Giggling about love crystals, Instagram sucking, and tickle fetishes
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I mean the day just got away from me. Sorry. You know this is my time to shine and you decide to do the worst possible thing and cough. Now I don't even want to do it. I don't want to do it. What's up good boys? I think that's the first time I've ever done it. It makes me nervous. Yeah I know I like the nerves. It like gets me started. Do you have like a not just normal French right now? French manicure?

I have, oh my God, Hannah, I have fake press on nails on. What happened? I have glamnetics on. All my nails were broken and I had like a couple of vents that I had to go to and I was like, I shall not go. Have you done press ons before? No. Are they not life changing? I was never allowed. They're life changing. My mom would never let me do them when I was little because she was like, you'll ruin your real nails. And you're like, I've ruined it with gel, with dip, with just being me. Yeah.

And so I'm really rebelling right now and I love them. They look so natural. I highly recommend even ones that like Duane Reade or like a pharmacy. Yeah. Some of the press-ons are so good. And I'm going to tell you something. Okay, this brand is Glamnetic, which I got from you. They stayed on a really long time. Like I went in the ocean for a full day and I was like, I'm going to lose so many nails in here. You're like, I stabbed multiple people in the eyes and they stayed on. Yeah. And like they don't chip. Oh, listen.

Oh, those are the ones I gave you? No, you didn't give them to me. But remember you had those iridescent ones? Yes, those were static nails. Oh. But I do have to say when I did Watch What Happens Live with Austin, I was running late and it was Zoom. And I was putting on my nails as he was announcing us. I mean, it literally takes 10 seconds. And then one of them, if you don't put it perfectly...

It might be just slightly slanted. So I had like one slanted one the whole time, but they were toward a shell and they were dope. I just keep the glue like in my bag in case it like pops off randomly and I have to like glue it back on wherever I am. Are you talking about yourself popping off or the? Yeah, pretty much. You never know when you have to pop off. No, you literally don't.

And your nails need to be ready for when you pop off so that you can use your hands. Yes. And be like, hello. Because you can't fight without your hands. Also, whenever people see me now and my nails are done, they go, oh my God, Paige would be so proud. And I'm like, you're right. I'm just doing it for Paige's approval anyway. The amount of DMs I got this week of your Instagram post being like,

How stunning. How proud are you? And I'm like, no, we have to talk about this. She's a glowing goddess. We have to talk about this. This photo. There was a stylist there.

I got professional hair, professional makeup, professional photographer, professional background. It was actually Pete Davidson stylist who we love. Brit.Theodora on Instagram. She's incredible. I don't know how I got the hookup. We love that. So you're basically dating Pete Davidson. Basically. Yeah. Or at least in a throuple with Des. Lots of laughter. But I do have to say, you know your girl posts tweets and stupid videos all the time. Yeah.

And part of me was a little annoyed that like I posted a photo of me in a dress where I looked pretty and I haven't gotten that kind of positive attention. And so my own father texted me and said, you looked beautiful. Oh, my God. And I'm like, wait, I put up like really well worded tweets, but I post a thotty pic and then suddenly everyone likes me again.

Pretty privilege. Tale as old as time, and that is sex sells. And it just does. It upsets me. I know it does. It makes me want to rebel. Because I could go two ways. I could be like, I could become a fitness squatter and blow up. This just...

This just reminded me. I was literally, I was getting off a plane today and I saw this couple and like one of my favorite things to do is just come up with like couples' names

what their story is yeah like what is their story and first I spotted the guy who was wearing a cut off on the plane and that's why I spotted him because I was like in what world is this appropriate like I'm not coming on did he do it himself yeah like that and then I was like gotta see the girl he's with equally as fit and my first thought was like wow

I could never. I could never be in a fitness relationship. You know, I was in a fitness relationship once. When? How old were you? With Craig from Craigslist. You dated a guy named Craig from Craigslist? Yeah, I met him on Craigslist. How? For what? I moved in. Like, I moved in and started hooking up with the guy.

that was had the craigslist ad that i lived with when oh my god so i broke up with jazzy my jazz boyfriend oh right after like three years and i'm like single in the city i'm 23 i have like a sales job and me and my best friend becca were like we need to move in with we need a whole new friend group yep so there was an ad two guys and there's four bedrooms and

In Hell's Kitchen Okay They were super like Neat And like want to have Dinner parties And I'm like Okay this could be fun The guy's hot Yeah Played tennis Stop

I've told you this before. I don't know. Yeah, I don't remember. I remember Craig's from Craigslist, but I don't remember this whole full story. I my friend was getting in from college. So I was there for like two months without her. And I like was getting along with him. But I'm you know me. I'm not wild. I'm like, I would never. Yeah. Then he said he was like going to dinner with his ex and I got jealous. How long had you? I like him. How long had you lived there until you got jealous?

Well, the first time I met him, I had a crush on him, but I was like, I'm not going to fuck the guy I'm living with. And then it was the kind of thing where you just always wanted to be around him. Yeah. And then we were watching Game of Thrones. You know, I liked him because I did not want to watch Game of Thrones. And I like would put my head on his shoulder while watching it. And then other people would go to bed. And then finally we like made out. We made out. And I remember we were so dramatic about it, too. I was like, oh, my God. Like, did we ruin the friendship? Yeah.

And then we started secretly hooking up and it was so hot. Everyone would go to bed and then we'd, and then at like 5am I go back to my room and then, but it's cause his roommate was a guy. So they have no idea what's going on around them. My friend comes from college to move in with us. Yeah. First day we're like walking to dinner together and she goes, you're fucking him.

Girls can always know. Girls always know. Girls have such a sixth sense when it comes to just sexual relations. Like they always say you can tell when a girl thinks your man's is hot. Always. Always. And you guys know it. Like you're looking at her and she's looking at you like and you're like.

And the guy's like, do you guys like tacos? Yeah. Yeah. And like, I can tell when a girl thinks my man is hot by the way she looks at me. I literally got looked up and down this weekend by some random girl. Like, oh, so... And I just looked at her. And like, we had this telepathic conversation where I was like, one step closer and I will kill you. If I like the girl...

Then I'm like, if they're meant to be, they're meant to fucking be like, take them from me. Yeah. Or I might just end up becoming best friends with them and then realizing I don't like the guy. But I don't want to stand in the way of true love. No. So Craig's. So anyway, with Craig.

