service more when I prefer words of affirmation? You don't. You can't change your love language.

That's no stop changing for him. So what do you have to reiterate to him? Hey, these acts of services are great for someone else. I need you to just tell me you're obsessed with me and then you don't have to get up and start my car in the morning. So true, right? It's like, oh you did the dishes. Tell me how much do you want? Yeah, you can't just change your love language. You didn't pick it to begin with.

But also it doesn't mean that you're not compatible because I think a lot of dudes sometimes don't know the right way to show affection. So true. Like they've been taught just like you like someone and like I want to put my penis in her and they don't really know the in between. Yeah. Or maybe they just know what their ex liked. Like maybe just doing what a previous ex liked him to do. So make sure you at least communicate that.

What turns and don't say it like I don't like when you do this. Yeah, I like when you do. Yeah. Oh, tricky. We get tricky. Yeah. Like Craig loves doing acts of services. And my response is like, yeah, that's so nice. But I have a dad. So I know I know what it's like getting my car started or like I know what it's like getting coffee brought to me. Like I have a dad. So I grew up with this. I want you to be like you're the hottest girl on the planet.

And then... Yeah, that's why I like words of affirmation because it's true. It's like my friends could... Paige got me flowers the other day. I don't need you to get me flowers. I want you to write a haiku about how nice my ass is. Write me a love letter. I also like physical touch. I like physical touch and like... I like when they do it in public subtly. Yeah.

It's all about being subtle. Like they don't have to. Yeah, it's all about just like the random grab of the thigh or like touch of the shoulder, like kiss on the head. Okay, how much research do you do on social media about their exes? Because that shit is so dangerous. It's so dangerous. I wouldn't say research.

But like if you're trying to say and I think it's different for girls and guys because here's a perfect example. Craig does not even know what my ex-boyfriend's name is. He's never seen a picture of him. He has no idea who he is. Like he's never looked at his Instagram. He doesn't know because it's just like not something that comes up in conversation.

For girls, we're wired different. We're gonna look at their Instagram. Like, please. If you say you've never looked at your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's Instagram, you're lying. Like, everyone looks. I think there's a difference. It's just irresponsible. Yeah, I think there's a difference between, like, looking at her Instagram and showing your friends her Instagram from doing research. Like, I don't know where she worked when she was 26. But, like, I know that that highlight isn't great. Right.

Do not let it become like a constant check in to see what she's up to. I think it's OK. I personally love when I find out my dude was with a very beautiful girl. Yeah, because it brings your stock up. He has great taste. Yeah, I agree with that. You don't want to be someone's first hot girl. It's too much pressure. It's way too much. You want to look and be like, OK, so they know what the deal is.

That's like taking someone's virginity at age 30. You don't want that pressure on you. No, you want him to have been with like a high maintenance bitch. So you look laid back. Also, you know how we always talk about how it's not, we don't love when their exes are blonde or AKA don't look like us. There was a TikTok going around. That is my new Wikipedia. And the TikTok said, if his celebrity crush looks nothing like you, there's a problem. Yeah.

I actually get so nervous when I ask a guy what his celebrity crush is. I'm like, please don't say Kate Moss. Please don't say Kate Moss. Oh my God. I feel like it's either, I know Craig's and one looks nothing like me. His is Margot Robbie, which I think is every guy in America. That's everyone's and every girl's. But then it's also Mila Kunis. So I'm like, okay. Remember when you dated Derek Jeter? Yeah.

