Giggling about hot brothers, white buffalos, and Britney, bitch
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I mean, the day just got away from me. Welcome back to Giggly Squad. We're recording early because we were just so fucking excited to be back. This is the only thing that I, we act like we woke up at 7 a.m. It's 10 a.m. on a Saturday. I woke up with a question for you that's pretty important. Wow. Hit me with it. What the fuck is up with the Zara website? Why does no one talk about this?

Dude, the Zara website is, I can't even, I get it. Like they want to be artsy. They want to be creative. I can only shop on the app. Oh, Hannah, do you know that Zara started a dog collection? Oh my God. Yeah, so you might need it for like. What about cats? Cats, I feel like are finicky and they don't want to wear like sweaters. Where dogs are so dumb that they're just like, this is nice.

now that you rescue dogs i felt like oh my god thank you get him a raincoat i know i might as well keep him styling while i'm saving them but i watch this funny dog versus cat video which is so overdone but this guy trey kennedy is really funny and he was like dog people and he's like look i'm gonna pretend like i'm dead watch what the dog does and he like falls down and the dog like goes over and sniffs him and he's like see he could tell he could tell that i was i was hurt

And then the cat people are like, she'll claw your eyes out, so just don't look at her. Don't make eye contact. I do love those videos. I have something that I realized. Okay, Kylie Jenner. Because, you know, it's the year of realizing. Yeah. Okay, so last night I was at one of my girlfriend's apartments and we were just like eating. We were binge eating, honestly. We ordered Chinese food, Taco Bell, and insomnia cookies. My lips are so swollen today, but like we also love that for me.

Who needs filler when you could just burn the shit out of it with Taco Bell? Literally eat a bunch of salt and like you'll be fine. Oh, fun fact. Like before proms, I used to not eat salt for 48 hours. So you're like your water weight. Something happens to your water weight. Anyway, that's not why I'm here. People say eat asparagus. I'm here. Wait, I have a trivia. Do you know how long it takes for an asparagus to grow? Why do you know that?

Okay. It was a dinner party trivia. Four years. And it just makes your pee smell funny. Yeah. Some people it doesn't. Okay. But anyway, back to my story. So I'm at my friend's apartment and I'm like going through my DMs and I was like, you know, what's so horrible is like I have like legitimate friends that like I just don't open their DMs because I'm like, it's just a lot, you know, like there's a lot of DMs.

And I go, sometimes I open them, read them, and then click like unread. And she goes, you know that it's only unread for you. The person can see that you open the DM, but you're clicking unread. So it goes back to the top of your inbox and it looks like it's not open. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. Did you check that against, like, the Giggle Squad account or something? I didn't check it. I mean, we could do it literally right now. I'm going to DM you. Okay, DM me. Oh, my God. This is stressing me out. Dude, I started freaking out. I was like, do you know how many people I've, like, read the DM and been like, no. Okay, so I just read it, but now I'm pressing on. Now, refresh. I just pressed on read. Okay. Okay.

I can see. I know. I know. I know. Then what is the point of what? Okay, Instagram. It's only unread personally for you. And it has like the little blue button. Like, oh my God, I didn't open this. Now I know why so many people are mad at me that I didn't know why. Yeah. So I just want to let everyone know that because it was traumatizing when I found this out. That's important. Yeah.

That's important. It's important. I, why can't you search people who search, watch your Insta story? Like why do you even have the names if you can't search it? Also, furthermore, further fucking more, why can't you search a topic in your DMS? You know what I mean?

You know, it's like you ever have, you know, like in text message, you know, when you can like search an address and it comes up in your text. Yeah. So I'm going to be like, oh, what was that lipstick you wore? And I like forgot what it was called, but I know I sent it to someone else and I could like type in lipstick. And no, it doesn't fucking work. Also, why do people's names not come up? It's like the thing they put in the beginning of their bio. You know, you know, when people change like the background of the DM. Yeah. Like they're changing the font. They're changing it. Like stop. Stop. Stop.

Also, what's the whole like invisible mode on DMs? Like what is that? Instagram needs to get it together. Also, they switch. We didn't talk about this enough, but like they put like the shopping tab right where the main just like notification tab used to be. So I've been stuck in like Meredith Marks jewelry for like weeks now. Seven years. Oh, and they also changed on my home screen like my saved Instagram.

Saved tab is right there, which I do love because I'm always in my saved tab. Which is important. Speaking of, we went live last week. I know. Oh my God, that was so fun. The Gigglers donated over $2,000 to Black Girls Code, which is an amazing organization.

And we it's funny because I feel like in the beginning we were like a little in shock that we were doing it. And then we got we started vibing. And then when you were joking about how if you look in someone's saved and you see the quotes, you know exactly where the mental health is. Like if they're getting over a breakup, if they're like fighting with someone, if they're feeling insecure. Let's see what my most recent one was. This is where my mental health is at this week.

You need to love yourself. Love yourself so much to the point that your energy and aura rejects anyone who doesn't know your worth. Bruh. And that's on being ghosted. Mine is me talking about men in general and it's like the puke emoji a hundred times. Then it goes me talking about my man and it's like the heart emoji. I love love. It's fine. Oh, I also have another one. You can be a kind person with a good heart and still tell people to fuck off when needed.

I love that. I love that for us. I feel like that's great. So anyway, so yeah, the Instagram thing was a real turning point in my life. So I'm sorry for anyone who knows that I've read your DMs and I haven't opened them or I haven't responded. But...

Well, people have to understand that like all those messages give different energy to you. And as an empathic person, which I joke, like I don't even know what that means, but everyone thinks they're empathic. We're sensitive. We are sensitive people, even though we come off highly insensitive. We both have sensitive triggers. And I think we just have dark humor. We're sensitive people. We just have dark humor. A thousand percent to cope with our sensitivity.

But I do think like because one message like fucks up your day and sometimes, you know, especially with your friends, if you message them back, they're going to message you back, which gives you more anxiety. And yes, sometimes I'm like, I know what she's going to respond. And I just can't get into that convo right now because I have so much shit to do. And I'll sit here for two hours and we'll rip the other girl that we're talking about apart forever.

