Giggling about Thanksgiving, red carpets, and sperm donors
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, my gamma gamma gigglers? It's our sorority. That's a good sorority. Thank you. I've never actually been in a sorority, but... Me neither. I heard Alabama Rush is fun. I've heard awful things. I've heard you'll be in therapy for years after. I heard they take out a marker and circle all the ugly parts of your body. What? This kind of is a sorority, except we don't make people pick us up from the bars. Yeah.

Like, we don't make people stay sober. And that's the most important part. Yeah, there's no initiation process except you have to giggle. And you just have to have trauma. A little depression. That you're actively...

working on you guys our live tour is on sale right now i don't have the cities up i don't remember them go to our instagram on giggly squad click the link and see if there's still tickets available in your city if not we might be adding another show and if we don't please don't yell at us in the dms we're not the ones making the final decisions here i know people it's actually so funny how many dms i get being like are you ever going to come back to boston and i'm like it's

It's the number one place we've gone. We've been there four times. And if you've missed four times, I can't help you. Wait, should we have like a residency in Boston? Like instead of Vegas, we just stay in Boston. We're not even from Boston. We have no affiliation to Boston. No ties to Boston. People in New York are like, if you come, you come. If you don't, great. Yeah. I mean, the crowd is fucking great in Boston. And yeah, they're ferocious in the DMs. Ferocious, ferocious. Is that different words? I don't know. Happy.

Happy Thanksgiving, post-Thanksgiving. You had, like, a full party of people at your Thanksgiving. No, we had an Airbnb. Every time I go home now, because my mom is retired, and she just, like, even though, like, when she wasn't retired, she did so much, like, around the house and, like, decorating stuff and, like, was always making, like, three meals a day for everyone. But now when I go home, like, I really do nothing. Yeah.

And I always say to her, I'm like, oh, I love this bed and breakfast. I will be coming again. Five stars. Thank you. And she's always like, fuck you, Paige. You're like the head woman had a little bit of attitude, but the croissants were impeccable. I'll look over that the concierge was quite rude and but the dinner was impeccable. So thank you.

Oh my god, there was a comedian on TikTok. Jake Cornell. He basically was like, Thanksgiving is the perfect time where you see how people grew up and who was pretending to have a shitty upbringing. And then you're like, oh really? Now you're wearing a polo shirt on a marble countertop. And...

Like you have friends in Williamsburg who are like pretending that they like came from nothing and like they're barely paying their rent. And it's like, oh, you're like old money, bitch. You're eating homemade biscuits on a very fancy Mario Bellini couch. People were coming for Taylor at Taylor Swift for that because like one of the lyrics in her song was like,

Grew up on a farm, not in a mansion. And then they, like, showed the picture of, like, her childhood home. It's a barn mansion. A mansion. No, I mean, your house always looks impeccable from Kim's taste. And you do, don't you have kind of, like, a curved staircase? Yeah. Yeah, that's just, like, class. A curved staircase is class. But let me tell you something about that curved staircase. Because, like, yes, I live in a nice home. But my...

dad is very like blue collar or whatever that staircase was not like made for our house yeah that staircase was in another home that went into foreclosure and my dad saw it and I was like can I have that staircase oh my god and like I'm pretty sure they like brought it into our house like it was okay HGTV Gary and like our railings

Like, my dad made them. Like, I remember at nighttime him, like, whittling them. Okay, property Gary. Yeah. You love it or you list it. He's like, hey, I know a guy. That's Gary's property brothers. He's my brother. Over the weekend, Craig kept asking me if I loved him, which he should do. But he kept asking me if I loved him, and I kept saying, you love it or you list it. And he was like, why do you keep saying that?

Which is so true. Like that show title is so true in relationships. You either love the person or you list them and like someone else can buy them. That's hilarious. I had an epiphany about like that can help you choose men because I know that my picker has been off for a while. Like I would choose bad men because I'm, as we said, I'm quite creative. I can come up with like a whole identity for them. The,

The way you realize if you actually like the guy and want to marry this guy or he's just like takes forever to text you back is you think if you wanted a sperm, would you want him to be your sperm donor? Oh, yeah.

My God. Like, you know, like you're like obsessed with a guy, but you know, he's like horrible and ugly. Yes. Would you recommend to your friend his sperm? If you wouldn't, because he has psychological issues, because he has like a fucked up toe, because he has, he's lazy. He has no job. You wouldn't want your children to be like that, but you can convince yourself to love these dudes. If you would not want to buy his sperm to stick in your,

Yeah. List it. List it. List it on the black market. Not one man I've ever had sex with in my entire 30 years on this planet do I want their sperm. Literally? Kill it. List it. Kill it. I don't want it. Oh my God. Actually, Craig and I got into this, not a debate, but we got into this like,

Altercation. Conversation about how, like, if women could figure out how to have children on our own. Because he said something like, we need you guys to populate the world. Like, you can... We haven't figured out how to carry children. And in my head, I was like, even if the men figured out how to carry children, they wouldn't do it. Just like they don't put condoms on. And so then I said...

