Giggling about SXSW, bad actors, and blow job hacks
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, my gobstoppers?

Do you remember that shit that would just straight up break your teeth and they were like, that's supposed to happen. Every time you say something, I in my head try and think of like what you're going to say. Never once have I obviously gotten it right. Do you remember that TikTok trend where it's like we're testing soulmates and you close your eyes and you just say different numbers with your hands? Where's the science behind that?

I saved that TikTok because when we go to Boston for our tour, you know how like randomly we do weird things in the hotel room. I want to do that TikTok and see if we're right. I love that you're like, I'm going to do this with Hannah, not Craig. I didn't even think of Greg. No, because, okay, Greg doesn't really like no TikTok. Like the man sends me reels. Ew. I know. And then the other day he said to me, he was like, I really want to launch my TikTok. Can you help me?

I was like, it's not like a launching kind of thing. I love how Craig's like, can we soft launch my tick to talk?

No, he literally wants to soft launch a TikTok. I'm like, it's a thing you do. But this is the thing. Craig has main character energy because he's like, I'm not just going to start posting on TikTok. I need a launch party. He's like, I need the whole world to know I'm dropping an album. No.

He also doesn't understand how when I'll do TikToks, he's like, how do you know that? And I lie to him and I'm just like, if you have TikTok and you know every single TikTok, I don't get how you don't get that. He's just like, what do you mean? I literally sat here and memorized it and now I'm doing it. Perfect segue. Giggly Squad has soft launched a TikTok account. We didn't tell anyone about it.

I honestly didn't even know about it until I saw it. I don't think I told you. I didn't tell you. I called Elena one day and I said, how do you feel about starting a TikTok? And she's like, you guys are so annoying. I go, amazing. So we're putting up our best clips. So follow us on TikTok at Giggly Squad. And then Elena was also saying how me and you are both very good at TikTok, but have very different styles. Hannah, do you have fake press-ons on or are those your nails?

Oh, these are just my static nails. They're fake. Only one fell off this weekend and I brought the glue with me. So I do admin now, but just for nails. They look really good and I'm not going to lie. I was going to be fucking pissed if those were your real nails. No. Well, men can't tell. So we're winning. Also, I love how I'm like, I forgot my laptop and my podcast equipment, but I did bring glue for a fake nail. Here's the thing. I think we should come out with our own line of fake press on nails.

Because I was doing them the other night. What is the science behind the glue stick? Why isn't it not like an Elmer's glue stick? And why am I sitting there squeezing out of this minuscule little tube that doesn't move? I literally squeeze it with my fist. Because I think if you put too much, you'll never get it off. Like remember that girl who put glue in her hair?

Okay, she used super glue on her head and yeah, well, it should just be a glue stick and it should be one swipe. A one swipe glue stick. I could see us doing a collab. I want to do a collab. Side note, if everyone's like, why does Paige sound like she's kidnapped in a basement? One, she is. Two, do you want to explain?

Got to Mexico today with my boyfriend, just having a lovely couple-day getaway. Got home late last night. Did all my outfits in record-breaking time to the point that Craig was like, oh, my God, you just did outfits so quick. And I love when he acknowledges that part of, like, my personality. And so we relished. Your entire personality. Yeah. So we did it.

We had a moment. You high-fived. Yeah, we did. He was like, let's watch shows, you know, like she's done. Get to Mexico, get off the plane, feeling myself. Luggage isn't arriving till tomorrow. So I have nothing yet again. Is it everyone's or just yours? Just mine. Just mine and Craig's.

I mean, it's at the point you're kind of laughing, right? You're like, I mean, you silly goose. I literally, cause now you can track your baggage. Mine is on the tarmac in Atlanta. See you in small claims court. I will see you in small claims court. Like I'm literally only here for like four days and just, and I lost a day of outfits. I don't want to be a bitch, but like,

I don't know how many outfits you pack for four days in Mexico, but you should be able to take that as a carry-on. We cannot trust these baggage senders. Nah, it's just like, you just like really, that's the meanest thing you've ever said to me, honestly. How many pairs of shoes did you mean? And hats and gloves and bikinis. I, okay. And accessories for the gloves and the hats and the shoes.

Your accessories have accessories. I had to check a bag because then Craig is having me go to Charleston on Friday to go to a wedding this weekend. Oh, Jesus Christ. I know. This is when you kind of want to be single, right? Yeah. It's not that easy. He was like, it's not easy to go to Mexico and then come home with me. What's not easy? And I was like, you don't get how many outfits that is. I was like, well, when I get to Charleston, I can't leave the house except for the wedding because I'm not packing outfits for it.

Which kind of sounds nice. But they don't factor that in. When you become like in a relationship, you have to not only go to your own weddings, but all their weddings and pretend you want to be there. I don't know. This is like one of those weddings where I legitimately don't know one person. Honestly, just like go to the bathroom with...

some like chicken and eat it in the bathroom stall like Lindsay Lohan in the beginning of Mean Girls. That's what I would do. And I hate being that girlfriend that's like to their boyfriend like, where are you going? What are you doing? But like when I don't know people and I have to be forced to have small talk, I physically sweat because I'm like, I don't want to be a bitch, but I don't want to like think of things to talk about because it makes me anxious. My recommendation for these situations is when your boyfriend is

is like joking with another guy, make eye contact with that guy's girlfriend and start making fun of them with her. Cause that's where you'll really bond. Like how annoying are they? How stupid are they? How exasperated are we with them? How immature they are and just bond over that. And the next, you know, you kind of have a friend. Cause yeah, you want to find that one girl that is similar energy to you and like stick with her all night. You don't need to make friends with everyone. It just takes one.

