Giggling about cheuginess, camp jewelry, and exes with road rage
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I mean, the day just got away from me.

Okay, so I already told Paige I have to call her out on some shit and I was going to wait to press record. So here we are. I'm so anxious slash nervous slash excited. And I know this one is going to be intense because I'm not just calling you out on like something like family or friends. I'm calling you out about fashion. The audacity. What is it? Why are we jumping on the bandwagon of everyone wearing camp jewelry? What?

god I meant to tell you I have a friendship bracelet for you wait that's really fucking cute now I take back all the bad things I was saying about you you know Allie like shop Jill and Allie yes so she had sent me I was like wait I need one of these things for my cell phone like one of these charms that like everyone fucking has

thing I wait to see if you jump on trends because if you jump on it that means everyone jumps on it and I start seeing these bitches with I mean girls no job who we love has a chain on her thing but I was like she loves camp so that makes sense yeah but like I I don't know I feel like even you said like the Gen Z necklaces and it's like

At what generation do you look at what the kids are doing and wear the same jewelry that the kids are wearing? It's a very fine line. Whatever happened to Tiffany's? Whatever happened to David Uriman? So out. Next, we're going to be wearing actual candy necklaces. If it doesn't... Ooh, good idea. If it doesn't look like you made it, it's not in style.

And I know these brands out here are going to be like $600 for these necklaces with straight up beads from a thrift shop. So there's this girl on TikTok that I follow and I can't think of her name, but she had one of those like camp necklaces on. And I was like, oh my God, wait, I like, I feel like I need one.

So I found where hers was from and I went on the website and it was like a $250 beaded necklace. And I was like, yo, what the fuck is going on? Like why? And I was like, absolutely not. And I know during quarantine people started to make their own bracelets. I know my friend Haley Cherie was making those bracelets, whatever the fuck they are. They make me, they just make me angry because I'm like,

Also, because I have an older fiance and he's constantly like checking me every now and then. Like, do you have to dress like that young looking? He doesn't want to look like he kidnapped a young girl. So like if I started wearing those, it would be over. Like he'd be like, this is weird. I will say this is the first time in my life that I have been like, oh, I'm too old. I can't wear that. And I've never felt that. And now sometimes I'm like, wait, I legit look like I'm going to camp. Yeah.

Like there's a camp. Why are millennials jumping on this bandwagon? Like we can let them. Yes, absolutely. And there are some things my mom always said to me that you're, if a trend comes back, you're too old to wear it.

Interesting. Like, fuck that bitch. No, but there are certain things that like I remember wearing in the 90s that I wouldn't wear now. So like butterfly clips. I'm probably not going to get a million mini butterfly clips and like braid my hair and wear them. Okay, you said it out here. Let's see in two months if you're not rocking it on your grid. Also, jelly shoes. Very in right now.

That was in when we were little. Yes. Also, remember those Steve Madden platform shoes? Those are back. Those are very in. I think this is just me realizing that I'm officially old now. We're old. And it's because of TikTok that we can see it so much. Like normally, we're not fucking in middle school or in high schools. We don't know what they're doing. This is disturbing. It's upsetting. Next thing, you know, those like.

like those DNA looking strands that you would make at camp. Yeah. You would like tie it up. They're going to do that next. Yeah. You know what trend I'm not into? What? Um, and who just wore one? I want to say, oh no, Ariana Grande. And I think Brooklyn Beckham's fiance, what's her name? Nicole something. The big furry. It's like big furry. Um,

Bucket hats. Oh, see, I like those. They're very like Pamela Anderson, I feel like. Or like rap in the 90s. Yeah, that you probably won't catch me in. Catch me outside? Not in that. Yeah. So there are some trends that I'm like, oh, this is like, it's too young for me. And it's like too trendy that like I'm too old to like think I can rock it. What I do think is kind of cute is those colorful necklaces.

Like now rings are colorful and there's, but you can get the cheapest ones on Amazon. Oh my God. You literally just type into Amazon acrylic rings. Yeah. And like so many will come up 40 for like $10. You get 40. And also a girl DM me. I don't know if I said this on the pod the other day, but a girl DM me because rings never fit me that you can get like ring things that you put inside your ring and

like any ring that'll fit your finger. So like, Oh, when your fingers too skinny for it. It's just that it's so small. Oh my God. You make me want to puke sometimes. And for all my sausage fingers out there, you just keep rocking your fat fingers. Wait. I love how you turn into a deli owner. Yeah. You like are my bodega guy. Um,

I feel like you wrote a lot in the Giggly Squad group. I felt like you've been putting time into the list and I was like, I need to invest and show that I care about this podcast. It's not even that. It's just when things happen to me throughout the day and I'm like, oh, I would typically text Hannah or call Hannah and be like, do you feel like this? But instead of reaching out, I write it in the note and I'm like, I'll talk to that bitch this weekend. Yeah.

I did send this to you because I could see you dating Pete Davidson. Yeah. Just putting it out in the universe. I think aesthetically you guys would look great. Thank you. He was at Wimbledon. With Phoebe. And his stylist is Britt Theodora, who I may have worked with a tiny bit before, who's incredible. Oh my God, I love that you just knew a stylist. I know. I'm so excited.

I'm so silly. So I think that I love his style because he's not inspired by anyone. He's not copying anyone. He is the moment. Yeah. Here's another thing. I am horrible with men's style. Like if any guys like, can I wear this together? Should I wear it? I'm like, I don't fucking know. And I think it's because I don't care. You know, like I genuinely don't give a shit what you wear. But I love when guys dress like,

Like guys, like I love that they don't aren't matching things and they're like, I think this look good. Like I'll just put this on. They look like their mom bought it for them a couple months ago. Yeah, like and it's so simple to dress really well as a man and it's, I don't know how some of them fuck it up. Pete's wearing a camp necklace, like off colored tan stuff and just different, but like has so much swag and he rocks it. He's from New York. I mean, he's from Staten Island. Let's be honest.

Right. But there is like a New York swag of like, yeah, there is like I always I will never forget my favorite housewife of all time is Heather Dubrow. And I will never forget like one of her first episodes on OC. She said, I live in Orange County, but I'll never lose my Northeast class.

