Giggling about getting kicked out of hotels, private jets, and tour life
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I mean the day just got away from me. It's your road dog girlies. No, I can't.

We are exhausted. So tired. We just got off the plane. And I was like, should we just repost the Bachelorette episode from a year ago? And then Des was like, guys, you need to tell them what happened this week on tour. And we're like, but we're dying. And he's like, what's more important? Also, my hairspray exploded in my bag that my microphone is in. So now I'm literally inhaling hairspray. Wait, wait.

you're gonna get high so fuck yeah so many things happened on this tour that were just like unforeseen circumstances circumstances okay now we have to tell the story of the hotel debacle yeah can i start it okay this is my favorite story page books an insane expensive fancy hotel it was four hundred dollars a night when i saw it it was like eight hundred

Okay, whatever. It was expensive to the point that I was like... I'm pretty sure it was $4.33 with tax. Whatever price I saw the time I was booking it, I was like, I don't deserve it. If I have to leave my bed, I need to know that I'm going to a comfortable, safe zone with a mini fridge. Okay.

If they're still in their bullshit COVID no room service, no business. People did no room service for a little too long. It got excessive to the point where I was like, let's. So then you Uber and they still make you go down into the lobby. This is the thing. I stay at disgusting hotels, but I just need a bed. I kind of like being like, am I going to survive tonight? It makes me feel alive. This bed has bed bugs. For sure. We'll figure it out.

A little itch never hurt anybody. Right. So I decided to book the Sheridan. Shout out to the Sheridan. So Paige gets dropped off at her castle and me and Grace, our new Gen Z correspondent who we love, go to the Sheridan. We're literally getting our keys to go to our $100 rooms. And Paige is FaceTiming me and I'm like, okay, this is...

is she okay like a beach in town i pick up and she goes cancel your rooms now and i'm like cancel like a lot of hotels don't even let you cancel like we just checked in it's the sheraton

That was so mean. The Sheridan's never done anything to you. Sorry, that was me. That sounds so elitist. They were so nice at the Sheridan. Was I scared? Yes, but they were so nice. Was there blood on the floor? Possibly. But were they lovely? Was there lemon water in the lobby? No. But if I needed it, would they have gotten me water? No.

But did they have snack yet? So I was, he, I think he heard you and you were like, dude, I don't know what happened, but they upgraded me because my room was smelling of cigarettes. So they gave me a different room, but the only room they had is a huge room with like, it was a penthouse. And you're like, cancel your rooms, come back and we'll party together and get our makeup done. And I was like, we're going to have our photographer come to this hotel, do like an awesome photo shoot. This is a literal challenge.

so i tell the sheridan guy and he's like girl no worry i got you cancels we walk back you would have hated it we were walking back we walked back to your hotel we try to just break in at first to just and we realize and some guy goes up to us and he's like you girls are getting your makeup done that was really weird i was like you're like sexist i am getting my makeup done but how did you know that and that's sexist that you think two girls together are you just are you suggesting i

done what's happening here yeah i know that like i look a little fugly i've been traveling i am bloated in the face right now and then i was like maybe he thinks we're makeup artists because we're holding bags but i'm like we are in a hotel people hold bags yeah it was so strange yeah so strange and i remember telling grace and grace looked at me like what the fuck was that i'm like that was

So we can't get it. We can't find the room. And then we find out it's in a whole different building. Yeah, it's like a whole different section. They love separating like really rich people from the normal people. And they were like, oh, you're in the normal people building. So we go downstairs and I went straight to the desk. I was like, hey, my friend got upgraded and we're going to stay with her. Paige to Sorbo. And they go, oh, my God. Yes. Are you? And they said, oh.

are you a bachelorette party and i go no we have a podcast yep and then i realized like they didn't know who you were yeah and they thought i was a bachelorette but i didn't process it because yeah we were just like whatever i did good things like yesterday i was a nice person yeah so then he goes we're like we're so excited it's gonna be so exciting and he goes can i film you how excited you are for this upgrade and i was like okay so i'm like we're so excited

And they're loving it. And I'm like, that's kind of weird. Did they put it on the hotel's story? I actually don't know where it went. And I should have asked beforehand. Hannah Berner, now the spokesperson for herpes. We're so... Imagine, like, how many things do you just say yes to and promote? So we go up. And when I tell you, this was the most extravagant hotel room. No, I've never seen anything like it. And Paige never gets impressed. I am rarely, like...

That sounds so bad too. But yeah, I'm rarely walking into a hotel room and being like, oh my...