Okay, if anyone that's listening that's going to this wedding, I am scouting for one friend and one friend only. I also want to congratulate you because you just announced that you're dropping your own Amazon line, which is fucking awesome.

So exciting. Oh, my God. I mean, did you manifest this? I absolutely manifested this. Hannah, thank you so fucking much. It's coming out in May. Any tea? Give us the tea. Anything you're allowed to give, give the gigglers. I'm getting all of the samples next week. I had 15 samples made, and I have to narrow it down to like seven. Oh, my God.

So I'm going to show the samples on Instagram. People will be able to like vote what they like better. I wanted to do a very like 60s mod moment. We love. And I wanted to do things that you could wear in different ways.

And obviously I did two sets because like... You have to. We're lazy. We like a set. So you could wear it up, wear it down, depending on how you accessorize the pieces. Wear it up, wear it down, or transition it into the fall. Because these are summer pieces, but you can wear some of them in the fall. I love it. And I like how like the 70s is back, the 90s is back, but you're like, let's do some 60s and take it next level. I also just envisioned you as Tim Gunn, like when the samples come being like...

Oh, they're going to – oh, no. Oh, no. You need to fix this. You're going to have to fix this. Send it back. Send it back immediately. What are you going to do? You've got to get moving. You have no time left. I'm worried. I'm worried. I want to announce to Ghouli that I'm going to Atlanta and Charlotte this week for stand-up. That's exciting. And me and you – Paige has been working on a secret project that's now over, thank God. Thank God.

I just came from South by Southwest for the first time and I have updates. Wait, I need to know how Texas is. And are you happier that we're doing your bachelorette in Miami or would you have wanted to do it in Austin?

You know what? Love Austin so much more than Nashville. I said it. I haven't been to either. But Austin, I kept joking because they're like, Austin's weird. Austin's weird. And I'm like, you know what's fucking weird? New York City. Go in one subway and you'll see a guy like eating the head of a pigeon and you're just like, morning, Steve. And that. So like Austin's quirky. Austin's cute. Austin's a little bit silly. They have some vegan restaurants.

but I would not call it weird. I,

I literally got into a fight with a garbage man the other night in New York City. And that's like the norm. But Austin was very cool. But do you know what South by Southwest is? Not really at all. I don't think anyone does. It's like an NFT. It is an NFT. Because the amount of times I've heard it and people being like, oh my God, are you going to South by Southwest? And I'm like, no, not this year. But like, I've never been in my life. I thought it was for like,

I thought it was for like apps. Like I thought it was like a

technology. You're not wrong. Okay. So, Des was like, it's a music festival. And I was like, well, I don't do drugs slash I don't really care for a music festival right now in my life. But then I went there to do stand-up. So, there was a comedy festival. There was a film festival. There was... And then there's these apps like Slack and Patreon have like these fun areas that you hang out with food and lounge. It's just basically...

People who are in the industry, excuses to drink. Texas was like, we are removing ourselves from the United States of America and we're taking all of the festivals. We're doing it at one time. The synergy. Yeah. I feel like the word synergy was probably used a lot there. Yeah. Yeah. So I had the most wild night of my life. Okay. Tell me. I performed stand up.

And I was supposed to go to dinner with like some industry, whatever. And they were like, oh, they're actually getting fucked up at the bar. We're skipping dinner. And I was like, okay. That is honestly the wrong. None of these people know you. Get to the bar. And I realized why they all stayed because there was like a celebrity there. Like a celebrity celebrity. A real, real live A-lister. I'm going to have you guessed. A real A-lister. He's like the king of Texas. Yeah.

He's older. Matthew McConaughey. No. He's done like a cable TV show kind of reality TV. A cable TV show kind of reality TV. The king of. Very rich. Very rich. Very rich. I don't know if you know he's from Texas. Is this like the new Wordle? Yeah.

Like, okay, we're going to give you a series. He likes sports. He's known as a businessman. Tom Brady? He's older than Tom Brady. Okay, he did a show that had to do with business. He did a show that had to do with business. Where people would pitch ideas.

Mark Cuban. Yes. Wow. He's from Texas? So he like owns the Dallas Mavericks. I guess he's from Texas. I don't know. They treat him like the king. So all these people are partying. People are obsessed with him.

obsessed and I've just seen him on Shark Tank and I'm gonna be honest with you that man is that man is scary you know the tiktok that man there is gay like I don't care I know I was like I I get you we're the same a couple hundred million dollars difference but honestly we're the same but this I basically I'm from New York as in like we're taught don't bother celebrities so I'm like okay I'll be cool but I have to say this man is a

I don't know if my type has completely changed, but he is a zaddy. Well, he's tall. Yeah. Fit. Okay. Your type has not changed at all. What the fuck are you talking about? If you were like, I don't know if my type has changed, but he's short. He's red. Then I'd be concerned. You literally just listed what you always talk about. I just think like with girls, like I never was into older guys. And then I hit 30 and I'm like, oh,

Only 40 and above. Yeah. I think he's 60. Okay, so we're sitting. No, I was just talking to my manager and a friend, and we're eating nachos, as you do in Austin. And I'm talking, I'm talking. I don't realize it's me, my friend, a manager, and Mark Cuban sitting there eating tacos. Like, I didn't realize he was standing next to me. You're like, you ever had tacos before? No.

