Giggling about our kinks, belts, and glory holes
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I mean, the day just got away from me. Okay, we're back in the studio. They let us back. We didn't think they would, but here we are. What's up, Giggle team? Oh, that was a good one. It wasn't. I know I liked that one. Team, that's basic. Yeah, but we are pretty basic. So Elena... I have a headband on. She...

We love a headband. Elena, our Gen Z correspondent, messaged me this morning and said, okay, so the pod, please stop making it seem like I hate Paramore. And if you're going to talk about Chuggy, please say it right. Like, please. And I wrote, whatever. We have a very, I'm just going to say it for what it is, a sexual podcast. Okay. Mom.

Turn it off. Mom, Paige has never had sex before. I'm a virgin. Dad, go in the other room and watch golf. My mom, you could stay. She gets it. She's a down ass bitch. She's a down ass bitch. Sex is important.

We watch sex life. I told you guys to watch it. If you didn't do your homework, it's okay. We'll have other stuff to talk about, but I have shit to address. Wow. I love, okay. This is my favorite thing is that when I watch a show and then I like say how I feel about it and then you're like, cool, let a professional walk and then you give your hot take. No. Okay.

I think that you just like the other guy, the husband. Yeah, I do. Because he looks like a former ex of yours. Correct. Do you agree? Yes. Okay. Guys, remember the guy that ghosted me? Okay.

R.I.P. Let's just let him sleep. He looks like him. You're projecting your own shit onto him. Yeah. Which we've all done. The movie is basically about... It's a show. The show is basically about what it's like to date an Australian man. Have you ever dated an Australian? No, I actually, I've never dated... Oh no, that's a lie. Yeah, no, I've never dated an Australian man, but I have dated someone with an accent. Why?

Why am I sitting like a dad right now? You know, why is my hair like... Anyway, sorry. We're in the studio, so now we have to look at ourselves. So I've dated an Australian man, and I'm going to explain what it's like for you guys so you don't have to. I love the accent. I think it's amazing. See, I think Australian is like one of the most annoying. I didn't say it wasn't annoying. Yeah. I'm just saying it's hot. Yeah. But I can see how like six months in, when it starts to fade, you're just like...

Outback Steakhouse? Is that all we do? One thing the Australian guy taught me is you order a beer. What's the beer called? Shit, I don't know. It's a beer, but you put hot sauce on it. That's vile, I think. And he would just put the hot sauce on the top of the can and chug it. Or would I like that? I think it's amazing. It'd definitely give you diarrhea. But anyway, this is what it's like today in Australia, ma'am.

He was sexy. I think he was like a rugby player. Wait, did I meet him? Maybe. Oh, you did! Was this coffee shop guy? Yeah. Yes! You met him. Wait, he was so hot. I know. Like, he walked in and I was like, damn, Hannah, what the fuck? Is Hannah's vagina made of gold? Like, how the fuck? So he,

Um, he also, yeah, he like owned a coffee shop. Australians are great with coffee. They call it brekkie, which you know what? Annoying. Yeah, I know. Like, you know what? Unnecessary. Same amount of syllable, just say breakfast. So brekkie. It ended when he invited me to dinner and we're on the corner in Williamsburg. And he basically was like, hey, I have this

I have a friend who lives on the corner and I have to drop something off at his place. Can you just wait here? Okay. I was like, sure. I'll call someone. My mom. Yeah. My mom doesn't pick up and I'm waiting. I'm alone in hipsterville. Unsafe. Waiting to go to dinner. Waiting to go to dinner. Okay. At a corner. Okay. And for whatever reason, I couldn't go in. Whatever. Five minutes go by. 10 minutes go by.

15 minutes go by. No, Hannah, no. And these are some of those moments where you start reflecting on all your life decisions. You're like, how did I get to this corner? Yep. Where this like tattooed man is staring at me. Am I really like waiting for this guy? Am I waiting for this dude who like... At this point, how many dates had you been on and had you already slept together? We'd already slept together and we'd been on like... So it wasn't like, okay, this guy's gay. Cut.

Classic. We've been on like five dates. Like we were like kind of seeing each other. Okay. Okay. So you're like, oh, he's getting held up. I'm waiting. Yeah. It's not like first date. He's being crazy. Yeah. But I remember 20 minutes go by and I was like, you were not raised to be this bitch. No. And I just go to the subway.

I just go to the subway. I might have texted him and be like, what's up? I don't think he responded. Went to the subway, get out of the subway two months later, back in Manhattan, and my phone's blowing up. And he's like, this is going to be so hard. Oh my God, I'm sorry. I got into a fight with this guy. It was like a business thing. We got into a big fight. I'm so sorry. And I was just like, I'm done. So long story short, he would drink beers in the shower.

Like he was like fun. He was the guy. If your boyfriend's not drinking beers in the shower, do you even have fun with him? It's like either your life's really bad or really great if you're drinking beers in the shower. Or you're in college. Yes. He would do this thing when he was going down on me. I think I told you about it.

Where like he would be like, I would be laying on my back and he would be like kind of sitting up and he would do this thing with his drool. You did tell me about it. Where he would like, you know, you could like extend your drool. Yeah, like you spit. Like in Big Daddy when he like spits. Yes, a Big Daddy spit. And then it would just like slowly just like hit your clit.

