Giggling about bloating, quitting juuling, and the Kravis wedding
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, my greatest of all time gigglers, aka the goats. Wow. I prepared that one. Yeah, that was good. It's a big difference when I put in 10 seconds of preparation before the pod. Yeah, my mom says that all the time. It's crazy what you could do if you just use your brain for a little. You just try a little. Yeah, I'm like, why would I do that? Welcome to another episode. You know that we never introduce ourselves? Yeah.

I just thought about it. Like some people don't even know our names. People are like, hi, I'm Hannah burner and I'm with Paige. So I forgot my name. And that's why we don't introduce ourselves. Cause honestly, it's too much to remember. What's my name? I had to sign a contract the other day and my assistant emailed me back and she said, ah, sorry, small problem. You spelt your name wrong. I was like, sick.

You know that the SATs, you like get points for your name? Yeah. So you lost points there? Probably. Also, humble brag that you have an assistant. Sorry. It was actually my agent's assistant. But I didn't want to go into so much detail. But I do have an assistant. But she doesn't know anything about contracts. But she doesn't know it. I just make her do stuff. She doesn't know she works for me. Okay. I just have to get to it. I wrote artichokes down. Yeah.

People don't talk about artichokes enough. Okay. It is the most underrated thing to get in an Italian restaurant. How are you getting them prepared? Thank you for asking. Breaded with olive oil. Okay. So you're the kind that you like put on your mouth and you... Basically, you use the artichoke as a vehicle. Yeah. For the breaded. For the bread and the olive oil. And it's magnificent. And no one talks about it.

Okay, I will only get it prepared that way. I don't like when they like fry it and it's like shriveled up and it's almost like a chip. No, absolutely not. Then it turns into like you might as well eat kale. Does that have anything to do with the other thing you wrote down on the list about shitting yourself?

Or is that a completely different story? Okay, let's get into it. It doesn't have to do with it, but an artichoke could make me shit myself. Anything really could make you shit yourself. Honestly, a strong breeze could make me shit myself. Yeah, I was just going to say, a gust of wind right to the stomach, you're shitting on the street. The worst part about getting married was for like four days, I was like, what is going to cause me to like bloat and...

be horrible and shitting myself because you can't be like shitting and peeing the whole time with these wedding dresses did you have a nervous pee some people like before they walk down the aisle they get like a nervous pee and you before shows you have to take a nervous poop did you have one before the wedding absolutely it's like they get your dress all perfect so i'm like wait can i take this off real quick and throw it on the floor i did my nervous pee also i

Right beforehand, I got kind of lightheaded because I realized I hadn't eaten. Yeah, you didn't. And they had these turkey rolls, and I was just shoving my face with turkey rolls before I went down the aisle. So all day I was preparing to not look bloated, and then I was like, you, you're mine, buddy. And then you just stuffed your face with sodium. Yeah. And I was like, it's turkey, it's healthy, and my mom was just rolling her eyes. It's also like you're there. You're walking down the aisle. What, it's going to like...

How fast can it go through me? Pretty fast. Pretty fast. Let's be honest. But one thing that models do besides put one foot in front of the other, which is impressive. Yeah. Is like they constantly have to make sure they're not bloating. But I'm like an abnormal bloater. Like I'll bloat and people will ask me when I'm due. Okay. Do you know that that's not normal? No.

Like, okay, it's normal if you have a lactose problem, but you might have like an actual stomach issue. I think I have IBS. I think I have IBS. And you could also have something more serious than IBS. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't want to freak you out, but like you could. I am a doctor. Okay. WebMD. Like, you're like, you have cancer. You could have like endometriosis. Endometriosis.

One of the major signs is that you bloat after everything you eat. This is the thing. I'm tired all the time. I'm bloated all the time. Is that just me or do I have endometriosis? Because I've stabilized. Are you just a sleepy, body positive girl? Like, I don't know. Or do you have a problem? Oh, my God. Does your bloat hurt? Sometimes. Okay, I don't know the answer to sometimes. Okay.

I didn't actually go to medical school. I feel like I'm 30 and by this age, I should know like what triggers me bloating. But honestly, it could be anything. I think it's anxiety. And that's why. Interesting. Because IBS can be triggered by anxiety. But then I have friends who have IBS and they're on these strict diets. They're like, yeah, I don't eat cheese. I don't eat that. And I'm like, so you don't have like crazy bloats? You don't like balloon? So speaking of artichokes, um,

No, I mean I feel like I bloat when I eat a lot of dairy but like it's when I eat like mac and cheese then pizza then like more pasta and I only really bloat when I have my period. You're like if I didn't bloat I'd be worried. I've wanted to know because I feel like everyone has that story of if they've shot themselves before. Have you ever shot yourself in public? Everyone has a story about shitting themselves.

Have I ever shit myself in public? The fact that you're taking so long to answer means you have. No, I would say... You've never sharted? It's a shit fart? You think you're going to fart and shit comes out? No. And any gigglers that just got grossed out? I have peed the bed before, like not drunk. Like just legit peed the bed. How old? I was in college. But I wasn't like hungover. I didn't like drink. It was like a Tuesday morning. I have no idea. And I woke up and I just had like peed the bed.

So does that count? No. Have you shit like on the street? In a bodega. Like in the bathroom? No. Frozen food aisle? It was like recent. It was like recent. Sitting, eating like a bacon, egg and cheese as one does. And I went to like fart.

And it came out wet and I was wearing yoga pants and it like I stuck right to it. I felt that like and you didn't weren't wearing underwear. I was. OK, so I went in the bathroom. Is this why you wear granny panties? Yes. A granny panty. People don't talk about it. It will trap it. It trapped it. Who were you with? Alone. Alone.

So I went to the bathroom and of course the second you go into the bathroom to do something important. Wait, are you one of those people that can go and sit somewhere and eat by yourself and not feel weird? Love eating by myself. Wow. Love it. Good for you. I love to like fully enjoy the food and not feel judged while I'm eating. I don't think I've ever sat anywhere alone and ate something. It's like my favorite thing to do. Have you ever gone to the movies by yourself?