If women could figure out how to get pregnant without, like, if we could manufacture sperm, we would kill you all. And he was like, wait, why would you kill us? And I was like, I'm sorry. Have you not been alive for the past 35 years? We fucking hate you guys.

You guys are the root of everything. Mass shootings, you guys. Pedophiles, you guys. Tax evasion, you guys. Domestic violence. You guys. Like, get out of my face. No, literally. Anywho. I think that, like, the couples that decide to, like, not have children and just, like, live just the two of them for, like, the rest of their lives are the only real couples on the planet. That is so true. Because Des and I, like...

We are fostering a very large pit bull right now. And I was like, can we just not sit with ourselves? Why do we have to foster a pit bull? But like, we do love taking care of something. And what happened is we actually were driving out to Thanksgiving and we're passing the animal shelter and I'm always like, I want to get it,

foster animal and I don't I mean he's the one that like takes it on walks late at night yeah I don't know how to deal with dogs I'm always like why is it doing that why is it humping the pillow um yep so we are fostering this amazing dog though she's like right outside the door right now just waiting for me she's so affectionate she's so cute her name is Chuchi Southampton Animal Shelter highly recommend

I might steal that name. Choochie? I want to call her Poochie. Or Stanley Poochie. Would you have sex with Stanley Tucci? Honestly? Wait, answer on the count of three. One, two, three. Yeah, I feel like he's freaky. His passion for food is kind of hot.

Also, he comes across as gay because he plays a lot of gay guys. Do you follow him on TikTok? Because if you follow him on TikTok, I don't get a gay vibe from him from his show where he's like being himself. And I don't get a gay vibe from him from his TikTok. I get like a... Zaddy? Yes. Wow. Yeah. So I'm in my Stanley Tucci era. Oh my God. I feel like you said you'd never date a bald guy.

I know, but he's the only, okay, he's the only bald man. I can't even think of like bald celebrities now except like The Rock. You just want him to take you to Sicily to a mansion, eat food. Yeah, it's really just because I'm watching White Lotus and I'm like, let's go back to Italy and I'll just live there. I mean, if you could get a little shackle in Palermo. Yeah.

Do you ever like lay in bed at night sometimes and think like, what if I just moved to a completely different country and I lived in like a really small house and I just worked at like the local tomato store?

yes every day yeah like i i think about it a lot we went to get like uh treats for the dog in this little pet shop and there was like a cat who was running the place she was like behind the register like she was the manager she was so cute i was petting her does had to like pry me out of the store and i walked out of the store and the first thing i said is like i want to work there

But that's neither here nor there. My Thanksgiving was fun. But my Thanksgiving is sad because my brother moved to Indiana and he just had a kid. So, like, it was just like, I mean, I am the favorite child. So that was nice for my parents. It was me, my parents, my nan and papa, Des and his brother Aiden, who I am whoring out on my Instagram lately. I saw your TikToks with him and it's so funny because him and Des literally have the exact same.

Same everything. Yeah. Like, they are the same person. Like, their voices, it's crazy. But yeah, Aiden's single. He lives in the city. He said he wants to be a stay-at-home dad. So if anyone's into that, he's very funny and he's hot. Good for him. He'd be a good sperm donor. Should we do some front page news? Because I feel like I have a lot to say. You're, like, excited. Let's go into it. Hell yeah. Okay, first and foremost...

Pete Davidson and Emily Ratajkowski at the Knicks game. Hot take. There's a photo with like Ben Stiller next to him. And Pete's looking like his gangly self.

But Ben Stiller I was like Okay zaddy I saw it And how come Nobody's talking about How Ben Stiller was there And then Jordan Sparks Was on the other side Yeah that was Jordan Sparks Nobody Nobody even wrote Jordan Sparks name Both those people Have done Incredible things with their career Jordan Sparks Was American Idol I was like I was like

I was like, wait, why is everyone dogging Ben Stiller and Jordan Sparks right now? I felt really bad for them. I mean, they just never, like any article or anything I saw with Pete and Emily, no mention of Jordan Sparks. She's in the picture. Yeah, and she looks great. Didn't she break Jason Derulo's heart? I mean, she's iconic. Someone had to do it. Love is a battlefield.

Sorry. Sorry. No, I like the one where she's like, tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air. I have to add that to the Angry Women playlist. Wait, my guy that does the green line test...

Where like he says like if couples are going to stay together or not. He has this new test. Oh no. That he has not put out yet on TikTok. He said he's working on it. But it has to do with. How are you getting the behind the scenes of this? Because he posted. I don't even know what this guy's name is. I need to like save it next time. He works for Barstool though. But this is like his own TikTok. Okay.

He said he's working on this new test and it's about couples that give off sibling vibes. And if like they're giving off sibling vibes, like if they're going to stay together or not. So I'm very anxious to see what the test actually is and try it on everyone I know. But he said that Pete and Emily might be the poster children for his new test because all he saw in every single video and picture of them at the game was siblings.

And I totally believe in that. But is that a good thing or a bad thing? Bad thing. You can't give off sibling vibes. And I feel like I could... What about father-daughter vibes? No, it's... Okay, father-daughter vibes...

