Giggling about our favorite moments of 2024
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Okay, it's that time of year. We put together all our favorite moments. And by we, I mean Grace. She really went through like a needle in a haystack and found all the gold from 2024. All the moments that made you giggle the most. And I also have to say...

that we have a surprising drop on Netflix. I went to LA to shoot Torching 2024, a roast of the year with Jeff Ross and Sam Murill, Mark Norman, Tim Dillon, and Miss Pat. And I put together a set roasting the year of 2024. So make sure that you watch that. It comes out on December 27th on Netflix. And

where I roast the year. Watch it. Let me know what your favorite joke was and we'll talk about it in the upcoming episodes of Giggly. I'll give you all the jokes that maybe didn't make the cut. Thank you guys so much for another amazing year. Giggling with you guys is our favorite. Okay, sorry, that was corny. Men try to get women to stop gossiping back in the day because it was sharing information so they would know what's going on. Yeah. So gossiping is how we take down the patriarchy. No.

I'll stand by gossiping until the day that I die. As long as it's honest and pure. And truthful. And she is a fucking bitch. That can be a fact. It's also really good for our brain because we hear something, we have to remember it. And then, you know, so really we're just, we're fighting dementia each day. When you live life, you're supposed to have something happen to you. And then the fun of it is,

Telling your friends. Telling your friends and reflecting on it and be like, what just happened to me? Am I insane? No, we're storytellers. Sorry for entertaining. I feel like I can't go to a basketball game without spending at least one whole period of it being like, and then they make this into an ice skating rink. You know, like,

Every time it blows my mind. I'm like, and then they can do concerts here too. Isn't that crazy? I'll never get over it. I'm like, but where is the ice? Right now, where's the ice? Right now, is it melted? You know, like I'm always asking the questions. See, I don't want to know logistics. Like, I don't want to know how the sausage is made. I want it to be magical Walt Disney. Like, is it underneath the court? Where is it at this exact moment? Where are you hiding the hockey players? Where are they sleeping? Where are the Rangers team? Are they sleeping?

Why are TVs so complicated? No. Why do you need seven remotes to turn on a TV? You can't go to someone else's house and just turn the TV on. Is it not insane that if it's not your own TV, you don't know how to work it? Have you ever been to a boy's house when there's also like a rogue Xbox controller? They're like, use this. I'm like, what? Are they? Oh my God. I'm like, how do I use that? If he uses...

an Xbox controller to turn on his TV, you will get chlamydia. Yeah. 100%. You will get chlamydia. He's texting multiple other girls. And he won't go down on you. If he says, here, just turn it on with the Xbox controller, grab your things and get out. Did you know that when alligators are killing you, they...

spin you around. Okay. Could have lived without knowing that. They bring you to the bottom of the water and they spin you around and that's how you die. Bite off my head like someone with fucking empathy. Go to therapy. It's like okay guys it's a bit dramatic. You have crazy teeth just bite us. You don't have to do a whole performance art. Now I'm like Team Sharks.

I'm like, hold. Justice for sharks. They're like, chomp and see ya. They're like, I have things to do. Also, sometimes they'll just bite you and they don't even care to kill you. They're just like, ooh, that didn't taste good. They also can't see. So they're probably like, sorry. I didn't know. They're like, oh my god, I'm gluten free. Imagine you get bit by a shark and it throws it up. It's just like, ew. Ew.

Take your leg back, you vegan. It's like you didn't even enjoy my fucking flesh. What's your headphone of choice? So I collect Delta headphones. So I have like hundreds of Delta headphones. No, no, no, no, no. Like hundreds. When you get on a plane, you put the Delta headphones in your ears and you connect it to what? The TV. And if there's no TV...

We're sleeping. No headphones in? No. There's technology now that, like, you never have to hear the sound of an airplane ever again. Like, when I fall asleep, I'm not listening to anything. I need noise to quiet my own thoughts. I don't want to be sitting in silence. That's the scariest thing you've ever said to me. So you get on a plane...

most of the time. - Raw dog. - Raw dog, wait for her, or he. - To walk around and say, "Does anyone need headphones?" - Does anyone need headphones? And I always go, "Yep." And then I say thank you, 'cause regardless, I like free shit. I'm gonna take it. I'm gonna take it. The amount of Delta headphones I have in my bag is crazy. - This is a wild revelation. - And then I love a fresh new pair, you pull it out. - Every time she walks by and says, "Headphones, headphones," in my head I always think, "Who the fuck?"

Without headphones. When people are like, I love throwing dinner parties, what is that life? Like, that you A, love to socialize. You're like, you know what would make my life better? If I had to cook, decorate, invite people over, and then clean after, that's my nightmare. Having people over to my own home to socialize. It's dirty. Get out. It's get out. Like, what if I hit a moment where I was like...

I'm going to leave right now. I watch HGTV right now. It's like a weird phase I'm going through, but I'm obsessed with it. And they'll be like, what kind of house are you looking for? And they're like, we love to entertain. And I'm always like... Block party on the corner. Like all these kids running around the yard. Parents talking. Which is basically a child parade. You'd have to literally drug me, tie my hands behind my back, drag me to that fucking block party. A party? A party?

on your street that you live on with all the other people that live on that street? No. I have to bring up the elephant in the room. I showed up with a tie and I think I went a little too business formal, like 80s businessman, like, coffee's for closers! But I do have to say... See, I feel like you're giving news reporter, like, high school sports news reporter. High school assistant volunteer. Boom goes the dynamite. Like, you know. Brandon is killing it today! I wish I had a son. Ha!

