Giggling about good posture, Birkins, and private jets
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, my glamorous gigglers? That one was chic. She's so chic. She's so glamorous. I have to tell you, every giggler I meet is like a gorgeous engineer, a gorgeous lawyer. They are really smart. A gorgeous president of the United States. What are you doing listening to us? Stop it. They're so much more successful than us. So much more.

I'm like, you're a doctor. Why are you asking me for advice? Yeah, so girls, like, when I'm doing brain surgery, I like to listen to Giggly in the background, and I'm like, I'm worried for our nation.

As a whole. Wait, the gigglers were trolling Craig on Instagram the other day and I don't think he even knew that they were doing it and it was everything. Everything. He was like reposting them. What did they do? They were like, he was like doing like a ask me anything and someone wrote in and was like, what country do you eat bread in? And he answered it. He was like France and Italy. And I was like, oh my God, I love when we troll people.

I mean, Craig needs to enjoy a pita from the Mediterranean. But what is, I just have to address this. Are we okay with Craig's, like, comic sans? No, we're not. I mean, I'm not. Have we accepted, is it like the socks and sandals? Is it okay? Like, do we let him continue this?

It's just like the reflection that he's putting out into the world is really hurting my brand that I've worked so hard to curate. Yeah. And so it's definitely like on my notes app of things I dislike about him.

For sure. But I don't think he knows that he can like change the font. That's the thing. Is it just stuck in Comic Sans? I think it's stuck there. But what's worse? Being so dumb you don't know the text or you're consciously choosing a Comic Sans font? The latter for sure. And if people don't remember, Paige once said that I am Comic Sans font in human form. So like it's bad. It's really bad out here. But he, oh my God, he's so fucking funny. Like he makes me laugh so hard. You're Helvetica.

Okay, yeah, yeah, I will take that. I will take that. You're Helvetica and we all know it. And you're like Times New Roman. I'm just Times New Roman for sure. I have a kind of weird update announcement. So not all men are trash. Says who?

Something happened to me and it made me like rethink about all men. And it's a very embarrassing story. I could not be more ready. And tell me if I'm right. So I'm doing this like aesthetic right now called like 90s pregnant mom, but I'm not pregnant. Like, you know, those cute floral smocks they would wear with like the high socks and like New Balance sneakers. That's my vibe. That's what we're doing. So obviously I like...

have IBS. So I like shot myself before going out as one does. And so I went to the bathroom and then I walked outside and it's like 95 degrees. Like I'm dying. And some guy starts going, ma'am, ma'am. And I'm like, you know, you decide like, do I want to respond? Yes. This could ruin my day if I respond to this. But for some reason, something in his voice, I was like, I should turn around. I turned around and he just kind of made a motion at my dress and

And the back of my dress was stuffed into my underwear. Stuck in your underwear. No! No, Hannah Lucy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like on Grand Street. Do you know how many people are on Grand Street? Like hundreds. I was wearing granny panties. Obviously. Obviously.

I mean, you didn't even have to say that for us. Like, we knew. So it was stuck in my underwear. I immediately pulled out and I turn, I say thank you. And you know, your adrenaline's going because like something so embarrassing just happened to you. But the first thing I thought of is like, oh,

Not all men are trash. Like he could have been. Yeah. Like shitty, gross. I mean, how many people do you think didn't tell you that saw? Yeah. I mean, like, what would you do? Oh, I would immediately run up to the girl behind, like run up behind her and be like, oh my God, your dress is stuck in your underwear. Yeah.

But here's the other thing. I don't... I look at the ground at all times when I'm walking in New York City. I could get hit by a bus at any moment. Yeah, you're like, I'm on Instagram. I'm TikToking. But this guy was so sweet to do that. And he was just this, like, I don't know, like, middle-aged, like, tough New York guy who was like, man! Like, he was just hilarious. I feel like on our next merch, we need to have, like...

And a drawing of you with like a dress stuck in underwear. Oh my God. Like the copper tone. Yes. Yes. That's exactly what I'm thinking of. That's exactly what I'm picturing it up. And then I just laughed because I'm like, this is so me. Like I would do this. So you. But then the next day I went to West Hampton and I'm looking cute in my bikini, holding a volleyball, walking down the street and this like,

big truck full of young boys do you ever get more insecure than when like a car full of high school guys drives by you or like walks by you i immediately get so insecure i don't know why i'm so scared of teenagers i'm so scared of them so scared of them they are just feral truly feral they really are like have they had their appropriate shots like has like so these guys stop

And Des is with me. And mind you, Des is 6'3". Like, Des is a big man. Yeah. These boys stop the truck and turn and go, pass me the volleyball, girl. And then keep driving. And Des and I are shocked because I've never, ever had dudes... Cat call you with a guy.

I thought Des was going to chase down their car. You know, jail guy that I dated. Yes. He actually went to jail because he punched a guy who complimented me. So full circle. He goes, I compliment her matching set from Zara. I complimented. It's not from Sheen. It's from Zara. You fucking idiot. Yeah. I know she can't fit anything in her purse. It's for the aesthetic. You asshole.

That's so funny. But part of me, Des was like, you know, being upset, but like in a hot way. And then I was like, wait, so I'm still like in with the Gen Z's, I guess. Like when a Gen Z girl knows who I am from anything. Yeah. Honestly, like I love all my millennials. I'm a millennial. I love my mom glurs. I love the grandma glurs. But when a Gen Z girl says she likes something, my head is so fucking big.

