Giggling about how hot guys are crazy, chlorophyll conspiracies, and bad driving
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What's up guys? I realize we never introduce ourselves. Hi, I'm Hannah. I play tennis.

hi i'm page and i haven't showered in three days i realize every time i get on giggly squad i'm like when we do our page if you guys don't subscribe to our patreon like i feel like you're really missing out because you're not getting like the full effect of what's happening but like i look at myself in the computer screen and i'm just like why don't i ever get ready for giggly squad but anything else on instagram like i'm ready for giggly's raw we raw dog this podcast

And I realize it's because I feel like I'm just like talking to a group of my girlfriends. And like if one of my girlfriends is coming over to my apartment, I'm not like, oh, let me shower. Obviously. You know, that'd be crazy. Yeah. I did get my hair did by your hair stylist. Thank you. So on Patreon, if you want to see my hair did, it'll make your day, to be honest. At Melissa will cut you. She's amazing. And I want everyone to go to her. Yeah.

But also like, please stop making appointments with her because it's hard for me to get my appointment in. Check with us first. But yeah, she's amazing. She gives that like cool girl hairdo. She actually talks to me the whole time. It's like, you know when people are driving and they talk the whole time and you're like, how did you even get to this place? She talked the whole time, just looked up and the haircut was done. It was incredible. No, there's something about your hairstylist that like, I don't care how much the haircut costs.

because you're also my therapist. Like I give her the lowdown. I would say I go once every like two months really. I give her the full lowdown of like what's happening and we just talk the whole time. Because there's something about when the hair dryer's on and you could just kind of yell and it's just therapeutic and you're like this fucking girl

bitch and she's like yes yes girl i always end up talking about horoscopes with them also she's dating a guy who's older and i was like isn't it funny people are either like he's older they're like okay zaddy and she's been dating him for a while she's also the don't you want to just take her home put her in your pocket and like keep her she's adorable but we she's adorable about like

Your hair was so iconic your first season. Thank you so much. And then like you've evolved as a woman does. But I'm excited. I get really nervous about haircuts. It's basically like the dentist for me because I feel like it's very associated with my sexuality. Like if I don't feel like my hair is sexy, I feel like a mole rat.

See, I like the one when I first went and got curtain bangs with her. I was like, I'm so nervous. Just like, let's do like a little bit. And then I had it for like two weeks. And then I went back and she was like, why are you back on my schedule? And I was like, because I want to go full curtain bang. And she was like, okay, come on in. Yeah, you can't have a curtain bang. I just really trust her. But I'm gonna be honest. You could do like a G.I. Jane and it would be iconic. Yeah.

Hannah no I could never sorry just manifest it sorry also I had an interesting week um there were some traumatizing things that happened first of all are you getting harassed online by like pet accounts pet accounts no but this is the first time I'm getting really harassed online by like grown middle-aged men oh they're incels yeah do you know what an incel is

Mm-mm. It's a guy who's celibate, but like not on purpose. And they're just like lonely and angry. Or they're married and they're just like not having sex. I have some angry older dudes too. Yeah. And I'm just like, wait, you even know what Bravo is? Like, this is kind of crazy. There's so many levels to it. It's like, first of all, how the fuck this guy find me? One old dude. I'm like, wait, are you friends with my dad? Is that how we know each other? A six-year-old dude wrote that my fiance's creepy for marrying me.

And I'm like, you are a 60-year-old man commenting on a 29-year-old girl's relationship. I had like a 55-year-old guy. I'm being polite when I say 55. He was probably older. He doesn't care. I don't think he's listening. Actually. You never know. And told me that I don't show my boobs enough.

I hate that so much. And I was just like, wait, what? This is the craziest thing ever. I was like, have you not heard of like Me Too and like all of these things? Also, like this isn't OnlyFans, bro. You can't message me that. This is where you put outfits together. Yeah, he was just like, you just never show your cleavage and I think you'd get a lot more traction if you did. And I was just like, that's disgusting. Yo, girls, follow me for outfit inspiration.

Yeah I was like guys seriously Like men don't really even follow me Like my Instagram is for the girls Instagram is for the girls Saturday's for the boys leave us alone go chill on a Saturday And shut up Like the only time I'm posting something Like a little bit sexy on my Instagram Story is if there's a guy I'm Talking to and I want him to See it literally one guy it's for one guy It's one guy and all the girls know that And we're all like hyping you up We hope you saw it

Like my I posted an Instagram video on Wednesday of like my outfit, which was a sick outfit. It was like these pants that had these buttons that I unbuttoned and it had like these holes because I was going to a birthday dinner and I legitimately posted it for one man and one man only.

He texted me immediately and was like, you're out. You look so good tonight. And then I didn't even check my Instagram to see who saw it or anything because my job here was done. Game over. My work was done. Game over. So the latest thing is the trolls, they will make an account for their pet and then they'll use that pet account to fuck with me. So I literally had a chihuahua telling me to go kill myself the other day. There was a fucking doodle that literally was like, hey, you're the worst and you never take accountability for anything.

It's like Bruno I'm like Bruno go fuck I'm not gonna fight with a dog right now And now you're walking down the street And you see a doodle And you're like was it you mother bitch That doodle looked at me a little too long And I'm like fuck you No these people use their pet accounts to like haze you And then you just feel super Like you have all these feelings You're like this dog's adorable And I want to hug it But it also is making me very upset

I haven't like I've actually gotten really good like I haven't really looked at any like message requests but like some I look at that are like want to fight and like I've in my head I'm like will annihilate this person then I look at their Instagram it's like following zero people yeah zero people follow them and I'm just like what like no I'm annihilating these dogs this person I'm like oh like you need a human to pick up your shit you fucking asshole

You're like, what's it feel like to not have opposable thumbs, you loser? Go drink from a toilet, you dirty dick. I just called a dog a dirty dick. Go get your balls cut off. Go fucking sniff an asshole.

