Giggling about Hannah's Bachelorette, espresso martinis, and fake pradas
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, my giglorettes? Yeah. I know you're wondering, are we okay?

We're wondering the same thing. We're not. We're not okay. But we're about to walk you through everything that happened on my bachelorette party. I know we said we're on YouTube and we are. However, we couldn't get it together today. No, we couldn't. Like there was just in no situation we were going to be able to figure it out. Like I, like we just couldn't. It's a miracle we're here today to tell the tale.

Honestly, honestly, everything crazy that could have happened, happened except like the police ever being involved, which is, which is nice. Someone paid someone off. Someone knew someone. We wreaked havoc. Honestly, in the Uber to the airport, I said, I think I'm good on Miami for like six months. Yeah.

There was not a stone left unturned. No, like Miami, we apologize, but we will not be back anytime soon. And I had no expectations for this weekend. I mean, I'd been talking about it on the pod, getting people hyped up. But when you get 10 girls together, you don't know what's going to happen. I'm going to be totally honest. This is me being completely truthful. On my way to the airport Friday morning, I was like, damn, this might potentially suck.

Like, what if, like, we all just don't vibe the same way? What if, like, we're on different pages in terms of going out? I was like, shoot, I better just prepare for it to, like, be okay. I realize 75% of the episodes of Giggly Squad are us talking about how we don't like being in big groups. And I was like, oh, I've made a really big mistake. I also...

I've been pretty good with my anxiety where I could have stressed out, but I just went in like be in the moment because if you worry, there could be so many things that could go wrong on this. Also, not everyone knew each other. Like this was a true bachelorette where you had friends from different paths in your lives, in your life to come together. And I would say I only really knew Sierra and Haley and everybody else like obviously

I know in terms of being like, hey, how are you? Like, oh my God, great to run into you. But I don't know anyone. And Paige, we have some PTSD. Like we've had some bad dinners in our life. Yeah, we have. Or worse than like a fight at dinner is those dinners where everyone is like,

The weather in Miami is like really good. Yeah. Like just so awkward. Yes. So awkward. So let's talk. Let's talk about the characters. Let's first show the characters. First up, we have Ashley and Raina from the podcast Girls Gotta Eat. Some would say they're our rival pod. You gotta keep your enemies close. I know what I'm saying.

No, they're actually like mentors and very special people in my life. But you never met them. I had never met them. No, I think I had met Ashley like briefly one night. But like I didn't know Raina. We...

immaculate vibes all around. Like, it was like we had been friends when we sat down to that first dinner. Yes. Then we have my friend Haley who I met on an elevator and then introduced her to my roommate and they're now getting married who is just like...

That ray of sunshine, so annoying. Like you'll wake up and she's like, the birds are chirping. But you need that. You need that. She's so pure and wholesome and she sings musicals and she is a preschool teacher. But let me tell you, when that girl gets at a strip club, she is a different human being.

okay then we have sierra we have sierra we all know we love her she loves a good party loves a good party she put 100 into it was ready to go all out and we were still on the adrenaline from our previous podcast that we talked on top of each other the entire time in the best way possible um

Okay, then we have Taylor Strecker, who's the reason I'm even in radio. Yeah. Who is, if you don't listen to Taylor Strecker pod, you should. She was like a star at SiriusXM, was married to this rich guy. They got divorced. Now she just married a woman. So she is everything. I am so in love with her. Like, I...

She brought some class. Like, she's classy. I was like, she's so classy. She just gives off, like, rich, classy vibes. At one point during the weekend, I was like, I think this was a lesbian trip. And I think that I'm going home a lesbian. I think we all were at least bi by the end. We absolutely were.

Then we have Michelle Cheechisveely. I love how I'm doing full names, just calling people out. We call her Cheech, and she is like the director. Everyone had kind of roles. She was making sure the reservations were right. She was getting in people's faces if there was a problem. She was making sure everything went seamlessly. Yes. A weekend would not have been possible without Cheech. Cheech was the glue that kept it together, but also was like...

Keeping an eye on everyone to make sure we were all okay. Remember on Saturday when we were all dying a slow death and she had like moved the reservation like two hours and the group chat lost their minds. They were like, fuck yeah, cheat for president. She goes, reservations move from seven to ten. And we're like, thank the Lord.

Then we had my manager there, just in case. Just in case. Isabelle, it's business. We're doing business, too, while we're drunk. You never know when business, a deal might need to be done. I think I bought a strip club. I don't know what happened. She took 5%, I'm pretty sure. And then finally. The star of The Bachelorette.

Becca Bailey, my best friend from college. She was on the tennis team with me. She wasn't going to be able to come. Last second, she's like, I'm there. And let's just say she was the party. She was the party. I knew I was going to like her from the moment I met her because she looked at me and she goes, what do you have an ice luge competition after this? Why would you wear a onesie to the airport? Yeah.

And I was like, nice to meet you. I'm Paige. And it was great to meet like my current best friend and my best friend of like eight years. Because after college, I made her move to New York with me. Then she left to go to Arkansas. But you're both like the best sense of humor ever, except she is the most tomboy you can get. And you are the most girly you can get.

Dude, I... She said to me at the end, she was like... I was like, how did Hannah describe me? And she was like, she described you as like the girliest girl in the world who just giggles at everything. Started immediately laughing. She was like, and it's true. They're...

I've never gotten more joy than seeing friends get along. Actually, the first night there was a moment where everyone at Swan was talking to each other except for me. Yeah. Yeah. People forgot I was there. And for a second, I was like so happy. And then I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I started cursing everyone out being like, no, you guys shouldn't be fucking talking to each other. I'm here. So anyway, let's begin getting to Miami. Miami.