But I don't have the time right now. No. So like wait till it's 11 p.m. and I'm in bed and I'm like, let's destroy the girl you want to gossip about. Like what's going on? Tell me. You have to be in the right mindset for that kind of shit.

Paige, also, you have some, like, life events happening. You know how they say, like, the most stressful thing in the world is, like, planning a wedding, having a baby, or moving? Obviously, I'm not doing the first two because, like, she's a child, a child bride. But I am moving. And it is a little bit stressful. But then I realized you could literally pay people to do anything you want. Which is the craziest part. So...

I am moving. It's so exciting because I feel like I'm like an adult and like a big girl now. And one of my best friends from home is an interior designer. And she was just like, please let me have fun with the space. And one room is completely dedicated to my life's work, which is outfit deets. I love your work. Thank you. Paige is so proud. I love your work. Thank you.

So I have like a closet room that we're going to be like, but I'm going to try and do everything pretty much on a budget. So like I already know how I'm setting up my closet with like the racks I'm going to get from Amazon. So I'm going to do like a full, a full thing. I can't wait. You have to put it all on Amazon. Yeah. You have to like do little tours. I'm very, very excited for you because you've worked really hard to be able to like get this apartment.

And it's part of self-love to create a space of your home that you love and you enjoy. My question is... Our vibe is like contemporary chic, white, a little bit girly. How long have you been in your current apartment?

Oh my God, I've lived here for five years. Yeah, so this is like you're growing up. Here's the thing, people, too. I live in an eight, like it's like 800 square feet. I don't, I feel like it's way less, way less than 800 square feet. Yeah, I was just going to say, when people say like square footage of things, does anyone ever actually know what they're talking about? I literally just made that up. I just made that up and I said it as fact. And I was just like, that's not the case. That's true. That's like 800 feet is like a two bedroom space.

like too bad well this is like four for sure but i don't know who knows it's like when someone asks what the girth of something is and you're just like excuse you are you do you mean the circumference i do think are we talking about out here asking girth yeah what are you talking about hey let me know the girth of that vase there was a brian regan joke where he was talking about how impossible it is to go to the again go to the mail office place the mail place yeah

And how they're like, what's the length, the width, what's the girth? And he's like, the girth? I don't know what the girth is. Yeah, fuck the post office. Like, what am I, a mathematician? Wait, I'm sorry. I don't want to talk bad about the post office. There's like a lot of good things you guys do. However, you just assume people know how your shit works. And some millennials are dumb. You have to at least put a little sign out that gives like a step-by-step. Because I ruin everyone's day when I walk in there.

Yeah. You know what meme I love? It's like, UPS, your package is with Ronald and it'll arrive at 2.45. FedEx, we're not quite sure, but we definitely know that it's on the way and it will be to you in two days. Like, post office. We have no fucking idea, so, like, move on. Yeah.

I can literally be doing the most straightforward thing, like picking something up, and they look at me like I'm annoying the fuck out of them. And they hate me, and I just don't like the energy. And I'm like, this is why millennials are stuck on their computer. Let's do some quick advice before we get into some crazy front page news. I really like the advice questions the viewers have been sending. Paige, after your first date, should you text thank you or wait for them to reach out to you? Oh.

Oh my God. So do you know, I have this conversation with so many people. Here's how I feel. I love to do the like no text the next day and wait for him. And if he is smart, he's not going to text you all day until the end of the day and be like, Hey, I had a great time with you last night. If you really like him and you want him to know that you really like him, I think it's a

appropriate that like the next day midday hey just wanted to say thank you so much for dinner had such a great time I think that's okay I'm gonna disagree with you interesting can you extrapolate yeah okay do you just say extrapolate to me roll the footage roll the footage roll the footage did you just say extrapolate to me at 10 a.m on a Saturday morning it's my only after you know that I had after you know I had Taco Bell last night why would you do that to me

Okay, so what I say is if you liked him and the date was good...

You immediately text him a very formal, like, flippant... What are these words, Hannah? Are you reading the dictionary on your spare time? Flippant? I have been doing crossword puzzles, and I'm very bad at them. Wait, are you saying immediately, like, that night, like, you go home after the date, you can text that night? I'm saying, like, not even waiting to the point that, like, you're still in that good vibe mode, and he hasn't, like, reflected on it if he doesn't like you yet. Got it.

So right after the date If it's good Sometimes he'll text you right after But I would be like Yeah that's when you know I would immediately just be like So much fun thank you Cause then it's like The bald's definitely in his court Cause you have to understand Men are insecure dweebs So you end a date with them And then they don't hear from you the next day They're like

in their head they might think like oh she didn't like me but if you immediately text and just say so much fun thank you he's not going to be like oh my god she's obsessed with me it's like no that's a no i love that so i do that but also when the date is so fucking good you guys are texting right after yeah and if he's not he's like annoying yeah i love when you get in the uber and like they send a text like wow and you're just like no i know like it was so great

I love that. Or like they already start texting you inside jokes from the date. Like that just means you're flowing. Like the more you have to think like, wait, does he like me? Then. Yeah. It's not a thing. Like it's fine. You know, it's the worst. What? The next day, like after the date and you just like, you know, you don't like him and he texts you like, oh my God, so much fun. Let's do this again. You're just like,

I have the ick, sir. I ghost. I ghost. And people are like, oh, ghosting's so mean. And I've had guys send me, like, really long texts about how upset they are that I ghosted them. And I'm like, bruh. If we've been on one date, I don't owe you shit. If we've been on one date and I don't respond, that's a very clear message. It's not like, what happened to us? If it's one date...

You get ghosted if I don't like you. Here's the thing I'm going to say about ghosting and I feel pretty strongly about it. I don't get that mad when guys ghost me because I know it's just like the universe revolving because there's times where I'm like, I'm ghosting this. Like I'm just doing it. It's a form of melodrama.

of millennial communication, we have anxiety. We don't want to confront things. Yeah. And I'm not going to break up with every dude I go on a date with who I don't like. I can't break up with every dude. No. Like if we've hung out a few times and I don't want to speak to you anymore, I do not owe you anything. Yeah. And I'm just not responding. Like get the fucking picture. But here's the thing. I was recently ghosted. Mm-hmm.