crying that's so funny you can't even go outside without a leash you loser actually i should use it i need a leash someone needs to leech me up um oh my god i'm just okay anywho anywho i had a bad experience this week i failed my driving test again

yeah so what happened you didn't even call me or tell me anything that's how you know it was bad when like i can't first of all where as someone who passed their driving test on the first try where did you take it and what did you get points taken off for what did you okay so everyone is like just don't hit the curb like whatever you do don't hit the curb when you're

bitch did not hit the curb bitch did not even make it to the parallel parking you didn't even make it to the parallel parking section no fucking way wait where'd you take it did you take it in the city or the hamptons the first time i took it was riverhead and i failed like immediately okay then i took a driving test and i passed in the bronx then like three years ago i did a written test

So I had to take it expired so I had to take it all over again okay okay okay but also the one that I passed when I like came back I blacked out I parallel parked right but when I came back I just ran the curb but she already passed me and just was like yeesh and my dad was like why are you passing her yeah this is terrible for society yeah so I never felt confident so anyway long story short I

I decide I pass the written test and I'm like, fuck it. I'm just going to sign up for a driving test in like two weeks. Like I haven't taken any. But I'm like, I can drive. Yeah. I can fucking drive. So I get there with Des like half an hour early and we start driving and he's like, oh, you can't turn with your like hands going over your other hand.

It's called like feeding and I was like what and he's like you're turning wrong and then I started getting all in my head about like what my hands do when I turn I like forgot to turn then he's like fuck it let's do the parallel parking and I like couldn't do it and he's like what are you doing and I'm like why aren't you helping me and he's like I thought you could you're really bad and I'm like that's hurting my confidence and he's like no like this is unsafe and then we like got into it because I was like stop yelling at me and he's like I'm not yelling at you I'm like worried like this is bad.

And then I was like crying. And when was your test supposed to be? In like 10 minutes. So then like we're just sitting in the car and he's like, you're just really stressed. You just have to breathe. You just have to calm down. You're going through a lot. And I'm just we're just sitting there and he's like, you're going to be fine. You're going to be fine.

So the guy comes in and I get, I sit in my car and my leg starts to shake. Yeah. You're so nervous. Oh my God. Like I'm that nervous. And then the guy turns to me and he's like, oh, you had your license before? And I was like, yeah. And in my head, I'm like, great. He's going to be easy on me. The first left turn I make, he goes, wow, that was really short turn. Wow.

Like I guess I crossed the two lines and they're not happy with you like they don't want to be there right and like I tried to make a little joke and he like didn't respond and I was like oh he hates me yeah so he was like you cut that corner real tight and I was like sorry and then we're driving and he's like why are you going 25 on a 20 and I was like so this guy was just like a dick I was like oh I don't know and like my heart is beating so fast and then he goes okay take a right turn here and I see like a stop sign up ahead and

And I'm going towards it. And he goes, you passed the turn. Like, I guess there was an earlier turn without a stop sign.

And I was like, what? And he's like, you have to be more aware. And I'm like having a full mental breakdown. Dude. And then he goes, okay, do a three point turn. And I guess I was kind of like. I hate those. It's eight points. Okay. Mine's going to be an eight point turn. So how about that? But I guess he was like, oh, you're not good at like controlling this. The steering wheel? I don't know. I guess I was a little jerky. I was a little jerky. And then he's like, you had your license before? Like literally this guy is hazing me.

I'm like, are you the guy with the pet account on Instagram? Like, what the fuck? So I'm like, I'm like about to cry. And then he goes, okay, make a turn here. And I realized like, we're, I didn't even do a parallel park and he doesn't say anything. He writes something down and gives it to me and walks out and I flip the thing and it just writes fail. And then Des comes walking in and he looks at me and I go, I failed. And he goes, you were gone for one minute.

And then I just start sobbing. Like, I feel horrible. And he's like, Hannah, he literally is like stopping a baby. You can't drive. And I was like, why did I hate driving? And he's like, Hannah, you didn't prepare for this at all. And I just had like... Wait, where were you? Were you in the Hamptons? Riverhead. But like, there's something about failing a driving test where you just feel like an imbecile. Like, I felt so dumb. And then...

I just kept crying and he was like, did you expect to pass? He goes, I knew you were going to fail. I'm like, why? Why do we even do it? And he's like, I don't know. I will tell you something, though. I have not parallel parked since I was 16 and I did my road test. I've never parallel parked since. So when you have to parallel park, what do you do? I don't go. No way.

And my mom is like not the best either. She's like what? She's literally Cher from Clueless. She's like, whatever. Everywhere you go has ballet. But it's so scary. Like you get in the car with this person who hates you and they judge you on all these little things. No, it's terrifying. Look, I am all for like...

Women being equal and being treated equally. And like, we are as smart as men, if not fucking smarter. But when I have the opportunity to use my cuteness, I'm going to fucking use it. And when I took my road test, I like purposely went in my school uniform and I went in my school uniform and my dad,

Before I went, my dad said, look, you're not going to pass because you are quite possibly the worst driver I've ever been in the car with. And I said, thank you so much. Any other words of advice? And he said, just keep looking in your rear view mirror and the mirror on your door. If you just keep looking in them, it looks like you're attentive, you're aware, you know what's going on.

the man that did my road test I was doing my parallel park and I couldn't get it and he looked at me and he goes I know that you're a very cautious driver and you're probably just really nervous right now I'm not even gonna make you do the parallel park I know you can do it let's go back and

And he passed me. And that is called pretty privilege. And that's what happens. Hiking your skirt up in your Catholic school uniform and getting what you fucking deserve. The guy came in and like he blew the window and I was like, yeah, these masks can suffocate you if you're not careful. Silence. Silence.

Didn't even respond. I was like, I'm bombing not only the test, but my jokes, too. I was so upset. No, but it's like fucking scary road tests. Like, oh, my God, that anxiety. I don't ever want to feel that again.

But also I do have performance anxiety. It's like, you know, like we all can type. But then when someone's like watching you type, you like can't fucking type. But also I can't drive. So that's not even a good example. There's a lot of things I feel like that happens to me in life where I'm like, don't watch me or I can't do it. Like, stop. I mean, like talking on a first date. You're like, I know how to like if the guy's really hot and you like him. Yeah. I say the dumbest shit.

So I'll keep you guys posted on my driving journey. I have to take lessons. So I have to sign up for like five lessons. And my mom's like so logical. She's like, Hannah, like you didn't study. You didn't do well. You tried to wing it. It didn't work. I did take driver's ed and like it is the only reason like I know how to drive. But I'm a good I would classify myself as a good driver.