Was havoc. Yeah. Pure havoc. There was a thunderstorm. Flights were delayed. I was in the air for five hours. It was just... It was a nightmare. Our plane couldn't land. And I was like, if it didn't start with some drama, this wouldn't be my bachelorette. So people were like... We were just waiting for people to...

fly through a thunderstorm to get to me and we were like hope we see them soon has anyone gotten a text from them and we're like no they're still in the air don't worry they're circling that was the theme it was like no they're still in the air so people were trickling in between like 1 and 6 p.m yep and let's discuss the room situation this is literally an episode of a reality tv show

So I got upgraded to the King room. Yes. And I assumed the King room had two beds for me, Haley and Becca to stay. It didn't. And it was tiny. And the good time hotel is beautiful. Stunning. It's the good time. Hotel is actually the perfect hotel for a bachelorette party. Why do you think it, the aesthetically it's perfect. It's in a great location. Um,

It's fun. It's girly. There's no kids. The pool is great. It's amazing. They have two pools. There's not too many annoying people. It's a lot of just like girls on a weekend together. It's very comfortable. Yes. It's a lot of like girls trips, I feel like. There's not like sleazy men. And it's not like two couples being annoying. It's all like girls, I feel like, which we love. It's not like a pretentious Miami hotel. It was very like...

Everyone staying there was all friends from college and needed a weekend to get fucked up. And it wasn't too gross. It seemed like everyone had had HPV before, but we don't currently have chlamydia. Do you know what I mean? Like we had grown up a little bit, but if you brought us back, we are all still whores. Yes.

So, and the overall theme was Hoochie. Yes. Hoochie was the theme and somehow everyone nailed it in their own way. So everyone was kind of coming to my room saying hi. Then Paige and Sierra come in and I'm a little nervous. As you know, Paige cares about hotels and I knew that if she didn't like it, she'd be like, oh, I'm going to go stay at the W downtown. Yeah.

I might see you tonight. I might not. So what happened with your room, Paige? So Sierra and I walked into our room and it was one full bed that like we had to share. And it was just like a hallway like there. And as I'm checking in, I was like, also, can you send up like an extra clothing rack? And oh, I also need a steamer. And are there two robes in the room? Like I'm asking.

I walk into the room. I open the door. I turn and look at Sierra and I say, no. And she goes, no. So I call downstairs. I get us upgraded. Meanwhile, I'm getting my makeup done in a windowsill in that moment. I walk into our...

Insanely huge room with two beds, a makeup nook, a full closet, a sauna. I look at Sierra and I go, we really should offer this to Hannah.

And somehow magically my bags became unpacked and I don't know what happened. I'm just envisioning you guys being like, we should. And then you start going under the covers and you're like, we should. And Sierra starts doing her makeup and she's like, we definitely should. And the next thing you know, it was time for dinner and you're like, we should. I was like, here's the plan. Just don't tell anyone what our room number is and they'll never find out.

But the good news is your room became the hub for after partying. Yeah, which was great. We needed like one room that like everyone fit in. And honestly, I would say Sunday night when we all put our juicy sweatsuits on and went into our room and played games till 5 a.m.,

was like my favorite thing. - It truly was and I have to say Paige got me the most awesome gift. I think it was 'cause she wanted to make sure she didn't look better than me the entire time in like an embarrassing way. She got me hair and makeup by this incredible makeup artist, Julia Retondaro. She's Brazilian, living in Miami. She does New York sometimes too and she did all my looks every night.

That was a must because the last thing you want to do when you're hungover is put a blow dryer to your head. Oh my gosh, especially from the pool. Yeah, you're just like, I can't. You know I would have been like, you know, just throw on a sweatshirt and be like that chill bride. I knew that's what you were going to do. You're going to be like, whatever. It's like wavy from last night. It's fine. There's one wave in the back. Yeah, and like I couldn't have that.

We also had... Okay, literally we made one hype video from Giggly Squad and now every event we do, we have a hype video person. We have to have a hype video person. So we had...

I work with the most amazing photographer, Afrique Armando, who followed us everywhere. I can't wait for the photos to come out. So first night, if you're planning your bachelorette, this is what we did. Dinner at Swan. The weather was immaculate because it had like just rained. And it wasn't that busy because I feel like people were at seders, people were at their family. Because it was a fully holiday, holy weekend that our ladies just were free to party.

Two holidays and one weekend and Hannah was like, "This is a great time to have a bachelorette." Well, I was wondering if everyone was free that weekend. I realize now it's because everyone's supposed to be with their loving family and instead we partied with our butthole showing the whole time. Sorry, mom. No, I literally felt like we were in four Christmases and everyone's like going home for Easter and we're like, "We are going to help orphans?" Yeah, this is a quick trip to praise the Lord.

are missionaries for tequila this is a tequila missionary mission and ja rule is our leader we said hayley looked like a girl that would be married to someone who owned a mega church so technically we did pray wait hayley would be so good as the wife of a yes but the pastors get so famous that i'm like

Did the Lord want this for you? Did the Lord choose you as the Justin Bieber of the megachurch? Haley's literally married to Joel Osteen. So we get there and that's when everyone starts getting along and talking. And we all kind of know we have to have espresso martinis because the most ratchet night is upon us. We were going to head to 11, which is not just a bar. We didn't even plan...

To have our hardest night be Friday. But I kind of feel like that's the trick. Yes, you're tired for the next day. But you have bonded so quickly and so hard. If your drunkest night is the first night. And I do that anyway. Because I get too excited to go anywhere. So like I always... My hardest night always is the first night. Because I'm so pumped. You have to use the adrenaline to your advantage. First night go the hardest. And...

I hate admin. I hate admin. So it was my literal dream to like purposely the bride is not supposed to be involved in anything. So I just kind of showed up. Paige got us.

The sickest table in the whole club. It was sick. And I feel like in the past, you've had like guys get tables for you. And Paige had a full like rich man moment where like there were men trying to come up to our table who were getting clothes by body. Yeah. Like clothes line and all the strippers were all around us. And it was like no toxic masculinity allowed.

I had literally sat at that table before, yes, with a group of guys and been like, this is the sickest table in the club. So I knew exactly what table I wanted to be at. And the feeling of looking at a bouncer and just shaking your head and him like calmly going up to like a group of five men and being like, they're not interested. Yeah.

was everything I needed in my entire life. And the strippers loved us the most because we were like, we were there to have fun with them. And we're like, it's girls night out. Let's go. Yeah. I saw multiple men, you know, when they kind of see you and they start doing the drunk walk towards you and you're like, Jesus, oh my God. Yeah. And we would just give like a subtle no. Yeah. That, that man, I believe I've never seen him again. Yeah.

