Giggling about Hannah’s engagement, garage weddings, and baby bets
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And we're off. Well, first of all, what's up, gigglers? Sometimes I forget to say hi. Hannah, anything you want to share with the class? Okay, so I am the worst at keeping secrets.

This bitch, I showed my engagement ring on Insta stories at least three times accidentally. The gigglers immediately spotted it. I took it down and then I looked on the giggler page and they were like, so Hannah just wanted us to see it. And then she took it down.

I was like this shysty little bitch. Oh, yeah. So tell me what happened. So you start getting messages because I'm an idiot. And I so full on like, you know, you could get confused with the right or left hand. I full on had like my left hand on like a dark blanket. Couldn't have been more clear. No, we saw it. The real gigglers fucking saw it.

And I was like, wait, is that an engagement ring? I was like, no way. Is this bitch about to post in her engagement and not have called me? So I do what any normal friend does. And I call Hannah. I FaceTime her angrily. Angry. Angrily. Whatever. Angrily. It was abrupt. New word.

And I said, anything you want to tell me? And Hannah starts laughing hysterically. I don't know what was funny. I don't know what was funny. I folded like a cheap beach chair. Literally. Did not even try. Immediately. And then she just flashes her ring in front of the camera. And I do what any normal person does. I start crying. It was a deep cry.

It was a deep cry. And I'm going to tell you why it was a deep cry. One, I'm so excited for you, Hannah. Like, seriously, let's just be like, let's be have a real moment right here where we're not joking. Like, I really am so fucking excited for you. But in true narcissistic fashion, I was like, yo, what the fuck is going on here?

And how am I the most single I've ever been in my life? And my best friend is just traipsing around the town with a rock. Traipsing. Also, can we just point out, like, I want to hear from you about how you would have felt if you had gotten the pearl ring that you wanted. So what's funny is I've been on this pod breadcrumbing everywhere being like, let's talk about engagement rings. And you're like, okay.

Don't tempt me with a good time. But I really feel like there's two types of girls. There's girls who have been planning their wedding since out of the womb and girls who don't remember what they had for breakfast this morning. And that's me. However, I realize those other girls are fucking smart. Because one day, out of nowhere, if you're listening and you're single, you're going to be living with your parents and five cats and a guy is going to message you.

And he's going to be the love of your life. And then you're going to be like, oh, fuck. And that's a really good mental health moment. It really is. I was literally in a dark place. Dark, dark place. Dark. Have I said dark? One more time. Really dark. Yeah.

But like, it just takes, you know, like how you make friends and you just meet someone immediately and you're like, yeah, their energy is great. I could be around them all the time. That's how it ultimately happens. But I was so just like, I'm so hipster and I just want like a pearl and it's all just like capitalistic wedding bullshit to make you spend like thousands of dollars on a ring.

When I said to Paige, I want a pearl. I will not conform. I will not conform. I will not conform to this patriarchy. But when you told me to grow the fuck up, I straight up, I straight up was looking at Emily Redikowski's ring and I was like, fuck this. I want two diamonds. Now you guys are wondering. You literally went from, I want a pearl necklace. I want a string. To I want two fucking diamonds. And I was like, that's my friend. There she is. There she is.

Because, you know, you have to have self-love and self-respect. So you guys are wondering, Hannah, how did you trick this dude into proposing to you? So this is what you do. One thing about Des and I, he kind of knew what he wanted, I guess. And he's been living his whole life doing his thing. And I guess he met me and like a couple weeks in, he was like, I'm going to marry you. So I said... Which is crazy town USA in itself in general. Like, I don't...

Like it's such, that must be such a crazy feeling to just know that you're like, okay, we're just, we're dating now for it to be appropriate for when the time comes to get engaged. Talk about knowing someone's intentions when they get involved.

Right. Because I feel like realistically, after like two months, I feel like we had a conversation. You were like, it's done. Like, this is it. It's done. And I was like, Hannah, no, I think he's great. Like, this is amazing. But like, let's pump the brakes a little. And you're like, respectfully, fuck off. Also, I've dated so many guys that after three months or six months, you start seeing like a different side to them.

And I was like aware of that. But it's like if a dude is already like, I want to marry you a couple of weeks in, tell him to put his money where his mouth is. And I just started. You know that TikTok? Wait, you know that TikTok when it's like. The music drops. Like you're such a great catch. You're such a great catch. Then catch me. Catch me. And I just that's how I felt when you got engaged. Well, what happened? You actually know the beginning of it.

At one point, I just started looking at wedding rings because I was like, oh, shit, if this guy is serious and he's not fucking with me, I have no idea what I want. And I need to know what I want because I'm going to be wearing it for the rest of my life and people are going to be judging me on it. And it's this capitalistic wedding bullshit. So I found like an emerald ring and I just sent it to him because I was like, emerald's cool. It's different. It's different. I don't know why I thought it was like. I would have murdered you. Absolutely murdered. This thing with emerald, they're so elegant, but they don't shine like the circle ones.