Okay, I had the literal opposite thing happen to me. I went to this influencer fucking fashion lunch and I never go to those things. I don't feel bad. You did that to yourself. You knew what was going to happen. I know. I was trying to put myself out of my comfort zone and leave my apartment once every 10 years. And so I go and I'm sitting there and I'm like, this is why I don't fucking come to these things. There's this one TikTok girl and she's full Gen Z. I mean, she's right out of the womb Gen Z. Mm-hmm.

And I went up to her because like if I'm a fan of you, I have to tell you. You're good at that. Like it's just like in my nature. Yeah. So I was like, oh my God, I just have to tell you like now we're sitting at the same table. So obviously we're all influencers there. Mm-hmm.

And I go, oh, my God, I have to tell you, like, I love you. I've been watching your TikToks for, like, years now. And she looked at me. She was very sweet. But she goes, what's your name again? And I was just like, I've never felt older, more disgusting, less of an influencer in my life. I was just like, it's not really important, honestly. No.

You all never come up on your algorithm. So don't honestly don't worry about don't waste your time. Don't waste your time. You keep doing you and like thriving and I'll just I'll be in the corner. Thank you so much. I went to an influencer dinner once or like brunch, whatever. And what they did was it was in it was a joke. They were like, who's the most famous person who follows you? Yeah. And everyone went around and said it. And like.

Obviously, I was upset because Amy Schumer used to follow me, but she unfollowed me because in my head, she probably was like, I think she's annoying. But I did say the celebrity who DM'd me. I checked my Instagram this week. Amy Schumer refollowed me. Do you think she was like secretly at this dinner? I'm going to tell you something. Vanessa Bayer and Amy Schumer, very good friends, huge fans.

I don't know. She came back. She came back. She understands. Hannah, they always do. They always come back. But you guys don't message her. I don't want it to be a big thing. I don't want her to think I'm. Yeah, guys, don't embarrass us. Don't embarrass us. But like she's. That's huge. Amy Schumer follows you. I'm trying to think who mine is. I think mine is either Jamie Lynn Sigler or Lea Michele.

I am so happy you brought up Lea Michele because I have tea about Lea Michele. Okay, well, let's just note that she's my friend and my follower. So please don't disgrace her on the Giggly Squad pod. I would never. I would never. Because that, I don't know her. Also, I kind of love that there's a rumor going around about her that she can't read.

So I met someone who's very good friends with her. What did they say? Can she read? I first said, can she read? And they laughed and they said, yes, she can read. But it's so funny because she's... I would love that rumor about us. I feel like that's more plausible. If someone was like, Paige can't read, everyone would be like, yeah, obviously. It's funny because people say that I don't shower, which is funny because I shower every day. I'm just very oily and I'm Italian. It's funny because I don't. Leave it.

I actually did today, but... So I said, Lea Michele has this horrible, and I hate saying out loud, but like reputation on the internet because, you know, she's gone through some stuff and some people came out blatantly being like, she's a bitch. And if enough people say that, she didn't go full Ellen DeGeneres, but people were like, when I worked with her on Glee, she was a bitch. So I looked at this person and I said, is she hard to work with? And he said, she is so sweet.

And that he's talked to her about it. And she was like, you have to think of the context of the situation. Like my boyfriend had just died and,

And every time I walked on that set, I was so upset and I didn't want to be there. And I took it out on other people. And I was a bitch. But like I was going through some fucked up shit and I've done a lot of work on myself. I've had a baby. And he was like, she needs she's now got funny girl. And like maybe she'll do a new like PR thing. But like I get what she's saying. Maybe that's why she follows me. I get it. Like I felt that I was like, I can't be in this house.

They're also probably so jealous of her. Yes. I mean, imagine being just like a triple threat and just crushing every project you do. But also what sucks about the world is there's so many people who...

I feel like the people who have the best reputations are normally like the worst deep down. Like the amount of divas, the amount of divas like who are mean to production and all that shit. And it never comes out and everyone's like, they're the best. Like just, just, just don't believe everything you read. I mean, it's also, I mean, look how long it took for all the Ellen DeGeneres stuff to come out. She would end her show with saying, be kind.

What a fucking bitch. Do you have to say? And from that, we have to learn like with dudes, any dude that says I'm a nice guy. Yeah, they're lying. Is not a nice guy. Straight up lying. Or says like I'm a good person. If someone tells you they're a good person, they're fucking Satan. If someone has to tell you, this is our mental health moment. If someone has to tell you what they are, they're automatically not that.

Like, have you ever gone around to anyone and been like, I'm a good friend. I'm loyal and I'm a good friend. Like, no. No. No.

It wasn't until shooting reality TV that people were like, what's a good friend and what's a bad friend? Are you a good friend? And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. This isn't MySpace top eight. Everyone calm down. Like we're not in Dorothy and like, are you a good witch or a bad witch? Like shut the fuck up. Yeah. Also, have you heard of this whole like Gen Z's nowadays don't play beer pong. They do water pong and then drink the beer.

Like, what has this world come to? So in college, they're like, it's the same cup. They basically think it's gross to drink from the same cup that the ball, you know, goes in, the ball falls on the floor. And is it gross? Yes. I mean, it totally is gross, but that's what builds your tolerance up. Yes. For like STDs in college. If you don't drink the pong water...

You're going to get every STD. This is preventative. If you don't drink that pong beer, like, you're a loser. Like, this is how you can take on the adversity of the world by the adversity of whatever living organisms are in that beer. Correct. And this is coming from, like, Paige is a former and current nationally ranked beer pong champion. Yes.

An Olympic athlete, if you will. I've also been on, you guys, we're hitting so many subjects today. Are you familiar with Hermes TikTok? No way. Did I pronounce it wrong? Hannah put on our shared note, Hermes? Question mark?