Oh my God. It wasn't a normal door. It was like two. They were like, yes, whatever that it opened. It was like a 10 foot door. Yeah. Even when I got to the door, I was like, wait, this can't be right. I thought they put me in like a conference room. I was like, I think this is where they hold meetings. It was too big for a normal door. Then you walk in and there's a sculpture. Now, if there's a sculpture in the lobby of a room, you are a fucking queen. You've made it. You've made it. Multiple rooms.

upstairs you go up three flights to a whole nother like suite. And then there's a suite on the left. We started freaking out. I think it's MTV Cribs. We're literally PJ day. It was rolling around in the tub. We ordered so much food. We ordered so much room service. It was the immediate first thing we did. We were like, okay, well let's get room service and then we'll- Green juice, prickly pear kombucha. We don't even like kombucha. We threw it in. I got chili quiles.

I do have to say there's no way to say chilaquiles and be in a bad mood. Honestly, that's a good tip for therapists. Like if you have a client that's sad and upset, just over in your head five times. Chilaquiles. Then I go, Paige.

Let's get the photographer to come here and we'll do a photo shoot here. We are like on such a high. I call. We're looking up TikToks. We're like, what TikToks are we making in this room? We called both our significant others to let them know we're better than them. Yep. And we just sat there in our all our glory. And I was like, pitch.

We made it. Not four seconds later does the phone ring and I think, oh, they're calling because room service is coming up or something. And the guy says, Paige. And I say, yes. And he goes, small problem. We mixed up the names on the reservation and

And you were in the bridal suite. The bride's name was Paige. And they had just given me her room. And they were like, we have to move you out of your hotel room. So we cried. Well, I didn't know this was happening. The makeup artist comes in. Me and the makeup artist are kicking. We're like, how cool is this? And you go, you have a look on your face of, holy fuck. And you go. But I already put it on my Instagram story. Yeah.

I can't take it back now. They didn't know who we were either. No, they didn't give a shit. They didn't give a shit. So I posted on my Instagram story too. So then you're like, we need to go. And then immediately I'm like, Grace and I, where are we going to stay?

So we I'm like Hannah I hate confrontation. Yeah I'm like I need to stand up for myself and be like we're in our hotel room. We're in the elevator being true New Yorkers. We're like what are you going to say. What am I going to say. Let's really give it to this guy like he needs to like give us. We need to make sure we get a room because right now I don't have a bed.

So we get downstairs and he's like, okay, I got a room for you guys. And I go, how many beds is it? Yeah. And he's like one. And I was like, Ooh, so we both canceled. I didn't say Sheridan cause I didn't want him to judge me, but I was like, you can't afford to be here. I felt he's like, you can get that at C&A.

So I was like, hello, I just was looking if I could have a room. And he was like, we fucked up. The nicest guy. Dallas is so nice. They go, we fucked up. We're so sorry. It was our mistake. We'll get you guys a room. I mean, still we, me and you still had to sleep together. Grace ended up getting. Yeah. Somehow our, our,

new employee ended up getting a great room all by herself. But that's just the kind of bosses we are. We're also afraid of getting sued. Because we don't know how suing works. And that would be so much admin. I'd be like, honestly, just take the company. So then we get there and then we realize like, oh my God, where's our food? And they were like, oh, we'll send it to the right room. An hour later, I'm fighting for my life. My blood sugar is low. You're having conversation with a makeup artist. It's sounding like... You know when you're just...

So I had Grace call, and they were like, oh, it's just...

it's waiting for you at the other room and we're like we cannot afford that room we were kicked out of that room here's the other thing imagine if we were a bridal party and random food showed up that would have been gone in two seconds that food how those people didn't eat all our food is amazing also i'm pretty sure i left a tampon in the bathroom i took one of the coca-colas so they were down a coca-cola in their fridge and that i do apologize for but my thing is like did she she thought you were a bride

They thought I was a bride. Which is so funny because you give... Zero bride vibes. You give more like serial killer energy. Yeah. Then what happened? Well, you posted. You were like, little mistake. We got kicked out. Yeah.

I did. I had to show the gigglers just like the actual journey we were on because that really would only happen to us. The universe being like, you're doing so well. You're doing so well. Keep going. Actually. We need to be humbled. We needed to be humbled. We needed a couple ego deaths this trip and that was important because we had, the shows have been way too much fun. Yeah. That like in between the shows, we need to be tortured. We started out the tour without,

Our Gen Z correspondent, Grace. And we were like chickens with our heads chopped off. Yeah. Where was that? Nashville. Which Nashville was crazy. Here's the thing about friendship also. Like, I don't think... I don't think people are real friends if they're like, Oh my God. I just like, I love you so much. And I like support everything you do. And you're my sister. That's not real. Friendship is...

what Hannah does to me and that's putting me in situations that she knows I'm going to hate because she wants to laugh and I couldn't be more grateful for it because every day she would try and do something that she knew would make me either uncomfortable or pissed off and just see what happened look I like to push you out of your comfort zone because I see greatness for you so basically I was like I have to bring her to Broadway which is the strip on Nashville where like