I realize having a tie, I know how it feels like to be a man. It's like assertiveness. Well, it feels like I have a dick. Yes. Like, I feel like I was putting on my coat and I'm like, oh, I've got to tuck my tie in. And, like, I don't want to be flinging around. I have to keep it. And, sorry, I have things to report to. I know how it feels like to wear a dick because suddenly everything I say...

You're like, you're all of a sudden over explaining everything. You're like, Paige, I don't know if you know the word finance, but let me tell you about it. I just feel like an alpha man. And I'm like, are you really going to talk to me while I have my fucking tie on like that?

Do you not see my fucking thigh? Respect the thigh. And then you just want to flip it around, hit people with it. Dude, thank God I don't have a dick. People say that men are more logical than women, but they actually just lack empathy. Interesting. They're just literally not thinking about how other people are feeling as much as we are. So they're not logical. They're actually just psychopaths. I really wish you didn't say that last part because...

Oh, because you are like that. I feel like I am like that. I just feel as a woman, I'm not as emotional as some. I think there's like a spectrum of everything. Can you cut to last episode when she was crying going, I've been so emotional lately? I was so emotional this weekend. Like I was tearing up that people were being mean to JoJo. I think you're being mean. First of all, the song. Oh yeah, let her do it.

I have a question for you. I don't have AirPods. Is that what you're asking? No, but... I don't know what's wrong with me, but, like, I don't trust them. In what capacity? Like, do you think the government's, like, in your brain? No, not at all. Do you know, like, Wi-Fi doesn't really work? Yeah. Bluetooth, like, doesn't work a lot. So I'm like, I just don't believe it works. Wait. You're...

No, I don't think it works. I've never tried it, but I don't think it works. Do you ever feel like it's my connect to the wrong person? You'd be like, hello? Never. Not one time. Not one time has there been a man just like, hey. When the radio station's a little off, it's just an alien. They're like, I'm not reading your things. It's like, hey, I'm in 13C if you want to come back here. When the AirPods first came out, their PR wasn't good. It was like people were dicks. You're holding it against...

AirPods came out 20 years ago. No, when they first came out and like guys were walking around with their AirPods and they were like yelling with their AirPods. Everyone was like, okay, you're a fucking loser. Like, oh, you have AirPods. Like, what are you selling stocks 24-7? Chill out. Okay. And I think I just never got past that. I was like, I'm not a dick. I don't wear AirPods. And then like one day I looked around and everyone was wearing AirPods. I think I joked with one of my friends. It was like AirPods are for fucking dicks.

And then like I'm still in the corner joking about it when everyone's like, no, we all use AirPods. I thought AirPods was going to be like threads on Instagram. Yeah, you thought they were going to die down. Yeah, I thought it was like a thing and then we were going to be like, okay, we all lost it. And then...

It's a tic-tac. I'm going to lose it. Some Gen Z's are just shaving their butthole. For the first time? No, like, because they're just eating ass. That is one thing that I will never. I'm not reciprocating. Don't ask me. I'm a lady. That's when I become a nun. I'm like, you want me to what?

God forbid he delicately puts his tongue on your booty hole. No, no, no. He can do it to me. I would never do it to a guy. Ever. Honestly, that tracks for you. That's like, I don't even want to be down there. You're like, I'm a star. I'm the talent. I'm a talent. But also, I think I give that off because I've never been asked. I've never had a guy try to like really choke me.

Because I don't give off that energy. And you talk a lot. You would think they're like, I'm finally in here. Shut the fuck up.

Only time I shut up is when butter falls asleep by my mouth. I'll be living my normal life and I'll think, oh my God, and some people do this plus have a baby. You know? And I'm like, that's crazy. So like sometimes during the day I'll be like, okay, would I have been able to get all of this done and have a baby? Well, yesterday...

Ludacris came out and naturally every single millennial stood up and it came to us like out of nowhere. Like I can't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, but I remembered every lyric to Ludacris verse and yeah. And everyone's messaging me like, oh my God, my kids and my husband were so scared. And I was like, I scared butter. No, it's...

I realize I don't suffer from jet lag. Because you're well-traveled? Because I'm always tired. Yeah. So I don't know if it's jet lag or tired, but I'm used to it. Like, I woke up exhausted, and I'm like, and that's called the morning. Yeah. And then it was 4 p.m., and I was exhausted. I go, again, that's called the afternoon for me. Yeah. It's called depression. No, I think we have... Depression? No, like a nutrient deficiency. I know, but what is that nutrient?

We're not trying to find it. You know people are like, "Well, have you cut gluten?" I'm not strategically cutting out parts of my diet for a theory. If you're saying to me the few words "have you" just know it's no. Nope, haven't. You want to discuss your nails. Because I actually liked it until I saw it's giving chicken cutlet. And you're not going to be able to see it. First of all, that's not what I was thinking.