I don't know where he went, but he's never been seen again. Honestly, I feel like we just naturally put out vibes that was like, we're not trying to fuck with you guys. Like we're here to have fun with our girlfriends and laugh. And it was, oh my God, it was so good. Okay. So then we're partying all night, partying all night. And all of a sudden we're like,

Okay, it's like 3.30, almost 4 o'clock. We could probably shut it down and go back to the hotel. Someone comes over on the microphone and is like, Ja Rule is in the house. And I was like, this is exciting. I love Ja. But I thought Ja Rule was just partying. We all stop, look at each other. All of a sudden, Ja Rule is on the main stage. And we lost it.

We absolutely lost our minds. We stayed for another, like, two hours. Ja Rule performed a full, like, six-song concert. And he was so close to us. And I have to tell you, I think he was amazing. I can't tell if I was blackout or he was just an amazing performer. I know.

He could have farted on stage the whole time And I'd be like that man deserves a Grammy No I think he actually was really good He was having so much fun I feel like also he was locking eyes with Ciara I'm not gonna lie Oh yeah you thought he was dating Ciara at some point He kept looking over at our table And like Ciara was up on like the arm of the table She was the highest point of the table And she was singing every word to him

I remember after like the fourth song, I was like, always on time. Do always on time. And then it was next. And then he did it. And I straight up like my heart went through my butthole. I lost it. I think that's when I lost my voice the first night, guys. Like this is me recovering. And I do have to admit to you, I actually didn't tell this to Des. I was trying to pretend that I like.

Could handle my alcohol. There was a girl next to me who kept pouring vodka into my mouth and I didn't want to be embarrassing, you know, and like... Oh, the table next to us. Yeah. Yeah. When someone's pouring something in your mouth and you pull away, it gives me the ick. You don't want to be the loser at the club. Yeah. But, you know, there's a thing with particularly vodka that if I go too much...

My whole body feels dizzy. Like my stomach feels like upside down. And I remember I didn't immediately puke it up, but I was like, Becca, can you come to the bathroom with me? And I was like, I think I'm going to puke. I did a full college bar knees on the tile head in the toilet.

I heaved like six or seven times and then I was like she's the new woman and I went right back in kiss Sierra on the mouth we had a great time I didn't even know you honestly you did that so smoothly like no one knew you were even gone from the table no one knew you vomited your brains out like you kept going and then we went back to the hotel well we me and I think it was who's

Who's I with? Oh, it was you, Becca, and Haley. Yeah. Rebecca and Haley were like, okay, we're leaving. Like, nothing's going to top Ja Rule. And that's how I do my night. Like, once something happens that's untoppable, we're out. And you see Eric give each other a naughty look. And they're like, we're staying. They left like 20 minutes later. But they felt cool. You guys literally walked away from the table. And I was like, was it stupid to not go with them? And she was like, yeah. And I was like, okay, I'll get an Uber. Yeah. So...

But a bunch of the girls missed the Ja Rule concert, so we had to kind of rub it in their faces as one does. Next day, 10 a.m., Hailey, with, you know, sunshine coming out of her vagina, was like, it's time to go to the park.

So she got me up and I went in the pool. Didn't see you that day. I, nope, nope. I was not around that day. I had to sleep. I had to sleep. I don't think I woke up until 2 p.m. that day. And I was like, what am I going to go to the pool for two hours? Laid in bed, had a reset moment, got ready for round two. What did you think about the first night though of fashion, the feathers? Did you like it? I loved it.

I feel like everyone did it like in their own way. And it was it wasn't like we walked in like a bunch of like birds. We walked in and like it was a thing like it was a moment. Everyone knew we were together, but it was just fun. Yeah, it wasn't in your face. And then there was a very funny meme going around in the Bravo accounts.

of meredith marks upset at the reunion in her feather jacket being like me from home watching hannah's first night of the bachelorette and it made me laugh so fucking hard yeah that was a good one i did feel like everyone's eyes were on us but it kind of is what what um drove me you know we did meet we did meet some gigglers at the club

As a club, I mean, the gigglers are rampant. The gigglers are everywhere. But it really did drive me to be like, you need to push yourself farther than you've ever pushed yourself before. This is the most I've ever seen you party. I had a different level of energy, I think, because I had all my favorite people around me. No, I think it was because the weekend was about you. So you...

You were like, this is, I'm the center of attention. I have nothing to worry about. Like, if this was someone else's bachelorette party, you would have been like, I gotta go home. Like, I am, like, dead. I drank so much. But you were like, hello? Like, are we staying out? Like, any rap song would go and I'd be like, this is my favorite song! But I also realized, not once did anyone give a speech about me. No.

Which kind of fucked up, am I right? Wait, no. I think someone did on Friday night, didn't they? We did like a subtle thing, but like, you know, some bachelorette parties, they make you like go around and say everything you love about her. Yeah. I just think we were too drunk. We're also like not that type of friends. Like we're not like, okay, if some of you may not know me, but I'm the maid of honor. No, you would have gone around and be like, let's say the stupidest shit Hannah's ever done. Yeah.

Um, no, but I did love that. Like, yeah, Becca did tell a story about the time you were in college and you got a concussion in the middle of the night because you dove into the wall. Yeah, I did jump into a wall because I thought I was jumping on the bed and then I couldn't play the entire tournament and they had to just put me in a van because the lights were bad for your concussion. So I sat in a van for three days because I

chucked myself into a wall and then i was like can we sue the hotel and they were like did the wall move and i was like no and they were like you're just stupid okay i love becca's just throwing stories out there i love becca becca literally is melissa mccarthy like she literally is she was telling us what what story was she telling

And it was literally Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids. When she had diarrhea on the subway. And used an umbrella to block people watching and how no one in New York City cared. Everyone just walked past her while she was having like explosive. I just kept picturing her saying like, I realize now that nine dogs is a lot. And I...

