Giggling about Netflix, leopard print, and peeing
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- 'Sup, gigglers? - Carrie, fix the wifi. - Manifest that shit. - We can't be managed. - I mean, the day just got away from me. - What's up, my gigglers? We're going to Netflix, baby! - I mean, Hannah.

Just broke the internet. Broke the internet. No, I told Paige I actually got overwhelmed and I haven't been on my phone all day because I didn't expect positivity, but it gets me uncomfy. It's like my wedding and everyone was so fucking...

Like, it makes me want to cry. And I don't like emotions. And I also... Let's be honest. I don't feel comfortable with happiness. I like to feel... Aggravated. Slightly unnerved. I want to complain. For me to have a good day, there has to be at least one thing that I'm annoyed about. You know, that I can talk to people about. I enjoy being upset about something. So, no. It was like...

I love you guys know that I can't keep my mouth shut. So if I'm going to tease you guys on something, it's going to be fucking worth it. No. And this took a lot to keep the secret. It took a lot. I even tried to like I kept it from you in the very beginning just because contracts were like not legit. And I think that if I tell you that, yeah, it would fall through and then I'd be have to be like, hey.

Yeah, that's such an Italian thing. Like to not tell people anything because people have bad energy. No, you don't have bad energy. But like basically the gods know like if you get too excited for something like I don't know.

No, I don't tell anyone anything because truly like you never know what they're thinking. Like if you told someone then like what if they went home and they were like, oh, I really like I hope she doesn't get that or I hope it doesn't happen. And then it doesn't happen. I feel like they did that with their manifesting. And so I agree with not telling anyone shit. Well, you know who did something with their manifesting? And that's why I said we got an Netflix special.

It's the gigglers. Yeah. It's all... It is... Like, let's be honest. If I didn't have Giggly Squad, I would have been in a farm in Idaho right now probably very happy. But there's a couple fucking weird, hilarious girls on the internet that said, you know what? I like these two girls. And I'm going to stick with them in spite of a lot of things. I feel like now when I see gigglers in the wild, like I've met a few being in Aspen, and we're so...

coy like this one girl came up and she was just like hey giggler duh obviously great to see you they're like low-key kind of sick of us they're like you were talking a lot about lasagna last week are you good no i love the gigglers um

Okay, I have a very Giggly Squad story. Tell me. To the point where like I told Craig this story and I go, you can't tell anyone. Like seriously, don't tell anyone. It's so embarrassing. And he goes, okay, Paige, you're going to say it on your podcast. I go, you're absolutely right. Giggly Squad is your best friend that you have to tell every story to? No, I have to.

Okay, so let me just set the scene for you. And I have no idea if these two situations are related, but I have to give you the past to understand the present. No, this is girlhood. Give me every fucking detail. Set it up as long as you need to.

So when I was in college, I feel like maybe I was a little stressed out every once in a while. And who knows? So one time I woke up in the morning to a text message from one of my girlfriends saying, did you mean to post that Snapchat last night? Which is not a fucking text you want to wake up to. I was like, what are you talking about? She goes, you posted, you sent me a Snapchat last night and

At like two in the morning. And I go, what was it of? And she goes, just you sitting up in bed smiling like you took a selfie and sent it to me. You go, that's not me. I wouldn't smile on a Snapchat. I was like, that's so fucking scary. That means I literally did that.

In my sleep. Like, I don't know. I don't know what why I did that. A couple weeks late, like this happens. Okay. A couple weeks later. Don't know if it's related. I wake up in the morning like a normal morning and I'm like, oh my God, my bed is like all wet. Like what is going on?

And I get up and I'm like, oh my fucking God, I peed the bed. Like I'm college and I'm sober. Like I lived at home. Like I wasn't, and I'm freaking out. Are you sure it was not marinara sauce? No.

Like it smelled like pee. I like run downstairs. I'm like, something's wrong, mom. Like I like I don't know what's going on. Like I'm literally convinced I have like a brain tumor like that. Yeah. And she's like, OK, stop freaking out. Like it. You were probably just like so tired and had to pee and like couldn't get up. And like this happens sometimes. Don't worry about it. Never happened again. We're great. Fine. Fast forward 10 fucking years. OK, fine.

I get a text message from Sierra a couple weeks ago in the morning and she goes, did you mean to FaceTime me at 1.30 in the morning, not say anything and then throw your phone? And I was like, what? No, I didn't do that.

Couple days later, I spend the day like organizing my closet. I had like specific piles on the floor. I go into my closet the next morning. There's a pair of pants that I have not worn in years on the floor, almost as if someone tried them on and then just left them on the floor. You've told us this part. OK, so that happens.

Couple days later, I wake up in the morning and I'm like, why is my bed wet? Like, what is going on? I get up. Can I fucking pee in the middle of the night? You're a 30 year old geriatric woman. I don't know what's happening. You need to have a collaboration like Lisa Rinna with the diapers. Yes.

Someone needs to monitor me during my sleep because what am I getting up and doing? I'm getting up. I'm putting on outfits. Like, what am I doing? Now I'm peeing the bed. Wait, that's like what frat guys do. I know.

Because they drank too much. And then your bed smells like pee. I was like, I have something so embarrassing to tell you, but I peed the bed last night. And he was like, what are you talking about? I was like, don't tell anyone. And then I was like, I have to tell the gigglers. How do you clean it? I just took my sheets off and my bedding and I washed it. And I had a spray tan on that night. So literally my thighs got wet. Okay, this is so graphic. Kim...