Yeah, you're being really hard on yourself because we drove to the Hamptons. You drove me to the Hamptons multiple times. Yeah. Didn't... Yeah, we didn't get into any accidents. No. I didn't get in... Did it take you 20 minutes to get out of a parking spot? That's different. That's different. That's called being a cautious driver. Yeah, I can do highway stuff. That sounds like naughty. But growing up in the city, we didn't have driver's ed. Oh. And then if a dude could drive...

so fucking hot like even now like des driving i'm like you're so i love guys driving like there's just something about it but do i like him or does he just put his hand behind my seat when he's backing up no i can't or like when they're driving and then they just put like their right hand on your left leg and you're just like

I'm pregnant. I have, I'm having your children. Like, I don't know what you want me to do. Also, I feel like living in the suburbs, like so much of my high school experiences were just in the car driving.

Yeah, like cars are foreign to me growing up in the city. Like I've never had sex in a car. That's crazy town. Never. USA. Are you kidding? I feel like all my friends lost their virginities in cars. Like there's something to be said about like middle school. This sounds like pedophilia, but it's not. Like I feel like in high school, everyone had sex in like the middle school parking lot.

Yeah. Like that's just like you drove there, you parked and then your boyfriend would bring you home. Mine conveniently was right the street over from my home. So then my boyfriend would drive me home.

So I don't mean to turn dark, but I am watching on Netflix the Son of Sam documentary. What is that? Which is about in New York City. I guess it was the 70s or the 80s. Don't quote me on that. Wow, I'm so bad at dope documentaries. But he basically would shoot couples in lover's lanes. So like in New York, couples would like find a lover's lane and park. And then he would out of nowhere just kill both of them and leave.

And it turns out they thought it was just this one guy, but he was actually part of a bigger like satanic cult. And I'm only on episode two, but yeah, Son of Sam, everyone check it out. There used to be like a little league field called Classy Lassie and it was in Troy. That's where my high school boyfriend and I would park and go. And it was like...

Wow, I can't believe I just remembered the name of it. It was like a softball field. The only thing I would always think of of like sex in a car is just like the Titanic and seeing the hand slide down. Wow, it's nothing like that. It's literally nothing like that. You're like, move, I can't. You're like, okay, well, I'm like... Oh my God, I lied. I had sex in a car once. Yeah, it's like a fun, I don't know, I think it's such a like your high school thing to do. What positions do you do in the car?

Hannah, I don't know. I haven't had sex in a car in years because yeah, like I've lived in New York now for six years. So like we're not like driving anywhere, but. Cause if the guy's large, which like you can't, it's hard. Like it's like you sit on his lap. The driver's seat and they put the seat all the way back and then you get on top. But like you can also do like backseat stuff. Oh.

Yeah, you could also just like stab him and put him in the trunk. Trunk. Whatever you're into. We don't judge. Looking at my notes. Finally, we do have to discuss just living with a guy this morning. I was like, I'm having a mental health day, which Des is like, it's not a mental health day, just a weekend. And I'm like, no, it's a mental health day. And he's like so fucking hyper. He wakes up at 6 a.m. and he's just like watching me watch TV. We've never spoken about this.

How is that that he gets up like so early? Are you okay? Because you love to sleep in. Love to sleep in. It's great because we've had the pandemic together 24-7. But he has like...

Four hours Of his own Yeah In the morning Where he like wakes up He has his coffee He walks the dog He'll record a Patreon Like he has a whole life Before me He'll go to the ocean Like if we're in the Hamptons I wake up And I'm just like He's packed up He's moved out He sold the house I didn't even get out of bed yet He broke up with me He got back with me He broke up with me again Dude that's how Perry was I was like Did you just solve world hunger Like before 9am What the fuck I didn't even wait He'll go play 18 holes of golf He'll come

And I'll like be a little larva waking up like, yeah. And he's always like, but he's so hyper because he had like three cups of coffee and I don't drink coffee. So I'm just tired the whole day. Yeah. But then this motherfucker at like nine.

Passes out on the couch So your girl From nine to ten To eleven Probably till midnight I have three hours So I'm just wilding Yeah that's me too Like I'm on TikTok Dude that's me I'm watching TV Me and Butter are cuddling And he is so peaceful So cute Just pass the fuck out Like when we were in quarantine And we used to do Giggly Squad every night Okay so we would do it At ten p.m. So we went from ten to eleven Yeah

I wouldn't go back into the bed with Perry till like 2 a.m. because I would be on the couch like watching my Netflix shows, being on TikTok. I might like go in the kitchen, have a snack and then like I would get into bed.

And he'd be like, where have you been? I'm like, don't worry about it. What I love about Des is like, he just like loves life so much. Like he loves having fun and like he loves a good meal. He loves to like go play sports. He loves to like do comedy and enjoy things, which is adorable. I am. I'm depressed. Like I'm depressed. So like it's great in small doses, but I'm like, sometimes I can't fake it. Like I have to just be depressed. Yeah. So today he's like just watching me

And I was like, hey, I just I want to relax today. And he's like, yeah, you're relaxing. It's all good. But he seems like a dog. Yeah. That's like waiting for you to do something. But yeah, like at any moment, if I was like, let's go to brunch, you'd be like, yes, let's go. And I was like, your energy right now. It's too much. And then he left to do something. And I was like, oh, my God. And then I realized, like, it's hard living with.

Someone is all the time. Dude, a girl DMs me the other day because she saw some meme or something and she was like, this made me think of you. And it was just like the thought of having to share a room with someone for the rest of my life is like, I'm out. I don't need it. I can't do it. Also, this is just society telling you like you have to sleep in the same bed with a dude. Like if you can afford it, like you can have two beds.

In like a different room. Like you don't have to sleep together if you don't want to. I think like now that I've curated my apartment to exactly what the fuck I want it to be. Like I will always need my own room. Like and whether that be my closet and there's like a couch in there that like I can just like chill out on by myself. Like I need my own space. And I think about this. This was like an episode on Sex and the City and I think about this all the time.

And she talks about like your single girl behavior that you don't want like other like you don't want guys to see. And I feel like I'm so rooted in like weird things that I do that like if you if I start dating a guy and he's like not down with it.

