Giggling about deux moi, vagina smells, and calling 911
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What's up, my skigglers? Get it? Like ski gigglers? Oh, yeah.

This is a ski podcast. Welcome to the ski podcast. The winds are a little bit low and there's powder on the mountain. Imagine we gave the weather every time. How are you? Are you sick? You're sniffling. Oh my god, my fucking... Okay, so in my apartment, you know, and you can type into your building like when you have, like to your super basically, like something's broken in your apartment and like you give them permission to enter and like...

Yeah, you're like, my brain's broken. So I kept being like, my heating's broken. My heating is broken. Like, I can't turn it on. And they kept coming and like saying like they fixed it and like everything's fine.

So then finally I was like, are they just fucking with me? Like, are they not coming and fixing it? Finally, I was home today when the guy came and he and I was obviously I was pushing the wrong button. So I was I was turning on the air conditioning and he was like, it's actually this valve here. So I've been so I've been living for a week with no heat. Like, hey, we thought you knew that you shouldn't press Tundra, but apparently you don't.

The fire signal does mean hot, which is crazy. I know. But not to mention when this poor man walked into my apartment, I have clothes everywhere. I literally have shoes like in my sink to be cleaned. Did you get water at least? A frozen water? I did offer him a water. Just ice? Just a snow cone? And like, and I was watching Cheer. Yeah.

And it was the part when they're doing like the deep dive on Jerry and how he's like a pedophile. So this is going on in the background. This is so uncomfortable. You could have easily paused it. That was a personal decision that you did. I know.

I know, because I didn't know it was coming. I was just like, oh, yeah, this is so awkward. Oh, yeah, you didn't know. And they're like, what kind of videos was he sending? And they were like, masturbation. And the guy was like, so it's this valve over here. And I was like, great. This is great. You're going to get reported. Thank you. I also get a lot of messages of gigglers being like, so is that an interview for a new job? And your podcast came on, and it was just you guys saying fuck or talking about like...

getting deep-throated so i got the job though and i'm like respect also we just have some like housekeeping in the beginning um i did go to vermont with des this last weekend skiing as one does did i use a toenail yes did i cry on the mountain four times how the heck did you lose a toenail um

Basically, like my ski boot, like your toes go numb and then everyone's like, yeah, that's normal. Yeah. And then so I was just numb the whole time. And then when I took it off and it defrosted, my toenail was black. Oh, my God. Are your ski boots too small? Yeah.

Who the fuck knows? Because skiing is this weird thing where they're like, it's supposed to hurt. And I'm like, you are sick people. So then I had to like cut the top of the toenail, the blood, whatever, the whole thing. I'm fine. I'm fine. And then I got on the mountain the next day and like fell three times and I was lying down. I wanted to quit. And Des like gave me a little pep talk.

And then I had a good day and I did put my hair in braids and that's like my new thing. And I think that got me through it. It's my new personality. But then the gigglers were DMing me being like, if you don't cry on the mountain, did you even go skiing? That's so true. I felt like, oh, it was just a normal ski weekend. Yeah. That is so true.

So true. Like the one time when I did fall, it was like Craig and the ski instructor. And I literally felt like they were my parents. I was like, guys, I just I can't do it anymore. Like my legs are so tired. I'm hot. I'm hungry. And they're like, OK, we're going to ski home now. It's like, OK.

That's what I want. But what people forget is when you're a beginner, it's so much harder. You actually have to use your muscles so much more because you're going slower. And then falling and then getting back in the skis is a whole emotional journey. It's so embarrassing. It's embarrassing. It's physically tiring. My mental health moment is that skiing is life. And you take on that mountain, girls. You go up and down, but you just keep going.

Oh, I thought you were saying like skiing is life. Be the mountain. I love how we like adopted a new sport in our late 20s, you know, like wait page. We have to do a ski collection. No, like, oh my God. Have to do a ski collection. We have to like yesterday. Oh my God. No, I'm literally giggling. Oh,

Stop. Okay, we're calling the people in charge of that. Done. But this, I'm not just saying this randomly, guys. It's because when I fell, I was dropping my phone all the time. And like, because of the snow, I guess I was having trouble hearing people when I was calling them. So on like Tuesday, we got back. We had a great time. I go to the Verizon store and I'm fucking with my phone. I'm on Instagram, like waiting in line at the customer service line.

And I start getting bombarded with DMs asking me if me and Des broke up. I saw it. I giggled and then went to the next slide because I was just like, that's stupid. You're responding to people being like, yeah, they did. I'm like, I can't please respect our privacy at this time. We're going through a really tough time. But I love the gigglers so much because...

You could tell, like, they just saw something on the internet. So they were like, hey, we don't want to trigger you by this. If it happened, we are here for you. If not, we're so sorry this rumor is going around. Like, they were so sweet about it. Oh, that's sweet.

it took me a while before I saw it. And then to someone, I just wrote like the TikTok going like immediately now, like I just thought I was writing that to people. Then I guess people started to pick it up and then the internet, they spread this rumor and then they started spreading a rumor that I did. I submitted it. Oh, I saw that one too. Cause I love attention. Meanwhile, I'm still waiting in the customer service line. Like what the fuck is this?

