Giggling about Vegas, wrong sexts, and dirty martinis
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I mean, the day just got away from me. Okay. What is up, my Vegas gigglers? So we thought Vegas was going to be lit, and it is, but the only thing that's lit is our eyeballs because the sun is so close to the ground here. I feel like the sun is on my shoulders. Like, how am I holding the sun up for everybody in the world right now?

It's so dusty. And I don't mean that in like the Gen Z way, like dusty, like legitimate dust. There's like a smell to it. And it's like a cactus died and someone snorted cocaine off it. It's also not to get like serious because like I do want to make fun of Vegas in a funny way, but like in a serious way.

okay you know like as a girl just like it's just like born into you that like you're very aware of your surroundings like i hate when we do the podcast and we look at each other i know it's really weird okay i won't look at you during this go but you know how you're just like super aware of your surroundings at all times like you're getting into an uber you know like who's behind you like you just know what's going on

I've never been more fucking aware of my surroundings than in Vegas because I've never had more weird things simultaneously happen. Hannah made me walk.

Hannah made me fucking walk like four blocks to go get our nails done. I got the worst manicure I've ever gotten in my entire lifetime. But I couldn't walk to the one she was at because I literally couldn't find it. So I just went into like a random one. And you were like, it's the one in the strip mall. And I'm like, Vegas is only strip malls. There's a strip mall on every block. And literally...

And four people like stopped their cars. And I don't know if they thought I was like a hooker just to like yell things at me. And I was like, it's literally 10 a.m. A dog did bark at me and I almost shot myself. Like it was so scary. Like the guys here are fucking weird. We decided that...

Vegas is basically LA. If it let itself go, it gave up on its dreams, it got a heroin addiction, and took all of its savings and just spent it on blackjack in one night. Vegas is...

a bunch of bright-eyed bushy-tailed people that moved to LA and was like I'm gonna be an actress and then they realized that like just doing cocaine and staying up was more fun so they all moved to Vegas and gave up on acting yes also we're at a music festival but like Vegas is a festival within itself so we're doing a festival within a festival we're doing a comedy show within a festival within a festival we are at the eye of the hurricane I'm scared

It's terrifying here. There's a lot of people with shopping carts. Did you know? What? Where are they going to go shopping?

I was like, empty. You're empty too. I'm like, where is everybody getting these and what are they putting inside of them? It is fun, but I could tell that you have to be in a certain mood, have a certain level of like drugs in your system. And it's like small dose type place. It's not my vibe. Didn't you want to do Vegas for your 30th? I now want to go to a wellness retreat for my 30th. Wait, so we've spoken about wellness retreats before. Yeah.

I researched it before because I had to. That shit was like either expensive or it's like go in a mountain and there's nothing there and just sit. And I'm scared that I'm gonna be stuck in a wellness retreat and be miserable that I'm like forced to like meditate. Yeah.

That's what I want. I want someone to force me to meditate. I've been looking them up online and I said to Craig, I was like, I'm going to go to a wellness retreat, I think. And he was like, what? And I thought he was like concerned for like my mental health. And I was like, no, like I think like I really want to go somewhere for like seven days and just chill out. And he's like, so you don't want to go with me? Like I wanted to go to a wellness retreat. You have a whole other set of problems that you can deal with at a different retreat. You never know.

One time in your life said that you wanted to go to a wellness retreat. You're just trying to come with me on my. Yoga is like a very funny thing. They all are like, I can't stretch. Yeah. It was like, no, you're not coming on my wellness retreat. It is basically mind rehab. That's what I want. I want to go to one in like Utah. Yeah. Montana. Kanye. I want to go wherever Kanye lives.

Wait, did you see he's doing breasts? And he kind of looks cool with his like sunglasses and beard. Okay, I don't know if this is just like the conspiracy theorist in me, but I don't think that was him. Like, right?

I was watching one of the interviews where he had like a full beard, sunglasses, and a hat on. And I was like, this is a stunt double. Like, I'm convinced that that wasn't him. It's like him and Avril Lavigne are like in Cancun right now. Before we get into it, we have so much good stuff to talk about. But I did something. One of the more embarrassing things I've ever done in my life yesterday. But I'm more mature, so I've like gotten past it. I think you missed it. I think I did too, because I can't think of anything. Because you're involved. Okay. So...

