Giggling about getting high, getting blocked, and blue check marks
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, my greasy gigglers? Even if you're not Italian, you've been listening to this pod long enough that olive oil is coming out of your skin at this point. You're adding it into your skin routine. Wait, I have to unbutton my jeans. You made fun of me yesterday for unbuttoning my jeans. I actually didn't. I was the only one that didn't. Actually, you're so right, but you didn't stand up for me. That's right. Okay. No, I was an accomplice. You're right.

I didn't even leave you a little bit on yet. Sierra was like, are you seriously opening your jeans right now? And I hadn't even eaten anything. You're also in the comfort of Sierra's home. Like if there's any place to unbutton your jeans, it's in someone's home. First of all, so awkward, so weird. Me, Hannah, and Sierra hung out all day yesterday. Never in the history of our friendship have we... There wasn't even like a reason. There wasn't even like a meeting. No, I went over to Sierra's house at 12.

And then you actually let's talk about this. You texted Sierra and said, hey, I'm with my cousin, Kara. Do you want to go to brunch? And I looked at my phone. Bone dry. Bone dry. I don't like brunch. I don't enjoy a pancake. What universe are you going to hang out with me all week? I know you're sick of me. Would you have gone to? No, but you wanted to be invited. Yeah, but I wanted to be invited. I was like, that's so weird. Tell that little bitch to just come over here.

And then I was like, absolutely. We did not move from the couch for six hours, maybe eight hours. We drank alcohol and pizza as if we were hung over. I tried to take a hit of weed. No. And I had to ask Paige how to do it. Like I was in fourth grade. First of all, it was an alternate universe. Hannah walks into Sierra's house and she's like, I have gifts. And I'm like, I don't want your shitty PR that you don't want. She thought I was going to give her like a moisturizer that I got from Duane Reade.

And she pulled out these like little pre-rolled joints. So I was like, oh, we should smoke them. So we lit one up. Me and Sierra smoked it. Hannah was like so against it. She couldn't do it. And I was like, take literally one inhale. Paige, I just got there. If I had gotten a weird high, then I would have ruined the day, the entire Saturday. I look at the box. It's not even weed. Okay.

Was it CBG or something? It said CBG, which who knows what that even is. Yeah, CB Gigglers. And so... You smoked it, you go, I'm just relaxed right now. Yeah, I didn't feel... It actually felt great. My body was so relaxed, but my head was still like...

living in the moment like I could understand what people are saying but most of the time when I do smoke weed I like to get dumb that's why I smoke weed see I don't like to get dumb because I'm like if something happens like an apocalypse I need to figure out how to get out of the situation I'm done you're like take me out yeah I'm like wait one second yep I'm ready why do I immediately feel like I'm gonna have to solve a math problem the second I get high I'm like oh no if a math problem comes up right now I'm not gonna be able to carry the one

I don't think at all. I mean, all day I'm just making up scenarios in my head. But you smoke weed to escape those problems. But what if those problems don't escape and you're not capable of solving them because you're high as a dum-dum?

No, there have been times, I can't think of one right now, but there have been times where I've gotten high and something's happened and I've been like, fuck, I'm too high to deal with this right now. And you can't get unhigh? You can't get unhigh. You could sober up when something bad happens. You're like, okay, we need to focus. But anything that has arisen like that, just know I have laughed through the whole thing. Jesus has risen. Giggly Squad, we trust. Everyone wants us to make a t-shirt of Giggly Squad, we trust.

We should. But we, okay, so also with us hanging out, we were with Hannah's cousin, Kara, and she said a line that became the antithesis of our being. And she was complaining about someone and she ended the conversation with, and she didn't even leave a lasagna on my stoop. Yeah.

And me and Hannah just stopped dead in our tracks. And we were like, how dare she? She disrespects you and then she doesn't bring a lasagna to your door to apologize? And from now on, I'm just going to send you lasagnas at random time. And Sierra's from Atlanta. Like, we're like three New York Italians talking. And we're like, no lasagna. No lasagna.

She had Sunday dinner. She made a lasagna but didn't leave one for you. No tray? No. Not even with utensils on the side? Just put it on the stoop. Don't even say hi to me. Just leave a lasagna. Do you want to know something? A mutual friend of mine and Craig's had a tragedy in her life. I didn't even say anything to Craig. He made a lasagna, brought it to their house. I was like,

In what world? Kim is shaking right now. Kim is so proud. He was like, oh, I should probably make them a lasagna. And I was like, yeah, duh. But Sierra literally from the South was like, y'all are fucking crazy. And we were like, no one ever gave you a lasagna during a hard time? It's an Italian casserole. It's like a cake casserole.

It's like an I'm sorry cake for Italians. A layered cake. We don't send get well soon cards. We don't send sympathy. I'm not going to say anything to your face. We send lasagna. No. I'm not coming over because you don't want people all around. That is the difference between waspy people and Italians. If a tragedy happens, wasps, I feel like, gather. Mm-hmm.

And they like go over to that person's house or whatever. And they say like fake stuff like, when's your tea time tomorrow? Yeah, like, oh my gosh, such a tragedy. John was a great man. And no one can cry. You know, Italians, they all drive in the driveway. Someone's in the car driving. The mom jumps out. I don't want to bother you. Here's the lasagna. Call me if you need me. And then they leave. We're here for you.

I'm here for you, but in the meantime take it don't Tommy's got soccer and then you know all this stuff, but I'm here like oh You don't need to leave. Yes. I'm leaving. You have to act like you don't want those on If you take it on the first that is also such an Italian thing if you're out to dinner with Italians And someone offers to pay the bill and you say yes, just know that car ride home Did you hear him say? Oh, yeah, okay like we owe you dinner. Oh

The amount of times I've been in the car with my family as a child, and I've heard them say, and did you see how quick he took that check? Did you see how quick he was letting us pay? You're supposed to go into a physical altercation to pay for the bill. And also...

If you stop when you're hungry, that's an assault on Italian culture. Yeah. If my nana gives you food and you say, no, I'm good. She goes, you don't like the pasta? And you're like, no, I had two servings. Then you've put her in an awkward position because she now has to think of other things she could make you. So you've ruined her day. You've given her extra work to do.

So just eat what she gives you. And if you even like, let's say you have a pasta with like some broccoli, you don't eat all the broccoli. Was the broccoli not good? You don't like broccoli? You don't like the broccoli? You should eat it. It's good for you. It is good for you. But also, I wouldn't make my fagioli if you didn't like it. Did you know Hannah doesn't eat broccoli? Nobody told me she doesn't eat the broccoli. Are you sure you don't want, is it too much olive oil? There is a Sebastian Maniscalco like part in one of his standups that is so pure and true. If you walk into someone else's house, like,

I would classify Craig's family as a very normal American family. Homegrown. Homegrown, just sweet as pie. If you walk into an Italian household and you haven't seen your parents, they could say anything at any moment in front of people. So Sebastian has this thing where if you walk into your household and you smell a little, everyone in the house knows. Your dad will be like, Kim, I think she's

Stinks. Does she stink? Like smell her. Does she smell? But like in an American family, like they don't know what's going on in anyone's life where Italians know everything. Well, they have boundaries. They have boundaries. They'd be like, hey, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.