No, and you need to shine like the fucking top of the Chrysler building, like the queen that you are, like everyone needs to know. I love that you made a Chrysler building reference. You're so fucking New York. But anyway, I've been waiting to get that. So I sent the link to him. I sent the link to him and his response was on it. That's when we started playing this game. I didn't know if he was joking or serious, but that's when I knew the game had begun.

And it's funny because I don't know if I didn't send that link if he would have known like let's fucking go. Because guys, you know, they're not the sharpest. Say that again for the girls in the back. The tools in the shed are not sharp. No. So then I just continued sending him rings. And then I changed my mind like a lot of times. And then he took me to...

Oh, yeah. He was he basically realized that I have no clue what I want. And he was getting a little frustrated because every other day I go, wait, wait, wait. And I think at one point he was actually about to get the emerald. And I was in the car one day and I was like, by the way, like I changed my mind. I think I want like a like teardrop pair or a circular. And he's like, so you don't know what's going on. Yeah.

So we actually went to London Jewelers in East Hampton and we walk in and it's so, it's like literally like the movies. Like the people are like, oh, congrats. You guys are looking. And you just get to try on fucking diamonds. And they're like, okay, this one is three carats. And you give him a look and he gives you a look. And he's like, this one is 1.5 carats. And you give him a look. And then you see. Oh my God. But I also have to say.

It's hard out here for people with nubby fingers because you're out here on Instagram like with your fucking long, gorgeous supermodel fingers. You could literally put a weed on that finger and people would be like, it's stunning. It's stunning. Let's be serious. They're chicken talons that I've dressed up. You know, I've painted them. I've tried my best. That's what they are.

Thank you for calling them supermodel fingers. That's why you're my friend. You hype me up. Now I can't unsee the chicken. You can't unsee it. You can unsee it. I'm kind of hungry for some barbecue. But but it's it's true. Like your finger when you're dressing it up, you have to find the right ring for. And I remember thinking like, you know what? Fuck all this crazy shit. I just want the classic. I guess it's a brilliant cut. The circular. And I just want gold because I'm Italian.

Right. And they said like the platinum, what are the platinum nubs on top? The platinum...

Whatever it's called. I don't know. It's crazy. This is like, this is one thing in like fashion and whatever. And like in life that I know nothing about. Well, that's, I actually messaged you. I was like, okay, so like, what are the cool girls doing? Like, what do I have to even aspire to be like, but I think it's important to just like, kind of go with your gut with this. Cause it's just like a timeless thing. Um, even though I think everyone's going to have two diamonds going forward, especially with Ariana who got the pearl and the diamond. But anyway, um,

So it's definitely a trend. I don't know if I love it just because like I feel like an engagement is like such a classic timeless moment. Yeah. You know, you only do it four or five times in your life. And I realize like I can't wait for you to be engaged.

um okay oh my god from your mouth to god's ears honestly i just i really feel like we are in bridesmaids though it's like wait you're you don't have a fiance but if you did if you weren't single that's how you're gonna start addressing you're like oh sorry you don't have a boyfriend

I'm sorry. Rewind. You are going to be like, I am so... Doing this as someone who doesn't care that much about these things makes me so excited for you. Because I know how great you're going to be at all of it. Like, you're going to do it all the right way. But literally, Hannah, all I've been playing in my brain is, like, scenes from Bridesmaids. Like, picturing, like, giving...

giving like a speech at some point and just literally only ending it so that you and I laugh like in la escuela. And then one of my like tough Wisconsin tennis teammates who was my doubles partner is going to come up and take the mic and you're going to be like, do I have to fight this girl who's 6'4"? We can communicate with just a look. Yeah.

That is such a fucking good movie. If you guys haven't watched it recently, let's watch it. How funny when I posted, like, my best friend's engaged. And it was like, huh? Well, it's also because, like, the turntables have turned. The turntables have turned. People are very confused. Because also, I rarely posted about him on my Instagram because I had memes to post, guys. Right. I was memeing. I was tweeting. I was busy. Comedy first. But also, go back to, like, why I didn't originally tell you. Like, it happened. Yeah.

And then like that. Okay. Yeah. So, so it happened on Valentine's day, right? That's the day that, yes. Okay. And then I like, we had a moment where we like told my family and then I like kind of wanted like a second where like people weren't excited for me and I could just kind of sit in it. And I felt like once I told you,

I guess then it was like real. Then it was like, it's happening. Then it's like sound the alarms. And we also were trying to like, what if we could surprise everyone at the reunion? Like I just come in. Then I realized like, that's a long time and I'm an idiot. So like, that's hilarious to think I could do that. But in my head, I was like, let's just not tell people for a second. You call me and I'm just like, I gotta get in. And Des is sitting there just shaking his head. He's like this fucking bitch.