Uh, no, not a loser. Right. Okay. So back to you shitting in a bodega. Oh yeah. Back to me. You know, whenever you go to the bathroom, when you like need like a couple moments in the bathroom, immediately people start knocking. You're like, oh, so people are knocking. I take my, I take my yoga pants off. I take my granny panties off.

I throw them away. I put water on like any soiled parts of the yoga pants. I put it back on. Oh, my God. And I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And then I told myself it happens to everyone. That's why I asked it to you today to make me feel better. But you told me that I'm a bloated, shitting little fuck. And I now feel worse than ever. I just. She's like, once I like kind of peed my bed a tiny bit. I just don't think people are running around shitting. What do you think it was? Have you ever shot yourself?

No. Okay. Objection. I don't think he's lying. Objection. Thank you. Where? Okay. Anything under 10, not liable for. But it traumatized you? No, because he was a child.

Well, you don't know how it traumatized you, but it did. He was like right out of diapers. You haven't processed it. You haven't healed yet. Oh my God. Who'd you tell besides everyone just now? I don't think I told Des. I mean, because it was pre-wedding. Yeah, this is what happens. After the wedding, he's going to start figuring out some shit. Literally. What do you think it was? I was just, I had it like, I was trying to be a hero.

And I thought that I could fart when I couldn't. I do have a story. What did you do? The first time I ever smoked a cigarette, like ever in my life, I think I was like in college and everyone was like doing it. And I took one puff, immediately had to run to the bathroom to shit myself. Wait,

Does it cause you to poop? Yeah, I think so. Because I'd like never. The adrenaline. I don't know if it's the adrenaline or just like pure tar heroin that they like fucking put in cigarettes that I just was like, I have to shit immediately. I mean, I kept it inside my body until, but it was like a near death experience. That's like the one time I did cocaine and I immediately got a nosebleed.

We just can't do substances. Someone forced me. I won't say who. Somebody forced me to try cocaine for the first time. And you just immediately. I got a nosebleed immediately. Like I was like hanging and then I just stopped. Honestly, I feel like our moms would be really proud. Or they'll be like losers. They can't even do coke and smoke cigs.

But that must be why how people who smoke cigarettes in like France stay so skinny. They're just shitting all the time. Yeah. Yeah. But when I heard like Johnny Depp smokes all the time, I was like, like, show me the hottest dude. Wait, how they said that on like the trial. He's constantly smoking cigs. His own like hand rolled tobacco. Like he's always smoking cigs. You would think that Johnny Depp is from like.

the countryside of France. This man's from, where's he from? I think like the Midwest. Oh my, where? Kentucky. No way. He says Kentucky and then goes, I don't know. Wait, can you Google that Pat? Because if this man actually has a Southern accent, I'll lose my mind. Like he had one in the now, he's like the Madonna of male actors where you don't know. And he's not human. You don't know where he's from. He just came out that way.

That is insane. You get a raise. That's insane. I want to get early on dope documentaries slash some pop culture because we have to get in the John Depp Amber Heard trial. Okay, but and I also have much to say about the wedding, the Kravis wedding. Oh my God. Okay, we have so much to cover. Sorry for that quick poop story. Every pod needs one.

Just warming you guys up. Don't feel bad about shitting on the street today. Yeah, it happens to me. So I watch a documentary by the New York Times about dueling. Okay. It's the same. It's called the ones that did framing Britney Spears. It's like in that same series. And it's about how jewel was founded. Do you know anything about the history of it? No.

These two really smart dudes in college were supposed to invent something that makes something that's already out there better. Okay. And the guy, like, he had a family that passed away. It was, like, things that kill people. Yeah. Let's do that one. So, like, lung cancer was in his family. And he really was passionate about making smoking better for you. Like, making it less bad. Didn't they make it infinitely worse? Yeah.

So that was not the OG plan. They were actually like Mother Teresa, we're going to help people stop smoking these cigarettes and smoke a better option. But when people were hitting it, there wasn't enough nicotine in it. So they started adding some more nicotine and they added the flavors. And next thing you know, the experience got so fucking good. And then they started getting people wanting to...

invest in it. And then next thing you know, big tobacco invests in them, gives them billions of dollars. So like they started off like wanting to do well and then turned into... Do they still own it? One of the guys left and the other guy's like on the board, but basically big tobacco is running it now. And they also are getting under a lot of heat because they didn't market to kids, but they didn't not not market to kids. And they were like...

Did not expect that kids were going to love it so much. And like millions of kids are smoking jewels. So like middle school kids are smoking. That's crazy. When like a couple of years ago they had gotten smoking in middle school to like nothing. And now it's just spiked.

My experience with that, like I was 25 when Jules came out and my experience was if there were clubs that you could smoke cigarettes in, were people doing it? Yes. But cigarette smoke always used to make me so nauseous and also make me shit myself. So I was just like not a big like cigarette girl. Yeah.

And then when people would be out and you'd be at a bar, you just like, oh, hit this like it's just nicotine. It's like nothing else. And then you get addicted. And I smoked. I mean, it's probably the number one thing my mother hates about me the most that I smoked for years. And as of last week, I started the nicotine patches.

So that's actually what they recommended for people to get off Juuling because people in the company just were like, we quit the company because we don't like... We realize we're working for Big Tobacco now and that wasn't the initial cause. So they're doing nicotine gum and patches to get off. Because it is disgusting and I...

quit not only because is it just like so gross but it's totally aging me so i was like wow i had to get to like a vein point well i think to quit for this i know for for your skin and stuff it can't be good to have but if you have anxiety like because i am again a web md doctor yeah like if

If you have really bad anxiety, you're more prone to becoming addicted to things because it's like a crutch or you like lean on it. It's a soothing. It's self-soothing. And I was never like a big drinker where it was like if I drank one day, like hell no, am I drinking the next day? But people would become like alcoholics if you have bad anxiety because you're like

crutch on it and mine became that can we do this together because I feel like there are definitely gigglers out there and we love you who were like you who weren't smokers yeah somehow started dueling and it was cool and

and then you're full on addicted if you've been waiting for a sign to quit paige just quit you or i ordered it on like amazon get some nicotine patches nicotine gum my mom would get off nicotine gum in every christmas in my stocking since i was 25. did she really yeah she's like please stop you're killing me what does it feel like to be addicted to something it's different because like

It's not... Okay, so it's not like you're addicted to heroin where you're like, one bad thing and it's done. It wasn't ruining your life. It wasn't ruining my life, but it's...

