Giggling about bad kisses, good vaginas, and coconut oil
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I mean, the day just got away from me. Welcome to Giggly Squad, mother effers. We have another episode of Giggly Squad. How are you, Paigeie? I'm good. How are you? I feel like we have so much to talk about. I keep writing things down. Like, oh my God, I must, must bring this up with Hannah. I know it's going to be intense because we have this like

In notes, you can have a little group note, like share the note, and Paige keeps adding to our Giggly Squad note, which means shit's about to get real. But I think we should start with advice today. Yeah, let's do it. This is a good one. Okay. How do you make your man a better kisser? Dude, leave. Oh my God. What's her name? Oh wait, no, we shouldn't blow this girl up because- Yeah, don't blow this girl up. She's a boyfriend. Oh my God.

Oh, God. Her boyfriend's like, interesting. Interesting. So have you ever dated a guy who's a bad kisser? Um, no.

I don't think I have. Does that mean that you're the bad kisser? Fuck you, Hannah. I'm just kidding. I've dated guys who are bad kissers. And like, okay, wait, you've dated guys like this is my boyfriend. He's a bad kisser or like we're on like a fling. Like this is like we've hooked up a few times. I dated one guy who was a bad kisser who was my boyfriend.

And did you ever say anything to him? So his form of bad, because, you know, you have a bunch of weird drunk kisses where you're like, oh, like that was disgusting. Like he tastes like cigarettes or like he's just like his mouth is covering your mouth. Like I think we've all been there and like a drunken rage. But this guy would not use tongue. OK. And it's not that he wouldn't use tongue in like a sexy way. It's like he would kind of open his mouth.

Like where we should use tongue. And then I was just searching down a rabbit hole for nothing. Like I would like go to meet a tongue and nobody was home. I'm not a huge tongue person. I'm like a little...

You know, like, you're making out and then, like, you, like, touch tongues a little bit. But then there's, like, when you're, like, really going at it, then, like, you know, there's, like, certain times where it's, like, acceptable. Well, as your boyfriend, like, I should, our tongues should touch at some point. Correct. You know, like. And also, like, you know when you're just fooling around, like, funny kissing with your boyfriend and you're just, like. I love, like, when you have a boyfriend. Wow, I'm, like, so single right now. I love. Yeah.

I love when you have a boyfriend and they're like trying to annoy you and they just like lick you and you're like oh my god ew but deep down you're like I'm obsessed with you that's so funny because I'm that person in a relationship where I annoy the shit out of my boyfriend and I just like I'll like take a lamb or like put my tongue in his ear and he'll be like stop anyway yeah I don't think

think I'm lonely I just think I'm I'm I want to annoy someone like I miss annoying someone you know I miss someone being like can you shut up do I like him or do I just need to annoy him yeah I love annoying men but I do think with this girl yeah the bad kisser the advice I have first of all I also you know guys who kiss too fast and aggressive and like you know when you just want that like when a guy kisses soft yeah

It's the... It's like, that's how men kiss. This is the thing. I've read this before because I was Googling it when I dated that guy. And they're like, say... Don't say, I don't like when you kiss this way. Say...

I like when you kiss this type of way, but he's never kissed that type of way. So if I said that he'd know I'm lying. I can't be like, I love when you kiss with your tongue. You have to be like in the moment, like making out and do something subtle, like, Oh, go slower. Or like, yeah, like be like, Oh, let, like, let me feel your tongue. Like put your tongue in my mouth. You have to say it like in a sexual way. That's like, do it like, like,

Like there's no emotion behind it. Like it doesn't look like you've been thinking about it and talking shit on podcasts about it. Just like, oh, I like that. Like put your tongue in my mouth more. Yeah. You have to do it. You have to trick them. Dating is really all about tricking men into thinking they're smarter and they're goddamn idiots. Yeah.

I actually think at one point I like kind of got annoyed and I was like, can you kiss with tongue? Like I did it the worst way. And he was just like, what? And I was like, what? And he like got pissed off and I'm like, oh, you're mad. And it like became a fight. And that's how you know it's not right. But I do think also the sex wasn't good.

So I believe that kissing is equivalent. Like their kissing game is going to definitely give you hints to their thick game. One thousand and ten percent, except there are those few times where you're totally blindsided. That it's like really bad. Yeah.

You're like, wait, but we had such good chemistry making out and now I'm unclear on what you're doing. What do you think are the biggest mistakes guys make in bed? They try and go too fast. Well, yeah, they try to jackhammer you like you're a construction site. Yeah, like chill out. I know we're not here for a long time. We're here for a good time, but like...

Take it slow. I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere. Also, everyone has their own likes and dislikes. And as you get older, like if you're in your early 20s, I get it. You like still swallow and stuff and you just do what guys want. Isn't that adorable? It's adorable. Or remember swallowing? Bro. It's adorable. I love it.

Mom, mom, fast forward through this part. Now I do this thing where it's like, oh my God, I didn't notice. I didn't know you were about to. And it's like in my hand. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Fuck off. You try swallowing that bullshit. Oh my God. Disgusting. I'm proud of like bushy eyed, bright eyed Hannah in college. Just a go getter. Just a real go getter.