And I just like in my head, I was like, is she asked like what could she possibly be asking? Like, have I heard of it? Do you like does she know what it is? Hermes TikTok. Are you talking about the voice that you did with the guy that does? Not that. But just the concept overall of like what Hermes is. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a whole TikTok of like they basically are like a toxic ex when it comes to giving you your Birkin.

Like you don't, yeah, you can't just, you can't just buy a Burke and you have to like, no, it's a whole game. It's like trying to become, it's like Charlotte trying to become Jewish in sex in the city.

You have to be like, you know, about this established. Yes. You have to be an established Hermes customer to walk in and like buy a Birkin and you have to be like somewhat vetted. So when I was in my early 20s, my mom bought me an Hermes, an Hermes bag.

that I like wanted for so long. And she put it, she ended up getting me like a credit card that was attached to her so that I could buy it with my credit card so that it said that I bought it. So that when I went to make more Hermes purchases, I would eventually become an established Hermes customer. Have I bought anything from Hermes? It's a cult vibe.

It's giving cult vibes. It's giving Costco, like fancy Costco vibes. You know, to shop at Costco, you need like a membership card.

I would love to see you walk into an Aramaz and be like, this is just a fancy Costco. Yeah, I have a card. So their whole thing is they don't want any Joe Schmo with money buying it. So they basically just want like pretty people. Like, I don't know. That's why like half the Birkins that you see on Instagram are most likely fake. Yes. Yes. I'm just so confused by this. Like random people aren't just having fucking Birkins. Yeah.

also birkins cost like 30 grand yes like 10 to 30 grand there are some that are like like 200 grand and they're worth that because of the name like that's where i have yeah that's where i go on dhgate.com and for those that don't know i just dropped where to get a frotta i'm telling you guys it's legit i know exactly what i'm getting you for your birthday

Oh my god I'm so excited I don't understand though the Hermes thing Like there's this one girl who's talking about How she went on this journey for it And people they like reject you They treat you like shit and it makes you want the Birkin more Yeah It's like a toxic guy if he doesn't like you You're like well now I'm obsessed with you That's basically what Hermes does

They kind of nailed it, though. I guess their sales structure works. Like, imagine you're trying to sell something and you're just saying no to everyone. It's like a club. Yeah, I was just going to say that. It's like an exclusive club. You walk in there and there's no one in there. And you're like, wait, why do they make...

The line outside so long because it makes people want to come more because they're like, no one can get in. But you know what I feel? I feel like majority of all the money they're making is from just like a couple billionaires. So they might as well just like lean into it. Right. They say like you make 80% of your money from like 15% of your customers or something. It's also French and the French are just so rude. They are. Yeah.

They are. I just didn't know about this game you had to play about it. Yeah. It's a long way away from your frotta. Years to go. We have a lot of work to do. Would you buy a Birkin, like a real Birkin one day if you could? Yes. Why? Because I want to be in the club.

Because I suffer from insecurity. But if you're saying, if you're sitting there with your real Birkin and I went on DHgate.com and got my Birkin, could people tell the difference? Probably not if it's sitting there, but like people would tell the difference from human to human. Did she come out from a sewer? I said to Sierra the other day, something that I thought was a really big compliment, and she goes...

that is such a fucking insult and she's like you are literally the only person that can insult me and I don't get mad because you genuinely like aren't saying it in a mean way and I was like I feel like I do that to Hannah all the time and she's like you do I've literally heard you do it and I'm like but I love her and she's like I know that's why we don't get mad

you're just like, ew. And I'm like, how do you two? I said the other day, she was like, why aren't you getting a cat? And I was like, I don't want to look like I own a cat. And she goes, that's so fucking mean. And I was like, but you get what I'm saying. But, but, okay, so I know you so well that I've purposely been sending you purely aesthetic cat videos with like the coolest fashion girlies with a white cat. Like,

And I'm like, I know. I do. It's a whole process. It's a whole thing. Do you watch the TikTok videos I send you? Yeah. Oh, my God. That makes me so happy. Do you watch mine? Here's the thing. I'm a giver. I'm a giver. I. OK. No, no. But you send really good ones. I just don't go into the messages a lot. OK. That's exactly what I was going to say. Why is TikTok messages so vastly different from any other social media messages? Like.

I see all the videos you send me. I watch all the videos you send me. I even laugh aloud at them. I'm not commenting in it and being like, hey, that was a good one. Yeah, I would be like, okay, calm down. It wasn't that funny. Sierra sometimes will be like, ha, ha, ha, so us. And I'm like, stop messaging me on TikTok.

You know if someone DMs you on Instagram and you don't respond, that's fucked up. Where if someone messages me on TikTok, I'm like, you're not getting a response. No. I have no problem leaving people seen on TikTok. I'm just like, this is not the vibe. But Paige, it's becoming a problem. People don't even say hi, Hannah, anymore. They just go, tell Paige. They go, ask Paige what I should wear this weekend going to the Hamptons. And I'm like, okay.

Okay, we just need a better messaging system. We need our own social media platform. Wait, have you heard of that new social media platform called Be Real? No. Oh, God. What do I have to start posting now? Okay, so basic. I haven't downloaded it yet, but it sounds like it could be so much fun. It's basically like, okay, you have a profile. You become friends with all of your friends, and then you get a prompt, and it's like,

send a picture right now and it's like what you're actually doing what you actually look like like you do it in real time and it's called be real why would you do it to basically like post a picture of yourself and it's not edited not filtered like so if i got the alert right now i'd have to like take a picture and be like hey you know so it's like be real this is what i really look like right now just within your friend group

I don't know how that works. I think you could be, no, you can be friends with like famous people. Okay, so we're trying, now, okay. I feel like, I thought you were going to like that one. I don't, I don't see the fun in it. Yeah. It seems, it seems like. Do you know that like an aesthetic grid is like supposedly like out of style?