I was deeply depressed after college because I quit tennis and I was heartbroken and I didn't want to go to the gym because every time I went to the gym, I felt like a loser. Okay. You were going to be a tennis player and now you're just fucking going to the gym to what? Work on your fucking... What? What are you doing here? Hannah, wait. That's really sad. Yeah, I would go to the gym and after 10 minutes, I would cry because I felt like a loser. It's called a gym strike. A lot of athletes go through it after they retire because... Like, imagine every day...

You I'm trying to make this fashion. I go on gym strikes and I'm not an athlete. Imagine every day you walk into Zara. Yeah. To buy an outfit, to put together an amazing like spread like magazines, photos, whatever. And then one day you're like, I have to quit fashion. And then you walk into Zara. What's the point? What's the point?

So I'm literally going to the gym that I used to do every single day to become a champion. And now I'm just a loser. Now you're just quit the gym. You're a NARP. NARP. NARP. Non-Athletic Random Person. So Craig was addicted to the gym. I love that I'm using a name here, but we're having fun. He was addicted to the gym, but he was, you know, very fit. And he was like, hey, you're not doing tennis anymore. But what if you did sports modeling? Yeah.

And I was like, interesting. Because in my head, I feel like there is, you know, they have the models like pretending they could like play a sport and it looks kind of stupid. Interesting, Craig from Craigslist. Go on. Yeah. Oh, no, he was very supportive. And I was like, yeah, maybe I could because I'm I have the technique of a lot of sports and they might want girls who actually can play the sport. And it's right.

So I felt like I had a purpose again. So we'd go to the gym together and I like lost weight. And then my mom was like, do you have an eating disorder? What happened? Like my mom, like I like, cause me and him were like cutting calories and like working out like crazy. Um,

And you lived together, so it was easy to eat. I'd come home and he made a healthy meal for us. And my mom was like, I don't like this at all. No way. My mom was like, you need to stop. Carbs. Be normal. Because I guess long term, it's not healthy. But we were a super fit couple. But we were hungry. I've been in a relationship like that before, where I'm just hungry. And also sometimes dating a really fit guy, no matter how...

good you feel about yourself when they have like a 10 pack. They always make you feel lazy. I don't. Yeah, I don't want it. I I've said this multiple times. Six packs on guys make me feel bad about that. They cheat on you. They do. And I don't want it. We have to discuss something. We have we have such a fun episode. But I do have to say, I know you were on a flight today, but Instagram has been down. I know.

And it's not down for like two minutes Instagram's been down all day I tried to upload a video of Butter Like playing Yeah As I do And it wasn't uploading And I was like Are they against cat content? What's happening? Honestly People are freaking out I kind of love it

I called my mom and I said, I thought about it. Like, if we're getting hacked and Instagram just implodes, I go, we would all be so much happier. I'd be fine. I'd literally be fine. I haven't actually posted like a grid post in a really long time. I do have to say, I feel like the less my friends post, the happier they are. Yeah, I just...

Like I just don't feel the need like I used to think about Instagram so differently like every little thing I did I was like okay well I have to like post that I'm here and I have to post that I'm doing this and I have to post that I'm with this person and now I love not. But if it was officially gone you would have no pressure even to ever think about that.

And I know we can make money from it. People make money from it. If Instagram went away and it was just TikTok, I would be fine with that. Thriving. Thrive. So apparently there was a whistleblower. Oh, of what? A whistleblower went on 60 Minutes and someone who used to work for Facebook or something and said verbatim that...

They know that Instagram is toxic for women and like the images and all that. And they know how bad it is. Did it take a rocket scientist to figure that out? Like I could have been the whistleblower on 60 Minutes. They could have literally called me for that interview. It was you.

Sometimes the news is so interesting. Like I'll see a headline. I'll be like, yeah, no fucking shit. Like, oh, Instagram is bad for girls' mental health. Um, okay. Yeah. I think every single person knows that. Every single person. Or I guess they've, and they've been doing stuff like purposely putting negative stuff. Actually, I didn't read the article. Des told me about it for like two seconds this morning. He was like, you should talk about it and get with the squad to research it beforehand. And I was like, sure. Literally.

But it goes back to... I got so much positive attention from posting a pretty photo of myself. And it kind of disgusts me. It goes back to squirrels and rats. I had random people I haven't spoken to in forever being like, Hey, just want you to know that you look like you're doing so well. And I'm like...

That photo was six months ago. Also, you can take a picture at any time and post it and be miserable. Like there are so many pictures on my Instagram. I should go through and count like on my grid that like I remember posting it and what I was actually feeling when I took that picture or like when I posted it, the reason I needed to post it, whether it was for like a brand or like for my grid aesthetic or

And like, I'll go back. I'll go back to pictures. Yeah. Like I needed something green here. And like, I'll go back to my Instagram and like want to delete pictures and be like, oh, I hate the way I look in that now. But I'm just like, fuck it. I don't give a shit. Yeah. Yeah. So real life is so much more fun.

Real life is fun. It's scary. It's so scary. At least it's real. At least... Like, I probably had one of the most fun weekends this weekend, and...

I didn't post one thing about it. I didn't post one time about it. I posted like two outfits. Like, I'm sorry. If you have enough time to post the whole party on your Insta story, you did not have fun. You did not have fun because you have to account for the time that you go back and rewatch your story. Yeah.

Which is more time than it took to post it and capture it. I love rewatching my own story. It's way better than anyone else's story. You just watch it like Lady Gaga. Amazing. Incredible. Never been done before. Show stopping. How was Buffalo? Buffalo was incredible. What was it like? I do have to say, just housekeeping.

This weekend, I'm at Gotham Comedy Club in New York City headlining four shows, October 8th and 9th. Get tickets at hannahburn.com. I love when we do that. Buffalo is wild. And I did say, I was like, Paige is from Albany. And they're like, cool. It's like four hours away. This is how I do my shows. So I get on a plane. For some reason, it took me to Detroit.

connecting okay and i got very confused and then at some point i got a text that i was in canada like while i'm on the flight get in take a nap get on stage and i'm like y'all i've no are we in the midwest and they were like no and i'm like but we're very west and they're like yeah it's west new york yeah and then i'm like do you guys like buffalo wings they're like it's just called wings here wait is that a thing it's i'm like what like french fries and they're like no like

It's just cold wings. And then I was like, do you guys go to Niagara Falls? And they were like, no. And I'm like, oh my God, is it like Times Square as a New Yorker? And they're like, yeah. Wait, literally one of my biggest letdowns was the first time I ever went to France and realizing that French toast isn't French.