I have a group chat with Paige and our CEO, Elena, who's here with us in Vegas, where we text everything. And when I got to the festival, I started trying to do the shuffle dance that all the girls are doing, which turned out to look like an Irish jig. And Des texts me, and he's like, stop with the physical comedy. It's not helping anyone at all.

and I was like I was trying to do this and I sent the like jig dance video and then I also sent it to you guys the shuffle dance video yeah I know what you're talking about and I was like this is what I want to do and then I text him and I basically was like kind of a sext I was like hey like if you were here like I'd go to music with you I'd go wait wait wait he

Keep going. I said, if you were here, I would play blackjack with you. We go to the pool and then we'd have sex. And I send it. And then like a minute later, I go, oh my God, I sent it to the wrong group. Okay. The best thing about that text is I just read it and disregarded it. So did you know that you can delete texts?

So is it still on your text? Yeah. So I thought I deleted it, but I just deleted it on my own text thread. Wait, wait, wait. The update is when you can delete text? I thought that I was like, oh my God, there's a new update. And I press edit and I press delete and I go, phew. Wait, I'm trying. I realized, no, no, no. You're just deleting it on your own thread.

Like you can't unsend it. Then I go on my computer and Elena is liking that sex. And I'm sitting there like, let's just pretend it didn't happen and move forward. No one said anything. I pretended it didn't happen. But low key, I was a little embarrassed because like it was it was a pretty boring sex. Yeah. I expected more from you. Well, that's.

That's the thing. I'm normally pretty good at it. Your sext is just being like, hey, we could have sex. Like, there's no foreplay. Do you and Des, now that you're literally in a long distance relationship, do you and Des sext? He will joke and be like, babe, we're married. Yeah.

We'll joke about us being married. In hotel rooms, you know when you feel sexy and you're like, if a dude was here. And then you're like, if there's good lighting, I will send him like artsy like in a towel when I'm traveling. You love an artsy nude. I sent him the Tommy. Do you remember when Tommy posted his dick and he was like low-key hot? I was into that. But like, did he mean to do that? Cool. He posted on Instagram, Twitter, be real. Yeah.

What's his last name? Lee. Tommy Lee. So I looked at it. I sent it to Des and I was like, send this to me. And he goes, oh, no. So our sex life is good. Yeah. Sounds great. But anyway, so I accidentally sexted my work chat. That was fun. And they didn't even care to respond. No.

Imagine if this, we were like a real working environment straight to HR. You'd be at HR all the time. Okay, I'm just trying to have sex with us again. We're on a work trip. I don't know if you were here, like in my room. I have to like text Elena on the side. I'm like, don't go to her room. It's not safe. You text her on the side and you go, this happens all the time. Just don't respond. Elena did a thumbs up. Elena likes it.

And I was so embarrassed. I did not. I do this. I used to date a guy too, who I would ask him about things and he just sitting with you would just not respond. Eventually you'd get bored and just move on. I'd be like, are you going to get a job soon? And he would just not respond. Great tactic. So guys don't respond or just do what us open um, umpires do and say, thank you.

I'm a big, like, avoider in all aspects of my life. But, like, if I don't want – I'm not texting back. Like, if I don't want to, I don't. Have you gotten better at sexting since being in a long-distance relationship? Yeah, probably because – well, here's the thing. Craig is –

I love him very, very much. I really do. Because there's like little things that he'll do that I know he really loves me. And like he'll go back and reread old sex from like us. Like he'll type it. You know how like on your phone you can type in a word and it'll come up? It's like a Google search. Yeah, like in your text. He'll type in a word and go back to like last August.

to like he was like I love this one this is one of my favorite ones and the whole just like reread it yeah and I'm like oh my god like that's but yeah Craig likes um like Craig likes me to like set a scene set a mood set a vibe like so much admin I do so much admin for this man like I he'll tell me like plots like before we start

I'm a sex novelist. That's really fun though. I'll set a whole mood board, send him a Pinterest. Is there one that you're really proud of? His kinks are like different. It depends on like where the moon is and like what he's into that day.

So like sometimes he likes me to make up like a fake vacation scenario. And are you yourselves or someone else? No, we're ourselves. But sometimes like I'll add in another character into the mix or like, yeah. And this is all just text. Yeah, I'm really setting like a standard.

