Giggling about fake orgasms, fettuccini, and first date rules
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I mean, the day just got away from me. Hello, my giggly oochie-boochies. That was a made-up word, if you didn't know. I think we all knew. How are you doing? Oh, you know, so funny, actually. My mom called me the other day, and she's, like, telling me the normal, like, gossip with everything that's going on at home and all this stuff. And then I just, like, wasn't really responding that much. I was just like, yeah, yeah. She goes, um, are you depressed? Yeah.

And I was like, I don't know. And classic, classic Italian mom. She goes, oh, well, don't be. Because you want to know what? It could be way worse. People wish that they had your life. Like there's literally zero reason for you to be depressed. I wish I had your. And I was just like. I'd be like, well, I haven't drank water in two weeks. So that's probably the reason. Okay.

It was just like a classic, like someone who's never had anxiety be like, what are you anxious about? Oh, don't be. And you're like, okay, amazing. That just fixed it. Yeah.

These fucking Gen Z's and millennials and their fucking feelings. I'm over it. But also when I get depressed, I'm not... There's not like one specific thing I'm depressed about. It's just like a feeling that my body has. Yeah. I was thinking about, do you know when something makes you anxious and then you kind of forget what it is, but the anxious feeling stays and then you're like, I want to get rid of this, but I don't even know what I'm anxious about, but the feelings still here. My energy healer...

told me that when i feel like that because i'm a scorpio and a water sign i should like immediately take a shower oh because whenever i'm like in in water it resets my body she basically just said you smell yeah she's basically try showering more like someone needs to tell you this honestly sometimes like you're just tired from the exhaustion of whatever your mind is like spinning on yes

Yes. And like, do you ever like encounter people in your life? Like the only person in my life that I really know that's like this, who's like never overthought a day in their life, has never had anxiety. And you just look at them and you're just like, what's your life like? Your dog? My dog. Who?

who's like that my brother like never had a day of anxiety never been anxious about anything never like just like very much goes with the flow lives his life a girl had the funniest tiktok about saying how guys think women are more emotional but then showed all of the guys who play soccer and they literally get barely touched and they start rolling on the floor crying no is

Is that not insane? It was really funny. They do like these acting things to like get the clock to like be going. It's so nuts. Gary's definitely gone mad over a Yankee game before. Like abnormally mad where you're like, okay, okay. Take a, go take a lap around the block and come back. No, he really does. He has zero. He doesn't have a temper. Well, that's a lie. Yeah.

Does he have a frontal lobe? It takes a lot for him to get mad. Once he's mad, then yeah, he's mad. But like...

It would take him days, weeks to get mad at something. You're like, I've tried. I've really tried to poke the bear. You know how men like fall asleep so easily? Like when you're in bed with them, like you're in the middle of a conversation and you're like, but I really think it's because they're so tired from like just like gaslighting all day. For sure. Do you know that was the number one word like of the year? I have to sneeze. Bless you. Fuck you, Hannah. Yeah.

seriously oh my god that's so mean now my nose is gonna be stubby for the rest of the pod you know it's the worst when you're like about to sneeze or yawn and someone puts their finger in your mouth i mean no oh my god i love sneezing there's nothing i love more than sneezing it's better than orgasm it totally is i would take a like a hearty sneeze over having sex any day

And I think Craig knows that too because the other day I had like a sneezing fit and I was like, and I got done with it and I was like, ah. And he goes, you love that. I know you love that. I'm happy for you. Craig starts jerking off while you're sneezing. I just love when you get turned on. Whatever turns you on, babe. Oh my God. He comes in with a little feather and he starts tickling your nose. He gets, he just comes up with dust and he's like, you ready for a crazy night, babe? Yeah.

Des is like, I told you how he like hates getting woken up. And I always, he goes to bed at like eight and I go to bed at like 3 a.m. Wait, hates getting woken up. Oh, like in the middle of the night, not like in the morning. Yeah. Like he's like, babe, I'm going to sleep. Don't wake me up. But of course, like I'm tripping on everything possible in the room. Suddenly the door has like the loudest creak it's ever had. And he wakes up from movement. I told you because he said he's a hunter. Yeah.

I just feel like he just gaslighted me on that like that actually just it was low-key hot like I literally moved my arm and he was like oh and I was like I didn't do anything he's like sorry I'm a hunter and I'm like well you've never hunted literally anything in your life you've literally grown up in Queens your entire life you've never even seen a deer okay couldn't wouldn't kill a fly would not kill a fly but he's a hunter but I would be in bed with him

And once he was like, don't wake me up. Don't wake me up. And I felt a sneeze coming. And it was the kind of sneeze that like I knew it was going to be a good one. And I was like, yeah, should I be selfish and enjoy this sneeze? But wake him up. I let out the loudest fucking sneeze. And he's like, what the fuck?

When you're dead asleep and someone sneezes, it is scary. No, that's got to be terrifying. Because I'm like two inches from his face. I'm thinking if I've like literally ever heard Craig sneeze. Like I can't even like think of like what kind of sneeze he has. I'm so self-involved.