Fast forward 30 seconds. Are you sure you didn't have a wet dream and you just like squirted? No, no, I didn't. You want to know what Craig asked me the same fucking thing. I was like, no, I'm not a 13 year old boy. And he goes, okay, well, you say you're just peeing in the bed. That's a problem.

No, I don't know. So like now I'm so scared of like what I'm doing in my sleep. I feel like this is something that you would Google and you could like really scare yourself about like what's going on. I haven't Googled it because I think it's just like stress and anxiety and like that I'm doing weird things in my sleep.

When weird physical things are happening to you, sometimes it is just something going on. Like I always had something going on in my life that was like really fucking irking me. And my body was just like, like I could try to lie to myself and be like, life is good. Life is good. But your brain is like, it's not. And then your body goes, okay, this bitch isn't listening. And the next thing you know, you're like heart beating and you're like, you're peeing in the bed.

Bitch is an Aspen living life right now. She has a headband on and a turtleneck and a beautiful French manicure. So this is just to let you guys know.

Don't believe social media. Don't believe social media. I literally Irish exited last night from all my friends, my boyfriend included. I literally ran to the car because I get altitude sickness like no other. Like I can't. So you're throwing up and peeing in the bed. No, I'm a mess over here. Like I need to go to a doctor. I need to be monitored. Also,

Altitude sickness is wild. It's like you're so dainty that if you're like too high in the sky, you're like, I'm going to explode. And somebody said that like living and being an Aspen by just living, you're burning calories. You love Aspen. I love that. I'm envisioning you just like the bird from Shrek when she sings too loud. When you're in the altitude and you're just like and you just explode.

Yeah, that's what happened to me. I was like, sorry guys, I have to go home to throw up in a proper bathroom by myself. Do you remember Giggly Squad was me making one joke about a boner or something about a fart and you would be like, Hannah, stop. And now you've been talking about bodily fluids for 10 minutes now and I haven't said

Well, I did say the squirt comment. But like we've evolved. No, we've evolved. Yeah. Like I would have... Like we're growing. Two years ago, I would have never told the gigglers that I peed my fucking pants. You would have taken that to the grave. To the grave. And now I'm like, be aware. Something's going on. I don't mean this in a bad way, but like...

I fear that you are using Giggly Squad as more of therapy than your own therapist. And I love it because it's great content. But I just, as your friend. Because last week, Maria said, okay, we need to really. Oh, we're saying her name. We're saying her name now. Maria was like, we need to really kick it into gear here. I need you to journal every day. And then I need to see said journal. Sorry.

I was like, okay. She was like, I need you to just write down your feelings. Okay. Identify one feeling. She goes, this is the problem. I cannot spell or form a sentence. She was like, we're now on texting level. She's like, why don't you just text me? I go, can I voice note my feelings to you?

Paige and I voice noted for like two and a half hours. Of course, whenever Des is gone, not once did I think of picking up the phone and calling you. And there was like tea. There was emotions. It was heated. But do you ever rerecord a voice note? Do you ever like start it and you go, that's not the vibe? Yeah, because sometimes I will forget what I'm saying. And I'm like, well, now this is just like pointless. But here's the thing. I love listening to my voice recordings back. I'm like, oh, she's going to love this.

I pretend I'm you I'm like she's gonna die I once listened to one of mine and I'm just laughing so hard I'm like I sound so goofy and stupid like I can't believe she likes me but we were joking how like there's no way to like properly end a voice note no you always have to be like and see roger that yeah and I'm just like and now your opinions and now your turn over

No, voice notes. If anyone's trying to start a podcast, start with voice notes. Start with voice notes. And if you have good voice note chemistry, like if you can voice note for like 10 hours straight, you can easily do a podcast. Me and you are so bad at admin. Like we both are going to Aspen once this year. I'm going for shows. You're going with Craig because Craig wants a skateboard or whatever they do. Snowboard. Snowboard.

And you want like, I just want it. I literally wanted to make one tick tock and I made it. Yeah. You made one tick tock. Okay. Got it. Thriving. So we are both going to Aspen and missing each other by like two days. And then I was in Charleston yesterday. I know. And everyone's like, where the, I was walking around.

I thought I was going to be treated. Okay. I did go to Charleston once with Paige and I was treated like the child of a Royal family. People, people like, I was just walking behind Paige and people were like, do you want me to wipe your shoes? Like, are you okay? Like Paige and Craig, did you, what does Paige smell like? Like that kind of thing. And I was like, I love being in Charleston.

And then I was walking on King Street. No respect. Yep. No respect. I said, I am the sister of Paige DeSorbo. I am basically the sister-in-law to Craig Conover. Turns out everyone knows Craig and everyone's like, we talk to him all the time. He's the mayor. I went to one store and someone recognized me and I was like, yes. And they were like, we thought we were going to see Paige in Charleston. And I go, nope. I know. I can't believe we didn't like time travel.

any of that here's the thing because we're such individuals and like we don't want I don't want to do anything so I don't like no I feel like us planning a trip is like almost try hard like are we trying to like prove our friendship to people like what are we like trying to be like we're adults like oh let's plan a vacay like

We've never once even attempted to plan a vacay. Hannah, we've never even gone out to dinner with your husband and my boyfriend for years. Not one time. Because that shit is fake. That shit is fake. That shit is so fucking fake. No legitimate friends are going out on double dates. You're going to their houses. Like you're hanging out. I don't know. Or you're just like FaceTiming and they like get in the back and you're like, hi. Yeah.