Like I can't like I eat olives in bed and I'd like to eat olives in bed sometimes. Like I will take the whole jar. No but the right guy is going to like it either make fun of you for it or do it with you either or is going to be great and you're going to like love that he loves it.

Yeah. Like I want to eat olives in bed. Sometimes I'll get pickles. I don't know. It depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm- Are you pregnant? Sometimes I'm cheese and crackers in the bed. You know, like I've woken, I've fallen asleep before and woken up at 2 a.m. and been like,

I'm hungry. And like eat and then go on back to sleep. Like I have to do those things. I don't know. Well, I love that. You know, what makes you happy? But I realized Des's place that in the Hamptons, I have a room that's like butter's room. Yeah. But it's like me and butter's room where she has her food, her litter. And then he told me the other day, he's like, by the way, in the summertime, like we need that room for like people visiting. And I was like,

what and he goes butter can't have her own room and i was like excuse me wait this is our child like it was so fucked up no i know i was like so where does she go yeah on the rug

Like an absolute peasant. Like a peasant. So I don't think he, like, we're still working on him appreciating butter as much as I appreciate her. But yeah, living with someone. But I also think society tells you like a certain way that like the picket fence and like the sleeping, you don't have to sleep in the same bed all the time. I haven't, oh my God, I sound like I'm like a 45 year old, like,

spin star but like oh my god i love that word but like you're like i dating at bio just the spinster i haven't like consistently slept in a bed with someone in like so long so i don't even remember like what that feels like well there must be soulmates that meet who just aren't like

good for each other in bed together like either he's like really hot or like you snore or he moves a lot like these are things that affect relationships you know the we met at acme yeah instagram love that instagram account there was a poll and it was like um

My boyfriend has to wake up for work every day at 5 a.m. I don't have to wake up till 7. Break up with him. But he has multiple alarms to slowly wake him up. And then it ends up waking me up. Do I have to compromise or should he?

And it was like, he should. He should be silently. Like, I feel like if I have to get up earlier than, like, who... I have a boyfriend. He's, like, in bed. I'm tiptoeing. I'm the quietest mouse so that he's not waking up. That's some single dude behavior that he's doing in the relationship. You know when you're alone and you snooze 80 times. Yeah. And you're just like...

that's that's disrespectful yeah like that is one thing i feel like i'm talking about perry a lot this in this um podcast oh my god that's one thing i will say like when i was in a relationship like he was very he was respectable he was he was like respectful in that manner like if he had to wake up and i was like staying in bed which was pretty much every single day like he's tucking me in he's not like you know he's being yeah

Would you do like the burrito? Did I just get sad? Did you do a burrito? He put you in a burrito? Yeah, he was just like very accommodating and like nice. That's the word. We got it. And that's why I broke up with him. Oh my God, that was such an evil laugh.

Okay, you can do this. I know, I know. Carvana makes it so convenient to sell your car. It's just hard to let go. My car and I have been through so much together. But look, you already have a great offer from Carvana. That was fast. Well, I know my license plate and VIN by heart, and those questions were easy. You're almost there. Now to just accept the offer and schedule a pickup or drop-off. How'd you do it? How are you so strong in letting go of your car? Well, I already made up my mind, and Carvana's so easy. Yeah, true.

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and really replaced everything with Skims because I know it's always going to look good, and I know it always feels amazing. And you know how much I love laying in bed, so if I have an outfit that I can lay in bed in and also run errands in, then I'm a true fan. Shop the Skims Soft Lounge Collection at Skims.com, now available in sizes XXS to 4X. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select Podcast in the survey and select Giggly Squad in the drop-down menu.

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um i found a nice ass mature man she goes but he's not the hottest i've been with do i snag him anyways yeah one of my friends is going through this actually what's your advice sir i said look i i said look you have been with some of the hottest people i've ever seen and if you really are in love with this person and you get along with them better than you've ever gotten along with anyone else

you are going to be more sexually attracted to them as time goes on. Like how many good looking guys have you dated that can't have a fucking conversation and it ends? Like who gives a shit? I've also, as someone who has dated some of like some not good looking people. I thought you were going to say some of the hottest guys. No, I really haven't. I tagged you in a Furby this summer and said pages type. Yeah.

No, like, and people think it's such a cliche thing. Like, oh my God, I go for personality. No, like I legitimately do to the point where my friends were like, are you blind? What's wrong with you? I'm like, I don't know. It makes me laugh. I'm like little hairy stubby men. I'm like Paige, that's a speed bump. No.

But I love- Like, talk about, like, pulling below your weight class. Like, if there- You like to be the hotter one where I like to be the ugly one. I think it's, like, my own insecurity. Like, I like to be- know that I'm hotter. I, like, know I'm not the hottest, so I like to be, like, oh, I have a personality. And I could snag hot guys. But I also like this trait about myself because-

like i really relatable i'm so relatable but like no i'm really looking for just like that feeling you know like i just want you to like make me laugh and like make like i just want to be so in love with you i don't give a fuck what you look like so but this girl if we actually look at what she wrote she goes i found a nice ass mature man yeah i like the mature part but the nice part makes me worried and but that might just be like he's polite yeah but i feel like

At the end of the day, if you like his personality, you're going to think he's hot. Yeah, absolutely. I think she's saying she's not sexually attracted to him. And I've been sexually attracted to non-attractive men. Yeah. Stereotypically. I've done it because they make me laugh so much or they rejected me. Who knows what they did? Yeah. But it made me into them. I feel like this girl...

You're not gonna want hotter guys if you're really attracted to the dude. But, further fucking more, the really, really hot ones... Losers. Losers.

such fucking losers you guys i'm gonna we're whispering this because it's like a secret they are so fucking crazy though especially the ones who are just valued for their looks yes they don't know how to be like sane social individuals they've gotten everything in the wrong way like worse than page like literally so bad so bad so bad models are you like they are not no they're sociopaths

One time I was... So like don't try to be like I want to be with the hottest guy because I'm telling you they'll ruin your life. One time I was dating this like really hot guy and at one point I was like, wait, is this what it's like dating a really hot girl?

Because like everything he was saying, I was like, I feel like that's just like something a girl would do. Like, I don't need you showing me pictures on Instagram of like yourself and then like girls you've previously hooked up with. Like, this is weird to me.

