Giggling about Olympic drama, judging people, and charitable men
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, G-Unit? Oh, that's my favorite one thus far. People forget about G-Unit and they shouldn't.

One time, and I'll never forget it, my brother said to my mom that he wanted a personalized license plate that spelt G-U-N-I-T for G-Unit. And she goes, you will not get a license plate that says Gunnit in my house. What, you want to go really fast in the car? I don't think so. And he was like, what? She goes, we drive the speed limit in Albany, okay? Okay.

Yeah. That's hilarious. We follow the rules in this home. That's hilarious. That's like when I when I dated this football player who thought isn't was spelled I S I N T. But that's just a fun fact about me and explains a lot. Aren't football players the cutest? Yeah, they're mashed potato brains.

Yeah, I love that for them. You can really just mold them. 100%. Manipulate their brains. What do you, you wrote talking in the morning. What is, what is that? What's happening in the morning with you? Let's, let's normalize shutting the fuck up. So not talking in the morning. No. I think the meanest things in my head that I think I've ever come up with

If I wake up and someone's immediately speaking to me. Here's an example. I've wanted to murder. My parents were here Tuesday night.

And Wednesday morning, I woke up because my mom was coming to my Maybelline shoot with me because she's just cute and adorable. And literally from the jump, my dad is like talking, talking, talking. And I literally just looked at him and was like,

Before I rip all of my hair out and yours, please, please. And I realized that a lot of my ex-boyfriends talk to me in the morning. And I think that's one of the main reasons that I'm single. Well, that is the biggest red flag in the world because they're clearly not respecting you, your time or your space. When I was quarantining with my parents, as one does,

My dad was just always vacuuming. Like, I don't know what the power trip is with like my dad vacuuming. Like, and he would always come in my room when my door was shut and he'd be like, why are you sleeping? And I'd be like, it's called an 11 a.m. depression app, dad.

During a pandemic because what else am I supposed to do during a pandemic? I can't go outside. And then he does the funny like he vacuums on my bed like and I'm just start yelling mom. And then my mom comes in. She's like, Danny, leave her alone. And I'm like, again, this is too much yelling. We're now literally having a war over a vacuum when I was in a peace REM sleep. Sometimes I feel like dads are like as we get older, dads are turning more into older brothers. Yeah.

Like sometimes my dad just says things to piss me off. Like I know. And he's like, well, what are you? We're just playing around. We're just kidding around. And I'm like, dad, I don't like the nonsense. I do also think with the morning. But shout out to our dads because we do. Yeah. Shout out to our complex relationships with our dads. They make us the people. I would murder someone. Same. No, I will protect my dad at all costs. Um, yeah.

I do have to say about morning voices. You ever are having a peaceful day in the morning, you're not getting out of bed and you realize you have to go on the phone with someone and you know that they'll know based on your voice that you've been asleep till 1130. And then you try to warm your voice up and you'll be like, la, la, la, la, la.

Yeah, literally red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather happened to me this this morning. Thank God it was only my doorman. But he said, sorry for waking you up. I don't like that shit when people know about your life and they'll be like, did you just wake up? Yeah. And like, I'll lie. I'll be like, no, that's just my voice. And they'll be like, you just woke up. Imagine if I was like, you don't know me.

You don't know it. But have you ever? Okay, this is something else. This is like one of those things that like is not a turn on. It's a turn on, but like shouldn't be.

Have you ever called a guy either in the morning or at nighttime and they like just woke up and they have like that deep raspy voice and they're just like, what's up, baby? Like says and you're like, you know that they were just asleep and you're just like, because, you know, men are like lying constantly when they just wake up. They're not conscious enough to lie. So they're like their purest form. Like when they're just like as simple as possible. They're just like, hi.

Yeah, it's literally like they're high. There is something about like a raspy like voice that really gets me. I did it for seven months just because of his voice. Yeah. And there's guys that like I've listened to them on the phone and I'm like, probably not. Probably not. You know, like not for me. Huge for me. Like Des's voice is like my kink.

Yeah, you do love his voice. I love his voice. You even said it when you first started talking to him. Like, you would, like, list, like, random things you liked about him. And I remember you saying, like, his voice is... No, I mean, because let's be honest. A relationship is having a conversation for the rest of your life. And if you don't like how that voice sounds on the other end, you're done. I don't care how beautifully curved big his penis is. Yeah. Yeah. Voice is a big thing. Speaking of warnings... Mm-hmm.

Are you ice rolling in the morning? What is this ice roller magic that you have introduced to me recently? If you don't subscribe to our Patreon, one, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? And okay, this is my ice roller. And I forgot that I even had it. And then I like re found it.

It is life-changing. And I know, like, there's a jade roller, there's a gouache, a stone, there's blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. Just ice roll your face and you'll feel so much better. I've been trying to do it every single morning. It really does wake you up. The tip is you go under your cheekbone and just, like, push up. And what does that do? It just, like...

Makes your face I don't know No It like Chisels your face Basically Like it Depuffs you Cause when I wake up I am a puffy bitch Yeah I'm a marshmallow

I don't know. However, my lips are thick. Flawless. Dude, when I eat too much salt and my lips get big, I'm just like, this is who she is. DSLs. People try to spread shit about me. I got lip injections, whatever. I have knock-on lip injections. I just slept 14 hours. Mind your damn business. Yeah. Okay? Also, I have Invisalign. So Invisalign lips, they like puff out a little more. Yeah.

If there's one thing I would never do to my face, like I definitely will get Botox at some point. But if there's one thing I would never do to my face, it's get my lips done because I love my lips. It's true. It does lose. Like I started over lining my lips because I thought it was fun and my lips would look fucking massive. And my mom was like, oh, but you lose the natural shape of your like.