That was so fun. Honestly, people don't talk about it enough. They don't. People don't talk about it. I asked Des who his celebrity crush was. Yes, who is it? He said Monica Bellucci. And at first I had to Google it because I didn't know who it was. I know the name though. She's like 57 now. And she's literally just like a hot Italian girl. And I was just like, we were made to be. You're like, you know what?

we are getting married yeah like it's a little it's also like when you meet their family and you see like how their family's kind of similar to you in certain ways and you think like oh i didn't completely like trick this man into liking me like the universe was setting this shit up wait do you ever have epiphany moments where you're like okay i didn't actually manifest this this was meant to happen i didn't fully trick him into like being with me i mean

Let's be honest. We manifested 99% of stuff, but that's why I'm telling you guys, if it's meant to be, you cannot fuck it up. Like,

I put Des through the fucking ringer and we're still here. And there are guys I've been much easier and much chiller and much cooler around who it didn't work out. So don't put so much pressure on yourself. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Girls night out and guys night out. Should it be required? That's such a weird question because I feel like...

I feel like no. No, I feel like that all depends on your age. For me, Des doesn't drink. His boys night out, I don't know. He's at the comedy club every night talking to friends. I feel like the whole boys night out, girls night out is very formalized. It should just be when you want to meet up with friends, you can. And they don't always have to be there. Yeah, I will say though, if he's giving the majority of...

I would say this is this advice is definitely for a girl under 25. Yeah. And like if he's giving my mom always said if he doesn't give you his Saturday night he's not actually serious about you. OK.

Which makes sense because like if I ever got asked out on like dates or something and they wanted to go on a Friday night, I'd be like, I'm not giving you my Friday night. Like I'm going out with my girlfriends. I think it's important to go out with your girlfriends and like guys also like that too. Like they like if you have your own life.

If you're like, I have plans. Like, I'm going out with my friends. Secretly, they do like that, I think. Yeah. But I do think it's healthy that you guys, when you're both free, are prioritizing a fun night with each other. But also, don't get too just stuck with each other because it's important to, like, do things to tell him about. Yeah. That's a really easy way to get into a rut. If it's just you hanging out with each other, like, and...

Like not even going out with other couples. It's like easy. Then you're like, you don't feel like being sexy. Then like your sex life declines. It's easy to like get fall into a trap if you don't have your own life. Yeah. Even as,

especially if you're both quarantining together, taking a day where you're just like, oh, I'm going to get my nails did. I'm going to like get lunch with a friend. I'm going to do some errands. Come back. And you're a whole new person. You're like the old Hannah is dead. Like she can't come to the phone. It's just good to have space. Also, you get to the point where it's not your fault if you don't have anything to talk about because you've been with this person for 20 weeks. Also, Hannah, I I forgot to tell you that I was I'm pissed at you.

Oh my God, what happened? What'd I do? Because I feel like you manifested. Oh no, did I manifest wrong? Yeah, that my nails are now shit. Literally, you've been manifesting this shit for years. Are you kidding me, Hannah? Are those your real nails? Yeah, and that's gold on them. That's gold on the bottom. Look at mine. Short, stubby, and- That's disgusting. I don't even know. Claws out of my face. Yes.

You did this. You fucking did this. They won't grow anymore. They literally stopped. I'm not a witch. They stopped growing. They all broke. They're chipped. They're jagged.

I was like, I literally was laying in bed the other night and I was like, fucking Hannah. You need to do like a whole restart, like detox. I know. No, I really do. No, these are my real nails. I've been getting gel for so long. I do think I need a little break from gel, but I keep going. These nails were actually quite controversial, though, because I went to get a French right before New Year's, as one does. And I was like, I need to make it a little like party. So I said, underneath the white, can you do just a line of golds?

I like that. In person, I feel like it's kind of cool. But when I post it on Instagram, as one does, people are not happy. People are like, it looks like dirt. This looks like shit. They always go, did you run this by page? That's my favorite. Whenever I do anything that anyone is upset about fashion wise, they comment in the DMs. They don't care. They go, did you run this by page? And I'm like, I love that. I love that.