Because you're saying what? Because Des is older than you? You don't give off father-daughter vibes, though, when you're interacting. If you were just standing there, yeah, okay, maybe people would think that. Like, my skin is so good. They're like, she has to be her daughter. But yeah, they're, like, pokey with each other and, like, kind of like. I could think of five couples in my real life right now that they give me brother-sister vibes. And sometimes they look alike.

yeah well pete and emily don't it's like my favorite instagram where it's like siblings are dating that one fucks my i i love that shout out to that instagram because it gets me confused i always get so weird when if it's your brother don't put your hand on his chest during the photo if it's your sister don't put your hand around her waist

I don't think my brother and I have ever touched before. Like we've hugged like, okay, I love you. Bye. I put my hand like over his shoulder. I'll give him a noogie. I'll put peace signs behind his head. Gary and I have also, I don't think like I've ever taken a picture together. You're like, Gary doesn't know my name.

Wait, that's funny. I was talking to Des about it. I was like, look, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes have been married for years and you never see those motherfuckers. And they are A-list. So the fact that we've already seen these people so many times, like this is... They're having fun with it. Good for them. Yeah, they're the kind of celebrities. This is going to be so...

I don't even – I love Pete and Emily so much. Like, I really do. I've been an Emily Ratajkowski stan since the Blurred Lines video. Like, I've always loved her. I think Pete is so funny. I think he's going to have a great career. But I think they're the type of celebrities that need to stay –

in the tabloids to kind of like keep their career going whereas if you're like a george clooney or a brad pitt you just have to do another movie and then you're in it like they don't have to do the extra leg work yeah but also like pete was just in the news two seconds ago because of kim right i just take a break he could take a mental health break um yeah that i mean i love the next game it looked fun

Love a courtside game. Didn't love Emily's outfit for it. Thought that like she could have done a little bit better. I'm so over snakeskin boots and like jeans. You told me a year ago not to get them.

Yeah, I'm just like... Remember when Adele showed the fuck up at a Knicks game? And I was like, this is Adele's arena right now. I dream about that outfit. Yeah. Or Rihanna will be walking to get her seat and everyone just stops. But I also think it's kind of a power move. She almost pulled a...

She pulled a girl next door type. I want the ref to come over and be like, you're distracting the player. That's how good the outfit needs to be. She pulled a female Adam Sandler to that game for Emrata's stature.

Because anything she wears, she looks hot in. She had to try so hard to be just next door. Look normal. Yeah. That's the difference between us and Emily Ratajkowski. She has to try really hard to look normal. Yeah. She had to hire a stylist for that. She's like, what are the ugly girls doing? You know what I wish she did? I wish she wore a hat.

To go full, like, I don't, I want people to think I'm just a regular girl. What are the basic bitches wearing right now? They're like put on a North Face. And you're like, okay. Now, I have really had no one to talk to about this because I feel like no one in my life cares. Balenciaga.

I like missed the campaign. I just saw like the aftermath. But then people are like Alexander Wang had rape accusations against him and he's still thriving.

Do you think this is the end for the brand? I think that brands that are this big and have this much money behind them and this much backing will get out of any cancellation ever. That's why it's so easy to cancel anyone because... Which, look, we've canceled people for way less shit and been like, we hate them. But they're now suing the agency

agency they hired even though they had to write it off on it and I think that's a tactic yeah but also it kind of reminds me of comedy where like you're doing your art but there's a time where sometimes like you say something that's just like not that funny and it's distasteful you were trying to be funny instead you really offended people and this is like Balenciaga's campaign where like they weren't they were trying to do their art and express themselves and they went I guess they thought it was edgy

I just feel like when you're on a set like that, and like, obviously I can only compare it to limited to, which is very exclusive, very highbrow couture. But when you're on a photo shoot set and I can only imagine one, like Balenciaga, every single thing is placed perfectly. Like, like, okay. Um,

When I was little, I had to do the Easy Bake Oven campaign. And I will never forget, none of that food is edible. The amount of times that they redo things and take it out and this has to look like this for the picture and everything's perfectly placed, like,

Things like that aren't, it's not like a mess up. Yeah. Like everything is accounted for because every single thing in that shot was bought. It's not like, oh, we had so much admin going on that week. We forgot about that. Oh yeah. And it's like, oh, we, we, we just printed off papers and put them on the desk and they just happened to be child pornography cases. Like, no, that was a thought. And then that was an executed thought. Yeah.

Because every single thing in that photo was written on a line sheet. It was purchased, where it was purchased from, who it's getting returned to, who's in charge of that. So Balenciaga can sue the production company all day long.

Balenciaga signed off on it. Yeah, they had to get the final okay. But I would argue that I totally understand how a fashion set like Balenciaga, there's a power person in charge, right? And clearly, like, this is group mentality. Like, someone was obsessed with the vision. Someone was like, this is iconic. And if I'm the marketing assistant, you bet your ass I'm not saying shit. I don't think this is a good idea. Hell no! I'm saying, yes, this is genius. You're genius. Incredible. Like...

Fashion, as you know, is so fucking biased and subjective. Yeah, it's so subjective and interpretive. You know how many things these people probably do that think this is stupid and ugly, but because the head person likes it and they're the genius behind these campaigns, everyone's like, yeah, whatever you want.

