Giggling about roasts, jokes, and shaved heads
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But, Abu, when do we make my nuggets?

Fry's. Fresh for everyone.

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New year, more you. Join Bumble. What's up, my get back to work gigglers? No more relaxing. We're taking on the town. Honestly, I miss Giggly Squad. I feel like I've lived seven lives since our last pod. Well, okay, we have to apologize.

Not only to the Academy. Yeah. But we dropped the most dramatic episode ever on a Monday with no warning. And we were just like, figure it out, Googlers. The drama. The drama. And then we went radio silent. See ya. The only place you could find me was in TikTok comments. That's the only place I looked. Which is so funny because I haven't been allowed to look at Bravo-related stuff for years now. Yeah.

Well, here's the thing. I'm in TikTok comments, like, in general. Like, I'm in there. Well, it's better than actual videos, the comments. Yeah, like, I pop in there. Yeah. So, like, when I see one about me, I couldn't... I was like, let me tell you about your fucking self for a second. Like, I couldn't resist. And you sued someone. No. How many people did you sue? I'm so obsessed with the gigglers so much. First, wait, first and foremost, let me just say...

The gigglers, like, gave me life this week. Like, I don't think I would have survived this week if I didn't see the gigglers in the comments being like, you don't fucking get it. She's not actually suing you. I started getting tagged of, like, people being, like, really tired being like, the gigglers this week trying to defend Hannah and Paige. Like, this woman smoking a cigarette. Just like, the gigglers. You guys. You...

work so hard they worked so hard i felt like i had 17 million girlfriends just being like what did you say what'd you say the do you say it to my face say it to my face

I didn't cry in the breakup episode, but I literally might cry over the gigglers because I just, I knew that this week was going to be like a little tough. I was not expecting like the amount of misogyny and like the 65 year old boy moms can absolutely fuck off. The act of dating is figure out, figuring out how long you want to be with that person. And then you get to a point where you go, I think we did our time. I feel like I was extremely graceful and nice on the last pod.

That was just one version of me, okay? I made the right decision for myself. Don't make her make lasagna. The virtual lasagnas that I got, my Aunt Pam literally had frozen meat lasagna and sent it to my apartment. She's just like a queen. I was going to say something and literally now I forget.

The only... Like, I don't care about any rumor that is, like, ever said about me. I felt like that TikTok sound when it's like, you're a drug dealer. I was like, what? Like, watching things about myself. The only thing that I was like, okay, can't, like, let this go by was because it was, like, a third party involved. It was, like, people saying that I cheated on Craig with Marcelo. Which, when I first saw that, I...

I died laughing. I was laughing. I was going to text him and then I was like, I don't even want to bother him with this because it's so stupid. I felt weird. I was like, I feel like I have to text Marcelo because like, what if he sees that? What if he has a girlfriend? Just for the record, have you ever texted him one-on-one, not in our bachelorette group chat? One time to get me into the SNL Shane Gillis after party.

Literally the only time I've ever texted Marcella was, hey, do something for me and get me to meet Shane Gillis. So when I see that, I go, wait, that's my baby brother? Yeah. She would never touch my baby brother. I can't have sex with a minor. That's illegal. Literally, he is our baby. I birthed him. We birthed him from our pussies. Domingo came out of my fucking vaginal canal. So I just like texted him. I was like, hey.

Just want to let you know there's a rumor going around that I cheated on my boyfriend with you, and he was just like, fuck yeah. Wait, should we make a sketch where he comes out as Domingo and he's like...

What did he say? I don't even know. But like he was sending me screenshots of DMs he was getting of people being like, we fucking hate you now. And I was like, Marcel, I'm so fucking sorry. Like, this is so embarrassing. No, no one was no one involved was defending me, which I found interesting. No, because I think anyone involved was like this. We're not taking this seriously, but it is crazy.

To be on the side of like seeing stuff being made up and then like how it just can like go through the internet like crazy. No rapid fire. I was like, wait, am I going to jail? No, that was like when I, there was a rumor that Des and I broke up. Yeah. And I was like at the Verizon store and he wasn't there and I texted him and I was like, are we broke up? Yeah.

No, it's so crazy. This is why I want you to not be in the comments because you don't need extra anger. You're already Sicilian. We're already up to here. We're going to snap at any second. You don't need this. But I do have to say... I think people forget that we're Sicilian. They forget. And I think that they need to be reminded. And this is your fucking reminder. I'll show up to your house. But it's also like...

I think breakups are so beautiful. And I was just getting a lot of really positive messages from the gigglers. No, the gigglers were sending me some of the like- The nicest messages. The therapist girl. Did you see that video? Yes, she said- No, I started crying. She said like six girls had brought up your breakup. Yeah.

I hope that your breakup caused a massive breakup where everyone broke up with their boyfriend. We all got cats months ago. And then we were like, wait, are we lesbians? And this is why I got a lot of backlash on my Instagram last night because I said, I want you to shave your head like Emma Stone. The girls were not happy. They said, first of all, I think you're sabotaging Paige's sorbo. And I go, she does that to herself. Second of all...

They were like, she's going through a breakup. Why would you even put this in her head when she's vulnerable? I said, okay, valid point. And then three, they were like, no one's going to pick no guy and was, will want to date her. And I go again. Amazing. But still the misogyny in that people don't realize I'm, I'm a creative. I come up with ideas. I throw ideas at Paige. She takes what she wants. I'm just throwing stuff in there just because it hasn't been done.

Doesn't mean it can't be done. Well, you want to know what I think? I think there's an Audrey Hepburn biopic that's circulating Hollywood. That's what I heard. And I think all the actresses are trying to get that role. And so they're dressing like her. They're cutting their hair like her. And they're like, you know who I think is going to get it.

I'll say who I think should get it. You say who you think should get it. I just heard randomly today. Wait, let's do it on the count of three. Okay. One, two, three. Ariana Grande. I don't like that. I didn't cast her. Oh, wait. Here's another thing I have to say. I've been trying to watch Wicked for...