It's just like, oh my God, we're so classy. But there is, there's a different style to New York than any other city. We're such New Yorkers. I'm like, not to say that New York is the best, but the thing with New York is...

If you're like doing what everyone else is doing, it's like less cool. And I feel like if you grow up in a place where people have like similar religion or similar views and everyone looks the same, it's easy to stick out like a sore thumb when you try to be different. But in New York, we're like, it's kind of a melting pot and everyone's different.

The hallways of my high school, like, girls would wear straight up, like, ballerina outfits and, like, boots and, like, just crazy shit. And it's, like, if you weren't being crazy and weird, you were a loser. Like, if you were wearing Patagonia, someone was, like, ew. Yeah, like, Patagonian Uggs just, like, wouldn't fly on the Upper East Side. I do think, like, New York, I think, is the trendiest city. Like, I think...

girls in New York aren't afraid to wear trends that aren't loved by the masses yet. Like I've been, I've seen girls wear trends months before you're seeing it on Instagram. And it's just like how girls walking down the street in Soho, like they just look sick. It's inspiring every day. But speaking of New Yorkers, I'm now in Richmond on my comedy tour. And it's technically the South. Yeah. Yeah.

I would say so. People are so nice. Nice? Yeah. You know how in New York you walk in and they go, hi, how are you? And you go, good, how are you? And they go, good, let me know if you need anything. And I go, thanks. And we're both like, don't fucking talk to me again. Yeah. The South, I walked into this hotel. The girl was so excited. Yeah. No idea who I am. Yeah. So excited. Just earnest and happy to see a human. Yeah. And there's people everywhere. It's not like I'm in like a... She's just like...

are you and I was yeah earnestness of her voice and I was just like patients too they have patients there we don't we don't know what it is patient patients never heard of her New York is like hello the lights been green for one millisecond fucking go

And we got in an Uber and we had this hilarious Uber driver who's a grandma. And she was like, the shit I've seen, I need to write a book. And we're like, tell us a story. She goes, this one guy got in and said, take me to the psychotherapist. She was like, why? And he goes, my girlfriend cheated on me and then I slept with 87 women. Dude, the thing, I always wonder like...

How many couple fights Uber drivers just really endure and like what's the craziest one because I know for my damn self that I have gotten in to some wild Uber fights. I was once dating a guy. This is jail guy.

We all love jail guy. Wow. If he ever heard this and was like, do you fucking refer to me as jail guy? He would be absolutely definitely knows you're talking about him unless you've dated multiple guys who've been to jail. Well, that's a story for a different day. One time we were in an Uber and we were on our way to the airport. I forget where we were going or what was happening. And as the amazing girlfriend that I am, I had gotten salads before so that we could like eat them in the Uber before we got to the airport.

And we were stuck in like the dead of fucking traffic in the middle of Times Square. And there was this like tour bus or like school bus or sub, I don't know, some fucking bus that was just in the middle of the intersection. And he was losing his mind, losing his mind. And I was like, dude, what are you going to do about it? Like we're in traffic. We're not going to miss our flight. Like fucking chill out. Yeah.

And he gets out of the car, gets out of the Uber to go yell at the guy driving the bus. And I hate things like that. Like I am mortified in three seconds if you cause a scene because it's just horrible.

not in my nature to like in public be fighting. No, I apologize profusely to the Uber driver. He got my fucking ratings down the tube. No, he got back in the car and I was just like so fucking mad, but I wouldn't speak to him because I knew it was going to be a huge fight. And yeah, even though I'm never seeing this Uber driver again, like I hate being embarrassed. Yeah. Yeah.

And it was just, I mean, he got into fights all the time. Because in that moment, he's seeing reds. You can't logically be like, was that necessary? Like, he'll just keep losing it. So then you have to just be like in protection mode of like your own shit. Move the bus? What are you going to do? Pick up the bus, bro? You played the cross.

Oh my god, that show is so good. Yeah, Ty Pennington? With Ty? Yeah. Ty Pennington? Oh my god. Him and Guy Fieri have like the two best haircuts and best attitudes on TV. Okay, first of all, do you know that Guy Fieri is fucking loaded? He has like an...

What? He has like an $80 million deal or something. I don't know. Something crazy. I made that number up. There's a comic named Shane Torres who is so funny and he has like a 10 minute bit about how like everyone shits on Guy Fieri because he like

has, you know, wears sunglasses behind his head and has like flames on his shirt. I think he's authentically himself. And he was like, do you know that guy? His whole business is going to small businesses and promoting them. And he has like the most charities. And like, he just goes on about what an incredible guy he is. And he just eats. We all shit on him because he has a loud... And he just eats. Here's a fun fact. I don't think you're going to see this coming. If my mom got one hall pass...

It's Guy Fieri.

She is in love with him. She loves him. She loves his personality. She loves everything about him. She watches diners, what is it? Diners, drives and dives. Yes. Every single night. She watches it with my dad and she'll just be like, I just love him. I just love his personality. I think he's so funny. Like she gets giddy and I'm like, mom, he has frosted tips. And she goes, I don't care. He's so positive. He's so, he's great. Yeah.

I think the joke that Shane Torres does was like, Anthony Bourdain, rest in peace. He was like, everyone treats him like he's so cool and amazing, but it's like, who would you rather be stuck in an elevator with? Oh my God. Guy. But,

Also, like, when he eats things, you want to eat them because, like, his sounds, he's just like, mm-mm, yeah, that's good. Like, I'm just like, oh, my God, he needs to taste it. No, he's just a ball of fucking beautiful energy. What aura do you think Guy Fieri is? Oh, my God, is that our new thing? He's red. He's red.

He's whatever the highest is, mightiest. So I actually, also I am going to be Guy Fieri for Halloween one year. It's going to be epic. You have to. You just decided it. I just decided it. So I spoke with, what is her name? Mystic Michaela. Mystic Michaela. Sorry, I was searching for Michaela. Mystic Michaela. And I got a lot of messages saying, Hannah, we think you're orange too. Turns out.