Yeah, they find a good time to pull you aside. They're like, Uncle Joe could smell you from across the room. Uncle Joe's about to have a fucking heart attack because he can't breathe in through his nose. What are you, a natural deodorant? That's bullshit. Obviously, you can't handle it. Aluminum? What is that? Yeah. My one girlfriend went home one year for Christmas and said to her mom, like, I'm no longer eating dairy. And the mom was like, well, you no longer eat here then. Right?

And I just felt like my family had one of my friends came for Thanksgiving and he's like vegan, non-dairy, non-gluten, all this shit. My mom goes, I literally have nothing for you. I have nothing to give you. No, I dated a guy who was kosher. Yeah. And that means he can't have cheese and meat together. Which is, what's the point of living? So I was like, well, you

You could do the eggplant parmesan, but she always makes it with the chicken parmesan. Yeah. And you can't just have the eggplant parmesan because that's disrespectful to the chickens. Yeah.

The first time I ever found out what kosher was, I was on a date. I was like 23, 24, and I was with this Jewish guy. He took me to an Italian restaurant. It was our first date. They brought over a charcuterie board. I hassled this man for 30 minutes. I was like, you got to eat the prosciutto in the same bite as the provolone. Like, what are you doing? And he was like, no, no, I don't really. But then he said, I'm kosher. And I was like, what?

What does that mean? You know, and then he explained it to me and I said, I just don't see this going. I don't see why your God would not want you to enjoy a bacon egg and cheese sandwich in the morning after a hangover. This is amazing. They can't eat. They don't eat lobster. They don't eat bottom feeder fish, which honestly is classy as fuck.

They're like, if you eat from the floor... But also, isn't trim cocktail classy? It's like, where do we draw the line? Very true. Isn't my pussy classy? Like, eat the bottom feet of your...

I actually feel like most of the Jewish guys that I have slept with do not go down on girls. But I don't want to put that as a stigma across all of them. We don't want to stigmatize because Jewish men are ultimately the goal. Ultimately, make the best husbands. That's what they say. Yeah. But who's to say? Wow. I feel like we are...

The Sopranos. No, we just got... In Millennial Girls' bodies. So intense. That was really intense. So intense. Okay, I have a few things. Let's go. I feel like we should have a sound that we correlate when we have new ick unlocked. Yeah, where you're just like, oh, I didn't know that was a thing.

And a new ick that I have that has recently been unlocked for me. And it's not so much for the girls. It's really, although I don't love it when the girls do it too, but when guys are buying blue check marks. We have not discussed this at all. First of all, Jeremy, with your 200 followers, we don't need to know that that's the real you. You know, we don't care. It's giving I'm...

a founder on a dating app and I'm like what did you find your mom's apartment yeah like it's just the basement of your mom's house no I can't I physically can't do it also I want to know the strategy of it because this happened my friend her ex-boyfriend she broke up with him next day he has a blue check mark oh

Like right along the time that everyone was getting blue check marks. Also Twitter. I don't know if you check because you don't really go on Twitter. No. I don't either. But I kept getting this notification like you're going to lose your blue check mark. And I'm like who did I piss off? Like what did I say? Who's banning me? Whatever. But I kind of didn't care. But then I realized they took everything.

everyone's blue checkmark away. Okay. And you have to, like Beyonce lost her checkmark. So then I was feeling like, well, me and Beyonce do have a lot in common now. Yeah, simpatico. Simpatico. But I'm like, I'm not feeling like I'm burning a blue checkmark. But the whole point of blue checkmarks is so like when people, if people try to impersonate you. Yeah. And like someone DMs you like, hey, I'm Hannah Burner. I'm having trouble. Can you leave?

$400 on my stoop. Right. It's like a protective thing. Yeah. But you said you've been now seeing blue check marks everywhere? Everywhere.

And I'm just so confused by it. And I just think, like, the men... I dated a guy one time who was very obsessed with getting a blue checkmark. Yeah. And it gave me the ick then. And I had, like, just received mine. And he ended up getting a blue checkmark, like, after we broke up because he, like, met someone at Facebook. And I, to this day, thought, like...

I would never get back together with him because he got that blue checkmark after. And I was like, I just think it's weird that you want it so bad. I want a man that doesn't even know what a blue checkmark is. Yeah. Like that's ideal. Seriously. But then part of me is like,

Go off sis Like I saw a few girls Who had like small businesses Who got blue checks Yes I'm here for you Well that's legitimate You have a business Yeah I'm here for you Having a blue check I'm here for you buying it But like Dylan who Like just graduated college I don't need you I don't need to know you Dylan Also like

If you're a mom that's just leaving hate comments on my page because I say pussy too much and you said that I need to lose weight and then I click on your page and your first line is, be nice to other people. Yeah, it's like Psalm 14, 17. And you have an infant who looks pretty fucking chubby but no one's saying anything. Wait, Hannah, you and I have been talking about ugly babies a lot recently. I've become...

So, okay, I have a beautiful niece. Yes. So I have like this, I've never been, I was ugly when I was a baby. How do you know that? You saw pictures of yourself or someone told you that? My brother was like blue eyes, like big earlobes, big lips, little tiny nose, the cutest. Basically, I know the reaction I got when I was born. Yep. And when he was born, it was different. Yeah. You don't know what this feels like. No, I didn't have hair until I was two.

So, like, something was happening with me as a baby. But...

I was like, when am I hair cycling? You know? But when babies have too much hair, I'm kind of like, okay, Johnny Bravo. Yeah, it's a lot. My mom used to put these like headbands on me so that people knew I was a girl because I just like couldn't grow hair. Your mom would probably be so mad if someone misgendered you. No, literally. Like she's a princess. There is a moment. You've never watched Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I watched the first two seasons. Okay, in the early season, she used to measure her daughter's like calves and ankles. Oh my God.

And, like, to see, like, how she was progressing. And I was like, oh, my God, that's so crazy. And my mom started laughing. And I was like, look, something you'd like to share with the class? And she goes, I was so nervous when you were a baby that you were going to have, like, the ugliest legs and, like, cankles. And it would literally, I would cry to my mom that you were going to have, like, a horse.

She was like, because I have stunning legs. And so we couldn't understand where you were getting it from. But when babies have like rolls on their thighs, it's the cutest thing ever. But then society turns on you and goes, if you have a roll on your thigh. Well, it was cute when I was two. Yeah. So anyway. So anyway. But yeah, Lois is really pretty. Like a woman messaged me. She was like, hey, I'm a pediatrician. Yeah. And I see babies every day. Ugly babies every day. This baby.

is stunning and I'm taking full credit like she's my baby yeah like I'm like I know my jeans I know I can't wait for the moment that we actually do have babies and like know if they're good looking or not like are we gonna tell each other like your baby's cute I'm like I leave a lasagna after you give birth

I wake up with lasagna outside and I go, motherfucking bitch. So sorry, she came out like an alien. That was the first time I remembered being bullied as a child. I'll never forget it. It was like one of my first core memories. I was in third grade.