My, we're going on seven days now. I've taken seven phenomenal naps. Right when it starts. Someone was like, Wicked would be so good without the singing. Wicked would be so fucking fire without the singing. But do you see how you are, Glinda? Yes. Ariana, from what I saw, 15 minutes intermittently, she's crushed it. She's amazing. She's phenomenal. She's the best singer of our entire generation. I don't want her to be Audrey Hepburn. Why? She's Italian.

I, I shouldn't say that because I do love her and I actually do think she probably could do the role because I've we've seen her like be able to commit and like whatever. In my head, it's someone older. But what if she's playing her that age? Yeah, no, you're right. But like, I just think Anne Hathaway has always looked the most like her or Lily Collins. Yeah.

Or you. Or me. Honestly, maybe I'll just, maybe I just call the drill. I'm like, I've never acted. Put me in, coach. I've seen you on Summer House. You're pretty good. According to everyone on the internet, I've been acting for three years. My mom is like the best mom ever. And when I was little, not little, I think maybe I was in like seventh or eighth grade and something happened for the first time ever, like with a boy. And

And I remember my mom saying to me and she'd like repeat it to me like every couple of years. And she would say, Paige, I need you to understand that this is a man's world. OK, it's a man's world. So you need to always be smarter, quicker, like thinking on your feet, like you're going to get fucked over in situations that you shouldn't just because you're a woman. And I feel like that always stuck in the back of my head. And I think people get so mad at me because I move like a guy.

I've always moved in the world like a fucking guy. I will ghost the fuck out of you. I don't give a shit. I like will take your job. I'm not the kind of crazy where it's like I need to get back at you. It's I'll get I'll take your job and become your boss and I'll fire you. Yeah. Like that's my kind of crazy. Yeah.

No, 100%. So it was just like very telling. Like I knew our world was misogynistic, but I didn't know to the extent until it was like coming at me. I do have to say I saw a stat on Instagram. Guys in their 20s, one in five are in relationships and girls in their 20s, it's like two out of three. Okay. And the way that makes sense is because girls don't want to date guys in their 20s. They want to date older guys. I'm not saying I started that, but like I probably did. And-

there's like a maturity thing but that there is a problem with men right now like majority of homeless are men majority of addicts are men which obviously majority of people murders are men but at this point what do we do because now chris what do we chris what do we do because i was talking to my cousin who's at fit i was like who are we dating and she was like no no it's not good out there and i was like sorry i'm with um

An older... Gentlemen. Gentlemen. Yeah. Chris, can you tell me the year when we were allowed to get divorced? They weren't allowed to get a credit card without their man being on it. I think not until like 1970, like... What is that? 1969, I guess. 1969. That's fucking crazy because that's like when our moms were born. Like we're just second generation of women. No, our parents were literally like 10 years old. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. Also, I've been working on this bit about...

and how like the reason Ix got so popular is because we literally weren't allowed to have Ix before. No, we couldn't say it. Like he'd be sitting, he'd be like singing in a restaurant, happy birthday to another table and you'd be like, well, I literally can't get a divorce. So like, la, la, la, la, la. Where now like he comes in with flip-flops and you go, divorce mother fucker.

We've made a whole career on talking about ics and the things we hate about men. A whole fucking career. Literally, I just got tagged in something of me being like, I hate if he's bad at bowling. And you go, I hate if he's good at bowling. And I was like, oh, no. Wait, can we talk about Nikki Glaser first? Yes.

Because one of her jokes to Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban was like, he thinks we're playing the guitar so much that Nicole Kidman went and made 18 movies this year. Like, so true. She's probably like, did you ever shut the fuck up?

It's so funny because you just envision him like trying out a new thing. And she's like, ooh, my agent just called. She's like, that's crazy. I have to go to America. She crushed it. I mean. It was so good. It was so funny when she said that no one had eyelids in Hollywood left. That was so fucking funny. I also, I love that she also didn't play the like.

look, like everything's so effortless and I'm just like so chill. And like, this is just me. She was like, I worked my ass off for this for 20 years. I've been in the trenches. I did this set 91 times. I hired 10 writers and I'm testing and testing. And I know I'm going to kill it because I put the work. I love, I hate when people are just like, oopsie poopsies.

poopsie, poopsie, I crushed it. And then you're sitting at home like, oh, I guess like I'll never be talented enough. No, I think she's such an inspiration. Not only did she crush her job, she looked... It obviously wasn't an effortless job. She looked effortless though. She looked gorgeous. She looked stunning. I think...

something like we like to put out in the world is how women can be multifaceted. Like you can be beautiful, but also a bitch. Yeah. I can't.

I can be funny, but also depressed. And I love that she's multifaceted on there. And it's like, she's not just like, oh, I hate myself and I'm funny. No, she's like, I'm hot, but I'm also funny. But I also worked really hard for this. I also was nervous. Like just the multifaceted, just being a human. Yeah. She's very just authentic and relatable. I also loved that people were like, she's the best host since...

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, which I like forgot that they used to host it. Shout out Amy. And they were phenomenal. And it's like, oh, does anyone know what guy has ever fucking hosted? No, because he sucked. Remember when Joe Coy did it? Get the fuck out of my face. Like, that's crazy. I have some like tea. Yeah. Did you know that Nikki Glaser's the reason Des and I are married? No. No.

I don't know if I ever like said it. Wait, no. So Des, I saw Des like eight years ago at the Comedy Cellar when I was like in sales or something. Yeah. I thought he was so cute, but his whole set. Wait, that's so crazy because I keep getting TikToks that are like, you meet your husband twice.

Stop. Is that nuts? That's crazy. Because like I remember thinking he's so cute, he's so whatever. But he lives in Ireland. His whole set was how he's in Ireland. Yeah. But I like remembered him. Yeah. And then years later, I get into comedy and he starts following me.