Buy a male suitor, which we're mind blown about. But there was part of me that was like, good for you, bro. Because I sent the next text like, hey, remember me? You literally said sup at 1 a.m. I was like, are you up? Like, I know you found out that I was dating everyone else, but like...

What's up? You know, and like, I was a little bit mad. Here's why I was mad. I was just like, I want to know why you ghosted me. I'm not mad that you ghosted. But like deep down, you know why he ghosted you. Yeah, no, I'm the worst. I got it.

You're like, pardon me? I'm proud of him for being like an independent man and like finding his own voice. I'm like, wow, I love how much confidence you have and you're actually turning me on right now that you're not fucking responding. But then, okay, so I get ghosted and then like later in the week I was hanging out with someone and I was like, I'm ghosting this guy. You know, like fuck it. So I was like,

Is the world revolving? You sometimes get ghosted or sometimes you go. People get so mad. Like, don't go. It's like, like, explain it, whatever. It's like, what has to be explained? You want them to explain why they don't like you? The point is they don't like you.

Right there's so many memes that are like I appreciate this so much like hey I think you're great I just like I don't see it going anywhere And like yeah I get that that's the mature thing But also fuck you You know like oh you don't see it going anywhere with me If I got that text I'd be like I'd have a hundred more questions I'd be like why? Because you know what I didn't even fucking like you bitch Yeah Why could you chew so fucking loudly I was gonna look past that Because I like the curvature of your dick

Yeah. But you know what the worst is? When you're like not questioning and a guy is talking to you all the time and obsessed with you. Yeah. And then does shady shit.

Yeah. Okay, that's different. So like when people are like, Hannah, you're crazy. Like someone's not into you at all. I'm like, oh, because I literally almost had to block them. No, I got it. Okay. How do I find and attract a non-asshole? I'm sorry for writing in this question. Yeah, that was actually really good though.

okay that was really good page i'm proud of you i feel like hannah and i feel the same way about like you get the energy that you put out you're calling yourself an asshole oh my god i'm so sorry to this girl i did not mean to call her an asshole but like but i feel like you get these asshole guys when deep down you know you don't want a relationship oh my god you know what i mean fucking nailed it

When I attract the terrible men, it's because like deep down, yeah, I'm not ready to be vulnerable and I've been hurt. So I'm like, let's pick someone who I know is going to hurt me and I know I could hurt them. And we're just going to see what toxic shit happens. But like the assholes are fun because they're like outgoing and they'll play mind games. But it's also like a part of self-love. It's because it's exciting. It's exciting. But a part of self-love is like being with someone who doesn't make you feel like you're in eggshells all the time.

And that you're, like, worried about it. Which is weird because I wasn't like that in my past relationship. I was actually, like, so bored. It's the drama for us. Like, I'm sorry I hate to say it, but I am sometimes so toxic. Like, I love the drama of, like...

do you like me? Are you going to text me? Like, do I like you do? Like, are you showing too much attention to me now? I have the ache or like, now am I obsessed with you? Like, are you not responding fast enough? Like I love when guys are like, I don't like you. Yeah. You definitely need to talk to someone about that. Cause I hate the drama. I hate when I was younger. I did. I liked the drama a little bit. Cause you're like figuring out what dating is. And you're like, Ooh, this is what dating is. It's like drama. It's like,

TV shows And then you're like I literally just want someone Who always wants to be with me But here's the thing Here's why I love the drama Because I don't want Something serious If the most amazing guy Came up to me Like I'm talking to Like some pretty great guys Right now And like some of them I feel like if they were like Do you want a date I'd be like You're amazing No I love that you're using This podcast To break up With ten guys right now Guys Let's all gather You don't respond I could send one collective text

You ghost them and they're like, what the fuck? And you're like, go to 17 minutes in on Giggly Squad and just deal with that because I can't re-explain it again. It's so annoying. But I like to have the guy in the background that I've been obsessed with for years who's like, no. I love the drama. I know the answer to this question. I remember why I picked it. Do you know the feeling you get when you first, first meet a guy? Like those first five minutes. Yeah.

Trust that intuition. Damn. And I'm going to tell you one thing. When I met Luke, the first five minutes, it was like clear and I like was not into it. But I like I like love that he was into me.

Yeah. And like then it got lost. You can also tell when someone's into you and it's an immediate like Sarah. Hi. You're like love it. Like damn I feel so hot right now because I know for a fact that you love me in this first like five minutes. Yeah I love but it's like you know the first five minutes when you meet a guy and you're just not that into it. But then you can let yourself get obsessed with the idea of them liking you and then

And those are the ones that fuck you up the most because you're like...

I didn't even fucking like you. Yeah. Okay, so this is a great guy story. So, okay, so I met this guy one time, and the first thing that he did was yell at me. And I would, like, introduce myself. I was like, hi, I'm Paige, like, whatever. And he was like, Paige, I've met you so many times. Like, try and pretend like you don't know who I am one more time. And I was just like, oh, my God, I don't remember you, but I love that you're yelling at me. I love that, and now I will remember. Yeah, and so, like, in the beginning, I, like, wasn't really that into it. But then I was like, wait, what?

You like yelled at me. You're kind of making me laugh. I think you're obsessed with me. And now I'm obsessed with you.

So, like, there's a little thing. But that is, but that's cute, Paige. Like, that's a guy who is, like, has a sense of humor. And he also is, like, not letting you do your bullshit. Like, I love when guys don't let me do my bullshit and call me out. Because I feel like they're really paying attention to me. Because, of course, sometimes I try and act, like, super cool. I'm like, I don't know you. Like, I would never do that to a girl. But, like, to a guy, I'd be like, I don't know who the fuck you are. You should do it all the time. You should literally be like, oh, my God. Steve? Steve?

I've like I've straight up at a bar once called a guy a different name the whole time because he was getting annoyed and it was so funny. Like have fun with flirting with these assholes. Have fun with it. But it's true. The first like two, three minutes, you know, when you see someone and you're like, like, remember that feeling? Because no, no, no. Like, you know, they're bad news. Oh, yeah. And if you can, you can. That's my whole thing of like, do I like him or does he just wear his hat backwards? I can make myself like anyone if I feel like they like me.