Oh my god, what if he has like a sneeze that gives you an ick and you like can't move past it? I don't know. He must not if it like isn't even registering in my brain. I get her so little that I'm like, I don't even know. You're like, what color eyes does Craig have? Does anyone know? You're like, has anyone checked? Does anyone know where Craig is? Where is Craig actually? Wait, did you guys go to a Knicks game or something? No, we went to a Rangers game. Honestly. Oh, that's fun.

Yeah, it was real. It was no, it was fun. But all day we had gone out all day because I had to like get a few things at different stores. And so I was like, do you want to just like run errands with me? Then I went to Times Square to see our Express campaign. Oh, my God. So cool. Then we like went to lunch. Like so like we did like a bunch of things.

Then I had to get like a certain amount of outfits ready for like something I was doing like the next couple of days and I realized that like I didn't have the right shoes and he was like well you told me that like you would go to the Rangers game with me and I like you ever like start a fight to get out of something and you know you're being ridiculous but like You're a Scorpio You ever just start a fight because you're bored? Yeah

But like I was doing like a classic just trying to like push to see like where the limit actually is. Yeah. Like where boundaries. Yeah. It was like classic. And I was like, Craig, like I really have so much to do. Like I have to go pick up these shoes and like you're just like not making my life easier. And I just like went on a rant for 20 minutes. But my mom also happened to be on speakerphone.

as i was going on this rant and he was like okay like i'll just like i'll go to the game by myself and then and i was like okay good and then like i was literally gonna let him go by himself and my mom was like page you fucking bitch do not let him go by himself that is so mean so then we ended up going to the game together and we had a great time well you wanted him to like

be like babe please come to the game no i didn't i didn't want to go to the game i wanted him to be like stay home do whatever you want but he like wanted me with him and so then i finally went and it was fine because i ate a hot dog honestly the fact that he wants to spend time with you is like so weird so annoying so weird

Like, I went in the other room the other, like, in my bedroom the other night, and I was doing my skincare, and then I just happened to sit on my bed. And I was like, oh, I'm just going to, like, watch some TikToks. And he came in, and he was so mad. He was like, what? You're just going to go in the other room, like, and not come out to the couch? Like, and hang out? I was like, it's been 10 minutes. Hop off my dick for as long as I can. I've taken longer shits before. What?

Leave it alone. I do think, though, because you guys are long distance, it puts more pressure that, like, when you are together, it's like, are we using this time the best we can? Because we're always on the phone being like, I miss you. Craig is long distance. I'm not.

Anyway. Oh, I do want to say for the gigglers, I want to put together an episode of like best of like everyone's favorite moments of the pod. Yeah. And then like so everyone could listen to it one app. So...

definitely like in the um review section of the podcast say what your favorite moment was and we're gonna go through it and put it together for like maybe new year's or something how many episodes of giggly squad do we have i mean we have over 100 yeah it'll be like a now that's 2000s like or vh1 like best of the 90s i always wanted to have a vh1 special

I met Chuck Nice. I don't know if you'd know him by his name, but I was in a reboot with Chuck Nice, who was on VH1's Best Of, like, talking heads. And I was like, hey, I'm a huge fan. You know who I saw out at a bar? Who? Leonardo DiCaprio? No. The guy on Gossip Girl, Chase Crawford. Why is he at a bar?

It was actually a members club. I just didn't want to sound like... Oh, excuse me. Sorry. I didn't want to sound so bougie. It was actually a members club. They put stickers on your phone camera so that you can't take a picture with anyone. But anyway, I'm standing at like the bar part.

standing with like a bunch of my guy friends and he walks in and I like froze and they were like what's going on why aren't you moving and I was like um that's the guy from Gossip Girl are you fucking kidding me and one of my friends knew him and he was like do you want me to introduce you and I was like absolutely not I want him to see me and be like oh my god that's my wife

And then come up to me. That's literally the TikTok when it's like when he, the guy from Gossip Girl walks in and Craig's next to you and you're like, I don't know that man. I do not know that man. And they all looked at me and they're like, okay, so that's probably not going to happen. Can I tell you a secret? I've never watched Gossip Girl. What?

Hannah you grew up in that era. Or friends. Or the office. That is your era. That is when you were in high school. No but you know what it is. It's like when you. But I grew up. I know that scene. Like those girls bullied me in high school. I don't need to re-traumatize myself and watch it. Right. I get it. I get it. And like they're not even the real ones. Like I knew the real ones. You were like you guys have nothing. But no maybe I'll watch it one day. I really want to re-watch The Simple Life.

I'll see clips on TikTok and it's so funny. But now I realize like Paris Hilton was so in on the joke. Like they were both so in on the joke. That's why the comedy was like top tier. But that's like reality TV. Like everyone thinks, oh my God, this is so crazy. And it's like everyone's in on the joke except everyone watching. Yeah, except reality TV like ours. We weren't, we were in on the drama, but they didn't let us be in on the joke. Like they like laughing at us. Being on the joke. Yeah.

Like, we had so many funny lines that never made it. But also some people were like, this is real life. And we're like, you're kind of crazy. No, they showed Paris Hilton doing the weather. And the guy, she was fucking with him. The guy was like, okay, can you point to the screen? And she was like, no, I'm holding my purse. And then like halfway through, she's like, this is boring. Yeah.