Wait, I have a question. Because when, like, whenever there's, like, a fake rumor about me and Craig, like, my initial reaction is, like, that's crazy. And then the three seconds later, I'm like, is that true? Like, did I sleep with, like...

So, like, when you saw that you guys broke up, did you, like, look at him and, like, wait, are we okay? Well, I was at Verizon, and I was, like, oh, my God, did he, like, something happen when I was at Verizon? He puts out a press release. He's so bad at skiing, and I can't take it anymore. So, and then, like, I had, like, my trainer texted me. Like, it's so embarrassing. Oh, my God. It got personal. And then I'm afraid, like, oh, no, like, okay.

poor Des is gonna get upset because we have people think we broke up because we're not like posting photos all the time but it's like we were very public early on because of the show and we've like yeah made a choice to be like okay we don't have to anymore yeah like let's like enjoy a little privacy yeah so I'm like oh no Des is like back getting like bad dms I get back in and he just he didn't give a shit yeah

At all. No, it's one of the scariest things. It's a lot. It can be a lot. And then like what random people say. Also, when people are like, you can't read it, you can't look at it. Okay, so that means you just like can't go on your phone. Like you can't ever press the heart button on Instagram because you don't want to see the comments under your latest picture. It's just a lot. It's a lot of mental warfare like with yourself. Yeah.

Yeah, and it's kind of like watching a car crash. Like, you know, it's bad stuff going on, but you want to see like how bad you're like, I know they hate me, but how much I just hate when people take a lie and then use it to further like push a bigger lie about. Yeah.

And it's funny because I'm not even on reality TV right now. Right. Because of this. I'm going to say one thing that is a little bit of a hot take, but I have to say it. Yeah. When accounts will like attack like public figures or influencers or whatever, being like they want attention and.

These accounts want attention, too. They're using a lie about me so they can get engagement on their posts saying that I'm doing it for attention when realistically I'm trying to protect my fucking family. It's such a backwards...

The internet is so fucked up because all the internet preaches is like self-love and self-care and you should love yourself. Anti-bullying, don't be a mean girl. Yeah, and the most important relationship is with you. Like you live with you. And then God forbid you post a picture of yourself. People are like, oh my God, you're obsessed with yourself. You love yourself so much. I'm going to say something wild.

Everyone who goes on reality TV loves attention. But I do think accepting that you like attention is,

is um like some people are meant to perform and like I I love comedy I love being on stage but then it's funny because I feel like me and you also certain situations we don't like attention like I'm actually kind of in group settings yeah we talked about I don't know what to do yeah yeah check check me out like I can't do it but put a microphone with us and we can flow oh my god how was your week how are you I'm

Oh my God. I'm good. What did I even do? I don't know. I have amnesia. I haven't left the apartment. It's so fucking cold in New York. It's too cold. It's like I'm unwell.

um craig's away on a bachelor party so like haven't spoken to him in years god knows if he's still alive oh yeah he's that age where like his his southern friends are starting to get married 30s is like there's like 18 of them in a hotel i'm like oh my god i don't get arrested but i've literally i don't want to hang out with anyone or go anywhere

I love that for you. So I think I might be depressed. I do have to say, having a boyfriend does get exhausting in terms of like, you're socializing all the time and

people are like oh you're not with your boyfriend go out with your girls yes but you also need that third time which is like you alone with your clothes yeah like here's the other thing i want to see my girlfriends i don't want to go out and see them yeah i like if you want to hang out with me you have to come to my apartment that's the rule of being my friend i'm gonna explain new york to you guys i live on the lower east side

Sierra lives like we're in a long you and I are in a long distance relationship. Yeah. You and Sierra live in Midtown West. And so I treat it like you live in Europe. So I literally called me the other day and you're like, so weird. I was on the West Side yesterday. I don't live in a different state. You're like, it's so lovely this time of year. You never told me. People have like a different accent in the city where you are.

You're like, I'm so sorry, I'm from the east side. I've come all the way from the east side. How do you guys pronounce it here? How do you say, I went to Westside purely because I wanted to do a podcast with this dog trainer and I wanted to meet his dog who was this gorgeous pit bull. And then I hit up Sierra because I hadn't physically seen her in so long and I was with Des and I was like, hey, we're coming through to say hi.

We had a great time. And then she was going to go out and we were going to just have a nice quaint dinner at this little Italian restaurant near her apartment. And we get there. Oh, I know this Italian restaurant. She loves it. It's her favorite place. They're so friendly. It's really intimate. It's really cute. It was a little busy. We get there and Des looks at me and he goes, I don't really feel that well. And then he looks at me and he goes, I think I'm going to faint.

You don't know how little of a caretaker you are until moments like this happen. Stop. He goes, I have to go to the bathroom. And I go, all good. Goes to the bathroom. I'm like scrolling my Instagram, reading hate comments. And then. Yeah. Just normal. Self-loathing. I have three extra minutes. Let me self-loathe. So then he comes back and he goes, I think I need to lie down outside. Okay.

And I go, over my dead body are you lying down outside? It's like I just have to go to Central Park really quick and lay on a park bench. Yeah.