You literally, it was word vomit. I was like, is there anything you want to tell me? And you were like, yes, I got engaged an hour ago. Also, this is good for like anyone who you want to get anything out of. Just go up to them and say, is there anything you want to tell me? Like right now, if you are getting weird feelings from a friend, a boyfriend, a guy you're hooking up with, just text them and say, is there anything you want to tell me? And see what happens. And then post it on TikTok and blow them up. I mean, you spilled your guts. And then...

You were like, don't tell anyone. I'm not telling anyone. I think four people texted me. Oh my God, Hannah's engaged. And I was like, I thought we weren't telling anyone. Okay, so I told Haley. I told Cheech. And then I told Sierra. Because Sierra and I are FaceTiming and you know I'm weak. I couldn't, I was like, I feel, you know if you're not telling someone something, you just feel like you're blatantly lying. Everything you're saying, you feel like it's a lie. She's like, what'd you do today? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Why are you interrogating me? You're like, I'm feeling attacked and I don't love it. I literally said, what's up? But I also said, I was like, can you hold a secret? And she was like, I'm a fucking vault. I'm like, good, because I'm not. I go, Paige knows. But I knew that like if it got to other people on Summer House, it goes like wildfire. And I did not want that.

Um, so you two held it down and I appreciate you two. I love you more than anything. We love, I love you so much and I'm so excited and I'm so happy for you, but we must talk about how you feel if you still want a garage wedding. I'm so happy you brought that up cause I've gotten countless messages. Um, a hundred percent I'm having a garage wedding. If you guys really want to know, I think I'm going to do it in Shelter Island.

on my cousin's lawn that's like on the bay and it's like a big lawn. It's fucking beautiful. And I thought like this is gonna be so easy. I'm gonna do some lawn games, get some barbecue. It's easy. Turns out if you're doing your own wedding, you have to literally like book everything.

and then i didn't even turns out you have to plan a wedding after you get engaged and we didn't factor that in and then i'm like we jumped the gun i called a wedding planner and i like told her my budget or whatever and she literally scoffed in my face and goes triple it i go okay page i'm not talking to your fucking future boyfriend asking how big a ring i should get for page triple it

are you fucking crazy that's just gonna be a saying i say now moving forward if anyone asks me anything so she responded with her rate in addition to what her like what she thinks the wedding will cost you know what i said to her you scoffed back i said see you in court is that bitch to you in court i have your instagram now see you in court see you in court you know like

Absolutely get out of my face. But if anyone's listening, I'm open to doing some fun stuff. If anyone, small businesses want to reach out and get involved. I do need a hair and makeup still.

I do need, what else do I need? How many things did you not even think that you have to plan or think about? I thought that the chairs and tables just appear. I thought that they just come up. When you invite people, it comes with the chair. I'm like, bring your own chair. Yeah.

The bottom of the invitation is like regrets only PS bring your own chair. And if you have a table lying around, that will be good. Otherwise you can eat on your lap.

Oh, then also they were like, if you have over 100 people, you're going to need bathrooms. And I'm like, bathrooms? They're like, no. They're like, hold it. And not like hold it. Des and I were joking. We're like, the guys can have like a pee spot. The girls, they know how to hold it. They've been holding in poop for weeks by the time they get there with their date. Yeah. Nothing's coming in or out of page during that. Absolutely not. But I do think like my, I just want like.

isn't the best thing like just like a barbecue like i'm not gonna do a bridal shower i'm not gonna do any of that shit i just want to have like barbecue some lawn games a lot of great speeches i think we're gonna have a dance floor even though we're trying to not but like it's gonna happen um you just want to marry the love of your life and get it going you know you do you do until you start planning and then you go i deserve better

Like at first we were like, we're having, we literally were like, we're having 30 people. And then I like, it was like, okay, but like obviously I'm vetting Paige and Sierra and then

then i have to invite more and then you're like oh and then my mom has friends and their friends has kids and then if i don't fight them they're gonna oh shit do you find yourself just annoyed that your parents have any friends i literally let yesterday i was like you have more friends coming than my friends this is my fucking wedding and she was like i'm sorry and i was like i'm sorry wait how much do you love saying this is my also like des is

He literally is like the second we got engaged, I was like planning and he's like, do you want to enjoy the engagement for a second? I was like, do you know all the stuff that I have to do right now for us? And he's like, can we just not do the wedding list, the guest list for like two days? And I was like, the countdown. I have a countdown on my phone. I downloaded one of those countdown apps. Wow. So you're actually really excited about marrying him.