Okay. And I was sitting in the gym before we like went to class. It was like the kids that got dropped off like kind of early. And you were still bald? No, I wasn't bald. I think I was like a pretty cute kid. I don't even think I had started modeling yet, but people knew I was like a cute kid. But you don't know that you're a cute kid.

And I remember this one girl, her name was Sarah. And she said, I can't remember. But also, you know, I'm not trying to have the gigglers come for her. She said to me, you know why it's not good that you're pretty now?

And I said, why? And she said, because you're going to be ugly when you get older. And I remember being like a seven-year-old being like, wait, am I ugly? Like, am I going to be ugly? Like going home and crying to my mom. Girls are so savage. No, girls are savage. Because that was a diss that's going to stay with you for life. It stuck with me forever. Like to this day, Sarah's checking her Instagram like, it's coming. Each year I would get older. I was like, when's it coming? It's hitting. It's literally hitting this year. Like fucking Sarah manifested.

She left a bomb and it's ticking. Yeah. Holy shit. Speaking of being pretty, we went on Stiff Socks podcast and we talked about it for a second. You guys should listen to the Stiff Socks podcast. I was so nervous being around heterosexual men. But they were like very welcoming. Yeah, they were nice. They were more scared of us than we were of them. Which I love. I was getting sassy with them. Like whenever they'd point at me, I'd be like, put your finger down. Yeah.

No, they're funny though. They're so cute. Trevor's so quick. Like, I don't think I've met someone as quick humor as he has. So if you want to like snort a line of cocaine and listen to Stiff Socks Giggly Squad, but we talked about

One of, okay, I'm going to, this is intense. Wow, I'm so interested. I'm talking about my photo. Oh. So we got our makeup done all the time. I got my makeup done. The artist was like really talented. And I looked good. Stunning. And she took a photo and then she sent it to me like an hour later. And I looked at it and I looked amazing.

I mean, breathtaking. I was like, do I need to get a Maybelline campaign? Yeah, it was like, has Kris Jenner seen this? Because she would do wonders. Am I related to the Kardashians? Yeah, like what's happening? And then I look at it a little longer and I'm like, wait a second. Something's off. And I look to my best friend and I say, Paige...

Is this photo edited? Not one millisecond went by and she goes, absolutely. That's not you. And I said, thank you for taking me down to earth for a second. Cause for a second, I thought I was gorgeous. I was laughing and I was like, who is she? Who is that?

So we realized that this photo was subtly facetuned. Yes. But it... Subtly, though. Subtly to the point that, you know, you see something, you're like, they made their boobs bigger. Oh, they made their nose little. I don't know what she did. Yeah. But it was to the point where I was like, should I even be friends with Paige? And she's kind of, like, not that cute. Like, I should align myself with different people at this point. So...

You were ready to bring that photo into the nearest plastic surgeon and be like, whatever she did to this due to my face. So I sent it to my mom and mom goes, you look so beautiful. And part of me loves it. And part of me is like, but it's not me. And I wish my mom knew that I don't look like that. I sent him to my husband. He goes, you look great.

I sent it to my Nana and she goes, I know beauty is not the most important thing and you hate when we talk about your beauty, but you're so beautiful. Make sure you bring that makeup artist everywhere because it's going to be great for your career. You're gorgeous and you look just like your Nana. So I'm sitting there and I'm having a lot of emotions right now because I'm like, how do these, my own family. You're literally getting gas lit by your...

I like I'm so happy that they think I'm hot, but I also feel like a scammer. Like I feel like Joanne the scammer. Joanne the scammer. Literally. For real. And then I'm I posted on my story and I'm getting all these responses like you look amazing. So, you know, like that's a grid pose. Yeah, for sure. But then I look at Paige and I say this goes against everything I've ever believed in.

To post this and say, this is what I look like. We're learning, we're growing, we're changing. I'm going to make someone else feel less pretty than me. Yeah. When this is not how pretty I actually am. Yeah.

So I posted it. Got 50,000 likes. Nana was right. Great for my career. It hit fucking crush. 70,000. Not that we're counting. Let's go. But I was doing a social experiment. I was like, because the fact of the matter is, is that a majority of these girls that are posting looking gorgeous all the time. Yeah. Do this to their face. What I did. And then you start feeling like, wait, stop.

But if I'd always posted like that, I'd be embarrassed for people to see me in person. There is an Instagram account that I follow that shows like all these celebrity red carpet pictures that are unedited. And then they showed the version that the celebrity posted. Yes. It is so humbling. And just by following that account, I can't even think of what the name of the account is. I'll find it. I follow all of them. Yeah. Yeah.

Instagram vs. Reality is what it's called. IG Famous by Dana shows the plastic surgery. It makes you feel so much better about yourself because you're like, oh, okay, yeah, it is fine to have a little texture on my skin. I'm not legitimately poreless. But it's also crazy. You haven't even noticed my fake freckles.

I mean, we've been sitting here for 10 minutes and you haven't even said anything about them. Wait, they look so natural. I didn't notice. Well, on Sundays, we're recording this pod on Sundays. On Sundays is the day that like all my makeup PR stuff is like when I'll try it because in case I hate it or like it doesn't look good. It's like whatever. It's a Sunday. Wait, you're so organized. Sometimes I'm very organized. Yeah. And so today I was like,

What brand is it? Give it a shout out because it looks so natural. It was just on Amazon, but everyone talks about Freck, like the one that all the girls are using. But this was just like a random, it looks like a magic marker from Amazon. This side I didn't let dry fast enough, so this side's not as good as this side, but...

If you want to zoom in. But you know what's crazy is I've, because I've always played tennis and I'd always get sun on my cheeks. I get so many freckles. Yeah. And it was never considered cute. I, okay, when the trend first started, and I want to say it started like two years ago, I did it. And then I had this like Bravo blogger like really make fun of me for it. For fake freckles or to having freckles? For fake freckles.

And I got so insecure. There's a thin line between a freckle and a potentially cancerous sunspot. Correct. And I had fake freckles. I wear my SPF. And I got so insecure that she had like done this whole post about it and like whatever that I stopped using them. You realize that people critiquing you can affect your creativity? Yes, it was affecting my creativity. And then like recently I was like, wait, I'm going to let this girl who...

means nothing to me affect my creativity and then I was like I'm doing fake freckles today do you so you don't get any freckles with the sun no I do but I feel like because my makeup like covers it up when I put concealer on you can't ever see them I have to go like bare face to see my freckles

I'm so sorry for not immediately acknowledging it when I sat down, but it was rainy today and I've just been kind of off. No, it's been crazy. But I'm really sorry. Why is it like that in New York City? When it rains, it's as if we think we're going to handle an apocalypse. Also, when it rains, for whatever reason, I don't know why I'm like Mrs. Rebellious, but I refuse. Refuse to use an umbrella. Like I walk outside, everyone's in umbrellas and I'm like pussy bitchy. Yeah, I'm like run. But then it's like,

And I'm like, ah, ah. And I'm such a masochist. And then anyone you walk into, you're like, no, it's pouring. And everyone's like, yeah, no, we know. We have umbrellas. I'm just like, this is the fight I have to fight today. And then I'm trying to text, and my phone is just wet. And I'm just like sending the wrong things to the wrong people, and I'm just a mess. But then you just kind of love it because it's not your fault. You're like, it's the rain. You're like, let me go full Drew Barrymore. I fully...

put all my anxiety into the rain. Like, I have no problems except the rain. I'm like, if the rain just would stop, I would be, have everything together. And I don't know why I complain so much because I go from Uber to Uber. Uber to establishment to Uber. And I'm like, I can't with the weather. So I was going to walk, pick you up iced coffee. And then I realized it was like legit raining. Yeah. And I was like, I have to get an Uber. And then the Uber was taking forever. So I'm fucked up. What a day. What a fucking day. What a literal day. Speaking of wet hair.