So Becca was the funniest person on the tennis team in college and we became frickin frack. And she I just laughed all through college and like she moved back to Arkansas and she's like living her life. And I just was like, hey, can we do this shit one more time? And she was ready to go. So this night, the second night was disco cowgirl. Yeah. Or space cowgirl. We don't know. One more thing about you and Becca. Yeah.

Never in my life did I expect to meet one of your friends and you be the girly one in the friendship. It was truly so interesting. I'm the page. I'm the page in that friendship. You literally are. You're like, Becca, is that what you're wearing? And I looked at you and I was just like, oh my God. She would literally be like, Hannah, are you still texting boys? Come on. Okay, so night two...

Disco Space Cowgirl. Yeah, Disco Space Cowgirl. We don't really know. We just wanted to wear sequins and glitter and a cowboy hat. Cowgirl hats that we all lost very early on. Oh, that's when I go, guys, we're going on a boat. And people were not that excited. They were like, okay, it's a boat. You guys made me move it from two all the way to...

Yeah. So we all were just at the pool chilling and then I was like, we're going to the boat. I knew something was amiss that when we pulled up to the marina, there was a golf cart to take us to the boat. I was like, this is some rich people shit right here. I feel like you have rich girl senses where you can tell when...

When there's like illegal type of money going around. I have a third eye for really rich exclusive things. And when I saw that golf cart pull up, I said, oh, this is going to be a night. My mom was so funny. She goes, oh, Paige belonged. Like you were like, we don't do any. I was I love all boats. I'm from Brooklyn. If there was a kayak, I would have been like, but cool. Yeah.

So we get there and the girls send us a text like, okay, it's basically like a pontoon. This shit is gross. So I knew they were fucking with me a little. Guys,

I don't know how I pulled it off. I don't either. The whole time I thought that they were going to come on and be like, we made a mistake. We put you on the wrong boat. We have to get you off of here. So there's this new dating app called Shake that's launching. And they must be the sickest app ever because they basically were like, hey, like we're launching this app. Do you want to like party on the boat? And I was like, absolutely. They booked us a mega yacht.

I mean, it was how many floors? Three, four, four. It was four floors to get to it. We were doing the golf cart and Marcella was like, oh, it's at the end. That's how you know she's a big mama. Yeah, she's a big dog. At the end of the dock, we get on full bar, full snacks.

hot tub on top but it was one of those where we didn't you don't know what to do because you're basically just in a house yeah and we all kind of sat there the first hour like what are you supposed to do in a mega yeah I I do argue like we were upper deck if we were below deck like just on a janky boat we would have gotten like drawn crazy yeah all kind of were like we became like rich wives no we literally be

In that moment, we were celebrating your third bachelorette party. Like we had done it. We'd seen it. We'd murdered two husbands. We got all the alimony. And we were just enjoying the breeze on our mega yacht. It was our life insurance yacht that we had purchased because our husbands died. But then at one point, I couldn't find Paige. We all were sitting at the top. I couldn't find her. And then someone goes, there she is.

And she's two floors down at the tip of the ship. Don't even know what that's called. Sitting on the edge with her hair blowing in the breeze. And my photographer doing a full photo shoot with her. Every place we went, my first thing I said to the photographer was, I have ideas about locations here. Well, also, you would be like distracted the first 10 minutes. And now I realize you were location scouting in your head.

Because then you'd just get up and walk away with him for, I don't know, 45 minutes. I wouldn't say anything. I'd just be like, you come in with me. Yeah, you were super subtle about it. And then everyone was like, oh, I want to pick there. And I was like, she's done it. She's already on to her next location. Yeah.

But the only problem, I need advice for taking photos on mega yachts because the breeze. I know. It's windy. It's very hard to get a good photo shot. You guys, it's so annoying to take a photo on a mega yacht when you're like so close to the sun and the clouds and the air. It's just, it's stressful, you know? Like, ugh. It was hard. Like, my hair kept like going in front of my eye. So then we all kind of get kind of tired. Yeah.

do you remember this is my favorite part this is my favorite part of the oh before your favorite part i realized oh my god i haven't taken one tick tock for the gigglers like that's what i've been put on this earth for we literally took no content because we were having so much fun we had no time like we had no time that's why it was worth it to hire the photographer because i did not us want us everywhere we go have us all take photos of each other that's so annoying

It takes up so much time and there's so many girls. Like it would have, no. The photographer was the best money ever spent. So I saw this TikTok of girls throwing hot dogs and trying to grab it and doing it in slow-mo. And I said, this would be amazing, but I don't know what the mood is because everyone has a full face of makeup on. I go, who is down for me to throw salami on their face? Paige perks up immediately. Okay.

She's like, I'm down. And then because Paige is down, everyone else is like, well, fucking Paige is going to do it. I have to put salami on my face. Did everyone get pimples from it? Probably. It was so funny. We started, I did like eight girls. And then as I watched it, I realized me, you and Sierra were the only ones. Only ones that caught it. Because we're so fucking competitive. Competitive. Like, wait. I cannot wait to tell the gigglers about the game we did.

I know, I know, I know. But also yours, you put your hands so elegantly together. I was like a quarterback. I was like, how are we going to get this play? I was like, how do I make it classy catching a piece of meat in my mouth? So me and Sierra nailed it.

Which I was very happy about. We got the content and then things are chilling. And there was a joke about like three years ago on New Year's really late. I once we joked about doing stand up and I started actually doing like a stand up bit for like 16 friends, which is basically an open mic, like a decent open mic in New York City. You could turn anything to a comedy club. So Reina starts like pretend hosting. And we had some comedians there. This guy, Marcelo, stopped by. He was like the king of Miami. Yeah.

And I was like, Marcelo, do four minutes for the girls. We go inside and we start a whole comedy show. We go inside the living room of our yacht, which everyone had their own seat. We're sitting. The crew of the yacht ended up coming out into like where we're sitting, handing us drinks and snacks and listening to this full on talent show. Everyone starts putting on just to like explain the personalities on this bachelorette party.

I was the quietest one. Like I was the least funny person on this trip and like the least amount of personality. Every single person on this trip was main character.