And I was like, I feel lied to. I feel misled. It's just toast there. They don't even have it. Like, I was like, oh, my God. Does French toast, like, originate? My boyfriend at the time was like, shut your mouth. So these shows are starting to get, like, crazy. I have a joke about a guy with a backwards hat. And I'll, like, look at the crowd to see if there's any guy. And there's one guy. And I could tell he was really tall. And I was like, are you tall? The crowd starts chanting. This is, like, 300 people going, stand up.

Stand up. Stand up. Like these are like just gigglers going out of their minds. Stand up. And I'm like, we are legit objectifying this poor man. He stands up. He's 6'9". 6'9"? People went berserk. Yeah. What?

And the crowd goes wild. The crowd goes wild. I got a DM from his wife after being like, hey, that was like so funny when you harassed my husband. Then there was this boyfriend who had a mustache. And I was like, do you like his mustache? And she was like, yeah. And I'm like, OK, she's a good girlfriend because no girls actually like a mustache. They want to let him feel like he has a new personality type for like a second. Yeah. Like he's this new reinvented man.

Yes, but like do you would you do you like mustaches on dudes? No, not unless they're playing a police officer on Law and Order like no not unless we're reenacting a 70s porn scene. Yeah, like I like a little bit of scruff, but like solely a mustache. No. Yeah, then these two girls. Oh my God. One of them like yelled my punchline to a joke. I didn't know how she knew it. Maybe I sat on a podcast or something.

And I was like, these girls can be a problem. They stay for the second show and get to the front. And they're like, we're the girls from the first show. And I'm like, oh, my God, it's gonna be bad. Oh, my God. But then they ended up being hilarious. And they like were writing notes to me on receipts. So like Buffalo was wild. Yeah. So the name rings true. Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah. And they love the bills. Like, yeah, I knew that.

I guess because they're like a small town that has their own professional team. Yeah. So it's not like people love it for their state. It's like if Albany had their own professional team. Right.

So whenever anything was getting weird, I'd just be like, go Bills. And they'd be like, yeah. They like freak out. How far is Albany from? It's far. It's like four or five hours. Then why did I think they were just all next to each other upstate? Because they basically are. Like it's all just like upstate. It's basically the same shit everywhere you go upstate. You get a lot of snow. You get some snow days. What do you think about you as like typical upstate girl? Stewart's Ice Cream Shop.

Like, unless you're from upstate, you don't know what, like, a Stewart's is, where it's basically, like, our version of, like, delis. They're on, like, every corner, and they have, like, their own brand of ice cream. But you can also, like, you get gas there. Is it like a bodega? Basically, it's like the upstate bodega. Who's Stewart? I don't know. But, like, let me tell you, he crushes it because he has a million stores everywhere. I love how I'm like, what about you's upstate, and you're like, ice cream. Literally, dairy ice cream. Um...

Tell me more about your weekend. Okay, so I was in the great state of South Carolina and I was there for a while, like five days. Oh, wow. Yeah, and let me tell you something. I said y'all a lot and I didn't hate it. And I even started feeling myself like bubbling inside that I wanted to say bless your heart to someone. Like I felt it inside of me.

I have a question. Are you nicer to people? I think so. When you go down south? Yes. Absolutely. Like suddenly you like ask people how they're doing and stuff.

like I'm bubbly. Like, I'm like, oh my God, so nice to meet you. I literally, the plane rolled into New York and I felt like myself coming back and I just had like a mad face on. I was pissed off at everything and I was like, ah. I don't know what I'm pissed off about, but I'm back in my natural habitat. It feels so good to be home. I'm walking here. Yeah, no, like I literally walked out. Okay, the airport also in Charleston is like an

legitimate joke. Like it's not, it's not an airport. Yeah. It's tiny. Yeah. And like everyone like walks out, the sun is shining and like everyone's like cars are there to pick them up. They like don't have Uber. They don't have Uber. But if you say that you don't have, they don't have Uber to someone who lives there, they're like, yeah, we do. You just have to wait four hours for it.

And I'm like, that's not having Uber. Wait, that's my nightmare because I can't drive. No, it's my fucking nightmare. Anywhere you go and you get little scooters, like little electric scooters. No, they are like a golf cart city. Like people are just talk about pretentious as fuck. No, like people are just driving their golf carts around the downtown. But also golf carts are unsafe. Like I know so many people have like fell out of golf court carts and like broke their hip.

Yeah, especially when you're with a man who's off-roading his golf cart. Who's drunk. Yeah, and you're just like... I literally almost made that... I wanted to make a TikTok so bad that was like... When he's going off the road on his golf cart and then the sound is like, I'm a motherfucking city girl. Because I was like, I don't know what's happening here. I don't even know what you meant by that. What do you mean off the road? Where are they going off the road? Like, okay, so...

You can live in like a neighborhood that's like a golf carting neighborhood and everyone like takes their golf cart places. Can you drink in golf cart? Legally, I don't know. Legally, I don't know. The fact that you've been doing it all weekend and you don't know is hilarious. Yeah, that I'm that I'm unsure about. But it's just it's so crazy going to different cities and.

seeing how like people live because it is so different than what you're used to like you can't just order seamless like you can't just order food like you can but not everything is open 24 hours yeah like it's a whole thing it's like oh it's 10 p.m they're closed and i'm like no no chinese food is open 24 hours wherever you go so much anxiety so you don't eat like when the stuff is open then you just do

Oh, no. But they like know their neighbors. So they go next door and be like, hey, do you have any cereal? No, literally. I felt if I needed a cup of sugar for like the pie I was baking, I feel like I could go next door. Imagine being in New York City and knocking on your neighbor's apartment door asking for a cup of sugar. You'd be immediately greeted with a taser. They'd call the police. Yeah, like, excuse me.

A guy knocked on my door and was like, can I have sugar? I'm like, this is a Netflix documentary. This is how my kidnapping begins. I wouldn't answer. Like I'd look through my peephole and be like, no, like get out of here.

one thing I do have to say is we are stupid I'm particularly more stupid than you as a like New York City person where I think that like if it's not New York City it's New York City or nowhere you know but traveling to different cities I've learned that every place has like a fucking cool coffee shop yeah like cool restaurants and food they're known for and like a good vibe yeah and I feel

I feel like every town is actually kind of awesome. And New York City is just like, if you want that times 4 billion and you want to be overstimulated all the time. Yeah, it's like...