Never start off with that because then he starts expecting it. And then next thing you know, it can't be good for you. It's just calories you don't need. Remember when guys were like, no, like there was like a time in your life when they're like, no, it's really good for you. Like helps you lose weight and like all this shit. No, they said it's good for your skin. It clears acne. I've tried everything. I know for a fact that that's not one of the things that helps me. I feel like Kim K would come out with a line. She's like, it's good for you.

it's a potency of Ray J's sperm. It made me famous and just put it on your skin for two years and just watch your whole family become famous on a reality show. And your whole face and body type will change as well.

But yeah, long story short, I feel like also kissing, it's not like people are amazing kissers or bad kissers necessarily. It's like chemistry between two people. It's a thousand percent chemistry. Yeah. And then there's just some people who you're like, what went wrong when you were younger? The Alyssa Ryan asked, how do you deal with catty co-workers? So when someone's being catty...

You'd think like, okay, just complain, like tell on her. But it's not like that. You can't go to the boss and be like, Sarah's being annoying because in their head they're like, well, Hannah's starting drama that wasn't there. So to deal with a caddy coworker, you can't just tell on them. I would say you start...

going around and figuring out if other people think that co-worker is catty this is what i do but it's not good first of all you're gonna want to gossip with every single one in the office you're gonna want to get everyone against this one girl test the temperature out you know yeah like see if

If other people are as annoyed as you are, because then you actually use her to bond with other coworkers and be like, if Jessica talks about how smart her child is one more time. You worked in an office. Yeah. And I worked in some caddy offices. Yeah. You worked in probably like the most caddy.

Of offices. Yeah. So you have to kind of figure out who else hates the person you hate and then just like use it as a bonding experience and turn it into laughter. Never get into a public altercation. And just like whenever they speak, just roll your eyes. And it's just part of working in an office. If you liked everyone, that would be called laughter.

euphoria and that's not a thing and that's a made-up show on hbo um you love i i love euphoria

I'm trying to think like my office experience and I worked in an office and it was like when I started Front Page News and I could tell that there were certain girls in the office like talking about Front Page News and like how embarrassing it was for me because I had like 3,000 followers. And now I would like to send all of them Front Page News sweatshirts. I know what you would do. You're just like quiet and then when you have to address the person, you get their name wrong.

Or as your mom would say, just forget their name. Like be in a meeting and be like, oh my God, this is so embarrassing. What's your name again? I'm so sorry. And they're like, I've worked here for eight years. And you're like, the way I would deal with it was like, I could tell when girls were talking about me or being like catty or whatever. And I can be the pettiest of petty, but also I'm so sensitive. So like I can think of the petty things in my head, but also like I'm crying on the inside that you're being so mean to me. Yeah.

So I think the best advice is to honestly just ignore the fuck out of them. Yeah. You're like not relevant in my life. And you don't have to be like mean ignore just like you have other stuff on your mind. Yeah. Like you're just like quick with them. And if they try and talk to you, you're like, what? Yeah. Like, of course, I'm so busy. Like and you have to be short. Just like we say with boys. Do not let them distract you from your ultimate goal, which is doing a good job at work. I have an interesting one. OK. Yeah.

From Grace Olivia. My boyfriend is a jewel fiend and I hate him slash when he does it. Slap him, not care, help. Help. Bro, shut the fuck up. Let him do what he wants. Sorry. Dude, oh my God. Okay, I can't with this one because like if I want to hit my jewel, I'm gonna do it. Can I tell you this is a secret? Are you giving the boyfriend advice now? Uh-huh.

I hit a jewel for 1.5 years from my ex-boyfriend. He never knew that I had it, kept it in my bag, would hit it when we were out in the bathroom, would run to the bathroom. My girlfriends would be like, you have a jewel? And I'd be like, I never gave it up like he thought I did. So boom. And it only made me more pissed. Like, let me be myself and like, I'll quit when I want to quit. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's less. Don't go at the jewel necessarily because that'll just piss them off and make them feel like you're being controlling. And also they're addicted. Like it's not like right. Like it's an addiction, ma'am. Yeah, we're trying out here. We're literally trying out here. So I think what you do is be like, hey, I feel like the jewel is a vice for something else. Like, are you stressed about something? And the truth is addiction is like an after effect of stress.

I've also quit so many times. Like you have to do it in like a strategic way. You can't just go cold turkey and like throw it out the window. Like it really doesn't work. You're going to freak out. So if you go up to him and you're like, look, like I just, I'm worried about your health. Like this is horrible for you. Like also you're at high risk. If you get COVID, like you're on a ventilator, you know, like you're dying.

Be like, I will like do it with you. Like, let's cut it down to half the amount of times you smoke in a day. Don't get the girlfriend addicted too. No, but I'm saying like, I will like go through it with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it an empathetic thing because then if you're kind of a dick about it, then every time he goes for his jewel, it's going to cause tension in your relationship. Yeah. So I think more so being like just caring, be like, I totally get it's hard and understanding because... And also like he could be doing his...

heroin so consider yourself lucky wow that was one of the wisest thing you've ever said you should be a doctor but also guys drooling is bad for you and you shouldn't do it however if you're addicted get help let's do one more okay i love these oh oh my god this one is so good i always pick the inappropriate ones but i think they're more fun i love that they're funny is sexting with no pics with a guy you've never met a bad idea this is from nina no why