Damn. And that's one of those things that you're just like, you had to have so much practice to nail that. Yeah. I'm like officially turned off right now. Yep. Like I want a guy who can fuck, but pretend that I'm the first bitch you've ever fucked. I under, I know exactly what you're talking about. Like if you've ever been having sex with someone and it's like so good and you're like, wait a minute, wait a damn

minute where'd you learn that how do you know it just feels impersonal that you're like first of all i hate spit i didn't want that yeah also hate spit i don't like spit if you have to do that to someone's vagina you're not making them wet naturally figure it out and no girls ever seen like a guy hawk a loogie and been like turned the girls get turned on by that shit i actually we're so we're so different in bed we're so different we've had threesomes we're opposite

I have this thing where like when boys are being boys, I love it. So I think that guys make the weirdest noises just like in general in their like everyday life. Yeah. And I had a guy at my apartment and like in the morning he would just be like, like do all these weird fucking things. And I was like so turned on by it. I was like, yeah, like be a guy and just like throw up on my floor. Good fun. Yeah.

I'll clean up your shit. Fun fact about Paige. She does a mean burp. I do. It's honestly one of the main reasons Perry and I broke up. She's like, you are disgusting. The one non-stereotypically feminine thing you do, turn them off. Anyway, so back to sex life.

Everyone's watching it. If you haven't watched it, it's on Netflix, but there's a lot of issues with it. And this is a spoiler alert to an extent. Yeah. I'm just going to go a little into the plot. She writes in her journal. By the way, you skipped all this. Yeah. I didn't care about that part. Not important. But she writes in this journal on her iMac. Yeah. Laptop. Laptop. Thank you. And the guy, her husband reads it and it's like her fantasies with her ex. Then this bitch keeps writing in it and you're surprised that he keeps...

Then she, like, closed it and put it, like, in a drawer with a password on it. And then she keeps acting surprised that she's, like, upsetting him. Yeah. Second of all, the poor children. They do get babysitters, but, like, barely acknowledge the kids. I once had a guy. I went through his phone, and he said, it's your fault to make yourself upset. And, like...

That's just such a great way to twist it. Because for one second I was like, yeah, I shouldn't have looked for it or looked at it. And then I was like, wait, fuck you. Like, no, that's not what it is. He's saying like you hurt your own feelings. Yeah, you hurt your own feelings. You do when you're just on social media, like looking at shit you shouldn't look at. But when you're just like looking into your boyfriend's infidelity, that's just good research. Right. Like, no, you hurt my feelings. Yeah. And but I think.

in this situation, he should have stopped reading the journal, but in no way would I have stopped reading this journal. No, and the bitch kept leaving it just in the middle of the kitchen. Yeah. Then, they get into the city so fast. So quickly. Is there no traffic? No traffic. She'll just, boom, unrealistic. Then,

Her jacket, this pink one. Can we discuss it? Like represents her past. And I'm like, bitch, it's not style anymore. What are you missing? It wasn't even in style back then. Finally, sorry that this is happening on the pod, but I don't have a voice and that's going to keep happening. Have you been yelling at people?

No, no. No. I've just been up for five days, it feels like. Yeah. This is called living life to the fullest. Yeah, no, I've been living my life. I may have slept 14 hours last night, so I'll carry this. Don't worry. Good for you. The sex is so unrealistic and I need to talk about it. Okay. He will touch her vagina and she's like, oh, no.

In what world? In the elevator. Is this the one, the part in the elevator? Yeah. He touches it. Then if your dick is that big. Yeah. You do not just no hands put it in a girl. You have to like slow, like grab it. Yeah. Only like push it in a little. Yeah. I don't like this unrealistic guys just ramming their dick in and then they're both about to come in two seconds. Wait, what about the part when she watches him fuck her friend? Yeah.

I had so many emotions during that. I had a lot of emotions, but they didn't go in depth with it. So I didn't really, I don't know. I didn't like it, but she loved it. And I was like, you're sick. Yeah. Yeah. But, but that's like cuckolding. Yeah. I don't love that. Finally, does she not look a little like Kim K? Like occasionally? Occasionally. She's so tiny though. Very tiny. I'm like, you didn't have, just have two kids. Yeah.

Her body's incredible. Also unrealistic. Unrealistic. Finally, I was kind of into the Australian guy. I knew you would be. Until he picked up the guitar and decided that even though he's a music producer, he can just say words and play it. And I was like, check, please. I'm done. I really got turned off when he was in the bathtub. What was he doing in the bath? Nothing, but I just... Guys in the bathtub. Guys in the bathtub.

Take a shower like a grown up. So that's my overall opinion on sex life. It's you should watch it, but just know that there's some stuff in it that you're going to be like, OK, but how did you feel when it was like toward the end? This is a very big spoiler alert. If you haven't watched it, like whatever. I don't care. It's our podcast. Yeah.

At the end when he... Like, she fixes it with her husband. Yeah. And they're, like, all good. And the boyfriend's like, absolutely go and, like, live your life. And then at the very end, she's running to him. Well, I think the whole time they want you to root for the ex. Like... They do. But I...