Yeah, like a double date is aggressive. If you're going to dinner, what are you trying to prove? You know what? The same way that we say like if relationships are trying too hard, like they're overcompensating. That's how I feel about friendships.

That's how I feel about friendships. Like, you know, the girls who suddenly get a new friend and they're like everywhere. And I'm like, you guys are using each other for attention. And I love that. I love girlhood. But like, don't make everyone else feel like you guys have this beautiful friendship. Like you guys are going to hate each other in three days because you just are using each other for Instagram likes. You know, one thing I do love about getting older, I think I...

That you pee yourself. That your pussy can't even hold pee anymore. Other than the fact that I am the spokesperson for Depends. I know some Instagram account is just going to put me in a diaper, which is fine. You know I love a mini short.

Rick and Marole production. Oh my God. Wait, you should go back on all those pages. Whoever talks shit about you for wearing no pants and being like, I needed to wear a Mimu diaper. Sorry. I have a medical condition. How bad do you feel about yourself now? I have a wide set vagina, but a very tiny canal. My doctor told me. Sorry that I'm having a bladder issue.

No, the one thing I do like about getting older, I feel like there's so much fucking pressure on women to have like such big girl groups of friends. Like I remember when Taylor Swift was doing that whole like girl gang stuff and they were all going to her house in like Newport or whatever. And I did have like a great group of girlfriends in high school and I'm very thankful. But once I got into my 20s, like everyone lives different places. You meet new people. So I did feel that pressure of like, oh my God, I don't have like a big group of girlfriends. Like I'm a loser. I have no friends, whatever.

I love that now it's socially acceptable to have friends disappear, dwindle, see you later because our lives are going in different directions. Like we're getting older. You don't, it's socially acceptable to have literally three good friends.

No, but I think that's a flex. If you have three good friends, that's a fucking flex. Such a flex. And also, I do love those friends who, like, for whatever reason, you can't spend time with them. You can't see them that much. But, like, there are moments in your life that they will just, like, you love each other and they'll, like, FaceTime you or they'll randomly text you or they'll comment on your Instagrams. Like, there is so many levels of friendships. But you're so right. The best part of aging is, like, that you...

Are not expected to hang out with friends anymore. Yeah. Like I can't wait for kids because I built an excuse. Sorry. My kids sick. Can't come. I was going to say that. And you guys, we're not saying don't hang out with your friends. I'm saying, you know, those, you know, those nights that you're literally bitching like,

fuck, we have to go out tonight. Do you remember? We would do that all the time. Like, I don't even know what you who you were in your early 20s. But we all know when we're like, fuck, we have to go out tonight. You never have to go out again. No, I Hannah, I've been on this ski trip with like and it's like a fun ski trip. I have not drank because I'm like, you're the epitome of health and wellness. And if you do drink, you're

It's going to come right out of your pussy. I hung out with Melissa Wood Health the other day. I actually don't drink. Thank you. Okay, so Paige and I did Melissa Wood Health's podcast. Now, Paige was addicted to her workouts and I would have done her workouts, but I was depressed at the time.

I was the best version of me. She basically was like, we'd love to have you on the pod. And of course I was like, yes, because I like to talk to anyone on a microphone. And then I do some research while we're on the way. And I realized her last guest was Deepak Chopra. And then you're texting me and you go, what are we supposed to, what are we going to talk about? And I go, I will talk about hip hop yoga for 45 minutes, but then I'm out. Then I've run out of things to talk about. You have to come up with something for like 10 minutes.

I feel so bad for Melissa because we sat down and we were like, Melissa, thank you so much for having us. We will now speak and only us will speak for two hours. I think Melissa got two questions in. We were nervous that she was going to ask us about our workout routine or something. So we had to pivot. But at the end, we started just like, we felt guilty and we were like, Melissa, we don't, we just lie in bed all day long.

I felt like it was a therapist that I was like confessing. I was like, okay, you know what? I lied. I don't work out. I rot in bed. I am bad. Like help. And she knew that we weren't going into a routine. She knew it. She said, you know what? Try one thing. And that's just not looking at your phone in the morning. And we were like, we don't know. Kudos to her because she did some research and she decided to go in being like,

We're going to talk about how laughter is healthy and we'll use that with these girls. And you know what? That's an angle that I will get behind. It's that time of the year. Your vacation is coming up. You can already hear the beach waves, feel the warm breeze, relax and think about...

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Because if we do not laugh, we will cry. What? I literally, sorry, I totally cut you off. But I saw that you posted that documentary on Netflix. I was going to bother you to watch it, but you're like a cat. I watched it. If I tell you to watch something, I feel like you get kind of like, is it that good? I want you to choose it on your own. Okay, guys, American Nightmare on Netflix. Tell me everything.