I'm not orange. What are you? Turns out I'm blue to go. Which means you're blue and purple mixed. I'm a indigo blue mashup. She said I'm much more complex than like a pink. No, I'm just kidding. You're so much better than pink and purple, but... She basically said I'm a major empath energy. You feel others' feelings the same as your own, which is funny because I feel like on TikTok...

I need to make fun of her. I've seen people make fun of people who are like, I'm an empath. And you're like, ugh. And they're like, anyone who says they're an empath, shut the fuck up. Yeah. But I am an empath. And she said, it's really intense. Most people with this ability cannot deal with people, but you use it to see others, try to make them validated, and try to make them laugh and relate to you. I feel like it's your... She said also, like, your purple is your spotlight. You like to be in the spotlight. But she goes...

If anything's off with someone or you feel inauthenticity, you will snap. And even if there aren't any actual facts, you go with your gut. It's got us in trouble a time or two. She goes, you're interesting because stupid people think they have a handle on you, but they don't. Inauthentic people can be a trigger like swimming in a poser soup to you.

And she said, Des... She went for my mom. Wow. Yeah. She said, your fiance is green and blue and he's so sweet and chill and normal and you need authentic people in your life. I don't know if he's chill or normal, but I get what she means. You know what I mean? Like, for us, he's chill and normal. Dude. So, Mystic Mikayla, she's amazing, but basically she says...

I love bad bitches. That's my fucking problem. And I hate fake bitches. That's my fucking problem. Wow. I love that for you. Mine was like, do you like Disney princesses? Yes. Cool. You're a pink whore. I,

I was remembering, I was like, what did Paige say about the pink or I go? No, all she cared about was that she was pink and then she moved on. It was like people think that I am superficial because I have a love of like pretty things. Yes. But like I just see the beauty in a lot of things, which is probably why I love fashion and like makeup and stuff like that. Like I just like pretty stuff.

And it can be taken as like superficial, but really I'm like very kind and... No, but I don't think you liking... You're not superficial because you like looks for less, obviously. Right. I think it's more like sometimes liking pretty things because it's associated with feminine can be considered stupid or silly. Yeah.

But it's not. That's just society saying that pretty things are feminine and femininity is not important. Yeah. Where what would you do without beautiful things? Where would the world be? Die? I don't know. We'd all just be worms. Oh, wait. I do have one funny thing that I just thought of and I don't want to forget it. I had a girl DM me earlier and it just like made me laugh because like sometimes I forget people listen to the podcast. Same. No, I really forget. No, like I genuinely forget like because we just talk to each other so naturally and

And she goes, hey, I just want to let you know that I'm also in a spiral of hating men. And I said, welcome. Happy to have you. And it just was so funny. And I think also when I see people connecting to things that we say on the podcast, it's so validating to be seen. Like everyone that was like, yo, summer is fucking annoying. And there's so much pressure. And it's tough out here. I just loved it. And so we also didn't add besides.

besides all the pressure of summer you're also sweating yeah no one talks about it no one talks about it no one talks about it also people are reaching out about the vodka apple oh my god i can't believe i forgot to tell you this so i got a spray tan last week and my spray tan girl my spray tan girl she's amazing glow to go her name's natalie natalia

Yes. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. She's the best. And she walked in and she goes, oh my God, I have to tell you something or I have to give you something. And I was like, what is it? Her husband is Polish. She got the vodka for me that Jordan was talking about. Yeah. And she goes, yes, this is like such a thing with apple juice. And I had to give it to you so that you guys could try it. So the next time you're over, we have to try. I haven't opened it.

I'm waiting for you. I'm so excited for this. I'm so excited. If I find an alcohol I like, our friendship's over because...

Then we're both just gonna pop off. Yeah, and then the world will just blow up. You finish all my... It's like Mad Libs on podcasts. Yeah, the podcast is one big Mad Lib. Oh my God, gird your fucking loins. Oh, lastly with fashion. Yeah. Since we're really organized right now, I just wrote down netted bags. Okay. People are basically like putting nets over bags and charging like $700. Yeah.

Where did you see this? Like they just took like a basketball net and like put it over a bag. But it's like a purse. So like purses with bags and nets are in. I haven't seen a lot of them, but I think for the beach, cute.

It was in like a magazine I wish I didn't read. Magazines are so funny right now because I'll open up a magazine and they have tweets on them. That is interesting. They're like, what's going on in social media? I'm like, okay, I'll do it on my phone. That's so weird. Because they want to be like relevant. Because I was thinking about magazines yesterday. Oh my God. I was like, wow, this is so weird. So fucking weird. Because my...

designer for my apartment, my friend Hollis, she got me this really cool magazine holder that like you put on the ground and it's like a decorative thing and it's very Mad Men. And I just like love it. And I was like, but I'm not going to put like today's magazines in them because like what's in them and who's reading them and like whatever. I mean, I love Vogue. I've always had a Vogue subscription. So I went on Etsy.

And I found a bunch of like vintage Vogue magazines from like the 60s and the 70s. So I got like,

I think I ended up getting like seven of them and I got Cosmopolitan and like from like the 90s and the 80s. And it's I was just like, wait, that's sick to have in there. So because it's not like I'm going to. Yeah. But like actually, if you were to read it, that would be so cool. I don't know about you, but like, do you remember Cosmopolitan when you were like? Yeah. And it was like taboo.

Oh my God. Because it was like the sex one. And I would buy it at the airport and I remember I'd be sitting next to like a man in the airport and I'd see like blowjob tips and I'd be like secretly opening it. Yeah. I remember that. That was like...

Yeah, magazines were such a thing. I used to rip out like pages in Vogue and like keep them in my room to like outfits I want to recreate. Cosmo and Seventeen, I love them to death, but they fucked our shit up. Like literally the whole perspective is like how to give a blowjob so he falls in love with you. How to flirt to get his attention. Yeah. How to change your body so he likes you. Like all that shit. And that's why we go back to the Bible.