See, this is why I think it was a good show because I kept switching who I wanted to win. Like I was like, oh, just be with your ex. And then I was like, oh, but the husband. And then when she was with the husband, I was like, fuck yeah. Maybe one day I will get married. And then at the end I was like, well, probably not now. Also, the weird thing is she's like, I miss my older self. And it's like eight years into marriage. Like you just wake up one day, eight years, but the other years were good. Yeah.

See, that's why when I was watching it, I was like, oh my God, I'm terrified. Terrified. I also think that, what do you think the actual moral of it was? Like, what can we take from it? I think the moral of it is... This is like a book club class. Paige, what's the moral of the story? I know you didn't do your reading, but... I never did my reading. Literally ever.

I think the moral of the story is for women. And it's like, you know how you always hear like, you can't have it all. No, you can have it all. And then you watch movies and it's like, well, if you're a woman and you have like a bomb career, you probably don't have like a great home life. And how do you balance being a mom and being

Being a professional. I, in my true, true opinion, think that you can have it all. Yeah. I think that you can come home and want to fuck the absolute shit out of your husband. Also then put the kids to bed and then wake up and go to a board meeting and fire people. Like, I think that you can have it all. Further fucking more. Yeah. I think we're at a mental health moment right now. I think the moral of the story is that

you can have whatever you want, but happiness is gonna come from you and not the dude. And I think overall we were realizing like--

I thought she was gonna end writing a fucking book about it and like for it to be a bestseller and then to be like rich. How optimistic. I know. Sometimes you're just so pure, you know, for how dirty you can be sometimes. Sometimes you're just rooting for love. Just like to keep people on their toes. You're like, I want her to be on the New York Times bestseller. Yeah, like I wanted her and her friend to both. That would have been a great ending. That's what I thought she was gonna do with all this writing. She's clearly a great writer. We were all just like, everyone was horny watching it. How about the friend though?

The friend who waits and like is like you're messing up and you're like making these decisions, whatever. She ends up actually having it all. And the friend is single. And it makes you just question monogamy, question marriage. But I think it's also, yeah, question what you think is going to make you happy. But I think overall, no matter what guy you're with.

it's not going to solve anything. Like no guy relationship is perfect. Having it all is just like your mindset and your perspective. Like it's like that Instagram meme where you see someone with like a ton of flowers and they're like, this flower is bad. And then there's someone with just one flower and they're like, I love this flower. I've literally never seen that meme. I don't know why it comes up in my algorithm a lot.

Also, you're not going to be happy every single day. And if you're happy every single day, you're a weirdo. Relationships are not perfect. But I think if you know that you don't want to fuck your husband, definitely get out. And she will have imperfect times with this other guy. But it's just sad there were kids involved. Yeah. And we never learned their names. No. I think. No. I mean, never even got a shot. I thought at one point the son wasn't the husband's kid. Right.

Oh, that's what I thought was going to happen. I was like, damn. And now we have a paternity issue. Do you think they're going to do a sex life too? I think so. Oh, and then they ended it as if...

Yeah, there has to be a second season. Now they're in love in real life, the Australian and the girl. What if they break up and then they get pitched millions of dollars to do a sex life part? Okay, well, that's I was talking to one of my friends about Outer Banks. Yeah. And the two main characters in that they... Dated, broke up. No, they're still dating. But I guess the show is kind of pissed that they're dating because they're like, if these two kids break up, well, the girl's 22 and he's, I think, 32. So obviously...

They're going to make it. So they're in it for the long haul. Side note, Drake rented out Dodger Stadium for some girl. And I immediately thought of you. And I was like, now the standards have been raised.

Would you think that was hot or like, is he overcompensating? I love it. I love it. It's hard for me to even get asked out on a date. So someone renting out a full stadium. I had a guy tell me the other day, I don't do dates. No, I just don't do them. And I was just like, what is the world coming to? I'm like, what is happening? Guys do that. It's like when they're like, yeah, I don't text. Yeah. I'm like, fuck you. Yeah.

You're like, yeah, that's what I tell my friends who I hate that I don't text. And you're trying to put yourself inside me and you can't text. Also, quick update. What's going on with your lemon tree? People are worried. Oh, my poor lemon tree. Okay. So my friend Hollis, who did design my apartment, was like, got me all these plants. And I said, Hollis,

I'm not the girl. I'm not the one. But you were very excited to be a plant mom for like three seconds. No, I was very excited. The only thing I cared about was my money tray. And that shit is thriving. I don't know how. And my palm tree, but my lemon tree. And then everyone was DMing me and was like, that lemon trees are so hard to take care of. And really, I don't think I'm in the climate for it.

Is that whatever? RIP the lemon tree. I don't know. What's the climate for lemons? I think really hot. Isn't it like 85 degrees? Yeah, but I got her and I put her outside. So you're gendering her? Is that her gender? Yeah. Okay. I picked it. She had no set. I feel like we're kind of like lemons. Yeah. Like, and someone DM me and was like, I've had a lemon tree for four years. Want to know how many lemons? One. And I was just like, that is us. Yeah.