And then she was like, wait, can I do the other side for my hair? And then she was like, no, I want to do the other side. She was fucking hilarious. Yeah, she was. Paris Hilton's amazing because she changes her voice when she wants to be real. Like, she talks like me. And then she changes to be like, that.

yeah she's totally she's created a character that everyone thought was actually her but she was really like no i'm just using this character to make billions of dollars because you guys are stupid also low-key i think it helped protect her yes like because whenever anyone would hate on her like she got to disassociate from who she really was with her friends and family yes we should do that more often but we don't have self-control

Yeah, but I would say, like, who we are on Giggly Squad is, like, who we are in any other place that people know us from. Like, they can tell, like, okay, that's not, like, really them. Yeah, but, like, Hannah has done Giggly Squad for over 100 episodes and she's never cried, so. Okay, let's, let's.

Can we just get right into it? Wait, I'm obsessed with this energy from you. I just have so many thoughts. I've read so many New York Times articles about it. Let's fucking go. Let's talk about Harry and Meghan Markle. Because I am...

I'm beyond torn. So I'm going to tell you how I feel about both of them. I feel like this is like a student presentation. On the first slide. This is my thesis. At the bottom of the pyramid, Harry.

Okay, here's how I feel. Some people are really, really hating on Meghan Markle and they're like, she's so manipulative and she like, she did this to get him and be famous and want to be private and blah, blah, blah. Okay, who hasn't manipulated a guy to get him? Right. That honestly bothers me the least. Like, oh, what? You're mad because she's smarter than half the people that dated him? Like, yeah, she wanted something. She fucking got it. That doesn't piss me off.

I think what made me awkward when I was watching it was the amount of times that she kind of... And you could tell that Harry was upset about it. Like, she made fun of how she had to curtsy for the queen. I saw that going viral and Harry was like...

Yeah. And like as an American, we don't I feel like we don't understand like how important that really is in British society. So I think it made him uncomfortable. Well, she's making fun of something that is really respected in their culture. Right. But also like there they could have cut that out. Like, why did they keep her doing? Why did they keep that in? It's also OK. They also just did an entire documentary about wanting to be private. You don't do a six part series. Yeah.

That is so funny. Don't do a six part series for a hundred million dollars being like, I want to be private. Now, do I think that the British tabloids are fucking nutty? Yes, I agree. Um,

Is Harry infatuated with her? Yes. Does she seem like a decent enough person? Yeah. I don't like hate her the way people are hating her. Now, I think the reason I don't dislike her as much as everyone else is because the deep rooted Scorpio Italian in me, if I'm Harry...

And I know that my entire family ruined my mom, ruined her. And let's call it what it is. Probably most likely had her murdered. Murdered.

I'm doing every single thing I can to piss them the fuck off. Like, I'm marrying a girl they don't want me to marry. I'm moving to L.A. I'm doing a Netflix documentary. I'm exposing all your bullshit. Harry could literally do anything and I would stand behind him because they killed his mom. So you're rooting for the overall symbolism of their relationship? I'm rooting for Harry. Okay, we get it. You want to fuck Harry. We get it.

I want to be the princess. Also, there are like I think there's always two sides to every story. Everyone's saying like, oh, Megan, like wanted to date him. He saw her in an Instagram. But my biggest problem with it is that they call each other by their initials. Yep. Yep. Yep. So Megan calls him H and I had a real reaction to it.

She would say, yeah. And then like H texted me. Not, not a, no. You know what that is? That's when you can't think of a good nickname and you're like, fuck it. This is the first letter. It's just like, we get it. You have sex with him. Hair bear. Horatio. There was also a woman in the documentary and her name was Silver Tree. Silver Tree? First name Silver, last name Tree. It's giving Christmas. Yeah.

It's giving Christmas at Teresa Giudice's house. I can taste the sprinkle cookies. So there's like so many things that were like are very contradictory. They're also saying that a lot of the pictures they used of paparazzi are not pictures of paparazzi taking pictures of them. Yeah. Yeah.

So that was another thing that's like kind of weird, but also doesn't piss me off that much. So as someone who did not see the documentary and does not have a strong opinion on Harry or Meghan, the whole concept of it, of them just being like, this is our relationship. It's giving long Instagram caption to me. Oh my God.

God, you couldn't have summed it up better. Like the whole concept of it is just a bigger, long Instagram caption to me. Like we get it. You love each other. You've been through a lot. Ups and downs. It's giving a paragraph on Instagram. It's giving six month anniversary. It's giving multiple posts.

It's giving a kissing post. People think Craig and I broke up and I couldn't love it more. Should we say something? I'm like, no. It's giving saying my person in the caption. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's giving like the first time they knew they fell in love with each other and they wrote it out. It's giving your whole profiles, you and your boyfriend. Okay.