I told you when I was dating the mascot in college, I mean, he was like, he was a manager at like the bar that all the athletes go to. And I was underage and I'd have to like go in with the hockey players through the kitchen. So like,

up with the manager at this bar was like amazing. But I didn't even think it was like I also he was so funny and I had just gone out of dating like a football guy and I was like wait like a mascot is like funny and relatable and they're like not full of egos. They're not like on TV. Well he is. I guess they are on TV on every Sunday but in their little outfit you know it's not like their face and girls aren't like DMing them after. Right.

and i literally like i thought he loved me so much i was like hooking up with other guys too and then i decided like oh i want to make him my boyfriend got super hammered and told him at the kk i said let's be together but like we don't have to be facebook official and what'd he say he goffed in my face what's a guy he what he just went like he scoffed scoffed he was like

Then I guess I was pretty drunk. But then like I I don't deal like if I could tell the second I could tell a guy doesn't like me like I'm out. I'm out. So that's where we're different. I didn't like that response. So then I ignored I ignored him for the next three months but obsessed about him those three months.

No, you have to obsess about that. Like, I literally was like, every time I went out, I was like, I hope I see him. But like, if he texted me, I'd ignore him. Or like... I've worn outfits just where I'm like, I might run into him.

Possibly, if he does not see me in this outfit, I will lose my mind. Lose my absolute mind. No, I need all the mental health moments. Recently, I had an outfit saved. And I was like, I know for a fact I'm going to see him tonight. And I know for a fact he's going to freak out about this outfit. Nailed it. Crushed it. Felt bad the next morning. I'm really happy for you for that. I'm really happy that you converted your plan. But mental health moment is I realized I was dealing with a lot of anxiety with stuff.

And I put it all into like this guy, like instead of like facing my actual problems, I'd be like, am I going to see this guy tonight? And let's stress all about it the whole time. And I literally was not that into him. Like I literally wasn't into him. Yeah. But I was obsessed. I was obsessed. Dude, when they start acting, when you, oh my God, this is the other thing. When like you didn't really like someone and you're like, okay, whatever. Like I'll give you a shot. And then you're like, wait, I like, I kind of like you. Like you're funny. You're making me laugh. We have fun together.

And then they start acting like they're on your level. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. I lowered my standards for you. Nope. And now you're going to end it with me. The second you lower your standards, you trip.

You trip on whatever is on the ground. I'm like, why am I like freaking laying in bed at 11 p.m. freaking out? That's why like y'all situationships fuck your shit up. Situationships are confusing, complex. The games. I've had a situationship that I've mourned more than any boyfriend I've ever dated. And this guy doesn't even know I exist. It was three weeks. And I'm like, no.

you don't understand my heart is broken because you guys when you date someone you go through the phase of learning all about them finding the things that annoy you about them you go through the like stopping having sex as much like it all plays itself out to the point that once it's done you're like well at least i know all about why i don't like this person where situationship is all fucking made up in your head the fantasies are fucking all made up the fantasies that i've made up about certain people like in our life together it

is why people would check me into an insane asylum this mascot too which i talk about him all the time and he actually we we like jokingly talk sometimes because i always talk about him on podcasts and he's like he laughs about it he's a good sense of humor i talked about him on call her daddy more in depth if you guys want to listen to that but i he messaged me like a year later and was like you're the one that got away

And I remember just thinking like that, but it's like the only thing I wanted a year ago. Have you heard the term great white Buffalo? That sounds like someone's calling me fat. No. Okay. So there's a term. I don't know. Maybe it's like an upstate New York thing. Definitely. Cause I've never heard it.

I've heard multiple people say it like where I'm from. I don't I've heard like a couple of people in the city say it. But great. You're great. White Buffalo is that one person that you're like, I fucked it up. And every time I see them, I am like I fall back in love with them.

And so like, so like if you ever see that person, you're like, that's my great white buffalo. I don't have a great white buffalo. It's the person that like you fucked it up. But now if you see them, you would drop everything to date them again. Wow. Wow. But also the thing is he he's like married now. I think he's like going to have a kid. His wife is beautiful, whatever. And he messaged Shane. He's like, hey, my wife loves you on Summer House.

And then I did a TikTok like when the guy who like wouldn't text you back's wife is now like watches you on TV or something. I love that. I love that. It's just the world is so funny. And I also feel like

You know when you're really shy with the person you like sometimes? I feel like he didn't know me at all. I was just the drunk girl who was kind of funny but then insecure. Once I got in a fight with him about how tennis was harder than baseball. That was the extent of it. He really didn't know me. And now he's probably like... I wonder if he's either like, I dodged a bullet or he's like, wow, she's so funny. Yeah.

She's so funny. She's hilarious. No, you're his great white buffalo. Sorry, wife. Do you feel like people watching you on the show, guys, like you more or are turned off? Turned off. I'm the worst. I'm like, I get it. One time a guy was like, you're a lot and I don't think I could ever date you. And I'm just like, I get it. Actually, one of my exes who...

was super toxic it was like a couple months in and he's like in love with me wants to marry me whatever and he goes yeah our first date i was like she's a lot and in that moment i was like oh we're wrong for each other because the guy that i'm going to be with will never ever think i'm a lot yeah i feel like he was more talking about my personality though like you is like a bigger yes it's your scorpio it's a bigger it's a lot more girth it's a lot more girth

It's girthy. You know, it comes – I come with a lot and I – yeah. But also you're not high maintenance. You're just like – you know, actually I've never dated you so I'm not going to try to mansplain what you're like. It's that time of the year. Your vacation is coming up. You can already hear the beach waves, feel the warm breeze, relax, and think about –

You really, really want it all to work out while you're away. Monday.com gives you and the team that peace of mind. When all work is on one platform and everyone's in sync, things just flow. Wherever you are, tap the banner to go to Monday.com.

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Okay, this is fun. I want to date my best friend's brother. She's okay, but how do I do it? I kind of love that. Here's the thing. I come from like a family of... Incest? I don't know. What are you saying? I don't know why I started it out like that. Like I come from a long line of like people that fuck their brother. It's like, what was I saying? I have no idea. No, I don't know where my brain was with that.