It's all about like your ugliest picture in your carousel should like be first and like the one that's like blurry should like be second. You guys, if you wait long enough, you become in style. That is what we learned. Just don't do anything. It's that time of the year. Your vacation is coming up. You can already hear the beach waves, feel the warm breeze, relax, and think about...

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Giggly to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash Giggly. I don't know if you guys have noticed from my Instagram stories, but I've basically switched all my loungewear over to Skims. I was obviously obsessed with their bras and underwear, but now I really can't get enough of their soft lounge collection. I have their soft lounge tank with...

with their matching lounge fold over pant. I'm absolutely obsessed. Not only do I wear it inside, but I actually wear it to travel a lot too. I noticed in my drawer the other day that basically all my bras and underwears are skims, but also now all of my t-shirts and my loungewear is skims.

I've pretty much cleared out all my lounge sets after I moved. I just like got rid of everything. I was like, I don't need all of these random sweatpants and sweatshirts and really replaced everything with skims because I know it's always going to look good and I know it always feels amazing.

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thing don't change but i do actually have a controversial statement about plastic surgery oh god every time what is it no i'm learning and i'm growing so i went to spring street dermatology you recommended it to me yeah to get my vagina and my labia and my butthole burnt yeah a lasered

A lot of people message me, you guys, I can't do waxing. It is so painful. It takes 40 minutes. I sweat. You sweat too much. You get too many. You would get too many. I bleed. Yeah. I bleed. Laser takes like five minutes. And honestly, I low-key kind of like the feeling of just like zapping that pore. But that's my own issues. You feel like it's like working. Yeah, that's, yeah. We'll work on that. Yeah, that's my own shit. But this girl, I think.

Who was doing it is like a nurse practitioner. Yeah. She was amazing. And she was gorgeous. Was she blonde? Blonde. Yeah. Okay. I know who you're talking about. And I basically looked at her and I said, can I ask you if you've had any work done?

Cause she looks like very normal and she looks at my age and she was like, I've tried everything. And I said, you know what? I said, I said, let's have a talk. Cause I've never actually been in a plastic surgery type environment. So like, I'm speaking from my own like hole in the wall with my cat, like don't put needles in your face. And she's like, look,

I don't agree with the preventative Botox. She's like girls who are 21 are coming in and it's like, it's the collagen that like ruins your like face, whatever it's whatever. But she said, you know, baby Botox, she recommends she likes baby Botox.

She talked, people do a lot of like the heating and cooling thing for fats. Yeah. Yeah. I've tried that. People do that a lot. And then she was saying like, she's done fillers and she just was speaking in a very like relatable way, but she was like, you just, you can't, there's so many people that go too far. Yep. Well, because it gets addicting. It gets addicting. And she was like, it's about doing just a little bit. And she, but also for me, like it unlocks like insecurities I didn't have. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, like she was like, oh, everyone's doing like under the chin. And like I see myself in videos like when I laugh, I go like, and I have 17 chins. And she's like, yeah, like you can just get rid of that. And then I'm walking around like noticing it when I'm 30 years. I've never been insecure. Yeah, I've never been insecure about my jawline. I mean, I know I can't. I know I don't have the jawline to pull off a haircut like yours, but like I'm not I don't have to. I'm keeping my hair long.

But I was like, do I have jowls? I asked Des. I was like, do I? Have you been lying to me this whole time that I have a fucking turkey...

goggle on the bottom of my chin it unleashes insecurities that I don't want girlies to have yeah but I also want to take back like I don't want to shame anyone for plastic surgery right like I really think that I was just very new to it and it scared me but I think like if you're doing little things especially like to make yourself look kind of what you look like five years ago or like but it's also I decided I was like do I need lipo in my in my I don't

I don't want to want it. I know. I already know that the first time I get a needle in my face and I look somewhat prettier, I am going to be addicted. Because did you ever get eyelash extensions? No, but you were...

I used to be so addicted to it to the point that like when I didn't have them, I would not leave the house and I didn't stop getting them on my own accord. It was only because the pandemic hit and so then I couldn't get them anymore. And I was like, this is awful. I hate it now.

You could not pay me to go get eyelash extensions. But you did look beautiful with them, but you also look beautiful without them. I just looked fake with them. I just thought that sometimes when one of them was like hanging weird, I couldn't focus. I was just like, I don't know.

You would tell me in conversation. You'd be like, please pick it. Please pick it or I'm gonna. I just show up. Fucking face. But it reminds me, like even now I have to say I've been in this weird like shopping spree. Oh my God. Where I'm like, because of TikTok, they're telling me all these things to buy and I'm like loving buying shit. And I'm realizing like you get this high, but it's just capitalism telling you like you're going to be happier. I had a full mental breakdown because I accidentally threw out an Amazon package of this $12 dress.

that then was sold out and I convinced myself if I don't have this $12 dress, I'm not going to be the woman I want to be. You ever happen to you? You're like, if I don't get this. Yeah.

Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and I'll be like, I never bought what was in my cart. What if it like is sold out and I don't get it and I have to do it right now? I don't want that to happen again. Like I don't want to feel connected to materialistic things like that. It's so weird. I did that the other night. Some girl was wearing this Zara skirt and I was like, how the fuck did I not see this on Zara? And then it was obviously nowhere to be found on the goddamn Zara app. So I scoured the internet, found some girl and like,

Washington who had it on her Poshmark and I bought it. So much of this is mental. Like, for example, I've literally never wanted chin lipo. And then suddenly I'm like, how did no one tell me I should get chin lipo? Like, you don't need chin lipo. It's also like, no, you're pushing your head back. Oh, my God. Speaking of pushing your head back, I'm going to say the most 30 year old thing ever. I have a new chiropractor.