Ask yourself, not if he likes you, but if you like him. Remember Seventeen Magazine? Yeah, I fucking love Seventeen Magazine. I used to fucking love Seventeen. I fucked with Seventeen Magazine. I wanted to be like, I felt like I might be like a journalist. Like, I mean, we're basically Seventeen Magazine, but for girls who giggle too much. We really are. All I remember about Seventeen Magazine was like, Mandy Moore was always on the fucking cover. I feel like every time I got it, I was like, fucking Mandy.

Mandy Moore again. I just did a TikTok where I was like, if she doesn't remember when Mandy Moore was a singer, she's too young for you, bro. So valid. So valid. Because she didn't do a walk to remember until way... She was brunette. Like, she was... She used to be a blonde...

Well Mandy Also you guys We're not high These are just how Our conversations go Buckle the fuck up We have very high Thoughts though Very Oh my god And

Like, okay, if we don't say it right now, we're going to forget it. Like we're drug addicts. No, I, people are like, Hannah, stop interrupting. If I don't say it, I'm never going to say it again. Wait, remember Mandy Moore when she was in Princess Diaries and it was like, Lana, Anna, Fontana. I fucking loved them. I do. But Mandy Moore, no one really fucked with her. It was like Britney Spears,

maybe pink and Christina Aguilera and Jessica Simpson. And like Mandy Moore was there, like she was hanging, but no one was like, she didn't have the voice, but fun, sad facts about Mandy Moore is, you know, she disappeared for a while and then came back on. This is us and is crushing and doing amazing. Yeah. During those years, she was in like a pretty abusive relationship and she didn't feel like worthy of creating her own stuff.

So for anyone out there whose light is being dimmed by a partner, kick him in the balls. If it's a girl, kick her in the clit and get out. It's crazy. Like, and I'm not just saying this because, you know, I love and I hate mentor. It's crazy, though, how like a man can ruin your fucking life. Like she obviously has such star quality. She's been famous since she's, what, 15 years old. Yeah.

And I think she's way I mean, she's obviously way more famous now than she's ever been. And her career is absolutely crushing it. And it's just insane that like one person years. Yeah. Ideally in an actress's life, late 20s. Yeah, he was not in a good place emotionally. And it's fucking wild how the second she drops him.

She found her shit again and she was alive. But I do think for all the girls out there who you feel bad if this has happened to you or it hasn't happened to you yet.

Having a dude ruin your life temporarily is very... A blessing. I'm telling you it's a blessing because you don't... You know how people say girls in their 30s don't waste their time with supermen anymore? It's because they've dealt with the bullshit. So you'll get to a point where the red flags actually start to be bright enough for you to see them. Yeah. And then next thing you know, you have more respect for yourself than...

Anything else And if a dude just like lifts you up a little Or like he really is just like the candy After a nice day Of sustance Yeah no it's so true Like I don't yeah I don't know where you were Going with that so I just kind of Jumped in Yeah yeah no for sure because I'm a supportive Ass friend Um

Totally. So men are basically sustenance. I don't think I've ever said this. I know that I've never said this on the pod, but I was in like a very abusive relationship in my early, early 20s, like 19 and 20. So like you're a fucking kid. I mean, I'm right out of high school.

And I used to be so embarrassed by it and like never talked about it, never told like my friends didn't know details of it. Like it really fucked me up, though, mentally. And I don't regret it now. Like I think really do think everything happens for a reason. And if I had never gone through that.

I would have never appreciated, like, my next boyfriend or even my boyfriend after that or even, like, realized that some women get in these relationships and, like, it's so much harder to get out or it's... Luckily, I was not...

So deep in it. And I was so young that I had like a family and you know, but it definitely shapes you as a person and I don't regret going through it. When I was in it. I hated it, obviously. And right after it. I was like, this is embarrassing that I like, let this happen to me.

But now I think of it as like, fuck yeah. Like you, you're so much better for it and like got through it. And you're so strong for like surviving that at such a young age. Yeah. When like, that's when you're first discovering what love is. But again, like I don't want to blame anyone, but it is partially Disney's fault. I talk about this all the time, but like Disney makes you,

think that you have to be attracted to these like narcissistic princes all the time. Like they're all so douchey. And I think that once you learn that relationships are not about finding the hottest guy or the richest guy, the most famous guy, it's about finding the perfect guy that fits you. Yeah. Cause,

You can't just put a random hot dude next to you and assume that brings you happiness. You need to find someone that fucking understands your soul. Yeah, it's hard. But like, it's hard relationship with the wrong hot guy is a nightmare. Wasn't even that hot. That does happen. That does happen. And I was like, what the fuck is going on here?

No, but it made me look at relationships very differently, like, after that and moving forward. I mean, I still, like... How so? Just being aware that, like, manipulation is a thing. And that, you know, relationships end for different reasons and it's not always your fault. It was really the first boyfriend I had had that, like...

didn't compliment me all the time and wasn't like obsessed with me and so it was like a new feeling that would be like oh why are you wearing that or like you don't look good in that like I've never had anyone ever say that to me so I was just like wait really and you and it's so textbook because like obviously I went to therapy after that and I didn't realize just like how textbook

abusive relationships are like they're all the fucking same like it starts out very loving and like this guy's amazing we have the best time ever and then slowly it's like a shift that you can't really even pick up on and then by six months they're insulting the shit out of you and like you hate yourself and like and then you get to like a physically abusive situation and then it's just like wait how did I get here and

And it's just like a such manipulation 101. And with manipulation, at some point, you feel like you deserve it. Like you're like, yeah, I was being stupid. Yeah. Or like too emotional. I was being annoying. Yeah, I was too emotional. And that's when it's like you have to really find that person that makes you feel safe in your own skin. Yeah. It's crazy. What's the point of a dude if he can't make you feel safe?

That's literally the only thing men are good for is protecting you. And it's like, I look for now like a team feeling. Like if you're not my biggest fan, then what the fuck are we doing? Because I know that I'm yours.

I feel like from like your breakup with Perry. Yeah. Till now. I feel like you're seeing things like real clear. Yeah. You want to know the other thing that I've been like looking at relationships that I never really thought about. I mean, I thought about it, but it wasn't like in the forefront is just like having kids. Yeah.