It's all this live music. It's crazy. Do I know that she's going to hate it? Yes. Do I think it's something she needs to experience? Absolutely. If I tell her she's going to hate it, will she come? No. So I'm like, Paige, you have to see the strip of places. And then she was like, how do we get there? I'm like, we can walk. It's easy. 20 minutes into the walk, she's like,

what the fuck is going on and I'm like look I was not gonna Uber I knew something was awry when we were leaving the hotel and the people at the hotel were like you can't walk to Broadway and Hannah was like no no no we're from New York we can literally walk anywhere

And they were like, okay, but it's going to be sweaty. So we get there and it's all these live bands and Paige is like, what are they doing? Why are they singing? And I was like, music. It's like, don't they hear the other people singing and then don't they get tripped up? It's like country American Idol and everyone's singing at the same time. Yeah, it's chaotic energy. We immediately couldn't handle it and we ended up going to a Margaritaville.

And ordered a cheeseburger. Because it was... And we walked in and the age was... You had to be over 60 to be in there. And we were like, perfect. These are our people. What's it called? You could hear a pin drop in that place. We loved it. What's the sale? The early bird special. We wanted the early bird special. I wanted to get barbecue, but it gives me the meat sweats. I just like saying meat sweats. I'm not a huge...

I don't like die for barbecue. I die for like, I die. It's funny because Bella Hadid has never said these words before, but I would die for like grits and pulled pork and mashed potatoes and sweet tea. Interesting. Like I like a pulled pork sandwich, but I only like the kind that my mom makes.

So do I like pulled pork? Cause she'll give me anything and I'll love it. Do you just love your mother? Yeah. Which is another reason why I think we'd never join a cult.

because you know how they always say like the second step or whatever step is they cut you off from your family the second they're like you can't call your mom you'd be like absolutely hold on let me call my mom and just tell her that right now because she's gonna she'll be over here in two minutes they'd be like wait i can't talk to my family can i ask my mom if it's okay if i can't talk to my family and she'd be like absolutely not or like what how am i supposed to decide what i'm gonna eat during the day if i can take my birth control seven times and if that counts also i think i

Our moms have like really tainted us because if anything happens that like is not supposed to happen, my immediate first thought is I'm going to call my mom. She'll know it. Like I'm going to call my mom right now and then you're really going to be in trouble. They don't realize our mom is the cult leader. Okay, Gary, shut the fuck up, Gary. Kim knows what's going on and Kim will handle this. Our moms coming in. Oh my God. Our moms would be the moms that are like saving us from the cults. My mom saved me from multiple cults.

One time I was in high school and there was like, I don't know what it was. It was like a not a bomb threat, but there was like something. And it was just chatter amongst like a bunch of 14 year olds. But I got so scared and I texted my mom and I was like, something's happening at school today. And like, I don't know what it is, but like it could potentially be scary. That woman was there in 10 minutes, went into the principal's office and was like, my daughter feels unsafe. I'm taking her home.

And I was just like, I remember walking out of school being like, my mom is the president. Your mom was like, I'm the principal now, bitch. When I got hit by a car in Wisconsin during college, my mom was there before the car hit me. I was like, hey, I think I got hit by a car. And then she like stopped the car. I don't know how she got there in time.

No, these bitches. It's like we were talking about adrenaline. Yeah. Mom adrenaline's real. Yeah. Like, you know, the moms that like lift cars because like their baby's under a car. I don't know how the baby got under the car, but they do it. That's how I try to motivate you all week when we were on our tour. OK, then fucking Hannah made me made. We were in Austin and our hotel was close to the venue.

I would have taken a car. Hannah made me walk from our hotel to the venue. My shoes were not walking shoes. I didn't know you were wearing shoes that were literal just like sticks. My shoes were not walking shoes. I was profusely sweating. What kind of shoes are they then? They're car-to-table shoes. They're no walking. It's car-to-table. When you have a shoe on that hurts, you can only walk to the car, take a break. Then walk to the dinner table, you're sitting, take a break.

I love you right now because you're so funny because you're so tired and you have no time for anyone's shit right now and I'm obsessed with it. No, I wish someone would try and fight me right now. No matter what it was, I know I would win. We walked to the show in Nashville and you had to take a couple breaks and I was like, bitch, I can't call an Uber when it's a 90 second walk.

And you were like, yes, you can. And I'm like, no, I can't. So anyway, so before the Austin show, I'm not kidding. I legitimately didn't know if I was going to be able to go out on stage. I started having a full panic attack out of nowhere. I was making them get...

I sound so dramatic. I was making them get ice packs out of the freezer. I was putting them on all my pressure points. I had to do, I looked up how Navy SEALs, how do Navy SEALs not get anxiety? They box breathe. I started box breathing. I love how she's like, what's the most common situation that I'm in right now that's relatable? A Navy SEAL. Perfect. He has to go out and tell fart jokes on stage. A prisoner of war. A prisoner of war.