What is it called? The thing on top of your lip? Your Cupid's bow. Cupid's bow. And she's like, I can't see your Cupid's bow. But I love that for you. You do have great lips. Thank you. I do think that people getting lip injections, I'm telling you, remember 20 years ago how it was hot to not have huge lips? You don't think in 20 years, 10 years, it's going to be cool again to not have massive lips and your lips are going to have to be de-puffed? Sucked out.

This is a trend, bitches. This is a trend. Don't change your face for a trend. But anyway, finally.

When you go on your plastic surgery rants, I just know to quiet. I know. Well, this is the thing. And let you get it out. I've evolved. I used to be very anti-plastic surgery, but your girl's turning 30. And I've also talked to a lot of people on social media who have been like, hey, I got a nose job. It changed my life. I got a boob job. It changed my life. Yeah. I support it. Yeah. I don't support you doing it for the wrong reasons. It's basically like The Bachelor. Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons for you, not...

For Instagram likes or fame. Right. Do it for loving yourself. Right. Do it for just helping yourself. No, because I actually have a lot of girlfriends who like you could never tell that they got their lips done. Yeah. But they were just like insecure a little bit about their smile. So they got like a lip flip. Yep. And they love it. And they're like, it just makes me feel so much better. And I'm not saying it looks bad. I'm just saying it's not the first answer.

It's like don't just go on pills to feel better. Do pills and therapy, you know? Like if you're going to get your lips done, go to therapy too to understand. Don't just do heroin, you know? Like do something with it, you know? I'm not like going on Prozac and stuff. Oh, right, right, right. But I am turning 30. And based on all these talks I have this new bit I'm doing in my stand-up where I'm basically like the society really tries to scare women about turning 30.

And how they're like, if you're not buying hundreds of dollars of serums, fucking your face with a jade roller, snorting collagen, you're just going to turn 30 and become Prince Philip. If someone said, Paige, if you snort this collagen, you will look 25 forever. I would do it. I have you in my brain during that whole joke doing all those things. You inspired it. But also Paige. Yeah.

If there was a serum that like actually worked, wouldn't everyone be using it? Correct. But is there one? And where it's just you got to find it? Or you could say it's all individual. Yeah. Like is this just like a huge... What's the word? Multi-level marketing scheme? No, not hide and seek. Scavenger hunt? Oh, scavenger hunt. Like needle in a haystack. But I also think...

I don't like to be conned. Look, we're from New York. I don't like one. What is a putting one over on me? I don't like that shit. And I don't like how the beauty industry I'm trying to just find the holes in it.

But anyway, bitch, I'm turning 30 on August 12th. I know. It's really fast approaching. I have no idea what to fucking get you for your birthday either. You're very hard to shop for. I know. But I also like don't really care for a lot of things. Like I'd rather you like write me like a note being like, I love you. You're the best person I've ever met in my life. I know you want something like funny. But like your gift to me this year was so like sentimental and great. And I'm just like, how?

What did I get you? I forgot. You got me that picture frame. What is that? Oh, yeah. You bet. It's like, I forgot. We are not... Gifting is not our love language.

Where the fuck is that? I know it's here. I know it's here. I thought it changed my life. Where the fuck is that? I think it's somewhere in this room. I think. Yeah, it was. I knew you'd like it because I also know you like aesthetics around your house. It was really cute. I'm not gifts are not my thing. I'm more just want your love. I love a text of a tick tock in the morning. So I know real quick, just our friendship. Yeah. What are we talking about? Are we texting or are we DMing? Are we DMing TikTok?

TikToks because bitch you DM me no no you messaged me on TikTok messenger and I got thrown the fuck off what look I want to keep it to DM on TikTok

Wait, I feel like you're breaking up with me. Because, no, no, I'm not. I'm not. And I'm going to tell you why. Because I, when I'm on TikTok, it's usually 2 a.m. And there's so many I want to send you. And you don't want to, like, wake me up. I can't text her. Yeah. What if her phone is on or whatever? What if Des is like, who the fuck's texting you at 2 a.m.? You know, so I was like, let's keep it to TikTok Messenger. But I do think that Paige and I have full conversations through our TikTok. Like, I'll send her something funny about a guy. Yeah.

basically saying I know where your head's at this is our mood and then you'll send me something funny about like my tennis and I'll be like yes bitch I'm triggered today I know like we just know wait literally literally you send me tiktoks based on like my status with any man I also just know like I don't have to ask I just fucking know I know we're not at front page news but can we like go to front page news right now

yeah i need to talk about j-lo okay so my friend claire who's an amazing comedian basically kind of had it oh no she was joking about j-lo and i was looking into it and there was a tweet and it was like so i get back with my ex and i'm a stupid bitch and j-lo gets back with her ex and she's goals and i was laughing about it with des and des was like that's not the point like

She hasn't been with him for 10 years. They're like different people now. That's why it's romantic. Okay, Des. And I was like, who are you thinking about from 10 years ago, bitch? Literally. Oh my God. Let's think about who would I have dated? How old am I? I would have been 18.

18 18 18 8 oh my high school boyfriend that would have been fine um always go back always goes back to him no actually we probably wouldn't be compatible anymore if you were compatible 10 years ago and then you broke up why do you think you'd be more compatible in 10 years you're obviously more different and probably more authentically yourself but maybe you're like different in better ways

I don't trust it. I feel like a lot of people break up in their early 20s because they're like, I really want to focus on my career and I really want to live out my life. I want to have these single years. So then when they do get back together at 30, they've already done all that stuff and they're like, let's settle down. But then other things could be different. Look, don't listen to me because I've never been more single in my life. Paige, I think it's fake. I know.

I know. I have never seen a couple have more paparazzi photos. Every single day, they're in a new outfit. They're recreating poses from music videos. Paige, what is like from a person who's been in the media, who's dated people in public? What is what are they doing to us?