So I turned to him and I noticed earlier he said he didn't want the burrito. So I was like, oh, now you're eating the burrito. Like I just go in like he's a hot guy. Yeah. You know, like I had to go for it. I was like, do it for the pod. Do it for the gig. Yeah. Yeah.

And he was like, you know, I'm vegan, but I realized this one's vegan. And I was like, cool, cool, cool. Oh, and I go, by the way, I love Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki because I got to drop the like sports knowledge. And he was like, whoa, that's old school of you. Couldn't tell you who either of those people are. Steve Nash. Not important. They played for the Dallas Mavericks. So I was just like dropping and he's like, that's old school. And I kind of laughed. And then he walked away and my manager was like,

That was awesome. I'm like, what'd you think I was going to do? Like piss myself. Like, I'm like, I've talked to scarier people. Your manager was like, I think you're engaged to Mark Cuban. Yeah.

I just have to let people know Mark Cuban is so kind. He knew the name of every single person in the bar was the kind of person where you could just like say something his way and he'll like acknowledge it and smile. We went to a TikTok party with him. He was like signing every, do people sign stuff anymore? Taking photos. Oh yeah, Craig. Craig walked around with a Sharpie in his pocket like it's 1997. Yeah.

I'm like, when's the last time you signed something? He's like, you'd be surprised, Paige. I mean, we did sign that girl's boobs in Seattle. Yeah, we did. I have a picture of that. That was a one-off. So I just want to let the Gigglers know this is a Mark Cuban Stan podcast. If you have a problem, you can DM it. But we love him. I love when we have a new crush. I think the best part...

of famous people is when they're famous. Like, imagine being famous for just being so fucking rich. I think that's the best way to be famous. Apparently, towards the end, someone was, like, trying to kind of kick you.

Apparently, they were trying to kick him out and he was like, I'll buy this bar. Like, he was joking, but we were like, he's serious. Imagine any confrontation you have moving forward. You could always, like, if you're losing the conversation, you could always just be like, I'll buy you. You're like, I'll buy this DMV right now. What?

Oh my God. I'll buy this McDonald's. Where is my ranch dressing? You're like at a hotel. They have no towels. You're like, and I own the hotel now. You're fired. I think at one point he was like being really nice to the woman letting us into the party. And it's not that you shouldn't be nice to everyone at the party, but like he, I just thought he wouldn't be. And at one point he said something to me and I was like, I said to him, I was like, you're so chill and kind and,

and nice like I said that to Mark Cuban what's wrong and he was like oh just wait till I get a little drunker I might puke and that'll be annoying and I was like no my friend Paige pukes a lot I pitched him Giggly Squad I'm like honestly we just need two million to like get it off the ground also I feel like we are very jaded being from New York

Like if you go other places, people say hi to you when you walk in stores. And I'm like, are you trying to steal my wallet? Do you not feel like the Uber drivers were talking to me in Austin? I felt super violated. They were like, so what are you here for? And I was like, not sex trafficking, sir. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. No, I didn't mean that.

I'll answer, but then they also give you an option to say, like, I don't want to talk in the Uber. But that's even bitchier. No, anyone who clicks that is a straight up asshole. You couldn't catch me clicking that button, even though, like, I want to just know I want to. But I'm not doing that to the poor guy.

No, it's basically saying you don't like them without even meeting them. So South by Southwest overall was fun. It was, it's pretty chaotic. I learned that I'm the only person who uses Yelp except for like dads. Do you use Yelp ever?

I've looked at, like, what do you mean when you say you use Yelp? Like when I'm in a different place, like a different state and I want to get brunch, I go to Yelp and I type in brunch and all the brunch spots pop up. And my manager was like, doesn't my dad uses Yelp? Yeah. No, I don't do that. I do have to say I've never used Yelp to yell at a business. But do you read them? You read the reviews? No, no. It's like, it's like,

reading who's leaving reviews on a yelp restaurant they gave like cvs pharmacy a one i'm like okay sometimes that place is chaotic so i i'm like switch the aisles one more time see what fucking happens how many years are we gonna have easter candy on the shelf no it's so crazy um that's interesting that you use yelp i don't

What do you do when you're trying to find a restaurant? Okay, hold on. Something wild just happened. What? In our hotel, there's two doors that open up into the bathroom. It's like two separate ways to get into the bathroom. Greg just opened one of the sliding doors and is literally in the tub. So I'm literally on vacation with Hugh Hefner right now, and I'm scared.

Wait, I love his self-care nightly ritual. Does he have a mask on? No, but I am getting Craig into like a skincare routine at nighttime. And by skincare routine, I mean I'm just putting moisturizer on his face and rubbing it in like this because the other day I told him to wash his face before bed.