Okay. I would not say you're the least funny, but I would say every single person I made character energy, but not in a competitive way. It was no, no one had a time to breathe. Like our abs hurt so hard. Cause like Ashley would say something funny. Then Becca would jump on it. Then you'd have a one liner. Then Sierra would say something stupid at me. And I'd say something stupid back. We wrote a movie. Like if that entire weekend was filmed, it would be a really hilarious movie. Like,

And I have to tell you the moments like fuck the mega yacht, like that moment of us all doing stand up together out of us just like loving each other, like almost made me cry. But Raina opens. Then we had Marcelo. No, then we had Beckett tell her story of shitting on the subway. And then we had Subway and then Marcelo.

And then I went on and then who went on after me? - Hailey sang Whitney Houston. - Hailey sang Whitney Houston and that was hysterical. Then I had to go back, save the show 'cause it got derailed. I did get heckled. People were going to the bathroom during my set. It was one of the toughest sets I've ever did in my life. - And Marcello recorded himself to like work on his set after. Like we had a full open mic. - Marcello timed and recorded his set.

He's working on some new bits.

And then we were an hour late for our reservation, but the staff was like loving the show so much that they were like, don't worry, we moved it. And after that, you're like, how much better can the night be? Right. I genuinely thought that. I was like, there's no way. We went to Kiki on the River. There's no way we're going to have as much fun at this like dinner than we did just now. Like I couldn't breathe. I had to walk away sometimes because I actually was going to throw up because I couldn't catch my breath because I was laughing so hard.

We get to Kiki's. But also to get to Kiki's, there was a pretty big opening between the mega yacht and the land. And we're all wearing like big cowgirl boots and heels and we're hammered. So I just started dying laughing. Like it really felt like below deck where the men were like saying goodbye. And I'm like...

Bad things can happen. Turned around to me and you were like, should I just fall just for like the story to tell the gigglers? Should I just fall in the water? Should I fall for the content? And you just like laughed and I was like, no, it's okay. We got the salami bit. We're fine. So we get there.

Hannah orders, because now Hannah is a rich bitch. We just got off a yacht. So Hannah orders two seafood towers. When I saw seafood tower on the menu, I had to. I had to. I will tell you, one seafood tower, embarrassing. Two seafood towers, 401k. Like...

To Stephen Towers, that's just normal. I had Craig's voice in my head like, get the one with lobster. And then they did come with like, I guess the red sauce. And then I thought it was butter, but it was vinegar. Oh, yeah. Cocktail sauce and vinegar. Everyone's ordering drink shots. And I was like, can I have melted butter? And they were like, just because you're the bride, but you're so embarrassing.

And then we had just like amazing Mediterranean food. Yeah, it was so good. That Greek salad. Oh, to die. And we got hookahs, which...

I don't understand how to smoke. Like I've never understood how to inhale. You don't know how to inhale. It's the funniest thing to ever walk. I either choke myself or I don't inhale. Like where's the in between? You keep it in your mouth and then you just blow it out and you're like, did I do it? And I'm like, not how it works. Like not at all how it works. But everyone looks so cool doing it. And then...

And then this turns into a club. So they take all the food away and then you are free to just hop up on that table and make that your dance floor. And we do. So we and the table isn't like that. It's not sturdy. Not sturdy. And neither are the chairs. You would think at a place like that, those tables would be like bolted into the ground. Not the case. Not at all. And.

Haley fell maybe like six times, but she always gets back up. And that is the positive sunshine. That is Haley Sheree. And we I have to tell you that night. I feel like you had some anxiety in the beginning when you first got to Kiki's. Tell me your mental health moment and how I get out of it.

So when I was at Kiki's, I was like, fuck, I don't think I can even get drunk because I was so drunk last night. And like sipping night, I'm here. I am sipping 1942 like a classy ass bitch. I was like, I will vomit this all up on the table. Then I,

All of a sudden, Isabel's sitting on one side of me. She gets up to start dancing. Sierra's on the other side of me. She gets up to start dancing. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm not going to be this fucking loser. So then I stand up. And then all of a sudden, like a wave has come over me. We see a bachelor party from the corner of the room. They're like egging us on. They are like absolutely staring at us. So I was like, oh my God, we're putting on a dance routine. You go, now that we're performing, I mean. Yeah.

Where's the mic? I'm here for it. Dancers are all coming out. Like, it was just such good vibes. And then we got fucked up. And Hailey's Lebanese. She was teaching us all these dance moves. And she was falling down. Okay. Then, Becca. Okay, so Becca's known in college. Okay, Becca and Paige are my two best friends. And you're both very similar in that

what you guys drink more than me but when you're with me I kind of balance you out but when you hang out with other people you do like crazy shit yeah like in college once Becca Becca will I'll drink anyone but when she's not with me I'll get a call like hey Becca uh fell in the snow and she can't get up can you come pick her up and I'm like yeah or like you will like come back black out from something and I'm like I'll take care of her

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I don't know if you guys have noticed from my Instagram stories, but I've basically switched all my loungewear over to Skims. I was obviously obsessed with their bras and underwear, but now I really can't get enough of their soft lounge collection. I have their soft lounge tank, which is a really good size for me.

with their matching lounge fold over pant. I'm absolutely obsessed. Not only do I wear it inside, but I actually wear it to travel a lot too. I noticed in my drawer the other day that basically all my bras and underwears are skims, but also now all of my t-shirts and my loungewear is skims.

I've pretty much cleared out all my lounge sets after I moved. I just like got rid of everything. I was like, I don't need all of these random sweatpants and sweatshirts and really replaced everything with skims because I know it's always going to look good and I know it always feels amazing. And you know how much I love laying in bed. So if I have an outfit that I can lay in bed in and also run errands in, then I'm a true fan.

So I lost track of Becca and we realized Becca fell asleep sitting down in the loudest club in Miami, which is impressive in itself.