I'm not a huge picture person in general just because I always knew I was going to be famous one day. So I just I'm not a picture person. Have I sent a picture to like a boyfriend, like a full boyfriend? Yes. But someone I just met and like, no, I've never sent a vagina pic to a boyfriend. There's no way of making that like cute. Face tuning your vagina. Yeah.

that's when I really hit rock bottom and I'm like let me just clear this up here we need to talk about the J Alvarez sex tape because I was so yeah we have a sex tape conversation coming up but we're just preparing you right now do not ever send a picture of your vagina and also if you are sexting with someone and you haven't met like it's fine we're in a pandemic what else are you gonna do and like if you're gonna send a pic girl just crop

your head out also make him work for it a little because then it's just not as hot also yeah i think words are the best because it's all about teasing and it's also just good practice there's also this thing called um like sexy gifs real like you can tell that i've never heard of this before i forget what the website is but i have them all like on my phone

And they're just like GIFs of people Like doing things But it's like sexy But it's not like Oh my god This is like porn It's not porn I mean it like is But like it's not But like okay So in what context Would you send one of these GIFs These sex GIFs Like if you're texting sexually And he keeps asking you For a picture And you're just like Kind of The way I deal with that Is I just like ignore that text Like I act like

you didn't ask me for that and i go to like the next thing and then i see how many times they keep asking and then i just send like a gif and i'm like oh like this and they like get they're literal like mice because they get distracted by like the next piece of cheese and they're like oh my god yeah that's exactly what i want to do and then you just start sending gifs back and forth and then you they don't even realize they trick them out of getting a picture

That's actually smarter than what I do, which when a guy asks for a pic, there's like one token photo of a cat with its legs out. Yeah.

so it's like kind of like sending a pussy and they're always they always get mad when i send it but i personally think it's so funny but you're like i'm a woman of comedy so this is who i am what did you expect it's a fun pun we're having fun it's a sex pun go to sexpun.com anyway let's get into can we please talk about the sex tape let's just go into front page news because i was unaware of this but pages vary in with the young tiktokers

Okay, so I have like in the beginning of quarantine, I was in a huge TikTok hole and I've recently rediscovered it. And I was like, why did I stop watching TikTok? Like I fucking love TikTok.

So I kept seeing all this thing about like Jay Alvarez and like coconut oil and I had no idea who he was. So I did my front page news due diligence and I googled everything. He is a travel blogger who used to date Alexis Ren and he made a sex tape that was leaked but like obviously he put it out. I think Alexis Ren dated Noah Centineo. Yes, she did. Timothy Chevrolet and Noah Centipede. Noah Centipede is such a good one.

I refuse to call these little kids by their real names.

I would be such a dick teacher. If you're under 30, we shall not call you by your real name. Noah Centipede, don't you have a group project to finish? Stop looking so hot. It's making the teacher uncomfortable. Noah's voice is what really gets me. Okay, so he makes a sex tape with his model girlfriend. And I love a celebrity sex tape. I love to see what's going on. So me and my friend were laying in bed and she was like, we need to watch this sex tape. So we pull it up.

It's filmed exactly like his YouTube videos. I have so many thoughts. First of all, I need to know who was filming it. And like, did they cut? Did they break? How long was the filming? I haven't watched that many celebrity sex tapes because they're really hard to find online. But like, I remember the Kim K one. I remember the Paris Hilton one. And it's very homemade. It's very like the guy's perspective. Kim K's was very homemade. This was cinematography.

Oscar award winning Background music Transitions Angles Transitions Outfit changes Also can I please say something It was definitely sponsored by that coconut oil company Because he turned the To see which coconut company To the camera 1000% Also another question Why Missy Elliott I can never watch Mean Girls again Can't ever watch that scene again

Two, how did he know the exact temperature to heat up that coconut oil? That wouldn't cause third degree burns or would just be like slippery. Three, immediate UTI. All I could think of was if this bitch does not pee immediately after this, UTI. Absolutely. Yeast infection, the whole thing. Like, oh my God.

And my final thing is, did she go into the doctor and say, hey, you know how like Barbie dolls don't have vaginas? Do that. And he was like, say less. Like her vagina was non-existent. Okay. So that's very interesting because you sent me like that little clip or whatever. It was kind of small and I couldn't see a lot. But all I know is there was a cut of her vagina that was a literal tiny line. Like a slit. It was like a slit. Yeah.

And at one point I was like, mine doesn't look like that. You said she looked like a literal Barbie doll. And then when he's pouring the coconut oil and it's like dripping down her, I'm just like... Doesn't coconut oil like harden if you heat it too much? I don't know. But like...

look i watched it over 10 times i have it screen recorded on my phone like because some of my friends like couldn't find the video and i was like say less i have it how old are these kids they're young i think what got me though is like it's all like hot hot hot and then he takes the coconut oil turns it to the camera shows the brand and then continues and i'm like i can't

The girl that was asking advice about sexting, I'll text you the screen record of the video. Just send this back to your dude. I feel like if you're not down for this. You're actually spreading this video on the black market right now. I am. I'm like, oh, you can't find it anymore on Pornhub? I got it. It's saved in my phone. So what do you think actually happened for these kids to do this fully produced sex show? I think that OnlyFans is just becoming such a thing. And I think he was just like,

This will blow up. Like, why would we not do this? They obviously have no shame. I guess it's easy for a guy and the girl was like down and she knew she'd get famous and her body's hot. Her body is so hot. Her boobs are like a bit much for me. Yeah, they're very fake. But I do have to say for people listening, just because for some reason society decided that like a nice vagina means you don't have one. Yeah.

