Giggling about Hilaria, career advice, and getting punched in the face
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I mean, the day just got away from me.

It's time to giggle. The first giggle of the year. 2021. Here we are. Is this new year, new page? I don't think so. I think it's new year, same bitch. Hell yeah. You know, just like a little badder. How do you feel? I feel good. I don't really, I never knew what day it was anyway. So people were like, it's a new year. And I was like, okay, but do we, is it Tuesday or Saturday? Whatever you say. Sure it is.

I tweeted earlier, though. I was like, I thought we were all just going to, like, forget this year. Like, it never happened. Like, I'm staying 29 another year. But everyone's, like, putting out, like, it's 2021. You're turning 30. And I'm like, chill out. Oh, my God. You're turning 30 in the year 2021. Did you have to repeat that? You're an adult. I don't know if I can hang out with you anymore.

I'm like old I'm gonna turn into like the mom of the group you are the mom of the group I actually said this morning to myself I said I am a really good I feel like when you're not with me things go awry yeah but I'm like a good influence on you

Yeah, because I haven't seen you in person in quite some time, and I'd like to say that I should be checked into Betty Ford at any moment. Someone could come and take me. We could say that things have gone unhinged. You could say that. I am the well-behaved friend, and people don't know that after watching Summer House, but I actually am quite well-behaved. It's actually crazy that people think that you pop off and that I'm really reserved, when in reality...

like you are like so low-key and i'm like dancing on table somewhere at any moment in time i could be on any table i had three glasses of wine on new year's and for a second don't hurt them don't hurt them hannah for a second i was like feeling myself like i was like being flirty and shit and i was like you know like dancing like a little what up i mean

And then in my own home. Right. And then I'm fostering dogs. And we have this shy dog from the Bahamas that we're socializing. And I go, I'm socializing the dog. And I pick the dog up, put it on my stomach and pass out. No. At 11. We had very different New Year's Eve's.

And then wake up to Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper blackout on CNN. Wow. Did you see that? No. Andy Cohen basically, like, I think they were having trouble with technology because everyone's doing a Zoom. Snoop Dogg comes on and Andy Cohen goes, okay, we're playing a game. It was like Watch What Happens Live. And he goes...

have you been high in any of these places and he goes the white house and snoop dogg goes you know you love my snoop dogg impression yeah i love it and it count you know i've been high there at the white house i think that's like the last possible place i would ever be high he said with obama he was high and then he said he goes have you ever been high at a late night talk show he goes

wait not talk show what are you talking about Anderson Cooper was laughing so hard and then Andy Cohen kind of like made some comments about de Blasio who's the mayor of New York City and then was like before I have to go tiptoeing back to Bravo and I still have the mic

unhinged everyone's just unhinged for 2021 no one gives a fuck like yeah i think people went into 2020 like we're gonna have a great year and then the world punched us in the face so i think now we have nothing to lose everyone's just like what fuck it

Well, I want to hear from the gigglers about their not just their New Year's because that's boring as shit. I'm not we're not doing a lame New Year's episode where we're all like, oh, how was your resolutions? What were the top moments of 2020? Bitch, there wasn't any. We want to hear about what your worst New Year's stories were. And let's just say the gigglers fucking brought it. Wow. I can't wait to hear. Did you see any of these? Yeah, I looked at them the other day. Some of them were hilarious. Yeah.

Someone said I drank too much, threw up, and then made out with my crush. I feel like this is a standard New Year's story. I feel like that's a Tuesday night. I actually, my mom called the police in high school. On her own party. On her own daughter. She was like, Hannah's out of control. But I went to some party, like, it was just like 10 friends. And I remember we were playing beer pong, and I didn't drink that much, and I started drinking. Wait, how old were you in this? Like 17. Okay.

And because I was like a tennis player. Right. But I would go to the parties. Everyone's like, Hannah doesn't drink. She's she's an athlete. Yeah. But I decided to we were drinking like cheap vodka. And I remember playing beer pong and the beer pong was just moving. And, you know, when you throw it and you just miss completely. That's not where the cup is. Cool. And then I passed out at like 10 in a random bed. And then when my friends woke me up, I just puked on the bed.

Like she was like, Hannah, and you sat up and just puked. And then they know, like it just came out. And then all my friends were like laughing at me. And then I didn't respond to my mom's text after 10 p.m. So, of course, she's like, Hannah's been kidnapped in New York City and we need to call the police. When I am sleeping in a fetal position like a little baby. Yeah. Best sleep of the year. Yeah.

And she was not happy with me. You're like, I'm so thin right now. Why? You up chucked on the bed all over us. Thank you. I mean, puke and rally is kind of, I just puked, but puke and rally is an important part of partying. Put it on my tombstone. Put it on my tombstone. Puke and rally. Actually, you never puke on Summer House. It's so crazy. Yeah, why don't you? I only have ever thrown up on Summer House one time.

And hopefully you guys see it this year because it was the summer. Typically, I do throw up. I am a thrower-upper. I do have to get it out. It was actually so cute because I feel like in previous relationships, when you would drink and puke, boyfriends would get annoyed at you. And I remember once you went up to me and you go, Hannah, Hannah. And I'm like, what? And you're like, I think I have to puke. And I go, go puke. Do you need me to like pull your hair back, pat your back? And you were like, oh, thank you.

Thank you. I was like, who's been abusing you? Who hurt that puke? You were like, who hurt my friend? Who hurt her? What are you going to do? Hold it in? Let that out and be free. Okay. Do you want to know who did this trauma to me? Who? My own mother. Oh.