Because it doesn't feel authentic to me. And you know, Mystic Mikayla says that I can sense when people are being inauthentic and my fucking, like, I'm beeping. Your radar is going off. My radar is beeping. Here's the thing. Absolutely. Absolutely. Are they trying to get in the press and have paparazzi pictures of their love? I think they really are remaking the video of the two of them and I think it's going to come out soon. Like, I genuinely think that. Do you think this is based on...

Like there's a music video coming out or a movie. Like I think that is a publicity stunt for that. Look, they're definitely banging. That's for sure. They're definitely banging. They're definitely having a they're definitely having a great time on vacation. I think they're absolutely remaking a music video, whether they're like really together or it's just kind of like fun to hang out with someone familiar. I don't give a shit.

I don't care. Because you want to know what? Every single thing on the internet is fake. True. Everything is fake. Every story you read, something is fake. Every picture is fake. Every video is fake. Like, you will never actually know what is going on in someone's real life unless you

know them so like I really feel like everyone is like a character of themselves on the internet and it doesn't mean they're lying to you and it doesn't mean they're not authentic but you don't know the full story they're presenting yeah they're presenting to the world you know like how they want to be perceived or like what you know and that doesn't mean like if they're sharing if they're crying on their Instagram story that like

They're faking it Or something They're still presenting What they want you to see Yeah like They're choosing to share Something with you They're living their own Reality TV shows Through their Yeah like they're living Their own life Whatever But like their Instagram is their Reality TV show They want to show you Like these are the parts That they want to see Right you pick and choose What you want to show On your Instagram And that's

I follow a lot of mental health accounts because, you know, we're in it. And this one lady was being asked about like Simone Biles and stuff. And she was like, hey, what's up?

I don't know Simone Biles. Right. So I can't tell you what the fuck happened. I can give you general opinions on the situation that I still don't know about. And I'm like, what if people like all the gossip people like did that with celebrities being like, look, I don't know. Yeah. Like, I don't know this on TV or we saw that. But this is I know what the gigglers and you're thinking, Hannah, why do you care so much? Why do you care if this is fake or not?

This is why. Because JLo, and it's not the JLo so hot, how could she be in this situation? JLo is so successful. So, yeah. The fact that she craves this attention makes me very worried for myself. Because I'm like, I have my goals, I want to be successful. And I think, if JLo's not content with the attention she's getting, how am I ever going to be content with the attention I'm getting? Right.

I think I want to be so successful and then literally disappear.

Yep. I want one day people to be like, what happened to Paige DeSorbo? You know, like she has this crazy huge fashion line, but we never see her. Yes. But she doesn't even like, you don't even have a personal Instagram. You just have your company Instagram. I'm going to straight Jennifer Lawrence that shit. And like, I won't have an Instagram. That sounds like. Oh my God. I just orgasmed. I feel like I interviewed this girl on Burning in Hell, Chelsea Lynn, who's amazing. She plays trailer trash Tammy.

And she's hilarious. It's like a character she does. And I was like, what are your goals? And she goes, I don't want to get too famous. Wow. And I've never heard like a TikTok person say that. That's some main character energy if I've ever heard it. She goes, I don't want to get too famous that I can't do like normal shit. I just want to be able to pay for enough stuff that I can do what I want. And I was like, but that's like winning the lottery. They say...

Money brings a certain amount of happiness up to like 100k or something that you have like a little bit extra for things you like. But once you hit a million, it actually causes depression. I mean, life is hard is what we're trying to say. But I'm just like, I'm upset that JLo feels the need to wake up in the morning and call her publicist and be like, okay, where are me and Ben going to be today? I'm like, you don't need that. Why do you think you need that? Okay.

Okay, but wait. What if she's doing it just because she has so much motherfucking anger inside of her toward A-Rod? Again. And she's just like, watch this. I'm mad that she has anger towards A-Rod and she feels like she has to prove herself that she's better than that or she's above it. Because it's, I'm mad that she feels like she has to prove herself. And again, I'm projecting my shit onto her. I don't know. I'm kind of here for the pettiness. Yeah.

You know, like I'm kind of here for it. Like, oh, cool, A-Rod. I could buy and sell you and like have fun on your yacht. Yeah. Like I will be having fun on mine. Well, yeah, she's having a normal angry kind of revenge type reaction. And it's like, I guess I'm trying to work on not getting revenge or have anger towards things. And I'm trying to work on being content. So when I see her doing that shit, I'm like, wait, girl, I look up to you. Why is this what I should be doing?

Because I'm trying to hide with the goats. Should I be getting back with my ex and posting it? No. It's that time of the year. Your vacation is coming up. You can already hear the beach waves, feel the warm breeze, relax, and think about...

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Okay, so I'm not like huge into watching the Olympics. I feel like this is going to sound so weird, but I feel like watching the Olympics is something you do if you're with your family or in a relationship. Oh, wow.

I could see that. Yeah, like when my parents were here, my dad was like, oh, throw in the Olympics. And like we watched a little bit of it. It's a fun family event. Yeah, and like if I was sitting on the couch with my boyfriend, like my one friend Katie, her and her boyfriend, they're hilarious. And they were like, oh, we're just watching like the Olympics and playing some game and like trying to guess. I don't know. They're trying to guess something. They're the best couple ever. They're honestly like the couple I want to be.

I don't know But they were like Playing a game with each other About the Olympics And I was like That's adorable I'm not gonna sit here And like watch The Olympics by myself I'm not gonna do A drinking game alone Whenever someone cries Right Because they got silver

So like when I heard about the Simone Biles thing, my first reaction was like, oh my God, that's so scary for her. Like, I hope she's okay. I wonder what's going on. And then I started seeing all these things of people being like mad about it. And I was just like, wait, we've done so much like normalized mental health. And here's a girl saying, hey, I'm not okay. And like, I need help with

With something and people are Pissed off because What they can't sit on their couch And watch her flip her body in the fucking Air like you're not paying her Wait who pays the Olympic athletes well I think They get sponsors Like endorsements like Naomi Osaka and Fucking Simone Biles Have tons of endorsements That pay them I don't think there's a Monetary reward to it

No, I think you're wrong because I heard something on TV that was like the guys make like 400 grand and the girls make like 50. Ew, what? Yeah, no, there's like a crazy like discrepancy with like the pay. But like who is paying them? Like their countries? I guess the Olympics. We have no clue. Okay, we don't know. We have no idea. If someone was like a million dollars, what's the answer? I'd be like, no, I have no idea.