Paige is doing the dope doc segment today. One of the best documentaries I think I've ever seen in my life. One of the most infuriating documentaries. It made me, it physically made me like ill and mad. And I was, I cried during it. I like, I rage cried. I felt like, like I cried because I felt so hurt.

for this girl. What was so fascinating about it too, like it was really well done where I'm not going to give anything away, but it's about there was a kidnapping. And first you see the perspective of like the police and the way they air it, you're like, okay, obviously this happened. And then they air it from another perspective and you're like, okay, well obviously that happened. And then they show the other perspective and you go, what the fuck?

going on but it does show you like how things can be altered so much i'm gonna tell you something i know that i have a gripe with the fda that goes without saying i think i have a gripe with the fbi because who's running it over there okay this is kind of a spoiler but not really at the end of the day

A mom or a woman ends up solving everything. It took one woman. It took one woman to literally do, I don't know, simple Google search. And she goes, okay, I figured it out. One phone call. Literally. One phone call. One phone call. One Google search. She solved the whole case. Multiple people's lives.

the men all the other men got awards the men got awards no literally one of the police officers got police officer of the fucking year no no no no i've been we've been saying for a long time and i think actually comic chris de stefano has a very funny bit about his girlfriend and he's like these girls are so good at figuring things out like why are women not in charge of the fbi and it's true like if you send a man to like find one thing in a grocery store he like

can't do it and i'm like but that man's solving murders here's the other thing that women are so good at interrogations because i'm not when i'm asking you a question know that i already know the answer so like no those men were so bad at asking questions they were just like i'm gonna make you look like a monster you did it and the guy's like what like a woman would have i just i

It makes me so mad. No, we need to make some changes and the Academy needs apologies. But the one thing that was really special about this documentary is some documentaries, my biggest gripe is when they do the unsolved murders. And I'm like, so we're right where we were in the beginning, which is fucking confused. It makes me want to send a strongly worded email to the production company. It's like, oh, you guys just couldn't figure out the ending. So this was the show you went with? I go, that's not a beginning, middle and end. That is a premise.

This documentary has such a full circle. Like at the end, you really felt complete in your heart. Yes.

and i'm not saying if it was good or bad but it just like came there was an ending it came together and you laugh cried you have anyway everyone has to watch it it's three episodes it's light work you can do that in one night it's that's a that's a morning that's a morning that's a dark morning that was breakfast wait speaking of crying i had the craziest thing happen to me at the charleston show

tell I do Charleston okay my show to make it clear it's not about crying no one's it's not crying maybe like excited crying nothing else we're having fun we're making dick jokes it's actually like the best crowd the girls are so funny and drunk and

And then I see this, like, 70-year-old man in the front. And I'm like, okay, he's, like, so cute. And then some girl literally yells out of nowhere. And she goes, Hannah, we have the same birthday. And I was like, August 12th? And she's like, yeah. I'm like, cool. Does anyone else want to yell out their birthdays? And some girl's, like, yelling out. And I'm like, this is a drunk town hall meeting. This is so fun. Everyone calm down. And then later in the show, I go back to the older guy. And I'm like, what?

Who are you with? Like, cause he was like having fun. I'm like, who is this like zaddy having fun? And the girls next to him, they're kind of drunk and they go, his wife passed away. So everyone's upset. Everyone's like, no. And he goes, no, he goes, I come to comedy shows when I feel like lonely. And I was like, oh my God. And he's so cute. No, I'm not. No. And then he looks at me and he goes,

My wife has the same birthday as you. And I've never once said my birthday out loud in a show. And I have this moment and I just go, do you think your wife was speaking to you through me on stage? The whole audience starts sobbing. Stop! He's laughing, crying. The girls are crying. Everyone's very drunk, so we're crying anyway. We're all hormonal. We're just like, ah! And then I was like, guys, give it up for Steve. The whole...

theater of a thousand girls start chanting we love steve we love steve and he's like laughing with tears in his eyes the cutest old man and i was like how did you find me and he's like i don't know like my phone like instagram i was like it's okay you don't have to explain it but like

I actually believe that shit. Like, yeah, the chances I do too has the same birthday as me. And I never talk about my birthday on stage. And some girl just yelled it out. It was like, and you never even I feel like talk to a man in the crowd. I like saw him. And it's like we had to have a conversation. And his wife wanted me to say the birthday to let him know she's here with him. Yeah, 100%. I believe in that. I believe in that stuff all day.

And I wish I could tell you guys like I felt something come over me. No, I was just being orchestrated. I was being orchestrated on stage by his his wife who has an amazing birthday. And then I was like, OK, we have to get the crowd back. Everyone stop fucking crying. I have to make jokes about queefing. And did you? Yeah, it was fun. I was like, sex is crazy. But I had a great I really did have a great time in Charleston. Like it.

It's very like the Hamptons. It's very picturesque. Yes. It's like the Hamptons if it was like a lot of guys with like hair that's like combed over. Yeah. A lot of coifting. A lot of coifting. Yeah. And a lot of vests. A lot of vests. A lot of quarter zips. You see a lot of vests down there. But it is touristy. Like, I mean, I was on King Street. Yeah.

So it's very touristy. But yeah, the guys are very they dress very like it's either ultra preppy or it's like a little beachy. But like like they'll have like flip flops on and a vest. And it's like, what season is that for? You know, like you're confusing me. But it's a vibe. Some screws are loose. So we have a lot of traveling. I'm going to L.A. tomorrow. Oh, three days. Yeah.

And then I'm going to Reno for a show. And then I'm going to Lake Tahoe for the first time with Des. And then I'm going to Aspen. This is my problem. I need a faux fur coat. But I'm not packing a faux fur coat. And I'm not buying a faux fur coat in Aspen for $3,000. So I'm going to have to rob someone's faux fur coat. No.

I'm going to tell you. Did you pack a faux fur coat? What did you do? Don't say FedEx it because I swear to God, I'm not FedExing shit. Okay. If you let me get it out, I'm going to let you know something. I packed three fur coats, bitch. And I did not FedEx one of them. Okay. The power of sitting on your suitcase. Yes. What is your folding method?