And then that's when... No, at one point, I couldn't find her, and I found her at... Guys, if you've ever been to Miami, all the girls look the same. She's at this table with literally seven, six tuplets. Like, they all had the best bodies I've ever seen, all perfect faces, and she's trying to get to, like, at their table, and they're like, ma'am. Oh, yeah. Somehow she got a tambourine and, like, wasn't letting...

any waiter pass because she thought they were trying to dance with her and they were like excuse me miss and she was like oh yeah so she's she's in full but but also she doesn't give up like she's not going home that doesn't cross her mind she's just taking a quick nap at the table then we turn away five minutes later the event of the party happened where yeah

My fake Prada, my frada, somehow was lying flat. Defiled. Defiled. With ketchup all actually pretty nicely put on top of it. Pretty. Like it wasn't. It was someone organizingly was like, let's put ketchup on this. Here's my question, because we were sitting next to each other at this point and the Prada was right in front of us on the table. We literally looked away for one second. All of a sudden it.

Becca's using it as a plate. Like, where does the ketchup even come from? Apparently, Sierra said that Haley spilled the ketchup on it, but that ketchup was... That ketchup had a purpose. That ketchup was there as a vehicle for the fries. That ketchup was placed. So Becca's blackout and Paige had on her story is just eating the... Dipping the fries on it over and over again. And then we...

Just start laughing and continue to eat the fries off the frotta while I start crying. I'm like, that's my frotta. And I'm okay, guys, because that frotta was $46. The waiter came over. He was even, he was like, hello, this is a frotta. He took it from us and starts washing it. We let him believe that that was a frotta. We let him believe it was a frotta, but that was a frotta. And for anyone who was wondering if people can tell if it's fake or not, they can't. Maybe Becca deep down could. Yeah.

But that was the funniest moment. And my fraud is great, you guys. My fraud are recovered. My fraud is so good. You could nylon. Nylon. Exactly. And that's why you buy fake bags. If that bag was $2,500, you think I would have turned into a bridezilla absolutely. Right. I would have had a fight with Becca while she was asleep. So then. OK, so then that Saturday night, Sunday, we all go to the pool.

I was so proud of you when you showed up. I know. It was like that friend that died at the pregame and then shows up to the club. Me walking into the pool. I got a standing ovation. I felt like from people who didn't even know us. Like, she's here. Also at the pool, Paige shows up with a full white cover up. Reina has a full white. I had a black bathing suit on. Underneath a white cover up.

Ashley had a eggshell bikini. On a bachelorette party, you do learn the shades of every white possible variation of clothing. On your bachelorette, would you care if people wore white? Immediate jail time. You will have to apologize. If I wore a white cover-up at the pool. You will be doing an apology to the academy. Even if there was a black bikini underneath.

I'd kill you. I love how you're like, hen, it's your best friend. Shut up. Like that was literally the mindset people were like, hen, it. But people kept calling me the chillest bride and I love that for them because I'm like, I'm so not chill with so many things. But being a bride. Oh, the night that Sierra and I were late to dinner on Friday night, we were like 20 minutes late and Sierra was freaking out in the room. She's like, we're going to be late. We're going to be late. And I go, Sierra, it's Hannah.

You think Hannah is going to yell at us because we're 20 minutes late to dinner. And she was like, hey guys, hey guys, can I talk to you for a second? And I pull you aside and I go, how fucking dare you? Um, but it was funny because I normally I'm the one who's with you who's late to things. So I kind of in my head was like, I know exactly what they're doing and they'll make it because everyone's like, where are they? Should we be worried? And I'm like, no, this is normally I'm the one with them. Um,

So we're at the pool. I was in the pool from 11 to 6. Your fingers were literally prunes. Literal adorable nubby raisin prunes. And everyone was just bopping around. Everyone was talking to everyone. Everyone had like inside tea that they were telling other people from other things. Everyone realized they all knew people. Like it was just... We did a handstand contest because if you don't, did you even have fun at the pool? Right. I do say...

No one cried. No. Except our pool boy, Marcelo, did cry. Literally the only guy at the bachelorette party cried at the club over a completely separate issue. And we all looked at him like, oh, are you okay? We were like, can you do that outside? Ew. Ew.

But it was really cute. Yeah, so my friend Marcelo, who's an amazing comic, was in Miami. He's hilarious. And we needed a little pool boy action. But yeah, no one cried. I also even tried to start drama. Like, when people would come in my room to check in on me, I'd be like, so who do we hate? Who do we hate? Who do we love? And everyone just kept laughing. And I wanted to do confessionals, but like, no one had any shit to talk. Everyone, like, was obsessed with each other. Oh, another reason why this hotel was great for your bachelorette, because you love a pool. You'll literally, like...

I feel like you're gonna have like a water birth you love a pool so much You can stay in the pool and the waiter comes over and hands you quesadillas And if I could picture Hannah's bachelorette party, it's her in a pool eating quesadilla eating Mexican food It was so funny because at six o'clock I went to go get my makeup done and I was like, oh my god I like barely ate anything except seven literally

You took a lactose pill every day this weekend. I did do a drug and it's called lactaid. And I snorted it. I snorted a lactaid. Because when in Miami, snort a lactaid. The quesadillas are so fucking good. We had guacamole, pina coladas. But to be honest, to survive a bachelorette,

You can't day drink that hard. Yeah. And I was pretty good at that. I actually wasn't drinking that much during the day. I was just very happy to be alive. Water, water, quesadilla, occasionally a pina colada. We also were laughing so hard. We like didn't have time to drink during the day. Like we were talking so much, bonding so much. If I was drunk, I would have been like asleep at the pool. And that's not the memory that I wanted. Not the vibe. Yeah.

it's it was like i'm i hate to call women strong because i feel like people don't call men strong like that but we were with like the strongest most amazing successful funny yeah cool women it really was it was just like we're scared of our group we were scary group like i feel like honestly when we were at kiki's like

I felt it in my bones that like the one table of guys that was like kitty corner to us, like diagonal from us was also next to like this table of like hot model girls. And I'm telling you, they were staring at us more because we were dying, laughing, sprawled all over the table. Couldn't breathe. Like you could just tell our energy was a mac. Yeah. Our energy was up. Yeah.