We will research this. You guys research it. But the point is, as an athlete growing up. Yeah. Sports is not something that is for your well-being when you're a top athlete. It's all performance based. It's not like, oh, let's burn some calories today. It's about who can push themselves the furthest mentally and physically to be the greatest. Right.

I have trouble with my inner voice, listening to my inner voice, because I've been trained my whole life to be like, when you're tired, when you're sad, when you're nervous and your coach is like, you ready? You say yes. And you lie to yourself and you tell yourself, I'm great. I'm great. I'm great. I suffered from a lot. I do that on dates. Yeah.

Are you ready to do this? I'm like, yep. No, for sure. Or you're like three months in there. Like, do you like him? And it's like, yeah, I mean, he's treats me like shit. But like, it's he's has a house in Connecticut. So. So here we are. So I had to sound performance anxiety. And I always just like push through because that's what you're taught.

Naomi Osaka who pulled out of Wimbledon and French Open because of mental health and Simone Biles who pulled out of the final because of her mental health they are 24-25 years old

And they are the first sports stars who have grown up with this extent of social media. Yeah. So I really have a theory. Think about Simone Biles, by far, one of the greatest gymnasts who ever lived. Yeah. She wins the Olympics, goes from no one knows her name to suddenly the face of the Olympics. And for four years, she has this huge following, people interacting with her, everyone knowing who she is, seeing the interactions, seeing that she's America's greatest hope. Yeah.

Yeah. She's also dealing with a full on sexual assault scandal with Larry Nassar. Yep. She was one of the women that was assaulted and she didn't need to go back to Olympics, but she did. And she said a lot was it was to make sure that he gets convicted to show that like still a gymnast who's active.

has been affected. So I think there were a lot of other things going on besides just like, oh, I don't think I can perform today. I think. And here's the other thing. We will never know because we don't know her. So like, I just never understand when people look, I do front page news all the time and I will comment on whatever the fuck celebrities are doing. But like,

I want to know what they're dating and, like, who they're dating and, like, where they're going to dinner. Like, I want to know dumb shit. Yeah. I'm not going to comment on, like, a 25-year-old girl who is quite possibly one of the most famous people in the world right now who has the entire world watching her. If she doesn't want to fucking get out of bed one day, who am I to be like, why? Like, I just think that's so...

crazy like there's days where i don't want to get out of bed because i'm like oh my god someone on instagram said this this and this about me and like now everyone probably hates me like would you imagine the whole world the whole world's watching you and her thing though is like with sports it's who's the mental mentally strongest so she was like look i can't perform these girls are going to be mentally stronger let them go instead of me

And selfishly these people want to be entertained by her. But she knew, okay, instead of me going up and fucking up and I'd rather just not. I'd rather give another girl a chance. Also like, what if she got up there and

Was like in her head, was so nervous, so pressured. She did something and she fucking broke her neck. No, I think that's what happened because she said she did one of the big jumps and she lost where she was in the air and she kind of fell. But she was like, I could have really hurt myself. Yeah, like that's terrifying. But I also want people... There's a lot of like black and white with her. It's like either they're really mad at her or they're like...

They're basically like putting her on a pedestal again, which I I don't know if she wants as a female athlete perspective. I don't want people being like, I'm so proud of Hannah for like saying no, because she's having mental problems. Like that's a step. But I also want people to empathize with her and be sad. Like, yeah, it's like, how do we prevent so many athletes from dealing with depression and anxiety? Yeah.

Like instead of, instead of like rewarding it, let's like work on solving the problem because Naomi is dealing with it. And also my thing with like Naomi, it's like there are so many people on tour who are dealing with depression and anxiety, but they can't afford to not play the grand slams because they need to pay their bills. So it's a very nuanced, complicated thing, but mental health and sport, it needs to be talked about. And hopefully in the long run, this is just the beginning of people, uh,

Delving into it So yeah That's my two cents People have been asking For me to get into it We went there I mean Yeah I mean Whatever she wants to do Her and JLo Whatever they want to do Ha ha ha

Go for it, girls. Do whatever you want to fucking do. Because at the end of the day, someone is going to disagree with you. Like you're not ever going to like have the approval of everyone and you don't need it. Like some people like our silent laughter. Some people hate it. And it's like what I'm learning is, for example, let me put it in your perspective. I pull up a Zara sweater. Yeah, there's 10 people.

And this R sweater has gone through a lot to get to where it is of approval and design and strategy. How many of those 10 people do you think will actually like it? Probably five. So given that accurate, accurate,

It's accurate statement. That's how is a dark sweater that's been made for people to like it still isn't liked. How are you being your authentic self expecting everyone to like you? But you can through social media frame yourself in a type of way that people think they do. Right. And that's where depression happens. People really knew just how gross and disgusting we are. Speaking of gross and disgusting. What? Yo.

Oh, I have some things from the Gigglers that I want to also share. But I have to. This just made me think of it. Mila Kunis and Ashton in the top five of like some of my favorite couples. There was a whole article about how they're like, we don't bathe our children unless we see dirt on them. So, Paige, we just went on a whole speech TED talk about we don't know the situation. OK, I know this one. Yeah.

Is it like an immune thing? Like they want to take germs in so they could fight, have high immunity. They were basically saying, I should pull up the article cause I'm just doing this from like memory. They were basically saying that like you don't need to shower every single day. And look, no one is more of a proponent of like getting your natural oils out than me because I like, look, you shouldn't wash your hair every day. Like it's good to get your natural oils out.