It's like it's hard as a younger like someone in their early 20s to think like, wow, in 20 years, like my lungs probably just going to explode. Like you can't think in that mindset. And then now that I'm about to be 30 and I'm like, should I get Botox? And then it's like, well, no, I'm probably going to need it earlier because of this fucking thing. And it's just like gross. Yeah. Like it's a turn off. Yeah. It started to become a real turn off to me when other people did it.

No, just like watching myself. Like knowing it was always in my pocket or like knowing like, fuck, I'm going to go to the bathroom and like hit this because I can't like hit it in front of whoever I'm with. Yeah. You know when you're hiding something that like you're self...

you're deep down, you know it's wrong. Yes. Even like, yeah, your subconscious is telling you. If you can't do it in front of your grandma and you feel bad about it, whatever it is. Depends on your grandma. My grandma's pretty hip. Yeah, but I don't think your grandma would like

Knowing I smoked a Juul. She would not because she cares about skin more than anything. But they showed this like 14 year old girl who like she their bodies I don't think can handle the amount of smoke. And like she basically said like she was having trouble breathing. Their lungs are fucking caving in. Like because you're not even like fully developed. No.

So I know if yeah, this is a great if you're looking for a sign to quit. Let's do it together. Giggler is getting off Juul. Giggler is getting off drugs. Say no to drugs. Say no to Juuls. Don't do drugs by rugs. That's your new Amazon show. That's your new home decor Amazon show. Yeah, I just came up with that.

Can we talk about the Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial? Yeah. I was very, very into it the first week or two, whatever. They took a week off, and now I'm getting back on. Do you have any thoughts? I feel like it's turned into a star-studded event. Kate Moss is about to appear. This documentary is going to be epic. The number one thing I'm taking away from it is Johnny Depp...

Is like such an interesting person because they had a recording of him saying to her, like, you will never be able to look me in the eyes ever again. And it was like the last time they ever spoke. And he has not once looked at her during the trial. The like composure and self. What is the word?

Control. Yes, that he has is insane. Well, some people are saying he's the victim because he can't look at his abuser. And then some people are saying that he's super controlling. Yeah. That he's still controlling how everything's going along. So there's that like...

The world is divided. Or he's just a great actor and he's now in this role of like this poor person. They're both actors. But everyone can agree that these motherfuckers were in a toxic situation. I think they're both nuts. Like there's no way dating Johnny Depp wasn't nuts. This is turning into reality TV where like

If you go deep into anyone's past relationships, like that ended badly, you're going to hear some weird shit. Some bucked up shit. You're going to hear... Like, imagine if people recorded phone calls of fights you've had. Oh, God, no. I mean, that's what we did on TV, but it's like, yeah, it doesn't make sense. Here's the other thing I will say. As you get older, do you ever look back into relationships and you're just like...

Yes, that was crazy. But you kind of give yourself like, OK, but I was 22. Like I would never do that now. Oh, for sure. Because you are learning what relationships are and you're learning your boundaries and you're learning what you can and cannot handle from people and what kind of respect you tolerate. So like I know that I definitely have.

If someone recorded, like, my phone calls with the guy I dated from at, like, 23, I would look like an absolute psychopath. That's why when they play the recordings, I'm like, oh, this is fucked up. But they're trying to get a sense of, like, right and wrong when... It's... Honestly, the trial, it's tough. It's going down to the wire of what's going to happen. But I do think...

Well, also Johnny Depp's lawyers are just like so much better than Amber Heard's. Johnny Depp's lawyers. People are trying to say that Camille and Johnny Depp are fucking, which we hate. Just because a girl's hot and powerful does not mean she's fucking her client. She's definitely not. No. But also how great would that be for the documentary? That would be amazing for the documentary. Subscribe. I'd watch that. Mental health moment. I saw something on TikTok that you reminded me of. Okay.

Women are taught to give respect before they get it. And men are taught to wait till they get respect before they give it. Spot on. Write it on my tombstone. Isn't that fucking crazy? Yeah. Because it's so true. It's so true. And I feel like you don't realize it until you're like a working woman, like out of college. Oh, for sure.

Because you're not around people who are your friends, who understand you, who respect you. You're just with people and you see how you need to earn respect in every room you go into. Right. And if you don't immediately respect someone. Yeah. Because you have a bad vibe from like a dude or something. That doesn't go well for you. That is like my number one thing.

like talking point for all girls high school like every time i say i went to an all girls high school they're like oh my god were you so crazy were you such a slut blah blah blah that's beside the point not the point not the point okay not the point the number one thing i didn't think you were gonna go that way can we give blowjobs heck yeah we can but what do you think our seminars are about

What do you think our homework is? Think in-class suspension was just fucking around all day? No, we were learning things.

No, but I think like the number one thing from an all girls high school that you learn that you don't realize you're learning while you're in high school is that there's no men around. So like you don't even think about it. So like leadership roles in high school, you're not competing against guys. If you're raising your hand, you get it wrong. You're not like embarrassed because...

because Jenny next to you, who's like stuffing her face with like chips gives a fuck that you got it wrong. So right when you get to college and you're with guys, like you don't think that you're less than them for like a specific role in school. Or like, if you get the answer wrong, like you're not thinking about Jeremy who like,

But when men are in the positions of power and they get to choose who they respect, then you start seeing like, oh shit, I need to like either suck up to these dudes. Yeah, like, oh, you're just not picking me because I'm a girl. Like, fuck you. Oh my God. I give a great blowjob. When I was in Wisconsin,

Wisconsin Athletics, I got this job to do sports broadcasting for a little bit. You can literally Google Hannah Burner Badgers. It's going to ruin your day. Wait, someone came up to me the other day and was like, I'm from Wisconsin. At the same time, we just said, go Badgers. Go Badgers! And Craig was like, wait, what? And I was like, you don't need to know. Anywhere in the country, if someone's wearing a Badger thing, you're like, go Badgers! So...