Like, that's what the... What was the point of the documentary besides being, like, the media was really hard on us and we love each other regardless? It's like, what are you overcompensating for? Because we know that. The media was fucking brutal to Megan. Brutal to Megan. I also think, yes, there are probably some things that she's, like, really pissed off about. But, like, her whole defense is that, like, they want to be private. They want to live their lives. Totally. I get it. I think that you should. But, like...

talking to oprah probably isn't the best way to stay private you know like doing a full interview with oprah you're just oh and honestly you're just opening yourself up to more criticism it doesn't matter how like perfect you put together this interview about your life people are gonna like for example me out out of reality tv i wanted a break from my personal life yeah so like you choose what you put out there they're choosing to put this out there right and

So I think the whole thing is like a little bit weird. And I think that Megan like did obviously. Also, let's call it what it is. If you're dating the prince of anywhere. Yeah, you're fucking excited about it. Like,

You can't act like you're not excited that you're dating the prince of wherever in the world. Like if I dated a prince, everyone would know about it. I would tell everyone. You know, it's like Derek Jeter, my ex. Yeah. The girl he married. Her name's Hannah. Not a coincidence. He was trying to get under my skin. She said she didn't know who Derek Jeter was. And I was like, such a lie. Little violin. Like, that's not true.

such a fucking lie that's like when 50 cent said he's never seen a grapefruit before i even get this with craig sometimes people are like oh my god page was a fan of craig before she met him yeah i didn't live under a rock i knew what the fucking show was are you kidding imagine if

I was like, I have no, I had no idea who this bonehead was. Yeah. Obviously I fricking knew. I mean, I guess like, yeah, like we knew who he was, but you didn't have like a locker with photos of him all over it. I wasn't like Helga Pataki and had like a shrine in my closet. But also even if you did, that's called manifestation. Did we think that Helga Pataki was going to make it on the Kigali squad? No, we didn't. But we, she is a queen. She was misunderstood. She was misunderstood.

Justice for Helga Pataki. Okay. Anyhow. So I don't know. Am I going to watch the next three episodes? Absolutely. The thing is also they don't need money or do they like or they like cut off? I think maybe they do. They made a hundred million dollars from this Netflix special.

okay yeah put my public out there but here's yeah that's the other thing if netflix came to me it was like we're gonna give you a hundred million dollars to do they don't even have to finish the rest of the sentence i'm like would you show your vagina on netflix for a hundred million dollars

Like Cara Delevingne Who just sold her orgasm To science I think that's different Donated it Would I show The The inner Like my vagina On Netflix What's the context Is there a doctor present Are we doing UTI Medical No Not a sex scene For a hundred million dollars Oh my god I

don't know i'd have to actually i'd have to think about it a sex scene a sex scene in kim showed her vagina okay wait a sex scene in like a movie where i'm playing a character and you happen to see my vagina or i'm being myself and you're seeing my vagina it's still the same vagina no it's not okay yes your vagina's not acting like her your vagina my vagina's like sorry we're method acting right now please call back later

she goes by a different name in the movie craig just texted me oh my god craig just texted me he's trying to do he's trying to literally do the tick tock i just did to you for the devil wears prada i'm literally texting back and saying i already did this tick tock okay here's my other thing you see all those people posting um they're like pictures as like ai characters yeah

Like I needed to stop. I just I don't understand what AI is. Like, I'm sorry. I'm confused. Is it just like a teenager like painting some things and making some art and sending it to people? Like what does AI even mean? It's like crypto. Someone's going to explain it to us. We're going to never. Is that my face as a crypto coin? I don't know. But it's getting eerie. Like what this means if like everything was virtual. Yeah.

that that's what you'd look like. Also, some people I'm like, you're not that cute. But also the bad thing about it is everyone's paying $10 for it. Put that money towards the ice mocha. That's crazy. That's crazy. I'm not going to pay money to know that I don't look as good in real life. Like I don't need that. I could use Facetune for that. Right. I don't need like another filtered picture of myself. I know.

Speaking of body image, did you see Selena again? Selena and Justin never ending drama. No, I didn't see it. So someone posted something in the past where Selena talked about how like Justin likes models and like she didn't. He he wanted her to be skinny kind of thing. And Selena commented like kind of like an emoji of like a sad face.

And everyone is getting mad at Selena being like, you're egging this on. Meanwhile, all she did was pose an emoji. Obviously, it does stir shit up. But like, she's basically saying like, I don't know. Why is Justin like so untouchable during like the whole Selena and Hailey thing? Like Justin probably is awful. Like, I just feel like whenever like Selena says anything, they always like...

put it on like Selena and Hailey when like really it's Justin is probably awful and he I guarantee you he's awful to Hailey that's literally the theme of Giggly Squad everyone puts it on the women or like tries to put two women against each other where it's like maybe Justin wasn't perfect the whole time also like men

men saying things about, like, women's bodies, like, to their faces is so much more common than, like, anyone will talk about. Like, I will talk about a lot of things with my guy friends and they'll be like, yeah, but, like, none of us would ever do that. And, like, no one I know would ever do that. And I'm like, I've dated multiple of your friends and I'm telling you that they've said that to me before. Or, like, they've done that to girls I know. Like...

It is. One of my biggest fights with a boyfriend was that I ate ice cream two nights in a row. Not Craig because he's nutty, but like but like that's a real thing that happened. So, yes, I bet Justin absolutely made her feel so fucking shitty about her body. It makes me like very upset. And I know like I have friends whose boyfriends have called them fat before. Yeah. Yeah.

You want to be around someone who is not going to make you feel less worthy when your weight fluctuates.