Charleston is so fucking cute and like I love going there. I mean, it's one of the number one vacation towns in the world. Yeah, like they have such good restaurants, but it's so different going out there. Like, okay, for example, packing to go there is one of the biggest stresses of my fucking life. And you're a professional packer. Like I'm podcasting up here. If the streets could shush. Shut down the streets, Giggly Squad time.

Like, I am a professional packer. I am a professional at, like, traveling and having the right outfits. It's so stressful there. One, because it's October and it's fucking 80 degrees. And so, like, I couldn't even do a knee-high boot situation. Oh, I know. I was livid. I was like, I have so many cute dresses for a knee-high boot. What do I do now? What do you guys want me to do? No. Um...

So it's like the weather's really nice. Their going out is very different than New York City, obviously. How? They don't really have like clubs. Like there's no club. The club? Like there's one club, I think. They have bars. They have bars. And like their bars are like wooden. What do you think?

I know exactly what you mean by that. I know exactly what you mean. Made of wood. Everything is made of wood. Yeah. Like it's... You smell the oak when you go in. Yeah, like it's like a... I don't want to say the word grungy, but it's like, okay, for example, I was in an all ivory jumpsuit. And let me tell you, I stuck out. And I was just like...

But I feel like you low-key like to stick out. I love it. Yeah. See, that would be my nightmare. Like, I love being the most overdressed person and people being, like, uncomfortable because I'm so overdressed. It makes me more comfortable. I like people being uncomfortable that I'm so underdressed. Like, they're like, do you have a home? Yeah. So, anyways. Do you need help? I love Charleston. But, like, New York City is just – that's my home.

Oh, so you're like, this was a great vacation, but like my vibe is New York City. It's just so much easier to live. I mean, it's so true that like the quality of life anywhere other than New York City is so much better and probably great for your mental health. But it's so easy to live in New York City. Yeah. Like you can get anything delivered at any time from anywhere and it could be here in 15 minutes. I love how everything goes back to I can get food really fucking fast in New York. Yeah. Like it does.

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Stop. You guys, Paige is flabbergasted right now. And I'm not, this might be a conspiracy theory, but like, that's what I heard. Can I tell you that I have not gotten a UTI in almost like three months? Why do you think? You've been peeing? No, I like honestly haven't.

I think it's because like I take those vitamins like and I don't take them every single day. I'll take it like randomly when I'm like might get a UTI in this situation. Let's pop a vitamin and I'm fine. But I think like my pH matches like the pH. If you know now you know. Also notes I'm getting brown nails. I feel like brown nails are in. I don't know if that's because I already saw it and it's already in. But like what do you think because brown used to be like

Like you don't ever touch that. That's just it looks like poop. Like girls are doing brown girls who had brown nails in high school did drugs. Yes. Yes. And there's hard one. And there's no debating that. That's not a debate. That's a fact. I love it. I love when girls do like the ombre brown like it gets progressively browner.

And actually, Alex Cooper's bestie, Laren, had brown tips. And she was like, I feel like people think I have dirt on my nails. And I said, no, I love it. I think life is perspective. It's not poop. It's cappuccino. And it's the way you look at things. And that's our mental health moment. Of the day. Also, from TikTok, I learned so much from TikTok. Because I'm apparently...

on mental health tiktok i don't know what they're trying to tell me sometimes the ads i get i'm like that was offensive to my fbi guy so i was like okay we don't have to attack me when i just woke up but it basically you know everyone's like you have to practice gratefulness and being grateful is there another word for it um gratitude gratitude yes gratitude gratitude they're like write it down in a journal say what you're grateful for say what you're grateful for

I kind of feel like that's corny as shit. Like, oh, I'm grateful for family. Like, you know, shit. But then I learned from TikTok that your brain cannot process anxiety and gratitude at the same time. Say it for the layman that are listening. So basically, you can't, if you are practicing feeling grateful, you can't be anxious in that moment.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Have you put this to the test? No. Okay. But basically, next time you're anxious, when they say write what you're grateful for, in theory, you're like, that is so stupid. But they're actually just tricking the brain because the brain can't handle...

multiple emotions at the same time of anxiety and gratitude so like you know when you're about to have like an anxiety attack not like a full-blown panic attack but you can feel yourself just getting anxious about something you don't know what it is and you're just like shoot i can feel it like in my chest in my stomach if i just start being like i'm so thankful for like my life and my family and like if i just start doing that will the anxiousness go away you think

I recommend when that's happening, you take out a piece of paper. Because also when you write something down, there's this idea that it's like coming out of you and being put on the paper. Yeah, it's the whole journaling thing. And you guys, I understand there's kooks out there and I understand the whole like, and the spatial warrior can be so fucking annoying.

But I'm like trying to test what's real and what's not. And Paige is also she who knows what the fuck you've been up to, you know? Yeah. How's your crystal? Do you want to hear the weirdest thing about my crystal? How is she? OK, so the other day I was looking for my love crystal and I just because I was like, oh, my God, I haven't seen my love crystal in a while. Where is it? Couldn't find it. And I know where I put it and I didn't move it.

And I was like, this is really weird. I do not know where this crystal is. Like she didn't get up and walk out. Like where is my crystal? So like a couple days go by, maybe even a couple weeks went by and I can't find this crystal. I go to use a bag randomly. I'm like about to go on a date and I go to use this bag and I haven't used the bag in a while and I go to like put my wallet in it. My love crystals in there. What's the meaning behind it? I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe it was like, yes, use this bag. It's perfect for this outfit. Is it possible that you got a little drunk one night? No. No. You brought the crystal out in another bag. No. There's no reason on why this crystal had moved from like the area on my desk into this bag. Yeah. And also I've been Googling crystal places in New York City because I heard like if you walk into a crystal like shop...

You like your body, like your soul gravitates towards certain crystals that you need. And my psychic said that, like, I really need more crystals in my life. And so I'm like trying to find you want to go with me? I would love to go. I also think we need to get a giggly squad crystal. No, I think so, too.