And I'm sitting there and like it's a very quaint restaurant and he's like you could tell he's like scared. And then I noticed he is losing color in his face. Like his lips are kind of like almost looking gray. And he goes. Oh my God, Hannah. Are we scared? He's like having a heart attack. This happened within like it escalated so quickly within three minutes. Like I was deciding between the eggplant, the chicken parmesan. And he goes, can you call an ambulance? And I'm like.

No fucking way. Honey, I was like, you don't, we don't need it. We don't need an ambulance. This is like, you're not going to embarrass me right now and call an ambulance. Do you want to know what I think that is? I think that's because we grew up in an Italian family that like, if you're hurt or something happens, we didn't have moms that were like, oh my God,

Like maybe for a second They were like Are you okay They checked to see If you were okay And then they were like Suck it the fuck off This is all my issues I'm letting you guys know So he goes Call an ambulance I start googling How to call an ambulance Because I'm like It definitely can't be 911 911 seems very extreme for this Is there a 311 Is there like a Right is there a Like we're not

an emergency but like we need help. Let's not 911 this and then he goes I need to lie down. I need to go. I go you're not lying outside. Go in the booth. By the way guys Des is 6'3". He's a large man. So we he starts lying in the booth and this is not like a

private booth like we're all connected on one long booth so i'm i'm pretending he's not lying in the booth like i'm mortified you're walking it off and i'm like he's like what are you doing and i was like i'm i'm just i'm i'm figuring i'm like just like this will pass like whatever this is it'll pass yeah and he goes get the waitress and i'm like why do you need the waitress and he's like get the waitress the waitress comes and he goes can you can you call an ambulance and she's like she's

like she starts freaking out. Yeah. Oh my God. She's like 911 911 and then this was like the most New York City moment where I

Everyone gets down to help. Like guys like get him an aspirin. The other girls like keep coughing. Make sure you keep coughing. Keep talking to him. And wait, what did they think was going on that he was having a heart attack? It's amazing to date an older zaddy. Yeah. But occasionally you have to look out for he could be having a heart attack, which I didn't factor into this engagement.

And then... So the ambulance arrives. And this has, like, fully escalated from, like, a chill dinner to the whole...

the whole place. But the funny thing about Des is someone's like, by the way, you kind of sound like Bill Burr to make him laugh. And he starts doing a full on Bill Burr impression while he's dying. And I'm sitting there like, are you really fucking doing your stand up making everyone laugh here? Then the ambulance comes and they're like testing all his stuff. And then I, they start taking the food away. And then I realized like, we have to pay. Yeah.

I realized I don't have my wallet with me because it's in my ski jacket. Because you're getting married. So I'm like, honey, I was like, babe, babe, babe, where's your wallet? And he's like, I'm dying and you're waiting for my wallet. What?

digging his wallet out of his pocket while he's literally dying. Also, the life insurance policy. Do you happen to know where that is at home? This is not related. You caused kind of a big stir at this restaurant. We have to leave a hefty tip. This is a lot.

He finally calms down. He goes to the bathroom and he pukes. And they're like, we think he has a stomach bug. So obviously I'm even more jealous at this point. Yeah. Then he finally started getting color back in his face. Everything was good. And at that moment, I'm like, and this is why I probably should never have a child. No, no, Hannah, don't say that. This is why men get...

literally sneeze and they're like I think that I have severe allergies I'm like you sneezed I do think it's always better to be safe than sorry but it just escalates so quickly when he was like calling ambulance and I was like we are you is this a bit like are you serious I was Carrie Bradshaw and he was big

Oh my god. Oh my god, you literally were. I will say, this is a quick test, if you're ever, because it's happened to me, if you're dating someone and you can't decide if you like them or not, if they go through something traumatic and your immediate reaction is to like get the ick, you don't like that?

You don't like that. I love this man so much. He was lying down in a booth in a nice New York City restaurant. Yeah.

And still making everyone laugh around him. And I also knew that we were going to make fun of this. Like I literally did the joke on stage that night and he went on stage that night, that crazy motherfucker. Yeah. So, but I definitely was like, this is worth it. If I wasn't into him. If you didn't like him. I've had boyfriends cry about God knows fucking what. And my immediate reaction is to like, no.

Lean away. I'm like, stop whatever you're doing. But like Craig could cry at something or like be upset. And I'd be like, oh my God, do you want to talk about it? Let's like figure this out. Who did this to you? I'll kill him. I'll murder him. The best part too is after this whole scene, dramatic scene, we're leaving and he turns around to the restaurant and he goes, just want to say it wasn't the food. The food is great. Wait, that's fucking hilarious.

hilarious but i'm also like this fucking guy like my life with him is never boring but like yeah the drama sometimes is like i'm like we're not even doing reality tv anymore and i was like we need a break like we just stop just stop also just when men get sick it is the one of the craziest things and like i've always seen like memes about this or like heard about it

But, like, it is on another fucking level when you're in a relationship. Craig sneezed the other day in my apartment. Like, just a normal sneeze. Whatever. And he looked at me and he goes, I think that you have dust in here. Like, I think you might have, like, a lot of dust. I'm like, what the fuck? You know, you could die from the mold in here. You sneeze. Like, chill the fuck out. So, but Dez has this, like, competitive thing where, like,

he's like, whatever happens, we always do stand-up comedy at night. So, like, he went and did his shows. And I'm like, who are you trying to prove? No way. After that? He went into two sites at the Comedy Cellar. And he's like, I just need to let you know, like, that that stuff's not going to take me down. And I'm like, you don't have to prove that to anyone. You're like, what mafia movie are we in right now? That, like, things aren't going to take you down. Like, okay. Because I just, I can't when men are sick. It's like...