Of all the qualms, that wasn't one of them. Asking for a French manicure is a loaded question. My thing is just like, if you're going to freehand the white part, make sure you're better than me. Make sure you're better than me, honey. My other qualm was, she fucking cut me with the nail file. And I was like, fine, that happens, like whatever. Assault. Literally, I was like, I've just been shot, I'm bleeding. I'm like bleeding out. I'm like, it's a Sunday afternoon, I'm bleeding.

I'm bleeding out. No, I once fully lost like a whole section of skin. Yeah. And it was like gushing blood. And you have to be like, it's okay. No, I literally was like, actually, I felt so good thinking about it. She literally kept, she kept putting alcohol on it. I'm like, don't worry. It's not infected. It's just throbbing. And the size of Utah. I'm like, I don't think you need to put salt on the open.

You can literally see my pinky nail throbbing and red. I'm like, if you just stop touching it, that'd be great. She puts gasoline on it and lights it on fire. She's like, you don't need your pinky nail anymore. She just cuts off your pinky nail. She goes, perfect. She's like, sorry, I just nicked it. Perfect. How have 15 most attractive hobbies for men to do? I would love to see this list. Because hobbies in general. Get a second job. Playing an instrument.

Is there any instrument the guy plays that you'd be like, that's kind of hot? The recorder.

Actually, the fingers would be kind of hot. I'm like, oh, he's fast. No. This, I can agree with. Cooking. Yeah. But I don't want them to talk about that they do it. I just want them to do it. Woodworking? No. No. Let the Amish have one thing. And if you are a woodworker, you're a Nepo baby. If you give me a birdhouse, I'll throw it in the dirt. Painting? No. No. Painting is for me and my iPad. Swimming? No.

I like it because it tires them out. Yeah, I'm not mad at that. Go swim. Archery? What is this, Medieval Times? I'm actually not mad about it. Old money? It is giving a little bit of old money. It's giving old money. You have to have like a lawn. It's giving like quail hunting. Finally, traveling. That's not a hobby. That's not a hobby. That's not a hobby. Get jobs. Get a job. Figure it out. I watch Salt Burn. Whoever made this movie is sick. Sick. It's sick.

feel like I can stomach a lot of things like I'm not kidding like if it's sexual and it's deviant I can sit through it I can watch it like I'm like okay yeah big big whoop it's like I thought it was gonna be like when people were like 50 shades of grace so crazy and then I watch it and I was like that's a Tuesday chill the fuck out like it's not that crazy salt burn is sick it's my favorite movie of the year

You're sick. I'm sick. Like, I'm not like crazy in the bedroom or anything, but like I will enjoy cottage cheese. And that's like a different, that's like the kind of sickness I am. I feel like we're opposite. I know what you mean. We're like completely opposite. I know what you mean. Like a man, if a man spits in my mouth, I'm calling the police. Yeah, you're like that? Really bad. Insane. That's disgusting.

I accidentally pulls my hair because you like we're turning around I'd be like ow but you'll eat chipotle from the night before that hasn't been refrigerated like and you'll be like whatever it'll make me stronger you know that's where we're opposite I'll find a tuna fish sandwich on the ground and eat it guys walk like you have to pick a side of the leg that it's just like hanging on well I mean have you literally ever googled a picture of john ham

Yeah. I should do it daily. Yeah, I do. It's my background. Wait, but like, I would feel so imbalanced. Like, not that my labia is perfectly symmetrical, but like. But I feel like men don't even have that, like, like, I'll freak out if my sleeve of my arm is caught in my jacket. I'm like, I can't move.

I'm on Gunpei. You know, like, I feel like they don't notice that shit. They're like, oh, my dick is tucked into my sock accidentally. Like, shoot. You know, like, they don't know things. Yeah. I feel like winning the Super Bowl is, like, kind of an ick. Like, okay, don't be the best. Yeah.

It's kind of gross. It's like, oh, you beat up all the other boys. Also, here's another thing. All football coaches have to look the same. Is that like a criteria? Because literally they're showing the coach and I was like, I thought he coached the Patriots. No, that was an AI football coach. Everything was giving AI last night. People are like, how could he yell at his old coach in his face? Yeah. This is a man who the testosterone levels are so high that he's

brain cells are fully just zapped, and for a living, he gets pushed around and hit in the head. He's a human gladiator. The fact that he didn't beat the shit out of his coach is actually a miracle. - If a woman shows an emotion at all, specifically while doing her craft or like whatever, it'd be like,

this is why women don't run the country. I mean, you're so emotional. I mean, that's crazy. But he did it and they were like, oh, he's just passionate about his sport. Also, imagine if Taylor Swift sang Viva Las Vegas when she won album of the year. Everyone would be like, this is a medical emergency. Visiting hours are over. Bring her back to the ward. Austin Butler somewhere being like, excuse me, excuse me. People are joking that Taylor Swift is going to

When they break up, write a song called Viva Las Vegas. I found myself on Amish TikTok. I'm surprised the Amish don't do more Amish retreats. Imagine that's the next brand trip. Giggly times Amish. Grab your bonnets, ladies. All the big influencers like rolling out dough. Hey, what's the coupon code for this dough? But I think they don't. Where'd you get that churn?

You know what we need? The real... Housewives. Housewives of Amish. Well, I'll go to Pennsylvania right now. Where the fuck is it? I want to know the gossip, too. You're like, did you try Becky's butter? It was so bad. Becky can't churn butter to save her fucking life. No, her churning technique is so embarrassing. It's so chewy. She's been making those same cookies every year. Think of something else. Also, like...

She's been doing braids for like so long. Forever. We're done with the braids, Becky. They're like, oh my God, did you hear which hem Becky picked out today? Yeah.

Like that's so last year. Becky like says she believes in God. She likes top 40. She also like tried eyeliner the other day. So like, I don't know. No, literally. Wait, Amish people end formal education at the eighth grade. I love it. I'm going. So did you. Yeah. Most successful people are unmarried women. No, there's a legitimate statistic.

That when men and women get married, the men's life. The men get more successful. Their quality of life goes significantly up and ours goes significantly down. Like, and that's just science because yeah, they are now moving into a home where like everything's clean. Everything's aesthetic. Like there's a refrigerator with like more than just ketchup. And so like their, their minds are blown where like we get in that situation and we're like,

Towels don't go over the door. I do have to say, because I can't be fake, maybe it's like my form of feminism. I've decided that I'm going to take on the male qualities of like,

I don't cook. I put the towel on the door. I take my clothes. Do you put the towel on the door? I mean, it's lucky if it gets to the door. It's on the floor. I take my clothes off wherever I'm standing and I leave it. I eat food and I leave it. It's like this empowering thing that I do where it's like, it's not my job. No. Because guess what? Mom is working. You've never given me anxiety and that's why you're my best friend. We're anxious together. But we're

own different anxious world. I'm not making you anxious. You're not making me anxious. And then like 10 minutes later, we'll be like, all right. If in anything, you make me less anxious. That's why I was so mad at you for the White House. You make me less anxious because you don't care. Exactly. And put it on my tombstone. I don't care. No, friends that care too much. I'm like, you care more than I care about myself. Yeah. I'm like, why don't you just write me a life plan if you're going to care this much, bitch? Like, I don't know.

Yeah, no, we don't care. I feel like men after a breakup will just go with the next girl because they don't want to process the emotions and they need a girl to make them feel good. Where when a girl's in a breakup, she's like, I'm getting new hair. Yeah. Whole new personality. New gym. New wardrobe. Going to an Ivy League school to get a new degree. Might even move. And I really do believe you always level up after these traumas. 100%. That's why I'm so pro-failing. Like, failing makes you so much stronger.

One quick, easy way that I like to see my progress in life is you go from who your first boyfriend ever was to then who was your next one. And then you just keep going. Well, your first boyfriend was your favorite. So what did we do? We were just kids.

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Natalie, Nick Vial's wife. Yes. She said something and she was like, oh yeah, and then I flushed my tampon. Oh yeah. And the girls were like, what?

Wait, yeah, I'm flushing the tampon. No one's ever told me. No. You've been exploding pipes nationwide. I didn't know. I thought the signs at different restaurants and places like don't use feminine products. I was like, oh, they have bad plumbing.

I just thought they knew their plumbing was weaker. No, see, my mom terrified me where she was like, if you put this in the toilet, the whole house will implode. No, I feel like no one ever told me. No, my mom was like, everyone will die. No, I'm not worried about it for a fucking second. Literally, I've gone this long, nothing's happened. I've never heard of a toilet blowing up.

I've never heard of them shutting down because feminine products. I think we're fine. I think it's something that the men gaslit us about. And they're like, we don't want it near us. You know what I think it is? You know when you have your period, you go through like 100 rolls of toilet paper? I think it's the toilet paper business who's like, roll up the toilet and put it in the garbage. Non-conventionally hot men, they're calling it rodent boyfriend summer. I'm just kind of sick of like when men are ugly, them getting rebranded into a trend. No, no, no.

Why can't we do that for girls? Why can't it be like long torso? Never in my life. Can't go cuties. Double chin divas.

It's never greasy hair girl summer. It's never like slightly depressed, possibly anxiety. Sweaty, dehydrated girl sexy summer. Never. We grew up with like dad bods being cool, which is basically like, hey, all the lazy guys who drink too much beer are hot. The PR on the men's side is so good, which is crazy because PR I thought was a woman run business. They're coming for hot girl summer. Like all of a sudden it's a hot rodent boy.

Boyfriend summer? No. Summer was our thing. But also, I think we're in on it. We have internalized misogyny. No, I literally had it this week. Last episode, we thought Dr. Pepper was a man. We assumed. And we apologized. I blamed my period instead of blaming my boyfriend this week. But I think what the truth is is that most women actually don't care what men look like. We just want them to be nice.

Yeah, I will be arrested at one of my children's schools. Like there is just no way my kids are going to be born, go all the way through high school. And I'm not going to be like,

Mr. Sorbo, you can't come to the field today. Like, you're a problem. There's a restraining order. I'll fight a kid. Like, I would have no problem kicking a six-year-old if they were mean to my daughter. In, like, first, second grade, I started to be kind of naughty. And then I'd get in trouble. And it was all about getting to my mom before the teacher could get to my mom. Do you remember that? No, that's an extreme sport. I just started walking, and I'm like, let's go, we gotta go, we gotta go.

We gotta go now. I got a lot of homework and they'd be like miss burner. Miss burner case Don't believe me. That bitch says she's crazy. Don't believe it and my mom's a teacher. So she always took the teacher aside Okay, I had a Kim who was not a teacher. I cheated so bad I cheated so fucking bad on a project high school We had to make a brochure in Spanish. So, you know what I did? I went on a hotel website and

In Spain. And I printed out their brochure and I handed it to her and I said, here you go. She calls my mom. She was like, Paige obviously cheated. Like she couldn't have written this. And my mom goes, how do you know? Prove it. How do you know? She didn't write it. Prove it. Then later I said to my mom, I was like, I did cheat. She goes, I don't care. She's not going to call me. You said the reason you decided to get a cat finally is because, do you want to tell them?

I'm like filling out all these fucking questionnaires that like Hannah's making me fill out. And I'm starting to freak out like when I'm about to press send for the email because I'm like they're going to email back immediately and like give me a cat. And then all of a sudden I'm locked into this fucking cat. And I was like I can't do it. And then I had a thought and I was like no, Hannah's literally my most incapable friend. And she's had a cat for eight years.

Like, I'm like, I've been to Hannah's apartment. I'm fine. Calling me incapable is so on the nose. I'm the kind of friend that, like, you're nervous for an event, you call me. You're feeling down on yourself, you call me. If you're going to the airport and you forgot your passport, you're not calling me. No.

You're not calling me. In a pinch? You have to be somewhere in five minutes and bring a document? No. I'll get the wrong thing. I don't know how to drive. But it's so true. That's a major thing. You don't know how to drive.

That's huge. Honestly, if someone's like hide the body, I don't think you ask me. I think I have too big of a mouth. I also don't know how to hide a fucking body. Honestly, the admin of hiding a body. No, I would never ask you. I'd be like, wait, where should we dig? Like, I feel like. I would, I'd voice note you. I'm like, we have to cut it. Ew. Walsed. Because I'd be like, you'll never understand. You go, hey, can you help me hide the body? I go, I'm on voice rest.

Before we get to your big news, which I'm edging. Is this embarrassing, but I just learned what that word means on TikTok. Edging? Yeah. How'd you find out? I looked it up. I kept like getting TikToks and they were like saying the word edging and I was like, what the fuck is that? I did not think- What is your definition of edging? I didn't think of, I didn't know it was sexual. Thought it was something to do with landscaping. That's hedging. Okay.

And so I had to Google what edging was. What is your definition of it? As she takes a swig of water to ponder. Like you build yourself up and then right when you're about to cum, you don't.

But then I think you can also use edging in like normal shit. Like I think I edge a lot in stories. Like it's like get to the fucking point. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like you build up the momentum. Yeah, like I'm edging your announcement. Got it. Got it. I was trying to shut up and go on voice rest for like two days. No. You've sent me more voice notes than you ever have in your entire life. Wait. Was that true? I thought you were just saying that as like a bit. Were you legitimately trying to be on voice rest? No, it's my new thing. Just tell people you're on voice rest and you don't want to talk to them. I legit, I was like, oh, she must have something.

something like really intense. I told four people I was on voice rest. In context, this is how Hannah told me. Hey, do you want to come to my house this weekend? I promise I won't even talk to you. You can literally sleep in another room. I'm on voice rest anyway, so I won't even talk. I'm like, that would last seven seconds.

Seven seconds. If you don't want to talk to someone, just say I'm on voice rest. Or if you want to really lean into the character, put it on your notes app and just raise it. But when they ask for what, what's your response? You're just like, not at this time. Well, it's easier for me because they know I'm a performer. Yeah. I mean, I believe too. Anyone could go on voice rest. I might start. If you have meetings. Imagine Grace just sent in the newsletter one week and was like, sorry, I'm on voice rest.

I can't write this essay because I want to voice it. No, singers get, like, really serious about it. And, you know, I... And, like, a lot of people say, like, the most narcissistic thing you can do is have a child. It is selfish to have a child because it's for you. It's not for them. They didn't choose this life. You want something that looks like you, acts like you, and, like, is you walking this earth. We have enough yous. I also realized that...

We are on the board of the childless cat ladies community. We're there. We're the exact demographic he's speaking to. We're kind of the forefront of the market in Monster Children. We didn't sign up for it, but here we are. Here are the chances I got a cat like four days before. I think you pissed him off. I immediately was like, they're taking all our women.

Like, as the president of single cat women, I will speak for all of us. How dare you? I thought we both act like we're single. I know.

But you're married. So it's like, you don't have to talk about it. But the truth is, I don't have a boyfriend. No, you don't. You don't. Everyone lost their virginity half at first, right? Yeah. I think if you go full on in the beginning, you're not okay. You should call your mom. You should call your mom. You should call someone. No, I feel like every girl is like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Maybe next week. I feel like it kind of hurts and maybe next weekend. Yeah.

I feel like I used to do that all the time. I still do that. I still do that. Yeah. I usually know. Well, it's fucked up because we're experiencing, like, oh, whatever happens, I am losing something. Like, I'm losing this, like, innocent side of me where men are, like, gaining respect and experience. Yeah, gaining something. Like, Chris, after you lost your virginity...

Was there a moment where you were like, I'm not a little boy anymore. I'm a man. And I just lost being pure. Yeah, like what is a guy's perspective? I went to all my friends and we were all like, yeah. And I feel like I dated a lot of guys in New York City that couldn't fix things and I got the ick. I was like, if I can fix it and you can't, that's grossing me out. The thing is, for me, if a guy's too handy, I don't like it. You don't want them to have a tool belt.

No, that turns me off. Like if he knows too much about toilets, I'm like, what it? Yeah, get in it. Yeah. Let me put your head in there. Can I come for something right now? Yeah. No, I know I'm adult right now because I did search for a sconce. I don't know how to put a sconce up. You need an electrician. And that's where they lose me. Where do you get an electrician? Being handy is everything.

Very important to me because I would put myself on the handier side of the spectrum. You go to Paige's apartment and she's like... Oh, my drill bit? I definitely have a drill bit. You have what? A drill bit. Oh, a drill bit? What is a drill bit? Sometimes you gotta drill things. You want that painting up there?

Yeah, I could fucking... I'll put that up on the wall. Like, I have a level. Like, I have... I can do all of those things. You saw my plays. I literally just have paintings against the wall where I want them to go up. No, I know. I could come over and fix those. Men fixing things is important because...

They break a lot of things. Yeah. They should know. What are they doing? Some people read books, which I'm very impressed by. I'm so proud of them. But I was thinking, who's reading more? These people who read books or me putting captions on every TV show? Closed captions. Am I reading more? Does that count? No one talks about it, but bitch has been reading. I'm so glad you're bringing this to the forefront, especially during this time in our nation. Yeah.

The country is divided right now into two very distinct groups. People that love subtitles, and then it's people that are so purely enraged by them. I identify as a subtitles person. Des said he did that in China when he was learning Mandarin. Yeah. He put it, so you're like learning English. I'm learning my first language. Again. Because I actually think we miss a lot. We've read...

so many shows wait no like we are avid bookworms this is actually the best question i've ever gotten if we were both kidnapped together who would they kill first

For sure me. 100% Hannah because she's vocal. She's pointing out where they messed up, who's coming to get them. I've been paralyzed with fear. You're going to fall asleep. Yeah, I would have my narcolepsy. And I also feel like I'd try to be a hero. Like I'd be like, I got this. I know what to do. Yeah, you would. And they would backfire. Please don't. Please.

I would be like, please don't say that. If they were going to keep one of us alive, it would be you. Because they'd be like, that one's sweating. This one's not sweating at all. And it's like 110 degrees. This one we could fold up. In his locker room. This one's not flexible. Her hair is very greasy. She's giving a stench. No. You would pretty privilege your way where they'd be like, we need that one. I'd be in love with them. Yeah. And be like, what if we just dated?

flirt your way I'd flirt my way out he'd be looking at me and I'd be like I'm gonna kill you and then you look and he'd be like is Paige eye fucking me she's being so weird isn't she you would eye fuck him yeah I would try and pull out whatever I could

went to Salem, Massachusetts because we wanted to see where all the witches were killed. It was partly what we were expecting and then partly totally not what I was expecting. We went in so excited. We were like, we definitely were witches that were burnt at the stake in a past life because if you weren't, you were a fucking loser. Paige goes, let's do past life regressions. This is going to be fun. Let's clear the energy, clear the air. Were we best friends? Was I a princess or a ballerina? I was like, I think I was an Amazonian woman and she was like,

So we start with Hannah's and you tell. She was like, do you like bright colors? And I was like, I think so. And she's like, okay, I think every person you were in a past life was a man. And I was like, no!

why? I was like, what kind of man? And she goes, a flamboyant British gay man who was very rich, just prancing around. She kept saying the word dandy. Dandy. And I was just like, what the fuck is that? And his wife was miserable because he didn't love her. Because he was gay. And he was just like having anal all over England. And then I'm like, okay, do Paige. Just Paige. Do Paige.

She's like, you're you are so sad. All of your lives. You're very poor, just sad. And she was like, but your saddest life is you had like so many children. And unfortunately, they all died.

And I'm just like jaw on the floor. I'm just like, okay. Meanwhile, I'm being gay. And she's like, your kids didn't even die of cholera. Like it was a sniffle. Like it was wiped them all out. And I'm still envisioning myself with a banjo. Like I'm loving life. No, Hannah's like has a top hat is like prancing through the streets with a cane, kissing men in like alleyways. And she was like, you love being a mom, Hannah, you love being a bottom. Oh my God.

But then you're like, okay, let's move on. Did we know each other? Were we best friends in every life? Maybe my gay bestie helped me through the drama and gave me some money and helped me out. And she was like, yes, oh my gosh, you did know each other. Hannah stole all your money. What?

And, like, so I have no kids, no prospects. I'm about to croak, and I'm homeless. I'm using your money for dildos. The rest of the day, like, whenever we, like, made fun of Paige, she was like, my children died. My children perished. And then whenever you made fun of me, I was like, please don't be homophobic. I was like, please keep your homophobia to yourself. We FaceTimed this weekend. Both of us. You know exactly what I'm going to say.

But, like, we were fully in mid-conversation. Yeah, mid-conversation. And you got up to go to the bathroom. No, I got up to plug my phone in. You got up to plug your phone in. And I lost you. Yeah, my phone died. I lost you, and there was, like, two seconds where I waited to be like, is she coming back? And then I hung up, and I said...

And that's that. And true friends, once your FaceTime is disconnected, the moment's over. You're not texting and being like, are you good? Are you alive? No, we're done. That's how the conversation ends. If that's how it ends, it's how it ends. We didn't talk for the rest of the day. Not even a goodbye.

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I was really late to shave my legs because someone told me like once you start you can't stop. You do it because you're hairy so I was like I'm not gonna start. It's like people were like you have the hairiest legs I've ever seen. Do you remember like when you couldn't like girls like weren't allowed to shave their thighs? I mean you still abide by that rule. No one said you should start shaving your thighs.

So when you start, you just shave, we just shave our shins because we're not that hairy on our thighs. I always thought that it was like moms didn't let girls do it because your thighs are like more sexual. To make it like sensual to like have sex. So the hair can block the penis. But I was so hairy in like third grade. My mom was like, shave it all. Do you remember the first time you heard your friend was wearing a thong?

You were the friend. You were the friend. No, I don't remember that. I remember my friend being like, I'm wearing a thong and me being like, like I thought she was going to the strip club.

How does a thong that has, like, multiple strings become sluttier? Yeah. Like, it has more fabric but looks insane. Like, what are girls doing with that? Yeah. Like, every time I meet a Giggler, I'm like, you are gorgeous. Yeah. Well, I can tell when they're, like, a little more paged than Hannah. Like, this girl was actually page-coded. It's so funny because when the Hannahs come up to me, that's the first thing they say to me. They're like, we get it. Like, we're not your vibe. Yeah.

And I'm like, I didn't even say anything. We're at a bodega. I don't even know what's going on right now. So my favorite is when the gigglers come up to me with two of them and one of them goes, she's my Hannah. And then there's some girl comes up like, hey. And I'm like, me and you, girl. She walks out from the bathroom. Yeah, she's like, hey.

And it's always perfect. I'm like, this is perfect. Whoever has a slick black bun, I'm like, you're Paige. And they're wearing bows. Like, it's actually like... No, you can spot them in a second. In a second. Grace wrote something funny. She wrote, how do you answer the phone? Well, if I know the person, I say hi. Do you know what moms love to do? They go, this is she. Does your mom do that?

Moms fucking live for that shit. Why when someone professional calls, moms are immediately on the cast of Bridgerton? This is shit. This is shit. I am Lady DeSorbel. Can I speak to Hannah? This is shit. Let's do our customer service voice. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Hello. That is so earful. Who is that bitch? I don't know. Who is that?

Oh, no, her name is Beverly. Okay, my turn. Okay. Ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring. Hello. So high pitch. Yeah, mine's really high pitch. You act like you're nice. A phone call means I have to talk business with you. A FaceTime means something fucking insane happened. And a voice note means just keeping up. Yeah, just keeping up. This woman said that women are only physically attracted to 4% of men. Spot on. Okay.

Because you ever have those moments where you're like trying to figure out if you're gay or straight? I mean, I feel like I did have that moment in college when I was like started watching girl on girl porn and I got like really scared. I was like, wait, no, I've got to tell my mom that all straight girls like girl on girl porn. I don't know if lesbians like girl on girl porn. I would assume they do. They're doing it in real life. So I would assume that they're down with it.

But like, I get that we as straight girls, we watch it because we're like, they're safe. They're safe. They can't get pregnant if they don't want to.

like everything's good. They're braiding each other's hair. Like, they're gonna, like, take a nice nap after. She keeps asking her, like, are you hungry? Do you want a snack? So, like, I get that. I think it's because I'm not attracted to any man who would do porn. So once the man gets it, I'm like, I don't want to fuck him. And I always feel like you don't pick your porn. Like, you're attracted to what? The porn picks you. No, literally, it does. I've

Like, porn pics you. Like, you don't pick what gets you off. You just see it and you're like, oh. And now I like that. Walking into anywhere, I think we should start saying, what's the energy I want to bring to this? To this function? To this function. Do I want to ruin everyone's day? No, because you should also plan. Like, people are like, okay, now be nice. But also sometimes plan to be mean. Normalize not always bringing good energy to the function. Some functions need a balance of bad energy. Yeah.

Well, let's discuss the energy you brought to the function at my premiere party. That energy was...

I'm not a big partier. You guys know that. But if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it. And my mistake for not realizing that you were doing it. So I see you. You look like a feral cat. Scared. Need to find a hiding spot. So scared. I look at you and I'm like, you're here. I'm so happy. People are like, where's the photos of Paige? I was like, there's one of you scurrying out. Yeah.

There's one of like a panic in your eye, like clearly being like, how do I get out of here? But this is true friendship. People are like, where's Paige? And I'm like, she came. We made eye contact and she left. She had to go. Hannah and I got invited to the White House.

