Giggling about Halie’s wedding, Kimye, and hall monitor vibes
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I mean, the day just got away from me. Hello, my gravitational gigglers. I am Bill Nye, the science guy. I love when I lose my voice. I do too. I've lost my voice because I was at Hailey's wedding this weekend in, where was it? Grand Rapids, Michigan. How was it? And it was fucking lit. It was lit. People remember Hailey from my bachelorette. Um...

But basically, I didn't want to have main character energy the whole wedding. But this is one of those weddings that like I introduced them. You did. Wait, did you give a speech? No, but I was mentioned in all three speeches. And I did stand up at one point when they said my name.

And no one told me. Basically, her dad was like, and a shout out to Hannah Berner who introduced them. And I stood up and did a twirl. And mid-twirl, I was like, oh, they didn't ask me to stand up. Wait, I forgot that this is not an award show. But also, I do have an acceptance speech retic. But I want to let people know the fucking insane story of how my best friend Haley and Dave met. Because I think it's like... It is a crazy story. It's inspirational. Yeah, it's aspirational. So, a long, long time ago in 2017-ish...

I was trying to become a fitness model. I didn't know if I was allowed to laugh. No, you were. You were. So like I was trying to be like a sports model and I got in. I had two auditions that day. One was a basketball edition and I walked in and there was a girl who was six four and they were like play some like basketball and I kept shooting and she just kept blocking my shot. And I was like, wait, how did I want to go home? If you are a fitness model.

Do you write like do they ask at the audition or like before you go in for the audition if you know how to play that sport and what is your level of playing that sport? Great question. So for your agents, you literally put all the sports you play. OK. And what level? OK.

and this girl was the greatest basketball player I've ever played against, seen, ever. And she was just... It was embarrassing. Like, it was to the point that I was like, Mom, can you come pick me up? So then I'm leaving, and it was actually, like, around this time during the U.S. Open, I'm watching... I'm walking through Midtown, and all these girls are, like, checking in the hotel to play the U.S. Open, and I was like, that could have been me, but I'm a quitter. You know, I'm a quitter, and I fucking suck. And I had to go to this Adidas tennis edition downtown, and I'm like... So I walk...

in the hotel and an elevator opens and a girl walks in with me and it's Haley. Now I have to say how many people have you become best friends with after meeting them in an elevator in New York City? Never. I've never spoken to one person in an elevator. That's how you get human trafficked. It's weird. Unless it's like what floor are you going to? Don't

don't speak to me. Exactly. So she immediately is her bubbly Midwestern self and we start talking. We have to wait in a line of like 250 people. So we have like time and I tell her like, I just got out of a relationship. I want to make more girlfriends. And she's like, Oh my God, I have so many girlfriends. We don't know any guys I've been living with. I was living with two. They call themselves baboons. These two guidos, Corey and Dave.

And I was like, I know plenty of fucking guys. And we get to the front of the audition and she basically is like, do you play tennis? And I'm like, yeah, I'm a tennis player. And she's like, I checked off that I play tennis, but I've never really played before. I just like tennis outfits. So really? She gets to the front. She goes, you know what? I'm not going to audition. Oh, I didn't know that part of the story. Doesn't even audition. I audition. We leave together and she goes, she looks at me all crazy like and she goes, you're going to get it.

And I'm like, okay, crazy witch lady. Did you get it? The next day, I get a call and said, you booked this Adidas. It was like the biggest thing I've ever booked at that time in my life. I don't tell my mom. I don't tell my friends. I don't tell it. I text this random girl. I'm at an elevator. And I said, you were right. I got it.

And from that moment on, we just were like connected. I was like crying in Midtown when I got it. It was one of those like public New York City cries. I was like, I'm going to be a sports model star. The campaign, you only saw my shoe. I'll post it. It was literally just my shoe. And my dad and my mom were showing people like, that's my daughter on the homepage of the Adidas website. It was my foot. Wow. Looking back, it was actually a low in my career. But anyway. Yeah.

So the next week, I remember vividly, I'm sitting on the couch, and Haley is a very social person. She texts me. She goes, come to the bar and watch the Michigan State game with me. Haley is very social. Social, and she always has, like, fun people around her. Yeah. And I said, you know what? And you know I didn't want to go. I know. But I did. I get there, and Corey and Dave text me and go, yo, we're at Ph.D.,

Middle of the day on a Sunday. Yeah, I was just going to say. Explain to the gigglers what PhD is. PhD is a club inside of a hotel. And in the summer, I don't even know if they still do it. But like in the spring, before the summer starts, before like everyone leaves for the Hamptons, they have a sunset Saturday, which is just... I think they also have it in the fall. And you just get hammered during the day. It used to be really fun. It's like a fancy place for chlamydia. Yeah. And...

It's a club so we went from a bar and I was like who wants to come and Haley's like I'll go we walk in Dave sees Haley Haley sees Dave he does a beeline for her but I'm like watching the wedding and I'm thinking like what if I like Didn't go to that edition. What if I just got coffee? What if I tripped like what if she forgot something at home and like I didn't meet her in the elevator that day The question is Paige. Do you think regardless those two would have met?

Oh my God, Hannah. Probably not. No. Everything happens for a reason. And like, I'd hate to make the wedding about me, but like every moment I was like, there's nothing here. You're like, none of this would have happened unless I was a tennis star. This is important. Go Badgers. This is important to remember that I was the reason for this wedding because I also happen to be the worst bridesmaid of all time. And I think you would be too. I am.