But they'll say it like trying to fuck with me. They're like, Paige definitely didn't approve of this. And I'm like, don't get Paige involved. Like, leave Paige alone. I'm my own life. I'm busy napping over here. I'm like, sorry. I can't bother her with every fucking little fashion decision I make. You did text me, though, and say, is French manicure still in style? Yeah, I did need. No, I love that. I love the gold. I think the white makes my nails look like fresh. But yeah, it also looks really good with your hair.

with your engagement ring. Like a French manicure and an engagement ring I think looks like so pretty. I am actually making final decisions like planning for the wedding. I'm realizing there's so many little details like how to do your nails on the wedding day.

You could be so fucking extra if you want with like every little detail. But yeah, I think I think I might have like little pearls on them. Like there's cool stuff you could do. I love that. I love the idea of pearls on them. And then we also soon we'll have a final meeting about Miami. I think I'm going to go with a hotel. OK.

Okay. It'll be in Miami Beach. And then any local businesses that want to be involved in the bachelorette party, let's hit me up. Please reach out. Because we're planning this and it's going to be chaotic energy. We do have like an IV company that's going to help us in the morning so far. Thank God. You know I love an IV. Oh, also in Aspen, we had oxygen tanks.

which I didn't realize I needed until I had one. And I literally want one in my home. You guys are so bougie. It was so bougie. I sat there for like an hour. They were like, you only have to keep it on for 20 minutes. And I was like, I'm going to be here a while. Thank you. That's the richest shit I ever heard being like, can I pay someone to breathe for me? Literally.

it's like i'm so tired can someone breathe for me thank you no it was amazing altitude sickness is not a fucking joke and i get hit hard with it anytime i go somewhere with higher elevation yeah did you feel that when you were skiing yeah i got exhausted just trying to put my ski back on whenever i'd fall i'd be like and des is like you you need to work out and i'm like no it's there's no air up there's no air

This is so funny. My boyfriend is overly nice to people. Like emotional intelligence is hot, but like, bruh. It's great that he's polite to everyone, but it comes to a point where it starts feeling like inauthentic where it's like, are you such a people pleaser? Or like, are you actually this nice to everyone where you, it's kind of hot also be assertive and not just like, I don't know. Sometimes fake nice people know the fuck out of me.

I mean, there's also my mind immediately went to like,

There has to be another side. Because, okay, because I feel Craig is so fucking nice to everyone. Like, if we go anywhere, like, a waiter or, like, anyone that comes up to him and asks him for a picture, he's so nice. And I love that about him. But also, we can be alone and he can be talking shit. And I will be like, that is the meanest thing I've ever heard someone say. And I get turned on. Oh, my God.

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I think you also like subconsciously, whether girls want to admit it or not, like you want to be with someone that kind of reminds you of your dad because it almost feels like homey. Do you know what I mean? Like you feel comfortable and my dad will flip out on anyone at any point in time. I

I've watched it. I've like, I've been a part of it. I've been on the other end. Like I've seen all of the sides and there's something about it where you're just like, no, my dad will flip out. And like, you kind of want that in your person too. It's also nice to feel though that like you don't have to be the assertive one.

one all the time like i could be the good cop in a lot of situations and he he's good at being the bad cop in a like not embarrassing way like when we're in the airport and like shit's going on i'll be like can you handle this and he'll be like yeah yeah does knows i'm not allowed to do admin so he handles most of it also isn't it funny when like there's a situation happening and you know that your partner you're like oh fuck they're gonna flip out like you know what triggers them

is that not so true where you're like oh fuck that like or you could tell by how they're acting that they're like not in the mood for this and you're like oh god oh you start to feel bad for the stranger because you're like oh it's great to have a nice man but you want someone who sticks up for themselves and is authentic with their emotions or you start feeling like how much fake shit it

are they doing in their life you know there's really only a few times that i want my boyfriend to be very assertive that's when we're going out to a restaurant you handle it like you go up to the hostess when we're at the airport like the travel situation like okay well you get the car you like

figure out where the bags are that type of thing everything anything else i i fine i'll do it you know i agree with that statement so much like the travel i mean i'm not i told you i'm not allowed to go near the travel logistics i fucked that up so bad yeah no you're not how do i get him to stop fucking farting around me this is the thing i don't mind a fart that's a you question yeah i don't mind a fart but if it's very smelly it starts to get annoying but like a non-smelly fart

Let's be honest. It's funny. It's entertaining. I do think you can politely be like, next time you're going to assault the room with your fart, with your sulfuric fart, can you just like walk into the other room? Craig and I don't have that. Maybe he has IBS and you should have some empathy for him. Just pass him a Pepto, you know, and be like, hey.