And he said, I don't know how to do that without taking a shower. That is the most boy thing I've ever heard. We get him one of those wipes where or like a toner where when you wipe yourself, you can see the dirt. I'm gonna like satisfaction like that positive reinforcement. Yes, you need like the simple things to to trick them like there's a reward after.

absolutely um can we do because i've been literally like foaming at the mouth can we do this front page news yeah yes bitch let's get into it what the fuck okay when you first saw the text i feel like everyone knows where they were this is one of those moments where it's like where were you when you saw the kanye west pete davidson text i was in the car i was in my hotel room

And Isabella and I were both reading it at the same time and then looked and goes, did you? And I said, yes, I did. I mean, I thought they were 100% fake. I thought they were 100% real. Okay. My next question is on a scale from one to 10, how much did you want to marry Pete Davidson after you read them?

When he sent the picture and said, in bed with your wife, I lost my mind. I lost it. This feud every 30 minutes has a different PR news cycle, right? Because everyone was like, okay, Kanye is just like being insane. But then Pete Davidson...

He's poking the bear. He's poking that and loving it. But then Kim is basically like, Kanye, you picked up our daughter this morning. How crazy. But then Kanye just came back with like a long paragraph that I did not read, but it's a comeback to it.

Oh, I haven't seen that yet. But his paragraphs are like reading a fourth graders because you're like, that's not where the comma goes. And like, this is a run on sentence. This is a run on sentence. And I don't know. And he just spaces for when he wants to put up. I'm like, just put the period. Just write a period. You don't have to space, space, space. And then new word. Well,

Well, he also posted like four videos talking to the camera, remember? And he was exposing like private information about North and like the school she went to. Yes. And him just being upset with like North and Kim's TikTok. I actually before he even brought this up, I actually think that Kim and Kourtney are allowing their daughters to do TikTok in such a like age appropriate way.

Yeah. I also just realized the most problematic thing about all this is what about your other three children, Kanye? No, literally. Did you forget you have three other kids? Because that's a problem. Also, are you just decided North is your favorite? Absolutely. Don't love that.

Those other three are going to be in deep therapy. I have an older sibling, so I actually totally understand that narrative. I feel like Psalm is like turning 17, seeing all of these and being like, what the fuck, dad? Oh my God, you know what I watched also? Not also. I watched on the plane House of Gucci. I started House of Gucci on the plane and then I lost my service. Did you watch all of it?

Every single minute of it. You must watch it because – I watched the first half. Here's the difference. Here's the difference that, like, no one's talking about. And I think it might be a little bit taboo. But I'm going to say it anyway. I watched it as if I went back to the old country and was, like, full Italian woman. And I was like, I connect with these people. Like, I get this mentality. And everyone was like, this woman is –

a monster. I mean, she went to jail for 15 years. She hired a hitman on her husband. In her defense, he was cheating on her with a blonde. So I was just like, you don't fuck with an Italian woman like that and not expect to have your life on the fucking line. Leave the gun, take the cannoli. I was like, but did she pull the trigger?

Did she or did she just... Did your dick go in another woman? Did your dick go in another woman? Yes, you're done. You're dead to me. You're dead to my family. You're dead to the entire fucking country of Italy. I was just like, I know murder is wrong. I do know that. But... I was like, hello? He divorced her out of nowhere. Yes, she was a monster. Yes, she was extremely calculating. But a good businesswoman. He lost the entire business after he divorced her because...

he just couldn't run a company without her. My question is, how did you like the outfits? How'd you like the acting? How'd you like Lady Gaga? She's amazing. Lady Gaga, I genuinely think is probably the only real triple threat of our generation. Oh my God. Because she can sing, she can perform, she can put on a concert. Her acting is,

Like, if she was just an actress, she would still be famous. I mean, she's doing iconic roles. And, like, for example, I love Jennifer Aniston. I know you do. Jennifer Aniston is really good at being Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston is Jennifer Aniston in every fucking movie. We're like Lady Gaga. I remember thinking, I hope she doesn't act just like the girl from Falling or Shallow. What is it called? What is that movie? A Star is Born. A Star is Born. What?

Falling Shallow. No, that's our autobiography. The story of Giggly Squad. Falling and being shallow. Being very shallow.

You know I love Jennifer Lopez. I think she can do no wrong except when she's in a movie. You know, like it's not great. I want them. Jennifer Lopez is the same in every movie. Who else? Who else is the same in every movie? Oh, this is a good game. Like, yeah, Jennifer Aniston is definitely the same in every movie. I love it. So hot when he was younger. Vince Vaughn, same in every movie. Wow. I'm going to say Eminem. Okay.

You know who else? This is going to be kind of like a sneaky one. Oh, tell me. Chris Pine. You know what? You're so right. These hot dudes are the same in every movie. Channing Tatum, kind of the same in every movie. Same in every movie. You're watching it for them. You're not watching it for like the character they're about to talk about. Like Chris Evans. Same in every movie. Same in every movie. Also, I hate to say it.

Jennifer Lawrence is such a good actress, but it's Jennifer Lawrence trying to be different in every movie. Yes. Even Emma Stone, too. I love Emma Stone, too. It's Emma Stone. Tell me Easy A and La La Land were not the same girl, just like grown up a little. Same movie. Oh, my God. Same. Same in every movie. Ryan Gosling. Same in every movie. These people have won Oscars. Crazy Stupid Love, The Notebook.

Same guy. Same guy. Same guy, just older and shorter hair. Wow. Steve Carell. Same in every movie. Same in every show. What actor is different? Tom Hanks. I mean, Tom Hanks can do no wrong. Denzel Washington. Different. Yes.