I'm writing a screenplay. Do you reread it to make sure it's okay? Or are you just kind of, no, I just kind of go, do you get turned off if he like uses the wrong you or your, or like grammatical error in a sex? No, because he corrects that immediately. Even if you're sexting punctuality or punctuation is important. I just had, um, Dr. Emily Morris on burning in hell. She's like the leading sex therapist. And we were talking about a lot of stuff about sex and,

but I wow I want to listen to that one it's pretty good there's so my problem is the admin like if you want to use a toy in bed your toys have to be charged yeah and like when I'm not horny I'm not thinking about charging my toys and then in the moment you're not like let's wait seven minutes for this to charge yep

And then you just are like, fuck it, let's go. Even like if people are like, let's get another person involved. Like that is so much. Like hypothetically, I'm down for another person. Realistically, no fucking way. Are you kidding? I'd gouge someone's eyes out.

Like even people were like, oh, we go around and like find another person. That is that like that's another job. I have sexted Craig before and he would be like, OK, I don't want the other person. It's making me sad, actually. Like, I don't your imaginary person. Yeah.

He's like, I don't want to do that anymore. And I'm like, oh my God, you really like me. Even if Des was like, let's get another person, I'd be like, oh, you're going out tonight? Yeah. Baby falls asleep at nine.

I saw this thing on TikTok and I was trying to explain it. Even though Craig is only 34, I tell him that he's 35, but whatever. Even though Craig is 34, like he doesn't get certain things. So like I like... He's an old soul. Yeah. So I'll like explain like...

Things I see on TikTok and he'll be like, what does that even mean? One of my favorite moments was when I had to explain to him the Olivia Wilde, Harry Styles situation, Chris Pine. He didn't know who Florence Pugh was. Like I did it for 30 minutes. I had like different layers. Yeah, he was like, it felt like if we worked in an office, me coming home and telling him the office drama. So like I love that.

I love when your boyfriend knows nothing about a topic and you have to explain it to him. So I saw this thing on TikTok and it was this sex doctor. And she was saying how women and men's initial thought when they're about to have sex is so completely different. Really? And how girls think...

Do I look hot? Where guys never think, do I look hot? No. Like ever. No. And he, and I was like trying to explain it to Craig and he did like, he got it, but he didn't really get it. He was like, but I always think you look hot. Like, don't even worry about that. And I was like, I know that you do.

but you don't understand that this is like years and years of conditioning for girls to be like, fuck, do I even look good in this position? And I was like, and so that's why women,

People always say, like, girls don't come every time. Yeah. Well, think about when a guy is getting a blowjob and you, like, look up at him and he has, like, 70 chins and, like... But he doesn't give a fuck. No. And he's just, like... He's in his own world. Yeah. But then when a guy is eating me out, I will purposely, like, turn my head so that my chin, like... I will... No, I will, like, look...

I will be accidentally like a pillow right under my double chin. Or like when you were younger, you'd be like, you would like lie and say like, oh, I don't like it or something because you would just, you just didn't want them. Well, especially if you're a control freak, you're like, I haven't checked everything out down there. Right. That is fascinating and so true. And I have some standup bits about it where it's like, yeah, like look at him. And also men, the fact that a man can't tell if you cut your hair four inches, like says a lot.

Yeah, he was like dumbfounded. He was like, wow, that sucks. Like, is everyone thinking? I was like, shut up. Speaking of... Wait, I'm dying. Speaking of people, doesn't Craig both love the gas and the tea? Which is really like the backbone of our relationships. But I do have to say...

Des made me laugh so hard and I sent this to you and I have to play it for the gigglers. And I love this man so much because of this one moment. This is Des doing front page news today. No, I was just saying Leonardo DiCaprio's with Gigi Hadid. What? He called her Gigi Hadid. Is that like an Irish thing or does he genuinely not know that her name is Gigi? He thought her name was Gigi Hadid. And I let him...