But it was so, this is the thing. I feel like when we went to Austin, it was like a comedy festival. So there were like agents there. Your agents were there. My agents were there. Jamie Lynn Siegler casually came to say hi. Ren Stevens. Ren Stevens came to say hi. You, what's hard about panic attacks is people can't tell that you're having a panic attack except for me. So everyone's like, is she just really shy right now? And I'm like, no, she's like combusting on the inside. I was fighting for my life. Right.

Fighting for my literal life. When I have a panic attack too, I don't know if anyone has ever, I can't wait to see if any of the gigglers have ever had this because I've tried looking it up online and I've like asked my other friends who have anxiety.

That's the cult we're in. But I get, I know I'm starting to have one because I get this pain that starts at the back of my neck and it goes all the way up to my head and then my head will start shaking like ever so slightly. Like a bobblehead? Yeah, and you won't be able to see my head shaking. It's not like it goes back and forth, but it'll start like almost vibrating. And it's happened to me two other times in my life. I hate doing the podcast and looking at you. It makes me so freaked out. I know, I don't know where to look though.

Look away. So don't make eye contact with me. But then Hannah was like, you're going to be fine. You're going to get mom adrenaline right when you go out on stage. And literally right when I stepped out on the stage and the gigglers were screaming and I was like, I'm fine.

Honestly, I feel like when you're sick, you should just be like, let's do a performance. Next time I have a panic attack, I'm signing up for OnlyFans. That's it. Let's put this baby to work. You're cracking me up so much right now. I mean, we've had so much fun together. Like we've spent so many days together and like we still aren't annoyed at each other. We did two shows in Dallas and then going back and me and Hannah had a little sleepover and we watched...

like a murder what did we watch we were watching about elizabeth holmes it was actually fun to like watch dope documentaries with you there but then you were so funny you go we would be such good roommates and i paused and i was like i slept in with you for three straight summers and that's why we became best friends because we're such good roommates i literally like forgot it's like a different time and that seems like a different like i don't know those people i don't know i got into bed with you and immediately i was like

Hey, Craig. Craig just arrived in L.A. Craig came for 24 hours. She didn't even tell me you were coming. She keeps us away from each other ever since. Yeah, well, look. I live two separate lives, and I don't want you two getting together. You don't want us to turn on you. Yeah. It's just the same room that they have.

Craig, it's a hotel. They all look the same. Also, Craig, thanks for complimenting my eyeshadow. We'll call you. We'll call you. Don't call us. We'll have our people talk to your people. Yeah, we'll call you. Well, poor guy. He just immediately got kicked out. Nice to see you as well. Bye, babe. Okay, great. Thank you. Thank you. He's actually like our boyfriend at this point. Okay, Raquel.

We're actually like in a throuple. He thought I was fucking with him when I complimented him for complimenting me. He thought it was a trap. Yeah, he did. He did not like it. He's so scared of Giggly Squad. I think he's scared of me. But I'm like the least, I'm less scary than you. For sure.

For sure. For sure. But I think like because my love language, but yours is too with does because my love language is like if I really like you, I'm going to be mean to you because I know you can take it. That is not his love language. So he legit thinks I'm being mean. Oh, I know. So it's so sad. But I'm toughening him up. Anyway, before we were really interrupted, Craig making it about himself again. Classic. What were we saying? Yeah, what were we saying?

Fuck. No, we're so brain dead. Oh, we were saying how you forgot that you roomed with me for three years. But then I knew, I know you. Paige, this bitch falls asleep. She scrolls her TikTok and I knew once like I shut the light, you were going to be out. You turned the light off? Yeah, I did a whole, I manipulated you into falling asleep last night. Thank God. Yeah, I'm the one, it takes me forever to fall, to go to sleep. Like I have,

I was like in the bathroom. The thing about sharing a room with someone is I immediately get that anxiety of like, what if they fall asleep so quick and I can't fall asleep for the whole night and then I'm up and like I'll feel awkward turning the TV on or being on my phone. But I feel like you did hypnotize me. No, for sure. Because I put on some a really boring documentary. Yeah. I asked you some questions and you hate that.

And then you were like, if I just close my eyes. And then you were asleep. And then I watched. We were watching Kevin Hart and Nick Cannon's prank show. Yes, that's what we were watching. I actually had the best night's sleep last night that I've had on the whole tour. We were supposed to wake up and record this morning. My alarm goes off. Hers doesn't. I can't wake people up. I think sleep is so important. No, my alarm went off at 930. You didn't wake up. And I was like...

