Giggling about perineum tanning, pregnancy planning, and bad skincare products
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They just got away from me. Ciao, my gabagool. Giggler! Buongiorno. Buongiorno. Do you speak Italian now? I was just going to say, if I knew a little bit more Italian other than good morning, good evening, and good night, and like bye, I would move here and I wouldn't come back. I've seen you in a lot of different places over the last couple months and you really look at home right now. I just feel...

Like I'm in a robe. I'm in my hotel. I'm looking out at the Mediterranean Sea. Like it's just is this the meta? Did you start a mafia that you're leading? I feel like I have. I feel like I would move to Milan and I would just be a fashion blogger there, you know, but like part time because the other time would be eating cheese. Eating. Yeah. Can I tell you something?

Not one time on this trip have I had explosive diarrhea from eating too much cheese. Not one time have I felt bloated. I actually think I've lost weight. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

So you're saying we're not the problem. We're not the problem. We're not the problem. Also, my mom told me that she like read this thing, but she also totally could have made this up that like we're born Italian. So we have different genes. Yes. So you really should eat what your ancestors ate.

And I was like, this all sounds great, but why is my friend shitting in a bodega down on Broadway after eating cheese if we were born to eat cheese? My nana, nana still got it, has eaten pasta every single day her whole life. But I think you process pasta better because it's in our DNA. I have eaten pasta every single day. I was sitting next to a girl the other day at lunch and

and she asked the waiter for gluten-free pizza. And I felt like I was in a movie because I feel like the whole restaurant stopped and was just like...

You filthy American. Get the fuck out of here. Like gluten is a protein, a very important protein. Don't take it out. I feel like the waiters like we're putting a hit on her because it was offensive to our culture. Yeah. Like get out of here. Yeah. Next thing you know, she's in grass with like ketchup on her ravioli. Like gluten's not a thing here. Like, like not a thing. I did learn something recently about how when you're eating, if you're stressed about like gaining weight during it or you're like,

not having a calm, positive experience, it increases your cortisol levels and you do gain weight. And I'm not trying to be like a weird, like culty diet podcast. It sounds culty. They just said like your food can tell your energy. So you have to eat with love and not fear. Cut to every giggler putting anything in their mouth and just being like, you're smart, you're important, you're beautiful. Like more Parmesan, please.

Oh my god. No, it's so crazy though. Like I'm up at 9 a.m. Like I'm ready for the day. I look forward to my one o'clock ravioli. Like it's just heaven.

wait when do you leave tuesday and i'm having this is the first time i've been on vacation you know you're on vacation and like by the last couple of days you're like all right i'm ready to like go home and like get back to my routine and like every time by day four i'm like i have emails yeah and i'm you're just like starting to stress out and you're like all right let's like get the fuck back this is the first time i've been on vacation ever where i'm just like i don't know if i can go back

Things will never be the same. And, like, I'm in Positano right now. Only 4,000 people live here. And it's about to be 4,001. Yeah. We would know everyone. We would do live Giggly Squad shows every single night. Like, it would just...

I'm just trying to think of ways that we can move here. I literally looked up the real estate. Like I was like, what is the deal here? At least the timeshare moment. At least a timeshare moment. Wait, so of all the places you've been to. What's my favorite? I'm going to write a whole thing and post it on my Instagram and the Giggly Squad. And I'm going to post everywhere I've gone. My favorite, I just got to Positano and everyone says this is the best place. But so far out of Kapiata,

Capri, Ravello, and here, Capri is my favorite. You ended up going under like the cliffy things that I was talking about, right? That's what you were talking about. As I was going under it, I literally said, this is what Hannah was talking about. I've just seen it online. Saw it on TikTok once. It was really good. And everyone here is just like, they're just like real. Like we were getting, we had a boat day and like I could tell that two of the captains of the boat were yelling at each other.

But then like right when we got on land, they both looked at each other and they were like, like they were happy. I was like, I feel like you guys were just in a fight and you got over it really quickly. Like it's just who's going to be mad when like you can smell pizza being made. But I feel like Italians are like just one long fight with little bonjournos in between, you know? Yeah. No, literally. And that's all I know how to say. Oh my God. It's buona sera. Quick question. Are there cats around? Are there any cats?

Hannah, there's a thousand million cats around. They're just frolicking. And they, okay, I felt very connected to one of them, like extremely connected to one of them. Cats are psychic. Cats are psychic. And my brother, like first we were walking down the road and I saw this black cat and my brother was like, don't let it pass in front of you. Like that's bad luck.

And I was like, no, I think like this cat like fucks with me. And he wanted to go through a gate, but he was scared to run through the gate. So I stood at the gate and I just went like this with my fingers, like rub them together. And I was like, kitty, come on, kitty. Like you can come. And he ran right in.

And then I saw him again later that night just sitting in the middle of the road. And everyone that was like passing by, he was like running away to like the side of the street. Except when I passed by, he sat right in the middle of the road. Like he wasn't scared of me and he just stared at me. And I was like, you're coming home with me.

I was like, I think that's like my ancestors in a cat right now. I'm telling you. They say cats can like see things we can't see also. Like they see lights and they see realms that we can't see. I mean, I believe it. You guys have been on like a year long journey of converting me into a cat person. Isn't that crazy? We've really been on this journey for a while. It's been like a lot of work. Sierra and I have a weekly meeting about it. Hannah, all you do is send me like cat adoption things. And like,

I'm like, I can't. I leave you unseen because it's a lot. I do have to say I am a little worried with your current long distance boyfriend because cats are fine like a couple days. But like who? What's his name again? What's his name? What is his name? It rhymes with like egg. Craig. OK, so we need to get rid of him. We need to get rid of him before you get a cat.