No, but to be real, we're not really trying to have a shotgun wedding. If things open up like,

Dez is going back on this tour. It's called Mia Mama Tour in Ireland and Europe. Like, he's just going right back on tour in the fall. So that means, like, and then I want to go back and do a comedy tour. And, like, who knows when we have Giggly Squad live shows. So I kind of want to get it over with before I'm like, hey, can you come back so we can get married? You know what I mean? I also, I do have to admit to you that I do have a bet running. Okay. Yeah.

And I have it with Sierra and it's who will be closer to the date in which you tell us you are pregnant. And we have like a dinner, like whoever wins like pays for dinner. And then at one point, Sierra, I was talking to Sierra and she goes, we could probably tell Hannah. And I was like, no, we should invite her. That would be nice. Make me pay for it. Yeah.

Good news and bad news. Good news, you're pregnant. Bad news, you owe us a very nice dinner. You owe us a very nice dinner at Carbun. I miss when you dated restaurateur guys because we used to get free food all the time. I know. Let's bring them back. Let's bring them back. I could finance dudes. I could probably find one. Yeah. I'm calm.

absolutely fuck them oh we don't we don't deal with them so yeah that's the update of oh okay and then yeah like i guess we talked to people and they were like okay send us some photos and like look i was engaged i was proposed to crusty eye like i look like shit that whole day i'm crying and like i'm not putting makeup on right now unless i'm forced to right unless i'm literally threatened

Yeah. Unless there's like a fire. I've literally had people message me being like, please put mascara on for this Zoom call, please. And I'm like, OK. So you're like, I will not conform to your bullshit. I conform to this diamond business, but not for the Zoom call. So with that said. Oh, yeah. So I was like, Mom, can you come over and take some photos of me and Desk?

So with our handy dandy iPhone and a ring light, we like got dressed and we just like took like a ton of photos. But obviously, you know, you look at it and you're like, this isn't like, you know, which pressure it is, you know, like everyone's going to see it. And I'm like, no, no. And then they kept telling me my finger looked nubby because I'm doing like the one finger thing. And I'm like, yeah, I can't make my finger grow. This isn't an eyelash serum. Wait, how excited were you, though, to do the finger thing? I feel like you see so many girls doing it. And like in your head, everyone thinks like, oh,

so cheesy but then you're like can't fucking wait to do it these are the things you don't think about page once you get engaged you have a photo and i was literally looking up like cool ways to announce your engagement and like some people put the finger up while they're kissing blurry in the background some people do just like like there's so many different ways you do it and um i ended up doing like just some basic ones and then some like selfies in a car where i was like trying to act like i was badass like i'm not like simping for a dude right now um

Also, I did get a bunch of funny messages where people are like, wait, like eight months ago she was crying over another guy. And I'm like, whatever happened to growth? Whatever happened to actually moving the fuck on when you realize a guy's a dick? Let's embrace that. Am I right? Right. Whatever happened to just like being happy for people who are in love? And that's when you say you don't have a husband. Oh, I'm sorry. You don't.

Have a husband. No. A lot of these people I think have husbands. They're just not happy about it. But we have to now announce your killer comment on my photo.

I mean, which one? Which one? Because you're on fire yesterday. I was firing off. I was just sitting around waiting for your next comment. You were getting into it with Mercedes Javid, who apparently is coming to the wedding. A thousand percent. She almost put a Persian hex on us. And I was like, I don't need any more Persians mad at me. Oh, yeah. I can't believe you said that.

a whole lot of them probably hate me and i you know what like see you in court i don't know i'll see you in court also fun fact mercedes husband is from queens so he will fit right the fucking with all of des's cousins from queens so that will be out of control god then you god you say i thought you were responding to someone but you go like what did you say about bolo i said i will be in touch thank you i wanted to get it on his radar

Like I want him to pencil me in. We'll have a phone call, Bolo. Thank you. We will have an appropriate phone call. We'll have a Zoom call. We'll have a Zoom. If you don't wear the Chanel, get out of here. Okay. I think we have to do a Bolo engagement party.

I mean, I think it's funny that you think that it was a joke. Like, I'm calling his people. My people are calling his people as we speak. We're setting something up. You know, I already, I've been following him. I was a little insulted he didn't immediately slide into my DMs just to see how I was doing. Right. He didn't even comment back at me, and I was like, sir. I don't want to make this uncomfortable for you, but I will find you. Yeah, I will find you. You will dance on my face. So,

Get ready for that. Oh, my God. The dreams I've had of that man. And he's in Chanel. Like how how much more perfect. But also you commented about the adoption papers and now people are photoshopping our photo with you in a little baby thing. Thank you for picking the picture that you did. I'm absolutely stunning as a baby. Her baby comes out and looks exactly like you.

Could you imagine if you had a baby and it literally was just a reincarnation of me? And like, it was just the most girly thing ever. And she just talks about nail polish all day. Oh my God. And she's like, mom, paint your nails. Paint them. Kill her.