Life-changing. Motherfucking life-changing. Tell me everything, because you were very excited about this. No, I literally voice-noted Hannah immediately upon leaving his fucking office. So...

My mom has told me for years, Paige, you have such bad posture. Hold your shoulders back. Oh, my God. And I was like, how did I get like this? So I never really cared until I started going on reality TV and like seeing myself and then also people telling me that I was disgusting. So then I started noticing. But most recently, I've been getting like the worst pain in like the tops of my shoulders and like my neck. And I just like I can't sleep, whatever.

So I'm like looking on the Internet. I find this doctor that has like all these reviews and whatever. And so I'm like, whatever. I'm just going to try. I'm going to go. That's hit or miss. It's so hit or miss. But I was just like, let's just like see what happens. Let's just see if he snaps my neck and breaks it. So I go to this doctor and he's like, OK, well, first I'm going to take you're going to stand normal. I'm going to take all these pictures. Then I'm going to take an X-ray of your spine and actually see like what's going on.

He takes an x-ray of your spine. There's a red line and a green line. The red line is a normal spine. The green line is your spine. I'm a literal troll. I am literally should be under a fucking bridge. He was like, look, it's bad. It's not great, but I can fix this. Literally, he's like, I can fix this. No problem. You're going to be here, though, for a year. And I was like, I don't care. Take all of my money.

It's only the first appointment is 45 minutes. It's only 30 minutes. You go to three different stations. The first station, normal. You lay on your stomach. He cracks your back.

I almost wanted to have sex with this man from the way that... They manhandle you. Oh, my God. He cracked my back. It was like instant relief. And I've gone to other chiropractors before that have just been like, you know, you're born like this, like whatever, which partly you are. Like the way your spine is is like how you were born. But the way he explained it was like...

He was like, it's not that you're just like, you know, not holding your shoulders back. He was like, your knees are not aligned with your ankles, which makes your pelvis not aligned, which is now fucking up your neck and your back. So it's not like you are doing anything. I just envisioned you every night watching Netflix with a laptop on your chest. That's how I am. That's literally what I look like every single fucking night.

You're like, why is my back hurt? I don't know. What's going on? I did like run really fast in third grade. No, because I would wake up in the morning and be like, I hurt myself sleeping. Like what is going on? So then the second station is you stand on this platform that vibrates and you just like hold your neck back for 30 seconds. Great. Then the third station is you go and you lay on this bed for like 12 minutes and he puts like different things under your back and you just like lay with your neck back.

I've only gone twice. I'm already standing different. And my sleep, phenomenal. So I signed up for a three-month, like, I got 36 sessions. He's kind of expensive. But I was like, it's basically like going to a really good doctor. This is, like, my health. Then he said, do you have stomach problems?

I said, do you have the time, sir? And he goes, it's because your back is pushing on your stomach and it's making you probably more bloated than you would be because you're it's trying to get relief. So it's like expanding your stomach. And I was like, so I'm not fat. I kept making all these jokes and he wasn't laughing at any of them. Like he brought out.

He brought out the x-ray and he was like, it's really bad. And I was like, I like to be the best at everything. And he didn't laugh. But the number one craziest thing was your head is nine pounds. And my head is so much so pushed forward that my body actually it feels like my head is 35 pounds small. I can't carry around 35 pounds. He goes, I know. And he's like, and that is not possible because your brain is tiny. Yeah.

We saw it in the x-ray. It is like a squirrel brain. His name is Dr. Kang. K-A-N-G. This is not sponsored. I had to pay the full fucking amount. No, but I swear by chiropractors, right before my first season of Summer House, somehow my lower back went, and they were like, oh, we want you to play tennis the first week, and I really thought, like,

The first time you see me play tennis My lower back was killing me Yeah My dad even was like What was that What was that stroke But he fixed my lower back I know a lot of people just say Like chiropractors are like witchcraft I just think it's because There's different skill levels Of chiropractors out there Dude There are some chiropractors My brother went to one A couple years ago And he ended up being like bedridden For like six fucking months Like they can really fuck you up Like Also there was a time When we did Groupon for everything Yeah

I never. It was sketchy. Yeah, what was that? That was like an era. Everyone did Groupon for laser. We all paid like $10 for laser and then wondered why the hair grew back. I can actively and genuinely say I never did Groupon for anything. I was too afraid. I just love saving money. You love it. You're smart. You're smart. Also, did you know that Uber's doing carpool? I didn't know they stopped.

You go, I don't even click past XL. I literally don't. I don't, Hannah. If you ever. Why do you need an XL? Why do you need an XL? I need leg room. I have very long limbs. You know this. You do not. You know that I have very long limbs. You have the legs.

5'7 human or 5'8 maybe and I'm 5'7 what I'm telling you this right now if you ever put me in a fucking uber pool I will not speak to you for at least a week no but I'm just I'm sorry how the fuck are uber pools like that's unsafe it's

It's just not that much cheaper. It's like a dollar cheaper. I'm like, this is a joke. Like I rather pay $500 every time I take an Uber than have an awkward moment ever. Like actively putting myself in an awkward moment. I'm so mad at myself. It's awkward enough with the Uber driver. Right? Yeah.