I was working the basketball thing. I'm like, I come from a family of basketball. Like my grandpa was a basketball coach. I didn't know you came from a basketball family. I'm from Brooklyn. It's like we're, we're basketball originated. But like my grandpa used to coach basketball in schools in Brooklyn. Um,

So anyway, I was born around it. And I sit down and the game's going. I clearly qualified in some way to get the job. And these men are baby talking me like, so when he scores this and he scores that, that means it's a double, double. And I'm like, yeah, I got it. I got it. And this goes on the whole game. Are you a freshman? No, I'm a senior. I was a senior. But I was like interning at like where people actually work. But the, oh my God. And then when I went into like college,

the meetings, I would say something and a guy would literally just repeat it to the boss who was a guy. It would happen all the time. But anyway, long story short, if you're at your job and you're...

Quit dueling and quit giving respect to men. That's why I think people look down on OnlyFans because it's a woman-dominated business. Paige, why do you think people look down on influencers? That influencers... Why did I have trouble saying that? Influencers have a lack of respect that it's not a real job because it's female-dominated. I know for a fact, for a fact...

Anyone I've dated previously, except maybe one, I make more money than for sure. Like there's just no, I don't even need to run the numbers. I've run them in my head. Do you, do you want to be with a guy who makes more than you though? Um, as I get older, I don't care as much. I think it becomes, what did you question? I think it becomes less of the actual money and more of like,

where he is in his field and how passionate he is and what he does. Right. Like it's not that I want everything to fall on me financially. No, no, no, no, no. But if he does make less than me, like but I need I need it to just be like equal. Yeah. Well, you want to feel like you both are bringing something to the table. Yeah. That we're both trying to make our lives easier. Exactly. And you don't want to feel indebted to them or they feel indebted to you. But you also don't want to feel like

Or you want to be with a guy who's... I'd rather be with a guy who's so fucking proud of you and making less money than a guy who's, like, almost making as much money but, like, is weirdly emasculated by it. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

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Correct. I feel like we're getting to the advice segment. I feel like we're naturally there. I haven't seen you since the wedding, so this is a fun little catch up. Okay, let's do advice and then I'm literally busting out the seams for Kravis. I know. I'm making people wait. Okay.

This girl says, this is so shallow, but I absolutely hate the photo my boyfriend uses for every single social. Tell him. Tell him. Just tell him. I've done to Des. I've literally taken his phone. Because you want to know what? He's not going to be offended by it because he doesn't know. He has no idea. He has no idea. He just liked that shirt he was wearing that day. He threw that picture out. He doesn't know. Yeah, Des has like all these gorgeous professional photos of himself. And then he picked like a selfie. Like in the moment, he did the selfie like at the beach. And I was like, no.

Wait, he's one of those people that like when they give you the option like camera or picture. But it looked like he did. But sometimes guys don't know what photos look good. Here's the other thing. They don't care because they don't have the things running through their heads that we do. Like any picture we post, it gets...

literally the shit torn apart. Like guys don't get that. No one's commenting on guys photos and being like, really? That's really serious. Maybe you could shave your face before you, you take a photo. You don't even have fashion sense. That's what you wore. Somebody hasn't been using the face mask. Do you even use an eye cream? Doesn't look like it. Or the,

It's either people that are like, you're aging. Oh my God. Like you look so bad. Or then like the comment below is like enough Botox. And you're like, which one is it? I do have to say, Paige, you have a lot more people come for your looks than me. Yeah. I don't know if it's because you're so pretty. Thank you. Or because people know that like you're in the business of fashion. So they come for the thing that hurts you the most. Yeah. Because people come for me for like,

Yeah. Because they know that's like what I care about. So if they told me like that's a bad joke, I'd be like, yeah, OK. Yeah. Who cares? I'm trying. It's but it is. That's the thing that trolls are good at. They're like a little brother. They pinpoint your insecurity and then they write you about it. It's so funny. Once someone said I looked like I ate myself after I had a bloaty day. I was like, oh, like I just shit myself in a bodega. OK, how dare you? You don't know what someone's going through. OK.

Okay. An ex made bad comments about my appearance. How do I stop thinking about it? Girlie, you're normal. Yeah. Because a guy once told me in third grade I had elf ears and I still don't show my ears. I still wear my hair down every day because of that man. Oh my gosh. What I tell myself is like my fiancé...

My husband. Oh my God. That's your first husband drop. Yeah. Ew. I sound so old. Anyway, but being old is good, guys. We're normalizing. Oh my God. You have a husband. Oh, you don't have a husband? Oh, sorry. You don't have a husband. Got it. So, oh yeah. He loves me for my elf ears.

You don't have elf ears, though. When I was younger, I had the same size ears and smaller heads. So I looked like Orlando Bloom in Lord of the Rings. I thought you were going to just put your hair back and they were going to be pointy. They're not. They, like, come out a little. That's because you keep putting your hair behind your ears all the time. Okay, mom. You could literally. But, like, for example, the hair you're wearing right now, I'd be self-conscious about my ears. Got it. Which is illogical and stupid.

But that's because in third grade. Also, my crush in fourth grade told me I have man arms. I still wear... I know you guys are like, honey, you're so confident. You're so amazing. I know. I'm wearing... I don't like showing my arms. Also, with this ex...

It's the same thing as that we just said about trolls. They pinpoint your insecurity. So he, whatever he said to you, he probably doesn't even think, but he knows that you think it. Also an ex who I know for a fact is still in love with me and very attracted to me, told me he's not attracted to me anymore. Such a liar. Such a liar. Crazy. You're just mad because I have a husband. Okay. But yeah, for someone to say something that mean to you. Yeah.

It's also like, oh, then why would you be with someone that you think is so ugly? Right. Like, what's that say about you? That you just go around dating ugly girls? What a loser. But think about it. Trolls say something that they think you're insecure by, not that they necessarily think. Right. So, like, he definitely knows that's your insecurity and stated it. Right. What's your biggest physical insecurity right now? I don't really have one right now.