I want to apologize again to the Academy and you for... Gaslighting us. Make gaslighting you and making fun of your hair journey. Yeah. Because I recently got stuck on a TikTok video.

Where TikTok is so cool because it makes it so accessible. Like if I read like a long article, I'd be like, this is highbrow. This is not me. No, I get my medical information from watching multiple TikTok videos. I've never finished an article. I don't know where girls got the information before, but when I'm a visual person. So if a girl's like, look, my hair used to be dry. And now it's not. I put it on. I put it in a bun. I went to sleep. I woke up. Now it's gorgeous. I'm like, I went off my birth control because of TikTok.

I have to say, guys, I don't know if it's because I got off my birth control or on Prozac, but I have so much more energy. Yeah. I'll think like, oh, you have to get up and like get the mail. Normally I'd be like, I can't. No, I can't. And now I get up and get the mail and then I sit back down. I woke up yesterday on a Saturday morning. And went to Sierra's. And 9.30 showered, opened my umbrella and walked to Sierra's. But you haven't been on birth control for a long time. So I have been on it for...

Well, really, like, since I started dating Craig. So for, like, almost two years... See, this makes it hard because there's too many variables. Are you depressed because you're dating Craig? Are you depressed because of the birth control? But someone told me in a crowd, because I asked about birth control, and they were like...

I can't do birth control. And I was like, why? And she goes, because it makes me depressed. Yeah. And now I think my birth control is making me depressed. I think it does. I think it makes me depressed too. I don't want to say I was like in a full depression, but. That's what people say when they were in a full depression. I felt like I was very numb to a lot of things that were happening. Like something would happen and I would just be like, cool, I don't care. Yeah. Where like I should have cared about that or like would have cared, but I was just like, I don't give a flying fuck. Which is my,

personality in general I don't care about a lot of shit yeah but but you care about stupid shit yeah but I felt like oh I'm really like desensitized yeah to a lot of things that are happening you like just don't care yeah and that's like that's kind of depression so I don't know if it's and I don't want to tell the goobers to get off their birth control but I feel like pull out

I literally was just like, I am 30 years old. I'll just use a condom. No. Like an adult. Don't use a condom. But use the Flow app. Do you have a Flow app? It tells you, like, when you're ovulating. Yeah. So during those times, maybe use a condom. But then the rest of the whole month, just have them pull out. Yeah. I mean, I do that anyway, being on birth control. Yeah. But, like...

I'm like less scared. It's so crazy as you get older. I'm less scared of getting pregnant because it's like, bitch, you should have it. Because I feel like you consciously will not be like, I want to have a kid. It has to just like happen to you. It'll just happen. But I'm more concerned about like my well-being, my mental health already. Like I've only been off of it for two weeks already. I feel...

Like my body is my body. Like I felt like I was having like a disassociation with my body when I would look at it in the mirror. I'd be like, that's not me. But now being off my birth control, I'm like, oh yeah, like that's what I look like. You got, and I was on low estrogen, low, I was on low, a gestural it was called, and it was very low hormones. So why does it, hormones? It was also French. The hormones. Hannah was on a different, Hannah was on French girl birth control.

That sounds like a hot guy you'd meet on Riot. I'm her mom. I'm a DJ. He bought a blue check. He bought a blue check for sure. And his real name is just Steve. Yeah. He wears a beanie and he wears like those short pants like the guys in Brooklyn with like high socks. And the beanie that like just is at the very tip of his head. He keeps like teetering on like if he should grow a mustache or not. He also has never listened to a Taylor Swift song. He only listens to indie bands. Yes.

His ex was in an indie band and he would like follow them like to different places. And he smoked CBG. Yes. I love this guy. And he has real freckles. He's fluid. Sexually fluid. He has real freckles. And occasionally he has like a tarot card reading just for fun. Yes. And he carries a knapsack, but he calls it a knapsack.

And he has rings. So many rings. But like vintage rings. And he doesn't acknowledge the rings ever. And he's like, why do you have 10 rings on your hand? His parents are both lawyers in Connecticut. And he goes to Equinox four times a week.

Oh, I love hormones. I love hormones. So, anyhow. I was on low hormones, and I've been on it since I think I was like 20. So, that's 10 fucking years. Yeah, that's a long past time. And I have to say, girls, these last 10 years have not been easy. I know. I've definitely felt like... I always thought it was because I got mono when I was 18. You've chalked up the past 10 years to mono. My mom will be like, well, you did have mono that year, and I feel like you were never the same after. But I think...

We always say that because I was like a happy running around. Then the world just fucking smacked me in the face. No, it's literally, yeah, it's the world. It's the world? Yeah. So we can't just put all our problems into the rain of birth control? I always think about like how confident I used to be like in the beginning of college. And then I'm like, what happened? And I think you just like open your eyes to the world and you're like, wait, this place sucks. Yeah.

Everyone sucks. That's what turning 30 is. It's not that you're more confident. You just don't have the energy to be insecure anymore. That's what it is. I'm like, I don't give a shit what this bitch thinks of me. I don't have time to worry about her. I'm just trying to make it to the next day. Literally. It's that time of the year. Your vacation is coming up. You can already hear the beach waves, feel the warm breeze, relax, and think about...

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I'm fighting for my life. I'm trying to survive here. You were so scared to turn 30. Now that you've been in it for a long time now, how do you feel? I still hate it. You hate it? Yeah. I am gradually liking it. Like, I love being like, bitch, I'm in my fucking 30s. Who are you? What are you going to say to me? Like, stuff like that. Like, I like fighting people. I

I do feel, I do feel like what you're saying is true. I, you have less time and you're tired to be insecure. Like, I don't think I turned 30 and I was like, I know all the answers to all the questions I had. No, it's, I just don't.

I just think your 20s also, it's like so much expectation. Well, let's just be honest. You were a dumb teenager. Then you turn 20 and then you're supposed to be like the hottest, coolest person you've ever been. And I'm like, I still like can't read a book. Wait, I forgot to tell you this story. And I'm so maybe I did tell you or maybe I told Craig. It doesn't matter. So I'm on Instagram one night and Francesca from Chicks in the Office has like stories. She's I love you. Call her Francesca. I call her Franny.

In my head. Yeah. Oh my God. But I call her Fran to her face, but I feel like when I'm referring to her, I say Francesca. You do her business name. It makes me sound more interesting that her name is Francesca. You know? So I fully use her for it.