It's also so much easier to cancel a specific person. It's like power in numbers. But when you're trying to cancel a full brand, you don't. I feel like I feel like people almost don't care about canceling Balenciaga because they're like, but who is Balenciaga? How many times has Sheen done like fucked up stuff?

Oh my god, remember when Sheen did that weird fucking... Anti-Semitic thing? Yes, that necklace. Oh my god, I forgot about that. People can say I love fast fashion, but I've never worn something from Sheen. I have fucking standards. Zara or nothing. Also, I love how celebrities are like... Getting rid of all their Balenciaga stuff. And then I'm home being like,

fuck owns anything valencia like normal people are sitting home being like i'm not gonna wear valenciaga from now on it's like bitch you never did i'm like oh wow i'm glad i'm ahead of the curve and i have nothing valenciaga in my closet oh my god but it's gonna be interesting kim spoke up kim had to yeah she like when i think of valenciaga i think of kim isn't that connected to kanye too though is kanye behind this

Kanye did come out and was like, I think it's kind of crazy how none of you are like rioting against the people that are tied to the brand who haven't said anything. I mean, he did kind of have a point when he was like, it's,

No one's saying anything and you guys are like, everyone's just like letting it slide. And then Julia Fox came in with a hot take. What'd she say? Julia Fox is our religion, I think. Our Brene Brown. Julia Fox is our president and Brene Brown is her vice president. She was like, Balenciaga's like, yes, this is disgusting. I'm a mother. It's so fucking vile. She was like, but nobody talks about how...

millions of children are exploited every single day in the church. We don't denounce the church. We don't talk about how there are pedophiles in every single industry. Go to a school, there's pedophiles. Go to like, you want to date a chef? I bet there's pedophiles over there. And she goes, the issue is...

It's men. The men are creating all of this. She's a giggler. She's so fucking right. Well, and then also I'm thinking about what about the child workers who were sewing the clothes that no one's checked on. Right. Right.

I hate men t-shirts are on sale if you haven't gotten yours. We brought them back because you guys screamed at us. And then we even made another one, see you in court, that is just as graphic and just as fun. Speaking of cancellations, I kind of have this theory that it's crazy that it's 2022 and Santa hasn't been canceled.

What did you do? This is a hot take, but think about it. Santa has all these kids sit on his lap. He tells them if they're naughty or nice. That's fucking creepy. Also, you know Mrs. Claus is doing all the fucking work, and he's drunk eating peppermint patties and peppermint schnapps somewhere, and then he just loads it up on the car and gets all the credit. Also, is the labor? These elves must be freezing. Are they getting paid proper wages? No one's even looked into this.

I hope Elf on a Shelf gets canceled before we become mothers because could you picture us? Can you not? No, I'm not doing Elf on a Shelf. That was after my time. Could you picture us being like, what are you doing for your Elf on a Shelf tonight? I would probably do something fucked up. I have like random thoughts throughout the day when I see like mothers and childrens and I just think like, wow, one day like me and my friends are all going to have kids and like how...

And like how like illegal. I feel like you are getting kid anxiety knowing that I could get pregnant and it's like disturbing you. Yes, it's stressing me out. Like you wake up in the middle of the night and you're like, not her. Yeah.

Because I just feel like every single thing we do now, I'm going to be like, are we allowed to do that? We have a kid. And you're going to be like, we don't have a child. I have a child. Hey, you're my family planner. As we learned last episode, I'm waiting for you to give me the go ahead. No, we're not ready. We're not ready yet. I do have to say though.

kid is gonna have a sense of humor and like the way you parent and the way you deal with stuff like your sense of humor rubs off on them so I definitely it fucking better whenever I'm complaining to my mom which is 95% of the time I

I'm always like, and then I have to do this and then I have to do that. And then like I have no sleep. And then and she just she doesn't say anything about anything I have to do. She just will say and then try having a kid. I'm just like, OK, so savage. You don't have to come hard at me like that. Just this is a random front page news. Did you know Justin Long and Kate Bosworth are a couple? I had no idea. Do you know that Kate Bosworth has one blue eye and one brown eye?

I actually kind of remember hearing that. Yeah. That's an example of a couple who's like not trying to get in the public eye, but they've been together for like a minute. They're on Instagram together. Wow. I forgot Kate Bosworth existed. I forgot he existed.

I used to love when a date with Todd Hamilton. He had so many rom-coms. Good for Justin Long. Also, Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello have moved on. And Camila Cabello is dating this guy who's like an app founder. And Shawn Mendes is dating a 50 year old woman. Okay. Okay. Okay. No judgment. Because we love an older. How old is he?

let me look it up right now people say that they're like he likes to stay home and just like be in his cardigan so this makes sense i'm like just he's 24 he's canadian maybe canadians men are more mature do you like when sean's in general spell their name no i don't like sean's in general i don't like any of them i i actually don't know one sean i don't think the sean with an aw i'm like do you think i'm fucking dumb

But the Sean with an S-E-A-N, I'm like, get a life. True. That one, I'm like, that's a reach. But the Sean with the A-W, I'm like, that's too far. Like, I don't need you to spell it out that hard. He's 24. He's 24, I know. I mean, honestly. Did you hear how Camila Cabello is getting, like, annihilated for her singing?