I don't want to tell people to get married later in life, but there is something fun about doing a bachelorette in your late 20s, early 30s when you have a career and you can kind of pay for some things. Because doing a bachelorette at 24 is chaotic and everyone's stressed about money. Yeah, this was so much... We were just like, well, we'll make up for it with the next...

podcast idea I know I kind of was like in my head I was like okay I owe you on your bachelorette whatever it is but I was kind of the first of this friend group too to get married and have a bachelorette like Taylor didn't really have a bachelorette Becca did a while ago but I couldn't go yeah Haley's gonna have one but yeah I was kind of the beginning I told Haley I'm coming to hers

Yeah. Someone was like telling, yeah, I think Haley invited Becca to her wedding. I said, I was like, guys, we should do this every year for Hannah. Like once a year. And Taylor was like, yeah, Paige, it's called a birthday. I do think. I was like, no, it has to be something separate. I think girls trips need to be more normalized. I think some people do do it with a couple of girls if they have like hometown friends, but like.

This, it also like low key, I have to be honest. I think we made all our partners like very subtly jealous. Very subtly jealous because Craig does not get jealous. He's never like, where are you? What are you doing? And at one point during the night, he was like, are you guys going home? And I was like, never. I think it's because we all weren't like none of us were texting. So like, no, it was cool. But every now and then he was like, are you good? Yeah. Yeah.

But I also like it's you when you're on a bachelorette party, it's very hard to like convince your significant other. Like then I feel like every girl says this. They're like, seriously, we have not talked to one man. Like we did not speak to one person with a penis the entire weekend.

Except Marcelo. Except Marcelo, but I don't count him. Yes. He's 24. Well, he was the pool boy. Yeah. Yeah. Like we ordered him around. And in my head, if I was single, I'd be like, okay. Like I thought my single friends, I'm like, I want them to have fun in my bachelorette, like go flirt with guys, like whatever. But no one wanted to.

No, we were like, get away from us. Sierra was avoiding eye contact. Because guys aren't funny. Like they would have killed our vibe. Like they're just not funny. They wouldn't have kept up and it would have been embarrassing for them. Yeah. So then we did Euphoria night, which I was very excited for the looks and the makeup. It was my favorite look that the makeup artist did for me, which was like a purple blue. The purple eyes were great. Was I the most bloated that night? Absolutely. Absolutely.

I think at one point I was just holding my bloat like a baby. I was like, maybe people think I'm at a baby shower and leave me the fuck alone. And you got turnt at our last dinner too. We went to Komodo. We had sushi. We realized. We first did a whole photo shoot in the garage. In a parking lot. In a parking lot. But it was like chic.

It was so chic. It was very Euphoria vibes. And at that moment, when it's our last dinner, our last time to party, we did realize that we had not seen a man in like 72 hours. And so we had this waiter, praise his name, Adam. Adam. He quite possibly was the hottest man we've ever seen ever. Or we just hadn't seen a man in a long time. Yeah.

We harassed this guy. No, no. It started with Taylor who is married to a woman who decides that her and Adam are dating. Together. And her and Adam are flirting. And then we decide that we need to all ask Adam a question about his life. Pretty sure we got Adam fired at the end of the night because he ended up sitting down. We got Adam fired. Adam sat down and then we saw his boss be like, Adam. And they had like a whole talk. And we were like, leave Adam alone.

Leave him alone. He's too pretty to get yelled at.

We asked him his dating history. What's he want to do with his life? Like, where is he from? I asked him if he's been to therapy. He said no. He said his. He said my best friend's a therapist and I talk to him a lot. Does that count? And we said red flag, red flag, red flag. No. Also, I started the weekend drinking espresso martinis with Baileys. I like it the color of my spray tan. I said by the end, I realized a good martini, espresso martini does not need Baileys. It needs a fun glass. It.

You need the fun glass with a manicure and you're good. And you're honestly, your drink could be trash. But if you have like a classy martini glass and your nails are done, that drink is great. You're drinking it. So you were like drinking hot tea. You were spiraling a little. I was getting fucked up. I was getting fucked up. I don't know why I felt like I guess I was still so happy. And I'm like, it's the last night and I'm getting drunk.

But then I realized like, you know what? Then it hit you. Is it this enough? Let's go to sleep. Let's turn it in. It was Easter. It was Sunday night at 11 p.m. And you were like, I think I've hit my limit. But I also was so...

You were impressed by my drinking. I was so... Can you tell the gigglers? I was so impressed. I feel like they think I'm, like, the worst. No, I was so impressed by your drinking. Honestly, Friday night, I've never seen you go so fucking hard at a club. Like, it was just shots, shots, drinking, dancing, talking to strippers. Like...

I do think it mental health moment. So much of life is perspective because I'll go to a party and talk myself into why I shouldn't be there. Yeah. We're like this weekend. I had convinced myself like this is so worth it. And then I was able to have like the most positive

It's also like you curated the group. So like it was all people that you 100% feel comfortable in. Like there was nothing bad that was could possibly happen. Every eye contact I made. Also, not only were they there, but I knew they like decided to give their weekend to me, which was like so sweet. I go, you guys, I curated this group of people and I think you piped in. You're like, these are your only friends. Yeah.

You paid us to be here. No one said no.

No one couldn't come. But there is something to be said. Like, you know, when you're with a group that it is fun to like hate one person in the group. But vibes like you have one bad conversation. You're like, I don't like people. I don't want to be here. And there wasn't any of there was none of that. And then just when we think the night is over, Cheech works for a PR company and she got us all matching juicy couture sweatsuits. We were straight. You're skipping something. What?

Oh my god. Oh my god. And we see a huge van blasting music with lights and stuff and we didn't order that. We're trying to have a chill night. Becca and Marcelo go up and apparently the guy's like we're bringing we're waiting for people from the restaurant but if you guys get in now we'll take you and we were like fuck it. Done. It was like a hundred dollars. Basically felt like a party bus. We thought we were getting sex trafficked for like a hot second but then like. Oh there you go we're getting sex

But then like there was techno music and a fog machine. And I was just like, this is like adult candy. Like, yes, sir. We'll get on your van. Like you have a strobe light. It was we get in and you forget you're in a moving vehicle and everyone's together like it's a subway. The lights are going the best rap music. Marcello starts stripping. I think I was shaking my ass.