I don't want you to know something. But Sierra and I have chosen. Do you want to know what this what this man sent me? I'm not kidding. 20 minutes ago. Well, a he's at the airport. A picture of a guy with a backpack and a cat inside the backpack and said, I would be fine doing that.

Okay. I, I, okay. We'll keep him. We can keep Craig. Okay. There are these like cats on Tik TOK that will straight up like go skiing. Like they, they wear goggles and they go skiing. They love the water. I mean, this is a skiing podcast. Yeah. So like this is a cat skiing podcast. So maybe you guys get that like adventurous cat that's like down to do stuff with you, but also just wants to cuddle in bed. Yeah. I need a nappy cat. Also,

Also, I've heard of, have you heard of this thing of like perennium tanning? No, but it sounds like something I would be interested in. I'm literally Googling it. Is it perennium or premium? Perennium? Cause I, it's called perennium. I thought perennium sunning. Are you trying to say premium? No, no, I'm talking about buttholes. What the heck? Okay. The area, the area we cover in our underwear between our pubic bone and anal cavity is the perennium tanning.

Oh, I feel like I've been taught in a sex ed class if he like touches perineum, he like comes between the anus and the scrotum for the male. Sick. So apparently it hosts blood vessels and nerves that provide sensation nutrition to the genitals. And perineum sunning is derived from an ancient Taoist practice. So we're sold. The Taos know what they're doing. It's a little controversial.

I mean, I guess because like people are just airing their anuses. In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you'll receive more energy than you would an entire day being outside with your clothes on. So it's a force of energy. Wait a second. Like a solar energy into your body and improves your sleep, concentration and creativity and a healthier libido.

Okay, so this summer, I'm coming over. We're going to send Des to, like, do whatever Des does, play golf. And we're just going to sit outside in the backyard with our assholes open to try and get energy. My mom's going to listen to this and be like, the shit that you guys come up with is...

insane but kim this isn't just me being crude this is research that i've done this is science wait imagine i just imagine me and you just like normal tanning radio magazine then we look at each other and we go time to turn around knowledge is power okay also 30 seconds that's easy also part of this trip is really funny because europe like doesn't

I don't know if it's just like Italy because like family is like such a thing here. But like Europe doesn't understand the concept of like two twin beds. So like Gary and I have straight up.

bunk bedding it. Like we are currently in two twin beds, but they're pushed together. Like we're four year olds at summer camp and we like just made friends with each other. And it's actually one of the funniest experiences I've ever experienced in my life. Are you having like late night chats where you're like just looking at each other on the pillow being like, do you remember that one time? Oh God, no. He tells me to shut the fuck up every 20 seconds.

Because like he falls right to sleep and then like I have to watch JLo on my iPad and he like will turn over and be like. That's so like what are you doing? Boys are so annoying. And I'm just like JLo put out a documentary like I'm just being a good person. We are going to dissect deeply. I also that's like Des he goes to sleep at 9 p.m. So obviously I'm like.

doing cartwheels who knows what I'm doing literally you're like rearranging the home you've like cured cancer you have things to do I'm so busy and then I come in bed and obviously I don't just fall asleep like a dumbass man who has no thoughts I'm not talking about our guy our gaglers normal men no never and then he'll turn over and be like what are you doing and I'm like yeah um scrolling my Instagram and he's like what time is it and I'm like 4 a.m why like none of your business I know

Like literally none of your business. And he's like, why are you still awake? And I'm like, you'd be up to if you spent the last 10 hours stressing about your future. Okay. What is it with men? Like, okay. If I woke up in the middle of the night and,

And I have like I have shared multiple beds with you and Sierra. If I wake up in the middle of the night and you're up, my immediate reaction is like, are you OK? Like, what's going on? And you're just like, bitch, I'm just like scrolling. And it's like, OK, cool. Back to bed. But like if a guy wakes up and you're up, it's immediately like they're mad at you. Like you've interrupted like you're minding your business.

They're actually annoying you. If I wake up and Des is on his phone, good for him. Like, go off, sis. Yeah.

I probably won't even acknowledge that I woke up. Like, I'll just close my eyes again and be like, I'm back to my journey. This is the annoying thing about Des. He will wake up at a movement. Like, not even a sound. Like, a movement. He'll be like, and I'm like, what the fuck? I didn't wake you up. Like, you're too sensitive. And he's like, I'm a hunter. No, he's just not. No, he's just not.

No, he just has to say I'm a hunter. I will like tap him to wake him up and he goes, oh, and I'm like, babe, what the fuck? And he's like, sorry, I'm a hunter. No, I can't. And you're like, well, I'm a gatherer. So gather your shit and get the fuck out of here. Anywho, we love our significant others. Did you see the Instagram I sent with the like three-year-old who had like an eight-step skincare routine that went to bed in her mask? That was your daughter or my future daughter that you want.

Oh my God. I really hope that your future daughter is like, mom, let's change your look. Let's like do some makeup or something. And so that you can call me on the phone and be like, she's up for adoption. She's all yours. I do have to say the way I know that we're besties is that I actually thought recently, I hope we somehow plan to have children like around the same time. I think, I think that it will happen.