I think it's also like not good to wash your face as much as people do. Like, I don't think you should wash your face in the morning. I think you should just like wash your makeup off at night because your skin needs time to like regenerate. I really only exfoliate like once a week and I love sitting on my couch and not showering for two days. But I just feel like,

Like when you're a child, you're being taught habits. So like your mom comes into your room every day and is like, you have to take a bath and you have to brush your teeth. Are you coming up with parenting right now? Yeah, I kind of am. Because these kids, one, they're going to be the smelly kid in class. And kids are running around all fucking day. Like they're sweating. They're gross. They put their hands in everything.

Like they're gonna One day be in high school And be like Nah I don't have to shower They do say you fall in love With people's natural scent So maybe I mean Do you I feel like the Oh I love that we're like Fighting right now You know how the cavemen They didn't shower every day And they were good

Okay, they also died at 18, basically. And, like, got eaten by animals. Do we need to live this fucking long? Because life is suffering. I know what Buddhism is. It's suffering. I mean, bottom line...

Throw your kids in the fucking tub. Like, I don't get it. I think it was Not Skinny, Not Fat Amanda Hirsch that wrote this on Instagram. But she was like, this gives me the same energy as when Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard said that they let their kids drink non-alcoholic beer. And she's like, these are two things that you just don't have to say out loud. No, you can keep that in the home. Yes.

You can literally keep it in the home. There's so many. We should make a list of like cringy things on Instagram that people like people share. And I'm just like, you don't need to. You don't need to. Like never a day in my life. You know, like you get in those moods. I know for a fact I would never get on my Instagram story and start crying.

Like it just It's just so not me Like it would just Never happen That's what I said About going to reality TV That I never cry in reality TV And I cried all season 3 My season 3 Every single day But it's also like A personal choice Yes I'm not knocking someone For going on their Instagram story And crying Like if you want to do that Oh my god Like do it Let it out Tell your story I just know for me I probably would never do that And I would also Probably never tell people That I let my kids Drink non-alcoholic beer Right

because the taste is not good so they're just going to acquire that taste and then one day be like wait what's the real thing also there has to be a context a lot of things get pulled out of context especially when you see these headlines like i could see myself on a podcast having kids joking about something me and des do and then them pulling it and defining me by it for 10 years so like what was the context of this or did they were they just like hey we have to tell people something

It was like an article. I forget what it even was. I should know this. But are they saying they don't shower too? No, I think they do. But probably not as often as you would think. I want to watch a reality show of their family. Yo. I would absolutely love it. They have the cutest story ever. They were like their first kiss on screen. He was her first kiss.

No, it ever. Her first kiss ever. Yes, but it was on screen. Yeah. But also... She's 14. Do you know Ashton Kutcher is like...

Crazy rich Because he made some Like really good investments Like he like Invested in Uber or something Yeah Some app or something Right Yeah like He doesn't work anymore Cause he's like Stupid rich Like more than actor rich Cause he made really good Financial decisions But Fuck yeah I love Ashton Like I wanna see him Love I want him to punk someone Like I want Ugh I love I miss him Mila too She's great But it's like I felt like They did like some

whatever about like the inside of their home. Stunning, gorgeous, love their style. But I think there's no showers, not a shower in the home, not a shower in the home. Maybe it's the kind of thing where like I could see you shower your kid and then they just get messy again. But like do it at night and throw them in the bed and put them in a little burrito and make them stay.

I feel like I was so OCD even as a child. Like I in kindergarten would bathe myself because like I couldn't wait for my mom because I was like, this is like I'm gross. I'm getting in the bathroom. But then when you want to get out of this shower, you got the bath. You go, Mom, I'd be like, Mom, I'm done. And she'd yell up and be like, OK, put your pajamas on. She'd be like, should I do the taxes too? Like, what the fuck?

I'll just take care of myself. No, but she had to get the towel for you. No, she didn't. She like reassured me that I could get out. Oh, side note question. Publicity, Alyssa Amoroso. We went on her podcast. We love Tea with Publicity. She did this whole poll. Do you go to sleep with your hair in a bun or down?

Okay, let's say it at the same time. One, I know yours. You're a weirdo and you wear it down. You're so odd. Okay, you, okay, I don't know if people know this about Hannah, but this is one of the craziest quirks that she has. This bitch does not sleep with a pillow. Okay, let me say that one more time. No, let me say, let me say it one more time for the people in the back.

She puts her bare face on the mattress. I don't like pillows. It's amazing sharing a bed with her because I... The more pillows, the merrier for me. So like...

never had an issue with you but i just think it's so interesting cloud i don't fuck with pillows it's because i sleep on my stomach which is highly not recommended so then if i am on my stomach and then i have to put my head up it like hurts my face so i sleep with part of my face off the mattress so i can breathe

Yeah, it's so interesting. But yeah, I sleep with my hair down. But also, I'm one of those like lucky girls that I can go to sleep full wet hair, wake up. It's straight. Yeah. I just don't. I need it away. I need it out of here. I need it off. Get it off. Like I can't. Get it off. But also, don't you feel like you wake up and then your hair's all crimped up from the bun? Yeah. And then Mila and Ashton listen up. That's when I get in the fucking shower. Oh, see, I shower at night.

You do. That's another thing you do. Hannah. Oh, my God. No, Hannah doesn't shower at night. This bitch showers in the middle of the night. I have woken up before. That's when I party. That's when I party or I'm on the phone late.