Yes. Wow, people don't talk about this enough. Sometimes people get famous and then they're just famous for being them and you can't see them outside of... You know who's great? Because she came in such a unique character. Margot Robbie. Wow. Because she came in to walk in like this and the next thing you know she's playing I, Tonya and you're like, who is that? Oh!

You're so right. Are we film critics? We really are. No, I think we are. Are we the SAG Actor Guild Awards? When they thank the Academy, they're thanking us. It's just me and you with food in our bed being like, Tom Hanks is a really good actor.

I always feel like that when I watch like the Oscars. I'm like, that's what she picked to wear. And I'm like full homeless. I'm like, oh my God, get a stylist. I just thought of another actress that's always themselves. Anne Hathaway. Julia Roberts. Oh, that's such a good one. Such a good one. I have another man. Who? Jason Statham. Who? Jason Statham. Yes, I have another one. Okay.

Liam Hemsworth. I love this game. I'm literally Googling famous actors. Okay. Do you agree with this? Will Smith? No, no. He was great at King Richard. He was great at King Richard. That's true. He was. Robert De Niro. Obviously. Obviously. Anyone mafia related? Same in every movie. Yeah.

Al Pacino, yeah. Also, like, anyone that's only in action movies. True. Also, I just thought... Oh, my God. Did you know that I read, like, an article the other day about Armie Hammer, and the rumor is that he's back with his wife. Really? Where? They were, like, seen in the Bahamas, like, holding hands, and that's apparently where he was, like, doing rehab. I know.

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I don't know if you guys have noticed from my Instagram stories, but I've basically switched all my loungewear over to Skims. I was obviously obsessed with their bras and underwear, but now I really can't get enough of their soft lounge collection. I have their soft lounge tank,

with their matching lounge fold over pant. I'm absolutely obsessed. Not only do I wear it inside, but I actually wear it to travel a lot too. I noticed in my drawer the other day that basically all my bras and underwears are skims, but also now all of my t-shirts and my loungewear is skims.

I've pretty much cleared out all my lounge sets after I moved. I just like got rid of everything. I was like, I don't need all of these random sweatpants and sweatshirts and really replaced everything with skims because I know it's always going to look good and I know it always feels amazing. And you know how much I love laying in bed. So if I have an outfit that I can lay in bed in and also run errands in, then I'm a true fan.

Shop the Skims Soft Lounge Collection at Skims.com, now available in sizes XXS to 4X. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select Podcast in the survey and select Giggly Squad in the drop-down menu. I also thought of one more, and it's really good. What is it? Owen Wilson. Owen Wilson.

That's really good. That's really good. That's true. Literally comedians, action movie stars. Sandra... No, not Sandra Bullock. She's on the cusp. She needs to do one more movie that's like blindside and she...

No, she was pretty much herself in that movie. I did say like if there's another Netflix top 10 of like a shitty Sandra Bullock movie and I love Sandra Bullock, but they're definitely like not even writing scripts for her. They're just like put Sandra Bullock on it. Like the Unforgivables was so bad. I have to show you. Because I feel like it's like you trust her. Yeah, you trust her and like she deserves better and like they probably paid her so much money, but like you feel tricked. Like, okay, I watched it and I want the last three hours of my life back.

um i don't think we're done though talking about kanye and kim and them because i also want to say in the same day kim also dropped a new swim line and the trailer for the hulu kardashian thing i'm pumped for the hulu kardashian things yes also do you remember how kylie jenner's swim line like was a huge bust

Oh my god, I forgot about that. And everyone was like, what the fuck is this band-aid? Wait, does Kylie even have a lip kit anymore? Does Kylie do makeup anymore? The Kardashians really are just like, I know people love to hate them, but even if you love to hate them, you have to be a little bit intrigued by them.

No matter how much people hate them, the reason the articles keep coming is because it's the most clicked on articles. These journalists write about what gets clicked on the most. So no matter how many people say stop writing about them, you're still clicking on the article. Right. And it's just I mean, they've been they've been famous for almost 20 years. It's insane. Also, Pete Davidson is going to be on the show. No, I'll lose it. How do you know that? Yes.

Because they start talking about it. They show her texting him and Kris Jenner cuts to confessional being like, this is such an unlikely romance, but we love it. I like that he, like, I can't think of Pete Davidson or,

Any other way other than like someone like one of our friends, friends from Staten Island who happened to be in the right place at the right time. Like the fact that he's driving around Calabasas in her Bentley, like smoking a joint out the window. I feel like it's a movie and it's a movie of this like small town Staten Island guy who randomly got famous. And I can't think of it any other way.

I also heard that he has jokes about how he slept in his mom's bed for like a really long time. Like he has like he loves his mom so much. So everyone's like, oh, it makes sense. He found love with the mom. Oh, wow. Found another mom. That's just some Pete Davidson tea. What else is going on?

Okay, well, you know, gigglers obviously know that we have like a list where we write things down, our shared note, but we don't tell each other like what we're going to talk about because we want our first reactions. I went on to look at it today and Hannah wrote down strep throat spray. You're going to die. And this is a segue into like blowjobs. I'm like so intrigued. I mean, you nailed it because you're a hoe. Yeah.