Your psychic abilities are saying. Yeah. It's so weird. You say this because I was thinking about this like a couple of weeks ago too. Actually, I was thinking about it like during your wedding. Cause I was like, fuck, like we're not on the same timeline. Like I like either have to speed it up or she needs to slow the fuck down. I think a year or two in between isn't that bad. I do want to be pregnant at the same time as you, but like just as long as our children can be friends, um,

I'm fine with that also. I just imagined me and you being pregnant together, literally telling the boys to like go away for weeks so we could just lie in bed and eat. I will say if I choose to have Craig Conover's child, um,

At some point in my life, I know that he will be great when I'm pregnant. Like I know for a fact he will because whenever I'm sick and I feel like this is like the first time I've had a boyfriend like this. Whenever I'm sick or like upset or just like generally in the day, like one of the number one things that he does that I like appreciate is randomly he'll just be like, can I get you anything? And so I know that when I'm pregnant, I'm going to take full advantage of him.

Yeah, I feel like Des makes fun of me. Like, he's gonna be like, oh, so you're pregnant now so you can boss me around? I'll be like, oh, my ovaries hurt. He's gonna be like, oh, you can't play volleyball or golf anymore? You're like, no, I'm growing a fucking human in here. No, I can't spike the ball. Babe, just play volleyball. It's fine. Oh, my God. That's so gonna be him. It's gonna be a problem. But yeah, I always...

The thing with being pregnant is I want to be pregnant so I can eat ridiculous stuff. And people will be like, ew. And I'll be like, I'm pregnant. They're like, oh my God. Where now when I eat like...

yeah like we had mussels the other day and you know they gave like a huge thing of bread and no one was eating it and i ate a whole loaf of bread by myself and i mean arguably the best part of mussels is taking the bread and dunking it in the i didn't even eat the mussels and no one was eating this like amazing piece of bread and i'm dipping i'm dipping i'm soaking i'm dipping i was what heathens were you with honestly

never hang out with them again i was having like a full sexual experience with the white wine butter garlic sauce and as you should i think at one point i just started like putting it on my face you just wanted it to drip down your lip a little so you could feel something i get it i was having a full shower and then at some point someone was like did you eat the whole loaf of bread and i was like i'm pregnant that is why i want to be pregnant to be like oh my god the baby just like loves the baby needs it

I do have this vision of like one day you and I being on a reality TV show together sitting in a car and like we're both pregnant and like and like we both have cheeseburgers on our stomachs and we're eating like our stomachs are the plate and like we're just talking about something like that's the show like we're just always in the car eating and that's our talk show.

And every now and then I go, ooh. And she's like, are you going to pop? And I'm like, no, that was just gas. Continue. And I'm like, ooh, baby loves barbecue sauce.

Actually, this is called like those YouTube videos where you just watch women eat. It's called like muck racking or some shit. We would. Wow. I feel like I would love that because I love ASMR. I also want us to be pregnant together so we could see the dichotomy of like how adorable you're going to be. Like you're going to be the one of those skinny bitches that has like a little basketball that's like you're going to accessorize her. I feel I feel like you're cursing me like you did with my nails. Yeah.

Okay, so I actually want you to stop because if I am the opposite of that, like, if my, like, tongue gets swollen, like, I'm coming for you because I will literally make you apologize to the academy, see you in small claims court, and just, like, overreact.

overall be pissed i totally just jinxed you and i'm so sorry you totally did i'm not trying to be cute when i'm pregnant if you are trying to be cute when you're pregnant scenes my claims court like i'm trying to create a child i know my boobs will be big remember when it was like a trend when women were getting like hair and makeup done in the delivery room because like after they wanted to take pictures with the baby you don't remember that i remember it and i'm saying absolutely not

Yeah. No, even I don't think I sweat profusely. My eyebrow will be dripping. I want to be like all natural. Like I do. I will say I do want my skin to glow. Yeah. I mean, maybe a little mascara, maybe a little like touch up. But like we want a natural glow. We want like Hailey Bieber glow. Yeah. I want like road glow.

buy are you gonna buy um kim kardashian skincare or hayley bieber's i'm so happy you brought this up because i'm kind of on a tiktok algorithm of some like skincare makeup and people yeah are pretty positive about hayley bieber's but again it's like

a serum and a moisturizer and a lip thing. And it's like, it's not changing anyone's life, you know? Right. And like, I think it's, I don't know. And then Kim has her like thing where it's like, Kim, stop saying that this is why you look the way you look. Just tag your plastic surgeon and let's move on. Right. Okay. That on the Kim side, and this is a Kim Kardashian podcast. We love Kim. We love Kim. So we keep it real with Kim. We call Kim out. We keep it real. We do.

But with Hailey, here's why I feel like I do want to buy it. I have always looked at her in pictures and like even from years ago, I've been like she has great skin. So I know that she cares about it. She's probably tried a lot of things. But here's the other thing that like celebrities aren't saying. They're going to the dermatologist. Like one of my girlfriends works at a dermatologist office and like the amount of things that she's done to my face, like that I've just tried, I'm just like,

Wait, this is kind of insane. She's like, yeah, every like celebrity gets this done weekly. And like, that's why they glow. And I'm just like, what? I think the whole skincare industry is kind of bullshit because I'll be honest. It's kind of a cult. I'm saying it out loud. I'm confident, bitch. My skin's amazing. You do. You have great skin. I couldn't tell you what moisturizer I use. I just like pick whatever's there. And I try to wash my face.