Okay. Should you give a guy a chance even if you don't immediately feel a connection? No. No. Like there's too many men in the world to give a guy a chance you don't feel immediate connection to, you know? I think it's different for everyone. I just know myself so well that like if I'm not obsessed with you in the first 30 seconds, I'm probably never going to be obsessed with you. Yeah. And I've dated people for years. Yeah.

Trying to really, I'm like, no, this, I'm going to be obsessed with them. Just wait. I feel like those are the ones that are the worst heartbreak too is when they like you, you don't really like them, but you kind of like that they like you. So you convince yourself to like them and then they stop liking you and then you lose your fucking mind. I would say it's the hardest breakup in terms of right before you break up. But then when you break up,

It's like you never dated. Like you, it's almost like you wake up the next day and you're like, oh, thank God. Yeah. I have another good one. My boyfriend only wants to have sex in the butt and I'm so over anal. Do I end things? Your boyfriend? Your boyfriend? Oh, no. No.

Yeah, that's fucking crazy. I think you need to ask him some questions. Like ask him why. What's wrong with the other hole? Also, it's totally okay of you to be like, this is what we've been doing. Can we switch it up? And does he also want you to keep your head in the pillow too the whole time? Because that also could be a red flag. Remember the time that one guy that I was dating could only come if my face was covered? Yeah.

That was great for my self-esteem. I loved every moment of that. No, but you actually loved that guy. I loved him. He's married and has a child. And that's when we had to take a real serious look in the mirror. Yeah. And I think it's totally fine if you're like no more in the butt. Tell him you're leaking. Tell him you like can't stop leaking from your butthole and see if you guys can like reestablish a good sex life that you like. But definitely communicate and then

That just seems extreme. Like, it seems a lot. That's extreme. I'm not going to yuck someone's yum, but, like, you need to like it as well, you know? Right. Also, oh, my God, ouch. You know? Because it's not like your vagina can take a real...

You know, let's call it what it is. I don't think that your asshole was made for it. I mean, just lube it up. Just don't do it in the shower without lube. It will be bloody. I don't know from experience, but I'm just saying. I don't have the highest pain tolerance. I don't. Says someone who's waxed their entire body, lasered from head to toe. Oh, if it has to do with beauty, I would literally...

like be dipped in hot wax if like it came out that that was good for your skin i know how to get rid of all your acne i just need to behead you you're like done done so easy where do i sign up how do you get past morning breath during sex oh okay you don't like that person you hate him yeah you don't like him yeah this is how i explain morning breath

With the guy you love. Do you know how like your pet, if you smell their breath, like it's gross. Yes. But you love it. It's adorable.

You nailed it. I've never. And he should feel the same way about your breath too. I've never had sex with Craig in the morning and been grossed out by anything. But I will say I've had morning sex before and been like, oh, get the fuck off of me because you're like grossed out by something. Yeah. And you just don't really like that person. It's pheromones. It's not you, honey. It's biological. It's not you.

It's true. I get really paranoid when I'm when I was single and I'd be out and I'd be drinking when a guy would want to have a first kiss because like you haven't brushed your teeth. Who knows what I've been up to the last eight hours. But like does vodka kind of kill the bacteria? I feel like it does.

it's the sugary stuff that gives you bad breath but it's the vodka you just take a vodka shot and you're fine yeah a little lime espresso martini is probably not great but not great we still do them oh yeah i like my guy best friend but i feel like i've broed too hard to recover you guys just have to kiss i feel i don't think you can bro too hard

Yeah, like he's never going to forget you have a vagina. Ever. It's you really have to like think if you have sexual chemistry. But Paige, have you ever even broed a little bit in your life? I bro all the time. I, since high school, have notoriously been the one girlfriend that can hang. You're like, I invented the bro. So I bro.