Pyramids game. We have a very exciting episode. The sex life thing was just a little warm up for you. Yeah. Because I was horny watching sex life. So granted, I was not about to be horny alone because like Des was golfing as, you know, as distinguished men do. Right. So on Giggly Squad, I asked the gigglers and I didn't know if they were going to respond because, you know, like you can't really trust us with information. But I asked the gigglers and

What's the freakiest thing your partner ever did to you? I went on the Giggly Squad page and I just was reading some of them. And I was like, damn. Okay, first one, just a good warm up. Just bending you over and licking your butthole. I think everyone should do this. I think everyone has done that. Okay. Oh, damn.

Fucked me on a golf course in the daylight after I got an eagle. We love an athletic bitch. No, we do. We love a strong athlete. And we love a guy supporting a strong female athlete. And being like, you deserve an orgasm after that eagle. Wrapped my own belt I was wearing around my neck when doing doggy.

Turns out belts are quite popular right now. Quite popular. I've had one person in my... Should we get in the belt industry right now? In my 28 years of life, I've had one person... Let's say, how long have I been having sex for? Carry the one. I don't know. Never, dad. Never.

That one person has pulled out about a belt unbeknownst to me. Like I didn't know a belt was being taken out. Girls are not, I mean, belts are not really in unless you have like the Gucci or whatever. And I hated it.

I hated it. Why? Because I was just, I wasn't ready for it. And I was just like, I think, no, I think this is how I died. Like, I think this man is actually trying to murder me. Because that's like a, it's like a... I was like, wait, what, what, what, whoa, whoa, whoa. Asphyxiation type. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And the guy was just like, I got to get out of here. I literally left. Did you feel like you were on a leash? No.

It was literally 0.3 seconds. And I was like, hey, I didn't sign up for that. That's another thing. If a guy's like too good at putting a belt on you. Yeah, I was like, this is some weird shit. How many girls are you belting? I did my stand up show in Richmond and I'd have a joke about BDSM. And I was like, sometimes I like to make the crowd feel awkward. Because, you know, you ask like anyone in relationships. And I was just like, who likes BDSM? And everyone gets awkward. And some girl raised her hand. She goes, belts.

Oh my God. In the front. And then she DM me later. She's like, hey, it's belt girl. Can we get a picture? And I was like, a hundred percent. Yeah. I'm not into like actual pain, pain. But if you're like really enjoying the sex and you have the right mindset, do you feel like. I think it takes like. An adrenaline rush. No, I think it takes feeling like fully, fully comfortable with someone and like really liking them to be like, yeah, I'll try that. I think one thing we learned is just.

Let's ask before we throw the belt in. Hey, there's this thing and it's called consent. Yeah. And let's talk about it. There's this thing. It's called a belt that you can not only use around your waist, but you can put it around your girlfriend's neck. Sexy FaceTime, but use the animal face feature. Block that person. That is the weirdest fucking thing I've ever heard in my goddamn life. Are you kidding me?

I hate everything about that. That's like being a furry fetisher. Yeah, that's so fucking weird. Oh my God, I'm literally uncomfortable with that. However, I think that people should use the animal face feature more often for smiles, not necessarily orgasms.

Put clothes pins on my nipples, not my thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Does she have her nipples pierced? I don't know, but I do know if you have a boob job, I feel like your nipples are less sensitive. So maybe they like need that to feel something. No, no, no.

I hate that. Put my legs around his neck, picked me up and ate me out in the middle of an apartment hallway. Oh, that's a Tuesday. Yeah. I just want to say that because being picked up to me is my like ultimate, like I just feel like the flower, the light fairy that I am. Yeah. But then if they like toss me somewhere, I always like land with a louder thud than I want. But...

Wait, I have a question. Do you think that sex life was better than 365? Or like, how do you feel in comparison to like 365 when I was on that real... You were on a Mossimo run. You were on a tour. He had to like block you and... Probably. I think this was better. Yeah. Sex life. Because 365 was like...

Sex life was just more realistic. 365 was rapey. I'm going to say it. It was like... It was straight Stockholm. It was Stockholm syndrome. And there were just moments where I'm like, I don't think she wants to do this. Yeah. Where this was more like just her crying like... How much did you cry? Cooper, I don't know what to do. Brad, I don't know what to do. Cooper, Outback Stay Chaos. Okay. Some people, you have to step up your game. We had sex in the restaurant bathroom. That's a Monday. Okay.

Oh, this is good. I've only done that once. I've never done it, but I just like to pretend that...

I don't know. I don't need the public pressure. I have enough pressure in my own head. Yeah, me too. Accidentally farted once and he became obsessed with me farting. I had to block him. Oh, that makes me want it. I think I missed my soulmate. Yeah, that. To girls who are gassy and like, I will fart sometimes when I'm trying to cum because you know when you sometimes push a little. That's, oh my God, Hannah. No, that literally makes me want to gag at a girl. You know pushing a little? But then you just go, oh my God, it's a queef.

No! Oh my god, no. I literally had like five days with a guy and... Didn't fart once? Didn't even... Are you okay? No, I've been bound up for days. See, I don't live that life. I release and... I was like, oh my god, I can't ever go to the bathroom. But you know what's annoying? When he farts in front of you and you have to hold it in. It's like, that's what the patriarchy is. Yeah, I'm just like, fuck you. He makes... I was like, I have stomach issues.