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but I realized I don't want to extend the day hammy yeah like you know like I'm being a ham I just haven't heard that in like I don't know 27 years like the last time is like my grandma said it I don't know I just let's bring it back though let's for sure let's bring it back I was being a little ham yesterday but so because I also I'm like I'm I'm not even big on my birthday like watch summer house my

My birthday is the day after Lindsay's and you literally don't even know. No one mentions it. No, no one would ever know. No one would ever know. So I was like, this is just my day. Like, I don't want it to bleed into tomorrow that it's like, hey, guys, just remind you. I was like, this is my engagement day.

And I just wanted to post some normalizing the not manicured nails. Got a lot of messages being like, how could you kill the whole family before your photo? And is Paige okay? So like, what did you think of the unmanicured kind of rebellious photos I posted? So you, you know, it's just so you. And I love when people are true to themselves. And I feel like that is, I'm going to do a little mental health moment. Not even a mental health moment. Kind of like an advice thing.

If your friend is doing something that like you wouldn't do, but like you're not mad about it, you just say, it's so you, you know? Like it's not an insult. I would never have posted on manicured fingers, but it's your vibe, your aesthetic. I hate this term actually makes me like get the heebie-jeebies, but don't yuck someone's yum. Yeah, I don't love the term, but I agree with it. Makes me uncomfortable. Also, did you see in the article I did? I literally wrote, my friend said, it's so me.

I'm the friend, people. You didn't read the article. I'm the friend. You're a bitch. You didn't even read my fucking article. I did not. That's how you know she's a real one. I know everything that happened. In my head, I was like, I'm not reading this article, you fucking ham. I know.

So for people who are wondering also about like how it actually went down the moment, when we were in the house, prison with a pool, Des would send me these little funny rap videos. Do you remember them? Yes, which are hilarious. Like we would lay in bed and just listen to them. Because he would kind of know what drama was going on. And then he would send like he did a whole thing about frenemies. And then like he lost his remote control.

The first day we hung out and I was like, seriously, we can't watch TV. So we did a whole thing about how we lost his remote control. Anyway, so I wake up because he's singing in the other room.

And I'm like, and you're like, shut the fuck up. I go, I regret all this. I need to, I need to get out of here. I need to pack my bags ASAP. Like, cause you know how I feel about singing guitar. I can't do any of that stuff. And like it being woken up. Oh my God. Yeah. It was not, it was not good. But then I realized he was like trying to put a song together for me. Cause he kind of like improvises it. And I guess he was trying to get it right. So then he texts me and I think he thought I was asleep. Cause I watched it.

And it was really cute. And it ends. I think I want to play it on Burning in Hell, actually. Yeah, I want to hear it. So subscribe to Burning in Hell. But it ends with him basically being like, I have a surprise for you. And then I'm just sitting there. And he's in the bathroom, like, brushing his teeth. And he comes in. And I was like, I watched it. And he goes, watch it again. Watch it again. And then he kind of kneels over the bed. Stop. But, like, both knees. Oh, what?

So he was just kind of leaning over the bed and I like watched it and I turned to him and I kind of thought he was going to do it, but he like wasn't bringing his hand anywhere. I was not really in the moment. I was like, is this fucking happening? And then he was like, will you marry me? And I think I said, are you joking? I was like, that text I sent you was a joke. I'll send you ring links as a fucking joke, dude. You turn around and like look and see if there's another girl in the room. You're like me.

Like I thought we were kidding around here. I thought this whole thing was a bit. I thought we were just getting content from each other. But then Paige, I cried and I always wanted to cry when I get proposed to. Because I feel like those are the real ones. Like if a girl doesn't cry, you're like, oh, she doesn't like them.

right that's how i feel okay i feel that way like if i don't cry when you propose to me you should probably get your money back that's also how i feel about like walking down the aisle if my future husband isn't up on the altar trying to hold it in turn around like and not cry see you in court uh see you in court i'll see you the divorce papers before you get married i'll see you in court

So from watching this process with me, have you changed your mind at all about your future manifestation of your engagement? You want to know what? I have always, for how bougie and like out of control I am, I have always wanted to be proposed to like that. Like in bed. Shut the fuck up.

- Yeah, I've never wanted to have it where they hire a photographer and I'm surprised. - And strangers are around eating dinner and they're like, "Brooks." - Fucking Central Park. I'm like, "Get out of here. Get out of my apartment." I wanna be... - Well, I do have to say, people make the engagement process

like especially the media like it's some like magical thing I was talking to Taylor Strecker and I realized majority of the time the guy and the girl have spoken what ring they want that they want to get married and she's kind of just like okay he's gonna do it any second and then with the whole like paparazzi thing that's so stressful to like set up like it's not this just like on a whim romantic moment it's a pain in the ass

I literally want my husband to like roll over and be like, do you, here are some pancakes that I whipped up in the kitchen and like open like the top of it and there should be a ring there. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like, we're in bed. But like with the pancakes still, not just a ring. We need the pancakes.