But like then it's hard to like see that person sexually because you're like, yeah, kind of like I feel like you're like my brother. Also, you'd be surprised how many guys have a crush on you when you are the bro. Like that's why they like you.

Yes, because they're like, oh my gosh, she's just so chill. She can just like hang. And you're like, I'm pretending, you idiot. Exactly. Like guys just want a best friend they have sex with. Dude, that's what it is. Like literally treat him like shit. Craig now like legit talks to me about the Ravens, like a normal conversation. And I'm like, damn it, I broed too hard. But it's true. Like you don't have to be this like sexy, mysterious, just like a rabbit. Like they literally just want...

you to be yourself and but make sure you don't throw too hard because then there's no coming back on the team and shit yeah because i do know the quarterback of the ravens and his name is lamar jackson do i want that information i don't know i know do you even have room in your brain for all that in between all the zara no can we do front page news i'm really excited yeah let's

because we have some crazy shit going on. Wait, I also just saw the craziest Instagram post and I have no idea if this is true or not, but Craig like sent it to me. I also like that Craig is your front page news intern and he sends us tips. Yeah.

Super helpful. He was like, oh my God, look at this. Yeah. Add him to the payroll. It said that Drake is getting... I don't even know if this is out in the real universe yet. That some Instagram model is trying to sue Drake because listen to this story. So he meets this girl.

They're vibing, whatever. They go up to his hotel room. They're like smoking weed with each other. He like very consensually asks her if she wants to have sex. They're doing foreplay. Great. He goes in. She like agrees. Yes. He goes into the bathroom. He puts a condom on. He comes out of the bathroom. They have sex. He comes inside the condom. He goes back into the bathroom. He throws the condom away. Okay. Okay.

She goes into the bathroom. She takes the condom. She's trying to put, like, drip it into her vagina. All of the sudden, it starts burning.

And she's screaming. And he comes in and he's like, what are you doing? And she's like, you know, caught in the act. And he's like, I put hot sauce in every condom that I use because it kills the sperm. And you're trying to like get pregnant. How crazy. And she's trying to sue him for like putting hot sauce in the condom. But like crazy. That's the craziest story you've ever heard.

I have to unpack so much of this. So after he comes, he then has like one of those mini hot sauce things that like Beyonce has in his bag swag. He must.

You know, those little cute ones. Yes. And tiny Tabasco. But how is it not like a little red colored? Or why doesn't he just flush it down the toilet? Unless he does that to see how crazy certain girls are. That is so fucked up. But then also for her to tell the story and own up to her doing that.

And also, like, your vagina's fine. Like, you've put probably weirder stuff on your vagina. Yeah, I mean, you're gonna have a UTI, but, like, who hasn't? You know? Who hasn't? Wait, did I tell you how I had my first UTI with Craig? Oh, my God. Are you okay? I'm okay. But, I mean, it was totally my fault, obviously.

And I just like didn't pee. But what I mean by like having my first UTI with Craig is like I'm a psychopath when I have a UTI. Like I scream. I freak out. Like I am in so much pain. And usually it makes people really uncomfortable. Yeah.

And he went into CVS for me, went to the aisle I told him to, got the pills that I needed and like checked on me, made me drink water, went into the grocery store, got real cranberry juice and was like, I will drink it with you because it tastes so bad. And we're passing it back and forth.

Like, if I wasn't in so much pain, I, like, would have really loved the moment. Wait, so you bonded over a UTI? Yeah. And he was like, I'm so sorry. And I was like, it's not you. He felt bad. He felt so bad. He was like, well, why didn't you pee? And I was like, I'm tired. I know.