It's just scrunch, scrunch, scrunch. And I put a lot of things. My new move is to put things in shoes. Oh. So like I packed like a couple pairs of boots. So I put like clothes inside of the boots to like save space because I knew I had, I packed two fur coats. I wore one on the plane. Because I will go some places with my little suitcase because I'm wearing like the same outfit for three shows. And then I actually went to King Street.

So much fun shopping, find myself an Urban Outfitters, which I live literally next door to, buy a bunch of shit from Urban Outfitters, then can't fit it back in my bag. No, actually, I will say one thing about the Charleston shopping. It sucks. Strong words. It's not good. It's not good. And I think it's wild because it is such a touristy place, but like... Yeah.

Like if I'm in a pinch for a pair of shoes, I'm not getting them there. Like I genuinely when I'm down there, the only places I shop are TJ Maxx and Marshalls. Like there's no like store stores. There are a lot of stores made for like moms who are like they see you and they're like, sweetheart, bless your heart. And they're like drunk at 1 p.m.

I'm like, I like the Love Shack fancy vibe. Like, some of their things are so cute. Love Shack fancy. But I can't. Their store needs to calm the fuck down. It's a crop sweater. It doesn't need to be $400. Why don't you chill the fuck out about it? No, but the outside of the store... And I'm saying this because...

Our brands probably don't align, so I don't think I'll lose a branding connection with them. But like it looks like a bunch of flowers just had diarrhea on each other. And it's it looks like a yeast infection. The outside. I actually love the outside of the store. I think it's like such a vibe, but it's so girly. But it's like it's like compared to all the other stores. It's like, OK. Yeah, it's it's intense.

It's intense. But they do have like fancy stores. They have like Gucci and like. Yeah, but it's like, OK, yes, they do have like fancy shopping. But like if you're just like what I don't understand is that it's a college town. There's so many college girlies. What how are they going out on the weekend? Where are they shopping? What are they getting? They're just deliver having everything delivered. They're shopping online like the girls don't even have a Zara to go to. And it's.

It's them that I feel bad for. Yeah. You know, I want to do this for the college girlies. They need Azara. Help them out. They need a fucking H&M. Like, it's crazy. Wait. Speaking of going outside, did you see Zayn Malik? He's such a giggler. What'd he do? The headline is, Zayn Malik makes rare public outing at Fashion Week and a car ran over his foot. What?

Zayn Malk's foot appears to get run over during rare public appearance. That is so Giggly Squad coded. Yeah. Steps out, thinks they're doing something for the fashion industry. The universe says, nope, go back home. Imagine like he never goes outside. He's scared of paparazzi. He had to like go to therapy for three months to even physically go outside. And then an Uber just runs over his toe immediately.

see i'd actually be really thankful because there's nothing i love more than like something to give me a reason for me to say and this is why i don't go out you know what like and this is why i don't travel you think he did it on purpose i i would do that you yeah that's what i did when i was skiing i go oopsie and then broke my hand he took his little foot you know when you're in high school and you're just like so fucking nuts and you're like

You think in your head, not that you would ever do this, but you think in your head. You're like, how do I get out of school? Or like, if I just like broke my leg right now, like, and I posted it, do you think he would text me to like see if I'm still?

Like me and my best friend in high school would do such crazy shit like that to just be like, do you think like, like one time she made me come up with this like entire lie to text this guy to see if like he would text us back. And I was down for it because like if my friend needs me to text someone, I'm going to do it. So I came up with this entire lie that this guy's cat was in my backyard. And I was like, hey, I think your cat's in my backyard. Like,

And he was like, I don't think... He's petting his cat. He's like, I don't think so. And I was like, that's so crazy. What are you doing tonight? He goes, I don't have a cat. I knew he had a cat. But that would have been hilarious. This one girl on TikTok I follow, Hallie, is like 22, 23. And every now and then, she just brings me back to those days where...

She was told a story about how she basically was in love with this guy who she met like once. Right. And she decided to follow like every account he followed that was like meme pages or like interesting stuff and then started liking everything because she wanted whenever him to see those pages to see her name that she liked it. And I was like, wow, that is so smart. And she was like, I was evil genius. And then she ended up being like, he never texted me, but like it was like genius. Yeah.

No, that's genius. I've done something similar. I once was like obsessed with this guy and like he was so fucking funny. So like all of the things that he would like that he thought were funny, I would like find similar humor to like also like and follow. Cause I was like, Oh, if he, if he thinks I'm funny, like he's going to love me. And he in fact did not. I married a guy and pretended to like scheme for two years. I'm officially retired. Yeah.

I'm officially retired from skiing. Wait, why? Because it's unsafe and it's not fun. Look, there is an element now to like being in your 30s where it's like, OK, if I do legit fall and break something. I'm an adult. Yeah. Like I can't have a broken leg for six months. No, literally. Like also I hurt my right arm.

I couldn't even wipe my asshole. Like that was like pure mental, physical torture. I'm at that point too. Like I'm not risking my body unless it's for a gold medal in the Olympics. Otherwise,

I'm sorry, she's out. And I feel bad for the girlies like Shannon Ford. She was on this like vacation skiing and she posted all these cute outfits are having so much fun. And I messaged her and I was like, I said something. And she was like, no, Hannah, like skiing so dangerous. Why don't they tell people like I was she said she was hyperventilating the whole time. I've never skied before.