Oh my god, you have gotten into our bed. Honestly, it's a great smell though. Like it's so fresh, so clean at like 3 a.m. Like what is going on? I like to go in my bed clean. It's like I'm not gonna get in my bed after being on the subway. But also Paige, do you ever wear your hair in a bun and you like get a bun migraine? Like you're like, why is the world so horrible? And you're like, oh, my hair is in a bun and you take it out. Yeah, my hair is too tight. Yeah. Yeah. I get paranoid. Like I don't I feel like I want to go to sleep in my like raincoat.

in my relaxed loose vibe and if my hair's well we're not doing we're not doing like a ballet top knot with 87 like bobby pins you wear a goddamn scrunchie it's built for sleeping okay so yet again let's agree we're really disagreeing today we are really disagreeing today hen and page don't see eye to eye on 47 topics today

Is Paige getting invited to the wedding? Probably not. Probably not. Is there any other front page news I should know about? Oh, what do you think about like everyone freaking out that like Paris Hilton was pregnant and she was like, yo, I'm not pregnant. I love that Paris Hilton is using the power of podcasts to speak her truth. Yeah, me too. But also, don't you feel like Paris Hilton with the release of her documentary, then the release of Kathy Hilton's

hilarious personality. Oscar award winning personality on Housewives. I feel like people are now seeing Paris as like, oh, she really is in on the joke. Okay, Paris Hilton is a great fucking example of what I'm talking about when she's like, she put out a persona to the world that she wanted you to believe. And you believed it. Fine and dandy. She's now deciding to change that persona or like,

Show more of herself that she didn't want to show before. And like, that's fine. And people still like, I love her. I've always loved her. She's very smart. And like, share what you want to share. Yeah. Is the greatest thing that ever happened. You can't do the simple life without being a self-aware, funny bitch. And I think she's hilarious. Also, that's hot. She created. She's smart as fuck. She also created the selfie. Yeah. She also created Kim Kardashian. Just like my idols. Yeah.

The whole Kardashian-Jenner clan would be nothing without Miss Hilton. And she knows it. Fuck yeah, she knows that. And she also is finding love right now, which is nice.

Don't you love it? Don't you love love? Dude. Oh my God. Listen to this. What? I watched, I was in like a rom, not a rom-com mood. I was in a like, I want to cry, love mood. Like I want to watch a movie that's so fucking romantic. That reminds you that like love can happen. Somewhere in the world. Yeah. Something, someone's falling in love. Somewhere. It's five o'clock. Yeah. I watched this movie on Netflix and it's called The Lost Letter from Your Lover. Yeah.

I think my Nana just watched it and I was like, that's definitely not the name. That's so long. And she's like, I think it's the name. The Last Letter from Yalava. And I'm like, that's so many words. It's not the title. And she's like, it is the title. Not a great title. Not a great title, but Nana is correct. Very wordy. Very wordy. Okay, I'm going to say one controversial point and then I'll tell you about the movie. Shailene Woodley. I like her. We don't know her. We don't know her. We don't know her. We don't know her. We don't know her.

I like her for what I know about her. I loved her in Big Little Lies. I loved her in Secret Life of... What was it? Secret Life of the American Teenager? Another great movie with Dakota Fanning. Whatever she was on on ABC. Doesn't she make her own toothpaste or something? That I don't...

But like maybe Ashton can like start a whole company with that. Okay. But like I didn't love her in this role and I don't love her in like certain things. I don't know.

I don't know what it is about her. It's just like my own little quirk. But this movie is set in the 60s. Oh. And she basically has this love affair with this guy. And they write letters to each other back and forth. And that's how they like communicate. Wow. When people could do handwriting. How crazy. So romantic. And so it's all these like trials and tribulations and like what goes on. And then it like cuts to like present day and someone finding out about the letters. And it's just...

It's a little bit sad. Like I cried a little. Like at one. One. I got water. Yeah. No tears fell. But it got filled up. Yep. It was blurry for like three seconds. Yeah. For like a second. And it was.

And it was just really, really good. And I feel like everyone should watch it if you want a love movie. I love that. Did Nana like it? Nana loved it. I loved it. Nana also loves Giggly Squad. Nana's still got it if she's listening. She goes, oh, I listened to Giggly this morning because I was watching my shows the night before. And I'm like, it's okay, Nana. You have all week to catch up. But if you don't, we'll be upset. Quick note, though, about the Olympics since we're going to what we're watching.

I have been watching this shit I wake up And it's like I feel like I'm in the Watching Olympics And I turn it on I have three different channels One that like rotates One that's like the main Because you're in a relationship

On USA yeah but Dez is less into it than I am And I'm like why is the Olympics not on And he's like scrolling TikTok and I'm like why Like the water rafting could be on You love competition I love watching competition And I appreciate it I fucking watched a triathlon

Which is, let's be honest, you don't love yourself if you're a triathlete. There's no amount of money you could pay me to sit down and watch a triathlon. It is harm. It is self-abuse. But it's iconic. This girl, like... Wait, is this when they swim, run, and... Bike. What do they do? Yeah. Ugh. So, this girl is... Her name's Flora, which is a beautiful name. She's from Bermuda. Yeah, I like that. She was doing it since she was eight years old.

Triathlons? Yeah. And then she like didn't finish like two Olympics ago or one Olympic ago. Again, this is all like not completely factual. She gets an eating disorder. Serious depression. She quits triathlete leading and she goes to a university. That can't be a word. That's not a word. And she starts studying and then basically falls in love with biking again. She got the gold medal. What?

She got the gold. Fucking gold, Flora. She came back, recovered from an eating disorder in 2013. It just shows, like, we go through so many lows in life. This bitch came back. But this is the problem. You're happy for one person, and then you're, like, heartbroken for, like, the other 100. Yeah, I can't. And then my anxiety is on an all-time high because the milliseconds are freaking me out. Like...

The milliseconds of when the swimmers touch? No. No. No. No. Like, what? You know it goes like .0000? Yeah. No, I can't. Wait, who's the new... Like, the hot guy with the tattoos? Oh, my God. His name is...

Chris something. His wife is like beautiful. Oh, he's married. Oh yeah. He's girl. He's they get swept up real early. That's literally the only reason I watch the Olympics. Cause I'm like, what athlete? Then they do the 1500 meter swim that apparently the Olympics just started for women. Cause they didn't think women could do it. And then like the fucking best Katie Lepins. Oh shit. What's her name? Tara Lipinski. No. Tara Lipinski was the swimmer.