I'm like, oh, Francesca? Francesca hangs out with her mom on the weekends. I do. Wait, I do the same thing with one of my girlfriends. Her name is Sam. But when I refer to her, I only say Samantha. See, I call you Peggy. Now, every time I get into an Uber and they say, like, if they dare say Paige, I'm like, I don't know her. Okay, so I'm on Instagram one night. She's at, like, a Brooklyn Nets game, whatever. She's taking a video of a man, like, naked.

Being like, what is this guy wearing on his feet? You know those like crazy knee-high boots that look like... The red ones, like a cartoon. Yeah, that look like a cartoon. There's this guy at the basketball game wearing these boots in yellow. Yes. And she's like, what are these? Like, what is going on? I'm staring at the video. I'm like, I know this man. Like, absolutely.

Oh my God, I recognize this man. Zooming in, waiting for him to turn around so I can see his face. It's my ex-boyfriend from a trillion years ago. I'm fully blocked on everything. Have not seen him. Have not spoken to him. Don't know what's happening in his life. This is the first time I'm seeing him on Francesca from Chicks in the Owl. And he's like wiling out. He's on the court. He must have had courtside. He did always get randomly good basketball tickets. I don't know why.

He was on the court. It's like either halftime or a break or the game's over or something. And he's acting a fool, walking around in these boots. I immediately DM her. I'm like, you have no idea what this just did for my self-esteem as a 30-year-old woman. Well, I was going to ask, did it make you feel like, oh, shoot, he's having fun at a basketball game? Or you were like... No, this man is the reason I have the career that I have. And you said something about it last night. And I was like, I forgot to tell this story.

Hannah and I love if there's one thing we die for. It's when things come out of revenge. And we have our careers that we have because of ex-boyfriends telling us we would never have it. The only reason I went on reality TV was he said to me, if you go on this reality show, I will never talk to you ever again. I literally signed my contract the next day because I was like,

like that's that's not this man's not saying that to me I'm so and so seeing him on her Instagram story I was just like oh my god whatever gives you motivation I don't care what it is as long as you're not hurting other people as long as it motivates you to be better yes I love the thing where it's like oh you're gonna be an asshole now I have to change career paths become your boss I didn't even want to do this you're making me do it no like my whole stand-up career let's just

Let's just say I need to prove to some people. Born out of revenge. Born out of revenge. But then once you're in it, you don't know where to stop. And sometimes you take it too far. But like if you love it, then it's like, thank you. Sometimes the universe does that to you to make you find your path. So you saw him acting a fool and how did you feel?

I just started laughing. I was like, oh my God, what are the chances that Fran is videoing this guy? I haven't seen him in years. I know Francesca. Like I DM'd her immediately. I was like, this is just so meta right now. And there is something to be said. If you are the ex that he has to block...

To live the rest of his life? That's the sauce. No. You have the fucking sauce. I'm sorry. If my husband or boyfriend has one girl that's blocked and like she didn't like... You're suspicious. She didn't like put a fire to your home. Yeah. I'm like, what's going on? If I have exes that haven't blocked me, I take it as a fail. I've failed in whatever has happened. See, the exes that I'm not blocked, I'm like...

Oh like it was a sweet they're just like good guys Yeah but the ones that blocked me I'm like Oh you have some deep fucked up shit That like you can't even see my face When like I didn't I didn't cheat on you I didn't do anything I just was like this is not good for me anymore Yeah I told you about yourself

I put a mirror to your fucking face. I know you're running around with red boots. You're mad because I told you all about yourself. But that is crazy that like you can't see him anywhere, which is so healthy. I highly recommend. I mean, when we first broke up, I definitely like seeked out his Instagram. But I'm talking like I've been blocked for 70 over seven years. You did it. You did a toll on him. Yeah. And it feels good. But you didn't block him.

No, I think I definitely at one point blocked him, but then I tried to unblock him.

And then I was still blocked. It's like a whole thing. I think Instagram was like, we get it. You two should probably not. Like we were always constantly blocking, unblocking. And then one day I just, we couldn't unblock. Instagram is petty as fuck. Yeah. They're like, we get, you guys calm down. But then if you're not blocked, Instagram will show you them every fucking day. Yeah. Or like this person liked this photo with them. Like Instagram doesn't know how to decipher who you like love and hate. They just know who you are interested in. I have so many people muted. It's. So my thing is I actually have dozens.

No, I have zero people. I have like trolls that I blocked, but zero people that I know in my life blocked. But I do have people I've blocked over the phone. Like their number. Yeah. So I have. OK, I'm the opposite. I don't want them to be able to reach me. But I feel like I have some people like I have blocked people for you on my own account.

You know what's so funny? Because I have people messaging me being like, hey, can Paige unblock me? I don't know what I did. Yeah. And I'm like, you didn't something. Did you say something about me? I have a lot of people. If I get mean comments in my Instagram, like and I see them and they're about you, I'm like blocked because sometimes I'll be like, Paige, we love you, but we don't like your friend. And I'm like, and now you're blocked because you don't love me because she's half of me.

That was the most loyal thing you've ever said. I feel like I have some of your exes blocked. You do. Yeah, I do. You do. Because you see it and you're just like, I don't want to see this. I'm like, oh, I'm done with this guy. I'm so done with this guy. See, no, I can't block my exes because I thrive on when I need the, like...

motivation I go on my page and I imagine them looking at my page yeah oh I do that and I have to look but if I've blocked them they can't look at my page and that's what when you're waking up in the morning you don't want to go to that meeting you don't want to practice you think

I need to ruin his day today. Yeah. And you go. And for people who are like, you didn't move on. Oh, honey, I am moved on. This is just a little extra. This is a little fire under my ass. Yeah, this is just a little. But this is like this is like a friend who you fucking hate, who you're like, look, I don't want to hate them anymore. But I would. I know they wish the worst for me. Yeah. So now I have to shine so fucking bright. Yeah. And those people are muted.

Yes, I do have. I don't like unfollowing people. I feel like because I just don't want to ever be caught in that moment where they're like, no, I'm not an unfollow follower. I wouldn't unfollow. I love a mute. Yeah. It's nice to like clean out your timeline every now and then for energies. It's all energy. No, it really is where I'm like, I don't need that person coming to my page and seeing where I am, what I'm doing. You're not. You don't get that. Sometimes.

I don't want to go into their life. Like I do not need to be put into this, like how your brain works and putting it onto me. Like it's like a coffee that you didn't ask for. Honestly, I think growth is me and my girlfriends used to have like a Finsta where we would go. We like all have the username and password and we would go on and like stalk people that we didn't want. It was mainly for guys and like ex-girlfriends or new girlfriends where we didn't want them to watch our stories. I we got rid of the Instagram.