So I get this dress, $100 bridesmaid dress, size six. And you know, I'm a solid size six. I'm a sturdy. The day before, I'm supposed to go to Michigan. Des is like, did you try it on? I'm like, no, because I have a perfect body. It didn't go past my butt. So at this point, you're still in New York, though. At this point, I'm in New York. It's around noon. I have to leave at 6 a.m. for Detroit.

And I can't get the bridesmaid dress over my butt. So I call a couple places. They're like, we can't reconstruct a dress in four hours. And I'm like, okay, well, someone has to in New York. So I'm running around like a crazy person. And I find myself in Chinatown. And I find myself in a Chinatown mall. Where is there a mall? Who knows? I didn't even know. I was on the bottom. I was in a basement. Okay, I was in someone's basement. Okay.

And there's just a lady with a sewing machine. And that's how sex trafficking happens. Yes. I run up to her. I said, Mrs. Her name was Miss Chen. Yeah. I said, Miss Chen, I have an emergency. She looks at me and she goes, I don't speak English. I said, hold on one second. I called Des, who happens to speak Mandarin. My Mandarin speaking husband will talk to you now.

He will speak to you in a second. And I said, you tell her I don't care what she does. She needs to make this dress fit me by tomorrow. Miss Chen saved my life. So what time did you pick it up? What time did you drop it off? I dropped it off at three. I picked it up at six. This is a lot of admin for you. I was having a full panic attack. And then we get to Michigan early, take a little nap, get a call around five going, where are you?

I'm like, hello? For what? And they go, we're at the rehearsal. Hannah, Lucy. And they go, did you just fly in? And I'm like, nope. Why didn't you just say yes?

This is the thing. The brides, you know, the bridesmaid text chain. Yes. That are like out of control. Yeah. So apparently, apparently in one of the paragraphs, someone was like, by the way, we have to go to the church an hour early to do a rehearsal. But the official thing they sent of the schedule just said like welcome party at six. So I quickly get ready, show up.

How late? 40 minutes late to the rehearsal. Walk in, everyone's lined up already. It took all of me to not yell, I object! So I walk in and everyone's like, what happened? I was like, I fell asleep. The rest of the, it was great. I feel like Hailey danced her ass off. So she's Lebanese, so they had all these like incredible Arabic dances. Hailey also, you know those people who are like meant to be a bride? Yes. Yes! Yes!

Haley was meant to be a bride. Like whenever I saw her not being a bride, I was like, why are you not a bride right now? Yeah. Like I, let's be honest, I'm an awkward bride. You were a funny bride. My dad and I danced for 10 seconds and then kind of stopped. We were like, this is kind of weird. What is should like model as a bride? Yes.

Like bride and model campaigns. Kaylee should run classes on how to be a bride. Exactly. Like she seriously should. She was so good. Oh, but I was obviously there to make, I was the social media coordinator. That's how I redeemed myself. Oh, you did the TikTok. Everyone was like getting ready and I was like, guys, we have to do a jump transition of our outfits. I did see that TikTok. That was a good one. Thank you. I tried my best. But then I did the first drink, last drink TikTok. Oh, you did. I didn't see that. Yes, you have to see it. I posted it.

My insta and it's basically you get a bunch of people you record their first drink and their last drink But the problem with that is that I got fucked up. Yeah, so I would like press record and Forgot I press record and then go to film them and press it again and it would stop recording So I had a lot of footage of me just walking Like the next morning I was like, let's put the video together and I was like you drunk piece of shit You are the worst cameraman

But it worked out fine. So anyway, we had an amazing weekend. What a wedding weekend to share with Ben and Jen. Oh my God. Right? What's with all the ambulances with Ben and Jen? I feel like there's been ambulances everywhere. Something happened to like his mom or something. I think it was like very minor. But people are freaking out because his brother didn't go and her friend Leah Remini didn't go. And did you know that J-Lo's dad is part of Scientology? What? Yeah. Yeah.

But then I was thinking like, okay, you know how we were talking about Teresa's wedding and we were saying how like her brother didn't go and Dina didn't go. And we felt like that was like a specific choice. I feel like this one, I feel like if you were getting married for like the fourth time, I'd be like, bitch, I did it. We did it. Okay. I can't make this one.

And you'd be like, understandable. Like, I got it. You go, ooh, I have a spray tan appointment. I would be like, I'll catch you at the next one. Right? Like, come on. Oh, my God. I can't do this one, but I will totally be there next time. People were like, oh, my God. Jennifer. Who's Ben's ex? What's her name? Jennifer. Jennifer Garner. Sometimes I'm smarter than I think I am. Jennifer Garner did not attend.

Yeah. Do you think that's a story or is it like weird for your ex to be there? I mean, I think it's all situational. Yeah. Like it's all situational. I think if you have a relationship with your ex and like, I mean, they're co-parents. Yeah. And it's to the point where you would go to their wedding. But I think he burned her pretty badly, like publicly when they were breaking up.

So I could see her being very cordial with him, but like not being involved in his like love life and relationships. And also like the person that I am, I could confidently say I'm probably not going to an ex's, my ex-husband's wedding to his new wife, who he was also like engaged to when we started dating. Yeah.

I'll be there. I want to see the drama. I want to create some tension. I want to whisper some shit. I want to get my popcorn. I want to be like, is that just that just was a choice. That just was a choice. OK. Also, Paige, apparently we both heard something today about Kim and Kanye getting back together. Is that do people know that? I don't know. OK. How did you know that? I heard from a friend of a friend that lives in L.A.,

Like they saw them together? No, that they were going to publicly do something soon and then people were going to know. Do you think this is just like

like, okay, we don't like when Kim's single, so let's have her at least pretend to be back with him for publicity purposes? No, I think that this is a fully personal situation that they're now trying to figure out how to say because I called it the other week. Kim is too type A to be with someone who has all their shit together.