It's one of my biggest pet peeves. It's an ick, honestly, for me. I don't want to throw my dad under the bus, but like when my dad gets a cold, the whole world stops and he's there pouty. My parents couldn't come to our first live show because my dad didn't feel well. Literally didn't feel well. He has a tickle. Yeah. My mom was like, it's just better if.

Like, I stay with him. You know, I'm worried. And I'm just like, okay. Do you know what I think it is? I think it's not their fault. I think society makes them feel like they can't be vulnerable ever. Ever. And they have to be so strong. So the second they're allowed to blame something else, they put all of their vulnerability into that tickle in their throat. I think that's so true. Wow. We nailed it. You just psychoanalyzed that and it's on point. Okay. I have some wild...

um front page news but i want you to start with what you have or i could start whatever you say what i you start because i feel like you're excited about it oh is this about the megan fox ring we could start with that okay let's start with that so after we analyzed megan fox and machine gun kelly's engagement ring we then found out that it

It's like made to feel like when she takes it off that it hurts and it's thorns like coming off of her ring finger. How do you feel about it? So obviously at first you're like, and then you realize like, honestly, it's so them. And also it's so romantic in a way. They're aliens, right?

Like, they don't live on this planet. First of all, you know she fucking loved that. She fucking loves that. And for him to be like, I love you so much that I want it to fucking hurt if you even remove this from your finger. And you're like, oh, I just fucking came. Do you want to know what? It's a very clear sign that they live in California and not New York. Right? It's a very clear sign they don't live in Ohio. We know that. It's just like...

And I feel like people sometimes get mad because they're like, you living in New York isn't a personality trait. Okay, but it is because it dictates what I think about certain situations. Like, I love to be romantic and have my man plan something cute and be swept off my feet. But then it gets to a certain point where you're like, okay. But it's just unrealistic. It's enough. Yeah.

I mean, some people would say it's attention seeking. But I also do think if they like pain in bed, do you think it's like sexual? Like, oh, when I feel pain from this ring, I think of him. I don't know because...

I like pain in bed sometimes. Not like extreme pain, but I don't want to be getting like a manicure because every time I get a manicure, like I take my rings off, I don't want it to scratch my finger every two weeks. Like that's annoying for me. I know I'm a little bitch with pain. If my tag in the back of my shirt has a slight itch, I'm out for the day. Yeah. We have very sensitive bodies and we can't,

- If you're an empath, they say that you're really sensitive to sweaters and sounds. - We can't wear Angora. Do you know how hard that is for us? It itches us and we can't wear it. - Our sensitive, gentle baby skin. Also I wrote down, are you familiar with the Theraguns? - I am familiar. - I feel like you've definitely dated a guy who's like, "Oh, I'm gonna use my Theragun."

Literally everything I just was an equinox and I'm a Theragun. So Theragun. We were away in Aspen and at one point Craig was like, oh, I should have brought the Theragun. I'm not gonna lie. I did buy Des a Theragun for Christmas. But like in the moment I was like, oh, that would have been so good right now. I'm so sore. Honestly pissed off that we didn't partner with Theragun because this is about to be intense, but they have this like really sexy commercial.

with um ronaldo with the theragun where not only is it showing him like in the gym after but also shows him just in a tank top and bed like kind of like curled over just getting his calf we definitely don't watch the same cable shows no we definitely don't like i'll be what like des will have like soccer on and it'll show yeah i don't think that's safe people are now using theragun as a sex toy yeah you can't do that you can't do that my question because you know i don't know things

Where? No, where? You guys, it is like... No, that'll go right... It's like a machine gun. Yeah, that'll destroy your vagina. Or butthole. I didn't even think that people would be putting it there. I mean, it scares me. I definitely think Machine Gun Kelly understands how to use it, but we don't. No. They also have different tops for it.

Like they have like a sharper one for like certain muscles. There was a TikTok that I recently saw and it was this woman. She was like duetting this guy's TikTok and he's snowboarding. And he like he's videoing himself as he gets down from the mountain. And he's like, guys, I'm not going to lie. I just rode so well that I think I like came a little bit.

And it flips over to like her TikTok and she goes, are you telling me that these motherfuckers are doing like an everyday thing and they're just they're just releasing like that? She's like, I'm not in the mental state. The moon and Jupiter. And she's like, do they deserve that? Do they deserve that?

Because seriously, you have to be as a woman, you have to be so honed in on what the fuck is happening at that precise moment to even get halfway there. And then sometimes you can lose it and you never get it back. You don't know where it went. Guys talk about how like peeing feels like so fucking good. And like peeing does feel good. But I realized I guess the pee comes out of the same place that like semen would. Is that wrong?

No, that's right. They only have one hole down there. So I feel like they kind of, it simulates like they're coming kind of where it like feels. I hate them. I just hate them. I hate them. There's so many things I hate about them. Even though I am in a very loving relationship, I am still on my I hate mentor. I hate them. We are fully on the I hate mentor. Speaking of the I hate mentor, we are going to Seattle, LA, and San Francisco. In San Francisco.