Plus, you have couples fighting. It also gives that weird airport mentality where if the guy's kind of your age, you're like, okay. You're like, wait, now do I have to fuck this guy? Is this a rom-com? Yeah, do I have to give him a fucking handjob? What is going on here? Once you get in, you're just like, what's the protocol here? Are we making out? Yeah, there's no protocol. But also then you're like, is it rude if I don't even acknowledge them? If I do acknowledge them? Do you talk? Do you say hi? No. Also, what if I get in and someone's like,

Oh my God. Are you Hannah from somewhere else? You're like, no, I'm Hannah from TikTok. Follow my lipo neck journey. Speaking of my identity transformation. Yeah. I'm going to Montreal next week. With the French.

With the French. And it's funny. It's a very, like, comedy niche thing that happened to me. Yeah. But I'll try to explain it to the gigglers. There's this thing called JFL New Faces. It's called Just for Laughs New Faces. Okay. And it's this, like, big comedy industry thing. But it's, I'll explain. It's kind of like American Idol. Okay. For comics. So, like, the last six months, I had these, like, two six-minute auditions. Oh, my God. And, like, six minutes. In New York. In New York.

In New York. Six minutes is a long time, right? No, it's so quick. Okay. No, no. Cause no. So basically I'm going around like doing like 15 minutes, 10, 15 minutes is like the shortest, but then like I'm doing an hour on the road and then you have to get six minutes down. Okay. So it's, it's like, uh, it's maybe like six or seven jokes or bits.

So they're going around Chicago, Texas, L.A., New York, maybe somewhere else, auditioning comics. Shut the fuck up, Hannah. How many people audition? Like hundreds? Hundreds. No. So they so I got past the first round and I was like, OK, this is this is cool.

Second one, I was so not nervous. But the second I went on stage, the nerves all hit me. And I was like, what is my name? But then I calmed down immediately and I did good. And then... Okay, so...

Amy Schumer Kevin Hart Pete Davidson They're all people That have been picked As like the new faces Of comedy It's basically like They launch It's industry people Telling other industry people Like hey Look out for these people Yeah like Shut the fuck up Hannah Taylor Tomlinson Got it two years ago Like it's like It's a big deal And my thing is like I just got um

Had a traumatic incident, you know, with the reality TV world. Right. Where I was like, I felt kind of rejected from this like industry in a way. And then to have like the comedy community, because they didn't have to choose me. Like there's so many comics. So to have them choose me to be a new face is like very exciting. This is beyond exciting. So now you go to Montreal and it's all the like finalists? They picked like 15 to 20 comedians.

new faces in comedy I think you're definitely going to be on SNL one day well I mean we're working on Vanessa Bayer we're working on her it's a long I can't wait to like go sit in that audience I love how you're like what am I gonna wear no literally I was like what do you what does one wear to sit in an SNL audience because I want to go to that after party when is it what's the date oh my god so it's Wednesday this Wednesday and this Thursday I perform holy shit

well we're manifesting also you can't like sweat yeah that's okay that's oh that's where i want to announce i think i'm gonna get botox in my armpits oh yeah yeah yeah who would have thought i'm the first to get botox in this right oh my god can i go with you i think we'll have to vlog it i think we have to vlog it we have to vlog we have to i wonder if it hurts as much because your underarms are very sensitive

It's going to be a journey, but I think it's my only, my fear is that if it's not going to come, if the sweat's not going to come out of my armpits, where is it going to come out of? Because if it starts sweating from my neck, from my goggle, we're going to have a problem. No, like it definitely comes out other places. And I don't love that because I'm scared where it's going to be. Or it just like stays inside of you.

No, it's all going to be my upper lip. Just like tons of little droplets. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have a sweat mustache at all times. Remember the one time you were just sweating from your belly button? I'll never forget that. Like, what is going on here? Oh, my God. Speaking of comedians, we have to take a sad turn. Oh, my gosh. Chelsea Handler, Jo Koy, kaput.

That was quick. Where were you? How did you feel? Give me the tea. Well, I saw people posting and they were like, they haven't posted together in a while. Like they're definitely broken up. And I was like, I hate like when people think, oh, because they haven't shared. You're like, that's Hannah and Des. I'm like, that's so stupid. Like whatever. And then I was on TikTok and I saw that she was on like a podcast and she started crying. Yeah. So like, I was like, this is such a different side of Chelsea Handler. She was also like,

I opened my heart in a way that I never knew was possible to be open. And he loves me in a way I never knew that I could be loved. So what the fuck happened? I was about to say, do you think he ended it or she ended it? I think he ended it. Yeah. Because the emotional response from her was very, I just got broken up with.

I'm also very surprised she was speaking about it as quickly as she is. It's everything that I know Chelsea Handler to be and act like is the complete opposite right now. But part of me is like, wait, maybe she's crying because she broke up with him and it like

didn't feel right, but she loved how much he loved her. Like he was too much of a nice guy. Right. Like, I don't know. I mean, you'll never really know the ins and outs because like the, the public statement that people give is,

Just that. We love each other. Yeah, it's just very politically correct at all times. They literally have a restraining order and they're like, we love each other to bits. Please respect our privacy. And we're still best friends and we wish each other the best.

And I just want to let you know, if I ever break up with it, if I break up with Craig, I want you to know that that first Giggly Squad episode is going to be me just shit talking the whole time. Like you will not see a statement from me that's like, I wish him the best. I'm going to be like, I hope he plays in traffic.

Just like forewarning. I do, though, think they put themselves out there so much as a couple. They really did, but it seemed like they were having so much fun. Okay, but what did I say about the couples that post paragraphs? No, I know. They were paragraph posters. Yeah, they were paragraph posters. They were paragraph posters. And then... Wow, did we just come up with a new term? You're a paragraph poster. Okay.