Like she needs create a little bit of crazy in her life. And Kanye very much gives her that. So you think she loves him? I think she loves him. I think she really loves him. After how Kanye acted, it's like, you think people are going to... That's why I don't think it's a PR stunt because it's not great PR. And it's...

But here's the other thing, I think. Not that I know what it feels like to have, like, a father of my children, but, like, he is the father of her children. And I could see her, one, wanting to make it work, and two, I do think that she really did love him and, like, does love him. I am practicing forgiveness. It's my new thing. I'm forgiving. Wow, Bethany.

Wow. Also like to so quickly go back to Kanye. I know. I know. But I feel like everything that happens in like the media is actually really like a couple months behind. Yeah.

Oh, my God. That's fascinating. You're right. It's like fashion. Yeah. So I feel like Pete and Kim probably ended it way before we found out about it. And I'm sure her and Kanye have been like hanging. But look, you don't want to know what it's great for. It's great for Giggly Squad because what we really need Pete out and about and on the prowl. Yes. Yes.

That's what I need. Our t-shirts are so much. Our t-shirts are relevant again. Pete's future ex-girlfriend. It's just. Pete is part of our brand and we root him. And he really always has been. Speaking of traveling around, have you heard about the Aubrey O'Day vacation photos? I do have to say, when she was on the P. Diddy, like what was that show P. Diddy had? Making the Band. Danity Kane. She was iconic. She was iconic. Danity Kane? She was my favorite.

She was my favorite. I mean, show, show, stop. Danity Kane was my childhood. Like, that was the all-time best band. It was a great show. Like,

She was the best. She was so fucking pretty. I always thought she was so pretty. Did you zoom in on her face in any of these pictures? Absolutely. It's insane. She made herself look like a scary cat lady. Remember when she dated Pauly D? Yes. I do feel really bad for her just like in terms of like how much hate she gets in the media. But like those pictures are photoshopped.

Okay, so for people who don't know, someone discovered maybe on TikTok that Aubrey O'Day has been posting these gorgeous vacation photos, but really it's just her photoshopping herself on vacation photos. Yeah, like in the background of like real vacation photos. She literally took like a promo photo from a hotel and just plopped her ass right on the hot tub. I also just, but like I don't think anyone's respecting like the photoshop. That's an art thing.

Like no one's giving like credit where credit's due. Like it looks good. Like she did a really good job in Photoshop. I do have to say it's financially savvy, some would say. Yeah, it's just whatever. She basically did. When people are like, how are these influencers affording to go to Paris every other week? It's like they're not. They're literally not doing it. I have some news. I babysat a cat recently.

Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, and Thursday night. Four nights. Tell me everything. I will babysit a cat whenever I'm asked. I personally will not be adopting nor purchasing a cat right now in my lifetime. Okay. And I'm going to tell you why. Jasper runs a hedge fund.

he's on Asian market times. He has things to do at 5 a.m. He gets up and he has people to see, things to check on, sounds to make. He's got to get his breakfast. Like he's busy and I respect the hustle that he has to,

But I don't. And I couldn't deal with him waking up every single day and doing parkour. Like, it just was not for me. So they call it the zoomies when cats at like...

sometimes 4 a.m. will just be like, we're ready to fucking go. And they will go off for two hours and then they will sleep the entire rest of the day. And you'll look at the cat and be like, oh, are you tired from fucking waking everyone up? But this is the thing. Butter, I've trained her. You have. And she knows bitch is not waking up until noon. Yeah. She doesn't make a peep. She doesn't even wake me up. She eats when I get up at noon.

There were some things that I did love. Like when they want to snuggle with you, the most rewarding thing in the world. Because they don't talk to you. They don't come over to you. They don't acknowledge you.

And so like when it was finally time where he was like, I would like to lay on you now. Like I felt very like, oh my God, here's the moment. It's happening. Did he lie on you? He did. We, after the first day, he like snuggled with me every night, but also not a fan of litter, not a fan of them, not a fan of them kicking it everywhere, wherever they want.

They own the apartment now. You get a cat, he is your landlord. Oh, for sure. That is their space. And also the audacity in which they have... The passive aggressiveness in which they have toward you. Like any...

Jasper didn't knock over big things, but if my remotes were on the counter, like on my coffee table, he would look me dead in the eye and give it one swipe and just be like, not in this house. And I would start laughing, but I was like, what's going on here? I feel like I have a boss and I live with it now. It's like, I don't want to live with my boss. And I miss the stupidity of dogs. I have a whole stand-up joke where I say like,

cats and dogs both know their names but cats choose not to respond which is like so bitchy but so strong they've never met you they're like and i go imagine if you could ignore your friend that you see at the bar when she's drunk and annoying and you just ignore her but slowly push your beer off the bar and like look at her while you're doing it while you're looking at it and be like oops sorry oopsie poopsie yeah it's just

I'm not. Here's the other thing. I'm really not ready to have an animal at all. Any type of animal. I ate cinnamon toast crunch for dinner last night. Do you think that I should be in charge of another life?

keeping that thing alive. I did wake up this morning and miss Jasper a little bit and I made Sierra send me a picture of like whatever he was doing. But after I got the picture, I was over it. I was like, okay, so I'm gotta go. Well, we know that you like hate animals in general. I know. So...

PETA's had multiple complaints about you. No, I knew this was going to happen too. I was like, oh my God, if I don't come back and tell everyone I'm getting a cat, they're going to be like, you're an animal hater. Like, but I just...