Check our link in bio. It is the I Hate Mentor. And we do have some special guests. Yeah, we do. I'm so excited. I can't wait. We just got a video person. So if you're not there, you'll be able to see some stuff. And I'm about to book our hair and makeup for Hell Eye, but I need to do Seattle and San Francisco.

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend's still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn.com slash results.

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Okay. We're taking things too far. So the green M&M, Rolling Stone just said, let the green M&M be a nasty little slut. The green M&M was originally in like the commercials and stuff wearing white heels. Yeah.

And she had like lip gloss. She was a thought. Yeah, she was a slut. But you liked her. You always wanted her to come. You always knew she was getting with the blue M&M. Like there was no way she wasn't. She was an Instagram model who goes on yachts. And now they're making her wear Larry David sneakers. Because...

Oh, wait. What about how they're changing the orange M&M because they don't want the orange M&M to know that that could be like an anxiety-induced color? So apparently they want the orange M&M to be open about its anxiety. So that's its character trait is that it's an anxious M&M and to normalize its anxiety. It's not real. M&Ms aren't real. Yeah.

M&M's don't know they have anxiety. I have anxiety. That's why I eat M&M's. M&M's are supposed to take away my anxiety. But, oh yeah. So are you familiar with Yasifying? No. So Yasifying is this app where it makes your face look just like beyond gorgeous and it's definitely very toxic. But everyone's joking like re-yasify the M&M's immediately. And basically we've gone too far where... How do you spell Yasifying? Yasifying.

Y-A-S-S-I-F-Y. Okay. It's a new concept here we're introducing on Giggly, but I also think we have to stop equating girls being sexy with that being demeaning, you know? Right. With it being weak. Right, like why does she have to wear sneakers if she wants to wear heels? I guess they were afraid that it was too heteronormative. Yeah.

And they just went a little too far. Is there anyone else? Oh, I think the brown Eminem wears heels. Yeah, but she has like a low kitten heel and she has glasses to show she's smart. So you can't be having OnlyFans and be an Eminem? Exactly. It's fucked up because I have to tell you, these girls on OnlyFans are fucking smart.

Dude, they really fucking are. I saw something the other day. It was like a random, I think it was like a New York Post thing. And it was just like this random ass girl who was like, I like lost my job. So I just started an OnlyFans and she made like a million dollars in one week. And I was like, what am I doing wrong? No, I have a comedy friend who was like struggling financially. So during the day she does OnlyFans and she's like making over $1,000.

like 10k a month or something when you first started we are only fans proponents we are pro only fans

They're taking control of their sexuality and they're making the finances that they want to do and doing what they're comfortable with. Right. A lot of the time, which is beautiful. But yeah, they said the green M&M is newly liberated from her white boots. Let's loose. I'm pretty sure Paige DeSorbo was never liberated from a white boot. Nor do I want to be. Never. I don't ever want to be liberated from my knee high boots. If someone took my knee high boots away, I would riot. Right.

As someone who considers herself like a sporty girl, when I first was playing tennis, I was like, oh, I want to play like a boy. And then I was interviewed when I was younger. And a lot of these feminist blogs were like, this is fucked up. You don't want to say you want to play like a boy. You want to just reestablish what it means to be a girl. So instead of making it like, oh, wearing heels is inherently bad. Too girly, yeah.

Or two, that being girly means you're weak or like the patriarchy is controlling you. Instead, let's embrace the feminine. Be like, no, this is how girls play. I want to play like a girl. I want to be like a girl, which is complex and so many different types of women. But we can't make it like it's not okay to be girly. Also, like I would consider my overall self extremely girly. Yes. But there are days where I...

want to legit dress like a boy because I like it. Like, I like wearing like a trouser and a sneaker and a turtleneck and an oversized blazer and literally looking like a news reporter from the 1990s. But it's like men's wear. But I like, I like it. It's,

It's because like they're associating heels with like just trying to make men like you are like a secretary in Mad Men wearing heels when it's like, no, Dua Lipa is wearing heels fucking selling out stadiums. You also don't have to be the same type of girl every single day. Yeah, don't put us in a box. Yeah.

Just lick our box. Whatever. I like peanut M&M's better anyway. For some reason, someone convinced me they were healthy when I was younger and I used to just like peanut M&M's. Because there's peanuts in them. So just eat an exorbitant amount of peanut M&M's. Somebody did a TikTok and it was like, okay, so we changed all the M&M's, but did we look at the ingredients in M&M's? No, we didn't. People are like, if you really want M&M's to be better, why don't we take out the toxins? Yeah.

You wrote vagina face mask. Oh my God. So the brand is called Nakey. N-A-K-E-Y. And they come in like these like it looks like a triangle package and it's called Muff Mask.

So like randomly I'll just get like packages that like I don't know who they're from. Wow. It sounds like I get like bombs every day. So I'll get like PR packages. So I took them out of the package and I had no idea what it was. So I'm like looking at and I open up and it's like this mirror and it's in the shape of a triangle. And I'm like, what is this like new makeup like face mask thing? So then I'm reading the thing. They're face masks for your vagina.