You just soft launch your slut face. Soft launch is just... I love saying soft launch. I can't wait for Craig's soft launch of his TikTok and make it like the worst TikTok ever and be like, it's so good. Like just fuck up the transition. Anyway, so I was talking to my friend who went to boarding school. And one thing I know about boarding school is fucked up things happen at boarding school. And she said she used to bully...

Whoever would get strep throat to give everyone like their strep throat spray that numbs the back of your throat so they can give killer blowjobs. Okay, I have a problem with this and only because I don't give a killer blowjob. But because I thought you're going to talk about strep throat spray in terms of like how much it actually does work. And I mean for strep throat.

Oh, it's incredible. It's amazing. And it also like just numbs the back of your throat. Like, you know, with dentists, when they put the numbing stuff, I'm numb everywhere. I can't feel my tongue. I can't feel my nose. I'm like, this just hits the perfect spot in the back of your throat. And you're just like, I didn't know about it until like maybe a couple of years ago. And one of my friends was like, oh, you have like a sore throat. Just like use the spray and like it'll go away. And I became obsessed with it.

Did I think about it sexually? Yeah, like totally went through my brain. But I didn't bully someone into it. You become like an addict. You're like, give me this. I'm like, that's Bray. I need that Spray. Imagine if a brand listens to this and sends us like hundreds of sore throat Sprays. I would love that. But I do have to tell...

I do have to tell the gagging gigglers out there that deep throating does not necessarily always make a better BJ. Okay? It's a fun skill. It's a fun thing to throw out there. But it's not like, you know, I guess when you're younger, the idea of deep throating, you're like, I'm a porn star. Yeah. And then when you're older. They don't really care about it that much.

Um, the best advice I ever got on that. I was literally in high school and my best I had like never, I was still a virgin at the time. And my best friend in high school had like,

done everyone and their dad. She just knew everything. And the tip of advice, no pun intended, that she gave me, she was like, even if you're not into it, you don't really want to be doing it. Pretend like you really like it. And then like they think you really like it. And then it's actually really good. And I've held that.

For 10 plus years. Your friend there is a hero. Yeah, she's a hero. All those girls who like had sex once in school and then were called like the town hoe. They not only put themselves out there, but then they educated all the women in the real. They were like, you know how you all got in a circle after the night when your friend hooked up with someone and you're like, what? What?

was it like? What happened? Did it have horns? Being at the lunch table with like all my girlfriends in high school and like being like, who's still a virgin? And now thinking back on it, like that was insane. Yeah. Like we were sexually harassing each other, but like, you know, after your friend had sex, you're like, all right, do you feel different now? Is everything different? And nothing's different, but you're like, yeah, I think I totally do. Yeah.

we like we just we're just like not in the same like realm anymore it's like once you're in love like you'll get it like you'll understand it and then you do it for the first time you're like that was more than horrible that was awful I have like a whole 15 minute comedy bit about how traumatizing losing your virginity is but do people warn you how bad it hurts no it's like childbirth

Yeah, but people, all you hear about sex is how amazing it is. And then your hymen gets torn open and you're like, well, you think there's something wrong with you. And then you have to pretend like it was so good. Yes. And that's why I think no one talks about it because you're like, oh, it's supposed to be amazing. Or I'm like a lesbian if I didn't like that, which is totally OK.

I could so see losing your virginity and being like, maybe I'm a lesbian. Yes, I'm gay because you couldn't pay me to do that again. And then you think like, wait, I have to do that hundreds of times with my boyfriend? Crazy. Ridiculous. So all those girls out there who had a hard time losing your virginity, we feel you. We hear you. We love you. Just put some strep throat spray. Yeah, just put the strep throat spray in your vagina. No immediate UTI. Okay.

Oh, can I just tell you also, my DMS have gone from like, what should I wear? Where should you get this? Where do you get your bathing suit? But to, I have a trick for UTIs. I have this doctor for UTIs. I heard you get UTIs. And I'm like, when did I become UTI?

The UTI. That's super funny because my DMs are now filled with, hey, Paige isn't responding to me. Can you tell her that she needs to contact this person for her UTI? Or I don't think she has UTIs. I think she's actually suffering from this. Tell her ASAP or she could be in trouble. And I'm like, this is a lot of power and pressure for me right now. You're like, Paige, I heard sticking lemon wedges up your vagina really helps you.

Also answer your DMs, you dumb bitch. I'm like your press secretary. People go through me because you don't answer your DMs, which is honestly mentally healthy. It gives me too much anxiety. You're in Mexico. The best part, my favorite part about Mexico is the food. What did you guys just eat?

Hannah, when I tell you we literally just ordered like the left side of the menu. We got pasta. We got tacos. We got cheeseburgers, salads. Pasta? It was on there. I can't leave a pasta on there and not like try it. That's like rude to my heritage.

And Craig, like, knows that about me now. Like, he would never order pasta ever. He sat down at a dinner the other night and was like, I've never had homemade chicken parm. And I really contemplated just ending it right there at that dinner, but I didn't. But now he just, like, knows to order me pasta and bread anywhere. I don't know. Opposites attract. Did he get the tortilla soup? They didn't have that, but he got two different kinds of soup. If there's a soup on the menu, he's ordering it, except he does not fuck with cold soup.

He's offended if anyone even brings it up. I love a potato-ly cold soup. Like a gazpacho? Is that a ceviche? No. Wait. You sent me here to act like it. That was so uncouth of me. Wait. We didn't even tell the gigglers that our merch launch on Friday is so good. You asked, we answered.