And so I haven't had that Instagram now for like, we had it for a long, I mean, we had it for 10 years. When you went into it, could you see what girls were looking for? Yeah. Oh yeah. We could see the searches. So we would like text each other. Like, why are we stalking her? Like, I don't know. It's just like annoying me or something. Or like, what? Like, are you talking to him again? Why are you stalking him? Like just like we would be able to see. But I've never had a Finsta.

it's not healthy I haven't had it now for like almost a year and I'm not trying to be like oh I'm like this like pure soul I don't have a finsta is the same reason I don't smoke cigarettes because I don't trust myself yeah because if I started I would get so fucking into it I'm the person where like I I do it because I don't trust myself it was honestly I feel like it was once I started dating Craig I was like

I don't even need to stalk anyone. And you're like, it was boring. You're a full grown up. She's turned 30. I'm giving up stalking. I have a question. I know it depends on the guy, but your exes who have blocked you. Yeah. Do you think they have Finstas or they, they have to look at you every now and then? How do you think they do it?

Or do you think they don't? I think they don't because I think it's too hurtful to see. I think they don't look at me because I was always a person, too, that, like, when I was dating them, like, the number one thing I would say is, like, I'm going to be on TV. Like, I know I'm going to be on TV. And I probably got annoying about it. But I literally felt so secure and, like, I was going to be one day. It was just a matter of time before it happened. So I don't think they would be able to look at it and know that.

that I've made a whole career about of talking. I do think that people might be listening and be like, guys, I know this is healthy, but I do think Taylor Swift. Yeah. You don't think she has a drive of when people hurt her to be like, okay, instead of just hating you and being upset and being sad at the world, I'm going to make millions of dollars. Yeah.

And people will be like, she makes money writing about guys. No, no, no, no. She's channeling bad energy and making it good. And you don't think she fucking loves the fact that that guy has to listen to that song on the radio, in a club. The girlfriend he's fucking goes, oh my God, I love this song. Also, her roster of people is amazing. Incredibly. Lady Gaga said, I want him to not be able to walk into a bodega without hearing my voice. And if that's what drives you... That drives me all day.

Because what is life if you're not a little, like, excited about something? But here's the thing. I hate the term, like, girl bossed because it's like we're just bosses. But I do feel like this past month we have girl bossed a tad hard. A tad too close to the sun. And my boyfriend took two vacations this month.

And I was like, you're gonna have to start giving him an allowance. I was like, I manifested wrong yet again. Well, wasn't he like, let's hang out. And you're like, babe, I'm working. I was like, I'm working. And he was like, OK, well, I guess like I'll go do stuff. And I was like, absolutely go. And now he's on these trips and I'm like, why am I working? And he's not. But then I was like, I wanted this.

I literally manifested it for myself. I manifested it for myself too. And it's hard because, okay, in college, they always used to say as a student athlete, life is like a triangle. You have tennis, you have school, and you have your social life. And they said you can never have all three at the same time. Yeah. Which is so fucked up. But if I think about it right now, it's like I have my work.

And my friends. And my love life. Yep. And I rarely can have all three. At one time. At one time. And I was watching a Blackpink documentary. Do you know who Blackpink is? No. Blackpink! They're a K-pop group. They go, Blackpink! Do you know who Blackpink is? Wait, is that the guy that died? Absolutely not. Okay. It's four... Four...

Like Korean descent women But they're from different places Okay Oh my god Wait we're going off topic But in Korea There's this thing called YG Entertainment Where they get kids at like 11, 12, 13, 14 years old And they start training them Okay To be pop stars Okay

Okay. And then they start like voting them off the island. It's like American Idol, but like your life. So like each year kids get cut. And then by the end they had a girl group of four girls after like four years of training. Oh, so they're just like professional girls that have like worked alongside each other and they have the best chemistry, best sound together, best everything. And they've created the perfect girl group called Blackpink. And they're the first Korean group to perform with Coachella in 2019. This is giving multi-level marketing screen. Fully. Um,

That's crazy. Do they do that for other professions? I wonder in Korea. For tennis, that's what the Russians do. At a very young age, they're training, training, training. The best ones go to American universities. They get scholarships to American... It's a whole thing. It's so funny because I feel like my parents...

And, like, my parents never let my brother quit anything and had to do, like, all of these things. And he would hate it. And they would be like, you're going. Where, like, then I came along and I was like, I'm going to quit. And they were like, yeah. And then, like, I think now that I'm as an adult, I'm like, they're probably like, she's not very good. Like, she can quit. She's, like, I did gymnastics for five years. I literally can only do a somersault. And they...

They're probably like, yeah, it's a waste of our time and hers. She's not too bright. Fancy disrespectful to the sport of gymnastics. And I'm like, well, what if I stayed in it and was so good? And they're like, you weren't going to be like,

You know, so it's like your parents are so real, but also so like, I was like, but I could have been great at softball. No, Gary had potential. They were like, you're skinny little fingers. I remember my brother got into law school and I was like, maybe I'll go to law school. My mom's never laughed harder in her life. She's like, I don't think so. But you said, I want to be on TV. And they were like, oh my God, go fight with someone on TV.

They were like, we think you can do that. And then that was like the only, they were like, no, this is what you're going to do. They get you. But I was joking, Blackpink, their tour, they're playing like arenas all over the world. It's crazy. But they were sitting there and they were like, during this nine month tour, they were like, you actually have no fucking life. Yeah. Because all you're doing is waking up and looking forward to the next show. You're not like, what are we going to do today? Should I do some self-care today? Should I talk to a new guy today? Yeah, no. And I realized like when you see people like us like traveling so much,

We're not like fulfilled and having a tour. Right. We've like lost tons of other parts of our life. And I feel so bad because gigglers will send us so many recommendations on like their city and where we should go. This one girl wrote out like an entire itinerary and it was so sweet. And I was like, you don't understand. Like during the five days we're on tour, we don't know what's going on in the world. We have no connection to the outside world. It's like we don't know our Instagram logins. Like we haven't seen a feed in days. We only know Instagram.

each other. We only know each other. Actually, the last tour we went on, we had this like unspoken thing because every airport was going a little bit too smoothly. Like we were getting there before we had to be there. We were on time. We were more than on time. We had time to get drinks. The hotels were close to the. Yep. Ubers were coming quick. Like we couldn't talk about it because it was going too well. We don't know what's going on. It's like we are also like single women and not in terms of like, oh, we're going to a bar. We're going

to talk to a guy. No, like you forget you have a relationship. I'm like, oh yeah, Craig, where are you? What have you been doing?

you been doing? It does recall. And I'm like, we're going to a hotel. We've got our makeup done. Like, I don't know where you fit into this. And that's where like you have to find the balance and you have to consciously, but like people go on tour for nine months. No, I don't know how they do it. I also, after being on tour for literally only five days, I don't know how people are on Broadway. No. Like you're waking up every day. You're doing a full on performance. Sometimes two performances in one day. You're singing and

So loudly. I don't know how their voice is taken. I don't know. But this is the thing. Their whole life's dream was to be on Broadway. Right. So they've put in so much time and effort. And they have to be so intense and special to get there. That once they get there, they're like, this is all I wanted. But then once you get there, that's when people get depressed. Because they're like, wait, I accomplished my dream. Yeah. And it's actually like life isn't perfect. No, for sure. I mean, my whole dream...