And like hot guy crazy and hot girl crazy is a thing. Yeah. Guys will joke like, oh, the hot ones are like so insane. But it's the same way with guys. And it's because in their dating life, they just like get a ton of attention. They could literally like I dated this guy who was so hot.

And he thought he was funny. And he would say things to strangers that would, anyone else would like get slapped or like literally kicked out of a party because it's so not funny. And people would laugh. No. Because they're that hot. No. And they don't learn. And the next thing you know, they're out here embarrassing you because no one's ever told them to shut the fuck up at like weird times saying weird things. And then they're also just, yeah, they're just so annoying.

No, hot people are the worst. They're the worst. The guys are the worst. I hate them. You have to find like a happy medium. Like I'm talking to this one guy right now. I'm like so hot, but like, no, like so hot, but like manly about it.

like doesn't know he's hot like probably isn't like putting it out like can't put like puts like a t-shirt and jeans on is like i don't know is this i don't know yeah you know and it's like you could be so much hotter like if the guy knows he's hot no thank you so this girl who's like oh i'm with this guy who's nice but he's not the hottest i've ever been don't go for the hottest guy go for the guy that you actually like that you're

But still, don't ever be with a guy you're not sexually attracted to. It doesn't change. I know you said like you might start liking them. To me, it doesn't. You have to have the initial sexual attraction. I will tell you though, I had a boyfriend who like was not that hot at all. And I thought he was the hottest guy ever. And my friends were like, are you good? I had a dude that my dad straight up would call flounder. He was like, how's flounder? Because the guy looked like a flounder.

Would never been more sexually attracted to the crazy about it. I don't know what it is. Smelled, looked, acted like a flounder.

hashtag flounderman okay there's some really good questions that the gigglers gave i'm so into a guy but he wants me to call him daddy in public i only say it during sex what's your advice get out of there that's creepy that's so weird look i'm all for it in the bedroom and do whatever you want and whatever turns you guys on in look i also have a fit like a thing where i'm like

Anything I like sexually or I like with my boyfriend in bed or any of that, I'm probably the exact opposite in real life. So if I'm telling you something in bed, if you ever do that to me in like the real world, I will slap you in the face. So like that calling, asking to call him daddy in like when you're out to lunch is

get the fuck out of there that's like some weird control thing before you get the fuck out ask him why because i honestly want to know and i want to know what went wrong yeah in his childhood and then report back to us i don't like that i don't like yeah it's like control like the whole dom thing is hot in the bedroom but if it's like that's going to your personal life

yeah i don't like if you're if you're like i'll slap him it's like no he still likes that right like if we're in bed and you tell me to shut the fuck up cool but like if you said that to me out to dinner i would absolutely lose my mind oh my god but i this just reminds me of i did a test i do a test when i date guys because i like to see that they can like handle me

being dominant sometimes or like me making fun of them. So I'll have, make sure they get, they buy you the meal the first couple of times. And I did this with Des. I like threw it. It was like pizza, like literally pizza. And you wait for like a cheap meal. And I was like, Oh, let me get it. You always get it. Let me get it. So then you go to the cashier and you give him the credit card and they always look at you kind of funny. Like, Oh, you're paying. Especially because Des looks like my dad. So I give it to him and the guy looks at you and I go, he always makes me pay.

And then you see how it goes down. If the guy laughs and thinks it's funny, but if you like can't take the joke and gets all weird, it's like he's done. I've even done things where I'm, where I've been like out with a guy and I've ordered a salad. You say he won't let me eat? You guys go, help me. He thinks I'm fat, so I'm just eating his salad. They're like, Paige, why the fuck? You guys waiter. And cashier banter is really important in a relationship. It's really important.

Very important. I mean, I hate when they go too hard and do like dad jokes with the waitresses and you're looking at the waitress and you're like, I'm sorry. But when you guys can become friends and like banter with waiters and waitresses, that's really important. So all you pandemic couples out there who are now discovering that you're a significant other shit with waiters, get out. Yeah. Like I want to be able to like prank around with my significant other. You know, like I want to make him uncomfortable to the point where he's like, Paige, I will fucking kill you.

But there is a point where like I like to like pay for things to show like I don't need to suck his dick for money. Like I like to make it feel like I don't owe a guy anything. And when I'm out, especially with Des because he's older, like I've never gotten the check to me. Even if it's my name on the credit card, they always put it in front of him. Yeah, I feel like that because look, I have a lot of I think a big group of guy friends and like we go on a lot of trips together and whatever. Yeah.

Yeah. And they are always like bringing it like girls with us, like whether they're like sleeping with them or talking to them or like, you know, whatever. It's like girlfriends and they're always buying their flights like out. But like no one's ever bought my flight. One, I'm like, this is fucking rude. But two, there's something about it that like I love.

That I'm like I'm going on this trip Because I want to go on this trip with my friends And like I'm going to buy my own flight And I'm getting my hotel room And it's such a small insignificant thing But for some reason Feels like so empowering Not that like if look And I'm also not saying this If a guy buys your flight and your hotel room That does not You do not have to sleep with them Because they've done that That's their own you know Fiscally irresponsible decisions You don't have to do anything with them

but there's something about like buying your own shit that you're just like fuck you i don't need you i have to feel like yeah i'm dead i hate having to like feel like i owe anyone anything even if i have a venmo request like i can't let it sit there for like longer than four minutes because it gets me stressed out however if anyone venmos you anything with sense involved they're not your friend anymore

People don't talk about it enough. If you're Venmoing me something that's like $4.62, bitch, what is our friendship? Get out of here. Get out of here. Go to... Me and, like, this is how I really know our friends. Like, me and my one girlfriend have a fight on Venmo because neither of us will accept...

the other one's Venmo. Like we just keep, she's like, if you don't take the money for brunch, I'm like, I don't want it. Don't, don't, I'm not, I don't want your salad money. Get it out of here. Your rabbit food money. I also want to make a quick random observation because I'm back in the city. Do you find people are smoking cigarettes more?

no i don't i feel like people were jeweling a lot yeah and then realize like jeweling is basically like a mango flavored usb drive that kills people and we're like no i need to go back to smoking because it's almost like more nicotine with jewels one of my friends quit the jewel from like quit the jewel by smoking cigarettes to get off of the jewel and then got off of smoking cigarettes cigarettes

To get off Juuls. Yeah. And then quit cigarettes. There's so many more younger people with like actual cigarettes. So anyway, smoking kills. Before... Okay, listen. Before like the Juul and all of that stuff came out, like when we would go to clubs...