Stop posting. It's just what makes you think you need another sentence? Why do you keep adding more sentences? What are you lacking? Who are you trying to convince? Us or yourself, bitch? Maybe he didn't like a public relationship like that.

Yeah, because they're both, I mean, private. Yeah. Generally very private. Like, I don't know who he's ever dated before. I feel like we only know that she really dated 50 Cent because she would say it on Chelsea Lainey. But like, yeah, other than that, I don't know who she's dated in between.

She's obviously been like sleeping with people The past 15 years She dated like the head of E apparently And she got some hate cause they were like Oh she got the show cause she's with the head of E But her show was like the best fucking show on E So everyone can shut the fuck up Everyone Please bring it back Her just shitting on celebrities She went to Netflix too soon

She was ahead of her time. Just like such a dry sense of humor that I don't think like I think it obviously hit on E, but I don't think it hit enough. And that's why I like it ended up ending. Like some people don't have some people don't have a sense of humor. You know, some people just aren't fun. But did you see their breakup post was a post that they were going to say happy one year?

Like it was supposed to be a one year celebratory post that they had filmed or like it was already like it was just. And then she was like, this is what we were going to post for one year. That is what makes me think he broke up with her.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's like too much, but also like, it sounds like it was a great growth for her, but I want to do a funny video about like people commenting on celebrity breakups. Like I can't believe in love again. You're like, you don't know them. You don't like they did not like when Channing Tatum broke up with Jenna Dewan. I was actually very, I was very upset for that breakup.

We don't, if you knew the reality, like who knows, maybe like they had a toxic relationship. Can I just tell you, in my Front Page News era, I broke the story of Jenna Dewan breaking up with Channing Tatum. Yeah, and nobody ever gives me credit. I had a friend who worked in PR and was doing her clothing line. She was coming out with like a...

I think for like dancing, like clothing line. And on the labels, it said Jenna Dewan. And my friend texted me and was like, she's about to announce that they're getting a divorce because this is six months ago that she did like these labels or whatever. And I said it on front page news and literally like the day after they announced it. But think about like couples when you're with your friends being like, oh, they're a cute couple. If you,

Or, oh, they're not a good couple. But if you only saw photos of them happy together, you'd easily think they're a good couple. Like how many couples do you see online with happy photos and you know what they're like actual day to day? And you know, they're just like not fucking happy.

Yeah, or that they're planning each other's murder. Yeah, for sure. But if you just see people smiling, it always makes it look like it was the greatest time that you've never had. That's why I don't trust people that don't troll their significant other on the internet. When someone writes a comment to their significant other that's sweet... And genuine. I'm like...

keep that to yourself or text it to them literally text it text text it like why do you need to write like text it you know what that is like pda for instagram you paragraph poster oh my god um okay my other front page news story that i had

Everyone has been recently very mad at Kylie Jenner because you can see there's like a log system. You can see when celebrities are using their jets. And she has reportedly been taking a lot of like four minute flights to certain places. And here's what I think. Watch out. Watch out. It's a controversial opinion that I have. Oh, no. My opinion is...

The people that are mad at her about it, I'd love to give them a billion dollars and a private jet and see what they did with it. Because I know for a fact, if I had a billion dollars and I had to get somewhere and it was two hours in traffic and a five-minute private jet flight, I'm taking the goddamn jet. Like, I'm doing it. And so people are, like, really coming at her. And half the time, they were saying, like, half the time those four-minute flights were

nobody's on that plane. It's like a maintenance flight. Like they have to put it up in the air. So people don't even really know if it's true or not, but they are coming at her so fucking hard. My thing is then they were trying to be like, Chris is worried about Kylie spending. Maybe they did it on purpose to try to change it from the environmental type of like people being pissed off and just her spending. But I'm like,

That woke girl has so much income. She's fine. She's fine. She's fine. I mean, how many Birkins do you have to buy? The Hermes cult strikes again. The Hermes community. And then people were saying that she was on her bachelorette party because everyone was wearing black and she was wearing white. And the fake Mason Disick...

Instagram account was posting that she definitely was on her bachelorette party to the point that Kourtney had to post on her story like this is not my actual son posting these. This is a fake account. I can't believe you guys even believe this stuff, but I kind of believe it. Look, the Kardashians are geniuses of saying in the press and like for everyone who's like, can we stop talking about them? I'm like, people are still clicking. As long as people click, people are going to keep talking about it. I mean, the whole Tristan thing was...

I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, that that man like zero fucks, zero. I thought it was a joke. I thought it was like I thought it was a joke with us. And then him being in Greece with like a new girl. People were so up in arms about it. But I was like, guys, yeah, that's him. He's going to do it like he doesn't care. I would love to know what it's like to have that level of like.

not giving a fuck. I strive for it. But also like people need to stop hating on Chloe about it. Like don't come for the girl. Like she also has a family with him. But my thing is like, I feel like if a guy cheats, he's, he's, he always has it in him. It's like, right. Like what, like what is the girl supposed to do? You know, like, and it's not her fault. It's not her fault. And everyone be like, Chloe is such a dumb ass. I'm like, Oh, shut the fuck up.

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Speaking of, like, actually one of the most fun controversial couples that people don't talk about enough. Oh, I can't wait to hear this. Who's the, like, the hottest football player ever? And, like... Eric Decker and Jesse James Decker. Jesse James Decker and Eric Decker. People fucking hate her. Why? What do they hate her for? There's, like, a whole, like, Reddit community destroying her. But apparently... Apparently! They posted...