My whole life was to be on TV. And then I got on TV and I was like, wait a minute. Wait a damn second. This is the thing. Just because your external things change internally, you actually don't change. Like you're literally. Well, some people do change. They become assholes. Yeah. But like you're still the same page with her. Same like little nuances of things you worry about. I didn't realize I had anxiety as a child. Neither did I.

until I got older, my biggest fear in high school was that I was going to get pregnant and I was going to disgrace my family. So you have real anxiety. So I would have such anxiety. I wasn't even having sex. No, no. I was like, no, I am the next Virgin Mary. I just fucking know it. My mom's going to be so mad. You're like, I want to be on TV, but not 16 or pregnant. Literally, that show came out and I was like, oh,

Everybody stop. And then I remember, like, when I did lose my virginity, like, my junior year of high school, I was a fucking...

Like, I remember coming home from school one day and I fell asleep at like 6 p.m. My mom's like, why are you so tired? I had beaten my brain down so much that I was pregnant in like this first time losing my virginity. I had a prayer that I wrote out on a note card and I would stick it under my mattress and I would say it every night. Like praying, like, please, I don't want to get pregnant in high school. I don't want to get pregnant.

I never even told my mom that because she'd be like, well, this is why you shouldn't be having sex in high school. Your mom actually was reading all the notes and writing back. She's like, you are dirty. You are going to hell. When you first made out with a guy where you're like, this is it. His sperm went through my mouth. It's going to find my ovary. When I first made out with a guy, the first time I ever kissed a guy, my girlfriend, who was also present, told her mom and her mom. You had a threesome the first time? Yeah.

She was just there. Her mom told my mom like a fucking narc. And I got in trouble. And my mom was like, you can't like be kissing boys. And from that moment, I was like, uh, but now I... Okay, I'll just focus on outfits. Yeah, I was like, but now I like have to. To start what I finish. I've never forgiven that mom. I've never forgiven that mom. No, what a narc. What a narc. We were in eighth grade. Everyone was kissing. Yeah. My one friend was giving blowjobs, okay? And I... We all had that one. And I was like, wait.

And honestly, you were so scared for her. I was so scared for her. I was like, I think you can get pregnant that way. If my sources are correct, you're pregnant. Was your first kiss good? Yeah, I remember him. His name was Austin Bierman. I would love to know what he's doing now. The cutest. I mean, still probably to this day, still probably cute, but definitely the cutest in our middle school. Did you guys use tongue? No, we were like, no. See, the first time I kissed was tongue and it was...

the grossest experience. I felt like someone put an oyster in my mouth and I was just like mixing it around my mouth. So disgusting. And then we, we kissed in the hallway. This was like at a tennis academy and we, we had a plan. We're going to kiss that night. So we kiss and then I go, thank you. And then I turned around and went back in the bedroom, look at myself in the mirror. And I was like,

slut yeah okay because there's such shame like you're born with such sexual purity you're so shame as a woman because your mom was taught that like sex was bad her mom was taught like sex is bad you have to be a virgin I was serene 11 times that night I was like get this gross man off me even in my 20s like I would sleep with someone and then the next day I'd be like I'm disgusting but like not really literally no you're not you indulge him yeah he's disgusting

I mean, most of the time they are disgusting. I have gotten enough to date yet. I've never given chlamydia. I've only gotten it. Okay. I've treated it once I got it. There are certain things that you buy every single summer. Sandals, sunscreen, snacks.

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I went to a high school, no, a high school, a college. I'm not going to name the college.

And I like to ask... I do, like, stand up and I ask the kids, like, are there any athletes here? And they'll be like, a football player, there's a hockey guy. And I always say, like, the one thing my mom always said to me, because she went to Cornell, she was like, stay away from the hockey guys. They're older than everyone. Oh, okay. Because they go to these, like, pre-junior colleges. So they're, like, 25 and everyone else is, like, 18. They have, like, full chest hair. Yeah. And so they've been, like, fucking since they were 11. Yep. And they're all just the... Whatever. They're gross. And they...

I have no teeth. They have concussions. Do I have the hiccups? Wait, this is my nightmare to have the hiccups during a podcast. You just scared them out of me. I'm expecting a lasagna later. Have you ever gotten the hiccups during like an exam and everyone's quiet and you're just like... Yeah.

So I said to everyone, I go, don't hook up with the hockey guys. You will get chlamydia. Yeah. And this is just an off side note. Like it wasn't like a huge joke. The place starts erupting. So for a second, I'm like, am I the funniest person in the world? Then I was like, I do this. I've said it before and I've never gotten that reaction. So I'm like, something's weird.

Get off stage. They go, Hannah, there was a, it was like a small college. They were like, we had a full chlamydia outbreak that started. They tracked down from the hockey team. Oh my God. Every person at the college had chlamydia for like a couple years.

Wait, that happened when I was in college too. Really? Way worse. What happened? It was a herpes outbreak. No! Yes, and everyone was getting herpes. This was actually my friend's college. I didn't even go to this college. They tracked it back to the basketball team. Of course. Of course. Of course. But that's terrifying. You know in movies and like TV shows when someone gets an STD, they're like, the doctor's like, okay, you have to tell all your sexual partners. Has anyone ever done that in their entire life?

Like, seriously, has anyone ever done that in their entire life? Because I know that I have slept with probably some of the grossest people in New York City and never one time have I ever gotten a call from them. Like, and I know that. No, that's I was put in a pickle. I might have told this story before, but I had was stopping hooking up with someone and starting hooking up with someone new. Yeah. And I but I wasn't like fully done with the first person. Yeah. I still like that person, but I saw potential in this new person. Yeah.

And then the old person calls me and said, I, it hurts when I pee. I have, I think I have chlamydia. And then he basically was like, I think you gave it to me. No. But then I had to tell the new guy, I think I have chlamydia. Tell me you didn't even have it.

I don't even know. Yeah. Cause these boys are multi-level marketing scheme with their chlamydia. Yep. But I was in a pickle where I was like, I love St. Pickle. Do I tell the new guy, like imagine you're newly with a guy and you're like, I,

I just got a call. I think I might have chlamydia. Yes. But then this guy was telling me it was me. And I was like, but the only guy I'm fucking is that. So did that guy give me chlamydia? Yeah. So that's just dating in New York. No, that literally is just dating. Yeah. I feel like there is such a stigma of like people getting certain STDs.

And there are, like, some that are worse than others. But here's the craziest part. How the men have lucked out again is, like, sometimes a guy will have something and he won't know because there's no symptoms for a guy. No symptoms. And then you have sex with them and then you're like, wait a minute. Mm-hmm.

And then if you say something to them, they're like, well, I don't feel anything. You're fighting for your life. Well, he's just he's coming. He's coming. He's coming. I do think also chlamydia is like it's so easy to take care of. Yeah, it's basically like a bacterial. But let's be honest. It's there's nothing to be weird about because like, you know, when you first start seeing someone and you're hooking up with them. Yeah, you have to you hook up with guys before you're official.

Right. Let's be honest. This isn't the 1920s. Right. You don't have to get married to have sex. Right. So when you're in that early time, it's like, yeah, you're supposed to use a condom. Let's be honest. We don't always use a condom. Right. So there's that initial period where you can't tell them not to hook up with people. Yeah. Because you want to hook up with other people, too. You know what's crazy, too, is when you're younger...