Right. I mean, if the pancakes aren't there and you just have a ring on the plate, I'll see you in court. Also, apparently Des, like, didn't know exactly how to do it, but he Googled, is it a good idea to propose in bed? And he said he got a lot of good feedback that people were like, it's like, wait, that is the cutest thing I've ever heard. He Googles.

Do I love my girlfriend? And how do I know? No, he actually said in the beginning, like when we were talking a lot when I was at the house, he said he was getting all these weird feelings. And he had to Google, like, what does love feel like? Because he said his hormones and his cortisol levels were up. And he was like, is this what chemically love is? And I was like, okay, we're going to cover that. We're all going to unpack that later because I'm a little worried. Basic emotions are confusing. I feel like my...

My Google searches are like What is a UTI And do I have one He was like Straight up Web MDing love But yeah He was web MDing Basically like How to propose But I think it's cause like You just start the day off With like pure joy And it's not like You don't check your email yet You're not stressed about Like a friend Who's like Text you something weird You're just like Starting your day Right Granted Your breath is smelly And your eyes are crusty But We're past that We're past that

And you're just like so in love. Did you have sex immediately after? I need to know. Is that a weird thing that I need to know? Um, did we, we had sex that day for sure. But I feel like you're like, you're not thinking about sex. You're like in shock and you're just like looking at the ring. Like I wanted to fuck the ring. Right. And did it just hit different that you were now engaged? Yeah.

It felt weird. Like I was like, I don't know what a fiance is. Like how to fiance acts. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to spell it. That's for sure. Beyonce. It's like Beyonce. F-E-Y-O-N-C. No, it's not. It is. Google it.

Hannah, are you kidding? Are you kidding me right now? Is that really how you think? No, I know how to spell, but I do think saying it like that is funny. Also, I just want to make it clear. I wanted to cry, but I thought I would have to force it. But like, I actually just started crying and I said one thing to my mom and I think this is a good mental health moment. I feel like my whole life I've just been like,

trying so hard for the result of things like whether it's tennis like I need to win or like um like my like tv stuff just like doing as well as I can and like and the harder you hustle the more you get and this was like you could I just was myself that's

Fucking beautiful. Like I literally I could have tried to not make it work and it still would have worked and that's when like you have You're questioning yourself or like did I say the right thing to this guy or like did I do something wrong? Why doesn't he like me fuck that dude fuck that noise the right person you literally cannot help but connect with Even if you're fucking fighting it I had walls up I was I had walls up when I started this and he just broke broke that shit down

wow yeah i've wow i feel like i've never really listened to anything you said but that but it's true you know some relationships feel like so much work you're like okay i have to do this for him and i have to pretend i don't like this for him and i have to like pretend this didn't bother me like no no no no no no i mean you have to compromise there's obviously work involved but it's like you want to work on it because it's someone you who's like your partner

That makes me so excited to meet, I don't know, anyone. But also, I'm not trying to act like I figured out love or anything because I haven't. But I think it's time for front page news. Yes. Let's fucking go. Okay, my first story is... Let's talk about Hilaria Baldwin because she's back in the news. And she welcomed her sixth child. She had it via surrogate. But everyone is just...

Everyone is a bit weary because she literally just had a fifth. Six months ago. Six months ago she had a fifth. And she didn't announce she had a surrogate. She just was like, we got another baby. We had a baby. We plucked him out of the sky. You didn't pick it up at the store. You ordered delivery.

You didn't make a coffee run and grab a baby while you were at it. So I had some murmurs of people being like, oh my God, like leave Elaria alone. Like, but I'm like, she purposely posted this public photo, did not explain the context of how she got a baby in six months and didn't expect anyone to question it. And then Al Baldwin classic is, you know, cursing people out unhinged, but he's like, what?

stop asking us questions and it's like at what point do you put your private life out there but then say but you can't ask questions about it of how they made a baby in six months also at what point is having children an addiction what are you trying to like make up for in your life if you keep just putting a baby in your lap

Just like in no situation do I want a baseball team to come. In no situation I'm like, you know what would make this situation easier? A baby. If there's a baby in this room, I'd be a lot calmer. Oh, wow. What are you drinking? It looks incredible. Who got that for you? Oh, you have people. Yeah.

Wait, but like, do you think Aleria just like wanted to be back in the news or she was like earnestly, innocently just like, hey, we had another baby and didn't think that people would question it? I think she thought that it would be like a good publicity because like who can be mean to like a new mother? I'll tell you who. I'll tell you. Anyone.

I love how you go, why do you need more kids? Yeah, at one point, do you, I mean, some people like being a mother is their purpose. I feel like, who knows, when I have a kid, I might be like, being a mother is my purpose. But I do have to say, some mothers are fucking dicks online.