You asked, we answered. I just envisioned what Craig's TikTok is going to be. It's him just reviewing soups. I think he should. Like just different soups. And he could talk about anything during it, but he's always eating a soup. Like bar stool with the pizza, Craig with soup. I think it's just every time he wants to talk about something, he needs to be, regardless of what it is, he needs to be at a restaurant eating a soup there.

Speaking of food, I just stuffed my face and ate my body weight in Indian food. And I want to tell the gigglers what I order when ordering Indian. Do you know that I've never had Indian food? We'll do it when you're back. Because I'm like that friend that I'm like, I know what we're going to order, guys. And this is what you do. And this is simple. Like this is if you don't like too spicy. This is like straight up. Chicken tikka masala. Chicken tikka masala.

With basmati rice, done. Well, I've had that rice before. She's like, yeah, bitch, I'm super cultured. I had basmati rice. Then lamb biryani with yogurt sauce. It sounds like you're literally just naming your ex-boyfriends. Lamb biryani, literally, you went to high school with him. He was on the football team. He never texted you back. We got to stop bringing him up.

I love the Italian. Like, Lamb is like a nickname of, like, the offensive lineman. Like, what's up, Lambo? Get us Lamb. I'm sorry. His dad works in construction. Don't worry. It's all in the books. It's not the mafia. But don't bring it up to him.

His dad did go away for a bit, but it wasn't mafia related. It's basically fried rice for Indian food, but it's like really good. And it's like a little spicy and you put a little yogurt sauce. Always get a side of mango chutney. It's like a ketchup for Indian food. I'm trying to make examples where you dip shit in it and add some sweetness. You're also going to do...

pori you can do roti but this is the bread pori is a fluffed up fried bread um final indian food is sag paneer it's basically cheese in spinach so it like looks healthy but it's not and then you end it with a mango lassi you're loving mango i mean the most underrated fruit yeah that's true that's like name a better fruit than mango

you've stumped me i also said i couldn't think of fruits i literally will pop into my head was a cucumber you're panicked it's like in a job interview it's like in a job interview and they're like what's your favorite book and you're like i can't think of one book i've ever seen i hate that question what are you reading right now fuck you how about that how about that i

That is like the most passive-aggressive bullshit. What are you reading right now? Like, what if you actually answered and you're like, you know what? I just finished. I actually just finished one. So I'm in that in-between where I'm trying to figure out the next one. That in-between has been 14 years. Remember when I read for like a week straight and I just kept falling asleep? Oh, yeah. That was not reading. That was you sleeping. Narcolepsy.

deep depression that I was gradually going into this is the thing like when do you find the time to read like you in the middle of your day you're like I'm gonna read like that you have to have such like peace in your life to just be so calm to pull out a book casually you either have to be so at peace or you're a fucking psycho

And I get people doing it before, but you're not reading to read. You're doing it to fall asleep, like before you go to sleep. Yeah, and it's like, okay, just turn on 90 Day Fiancé like everyone else in America. Like, shut up. I'm trying to read 100 books this year. Really? Well, I'm trying to nap. So like, leave me alone. I'm trying to not read 100 books and I'm doing great at it.

have you seen love is blind is like being wild on instagram like they're all teasing like who they're with and stuff and i'm like okay pete and kim like part of me i didn't watch it because i i can't watch reality tv i get you triggered but i'm like you didn't watch this whole season i watched the first episode it's kind of amazing

But I still think everyone was too good looking. Really? I want to see someone with no teeth. I'm going to sound like such a fucking bitch. I thought everyone was like norm. Like everyone could have been like your friend. Like I wasn't like, oh my God, these people are so unmatched. I don't want that. I want extremes. I want like models. I want to see dumb models.

with like really funny ugly people. Yeah. And see if the ugly people are attracted to the ugly people or not. Wow. I want to see a girl be disgusted by a hot man. But imagine being on that show that you just made up and realizing at the end of it that you're part of the ugly squad. I did reality TV and I was part of the ugly squad. Wait, is this show about me? No.

Is this fucking play about us? Well, I have this bit where like about how stand-up comics are a lot better are treated like we're better looking than we are because like reality TV, I'm not the hot one. But like stand-up comedy, I'm treated like a Kardashian page. I walk in and people are like, dude,

is your hair curled? Like, they treat me like I'm... They're like, is that Hannah in a nude trouser pant? Yeah. I am fashion. Like, I am Vogue in stand-up comedy. And in reality TV, everyone's like, ah! Brush your hair, Hannah. You're like, I did! I was like, I feel like I wasn't cast to be the hot one. And I feel bamboozled, led astray.

Lettuce dry is pretty good. I love when you just come up with like random normal words that were like, ooh, that's a good one. Good job, Webster. Merit for dictionary. There are certain things that you buy every single summer. Sandals, sunscreen, snacks.

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Megan Fox got a whiskey bang a bangle kitten named whiskey Megan Fox is on my shit list kind of I'm sick of seeing her on Instagram in the most perfect outfits looking so fucking hot it's just it's starting to get to my mental health I feel like Courtney has evolved to be like

very unedited and random photos and I kind of love the aesthetic and I feel like Megan Fox needs to get with the times we don't edit our photos on Instagram that much anymore I want a photo dump of like a blurry photo of like what you ate a cute outfit pic and then like wait can we talk about Kourtney Kardashian's butt video of like Travis just grabbing her ass did you see that

Yeah. Why do you think they want to be so sexual on Instagram? Because I think like part of their job is not only like staying in the media and like pushing their TV show and like wanting you to wonder what happened. But I feel like they have like a persona that they like an agenda they're trying to push. And like they want Kravis to be so opposite of Courtney and Scott.