I don't think she has. Oh, that's terrifying then. And to do it for the first time in your like late 20s or early 30s, it is way scarier.

Yeah. And like girls, because it's good fashion, will get trapped in a situation. Next thing you know, you're on a blue and you're crying and you're praying to St. Anthony. And you're like, how did I get here for just an average dick? Like, how did I get here for a below average dick? No, I'm on this trip solely because I bought Prada ski goggles.

who's taking the photos is my question are there girls there that could take it yeah there's girlies here so like we're good and craig goes you you bought prada ski goggles when did you what did when did you get those and i was just like don't worry about it and he was like did you try them on like can you see out of them and i just looked at him i go i didn't try them on they match my snowsuit that's why i fucking got them okay pay attention please like

People don't talk about enough with vacation how much pressure it is to get the photo. No, it's so much. I went to the Knicks game with my dad and I started panicking because I was between my dad and a couple of bros and

And I needed to get a photo. And there was that one photographer guy that took one photo, but it was like, you know, not the ideal angle. And I was wearing a fit and it was the kind of fit that like I needed to pose cunty. Like I needed to not just like standing. Yeah. Or like a thought squad or like something like, like pretending I didn't see the camera shit. Men are not capable of capturing that kind of art. Imagine telling a man like, Hey, I actually want this to be like a blurry photo. He'd be like, well, what?

You know, and you're like, it's for the aesthetic. You don't get it. This is the worst thing, too, when you're like, just take a lot. And he just, like, takes a ton and then gives it to you. And you're like, you had no strategy to that. They all look exactly the same, but my eyes are blinking. Move a little. Yeah, I need angles, angles, lights. Also, it's perfectly normal. Like, and me and you have done this. We're like, I'll take photos of you. We look and we go...

The energy's not right. And then we will change direction, change the street, change the mental, like, what is our purpose? Like, what is, what is our motive in this shoot? Like, we have to understand the creative direction. You can just fucking be like, what's the story? We want this photo to tell what's the background. Don't just finger, don't finger your phone for 30 seconds and then be like, we got it. I took so many photos. You don't like one, you don't like one photo that I took. No, no.

Whenever I ask Craig to take my photos, he gets me the phone back and I'm just like, oh, you just can't get it. Like, you didn't get it. Like, it's fine. Don't worry about it. You didn't get it. I'll figure something else out. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. He had the fucking audacity to say to me the other day,

really because every time I take a photo for someone else they always say that I got it and I go because we're women and we lie she just wanted her phone back she said thanks got it and walked away we lie like because we don't want you to be uncomfortable imagine a girl who like enjoys southern charm and Craig's like I'll take a picture of you you're not gonna look him in the eye and be like this photo suck take another one you'll be like

i'm like because they don't date you okay i can yell at you and it's not a problem and it's like what are you saying that they're all gorgeous and i'm a wildebeest like what yeah like oh what it's me in the photo that can't figure it out i think it's your angles buddy

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Also, okay, this might be offensive. Then say it. I realize why, one reason why you're really funny. And it's not just that you're like Italian. The trauma? It's because you didn't have boobs in high school. Okay, probably true on some level. Like to an extent. I'm going to tell you the reason I actually am funny and it is born out of our favorite thing and that's revenge. Okay.

Growing up, my brother was so funny, like still is the funniest person I know. My dad would only laugh at Gary's jokes and I would be like, I'm funny. And my dad would be like, yeah, you're funny. But I knew I wasn't getting a legitimate laugh. So I'm not kidding. I cultivated a fucking personality.

And from just like listening to my brother, like seeing what he thought was funny. And so like that's why our humor is the exact same because I essentially just copied him because I was so competitive that no one in the house was laughing at me. And like my mom doesn't count because like she'll laugh at anything. It was I needed the laughs from my dad. OK, let me change my hypothesis to this. If you had big boobs, you wouldn't be funny. If I had big boobs, I wouldn't be here.

Okay. And I say it to Craig all the time. I also am like, if I was five, nine, you wouldn't even know me. Like I would be on someone's yacht somewhere. Okay. Being like, yes, I will have another martini.

Girls who had big boobs growing up, like there are funny ones for sure. But sometimes you, everyone just gave you so much positive affirmation. You never had to kind of like experiment in a conversation to try to get attention. Like it was just like my friend with big boobs would stretch and every guy would just like stare at her.

Where meanwhile, I would have to do like seven bad jokes before someone even acknowledged me. And I do think it's like, yeah, if you had big boobs, you wouldn't even care to get Gary's attention.

Like you'd be like, cool. I think the other wild thing is, is every single one of my girlfriends from my entire life have had the most perfect, huge boobs. Like I am the only one that ever was like an A, that ever wore a bra A. But you know what? If you were a little less pretty, you'd be a stand-up comedian. You would have a special on Netflix coming out in the fall. Yeah.

It'd be the girl version of Matt Rife. If you had a thicker jaw. If I had a stronger jawline and a six pack. Oh, gosh. No, I but I I do think it is funny because I feel like the funniest people I know, like they do have like like stand up comedians. Like most of them do have like a crazy childhood trauma. You have to have some darkness. Yeah. You have to have some darkness for sure. But I think I have gotten funnier.

over the course of 10 years because of reality TV. Like, I think that has really traumatized me in a way that I never knew could be traumatizing. Because you can decide to go in two ways. Be like, okay, this is really sad or make fun of yourself and start a podcast and have other girls who want to distract themselves from their daily lives. Like self-deprecation makes me feel better. Like makes me, I think it's funny and I think, and it makes me feel like more grounded. Yeah.