Oh, because it's like if you puked, it means you were really naughty. Here's the thing. My bedroom in my home is right above my parents. And like my bathroom is literally right above my mom's bed. So anytime I would come home drunk and like stumble into my bathroom and just puke. Make a night of it. I would hear my mom coming up the stairs and she'd get to my bathroom and she'd say, and she says, like, because this happened literally three weeks ago.

When I was home for Christmas. No, Thanksgiving. Why do you do this? Why do you do this not only to you, but to us? You're an adult. I was like, oh my God, hold my hair, bitch. Make yourself useful. Okay, these New Year's stories are great. What's your worst New Year's story? House party, making out with the guy in the bathroom when hair catches on fire from a candle. Oh, that's it.

It goes from like sexy candle in the bathroom, which is actually super adult and sexy. Oh, this is the worst smell in the world. The smell of burnt hair. Yeah. Someone just wrote crying in my bed alone. I just wanted to put that. Ended on crutches after jumping on a stripper pole and smashing my knee into it. That's some shit I would do. Like, because when I'm drunk, I feel like I can run 100 miles per hour. I could jump 10 feet. Do you remember the pinky incident of 2018? Yeah.

Which did not get enough air time, I have to say. Certainly did not. Bravo was like, we don't need her breaking her pinky. I was watching the episode. I was like, we needed more of this. I was like, that's the most dramatic part of my whole summer. I was with British Dave. And well, let's begin with, I never call the Ubers. But then British Dave was there and I was like, oh, I'll call the Uber. I was trying to show that I run shit. You want to exile, baby? I got you.

But I didn't realize that, like, the car would go through the gate and come all the way to the house. I thought we had to go all the way to the gate by the road, which turns out is a 12-minute walk. So I'm like, come on, guys. We're drunk. And then I see the Uber, and I blame him for his day, but he was like, oh, the Uber's here. Run for it. I'm in heels, and there was a, oh, God, what was it called?

Cattle grate. Cattle grate, which is a place for dumb cows to trip so they don't escape. It literally keeps the deer out of the Hamptons, like your neighborhood. Yeah. So I'm in heels and I run to the cattle grate, immediately fall flat. Cattle grate's like, we got one. We got her. We got a dumb bitch.

and my pinky just went backwards, and I remember getting up and being like, reroute the Uber. We're going to the hospital. British Dave was like a good drunk. I was a good drunk. We got to Southampton. He's like trying to cuddle me in the little hotel bed. British Dave was 6'6", by the way, which also did not get enough air time on Summer House. That he was 6'6"? Yeah. Yeah, no, it didn't. I don't think people appreciated the...

the body this man had like superman like i was like are you gonna pick the house up at any point like what like what's happening whenever he was so nervous when he was at summer house he would turn to the little kitten he said he'd be like oh whenever he had to talk but the man was sick sick so we didn't care but anyway yeah the doctor would come in doorways this like i don't even realize how big this guy is

And then he was trying to cuddle me on the bed and I was not in a cuddling mood. At one point he goes, could you scratch my back? And I'm like, my fucking pinky is backwards. Let's scratch your fucking back. And he's like, oh my God. Honestly,

This was one of the moments that I knew that our friendship was so real because Hannah texted in a group chat with everyone and was like, guys, I'm in the hospital. I broke my pinky. Everyone was so concerned. I could not stop laughing. I don't think I asked once if she was okay. If you were okay, I was just like, what an idiot. Amanda was calling me. People are FaceTiming me. Don't hear a word from Paige. But get back at like 3 a.m.,

It's apparently like a pinky, like, what's it called when it goes back? It wasn't even a sprain. I dislocated my pinky. Remember I was showing everyone the x-ray? Didn't make it to tape. Anyway, I got back. And you and Carl are sitting on the ground. Sprawled out. With so much McDonald's. Like, it's almost like you knew that I was going to come back and I needed it. And that's when I was like, she is here for me. And I was like, Hannah, are you okay? Are you okay? I'm like, here's a cheeseburger. Show them out.

That was the story. And then I was trying to fight with people later in the season with this fucking like cast on my pinky. So I couldn't point because my pinky would come out too. It was like a weird like Spider-Man movement that I was doing. Oh, God. Well, thanks for letting me tell that story. That was a fun one. That was a good one. That was a good one. Okay. Trying to get to the bar and accidentally walk between two men mid-fist fight. I got hit. Cry face. Okay.

Okay, everyone has that friend. That's hilarious. Everyone has that friend. My friend is Hayley, who's like a complete, like, sweet airhead who just finds herself in the stupidest positions. Like, she's probably like, hi, Jack. Would you imagine? Could you imagine? Wait, that's like what happened with Snooki. Do you remember when Snooki got punched in the face? I think the guy was trying to punch her in the face, though. No, that guy, like, wound up. It was like, you're out. Punch her square in the mouth.

Oh my god, this poor... Imagine just like seeing your friend at the bar and being like, hey, what's up? Yeah, imagine watching it. That'll soap your ass up. Yeah. Pre-gamed, forgot my ticket to the bar, jacket ID phone sat outside the bar with a party emoji.

That's some shit I would do. Yeah. Multiple times I've gone to bars and been like, I forgot my ID. And then everyone has to like coordinate on how to get me into the bar, which I love that kind of attention. I love that too. But I feel like we're getting to the age where bouncers are like, I don't need to see your ID. And I'm like offensive. I don't even know you. Like, how dare you? There was something so fun. Like what?

at the KK at Wisconsin, we would do this move and I would go, all my friends were older on the tennis team. So there were two bouncers. So one would go to one bouncer, one would go to the other and I would walk in between. That was like the move. And then once you're in the sea of people, you're like, it's the biggest high. Cause even if a guy saw you, like he's not going to find your ass and all the like. I miss, I miss the time when like you would get really nervous to use your fake ID.