Go on Instagram later today. See what happens. Yeah, let me post a picture and I'll let you know what it is. Is it girls mostly commenting or guys? I rarely get guys commenting on my appearance. It's pretty much girls. If a guy does do it, he DMs me. He at least has the courtesy to make it private. I say thank you so much for that. Yeah, because he knows that he'll get destroyed if he says it publicly but privately. I also have a lot of people like...

saying that like I've actually had so much plastic surgery done and that's why like I could slightly be pretty but I just don't admit it and I'm like bitch if you think I wouldn't try and get that shit for free you do not know me

That's crazy. But I'm not making a brand deal out of that. You don't know me. I do feel like me and you have dealt with jealousy in our lives, but I've never dealt with it because I'm so pretty. Right. Which makes me question everything. Like to go through life and you see what people target you for is what people are more jealous of. Yeah.

For me, it's my amazing personality. Anyway, interning. Oh, this is for you. Interning in New York City law office this summer. Remember when we went to Boston and they thought you were there for the Harvard convention? Yeah.

Okay. Gigglers don't know this, but if you went to our Boston show, you do. I checked into the hotel in my hotel. I've never been so offended in my hotel. There happened to be a Harvard alumni conference happening and I checked into the hotel and they said, Mr. Sorbo, thank you so much for checking in. Are you here for the Harvard alumni conference? And I said, how dare you think I'm ugly? She goes, I'm not a fucking nerd. Okay.

But also part of me was flattered because I was like, I do have a fashion sense and I am smart. You're so right. Only if it was Elle Woods vibes. Anyway, this girl, definitely smarter than us, wants to know from you, nothing about anything important, but what flat shoes can I rock in the office and at happy hour?

What flat shoes can you rock in the office and at happy hour? Cause it's hot in New York. I would go kitten heel. Yeah. I would do the classic New York city, uh,

shoes and then you change you can even like when I worked in an office I would keep shoes in my desk drawers no files no paperwork no no but I did have a plethora of pen to be found I actually really like the kitten heels I wore they're like square they're open toed is open toed not cool for like a law firm I would say no

One shoe that I love, and you can probably find a knockoff, and it's too hot for the summer, but like the Prada chunky loafers. I think that would be very cute for an office. For a loafer moment? Are you kidding me? Loafers are really big. It's hard to like match a good outfit that's work appropriate with loafers. But I think if you're doing like a trouser situation and a kitten heel...

Or a skirt with loafers and like some kind of high socks. I don't know. Men make everything sexual. And you're like, I'm literally wearing a loafer. Okay, and that is their problem. That is them. I know. But it is a double standard. But it's something like we have to live with. We live with it. Why do people overshare on social media but don't confide in their friends in real life? Because they just want attention from strangers and they're lying. Yeah.

That was really hard. I think that when you're an oversharer on Instagram, it's actually the opposite. Like you feel the masses like telling like a mass amount of people gets it out for you. But you're not actually getting it out to one person. You're not trying to solve the problem. Right. You just want to be heard. You just want to be heard.

That's why you will never catch me crying on Instagram stories. There are two types of people. Criers on Instagram and not criers? Yeah. Yeah, I could... I would... Could never. I could never. I don't have the emotional... Something also, like, makes it less authentic to me when you, in that moment, are like, instead of crying, I need to...

film myself right like i have been on instagram stories after a full cry but you would never know someone did dm me the other day they're like you're either high as hell or you just cried and i was like it is the latter but i do wish it was the former it is you know when like if like a brand wants something from you and they're like it's due in three hours and you're like okay i love this pill

It's true. Fuck. Yeah. Also, what's hard about being a woman in society and not crying all the time is you have to like look presentable for things where men don't. Right. I even think about in comedy.

I have to like do my hair and makeup for like the hour and a half beforehand where men are working on their jokes. Right. How is that fair? In the hours that I've been doing my makeup, men are just preparing for the show at hand. Honestly, even think about your wedding day. Oh my. We started getting ready at 11 a.m. I started getting ready at 10 a.m. Des was in.

in a hot tub at like three. Yeah. He showered like right before. Isn't that crazy? And he looked better than me. One thing men have to get ready for. He was like I was like do you guys want to go check on him? I told like the photographer that came back like we have no idea who where he is. We think he's like getting a sandwich at the deli or something. Yeah. We've lost him. Definite words you want to hear on your wedding day. We've lost Des. One thing we did on the wedding day. You guys you knew I was going to bring it up eventually.

We didn't even text good morning that day. Wow. Like he didn't text me. He's normally the one who will. And I was like, oh, either he's questioning everything. Did he write you like a letter or anything while you're getting ready? We didn't do any letter writing. No. He was like, maybe I'll be there. Maybe I won't. It was honestly...

he was pretty hard to get yeah it was a toss-up I was I was like are we going I was nervy a couple hours then I was like oh so we're not talking and someone texted both of us like a photo and I responded and he responded also but not like to each other and I was like okay so he's alive he's alive he jumped in the ocean could you imagine actually having your wedding and like the person not showing up

Yes. How often do you think that happens? I actually can't imagine it because you live your life in such like a and now we do this and now we do this. Yeah. And the world kind of just pushes you towards things. And then you're like, holy fuck, I'm getting married. Is this what I want? Yeah. It's actually much easier to just like freak out right before than to like maturely break up with someone. Wow.

I would love to know if there's any gigglers that have literally been jilted or have like jilted someone. Or have jilted themselves. I think that there's no shame in leaving your wedding on the wedding day. No shame. I mean, I do know people who like... These weddings are so expensive. Yeah. Like they had everyone go to India for this wedding. And the groom or the bride, I forget which one, was like, we're not doing it. I've had people like...

Be like, should I just go through with the wedding and deal with it after or should I break up with him now? Yeah. And they've chosen to like end it now. Smart. Yeah. Smart. Because, yeah, people it's your wedding. People are not going to be upset like, oh, I didn't get free drinks. If you're at the wedding now and the bride or groom doesn't show up to the ceremony. Hell no. No, no, no, no. Do you go to the reception now?

There's a lot of food. Absolutely. They already paid for the open bar. Absolutely. I'm literally telling all my friends to get on Hinge, hit up every hot guy in the place and be like, let's fucking go get some strippers.

I'm single. Yeah. I'm single and ready to mingle tonight. I'm fucking tonight. Just for the drama, I want to be invited to a wedding where some fuck shit happens. We asked our judge, our officiant. They don't do the whole, does anyone have anything to say? They don't do that anymore. He's like, that's just movies. And I was like, we could use that drama. Yeah. We were programming. I don't think I would want. Because I have asshole friends. You would stand up and be like, just kidding.

Yeah, my wedding was so rowdy. The rowdiest wedding I've ever been to. It was like a playoff game. Dude, I was scared.

scared the crowd was so hot doesn't I went to the green room and we were like that crowd is hot they'll laugh for a minute Patrick and then Mercedes apparently fell yeah and then went on she was like filming in the back just yelling but everyone else was yelling how do you feel about the Instagram I know that Des was like hey we're not like gonna post anything how did you feel that we all did projecting it

You guys did amazing. But I have to say, I wasn't on my phone really. So I didn't get to see all the ones that people tagged me in. Yeah. Because it was nice that I could have been on my phone all night looking at everything. You were very in the moment. Yeah, because then I'd be like reposting stuff and you're not in it. I didn't see any of it. But like we have the professional photos. Yeah. The ones that were really good, my people were like sending me. Yeah. The fact that Nima got the video of you catching the bouquet. We are forever indebted to him. Paige, you almost ate shit. I know.

Imagine if you fell. Nobody's not talking. Nobody's talking about it. People didn't really. Some people noticed. Some people were like, we saw you almost fall. And I was like, but I. Well, because you were on a full sprint and then had to stop. The athleticism that took over my body. With heels on. Also, she was browning out at that point. Fully browned out. What shoes was it? I was wearing like a full stiletto. Yeah, you had a slippy slide moment. And if you. If I had fallen, I mean, America's Funniest Home Videos. Yeah.

It would have actually been great for the pod. Not for me personally and my like self-esteem. You know, people were messaging me. They were like, whoever says you guys don't get the pot out on time right after your wedding weekend. You guys did it. They're like, you're amazing. I'm like, no, I have a very unhealthy work life balance. Someone commented and was like, doesn't even count. They like cheated and like, ew, and all of this. And some giggler was like, fuck off. It's from the podcast. That's the point. Yeah.

You don't get our highbrow humor. How do you handle the way we pivot? How do you handle overstimulation? Been struggling at home and work lately. Don't leave the home. Don't leave the home. Is that what we struggle with? Overstimulation? Well, I'm still in my full depression and anxiety mode. And so I can't be stimulated by anything other than Netflix.

it's funny because when i went to a comedy festival was the only time i've ever been at an event loving the simulation and loving socializing with people it's because i was on this like high you like what i like to do yeah it's like when if you if you liked animals let's say and you were in a in a place with a ton of puppies you'd be like yes yes yes yes yes yes but when you're sensitive to energy is think about how bad that room would smell though when you

When you're sensitive to energies, like when you go outside New York City, you're getting a lot of shit. Here's the thing, though, about New York City. It's like the most congested city that it's so easy to feel like you're alone. I don't mean that in like a... Like, I'm so alone. Like, I don't mean it in that way. I mean like... Yeah, you don't feel like people are on your shit. Yeah, you can be around a ton of people and not one person is...

It's the only city that you can straight up cry on the street. Not one person's looking at you. They're like, get it out. No one's going to ask you if you're okay. Everyone is just like, honestly, can't wait for my next cry. That's why everyone's shitting on the street. No one cares. Including myself. Including me. That's what I'm doing. No one cares.

Oh, God. So, yeah, if you're feeling overstimulated, I mean, you could look into ADD stuff. I definitely have ADD. I'm overstimulated by this conversation. My best advice is to do, like, a self-care thing. And I don't mean, like, sit and, like, light a candle or...

and like meditate and do a face mask like not that type of self-care I was feeling really overwhelmed the other day and I turned on like my Netflix show turned my phone off sat on my bed and reorganized all my drawers and that was like the most self-care moment I felt productive when it was like something stupid but it was like just me alone with like do you find there's moments where you like

can't do anything like you can't brush your teeth like you can't yeah because that's how I feel that's your depression my depression is like at nighttime I'm like I can't even move go to brush my teeth and like yeah my face like I'm just like falling asleep on the couch yeah done and I have moments of the day where I'm super productive like way too productive to then like I couldn't do anything that's

This is actually very interesting. So Craig's dad, I was with him the other weekend and he was talking about some book he's reading. Don't remember the name, but he was saying that if you're like indecisive,

when you have a decision to make, you say one, two, three in your head and then you just make the decision. Like there's no second guessing. So recently when I like was like, okay, you have to wash your face before bed. But it was like, I was like, I can't get up. I just said one, two, three and I got up and I did it. Okay. That's what people say about your mornings. Like all you have to do is just do it. Yeah. But like when you're depressed, that's not good advice to be like, just do it. Yeah. Just do it. But someone, I watched a TikTok video.

about someone saying the difference between really successful people and people who like

don't want to be that successful is decision making yeah successful people whether it's right or wrong or just making the decision where other people will stay idle for like as long I also saw one that it was like they wake up at 4 a.m and I was like absolutely not absolutely not but yeah I think for me I have to find things I find you pretty decisive though oh no I'm very decisive I just can't do basic tasks who cares in the house hire someone

You're a wife now. You can literally hire help. I do think that I, because as a kid, now it's full therapy mode, but because as a kid I was forced to like,

play so much sports. And have such a routine. And have such a routine. Like, that's all I knew, like, ahead of a career. That now I, like, get off on being like, I'm not even gonna clean that. When it's like, no, you're actually just hurting yourself. I get that, though. Like, that's my rebellion. Yep. Even Des was like, let's play volleyball tomorrow. And I played, like, two games and I'm like, I'm done. And he's like, really? And I'm like, I was forced to play sports my whole life without ever being able to say no. And he's like, this is a weird kink you have. Because he's like, why would you want to stop? And I'm like, because I can.