It's so funny how when you're comfortable, peeing seems like the most challenging thing in the world. Well, I'm happy that you guys went through that difficult time together. And I feel like you've come out stronger. Yeah, I just and I didn't have any of my eukora stuff. I need to like keep eukora stuff in Charleston. Okay, the next front page news story is...

The Julia Fox thing. How crazy. Did you see the photo shoot? Okay, so what did you know about Julia Fox before? Nothing. I had no idea. I had to look her up. And I'd never seen the movie that she's... That movie, Uncut Gems. Uncut Gems. I didn't see it either because apparently it was like super stressful. Yeah, so I didn't know her. She did that paper magazine shoot with Pete Davidson where they look like Barbie dolls, which is just, I think, coincidence. Yeah.

Imagine going on a second date and having a photographer around the whole time and then you're getting asked. It was almost like she played an NBA basketball game and afterwards they were like, so how'd it go? How'd you perform? How was he? How are you feeling? But it's also funny because that's what Kanye wanted. Imagine a girl goes on a second date with Kanye and writes a whole article about it immediately. You'd be thirsty, but he definitely was all about it. Also, the way that everyone is connected is so fucking weird because

Honestly, I feel like being an A-list celebrity is just going to a really small high school because... For sure. Okay, so Julia Fox did that photo shoot with Pete Davidson. Yeah. Pete Davidson and Kanye kind of used to be friends. Pete has that whole story about how they like all went out to dinner. Now Pete and Kim are dating and...

kanye like does this photo shoot with julia julia follows or miley cyrus follows julia kim kardashian doesn't follow miley cyrus anymore and everyone was saying she was pissed about how much miley was flirting with pete when they did like their new year's eve thing what do you think about that though miley and pete or kim and pete

There's too much going on. It's too much. If you're Miley and you're performing with Pete, like obviously she's going to be a little flirty with him and funny. Like, yeah, that's what they're paid to do. So and also it's like Kim, you're not married to him.

And like Miley's not trying to unless she did something sketchy that we didn't see, which is highly possible. Yeah. She wanted to like, well, yeah, she was in Staten Island with him. Oh, Miley. Yeah. Unless she just showed up. He was probably like, yeah. Yeah. That's I feel like I see them more being like hangout friends. Like, oh, let's get high and like laugh. Also, we don't talk about it. Pete, since he's gotten his teeth done.

it's changed the game but like we haven't spoken about that his his teeth have changed his whole identity um guys are getting into the game i saw that meme where it was like pete davidson looks like beetlejuice if he was alive and i haven't been able to get it out of my head for like a solid two weeks and now that everyone like is obsessed with pete i'm like over it

Yeah, it was like our fun niche thing and it's gone mainstream. I do think we have to discuss Kanye's date with Julia Fox. What the fuck was that?

And like the fact that one of like the quotes from her was like, we were taking pictures in the restaurant and everyone was like cheering us on. If I'm sitting at a restaurant and my waiter can't bring my food over because you're in the middle of a photo shoot, I'm losing my shit. I'm losing it.

I could just she like elbows someone in the face and she's like everyone was like loving it. Kanye's eating people's French fries. It's like people clapped for us. Oh my God. You know that girl on TikTok her it's called Girl Boss Town or like but it's a play on like Girl Boss. Yes. And she does all the things of like what people should do for PR moves.

She did one. She's really good. She did one about Kim's new like Skims line. And she was like, how epic would it be if Kim copied the photo shoot that Kanye and Julia did like with Pete? Could you imagine the drama? It's like a lunchroom drama. But also it's funny you mentioned that A-list celebs are like high school because it's like clearly you're trying to make someone jealous. Yeah.

right it's just like they're not doing it on facebook they're doing it you didn't just like bring someone else to the prom like this is the world you guys are world famous there were like photos of him like straddling her on the floor like i felt like it was a little intrusive i was like is this a soft core porno on their second date like

It's weird even to kiss in front of cameras where he was like lying on her. I'm also not loving that Kanye like girls are like, oh my God, he bought me like an entire hotel room full of clothes. Like, yes, that sounds great. Like I would love that. But also he's low key being like, you can wear anything you own.