She's a figure skater. Tara Lipinski and Michelle Kwan. Katie Ledecky is the swimmer. Apparently she was like beating guys in the 1500s because it's a stamina thing. It's not strength. Anyway, I can't even swim from one side of a kiddie pool to another. They're swimming for 15 minutes straight.

No, I do tea parties underwater. I'm not... Tea parties? I do. I go, mom, look at my handstand. And then you just kind of go on the side and then flap over it. That's what I do. I do have to say something. You know how I have like random freakish athletic abilities? True. I can't dive into a pool.

because my mom never taught me. And when I asked to learn, she said, no, you'll hit your head and I can't. You'll hit your head and die. Yeah, that's what my mom said too. Yeah, and so I kind of just was like, okay, and like moved on with my life. So, but whenever I do like a pool race, like I just did one this past weekend and I won. I win. Like there, I just, I win. Like I used to con all of my cousins into like doing relay races in the pool just because I knew

I would win. I mean this in the nicest way. A thousand percent you would win. Your fingers are so long. You put them together. You're in a webbed full shovel. Like the whole pool moves. Oh yeah, it's game over for anyone. No, but for real. Your hands are perfect for swimming. You cup them and... If anyone wants to challenge me in a pool race, bring it the fuck on. And you're also good at beer pong because your fingers are so long. You basically just drop it in the cup.

I am a savant. Yeah, you are drinking games, but there's also like, okay. So there's like the arrow stuff. There's the gymnastics, which is insane. We're watching freak athletic ability and mental ability. And, but the whole thing is overall heartbreaking because people spend four years preparing and like majority of them lose. And like the craziest part is also being like,

No, I'm going to hurl myself in the air and be fine like that. I don't I fall going down the steps and I'm like that was a close one. You know, like, okay, I'm going to try to jump and do a bunch of spins. And if I land that's a sport like that's fun. Yeah, there's 10 points. Did you see skateboarding? I sure did when they have their AirPods in.

And they're hot. Some of the guys are hot. Yeah, I mean, they're 16, but... I'm like, is swag on the scorecard? Because it should be. I'm like, is he on TikTok? Because I need to follow his ass ASAP. Then they have the surfing. But overall... I've always wanted to surf.

I did once. I got up. I was with you. I was with you. And you guys cheered for me. It was really fun. I've always wanted to. That's very different from I'm going to do it at some point in my life. Just get a hot swim instructor. The surf instructors are so hot. And you just hang out with them for the day and be like, have fun. I feel like it's something that like when I get a boyfriend and we go on vacation, I'll be like, oh my God, should we take a surf lesson? Yeah. And get like a pink wetsuit. And you're done. You're good. Yeah.

Also, I love that you sent me this TikTok of this guy watching and like they're doing the synchronized diving and he's like these fucking losers. You're such a loser. You suck. You're a loser. And he's like missing the popcorn going into his mouth. That is so the energy of the Olympics because you watch and you're like, oh, that was fucking horrible. That's how I feel when I watch everything.

I'm going to put it in my perspective. Any red carpet event. Like, I'm sitting on the couch, pimple cream, hair in a bun. I'm like, that's what you picked to wear? Disgusting! I hate it. Like, ew. They missed your invite in the mail. That's the only problem. Oh, let me say one more thing about the Olympics, by the way. Okay. My final thing is after doing reality TV...

You realize how they straight up are giving them storylines. Like they choose an athlete to be like, okay, she was pregnant two years ago. You know, she had the baby. It was a really tough pregnancy. And then she had to recover. Like this person had COVID. Like they find these storylines, like the British bake off. Like, and then they like focus on the one person. And then like, if that person loses and it's someone random who didn't have a storyline for, they're like, okay, they're,

They're more interesting. Yeah, they just find the most interesting, heroic stories. Yeah, but it makes people crazy. It puts so much pressure on them. Yeah. Yeah, it's like this one was a mom and she left her kid to train for five years. Hasn't even spoken to her kid. And it's all for this gold medal.

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Welcome, friends, to the Playful Scratch from the California Lottery. We've got a special guest today, the Scratcher's Scratch Master himself, Juan. Juan, you've mastered 713 playful ways to scratch. Impressive. How'd you do it? Well, I began with a coin, then tried a guitar pick. I even used a cactus once. I can scratch with anything, even this mic right here.

See? See? Well, there you have it. Scratchers are fun no matter how you scratch. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day. Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim. So I wanted to know if anyone found out their boyfriend was cheating on them with a girl and the girl he was cheating with also didn't know he had a girlfriend and if they became friends and what transpired. Got it.

This girl said, my ex didn't cheat, but he is a narcissist and super mentally and physically abusive. I was living with him in Thailand, got stuck there with him during the beginning of COVID. I got away from him. He started dating a new girl. She messaged me after. She had to run away from him too and asked if he did all the same things. Since then, we talk almost every day, working through the trauma we went through and knowing we weren't alone anymore.

And what happened wasn't our fault. Girls helping girls. I love that so much. It sounds like me and Sierra. Wait, I have another one. My high school boyfriend, guy I lost my virginity to, cheated on me and that girl ended up standing up in my wedding. Shut up. How crazy.

I think it's so great when girls can bond over like the like it's not your fault it's the guy's fault you could put any girl in it and like he's gonna project his shit onto you and yeah absolutely it's like textbook the way like manipulators are and

and also gigglers have just been like sending me like random dms about like hey i just want to like tell you this so like i screenshot them so yeah the stories sometimes i'm just like that was an insane fucking story and you've taken me on use this on the pod i don't know where it's gonna go but you guys have add anyway so figure it out yeah i'm like you have taken me on such an emotional journey and it is 11 a.m and i am so invested where is claire like what happened to her um okay

So this one girl goes, OK, all those crazy sex stories were lame, not representative of Giggly Squad. I had a midnight picnic under the Eiffel Tower with a man I met in Paris while on a work trip. We fucked under the Eiffel Tower and sat there talking until the next morning. We still see each other on occasion when in the same place. Best sex I ever had to this day. Where's security? Where?