Because that's called existing. Especially, I'm sorry, when I, like, trigger warning to talk about weight, but, like, when I'm PMSing around my period, I'm, like, legit 10 pounds heavier. Yeah. Like, our hormones, especially this age, is, like, crazy. Like, I'll just put on five pounds just from water weight because I, like, smelled something. Keep this in mind. Any guy that I've ever dated that's commented on my weight, at the same time, they didn't have a six-pack.

So that was mind blowing in itself. I'm like, wait, but you're legitimately overweight for your height. And I think that's something you should work on. Also, any guy that doesn't like your ass when it's fat has a problem. Oh, my God. Craig loves when I'm PMSing. Like literally loves it. I eat everything. My boobs are bigger. It's so fun for him. Oh, I watched something that wasn't a documentary.

I watched the horror movie Smile. Fun fact about Des, he loves horror movies. Red Flag, Des. So scary. Classic Scorpio. But when he watches it, you know, when it's like quiet, he'll go, there's a jump coming. And I'm like, okay. What was it on? Who's in it? Oh my God. Well, I think we actually bought it on YouTube. It is so fucking good. It's actually the daughter of Kevin Bacon and Keira Sedgwick.

Oh, wow. Random. Who even knew they had a daughter? It's actually one of the better horror movies I've seen. Everyone's watching it. It's called Smile, and it's basically like... I don't think I've watched a horror movie legitimately since high school when you would put it on because you were going to make out with someone. Yeah, and you would actually miss all the scary parts. Yeah, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Pat Hussey, 2007. Oh, my God.

Good movie. I also have not watched any of White Lotus. I'm just going to put it out there. Because I just feel like I'm so not mainstream. Yeah, you're not mainstream. I watched all of it. What do you think? I was a little bummed by the season finale. Really? I just wanted more murders. Different murders. I wanted it to be more intense. The person that died, I didn't want them to die.

Like, it was annoying for me. Wait, I had something else that I feel like I just watched. Sometimes I, like, oh, I really got to stop taking edibles and writing in the Giggly Squad shared note because I'm, like, read stuff and I'm just like, I don't know what I meant by that. I wrote down the difference between being dependent on your mom and being obsessed with your mom. That's literally what I talk to my therapist about every week. Like, that's...

Sometimes I will be like, I have to call my mom and ask her opinion on this. Not because...

I like have to do everything my mom says or like because I can't like make a decision without her but genuinely because I think she's the smartest person in my life and I want to know what she thinks about a certain thing and if I had the same initial thought which usually I do you're just like double checking it's like I'm double checking my work yes I'm double checking my work

And I also was thinking about it the other day, too, because I feel like I've had like a lot of boyfriends in the past, like make me feel bad about my relationship with my parents just because like they hated their parents. So I've always been a little insecure about it. But then I was thinking about it the other day and I was like, if my mom wasn't my mom and I met her, I would want to be friends with her.

Like, so now I feel like I'm at the age where I'm like, yes, she's my mom. But how much is she really parenting me rather than just like giving me advice as like a friend would? Well, yeah. Moms can evolve into like your best friend. Yeah. Every now and then you have to remember like, oh, it's my mom. And like she's coming from that angle and she thinks I'm the greatest. Right. She's my mom. Right. But that's the problem. Are you...

not making your own decisions and is your mom too involved in your shit and then you're putting a lot of anxiety and pressure on her because she has to make every decision in your life or is she actually just steering the chaotic ship and making all the right decisions and making everything better?

Like, I will call my mom. I'll give her a situation and a scenario. And then I will say, my initial thought is... And then I'll give what I think I'm going to do. And then her response... Like, if she said, oh, my God, I think you're making a horrible decision. Do this. Would I do it? Yes. Like, would I do what she's told me to do? Probably. But, like...

Not all the time, but also she is always right and so am I. So it's like we always think the same thing. But like I know there's gigglers who don't have as close a relationship with their mom or don't have a mom. And honestly, like mad respect for them because I'm like, wow, you just like check in on yourself.

Make a decision and do it without consulting your mom. Right. Right. That's like, that's what I'm saying. Like I used to not make a decision, call my mom, get her opinion, do that. Now I'm at the point where I'm like, okay, well this is what I think I'm going to do. Let me get another person's opinion.

I also have to tell my mom everything because eventually when I have to ask her opinion, she has to know. So I can't just go about my life. I need to tell her everything. And also hot girls forget things. So I have to tell her things so that like she can. They won't forget. Yeah. So she'll remember. But one thing I have to work on is called self-soothing. Are you familiar mental health moment with self-soothing? I mean, I've heard of it as like a baby, like let your baby cry and self-soothe.

Is that us? We need to. It's basically like I'll think of a crazy thought and start spiraling and I'll call my mom and I'll be like, I'm thinking this thought is this crazy? And then when she's like, that's crazy, you're good. I immediately am good. Yes. But I need to get to the point where like I get a crazy thought and I can self soothe and tell myself, Hannah.

That's a crazy thought. Yeah. And you don't need other people to affirm that you're going to be OK. You can tell yourself you're OK. And that's called sanity. I do this to Sierra a lot.

Like I will take an edible. I'll sit on my couch and I'll come up with conspiracy theories and then I'll call Sierra. So, yeah, I know they're all fully about me. And then I'll call Sierra. I'll tell her my conspiracy theories and she'll say you're high. And then I'm fine. And then I'm like, OK, good. No one thinks that about me.