Right Like that's not okay And like so many guys Like first of all Every vagina looks different And so many guys Actually want like More vagina Like do you remember when I felt like such a feminist Watching it I was like Unrealistic Unrealistic Trigger What are you doing To our children Trigger warning

Wasn't Leah from Real Housewives of New York that said something about her fat pussy? Ew, I hate that term. I've never heard that term. But we need to make fat pussies...

like acceptable i'm never saying that i've never said it either i'm never saying those two words and i say a lot of stuff and i've never said fat pussy but it's like it just oh my god i can't no i can't wait i actually remember some guy said something about a fat pussy and i said what is a fat pussy and he was like it just means it's like

Juicy? I don't know. But the point is, is there's a lot of kind of pussies out there that all men love. So just if your vagina is not a slit, it's not the end of the world. No, it's not the end of the world. One time I was at a dinner. This is recent. I was at a dinner with a bunch of my guy friends and they were talking about this one girl that they had like, I don't know. So one of them had sex with her or something. And the one guy goes, you know, like you can like see her vagina. You know what I mean? And I go, no.

Absolutely do not, sir. Like, I absolutely do not know what you mean. He's like, you know, like, you can see it when she's, like, on all fours. And I'm like, again? Not picking up what you're putting down. Like, I have no idea. So, like, moral of the story, everyone looks different. Everyone's beautiful. Yeah.

Just don't send a picture of your vagina. Yeah, just don't send a picture of it. However, like, learn to love your labia lips. That's what I have to say. Make that labia clap. Clap those labia lips. Oh, my God. Paige, you're not supposed to say, oh, that was bad. Yeah, but, like, so anyway, I love Jay Alvarez. How was his dick? It was wild. It was amazing. And, like...

The whole coconut oil thing, you know, not my vibe because, like, I do get UTIs very easily. But, like, he was choking her and it was, like, they had transitions. They were in the shower. Like...

it was just you know as well thought out and i would love to see the behind the scenes of that like i'd love to be like al it went in my eye he's okay we're going to shower now and she's like well is my hair gonna go wet yeah like i'd love to see the scene cut up where it was like okay scene one shower if you could pull around here like you know like how did they do everything like i'm telling you it wasn't actually sexy how it was done like i know what it's like to just do like a one minute

comedy video it's a nightmare so for them to do like a full on sex scene yeah did he orgasm at the end

I don't know if they show that. I also have to say to any girl who feels upset if their guy watches porn, do not at all. I never understand that, why girls would feel upset. Because I recently saw a guy's process. I was like, if you're going to pick a porn video, which one would you watch? And he was like, what? And I was like, which one would you pick? And he was like,

literally anything I can get off on anything and then I realized like oh my god there's literally like it's so like girls I'm like I have to feel like she's safe

I have to feel like she likes it. I feel like he, I need to do a background check on him because I don't want him to like have any kind of weird, I want to know his stance on abortion. You know, it's like funny. Like people are always like guys think about like having sex all the time and girls are like, no, like we do too. Like we definitely do too. Like I think about it a lot too. Like if I'm on a date or like whatever guys think about it,

So much more. Like, so much more. I think it's because they have this thing, like, I forget about my vagina. Yeah, I forgot about it. The only time you remember your vagina is when you have a UTI or when you're, like, hooking up and you're like, oh, it's starting to have a heartbeat. Like, but otherwise it's dead. When she gets a UTI, I'm like, why are you doing this to us? Like, you're punishing me for something and I'm like, I get it. Like, I shouldn't have done that to you.

But like I'm trying here. It's hard out here. I'm trying. Like even when you're peeing, that's not from your vagina. Some people think it is. It's from your pee hole. Like your vagina literally is just like doing her own thing as long as she's not like inflamed.

But guys have this swinging physical thing that's hitting them and like a little wind causes it to like get hot. Like it's just a whole monster that I just think they're way more aware of. And then they're always thinking of places they could put it in. My favorite thing is like knowing you turned a guy on without like doing anything. Like one time I was hanging out with this guy and we were like with a bunch of his friends. We were on the couch or something.

and i don't know something happened he was like i know i can't stand up and i was like the best compliment i think i've ever gotten trying to be sexy yeah like i wasn't doing anything he's like i gotta wait a second like i can't stand up i go i literally asked you what you wanted to eat do you remember the first time you witnessed a boner live and live in color like saw like an actual penis or like noticed that like a guy was getting hard i was in central park

I just want to set up my story. I was like, okay, I wasn't really asking you. Yeah. You're like, shut the fuck up. I was in Central Park. No, but I was in Central Park with my like 17 year old boyfriend. Cause I was a prude y'all. And we were like kissing.

And I remember kind of feeling it when we were standing, like while we were kissing and being so embarrassed for him. Yeah. Oh, my God. I feel so bad. He is like, I literally thought it was the most embarrassing thing ever. And then I also looked to my left and there was a hobo jerking off. Oh, my God. You think that's what got him hard? But that's the most New York City story. I have to say. So New York City. I don't think I remember. Like you're just trying to have a romantic moment. And then like, of course, you're like.

I also have like the worst memory ever I was on the phone with my best friend from high school last night and she was like talking about some something that happened in high school and I was like I have no recollection of any of this so like I don't even remember I couldn't tell you the first time I like you're like I've had so many boners in my face I don't have so many boners like thrown my way I just I can't keep them all track

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Okay, what's next on Front Page News? We're having, like, a very sexual podcast today. Let's talk about Red Table Talk. Oh, my God. Dude. Okay, first of all, Jada Pinkett Smith. I don't know what it is about her, but I'm obsessed with her. I love her, like...

silver hair. Right? Like, who could pull that off? She looks like a superhero. A full superhero. And it's, like, super short. Her eyes are insane. Her mother does not age. Oh, you made me laugh so hard. They are aliens. They don't age. They look...

Stunning. No, they're aliens. How often does her mom go on that show? There's always the three of them. Okay, it's always the three of them. I haven't watched it that much. And I'm also going to admit, I watched the mom questioning if they should have Olivia Jade on.

And then I like saw a little clip of Olivia Jade talking and it was like too cringe worthy for me. But give me the goods. What happened? So, okay. So when I first started watching it, Jada Pinkett Smith was like, we're having Olivia Jade on. We want, she wants to tell her side of the story. And what is her mom's name? I don't even know what her name is, but I just keep calling her Jada Pinkett Smith's mom. Yeah. So her mom was very against it. And she said her points on why she was against it. And I like totally,

totally agreed with her but then I totally agreed with Jada Pinkett Smith that's why red table talk is so good Jada was like we can't treat her the way we don't want to be treated but I think big picture the mom was like we shouldn't have why should we give Olivia Jada platform the mom was like why would this girl want to come on a show with three black women like does she think like is she doing this for a reason just to be like oh

oh, I'm like an ally and like this isn't. Exactly. You know, like she thought that she had malicious intentions behind it. And I totally see that side. Yes. Because it's like, why? Oh, we have this platform and now you want to use us. Because it's like if she could win them over, then it's like, then she's good. Because she took scholarships, basically, from people who actually could have

Hard working people Who could have earned Like who could have Actually known how to row Right Or actually gotten the grades But it's also funny to think Cause you're like How guilty is Olivia Jade And like I watched it First of all I think she just She just Dumb Like she didn't know

I don't think she knew Okay okay okay okay She knew But it's like You know how your parents Are gods When you're growing up Like whatever they say Goes So I totally understand This is not the first time They've pulled some bullshit like this She's gotten into everything She's ever wanted That's just how their family is That's what privilege is She didn't know that there was Anything wrong with it Like if you have money Why would you not pay for Your child to go to school But like when you're doing The rowing machine Did you not feel like A little weird Right like this is like weird

Yeah, they didn't even bring that up. I like forgot about that. But I think I grew up in a town where it wasn't like that affluent. But there were people with like money. And I know multiple people that put in a library so that their girl could go, their daughter could go to whatever school. Yes, I guess there's like... My parents were like, you're stupid and we're not rich. So like, good luck. And I was like, cool.

Her thing is, like, what they did was fraud. And I do think that instead of her just, like, going on a show and, like, having those people tell her what she did wrong and be like, I'm sorry. Like, I want her to take action. Like, what she should do is create a fucking, like, charity for scholarships for students in need. Like, I want that kind of action. That's, like, what I want to see from Stassi. Like, instead of just being like, oh, now I know I fucked up. Like, show action. Like, show, like... And I feel like Jada was, like, very much on that side, too. She was like, you know, look, like...

You were unconscious. You didn't know that this was a thing. And we get it because you lived in a bubble. And now you know. And...

you know, just because you do have money or you have an affluent family, like you're it, that doesn't always mean you're going to be okay. Like my kids are super rich and my daughter had depression. Like it, that means nothing. Cause the grandmother kept being like, no matter what happens, she'll be fine. And Jada was like, but she might not be. And like, wouldn't it be great if we could help her? Wow. I know you like, you love what the mom was saying, but then Jada would say something even better. And you were just like, damn, like I see that too.

that too and jada's so smart yeah and i'm just like watching them and i'm like i'm obsessed with but jada's point was like don't stereotype this girl as just this like white rich right privileged person because you wouldn't want them to stereotype you as like some kind of black person and look if i had a huge scandal and i had to like go and tell my side you better believe i want to go on red table talk i feel like it's like i would feel safe

you know like i feel like people would listen to me but they were hard on her huh they were hard on her but in like the correct way yeah you know like had to be said and well stassi went on do you remember when stassi went on what's that woman's name tamron hall and that went bad left that one why do you think tamron hall was different than going on like a red table talk it's a different format it's a different setting tamron hall is like

a reporter. Yeah. And she, Tamron Hall was more just like making a point, like making her own story where Red Table Talk is more of a discussion and open. But I also think you have to think big picture. Like if Olivia Jade helped Red Table Talk get a bunch of views, good for them. But it's like a thin line between

Like, do you feel afterwards that she's forgiven? Absolutely not. But I think it was... It was like, look, this girl was 19 years old. Her parents said, hey, we're paying for you to do this. Take this picture. Like, you're going to get into school. Everything will be fine. Everyone does this. Like, I think she really was just so unconscious that it was wrong. Like, she didn't know. If your parents don't tell you something and you never know... Like...

And that's what the grandmother was saying. She was like, yeah, but you have the news. Like, you knew this shit was wrong. And Olivia was like, but, like, I just didn't. Like, I really didn't know. And I feel so stupid for not knowing. So I think, like, the acknowledgement of that was huge. And she was like, and I'm not done, like, learning. Like, I'll never really know what it's like to be black or what it's like to not have, like, a –

foot in the door already when she was saying like how she has been volunteering with like children and all these charities. And I just think that she needs to admit that she knew she was getting over on people. Yeah. Like you had to know that you were cutting a corner.

I think she knew she was cutting a corner, but I don't think she knew that it was wrong. I thought she, I think she just thought like everyone who has money can do stuff like this. Yeah. Like if you have money, why can't you do this? You know, she, cause she kept being like, my parents worked their whole lives to like give us this life. Like, why would we not use certain advantages? And it's like,

Right, but that's wrong. It's like, yeah, and kids work their whole lives to get into USC legitimately. Mm-hmm. Wow. Very, very interesting. Also- Very interesting. If you think about it, Olivia Jade was kind of like-

the first like gen xer who was like really famous like of the younger generation she's never like she hasn't been able to take advantage of the whole like tiktok movement because she would have probably been huge on tiktok and stuff but but she had like a makeup line at sephora oh my god her youtubes were huge she was crushing it on her own but um and she's gorgeous she looked so good i feel like she looked like she had fillers and she was like

Interesting. And you guys, I'm not saying anything bad about Phyllis. Yeah, but you're like, she's like a child. She's 19. I don't know if she did. I think her face is literally just like that shape. Like huge fat cheekbones. Yeah, I think that's just what she looks like. Because I've watched her older videos and she looks the same. Interesting. Her outfit was so good though. She just looks like a 19 year old. I mean, she has no wrinkles. Yeah, I was like, she's fresh out of the womb, Hannah. Like,

You're like, something's fishy about her skin. It's super clear. No wrinkles. I'm like, okay. Anyway, I did not look that way in my teens. Let's continue. What's next on Pro Page News? Okay. We've all been waiting for it. We want to know why Kelly Clarkson's getting a divorce. Yes. Hannah, you're going to love this story because I feel like you love juicy shit, especially if it has to do with you're not taking my money, bitch. Okay. Okay.

Kelly Clarkson's husband and his father were acting as their man as her manager and taking so much money from her. And finally she was like, dude, this is insane.

He basically was taking fees from her for like the last 13 years that were like astronomical and doing things illegally as her representation when like he's not her agent. And he started to just get super, super greedy. And she's like, I'm not like I'm not paying this. So now she's been. Yes. Her husband and his father. Oh, my God. But it's but it's weird. So it means like they probably had separate finances and he was just like,

as much as he could. So they're the member. So her husband and his father are members of it's called Starstruck Management. And they Clarkson is accusing them of fraud and illegal services because I guess there are some like laws in California on like what you can do as an agent, what you can do as a manager, because like people take advantage of certain people. So they're saying that Clarkson owes them one point four million dollars. Yeah.

And she's like, first of all, none of these contracts are like legal because you're not actually an agent and you're trying to act like you were my agent and I'm represented by CAA. Like get out of here. So she's trying to get them to pay her back money that she's paid them and like not pay whatever. And he's asking like an astronomical amount for like monthly spousal support. And this guy.

He's loaded. He's Reba McEntire's son. Like, dude, he's loaded. Like, get out of here. I'm sorry. I cannot with this because back then, men loved to call women like gold diggers and all this stuff. When it's like, first of all, okay, maybe the man was making the money, but the woman was like holding down the family and the whole house. So nowadays, women are making money and now men are doing nothing.

worse we're like you're not even taking care of the kids in the house let's i mean i'm stereotyping but i'm pretty sure this guy doesn't sound like a fucking rose petal and then they're chasing the women for the money when it also took so much more for these women to make their money than these fucking spoiled fucking men born out of a successful woman's vagina with strong ass labia

So I was talking to a group of my guy friends. This is actually a couple weeks ago, but I just thought of it. I don't know how we even got on the subject. And one of them said, would you feel comfortable with your wife making more money than you? And I immediately answered like, dude, what? Yeah. Like we're in the same household. Like it's all going to the same place. Like why not? And most of my guy friends said no.

They said, no, we wouldn't. I would feel super insecure. I don't know if I could deal with that. And I literally looked at them and was like, what a fucking pussy. Like, are you kidding? And Paige. Get out of here. That's why me and you were single for a bit. Because I'm just like, what? Just a bit. Just a bit. Please don't put that energy on me. Just a bit. Just a bit. But.

because when you're i mean i think that's why i've been into an older man because he's actually confident he's had his career and i joke i go i'm your sugar mama now and he goes good i want to play golf and relax in a hot tub well you make that money and like he gets so excited when i get a deal or something and like we that's the energy i want in this family unless you're

homeless and i'm dating you then like i'm probably gonna have a problem but like if you also have a job and you're working but i just happen to make more money than you like oh okay it also is so healthy in terms of like decision making like when you go shopping for something if you don't make any money in the family it's like kind of awkward to be like well can we get this can we when you're making your own money and he knows you are equal with him or more then you're like i want this

Do you have a point? Do you want to argue? Also, Francis Ellis and who's the other guy? Julio. We love Julio. I love their podcast. I think it's hilarious. Oh my God. We should have them on. We should do like a double double. No, like we literally should do some foursome type thing because I think they're okay. Well, that went a little. Sorry. Wait, who would you rather? Who would you rather have sex with Francis or Julio?

They're both taken, but this is just fun for us. So aesthetically, what's his name? Julio. Julio. Is more my type, but I have like a weird thing for Francis. Like there's something about him that I'm just like,

Well, they're two amazing comedians. Oops, the podcast. Check it out. I was on it once. You should definitely go on it. They're so funny. Frances does this thing on Thursdays, like the street sweeper, like Thursday, like alternate parking Thursdays. And I send it to all my friends. I'm like, this guy's hilarious. But they were talking about like if a girl wants...

wanted to pay for half of her engagement ring would you feel comfortable with that interesting and i had to really think about it and francis said fuck yeah why would we not split it and julia was like no i don't think i'd be comfortable with that and i like really sat and thought about this and was like if my future husband couldn't get me the exact ring i wanted but if i gave like

20 grand toward it and I was gonna get what I wanted I would not have a problem with that

wow this is fast which is kind of groundbreaking for me because i'm pretty traditional in that sense but like well imagine he gets as much as he can and you top it off with 15 grand top it off and make it like that much better and just be like damn because also page up until this moment we've bought our own jewelry majority of the time anytime a boyfriend has ever given me a piece of jewelry and we've broken up i've given it back i love that for you you're like i don't need your materialistic

bullshit i don't want to be reminded of your fucking saggy dick um i love when normally people say saggy balls and i just said saggy dick you're like i'm not quite sure what that even is well what's interesting too is if you're about to get proposed to would you be like hey i can try to get like an instagram hookup or is this one of those things that you don't want to deal with that i that i don't think i want to hook up even if they're like oh they'll show the ring on tv or like you'll show it like you're gonna show it anyway and they're like we'll give you 20 off

I've done worse for less. I've done worse for less. Yeah.

Let me see. Tom Girardi's getting, can't catch a break. He's getting another lawsuit from Wells Fargo. He breached a contract and he owes them like over $800,000. And now something happened where he can't, he's saying he's not going to give money to Erica? Yeah, he's like not giving her like the hair monthly, whatever. Also, Erica's just like out here like commenting on Instagram. Just like fine. Like is she okay?

So this is just stirring up plot for, you think, Beverly Hills? I don't know. It seems like a real extreme. I wonder if they just don't cover it at all in Beverly Hills. That would be hilarious. No way they would be able to. Just she, like, fires two of her glam team. There are certain things that you buy every single summer. Sandals, sunscreen, snacks.

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Wait, can we talk about those all the front page news, but like this is going into Bravo. Did you watch the Potomac season finale? Obviously. Oh my God. Okay. Hannah and I watch reality TV very differently now in the past three years, just because like we know the deal when she, when Ashley Darby at the end was running up to the producers and her, what's her husband's name? Mike.

When Michael was like, do you have the right to this footage? I'm going to be like, you fucking idiot. You signed a contract. You know damn sure that they have right to all of this footage. And this is going to be put on the episode because you were acting like a psychopath. And when Ashley's like, they're literally doing their jobs. Michael deserves to be a housewife next season.

Oh my god I think he's the most annoying human on the planet He's earning his paycheck But also this is classic white rich male behavior Being like Oh I'm gonna sue you Oh I'm gonna You can't put that footage Cause I'm gonna get my lawyer on you And it's like You signed a contract Calm down But also she was so embarrassed by him

She's just staying with him for money. She's just like waiting for him to fuck up one more time and then just on to the next. I mean, dude, he can't have that much money that she's sticking around for all this bullshit. Is she kidding? He's apparently really loaded, but apparently they went on a vacation to the Bahamas the next day after that whole. I'll just never understand it. I really I'll never understand it. I feel like I have dated some really wealthy people in my day.

And like, if I can't stand the sound of your voice next, like I got to go. I have no idea how she tolerates him. I don't get how she does it. He is. He has not only like publicly embarrassed her multiple times, but he also treats her like an asshole. Like he just the way he talks to her. I'm like, dude. And also, come on, you're on.

Now, like, she makes enough. She definitely makes enough money to, like, support herself. And, like, what are they doing that's that crazy and that lavish that, like, she's sticking with? No, the point is, is, like, I think she's probably, like. Sorry, he doesn't have a yacht or a private plane. Then, like, get out. Like, what are you doing? I think he does have a private plane. Oh, does he? Okay, then I got it. Just kidding. Yeah.

Oh, shit, you're fine. But that finale was so fucking good. I really wish that Chris, like, punched Michael Darby, not because Michael Darby deserved it, but so that then Candace would get confused and be like, wait, my husband can be violent, but Monique can't. Right. But, like, he did push Michael Darby.

He did like push him like totally. Nothing compared to what Monique did. Can we talk? Can we have an open conversation? Yeah. Team Monique, team Candice. I don't. I'm not like huge fan of either of them, but I have to be team Monique. Interesting. Okay. I agree with you on a level of like.

Candice was in her face. Like, what did you think? You kept like provoking her. You like flicked her hair at one point. No, Monique flicked her hair. Then Candice touched her. Yep. And then that's when it went down. Like, what did you think was going to happen? I think, and like at the end when Monique was like, look, I told you I was going to drag you and that's what I did.