And I follow him back and like nothing happens. Okay. How long is this before you went on your first date? Like a year? A year. Okay. So we've been following each other for like a year. Okay. And then I take a photo with Luann and I tag that I'm in Shelter Island. He DMs me, are you out east? Yes. Do you want to get coffee in Sag Harbor? Here's my digits. Got there. Did he actually say the word digits? I said digits. Okay. I was like really, long story short.

He was like, oh, I started following you because you were in the background of Nikki Glaser's Instagram story and I thought you were pretty.

And he goes, I thought you had fake lips. You do have phenomenal lips. Thank you. They are overlined right now. They do. Oh, he's a plump. But he basically was like, I was following. So because of Nikki. Oh my God. Because him and Nikki had been friends. Wait, that's crazy. Have you ever told her that? Yes. And also Nikki early on one night, she was like, do you want to follow me around? Yes.

And I was like, yes, please. I just want to smell your hair. That's so nice. She literally was like, I'm practicing my set. And I watched her do a set at the stand. We jumped in a car, went to the cellar. I watched her do three other spots. We sat at like the table. And she looked at me and I asked her some like stupid questions. I was like, how do you remember? Like I just asked her, do you forget things? Do you bomb? Yeah. And she just was like so nice. And like from that moment on, I was like really inspired. Women supporting women. Women supporting.

No, you love to see it. I feel like all, I don't know why I feel like this, probably just because of the week I had. I feel like all the gigglers and like the girls are in on a secret that like the guys don't know. It's like the guys and the women over 65, they're on their own island and we're all like-

Okay. We don't know what he does when he leaves the studio, though. Like, he cannot be held accountable. Yeah, like, we don't know who he dates. Did you think when you wrote See You in Court to that one guy that he was going to, it was going to become, like, a whole thing? I certainly didn't think, like, People Magazine was going to be like, Pigeon...

Page threatens legal action. I was like, it's a joke. Like, it's a fucking Giggly Squad joke. Welcome to my fucking life. Yeah, I was like, listen to my podcast, you idiots. No, the Gigglers have been defending us day and night. I think they're, like, taking turns. No, they're, like, tirelessly working. Also, I need to shout out Tracy Carnazzo and, like, a team of Gigglers sent me a massive bouquet of flowers. It literally looked like I died in a car accident. I was like, wait, what happened?

It was so nice. And then they donated $500 to a woman's shelter. Is that not the sweetest? I was like, it's all worth it. No, because they're your people. There are fucking people. Well, because our own was going through it last week. One of our own. Oh, no.

The range of emotions I went through. At one point, my mom was like, I think I need to hang up. And I hate to say, I was kind of happy that you were getting some press because I was trying to get out of my own press. No, literally. Hannah's getting...

getting mauled with Blake Lively Justin Baldoni I gotta hold my beer literally hold on I've got your back I literally was like okay we're dropping the episode tomorrow I'm pretty sure no there was a moment where I was like should we just drop it today to really like to really stop this my only note I'm gonna my only note that I'm gonna say about that is that

it was kind of crazy that there were like five comics and we're all doing like the roughest roast jokes you could think of. - Yes. - And one line from me is the only thing that got picked up. - Hannah, Tim Dillon, I love him. Dressed up like a murdered man.

And everyone was like, phenomenal, creative. You said the word cunt and they were like, I'm sorry. This whole week, I felt like a witch in Salem. I was like, wait a second. My ancestors truly are like, bitch. Also, I just want to say,

The joke in general was kind of... Phenomenal and hilarious. It was about how, like, girls are getting hate. Yes. It was highbrow, high level. It's super highbrow. I also have to say that the word cunt in America, people fucking hate. But it's an amazing word. Like, they lost their mind. Thank you. Gen Z, like, really... Shout out to Gen Z for bringing that to, like...

it be normal there were some people that were like mad at me so this one woman kept commenting on my photos cunty and i was like i don't think she knows it's a serve i'm like that's literally the look i'm going for with a spoon no the amount okay that's the other crazy thing the amount of like mean comments like it's never a girl our age it's never a girl younger like to see a mom like

it actually is pure comedy and I feel like we could write a skit about it to see a mom like with a pixie cut and like glasses and her profile is like live light God and then like okay well I love pixie cuts but continue a psalm and then to be like you're a raging bitch cunt and I hope you never get married and have children I was like that's crazy

i'm trying to plan an upcoming trip, like some type of like chic ski trip where i don't actually ski with a few of my girlfriends and we were talking about like what hotels should we book and then we were like we really want to be together the entire time and booking a suite is just like too much

and so we keep looking at all these different houses and it just is making the trip so much more exciting to think about being in a house all together. we can hang out in different rooms, we don't have to go to bed and like not see each other, we can go into each other's rooms. it's so much easier. so next time you're looking to book your next trip, be sure to look for a guest favorite on airbnb.

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But, Abu, when do we make my nuggets?

I wanted to tell you the jokes, some jokes that were cut that I thought were way worse. Okay, yeah. And I want to see if you think they're funny or not. Okay. This first one I'm starting with was actually written by Kim Congdon, who's this like amazing roast writer, and she pitched this joke to me and it's fucked up. Okay. Um...

Selena Gomez got engaged to Benny Blanco, who seems nice, but he does look like the monster inside P. Diddy. That was too savage. That's so savage.

That's hilarious. Okay, next. Let me go easier. This is like a sweet one that got cut. Okay. John Krasinski was announced the sexiest man alive. The same guy who took five seasons to try to fuck Pam. Then I go, this whole industry is very plastic. Every time there's a wildfire in the hills, I assume a Kardashian got a little too close to an open flame.

Okay, this is mean. Okay. Because I said, no plastic surgery for Jeff, though. I like your suit. You look like a fancy aborted baby. What?