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So as a woman who supports other women, I'm like, I need to start interviewing my female comedian friends. So I've been coming up with some questions to ask the women. And I was wondering if I can try them out on you. I would love to. And you could pass if you don't want to answer that because some of them are dirty. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. Do you spit or swallow? Swallow. I feel like this is trivia. But I didn't always used to. Would you want to...

dumb and tall short and funny yep or weird looking middle height and smart weird looking middle height and smart or short and funny or dumb and dumb well i'm dating tall and dumb and let me tell you wait no no tall and poor you literally just puked in your mouth no i literally threw up i honestly would go short and funny

same i love a short k same because when they're horizontal they're all the same they're all the same okay this is a good one okay have you faked an orgasm yes i just had this conversation with a person i just had this conversation with one of my guy friends and i was like every single woman you have ever been with has faked it and they were like no not me no fucking way like i and i'm just like i'm telling you and

Every single one has faked it at one time or another. Yes. Anyone who's saying that they've never faked it is lying. They're lying. Also, every woman should win an Emmy because we're all spectacular. Do you ever have like a guy start fingering you? Yeah. And you just know like there's no way we're going to get to the finish line with this. And like you'll give them like to the left or like a little faster. He's not going to do it. You just know it. Mm hmm.

Or during sex, most girls like can't come just from the P and the V. So you're making all kinds of noises just for the fun of it. Yeah. Like those noises mean nothing. They mean nothing. Give me a fucking Oscar. This is the theater. I'm exhausted at the end, not from coming, but from my fucking performances.

Some, I feel like, are definitely more believable than others, too. And, okay, let me tell you this. Every single time I faked it, not one time has any guy ever been like, did you fake it? Like, so I know I'm good at faking it. Oh, for sure. I mean...

And some people will be like, stop faking so they know what they're doing. Honestly, sometimes you just don't need the drama. What am I, a CEO of that person's life? No, I'm not here to teach them. If you're with a guy for a long time and he's like so bad at fingering, then address it. But like if it's like a one time thing, whatever. Also, people are always like, you know, how do you start dating your boyfriend? I'm like, well, every boyfriend I've ever had is because I didn't have to fake it with them.

And everyone that I've ever said, no, I'm not dating them is because I've laid there and been like, this is, this isn't going to be it. I said, you're so hot, but this is not going to be it for me. Thank you so much. I've got a job. I don't have time to fake it all day with you. Okay.

I mean, job is a strong word. Everyone's like, how could Paige have picked Craig? And I'm like, because I have a job and I have things to get to and I need to fake it with that man. I have a podcast that I record once a week. I don't have time for this. You don't. Do you reach for your purse on the first date? No. Are you kidding? No. No.

I'm not going to fake that. Now that's something I will not fake. I'm not going to do the polite reach for the purse thing on the first date. No, fuck you guys. You get one thing. Unless if the date is really bad, I'll pay. I'll like pay to be like, don't even call this a date, please. No.

I do a reach. I do a reach to give them a chance to say, no, let me get this. But like, that's not your energy. You're just. No, I want to assert my dominance immediately. Like you're paying. Exactly. Like, no, I'm not. You asked me. I will tell you, I have been in situations before, though, that like it wasn't the first date. It was like a couple of dates after I have said like, oh, I'll pay for this one. Like I'll pay for this dinner. And they've let me.

Never spoken to him again. Not until... Never spoke to him again. Not until you're officially dating do I think...

you should start paying for shit it is a turn off when you're like oh i'll get this and he like is so quick to be like thank god craig always jokes like when we go on vacation or something i do like my standard one breakfast that i buy like oh thank you so much for like doing this trip here's like the breakfast i'll buy you like and that's my contribution

Because I've just entertained you for an entire weekend. You would have never laughed. You would have never gossiped about the people sitting next to us. Like, I offered you so much to this vacation and you didn't pay me to be here. So here's your breakfast. Yeah, you did it for free. Yeah. He should owe you money. You basically got seven Giggly Squad shows in a row and didn't pay for one of them. Okay? Yeah.

I actually pulled a move on Des that he said made him into me or whatever, like more into me, which I like to pull after you have like a couple good dinners, kind of like what you said, you get something really cheap, like a coffee, a bagel, a dollar slice of pizza. You go, hey, I'll get this. And then when he says yes, you look at the cashier and you give them the card and you go, he always makes me pay. Yeah.

And then you see how they react. That's so good. That's so good. I'm going to do that to Craig. Des was like dying laughing. And I do think it's a good test to see if a guy has a good sense of humor. Because if they got weird about it, I'd be like, what are you hiding? For my long distance girlies, the thing I did do when I started dating Craig, and this wasn't even, this wasn't to like prove to him anything. I would buy my flights to go to Charleston and,

Only because it was like the very beginning of our relationship. We were flying back and forth to see each other. He was paying obviously for his flights to New York. I was paying for mine to Charleston solely based on the thought of if I wanted to leave at any moment, I could go on, change my plane ticket,

Like I wasn't obligated because someone just bought my way to a destination. Like I'm leaving if I want to leave at any moment. You don't want to feel kidnapped. No. No. The kidnapping feeling. Unless you're into that. Yeah. Unless it's like a kink for you for sure. But I was like, what if something happens and I'm just like, gotta go. See ya. Like I can easily go on my Delta app and change my flight. You're like, what if I just want to start a fight? I want to be able to jump on a plane. Yeah. Okay. This is a tough one.