I'll be home for Christmas and she says Christmas like quizmas. Why is she saying it like that? I don't know, but all I could think of was that TikTok was like Merry Christmas.

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend's still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn.com slash results.

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People doing all the Christmas stuff, it's all a money grab. So sometimes I feel like they do it last minute. I mean, think about poor Mariah Carey. She was the greatest singer of all time, and now she's just... People are like, oh, she's melting, being frozen until Christmas, and now she's coming out of her bunker. I do not feel bad for Mariah Carey. That bitch makes billions of dollars every holiday season from that fucking song. True.

If all I had to do was get up once a season and perform it and not even actually sing it, count me the fuck in. I don't want to be a hater because she is one of the most amazing singers in the world. But if you Google Mariah Carey, All I Want for Christmas, no background music, it shows her singing live and it takes the music out and it's pretty funny. I mean, she's probably the one paying Nick Cannon's child support. True.

You know? But also in her defense, like singing that live at Rockefeller Center, it's probably so cold. My vocal, my fucking whole body wouldn't warm up. My vocal cords would be like, uh-uh. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. I don't do anything when it's cold. Oh my God.

No. I don't do anything when it's cold. Holiday parties? Oh, I'm literally getting anxiety just thinking about it. I'm not going. I feel like I wanted to do, like, a TikTok or, like, something of, like, holiday outfits. And then I was like, be fucking for real, Paige. Like, you want to be relatable. You want to be authentic. You want to be real.

You don't leave the home. What are you? This is what you do. I personally would rather never go to this. But if I did, that's how you just preface it like that, because I feel like people would love to see your holiday outfits. I just I have so many ideas in my head. I give all the ideas on my Amazon lives, but I'm like and then I'm like, but I'm not going to wait. Can we talk about the like style you went for on Thanksgiving Day? Because I was like, who is she?

I got a lot of comments on it. What was the vibe? Because I was an early comment. The vibe was like, oh, don't really think that's appropriate for Thanksgiving. People, I was going down 14 stairs. Wait, they wanted you to dress fancier at your own family's Thanksgiving? Can I tell you something? I got so sick.

Wednesday night like I started feeling like icky Wednesday night so then I woke up Thursday like I got dressed for Thanksgiving I changed out of that outfit before dinner was even served I was back in my jammies I did want to say that the jeans was a aggressive choice do not wear jeans let alone high-waisted jeans on Thanksgiving that's an amateur move or just start the night with it unzippered I got like a crazy

random stomach bug on Wednesday night jealous literally do you want to hear the most annoying thing this is the most annoying thing I got a stomach bug on Wednesday night okay I'm throwing up till like 2 a.m. I get back in bed whatever Craig's at my house for Thanksgiving I wake up again in the morning and

And I got so hot in the middle of the night that I like ripped off all my clothes. So I like run to, I go to the bathroom in the morning to like brush my teeth. Cause I still felt like gross from throwing up the night before I'm walking back to the bed. And Craig was like, you literally look like a supermodel. And I, in my head, I was like, Oh my God, thank you so much. But like, I was also like, fuck you. I've just been throwing up for 24 hours. Craig upholding unattainable beauty standards. Yeah.

I was like, okay, well, I don't look like this unless I have a stomach bug. I got my blood work done. Oh, I love when people get their blood work done. What did it say? We have like really smart gigglers who are like doctors and they're telling me to get tested for stuff. Turns out I don't have allergies to literally any food, not even a sensitivity. Oh my God. Okay. But I find out that my cholesterol is high.

You didn't know that's not good. Craig has high cholesterol, too. It's all the fucking soup. But I've never had this. My family doesn't have it. I call my mom and she's like, well, you have been working out less. And I was like, wait, but OK, is that in any way related to like you feeling like bloated and like having IBS? I think honestly it's anxiety. And I also thought I had a really fast metabolism and that's why I poop a lot. Turns out that's anxiety, too.

Oh my God. So I know I have fast metabolism and I have high cholesterol. So I literally go to breakfast with Des this morning and obviously I ordered like the hungry man's platter and he's just looking at me. I'm looking at him and he's like, is that good for your cholesterol? And I'm like, get out.

oh my god you've reached the point of your age where you have to like not order things because of your health no I'm still ordering I just I did go through a pretty bad depression in the way that like I can work I can function but I I'm not gonna make myself work out and my my mom said she thinks because I used to work out so much and then I like drastically stopped that like my but also like

They weren't that high, but it's high enough that Des is making fun of me. Did the doctor say, like, what you have to do to, like, get it lower? Like, is it basically just eating less salt? Eat less saturated fats. So... We love saturated fats. So, like, bacon. So, like, what? I can't think of a saturated fat. Butter, cheese. Is butter a carb? Yeah.

I haven't heard that in so long. Wait, I would have paid money to be in that doctor's office with you just being like, so what's a saturated fat? And like, what am I eating? I would like work out 30 minutes, three times a day. And I'm like, I mean, three times a week. And I'm like, I definitely like, but apparently, apparently your blood work is three months before. Like that's the, like where you were when your blood is getting taken. Yeah.