I'm going to fall asleep. Then yours went off at 10. I didn't wake up. And then we both laid there till like 10. I was awake though, but I didn't open my eyes because I was like, maybe she won't want to get up if I don't get up. So I'm going to be manipulated you this morning also.

And then we both were like, should we just sleep more? Actually, you were fucking with me because I'm like, is she asleep? And then eventually I was like, fuck it, I'm going back to sleep. And then we just slept and then we got up and went to the airport. We're in LA. We're doing two podcasts here with... We're doing stiff socks. Which is two men. And we've never... Have we ever even podcast... I've never spoken to two men at once before. With men before? No.

I mean, out and about is different. That doesn't count at all. It doesn't count. So, yeah. So that's going to be interesting. It's going to be very interesting, the vibes. They're like the male Giggly Squad. Yeah. I first saw their podcast because Trevor's videos would always come up on my For You page. He's been making videos forever. But do you ever feel like once you start following someone on TikTok, then you never see their videos ever again? No.

Dude, that's crazy. Because then you have to go into the friends section. And who goes into the friends section on TikTok? No. It's interesting because TikTok decides who you fuck with each week. This is your best friend for the week. Yeah, this is your vibe for the week. And you see them. And I guess they see how you interact. And then they're like, okay, well, she needs new friends. I mean, we are so fully controlled by the dopamine of TikTok. It's crazy. I do love being on tour. It is such a...

weird like adrenaline well your normal life stops and then you're just on tour yeah like you have I have no idea what's happening in the outside world for the past five days like we go on Instagram just to re-watch our stories and re-watch our TikToks it's that time of the year your vacation is coming up you can already hear the beach waves feel the warm breeze and

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And for people to know what we do, we get into a city. Two o'clock. We had the same schedule every single time. Yeah. God forbid it was different. We would never make it to the show. Because every city we go to, people are like, you got to go here. You got to go there. You got to do this. And we're like, hey, we're sleepy, sleepy girls. We get in. Two o'clock. Paige starts getting her makeup done first. She tells her, I want the glowy look. I want a glowy look. You know my look. If I'm ever in a coma and I need my makeup done, you'll know.

That is something. If I'm in a coma, I do want my makeup done every so often. I'm pointing at him. Yeah. And when, if we do an open casket, I got you. I'm going to be like, that is way too heavy. She wanted light, glowy. I'm in the casket. You're like, she looks dead. Please give her some illumination. Do we have rare beauty on hand? She needs a highlight on her clavicle. She would die if she saw this. Yeah.

And I will watch people do your makeup and be like, oh, she's not going to like that. Like,

But I'm not saying anything. Wait, how many times have we gotten our makeup done together? And in your head, you're like, when this bitch leaves, Paige is going to lose it. No one's going to want to do our makeup now. Hannah and I getting our makeup done is exactly like everyone being getting their nails done. We'll never say anything. No, they'll show me something. And the fake eyelash will be stabbing my eyes, bleeding. And I'll be like, how did you do that? That's amazing. You're so talented. It's so good.

Hannah got her makeup done once on one of the tour dates. And by the time we got to the show, she had no makeup on. Like, it had literally all run off. She sweated it all off. I don't know where it was.

We're dying laughing because I just look like I had been crying for three hours. I like to get creative when I get my makeup done. Yeah. I, again, I almost blew it for the story. I know it's high risk, high reward. Yeah. Actually, not really a reward. It's really just bad things can happen. Yeah. But I look at their page. I pick something like funky they did that I don't think I could do. Yeah. And I see if I could do it. Little do I know. I don't know if I really have a face for like makeup. Yeah.

some people are just like a blank canvas yes i feel like some people have like the the best eye shape like a good lid some people have great cheekbones no i don't think you ever weird lids you're jealous you're jealous because yesterday the lady said that i had a great eye shape and you said and then she said nothing about you

Told her Ooh That's a little Sense of subject Because Paige Has been attacked For her eye shape Before And the girl Paused for like A little too long And looked at me And goes Oh What'd they say About your eye shape And Hannah goes Oh yeah What was that And I go You know my orbital bone Stop acting like You don't know her Okay And then

in the room, the orbital in the room. And the makeup artist was like, oh, I don't think your orbital bone is off at all. And Hannah just started dying laughing. Then, okay, we did one show and sometimes, like...

here's the thing. I feel like I get attacked a lot in different situations. That's so unwarranted and so random. I think people like your looks are your thing. Like, so people will comment on it cause they want to talk about it, but like it can go so bad. This one girl in the meet and greet came up to me and she goes,

Oh my God. You're so much smaller in real life. Like you're so skinny. You're so tiny. She said you're so petite in real life. Hannah goes, Paige is fat on TV. And you guys, what's so funny about this is you pissed off all of Oklahoma. Oh my God. Okay. Apparently one, apparently on one of our podcasts, Hannah brought up Oklahoma City and I said, oh, I didn't know Oklahoma had a city.