Do you think guys want a girl who makes them laugh or just a girl who laughs at their jokes? The latter. Is that fucked up? It's so fucked up. There's also, I saw this TikTok thing where it was like hot girls who are funny will are single. And then something else happened that like, I forget the second part. But yes, when guys think like, when guys say like, oh, she's so funny, it's because you're laughing at,

at their jokes and they think like you're getting when you're actually funny they think you're mean yeah no like they don't like it honestly took craig a while to be like you're really funny like i'll be i didn't speak to him for a long time because he like couldn't understand that well it's like when you ask a girl what she's looking for in a guy and she goes i want a guy that can make me laugh

It's like I actually realize there's so many guys that I laugh at, but I really need to be with a guy who laughs at my shit because I've been with those like hilarious. I've dated comics.

And they're so funny, but they're literally just performing and I could be anyone. You could replace me with anyone. They want to make anyone laugh. And then I say something funny and they're nowhere to be found. Nowhere to be found. Yeah, like you need someone who genuinely is like, that was so funny. Oh my God. Well, that's why I like you because you laugh at my jokes. But I also laugh at your jokes. My dad always says, he's like, Hannah could say anything and you could laugh. And I was like, because it's probably funny. Right?

That's how I am with my dad. I laugh at everything my dad says. He's like, you laugh at everything. I'm like, I just feel funny. Anyway, how does an IUD work? Do you know? I think it's like a paper clip. It gets inserted and it then wraps around a tube of some sort. It guillotines the heads of the sperms as it comes. I actually don't really know how an IUD works because I've never...

I don't think doctors know how it works. It just works. Yeah. But I do know girls are straight up will be like, they'll either be like, it was so easy. It was amazing. Or they're like, it was the most painful thing that ever happened. And I started to grow an egg off the side and I had to get surgery or some crazy shit. And I've heard girls say like, cause I've always asked like, can you ever feel it when you're having sex? And some people say yes. Oh my God. I don't like that. Yeah. And then it like can come untied.

What do you do in your past when you're having sex with a guy and he comes really fast? How do you play it?

I'm thankful. I have never been one of those girls that's like, ew, ick. I'm like, oh my God, let's keep it moving. Like, thank you. And that was called the Gorilla Grip Hannah. You're welcome. And that's showbiz, baby. Thanks for coming. I'm here till Wednesday. Because my sick brain immediately is like, yeah, obviously I'm so fucking hot. Like, you're welcome.

my brain never goes to like oh he has a medical disorder where he comes super quick it's like he's never felt a vagina like yours he's obsessed with your face like no i'm so thankful for that man i love the embarrassment when a guy has to say sorry and he thinks he like ruined your night and you have to be like it's okay he immediately gives you the upper hand you're like no it's totally fine like i know it's totally fine i'm gonna go jerk off in the bathroom

Yeah. Saying jerk off is weird. I love it for them. I love when the men get vulnerable and insecure. It's like my favorite version of them. When they're scared. Yeah. Do you think blue balls are real? I think it's real. Do I think it hurts as much as they say it does? No. I think it's uncomfy.

I'm sure it's a little pressure, but I don't think a man with a cold. I don't think it's a big deal. Honestly, if you're at the point where you don't have sex with a guy, be like, cool, jerk off next to me. Like, jerk off.

i'm not like no one's holding you hostage i have no problem i have no problem if one night i don't want to have sex and craig just looks at me and jerks off but even for like the college girlies you know you're hooking up and you're like i don't really want to have sex with you and he's like be like cool jerk yourself off you know how to do it you've done it before okay i feel like we're the same in this like i find porn to be so helpful

Because it's like another woman is taking your duties. You're sharing duties. And you're just like, why don't you go jerk off in the bathroom and like watch some hot blonde lick another hot blonde. And like, I'll be here. You're comfortable with Craig jerking off to blondes. Honestly, yes. I'm comfortable with Craig looking at porn because I probably have a show that I need to watch. Yeah.

You're watching the hot Italian on the White Lotus. Like I probably have a pimple I've been dying to get at.

no porn has never made me uncomfortable they're not meeting those girls and if they met those girls in real life those girls want nothing to do with your man like don't be insecure about it they want nothing to do with him i just like i don't want to know in this moment my man is looking at another girl being like so turned on by her i'm gonna give you something that's gonna make you feel better they're never looking at their faces they

They don't. Your boyfriend could watch a porn and then you could say, what did she look like? What was she wearing? They're not going to remember. They have no idea. You think they're reading her name in the caption? No. Wow. They don't know. I'm giving them too much credit. See, I'm doing it how a girl would do it. For me to think a guy is hot in a porn, I have to envision that he has a good personality. Yeah, you gave him a backstory. That he's going to ignore me at first. They're not giving her a backstory. Yeah, like...

not associating anything from their childhood with this woman. No. I'm like researching him on the side. I'm like, who is this man? I'm finding his Instagram. I'm finding his parents. No. There are certain things that you buy every single summer. Sandals, sunscreen, snacks.