You don't understand. I'm so into this stuff. I'm so fucking into it. No, I'm so into it. I don't care if people think it's weird. I'm fucking so into crystals recently. Did I tell you about when I went to the thrift shop? No. In Wisconsin. And, you know, a little summer cleaning, whatever. And I took all this stuff and I had this really cute bag that had like Marilyn Monroe's face on it. It was like very like perfect for a vintage shop. Okay. Yeah.

And they're super sometimes like too cool for school and vintage shops. Yeah. And basically at the end, they give you back the clothes that aren't good enough for the shop. Right. So I go up and they're like, sorry, this didn't make the cut. Yeah. And it's like whatever clothes that were lame. But then this purse that's gorgeous. And I was like, you guys didn't like the purse. And they were like, we couldn't take this one.

I'm like, that's weird. So I'm like spewing to my best friend. I'm like, how the fuck could they not take this purse? This purse is amazing. I open the purse. My vibrator's in it. No, Hannah, no. No. Because you know like when your family comes to visit and you just put your vibrator like in random, like I was literally hiding it from myself. I hid it in a purse that I never use. And it was the perfect length. Big vibrator. I don't think anybody knows that

the gigglers need to know this. Hannah bought me my first vibrator for my birthday. How many years ago is that? Who knows? But all I know is I gave it to you with the confidence that you would do whatever was meant for you and your own journey. And all I know is you were just like, thank you. And I was like, you're welcome. That's all we've talked about. We had a sincere moment, like when I opened that gift and I just looked at her and I was like,

Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, I was like, we don't have to talk about this. You don't have to tell anyone. You do you, bitch. And her whole persona has just been getting better and better. I've upgraded since then. I do have to. Oh, good for you. Thank you. I do have to say your first vibrator, it's very weird and hard to buy it yourself. Yeah. My first vibrator was from a friend too. Like everyone has that friend who's like a little more advanced vibrator.

And in college, she got me one. You know how like we randomly get sent gifts or not gifts, but like we'll randomly get sent like PR packages and like it'll be like random brands of stuff. I got sent a vibrator. Yeah. And like this random PR package. And I was like, that's so like interesting. Like, obviously, these people knew I was never going to post this on Instagram. Like, oh, my God, thanks.

I love her. She is my Hannah. I'm not posting dildos on my grid. But like, I was like, I was like, wait, I can't believe they would even send this to me. Like, yeah, whatever. And it is like, well, they know you're a girl with a clitoris. Right. That's true. They're like, we think she's a human and has sex. Let's send her this. It is interesting. But also I'm laughing because I was just remembering your psychic telling you you were a nun in a past life. Yeah, that's a good one. It's really my favorite. Yeah.

Also, quick question. How do you feel about the trend of doing just like a braid? Like not a fancy braid, not a French braid, just literally a braid with a middle part in the front on both sides. How do we feel? Like, should I do it? No. I think if you're 25 and younger, you can do it. I've started and I never thought.

Hannah, you're 30. No, I'm not walking around the town with fucking braids in your hair. Any girls that wear pigtail braids are crazy. Crazy. I wasn't going to do pigtail braid. No, I know, but I just said no. I don't think it's appropriate. If you're doing like a photo shoot and it goes with the look and it's like a vibe and a look, yes. If you're going out to dinner with Des and you do two braids, he's going to get pissed.

Picked up by CPS Like he They're going to think He kidnapped you And like It's so funny Because every now and then He's like Are you really dressing like that And I'm like Like what And he's like Like you're in high school This looks so weird But it's You know like you wear A crop top in the summer And he multiple times Is like

I don't know if this I can go out with you like this In the past I'm cute In the past couple of weeks And like very recently I've been in these like online shopping moods Where like I mean they get intense Where like I'll pull up a laptop and a cell phone And I'll be like cranking shit out And recently I have been finding myself Wanting to be more sophisticated And covered up And I've been saying no to crop tops Yeah

Never to miniskirts. I'll never say no to a miniskirt. Well, miniskirt is different. It's different. But crop tops, I've kind of been getting over them too because my torso is so long that the Zara ones hit my nipple and stopped there. And I've just been feeling myself kind of growing up a little. So like any of the like certain trends that you know are only going to last a season. I'm like, why bother? It's not like I want to go more in a classic vibe.

I'm obsessed with that. You guys heard it here first. Yeah. Transitioning a little bit. Her fashion. From page news, we are transitioning. You go, I think I'm just going to do couture like Sutton from now on. I have also been finding myself not doing many looks for less. A bitch gets one paycheck and I'm like, $2,000 shoes. I haven't pulled the trigger, but like sometimes I'm like, oh, I worked for this money. I'm going to buy a fucking coat.

Yes. Well, a coat is something you want to invest in. There's certain things you want to invest in. I've been like looking at purses. It's fun. But I'm very into like deep...

Depop or like Rebag. I like buying used stuff because I like to feel like I got a coupon. Actually, it's funny you bring up vintage shops. There's so many good secondhand stores in New York City and so many good vintage shops that like I really want to... We should do a day where we just... Like when it's still nice out that we can like walk around for the whole day. But this is the thing. Manhattan vintage stores, so many are such a rip. I walked into a vintage store in the Lower East Side. So hip, so chic. They have like...

An old school TV With a VCR Playing Casper Like they're just like So fucking Yeah There's a fruit I swear to God A fruit of the loom White shirt With a stain on it For $45 And I was like Des we're leaving Get out Yeah I know That's insane I just hate

being ripped off. There's like, yeah, there are certain ones in Soho that you're like, this isn't vintage. This is just your little sister's shirt. I feel like Brooklyn has ones where you, the whole point of vintage shopping is you get something that's like Chanel for like $40. It's more like consignment. You have to go to like consignment shops. Yes. Is what it is.

You're right. Like I want to get love a thrift moment. Yeah. Like I want to get like a vintage Versace like pair of pants from like the 70s or something like sick like that. And what's cool about it is rarely anyone will have it. Yeah. We're like you're in Zara. We're like not only do other people have it, but when you post it, then everyone has like I don't need like a Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirt that like I possibly had at age seven. I want something like big.

vintage fucking vintage. It's like how we love occasionally wearing like our mom's or grandma's clothes because it's so niche and so cool. Yeah. I was recently joking about like, we were joking about realistic sex before and I was just thinking like,

When they fuck on movies how they have to break and like rip everything and I was like we were fast fashion like we're wearing Zara that shit rips so quick but like literally forever 21 I wear it and throw it away also that's unrealistic like I think I've been in a situation one time where it was so passionate that someone like ripped my shirt but like that just isn't happening.