Like if you're going to be with me, you're not wearing one piece of clothing that you own. And I just wouldn't like that. If I walked into a date and he looked at me and was like, I have some other clothes you should try on. I'd be like, bitch, what's wrong?

Yeah, right? What's wrong with this outfit? It took me an hour to put this together. What's wrong with this outfit? And he's like, choose any of these other clothes and then dress you like a fucking Barbie doll. It's, I don't know. I feel like it's very objectifying. Absolutely. I could see people being into it, but also it's like, what? I'm not good enough with my outfit from Forever 21? There's a difference between buying me gifts and not letting me wear any of the clothes that I wear. Also, like, I'm not turned on by a guy who...

to create my fashion and like dress me like I'm... I'm not either. Like imagine if Craig was just obsessed with like putting together your outfit. No. You'd be like, there's only room for one of us, okay? I can ask Craig a maximum of three questions fashion-wise and then he's like, I don't know. I don't know. And I know my limits.

like these shoes are these ones and then he'll pick but if i go over three questions he's like page i really don't know and i get it and that's the appropriate response he's like i was pretending and i was getting away with it i thought this would just help you move faster but clearly it's not so i don't know also i get embarrassed when people take a photo of me in front of like anyone imagine a whole fucking restaurant watching your photo shoot that is like

prime time like chuginess i don't even that's inappropriate word used for chuggy but if something was inappropriate that's what it is and it's just it's rude like i'm trying to have dinner not have a flash photography in my face giggling in bed brought to you by mattress firm sometimes sleeping next to your boyfriend or girlfriend is the most amazing experience ever it's so lovely to watch them be so peaceful except when they're snoring so loud and i think to myself how

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Also, it's a second date, which is fucking crazy. Like think of second dates you've went on. You don't even know this person. Yeah, they just met in Miami on New Year's. It's like obviously good press, but and that's what all these celebs are thinking about. I mean, it puts her on the map in a type of way. But like in two weeks, if he's with someone else, it's like, look, it's going to hurt. And he's definitely going to be.

Yeah. But I am impressed with the turnaround time of Interview Magazine. Like day of they like had an interview. Yeah. Here's another tip. You never want to be the rebound girl. Like if you're seeing someone and they just got out of a relationship, you don't even want to be the first girl that they had sex with. You do not. But I also think when they if they like you right out of a relationship, they will tell you I need some time and like listen to them. Let them fuck around. Let them go.

And they'll put you in that box in their head of like, oh, like because some people know they'll fall and they just like can't emotionally handle it. So, yeah, respect that when someone says, give me time. Don't wait around for them. Don't wait. There's a it's a very finite amount of time. Yeah. And when they say that, your response also has to be like, oh, yeah, I'm not ready either because it really throws them off.

Even though you've already planned the wedding, you're like, oh, no, I'm not. I'm not ready either. Let's yeah. Let's like do our own thing for a couple of months and then they get in their own head and then they come running and they don't want to lose you. Do not hit them up. Do not check on them. You just let you just let the universe take care of that. Also, I thought Kanye changed his name to ye. Has everyone just ignored it? Yay. Yay. Yay.