So nervous because it was really 50-50 until I started. People, I told the star on Call Her Daddy that I was hooking up with the mascot. Little did people know he was also the general manager at the KK. So, you know. Oh, sorry. She didn't mean to pop off just now. If you guys weren't jealous before, she was fucking the mascot. I'm fucking the manager at the KK. So don't make eye contact with me anymore.

I have a story of a naked drunk girl smashing my door frame off because she got the wrong house. I'd be pissed too. Imagine if you thought it was your house and started breaking in to your house. I don't know why she was naked, but she was. That's a good one. Someone said, I lost my virginity 25 years ago at midnight. Friend walked in at the foot of the bed and saw it all. Did she stay at the foot of the bed? Yeah, that's weird.

That's the part we really needed to know. Was she like intrigued? Did she join in? Did she take pictures? Or did she run out? Did she skedaddle? She was like, I love that, but open the throat a little. Let's loosen up. She's like, arch it just a little. Yep, right there. As you get older, your lower back can't arch the same way. You really can't. Or you can, but you feel it the next day. Yeah. Okay. Boyfriend kissed his best friend instead of me at midnight.

Your boyfriend's gay. I hope his best friend was a boy because that makes it more fun for me. Oh, that's what I immediately thought. I also just think everyone is gay if they don't like me. So, your boyfriend's gay. I think Armie Hammer is gay, but that's like a real conspiracy. How dare you. Okay. Someone wrote, for loco, end of story. Valid. Valid. We understand. You don't have to explain anything. No, say less. My ex accused me of fucking a random guy I've never met right before midnight.

That means he's cheating on you. Yeah. I know I jumped a couple, but that's what it means. Yeah. Your boyfriend was cheating on you. Sorry. And he just like tried to project that shit on you. Yeah. He wanted to get into a fight with you because he actually wanted to be with another girl. Yeah. And he felt guilty of his own cheating. So try to turn on you and project it on you. Yeah. We hope you're not with him anymore. Yeah. I hope you. She writes it and she's like, we're married.

Thank God I'm not using names. The giggles are so good, though. I let my boyfriend and his best friend snort coke off my ass. If I had a dollar, you know? Is it the ass or is it like the butthole? Wait, my boyfriend and his friend? And his best friend. She is kinky. Kinky. That's crazy. You know how you always low-key have a crush on your boyfriend's best friend?

uh yep couldn't think of one boyfriend where i didn't have a girlfriend okay this is like a hot take okay it's true because like the boyfriend's best friend is not just probably similar to him good personality but he's also so fucking off limits that you're just yeah and you find yourself in situations alone with him and the best friend all the time where you're just like what if you both touch my tit right now

One for each. You're like, what if it was fate that we were supposed to meet because I dated him, but we're supposed to be together? I never said this out loud, but once I was with British Dave in his bed and he had an Australian roommate and I was like, oh, hi. Like he was gorgeous. And he sat on the bed too. And I was like legit, like, how do I maneuver this? Yeah. You're like, let me think. Let me think. Do I have any Xanax to give British Dave? Do I? Yeah.

But how do you then, like the next night, like how do you stop after that? Honestly, Hannah and I were talking about this like a little bit before we started recording. The worst is picking your man and then meeting the friend group and you're like, I done fucked up. There is someone way hotter in this group. Or you see his dynamic in the friend group and you're like, oh no, he's the beta. Yeah.

Even if a guy's not as hot as him, you're like, oh no, that guy runs shit. Yeah. I want his attention. It's always the guy who runs shit in the group that I'm like,

We're getting married. It's also so hard because you want to get their attention, but also not disrespect your man. But the whole time you're trying to like subtly get that guy. And you don't want the friend to think that you're that type of girl, that you would do that to your man. But you also want him to know, like, if you wanted to have sex with me, I would be down. These are all subtle things with your eyes. Also, before we start energy feeling.

Yes, before we start front page news, we have a quick... It's not a mental health moment. It's a vaginal health moment from a girl named Hannah. And it says...

It says, stop peeing in the hot tub slash shower slash pool. You might know about Kegels. Everyone needs to do them, not just after you have a baby. Everyone's pelvic floor weakens as you get older, which leads to like peeing at random times. When you pee in the water, it loosens the association of the muscles needed to hold in your pee and builds the association of the muscles with the water. Eventually, when you hear running water, it'll make you pee your pants when you're old. Love you. So what? So that just fucking ruined my year.

She basically said don't pee in the shower or in the hot tub or the pool anymore because when you're older, like running water will just make you feel like you can just pee because your Kegels won't be as strong. Basically do your Kegels. The shower is my bathroom of choice. I know. You know, like my toilet of choice is like in the shower. And peeing in the hot tub is my religion. So yeah, that was just a fun fact I wanted to discuss. So basically just...

Keep it tight. I'll do one right now just for this story. Let's all do three Kegels. Kegels are actually hard and they feel weird. Okay. I actually hate that. I don't like it. It makes me feel really weird. I don't like that. Yeah, it does too. Let's do front fucking page news. Cue the typing. I mean, we're not like breaking the story, but like I could not wait to talk to you about this. The Hilaria Baldwin thing. Just like what? Eladia. Eladia. Eladia.

So what was your journey in like discovering this story? Okay. So at first I was like, when I, the story first came out, I was like, okay, she kind of just like, didn't tell people I'm not Spanish. You know, like, you know, when someone assumes something and you're like, I just didn't correct you. Like I told you that I like vacation there. I love the culture. I speak Spanish. Um,

So many more stories are coming out that I'm like, this bitch is wild. Wild. That's the thing. I didn't go into it being like, oh, let's hate on this girl. I was like, me neither. Like people who are biracial or have multiple cultures they grew up in. When she goes, oh, how you say in English? Cucumber.

I said, English is not your second language, bitch. And if you go on Instagram, I mean on Twitter or Reddit, there's people who are legit like, I knew her. Her name was Hillary. She went to high school. She does this thing where she goes, when I came to New York City at 19, you came to New York City from Boston. Yeah, like what are you?

she didn't come to new york city from spain and then like people it says that she's born in spain and it doesn't say it and just like you know how like if if honestly you guys if you google like a random celeb and just look at their bio it's always wrong like people thought my birthday was in may yeah you went on her agency's bio that means like they were like send us your bio right you want to work with you and it goes heladia baldwin was born in spain

She said that her family couldn't pronounce her new last name. Your last name is Stuart. No, like Baldwin. Oh, I know. But her other name was Stuart. Yeah. Like what? And then they started pulling like her mom giving speeches like they're academics. They clearly are interested in Spanish. Not only not only is she not Spanish from like the whitest family.

Mayflower like argument when instead of just saying I'm not Spanish she goes oh I'm a lot of things that Spanish bitch you're Blanco bitch I did like a little Hilaria Baldwin people are so funny they were like hello my name is Hilaria I'm from Boston Boston University and

Universidad further fucking more this shit drops online most celebs have a full PR team who's like okay this is how we're gonna handle this this bitch casually just wild out here just like

There's no way she doesn't have PR. No sense. She did a six-minute IGTV video. Although, I could listen to her speak for hours. There's something about the way her mouth moves and, like, her voice that is mesmerizing. Hi, guys. My name is Alaria. And I'm with my little Baldwinitos. Yeah, why Alec Baldwin was just taken with her. Yeah, the Baldwinitos thing is awesome. Well, they're all named, like, full Spain names. Apparently.

Rafael. Your kids are going to get beat up in school if you keep doing this. It's bad. He was dating Salma Hayek before her, so people were like, oh, did she create... Maybe she beefed it up a little, but she definitely... She vacationed in España. She went to... She studied abroad in España. And that is all of it. And then she just...

Someone on Twitter really made a point. They were like, white girls do anything to act more interesting. It's crazy. It's crazy. Like, I might adopt a pit bull to have some culture, you know? Like, that's, I get it. Here's when I got pissed.

She said that she knew about Zara way before everyone else because it's a Spanish brand. And I was like, and that's it. Now I'm out on you. Do not bring Zara into your mess of whatever is going on. They did nothing to you. Your web of lies. Seriously. No, that is truly next level disgusting.

The thing is she goes on and she rants and makes, she was like, I just want to make it really, really clear because I've done in the past. And I go, Ooh, she's going to lay it out. She's going to spell it.

she's gonna read a bitch this bitch was on page 72 page 3 paid burn the book brought a new book i had no idea what's happening but you can't stop listening and then it was at the point where like my friends literally like i was on instagram and people were like getting annoyed because i couldn't stop talking about it i was like did you see hilarious did you see hilarious are you caught up on hilarious then she comes out she had two instagram lives yep she's and she was like i'm not coming but i'm taking a break from instagram

Six, I feel like it was like the SpongeBob thing. Six hours later. She's like, um, actually, she had a shower. She took a shower, respectfully. She took a shower and she was like, and another thing. Make any points. And then Alec Baldwin did an IGTV and basically it was just all about how he hates Facebook. And I was like, how'd we get here? How'd we get here? And then at the end was like, leave my family alone. Yeah.

I was like, actually, okay. But people were like, what kind of person would date Alec Baldwin seeing his anger problems and stuff? But she has not given the media anything to be... Because then the media started searching and they started finding countless weird things. What would you do if you were Elaria right now? Go back to Spain. Just...

Like, I mean, I would love I would love for her to go because she'd be like, I was insecure, you know, because like sometimes I would be like saying different things and I would forget which culture I was in because, you know, I'm from España and my mom's. I'm calling it. I'm calling it. They're getting a reality TV show. I was about to say, give these two a reality show. Five kids running around. Also, all her kids have like blonde hair and blue.

blonde hair blue eyes apparently she dyes her hair black wow because past videos her hair is like lighter and stuff but she would she would like fake tan before like really trying to look like she's from spain but not south america she's like no i want to be like the head colonizers i think that she should just come on and be like look don't be like you're insecure because you're too cut be like look i'm insecure because i felt like i was a boring bitch from someone else ago she's not from boston she's from the suburbs of boston

you're from the suburbs of Boston. She's Wonder Bread. I fell in love with another culture. Yeah. And I just fell in love with it and I wanted to have a new identity. And now I realize it was kind of fucking weird. I feel like 2020, it was...

okay one it was like the craziest year but people and we were canceling people left and right i literally was terrified at any moment but i feel like there was also a lot of forgiveness that if people like owned up to their shit like it was just like okay cool i'll keep it moving yeah so if she came out and was just like look i fucked up guys like i fucked up look hillary she's okay elaria

is that bad bitch and i had an alter ego and i loved it and i fell in love with her and then i like got lost in it and my husband's ex was salma hayek don't you get it i was trying to compete i wonder what that's very true i mean if my if my boyfriend previously dated salma hayek i'd be like how can i compete with this but you don't try to be like salma hayek be your own bitch i

I really want to know what her family is thinking because like her parents are like a well educated. Yes. Like professors who now live in Spain, like retire. Spanish is great. I could totally see her and her brother just like loving the Spanish culture. And like, you know, she was posting texts of them. Like, I totally get that. But you don't go around saying like, I'm from Spain.

when you're not right when you have zero percent like and then lie and be like i'm from a lot of places it's crazy but you're from germany i want to live in paris i want to like work at a croissant shop i want to speak french but there's never a situation where i'm going to tell someone like i'm french now like they should do a reboot of emily in paris and do emily in spain and just have her like

Be like, I'm Amelia now. I'm a Maliko. Who's having five kids in this day and age? Oh my, I'm so happy you brought that shit up. Who's having five fucking kids into this world? I'd like to first be taken out of it. In a New York City apartment. Yeah, like what are you doing? You don't need a small baseball team. You're not Amish. Like get it together.

It's almost like narcissism at that point that you're like, well, you have the money to have five kids. Good for you. But then to be like, you want five of you in this world? No, the world doesn't need it. The world can't handle it. Also, the identity issues those kids are going to have. Their name is Rafael and they're not Spanish.

Like a Spanish kid is going to be like, bro, what the fuck? The oldest one's going to turn 14 and be like, so mom is a full psycho. Got it. Got it. No. Cool. Let's start the therapy now. Let's do it. Yeah. But I just love that. Even Alec Baldwin, like she must have.

when you okay when you're famous like real famous I feel like there's a lot of enablers around you like there's a lot of yes men yeah yes so I feel like her whole thing like people are just like that's awesome that's amazing and then like within her family they're like yes you be you and then once people who don't fucking give a shit about you and they're trolls on Twitter tell you the truth you like she really did not process that like she was caught how could you think that she wouldn't eventually get caught like

I think the problem is it's not that you love speaking Spanish. It's that you're not. You're 0% Spanish and you won't admit it. Yeah. She could just come out and be like, look, Spanish people are way cooler than white people. And I want to be Spanish. And I'd be like, I get it. Like, I'm going to pop off. Speak Spanish for the rest of your life. Is that even like a Spanish name? Who knows? Did she just add I-A to the end?

Hanaria. Imagine going to high school with her and then like years down the line you see she's marrying Alec Baldwin and then you see all this like Spanish stuff. How pissed would you be? Like you're Hillary. It's her

ex people who were like at school with her that really like blew it up everyone was like I know her and this is what happened I know her and she's a white girl I know her she had like she looks like me she really looks like me in real life yeah I'm actually a little more exotic because I have some Italian in me right

But it's also even like Paige, you're Italian. It's like if you went to Rome during quarantine for like three months and came back and you were like, how you say in English? And you're like, what? And then you name your kids like Massimo and like all this stuff. I'm like, okay, well, she got like a weird obsession with... Well, my first child is Massimo, so take that back.

My husband needs that. Every girl on spring break goes to Barcelona and it changes them. But like she took it to the next level. And like, I just hope just talk to a PR team. No, I mean, it's it's literally this is like when your friends go abroad and they come back and they're way more interesting. Like I lived there for two months. Did you not go abroad? I didn't. I didn't.

I was playing tennis. You were just. I was like, no. You were like, wait, you have to study? Why wouldn't I just go on spring break? I was like, wait, I could go do this and not have to go to class. Why would I learn Spanish when I could just go to Panama City, Florida and be cultured in Panama City?

It's literally like going to school in New Mexico and being like, hola, I'm Mexican. I literally did that in college. I was like, I'm going to go to Miami for spring break. And then that week I was Spanish. So what up, Hilaria?

love that your drunk alter ego is actually less exotic you turn into Pam yeah she's wild Pam is the most wild someone actually I met someone named Pam and I was like oh my god wait no you're not Pam Paige is all well I think we gave Hilaria I think what do you think is gonna happen but what do you think is gonna happen with her future like how's this gonna unfold based on your like journalistic career of

Celebrity. In my humble opinion, my expertise, I mean, I think she's done. I had to look her up too because I didn't really even know what she did. She owns a yoga studio. Can I talk? Yeah, she just works on getting a hot body. Right. She's pregnant 95% of her life. She loves being preggers and then immediately the weight comes right off. I mean, here's the thing. If I'm Alec Baldwin, I'm actually pretty pissed because he's a legitimate celebrity and

a lot of people were like he deserves it like a lot of people don't like alec baldwin yeah he's had some like controversy yeah but also it even remember amy schumer posted the photo of her yeah he's basically making fun of her it was hilarious it was hilarious and then hilaria baldwin yeah she did this to herself she brought the attention but her excuse for bringing up was just like i love jokes um i really like jokes i love a joke

and she goes back and forth with the accent and she goes i don't really understand what she was saying but i i like jokes you're from boston you don't like not comprehend a joke in english like that's the that's the annoying thing like yeah she's making fun of you because you're fucking obnoxious here's the thing i'm actually terrified of hilarious

No, like full psychopath. Full sociopath. Like she might have fooled. But she fooled people because no one really dug. No one looked into Elaria. She's also been like living a lie for like the majority of her life. That's exhausting. Well, it's because she hates herself. Sorry. That was like really. But like this mental health moment. Oh, if you hate yourself, you don't have to become Spanish. She's like, I'm so insecure. You know what?

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Giggly to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash Giggly. I don't know if you guys have noticed from my Instagram stories, but I've basically switched all my loungewear over to Skims. I was obviously obsessed with their bras and underwear, but now I really can't get enough of their soft lounge collection. I have their soft lounge tank with...

with their matching lounge fold over pant. I'm absolutely obsessed. Not only do I wear it inside, but I actually wear it to travel a lot too. I noticed in my drawer the other day that basically all my bras and underwears are skims, but also now all of my t-shirts and my loungewear is skims.

I've pretty much cleared out all my lounge sets after I moved. I just like got rid of everything. I was like, I don't need all of these random sweatpants and sweatshirts and really replaced everything with skims because I know it's always going to look good and I know it always feels amazing. And you know how much I love laying in bed. So if I have an outfit that I can lay in bed in and also run errands in, then I'm a true fan.

shop the skim soft lounge collection at skims.com now available in sizes xxs to 4x if you haven't yet be sure to let them know we sent you after you place your order select podcast in the survey and select giggly squad in the drop down menu don't get me started i'm so fucking over how many okay last time you went to miami or la how many girls have their lips done

Bro, every single girl. It doesn't make you upset? See, here's the thing. Some people, I think, need it. And they look so much better. No, seriously. Some girls don't have an upper lip. And when they smile, you can see their gums. And they hate that. I get it. Some of them are evening out their lips. Yeah, it's evening out their lips. But some are like...

taking it next level um i'm like if i put a pin right there what would happen like would you feel a kiss like when you're kissing a dude can you feel it or your lips like you're feeling the silicone or whatever the fucking filler against his lips wow that's such an interesting it has to affect the like like kissing is all about your nerves like that's what's hot about it like a slow kiss but

Also, people say that the subconscious of getting these lip jobs are like because it looks more like a vagina. No way. Yeah. Your lips. It's a vagina turned. And like when two lips are the same size and big, it like turns a guy on like it's a vagina. I personally have like a bigger upper lip to my lower lip and I like it. See, I have the opposite. I feel like my lower lip is bigger than my upper lip.

but they're both beautiful they're both beautiful it's one thing I'd actually never do I have to say one more thing about plastic surgery you love going off on this topic and I love hearing it tell me if I'm right or wrong girls let's say you get your lips done you get your nose a little narrowed you get your little eye whatever looks good on Instagram

knock it in person i said it no it doesn't because in person you see how your face moves and you fucking look like an older woman who hates herself um i saw a girl recently who had a fake butt oh wow i don't know if i've ever seen that i was like we're taking it too far we're going

Like, how do you say? I just see it as self-hate. Like, when I see that, I go, oh, fuck. Why did you think that you were not good enough? Yeah. Like, let's talk about it. And also, what's the recovery process with a fake butt? Like, do you have to sleep on your stomach? Well, Leah from Real Housewives got her tits done and her nose done, which makes me.

makes me a little upset because i feel like she had such an amazing season do you remember when she was like throwing the tiki's and just looking at her body and being like wow yeah i was like oh my god if i don't look like this with like a 12 year old and like i'm four she's had a 12 year old also when i'm that drunk bitch is bloated

We can't even be in bathing suits all of summer house. She was like, I'm getting naked and throwing a tiki torch. And she was like, and she looks stunning. And she's, you know, doing her boxing. And then I guess she got her nose job done, but like a very tiny, but like, I don't even see the difference, but I just get worried. Like, did Leah watch herself last season on TV and just was like overly critical physically. I bet people were so mean to her. Yeah. You know, Dana from Vanderpump rules told me that she just gets overreacted.

attacked for her nose really we're like your nose i think she's gorgeous she's gorgeous but people who want to hate they'll find like the one thing they can and like she doesn't have like a tiny baby nose she has like a like she's the same nose as me i get i feel like i get attacked most for

Like not having normal sized boobs. Which is like a body type. Right. Which is like how every model's body is before they get a boob job. But I feel like I'm like secure enough that I'm like, I'm not going to go get a boob job. But like. Also, who's saying that to you, guys or girls? Both. Which is interesting. Ew. Why are guys saying that to you? Because they know that you would never fuck them. Right. You go, that's funny. Yeah.

They're literally like, this girl would never touch me with a 10-foot pole. I'm going to make her feel bad. Yeah, I'm going to yell at her about it. I'm just trying to check out at Starbucks. I don't know how we got here. Can I just have the grande and you can shut the fuck up? But I do think that you would look so fucking weird with boobs. No, it actually looks so weird. You'd look so weird. I'd topple over.

Who's who is Chris from Gardens of the Galaxy? Anna Pratt. Anna Pratt. Oh, Anna Faris. Anna Faris. Like, you remember that movie where she had fake boobs? Oh, yeah. What was that? House Bunny. House Bunny. Like, you look insane. Like, you look like a stick with like balloons. You're going to tip over.

It's also like, guys, you could see something that looks hot online that's heavily edited and be like, I want that. But like literally look at your own body. Your own proportions are meant to be a type of way. Right. There's nothing fucking hotter than confidence. A thousand percent true. A thousand percent. I say it every single time. I am always more like healthy jealous. When I say healthy jealous, it means like, oh, I want to be her friend or like, oh, I want to be more like her.

of a girl who fucking carries herself without a worry in the world and so comfortable than a girl who got her lips done and it looks good. The only time I ever feel like the jealousy feeling, which I hate that feeling. I actually get like mad at myself whenever I feel jealous, which like everyone feels jealous at some point. Yeah. When a girl has a better outfit on and like we're somewhere and I'm like, she's crushing it right now. You know what it is? Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I think of that?

it's like if you go to class and someone like studied way harder than you and you're like wait i didn't know we were studying that hard yeah it's like you go in the place and you're like oh are we bringing it to that level i was like oh okay so i didn't know we were doing leather pants tonight interesting i thought this was like a jogger night cool cool oh my god okay what's next okay oh my god this is so crazy everyone was sending me this

Alexander Wang getting accused of like sexual assault. First, because a guy put a video out on TikTok and said that he basically like long story short, he was at a club and said that like this guy was like feeling him up and it was like so awkward and he turned around and it was Alexander Wang. And then all these other people are coming out and saying the same thing. And then Alexander Wang put out a statement like this is a thousand percent false. Like this is not true.

This is not true. But I feel like there's so many people in the industry that are like, but actually, like, it could be. He's not just, like, sexual assault. He's being accused of, like, drugging people. Well, I was about to say, him, like, inappropriately, like, rubbing at a club. Like, I don't think that's legit. Yeah. Wait, so you're saying people in the industry are not, like, backing him? They're kind of like... I don't think anyone's really come out and been, like...

Not the crazy. Because, you know, I'm like, okay, I feel like celebrities, and I think Alexander Wang is obviously a celebrity, they have, like, their own world. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So, like, you know when you hear something about your friend from, like, a guy or something, and you're like, you're not wrong. Like, you're not wrong. She's a little bit crazy. Yeah.

yeah but you don't see that side to her right it's funny alexander wang has gotten really famous because he shows his face he's one of those designers that like and he's like gorgeous and he'll be like an accessory to these like celebrities that wear his stuff like they'll be sitting with him and he'll be next to them he also was like i intend to get to the bottom of this and hold whoever's accountable for like spreading these rumors online here's the other thing if it is false

Like, so fucked. It's so fucked that someone would do that. I'm gonna say right now, when there's smoke, there's fire. And if there's tons of people coming out, that's just him. Two...

It's what you said. It's a power dynamic thing. Yeah, he is. He's around. Yes, people. And he realized that like he wants a type of way and it's a power thing. But the interesting thing about this story is that with the Me Too movement, it's always been gross old white men. Yeah. So now that it's like a gay, likable, talented, good looking man. Yeah. It's like, why did you do that to us?

But it's like, is he going to get canceled the same way like a creepy comedian or like movie producer would? Wow. So interesting also because he has such relationships with... I mean, Alexander Wang... Is connected with everyone, has collaborations with everyone. Every single celebrity. His clothes are fucking amazing. But think about it. Imagine going out and...

You see Massimo from 365. Don't do this to me. And he is fucking weird in bed. Like, and he does some stuff that makes you very uncomfortable. Yeah. Are you going to tell someone? That he's weird? Are you going to go to the press and say Massimo? Like, he did anal. He didn't want to. And you literally said no. Like, if he... Like, he forced you. Oh, am I going to the press and saying it?

No, I think I'm going right to the police. Okay. What would you do? Well, what if, but what if it was like kind of a gray area? Like you were kind of into it and then.

Oh, okay. So you're saying, okay, wait, let's really get into this because I'm intrigued. Yeah, yeah. Just think about it. Like, it's a real gray area of like, you're hooking up. You want to hook up with Massimo. You can't believe this star is that you're obsessed with. Is he giving you attention? He brings you home. You're making out. It's all fun. Okay. And then he just like wants to do anything. You're like, I don't want to. And he's just like kissing, kissing. You're into it. Like, it's not like a violent thing. Yeah. Next thing you know, he just kind of slides it in and...

doesn't slide, not easy, bleedy, like it's not, it hurts. And then afterwards you cuddle and kiss and you're just like, that was weird. You're not going to the police. I'm not going to the police. No, and you're not going to press. I'm not going to the police and I'm not going to press, but like I'm deleting your number and I'm also telling all my friends.

Yes. So think about that. That's something that could have happened with Alexander Wang, with everyone. You're like, oh my God, Alexander Wang's giving me attention. He does some creepy shit. Next thing you know, you're like kind of passed out. You hook up with him in the morning. You're like still want his attention because he's Alexander Wang. But you're like, that was fucking weird. You delete his number. You're like, he's a fucking creep. You tell your friends, you're not going to press. You're not going to the police. But then somehow something leaks. Next thing you know, all these people with this weird story. That's how it happens. Rape is not black and white.

Are you the president of the United States? No, I just explained all this so clearly. Because people think rape is like some random person that like... No, it's normally a guy you meet at a club or a guy in a friend group who's a fucking creep and ends up taking it too far. Or there's some weird power dynamic that like you were giving him a chance and you realize you shouldn't have. But there's a difference between rape and a guy being a creep. Like a guy just like doing weird shit in bed. You're like, ew. But like if you're...

You know, deep down, when a guy's taking it too far. Wow. It's got dark. No, it is. This was, this got dark, you guys. Okay, sorry. I'm not accusing. This is all a legend. This is all a legend. I'm going to lighten the mood with a really great story. A guy in the UK got drunk and legally changed his name to Celine Dion. Wait, I'm upset. Is he straight? No.

Absolutely not straight. And you want to know why he did it? Why? He said, because I fucking love her. And he was drunk. He didn't know he did it until a couple weeks later. He got these papers in the mail that was like, you need to sign. Which means he needs a new passport. He needs a new driver's license. He needed to sign to say, yes, I want to change it. And he got the paper and he goes, you know what? Fuck it. I'm doing it.

His parents are going to be like, wait. He goes, I want to be friends with this person. He goes, I don't care what anyone thinks. I'm only scared that my mom is going to be mad at me. I told my mom I wanted to change my name to Lucy, my middle name. And she was like, but Hannah was the name we chose for you.

Wait, that is so fucking funny that he had a chance to be like, that was stupid. And I was like, nope, that was genius. Yeah, change his Twitter, his Instagram handle. He's like, I really just want to talk to her. I love her. Change his Twitter and Instagram.

He's like, when I feel sad or when I'm happy, I listen to her. So like, why would I not do this? Why does this remind me of Elaria in Spain? She's like, I got drunk and changed my name to Elaria España. Everyone's just having an absolute identity crisis. The fact that she calls her kids Baldwinitos...

It's like she literally changed her last name to make it Spanish. Baldwinito. No, bitch. No, it's not okay. It's not okay. It's not okay. Do we have anything else? No, that was it. There are certain things that you buy every single summer. Sandals, sunscreen, snacks.

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Welcome, friends, to the Playful Scratch from the California Lottery. We've got a special guest today, the Scratcher's Scratch Master himself, Juan. Juan, you've mastered 713 playful ways to scratch. Impressive. How'd you do it? Well, I began with a coin, then tried a guitar pick. I even used a cactus once. I can scratch with anything. Even this mic right here. See? See? Well, there you have it. Scratchers are fun no matter how you scratch. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim. Okay, amazing. So now we have time because people were like, Hannah, Paige, we need more advice. We get it. And we are here for you. Let's wrap it up. Whip talk time! Okay. I'm a wild free spirit. Boyfriend is not. Can this work? Break up? Um...

Hannah what do you think? Okay so I used to think opposites attract because I'm like loud so I liked like younger guys. Yeah. I mean younger guys. I liked like quiet guys. Yeah. And then I realized like at the end of the day you actually want someone who's more similar to you. Like you have to have enough differences that they're interesting because like you obviously get bored with someone who's exactly like you but you want to have someone who actually just like likes doing the same shit as you day to day.

I 1000% agree with that. Like you have to have certain differences. But like if you want to go out every single weekend and he doesn't like it's not going to last. It's not going to work because a relationship like yeah, you could be attracted to someone. Yeah, you think they're hot. Yeah, the sex is great. But an actual relationship is day to day deciding what activities you want to do. Exactly. And like if you're a free spirit and you're like, here's a perfect example. Like I'm the messiest bitch ever.

like up in here like my shit is all over all the time it's really hard to date someone who's like super organized because it's just like small little things and I'm like oh no well it's like it's like me and you we're both messy right the amount of times we could have had a fight if one of us was anal right but we did it like a blow up fight but instead we just laughed so that just shows like can you just sweep the crumbs off the bed

Yeah, no problem. I spilled honey on the floor and I just put a napkin on it. And I just put a napkin on it. And I stayed there for three weeks. We were in the movie Big Daddy and you were Adam Sandler and you were like, just put newspaper over it. It's fine. We'll get it later. I was like, we have fruit flies now in our bed, which is something I didn't think could happen. But here we are. I have a really good one. I just broke up with my long-term boyfriend and his mom.

And his mom won't stop texting me help.

That's so sad I know But I've dated guys where the mom was like I fucking love you and I know my son's a fucking idiot And like I always have respect for you And I love you I once had a guy I broke up with Didn't fucking tell his mom And she was texting me like Hey are you coming over this weekend And I literally texted him I was like grow the fuck up And tell your mom You're like sorry ma'am Your son ruined my life

That's when you respond and go, I'm sorry, this number has been disconnected. Okay, here's the thing. This girl, you need to just take it as a compliment. I have, I would say...

I don't know how many ex-boyfriends. I can't even keep count of them anymore. But I have like a few moms that are still like, we miss you. And I'm like, no, I get it. I get it. Just you have to take it as a full compliment. And I always tell guys, I'm like, look, if you're not serious about this, I just want to warn you. Your mom will ask about me for the rest of your life. So unless you're committed to that.

Don't start with me. So just take it as a compliment. It's a great selling point to use in the future. But also you can tell the guy and be like, hey, I love your mom, but you need to know that she's texting me a lot. And maybe if it comes from him, like, hey, I heard you're texting Hannah a lot. Like,

you you shouldn't like don't make it coming from you make it come from him because it's his responsibility but also if she's fucking awesome it's cool to just have a fun like older woman in your life yeah that is cool with as long as it doesn't like constantly bring you back to that relationship or hold you back final question career advice for someone who's so scared to fail they don't take chances oh i used to be like that

What changed? Like, how did you recover? I think I was I was just so dumb that I didn't realize when I was taking chances. Like, I think I'll walk to work today and put myself on IGTV. Like, you know what I think it is? No, I think that you take risks that some people wouldn't. But then you'll be really safe with things that other people would like. Right. Yeah, that's true. Like some things are not scary to you that are scary to other people.

Okay, agreed. Agreed. But you are scared of messing up, but you're confident in certain things. Like, you find what you're confident in. Yeah. My thing is, you're going to fail. I hate to bring up a sports quote, but Michael Jordan missed like 50% or more of the shots. I hate to do it to him. I hate to bring up MJ, but he would always take the last shot, which means if you miss, the whole fucking team loses. And he missed like 50% of them.

I don't know if that's the right number, but he missed a lot of them. I don't know if that's the exact quote. We're paraphrasing for sure. We're paraphrasing, allegedly. However, the ones he made, he's a fucking hero. My thing with me is I just, if you're going to fail, fail fast. So I'll like try something. And if it doesn't work, just know when you fucked up and it's not right and move on. Because like...

All we're doing is failing. And bring that into relationships. You're going to fail fast and hard. When you know the guy's not right, no one's mad at you. Just get the fuck out.

Oh, that's the energy we're bringing to 2021. Yes, kids. Fail fucking fast. Paige, I love you so much. I love you so much. Giggly Squad is going so hard in 2021. We have new merch coming out. Join our Patreon.com slash Giggly Squad to watch us and like, subscribe, swipe up. Oh my God. Our merch is going to be so good. Wait, I can't wait to show everyone. Okay, we'll talk about that next time too. We'll go into a full detail. Okay. Love you. Bye guys. Bye.