At certain clubs and, like, certain tables, you could rip a cigarette. And, like, people would, like, light a cigarette up and you'd be, like, drinking. And I was never, like, a cigarette smoker ever. Like, I wasn't, like, coming home from work on a Wednesday and, like, lighting a cig. But, like, if I was out and I was drunk and, like, one of my friends, like, I would, like, hit a cigarette, like, randomly, whatever. Something happened over, like, the past couple of years that I can't smell a cigarette. Like...

Like I can't even, like I don't know, it makes me gag. Like I hate it. Like I can, like people can be outside like at a bar smoking a cigarette and I'll just kind of like turn. I would never like say anything. But like I don't know, something happened in the last couple of years that like my senses, like I can't smell it. And like kissing a dude who's been smoking all night? Gross. Like...

I've never ever smoked a cigarette in my life because I'm a virgin. No fucking way. I've never tried a cigarette because I don't even, I feel like I kind of have an addictive personality, but think about it. Like if I try a cigarette and it's a bad experience, like that sucks. And then if I try a cigarette and it's a good experience,

Then I like cigarettes. I'm trying to think the first time I ever tried a cigarette. And I think I was in like college. I like wasn't rebellious when I was little though. I like was never rebellious. I was like, that kills the L. Oh my God. You were like the girl in college. I was like, L. Everyone's like outside smoking cigarettes. No, like I was that girl in high school when I found out my best friend was smoking cigarettes because I heard this guy broke up with her. And I literally, who are you? My dad just came in. See you dad.

So I like found my best friend's cigarettes and I threw them in the garbage and we like had a fight and I was like, you're gonna die. And she was like, Hannah, I'm fucking stressed. And I'm like, I'm not gonna watch you die.

Hannah, what an absolute loser. What the fuck? Did I tell you? When I was like five years old, me and this girl, we were like the devil together. And I went to her grandpa's mansion. He was like the successful lawyer. And she was like, Hannah, my grandpa's been smoking cigarettes and he's going to die. We have to throw away all his cigarettes. No.

What do you mean? You guys Nancy Drew? Yeah. This was the most fun I've ever had. This man had cigarettes in like all these hidden places over this mansion. We found all his cigarettes. We broke them up. We flushed them down every toilet. Bruh. He was so mad. Sorry. Like I tell people I'm doing the pod and they still call me.

There's no respect. There's no respect. Put some respect on my name. Yeah. Smoking kills. Put some respect on my name. Oh, this one's for you. Okay. I have athleisure style, but want to step it up. Where do I start? So, like, what's the first step, like, to transition from athleisure to, like, a little classier? Well...

like to be a little bit more girly, like summer, it's great that like summer is right around the corner because that is where you can kind of transition into that because sneakers are still very much in style, still very sporty and like chic. So if you are used to wearing like biker shorts and like sneakers and whatever, throw on like a little dress with sneakers, see how you feel. Or if a dress is too like scary for you,

A tennis skirt. A tennis skirt. Or, like, something that's, like, sportier but, like, could be taken girly. And, like, go at, like, go as slow as you want. Like a white Nike tennis skirt with even just, like, a sweatshirt. Yeah. Together. Do what, like, you feel the most comfortable is. Like, do what you feel the most comfortable is.

you don't have to put on like a bandage dress and like six inch Louboutins to like feel like a girl, you know? And also like, I like dressing very, what is the word? Androgynous. Same. Sometimes like I love a suit pant and like, I just think it looks cool. Yeah. Also I was walking by urban outfitters and straight up, they just had like gray sweatpants and a sports bra.

I was like quarantine style just is fashion now. I'm like, that's just what I woke up in. That's not what the fuck.

It's crazy. It is. It's kind of why it's crazy how trends change. It's also crazy how like 90s trends. This is what's like the really weird thing. There are certain trends that are coming back that I remember wearing as a child. Yeah. And it's people's first time wearing it. And I don't love that. That's that's when you that's when you use your eye cream. Yeah. That's when you double up on the eye cream. I have one more. Okay.

I'm not as experienced as the guy I'm hooking up with and I don't want it to show. Do you have any advice? He's not as experienced as he's told you either. First of all, this is like, I have so many questions and I hope this girl writes back in because like, did he make you feel like that? Yeah. Yeah.

Also, everyone is different. So like, I don't know what he means by experienced. Is he just doing like weird shit that you've never done and like hopefully you enjoy it. But there's also just like asking him like, what do you like? And having him teach you what he likes. Like that's how you grow. Also, there's so many double standards for women like

Oh my God. She's like slept with a lot of people. I don't want to sleep with her. She's a hoe. Oh my God. She hasn't slept with anyone. She's so inexperienced. It's like, well, what's the happy medium? And like, whether you're a virgin or you've slept with the entire football team, who gives a fuck? Like who literally gives a shit?

No, but I also think there's no such thing as like experience. It's the chemistry between two people that makes it good. And if you're confused about something, just be like, how do you like it? Like literally blame your ex. Be like, my ex was like really weird with handjobs. How do you like your handjob? My ex made me like... Nobody should be giving handjobs though. Actually, yeah, just don't do handjobs. That's my only advice to people. And yet being an experience is just in your head. Like it's in your head and good for you. Look, you can be...

How old am I? How old are we? 28. How long have we been having sex for? 10, 11 years. Like I still couldn't like sleep with someone today and be like, that was horrible. And I've been having sex for 11 years. You know, like it's not, it doesn't mean anything. Yeah. And it's the,

Yeah. And also the guy's like either attracted to you or he's not. He's not going to be like more into you because you could like flip your like leg over your head. There's guys where I'm like, I am laying here and not doing shit. And they're obsessed with me, you know, like, or I could put an A plus performance in. Yeah, you could put an A plus performance in and they could still not call you back. Like it has nothing to do with it.

a thousand percent so yeah whatever experience you're thinking of your vagina is an amazing beautiful flower and and if that's not good enough he can go fuck himself or grow teeth in your vagina bite his dick yeah and as long as you still have that vagina just remember you run the world you run the damn world and that was our mental health moment of the podcast yeah if you have a vagina you run the world i love what do we have for front page news babe

Okay, before we get into front page news, I want to do a little chlorophyll water update because I forgot and everyone... You literally set it up and then didn't tell anyone. I know. And then everyone literally almost chopped my head off. Okay. So I don't... Burn her at the stake. Look, I will try anything. Like if there's a beauty fad or like something that seems attainable, like I'm going to try it. My mom gets really mad at me.