A photo of her son posted right on her dad's Instagram, which, like, it's kind of hard to post on Instagram. You have to go through a couple steps. Yeah. Of him looking, like, so hot in the background. Then people saw her hair on the edge of it. Yep. And they were like, she was there. Like, she knows this happened. It's, like, for press. And then because people hate her, they're like, she is the worst. People hate her.

But I remember their show. I loved their show. I thought it was cute. I thought it was fun. They have their reasons, I guess. But like, it was pretty funny what celebrities do do, though, to get a little attention. But like, my guy was... Yeah, like to make a stupid post. Yeah. I think Eric Decker is my celebrity crush.

For sure. I would love for you to post a photo. Imagine you just, okay, wait, I have an idea for you. Like things that are in the media that are controversial from like celebrities doing, like I want you to like do it. So like I want you to like post a selfie of yourself and like Des showering in the background and then do like a full paragraph of like how much you love him. No, like he'll divorce me. He'll divorce me.

He will literally divorce me. I like tried to post like a two year anniversary thing. And he was like, babe, we're not that couple. He's like, we're not really married. You know about my other family. Stop.

So you're embarrassing yourself. So I told him about the Derek Jeter documentary. Yeah. And he was like, I don't care. And I was like, babe, how do you not? I know you're a Mets fan, but like Derek Jeter was like huge for culture and sports. And he's so, and he's my ex-boyfriend. Right. Not yet. But I go, is this like, let's be honest with each other. Is this because he's my ex? Yeah. And he's like, stop. And I'm like,

You have a whole fucking family and I can't have an ex-boyfriend? You have a goddamn golden doodle that has an Irish accent bark and you're going to come at me for the best baseball player of all time? I can't wait for you to watch it. I love that you watch documentaries and I never do, so I just get the cliff notes. Because there was a line that he was like, if I was playing baseball now, I would have been canceled in three years if there were phones like they are now. Which is...

to think about. To wrap this up, we have one dope documentary. Yes. I watched Victoria's Secret. What, and what was, what's the, like, the conclusion? Yeah, the, yeah.

The conclusion is this. We talked about it a little last time, but Les Wexner was deeply intertwined with Jeffrey Epstein. They tried to make it like they were in a relationship, but I don't know. What? They weren't sure, but they were like, maybe Les was gay. I don't know. But Les was just super...

about the male gaze and being women being aspirational he didn't change with the times yeah and then they they had a lot of just sexual harassment shit like the women in the boardroom were literally like women want comfort can we get some comfort options some like spandex and he's like no

And then the model started like speaking out against it. And basically the Fenty show kind of put them out of business. Like once Rihanna did her sick Fenty show and all the models were like, this is the greatest thing. And it was like so fucking diverse. Yeah. All body types. In every way. And it crushed. And it was like makeup was so cool and the vibes and the music and everything. And then people were just like, Victoria's Secret, you're done. You're done. Yeah.

You're done. It is actually crazy to think like now as like women in our 30s to think that like I would stay up till 10 p.m. when the Victoria's Secret show was on and my mom would let me stay up because I would loved it so much. And I would go and I would watch it and I would go in my room like later that night and be like, I want to be like that and think about like and I was a tiny ass fucking girl like and think about like,

okay, could I walk in heels? And like, are my legs long enough? Like that you don't notice, but like those little things, even though it was once a year, like they get in your fucking brain. And they like wouldn't eat for three months to prepare for that one moment. It was epic when like Bella Hadid walked by the weekend that one time he was like, and she was his ex. And she was like, that was epic. But besides that, there were,

I mean, I remember girls would like print out pictures of Victoria's Secret models and like put them up in like their locker like two weeks before prom to be like to remind yourself to like not eat.

Isn't that crazy? Do you remember though, and I posted TikTok about this, everyone had the push-up bra. Yeah, I still have it. It was so thick. I still wear it. You could shoot me with a gun. It's called the miraculous bombshell.

Dude, if you like bumped into me, you would like get hit. It was like a football uniform. It was so thick. And I had no boobs till I was 18 and I was wearing that shit. It was wild. I know. It's so funny that like I used to wear that every single day of my life and now I go braless. Like if someone says put a bra on, I'm like, what? What?

I recently saw a girl, she probably was like in her teens, and she was wearing like a bra and stuff. And I was like, oh, one day you're going to be rid of the jail. But I do have an admission. You know, I've never actually worn lingerie. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, like I've for anyone. I've bought it. I've I've thought about it. I've had it. It's never actually. Well, here's the thing, because it's a weird thing. Like you're supposed to wear it under your clothes and then like, you know, I am with comfort. Yeah. And I'm not wearing. No. And like usually you're like in a crop top. Like, how am I going to wear this like full like one? How am I going to go from the most comfortable granny panties to fucking lace fucking floss up my asshole? I can't.

So I never did it. And like Haley's getting married and for her bachelorette party, we're getting lingerie stuff for her. And I was just like, oh my God, there's a whole world of lingerie that I've never even thought of. Yeah. It's a whole world. Haley's bachelorette's in Charleston. I know. I'm so jealous. I know. I'm going from Montreal to Charleston. I'm going to be there for like 24 hours. Um, so yeah,

I'm a Charleston girl right now. Yeah, you are. You're really like... You're posting on Amazon. You're going to Charleston. You won't even need me soon. Oh, my God. Well...

I do have to say we're going to Vegas. Life is beautiful festival. We're going to be there. And I think we have like literally a handful of tickets left in not DC that sold out in New York and Massachusetts. Yeah. So thank you guys for giggling with us. We love you so much. Yeah. Bye.