He makes the spit get all over my face to smudge my makeup. Actually pretty hot. See, I hate spit. I don't like how it smells. I don't like that. Oh, she likes it. If I'm silent, I probably like it or I've done it. This summer, Instacart presents famous summer flavors coming to your front door.

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Well, that's different. Where the fuck's that guy? Call me the wrong name in bed. Dude, I'd probably instantly start crying. Like immediate waterworks. I would. Oh my God. What would you do? I would call him a different name. I'd be like, okay, Brad. Yeah. What if tonight Des was just like...

Okay, that's different. If it's this, then we're going to need to have a sit down. We're going to have to have a PR meeting. That actually just made me mad at my fake boyfriend. Yeah. Like, fuck you. If it's early on in the relationship, I can like deal with it. Ate me out on a swing in a park after dark. That's just pedophilia. I have issues about this. Yeah, I don't like that. That's one. I didn't even think about that. Two, I'm turning 30. I'm...

I can't be playing swing. Like, God forbid I fall, hurt my back. That takes six months to recover. Also, in a park after dark, if you're in New York City, in a park after dark, if you're in the park after dark, you're either selling weed or. No, I'm not doing anything in a park ever except like hanging with my kids. Hmm.

What secret family do you have? I don't know. Had me wear a remote control vibrator while bar hopping. I kind of like that. Have you ever done that? No, I haven't. I've seen Instagram ads for it. Someone left me on read. Got it on in a sauna at a five-star hotel. No regrets. No.

I don't like that. Got it on in a sauna at a five-star hotel. So it's basically like anyone could walk in. No. Anyone could walk in. And also, it's so fucking hot. I'd be claustrophobic. Yeah, I'd pass out. I'd pass out. Use my G-string to gag me and tie me up. I don't like anything where I could possibly die.

Yeah. I'm like, I don't like that there could one thing could go wrong and I'm dying. Yeah. Yeah. I guess some people like love they like embrace fear. Maybe we need to work on that. Like feel the fear and then like take on a good old fashioned lovemaking. No one talks about that anymore.

No one talks about the passion of like looking at each other's eyes and being like, you're the one and I love you so much. Oh, this one's romantic. She was on top and then he used his legs to grab her head with his feet and somersaulted her. Okay. Well, you're dating a Cirque du Soleil former employee and good for you. He's an MMA artist. Did you watch the Conor McGregor fight?

No. Does it look like I'm someone that watched the Conor McGregor fight? I feel like you would if you were with someone. Oh, I would be there.

I'm literally Kourtney Kardashian. Like, whoever I date, I'm taking on their persona. I adopted a pit bull, bitch. We're all about, like, be yourself and always be yourself in a relationship. I'm here in a tennis dress and a headband. Also, I am so sad. You know the kind of hate? I mean, I got season, my first season on Summer House. We get it. You play tennis. All those same people, now that tennis is, like, stylish, are like, hey, what dress do you recommend? What ballpark?

What balls should I buy? What tennis racket? You know what? Go fuck yourself. Yeah, fuck you. Had sex while on the clock in my office while my boss was next door. Good. Good. Good for you. Because the amount of hours that you're on the clock for work, you might as well have fun with it. Someone wrote, got me pregnant. What's yours?

The craziest thing I've done? Yeah. Why are you trying to attack me right now? I'm not. I'm just curious. I've licked a butthole. Ew! Sorry, I care about other people's pleasure, not just myself. Oh, can't relate. I'm trying to think of the craziest thing I've ever done. I'm also, like, not flexible. My hip flexors are just tight. So, like, I'm not into doing, like, all that crazy shit to hurt myself. I don't think I've ever done anything, like, out of the norm where you'd be like, oh my gosh, you're such a freak. Yeah. But...

When I was a senior in high school, I was a whore. No, I'm just kidding. When I was a senior in high school, I had sex with my boyfriend on the football field on like the 50 yard line the night before graduation. And I think that that was pretty cool. That's how she became prom queen. And that's how I became a teen mom. Okay. Manipulated sex.

Her ex to fuck another girl and send the video to her just so they could have angry sex later. I don't know. Okay, you guys are diabolical. What is happening? No, I don't like that. Whatever turns you on. Licked my foot after I'd been walking around Chicago in flip flops all day and night. No, anything feet, no. Anything feet I think is weird. Chicago's a big city. And I feel like people like feet a lot more than they like...

I personally have never been with someone who's been like, hey, let me like do this to your foot.

I feel like I put out a vibe that's like, I'm not into your weird shit. Maybe. Yeah. I've never met the guy with a foot fetish, but I wish I would. Like, you know, the stuff girls put into being beautiful, like the microdermabrasion facials and the liposuction, the fucking Brazilian butt lifts. All you have to do is have a foot. Yeah. And the guy's turned on. Like, that sounds easy to me. Like, get home bloated. Just put your foot in his face. And he's like, oh, yeah.