So I did a lot of research on the chlorophyll water stuff and like the benefits and all this stuff. I neglected, I neglected to look at things that like could go wrong. Oh. So the one, not that anything went wrong with me, like everything was good. And by all intent, what is the saying? All in intense. The intentions were good. And purposes. It was good.

Intentions? Intensive? I always get that wrong. For all... Your intentions were... I'm looking it up. For all intents and purposes. Yeah. Okay. I got it right. I-N-T-E-N-T-S. Okay. Okay.

It was fine and I liked them and I thought that it was helping my skin. I also thought that it was helping my digestive system because I do have like a bad digestive system and things seem to be like going on schedule, if you know what I mean. Okay, we love that for you. But my mom got so fucking in my head about it and then I started looking it up that like,

Too too much of something like can fuck up certain things in your body that's already going well so like they were saying like chlorophyll could like in some ways like Make cancer cells like more reactive like when they're like, it's just like the chlorophyll were you inhaling? Were you snorting in the morning?

not a lot but basically my mom just got so in my fucking head and so then i like i stopped okay this is my thing with these health trends yeah when people are like oh green tea is good for you that the amount of green tea you'd have to consume to like get those kind of effects are is like a lot yeah and then yeah it's in it's not natural to have that much green tea at one point my mom called me and goes you'll turn green water what are you a

A fucking plant Scott Cut it out No like my mom's The same way It's like we've We've survived Generations Without inhaling Chlorophyll water I don't I don't You can't believe All that shit I think you just Have to have a Just stop eating McDonald's all day Paige She was like If someone told you To drink rat poison That would get rid Of your pimples You would fucking do it Cause you're stupid And I was like Oh my god mom Happy Mother's Day Yeah

Oh my god, she was just like well, so so what are you telling our everyone who just bought chlorophyll? I was just trying it out. It wasn't a paid ad

I wasn't like nothing. I'm not liable. But like it just scared me and that's why I stopped. But I do feel like it was working. Maybe we'll just do it without telling my mom and I'll get back into it. But like she scared me. She's a scary lady. Moms scare me. My mom scared me the other day. She was like, it's tick season. And like if you go outside in the grass, you can die of ticks. And I was like, we're done. The ticks got me.

There's things everywhere It's crazy Things that like Moms could say That you're just like Okay and now I'm still not over Like did every mom Tell you that if you Go outside with wet hair You're gonna die of pneumonia Yeah

Like that I've no one's I've never met somebody who died of pneumonia No no I haven't even met anyone who's gotten sick Also this is not a paid ad but I do have to say Dunkin Donuts Yeah Is not playing Like they Wait I just had this conversation with someone Dunkin Donuts is serving this summer I stopped in the car Because they have oat milk Well I was And coconut milk I was crying after my road test So Des Let me stop at Dunkin Donuts Right

Because that's what makes me happy. Let's get a glazed donut for the baby. I never liked... I love chai lattes and that shit, and they never had it. They have iced chai, iced matcha. And I know you think matcha tastes like dirt, which it can. I just don't love that, yeah. The Dunkin' Donuts matcha latte. It's good. It has like enough sugar, but not too much, that it's so fucking good. And then they have these like coconut drinks, kind of like the pink stuff at Starbucks. But Dunkin' Donuts is...

It's crazy because my family will only drink Dunkin Donuts. Like my entire family hates Starbucks. My mom thinks it's like the coffee is gross. She will only drink Dunkin Donuts. Like so many expensive food places. And I'm like, I'm stopping at Dunkin and fucking my shit up. Yeah. I get the sausage, egg and cheese. The double. Yeah. Wraps.

And like, it was an incredible lunch. There's something to be said. Like sometimes I'm in my apartment in the middle of New York city where I could literally get some of the best food in the world. And I'm like, Oh, I really want Mexican food could go super authentic, could get like the best taco ever. And I'm like, if I don't order Chipotle in the next five minutes and shit it out in the next 10, my day is ruined. Like I just, I want Chipotle. Why do I want it so bad? Yeah.

Oh my god Speaking of shitting So I've been doing Comedy shows in the city So I'll get my Nervous poops Before I perform But like Summer House Is obviously Exciting right now And everyone's into it

And the bathroom is like, everyone goes in the bathroom. And in my head, I'm like, fuck, what if I go to the bathroom and someone recognizes me and I like blow up the bathroom. And then I go on and then on Reddit, everyone's like Hannah Burner blows up bathrooms. And next thing you know, I'm Hannah blow up bathroom burner. Well, if you ever look at Reddit, that would probably be the best for us. Reddit has some wild shit on there that I'm like, never in my life have I done that.

So Paige sent me the funniest TikTok yesterday about when you hear gossip about yourself and you can't wait. What did it say?

You hear conspiracy theories about yourself? Yeah, when you hear rumors about yourself and the girl's like voice was like, well, damn. Well, damn, what do I do next? Like, it's just like things that you're just like, wait, I don't, is that about me? I've never even done that. Giggling in bed brought to you by Mattress Firm. Sometimes sleeping next to your boyfriend or girlfriend is the most amazing experience ever. It's so lovely to watch them be so peaceful, except when they're snoring so loud. And I think to myself, how...

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Let's end with front page news because we're all over the place. Oh my god, we talked for like the whole time. Okay. We talked the whole time. What else were we going to do the whole time? Just stare at each other? Do you want to hear some of the celebrities that are on Ryan? Yeah. Demi Lovato. Channing Tatum. Oh, I love her. John Mayer was on it. Lizzo. Nick Kroll. Chelsea Handler. Okay, Chelsea. Drew Barrymore. Okay, Drew. John Cusack. Courtney Love.