I'm going to tell you something also. I don't know if it's because I belong in Italy, but I have not washed off my makeup at one night this

this entire trip not one night i've just fallen in my bed and gone to sleep i have not washed it off i brought one face wash which is acetophil from fucking cvs and one face moisturizer because i literally couldn't fit anything else and that's all i've used my skin has never been clearer that's what i ever in my lifetime i use cetaphil and a moisturizer

I do. Let's decentralize men and skincare. And skin. Also, like whenever I try something new, I always get like a pimple. Me too. Like recently I've been doing face masks like at home. And the next day I wake up and I'm just like, OK, so that backfired. Like what? Yeah. I feel like everyone's individual, but also like five years to like make a good moisturizer. Like unless this moisturizer fucking works.

I don't know what it could possibly do. Like, it feels good. They said it was cooling. How crazy that, like, her and Justin Bieber are having, like, some serious health issues. Oh, my God. I know. She had a very scary, like, almost a stroke. Which is so scary. And he has one side of his face paralyzed.

I genuinely think it's because they're so famous and they must have so much anxiety. Oh, that makes me so sad. But I kind of feel that too. Like, I feel like they're the kind of people that like, no one is supposed to be as famous as Justin Bieber was at such a young age. Then Hailey Bieber, to this day, is just bullied by Selena fans. And it's not Selena's fault. But like, she's gonna be bullied for the rest of her life. And there's nothing she could do. She...

I love Selena Gomez. I love Hailey Bieber. I love both of them. I love both of them. The Selena Gomez fans, they're terrifying. Talk about a motherfucking cult. You could just... And then she recently was like...

Let it go. Remember when she just went on a TikTok rant? Oh, when she was like, leave me alone. I don't know what I've done. I don't talk about you. I don't say anything. I don't do anything. Leave me alone. That's me to my anxiety every morning. No, literally. That's me to my alarm clock in the morning. I'm like, I've done nothing to you.

Why would you do this to me? But with that said, I think you're right. I mean, we watched a Justin Bieber documentary. He even said he had too much dopamine and then like he's had his druggie time. Yeah. He's having trouble. I mean, I am Justin Bieber on tour. Yeah. When you're on tour, you are Justin Bieber. I'm just like, I got it. I'm the Haley. I'm just like, I don't say anything. I don't do anything. I'm just like, I need more dopamine. Yeah.

um we're ordering mcdonald's but hayley went on a talk show and they were like are you guys okay and she's like we're great justin is gonna be okay and she just kept it like really short and simple which either means he's not okay or um she just doesn't want people to know yeah she just doesn't want to make it a thing

I would for some reason I want to see a reality TV show of their life. Like I feel like they're like Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey. I want to see them just like in their big house and see the ridiculous stuff they do because I actually think it's kind of normal. Like it's probably just like her watching Bravo and like him. Like it's actually so normal. Like I feel like they're so normal. They're like one of the only couples. I feel like that's like a list celebrity that got married and like are waiting to have kids.

Like every other people are like, we're popping out kids. Yeah. Some would say they're choogy. They got married first. Yeah. Like that's like almost looked at now as like, oh, you're going to get married first. I'm glad they've waited before having kids, though, because I feel like it all happened really quick. Well, I feel like celebrities have been getting married earlier because like what else is there to do? You know, like they've done everything. They've experienced everything. Like they're bored and they're like, well, we haven't tried marriage. Try that. Yeah.

I think that's how they look at it. I also think the dating is so scary when you're famous that it's kind of like, okay, this works. Can we just stop? Can we just have some trust and security? My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be.

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It's my favorite time of year. It's summer going into fall. It's the best fashion part of the year. It's my favorite season. And sometimes shifting your summer wardrobe to fall can be a little bit of a challenge. But luckily we have Quince, which offers timeless and high quality items that I absolutely adore. And the best part about it is it's

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That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash giggly to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash giggly. I don't know if you guys have noticed from my Instagram stories, but I've basically switched all my loungewear over to Skims. I was obviously obsessed with their bras and underwear, but now I really can't get enough of their soft lounge collection. I have their soft lounge tank with

with their matching lounge fold over pant. i'm absolutely obsessed. not only do i wear it inside, but i actually wear it to travel a lot too. i noticed in my drawer the other day that basically all my bras and underwears are skims, but also now all of my t-shirts and my loungewear is skims. i've pretty much cleared out all my lounge sets after i moved. i just like got rid of everything. i was like i don't need all of these random sweatpants and sweatshirts.

and really replaced everything with Skims because I know it's always going to look good, and I know it always feels amazing. And you know how much I love laying in bed, so if I have an outfit that I can lay in bed in and also run errands in, then I'm a true fan. Shop the Skims Soft Lounge Collection at Skims.com, now available in sizes XXS to 4X. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select Podcast in the survey and select Giggly Squad in the drop-down menu.

I recently saw the most insane thing about the Kardashians and like their actual love life and I think it's because like they basically said it's the most incestuous incestuous thank you incestuous thing and part of me is like because there's just like only so many NDAs you can pass around do you know that Devin Booker Kendall Jenner's current boyfriend used to date Jordan Woods pardon me

Yeah. Are you kidding? Right before she hooked up with Tristan or he touched her leg or whatever. Okay. Also, like the Kardashians PR people, they deserve an Oscar. They're amazing. The Marilyn Monroe dress. Because they're like, she actually fixed the Marilyn Monroe dress. It was, she made it better. Okay. Wait, can we talk about this? Because I kept seeing all these things online of people being specifically on like, do you follow diet Prada? Yeah. I love diet Prada.

Okay, specifically on Diet Prada because it was like everyone's saying like they don't care about the Marilyn Monroe dress. But like that's like me saying I don't care about like some other situation. It's a very niche. Yes. Like if you work in that industry, you should care about it. And like that I understand. But as just like a normal person, I don't care.