I don't think I could deal with someone who was like all about my feet. I mean, Prince Charming had a foot fetish. Yeah, that's true. He literally took the glass slipper and every girl's a size six to an eight. So it doesn't even make sense. Exactly. I'm a size eight.

dainty and he put it on every girl's foot like that was foot fetishing fetishizing has been around forever maybe waltz was a foot fetishizer is that a word whatever built an actual drywall cut a perfect hole through it so we could have glory hole relations what what what i won't even like go to queens to fuck a guy i don't really even know what that means

built a literal wall with a hole through it but like glory hole is very like you put a dick in and like someone sucks your dick on the other side and you don't know who it is that's what that means what do you think it meant i thought it meant anal i didn't your butthole was a glory hole i don't i didn't know i've never like looked into it i've also like never talked about it you're like when would i have actually know what a glory hole i don't know

Oh, I love, ooh. After I said, oh, okay. He pulled my tampon out with his teeth. Ew, no. I'm already out on that. That's fucking disgusting. Oh my God. Don't yuck someone's yum. That, I literally could vomit. Oh, you'd rather him be disgusted by your period blood? No, I don't want him to be disgusted by it, but I don't want him to want to eat it. Like, that's disgusting. Maybe you don't know what true love feels like. I don't. Imagine I just start crying.

Fucked in his office while he was on a conference call. Oh, I like that. There is something to be said that's hot about when your significant other is on the phone. Yeah. And like fucking with them. Yeah. But it can go two ways. They can either get really annoyed and think you're super unprofessional or they could have fun with it. Yeah. No, I think that's like cute and fun. Yeah. Yeah. Took me into the shower to pee on me. At least you took her in the shower. Yeah. I don't think I'm into peeing.

I hook them. Also, I don't think I, like if someone was like pee on me, I get pee shy. You get nervous pee. Yeah, like I would never be able to on command pee. My friend who golden showers has to chug Pedialyte on the way. So like you can't help but pee. I don't. And you're super hydrated. I don't want to. You're super hydrated. I guess. I guess there is a plus to just having glowing skin because you're drinking so much water. But...

But, Pidge, if someone told you that if a guy peed on your face, it would cure your acne, you would... I would do it. I would absolutely do it. You would absolutely... I was like, well... I feel like we should have a show where I lie to you and tell you all these horrible things that will fix your... We do. It's called Giggly Squad. Giggly Squad.

I go, Paige, is the thing called a glory hole? And if you do it, your pores glisten. I can't believe I didn't know that. Wow. Sometimes I'm such an innocent bitch. And then other times I'm literally the devil. A man I just met said, scratch me until I bleed. I've, I... Get it? Yeah.

I've had someone ask me that. Really? Yeah. I mean, I like this because we're normalizing things and I hope that people feel less alone if that's what they're into. And I, as a true narcissist, was like, no, my nails are amazing. Yeah.

And I was like, did you know that about me? And he was like, I did actually know that. Well, guys like to show like afterwards their friends like, look at my back. Yeah, they do. Like it's some badge of armor. I've had guy friends be like, I had sex last night and like lift up their shirt. And I was like, that looks like she was trying to escape. It looks like you kidnapped her and she was just battling you. It's horrible. I don't I don't like that at all. And then I don't know.

But guys like that shit. Yeah. Also, I feel like, remember growing up how everyone was like, oh, what's it called when you leave a mark on someone's neck? A hickey. A hickey. Thank you. Everyone was like, oh, hickeys, hickeys. And now it's like, don't leave a hickey. That's like, I'll never forget my first hickey and my mom.

Lost her damn mind. Lost her damn mind. As she should now that I think about it because I was a freshman in high school. And that's a little ass kid. Yeah.

what are you 14 i was 14 and your neck and i had a vampire yeah black and blue on my neck and i said i didn't know i think it was a thing when you were younger to show like i'm sexually active i'm just naughty but nowadays if you try to do that someone's like that's gonna ruin my i'm not going to the office with that tomorrow right i'd be like bro get it together like use the belt stop sucking yeah get the belt it's enough of this

I love how open the gigglers are to trust us. Stuck a lollipop in my ass. And the thing with this is I don't, the bacteria, I don't know. Why is it making you laugh so much?

I love when they're like, shit, we forgot the butt plug, but I do have a Tootsie Roll. Because that's just wild. Yeah. Yeah. Also, like, I feel like I never have lollipops lying around. No. But I feel weird. I should have more of them lying around because I do love lollipops. But it's one of those things that whenever there's straight men in the vicinity, like, I don't like putting it in my mouth because I feel like they're all like...

Used wine stoppers as butt plugs. Enough with the butt plug stuff. You know, you have to be more open-minded because you could put anything in your butt is what we've learned today. Got me pregnant, LOL. Oh, okay. I really want to know your opinion on this. Tied my hands to the bedpost, poured chocolate, and put whipped cream all over my body. I don't hate it. I don't hate it.

It's just messy. And like in my head, I'm like, well, now I have to change my sheets. Like, you know that this is going to get messy. Also like the, the level of sugar that you're putting in your body. Like, yeah, it's just, there's so many factors. Like, I'm always like thinking of logistics when I'm having sex. Oh,

You know, like sometimes I'm not fully there and I'm like, oh my God, is there a towel nearby? Because if you think that you're going to get this shit on my comforter. I want to know from the gigglers. I want you guys to message us. I think I'm going to do a thing. I want to know how many of you spit or swallow. And if there was an age that you were like, I've retired from this life. What's yours? I retired at around...