It was just the perfect way to end the weekend. It was basically like the club. Like we went to a quick club. We went to a quick club. We got the vibes. And then we get back to the hotel. And there was a moment where I'm like, I could call it a day here. I could end on top. Yeah. We put on these juicy sweatsuits. At this point, it's like, let's say it's like one. It's 1230. Yeah. So it was like 1230. We put on these matching juicy sweatsuits. We all gather in my room because it's the biggest. Right.

Pure sleepover vibes. Oh, that was the move. So we start playing. We played Don't Think I'm Not by Candy. We played the song that Sarah and I were singing last podcast. We did a full like music video. Did everyone in their sleepovers think they were in a music video and like do dance moves? I think so. And then we ordered snacks. We were all eating like cereal from boxes. We were all sitting on the bed like eating.

Sierra and I put our feet up on the door and we're trying to shake our butts and then she fell on Haley because Haley was crawling under us. It was violent. It was perfect. It was chaotic. But then Haley pipes up and says, hey, I went to church camp and I have some games that we should play. And after we died laughing for 20 minutes, we started playing said games. There was a game. It's on TikTok and it's

You have a partner and you say one, two, three, and you both have to say a word. And eventually you have to both say the same word. Because after the first words, you think, okay, like what connects that word? And you come up with another word. And it really does test how in sync you are. And I'm not going to lie. In your intuition, did you not know that we were going to crush it? I did. So people are going and they're bad. Like they're bad. So bad. Like we're embarrassed for them. Yeah.

like 10 rounds they couldn't get a word just missing page and i go we sit down and i have to tell you i'm actually mad that i didn't get the first one like i don't like if i really focused i would have gotten the first one i was being i was just like we're not gonna get the first one if i focus i would have gotten the first one so i we'll do it for them ready we did three two one bed cheese

and then I looked at her and I knew easy easy three two one Jesus and everyone was silent like scared they thought we cheated they were like there's no way that you guys won this game on the second round and we thought they were in stranger things like we were doing mind control tricks and we were like no like we really finish each other's

We were like, Hannah, sandwiches. Hannah goes, we talk, we have talked every single day for four years. I would have been pissed if we didn't get that. No, I would have been disappointed in us. And to this, I actually went to sleep last night and I was like, obviously bad. Like, obviously, you stupid bitch. And then we, we were like just being crazy. Oh, then Haley did another Whitney Houston performance that we were dying for having it.

I went to sleep and then Becca and Marcelo stayed with you guys and they said you were falling asleep but would randomly pipe in. I fell asleep at like, I'm going to say I fell asleep at like four o'clock. Becca got in my bed. Becca slept in my bed and I randomly woke up to the sound of hearing her say, do you think she knows I'm here? Like,

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Like you're just like. But you know when you meet your best friend's other best friend from like college or high school and you're like, I've seen how we've grown apart. Like you're like, oh, I see how that could have been cute back in the day. Yeah. But Becca is just one of these special people who is just such a character. And we were. She's coming to my bachelorette.

People should start hiring her to go to everyone's bachelorette. Dude, I genuinely think if you're nervous about your bachelorette, you could hire us and we'll come and we'll blow it up. Like, we just... The group was so perfectly curated. It was.

Overall, I had low expectations for the weekends because I don't like partying. I don't like large groups. And I don't like attention that I didn't earn. It's like people singing happy birthday to you the whole time. Like it's my biggest nightmare. Becca literally said she was like Friday. I really contemplated it.

contemplated even getting on the plane she was like i didn't know how if it was gonna be fun if it was gonna be awkward yeah and then like sunday night we literally were like crying that we had to leave we were so sad it was like we were leaving summer camp like we were so we're like keep in touch right like we're gonna see you at the wedding right i couldn't even say goodbye it was one of those where i just like ignored the goodbye and like ran off

I do have to say. It's see you later. It's not goodbye. It was like the best weekend of my life. No, I called my mom when I got home on Monday night and I was like, mom, no, I'm not kidding. That was the best weekend of my life. But I'll be honest. We couldn't have done another night. No. Oh, God, no, no, no, no, no. It ended the way it happened. OK, do you want to hear like the last five minutes of this pod?

How insane what I did when I got home from the bachelorette. I don't know if something's like, if I had like a shift, like if the moon is like somewhere else, like something's going on. I got home from the bachelorette. What time? I got home at like 830. I completely unpacked my suitcase.

I did all my laundry. I hung up all my clean clothes. I did a full shower, like a girl shower, like a full wash your hair, exfoliate, shave. I got out of the shower. I blow dried my hair. I did a face mask. I did my nails. I ate ramen and I turned the TV off, went to bed by like midnight.

Did this bachelorette change you? I think it changed me. Wait, did you just get like some natural serotonin? Yes. And I was like, is this what it's like to not be depressed? I was like, this is wild. I was like, I am just like, I love my life. Like I literally had a moment where I was like, I'm obsessed with my life and my friends. I was like, I'm going to do like good things today. Like I'm going to do laundry and enjoy it. Should I take care of myself?

It's funny because we had the exact opposite experience where I like slept on the flight kind of, but I had like the smallest seat. It was just like I had like a crank in my neck the whole time. Get home, cuddle with butter, fall asleep watching a documentary. Abercrombie and Fitch documentary just came out on Netflix, guys. We'll discuss it next week. Get on that. Then like kind of like lost my voice. So I took a NyQuil.

went to sleep at 9 woke up at 11am cause Des was calling me to see if I was alive and um that's what the bachelorette's supposed to do that means it worked but um I hope everyone enjoyed our full ass recap if we missed any details we will continue it next week

I was trying to convince Becca to come on the pod. She was like, what would I talk about? I was like, I don't even care. I just want you on the pod. I've been people are messaging me being like protect Becca at all costs. So we're going to have more photos that we'll be sharing on Instagram from it. And we might do a little like we have some video. We'll see. But make sure you guys rate, subscribe, review on Apple podcast. It means the world to us.

subscribe to our youtube to watch the vids not this one sorry honestly it's better it's better off you don't see my face right now it'll ruin your fucking day and um we just thank you for giggling with us and thank you for thank you for being there virtually at my bachelorette you guys love you