Like I don't give a flying fuck that like a button popped off. I feel like people try to cancel Kim Kardashian for stupid things every week and it almost just makes her more famous.

Because if you think about it, remember she had the whole quote like you need to work and everyone was like this is a problematic statement and then she moves past it. Then she gets in trouble with the Beyond Burger for literally like a fake commercial being like it tastes so good and she didn't bite it. Then she's got the like it's something but it literally just feeds into like her fame. It's such like a grand scale of just people being so jealous of her I think. It's kind of similar to JLo. Like I feel like they're in such a different stratosphere of like

having to be so mentally strong. Like literally one person will be like, ew, I hate that outfit. And I'll be like,

um how do i convince you that like it's an async you know like it's hard well and i'm on like the lowest scale i feel like the sisters have even said kim is the strongest mentally because think about it everyone's coming for the maryland monroe dress she literally instead of crying and disappearing for two months she called her pr team was probably like fix this let's do this it's fine fix it like we're gonna they're like okay go on vacation with pete yeah exactly also

In the, like, way that they're all dating each other. We know the Blac Chyna stuff is crazy. Then, like, Sophia Richie was, like, good friends with Kylie, started dating Scott. Jaden Smith dated everyone. Justin Bieber is in and out. Like, it is just wild. Yeah.

It's basically like I feel like if you hit that level of fame, it's like going to a really elite private high school. Yep. You're so right. Because you have so much in common. You like get certain things that like normal people don't get. And like you feel more comfortable with them. Like honestly...

One of like the main attractions to Craig was that like I didn't have to explain certain anxieties I had because he was just like, yeah, I get it. And like every other guy would be like, oh my God, like get over it. But like Craig would be like, no, I get it. Twitter is like the fucking worst and you'll want to like kill yourself over it.

And so I feel like that it's just that on like a such a crazy scale and he can truly empathize with you and not just be someone like patting your back being like that seems really hard because he's gone through it and probably has really good advice considering he's been in the industry for. Yeah. Even though he looks so young and is glowing. Yeah. In the industry for a minute.

Also, he texted me today and was like, get me an appointment at Face Gym. And I was like, first of all, I don't work for you. Second of all, what time? Oh, my God. I was talking to my friend who recently shot a stand-up set on TV. And his girlfriend made him do Face Gym before. And he said he looked like he lost 15 pounds. But, like, doesn't it just go back? Guys, it's the best thing ever. Yeah.

No, I mean, it goes back, but it's like working out like it's like doing squats for your butt. Like, yeah, if you don't keep doing it, like it's going to go back to normal. But like if you keep it up, like it only gets better and better. It's like working out the muscles in your face to like be stronger and like.

better it's so expensive it's so expensive and like I don't know how many motherfucking times I have to post them for them to give it to me free but I I'm about done with them because you're competing with every girl in LA

Also, Khloe Kardashian recently posted a photo where she has a normal-sized butt. No way. Wait, I haven't seen that. Wait, was she wearing the white outfit? Was it the one at the Hulu thing? Because, I mean, Khloe's butt was probably the most obvious BBL. Yeah.

Yeah. Just. How did they get that reversed though? That is an amazing question, but it's like they literally changed their bodies based on the trend. It's like, how do you sit on the toilet? You know? Remember like that? No, like uncomfy. Yeah. I mean, or very comfy. True. Your cushion, bitch. Yeah.

I always want to sit down. So maybe they're on to something. No, it's but it is like we have to remember. Couldn't like fucking go under the knife and try to change for every trend every 10 years. Yeah. Or you can just be like, this is me. And let's just our new trend is not washing your face and like putting one moisturizer on. Let's be honest. People are just putting celebrities names on things.

And they. Well, because it's like even. OK, you know, when you like go and get your makeup done and you bring like an inspo look or something and you bring like a picture of fucking. Yeah. Like Kendall Jenner. Yeah. Like in your head, even if you don't like consciously know it, you want to look like Kendall Jenner, but you look like yourself. You're not going to look like Kendall Jenner just because you get her makeup done. And that's basically what they're selling. Like if you buy this. I know what pissed me off about Hailey Bieber stuff because I was rooting for her.

We were all rooting for her. We were all rooting for her. I thought she was going to come up with some shit that was like, this is my secret. This is what I do. Like, this is my like lemon serum that turns into a mask that you post. So to...

no she gave us a moisturizer and i'm like i'm this moisturizer is not going to make anyone like look that much better you wanted something more innovative maybe innovative or just like unique like this is what i do for my face that really works for me if you have a similar skin type to me one of my number one tricks and it's not even like a fucking trick like my dermatologist gave it to me is have you ever used tretinoin cream i heard of it

If you just put that on your skin literally every single night, but it is very drying like every other night like that. I've used that for years. Or on problem areas. No, it's like an all over. I don't know if you can use it as a spot. Even that, I like that. If you came out with a line and you were like, this is my favorite thing that I like to do. It might work for you. But like, I don't know why you have to get it. You have to get it from a dermatologist. Like you can't just like buy a tretinoin cream. Oh, naughty. Yeah.

Dermatologists are cults. Dermatologists are gatekeeping cults. No, they literally are. You can't get into one for six months. Fuck off. Also, they like love squeezing pimples. You're sick. You're sick. Who hurt you? I love that. I love that. You were a dermatologist in the past life, like a celebrity dermatologist.