Okay, I thought you were going to say it was like vagina juice that you put on your pores. No. And let me tell you something. It brought my... Like, at home, by myself, candle lit, face mask on my face, like...

Lying there watching my shows and then a face mask on my vagina. It brought my self-care level to a new level. Okay, I have a lot of questions. Is this for the skin on your vagina or like the actual labia? I don't know. You're like, didn't read that part of the instructions. Didn't care, but it felt amazing. I put them in the refrigerator because I put all my face masks. Oh, the cooling probably felt good. Yeah, so like putting it on...

I don't know what the fuck it did, but like it did make me softer. Like the skin? Yeah. Wow. So, wow. I mean, I do think people don't talk enough about

The things that happen On your bikini line And around it Because it's like They don't Embarrassing But like I suffered really bad From ingrown hairs For a long time Because I was Just like Constantly shaving Shaving And then I would be sweaty And my I'd be chafing Because my thighs touch Really It's such Taking care of her Down there

is a full-time fucking job. Yeah, and I'd be embarrassed to wear a bikini because it looked like I was like a teenager with pimples.

And she's just so finicky. Like she can't do too much work during the day or she's like, I might I might feel like I'm getting a UTI. And like, God forbid you nick her when you're shaving. She's like, I'm going to bleed forever now. Thank you. She's like, I think you're forgetting that I'm the main character. Literally, your vagina is the main character. You just like happen to have random thoughts, but she's controlling everything.

Wait, so you like this new... I fucking love it. Amazing. I love it. But also, I feel like you don't need this. Like, you don't need another thing to obsess over about, like, being perfect on you. This is feeding into your addiction. Here's the thing, though.

Whenever you feel like something, like have you ever been like, oh my God, something's like wrong with my vagina, but I don't know what is going on. Like, okay, remember the first time you ever got a yeast infection? Yeah, you're Googling. And you're like, what the fuck is happening? Is this normal? And then it's like vagina and they're like, no, you have syphilis. And you're like, what the fuck is going on? And then they have all these weird scents and you're like, I can't sniff my vagina. Anyway, continue. Yeah.

That is something no one talks about. And they describe the scent so weird. They're like, if it smells like a coin that has been rotting for two days, you should go to a doctor. You're like, I don't know what a rotting coin smells like.

Or they're like, they say stuff about like cottage cheese. Yeah. Or like if they're like, it smells like yeast. You're like, but I don't know what yeast is. Yeah. What does yeast smell like? Baking soda? Yeah. But you know when something's going on with your vagina, so you're like, let me look at it. Yeah. And so you take your mirror. The mirror. I feel like everyone does the same thing. They take their handheld mirror. They put it on the toilet seat. You put one leg up and like you just look. Yeah.

I like that they gave you a mirror in the package because I feel like you should know what it looks like so that in the case that something really is wrong, then you look at it and you're like, yeah, that doesn't look right.

Do you ever look at it and you're like, oh my God, that's what my man sees way more than I do. Or like you look at it and you're like, this is just like, how does that turn so many people on? You're like, I control the world with that thing. You're like, it's literally a sore in between my legs. Wait, I just pulled up the different scents. It's fucking hilarious. Number one. Yeah, read them.

Tangy or fermented? Is it kimchi? What are you saying? It says yogurt, sourdough bread, and even sour beer contain the same type of good bacteria that dominate most healthy vaginas. Yeah. Then it says coppery like a penny. Yeah. Yeah.

sweet like molasses oh okay who what girls are walking around with the sweet like molasses vagina and whose dick did they suck in heaven seriously it goes when we say sweet we don't mean freshly baked cookie sweet we mean robust and earthy okay is this a wine we're talking about yeah or a candle from home goods now it says chemical like a newly cleaned bathroom

Is bad, I would assume. And it says, like, bleach or ammonia. It sometimes could be a reason to see a doctor. And then it says skunky, like BO or smoked herbal earthy scent. It's not just you, but it could smell like marijuana. Oh, my God. And the reasons for skunky odor is emotional stress. Yeah, that's the other thing. Like, nothing medically could be wrong with you, but your vagina is like, mm, I feel depressed. So, like, mm.

This smells. You're so right. They're saying like it's nothing to worry about, but sometimes it produces sweat to cool your body down and it could smell like weed. That's fun. Fishy or that filet you forgot about? It's about a filet first of all.

Wait, the last one is the best. It goes rotten like a decaying organism. No. If it smells like a putrid dead organism in me, not be your vagina, but something in your vagina. They use the word putrid? Like a forgotten tampon. No. It happens. It happens.

It happens But guys it says When you should see a doctor This is a doctor podcast now If your face scrunches up from smelling it Like rotten fish or dead organism decay These are red flags Okay Okay well we learned something here Yeah but there's so many steps I bet if like guys ever googled anything about their dick They'd just be like If it like smells bad You should go to a doctor Like it's like one sentence It's like nah bro you'll be good Just like use that Axe body wash You're like that was a full menu Yeah

Okay, but the face masks, there's three different ones. Okay. One is the soother, the juicer, and the rehabber. That's after like crazy weekend. Are they scented? I actually don't think they are. Because people say it's not great to have like fake scents by your pussy. So like I...