I wrote that one. Oh my God. I said, call it big year for podcasts. Call her daddy had Kamala Rogan at Trump. And I had a more influential blonde Hawk to, uh, she gave me amazing financial advice. What is going on? I don't know who's managing her, but like, you know, that that was not her idea. Someone took advantage of her. And

And I'm not witch hunting her. No, some men definitely came in and like ruined all her shit. She's probably going to disappear now. Because what'd she do? She stole a bunch of money from people? No, she did a... It's Bitcoin stuff, so obviously a man did it. Right. But it's like she got people to buy Bitcoin. She didn't know. She didn't know. That girl did not know. She didn't know. No. Okay, this is the most fucked up one. Are you ready? Some girls have been singing out loud during the wicked screenings, which is not okay. Okay.

Kind of makes you wish Luigi hit a couple AMCs before he got the CEO. Now that's evil. That's... So, that's Rose Jokes. No, I love it. You did so good on that. Thank you. And you looked phenomenal. Oh, my God. I found an amazing makeup artist out there. Yeah. Your hair and makeup, honestly, so good. Thank you. And I wore a dress that I'd previously worn that I knew was comfortable. Oh, my God.

Shout out to the Gigglers. You should use them for the thing we're doing in March in LA. Okay, Scrambling Eggs. I do have to say, I got there and John Stamos was playing on the drums. Yeah. And immediately I always know there's Zaddy in the room. I'm like...

but I was like, I'm not talking to him. Like I don't talk to famous people in the room. So I'm minding my own business and we make eye contact accidentally and he starts mouthing something to me because he was behind the drums and I was in the crowd during a practice. And I'm like, what's he saying? And he goes,

gotcha no and I that's what I said I start going no no I turn around and she goes no and I start laughing and then I turn to the girl next to me I'm like I think John Stamos just like made an inside joke about my podcast but I think I think I'm yeah I think I hallucinated it I'm high yeah then he I try to avoid him for like the next hour because I just what do you say what do you say what am I supposed to say to John Stamos yeah what do you say to Uncle Jesse finally he comes up to me

And he goes, hey, watch your special twice. But he was so nice. Yeah. So talented on drums. So cool. Yeah. I didn't even know he played... Like, how did that even come about there? Like, and we'll get John Stamos to play drums. It was like... I think, like, Jeff Ross has been in Hollywood for so long. He's, like, friends with... Like, Diplo was there just because Diplo's, like, friends with him. Like, it was so...

It was definitely like on the verge of a P. Diddy for golf. No, I feel like we need to go to LA and have lunch with John Stamos and Anne Becky. I met her one time at a wedding and I literally, I like, I mauled her. I was like, I love you. You talked to her? Yeah. Was she nice? It was literally right after she got out of jail and I was like, I don't care what they're saying about you. I'm obsessed. And she was like, thanks. You go, I love a woman in STEM. I love a woman scheming, plotting. Okay. Okay.

No, he couldn't have been more nice than afterwards. Just like chill. Like I love when celebrities don't like pretend they're on like, you know when they pretend they're on a different planet and like they can't process anything around them because they're so famous. Right. Like they're so out of reality that they don't even know.

They're not in tune with the majority. And you always feel like it's your fault. You're like, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have opened my mouth in your vicinity. But then you're like, oh, no, people can be normal. So shout out John Stamos. You're a giggler. He did a video for us. No, I love him. But overall, I had to cancel my vacation, which I never vacationed. You canceled like seven vacations this month. I canceled every vacation. I'm so bad at vacationing. It took so much balls for me to like click book vacation.

And then I got an email and Des and I were like at dinner and it said like Netflix roast. And I just looked at him and I was like, we're not going to Columbia or wherever we're going to go. You're a career woman. I'm a career woman. And then.

I just worked like I didn't sleep for the next five. They gave me like five days to get the jokes together. So it was like chaos, but it was so much fun. No, you did phenomenal. It was like so exciting to watch. I literally had like a Hannah weekend the other weekend. I watched your roast again and your special. That's like me when I just go to your Instagram to look at your outfit sometimes. I was like, this is my human beta blogger. I'm just going to put her on in the background. Wait, that's so cute.

I did FaceTime you a couple times when Des was napping. Yeah, that was nice. That was nice. Oh, yeah. We're going to go to the Knicks game tonight. Oh, yeah. With our dads. How adorable. What are our dads going to talk about? Who needs a son? Honestly, is the first thing I'm thinking of. No, what are... I can hear them giggling in the other room right now. Our dads and Des are talking. I would love to know what they're laughing about. What could they possibly be talking about? I don't think they ever thought...

that they would get here with us. Do you know what I mean? Like, what do you think our dads think about us? I was just thinking, because my dad has, he's so cute, he has a basketball league. And when I first started comedy, a guy came up to him and was like, what do you think about like the stuff your daughter says online? Like, she's pretty gross.

And my dad, my dad kind of like laughed it off, like whatever. And it's like, yeah, me being gross online got him courtside tickets, bitch. Right. No, my dad's friends think that I like do porn. They're like, my dad's like- I do do dildo ads. We did not buy courtside tickets.

Radio City is owned by MSG. Yes. And we have two sold out Radio City shows. So it's like a thing they do where they give people who are playing Radio City seats. And we asked our daddies. So we're just two daddies girls. What I didn't like when I asked my dad, I really like didn't think of it. I was like, oh, we got these tickets. Like, do you like Hannah's going to bring her dad? Like, do you want to come?