I think I was. I literally annoy the shit out of Craig if like I see a pimple. I'm like, let me at it. I saw a guy sitting at the beach the other day. He had a massive pimple on his back. It took everything in me to like not go up and squeeze. I started at the entire time, missed the entire view of the ocean because I was staring at this man's pimple. I don't want to gross anyone out. You won't be grossed out. But I decided to like walk from midtown to downtown. I was like feeling free on a summer night with sandals. Yeah.

yeah and i get like the worst blisters and all this stuff it was stupid like a water blister so i got like a boil have you ever gotten a full boil yeah i have look how happy you got i got a boil where it looks like a pimple but if you try to squeeze it it doesn't come out because the boil is so deep and then it's just hard and red around it and i like fully was like in so much pain but i put tea tree oil on it

And it was good. The next day was better. So you should never pop the ones that are filled with like oil or like the water ones because it's actually protecting your skin. But like if I have a safety pin nearby, bitch, I'm popping that shit because I want to see the water come out. But don't. It's really bad for you. I have a fun story when I was younger.

I was dating this guy who I thought was like love of my life. And he invited me to meet his parents in the Midwest. Not the Midwest. It's like whatever. Geographic location unknown. Yes. So Haley and Dave invite me to go to the beach one day. And I...

I guess I like didn't reapply and it was like early in the summer and I got so fucking burnt like I'm burnt everywhere I'm a lobster I try to put aloe vera on whatever but I'm Italian it'll tan eventually right I got something called a sun blister on my lip no where at first it looked like it was just I know exactly yep I've had one of those before it looks like a pimple kind of thing all I know is don't pop it

Do not pop it. I popped it, which made it just like an open sore. Yep. And guys, this wasn't a subtle open sore. This was a whole like quarter of my top upper lip in the middle of it. Like there was no chapstick that was going to make it look better. So like I was embarrassed to see people. I was about to go meet his mother with a fucking herpes sore on my lip.

You're like, hi, I'm dating your son. I also have an ST day. What are you going to do about it? It was the most embarrassing thing in my life. I start, I was crying, telling my mom. She's like, do we cancel? I'm like, we can't cancel. We've been planning this trip for months. This is my chance to marry him. He broke up with me immediately. No, I'm just kidding.

But it was really downhill from there. I got there. I had to meet the mom, make a herpes joke, which probably did not go over well. Meet all his friends and they're like... No, I'm dead. Your girl's ugly as shit and she clearly licks subway platforms. I looked like I just...

did heroin for seven months and like was trying to recover. So anyway, don't pop your pimples. I'd love to put every man that I ever thought that I was going to marry in one room together to just see like the range of the like health disorder. You know, like every single guy I've ever dated, I'm like, I'm marrying him. And when I first started dating Craig, I never said that to my mom and she got nervous. Yeah.

She was like, you didn't say that you were going to marry him. And I was like, yeah. Was it because you're actually of the age where you're not a child? Sorry, you're not a child bride anymore. How did first of all, how dare you? Second of all, I think it was because I was like,

Every relationship I've gotten into in my 20s, I really, really wanted it to work. And Craig was the first time that I was like, whatever. If it doesn't work, like, I'll be fine. Yeah, exactly. And I feel like that...

Is self-esteem. Yeah. I actually never really thought I wanted to marry a guy. Except that one guy I just like. I liked. I could see a future with us. Except I do have to say Des. Like I was sending him rings like second week. But that's because he's older. He doesn't have time.

Right. That's a totally different podcast. That's a totally different podcast for another time. With zaddies, it's a whole different like rule book. Okay. I also heard that what's about to be trending is fermented skincare. I just, I can't. People are just pouring beer on their pores. Like, what does that mean? I don't even know what that means. People are doing it. They're saying it's of the future. Food, like what they do to wine and kimchi, they're doing it to beauty products.

Yeah. I don't know what makes it better. I was kind of leaning more towards the like butthole tanning than this because it probably stinks.

Okay, here's the thing about the butthole tanning. Does it have to be direct sunlight or can it like simulate sunlight? Oh, like are people going to start popping up butthole tanning salons? Yeah, like if I just put like a light bulb right in that area, would I get the same effect? Or like does it have to be directly vitamin D from the sun? I think it has to be vitamin D. Like the Taoist did not put a fucking ring light on their asshole, you know?

Okay, good thing we cleared this up because I'd be putting spray tan in places spray tan does not need to be in. Literally, as I was saying that, I was like, I got a UTI. Oh, one thing I do want to try of celebrity lines, though, everyone talks about it on TikTok. Selena Gomez is rare. I love it. I love it. I love it. What's it called? Blush? Yep, her liquid blush. You have to put one dot and then you just...

Work it out? I use her lipsticks and I love them. Have you used the blush? I haven't. So the blush. But I love the things I've used from her. This is the thing. Celebrities can put out a ton of shit. The question is like if the product is actually good and it sounds like Selena's product is actually good. So.

Selena's is very good. I don't think Ariana Grande's people don't like hers. Yeah, I mean, I commend Hailey. There is a difference between being a celebrity and being like, I'm just going to sell this, slap my name on it. And then like you being passionate about it. And I feel like Hailey and Selena are both genuinely passionate people.

about their products that's what they said about ariana that they felt she was disconnected from it but then you look at ariana's stuff and it's like super trendy it looks cool um but i guess they people can kind of sense how involved people are involved in it i don't know totally and also halsey about face makeup is cool it's like if you want to have like a moment like a bright eye color or like got it it's for it's more performative it's more flashy it's

It's for Gen Z. What's your makeup vibe for the summer? Like what's your go-to out to dinner look for your face?