Did you not see my tweet? I realized the majority of people who are mean to me, you click on them and they're with their kids. So immediately you're like, oh, I hope their children don't become dicks like them. And then they have a Bible verse and a quote about loving, being kind, you know, spread love. It's the Brooklyn way. Just shut the fuck up. Is it the Brooklyn way? Get off Twitter and talk and...

Like, spend time with your family. I want to be like, ma'am, you literally just called me a cunt.

Ashley Heseltine, who actually is on Burning in Hell this week, she said she has this whole stand-up bit that's so funny about how this mom was mean to her and how she went on her page and basically started making fun of her child for the kind of backpack she was wearing. And she was like, how did that make you feel? And she just went really dark with it. She's like, fuck your wheelie backpack in second grade. Explains a lot. Just go to therapy now if you have a wheelie backpack in elementary school.

wow i had a billion of them isn't it funny that no one cared about aledia like everyone left her alone like she was living a peaceful calm life yeah yeah go off do it you know like we're over it all right my next story is megan markle and the prince harry oprah winfrey documentary how excited are you to watch this

It comes out on March 3rd. Or, I mean, on March 3rd, they... Sorry. On March 3rd, they released, like, another sneak peek of it. And it's coming out soon. But it's basically Megan just being like, yeah, like, I'm not scared of them anymore. And they've lied about me so many times. And, like, they tried to say that I was mean to, like, the people that worked for her and, like, bullied. Like...

like different members and then there's a clip of harry just being like i didn't want history repeating itself and like you know i always used to go back and forth with like do i like megan do i not like megan i fucking like her and that's my final answer well this is my thing do you think harry feels weird or is harry like fuck my family

I feel like Harry's like, fuck my family. I just feel like there's probably so much we don't know. And the way they... If someone treated my mom like absolute dirt, I'm sorry. I have to never fuck with you then. Like...

Like, I totally get it that he would just be like, I don't want them to treat my wife the way they treated my mom. Yeah. And and that's literally the only thing that I needed to hear to be like, I'm on their side. No pun intended. Pop off in L.A. I cannot wait for them to spill the English breakfast tea. Like, that's all I want in this documentary. But also, I feel like.

The royal family is not like the government. I was very confused in the beginning. I was like, what power do they have? It's not like they're going against the government and could get in trouble or arrested. They're just fancy people. Right. What power do they have? I don't know. What's your job? Being fancy. It's literally like, what is the Kim Kardashian quote? Pretty impressive for someone who's just royal. Yeah.

Yeah, like, Parliament really has the power, and the Queen, I feel like, is more just, like, a figurehead type thing. Okay, Parliament. Okay, history documentary. Go off. I'm, like, in a documentary. Go off, Queen! Under my name, it says historian. I'm just like, absolutely go off, Queen. Wait, what is the other one doing this? What is Kate Middleton doing all this? Is she just chillin'?

I think when do women defend women speak? Yeah. She's forbidden. I don't know. I literally get her head chopped off. I do think William is hot. Not recently. OK. Circa like hair five. Yeah. Circa hair. Circa hair. But right now, don't love it. Don't love that.

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This isn't even like a story story, but I just like I want to talk to you about it. Angelina Jolie sold a painting that Brad Pitt got her as a gift for eleven point five million dollars. He had purchased it for two point nine million dollars. That's called flexing a business shark. Oh, my God.

Could you imagine like your boyfriend giving you something and then you turning around and just doubling your fucking money on it? That just sounds like a full business. Like forget acting. Just date hot guys that have money. Forget Poshmark and Etsy. Date a hot guy, get some shit and sell it.

And be like, there should be a whole organization of, like, ex-girlfriends who know how to flip expensive stuff that their boyfriends give them. Isn't that, like, a Sex and the City episode with the purses? There should be an app that, like...

Girls just go on and they put they post all the shit that their boyfriends had gotten them and that they want to sell and you just sell each other your boyfriend like old shit. Like trade your so it's like you still have that like pretty Cartier ring but it's not from him anymore and it's like I triggering. Sorry. See you in court. I'll see you in court. I'll fucking see you in court. I do think this is a good idea but it is like slightly niche however why not?

I mean, you're triggered right now. Yeah, I can't even think because I'm like, oh, you wear it. I gave it back. I can't have that shit in my apartment. I don't have one thing that an ex-boyfriend has ever given me. You don't have a sweatshirt. That's different. You know, I love my high school boyfriend. When I think I have a lot of shirts and T-shirts, but they become yours like you get new memories in them.

Yeah, I've slept with other guys in them, you know? So it's like, that's not yours anymore. Just kidding. Just kidding. So you're in court. What's next? He's like, you didn't go to this college. I'm like, shut up. Do your job. Do your job. He goes, you don't act like you've been to college. So I don't know where you got all these college shirts from. You can't form a fucking sentence without saying, so you're in court. For a fact, bitch, you didn't go to Cornell. Absolutely out of here. And I'm like, what?