Yeah, I have to get deeper into like the boob analogy. You guys can message me because I do have. Let me just say I have so many friends with big boobs who are so fucking funny. But I was just specifically thinking of you and your upbringing. I have to also make an apology to the Academy. So you're talking about Common last week. And I just started singing. I'm the man. I'm the man. I'm the man. That is another artist. And his name is Aloe Black. Common did not sing that song. Yeah.

Also, how crazy that comments just all over the fucking internet now dating Jennifer Hudson. I talk about one man on the podcast. He was trying to make you jealous. He was trying to make you jealous right now. No, I was literally like, you didn't have to go on the Today Show to say you had a girlfriend. Charlie Puth got engaged to make me jealous. Like, that's crazy. Guys, chill out. To a brunette, too. It's like, calm down. Like, live your life. Seriously, calm down.

It is so funny, though. Like, what a random chain of events. So, like, I met him on a plane, talk about him, and then all of a sudden he's on, like, this massive press tour. I feel like I haven't seen Common in five years. Now he's everywhere. She goes, did I put Common back on the map? He's getting a Grammy this year. They're like, he doesn't even have a song. I'm like, he's a man of the people. Also, eyelashes. Yes. Isn't it crazy how...

Everyone remember like when we first started Summer House like you had like these big gorgeous lashes. My eyelash extensions. Now the style is no mascara. How did we go from so much eyelashes to no like what's going on? Talk about like when I hate my outfit it'll ruin a night. I can specifically remember one night in my 20s that I was at a club and I forgot to put mascara on and it haunts me.

And it still haunts me. I've done that. And you're just like, how can no one tell me? Literally, one of my girlfriends said, was this on purpose that you don't have mascara on right now? And I go...

I can't believe you're bringing attention to it, but I literally forgot. And I'm staring at my face being like, what's missing? And I couldn't figure it out. You've done full eyeshadow with no mascara. Full eyeshadow, full brows, no mascara. I don't know what was going on, but I think about it all the time and it haunts me. That's like me when I leave the shower with just one shaved leg. But I was just, I just think it's crazy. But I also do think that everyone looks best with like just mascara. Yeah.

Like, I remember when you didn't wear your eyelash extensions once, I straight up was like, oh my God, you look gorgeous. What'd you do differently? But it was just because sometimes it could be too distracting, the eyelashes, where instead of seeing someone's face... No, I'm so glad eyelash extensions are out. Like, it's...

I get how addicting it is and how like looking at yourself in the mirror without them, you're like, I'm a naked mole rat. Luckily, I went through the phase of like no eyelash extensions right when COVID hit because then like I couldn't get them. So I just went natural and then I never went back. Also, everyone's getting really fancy, cool nails. And I'm, you know, I love to jump on the nail bandwagon.

But I just realized how fucking long does it take when you're getting like full like two hours vintage store on your nail? Three hours. Like when I get gel X, it takes two hours. And I'm not even saying I don't have the time. Like I'm not that busy. I don't have the mental fortitude. Yeah. To sit there.

And I'll sit on my couch for hours, which is hilarious. But to sit and get my nails done, there's something about it. Because you do have to be present. You do have to watch what they're doing because you have to move your finger correctly like for them. And you have to be like, you can't just have like one thing I hate at a nail salon. This is very niche. But I feel like I've gone to nail salons enough to like,

survey the situation if you're sitting there and you're getting like it's a long process I totally get having your headphones on and like you're scrolling TikTok or like you're doing something on your phone you're there for two hours that's fine I'm sure the nail tech doesn't give a fuck that you're not talking to her

It's the girls that are like full on phone calls, full on on their phone to the point where they're not paying attention. And you can see that the nail tech has to be like, put your finger over here. Like, I hate that. It's like they don't work for you. You're literally just paying them to do a service for you in this current moment. Like, pay attention.

I've gone to some crazy places where like people are straight up on speakerphone, like fighting with their boyfriend. I mean, it's quite entertaining, actually. But that reminds me like every now and then we'll get our makeup done and someone will be like, oh, you guys are like so good at getting your makeup done. And I'm like, that's not a skill. And they're like, no, there's so many people who will be like,

moving their head on their phones. Like they move while someone's doing their makeup. Like I know exactly what time, what, when it's time to look up, look down, look to the side. Like I'm right there with you, girl. Like I, we're working for the same cause. I'm in a full homeostasis mode of luxury. I am not moving. I'm not calling my parents back. I am in the zone. I do fuck up though. They'll be like, look up. And I look down and you feel so dumb. Yeah. And they're like, it's okay. But I do feel like sometimes,

sometimes like my makeup artists and hairstylists, I feel like have become really good friends because there is something about like someone touching your face or your head. Like when we get our makeup done in random cities with random makeup artists that we've met that day, if anyone DM to them, they know everything. They know every, like we just spew as we feel very comfortable sitting in the chair. Yeah.

And we're like, sorry, we're going to talk major shit right now. Or we'll be like, hey, let's like not talk shit. And then five minutes in, we're talking shit. We're like, do you know that girl? And they're like, yeah, no, I've seen her. And we're like, oh, it's bad. It's literally girlhood, though. It's just like girls being girls. It's girlhood. Speaking of girlhood, I just have to bring up capitalism for a second. I love it. Bring it on. Because this is my first year in the fashion industry. Yeah.