I didn't love it more than I dislike. I was very neutral on it. I liked it as much as I didn't like it. But also like he's not your cat. That's the other thing. He's not my cat. That's the other thing. It's literally like babysitting a child who doesn't know you slash trust you yet. I can't be a stepmom. When you have your own cat, you create this bond that is like for you and your lifestyle. But it's fine. This is going to be a longer journey than I anticipated. Yeah.

But also I said to Sierra, I said, I don't think she's ready to like, I don't want you going to Charleston every two weeks with a cat. No, no. So Peter, don't worry. She's not going to get a cat yet. I am interested to know though, like what kind of litter box do you have?

Oh, my litter box is great. You have one that's covered. Yeah. So she jumps in. She does whatever the fuck she wants. She's like literally doing handstands and nothing comes out. Yeah. She jumps out. Oh, I also have to tell you, I'm going to create a Spotify playlist. Okay. And it's just called Angry Women. Whoa.

So I'm like really into it. Are you okay? Are you going through something? Do you want to talk about it? Well, I think I was inspired by our girlies, Shania Twain and Sheryl Crow, and I downloaded all their stuff. And then I started downloading, like, do you remember Bitch by Meredith Brooks? I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a child. I'm a mother. I'm a sinner. I'm a saint. I'm a saint. Yeah, so I downloaded that, and then I was like, oh my God, I need more angry music.

And then I downloaded Drama Queen by Lindsay Lohan and Intuition by Jewel. And then I was like, I love this playlist. You don't have any pink on there?

Well, I'm trying to keep it in the like Y2K, like late 90s, early 2000s. And then I got in the car with Des and his brother Aiden. Shout out to Aiden. And I go, I'm DJing and I'm playing angry women music. And it was so funny. Oh, I played Alanis Morissette. It was fun for me. Did you see that the Love Island host of the UK is stepping down? Did you manifest it?

She said she just couldn't do it with her schedule. And then I was like, should I just... What schedule? What... What... Isn't... What? That is... That is like... What? No.

I knew you were going to have that reaction because I had the same reaction. So I was like, wait, the Love Island host is literally there the first day, one day in the middle, and then the last day. And you never see her. True. It's like you have to do voiceover for... Craig did a voiceover for her whole book and you can't do a voiceover for a literal... She doesn't even do the voiceover.

Oh yeah, she does it. That guy does it. Wait, this is fascinating to me. Also imagine you like tell your job like, oh, I can't make it because of my schedule. Well, she is like a famous person in the UK. So she does have like other projects and she was like, she lives in South Africa and she was like, I can't fly the days that they would need me to fly because I have other shit that I'm doing. So like after I read the article, it did make sense. But like,

That was my first. Imagine you tell you're an accountant and you tell your boss, hey, I can't make it to work this week because of my schedule. It's just it's too tight. It's too much. I mean, but I didn't think that she like had other jobs because like I literally only know her from Love Island. But whatever. She's stepping down. I don't know who they're going to get, but I feel like they notoriously get someone that's like famous in the UK.

So this is the thing, Paige. Yeah. You have the fake accent. I do. You need to go to your hair girl and say, what is the look? Who am I? Bleach your eyebrows like I told you to. I'm Push Spice. Bleach your butthole. Bleach them both. Who was I just... I just told someone. Someone was just talking about bleaching your asshole and I said, do you want to know what my friend thought? What?

You know how many DMs I got that was like, Hannah, don't tell Paige, but I thought it was the hair too. This is the thing. You should apply. I know. Or do what Craig said and just join the show. I might just go.

it I think it's so funny how they have like the Irish people and the British people and then like someone from Wales and we don't know where Wales is but yeah I just don't think that they would be down with an American hosting it I would have to come up with a whole persona like a backstory I'd have to lie what's your name what's your name Fiona Sophie Sophie Sophie is it is it Sophie pH I

I guess that's the only kind of Sophie No it could be Sophie with an F But like it's like I'm a little trashy So I didn't get Sophia But I'm Sophie Like those Sophie shorts we used to wear S-O-F-F-E-E I'm Sophie like the shorts I feel like that's from a movie That's where I'm getting it from Or like go straight Eloise at the Plaza Your name isn't Eloise It's Eloise at the Plaza For sure

um um you wrote everyone's liking love island i was just on tiktok the other day and like all like i get that my algorithm has i'm now on british tiktok and like it's something that i can't get off of and not that i'm like trying hard to get off of it but i just don't know how i got there it's either like jail tiktok or british like there's no in between for me

And I just keep seeing all these TikToks about how much people love Love Island and UK. And it just started to really annoy me because, like, I've been in... We have been in this for years. Five years I've been in... We've been out here in these streets. And it's just nobody listened to me before. And now all of a sudden everyone's like, oh, I feel mugged off. And I'm like, do you even know what it means? Like...

Do you think that Love Island USA will ever become a thing? I don't know because what makes Love Island so good is British humor. And Americans are so sensitive, I think, like in terms of humor, and they're not as self-deprecating, I would say, as British.

like British people and like Europeans in general. So I think that's why, um,

like on Love Island UK, the girls don't fight as much as like obviously the American girls do. And our reality TV is just so different from theirs. Ours is like produced and fake and catty and mean and it makes like small things look explosive where like the British Love Island is all about actually feeling wholesome to watch.