And I also think that she had this perception of like this asexual, tired, annoyed mom for so long. So it is exciting for people to see. Which is also such a life lesson. Like I feel like I've gone through that in my life at some point where I was like, maybe I'm just like asexual and I don't like anyone and I don't like having sex. And then you get with like the right person and you're like immediate whore.

Mm-hmm. Like, it's just a different relationship. There will be times in your life where you feel like a grandma and there's times in your life where you feel like a stripper and they're all parts of who you are and we're going to love both of them. Thank you. That was a general thing, not towards you, but yeah. I have main character energy. It's hard to, like, get out of it all the time. Look at all of us. Our relationships are four main character energies and we're making it work.

Here's why I feel like it works. Because not only are we main character energy, we're hype people. True. So like if we were main character energy, but we were jealous people, it wouldn't work. We're all very much like, fuck yeah. Like do it. You're the best.

Yes, I also think I'm competitive in where I want my friends to be really cool. Because it just makes me feel cooler. It makes me cooler. Yes. So, like, I want my friend to be hyped up that they're going to be the greatest because, like,

Kris Jenner said the five people you surround yourself with really create your reality. Yeah. Today, when anyone anywhere, any situation brings up tennis, I say, do you even know about tennis? Because I do. And I mean, because my friend played in college and she was the best.

Her ranking was the best. Look it up. Serena Williams comes up to me and I'm just like, but have you heard of my friend Hannah?

But it's true. You guys think about like the conversations you have every day. You have like the couple people you talk to every day. If the stuff that is mental health moment, if the stuff they're saying is not elevating you or pushing you to be better or getting you excited about your dreams, you're done. You're done. You're done. All right.

And a lot of times if they're not, it stems from their own issues. It's not you. But the wrong friend group, the wrong relationship can make you feel like you're actually not that bitch. I'm going to add on to that. You are that bitch. Yes. Extrapolate. I'm going to add on to that mental health moment because I feel like I've heard, I've used to hear that so many times and I'd get so nervous because I'd be like, oh my God, I definitely have like girlfriends in my friend group that are like the worst. And I'd be like, I have to stop being friends with everyone.

As you get older, you don't have to fight every – like, you don't have to, like, kick people out of your life. Like, it literally will gradually happen in, like – like, don't stress yourself out that you don't have the right circle. Well, yeah.

Also, yeah, when you're younger, we were saying this actually on Call Her Daddy, how like when you're younger, your circle's bigger because you just want to have fun. But as you get older, you become more yourself. And the more authentic you are and the more you decide, actually, I don't want to go out tonight or actually I want to eat this or actually I want to go study this, whatever, then people will drop off naturally. And it doesn't mean you're not popular. Have you ever wanted to go study something? Yeah.

No, I don't know why the fuck I said that. I tried to be like, for the smart people who are listening, I'm trying to connect. For the people that are also in a book club that also listen to Giggly Squad. Yeah. But I also think of your circle as like,

too small where like for example if I just hung out with comedians or I just hung out with reality TV people that skews your mentality too that's why we love a mom throwing in we love that high school friend we need a crackhead friend too that like honestly makes you feel better about your life very true but they're so supportive regardless they're like down to clown just go just do it you're like thank you

And that's why the bachelorette party is going to be fucking weird. Me and Sierra were honestly talking about it like two days ago and Craig literally looked at us and was like, I wasn't nervous about it, but now I feel like I am. And I was like, we've been. You did say that.

you what did you say craig i said i'm pumped for you guys you're gonna have a blast but then you did say like are you gonna be crazy and i said yes we're going to a strip club i got a table so are you gonna make out with people who said only girls and that was the soft launch of his tiktok because that will be a viral sound i said are you gonna make out with people i said only girls

why Loki feel like Craig's trying to get invited and like tell him he can't like soft launch an invite he has to like ask me to my face dynamite dolphin from the bathtub just Craig and Des lurking hiding behind trees just like we're in the yacht and their just heads pop out of the water like dolphins they're like what they're like actually driving the boat they like posed as the captains Craig's just like holding a sharpie he's like do you need to write anything down what

Okay, guys, thank you so much for kinkling with us. We love a Craig cameo. And we do possibly have another show in Boston we might add in the future. And New York is coming. Wait, when is that again? I don't know. I don't know. I couldn't tell you. I'm so excited for Boston. I can't believe we fucking sold out. Yeah, that's why they're adding more at a later date. Everyone's going to be crazy. Is your family coming to this one?

I think my mom might come. Is yours? My whole family's coming. Oh, Lord have mercy. No, I know. Fresh baked ziti for all. Your mom's going to be like, has anyone had my homemade eggplant parmesan? Has Tasia talked about it on the podcast? It's so weird. I made enough for at least 150 VIPs. It's part of the VIP package. Kim gives you a piece of her eggplant parm. Oh, my God. That would actually be killer.

All right. Okay, guys. Thanks for giggling with us. We love you so much. Talk to you later. Bye.