I didn't realize it until I got home for Christmas how excited he was because, like, his friends were calling him, like, hey, just checking in. Like, when were you going to that game? And, like, where are your tickets? And he's like, you know, we got the separate entrance. That's what Paige says. And I didn't realize, like, how excited he was. And I forgot, like, how much men love sports. And it's adorable. My dad...

after we went, we went once, my dad and I, and it was like the most amazing experience. And afterwards he goes, so next time, can I bring my friends? And I was like, this isn't for your 20 friends from Brooklyn. No, how the tables have turned. Literally before we got in the car today to come, I looked at my dad and I go, now, act like you've been somewhere before. Please don't embarrass me. If you're thinking, should I say that? The answer is no. Like,

I literally gave him the speech he would give me when I was eight, like going places. That is so funny. Well, my dad, just to warn you, loves a buffet, like lives for a buffet. And the last time I didn't know there was free food. So he ate beforehand, showed up, saw the buffet, looked at me, said,

why did I eat beforehand? Now I have to eat. Were there hot dogs in that buffet? Yeah. There's everything you can imagine. So my dad hones in and goes, he thinks that he's like- No, you are his daughter. He thinks he's losing money if he doesn't eat at the buffet. So he needs to eat. He's getting ice cream. He's getting ice cream in between because my mom's not around. So she can't like judge him. I think he has gout also. And I'm like, go off of

Okay, go off. No rules here. We're cool daughters. We're not regular daughters. We're the messy house. No, I'm obsessed. So, Paige and I, I am letting you know we're putting my outfit together like 10 minutes before we leave, per usual. But I'm excited. Do you think they're going to get along, our dads? Like, they've hung out, but not like in this capacity. Yeah, I think dads like... Have to. They have to because they're just dads. But also, our dads weirdly have this like crazy connection that both their daughters...

who were written off many times are now like have a good business together. No, my dad...

Look, he's very supportive. But when I tell you that he did not believe in me for a second, I am not over-exaggerating. I will thank him at every award show, but when I tell you... When I tell you this man was nervous. I was applying to colleges and he said, what are you doing? Do you really think you're going to be able to do that? I said, dad, I think I should try. And he goes, look, I'll take care of you for the rest of my life. And I said, okay, thank you. Um,

um and look at us now my dad was literally the exact opposite like the way he raised me though was like a dog like he would like just throw you just throw a ball and be like can you bring it back and i was like i love you daddy that fast enough and he all like we only connect over sports at first but we are like the same person but he like believed in me too much like i would like lose a match to like the number one girl in the nation yeah he'd be like

What the fuck was that? Yeah. Like, what are you doing? No, that's good. But like his belief in me. Yeah. Made me who I am. It gave you drive. Yeah. And he made in any room I walk into, like he made me and he's also a feminist king. My dad, like he loves the WNBA. He loves female comedians. He like, I think cuz he's such a girl dad. Yeah.

you don't see what women deal with. And it's like Des, he hasn't seen what like female comics deal with. And he'll be like, oh, that's weird. They picked your quote or like, oh, why didn't they choose you for that? Is that not crazy? And they learned so much from seeing it through our lens. Yeah. And I think my dad, he loved when like I was on the boys team and the boys were complaining. Like my dad lived for that. So no, I think that like,

Life is like such a cycle that men get daughters that need to have daughters. Oh, my dad needed a daughter. Like beyond. Because they always say that like when you have a son, like a certain part of like...

that you've never experienced, like you experience it. But I feel like with dads and daughters, it's like 10 times more. We're very similar. And also I feel like the sons, they have that little bit of like fucking authority where they want to be like, I'm my own man. Yeah. Or like me with my dad, I'd just be like, I love you daddy. You can do nothing wrong.

Well, also like think of their generation. They're the generation of like, yeah, you couldn't get divorced. You couldn't have a credit card. So like them growing up and then having daughters that are like so opposite of anything they've ever been used to is like kind of crazy. But that's a testament to our moms. Well, I was about to say my dad is the least powerful person in the household. Exactly.

Right. My dad doesn't know where a goddamn thing is. My dad doesn't know my birthday or his own birthday. My dad did not know one gift that he gave over the holidays. I love to look at him. I said, Dad, what is this gift? What is it? And he just beats me. I don't know whatever your mom picked out. But it is it is a cool full circle moment to bring our dads to game to watch other men run around.

How cute. You're going to like their huddles. They do huddles here too. I love when they huddle. They huddle and they whisper. They gossip. No. About the other team. They'll be like, he is really bad at passing. So I'm not saying that. No, I'm really excited. I thought about my outfit for so long. I'm just like, what would Khloe Kardashian wear? Oh, my God.

What is your inspo and why did you choose what you chose? Because I'm obsessed. Also, I feel like your makeup's a little Charlie XCX. I felt like ponytail gives wag. Yes. So I was like, slick back ponytail. Yeah.

Model off-duty, just like a tank and jeans. Yes. And then a trench. Yes. You know? I like trench because it looks like you're busy and you have to go somewhere, but you don't. Because there's so many pockets. There's so many pockets. You do look like any time you're like... She has to get to things quickly. And you look like you're going to investigate something or flash someone. Right. This is where me and you differ. I wanted to wear this jacket, but I cannot...

deal with the fact that i'm afraid that when i sit down i'm gonna feel hot we put it on the back of your chair no but you know how like it's the outfit like you can't take it off i don't like feeling trapped that's why i get claustrophobic because i was like you can have it hang off yeah like i felt the same way i was like am i gonna want to take it off but like i can't wear a tank top but like i ordered this is my first time on a jumbotron yes oh my god watch they don't do it right

They just do you. There is. Hannah, the giggly squad in my club. No, there is like an asterisk that like says like, we can't guarantee that you're on the Jumbotron. Is there? Yeah, but I think just like if they ever fuck up, like they can't get sued, you know? Okay, got it. Like I need to be on the Jumbotron. Also the Jumbotron is, it's very quick and you always like,

Look, I was on Jumbotron once at the Met game and it was pretty great, but it goes so fast. You don't know where to look because if you look at it, you're not looking in it. It's a whole thing. Now I'm a little nervous, but I'm excited. You're going to be great. You've been training your whole life for this moment. No, I've literally been training my whole life for Jumbotron. That's how Pamela Anderson got discovered and I think that's been in my head because I'm like, hello? Is that really how she? Yes. Pamela Anderson got discovered on a Jumbotron at a football game, I think.