Yeah, like the girls are friends. The guys are friends. If they have a fight, it's over in two seconds. It never gets like that aggressive. Like, yeah. So I don't think that it ever will because Americans are just different. I don't know if I've ever heard you speak about something so passionately before. Why did I just skip? Besides matching sets, this is like really gotten fun. And if I was in college, my dissertation would be on... And that is why...

And then it's my Love Island UK. It's just better. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I'm quite passionate. I actually realized last time we didn't get to hit our dope documentaries. And now that we're talking about shit we're watching. Let's do it because I have a lot of scripted things that I've watched. Oh my God, I'm so excited because we have not told the Gigglers stuff to watch in a bit. And I watched some shit. Did you watch the Armie Hammer one?

Is it out yet? Oh, maybe it's not out. But I wanted to start off with House of Hammer. We have to. Paige, what the fuck was that trailer? I mean, not to make it about me, but for a quick second, I loved him.

And it's crazy. You were rooting for him. I was rooting for him. And like, how did no one see the signs? But in the trailer, it sounds like the whole family for generations has been fucked. And like scientifically, there was no way that Armie wasn't fucked up in the head. Yeah, like genetically. Yeah. It was predetermined for him to be insane. And like there have been other men in his family who have done...

just as bad, if not worse things and like sexually and like just like weird. They're just weird. They're a weird family. The documentary made me feel a little weird because I feel like they found enough people that were down to talk shit about his family and they were basically like, we are going to roast you guys. Just like shit talk, roast his whole existence of his family. Well, it's his aunt, right? That's like narrating it? Yeah.

Yeah, and I kind of felt it kind of felt weird because I'm like, how many families out there are fucked up and we're not exposing them? And I know he was famous, but like, it just seems a little like imagine seeing like your drunk uncle from Thanksgiving, like doing like a inside story. I'd be like, can you not do that? Like how awkward is Christmas going to be? Like, stop doing that.

It seems It's not that I don't I get it if it was like A president being like Are you saying it's like Very 15 minutes of famey A little But it's also like He's an actor And like His family didn't ask To be like Like his immediate family Right now Like his wife and children Yeah but even like his mom

From his dad. Like, I don't know. Like, he's not... I get what you're saying. Celebrities, it's like, look all the stuff we found out about Jennifer Lopez's family. Yeah, like, we didn't have to roast everyone. Yeah. Yeah. But...

I guess when it's the guy's cannibal, the rules go out the door. Did they ever find flesh in his mouth? No, it wasn't that he was actually straight up eating people. It was more that he was like texting these women just like these crazy extremes. But isn't that just an average day on Bumble? Dreams.

Yeah, like I was trying to think of like the number one craziest text message I've ever gotten. And like have you ever gotten a text from a guy and you're like it's in the very beginning of like you talking or whatever and you may or may not have even slept with him yet. And there's one text that will give you that just immediate like pit in your stomach and you're like that this guy's a weirdo. And I remember mine. I remember where I was.

I was at one of my girlfriend's apartments. I'm sitting on her bed. I remember it clear as day. She was cleaning out her closet and I had just started talking. The birds were chirping. It was a lovely fall afternoon. I had just started talking to this guy. We had not slept together. We had gone on maybe two dates and

One of like the first text messages that got like flirty or got like sexual was that he wanted to fuck me in the ass. And I was maybe... Doesn't listen to Giggiswad for sure. I think I was maybe like 23 or 24. And I just remember being so uncomfortable in that moment that I never saw him ever again. Like from that day on, like I just kept making up excuses. Yeah.

So like... You're like, sorry, I just had Mexican. Yeah, like I just... I just knew something was awry. Like I knew that like if I wasn't into that text message, I'm certainly not going to be into whatever happens in person. Like I just... People don't talk about enough the type of guy who like looks great, like handsome, funny, sweet, nice, good style. Yep. But those guys who the second...

The blood goes to their penis. Yeah. They turn into like a monster. It's the silent ones that you have to watch out for. Just some guys when they get turned on, like their whole personality changes and you're like, where did sweet Brad go? Yeah. And who is this?

like feral human. Have you ever... Like some people turned on are just strange to me. Have you ever dated a guy where you really liked them and then the first time you had sex you were like, you need therapy. Something's like not right here. All the time. Yeah.

Literally all the time. People be like, oh, you know, from the kiss. No, you know, the second you're maneuvering. Yeah. You're just like, if there was an option to like run away, I probably would. I think something's happened. Something weird could potentially happen here. I'm going to probably never talk to you again. Thank you. It's crazy that girls all have had or will have that thought at some point.

And then we kind of leave. We never talk to that person again. We never bring it up again. But we all have this like instinct feeling of like, that was weird. It's even like just the way they touch you that you're like, oh no. Yeah. You're like, mm. And he might not have done anything wrong. Nothing. But it's just the way. Yes. It's like instinct. The way his hands on my back. I'm like, mm. Yeah. I don't love it. Yeah. Something. Or like the way his eyes get. Once, I feel like that's another room. I was.

I was seeing this track guy at Wisconsin. And he did this thing where he wouldn't masturbate ever. Because he was afraid it would make him tired for his sport. And we finally started hooking up. And he got ravenous. He was like, eyes popping out of his head. And he was a loaded gun. And I literally afterwards was like, can you jerk off next time beforehand? Because that was...

Terrifying. We, I mean, we hate men. Like, they're just... Does just yell, great story. Yeah.

So I've like, I'm always thinking of ways to insult men without like with, without deliberately insulting them just to like see what the reaction is. And I tried these, I try all of these out on Craig and it's really research for the podcast. Yes. So remember when there was a tick tock, when all the girls were like filming their boyfriends and they were like, it looks like you don't know how to swim. And their boyfriends were getting so pissed and being like, what does that even mean? Like whatever. Yeah.