And like, okay, say I get divorced in 10 years to this guy, who cares? Fuck this guy. But like, is he going to fuck my kids up because of it? And like, now I don't even give a shit about me because I'm grown. I know what my issues are, but like, I'm going to give my children up. Inevitably you give your children issues, whether you mean to or not, just like how it happens. But like, can I control the certain issues that I give them? And like, you are a main part of it. So yeah,

Like I don't care if our marriage lasts or not. I mean a lot of relationships once they have kids it doesn't work out because they don't agree on their like parenting. I talk like I know this but I don't really know but I've heard stories of like their parenting styles are different and it's like they don't like how. I think about that too. Because like a lot of people think having kids will like bond you or save you but it's like if you're really not connecting as just one-on-one how are you going to connect taking care of something that's yours.

And I also just know that I'm going to be a very controlling parent. Like, I just don't think like, yeah, I want my husband's input, but I feel like, okay, are you going to be like strict like your mom in terms of going out and stuff? No, I don't think so. But I do think I am going to be like such a worrier. And I do think that I actually am going to be very strict. I already know that I'm going to be the mean parent and they're going to be like, what the fuck, mom?

Wait, I love that for you because I want everyone to like me. So my kid, I'll be like, I'm the cool parent, right? Yeah, no, I already know. You're welcome, future husband. You're going to be the favorite parent. And I'm doing that for you, actually. That's so funny because I hate playing bad cop. Actually, and that's one thing I do fucking love about you.

Paige and I have been in like certain public situations where someone has been like inappropriate across the line towards us and I will freeze and Paige will like be the adult and be like that was inappropriate or something. Like do you remember when that guy was like yelling at us? What was he yelling at us for?

Like that we like we taught we were talking loud during the interview we were on on a motherfucking WeWork space, which is a public space. We got invited to a WeWork and they sat us down and interviewed us. And I guess that this guy was like on the floor working was mad. We go outside and he just starts to yell at us.

It was really scary. Like, it definitely, like, he was going through a divorce or some shit was taking on us. And I was so scared. I don't even remember what I said. You just gave... You were just, like, you're talking to the wrong girls right now. And you did not give... You... It was, like, so cool. See, when you get angry, I feel like you make sense. When I get angry...

I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just emotional. I feel like I remember telling him he was inappropriate. That is usually my go-to when I fight with someone. I was like, you got the wrong girl. You're Melissa Gorga. You're messing with the wrong girl. Yeah, you got me fucked up if you think you're going to yell at me. Yeah. Yep, yep.

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Giggly to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash Giggly. So, oh my God, I love our random deep moments. You also wrote Chuggy. Chuggy. Chuggy. Are we talking about it? Because I'm really like, do we? Everyone's talking about it, though. Are we Chuggy?

Is that what you're going to ask? Because that's the hard-hitting question of the day. Yeah, are we? I've been wearing my hair in a middle part since day one. I currently have a side part. You currently have a comb-over. That's because I just got out of the shower, and please don't judge me. We both have middle parts.

What else is chuggy? Chuggy. If you can't say it right, then we definitely are. I say it like loogie. I thought it was like something you like hawk onto the ground. Because I've just been seeing a lot of girls our age talking about how they think that they're chuggy. And I was like, wait, I'm their age. Am I chuggy? This brings me. So Elena, our head of social media, she started as a chuggy.

We're shitting on my TikToks. And she will laugh at me. And like she sent me Olivia Rodrigo. And I was like, this is Paramore. And she was like, oh, yeah, I heard someone say that. And I was like, she basically like I realized that I wasn't cool. Yeah, no, we're not. I almost texted her the other day and was like, if I send you clips, will you edit my TikToks? Yeah. I mean, honestly, I think I'm going to do it. You should do that. I can't. So we're going to have her on. OK. Ask us.

gen z questions to see how chuggy we are chuggy chuggy which i think is a really cute dog name yeah okay well i love that like very basic millennial shit someone this actually really hurt i tweeted something i've been tweeting for five years now and someone just wrote this is the most millennial shit ever

And it's like saying this is the most like girl shit ever. Or like this is the most. It's like, yeah, I'm a millennial. Like what should I be? Bitch, we invented the internet. We walked so you could run on your goddamn TikTok. Like you guys would still be eating Tide Pods if it wasn't for us, you fucking crazy people. I'm up to here. And also she's probably like 60, the woman who said that.

But no, I'm having trouble. I'm having trouble with the Gen Z. So we're going to need. I'm having trouble too. Our Gen Z. Every company needs a Gen Z to guide them. But I just I don't want to be hated for being myself. I'm also a little jealous of them. Yeah, we all are. I saw a 14 year old girl walking by and I was like, she would have just like.

the shit out of me when I was a bunch of my guy friends were talking about like some Instagram girl whatever and they were like her body is so good and I was like she's 23 she's brand new her body she hasn't gone through clinical depression yet when they're 18 and it's like they haven't like they'd have no extra fat on their body they're just shitting all the time

It's like, wait till she gets the college 15. I was like, she doesn't even get hangovers yet. But that's the thing. I went to that sweet 16. The makeup is so good. And it's because I don't think there was any other generation that had so many visuals. No one's going through an awkward phase. When we were 13, Facebook was like just starting. I just learned how to do eyeliner on the bottom and thought I was a professional makeup artist. Yeah.

Did I tell you how the first time I did eyeliner, I was so nervous that I took a pencil and I drew it, my own eyes, on paper and then tried to draw it dark to see what it would look like. I hate you. I was like an artist.

No one knows that. I've never showed anyone that. And then when I did wear it, I wore strictly navy or blue eyeliner. Wow, me too. What was with navy blue eyeliner? I don't know. It was just not the top. Just the bottom. I didn't even know eyeliner on the top was a thing until I was like in college. And I was like, yeah, I'm not doing that. I just started doing eyeliner on the top.

I went to poly prep for two years and in the locker room there were just two big mirrors and all the like hot girls would be putting their makeup on in the morning and they would get like the front of the mirror and then girls who were like a little less hot were like behind them trying to do their makeup and I was just scared. Damn, your high school sounds scary. That was some scary shit but once then my brother joined the school and one day I walked in and there were like three girls crying and I overheard it was all because of my brother and I was like I need to leave. No.