24. Quitter. Yeah, I was like, I just was like, is there a cup nearby? I realized I don't have to. A cup nearby? Yeah. A cup. A cup. Because I was going to go all the way to the bathroom. So you will, you will legitimately spit it out. Yeah, in front of him. And then I go like this. You know that you taste it more if you spit it out? Yes. Yeah. Because it's like a shot in your mouth.

It's like if you take a shot, don't swallow it and try to spit it out. You're fucking right. It's literally in your mouth for longer and you're torturing yourself more by spitting it out. So what I actually learned, it was actually in chat room. You have to just like deep throat it and let it go in so you don't, you miss it. You miss it entirely. Wait, no, I know. I'm 28. But I just think it's fun to like be dramatic about it. I'm sweating. This conversation is literally sweating. We have so many more.

Okay. He put canola oil all over me. That's no. If you do this, you have to use extra virgin olive oil. What are you doing? You'll literally never get it off. You have to cut through the oil with soap. No. Oh my God. This reminds me of Summer House two seasons ago. When we had an oil. Baby oil. And I jumped in it. We were like wrestling in baby oil as one does.

I couldn't get that shit out of my hair. I had, it was like an oil spill. I had to put detergent. Yeah. Detergent in my hair. I remember that you had to cut it. You had to cut the oil with like Dawn. That would have been a great storyline for me. Yeah. Pulled my tampon out before having sex. Enough. With me just like in 50 shades. Is that a thing on 50 shades?

Went down on me while on a gondola going up a ski mountain. Okay, classy bitch. I can only come on gondolas. That just sounded rich. Yeah, that was a rich orgasm. Peed in my mouth. Okay. Forgot the bed frame was three-fourths. Get on the wrong side. Launch me naked into the closet. What? That seems just dangerous. I don't know. Went to pick up bagels with a butt plug in. I kind of love that. No. No.

No, I literally am clenching. No, I hate that so much. Don't clench! Don't clench! How dare they do that to bagels? He blew cocaine up my asshole with a straw. Hold on. Hold on. Put it inside of her? Like, so you get the effects? I don't know if it goes into the blood. It definitely... Maybe. I don't know. Look, we're not scientists. We're not scientists. Um...

While I was giving head, he said, that's my baby girl. Okay. Okay. So you have a boyfriend. Congratulations. Fucks me on a jet ski. I've never been on a jet ski. Same. I feel like they're unsafe. You know when they're all driving around, I'm like, there's no traffic. I don't have like an adrenaline seeking personality. No. Someone said post-divorce sex is amazing. We love that.

We love that for her. We love that. Licked my armpits. No, that's vile. Okay, final one. Oh, wait, two. First, hot candle wax on nipples. Whatever. Could get dangerous. Could get dangerous. Burn the house down. Number two, what's this thing with guys who take their tongue off?

Because someone wrote about this and put it not around your ear. In your ear. I don't like it. I've had someone do that to me before. Outside, I could do all day. Inside, I don't like it. Guys are getting like a lot of talk about like them loving feet. We haven't talked about the ear, man. The ear fetish? Yeah. I guess they feel like they're fucking your ear. But in my head, I'm like, I don't remember the last time I Q-tipped. Yeah.

Which feels fucking great, by the way. I've only ever experienced it like a few times. It feels like a slimy slug. It just feels like they're making out. It's trying to insert itself into your brain. Like with the side of your face. When it goes in the ear, I don't like it. I think that's just my opinion. I don't want to yuck your yum. Paige, what's going on? That was a lot. What's going on with Front Page News? Now they're all sweaty. I mean, Jesus, now I'm all horned up. I don't know.

That was so much. I literally wasn't prepared for that today. I'm not feeling well. You threw me off with that. There are 365 days a year, which means there are 365 days where you might need to buy someone a birthday present. I absolutely love giving the perfect gift twice.

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So much is happening in front page news. Dude, did you hear about the Millie Bobby Brown stuff? First of all, what's your opinion of her? Millie Bobby Brown, great actress. I know she's going through her teenage time. She's becoming a woman. She likes the glamour now. I don't know. I'm not going to talk shit on a teenage kid. I will. She's 17 years old. And basically, she was dating this guy.

His name is Hunter and then in quotes, Echo, Ickmophic, whatever. I don't really know how to say his last name, but he's a TikTok star. Okay. And he, I guess, was on like a live or something. And he, someone was like, what did it feel like to date a child? Because he was 21 when they dated. There was like an age difference. But when they dated, she was 15. And they said...

Imagine being a grown adult and dating a kid and he responded with, I know I groomed her. And then she came out and was like, everything he's saying that we did sexually was not like I'm getting lawyers involved because they dated and she was 15 and he lived at her family's home for eight months. I have a real problem with that. I don't care how famous you are. I don't care how much money you have. I don't care who you are. 15 years old, you shouldn't be having sex.