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Okay, I have a final question for you. Okay. Would you prefer flowers or fettuccine from a man? Fettuccine. Flowers, like, die in two days. Fettuccine, you understand me, you get me.

I like the idea of flowers, but the actual act of getting the flowers is so much admin. You have to cut the stems. You have to find a vase. You have to put it in a vase. It never fits in that vase. You have to find another vase. I don't like that you say vase. Oh, vase. Was that like chic of me saying it vase? I don't know.

I have a thousand vases. And then if it comes in a vase, then you're like, do I throw this vase out? Because I can't fit it in where I keep all my other vases. Then they have the little like food for the flowers, which I didn't know that was a thing. Is it a thing? Yeah. Seems made up. It does seem fake. Then I have a literal pet that I didn't ask for that I have to feed in water.

Um, yeah, I just think like the reaction of if someone got me fettuccine would be bigger than the reaction of flowers. Every girl when they get flowers, it's the same like, oh my God. Oh, thank you. And then you fix the flowers and then you never say, oh my God, look at my flowers. Also flowers are generic. Like what did you get this for your ex-girlfriend also? Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Exactly. Unless if you like have a specific flower you love and he knows it, that's cute to me. Like a guy getting flowers. It's like, oh, you read a book on how to treat a lady. Yeah. In the fucking 1950s. Yeah. I want I would rather like like whenever I'm

Not when I'm fighting with Craig, but whenever he's like, but mostly when I'm fighting. But like if he's ever sending me something, he'll just Uber eats me like a Reese's cup or like a soda, like shit like that. Like that means more than like a flower showed up to my apartment. Yes. I'm like, yeah, you should be sending me fucking popcorn with chocolate on it. Like one day he just sent me four different cakes. He was really in trouble that day. Yeah.

Des got mad at me the other day because I Ubered my cell phone and I didn't tell him about it. Hannah. You know, but like I was in the mood for something very specific. I wanted an acai bowl. I knew he didn't. And he was like, it was just about you should have asked me. But what if there was something else? There were more things on the menu than just acai. What if he saw that menu and was like, oh, I'll get this from there. But part of me is like, you have a phone. I'm on Des' side with this. That is so rude. But like when you're with someone and like...

And every meal you have, you have to like ask them about it. I don't know. It's a lot. You and Craig are very selfish. Is that what Craig does? Yes. Like things will show up and I'll be like, I know you didn't want anything from there. And I'm like, well, how do you know that? Because I never saw the menu. Never got to see the menu. I don't know. Maybe because deep down I was embarrassed. I was like getting an acai bowl at like 4 p.m. It wasn't lunch. It wasn't dinner. I was just having a random craving. I just wanted to do it on the low. I get it.

but i'm on des's side with this one what if he kind of he could have gotten like a smoothie maybe like he had a hankering for a green juice you never know one thing also that annoys me is that whenever i offer des my food which you know is a huge fucking deal yep like you offer him a bite like when i decide i am willing to give him a piece of my food he always says no why

I don't know. Like, is there is there something going on between us? A question. But he'll offer me and I always say yes. And then I go, do you want mine? He goes, no. And it makes me feel less than. Is it maybe is it OK when you eat off of his? Are you using your own fork? No, he will take his. He will cut me a piece and put it on my plate. Yeah. Gently, beautifully. And then I say, do you want mine? It's really good. No, no. Maybe it's a power thing.

Wow. That's very interesting. Like he doesn't need me or he's the provider. He's the hunter. I'm going to get to the bottom of it because it's become a pattern and I don't like it. I called him out. I was like, you never, you never try. And he's like, I just don't want it. I order what I want.

Okay. Here's the thing about Des. He's such a like simple man. Like, yes, I get that. Like he's like, no, why would I want some of yours when I ordered what I wanted? Like he's so like matter of fact as a human. But for me, I'm like, yeah, I wanted this and that shit looks good too. And now that I think about it, yours looks better than mine. Yeah.

Yeah, we're like you're all over the map. Like you had like a small hankering for something. Then it came and you were like, OK, I smelled it. I don't want it anymore. Like I want something different. Also, you know, things just taste better when they're not yours. Yes. Yes.

I do get that. Like sometimes Craig will order something and I'll be like, damn, that looks so good. Like I want that and I'll eat some of it. And then like he will be gone and I'll order the same thing from the same place and I'll get it and I'll be like, this sucks. I don't want this anymore. There's definitely some like deeper meaning behind all this. I don't want to get to the bottom of it and I'll let you guys know. We have the holidays coming up and then we're going on tour. We did announce a new show in Durham.

and we've not promoted it at all so we're getting yelled at we added a second show in durham um durham north carolina we have a big southern weekend that weekend also i have a stand-up show in alabama and i don't know if there's any googlers in alabama no i think there has to be well so we'll see i've never been to alabama i'm excited to go to alabama when are you going to alabama

Early January. Check out our website, though, for all of the dates. We also have, we brought back some amazing merch from before that you guys were obsessed with and wouldn't stop asking for it. And Giggly Squad is not going back to Boston yet, but I am going to Boston for stand-up so you guys can, like, take a fucking chill pill for a month. Just a month. We love Boston. Boston. But thank you so much for giggling with us, you guys. We love you so much. Bye.