I didn't know that Oklahoma is three hours away. Everyone from Oklahoma drove to Dallas. And every single person that was from Oklahoma that came to Dallas had one woman came up to me and said, Oklahoma has air conditioning. And I said, sounds like something someone would say who doesn't have air conditioning.

But I was like, did I ever say Oklahoma didn't have air conditioning? I don't know why she told me that. They don't realize that we don't remember what's coming out of our mouths. Yeah, like I say things for the joke, not because I actually believe Oklahoma doesn't have a city, but like I've never been there. So do they, you know? Define city. Define city.

It's a fun city, Oklahoma. But I am going to Oklahoma City for Santa. So come to my door. Buy your tickets now. I'm supportive of Oklahoma. Unlike Paige, I believe that Oklahoma has a city. And I will see you there. And I love all the people in Oklahoma. Unlike Paige. You literally boxed me out from all the Oklahoma people. And you were like, yeah, like she literally doesn't think you guys have a city. No, I had to protect you. They like came with like pitchforks. So Oklahoma of them. Fucking A.

No, but I also was like, wait, why are you guys in Texas? And they were like, we drove three hours. And that was really fucking awesome. That was so sweet. Considering, oh, we didn't tell them the private jet story. Oh my God. Okay. Here's the thing. If you know anything about me and Hannah, Hannah can be a cheap bitch.

Bitch. We will be walking out of an airport or something. She'll say, I'll get the Uber. And I say, absolutely fucking not. Will you be putting me in a Prius with my 700 bags and have me cramped in there? So...

In person, the tiniest person you've ever seen. Not on TV, but in person, Paige is so little. And she needs an XL everywhere we go. I like to be in a comfortable SUV with the air blasting. I don't like getting ripped off when it's the same amount of time to get somewhere. But just because the car is a little bigger, it's $50 more. Let me waste my money the way I want to waste it. I'm a literal NBA player.

So we bring this guy up on stage for in our segment. Is he trash? Hattie H-A-D-I. But we didn't we didn't want to call him that. So we just referred to him as Hibiscus. And I was really craving a LaCroix at the moment. So I think that's and the best part was his girlfriend's name is Maddie. Shout out to Maddie. So it's Hattie and Maddie. And we just were like vibing with them. And we asked Hattie what he did for a living. And he was like, I do private jet aviation.

When he said that, it was like some crazy demon took over Hannah's body. She was like, what do you mean? Private jets. How much are they? Like on stage, she's negotiating with this guy. Okay. Yeah.

And he says like, oh, it's like $3,000 to $5,000. And we had to fly from Austin to Dallas that next day. So we were going to drive three hours. No, we were in Houston. Were we in Houston? And then we had to go to Austin? Houston to Austin. It was like a three-hour drive. Yeah. Or a 30-minute flight. A 30-minute flight. So Hannah literally made me take this man's card, text him, ask him. You know what it is? What? I know that deep down you've always, you love private jets. I love private jets. And I was like,

What if I like make because I know that I'm within torturing I also like to like don't twist this on that you were doing something good for me. I wanted to be for us. What he basically did he was like guys I could get you a deal on a private jet. Yeah. And I was like the gigglers would lose their shit if we took a private jet. The TikToks we would do on a private jet. So I said Paige you deal with it because you know how to deal with money.

It ended up being more. It ended up being a lot more than we expected. And I was like, I said to the guy, I was like, look, we probably aren't going to waste that much money on a 30 minute flight. Like, it's not that big of a deal. Like, we can just drive. I call Hannah. I tell her what's going on. And she goes, um, fuck it. We're doing it. Like, let's do it. Look, after the show, you get a weird high. After you perform. You brought me here in a Prius. Now you want to take a private jet out of here? So a Prius is a very nice car. Yeah.

First of all, if the Prius community comes for me right now, I'll put you in the same boat as Oklahoma City. So you don't support the environment? So your carbon emission is at 100? So you want a huge gas guzzling SUV over a light, beautiful Prius that is saving the animals? I don't use straws. So you hate turtles? Yeah.

So anyway, I basically, I don't know what happened, but once I decided like I was going to take this private jet, I was like, fuck it. I am private jet girl. I take private jets now. I was on a weird high. Like you get dope with me. Like Justin Bieber after his shows. Like I thought that I ran the world. Wait, that's why I got humbled from the universe. I was getting too high. So anyway, I was like, I'm down if you're down. I'm down if you're down. And you're like, I'm not down. Like I'm not going to do all these shows to ultimately make money and then lose it all on a 30 minute private jet. But anyway,

especially hibiscus who doesn't deserve i just performed four shows made money and then i'm gonna give that paycheck to hibiscus who i just met an hour ago i don't fucking think so so then we ended up taking a three hour uber which honestly was kind of fun yeah it actually was really fun it's like road trippy yeah we did also have another we bring guys on stage to see if they're trash it's become like so fucking fun but um we had one guy whose name was seven

Seven. Wild. I thought that was like a made up. I thought I was like, does he listen to Giggly Squad? And he knew a year ago. You said an episode that Craig wanted to name his child. Is it his daughter or son? He doesn't. Craig doesn't care. I said that you can name the dog that. Anyway, the guy's name was Seven. And it went downhill after that. Yeah. But we did have great.