So today I was on the phone with Craig and he said something to me and I was like, so funny because you give like hall monitor vibes. Why did I envision Kevin James in like the mall cop?

Paul Blunt, Mall Cop. It's the movie. Kevin James. You're giving me Mall Cop vibes. And he goes, what the fuck does that even mean? And before I can even answer, he goes, did you even have hall monitors at your school? Do you even know what a hall monitor vibe is? No, but you've already planted a seed that is going to slowly... Like, he's going to wake up in the middle of the night tonight and be like...

of hoes you're talking about so I need everyone just like it has to be so casual too like they have to be like that's so funny like you know what I was thinking like you kind of give me like hall monitor vibes next time he has any kind of criticism ever I'm just gonna be like

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I don't know if you guys have noticed from my Instagram stories, but I've basically switched all my loungewear over to Skims. I was obviously obsessed with their bras and underwear, but now I really can't get enough of their soft lounge collection. I have their soft lounge tank with a lot of

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I've pretty much cleared out all my lounge sets after I moved. I just like got rid of everything. I was like, I don't need all of these random sweatpants and sweatshirts and really replaced everything with skims because I know it's always going to look good and I know it always feels amazing.

And you know how much I love laying in bed. So if I have an outfit that I can lay in bed in and also run errands in, then I'm a true fan. Shop the Skims Soft Lounge Collection at Skims.com. Now available in sizes XXS to 4X. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select Giggly Squad in the drop down menu. 50. Are you drinking Coca-Cola right now? Yeah, my soul needs it.

I'm obsessed with that for you. Does it have caffeine? I mean, I'd assume. I don't know. I'm dainty. I had like a Diet Coke at 10 p.m. the other night. Wired till 3. Really?

But you know me. I'm just such a pure little angel. You are. You're really... Your body is so sensitive. It's crazy. It's so neat. But I can down a burrito, like, deep throat it. Like, nobody's business. I mean, like, yeah. Okay, let's do some dope documentaries and then I'll do some, like, scripted stuff. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, House of Hammer. We're disturbed, but also... Intrigued. And I'm like, hmm, I feel like it's invasive. Am I going to watch it? Absolutely. I... Oh, my God. What? There's...

a really, really good murder doc called I Just Killed My Dad. I watched the preview. How was it? At first, you're like, okay, he killed his dad. Yeah. It is so... Like, par for the course. Because that's what they said. Yeah. And it's on Netflix. And the kid is very like, yeah, I killed my dad. And everyone's like, this kid is kind of weird. And he snapped one day. But then they're asking about the dad and no one knows anything about him. I'm like, that's kind of weird. And then...

The kid starts his first job and the person he was working with was like, he didn't know anything. Like he didn't know who NSYNC was. He didn't know like, it was like he was an alien. Yeah. And then, and then we find out that he's homeschooled and you're like, that's kind of weird. But again, like no, the kid hasn't opened up about any abuse or anything. He just was like my dad and I didn't get along. I don't want like, um, you don't want to spoil it.

Spoiler alert. Sorry. Thank you. His dad kidnapped him from the mom as a child. Is he the real dad? Yes. But the kid never realized the extent of the abuse he was in. And people at first were just like, the kid was acting weird. He had no empathy. And it's like, no, this kid was fucked up. Yeah. Is it worth me watching it? I think the first two episodes you should watch. Okay. Yeah.

And the dad had like cameras everywhere and was in control of everyone. It was wild. Oh no. Where'd they live? Where in the country was this? Who? Uh, the South. I love how everyone's like, I don't even need to watch documentaries. Hannah just tells me all that. Didn't I? Yeah. I, someone was talking about a documentary the other day and I was like, what's the name of it? And they, cause I was like, they're like, Oh, do you want to write it down? And I was like, no, I'm texting my friend Hannah so that she can watch it and tell me about it. And they were like, okay. Then I watched Woodstock 99.

On Netflix? Yeah. Woodstock walked so Fyre Festival could fall on its face. So Woodstock in the 60s was like a peace and love festival and everyone was like amazing and everyone was like weed high. It was incredible. They're like, we want to do it again, but they want to make sure they'd make money and they like cut a lot of costs. So like the like sanitation people were bad. The like bathrooms were bad. I feel like that's not the first thing I cut.

And it's all these just like angry men. The 90s were wild. The 90s were like just angry. Oh, this was in the 90s? 99. This is like Limp Bizkit. And like apparently Jewel went on or Sheryl Crow went on. Everyone was like, shows your tits. And like the guys are just like backwards hat douchebag type guys.

like angry guys because the 60s was like psychedelics and then the 90s was like pure cocaine and so people were just yelling and screaming they were just so angry and they talk about the crowd like you know when we do our shows like the crowd kind of has a vibe they're like the crowd was gonna snap yeah and the people who were running the festival were into pure denial they were like the festival's going great like the first day was fine the second day it

The water, the venues were charging like $5 for water. And people were just passing out. People are just like passing out. They're mad. The showers like weren't working. So they were just like throwing themselves in the mud that was also mixed with like poop. People just like playing in poop. And it's like 90 degrees. And long story short...

The festival turned on itself and it ended with people like setting everything on fire. Oh my God. Yeah. Like they set stuff on fire. They basically had a riot. And this is why I don't go to festivals. I'm not a festival person. I've never enjoyed them. If you're going to a festival for more than one day, get a job. Like there's no reason to be at a three day festival. Yeah.