Like no one's like forcing you into your apartment door and like you're making out and you're throwing things like that's never happened. Also, they never shut the door behind them. And that stresses me out. No, like you live in New York City. You shut that door. You turn that latch and you lock it immediately. We're in New York fucking city, bitch.

No, and they will, like, straight up, like, look away from the girl and, like, knock over a lamp. Like, that was on purpose. That was just being dramatic. Leave my home decor alone, you know? Yeah, like, what did that lamp do to you? Nothing but provide you light. Yeah, and also, if you're going to shove me so hard that I push over something, I'm going to be like, ow! No, like... Ow! Like, before you're about to, like, have sex or something, like, there's a protocol. And it's usually, like, me taking my socks off. You know? Like...

If you have sex with your socks on. I don't like it. I can't do it. It makes me feel weird. See you in court. Yeah. If you have sex with your socks on, see you in court. You can't. If you have sex with your socks on, you don't like your boyfriend. I'm just saying that right now because I have done it and I didn't like them. If you have sex with your socks on, you hate yourself. If you have sex with your socks on, you're insecure and let's talk about it. What is making you feel this way?

because let's let it out if you have sex on with your socks on that's a form of self-hate that no p and the v is going to solve if you have sex with your socks on you got out of a very tumultuous relationship and you're trying to figure it out and it's okay you don't don't feel like you have to have sex with this person if you have sex with your socks on what's it called when the blood doesn't go to the feet

Bad circulation. Bad circulation. Okay, here's another thing. If you have sex with your socks on because you're cold, you don't actually want to have sex. You're not turned on. I've never been cold and turned on at the same time. You can't have two emotions at the same time. You can't be wanting to have sex and be cold. It just doesn't happen. The body doesn't function that way.

If you have sex with your socks on, you're paying too much in your air conditioning bill a month. Yeah. Yeah. If you have sex with your socks on, shut the fuck up. Like, I don't want to take advice from you ever. If you have sex with your socks on, you do not have a fire pedicure. That's true.

That's true. If you have sex with your socks on, you literally just want to get it over with. Like you're not even trying to have a good time. And that's rude. If you have sex with your socks on and you don't wear a condom, you're married. You're married. I feel like that's you're just married. You're just like, OK, let's get this done. And I have shit to do. If you care to protect your feet and not the penis. Yeah. Yeah.

see you in court okay it didn't end with the climate but that was a good little run we had because i feel strongly about it i do i also am one of those like i can't wear just normal sweaters like a cheap sweater i i like feel itchy in it or like there's a tag yeah it ruined my whole day i had to cut it off i've like made you cut off like tons of yeah i get that

Um, it means you're sensitive. Apparently I'm trying to make that positive. It's okay to be fucking sensitive. I can't wear tights. I get a rash. Yeah. But growing up, I was like crazy with the line on my sock. Like if the line on my sock wasn't perfect and it was like slightly tilted, like days ruined. Really? Yeah. I like was crazy with socks. Yeah. I just, yeah. Like sometimes the first thing I do right before I'm going to have sex is take my socks off.

Yeah, that's like the sexiest thing ever. Yeah. Have you ever been with a guy who has a foot fetish? No. No. Isn't it weird? Like we've been with hundreds of men and we... Okay. One thousand. We've done the research for everyone. I'm going to say millions, but the way people talk about foot fetishes, it sounds like it's one in every three men, but I've never been with one who has it. I've never been with one...

Yeah, that is interesting because we've had like legit long term boyfriends before. And because I'm saying like, OK, well, maybe if you're like just hooking up with someone for like a couple of months or like whatever, maybe they're not comfortable enough to let you know they have a foot fetish. But we've had legitimate boyfriends and I've never I've never dated someone that's like, let me do this to your foot. I wish I did, because I feel like.

If my foot just makes you turned on, that's so easy. So easy. You just sit there and let him do whatever he wants to your foot. And he's like happy. Like I could be bloated. Yeah. Like I wouldn't be grossed out. I'd be like, cool. If that's what you're I'm you can also get to an age where like if that's what turns you on.

Cool. Because even if you know he's so into you, like when you're riding him, you're still like, oh, my God, do I like what's happening up here? But like if you just want to fuck my foot, I'm not like, oh, is my knuckle OK right now? Like, yeah, I have hairy knuckles on my feet and he loves it. I don't know. OK, but here's the other thing for me. I have the most ticklish feet in America.

People love that too, though. It's hard for me to get a pedicure. Like, it's painful for me to get a pedicure. Oh, wow. So I actually don't know if I could be with someone who had a foot fetish because, like, I can't let my own boyfriend hold my foot. But people have tickling fetishes too. Have you seen the documentary Feathering? No. Feathers?

If someone had a tickling fetish, I would be their perfect girlfriend. My entire body is ticklish. Like, I can't be touched, really. Actually, Des is kind of like that. Like, he's one of those people, like, if I jokingly try to tickle him, he's like, oh, my God. Yeah, like, it's not a joke to us. It's not a joke. No, it's not funny. Like, I'll be sitting on the couch, and you're purposely trying to ruin my time because, like, it's not comfortable for me. Really?

Once, like, his belly button was showing and, like, out of nowhere I went to touch it and, like, you'd think that the house was burning down. Yeah. It's not a good time for us. And then, like, I will get this thing where...

Like you pretended to tickle me. Now I'm tickled like I like I have the tickles and you have to give me a second to let it let me get it out. No, there's a full on documentary about called like feathering where people tickle each other and they like get off to it. I don't know. I forgot it. There are certain things that you buy every single summer. Sandals, sunscreen, snacks.

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But, um, do you have any front page news? Oh, man. Um, Katie Couric's banned from promoting her book on CBS. Why? I don't know. Do we really care? I mean, Katie Couric, she was the person who spoke at my graduation at Wisconsin. Banned from plugging her bombshell book. Okay, Jennifer Lawrence, pregnant, flaunts her baby bump in a crop top.

I am so obsessed with her. Here is why I get excited when, like, certain celebrities get pregnant. Because I feel like it also means I'm going to be pregnant soon. Like, you know when you...