So in the summer and specifically on vacation, I don't really wear a lot of makeup. Like I've recently just been wearing my tinted, like a tinted moisturizer and some bronzer and my fucking mascara. And that's it. And usually I use my bronzer as my eyeshadow. I love that so much because my look is being naturally hot. Yeah, I'm just.

I'm just going to be myself. I'm actually similar right now. I'm doing a tinted moisturizer by L'Oreal Mercier. Actually, you know Thrive Cosmetics? They have a good... They have really good eye stuff. They have a good eye... I do love their mascara. Yeah. I don't know. As I get older, I'm very sensitive to feelings on things, the way they feel on my skin.

And I've been having a real fucking aversion to like putting makeup on my face. Like I'm uncomfortable. I feel like you're going through a very intuitive phase where you're very, yeah, you're very intuitive and you're feeling everything. But I do know what you mean. Thank you so much. Every now and then, like I'll be sweating. I have makeup on and I'm like, if I don't put my face under...

immediately water I'm gonna have a freak you're done yeah it's like when your nails start to just like you need to get them off immediately yeah oh that happened to me the other day I was like get it off I do think for summer I'll take a little like eyebrow thing make my eyebrows good maybe a little shimmer on the eyelid that's it maybe I'm not doing a cat eye this summer I'm just not how dare you even bring it up I know well it's like I started to love myself

that's what happens this thing i just eat pasta all day i love cat eye but like when you really you realize you don't need it i don't need it it's also so fucking hard it's so hard it's so much effort you're exhausted after doing it i'm gonna let the beauty bloggers do it i'm gonna let the tiktok girls do it i like watching it i like seeing them on it but i'm not gonna do it no and then also like i will just randomly touch my face in the middle of the night and

ruined my cat eye and then I'm like um guess I need to go home now yeah which like we do do that on purpose sorry I have to go buy my cat eye and they're like oh my god go home fix it yeah um what is this yuca app

Oh, that's the app that I put in all the products to see if they're like clean or not. It's Y-U-K-A. Yeah. And that's when you're going to throw. That's literally, I think, was the start of my journey where I'm like, I'm throwing a lot of shit out. Wow. You know, Bethany Frankel has been doing those TikToks where she's like this. It's crap. It's overrated. I actually, I really enjoy them. I could see you doing that. I'm like, oh my God. I mean like this talcum powder. Might as well just throw yourself and eat rat poison. No.

No, literally might as well snort asbestos. Do you want to talk about JLo? I've wanted to talk about it for so many hours and like my family doesn't get it. So much to dissect. And like guys, JLo put a documentary out and everyone's like, oh, is it good? And like I was like, no, I want to like deep dive it. Yes. And nobody wanted to talk about that. What is your thesis statement? I'll give you mine. You give me yours.

Oh my God. My thesis statement. I was never good at it. Literally never to this day, like figured out what it was. You just got immediate anxiety. Like, fuck, is this an MLA format? Um, did you ever have to do turn it in.com? What is that? You had to like upload your paper to see like how much of it was plagiarized. Oh,

And there was like a percentage at the bottom of like, and it was like, Paige, this is like clearly not your paper. It literally just says stop. I don't think I've ever had that panic feeling like again in my life as like if I was going to get caught plagiarizing. And let's just be clear. I was plagiarizing every damn time.

It's just they couldn't put it together. It literally just says, like, Supreme Court, normal court, small claims court, no court. Yeah. And it was just, never did I get no court. Okay. Anyway, my thesis statement on J-Lo is that she is, J-Lo is the toughest bitch and the hardest working female I've ever met.

like that's why I love her so much. Like, yes, she's glitz. She's glamour. She can shake her ass. She's talented. But what this woman has gone through genuinely has only made her stronger. And like, I think JLo for president. Like that's all. My thesis is JLo for president. This is a JLo podcast. Gavin DeGraw. What was his name?

Who the heck is Gavin DeGraw? Gavin DeGraw, who sang the theme song for One Tree Hill. I don't want to be anything. Wait, who's the other guy that I love? Garth Brooks. Garth Brooks, move over. Garth Brooks, move over. Jennifer Lopez. And I've talked...

I don't want to say talk shit, but I was like a little annoyed at her and Ben with all the paparazzi stuff. I started to be like, what is she missing in her life that she needs this so much? But then I realized, no, no, no. JLo is fighting all.

a larger cause j-lo is out here in these streets yeah being the baddest bitch in the world j-lo is fucking incredible and to anyone to anyone who wants to argue with us normally i'd say i'm open to discussion you're done unsubscribe leave a mean review and get out

Look, I've talked about the separation of me and J-Lo because Craig Conover is responsible, in my eyes, for it coming to light that A-Rod is a piece of actual trash. I will say one thing. The way they edited A-Rod out. Creative. Chef's kiss. I mean, give them an Emmy. It was like he didn't exist. Give them an Oscar. I will say this, though.

I know that Ben had one soundbite. I don't feel like he deserved it. I don't feel like he needed to have that soundbite. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to be honest. She is the epitome of decentering men from your life. She gave it to him just to like make him feel like she likes him. I think so too. I think so too. That's cute. Yes. Yes.

yes we basically didn't need ben to tell us j-lo's great you know correctamundo seriously like okay worldly sorry i'm a world traveler and i think they say that here correctamundo um i only say perfecto now though i will say that i don't say perfect anymore it's so there are certain things that you buy every single summer sandals sunscreens snacks

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Terms and conditions apply. American. Okay. And I'm not going to relate myself to Beyonce and JLo at all. Like at all. Do it. Do it. But I will say, I feel like we have a similar, we are like similar to them in this regard. Like I have an assistant and I think she's amazing and she's wonderful and I love her and she helps me out so much. But there are some times where like my dad or my mom will be like, well, why are you so stressed out? Just ask your assistant to do this.