I don't want to do anything for three days. No. I don't even want to go on vacation for three days. Like literally at day three. I'm like, if we went home right now, I wouldn't be mad about it. I'm going to say it right now. I've never been to a music festival, barely been to a concert. It's so crazy that you say that because I, I'm never, I'm never actively buying tickets to that. If someone says, Hey, I have concert tickets. Do you want to come? No.

And if I like the person, I'll be like, okay, yeah, I'll come. But I'm never facilitating that. True, true. Also, I feel like music festival is not like a hobby. It's like a religion. Yeah, and I just didn't get that bug ever. Paige, music festivals are fully cults. DJs are cult leaders. Oh my, oh my God. Diplo invented Scientology for sure.

But think about it. Everyone's wearing these like crazy ass things. What's the thing that everyone does? Who is the one guy that wears like the like he wears a face mask? Yeah. What are you hiding, bro? What are you hiding? Also, what's the not Coachella? What's the other one that is like in the desert that everyone wants to do? Not your friends have done it. First of all, how rude. Second of all, not. Oh, they have done it. Burning Man. Burning Man.

Burning Man. Like, okay. What kind of people go to Burning Man? Remember when my friend Justin got a stylist for it? It was kind of sick. His outfits were really good. His outfits were sick, but it's like, get a job. Like, literally get a job. No, those festivals are straight up cults. Basically, they've tricked people that like starving and

Being alone with no food to pay for that. Yeah. To pay for bad camping with music in the background. Have I've never been camping. No, I've never been camping. Let's keep it that way. I've never even glamped. No, I've never glamped.

One of my youngest memories is being a Girl Scout and third grade. And we had the opportunity to stay in a motor home and camp at this campground.

And I didn't even know it was an option until I got to like the daytime thing. And I saw like my whole troop with like their sleeping bags. And I looked at my mom and I was like, wait, everybody's sleeping over. And she looked me dead in the eye, this small, tiny seven-year-old with pigtails. And she goes, we aren't camping people. And then said nothing afterward.

And I was just like, okay. And from that day forward, I was just like, my family is not a camping family, Jessica. That's why I'm not staying over. I went to Portland for my shows. And I have some joke about making fun of hiking. Yeah. Crickets. Yeah.

Like I felt the crowd turn on me and then I made a joke about it and they laugh. But I was like, oh, no. People walk around with hiking shoes just like walking around. But that's like there's like legit couples that love to do that shit. I've watched too many documentaries about husbands that push their wives off the cliff. So I'm not. I'm not risking it. You're not going to see me and Des out on the hills. Absolutely not. Craig wants to go on a cruise. I said you'll throw me overboard. I know you.

Why? Yeah, I said, don't think you're getting it past me, buddy. Like, we're not. We can go to Alaska on a different mode of transportation. This is why it's good for your man to have friends. Be like, Alaska...

I feel like Austin would love that. I feel like you should get all the hall monitors together and plan that fucking trip. Have a hall monitor convention. You guys will have a gorgeous house. Talk about halls. What kind of halls do you like? Shiny, matte, silver, green?

Okay. Is that all your dope documentaries? I have one more that I haven't watched yet, but I want the gigglers to get on. It's called The Girlfriend That Didn't Exist. Okay. It's about that football player who got catfished. I heard it's really good. On national TV. Like he was with this girl apparently and then I think she said she died and then he finds out later that it was fake.

I'm just not catfishing was really in like 10 years ago. Everyone was doing it. People were like explaining to me this, this documentary like a couple of days ago. And I was like, right. You guys all keep saying like, then she said she died. How did she say that she died? If she was dead? Like, what is the story there?

Wow, that's amazing. Like, what do you mean she said she died? Oh, she probably, the person, I haven't watched it, but if I was her, not that I am her, but if I was her, I would pretend to be a friend also and be like, hey, by the way, I heard she died. Hey, just to let you know, she's dead.

But catfish got really popular. I think that's why they, I think like this was before the show. Oh. And the catfish, like the MTV catfish. I want to say that. Isn't it crazy that MTV catfish is still happening? Insane. Look, Neve is making money moves. I just like, I still genuinely don't get catfishing. Like if I meet someone online and after a week, I don't know what they look like.

That's how sex trafficking happens. No, you know what they look like. Yeah, but unless I'm physically... Because they have fake photos. Yeah, but I need... Like, unless I'm FaceTiming and seeing them, like... What? What?

This is another thing just like cults. I would get catfished. I could totally see that. Like I could see myself being in a dark time. Some cute guy messages me online, tells me I'm beautiful. And, you know, I am fucking in love with him and I don't care that he refuses to meet up with me. And it's been seven years. I would. I love Steven. I am waiting for a text from you at some point, like in our friendship of you being like, I think I just got into a Ponzi scheme.

Like I think I just joined a pyramid scheme. No, the thing with money though, I don't fuck with money. You'll never see me. You'll never see me drop a dime. Absolutely not. Yeah, that's why we ride in Uber Xs in a Prius with seven bags of luggage. Yep, for sure. Got it. But it is crazy how if you want something so bad and you believe it,

And then you also don't want them to be a liar. So you're rooting for them. You're like, no, it makes sense that like her cat died and then her dog died and then her grandma died. And like, right. It's a lot of death. You make excuses for what you want to say. For sure. It's actually way more way similar to dating a lot of guys in New York City. People that are alive and like who they are. Yeah. Yeah.