Keke Palmer, Paige DeSorbo. I want to see more celebrity dating shows. I do too. I want to see a celebrity. Remember Bret Michaels and Flava Flav? Classic TV. That show was so good. Oh my God, New York. She was so wild. Remember Pumpkin? Oh my God.

She spit on her. Oh my God. That show was, that was okay. I blame spitting on someone. I blame that show for me being on reality television as an adult because I used to sit in Tila, Tila tequila. We were raised on that shit.

Wait, can I tell you? And then she liked girls too and everyone was like, ah. The first time I ever like legitimately watched a reality TV show and understood what was going on was MTV Real World San Diego and Cameron from Southern Charm was on it. And I loved her. Like I was obsessed with her. So then when she was on Southern Charm, I was like, I know this girl. How do I know her? And I was like, oh my God, I used to watch her in like the sixth grade. Sorry.

Side note I feel like Cam is You know she's focusing On being a mom But I feel like She's gonna have another Like comeback I don't know But I I loved her I so love her Yeah she's so funny She's so likable I also think she's So fucking pretty Yeah

Also, she was able to have a whole storyline on Southern Charm without being there. So that says something. Yeah. And she also never was forced to like show her husband. And she never really had like her own drama storyline. She was just involved in everyone else's, but everyone still fucked with her. She would just be like, come on, Austin. Basically what I tried to do this summer and everyone was like, you're the worst. You're too face back. You're the worst. Oh, you're the worst? Can you let me have something? Jesus Christ. Can you let me have my moment?

Make everything about you. Selfish. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Erika Jayne's house is listed for $13 million. Wait, whose house? Erika Jayne and Tom Girardi from Beverly Hills. Hot take. Yeah. Bill Gates just got divorced. Okay. How do we feel about Bill Gates and Erika Jayne getting together? Do we manifest it? Oh my God.

Imagine Bill Gates rolling up to like a Kyle Richards dinner party. Dude.

I think that the world is so crazy right now that like so many more worlds are going to start colliding. Did you see Kris Jenner's like films on Beverly Hills? Oh, no, no, no. She doesn't. Kyle films on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Yes. And did you see like Lisa Barlow from Salt Lake City was on an episode of Shaws of Sunset? She was like on the phone with Lily Galici as like her marketing something. And it's just like so interesting. Wow. I don't know. We all have sex with each other.

Yeah. And also, I don't know. There's just like something I could go into it all day long about like reality TV, but I just, I won't. I'll spare. I will say that. Cause I have like so many situations and like men talking about reality TV and like, I'm just like, Oh, I hate you. Anyhow. Um,

Let's see what else did I have? Oh my God, this was actually really cute. And I think that you might really like this. Oh. So Page Six did an article about Pete Davidson and like what like he's like in relationships. And he said, he was like, look, I'm just very honest. I think what a lot of people do is they try to put up a version of themselves that they would like to eventually be, but that will unravel. Yeah.

He said when he goes out on a date, he says, look, I'm nuts. Here's all my issues. Here's what I do. Here's the therapist. Here's what happens. Like, this is the deal. Preach. Dude, I love that. We love. I love that he was like, because we always joke that we're trying to be the perfect therapist.

But it's like, no, you trick yourself that like, oh, I could be this in this relationship. Like, this is my time to be like a new Hannah where it's like, no, show them your literal worst. Worst. Like, like me on Summer House this season with Des. And now you're engaged. Like, literally cried every night.

And now when I don't cry for one day, he's like, Hannah, you're doing amazing. Set the bar super low, girls. Set it so low. No, I love that though. You know what's hotter than a guy being like perfect? What? A guy being self-aware and humble. It's just, I was seeing a guy for a little bit and every single thing that he would say to me sometimes was like, he wanted me to think he was really cool. Yeah.

And so he would just say certain things where he's like, I'm really cool. Like you're like, you don't get it. And I'm just like, shut the fuck up. And then I started hanging out with this other guy. And like one of the first times we hung out, he was like, damn, I don't know why. Like, I'm just like saying this all to you, but like, I just feel like super comfortable with you. And like, you'd find out eventually if this ever went anywhere. So like, I don't know, like I'm just being like, I'm just saying how I feel.

Yeah. I'm actually. Wait quickly before we go because this has just happened and it relates to a book. One of my girlfriends was going out on a date with a guy and when the first night she met him they started talking about some book. She obviously had no idea what the fuck he was talking about but she went with it.

And he said, let's go out to drinks and I'll give you that book to read that we were talking about. She got so nervous that she Googled like top books of 2021 just in case he asked her anything about what she's reading. OK, she fucked herself because one thing I do admit to guys is that I can't read the same. And I think they know that upon arrival when it comes to me.

Anyway, guys, check out our merch. We love you guys so much. The response to the See You in Court merch and the classic Giggly Squad shit. Go to giggly-squad.com. Follow us at giggly.squad on Instagram. Subscribe, rate, review to the pod. Even if it's mean stuff, it increases engagement for us. It really only helps us.

It really just helps us. So if you want to tell me to go fuck myself or Paige that her outfits are ugly, it's fine. Also, I have comedy shows. Tickets are available for Buffalo, New Jersey, and Nashville. And there should be more soon at hannahburner.com. Follow Paige on Instagram at Paige...

Underscore Disorbo. Thank you so much. And I have an Instagram live, or not an Instagram live. I always say that. I have an Amazon live on Wednesday that I'm doing for a full hour. And it's going to be all about apartment organization and like different things you can get for your apartment. Yeah. That's so fun. Also, did you hear Katy Perry interview? I did. What was she like? Give us a tease. She was really nice. And like she had said something at one point. She was like, you know, like Orlando. And I was like, no.

No, we know who it is. Orlando, Florida. I was like, wait, are you engaged? I didn't, I didn't quite catch that. Um, no, she was really cute. She's really pretty. And she was super nice. But like, just hearing her talk to her people being like, okay, so I'm, I'm doing it with page first. Like her saying my name. I was just like, Katie Perry knows my name. The world is so small. And then like John Mayer is out to get giggly squad. It all just like comes together. It's all full circle. I'm going to definitely shower after this. Cause this is wild.

Well, thanks for giggling with us so much, guys. See you in court. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye.