Giggling about our first live show, Paris Hilton, and hot pockets
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, my BGEs? Big Giggler Energy. We're in the same room, you guys, and this is weird. Talk about weird energy. Weird energy. Hungover energy. Today's been weird. Let's just say that I didn't hear from Paige until noon today, because we had quite a fun night last night. No. Oh, my God. Okay, so we had our first live show last night, and it was...

I get why Justin Bieber, I get why Justin Bieber was like the high of performing. Like nothing will ever, it's the best drug. Nothing in life will suffice. Like I get why everything else in his life is depressing. And you were kind of nervous like a week ago. I was so nervous leading up to it until we got to like the venue.

Then I was like, I'm not nervous. You're like, it's funny. You weren't nervous, but we could not get the PowerPoint together. And I was freaking the fuck out. You were freaking out. Because they didn't have the right converter for a MacBook. They had a Dell converter.

They also roofied me.

And she's doing amazing and so calm. Cool as a cucumber. And she's like, Hannah, it's going to be fine. And I'm like, bitch, we have a show to put on. In 20 minutes. Like, we could hear people in the other room, like, waiting to come in. And I was like, it's fine. We'll just do it without it. And I was like, who knows how to use Keynote? Yeah.

So I was sweating. Then they figured it out. We converted the keynote to a PowerPoint that then worked with a fucking Dell computer. You know what this is? This is fucking Steve Jobs and Bill Gates big dicking each other. God forbid we all have the same converter.

The trickle-down effect to Giggly Squad. It's so annoying. Can't do a PowerPoint. Anything technical, anything that has to do with Wi-Fi or electricity confuses me. Yeah, like we're creative angels. Yeah, like I can't. They started talking about the converters and shit. They brought me out converters. Nothing was plugging in. But it's literally just Apple fucking with us, being with like, if they want to run the world, so they have a square hole. And...

Same. Except my hole has teeth. Anyway. So we get in the green room. We're vibing. We're straight vibing. I blew up the bathroom. Yeah. Hannah's nervous poops are not a made up thing. It's like you're about to get chased by a lion and you shit yourself. Your body's like, we can't have this extra shit inside us. Do you think that you're going to have one the day of your wedding? I thought you were going to ask me when I have a baby. I'm definitely going to shit when I have a baby. Yeah, that's it.

What are the statistics on how many women give birth and shit at the same time? Now that we're coming of age to like, if we got pregnant, people wouldn't be like, Oh no. It's like, you're kind of supposed to. Isn't that scary? Like if we got pregnant, no one would be nervous. Well, people would be nervous. They'll be very nervous. No, but like I called my mom. I was like, fuck, I fucked up my birth control. And she was like, well, at this point, if you have a kid, you're kind of supposed to. Yeah.

Like people are actively trying to have them. No, it is scary. I had that realization like two years ago where it was like, wow, if I got pregnant, people wouldn't be like, oh my God, what are you going to do? Like, how are you going to take care of it? They'd be like, congratulations. That's terrifying. You've been calling yourself a child bride for the last 29 years. Literally. I am a child bride.

The day I walk down the aisle, I'm going to turn to you and be like, is this legal? I just think people's bodies react differently. When I get anxiety, I shit myself. And it's like adrenaline. I get adrenaline and my body's like, okay, we can't have any extra food inside us. That happens to me too, but the other way. I throw up. It's crazy. I started realizing that I had anxiety puking.

When I was in college, I started having it. And it was because in college, like you're going out and you're using a fake ID. And I used to get so nervous to use one.

Like that it was gonna get taken that I was gonna get in trouble like something was gonna happen So I make it feel like you're gonna get arrested and go to jail for 50 years Yeah, it's worse than tax evasion in my opinion when you're in college So like I would start I would be getting ready to go out and I would throw up and like before I would even drink and

And now if I have like a really bad panic attack or something, like I'll throw up. Yeah. So we're doing great. So we're healthy. What's funny is after the show, you're in the bathroom for like 40 minutes and everyone's like, is she okay? I'm like, yeah, she's throwing up. She's fine. And you came out and I was like, did you throw up? And you're like, no. Do you want to know what I did in that bathroom? I fell and I couldn't get up. Yeah.

Dude, I was so drunk at the end. Okay, here's the other thing. I blacked out on the stage. I think I got roofied. Literally, they drunked me. But I want people to know, we did a two and a half hour show. And we were nervous we weren't going to be able to have enough to talk about for an hour and a half. Yeah, because we did segments, but we didn't know how long they were going to last. My agent texted me whilst on stage and said, wrap it the fuck up.

She texted both of us, rubbed the fuck up. It went by in a second. It went by in a second. They didn't want to end when we finally were... Basically, we ordered espresso martinis. That's how the night started. Yeah, which I'm not doing that tonight. Well, you were like, can we have it in a martini glass? And they were like, no. And they brought it in wine glasses. What was I going to do other than chug it? Anyway, so that was the first thing. Then I drank four of them. Well, you got on stage and you're making fun of me. You're like, Hannah doesn't drink. I've been drinking her drink. You drank my drink, that drink.

I drank the girl in the front rows drink. Halfway through the show, you got tips. Oh, yeah. I was drunk. I will say our first live show was exactly what our Zoom party was over the summer. A thousand percent. Except I didn't fall, but you fell in the back. Okay. Here's how I fell. I was squatting when I was peeing. You don't touch the butt to the... I don't like to do that. No. So I'm like squatting and I just tipped over. Okay.

And there was a table next to me. And I fell into the table. Well, I'm in the bathroom by myself, like laughing, but also being like, you're basically working. Get it together. And then once you fell, you were like, I should take a nap. You were in there for 40 minutes. Was I really? No. No, I was like 10. Then I got home. I didn't even know this. I must have called Craig because...

I woke up at like 5 a.m. and I never like texted him and I was like, oh my God, does he think I died? And so I was like, hey, I just woke up. I'm throwing up everywhere. And he was like, yeah, you were so fucked up on the phone last night. And I like didn't remember that we spoke. And he was like, you said you were going to the bathroom that you'd call me back and you just never called me back. This was like 1130. This wasn't even like, no, this is like, yeah, 1130 p.m.

I fell asleep, I woke up at 5:00 AM and when I tell you I was projectile vomiting for hours. Like every hour on the hour I would have to get up and throw up until what time is that? Two o'clock. I just stopped throwing up like two hours ago. - So what we're trying to say is get tickets to our tour. It's fucking crazy.

I actually got a text. I texted you. I was like, come to breakfast with me and my mom. If you're up, you texted me like two hours later. Like I can't move. And your agent texted me and said, Hey, I'm going to take care of page. And I go, that's, that's take care of page. It's weird. What's going on? And then you were like, it's a S O fucking S. Yeah. It's not good over here. Page's agent got an IV drip. Yeah. Not only did she get, okay. I texted her. Like she was literally my mom. I was like,

Hey, I'm throwing up everywhere. Can someone please bring me a Gatorade to my hotel? And she came with like all of this, all of this medicine. She cleaned my whole, like we're staying in these like apartment things. She cleaned the whole apartment. She was like, okay, your IV lady is coming at 1230. And now I'm back and better than ever. I've never felt better. The live show though, the energy of the gigglers was so insane. Yeah.

having everyone meet in person like made me so happy and i love that people were bringing bringing their boyfriends oh my god so many boyfriends were brought and shat on yeah i'm trying i tried to equate giggly squad to a religion because you know we're trying to do this cult thing like it takes a while to start a cult though but um what's it called when you like subliminal like messaging we're like i'm doing the podcast just like our patreon

So basically, I was like, guys, Giggly Squad is like a church where we all believe in the same thing, giggling. Did you say this on stage? I said this on stage. You're blackout. I go, you know how at church you say, peace be with you and also with you to someone you don't know? You guys need to turn to someone you don't know and say,

Giggles be with you. Where was I? Literally right next to me. Right next to me. Halfway through, I was like, I'm getting drunk with my friends. That's literally, okay, but

But that's how it was doing the same thing. That's how it felt. It felt like we were all friends and this was like our college reunion. Yeah. That's what it felt like. That's what it fucking felt. I was like, if I was in a sorority, this is what it would feel like. Yeah. So everyone was like saying hi to people and I, somebody was like, how do I make friends? And I'm like, literally we are all your friends. So this tour we're about to go on is about connecting every giggler and to unite through the art of giggling. Oh, we can announce our next show.

Do you know where they are? No. Okay, our shows coming up late January, early February are going to be Seattle, Los Angeles, and San Francisco. Wow.

I'm going West Coast, baby. We're starting West Coast. Tickets will be on sale eventually. So just keep an eye out. So that's exciting. So our first one is in Seattle. Then we go to LA, then San Francisco. That's so exciting. And then, of course, we'll come back to the East Coast and...

Obviously, we're going to do something in New York. Obviously. But also, Ciara came. Dude, I didn't even... Okay, here's the other thing. When you're on stage, you can't really see the crowd because of the lights. Yeah, your retinas are getting burnt by the bright lights. Yeah, so you can't really see anyone's faces. I could only see that one table in the front. Which she was sitting at. Yeah, I was drunk. No, I was...

So Sierra showed up. We didn't know she was showing up. She surprised us. Then we started to lose you. Yeah. We did a Q&A and that's when it got wild. Do you remember Charles? No. Charles was running around giving everyone a microphone. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So Charles worked for the club when he was running around. We were like, Charles, pick the next giggler. Oh, yeah. And then we had, I don't want to give too much away because I want people to come. Remember when we had Daniel bring us our mallets? Yes, we had mallets. Daniel! Daniel!

And we basically brought on boyfriends slash fiancés slash husbands to find out if all men are trash.

And I will say something. The gigglers have good pickers. Let's just say they fucked up our segment. Yeah, they fucked up our segment. We thought these men were going to be straight trash. And they were probably the nicest guys ever. Adorable. Adorable. Trey was adorable. Trey the third. So he had money. He was wearing his hat backwards. So I'm like, I'm going to destroy this man. And then when he said his name was Trey, we were like, you're done. You're done. Trey with the backwards hat ended up being a fucking angel catch. Yeah.

And I started off and I was like, have you ever been to Mykonos? Now, Paige, do you think if a guy's been to Mykonos, he's a trash bag douche bag? Yeah. Yes. Trey goes, I don't even know where Mykonos is. And I was like, bless your soul. Bless your adorable little heart. And then tell them what he said about the therapy question. I said, do you go to therapy? And he goes, no, but I definitely, and I'm working on it.

And we were just like, get off the stage and go marry that girl. Like they were engaged, right? Yeah. And then I go, do you love your mom? And he's like, yes. And I go, how much? And he goes, didn't he say not more than, oh yeah, he goes not more than my fiance. Yeah. We were like, okay, you're just passing. You're perfect. Fucking color. We, we didn't ask how old they were. They looked young. He was a baby. He was like 25. Yeah. They looked young. They did invite us to their wedding at the end. And you did say yes. Yeah.

Do you want to know something crazy? I've been getting invited to a lot of weddings that I don't know them. I got an invitation the other day that was addressed to me and I genuinely...

had to look at both of the names and was like, yeah, I don't know these people. Like, I was like, am I forgetting my friend Jenna? Like, do I have a friend Jenna? I had a friend from college invite me who like I haven't spoken to in a long time. I don't think I know anyone who's getting married in Ohio. We were talking about my bachelorette party yesterday and I'm kind of in between doing like a weekend. But like part of me is like, I don't want to make my friends forget.

Okay, let me do a really set the scene for the gigglers so they know what your bachelorette idea is. Hannah called me and she was like, I think I just want to do like one night away for like my bachelorette. And I was like, Hannah, that's crazy. We're doing a whole weekend. Like we're going to have so much fun. What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? And she was like, I want to go basically glamping at like an animal farm and

And I was like, yep, one night seems like that'll do it. That'll be good. We'll do that for one night. What in the actual fuck? I'm envisioning simple life. I'm trying to convince her to go to Austin, Texas. Because Nashville's like done. It's over. Apparently Nashville's over. Everyone's going to Austin because it's weird. But I want to do something different. I want to do like an animal petting zoo with my friends. It's not a five-year-old's birthday.

I'm a child bride. You're like, okay, and now we're all going to ride ponies. But you said, you're like, can I take a photo with a goat? And I was like, 100%. And you're like, fine, I'll figure it out. I'll talk to my people. Because also Craig thinks that I deep down don't like animals. Yeah. So anything to prove to him that like, I like animals. I actually thought about that for some reason recently being like, Paige doesn't like animals. And that is why deep, deep, deep down,

I can never trust you. Okay. I don't not like animals. You literally won't post your own dog on your Insta story. And that is sick. He needs to get it together. No, I don't not like animals. I love animals. I love dogs and whatever else like people have as pets. I love them just not near me. I just don't care about other people's.

And I also don't like dogs that shed. And I don't like petting a dog and then smelling like it. So if I don't know you and your dog, and I don't know what's going to happen when I pet it, I'm not going over to it. You're going to love cats when I eventually convince you to get a cat. I know. You know, they're the cleanest animals. They lick themselves every day to clean themselves. Like they are, they smell like a flower. I just have a real hard time believing that. People say cats smell like maple syrup.

Okay. Here's the other thing though. I don't know if I'm down with the litter box because, okay, they, let's just talk this out. They step in the litter box. They do their business, but they're standing in the litter box.

Then when they jump out of the litter box, is there litter that's just tracked throughout the home? No. So in the litter box, they then cover their stuff. They hide it. They're very clean animals. They want to act like they didn't just take a shit. Like I would never. Yeah. Even though it's like, we heard you. And they're like, what? That wasn't me. They'll jump out. Depending on the litter box, if it's wide open, like it could fling. But there's a lot of litter boxes where it's just a hole. They go in and out. And they're fine. And then...

You can clean it out and it becomes one big cluster. Okay. People with dogs literally put a bag and like when I first, I was like, no, hell to the fucking no. You feel the texture of the shit in your hands? I mean, I would never.

I would never. That's honestly why I have not gotten a dog in New York City because one, I'm not getting up to walk it at 6 a.m. to go pee. No. Get your shit together. You figure it out. Dogs in New York City is like having a full on child. Yeah. You just can't. And I'm not like picking up their shit on the sidewalk. Does Craig want a pet? Craig does want a pet. He, I've been like trying to convince him to get a dog, but he's like, we travel way too much. We could never have a dog. Yeah.

he does kind of want a cat wait that makes me so i know but he was like i've like lived he's like lived with girlfriends before who like have had cats and he's like but they like their litter sometimes would like end up in the bed and i was like and that's a no for me dog no no they need to get a better litter box i've never had litter in my bed

So I think I'm going to trick him this weekend to going and like looking at them because I know for a fact he can't walk in and then not leave with one. Yeah. So it'll be like easy. It's kind of just like what day I decided that we should go look at them. You should go find like a good like shelter. Do you know that in Charleston they have a cat cafe? Yeah.

Wait. I know. You have to come down. You know, whenever I travel for my standup shows, I find the cat cafe in the local area. Stop. I've been thinking about cats a lot recently and I either want like a white fluffy one, like a snowball, you know, or I want like the ones where I want an all black one that people are like scared of. The thing with all black ones is they have amazing personalities. Yeah.

like they're known to be the friendliest nicest but because society said they're spooky they get adopted the least because i think they're like bad luck i'm getting an all black hat done i want them to have like green eyes i mean you are speaking my fucking language right now people in charleston are gonna be so weirded out and i'm just like at craig's house with my all black hat and my all black outfit so i'm gonna be like who is this girl that he's dating in the neighborhood the neighborhood is gonna be scared of me put a spell on the south but i don't

look at my hand. Don't look at my hand. Well, I think Craig and I are getting a cat this weekend. I've just decided. That's my actual dream to get another cat. Des won't let me. Here's the thing too. Like, okay. If Craig got a cat and it lived in Charleston, I would also want the cat to know that I was his mom. Yeah. And I would want to take it to New York sometimes. The cat will know. The

But like when it's a baby, like you want to spend a lot of time with it. Yeah, I need to carve out like two weeks. You need to gain their trust early and then they will fuck with you for life. Like I know if I didn't see Butter for six years and I went into a room, Butter would be like, there is my fucking bitch. Where the fuck have you been, bitch? How dare you? I want a kitty.

Yeah. I want it to be a kitty first. Yeah. But if you travel with it early, the cat will get used to it. Like literally from the beginning, you just want to hold the cat a lot so the cat gets used to being held. They like being held, pet it a lot. Like you just socialize the shit out of it in the beginning. And then it's, it literally is just your little baby furball that loves you and no one else. I want to name it elephant or pickles. Yeah.

Okay, I like pickles. Don't love elephant. Don't love when people name pets other animal names. Like bear. Everyone names their dog bear. Yeah, I don't like that. What happened to like ravioli or something? I know. I don't know. I just feel like the cat would be like, fuck you. Oh, but pickles? The cat would be like, perfect.

I'm definitely a pickle. I actually also really like when people name their dogs like human names. Like if you're just like Frank, get over here. Like I think that's hilarious. I like it because then when you're talking, you're like, oh, Frank shat on the bed again. People think it's your boyfriend. Yeah.

frank ate a bird then shat it out but also when you have an animal it helps you forget all of your problems and in that moment you know the animal doesn't care the animal is just so happy you're there with it and it's really peaceful also i feel like it's like an anxiety reliever you know cats lower your blood pressure from petting them yeah i need that i need my blood pressure and like when you puke the cat could puke also

that is one thing. I'm like, wow, I am a cat. Cause they're just like, Oh, it was just a hairball. Don't worry about it. I actually was talking to Sierra about this because we love cats and that's what we talk about 90% of the time. And we both had an aha moment where we were like, Paige is,

is a cat yeah i literally am you you don't like to hang out with other people and you definitely don't like to be like pet unless or hugged or touched unless you're in the mood for it but if you're in the mood for it you're like give me all of it but then you're like okay stop i'm done yeah i want attention attention attention then get away from it yeah and then when you eat and drink too much you puke like it's yeah literally yeah

And you'll scratch people when you, with your long nails. Craig will be like, where have you been for four hours? I'm like, don't worry about it. By myself. And cats, all they want to do is nap with you. Like when you go to nap, cats are like, this is my vibe. Are cats nocturnal? They act like crackheads from like 2 a.m. to like 5 a.m., but you're asleep and they're like living their best life.

I love that because I stay up late. Oh, yeah. Like your cat, when you're watching Netflix, will be like, ooh, what are we watching? Line X, you, her, petting it, watching Netflix. Yeah, I'm getting a cat. You have to. The thing with dogs is I love dogs, but sometimes they're just too fucking much. You know the person at the party that you're like, that person's so fun, but I don't want to be with them 24-7? Yeah. That's how I feel about dogs. You know when you come home and you're like, okay, I don't need to fucking play with you all fucking day. Yeah, sometimes I'm like, okay, throw your own toy. Like,

I'm tired. Dogs are like, hey, hey, what's up? What's up? You want to have fun? Yeah. And I'm like, okay, we got it. Calm the fuck down. I know you're excited to see me. My dog actually acts like a cat. Yeah. Wow. We've spent more time talking about a cat than we did our live show. What was your favorite moment of the live show? Oh my God. That you remember. Hmm.

I think my favorite moment was when we first walked out. That was insane. Like, I know there's probably like 300 people. It felt like we were in Madison Square Garden. Yeah, no, I literally... I was Kevin Hart last night. You are Justina Bieber. Yeah, I literally am. I was like, this is crazy. Like, the energy and just... I don't know. I also... We forget that you guys...

know us so well like when people were asking questions it felt like i was talking to someone who's my friend like they just know you and they're talking to you like yeah i fucking talk to you every week right right that is crazy especially because it was born in such a weird time yeah that like we were laying in bed when we did it yeah we did our lives so like it was out it wasn't out of like let's do something fun it was out of deep depression and survival

Like, we were like, all we have is stupid laughter. Literally, it was the only thing I looked forward to during the day. We acted like we were... I mean, I do stand-up shows in the city during the week for, like...

20 30 40 people we had 5 000 to 10 000 people every night like we were doing full performances yeah and like didn't even know it sometimes i feel like me being dumb on certain things saves me a lot of anxiety because like if you really sat and thought about like okay there's 10 000 people watching me right now you'd be nervous but like it never even crossed my mind do you remember before the show last night

I was like, Paige, there's 300 people out there. Think of how many people watch your Insta story. A lot more than that. And you were like, oh, easy peasy. Let's fucking go. Yeah, honestly, that calmed me down so much.

But I feel like I post weirder things on my Instagram story than whatever. My only fear was like we were going to go on stage and it would be like a whole different energy or vibe or like it didn't translate. But it felt really fucking natural for us. I feel like. Yeah, it did. And then we got a little too comfortable and Paige blacked out. Yeah, but it was fun. It was super fun. Literally, it was like being at the club with like 300 of my closest friends. It was like being at the club and someone gave you the mic and you were like, let's fucking go. What the fuck is up? I was like, people actually paid to watch me get blacked out.

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I love Jim Gaffigan. I think he's one of the funniest comedians. You want to know why I think he's so great too? You know when you're like with your family or something and like you want to watch a stand up but you're like, they're going to talk about like sex or drugs or like this is going to be weird. So you just can't. Jim, everyone loves it. We'd be in the car and we'd put on Jim Gaffigan. The whole family listens. So Jim Gaffigan rolls into the bar and I'm like, oh my God, it's Jim Gaffigan.

And he comes up. It was, we were waiting to go on a show. He's really tall, right? He's tall. And he, basically what happens at the stand where I play, like I was about to go on, celebrities will drop in to just do a practice set. So like Kevin Hart will drop in, Jerry Seinfeld, whatever. So he drops in and he kind of looks at me and there was like a bottle of water and a glass and he's like,

Can I drink this? And I was like, yeah. And I pour him the water. Like, I just like, I don't know what I was thinking. All of a sudden, you became a waitress. I became a waitress. Yeah, I work here. Pour him the water. And then I'm like, that's weird. Why'd you pour him that? You don't even work here. She doesn't even go here. So he's drinking the water. And he's kind of like asking me about the show. We're like actually having a discussion. Wait, where were you? At the stand. Okay. So then at that point, I'm like, okay, I'm besties with Jim Gaffigan. Time to open up. And I go...

I just want to let you know your Hot Pocket bit raised me. I don't know that one, but I'm going to look it up after this. And he responds and he goes, so you're calling me an old fat fuck. And I was like, oh my...

my god I start laughing because I didn't expect that to come out of Jim Gaffigan's mouth yeah but I guess he sees me basically being like oh it raised me and I guess I'm fucking old so he thought wow I'm fucking old he was like wow you just insulted me so then I start laughing and then I was like oh my god I have to tell the gigglers that Jim Gaffigan read my ass

There's one specific bit that I remember when I was younger listening to it with my dad and it was about like fresh cracked pepper. Really? Yeah, and that is what raised me. I'm gonna fuck this bit up, but he basically is like the person who was supposed to come up with the theme song for Hot Pockets definitely fucked up. Like they definitely were out drinking all night, showed up to work and they were like, Jim, what'd you get for the Hot Pockets slogan? And he was like, uh, Hot Pockets. And they're like, perfect.

And then he goes in deep about Hot Pockets. He's like, the inside has to either be lava hot so your whole tongue burns off or just cold and just put it, ask for it with a side of toilet paper because you could just put it straight in the toilet. At the time, I thought that was the funniest shit that like ever happened. Honestly, I always forget about Hot Pockets. Did you eat Hot Pockets as a kid? No. I didn't.

I ate them more in college. Really? Mm-hmm. Good for you. Like a drunk snack. Yeah, it burns, literally burns. The top of your mouth. Your whole inside. But then it's ice cold in the middle. Yeah. You have to like kind of open it first before you eat it. Wow, now I'm really in the mood for a Hot Pocket. You haven't eaten anything today, but... I haven't eaten in 48 hours because I literally...

Throw everything off. I was in Mexico for a week. How was it? I am farting chilaquiles every second. You love Mexican food. I actually Googled what a detox cleanse. Oh my God. Have you ever done a detox cleanse? I've like faked on them.

Because my mom's like a nutritionist and she just was like that shit is all fake. Like you just lose the water weight and then you're going to get it right back. I did like a seven. No, I definitely don't do seven days. I did like a four day. No sugar because you were a bitch during that. No, I did a full two. My ex made me do a full fucking two weeks of no sugar, no carbs, no dairy. And I will say I felt amazing. Yeah.

Like I woke up every morning at 6 a.m. like ready to take on the day. Craved the one thing I did crave throughout the entire two weeks. And they're like, your cravings go down. Yeah. But I craved a chocolate chip cookie for days. And I remember he like wouldn't let me cheat and like eat one. Yeah. I was like, what were you eating? Nothing. Did they send you meals? Yeah. It was like a meal thing. So you had like a lunch and a dinner and the snack.

And then for breakfast, I think that you there were like smoothies and like hard boiled eggs. I guess if you have an event coming up with like that stuff is never like long term sustainable. No, you definitely can't live no sugar, no carbs, no dairy. That's terrible. Yeah. But it does. It does. It's supposed to like reset your gut and like your digestive system, which it definitely helped. I'm trying to figure out what gut health actually is and if or if it's bullshit. Yeah.

Yeah, like a probiotic prebiotic because i've been listening to my gut and it doesn't always work Just took me a second to um, is it my gut or is it anxiety? I smell so bad. I didn't want to say anything. Can you smell me? No. Oh Oh my god, it's rancid. I've been like sweating since like 5 a.m. And vomiting. Yeah, you've been having like vomit sweats I feel like i'm meat sweats

Well, you did order three cheesesteak sandwiches. Did you eat them last night? It was so late. I was too tired. Is that mine still in the refrigerator? I'm definitely about to house that. I think we should go in on it. Yeah, we should have it. Is it good cold? Like the bread? Who knows? When in Philly. You know you got home and you were like, come, I have something for you. And you gave me my sandwiches. Wow, I'm so nice when I'm drunk. What do we have for FPN? Let's talk about Paris Hilton's three-day wedding.

And did you get any ideas? And are you also going to have a neon party? I like couldn't really follow it. It was chaotic energy for me. Like they were just doing random posts, but I guess she was doing like people mag and like it was very. I think she did a whole vlog. She did a whole vlog. I kind of lost track because I thought the first one was the wedding. And then I realized it wasn't. I'm going to say something and this might be an unpopular opinion. I didn't love her dresses. I thought it was like. You thought it was a lot of dresses.

I love her. I've always loved her. It's very LA. Is that what it is? I think it's very LA. As in like Ariana Grande, her wedding, I was like, that's cool. Yeah. That's inspirational. Where Paris, it's glitz and glam and it was Paris. It was very Paris. But I personally wasn't like, oh, I'm like that, I'll do the opposite. Yeah.

I liked her first dress. I liked the like lacy whatever. And they had pictures where it was like her mom wore something similar. Her sister wore something similar. So it seemed like a tradition. And I thought that was nice. But like her short dress for the reception. And then she had another long dress for the reception. I was just like,

Like you're Paris Hilton, you could literally get anything made and where any designer, you could get whatever your vision was. But she did say she wrote a really nice Instagram post. And it was like, she was like, ever since I was little, like I've dreamt of my dream wedding. And this is exactly what I dreamt of. Wow. And...

Your wedding is your day. It's whatever you want it to be. And she was like, I could not imagine like the person that I was going to marry. And like, it's so much, he's so much better than like anything I'd envisioned. It was really nice. And I feel like no one knows anything about him. No, which I kind of, I don't even know his name. Yeah. No one cares. She didn't even tag him in the photo. She goes, whatever your name is, I fucking love you.

Mr. Paris Hilton I feel like if you have so many different parties it all gets fucking confusing I almost feel like I'd rather her have done like one fucking magical night go off and like pick that one fucking so incredible gown and that's like iconic that people like Hailey Bieber

Like everyone remembers her gown in that moment. But also this is like for a PR type wedding. Here's the only debate I will put forth. The reason I like the idea of like,

A rehearsal dinner Thursday. Like a little drink situation Friday. And then like a wedding Saturday. Like I like the multiple events because when it comes time for the actual wedding, people that don't know each other, I want them to vibe. Wow. Like I went to a wedding...

couple years ago and it was in Mallorca and it was easily the most fun wedding ever because like the three days before the wedding you were with all of the other guests like doing these cool act like we took a boat out one day like we had this like crazy big dinner one night and you get to know people and they sat us and

with the same people we would be at the table with at the wedding so it was like we already even if we didn't know each other like we all met and had so much fun last night at the show when i said we were paris and nicole and someone said which one's which and i was offended we yelled at her we're like do you even fucking watch giggly squad listen to the pod it was fun though at one point i was like who's who's the page in their friendship and people were like that

And I was like, who's the Hannah? And people were like, what? There was way more Hannahs. You know what? That fucking surprised me. But then I realized I feel like you're aspirational. Well, the page of the friendship isn't like one to like scream out of that. The Hannahs were like, what? Yeah, the pages were like, stop.

The pages are like, this will ruin my makeup if I yell too much. Like, I'd rather not smile, but I'm happy to be here. But the Paris wedding was beautiful over the top. So her. So her. I kind of wish, you know how she used to bedazzle sidekicks? I wish she did that to a dress.

I think that Paris is honestly, I've always thought this one of the prettiest people in Hollywood. Like I just think her face is so pretty. Cause she's kept her face. Cause like her face is unique. You see her face and you're not like, which Instagram model is that? You're like, that's Paris. She's an iconic face. She really is. And I think she has great hair. What do you think about Paul Rudd being the sexiest man alive? Did we manifest that?

Do you remember we talked about his skin being so good? He should send us a thank you. I just realized in like a couple of years ago that the sexiest man alive. Makes no fucking sense. There's no vote. Like it's not. Who decides this shit? Is it the hot pocket guy? Just woke up a morning like Paul Rudd.

No, it's literally who's ever has the best publicist. That's crazy. Like, I feel like Lil Nas X should be sexiest man alive. You love him. I love him. I'm obsessed with him. He's gay, though. He will never date you. Yeah, but he still can be sexiest man alive. Also, I feel like sexiest man alive is so millennial. Like, I feel like the Gen Z's would be like, what? Yeah, I don't know.

Also, no one cares about it. Yeah. Leave Paul Rudd alone. I feel like he doesn't even want it. He looked great, though. He did look great. He looked great. He looks great. There are certain things that you buy every single summer. Sandals, sunscreen, snacks.

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Okay. So Kendall Jenner went to a friend's wedding in Miami. She was in the wedding. Bella was in the wedding. Haley attended the wedding and the bridesmaids dresses. It was on the beach. So the bridesmaids didn't wear shoes, which I don't, I don't like that. Like I hate everything about that. Like a beach wedding on the beach. I don't like that. I don't vibe with that at all. I don't know why. Yeah. Is that rude? I mean, I'm planning a beach wedding, but you're not getting married on the beach.