Is the Eiffel Tower security And that DM Literally hurt my feelings Because there's nothing I would want more Than to have sex Under the Eiffel Tower With like a French man Whispering in my ear You know I love that for her That was some like Real rom-com stuff

This girl said, best hack, you must tell the gigglers. And so, of course, my ears perked up. She said, figured this out a while ago when trying to be sneaky. I was texting two different guys. So was hanging with one guy, would put the other guy's phone number on do not disturb. Not my whole phone on do not disturb, just his number. So she would never get a notification when she was with the other guy.

It also helped because I couldn't see when he would text me back. I would have to open my phone, look through, like, look, go to his text message. And so then it changed like the time, the amount of time I was responding because the anxiety is waiting for your phone to like light up and you completely take that out of it. And I was like, I think you're a mastermind. There's something toxic there, but I'm here for it. No, I love it.

And that's really all I had. The Gigglers were quite funny this week. The Gigglers make this podcast. We love you guys so fucking much. Also, I did watch Hacks on HBO Max. And then I want to talk about one other thing. Did you love it? I loved it so much. Hannah Einbinder realized her uncle's Paul Newman, who's the OG hottest guy ever. Yo, I have a weird thing for Paul Newman. Have you had his lemonade? I will fuck the shit out of Paul Newman.

Also, the whole Paul Newman business. We don't talk about. Goes to charity. Paul Newman is the hottest goat on the planet. Fuck Brad Pitt. Paul Newman. And you Gen Z's who are listening, like Elena, you think he's just a fucking ranch. He's not. You don't know what he is. You think he just makes lemonade, pink lemonade, coffee. You think he just. No. You think he just makes popcorn? No. Google that motherfucker, Paul Newman, when he was young. The blue eye.

And he had swag off the roof. There is something about a man, and people don't talk about this enough. People really don't. A charitable man. Dude, I had a guy. Yes! I had a guy text me the other day that he...

Like, I don't know how to say this. Okay. I have had a guy text me the other day telling me something charitable he did. And one time I was with him in person and I watched him like...

Talk to this homeless guy. He walked up to this homeless guy and basically dapped him up. And they knew each other. And he was like, do you need anything? And in that moment, I was like, I love this person. And then the other day, he told me something charitable he did just randomly. It's a different feeling in my body. It's a different feeling when a guy is so hot and successful or whatever. And then he does...

Something good For the less fortunate Okay And I just Two things I don't love That he told you Something he did That was charitable Because for a fact It wasn't It wasn't in the context That you're thinking it is Yes So I'm okay with this guy But for women in general Any guy that repeats All the time That he's a good guy And that he's honest And he's an honest guy I'm so honest I'm so honest So I'm okay with this guy

He's horrible. Second of all, I was laughing so hard when you said charitable man because one of my horrible exes, like truly horrible human being, applied for the Big Brother and Sisters to be a big brother, big sister, which is like an amazing organization where like you kind of mentor a kid. Yeah. And he got rejected by everyone.

stop it like he was really excited for it and then he was like oh they rejected me did he not pass like the background check he didn't pass the background check he had his own and i just remember being like is this a sign that i'm not with a great human being no no no like they were like we we love the thought but we'd rather you not be near any of our children

That is... That makes me uneasy. And I stayed in that relationship because he was tall. I stayed three more months after that because he was 6'3". I've also always had this thing, like, you know how I manifest, like, things about my future husband and, like, my life? Yeah. I've always manifested that, like, one day when we're, like, older and, like, our careers are, like, great and our kids are, like...

you know, taking care of themselves in high school. Showering. Yeah, showering on their own, like daily. That we would start a charity together.

Oh, for sure. I already manifested that for you a long time ago. Thank you so much. And I, so like when a guy does something that's just like nice and like charitable, I'm like you, yeah. Well, it means he has empathy, which is like, I mean, it is a bare minimum thing, but it definitely is a plus. The bar is so low though for me right now. It is underground and I can't see it.

And I saw a TikTok the other day that really just, I needed it. Sometimes I think my algorithm is like, bitch, you need to hear this because I've listened to you talking to your friends through your phone and hear this. My algorithm knows me more than any human. Literally. This girl said, I hate when girls say, he's not the type to do that. Yes, he is. He probably did it. He's probably going to do it again. They're all the type to do what you think they're not the type to do.

And I was just like Hold the phone Like if you're gonna Generically be just like He's not that type It's like That's not a good enough excuse How many times Have I been on the phone With you and I've been like But I just don't see him Doing that you know Like I don't think He would do that He's just like not that type And she's like If you're questioning If he's doing it He's doing it He's doing it

He's probably done it a few times and he will do it again. Girls, we are so much smarter than we think we are. Like our body is constantly telling us what's going on and we're just choosing not to receive the messages most of the time. No, I think I'm so intuitive. Sometimes like I'll wake up at like in the middle of the night and be like, literally, I feel like Madeline, like,

what was the teacher in Madeline that was like, something is not right. Like I will literally wake up in the dead of a sleep and be like, something's not right. And then like a guy will text me or something and then something weird will happen. I'll be like, you are banging a girl. Like what is going on? Why are you texting me? You know, like something weird like that will happen.

Shout out to all my intuitive charitable gigglers We love you so much Thank you so much for giggling with us today It was a fun journey We have so much stuff to watch And yeah follow us on Instagram Follow us on Patreon And thank you for being here today Thank you for coming to our TED Talk And thank you for giggling always Keep giggling no matter how much people tell you to stop Keep giggling forever do you knit