Does that make sense? No. Like, the blood that they're checking is, like, where you were three months ago because of, like, the body. Look, this is a science podcast. So, we have old blood right now? Okay. I didn't expect a follow-up question. So, like, it's something that has to do with the circulation and whatever. Yeah, but I'm pretty sure... I mean, I believe you. I feel...

I don't feel great about myself after I found out that I have high cholesterol. My numbers aren't crazy, but like you definitely don't feel proud. You're not coming home and putting that test on the refrigerator. I'm not a champion, but I'm working on loving myself for my high cholesterol.

Cut to Hannah starts doing like diabetes ads on her Instagram. Well, you do. You have to take medication if it's really bad. Apparently, I'm not that bad. But like I was like, does dad have high cholesterol? And my mom was like, no. And I'm like, that man. I've seen how he eats. He eats more saturated fats than I do. Three surveys of things. I'm the one who fucking has cholesterol problems.

I don't even know what cholesterol is. I can't even spell cholesterol. No, nobody actually knows how to spell cholesterol. The most gorgeous person at Thanksgiving was my Nana. And we played smash or pass with all these celebrities. Yep. And I added Bryce Hall in. And did you see Bryce Hall stitched?

Nana's Instagram. No, I didn't see it. What? Oh, stop. I need to see it. So now Bryce Hall is my grandpa, which is super awkward. If you don't know who he is, he's one of these like douchey teens who dated Addison Rae. What did Nana say? Nana was like, yeah, I like he's cute. She was like, he's adorable, but he's too young for me. I'll adopt him.

Who were some other people that Nana thought were good looking and who are the people that Nana thought were not? Nana is like very picky, but like as she should be. She's like one of the like most beautiful women on the planet. She got really upset at Travis Barker. She does not like tats. She said that Zac Efron was too pretty. She said that she doesn't like Drake's beard.

She didn't know who Food God was, but she was upset by it. So are a lot of people, Nana. She said that she doesn't know what she could talk about with Justin Bieber. They don't have the same things to relate to each other, so she passed on Justin Bieber.

Wow. So philosophical, Nana. She said she did say yes to Jason Momoa, but she said he's not her typical type. But then I put on Frank Sinatra at the end and she was like, I've had dreams about smashing him. And I'm like, Jesus, Nana.

So Nana had fun. I can't wait. Oh, my God. There's going to be a day, too, that, like, we're grandmas and, like. Just horny grandmas. Yeah. And we're just going to be like, okay, well, in my day, the men were actually good looking. And, like, we're going to show a picture of. Oh, yeah. Like, who's the man of our time? Pete Davidson. But I do have to say, whatever my Nana's doing is working for so many reasons. Also, her and my Papa still have sex.

And like that says a lot. She's 81 and he's like 83. That's crazy. And she's never had sex with anyone else in her life. Oh, my God. Because back then you had to get married if you want to have sex. So they got married off at like 17, 18. And they're just the happiest, cutest couple. What else? Oh, yeah. Why did I write Lizzo? Oh, because I watched the Lizzo documentary. How was it?

Lizzo has by far the best personality that I've seen in one of these musician documentaries. She's so fucking funny. And it's very like she's not trying to take up all the air in the room. She's just so herself. I think it's because she got famous at 29 or 30. What is it on? I believe it's on HBO Max. It's called Love Lizzo.

And what I also love is they showed a little bit of like her starting yitty. It shows how she literally went from nothing, sleeping in a car in Minnesota, Minneapolis and blew up. And she just like deserves it. She's amazing. Yeah.

And she's really, like, gorgeous. It's so funny. She really is. I know that, obviously, there's, like, beauty standards, but you get lost in the documentary. You love her personality. You start looking at her, like, overall, and you're like, she's stunning. And it's the way she carries herself, too. Okay, there's, like, this study that was done. What am I saying? I saw it on TikTok. But it was, like, this video, but it was an actual, like, psychologist that was, like, doing the video. And she was, like...

She was like, obviously, yes, there is two people like walking like women walking into a room. You know, like who's pretty like your eye is attracted to like what's beautiful to you. But there are like certain ways where like you look they use it with just one girl and how like she looked prettier in different situations. Yeah.

And it all had to do with like how she walked in the room. So like if you walk in the room and your shoulders are back and your head is held high and you're making actual eye contact with people, there were more people that were attracted to her than when she walked in the room, looked down at the ground, was kind of like hunched over, like, you know, didn't really...