I am. Are you wearing shoes? Yeah. Okay. We'll do like rugs or some shit. Yeah. Please. Yeah. I'll make sure the sand is hard for you, okay? Harden the sand. I just don't like...

I mean, it's just about my personality. It's a little windy. I'm like, if I have my fucking hair on my face for every photo and be so pissed. Yeah. There's a lot of like factors. Yeah. And what if it rains? No, I know. I, I also told them there's something intimate about being in a space and being in like a wide open, like beach to me, like isn't as intimate. So I can't hear what you can't hear. We're stupid. Yeah.

Stupid. So my question is, yeah, I feel like this was kind of unlike Kenny. Like, I feel like Kenny's always the one who like she she loves modeling, but she's I feel like I could see Kylie doing this. I could see Kim doing this. I feel like Kendall was always like, I have social anxiety. I'm in the back. Like, yeah, like, I don't need to whatever, like be the center of attention.

So the reception, she changes her dress into literally this black... I mean, she wasn't wearing a dress. It was literally just like black... Yeah, like a band. It was like a bondage dress that was missing the bondage part. Yeah, that started like from her chest all the way to her stomach. Yeah. And I... Like my only thought was like as the bride...

you're already having Kendall Jenner, Hailey Bieber and Bella Hadid at your wedding like everyone's going to be looking at them yeah and then Kendall walks in with this dress I'd be like bitch yeah go change like that's so rude I think that's so rude but then obviously the girl who's getting married is used to having them as her friends and maybe like she does not care like clearly she doesn't want the attention that they want but I wonder who told her like

this is a good idea but for all we know the bride was like go off sis like you look amazing yeah i think um i mean i think she looked great and the dress was cool and hayley but like okay hayley i feel like did it right she was just in like a simple like long dress with sequins but other girls change out of their bridesmaid dresses

I don't think Bella did. Because like the bridesmaid dress was cute. I don't know. It was wild. The bridesmaid dress was cute. It was like a pale blue. The thing is like I want the people at my wedding to look fucking gorgeous. Are you doing a black tie? No. It's like a beach wedding. So it's like vibe, like whatever you want. But I want everyone to be like loving their outfit, like proud as shit, like taking great photos. And me to be like, oh my God, look at all these people who like,

Tried hard to look good at my wedding, you know, mine is definitely black tie not optional Yeah, so it's just a thin line between like I want you guys to look great But like still don't look too great, right? Which is like fucked up I think about it all the time Like I honestly every time I look at like if someone's gone to a wedding and like post it on instagram I always look at like what people wore to the wedding to be like, is that appropriate or not?

And one of my girlfriends DM to me, one of our friends had like gotten married a couple months ago. Honestly, it could have been a year ago at this point, but I still think about it. And one of the girls that was like attending the wedding, she had this like ruffly dress on and my girlfriend like DM did to me. And she was like, if you ever wore this to my wedding, I would be so pissed at you. And I was like, how did we just get into a fight about a wedding that I wasn't at? You're not engaged. And like,

I didn't wear that dress. Like we got into a legitimate fight. I was like, I don't think it's that bad. And she was like, but I do think like, I want, if you're coming to my wedding and you're single, like I want you to find love. Like I want you to fuck one of Des's cousins. Like I want you to look hot as shit. Does that really happen at weddings? Like I've never been to a wedding as a single person and saw someone and been like, yeah, I think it does. Cause everyone just gets drunk.

And starts flirting with everyone because love is in the air. And the single people know, especially in the bridal parties, you're like, okay, which groomsmen are single? Which bridesmaids are single? I don't think I've ever... I've never been to a wedding...

Yeah. Like without my family being at the wedding. I went to one wedding where I was single as a bridesmaid and there's like, there's vibes going on. Yeah. It's like when you see a guy your age in the airport, you're like, I'll bang you. But like not outside the airport. Yeah.

Airport crushes? No, it's such a thing. Whenever you see someone remotely your age, you're like, are we going to fuck? And if they're also sitting in first class, you're like, um, okay. You know the model Emily DiDonato met her husband on a flight, which is my literal nightmare to talk to someone on a flight. I've never talked to anyone on a plane. I know, even people you know.

But they sat down, hit it off, realized they lived in the same neighborhood. They're literally the cutest couple ever and she's about to have a baby. She's about to have a baby. She's also the...

prettiest pregnant person I've ever seen in my life she's one of the prettiest people I've ever met I'm actually like we met her she's also one of the nicest yeah so nice and she has very informative um videos like she talks really openly about like body image mental health and I kind of love it from someone who's literally the hottest person ever I love to be a normal human to her Instagram stories she could do ASMR you know what we love her because she's Italian let's be honest yeah oh my god yeah we're like

Something about her. What is it? Something feels nice about her. Next, we have Lindsay Lohan. How am I running front page news right now? It's because pages, we've had a fucking night, you guys. I've been vomiting. What do you think about Lindsay Lohan acting in a Christmas movie? I love it. America loves a comeback. I thought that she was for sure going to be on like Real Housewives of Dubai. But the fact that she's doing a Netflix, also, here's the other thing. Those Netflix Christmas movies, half of them are absolute trash. Yeah.

So it's almost like low expectations and they do great. They do great. Like they kill it every single year. Like I watched one. Also, Craig like watches Christmas movies like not like all year round. Wait, what? Yeah, he's one of those people. Does he like play Christmas music all the time?