I was like damn and then when when Candice then at the end like I want I don't like not liking her but then at the end when she's like oh what are you gonna do hit me hit me and it's like girl when are you gonna learn yeah to stop threatening people to put their hands on you and if you're so traumatized by the girl pulling your wig like right then also like why are you doing that again the whole season her like crying about it and being like I was so blindsided like

no you weren't what are you talking about you were talking so much shit to her for years and then she finally had had enough and like beat the shit out of you and and then it turned into her like just calling Monique like a hood rat and all that stuff and that's just like honestly like so not okay let's be honest Candace

You were embarrassed. That's what you said on the phone right after to your husband. You said, I'm fine. I'm just embarrassed. Then you pressed charges. You made it a whole thing. And then it got disproved. And it got... Because you were equally involved. And it's not like someone randomly assaulted you. Right. And I do think Monique is in the wrong. But it's like...

My mom as a principal of a school, Monique would get suspended and Candace would be in detention for a month. Like that's just how it would have worked. No one is like fucking innocent here. Right. No one's innocent. And she was trying to make it like she is so innocent. And how dare anyone think anything less? And the way she speaks to Ashley about her husband and stuff, it's terrible. She's always like, what? He's cheating on you. It's like, oh, my God. Yeah. Unless Monique like walked into the room and Candace said nothing to her and Monique just walked up to her and like,

started beating that's an assault then like that's assault that's assault but like do you remember the new jersey fight where margaret you know got her hair pulled well she poured water on danielle then danielle pulled her hair and they kind of did it very classy housewife where it was like oh shit we can't hang out with that girl anymore but there was no police called there was no right that's how you know like jersey is like straight up mafia because they're like no we're not calling

the police you idiot you wait till the finale to push your husband in the pool like that's how you do it you don't take it off like this is a reality show yes i'm glad monique i mean candace was talking shit and i'm glad monique popped off that's what a reality show is for so let's play the game and stop like trying to get money off each other and all this stuff and but i heard the the reunion is insane

So we love Potomac. We love it. Love Potomac. I love Potomac. I also really love Salt Lake City. I didn't watch the most recent episode. I only watched the beginning of it. Yeah. Mary scares me. Mary is not okay.

I do think I do have to say I love Salt Lake City too but people are already like talking like it's one of the greatest housewives of all time and it's like we're four episodes in like yeah the work that other housewives have put in and like to keep a show good like let's all calm down let them earn their stripes Meredith did come out like guns blazing and like literally asked for a divorce on national television we have to respect that

Atlanta started and the new girl immediately was told her husband like where have you been the last three days you're watching me on security cameras and I don't know where you are and I was like and that's why you deserve a peach I haven't watched that either I need to watch that yeah we have there's so much good TV coming up hopefully even more good TV we shall see and

Anything else, Paige, that you're watching? I used to watch Shameless all the time, and I realized I didn't watch the 10th season, so I'm watching that right now. I went to middle school with Jeremy White. We were in drama class together. Wait, who does he play? He is the blonde one. Lip? Yeah. Yeah.

I love him. And he's married to a girl I went to high school with. Shoot. Sometimes I see guys who like so aren't my type and then I have like unrealistic crushes on them. Lip is one of them. And also recently Post Malone. So the guy that I was for Halloween the last three years. Please explain. Yeah.

I saw a video on TikTok the other day of him and he was like leaving a concert that he had just performed at. And he was like walking through the crowd and he accidentally knocked this girl's beer over and he like walked away. And like five minutes later, he came back with another beer and gave it to the girl. And I was just like, I heard he's the sweetest, most talented, nicest guy. Wait, what if you dated Post Malone? I would. Okay. All I can think about is like my style would change.

change so much and it'd be so street wear and so cool I'd be so much cooler than I am like and I'm not typically into like artsy artsy guys but like post Malone's like who are good at their craft hot

hot you know what do you guys want to be attractive be fucking passionate in something be passionate be passionate want something so fucking bad but you don't need it yeah and like talk to me about it and what are your plans and like this is my five-year plan and like i'm gonna go perform on the stage and like i'm gonna go win an oscar like just do something you know like do something exciting it's not too much to ask that i want my future husband to win a super bowl

I want to end with referencing Ali Wong, who, if you haven't watched her, like, original special, is incredible. Have you watched Ali Wong's first special? I don't think so. If you love stand-up, it's so funny. And she basically has this whole bit about, like, how she has to stop dating skateboarders. She has to stop dating guys with just, like, a bed of...

on the floor yeah and then she talked about this whole story when she accidentally dated a homeless guy where like she was driving and she was like she couldn't she thought it was just like super hipster and she's like oh i'll drive you home and he's like okay and then he was like you could drop me off here and she's like it's the park and he was like yeah no dude that's some shit that would happen to me

And I'd be like in love with them. But she was like, the sex is unbelievable. Yeah. So he had to make it work. You know you've seen some guys on the corner with like big blue eyes and tats and you're just like, I'll save you. I will be your sugar mama and I'll pay for my engagement ring. You guys, thank you for giggling. We love giggling. Check out our merch. Check out our Patreon to watch all of this because we are. Yeah, because we looked good today. We looked good today. It's basically a J. Alvarez sex tape.

With less coconut oil. Paige, what do you have to tell people? Help. Okay, thanks for giggling with us. Thanks for giggling with us. And we'll talk to you later. Love you guys. Bye.