Yeah. It's just you being able to make the decision. Like other people probably don't feel that free to be like, yeah, I'm not going to wash the dishes today. But for me, I'm like, yeah. Third game of volleyball? I don't think so. It's like, okay. But anyway, Des has been making me play volleyball during our honeymoon, which I like. Also, we fostered a dog for our honeymoon. Wow. Her name's Molly. Oh, the white one? She's kind of an angel. I saw her on the Instagram.

She's a literal angel. All she wants to do is lie next to you and get pets. So she's all buyer. No, like actually, she's amazing because your schedule. I don't think it's good. But you guys, if you're in New York or Long Island, she's like the dog that's everyone's favorite at the shelter. They let her sit in the front. And all the other dogs are like, what is it like? She's like six or seven. OK, she's from the south. She was just like living outdoors, like chained up.

And she has like little marks on her elbows from like lying down on the hot ground. Oh, my God. She's been like abused. She is the sweetest baby I've ever met. What kind of dog is that? She's like a lab with maybe a mix of something else. But she looks she's like a white lab with a little. She's so freaking cute. But she's the dog that they let her sit with the secretaries in the front. And all of the dogs are in the kennels.

Because she's a favorite. Yeah, the dog's like, what's it look like? How many weeks are you fostering it? We were going to do just a week, but now because I came to the city and Des is staying back with her, we might do two weeks. But our goal is to get her adopted. How quickly do people adopt? It could happen in a second. Yeah, like you could have it for a day.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we're still looking for someone to adopt Molly. If you want a couch potato. But she also loves walking. But she slept on me all day the other day. I love that. She watched a John. How did Romeo feel about it? Romeo's in the city with Aiden. Oh, OK. But that's the thing. Everyone keeps saying you guys have to keep her when I'm like, we can't. We literally have two pets.

that do not fuck with other pets yeah romeo does not like butter doesn't know what the fuck's going on butter is not okay she's like we didn't like dogs now all of a sudden we host them at our home we don't know when they're leaving some of them should be tough butters had it and she's actually disgusted yeah she's like cool you got married i wasn't there

Yeah, she's not happy about that. Okay, final one. I have a crush on a guy who has a toxic past. He's not with his ex anymore who's also toxic. What?

There's layers here. Yeah, wait. Start from the beginning. I have a crush on a guy who has a toxic past. What does that mean? I need that broken down. He's probably had a really toxic relationship with someone. Okay, who has that? And he's blamed, he's probably told her his ex is also toxic. So it's basically like if you wanted to date Johnny Heard. Johnny Depp. I think that if you're in a toxic relationship...

Whether like, okay, he could have been the toxic one and he did certain things to you that now you've become toxic because you're reacting. Regardless, you're both toxic. It was a bad relationship. I don't think you should judge anyone based on it. I don't think you should. However, some people I think...

love the toxic and they want the toxic and they don't want to have a healthy relationship and like guys who are like oh no i just love crazy girls it's like no you like driving people crazy and you like yeah toxic you like the drama as a scorpio italian woman i love a little fire like i love i love a fight i do i just do i love like a random like fuck you

And I came from a relationship that like there was no emotion, like no fighting, which was amazing. But then there was also no like extreme intimacy at all. So then to have a relationship where there's like an abundance of intimacy that it's almost like, oh, my God, close your legs like you're annoying me.

You have to find a balance. And I really don't feel like you find it until you're in your later 20s. Like there's no way. It's funny because Des is the Scorpio. And I'm telling you, Des, I think he's because he's in his 40s. He's tired. He's exhausted. Yeah. But so he has fights with himself.

I can see like Craig and I will get into a disagreement about something. And in my head, I'm like, damn, if I was 24, I would have exploded and made this so much bigger. But because I'm tired. Yeah. I'm like, I don't care. I feel like when he was younger, he would have gone nuts. But I genuinely think you need a balance. Like with my ex-boyfriend, I'd be like slam on.

One door. One door and I'll be fine. Like, say, get the fuck out and we will be better. I am so scared of a fight. I hate a fight. But sometimes you have to get those emotions out. No, you're 100% right because I'm the girl that will never fight with you and one day go, hey, I don't think this is working. Yes. I'm that girl. Yeah, you are. You are Johnny Depp. You'll never look at these eyes again. I will never...

Dude, I will never look into people's eyes again. Your ex could walk in this room and you would act like you'd never met him. I love that though. I've never like, I've gone cold turkey with all my exes except one really toxic one who would make me get coffee with him. But don't worry, I ended that. It's kind of crazy that you could go cold turkey. Like I've at least gone back to every single ex once. I've never. Oh no, I did hook. I hooked up with British Dave.

But like we didn't really date. He's a gem of a human. He's a gem. Does he know you got married? Well, it's funny because Des asked me. Des was like, have any of your exes hit you up? Yeah. Did anyone say like congrats?

No, because anyone I was with, we don't talk anymore like that. I don't think any of my exes have even gotten married. See, they were the problem, not me. Obviously. No, British Dave, we hadn't hooked up in a while. And then he was like, hey, I'm leaving to go to Australia tomorrow. I'm probably not going to be back in America for a really long time. I'd love to get drinks. Yeah.

when was this you're like i'm literally getting married in four hours no this was like years ago this was years ago oh i do kind of remember that yeah yeah and he and he never came back no to america but i was i gave him a goodbye yeah

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Okay, now we can talk about the wedding. Okay. I don't know if this phrase has been used too much or like if it's a popular opinion or if it's unpopular, but this is my opinion. I hated it.

I'm so happy you came with this hot take today. I'm so happy. Continue. I thought that... But you're also coming off a really good wedding. I'm coming off... You're a little jaded. I'm coming off of an impossible theme to recreate. I'm coming off...