The rehabber, like one of the things they said, it's really good if you are postpartum and it eases like discomfort and inflammation. And it has like aloe vera in it, witch hazel, chamomile. Like it's all cool. It has no like preservatives, sulfates, dyes, no fragrances. Like it's all very natural. Like it's all like good for your vagina. I can't believe no one's done this before.

Yeah, it's because a lot of the decision makers are men and that's why tampons are still like a fucking cloth. Yeah, I'll post. But the brand is called Nakey and they're called Muff Masks, which and they're also like very cute packaging. Yeah, like branding's good. Muff Mask is cute. We love alliteration on Gagley Squad. Also, I randomly saw on TikTok, you know, tampons used to be like wool, like

Like you'd put wool up your vagina like and you know how we are about sweaters. Like, no. Remember the first time you opened a tampon and it was cardboard and you like looked and you're like, what the fuck is this? Like you didn't even know they made them like that. You know, I didn't use a tampon until I was 18.

you're literally the virgin mary it's so adorable to me because i only knew how to use pads which is insane because like it's a literal diaper and it happened because i was in college and i got my period right before we were about to go out and i was like does anyone have a pad and my friends were like what and i was like i was like wait how old were you when you got your period first 14 i was okay i think

I was late too. So we were... I was... I think I was a freshman in high school. Yeah. So my friend basically was like, do it. Yeah. So I was scared. I like never had stuck anything up there. And I met my friend being like, I'll do it for you if you want. Yeah. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. And then I definitely put it in at like a weird angle because it hurt. Wait, Hannah. So you went all through high school. You played tennis. Yep. And you wore pads? Like...

You just feel like you're walking around with... With a diaper on. A diaper full of blood. It's gross. I remember the first time I got my period, I was literally... It was like I was going to a winter prom. And I called my mom into the bathroom and I was like, oh my God. And she was like, okay, I have a pad for you. And I was like, I want a tampon. She was like...

slow you were not trying to slut shame but you are the green m&m she was like slow your fucking roll i think you're gonna use the mom's grew up with pads or like yeah i don't know i just i hated the feeling of feeling it come out and you don't feel that with like a tampon usually

yeah well also it's this just it's dirty when you open it or tampon just block you just cork that shit in but i just remember being so traumatized because it was like a pressure moment like everyone's like we have to meet the hockey guys at the kk and you're fucking taking forever in there and i was like take my virginity i was such a scared little girl such a little baby and then from then on

she does tampons and she's a new woman i will say because i will only use organic tampons because again she's because you think you're better than everyone yeah i'm just elite a lot of them are still made with cardboard so if i'm in like a jam and they don't have like the brand i usually use i'm cardboarding it so i like basically i'm from the 1930s that's like so relatable that you use cardboard tampons though

I always fuck it up. Do you ever, do you feel bad when you fuck it up and you have to throw it away? Yeah. Like when you pull it too hard before you even put it in. So like broke and you're like, oh man. Yeah. Or I pull it out and the whole thing comes out when I'm pulling it out. Yeah. Um,

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Let's discuss Pete Davidson and Colin Jost. Okay. What specifically are they fighting? They bought a Staten Island ferry.

What do you mean they bought a Staten Island ferry? Oh my God, you didn't hear about this? No. Oh my God. Pete Davidson and Colin Jones. Like a boat? Like the ferry? So, and the founder of The Stand, which is like the comedy club I'm at, they're all like buddies and they bought a old Staten Island ferry boat that they want to turn into a basically live entertainment space with comedy, music, art, etc.,

And they don't want to see it go to the scrapyard. They want to make it cool. Now, I know in New York City, they have a lot of these big boats that become like a party boat that's actually so fun. So I think this is an awesome idea. It was $300,000. Do you want to know something? I don't even know where Staten Island is. Like if someone said you have to go to Staten Island right now, I would be like, how do you get there? Where do you go? Did you ever go to like Ellis Island? No. You guys never went for like a trip, like a school trip?

No, my school didn't give a shit about us. We went to like the Boston Aquarium. They're like, that's good enough. I think this will be really cool. It's, Staten Island is basically just like an exotic island off the coast. Wait, so you like, you like get, no, literally, it's like a European country that like, it's our Ibiza. Yeah, if I think the west side is Europe, it's, it's the Fiji Islands, Staten Island. Um, wait,

So like you pay to go on the boat and just sail around and like listen to comedy and stuff. Or is it when people are going from New York City to Staten Island? Yeah.

Like, is it running as a normal ferry or is it like that's a good question? Because the one that I go on called the lobster, it's like the lobster boat or something. You pay like 10 bucks or something to go on. It goes around the Hudson and then it brings you back and you buy stuff while you're on there. I don't think anyone wants to go to Staten Island necessarily. It's probably going to be a lot of Manhattanites that just want to ride around on the water. What are your thoughts on Colin Jost?

Not my type. Yeah. Not my type. Me neither. Like, like if he wasn't Colin Jost and I met him at a bar, I would be like, probably not. Yeah. But he jokes about having like a very punchable face. That was like his, I think he wrote a book called like having a punchable face. He looks like the most annoying guy on the lacrosse team who like wants to mansplain everything to you.