And I'm fucking tired. I'm tired. Yeah. So first, like, we all had to get red. And it took me forever because at first I was like, you can't just pick a color and make everyone wear it. But then everyone's wearing it and it low-key looks cool. And then I realized, like, okay, it's pretty easy to just fucking buy red and then people, like, think you're cooler. So then I got on the red train and then I finally bought all this red shit. And then Paige shows up to Melissa Wood Health podcast in leopard. And I go, fuck.

Now I have to change my horrid drove and get leopard. I saw leopard going around. I said, no, I'm not letting this happen. Leopard is like we've done it so many times. Like red was chic. Red was leopard is not. And then you walk in with it and you looked fucking good. And I was I went on Amazon. I ordered a leopard shirt. Is red out? Yeah. It's not yet. It's not out yet. Here's the thing that I think the fashion community or that the girlies need to know about the fashion community. Yeah. Yeah.

When you're looking at Hailey Bieber or you're looking at whoever you look to for style inspo,

They are wearing the trends a full year earlier. Okay. So right now everyone's like mob wife aesthetic, mob wife aesthetic. Hailey Bieber was wearing full length furs last year, taking pictures for Christmas. So that's how like an easy way to stay up. Once it hits the stores, once you can buy the shit in stores, it is essentially out.

Because now the masses can get it. So once it's accessible to the masses, it's no longer in, in terms of the fashion community. But also I am on the side of TikTok where it's like, I'm done with all the aesthetics. I'm done with the trends. I'm done with all that shit. Like that's,

Be yourself. Which I will say. I do fall. But I do love trends. Because I love trying something funky. And then being like. Okay. I'm never going to wear that again. But like. I tried it. And it was cool. You want to look cute. And if you find the outfits are cute. And I actually have been loving like the 90s stuff. But my thing is like.

Like, OK, a perfect example is I wore underwear, no pants last year for Christmas, posted the picture on Christmas. Everyone loved my fucking outfit. Then this year I wore it at BravoCon. Everyone's like, oh, my God. It's like, well, I've been wearing it because it was in a year ago. Yeah. So it's like you and it's not that people can't get it. It's more like the masses doesn't know they should get it. And then once it becomes cool, then it's in the Zara's and the H&M's. Right.

And then, but this is the thing. Do you ever feel manipulated? Like there's some people in a room and they go, okay, everyone's bought red. Like Hannah hasn't bought red in like two months. She has enough red. What do we need Hannah to buy next? Leopard. Put on Hailey Bieber. Put it on. Have you ever watched Devils? Where's Prada? Everything is hand selected for you from a group of people. And you don't even know it. You may not think you're in the fashion community, but you are.

okay somebody pulled that lumpy sweater out of a bargain bin that you're wearing fashion community so also finally we forgot last week worst wife ever does drop to special on youtube for free wait wait i need to watch it is so fucking good first of all i'm the executive producer which is kind of a big fucking deal yeah um

Treat me differently. That's fine. Address me differently for sure. Mrs. Executive producer. Wait, wait. It just flashed in my brain, I think for the first time ever, that you're Mrs. Bishop. No, I didn't take his last name. But like, we'll go to hotels and they'll be like, Mr. Mrs. Bishop. Or they say Mr. Mrs. Burner, which honestly gets me off. I love that. I'm like, Mr. Burner, come here. Does it your wife?

So we put it in the newsletter and then I told the gigglers, I was like, let's go old school and pair bomb does a special. Cause I thought it was funny. Um,

And because Des used to be catty daddy back in the day and Des was laughing. It was like a good throwback. But I highly recommend. I'm like, I'm so proud of his special. It is so fucking funny. He if you've never seen Des do comedy, this is the time. So go to his YouTube Des Bishop. It's called of all people on YouTube. If you listen, pair vomit or say something nice about the executive producer in the comments. Yeah.

it could be rooted back to gigaswad is there anything else no i'm going skiing tomorrow so pray for me i know i will pray for you i'm gonna do just have i'm literally just doing it so i can wear my freaking prada goggles get the pic and then i'm going down one like once maybe twice and then i'm done no that's the thing i could do once or twice it's when you're doing it for four hours i'm like we're not no one's even winning no it's not like surviving and then no trying to survive again

A game where it's like a sport that there's no competitiveness of like winning. I don't give a shit. You're just trying not to break your neck. And then you get to the bottom and they go, good, you didn't break your neck. Do it again. And I'm like, what's the point? It's just like, what? At least give me a cone to go around or something. Yeah. Put me on a race. Me and you just go straight down and race.

At one time, last time I went skiing, the one instructor was like, okay, here's the thing. I'm going to need you to stop doing everything you're doing. I think my skis sparked at one point because I couldn't stop. I was going so fucking fast. He was like, so you don't know how to stop. I go, well, clearly. Because we're at the bottom of the mountain by like now. So clearly I can't stop.

Anyhow. Girls, stay safe out there. Gigglers, we love you. Thank you for all the love about the Netflix. I literally couldn't have done it without you guys. And we're in it together. We have to pick an outfit. We have to pick a title. We have to make a whole stand-up set. We have a lot of shit to do, guys. So I'm so excited. We have to literally show up. It's crazy. It's not on Zoom. Thank you for giggling, guys. And we'll talk to you next week. Bye.