I lost my virginity at 15 years old. But like you should not. You're saying the parents were with them. Yes. So the parents were cool with it. Yeah, apparently. But she's trying to say like we didn't have like we didn't have sex. No fucking way. Did you have a guy living in your home for eight months and you didn't have sex? Why didn't he have his own home? Like that's you're 21. You don't.

Have a home. I'm so confused by this. But he's basically exploiting their sex life now, telling everyone about shit they did. Yeah, and then he put out an apology because she said that she was suing him. I don't like it. I just don't like underage sex. It just freaks me out. Well, it's part of growing up. However, it's interesting that the parents were like...

You grown man. Yeah, but I think, okay, whatever. If you're in high school and you're 16 years old, you should only be experimenting and doing that stuff with other 16-year-olds because you all don't know what the fuck is going on. But the fact to use the word groom is pretty triggering. Yeah, I didn't love that. We don't love that. What do we think about

Kravis potentially getting engaged in Vegas. Is it because they thought there was a ring? It's just there's been so many people speculating and people saying congratulations on all of this stuff. And like, I love them as a couple. I couldn't think of someplace I would want to get engaged less than Las Vegas, Nevada. Also, don't you get married in Vegas? It's not for engagements.

I don't know. But I'm like, I'm so sick of them putting out so many teasers and like breadcrumbing and not just telling us. I mean, also, I think it's I'm gonna say it right now. I think it's lame to have social media conversations on your boyfriend or girlfriend's comments. I think you're sitting next to each other. You're sitting next to each other clearly trying to look a type of way for people like

It's like it's almost as bad as a long Instagram caption about how much you love someone. There's a song. I feel like it's like Wale or something. Oh, I love Wale. And he was like, I don't like your picture. Like, you know, I like you when I don't like your pictures or something. Yeah. And I believe it.

I don't know if Des has liked my last couple photos. I know when he's scrolling Instagram stories and he just goes right through mine, I'll say something. Yeah. Because that's the lack of interest that I need to address. Like, you know how I feel when I post something and I'm waiting for that one person to see it and I see that he sees it. And then I can go about my day. It is cute. Des will be like, do you see my Instagram story? And I'll be like, no. And then I feel like I'm playing hard to get even though I've already, you know. But like a comment...

If I were to comment Desistoto and be like, hey cutie, and he comments being like... I would say, oh, they're gonna get divorced. But then Kravis does it and everyone's like, this is a cutie!

That was the cutest thing ever. I can't. Are we turning on crab? I don't know. No, I'm not turning on them. I think I'm just jealous. This is what I feel about celebrity relationships. We don't know anything about what they're really like. And I hope it's entertaining people. But you don't know anything of what it's really like. Yeah, you have no idea. Even if they're on a reality show, you don't know what it's actually like. Okay. Meghan Markle's friend, Priyanka Chopra.

ignored Prince William and Kate Middleton as they came into the Wimbledon. So they're like walking to their seats. Everyone's clapping because they're literally the fucking prince and princess. Priyanka sat there and like fixed her hair. It's like, I'm not fucking clapping for them because she's Megan's best friend.

Oh my gosh. And that, in that moment, made me love her. Because what a petty ass thing to do. And I fucking loved it. Wow. Like, you're mean to my friend. Like, fuck you. Wow. She was adjusting her scarf. Oh, her scarf was off. That's what I... My scarf. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize that the... It just like...

You know when people are like, oh, you guys aren't classy or whatever. You're in drama. The royal family is in petty drama. No, they're so dramatic. So dramatic. I love it. Just messy. And then my last story was Britney Spears can hire her own attorney. That's exciting. And she wants her dad to be arrested. And the judge was basically like,

Not right now, but you can get your own attorney. He's like, no, I want my dad to rest. I feel like the Britney that we're hearing about in these articles is not the same Britney that's posting on her social media. I think it's going to start changing because she was just posting like cartwheels on her Instagram. Yeah. Like everyone's like free Britney. And she like posts like sunflowers and she's like, I like sunflowers. Yeah. Now thinking about back to her poster in quarantine, it was like,

Do you remember when she goes, one thing led to another and I burnt my gym down? We loved that. We literally said it for months. One thing led to another and I burnt my gym down. But they said the way she talks in the trial is different. Like she's not as like airy and all over the place as she is on the Instagram post. She's obviously like...

She's obviously smart as fuck. I don't know any dumb people who have been relevant for over 20 years and are fucking billionaire. Actually, I don't think she's a billionaire, but she's obviously not stupid. You know, what's our time? Like one minute. Oh my gosh. One minute.

Ow. Sorry. I'm having a day. We're having a day. I do think that people have left this pod today feeling a little turned on, feeling a little turned off. Yeah. I know I'm leaving turned off. Questioning a lot of things. Experiment with butt plugs.

To each their own. To each their own. And sorry we ruined sex life for everyone. No, we did. But we hope we didn't ruin your actual sex life. I started watching Love Island. We'll talk about it next week. Oh my God. And when Paige does her Love Island impressions, it's everything. I got mugged off. I just feel mugged off. In the villa, did you turn anyone's head? It's so good. Okay. Talk to you guys later. Thanks for Googling. Bye!