Transfer me immediately. Wait, what were we just talking about before we got into your weird eyeliner tutorial that you gave yourself? Shajim.

I literally said, yeah, no, but the point is, is like, I'm not giving it air. Like, I'm not giving it light. What do you say? I'm not giving it life. Because like, I'm not making it a thing that like we suck because we're not Gen Z's. Like, why are we pitting millennials and Gen Z's against each other when we're actually the most similar generations? And again, we helped put a child lock on Tide Pods.

Seriously. We had to make new rules because of you kids. I don't know if they're young. I'm saying they're young. But also, I feel like they spread rumors about us. Also, wait. Let's just point this out, too. Their style right now, they're just copying us. We already did it. Butterfly Clips original already did it. I hate to say it.

But like Olivia Rodrigo Love you girl you're amazing We did it You are sampling Paramore It's not a new thing a new sound That like all the Gen Z's are freaking out about And I'm like I fucking love her though

I love her. She's amazing. But like, let's not hate on the millennials that inspired it. That's not. No, that's not. Where is Paramore? And I wonder if they've said anything about it. Where's Avril Lavigne? And is it true that she's dead and someone is her twin or something? Just pretend. I don't think so. But if there's ever a rumor about me, I would like that to be one of them. You know, Paige has a twin. The whole time you've had a twin, you just like one of you is at Summer House, the other one's sleeping and then you rotate.

Wait, can we talk about what we're watching? Because I have so many thoughts. Yes, you have some really hot takes. I have really hot takes. Okay, so I watched Sex Life and everyone was binging it and was like, oh my God, I finished it and I loved it and blah, blah, blah.

And I couldn't get through the first four episodes because I would put it on and then I'd be on my phone and I'd have to rewind and then I'd fall asleep. And it was just like one of those. Yeah, it was one of those shows that I was just like, God, I got to just sit down and watch it and get into a groove.

Okay, here's my first take. One, I think she's stunning and it really terrifies me that like it's so relatable. Have you watched any of it yet? No. I can't wait for you to. It's basically this woman who is married, has kids, has the perfect life, but like it's not enough. So she starts thinking about her ex-boyfriend. How is that relatable to you? I just relate to it.

She's like, she's living in a house with children, paying the mortgage, you know, living the nine to five. Bitch, that is the least relatable thing I've ever heard. In your own apartment in New York City. What are you fucking talking about? She's like, the kids are crazy. You know, you're not having sex with your husband anymore. What are you talking about? Fuck.

Okay Relatable is the wrong word I fear Like my biggest fear Is that Like You could see it It could happen to anyone That like you marry The most amazing guy And you have this perfect life And then one day You're just like Yo I fucking hate this And like I used to be so fun And like what happened To that person And like

Is this normal? Am I supposed to? Whatever. So it's very relatable in that sense. And I think a lot of women like get there and guys, that's a very scary thing. The guy, the ex-boyfriend, the guy that plays her ex-boyfriend where that she had this like crazy passionate sex with, I do not think is hot.

I do not want to sleep with him. I don't think that he's sexy. I think that her husband is 10 times fucking hotter than him. Now that fucks with the storyline. Yeah, like I don't. But like her husband is that very like finance-y looking guy that like looks good in a suit. And the boyfriend is like that grungy Lower East Side leather jacket like badass guy.

So I get it, but I just don't think, I think that he could have been hotter. It sounds like a little too stereotypical, like, oh, the guy in the leather jacket, like Justin Bobby type. Yes, that's exactly what it is. Like no one actually wants to fuck Justin Bobby. I think it's also because he's like blonde and like highlights blonde. And he has an Australian accent though that is hot. I do like an Australian accent. Okay, here's the other thing.

She cries a lot in the show. Like a lot. Like she's always tearing up. Okay. Do you want this role? Can you cry for no reason at all? She's also, why didn't I apply for this role? Okay. Did you ever watch shameless?

Yes, I love Shameless. You're going to die when I tell you this. Okay, you know Kev? Kevin V? Yeah. Okay, so Kev in real life, I don't know what his real name is, but anyway, we're going to call him Kev. Kev was married to the main character of Sex Life. Okay? They were married for like, I want to say like 12 years. They have three kids together. They got divorced in 2021. She is now dating...

Her co-star, who plays her ex-boyfriend, their Instagram captions are fucking wild. She just got divorced.

Oh my God, I actually heard of this. So the Instagram captions are like, oh baby, I love you so much. I can't believe, like we were meant to be, we were meant to, you're my soulmate, we were meant to meet. Like how can two people from opposite ends of the world like have so much in common? No, it's kind of cringe. It's so, and you guys, I'm not saying it's disgusting to be in love. It's disgusting to feel something and then feel the need to love.

for everyone to know and I know maybe they want like the show to be popular so it's a little PR stunty but like also you just got divorced I don't know if they got divorced because she met him that shit is not that's chuggy that's some chuggy shit you know what I think we just say things that are chuggy when like it's so not what it means yeah we have to take ownership of the word like slut it's like yeah like

Like the fact that my LaCroix is out, I feel like it's choogy. Like, you know, fuck that LaCroix. Okay. But here's what I want to say before people like get mad at us. I don't know if they broke up because she met him. I don't know if they were separated before. Yeah.

But like regardless of the timeline, they were legally divorced in 2021 and she's already posting her new boyfriend. I just think you're jinxing yourself. There's so many different reasons why you should not post Instagram captions about how in love you are. I love the way you just said captions. Captions. I literally just turned into a Wisconsin badger. Captions. Go Packers. Don't post the Instagram captions. Yeah, what the?

over my body. I don't know. But I low-key love that accent. Like, I think it's fucking hilarious. I do think

I do think that something fishy is going on and just like we said before the longer your Instagram caption the shorter the relationship is gonna last no we hate that we hate it stop it I mean the most I'll do is like Kravis will they'll say like ridiculous stuff but it's short at least it's short they're short and sweet pinch my butt yeah

Oh, that's what I wanted to say. You just reminded me of it. A perfect example of like a young girl. Yeah. Travis's daughter, Alabama. I did not know that she was 15. Yep. Have you seen her? Have you seen her TikToks? Yep. She looks like she's 27. I will. If I was her mom.