Wait, you're right. No, a professional baseball game maybe. Do you like how she's been showing up to red carpet? It's just like no stylist, no makeup, just me. No. No, not at all. No stylist, no makeup, no hair. No, we can tell. No, I clocked that. So empowering. She is stunning. She's gorgeous. I love what she's doing.

But like, I would like to see a look. I'd like to see one look. I think, I get it. If you're saving money, stylists are so fucking expensive. So is hair and makeup. Truly. And I get it, but she doesn't have to. She could have, look, I am so, do whatever you want, truly. Like, don't wear makeup, wear makeup, get dressed up, don't wear heels. She could just wear like a light makeup. Do whatever. Whatever.

But sometimes I do think like when you are invited to certain events, like it is like almost rude if you don't come correctly, like appropriately. But I do think when you're such an icon and you're of a certain age, rules go out the door. Like Jerry Seinfeld only wears sneakers. Like Adam Sandler. Right. Even though he did dress up. That's fine for them. But like, I don't like that. Can I tell you?

what I've been doing this whole break. Yeah. Nothing? I've been... Yes. I've been watching Dexter. The new one? No, I've never watched it before. Oh, okay, yeah. Because I haven't watched that many TV shows. That's so crazy. I'm watching the reboot right now because I watch... So first of all, Hot. Hot. If you don't know, it's a show about a serial killer, but he only kills bad people and serial killers. So it's like Robin Hood serial killers. I got so into it. I watched...

five seasons and then does make me stop because he said it goes it gets bad after four and a half it gets so bad so he was like I don't want to ruin it for you but now you know when you this is the one thing I love about tv shows you know when you miss your family yeah like they're my my best friends you get invested with them and I'm like what is Angel doing and like okay Matsuka well good news because they just rebooted it as like a prequel but this is like how he got there this is where I'm gonna be annoying I don't like change

I don't know if I'm going to like them. And that's fine. They use some of the same cast. That makes me happy. I also saw Christina Milian is on it. And she's phenomenal. And she's so good. I'm very proud of her. I love all her music. Yeah. Oh, come on. I love all her song. Yeah. I've been doing too many roasts. I've been doing too many roasts. I love all her songs.

Deep below, pick it up slow. No, she was in Icon. I literally thought I was going to lose my virginity to that song. No, that was so good. And then the Sarah James Geller. Yes. What's her name? Michelle Geller James. Sarah Michelle Geller. Sarah Michelle. It was one of them. People don't talk about her in Freddie Prinze Jr. enough.

They're so... One of, like, the longest-lasting couples. I think because people aren't talking about them is why they're doing well. Also, quick thing about interviews at these award shows with these actors. Sorry, I didn't act your breath. Told space for it. They... The actors... It's so funny. They're so different than, like... They take themselves very seriously, but in, like, they're saving the world that day. How do we get that passionate about... What if we talked about... Wait. Wait.

Doing this podcast, I felt connected to the feminine energy that this space had not been open for. And then the work I've been doing every week as I put my head down, and I trained for this for months, making fun of my little brother, to be able to put myself in this place with you in this moment, in this present moment on the mics. It's a word salad. I'm like, what the fuck are we talking about? What did you just say? You were in a movie. What?

What? We don't know. What? Yeah. No, I feel the same way. I love how I couldn't think of one movie. I couldn't think of one.

Name a woman. Name a movie. No, I can name one movie. Like, the fact that the interviewers remember anyone's name is a miracle because, like, you get so nervous. I'd be like, you. No, and I'm going to shout out. You, Heather McMahon. There's a shout out to Heather McMahon because I feel like she is bringing, like, a little bit of Joan Rivers back because she will laugh at, even if people don't laugh at her,

because they're so serious. She will laugh at her own joke and that I appreciate. She's not taking it too seriously. She's just having fun. She's not taking it too seriously. The other E! News host, Zuri Hall, Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry, but if I was an actress and I showed up to the red carpet and the interviewer looked 8,000 times better than me, I would be like, what the fuck? This is my night. She's always best dressed for me. And she's extremely professional and smart. And shout out to Kelty Knight. Yes, and Kelty looked gorgeous too. Gorgeous. I will say all of the E! News girls are great at their job. I don't really watch any other...

like, red carpet. But I will say, I think everyone's just, like, scared to say anything. Yeah. And, like, it's so serious. Well, someone was saying how interviews, it's either, like, too deep of a question, like,

what does this movie represent for your entire life? And people are like, wait, what? Or they say something like super, a question like, how'd you get ready this morning? And there's like no in between, but it's also, I don't know about you, but it's so hectic when you're on a red carpet that like, you are just word salad. That's what I do. And then I just look at them like, did that make sense? Bring back the Manny cam. Like what? Yeah.

Do you remember the mani cam? Wait, who? The mani cam when they would put their fingers. No, I know. Yeah, like bring it back. But also. Honestly, the era of like Juliana Rancic and Ryan Seacrest. I think I like hold on to that. Where is she?

I don't know. Did they ship her back to Italy? No, she lives in Chicago, I think, with her husband. Oh, so she has a family. She has a family. She owns like an Italian, I think they own like Italian restaurants there. But I don't know. Well, you know what's taking over now? TikTok? Bitchy gays on TikTok, who I'm obsessed with. There are no gays on the red carpet. Why? Why are there no gay interviewers? They would be 10 times more.

Better. I feel like there are, but not on E.

I mean, like, I don't want a straight man interviewing me. They have Siriano on. Christian Siriano? Who I think is gay. Yeah, but it's also, like, he's a designer. So it's, like, I mean someone that, like, their profession is. What's his name? Like, they have Mario Lopez. Nikki something. Who's the guy who's, like, hung over and just goes, no, ew, bad. Oh, on TikTok? Okay. Why'd you do that? I'll tolerate it. Yeah. I want him to destroy my office so bad. I know.