Like, make a fuss. Or, like, you didn't really notice that she walked in the room. And it is so... It is so true. Because there are also, like, people that aren't... Like, look at just, like, supermodels in general. Like, living in New York City, I feel like you see so many, like, different looking models just, like, walking down the street. And they're not, like...

conventionally pretty but there's something about them where you're like I can't stop looking at that person and it's literally just how they like command a room and how they walk in and like if you see like a model walking on the street you're just like oh my god that's like the prettiest person I've ever seen in my life when really like it's not yeah but it's just like the way you see them or there's like the prettiest person you've ever seen and then they open their mouth and you're like why am I so turned off by this yeah I mean I feel that with men all the time

Times yeah I was literally thinking of like every male model I've ever spoken to but oh my god you're gonna die on TikTok the New York Times there's this girl fuck I need a whatever if you google it she'll come up she does this thing called the sauce have you heard about it no so she talks about whether or not people have the sauce and the sauce is like this swag that you were talking about where you can not that you completely don't care what people think about you because everyone does but like for example Rihanna has the sauce

Lizzo has the sauce. And there's a lot of people that she's like, yeah, she's beautiful, but she does not have the sauce. Wow. And like the sauce, it doesn't matter if you're having a bad hair day. It doesn't matter if you hate your outfit. You have the sauce or you don't. And I think as gigglers, we have the sauce. We have the sauce. We used to own a restaurant called Sauce. We did own it.

Now I'm craving chicken parmesan. But you're so right about that. I always, I joke about it in my standup, but I imagine the like most gorgeous photo I've ever taken. And I literally embody that. And it has a Paris filter, whatever. But like I embody that. And I think that's how I always look. When I first moved to New York, I,

I feel like I was used to going out in Albany and going to different colleges and whatever. And always feeling pretty confident when I would walk into a bar or whatever. The only reason I say pretty confident is because I never thought anything else. Yeah, you weren't super insecure. Yeah, I was never walking in places and being nervous. And then when I moved to New York City...

And you go out and there's just like way more people and way more pretty girls. You're just like, it was like the first time I looked around, I was just like, wait. And I had like a weird couple of years in New York where I was just like, oh,

I don't like it here. Like, this is like weird. And then I just started doing this thing where like before I would walk into a party or like a bar in my head, I would be like, you're the hottest fucking person here and you're the funniest and you're the coolest and walk in like you are. And I definitely got way more guys. Wow. Like interested in me than I did.

had in the past. It's literally the energy you're putting off. I think about when you go to college and there's just so many people and you're like, how do I find my lane? Or like, how do I connect with people? How are they going to even notice me? And it's like, you can't control that, but you can control your energy. It's like the Marilyn Monroe effect where they said that Marilyn Monroe, she'd be with her friend and like, no one would be noticing her because she'd just be like walking, normal, humble, not...

humble but just like a little insecure whatever and she'd be like watch this and she'd turn into maryland just through like her how she was standing how she was carrying herself and suddenly people start recognizing her on the street when she didn't change anything that's crazy that's so crazy i also watched the olivia wilde movie don't don't worry darling how was it what do you think

I feel like we knew too much. It's like, why can't I watch reality TV? Like, you're watching it being like, but you really hate her. But you really hate her. We knew too much. It was too overhyped. I didn't watch it. The plot had potential. Like, I do like that, like, sci-fi Stepford Wives shit. But it actually didn't make sense. The lead up wasn't – it was honestly bad. Yeah.

Where I feel like it was the kind of movie where like in the beginning you're like, this is going to be so good. And then there's so many unanswered questions and you're like, what the fuck? Or like when they finally...

showed like what was really going on I was like that's there was no way for me to even like you didn't put enough breadcrumbs of clues that made it feel good instead you just feel like you just punched me in the face okay but side note how do you feel about Harry Styles as an actor I thought that one he's so cute and

I thought he was good except they were like playing with his accent a little like he was supposed to have a different accent in different times and when they're bad it like drives me insane. Yeah. Why did I feel like Florence Pugh like didn't want to be there during it? She didn't. She didn't. Because we knew too much and she didn't.

She did not want to be there. I started watching White Lotus. In Sicily? The second season. I had watched the first season, but like you don't need to watch the first season to watch the second season. It's like all new cast. And I didn't, I mean, people loved the first season. I thought it was okay. I didn't love it the way people loved it.

I love this second season. It's so fucking good. The cast is so good. The one main guy who's like the douchiest guy is so fucking hot. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yeah. I can't even think of his name, but whatever. And then I started watching The Crown the last season because it's all about Princess Diana. Yeah. And let me just tell you something.

You obviously know the story of Princess Diana. And like they're not giving you any like revelation news that you didn't already know. But like going into it, I knew that I loved Princess Diana and I knew that I hated Camilla. It could not be more solidified after this fucking season. How would you feel if you're a real life Camilla right now? Like you just became queen. Netflix is popping off with this series that's like kind of true, kind of not.

She ruined Princess Diana's life. Like, cut it out. He's married. But what if it was real love? What if he was the one that was reaching out? Here's the thing. It obviously was real love because they're together now. But how did you live your whole life as a side chick? Damn.

Like you lived your whole, your whole, your entire life was a side check. You were Mrs. Sneaky Linky. I mean, it does kind of remind me of when I was a freshman in college and I started talking to this hockey guy and he tried to finger me, but I was too scared and I pushed him away. But we were basically together. Does this relate to Princess Diana? No.

Does Princess Diana somehow pop up in this story? I'm just making it about me. And then my best friend at the time, we were married on Facebook. We'd only known each other for two weeks, but we really liked each other. I introduced them because we were playing ping pong together. And then she fucked him. Yep. And I sat her down and I said, how dare you choose this hockey dude over our friendship? Yeah. And they ended up staying together and have children. So she's my Camilla. Yeah.