And I won't even ask her to do something because I'm like, but I need to have it done exactly the way that I would do it. And I know that if I told her exactly the way I wanted it, she would do it. But like, it makes me feel better if I just do it. But not even. They're inspiring to us because they are brands and we are brands. We're like, if someone messes something up,

They don't get in trouble. You get in trouble on Twitter. People say, I hated what Paige wore when you weren't even the one who chose it. You had hired someone to style you for something and you trusted it, but you're the one that gets the heat. So you see JLo talking about performances and stuff and it's because it represents her. No one gives a fuck who did the choreography. It's JLo at the end of the day. It takes all the heat. And it's so crazy when she was talking about how there was a time in her life where...

Really, like she had to try so much harder with her talents because her love life was like the center of every like gossip thing. Yeah.

So even though she is so talented, it's almost like she had to try 10 times harder because people only saw her as like the serial dater. Yeah. You're like, why don't you ever notice my sets, my shoes, not one outfit plug. Right. Like, why don't we ever talk about the charity work that I do? You know, like why, why can't we have like a positive PR moment? Um,

But like I felt so bad. But then like I'm thinking back, like I have always been a Jennifer Lopez stan. Like in the second grade, they said, what do you want to be? And I said, Jennifer Lopez. And they were like, you need to go back to the first grade because you don't get English.

yeah, I wrote it down on a piece of paper. They were like, write what you want to be. And I was like, Jennifer Lopez. And I didn't, and you spelled it wrong. Totally. And like, I didn't understand that like that wasn't a choice. They were like, no, like you have to be a career. And I was like, Jennifer. Okay. She's a triple threat. How dare you? Like this bitch can sing, act and dance. Like get the fuck out of my second grade classroom. Where was I even going with this?

Oh, that she's always been such a, like, she, in her eyes, when she was, like, and I started to believe what everyone was saying to me. But, like, true fans as myself, like, I never thought one negative thing about her because she had, like, failed engagements. You know, like, the true people that love you and see you, like, those are your fans. And, like, that's what you have to think about yourself. And, like, it made me sad that she, like...

That she felt bad for a period of time. But the relationship stuff was like purely clickbait and what people wanted to consume. Yeah.

Her thing for people who don't know is she was like a, she started as a dancer and then she got cast as Selena. She was a singer, a dancer, an actress. She got nominated for an Oscar and that's how she just like blew up into stardom. She started getting more and more roles and the people started being like, Jennifer Lopez can't act. She can't sing. She can't dance. She can't do all three suddenly. And that's the stuff too. She started listening to, it became a joke that like JLo can't sing and

And then you see her at the Super Bowl and you're just like. Right. And like her first major movie, she was singing, dancing and acting in one of like the most important movie roles. The Super Bowl. Oh, no, I can't. She's so good.

And then further fucking more, the press is still trying to get, you know, clickbaity because they were like, Jennifer Lopez was upset that she had to share the stage with Shakira. That is not what she said. Not at all. That is not what she said. Out of context. You're putting two headliners together and you're only giving us 12 minutes. Like that's...

we can't get it down to that much saying they wanted diversity they chose these two latina women as in like one latina woman couldn't do it and she was like that's insane and you're picking two stars who have like so many amazing songs and telling them to fit it where like she basically was like if we were guys would you do that right and it was true right it

She would have... Like, the Super Bowl should have had J.Lo or Shakira headline and then, like, someone come in at the end. Like, it shouldn't have been two main acts. Exactly. And that's all she was saying. And her and Shakira were so cute and supportive and amazing together. I actually... I would love a documentary on Shakira. Oh, yes. Wasn't it kind of endearing when, like...

JLo had to do all this press or whatever for something. And she was like, I get really nervous. Like it's very nerve wracking getting up and like talking in front of people. And I think people like desensitize A-list celebrities because you're like, well, that's your job. Like that's what you're like born to do. But and not realizing like, no, but they still get nervous and have like normal human reactions. Yeah. It just made her seem very real to me. Someone on TikTok was like,

making a joke like every celeb documentary and it's like them yelling on the phone about like a deal that needs to close then them like practicing again and again then you know the shot of their ass shaking on stage with fans going nuts then them tired at night in an uber also like people saying that she can't act made in manhattan are you kidding me on repeat on repeat

She's made some of the best rom-coms of our generation. Do you know what I loved about it too? It showed her like in theory failing. It showed her not getting an Oscar nom or not getting like... And not winning a certain award where most of these documentaries are about like...

oh, the greatest tour of their lives and how hard it was. Whether you literally saw JLo after losing and her whole team being like, oh, her being like, guys, it's OK. Stop it. It's OK. Like she's such a leader. I really liked the part when her mom was like, look, I wasn't mean to them. Like I didn't like tell them they had to be famous. She was like, but I expected a lot

of my children and they kind of just you know did what they were supposed to and I liked that part a lot okay guys we literally love you so much we're working on some new merch um yes we are and the reaction to our last merch drop has been incredible I don't even know if they're available anymore but our men are trash tour has been

I mean, that was great. It was worth the shadow ban. Let me tell you, it was worth the shadow ban on my wedding. It was worth it. And I'll do it again. I'll do it again for your wedding. And we still have some tickets available for our New York City show and like a handful of our Boston show. Go to our link on our Instagram. And thanks for giggling with us.