And everything relates back to me. You know, and like you watch a celebrity that like you kind of grew up the same age as them. So like you really like identified with certain things they did. And like when they had like a crazy party phase or they're in a serious relationship. Now, I feel like the people that we watched in like high school and college are getting married and having babies now.

It's like, oh my God, we're getting married and having babies. It's like we're happy for us. We're happy for us. We're happy for us. Yeah, I get it. So I'm just excited about that.

It's like when I told you I got engaged on FaceTime and you started crying. You were like, that means we're going to get engaged. Yeah. Or you were crying because you lost your best friend to a man. But I don't know. Regardless. It was a lot of factors. It was I was very excited for you. I was very sad for myself. And I just got out of like a relationship and was flailing with like random bachelors. And you didn't love the shape that I chose. I get it. It was a lot of things.

A lot of things went through my head. Wait, can we talk about the Nick Viall and the caption thing? What the fuck happened there?

Okay, I am going on Nick Viall's podcast. We love him. We love. We love Nick. We love. Okay, people are getting a little extreme. She plagiarized. She didn't put out a goddamn book. Okay? You have to say. She stole someone's caption. It was just, it was a hilarious concept in general what happened. Right. I don't follow them as a couple. Like, I don't know their journey on, like, why people love them so much. Is it really just because he... Their journey is that, like, he's...

been on like, I think 472 Bachelor seasons. Yeah. He was The Bachelor at some point and he's never met his person. He was with Vanessa who is now with a Silver Fox who we stan. Honestly, Bachelor is like the only reality franchise that like I don't know anyone. I don't watch it. I don't like know any of the people. I was into it for like six years because girls in college got me into it and it's fun to watch it together. It's basically sports.

Yeah, it's sports for girls. It's the playoffs for reality TV. So Nick could never meet anyone, but then he started off as the villain and then became like... The voice of reason. He kind of grew on you because he was... Well, like he grew up.

He grew up and he's like sarcastic and he got like way hotter. Yeah. And he couldn't find anyone. He has a whole dating advice podcast, still single. And then he basically meets this like drop dead gorgeous 23 year old with fun social media things. Yeah. And so it was his birthday. Yeah.

Yes. And she wrote this like really nice sentimental caption. And then all of a sudden people are like, we've seen this caption before. Which is insane. Who's weirder? The person who copied a caption or the one who remembered a caption from three years ago from a random Instagram? The latter. Influencer. The latter. Who wrote it originally? Okay. So it's Billie Eilish's brother's girlfriend wrote this caption. And then Nick Viall's girlfriend, Natalie, stole the caption. Look. Okay.

And can you read the part of it? Not the best thing to do.

Okay, so Natalie's caption is,

Cherishing your existence forever. You tear every single... You tear every... Classic American words. No, but I love how that's where your brain went. You were like, tears crying. You tear every single fairy tale to shreds. Happy birthday, baby. I love you like nothing else. Cute, right? Wow.

The original caption is instead of this man, it's that face. My favorite thing in the world is waking up to that face. You flipped my whole world upside down, given every dream and goal, new meaning and purpose, your sense of humor, honesty, generosity, talent, creativity. Basically, it was the same thing. Here's what I am getting from both of these captions.

Y'all aren't in love. It's too long of a caption. Literally, when it's my boyfriend's birthday, I'm going to be like, HPD, dude, can't wait to celebrate. Like, it's too much. Well, it makes you wonder, like, why are we trying to explain that, like, you have the most beautiful relationship? Why is that? Why are we doing that? But further fucking more.

Nick responds. Nick comes by his girl's side and he goes, as he should stop being mean to her. Yes. And I was like, yes. And then he goes, it was a friend's fault. She asked a friend what to write and the friend sent it to her.

Which made it worse for me. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's like me going to you being like, what should I say for Des's birthday? And me sending a poem that I found online and, like, claiming it as my... And then part of me, if I was Nick, I'd be pissed. I'd be like, so all those qualities you just listed, you couldn't come up with one unique one for me. It was like, funny, creative, funny.

a badass like I don't give a fuck I'm just copying and pasting some shit for my man yeah I kind like if she came out and was just like dude yeah I didn't know what the fuck to write and this girl absolutely nailed it I'd be like valid fucking valid I'd be like I didn't know to write and you guys are fucking lame for knowing that I copied that yeah like hop off be like did I not at least make the point this is an essay I didn't

It's just too much. Also, the social media police, it's too much. Like, it's like, oh my God, do you have nothing better to do than like track what these people are doing? I don't even, I just can't. Oh God. Anyhow. What else? Nick Cannon is trying to remain celibate until 2022. Okay, Nick, it's in like two months. Okay.

Because every time he fucks, he has a baby. It's not that crazy. I didn't try to be celibate for as long as I was. It just happened. That's hilarious. Like, he's a father of seven.

Yeah, every time he fucks. And he's 40. Confirm that he's gone celibate on the advice of his therapist after welcoming four children with three different women in under a year. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. But also it's like they make things celibate. Yeah. No, we've we've technologically had advances that you don't have to have kids if you don't want to.

Yeah. So I have a friend who is hooking up with her ex again. Okay. Ew. Why? It's like they dated for a long time. They gave each other time, like a decent amount of time. Okay. Kind of giving a shot. But she is not having sex in her vagina with him, like putting her foot down. So what are they doing? I go, ha, so you're just doing anal? And she goes, yeah.

This is a real life story. Yeah. There's humans out here doing this. This is what's happening right now. So she just does anal. And I'm like, but I feel like that's even more intrusive. And she's like, if you do it right, it's amazing. And way more fucking intimate and way more connect. Like you have to.

No, I can't. Also, like, way more risk. I'd rather have a baby than accidentally shit on a man. A thousand percent. All day. Because we'll never have sex again after I shit on him. Or we will have sex again if I have a baby. I've never done it, so I don't really know the ramifications. But I know that you're still having sex. I told her I'm scared to do it because my friend in college said she leaked for, like, three days.

I'm convinced that no one actually does it and it's just something we see in the movies. And by movies, I mean porn. She's doing... But my thing is I'm totally not against you having anal all the time. I actually have a lot of friends who love doing anal. But it's the fact that she's like, he can't get this pussy. And I'm like, wait, it's still like so intrusive. It's a lot. But I kind of love it for her too. I mean, to each their own. Who are we to judge? Yeah.