Guys. Great guys for our audiences. I was scared for a good nine seconds. We lost control of the crowd in Dallas. Wait, the Dallas crowd was almost. It was 1600 people. Stormed the stage. We were the capital and they were storming us. The craziest part was I didn't know what they were so mad about because it was something about sports. I've been to Texas before. Their religion is football.

Yeah. We bring a guy up. We ask him, like, did he play any sports? He says football. And then he says, I'm an Aggie. Now, that could mean so much. I thought he was shortening aggravated, like being so Gen Z. And he's like, I'm Aggie right now. And I was like, oh, OK. I'm Aggie. Paige has no idea what that means. I actually did not even know either. The whole place starts booing. Erupted. The loudest boo I've ever heard. Like, I thought that he...

I mean, I don't know what would deserve that kind of thing. And then like you think it would end and it just like kept going. You looked at me. I looked at you. I said, I haven't lost control of a crowd like this since I was on Summer House.

And Faze starts dying laughing And then it finishes And they just keep yelling And then I realized Oh my god Okay he's He's a college team Okay yeah So it wasn't even like Their professional team So Texas A&M Is the Aggies And they're This is Saturday morning Pop Warner And they're losing their minds Yeah

So then Paige is like, is everyone done being dramatic? No. They were being so dramatic. And we were scared. And then whenever like we even brought up football, it was scary. They lost their minds. But it was funny. We had a great, I mean, we had the best time the past couple of days. There are certain things that you buy every single summer. Sandals, sunscreen, snacks, everything.

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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Are you ready for some hoops off? Are you ready for some hoops off? This is legitimately what you see people do right before they're going to fight. They take off their hoops, their earrings, because they don't want to get them ripped out of their ear. And they get ready for battle.

Hey, I'm Liz. And I'm Karen. And you're listening to Hoops Off from Luminary. On this show, we take our hoops off to bring you the spiciest, the saltiest takes on each week's games. We'll also be reading books by our favorite players, reviewing Shaq-sponsored products. And of course, we'll be bringing the tea. Should I, should I prepare the hot water? Oh, you better prepare the hot water. Please make sure to follow the show on your favorite podcast listening platform.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Do you want to talk about our faith-based podcast?

Oh, yeah. Guys, for those of you who didn't come to our live shows or planning on coming to one of our live shows, we really highly suggest you do because so many inside inside jokes end up happening and forming within our live shows. And we were in Nashville and we were talking to our photographer and we were just talking about therapy because that's what girls do.

And she said that it's really hard to find a therapist in the South sometimes because most of them are faith-based. And when Hannah and I heard the term faith-based, we lost our minds. For the next four days, we would refer to everything as faith-based.

We go on the Uber, there was like a cross and I was like, this is a faith-based Uber. And then I would make a joke about like my labia on stage and I'll be like, I'm sorry, that was not faith-based. And then guys would go on stage and we'd be like, how long have you been with your girlfriend? And they'd be like, three years, we're living together. And I was like, are you having premarital sex? Because that is not faith-based. And it never got old to us. And the crowd was loving it too. And this is a faith-based podcast. This is a faith-based community that we've built together.

And faith is a loaded term. It's just believing. I believe. I believe. I believe. Also. In Giggly Squad, we trust. Thank you. The funniest thing, too, is, like, I don't even know what kind of religions they are, but it is faithful in Texas. And they were saying, like, they live together premaritally. But I was like, do you guys just have anal? Because you can't have, like, real sex. And everyone laughed. So I think that means yes.

It is funny how that is a thing for some people who are super religious. Like, you want to stay a virgin, but you just shove a dick in your butt. Fucking wild.

That's why I feel like super, super religious people are the freakiest. But like how dumb do you think God is that he only gets a notification on his phone if it goes in your pussy? But if it's in your butt, it like slides through the cracks like his interns will not see it. Again, I told you about this. I think some people pray like, you know, when you pull and pray like, oh, please don't. God is not take God is taking important like there's wars going on.

That's like he's outsourcing that to like a company. There have been times in my life where I've like prayed and then I will think like, actually, God has so many other things to do. Me finding my jewel is not one of them. You see something bad happen on TV and be like, oh no, it's because God was busy trying to find my jewel. No, he literally has like a kid right out of college being like, I'll deal with this jewel shit again. Is it the mango or is it the... Where's St. Anthony? St. Anthony's always busy.