I would lock that girl up in her room. She literally has longer nails than me. Yeah. And she does these TikTok dances, but they're like sexual. Very sexual. And like it's uncomfortable. You can lock her up in her room. She's still going to do the TikTok dance. No, I would take her like...

Her phone should be taken away The amount of times I see my phone taken away You want women to embrace their sexuality You want them to embrace their sexuality Not at 15 I don't Not at 15 I don't I want you to be like Working on your personality And sports And school Not like Your Fuck me eyes

yeah i'm gonna be such a strict mom but it's not her fault it's it's society's fault of it's these tiktok videos you can see so much at such a young age like yeah that's that is so true like like like we'd have to be on cosmopolitan to see how a girl did her smoky eye yeah that's how you learned it and you wouldn't really try it because you'd lose the magazine right

And you're like, I can't follow this fucking picture. Get out of here. Like we had you only shopped. Also, here's another thing with like clothes and the way girls dress now. You shopped at what you had at the mall. You had Aeropostale and you had Abercrombie. And if your mom was in a good mood, you were in Abercrombie. And if not, you got fucking gap like, you know, and that's just how it went.

If you behave that day. It's interesting, but I do know that there's Gen Z listeners. I do know that there's Boomer listeners. And we're trying to bring people together here. Okay? We giggle together. Yeah. Hashtag giggle together. Side note, I was talking to someone on Instagram who posted a photo of Ben Affleck and JLo. Yeah. And they just wrote, they were like, why does this do nothing for me?

And I'm like, because I feel inauthenticity and I am an indigo. I'm a blue to go. Is someone qualified to comment on this as an indigo? Like, what is it? Indigo? I think it's blue to go. As a registered blue to go. As a blue to go. This shit is inauthentic. And like, I feel like no one cares. No one cares. We got enough shit going on. You know? No one cares. I also think part of us is like,

Aren't you sad, Jen? Like you can be sad for a bit. You don't have to like show off that like you're doing amazing all the time. Jen, you are the hardest worker out there.

And like I said last week, sometimes you just have to feel your feelings. I mean, that's yeah, she jumped into that so quick. I think we would care more if we didn't have Kravis and if we didn't have Megan and MGK. It's so funny because Megan Fox and MGK were both around for a long time and no one cared until they came together. And now we can't get enough of them. I didn't even know MGK was a person.

He was a rapper, but I guess now he is a rock star. I had listened to his songs, but I just didn't know who he was or what he looked like or anything about him. Do you think she calls him Machine Gun? What is his real name? Kelly? It's probably like Steve. I'm looking it up. Dude, it's Todd. MGK, real name.

It's also crazy. Richard Colson Baker. Richard? It's always the most basic. No, Colson Baker. Colson Baker. Colson turns him into like a surfer. Yeah. Colson, bro. Colson, you get some waves on that? You shred some gnar, Colson? That's exactly what it is. Colson played lacrosse and his dad's a lawyer. We fucking get it. Thank you. Oh my God. You know what's crazy too? That like,

the type of guy that's hot. Like, remember when Jersey Shore was on when we were in high school? I think it came out when I was a senior in high school. People, like, straight up were like, Ronnie's hot. People loved that look. Like, if you had an earring in high school, I would date you. Like, you couldn't, you could not tell me anything. I would be texting you. And, like, now you have to look like you're half dead and emaciated. Yeah.

Skinny boy swag. But do you remember also, we thought, you know, the guys in NSYNC and like the tips were so hot. And then we thought, do you remember like Justin Bieber having a full bang? A full bang. A full bang. And girls were going nuts. He couldn't even see the poor kid. Justin Bieber really started the curtain bang trend. And he should be accredited with that.

And then now the Gen Z boys, I just want to give them a haircut because it's all about like the grown out quarantine and they just have like a mop on the top of their head and then have like very grungy. Everyone's just like Kurt Cobain, but they don't know who Kurt Cobain is. No, they have no idea. I don't really even know. Oh,

He wasn't really like your style. No, but it's like, it's also like the guys that girls think are hot now are like famous on TikTok. Like they're TikTok guys. Like the guy that does, I don't even know his name. The guy that does the podcast with Dave Portnoy. Yeah. What's his name? He does BFFs.

I think he's hot. I think he's so hot. And I'm like, oh my God, he's 22. He's like 14. Yeah. I'm like, what would we talk about? Also, if you watch any movie from the 2000s, like any chick flick, any rom-com, all the girls' lips are normal. Like all the hot girls have normal lips. Yeah. And you just see how like altered our shit is right now. But like, I hate to say it, it's Kylie's fault. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you remember in the reunion when Andy's like, are you guys changing society's depiction of what beauty should be in an authentic way? That was crazy. We didn't talk about that. For how much we love the Kardashians and we think, oh, wow, it's downpouring in New York right now. For how much we love the Kardashians and we think they are very powerful women, obviously...

They have set a beauty standard. Amy Schumer got a lot of hate, but she said on an SNL monologue, she was like, these women use their natural faces as a recommendation to like how they really look. Something along those lines. Like, well, it's not. It's also, it's not okay. I can't wait to see.

This is going to sound mean, but I don't mean this. What their kids actually look like to see how they actually look like. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm sorry. Some of these kids are coming out wonky. But here's the other thing. I always think that Kim, I think Kim was gorgeous before. I think she was like a natural beauty. I loved, like season one, I think she was stunning. The thing is, I think they're all naturally beautiful and that's a sad thing. Yeah.

Even Kendall, even Kendall looked like at the reunion, looked like she had some stuff done. And I was just like, damn, you are stunning. Kendall's had a ton of stuff done. Yeah. Kendall's had a ton of stuff done. And I just think that whenever you're scrolling and you start feeling bad about yourself and also final mental health moment. Just remember that Hannah drew eyeliner on a piece of paper to see what she would look like with it. If you ever feel bad, just remember that and you will laugh.