Yeah. Like he loves Christmas. So like when we first started dating, I remember I like fell asleep on the couch and I woke up at like 2 a.m. And he was like up and he was like so excited that I woke back up and he was like, do you want to watch a Christmas movie? And I was like, what? Like, OK. And we ended up watching this Vanessa Hutchins one that was so bad. Was it the one where she has like a twin or something?

Vanessa Hudgens, I feel like is... The guy went back in time. She's killing it for the young kids who want to watch a shitty movie. Yeah, and I don't know. Netflix Christmas movies just don't really do it for me, but they do great. Because I was worried. This is a lot of pressure. If you fuck up a Christmas movie, people get really angry at you. But what you're saying is true. It just feels good. It's so hard to fuck it up. She plays an heiress in the movie.

I'm happy she didn't do Real Housewives of Dubai because remember she had a reality TV show? And I don't think it went well. Well, she is the victim of crazy parents. I love her too. I've always loved her. I even linked her MTV show. You know what? I had a good experience with Dina Lohan. Did you? I was at an event in the Hamptons back when I was dating Jazzy Boy in Bridgehampton. And I was at some event.

And I spilled on my dress as I do. And she came up to me. I think I was wearing a scarf and I was trying to cover it up. And she goes, this is how you should wear it. And she made the scarf like cover the stain. She goes, I always used to do this with my daughter and then walked away. And I was like, what the fuck just happened?

Oh my God. She was nice. She's pretty too. Yeah, she's gorgeous. Side note, speaking of actors, I went in a dark hole yesterday on the Amtrak Googling what's going on with Taylor Lautner. Oh, he just got engaged. Because he got engaged, but I was like, where has he been? He's dating like a normie. She's a nurse. Yep. And...

She saves lives. She saves lives. And I love that she's like a normal person and not famous. Well, he used to date every single person that he would star in a movie in. Which I get. I get. But it also gets to the point where it's like, okay, is this just a PR move every time? I feel like it's because you spend so much time with them that like... And you'll be romantic on... That becomes your normal like day-to-day is always being with them. So I get that like you could fall in love on a movie set. Yeah.

When I was 16 years old, I filmed a commercial for a James Patterson book and I had to make out with the guy in it and I fell in love with him. I feel like I've told the gigglers this story, but I literally looked at my mom and I was like, I get why Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt fell in love on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. She was like, it's literally a two day shoot and you're 16. And I was like, I love him. I had a boyfriend. Yeah.

No, you're right. Because there's also that it romanticizes it and it's like hot and the lights and the cameras and you're like, this is a dream. This is a romance novel. How do you feel that they have the same name and they're both going to be Taylor Lautner? Well, my good friend Taylor Strecker is with another Taylor and she's not happy about it that they are kind of stealing their Tay squared shine. Did they either of them change their last name now?

No, no, but I do have to say it's so fucking annoying when you're trying to talk about them because I'll be like Taylor and they go which one and I'm like Tay and they're like, yeah, which one and I'm like Tay Tay and they're like, yeah, which one and I'm like, yeah, that would get to number one. Like I don't know which one and I'm like, your name was Des. Oh, I actually kind of really like that for a girl.

You love a boy's name for a girl. I know a girl. I know a girl named Desiree and everyone calls her Des. That's cute. That's really cute. So anyway. My name was Craig. You're big, Craig. So also like the fact that Shep named his dog little Craig annoyed me because I'm like, how do you guys talk about stuff? But I guess that's the joke that they'll be like, oh, Craig puked on the couch again. No, real Craig, not little Craig. Yeah.

But Taylor Lautner used to be an actor. Maybe when I get my cat, I'll name it Hannah. Lil' Hannah? So anyway, I'm very into this Taylor Lautner thing, and you don't care about it, but I'm telling you, he was a child actor, like very successful, got Twilight, and then like hasn't been in a movie since. Have you noticed? He was in that Valentine's Day movie. With Taylor Swift and dated her during it, but apparently it was bad.

Were you a werewolf or a vampire? - Oh, it was Robert Pattinson all fucking dang. What were you?

I never took a side. I never took a side because I was just like... Robert Pattinson's one of my top crushes. No way. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't think that he's like generically hot. Do you know his personality though? No. If you YouTube his interviews, like he's British and just like suave. I always forget he's British. Where's he? Who's he dating? Remember when he was dating Kristen Stewart, who also just got engaged to a girl. Yeah. Yeah.

I think I missed that whole time when she, I stopped really like checking up on her after I feel like her, what's his name again? Robert Pattinson. But I feel like people were mad at her after like they were like blaming her for cheating or something. Oh yeah. People got mad at her and it's like let's. She cheated on him with like the director of whatever movie she was filming at the time. And I think he was also married. Let her live. Let her live her damn life. She was figuring shit out.

She broke up a family. So I'll say that when Jez has a mistress. I'll be like, let her figure it out. You know, people are... It's really stinking that I'm his second wife and that he's my second husband. Like, it's stuck. People don't know, but they just know it's... I love it. We aren't each other's first loves. I have to shower. I literally reek. You guys, Paige has to shower. I have to decide what I'm going to wear tonight because I have no fucking clue. We have to get our hair and makeup done and then we have to do another show.

We love you guys so much. And thanks for giggling with us. Yes, thank you for giggling with us. And we'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.