Because I feel like I went to like all Catholic schools, all girls high school. You're taught that like the biggest problem is if you get pregnant. They don't teach you like you're going to get to college. You're going to get in your 20s. It's going to start burning when you pee. Here's what you should do. Here's what it is. They never say it. Why do we know the Pythagorean theorem? You know, it was like.

I now like looking back, I'm, it's so funny to think like, okay, what are you going to say to your dog? There are certain, sometimes I'll get in situations and I'll be like, okay, one day I'm gonna have to teach this to my children. What am I going to say? I want to take it like the European wine approach. Yeah.

You know how like in Europe people are not blacking out because early on they were like you could drink, you could not drink, no one gives a fuck. But if you grow up being like do not drink that horrible devil's blood. Right. And then the second they're 13 they're in a farm fucking blacking out. Did you see John Mulaney has a new stand up and he says like my family had the European approach and we could like try alcohol at six years old. He was like that's the only thing in our household that was European. We never even went to Europe. Like that was European. Wait.

John Mulaney special. I thought it was amazing. I do have to say, the first five minutes, I was not into it. Yeah. Because he was making this joke about, like, how he wished his grandparents would die to get attention in school. Yes. And I'm, like, sensitive about that stuff. You didn't like that. My papa just passed away. I was just not. Papa passed away a year ago. I turned it off. No. And I love papa and forever rest his soul.

And I'm sure he's here right now. I'll cry about it right now. I'll cry about it right now. Do not bring it up. How dare you bring up... You brought it up. I brought it up. Okay. Um...

also your grandma died yeah two years ago but you were very close i'll never get over it i'm not over my one grandma's death from college oh you like that one the best yeah it was my mom's mom yeah okay so he's doing this that was that was a weird tangent that was weird it got dark

So fuck you and your dead grandpa. Shout out to Grandpa Jerry. You're the reason I love comedy. He used to make jokes at the dinner table. But anyway, I'll get through this. I'll get through this in spite of you. The man was a great long life. Do you remember when that guy came up to me in Ohio as my grandpa reincarnated? No, I know. I know.

Tough time for all of us. I dare you. I'll bring a list of honey over. I did not like the first 10 minutes of Dramalini Special to the point that I turned it off. No way. I was like, this isn't good. You tell me it's out. Des says you read an article that it was good. And I say, you know what? Give it another go. I'm going to learn and grow. And I'm going to try this again because I think that I was too judgy. Yeah. But I realized the first 10 minutes is him just like warming up the crowd. Yeah. And then it cuts to the intro. And then he goes, let's get into it. This was the most raw, real.

Real. Vulnerable shit I've ever seen John Mulaney do. Leaned in. I think also one of his funniest stand-ups. And I've. You always loved him. I have always loved John Mulaney. I have watched every single one of his stand-ups. I've gone to see him perform live. Like, I just always thought he was so good.

And when all of this happened to him, I just couldn't believe because in his standups, he does come off as very like waspy. We're from Newport. We're from Rhode Island. Like he's clean cut. Yeah. He is smart. He has his shit together. Yes. I never related to him because I was like, I'm not a clean cut white dude. Yeah. And I actually never really like I was never really a fan. I didn't like him, but I was never obsessed. Yeah. And you messaged me like it's out. And I was like, I don't really care. Yeah.

He, no, he spoke, well, he loves name dropping, but in the funniest way. Yes. How funny was it? Intervention. The intervention was amazing. When he said it was the most insane lineup, he was like, you guys, the lineup was insane. He was like, and they didn't say one funny thing the whole time. He goes, imagine Nick Kroll looking at you and just being like, you need to get better. Or,

Or when he was actually in rehab and he was like, I was nervous everyone was going to know who I was. And he was like, and then a new fear set in that not one person knew who he was. That was so honest of him to say, do you know what was bananas? That I was mad. That no one recognized me. And no celebrity would ever admit that. Yeah.

But that's definitely something they think when they go to rehab. Like, oh, everyone's going to know me. And then he said he put like a newspaper out and he was like, is that me? Is that, did anyone see that? Hey, Steve over there. And Steve's like, shut the fuck up, John. Or when they were like, what do you do for a living? He was like a standup comedian. And the guy was like, you make money from that?

No. And then he talks like about everything he was addicted to, like all the drugs. And then he goes into this whole bit about what it's like to be a junkie. Like he literally. Yeah. I do think part of your healing, you aren't immediately supposed to be like, how can I make this funny and make money off of it? But it was probably a little therapeutic for him to say like, this is me.

And he even had a point where he was like, cancel me. Yeah. And it has been three years. Like, it's not like he just got out of rehab. Like, he went in 2020. It's now, like, 2023. He goes, I was two hours late to my intervention. So people were already mad. And then they were, like, mad mad. He was like, you guys should have told me you had cocaine. I would have been here early. Like...

No, I thought it was so good. I thought it was just, I do want his wife though, like his ex-wife to come out and say anything just because in all of his previous standups, she was a big part of like his set. Like he would do a whole thing about her. And now he's a baby with Olivia Munn. And now he's with Olivia Munn. Wait, is he with her? Yeah. I thought they broke up. No, they're together. They're together and they have a baby. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's like, I feel bad for the ex-wife because it's like, okay, I was with you through all of this. I watched your career grow. You then fell into like a hard time. I was there when you were addicted to, obviously she was there at least in the beginning. Yeah. And then she is done with him. They get divorced. He goes to rehab. He comes out like this new man. He's now making so much money from this standup. He has a new hot like girlfriend. They have a child. Like,

I just wonder how pissed I would be fucking livid. That's when, girl, we got to do some open mics. You need a Netflix special, girl. No, she needs a Netflix. Because we need to hear you. Yeah, I would love to have, like, an interview. Imagine we had her on Giggly Squad.

I just wonder what like her what she's thinking like is she done being mad is she still mad like honestly she's probably like thank god I'm not involved in that anymore right because you know like sometimes you break up with someone and then like they get like a new hot girlfriend and you said it to me the other night you were like but you know what it's like dating him I always say really having fun it's so much harder getting over a situation ship than a 10-year relationship the 10-year relationship you're like I'm

I've been out of this mentally for four years. I'm so over you. I can't even look at your face. We're situationship. You're like, I don't even know who he is and what could have been. No, I've literally never cried over a breakup. No. And someone I've dated for two weeks. I'll obsess over them for a year. Like I just got over someone. Yeah.

Okay, we literally didn't hit any of our notes, but we're going to hit it next time. So make sure. Also, if you're enjoying Giggly Squad, leave us a review. It means the world to us. We have shows coming up in Denver, Phoenix, San Diego, Huntington, Chicago, Chicago, Philly. We haven't gone back to Philly since our first ever live. When someone broke their leg. Broke a collarbone. Laughter

She just recovered and now she's going to break another bone. The doctor's like, Jesus. No, literally, that's a bad break. Your fucking collarbone. The gigglers are wild. But thank you so much for giggling with us. We love you and we'll talk to you next week.