But I wonder what the rules are. Like, can you not touch it? Oh, yeah. How are you just how are you that turned on and like getting it on with your boyfriend and like not having sex the God given way? You know? Okay. Well, I would argue when you do it right in the butt, it slaps. I don't know.

You're like, I was a nun in a past life. Yeah, hello? You can't talk to me about this. This is against my religion. I used to get super annoyed when you would act like prude about stuff. I'd be like, Paige, go up. But now that I know you've been a nun, I'm like, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I've been a nun. I could get in trouble with the priest.

And I genuinely do have never done it. So I legit can't add anything to this. I love you love saying that you love bragging that you've never done it. You virginal angel you because you want to know why. And it has nothing to do with like being a goody two shoes. I don't have a high pain tolerance. And I know that about myself.

and I'm not going to actively hurt myself because I tried it in the shower once don't do it yeah lubrication process doesn't work water's not lube yeah barely got it in and I was like no I would I'll cry I know I'll cry this is like TMI but I tell all the gigglers I told Des I'm not gonna have anal with him until we get married good how romantic is it is for me

And he keeps saying the date of our wedding. Like, can't wait till this date. And I'm like, why? He's like, I'm going to take her. Literally until my, it's my husband's 40th birthday. That's when I'll do it. I just like saving some stuff for marriage. You guys. Okay. Speaking of the church. Yeah. Holy shit. What do I have a dope documentary for you? Okay. I discovered it because Chrissy Teigen posted about it. Okay.

It's called The Way Down, God, Greed, and the Cult of Gwen Shamblin. What's it on? It's on HBO Max. Okay. You have to watch it yesterday. What cult is this? It's called The Church of Christ. Okay. So she basically created a whole religion, which is like next level. The confidence. So much confidence. Right? But it started with a weight loss like promotion. It's called like The Way Down Technique or whatever, where she basically goes...

And I'm just doing her voice. When you want to eat and you're not hungry, you give that food to Jesus.

and you wait until your stomach is growling then you eat and then once you're full you give the rest of that food to jesus wait i love that we're on like a southern accent i fucking love them now and the people were funny because so people are losing tons of weight from this diet and the girls now they were like it's basically just intuitive eating but like with religion behind it so people were loving it she sold over like 500 000 or like a million copies of her book

And she gets this fame. She gets this following. And then she decides to then take it one further and create a church based on it. So she's like, if you're gaining weight, you're not obeying the Lord. So everyone has to be skinny. And then it gets fucking crazy. So anyway, watch the way down. Okay. Is it new? Yes. It just came out. And then to wrap this pot up, Squid Game. Oh.

Okay, I haven't seen it yet. I haven't watched it yet. Here's the thing. Do I keep it in its original? Have you watched it?

I'm in it right now. Okay. Do I keep it in its original language and read the subtitles or do I watch it dubbed over in English? Great question. Yeah. So Des, we know he's multicultural. He speaks Mandarin. He understands about that stuff. He was like, hell no, we're not watching it dubbed. Okay. We're watching it in its language with the version. That's what everyone says to do. That's what you should because...

I get distracted by like the lips not matching the words. Yeah, it annoys me because I'm like, there's no way that's the pitch of your voice. Okay. No, I know. I want to see how the actors actually acted it. Yeah. Okay. So I think I'm going to start that tonight. But you know that I don't like watching things that people are too hyped about. I know you don't. But do you love that? It's so good. It is so good. No, wait, wait. How many episodes are there?

I don't know. I don't even like to look because I don't like to know when the end is near. But it is so fucking good. And it's it's kind of funny. It's definitely violent, but it's mostly just like gun shootings. I could deal with that kind of violence. OK, I can deal with that. And it's like not very. I heard it was gory. It's gory, but just with guns. Like I don't like gory when it comes to like torture and shit. Yeah, I can deal with a gun. OK, yeah.

And then finally, if you're not watching Love on the Spectrum season two, what are you doing? Okay. Interesting. Have you seen season one? No. I couldn't get through it. You have to. I saw a few episodes season one. Um,

And I watched the trailer for season two and I started crying. And I was like, why would I do this to myself? Des cries the entire time. Yeah, the entire time. The entire time. But it's like happy tears. I know. So basically Love on the Spectrum shows people on different parts of the spectrum and you just learn how their brains are just different. Yeah. And dating is so hard when you're just a, they call it neurotypical person. But if you...

Their issue is with social things. Got it. It is so incredible. And you just you're blown away and you like understand that like, holy shit, they're just different. And it's fascinating. And you almost learn more about yourself through it. And I highly recommend it. There's Katie and Ronan. Anyone who knows them knows I stand. I'm obsessed. You're going to just love, love, love, love. I love love right now.

My I hate mentor. Yeah, no, my I hate mentor is at a halt. I don't know when we'll pick it back up. I'm sure we'll pick it back up. We're taking a stop. Yeah, we're going off the road for a little and we're back to just loving men and thinking they're so cute. What if that's what we called our tour? The we hate mentor. I hate mentor. Our significant others would be like, what?

I know. I have like mean tweets about men all the time. And Des is like, you good? And I'm like, yes. Like not you. Oh my God, babe. It's not you. Babe, come on. Everyone but you. Yeah, not you. Literally the whole world but you.

There is a tweet where it's like men and it's just like the puking emoji. And it's like my man. And it's like the heart. No, that's legit, though. How I do feel, though. I'm like, I hate everyone. Literally, I'm like, Des, I will be talking about how much I hate men. And he's like, I can hear you. And I'm like, not you. Yeah. One of them. Yeah. Like you're with me. That's different. You've been vaccinated.

Been vetted Yeah Anyway Check out our merch At googly-squad.com And What else is going on? We're like going We're doing our live show Very soon We are It's like here Before you know it It's crazy November Mid-November Yeah

I'm so excited for it. I met a bunch of gigglers this weekend at Craig's store. And there was like this group of girls and they came up to me and they were like, we're so sorry, but our friend is running here. And I was like, what do you mean running here? I was like, running from where? In walks like the cutest little girl. It had like started raining and she's like wiping the like rain off of her. And she's like, I just ran here. I was like, no, I heard. And like...

It would just make me so excited to meet all the gigglers. I will be on stage and I will see someone like in a see you in court shirt. Yeah. And it just makes you like so happy. Yeah. So we love the gigglers so fucking much. And thanks for giggling with us always. Bye. Bye.