I meant, like, I don't give a shit about a lot of things. So, like, I never would get mad if, like, my brother was, like, gonna sleep with one of my friends. And my brother's five years older than me. So, like, when we were in college and, like, graduated college, like, my friends were hot. So, like, if my brother, like, liked one of them, I was like, I don't give a shit. Like, do whatever you want. So, it depends on how the friend feels. But, like, I feel like there's a lot of girls out there that would be like, do not, like, date my... Like, you can't date my brother. I'd be like...

Like, have at it. Let's all go out to dinner. You know, like, why would I care? Oh, yeah. I literally pushed my brother when my brother was single because my brother is so hot and people think it's weird that I think my brother is hot. I'm like, sorry, I'm proud of my... Like, it's like me saying my best friend's hot. My brother's fucking hot. He's a six pack. He's super smart. He's like... He's a catch. He's like... My brother is such a catch. So whenever I'd meet a girl I like, I'd be like...

Date my brother. Also, like, I want to hang out with my brother. So, like, if the girl he's dating happens to be one of my friends, like, hello, the double dates, the couple vacations. Like, why not? My brother's, like, seeing this one girl, like,

And I'm like, I love her. And I'm like, and I knew her in high school. That's good. And I was like, date her. Let's all go out to dinner. Like, let's see where this goes for us. You know, I miss what my brother's like engage right now. And we love, we love Jeannie, but I miss when he was single. Cause I would fuck with him so much at the bars. I would tell you, but we, he's blonde hair, green eyes.

We do not look alike at all. Now I kind of see it more, but it's like you kind of have to look three times to see it. So when we were at the bar and a girl would be flirting with him when he went to Wisconsin with me, I would always go up and like be like petting his hair while she's talking to him. Oh, he would like come visit you in college? No, he went to Wisconsin. No way. Wait, I didn't know that. No, he went to Wisconsin. I'm two years older. And he immediately like I was on tennis team. I was fucking like...

always training and he joined a frat like i'd be going to weights while he was like coming back from the bar sab that's so fun so he would be able to text me every now and then and he also i was like what's it like dating frat boys like daniel like he had this one guy who was so mean to the freshman but he started like flirting with me and i was trying to get in to be like hey can you stop hazing my brother

But then, like, I threw up on my couch, so I stopped talking to him because I can't deal with throw up. But I would go to the bar, and a girl would be, like, all over him, and I would just go over and, like, be playing with his hair. And she'd be like, um, and, like, start having an attitude, and my brother would laugh. He'd be like, that's my sister. And she'd be like, oh, my God, it's, uh. And I'd be like, no. But then when my brother met his future wife,

He literally did not let me near her. He was like, no way. Cause he thought I was going to fuck with it. And you know what? I probably would have. Cause I think it's funny when you're drunk at a bar, but he was like, you can't mess with this one. I have a lot of brother stories, but I was like fully in love with my friend's brother. Your friend's brother. Yeah. Okay. And what happened? So you're in the same boat as this girl, which we never gave her advice on. We just were like, our brothers are amazing. I'm just like, it was one time. My brother did something really cute. Um,

We are really obsessed with our brothers, which I think is fucking endearing. My best friend, like my ride or die in college, she is the funniest, most hilarious person ever. Find out she has a brother who's 6'4". So her brother is literally just like her. Hilarious, funny, charming, but hot and 6'4". And when he visited, I was, we apparently like, she's a year younger than me.

And apparently she's not used to him like talking to her friends or whatever. But I immediately we just like talk the whole time at the bar. And she was like, what the fuck? And then I would like visit where she lives. And he was like, she's his little sister. So he like, yeah, she would like knock on the door, be like, what he goes up to today. And she'd be like, what the fuck is going on? And like, I think there was sometimes some tension because she'd be like, are you trying to hang out with me or my brother? Like, where is this?

Stop. And we had like, and then she kind of got to the point where like she didn't want to hear about it anymore. Because I was like, we had a forbidden relationship. Like he was living in the South. You were Romeo and Juliet. I mean, tale as old as time. We got drunk one night and he kind of was like, if we're both single when we're 30, let's get married. And I was like, yeah. How many people do you think you have that pact with?

You know, like I, there's at least five floating around and now I'm almost 30 and I'm like, Oh no, 45 bro. No, but we had, it's funny. I have a lot of good years left in May. I've, I don't think, I can't remember. I don't think I ever, well, we definitely never like hooked up, but one night he was like, he's like, Hanukkah stay in my room. And then,

She was in another room and I was like, he definitely wants to hook up. She got really fucked up that night and like started knocking on her door and was like, like crazy and like wouldn't get off the couch and like just like completely cock fucked it.

Wow. It's probably better off. It's probably better off. But I just know it's better. It's better off. Yeah. Because, you know, there's like those nights where you wake up the next morning and you're like, thank God I didn't do that. My drunken state was like, do it, do it, do it. And something happened in the universe didn't make have me do it. And then you wake up in such a sense of relief. There's something so hot about the sexy older brother who like.

Yeah. It's kind of too cool to hang out with you guys. But then like occasionally it's like want to hang out. I had crushes on literally every single one of my brother's friends. At any point, one of them could have hit me up and I would have been like, but now I'm like, oh, Gary, he never knew. He never knew.

My brother had this one friend, and I'm not kidding you, had one friend that every single person knew that I loved him. Like, I loved this man since I was in, like, fifth grade. Did he... And he was friends with my brother. Did the boy know? A thousand percent he knew. Who knows where he is today? But...

I have no idea. They can literally be so ugly though, but they're your brother's older friend. I love him. See, it's funny because my brother was younger, so I didn't, all his friends were annoying. One of his friends had a crush on me and gave me a half eaten bag of Doritos when we were like 12. And I was like, bro, tell your friends to step it up. Tiffany's. Oh, so like to this girl, it's like you're in love with him. Just like tell your friend and like bang him and like whatever. Oh yeah. What should she do?

This is the thing. Yeah. It could be awkward with your friend. Like, I don't know how much you care about this friend, but I would just like start flirting him up because it sounds like you're not even close to like getting there with him. Flirt him up and also decide, do you actually like him? Okay. Let's decide if you actually like him. And like, it's just the fantasy of the older brother. Let's do some front page news.

Okay, so for anyone who doesn't know, Heather, what's her name? Heather Rae Young. Heather Rae Young. She was a playmate. She doesn't do much on Selling Sunset, but she has a ton of followers. Her only fight was Christine being like, you call the paparazzi 24-7 on you and your relationship. Which is an interesting flex.

So she's dating Tarek, who used to have the reality show with his wife and they like flip houses, whatever. Christine. So they're engaged. Who looks just like Heather. Who looks just like her, which is like kind of crazy. So she got a tattoo that says, yes, sir.

Mr. Tarek Musa. It's like on her butt where like it's like you can see her butt crack. People, she posted it on Instagram. People started freaking, freaking out. Hold on. What were they freaking out about? Because I missed it. It was already taken down.

It was because, oh, it says, yes, sir, Mr. El Moussa. Is that like an in-bed thing? She makes him say, like, yes, sir. It was just like a very submissive, like, yes, sir. I don't know. People just, like, didn't like it, and she ended up deleting the picture. So she took it down, which is wild.

Here's the thing. People were saying that he wanted her to take it down like it was a surprise. I didn't see that, but that could totally be possible. But would it like would you ever get a tattoo? Here's the thing. No, I'd never get a tattoo. We would never get tattoos. So like we can't even we just like don't fuck with tattoos. I don't know. There's nothing we like enough to see every single day. So we are taking it. You can't just get one to be cool. You have to get like multiple little like prickly whatever ones.

Would you ever get a tattoo of like a guy's name or something like that? No, but it's also... I don't know. I'm not even going to change my name when I get married. I don't think... Like I'm very just like... I'm me. He says he loves the tattoo she has. Okay, he loves it. Yeah, like they have their own whatever connection. But it's just funny because it's like... It's kind of like a lower back tattoo. No, it's a 1000% like...

What is it called? And then it's like, own it. My thing is like, if you're going to get that shit, own it. Keep the photo up. Like if you're going to take, like, I don't know what they're trying to be. I think people were just coming at her so hard.

Yeah. Also, people always joke in the meme accounts being like, I think it's too mod that was like, there's a couple that no one really cares about who was in the news 24 seven like paparazzi and us. Well, because they call paparazzi. I think that's so well as a relationship. It's weird to be like, we're going to go out and we're going to like do that shit on your own and like, oh, and don't tell anyone. I mean, it's just like, here's the thing.

We're not like celebrities. Like no one really in the grand scheme of things like gives a fuck what we're doing. Now, if I was Angelina Jolie, I would be like, what is she doing? You know, where is she going? Yeah. So like as someone on TV who's like in a reality space, I think calling the paparazzi is a little bit crazy.

What are you going to watch me eat a poppy seed bagel? The fuck are you going to watch me do? Like, why would I want paparazzi anywhere around me? It's also a little bit old school in that, like, people go to see celebrities on their own Instagram. Like, I was weekly being like, oh, Heather and Tarek were spotted out in L.A. You're like. Really cool. They storied it. I know. Yes. No, I saw them at the beach. It's on their story. She tagged up. You know, I know.

that you have like an exclusive pick of it. But also he doesn't even go on the show. It's like go on the show then. Like show your fucking relationship. Right. If you're going to be like all about it. Maybe they are this new year. But here's the thing. He probably can't because he has, what does he have? Flip or flop? HGTV. Yeah, there's contracts and shit. Oh God. Question. If there's another reality show that you could go on, what would it be? Oh my God. Amazing, amazing question.

Back in the day, I would want to be the Bachelorette because I'd love to just make fun of every guy on the show and see who can handle it the most. Wait, you go now. You go. I don't know. I asked the question prematurely because I don't have an answer. I don't know. There's so many good reality. Like, imagine if you and I were just in like Bad Girls Club. We'd get the shit beat out of us.

People are loving Summer House right now, though. Like people are starting to be like, it's the best show on TV. Like they're getting like really fucking into it, which makes me very happy. I mean, it would be cool to be in a show where they're a little more vibey. Like, you know, I'm not going to do Siesta Key, but you know, Siesta Key, like when they walk in the restaurant, it gives that like. Dude, they're so vibey. They do so many like slow-mo shots that I wish we did. They try to make them look like models so much. For us, it's like me tripping out of the van.

Never once have they been like, slow-mo, oh my god, she is gorgeous. It's like us being actually dumb. It's like me, toilet paper, like hanging out from under my dress and they're like, haha. Let's, I mean, do you want to just dive into Britney and Justin? Yeah, give me the update. Okay, so we both watched the Britney documentary, which let's just for a quick second, let me just side note this. Felicia, the unsung hero of Britney Spears' life.

her like assistant face. And also she, she literally downgraded from being her like ride or die assistant to just being like a person who was working tickets at her tours and was like totally fine with it. She was like, I loved seeing people admire Brittany and what she does. And I guess they didn't really understand why I did. But part of me is like, could Brittany have been like, Hey, that's my girl. But maybe that was the point that they didn't

want Brittany. They didn't want her. Here's the thing. Felicia is either a serial killer and the best serial killer of our time or she's the nicest lady ever to be born. And

I think it's the latter. Yeah, let's go with the latter. Sorry, I've been like in a dark hole with like Armie Hammer and I'm like, everyone is a murderer. I'm jaded. I'm jaded. Okay, so basically, people just, everyone was watching this documentary. If you haven't watched it, it's on Hulu. It's the New York Times. Framed by, framed. Yeah, framing Britney Spears, whatever. Framing Britney Spears. So everyone just started. You're like, that's not the title. That's not the title. No, that's not it. I said it really confidently that way.

Wait, what did I say really confidently earlier in the podcast? My apartment's 800 square feet. You're like, no, it's not. It's like, cool. Cool. You're right. You're like, what the fuck is a square foot? About 10 pounds. You know when people are like selling homes and they say how much it is a square foot? I never know the fuck they're talking about. You're like, how much is each square foot? And they're like $2,000. And you're like, good deal. Yeah.

They're like, that's a horrible deal. I'm like, cool. Okay, so the biggest takeaway from this documentary is everyone just started hating Justin Timberlake.

Who would have thought in 2021, like, we're just going to cancel JT? Well, it's funny because after watching it, I was more mad at, like, the media. And I feel like Justin is just, like, part of being sweeped up in the media. But then my friend who's a comic, her name is Molly. Her name is Molly something. She's not my friend. Not a great friend. Yeah.

Oh, she's an internet friend. No, she's an internet friend. I got it. She posted a bit about Justin Timberlake. I'm going to find her right now. But she basically was like, I've always hated Justin Timberlake. Like when he shows up at a party, Molly Austin, when he shows up at a party, like,

I mean, when his music gets played at a party, she's like, I'll burn the place down. Like, I'll ruin the party. I fucking hate Justin Timberlake and no one understood why. And she basically was like, he's been appropriating black culture his whole life. And then he like built his career off the backs of strong women such as Britney Spears and Janet Jackson.

I forgot all about the Janet Jackson thing. And it's so crazy because you know when things happen to celebrities and like it's usually when they die. But you like you remember where you were, what you were doing. Like I remember that Super Bowl and it like

I was sitting on the couch with my parents. I think we were in like fifth grade or something. And I was like, and my mom goes, did he just pull her top off? And like, I'll never forget it. And that was the craziest thing to have happened that year. Because Des is like lived in Ireland most of his life. So they're like European or whatever. And actually. I agree. I'm joking.

But it's in your, I mean, it's the United Kingdom. You know what? Okay. Anyway. We are changing the name of this podcast to Next Time on Things That Aren't True.

Someone wrote in the reviews, like, Hannah and Paige have no idea what they're talking about. And we're like, valid. Absolutely. That's why we made a podcast. We're like, hey, do you want to talk shit? But he basically said, like, in Europe, that would have been considered, like, not a big deal. Like, people wouldn't have freaked out that, like, a tiny nip. Also, like, no one saw it. Like, no one actually saw it. Yeah. People freaked out. People lost their damn mind. But then it's just, like, a male privilege of, white male privilege of him being, like,

okay, I'm not getting in trouble, so I'm not gonna get myself in trouble. Thinking back on that, that's crazy. She got, she got crucified because a guy pulled her top off and she, how dare she let her nipple come out when someone did it to her? And people were like, she agreed to let that happen. It's just like,

Wait, so it was a planned thing and they're saying it was pretty sure that was a planned thing. That's so fucked up that. Yeah. Justin didn't take any heat. So he put up an apology. So anyway, so he wrote in his notes app.

This full apology. People are really pissed about the notes app. As one does. Yeah. I was just like, if I hate someone and I go to the notes app, best believe shit is going down. When I send a long text and you have to click see more. You better strap in, buddy. You know that shit was written in the notes app. And there was editing. You had your friends look at it. Write back notes. There was a Google Doc at some point. I might even share my screen. I don't know.

So anyway, so he put up this like big apology and it was basically just like, you know, like, I'm sorry that that this happened to Brittany and I'm taking full responsibility and I've seen all your tags and whatever.

people are pretty much done with him people are saying like the apology was not as good as it could have been like yeah none of that would fly now but also he was super young too like if you're so famous and you're 17 years old and you have a whole team being like this is good for you let's piggyback off of like she cheated on you let's get this this and this like it's so hard for anyone did he cheat on her too?

I mean, I'm sure. But, like, no. But it doesn't say that. Like... Yeah. And no one... I don't think anyone thought that. Watching her get slut shamed and all that stuff. Like... Also, for all we know, they were put together to have, like, a fucking fake relationship for the media. Right. And, like, he wasn't making her happy. Like, I really think it was... The whole thing was a PR stunt. Possibly. Like JLo and A-Rod. But anyway. So...

It's business partnerships. So I'm more upset at like Dumois blowing his shit up that he's just like not a nice person. Yeah, that was crazy too. Like that's what's upsetting. Like the whole like stuff with like him going to radio shows saying he slept with Britney Spears, like whatever. I'm upset that he's apparently a total dick to work with. And like there's multiple stories of him just being like mean and insanely diva.

Which I just don't ever understand. It's just like there's certain kind of people when they get fame, they feel the power and then they just like love it.

Like if someone came up to me and like was like, hey, oh my God, I love you on whatever. If I was like cool and walked away, I would think about it for I was mean to someone a couple weekends ago. I was hammered. And I just like I remember like I was just mean like I was in a mood and I was just like, okay, not to like a fan. This is like a friend. Yeah.

It's in my family. But like I was just mean that day. And I think about it. I've thought about it for two weeks. These like powerful men consider themselves like they think they're larger than life fucking gods that can do anything to anyone. And they'll always be respected. Speaking of Scott Disick dyed his hair platinum blonde. Oh, yeah. Everyone's like trying to look young with a younger girlfriend. Oh, the memes was like him and Amelia. Like a penis.

I think he has swag and I love that he's like such a bad boy. I actually do think he's hot and I think he's funny. I think his relationship with Amelia is like gross. He's so not my type. Child pornography, honestly. He is so not my type. So not your type. But he's hilarious. But yeah, aesthetically. I'd love joking with him, but I would never like want to have sex with him. Sex with him. I get it. No, I totally get it. See, like I love that he's such a fuck up that I'm like, oh, yeah.

My mom says if there's a barrel I'll find the bottom of it and date it And it's one of my favorite quotes I love Kim that is one of your best Best work

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What do we think of Kourtney and Travis? Because Travis is so different than him. I love it. Because he goes for girls who look just like Kourtney. And I love how she's like, and I don't like you. I love having a...

Like an aesthetic change. Like I love a revamp, you know? I'd love to date someone who's like an athlete and I'm wearing yoga pants all the time and we're super cute. And then maybe I'd love to date a rock star where I'm like, check out this leather jacket. You know, like I'm thinking about the clothes aspect, but I love to switch it up. Well, Megan Fox made like the skinny tatted boy. I mean, I guess people have always liked the skinny tatted boys, like Pete Davidson type look. I think if...

You know, I've never done it. Do you think Machine Gun Kelly is good looking? Like, would you have sex with him? Fun fact, Machine Kelly is fucking tall. Like, really tall. Super tall. No, really, really tall. There's something about, like, slinky boys. I just, like, I'm a thick girl. I'm thick. Yeah. And I want to feel like a beautiful little dancy butterfly. Yeah. So, like...

I don't care how tall you are if you are, like, so skinny. It's, like, it doesn't make me feel sexy. I don't love it either. If I feel like I can break you in half, I don't love it. I don't want you to be skinnier than me. That's actually probably one of my worst nightmares. I could see myself fucking... I take it back. I thought about it. Like, if he has enough swag and he's funny and he's cool and he's tall and he's, like, confident in his job and he thinks I'm funny...

Here's the thing. I used to be real anti-Machine Gun Kelly. I was like, ugh. Did he rap before? Was he a rapper? Who could ever? I don't know. I love his music, though. Like, my ex's best friend and, like, Bloody Valentine. And the Valentine. So good. I'm just like, let's, like, rock out. I've been listening to that a lot. There was actually a part of the Bloody Valentine video where he just kind of, like, sticks his tongue out that I replayed a couple times because I thought it was hot.

Here's the thing. I don't love blondes. I don't like ever really go for blondes. See, I love a blonde. So like I feel like that's partly like why I'm just like eh. What's so funny is like we're both like would we? I feel like if we were at a bar. If he was watching this, he's like ooh.

He's like I'm fucking Megan Foss If you're at a bar and some dude was like Hey machine gun Mr. Machine gun Mr. Gun Thinks that you're really hot And pretty And perfect Do you want to go sit at his table what would you say Yes

you'd be like we're jogging we're jogging i'm i'm already there you haven't even finished the sentence one time i was at a club and i was standing next to g easy and he leaned over and he goes i just want to let you know you're the prettiest girl here and i had a boyfriend at the time that's when you lose your boyfriend it took i had to leave that's the tiktok when it's like when someone hit like g easy tells you you're the prettiest girl in the bar and your boyfriend looks at you go i don't have a

No, here's the thing. My boyfriend wasn't there. I was having a fucking girls night. So where did it go from there? You just froze. You froze. Hannah, I froze and I removed myself from the club in 0.5 seconds because I knew if I didn't, I would have G-Eazy's baby. Like there was nothing stopping me from going to like the after party with him. I don't hate that though. I know. I look back on it now and I'm like, you idiot. But like...

I couldn't. I couldn't do it. So I'm because I'm a good person. He is one of those like he's he's skinny. He's tall. I saw him. We saw him live at concert. Or did you leave early that like in Brooklyn? You remember that big concert we went to? No. When was this? You and Perry like it was really loud. I was with Luke.

in barclay center oh yeah yeah yeah oh my god i don't oh my god he was on and he i mean he kind of just like jumps around stage but like he he's just he's all about the swag yeah i left i couldn't i don't think i could see him because that i think we had already had our encounter i remember it was last year at this time it was literally one year ago it was february and i was like i gotta go see i'm such an opportunist i'd be like

No, I'd probably say something stupid. Be like, you're the prettiest. Oh, God. You're the prettiest guy in the world. I think I froze. I was just like, when there's a guy I like, I become the dumbest person in the room. Like, if I wasn't already, I immediately become the dumbest person in the room. And I'm like, ha ha.

It's funny because in your mind, you're like, I'm that bad bitch. And then like a cute guy says something to you and you're like, I like cats. If I like a guy and I think he's so cool, I become an actual idiot. But if there is a guy that I know that I'm cooler than, I'm like, what? Like, excuse you. You know, like it's such a better feeling to know you're cooler. But the best feeling is when like a

a guy doesn't make you feel like nervous and stupid because a lot of the time the ones that make you feel nervous and stupid are the ones who are like just hot and you actually have no chemistry and then you're like how come nothing i'm saying is working and it's like because it's forced but it's when it's like the hot guy who actually is like laughing at your shit understands you listens to you like there are some guys who i'm like wait they never listen to me you know when you meet a guy and like you joke about something and then a couple weeks later they like bring that joke back and you're like

You like remembered that we like joked about that. Remember something I said. Literally, the only way for me to orgasm is if a guy remembers something I said or like brings up how funny my podcasts are. Or you know what else turns me on? This one guy, like one of his friends was like asking me something and like asked me like how something went or whatever. And he like piped up and like hyped me up.

without me like answering before and I just like looked at him and I was like he was like she's great like she's so funny and all that and I just looked at him and I was like I'll have your babies right now I just don't tempt me my second date with Des we went golfing because yeah and I was like so nervous but I I was my I brought my a-game like I was like yeah I'm gonna I'm

And I eagled the like third hole or something, which is like insane to eagle a hole. Which means you putted like under par. Yeah. So it's two under par. Oh, two. Okay. So it's always two under par. That means eagle. It's the eagle. Yeah. So it was like a par five and I shot a three. Like I chipped it in. It was, it was very lucky, but it was like impressive. And after we finished,

Des then went around the club and told everyone in the club that I eagled that hole. I was like, I don't need my dad anymore. My new daddy. No. But you know, your dad is so proud of you for anything. Getting out of bed, waking up, breathing. I don't think guys understand that like if we like you and then you do something like that to like hype us up. Yeah.

I will get that same tattoo as Heather Rye. Like, yes, sir. Daddy. Like anything. Yeah. Like if you're hyping me up. One time a guy was like, yeah, she's got the most swag of a girl I've ever seen. She dresses so good. I was like, I just came. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Well, I'm going to get a tattoo right now. I'll keep you guys posted. I'll post it on my Insta story or my main. We'll see. Thank you for giggling with us today. We really giggled today. We fucking giggled. We got into it.

No matter how much we try not to be sexual, we're always like, do I want to fuck everyone's brother? Do I want to have sex with everyone's brother? And like, yes or no, you would have sex with Machine Gun Kelly. I need to know. I'm about to DM G-Eazy right now. He's single now. I'm like, remember that time? Oh my God, I know. I'm like, remember that time you told me I was pretty? So I'm like, I don't know who you are. I start calling paparazzi on me and G-Eazy. I'm like, fuck you guys. I'm famous now.

Oh my god, I love this manifestation. Well, anyway, we're working on merch. We're waiting to get the samples because once we decide the designs, we have to make sure that we love it on us and how it feels because we want to give you guys the fucking best merch possible. Rate, subscribe, review, swipe up. Watch Summer House every Thursday at 9. Thanks for giggling. Bye.