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- Definitely not. Okay, I've been watching, I like do not really, I can't really watch reality TV anymore for obvious reasons. It's scarred me, ruined my life, given me anxiety. Anywho, so now I try and watch, it's brutal, it's literally brutal. - Yeah, it's been diagnosed. - My therapist is getting real worried. So, he's this close to calling my mom. So,

I've been watching scripted, but I am a very niche scripted person. And I also watch shows before I decide to watch them with Craig or not because Craig can't watch intense shows. Like he's literally like a 13 year old girl. So I end up watching all these really intense shows by myself that you have to be paying attention to every conversation because it is important for whatever.

So the one... And I've been finishing full-on fucking series in, like, one night. Like, the other night I stayed up till, like, 4 a.m. because I started watching this show called Blackbird on Apple. It's about this cocaine dealer. Mm-hmm.

in Chicago who goes to jail and then has to get a confession from another inmate. And if he gets the confession, his sentence is done. Like, he won't have to spend 10 years in jail. It's funny, but that low-key kind of sounds like reality TV. Literally. It's like, you need them to gossip to you. You gotta get them on camera. Get them to admit it. Or you're gonna look stupid. So...

I watched one episode of that, realized that Craig would have like a real uncomfortable time with it, continued to watch it.

that now i'm about to finish industry on hbo which is like oh i saw the first episode it's british it's british they live in london they're all bankers but they're all interns so they're like in their 20s and it's literally just like who they're lying to who they're fucking like who they're cheating on i got two episodes in and i was just like craig would start crying um

And so now I'm watching that on my own, too. So what stuff does Craig like to watch? Like The Floor is Lava on Netflix? I wish. The other day I FaceTimed him. It's August. It's the middle of August. And he was like, I just lit a fire and now I'm watching my Christmas movie. And I'm like, I hung up.

I just hung up. It's just, it's not my vibe. I was like, really? Because I just watched this girl murder her boss and then have sex with his brother. Craig wouldn't survive one night with me and my docs. No. One night. No, you guys are not compatible in terms of television. Yeah.

No. And that's the thing people will talk about. See, Des will walk in and be like, why are you watching this stuff? It's gross. But then five minutes in, he's still standing watching it, kind of. I feel like Des and I would be compatible television-wise. This is Des' thing. He doesn't like when the documentaries are fluff.

He doesn't like when he's like, he's like, they clearly just needed four more episodes. I don't need this. This random months history of her fucking dog. Wait, speaking of this, have you seen that guy on TikTok that everyone's talking about? Andrew Tate? We have. Why have we not talked about this? Because I didn't want to give him a platform. Okay.

But I do have to say, I don't think he's actually mentally well. Like people are talking about him like he's just this like sane dude that is like such a misogynist. But like you think he's been hit in the head too many times.

He's not all there. He has some issues, and I feel like we should be talking about that rather than something off with him. So if you haven't heard of him, he used to be a professional kickboxer. He's from England, right? Oh, so he definitely has CTE. Yeah, he used to be a professional kickboxer, and then his career ended, and then he started like...

Giving advice to guys On how to get girls And it was all about Being like I hate the term Alpha female Or alpha male Alpha male It just like The word alpha Makes me Oh my god The word alpha Makes my skin Crawl Crawl

And he says that you should like be calling your girlfriend bitch and like all these crazy things that like if your boyfriend ever came home and did half of it, you'd be like, I'll throw you off the balcony. Like, what the fuck? But also, I recently learned that in the animal kingdom, there's no alpha males. Upon my travels, I have discovered. Actually, I googled it. Actually, someone on TikTok said there's no actual alpha. Apparently, males.

Don't exist. So that is like a literal made up. The myth of the alpha males. They're not a thing in nature. It's a literal cult. It's a literal cult. Use this shampoo and you can be an alpha male too. If you call yourself an alpha male. If you're using jungle jargon in everyday life, reevaluate.

But if you have to call yourself an alpha male. Yeah. If you have to say what you are, unlike like when we say we're depressed and anxious, that's us being vulnerable. If you have to say what you are, you're not it. You're not it. Speaking of alpha males, Butter, my cat, she, I just was laughing so hard because like I've been traveling and someone's like, where's Butter? Where's Butter? Does she stay with you in the city? Yeah.

I laughed so hard. I realized I was like, no, she's in the Hamptons. And then I was like, wait, Butter legit summers in the Hamptons. Butter's been in the Hamptons all summer, just summering in the Hamptons. And then in the winter, she comes back to the city because she has stuff to do. Butter summers in the Hamptons. Cats have things to do. If there's one thing I've learned about cats, it's that they're CEOs. Dogs, unemployed.

Unemployed. Dogs are those annoying interns that like want to be helpful, but they are going to fuck it up anyway. They're just like in the way. Can I do anything for you? And you're like, just be excited. They're like, I love this job. Cats are like... I'm so fucking overwhelmed with all the stuff going on. They're Miranda Priestly's. Cats say the phrases like ping, ping me. You know? And dogs are like...

Don't know how to send a text message Like it's just They're on very different levels Dogs don't even know How to open their Gmail No And cats are like I'm gonna circle back After you know Noodling on that Okay so we We've come to the end But we have Live shows coming up And I'm I got so excited Today actually About our live shows I'm so excited for the outfits We're gonna put together Me too I was been like Thinking of my vibe When is your family coming My family's coming The first night

I think my family's coming the first night. Are Craig and Des invited? Craig is going to be somewhere. Okay. He told me. Okay, because I didn't even ask Des. He wrote it down on like a slip and handed it to me and then also said I had detention. Now, I don't know. He's going to be somewhere, but I don't remember. Okay.

So yeah, you never know who's going to show up. It's about to be fucking Giggly Squad live show season as the end. We love you guys so much and we'll talk to you soon. Bye.