Oh my god, Hannah, sometimes I feel like you're literally 45 years old. No, but like everyone keeps calling him Kanye. So like, is everyone just ignoring him? I honestly, I think so. I think people just have started ignoring him. He also like says he's a genius, but like sometimes I feel like he is, but other times I'm like, no, you're just crazy. He's a stable genius. Um,

This also got me thinking because I did a video on TikTok kind of talking about our idea about posting paragraphs in your captions. And people were really into it. Like people were admitting stuff in the comments like this is what I used to do with my toxic ex. Like I totally get it. And it got me thinking about how Khloe Kardashian is.

had posted this long thing on his birthday yeah a long caption and he had been that girl was having his baby or he was yeah that day which is literally was sleeping with her like that week which is fucking crazy but now people are coming back being like justice for jordan have you seen any of these videos yeah the joy all the jordan woods stuff

Because people are saying that it's hypocritical that everyone was quiet when Kylie was with Tyga, Blac Chyna's ex. Yeah, but Kylie wasn't friends with Blac Chyna. That's very different. It wasn't that, but wasn't she friends, Blac Chyna was friends with like Kim and Khloe. Yes, but there's no way you could equate Kylie's relationship with Blac Chyna to what Jordan's was with Kylie.

Chloe. I mean, Jordan lived with Kylie like she lived with the Kardashians. Like, yeah, that was essentially like her older sister, too. Yeah. I'm pretty split on the Jordan thing. Do I think that she should have been ridiculed as much as she was? No, but I think what Jordan did was fucked up. But also, I don't know the true story. Like she kind of made it sound like he kissed her and then she kind of like pushed him away. And that was that.

But then also she said it wasn't just a kiss. Like, it was kind of tongue. Yeah, and, like, there were also reports that, like, his leg... His hand was, like, on her leg, like, all... The whole night. And, like...

Dude, you know what you're doing also? Like, I don't know. That's just like a sticky situation. I'm going to say it's never one person's fault. And in that moment, I feel like Khloe wished that she was like, Jordan, not cool. Tristan, not fucking cool. Yeah. I mean, I think they're both to blame. Yeah.

Because you're because if you're in a relationship like that and you're so worried about every other girl, the last thing you need to be worried about are also girls close to you. But like you shouldn't be in a relationship like that anyway, if you're worried about every other girl on the street, because if they want to cheat, they're going to do it. It doesn't matter who it's with.

Well, then people were arguing that he was like wanting to get caught. Like they were friends at that party. Also, it's like a Valentine's. It was Valentine's Day through party. Chloe wasn't there. I don't even know if they were technically together at that point. He just he is a sex addict. He's wild. He's wild. He doesn't give a shit. Chaotic. No, he has no empathy. That's a sociopath. Yeah. Yeah. So...

So that's our deep dive. Best of luck to Khloe moving forward. Best of luck to Kanye making Kim jealous. We love a petty bitch. Love. Love. We're all just eating our popcorn watching this play out. The reality show hasn't even come out yet and we're already watching it. And I do think, though, there's something to be said about those couples that stay in the private eye like Angelina Jolie and The Weeknd.

Nothing. Oh, quiet. What do you think about that? I love it. I love it. I think I'm so here for it. I do think The Weeknd is great taste in women. Like he was with Selena. He was with Bella. And I think there's something like weird about him that I feel like I'd like. Like I feel like he's quirky. I like that they're being quiet. I feel like it's them protecting something. Yeah, they're both two very famous people who...

don't care about being famous they love their like art their art yeah yeah like she loves being an actress he loves being a singer like but they love that industry and the fame just happens to come with it but they don't really care about it we love and i think j-lo and ben are somewhere just coming up with their next stunt yeah i'm just like i'm not here for it anymore

I know. And I love her. I really do. If I could be here, I would. But like, I'm just not here for it. It's almost making it's almost bringing her brand down. And guys, this goes back to our mental health moment. Decenter yourself from men. Men are not the goal. They are not the win. No, you do you boo.

They're stupid. Anything. With that said, thank you guys so much for giggling with us. We have shows coming up in L.A., Seattle, San Francisco. Check our link in the bio for Instagram and then we're going to be announcing East Coast shows soon. Yes, we can't wait. Thank you for giggling with us today. See you next time. Love you. Bye. Bye.