St. Anthony's not taking this. St. Anthony has been trying to find jewels for three years now. St. Anthony's? If you guys aren't Catholic and grew up with crazy Italian Catholic moms, there's a prayer. St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please come around. Something is lost that must be found. I'm not kidding. It works every fucking time. When I first started dating Craig, I would randomly be doing it. And he'd be like, what the fuck are you saying? And I'm like, oh, it's a prayer for finding things. And he's like, you're crazy hocus pocus stuff. Yeah.

He started doing it. It astonishes him every fucking time. No, St. Anthony's like on his shit because he's less busy than God. God has so many things going on. The admin alone. Speaking of crazy men, Drake Bell has been found.

They were saying he was endangered. They were treating him like he was a tiger in Asia. Yep. They said he was endangered in Florida, which... Everyone's endangered in Florida. So we were confused. And then his wife filed for divorce. And then he said he found out on TMZ. When his wife reported him missing, it was giving like... Crazy girlfriend, which I... Like he didn't respond to three texts. Yeah. I identify with...

psycho crazy girlfriends because i am one and i just love to see how certain ones move and like what are their tactics because you can learn something from everyone filing a missing persons report when he is gone for like six minutes when he said he's going dunkin donuts and he's taking too long is a pro move fun yeah like imagine the thought process she had to go through of like should i do it should i not fuck it

911? Yeah. I think I'm worried. I think something's wrong. He said he was going to Dunkin' Donuts for fun. And it's been like 30 minutes and Dunkin' is only five minutes away in a car. He's fucking someone else for sure. Do you think he was fucking someone else or do you think he just was like... I don't know, but it seems like something Shakira would do. 911? The jam? I don't eat jam. Who would have thought that Josh would be the one thriving?

Yeah, I give Josh a lot of credit because I couldn't imagine what it's like to be a childhood star your whole life, not live like a normal childhood, and then continue that profession into your adult life. The trauma. Drake Bell is the Justin Bieber of Disney. Drake Bell is Nickelodeon.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Oh my god. Do you think the Nickelodeon kids and the Disney kids had beef? Because that's a beef I would want to know about. That's a reality TV show I'd want to watch. I would watch. They're scrolling Instagram. They're like, interesting. So-and-so got another show on there. Like they put. Oh, they slimed her. They picked her to slime.

That's crazy. They do like real world road rule challenges with Disney versus Nickelodeon kids and they're all just like methed the fuck out. We'll sing Christy Cox.

with their parents yelling at them. That's so fucked up. But Christy Carlson Romano has a podcast raising awareness about the abuse in children actors. She is exactly, you know how they say never meet your heroes? Not her. She is exactly what I wanted her to be from like growing up watching her. The nicest. Also, can we talk about Jamie Lynn Sigler being just like the prettiest person on the planet? Yeah.

Like literally she walks into a room, you know, and you like, you don't know people and they walk into a room and everyone immediately looks at them. Like there's an energy. She just has like this energy where you're like, ah,

I just like wanted to impress her so bad. Yeah, like I just like I want to be your friend. Like I. And she just sat there and I literally was like, Jamie noticed me. The most normal. She was probably the person I was most nervous about. You know what's crazy? I've never watched The Sopranos, but it's just an energy she gives. She's a literal icon in our community. Oh, for sure. For the Italian girlies. Final piece of front page news that we've been talking about.

Is a toddler broken to the White House and Secret Service had to tackle him. And the way they were holding this dog. Was as if this five-year-old had a fucking gun. Like as if he was a threat. Taking down the White House. He can't count to five. Yeah.

He literally had his phone number taped to him because he was in kindergarten. He doesn't know his ABCs. He's not a threat. But he stormed the Capitol. He slid in between the, honestly, on Ozempic probably. He squeezed in between the gates. Literally when I saw the story, I was like, I wonder if I could slide through. I don't

know like that kid is gonna get so much respect in his kindergarten class like what'd you do this weekend like finger painted i fucking broke into capital bitch um that was really fun you guys we have to run to do stiff socks pod so um and then we're still on tour in may we're going to denver i think we have a

Phoenix San Diego Our third show Has a couple tickets left We have Hilly Huntington Huntington A couple tickets I feel like Huntington Is going to be wild The Long Island The Long Island girlies Are nuts The Long Island girls We have Minneapolis And then a couple Left for a Chicago show In September We love you guys So fucking much And

And it is a one year anniversary of my bachelorette episode. If you want some nostalgia. Oh, isn't that sweet? We should have done a one year anniversary trip. We basically did except just sans the whole bachelorette. And no salami was involved. We love you guys so much. Thanks for giggling. And we'll talk to you next week when we are not on the road and we'll be back in the studio. Love you.