Hamptons, disco, garage. I mean, everything was encompassed in this wedding. Bouquet in the face. It was just comedy. So try to be unbiased. I'm trying. What were your expectations for it? Like, what did you envision? I envisioned like fairy tale gorgeousness. I thought this looked like a bad Halloween party. I thought that like the red and the black

Now, it's not my aesthetic, but here's what I was annoyed about. It's not hers either. That's not her aesthetic. You feel like she's playing a part. She's playing a part. Like, her wedding dress...

There's a girl on TikTok who I started following who would say like what celebrity, what dress they should wear for their wedding. Or she'd style certain things. And she came up with all these gorgeous kind of gothic looking long wedding dresses that she could have worn that were stunning. And she was like, I wish she wore one of these. I wanted from her. I wanted like...

Old school, godfather, like, gothic Italian. I wanted gold and white. And I wanted him to be tatted in, like, a sick Tom Ford suit. And I wanted hers to be very, like... So you thought this out? No, I thought this out. I thought the corset micro mini with the insane veil. Now, as a good Catholic schoolgirl, I thought the Blessed Mother Mary on her veil was very, like...

sacrilegious. Like I just thought it was weird. Like I didn't love it. I liked all the wedding guest dresses. I think Chloe actually looked the best. I think her wearing a gold crown to someone else's wedding is the main character energy I wanted. I did see that. She Sierra'd it. She totally did. She was like, watch this Kendall and Sierra. I will be wearing a crown. But I feel like she really wanted her guests to go off. Like she wanted them to have fun with it. Yes. I also have a real problem with Penelope's hair being red.

I didn't love that. Why? I just don't think it's like, I just don't like it. Alabama Barker scares the fuck out of me. Her lip liner, she like, I mean, she'd go punch me in the face and I'd say thank you. Like, she's terrifying. I just didn't like it. Like, I didn't like, I didn't like it. I didn't like it. Do you think that the internet felt similar?

I don't know. I didn't even really read anything that people were, like, saying because I think they were so excited that they got married. Yeah. That I didn't even see. Did people know that there were going to be so many? Because I thought they were just going to do the small wedding ceremony. Like, I thought they were just going to do Vegas. I thought they were just going to. And, like, I didn't even know this was happening. I wish she did a long gown. Yeah. I mean, it was basically sponsored by Dolce & Gabbana. Oh, yeah. Like, wow.

Which I feel like all the sisters that wore Dolce & Gabbana looked great. I thought all of their dresses were great. I think it fit the vibe. But she could have come out in a sick dress. She basically wore a Y2K corset with a mini. With a white mini skirt and Mary on her veil. And it was like a thousand feet long. She seems so happy, which we love. We love that. We love. You know what? I think it's because we want her to have a moment.

And, like, yet again, I feel like the other people had moments. I just think it looks like a costume party. I also think that, like...

I am a traditional wedding dress girl because I feel like if you do a trend for your wedding, you're going to look back on it in 20 years and be like, I can't believe I actually picked that. Well, this is the question in 10 years. Is she going to look back and be like, oh, remember when I thought I was like a rock star? Yeah, I don't know. Do you think that like he's Kanye-ing it where he's like kind of like this is my vision? She's like, yeah, babe.

I know. I think that she just loves him so much that like the things he likes, she's like, I like it too. And she might like it, but like, I don't know. I do notice Penelope reminds me so much of Courtney. Like she has the best resting Courtney bitch face. Yeah. And I'm obsessed with like little girls with resting bitch faces. I loved Kim being blonde though at it. Yes.

She also had a P on her acrylics. People did message me. Someone is following me on Instagram. I'm a little worried about my nails, though, because they haven't budged. And I feel like the woman put straight up concrete on my nails. And I don't even know how to get them off at this point. Is that a tip or is that a straight acrylic nail? She did something I've never witnessed. It's a tip, but she made it out of clay. Okay.

She will. OK, I don't know what the fuck happened. But anyway, I did H&D. Her putting Pete was was Pete not there? No, because he had his last night on SNL. Craig and I got into a small spat about this. He said his take was stupid, but we had a full on debate. He said if Kim and Pete were really real, wouldn't he have been at Courtney's wedding?

And I said, yeah, but it was his last night on SNL. And he said, yeah, but didn't they sit down to plan Kourtney's wedding? And I said, I'm not changing my wedding plans if your brother got a new girlfriend. I said, that's crazy. Why would I do that? He then conceded because he realized that I was right. Or it's like more of a real relationship that he feels like he doesn't need to cancel his career shit to show that he's at this wedding. Right. Like, I didn't think him doing his...

SNL thing was like... No, it means they're in a real relationship. Yeah, he's like, I have to do this. They had to prioritize shit. Right. And also she's had like a bunch of wedding celebrations. She got married like three times in this past week. I do love that it's in Italy though. It made me hungry. The whole thing made me hungry. Yeah, me too. Isn't that weird? Yeah, for some Paneal vodka. I was like, wow, I wonder what like the food is at this reception. That's probably amazing. I was like, why aren't we seeing that? And Stassi was there too.

Okay. Now Stassi's wedding. Yes. The epitome of what I want from an Italian. Yes. Wedding. Yes. Like I want Frank Sinatra playing in the background. I want long white like. I want people throwing gnocchi around. Yeah. I want to walk down the aisle and people be throwing pasta at me. Parmesan being sprinkled. Hello. An onion ring for the ring. I

Anyway, you guys, we love you so much. Oh, that's it? We're done? Yeah. Like Patrick gave us the five minute mark. We have so much to talk about. You're going to have to wait till next week. Nana still got it. It's still posting wedding photos. Some of them of me. I'm like, Nana, I look like a beached whale. You have to. Nana, I don't think she can see. Her first picture was her. And I was like, I fucking love

that also I'm going to be on the Daily Pop on Thursday we're doing summer trends I am the e shop girl summer stylist yeah so for like the next couple of months I'll be on e doing like different summer trends and like different things so my first one is on Thursday morning that is so exciting yes also I believe we sold out DC I think we have a couple left for New York and a couple left for Boston it'll be a different show if you've been to Boston shows and

And I have some new stand-up dates in the fall that I'll be announcing soon. And this is our merch that I'm wearing that I've been wearing every day for two months. That's what got me shadow banned. So buy it. Bye. We love you.