I know he's going to see it and just go, ugh. No, he's so bad. But why can't we have that on TV? I think because like. I know it's rude. Yeah. But I think you need a villain. Well, I think streaming networks should start doing red carpet. I also think if there's calm. Let me say that. You don't need a villain.

It's like the roast. If there's comedy to it, if it's clever, if there's entertainment to it, that's one thing. We don't want people bullying people being like, she looks ugly, she looks bad, this looks stupid. We want funny. And not funny being like, oh, she looks like a lampshade. Like we've heard that a zillion times.

Oh, she looks like a mattress cover. Oh, like good one. Right. We want it more. Well, here's the problem with us. More banter. The problem with us is we're so self-deprecating. And let me tell you, the majority of people are not. And it's genuinely uncomfortable when you're with like around someone that takes themselves so fucking serious. It's actually such my biggest ick.

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But, Abu, when do we make my nuggets?

I did something so embarrassing. Speaking to talking to people, I tried to put myself out there and be a good friend. Yeah. There was a person who like I love.

And we've only hung out a couple times, but he basically posted saying that he was going through a hard time. And I was like, you know when you think in your head, like, oh, I should have said something? I'm like, I'm going to say something nice to him. So I messaged him. I blocked you. I blocked you.

He goes, you're actually the reason for all of these problems. I messaged him. I said, try to keep your head up. You're really talented and bring joy to so many people. Take care of yourself. And he wrote, thanks, Hannah. I appreciate it so much. I'm still kicking and making shit just a bitch. I read it as I'm still kicking and making shit just

And I go, "Ha ha, you being a little bitch makes you who you are." He goes, "No, I'm saying it." He goes, "I'm saying still making shit is just a bitch." Like me. Like making content. - And this is why we have no friends. This is why it's just me, you, and Grace.

This is why Chris fucks with us just once a week. This poor guy is so low. He's teetering. I go, yeah, because you're a little fucking... You go, yeah, well, everyone knows you're a little bitch. I go, oh my God, I'm so sorry I called you a bitch. I go, this is why I don't help people. This is why... You're like, oh, by the way, suck it the fuck up, you bitch. He basically was saying his job is like making content. He's like, making shit is a bitch. And I go, I know you're a little stupid bitch.

And then I was like, I hope I made him laugh. And then I checked in and I'm later like, hey, we good? And he goes, I'm not worried about us. So anyway, just be careful. Sometimes when you're trying to make people feel better, it makes them feel worse. Okay, I'm going to also say something that's so crazy. I like miss tour. I do too. We had a purpose. I had a reason to get up every day because I had a flight.

I mean, well, I can't miss my flight. I'm not losing out on that money. No, the quiet was loud during vacation. No, I genuinely realized that like you and Grace are my best friends. And like, I only want to be around you guys.

And I need to go back on tour even if I have to heavily medicate myself. See, I knew you loved tour. I love tour. We love tour. No, I love it. So that's why I'm obsessed with rap music because they're always rapping about like hustling and being on tour. So I pretend I'm a rapper. Wait, I want to tell the gigglers. Are you going to talk about Taylor Swift? Maybe for a second. Okay.

I want to tell the gigglers because I, I like go, I love the bit where it's like, oh, I hate music, whatever. I don't hate music. I used to be like a huge, like I only listened to rap and,

In the past like three weeks, I'm back. I have a slick back bun. I mean, a slick back pony. I am so back. There is music playing in my apartment at all fucking times. Cheesy. No, it's just like Future and Gunna like on fucking repeat. And then I'll throw in like a sad Taylor Swift song. Did you hear the new song called Peggy? Mm-mm.

I'll send it to you. Who is it? It's this British rapper. Love a British rapper. Girl. It's basically about like being a dominatrix. Love a girl rapper. It's basically about like shitting on men and being a dominatrix. Oh, I love it. And she's iconic. I was going to say, people kept tagging you. In Midnight Rain. Being like, Paige, listen to this song.

Did you listen and are you now a Swifty? I did listen. I'm not a Swifty, but I'm not less Swifty where I'm like- You know, I'm not emotional. I'm not going to murder people that go against her. I think she's one of the most talented songwriters, vocalist. She's amazing. Is there a particular- But in high school, all I listened to was Taylor Swift. I was there when the first album dropped. I've always been a Taylor Swift fan. Wait, wait.

I just have some thoughts on her wardrobe. In the Sri Lanka. What is the quote where she goes, are you a Nicki Minaj fan? What? Oh, and she says the wrong quote. Pull up in the Sri Lanka. No, it's not the sentence. So is there a particular Taylor Swift song? I started listening to the one that the girls tagged me in. But no, honestly, I've been going more rap music because I feel like that's where I'm at that more emotionally. Yeah, that's your vibe.

One of the final questions, because we prerecorded our last episode, kind of missed some stuff. Do you have any thoughts on Lily J's essay? Who the fuck is Lily J? Lily J's essay? Sorry, the boys are like laughing. No, they're literally so loud. Kind of make me upset. We're trying to work. The girls are working so that you can have your courtside scenes. Yeah. I'm laughing up over there. Jobless. Nobody wants to work these days. Jobless fucks.

You're going home as soon as you're of age. I'm not wiping your asshole. A state facility. Who is Lily J? She is Ethan Slater's ex who wrote... I was like, why are you pretending you don't know what this is? I feel like you... Did you read it? No. But she did say like, hey, this is fucked up. Yeah. She basically didn't address anyone though, but in so many words was like,

I'm a therapist. My whole life I've wanted to be a therapist. She is. She helps women whose children are dying. So she's an angel. An angel. And she goes, my whole job being a therapist is that they look at me as a blank slate. I can take in all their trauma. And she goes, now...

People see me and know my story of my own issues. And that affects my job because my job as a therapist is to be unknown. I'm fine with Ethan Slater doing his thing, but I've always wanted to be anonymous because that's my job and that's what I do. And now she's and then she basically drops the bomb that like she went to England, had the baby to support him while they were shooting in England and then makes no other detailed comments. That's where they filmed Wicked. Yeah.