Girls are out here at 14 getting syringes in their lips and this bitch was to put a stick figure and put some eyeliner on to see how I would look. Like, what was the outcome where you're like, yep, I'm gonna look great doing it. I think I looked and I was like, it's time to become a woman.

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But I want to wrap this up by saying, we forget...

Cause we're addicts, but let's all just remember that social media is bad for you. Like it's been proven. Yeah. So like whenever you're having a bad day and you like feel guilty, it's like we're addicted to social media and it's not no, like can we make money off it sometimes? Yes. Can we, social media can change my mood in a fucking second. I have so many fun random laughs in the day that are like add to my day. Yes.

Can you hurt your own feelings so fucking easily? - I literally do it all the time. I hurt my own feelings every single day. - Imagine people in the past lived their lives without ever knowing what other people were doing.

I mean, yeah, we did. All we, like what we had in high school was like, you had to wait till Monday to see someone's fucking Facebook album. Yes. And you were like, damn, there was a party. And then you were like, oh God. But you were like, whatever, it's over, like it's done. Like when you're seeing people real time, you're like, oh.

Man, why aren't I in France? It's like crazy. So for anyone who's calling us chuggy, we remember what it's like when we just lived our own life. I don't fuck. I'm not. I'm not respecting that word. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. I'm not respecting that word. And I just all of us need to remember that. And that's why I like podcasts, because regardless of what you see about us on line or whatever, it's like this is some raw, raw shit than normal.

I agree. Do you have any front page news you want to run by? Gwen Stefani got married. Yes, we love that for her. We love that. Two strong personalities. We love that. I love when people find love after being fucked over. Yeah. Wait, was she fucked over? Oh, Gavin cheated on her? Oh my God. Yeah, with the nanny. Not that like you can prevent your husband from cheating with the nanny, but like,

On what God's green earth would I ever hire a hot nanny? I think it's deep down. You're like...

You're like testing him. You're like, I dare you. You're like, how much do you actually love me? Like they're doing it like in a self-sabotaging way. Not that men just can't control it. And you know, but also Paige, don't you want a little more trust in your husband that God forbid you put a decent looking woman in your house. Like he has to fuck her. Don't you want to have a little more like belief in him? Yeah, but I don't trust him. I know now. You don't know who he is yet, but you don't trust his ass.

I would love to trust him, but I know that I'm having a 70-year-old Mary Poppins ass bitch in my home. Okay? And that's just what's happening. Don't knock older women. They know what they're doing. They give a mean blowjob. Dude, imagine. I do have to... I mean, there's also the nannies don't have to... Do you hear the thunder? The nannies don't have to be, like, traditionally good-looking. Like, it's not about hooking up with someone hot. It's about, like...

It's a mental thing of cheating that they want to do. Whatever. Then I'm hiring like a gay guy. Not safe. That could open a whole other can of worms. That just shattered into a million other pieces that I'm not going to pick up. God damn it. My husband's already got me pissed off. I have one question for you. Yeah. Thinking of Blake and Glenn. Gwen. Once an ex...

Once an ex-boyfriend told me that you can't have two headshots in a relationship. What does that mean? Like you can't have two people who like the spotlight or who like in the entertainment business. I don't believe that. I don't believe that. I think, oh, because you're saying like one may get jealous of the other.

Maybe there's like a bunch of reasons, but it's like, you know how there was like Dr. Dre and his wife who was basically like, he's the balloon and I'm the rock and I hold him down while he, and I remember actually that was when I realized that I have to get out of my relationship that I was in. Cause I was like, I'm not a fucking rock. I'm nobody's fucking rock. I am a balloon bitch. And I realized like he was trying to groom me to just be like the girl that like waits for him everywhere and doesn't do my own stuff. Um,

I don't believe that though, because I think having that in common is,

With someone like, okay, like look at Blake Lively and... They get each other. Yeah, they get each other because they both do the same thing. So you can like talk to that person on a level that like, if Ryan Reynolds was an accountant and like held her down, he would have no idea what she was talking about when she got home. I think it takes certain types of people. You need to be with people who are very confident in themselves, who are not like comparing and who could be like teammates. But yeah, like Des and I both being stand-ups...

We have this, instead of dinner dates, we do brunch dates. So like he wakes up at seven, I wake up at 10. We go out to brunch. We have our like little romantic moment. We take a nap. We do our podcast. And then at like 630, we go out and we do our separate gigs, come home by 10. That's like every day. Stop.

It's weird though Like it's weird And then occasionally He'll be like Hey I have an hour Do you wanna come hang And I'll like I'll like Go to his club Now if you were dating Some fucking Finance guy He would be like Are we going to dinner At nine o'clock Like you know Like he It would just be That's why a lot of comics Like have so much trouble dating Cause their night is Yeah they have Different schedules And they don't want The person like Being dragged around Like watching your gigs And stuff It could be kind of annoying

So it works conveniently. But I do think if Des was like my age and we both were like on the come up, it would be harder. I agree. Okay, well, this is a combo that we can get into another time. We have never once been... Finished a thought? That... Yeah. Been in a relationship at the same time? Now you're just saying random stuff, but yes. Okay.

Because I think about that a lot. Okay, there's also a girl. Okay, my, oh my God. My building faces another building and there's literally just, we're just staring at each other. This is what happens when you're fortesuing. I don't think she knows that I'm podcasting. Fortesuing. She thinks it's another girl. Now another girl has walked over to the window. Oh, maybe they're looking at the rain. I'm such a narcissist. Clearly looking at the weather outside.

Or they're like, look at this girl who thinks she's a pretend reporter. I don't know, but it's really coming down. That's a problem with floor-to-ceiling windows, folks. No privacy. That's how British people say it. I was just going to say that we never run out of topics to talk about here at the G-Squad.

No, we don't. Thank you guys so much for listening. Yes. Wow. Thanks for giggling with us today. Thanks for giggling. Follow us on Instagram. Go to HannaBurr.com for some tour dates. Check out Paige's Amazon dates coming up.

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