It's at the point where I'm like, I go, unless he's the love of your life, fuck you, bitch. And he was the love of her life. So I take it back. But that's different because they cut you out of it. They spared you the anguish. They spared you. They definitely avoided eye contact with me at the bar. And I was like, at least say thank you. Were you invited to the wedding?

Oh, God, no. But she did post with their kid, and I really wanted to say, you're welcome. You should have. They should have sent you a fucking... They should be sending you a Christmas card every year. But I hope they didn't stay together out of spite against me. You know what I mean? Like, they were like, we cannot let Hannah be right here.

That is literally only something our brains would be like, well, now I have to fucking marry him. Because as Sicilians, I would do that. I'd be like, look, I hate you, but I can't have Hannah be thinking she was right. I've stayed in relationships longer just to be like, well, I can't let them be right. So now I have to fucking marry this guy. I could literally think of multiple relationships that have to stay together because they don't want me to be right. Anyway, um...

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Oh, okay. I have one more fucked up story. So you never go to like... You don't go to that many like red carpets. No. And I feel like me and you will occasionally be invited to a red carpet. Yeah. And for me, I have stand-up at night. It's not as convenient. Also, it's like a lot to get ready. I get an email of a night I'm prepared for and I invited you to come with me, but you couldn't because...

I don't even know, but it was Chris Hemsworth had a documentary coming out. And I said, well, I am Mrs. Dope Documentary. I have to go to this.

And I had like a day free when I could have enjoyed myself pet butter. Instead, I immediately get a spray tan. I hire a stylist to get me a dress because I'm acting like I'm going to the Oscars. Yeah. You're like, this is my movie premiere. Yes. I get makeup. I do my own hair. And Des is literally like, I thought we're going to hang out today. And I'm like, nope. Today's about me. And as I'm doing it, I realized, wait a second.

So I'm putting all this effort in and spending hundreds of dollars for one fucking photo. Yeah. And then I start getting nervy and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. What if I fuck up? What if I fuck up the red carpet? So I get there and the red carpet is huge. There's a lot of cameras, a lot of things that could go wrong.

And I just pray. Like, I just smile and pray. Because I'm not like you. You are a natural model. You feel the energy of the room. But I don't like red carpets. It's not human to walk a straight line and have people take pictures of you. It's not my idea of...

A good time. Immediately they're like, watch out. There's like a bump on the carpet. And I'm like, oh, you looked at me and you're like, that's the one that'll go down. And they were right. I did not fall. But like, I'm taking these photos and I'm like, okay, where are my hands? Oh shit. My leg was supposed to be forward. Oh fuck. Like I need to like swallow or like get my chin out. Oh fuck. I wasn't sucking in. This is all going on. Yeah. I get home that night.

The picture was the worst photo I've ever taken in my life. Stop. Stop. Stop. To the point that I showed my mom and she was like, oh. I spent two fucking days getting ready for this one photo. And like, it was Getty. You guys could Google it, whatever. It was so bad that I couldn't even post it on my Instagram. I have a story that will make you feel good about that one. Because when I had to go to the MTV Awards, I'm so excited to do the red carpet. Yeah.

Oh, no.

So I'm going down the red carpet. And yes, every thought is like, okay, and they're getting this angle and I'm going to look ridiculous. And I had a massive pimple on my chin and it's all I'm thinking about. And I'm literally crying inside. And I'm like, I hate it here. I don't want to be here anymore. I hate it. Craig comes. He like meets me. We do pictures together. Red carpet's over. I'm like, phew. We get the pictures back. And it's all like, yeah, it's like publications. It's like Getty and like all these things. So there's no like...

That's the picture. They send you the pictures. That's the ones you post. Well, in the way that I was standing in one of the pictures, like my back fat is like you can see it.

But like this is on websites. I'm not I can't like edit out my back fat because people are going to be like, we saw the original picture. I feel like they fuck with you. Like they can choose. They took hundreds of photos. They chose one where like my mouth was moving. So I'm like, whatever. I have back fat. So I'm posting the picture. So I post the picture. All the comments are like, looks like she tried to edit out her back fat. Like and so they're coming at me.

even though I didn't try and edit it out. And I'm just like, this is the picture they gave me. This is my real back fat. Like if you thought that I tried to edit this, like you're insane. If I really edited it, it would be gone and you have no idea about it. So all I think about at the MTV Awards are me and my back fat.

It is funny. It reminded me of Taylor Swift and her documentary when she's like, I see a photo and then immediately I want to just not eat for three months. And I said, no, we don't do that anymore. We don't. No, you literally can't do that anymore. Paige, do you think I have high cholesterol because after our shows, we eat our body weight in cheeseburgers? Oh my God, Hannah. It's once every two months. And no, I am not the reason for your high cholesterol. Oh my God, you're the reason. Yeah.

sabotage me you're getting me back for the nails that you've fucked up my cholesterol and now i'm imbalanced and my mom thinks that all i do is sit around and eat cheese which is not far off from the truth ah revenge is sweet okay guys well thanks for thanks for giggling with us go to our tour dates check out our youtube channel we're gonna i think we're gonna upload any videos we love you