So she had the baby. They went on double dates. Like they went out to dinner with each other. Like that's... This is his dick, just like insane. But also, again, I don't care how insane... I mean, I can't imagine. I don't care. No matter how good the dick is, you get tired. You get bloated. At some point, you're like... No man is worth like ruining another woman's life and a child. I believe in love.

I have that story when I was a freshman and my friends and I, who are very similar. My whole thing is just break up. You don't have to cheat. Everyone's an adult. So like, oh, if they get their feelings hurt, shoot, they're going to have to deal with that for a little. You don't have to cheat. Just break up. That's what the internet was saying about you, Marcella. I mean, we've been trying to tell you. To my own damn advice. But I do believe, and I wasn't cheating because I was an official, but like,

My friend hooked up with the guy I had been like talking to for a couple weeks because I was like playing tennis tournaments and they were just like hanging out. Oh, this is your college friend? Yeah. They got married. They got married. They had babies. And I go...

as they should they were clearly meant for each other they found love i wasn't gonna marry that man no and it's when people find love sometimes it gets ugly but like as long as people are happy i'm happy no that quote of like if you can take them have them yeah if you can take them i don't freaking want them yeah i just shout out to lily j she may have been under an nta but i thought it was very classy of her not to like throw anyone under the bus but she just spoke of like

first of all she's like I'm Dr. Lily J so when all the tabloids write about me she goes it's doctor oh my god isn't that so nice that's so good and she basically was like this is my life and my perspective what I'm dealing with and I hope it helps any women who are struggling because I got through it so it was a phenomenal essay wow good for her it was great what a strong mom and like and Paige would write an essay about her experience but she can't read or write um

Who knows how we did the book? I don't love punctuation, okay? Sue me. Oh, God. Any other notes that we have? What else? Oh, I have, like, a quick question. I, like, don't know why, but I've been getting, like, a lot. My TikTok algorithm is, like, it's all over the place. I've been getting, like, a lot of moms, like, preparing to have a baby and, like, getting their nursery ready and, like, doing all these things and whatever. And I had a thought. Do pregnant women shave their vaginas?

I think some of them do. Before... I mean, I'm talking like when they're about to give birth. I think some of them... I think...

I'm spitting like out of my, I have no idea. I think if you have like a midwife and stuff, they will like trim it for you. I think nurses will trim it for you because it's uncomfortable. I would feel like it's uncomfortable. But also you're not going in there being like, oh, I'm going to make sure she's shining. I know it was just a thought that I was just like, I need to know this. I think like you don't want a full bush just to keep it like cleaner. Yeah.

I have no fucking clue. I just feel like it would get in the way. Also, I love that people on Instagram are like, Paige doesn't want children when you're like, my whole TikTok algorithm is out of the picture. My whole TikTok algorithm is like, because I get tagged in so many little girls like dressed up and they're like, your daughter, your daughter. So like my algorithm becomes that. You can blame other people. I've been doing it my whole life. Yeah.

I've never once been a problem. That's crazy. No, these are the whole like packing the bag thing when you have a baby. Yeah. That's a whole thing that... No, and I love when people are like just gave birth and they do a TikTok with their husband. Like it's like you can pick any name when you get down there. There was a crazy story. Do you know when the thing was trending with like that funny Muppet face and it was like people with these insane stories? Mm-mm. Well, RLGirth was so different. It was so different.

This one girl told a story. I'm going to fuck it up, but like she was pregnant and she was, her water broke and she got somewhere and it wasn't the right doctor. And her husband started yelling because he was like, where's the doctor? And they kicked them out because the husband got upset. So then they had to go to a different hospital and they get there and they get her all set up. And then they're like, oh, we just got a call. And like, we're owned by the same hospital that you were at. And like, you aren't allowed to be in this hospital. So they get kicked out of

What? Like this whole crazy story about, but like, I feel like people, everyone's freaking out when you're about to have a baby. Yeah. I mean, what? That's just a day in New York City trying to cross the street. No, honestly, the more I think about it, the more I'm like so open to a home birth. I'm obsessed that you go from a breakup to talking about a baby. It's

It's very celebrity of you. Guys, I'm having a home birth. It's very Kylie Jenner of you. Right? I just think I would be more comfortable. Very Gigi Hadid. I mean, I want all the machines and all the people and we'll all sit there. Like, I want health professionals. It's giving second babies going to be surrogate energy. Thank you so much. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. But they say the second one just falls out. Yeah. Yeah. I could feel that. They could see that. How many are you going to have?

How many kids? Well, my psychic said I have two and I could have an accidental third. Okay, you're freaky. You're just having fun. I have another psychic appointment this week, so I'll update you guys on that. How many have you had? This will be my second. Okay. Is it the same person? Nope, different person. I like to compare notes. I'm like, are you guys aligned?

I'm like, let me fact check you. Someone hasn't spoken to each other. I love that for you. Thank you. And also, thank you again for fighting the good fight. You guys are probably so exhausted out there in these streets. I'm sick of my own myself, so I can't imagine you guys. But I also want to say thank you to the Gigglers. I actually, I'm like being serious. I would have been destroyed this week. Like if it wasn't.

For you guys, like I saw comments and then I saw like I could spot a giggler a mile away and it just like I felt so much better. Yeah. And I'm so fucking proud to be a woman and I love everything I've said because it's

I can't wait for my daughter to hear it. I did realize that like the majority of people were projecting onto me and I was like, oh, you hate your marriage. You hate your life. You don't have a daughter. You hate seeing someone have freedom and choosing themselves. Yeah, you were in that situation and you picked the other decision and I picked the opposite and you're pissed. And I'd be pissed too, girl. You can't go back.

You can't go back. That sucks. Have a great week, everyone. She's back. We love you. Thank you for giggling.