Hannah and I got invited to the White House. I thought it was a bit. I thought Ashton Kutcher was pranking us. Yeah, I was like... And you want to know what? I appreciate the recognition from the White House because they were like, look, we're in a pickle. We're in a real bind. Who can save the country? We should call the Giggly Squad. You know? And I respect it. Who at the White House is a giggler? That's what I'm trying to think. Because I'm like, okay, there's a group...

girl there who's just typing away and she's like hmm what if I just added them to the list I have bills to pass you're like the poof is back it's a woman's initiative yes what are you gonna initiate just like vibes probably like I think we should focus on vibes for 2025 and like or 2024 probably both what year are we sorry

Do you think in a past life you were a president's wife? No, I think in a past life I was like part of parliament. Like someone's wife in parliament. Like I feel like I lived in Europe. Okay, yes. I didn't fuck with the Declaration of Independence. Maybe it was like royal. Maybe like a prince. Maybe. Maybe. Men are not natural born leaders. I mean, we could go as far back as Adam and Eve.

Okay, because Eve got the apple, gave it to Adam. Why didn't Adam get his ass up and look for his own apple? Military, all men pretty much. They're taking orders from other men. They love taking orders. They love being told what to do. Because men are dogs, women are cats.

And so it's so facto. I'll do the same. If you're listening and you're still on the fence, think about your mom. Now we really sound like a cult. Think about your mom. You're on the fence of believing us or not. If you still don't want to buy our Tupperware. For $19.99, we're going to slash that price right now. Think about your mom and dad. And someone has a key to the nuclear weapon. Who are you giving that key to? Oh, my God. My mom. First of all, my dad's losing it.

Okay? The man doesn't even have an email address. They wouldn't even be able to give it to him. Why do whenever you go anywhere with your parents, your mom has a whole duffel bag for what everyone needs. Your dad doesn't even have a wallet. No. He has a clip. No. He's running the world with a clip. I don't think so. My dad has a rubber band. Our nation is being held on by a rubber band. Literally a thread. You humbled me so badly this week that I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

I was like complaining about an array of things in a voice note. And I said to Hannah, like, whatever. I'm just like really anxious and emotional. It's probably because I just got my period. And Hannah listed everything that was wrong in my life. I mean, there were like 10 things and she just went down a list and she goes, no, but it's definitely your period for sure. And I was like, you know what? I have to apologize to all women. But the men made me think that.

Hannah was like, maybe it's because you're on one of the most insane reality shows. Your boyfriend's in a public feud. You don't leave your apartment. You have debilitating anxiety. Grace broke her jaw. Grace literally chucked herself down the stairs. Blame your poor period who's just like a woman in the arts trying to like exist happily. I literally haven't been here for a year and you're already complaining.

I'm like, also, what was the excuse when you couldn't get your period for the last two years? Right. But the second she comes back, we bring it up. But you know what? That's part of girlhood is that whatever happens, you go, but I don't know. It's because I'm on my period. Even if you're not on your period. Literally,

Literally. Because my period was either two weeks ago, a week after, I don't care. It had happened. Girls really get one week where they can like know what their personality truly is. And that's like, it's really, it's hard. But we're also normalizing that men are hormonal. That's hormones. What a way to piss them off. When a guy punches a wall after, like he's, the sauce runs out of control.

Wait. Imbalance. Talk about a way to really piss off your boyfriend. Like if he does something and like with a straight face, you're just like, are you hormonal? I also love when men get emotional. They act like, oh, sorry, I was emotional. Everything I said didn't count. But when girls are emotional, they're crazy.

There's just so much wrong. That was layered. And it is not the week to mess with me. The TikTok dance documentary. I think because I'm kind of adjacent to the cult community, so it comes up on my algae. Ew. I just got the ick on myself. Ew.

Dancing's a cult. First of all, dancing's a cult. You know all those videos where everyone's in a circle and someone's dancing? That's a cult. All we can do is help people who are thinking of joining dance right now say maybe just stick to getting a little drunk on Saturday and shaking your ass and then call it a day. Let's dance. If you say I want to dance tonight, it means you want to do drugs. But cults are real, and I have empathy for people in cults because I want to belong to something. I want to put all my faith in something else and just like...

have hope and listen to someone. This guy in particular created Shekinah, which for some reason sounds like vagina to me. And they kept saying Shekinah. I'm like, is it Shekina? I feel like it's not Shekinah. Okay, throughout the entire documentary, I still don't know what they meant when they were referring to that. That's the name of his church. So people can just make a church and call it something. So if you're not sure if you're in a cult, if they're telling you... You can't call your mom? You're in a cult. Yeah, if your mom can't send you a meme... I know!

You're in a cult. If your mom can't DM you a meme, you're in a cult. I'm going to say something and it might be like a little controversial. I just don't feel like anyone who is Italian has ever been in a cult because of our moms. Because there's no way I'm calling my mom and being like, sorry, I can't come home. She'd be like, oh, really? Okay. You know, like when you're in college and you have like a hungover next day and everything's funny and you're just like all,

Like, I never want to leave this place. Like, this is the best day of my life. Like, we're all in our jammies eating food and like everything's hilarious. No one cares about you. That is Giggly Squad. It's like that hungover next morning where you're not sick. You're just silly. But you're a little sick in the head. But we're thinking it's cute. And if you have a moment of silence and you think back to everything you've ever done, you're like, ooh.