You go big red. Fuck you. Oh, I forgot they're red. Next, this isn't even like a story. It's just like why I want to talk about it. Scott Disick and Amelia and Amelia Hamlin. Oh, my God. He has pink hair now. He has pink hair now. And people are saying that like he doesn't follow her.

I just need to know what's going on, you know? Well, it's funny because they've been pretty clear like this isn't a relationship. Like we're not serious. But the media is like, yes, it is. You guys are together. I mean, he likes to hang around hot girls. We've made it one. But also it's like, is this not a midlife crisis? Have you ever seen one? I mean, midlife crisis. Armie Hammer also moved out of his house. Talk about midlife crisis. Sorry. That was just I got my brain couldn't work.

Moved out of his house and left behind a torso, mannequin, and some rope. Now I think he's just fucking with all of us. I think he's messing with us at this point. No, he's messing with us. Like, in no situation. His PR team's like, okay, the only way to get this better is if you get a mannequin, stab it a couple times, put a murder scheme document. His team's like, let's have fun with it now. And we're like,

Army Hammer, we will see you in court. Get out of here. Also, anytime we say see you in court, you have to drink. If it's the morning, hydrate, okay? Or drink that iced coffee. Even though it's the winter, I know y'all are drinking iced coffee. Yeah, Army Hammer at this point, it's like, he's embracing it. He's fully embracing it.

He needs like a sober companion or like a wrangler or like a lawyer. I don't know. I feel like a wrangler is what you should call like when you go out and you know it's about to be a wild night. You go, okay, who's the token wrangler of the night? It's like there's not a wrangler. There's not a, there's a designated wrangler for the night.

It's kind of like babysitting for adults. 100%. Oh, that's another app. When you're going out, you need a wrangler. You need a babysitter for the night. You hit it up. The closest person comes to you. You give them five stars if you get home without throwing up on yourself. Imagine if there's just someone in the corner of a bar and you're about to take a shot and they're just looking at you and they're like, no, no. And you're like, fuck you.

You're like, sorry, that's my wrangler. My wrangler is fucking annoying, but I paid him. I'm paying him. So I have to give him two stars at the end of the night. And that's all the front page news that I had for today.

I think... Because I just wanted to talk about your wedding the whole time. I think it was important to give it the... Appropriate... Yeah, the amount of time it fucking deserved. Because we love love. I appreciate you. I appreciate you. And I appreciate all the gigglers for like... I got this fucking nicest messages and people just... I feel like people have been through a lot of my relationships with me so they also feel like...

they're the ones who got engaged with me i had girl i had girls dming me being like wait why do i feel exactly like you right now and like i hannah's not my friend but like why am i nervous and feel like i need to get engaged and i'm like commiserating with other girls we're gonna get through it our best friend just got engaged we're fine yeah we're fine no everyone is gonna be fine also like it's not it's just and everyone's popcorn pops at different times you know

You and these fucking sayings are genius. On a serious note, I do want to say congratulations on getting engaged. It's so exciting. I love you. I love Des. Obviously, I love you way fucking more. Thank you. But I'm so happy for you. How did you feel? I'm so excited. How did you feel when you first heard us talk on the phone? You and Des? Yeah. I feel...

I think you had initial reactions. I knew from the moment that you were like chatting to him on the phone. I was like, oh my gosh, she's going to marry this human. Because I've listened to you talk to other guys on the phone. And you know when like you're on the phone with your friend and like you're on a FaceTime with a guy and you kind of like turn the camera so he can't see and you look at your friend and you're like, yo, fuck this guy. I hate this guy.

And your friend's like, yeah, like absolutely get off the phone. You go, you didn't hate him? You didn't hate him. And I literally, I was like, she's actively wanting to talk to him on the phone. She's going to marry this one. It's wild. Everyone's like, okay, Paige.

No, but it's so beautiful and I'm so excited and so happy for both of you. Thank you, my love. And I do, yeah, it's just like you go through a lot online and stuff and to just have like overwhelming people that are happy and excited. And I guess it is just like a cool life event to happen. But now y'all are going to have to deal with all the planning and making fun of this new life that I lead, which is weird. But also, Paige, at least you have one less girlfriend to worry about.

Right now. Right now, at least. Until my next problem. You do know that I only worry about myself 24-7. Yeah, I don't even know why I brought that up. It's just me worrying about you, pretty much. You got engaged and I'm like, wait, I have to say something making it about myself. Gigglers, thank you so much for listening to this special engagement episode. And we love you so much. And don't forget. Las pantalones azules. En la escuela. En la escuela.

I love you so fucking much it hurts. I love you too. Okay guys we'll talk to you later. Bye. Thanks for giggling.