And then also has like a really rich family that gave him everything. But pretends that he did it by himself. But like deep down he has a good heart, but it's like you can't get past how douchey he is. Just his douchey bone structure. Yeah, which I feel like was like every boyfriend I dated in high school. Yeah, he also kind of plays the straight man on SNL. Like he's not the like funny, funny one. He's just kind of straightforward. So you don't really see his personality that much. But for him to be with Scarlett.

But this is a great example of a couple that chooses to not be in the limelight. Yeah. Like it's not that, oh, cameras just want to see Ben and JLo all the time. Like actively Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost want to protect their relationship and don't want to be like a,

Us weekly relationship I A thousand Some people are like No Shayla's just in love I'm like This is literally What people pay Hundreds of thousands Of dollars of PR for That you're witnessing So you say that

Don't you feel smarter knowing that? I know, but it makes me feel angry too, like knowing how the sausage is made and seeing people not know how the sausage is made and then bully people because they ate the sausage. Yeah, because like when people DM you, like Craig posted, Craig posted like...

Like a photo carousel of like all like pictures, like random pictures from Aspen. And I literally didn't wear makeup. I wore makeup like once that trip. I didn't even really wear any of my outfits because we were like in the house the whole time. So we have like no pictures. But he added one picture of us like the one time we went out to dinner like at the last slide.

The amount of DMs that I got that were like, it's like, we think it's really weird that he put you with last. Like, we don't know, like, what's going on? Do you think, like, he really likes you because, like, you would have been the first picture. And, like, just crazy shit. And I was like, this is insane.

Like he had to beg me to even post that pic. We love the drama. We love the drama. You could see everything through the lens you want to see it. You could be like, he's being a dick. Or you could be like, wow, he's like not trying too hard. Yeah, he was just like, I don't know. Like he doesn't know things. He's posting photos. Also, he wanted you to make it to the end. Yeah, it was just, I didn't even, ugh, people are so weird. Save the best for last. I don't know, that quote,

Wait, you said it? Did Tinks say that quote? Guys, okay. The other day when I quoted Tinks, Hannah called me the next day and she was like, she was like, you do realize that you were quoting Tinks who was quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson. You dumb bitch. I mean, I laughed. I was like, that was Robert Frost, okay? I was like, Tinks is my Emily Dickinson, okay? Okay.

Like everything Tink says I agree with. To wrap this up, what is this app idea you have? I don't know. She's checking the notes because she forgot. Oh my God. Okay. So look, I love binge watching a series, especially if it's a series that I know Craig is not going to watch with me. So like Sex and the City or like some girly shit on Netflix, whatever. Recently, I feel like there's been nothing to watch recently.

And I have a whole like if I had the time, I would write so many strongly worded emails to HBO Max platform. The Hulu. HBO Max needs to get it together. HBO Max is on my hit list above. I feel like you have to do a legal shit to even just watch the HBO Max stuff you paid for.

Like they're like oh my god do you want to watch this show Well yep yeah now you're watching it And like they don't give you a preview You have to get like a VPN To like get in sometimes I have to like traffic HBO Max into my computer You know summaries is like I'm like I can't judge a book by it's cover I can't watch the first four seasons To decide if I like it Give me a 30 second recap

That's why Netflix is so good. I know sometimes it's annoying when you're scrolling and the trailer just starts, but I appreciate it because I'm like, I watched the first 10 seconds. I'm like, nope, I'd hate that. Next, like whatever. So...

So what's your app idea? So my app idea, if someone smart wants to make this and like partner with me, I want there to be an app that goes through everything that I have on my Roku, knows everything that I've watched and then like, okay, we know you watch this on Netflix. We know you watch this on HBO Max. Here's other shows like it on different platforms that we think you,

Oh my god, mom. Jesus fucking Christ. You just scared the shit out of me. Oh my god, I thought you were like my maintenance guy coming in to kill me. We would have had it recorded if she did kill me. Oh my god. Thank god. It would have gone viral, Paige. Why didn't you let him kill you? We would have literally solved a murder and then your documentary would be coming out. This is now a ski murder podcast.

Anyway, so my fucking app idea is like, okay, you watch Sex and the City. Here's a show on Hulu that is kind of like that that you would like. Start binging it. Like I'm sick of asking people what are they watching, right?

This isn't a great idea because the reason TikTok is so successful is that they figured out the algorithm Yeah, do you know how like it understands your algorithm and then you'll be on Instagram and you're seeing reels and you're like wait That's not me. That's my vibe And so it's like you'll Netflix will figure out who you are and then you go on Amazon and you're like oh But you don't know me Amazon Prime like I have to like re-learn It's like having to go on four different dates and you forget what you're telling each of the guys and next thing you know You're like where am I even at with this guy? So I love that

That Instagram is giving me like Russian bloggers to follow. I'm like, I don't live in Russia. I feel like this is how many fur hats do I have to look at?

I'm like, oh my god. I'm like, they don't speak English. How do I know what they're saying in their stories? Like, figure it out, Instagram. Well, anyway, you guys, thank you for giggling with us. We love you so much. We're going on the West Coast in two weeks, so get your tickets. I hope, tell Des I hope he's okay. He has had a traumatic last couple days. Okay, goodbye, everyone.