Call her Gigi Hadid all day. Is that just like an illiteracy thing? Or why did he think that? Well, like as G-I-G-I, you know what? You're right. It must be like an Irish language thing. But he said Gigi and I didn't tell him it's wrong. So you're letting this man walk around town saying Gigi Hadid? His friends don't know. He's probably getting all his friends to call her Gigi too. That's amazing. Also imagine if your name was Gigi. Your mom hates you. She lives in Vegas. Yeah.

also i do have to say i got my nails done page was supposed to meet me she got lost in another strip mall whatever and i was like i have nothing else to do until later i'm gonna get a massage and like i've gotten massages in like hole in the walls in new york yeah i i've taken it all i went to a time massage and i was like can i have a 30 minute back massage

pretty straightforward they were like okay we'll focus on the back and i'm like you know when they say something they're like oh no this is gonna go wrong it's gonna be interesting it's probably wrong she was immediately goes can i stand on your back and i'm a yes girl i'm a people pleaser if my hairdresser is like can i shave her head i get nervous i'll be like sure she immediately goes on my back and like it actually was amazing like she hit something in my lower back how'd she how'd she get up on there

who knows who I mean it felt like she was everywhere like she hoisted she was like hold on to my arms and trust me and then she would like pull me back like the trust I had for the stranger never even saw her face didn't see her face the whole time and she was flipping me around like craziest sex I've ever had without insertion and then

Yeah, at one point, my lower back cracked, and I literally felt the generational trauma leaving my body. Like, it was incredible. Wow, I love that. But, like, it was too scary for you to do. Have you seen those things on TikTok where girls are like, if you stretch this part, you might start crying? Have you tried any of them? Look...

I've cried during yoga. Have you? I've broken up with a guy because of a yoga class. No way. Because you just get like, your brain gets really quiet and you start like reflecting on life and you're like, your body is just like open. And I just started crying and I was like, I'm not happy. Wow. I'm going to Obama's. You should go to yoga. No.

No, but when they're like, this hip exercise is going to fix all your depression, that's not true. But stretching is never bad. But I don't have the patience to stretch. I'll stretch for four seconds and then be like, okay, what's happening? But you should try to stretch every morning. Let's get the party started. Some other stuff. Charcuterie boards are out.

Butter boards are in. I saw this. You read this in the New York Times, right? Yeah, in the New York Times. And they look gorgeous. It's like all this butter and they make it look really cool with like different flavors, honey, flowers. It's just... It's butter with shit in it. Yeah.

It's just an easier, it's just a prettier way to be like, I'm eating a loaf of bread. Yeah. Like it's just a nicer way of being like, I'm downing this loaf of bread. It's a chic way to have bread and butter. Yeah. And I guess it's good for people who throw dinner parties, but like gigglers message me if you actually throw a dinner party or if that's like a made up societal thing for women in their thirties. Where were we? And I was like, I want to throw a dinner party, but I don't want anyone to come. At the express show. Yeah.

Also, why don't they have pickle martinis? Like they have all of martinis. What about pickle? Have you ever done a pickle back shot? Yeah, I have. I actually like them. I like those too. Have you ever had a martini with hot sauce in it? I've actually never really had a martini to myself. Oh yeah, you don't really like dirty martinis. I've never like tried it enough. Like I've never been out and been like, give me a $30 martini. I'm going to tell you something.

- After I had COVID, no, this is real. After I had COVID, 'cause I had lost my taste for like a solid seven days, when it came back, it definitely took time to actually come back. Like it was dull and then like eventually like fully came back.

But now I used to not really love spicy and hot. Like I would eat it, but I didn't crave it. And now like I love things have to have like extra, extra flavor. So I always liked dirty martinis, but now I love them. And if you put hot sauce in them, oh my God. Well, I've done the like,

people get beer and put hot sauce on top of it and they like drink it with the hot it's like an australian thing though it's feral do you have any front page news because there's some shit going on one of the things that i really liked it wasn't even like that front page newsy but it was leonardo dicaprio the only advice that he gave to timothy chalamet was don't do any superhero movies or hard drugs

Interesting. And I kind of feel like that's brilliant because once someone does a superhero movie, that's it. They're a superhero. So like Ryan Reynolds, for example, he did Deadpool. Right. But it kind of made him.

For sure. Are you watching the Ryan Reynolds show on Hulu about him buying a soccer team? I actually am. Is this not the best show ever? It's really cute, but like they don't, I thought they were like huge soccer fans or something. They don't know anything about soccer. If you like the show Ted Lasso, it's the real life Ted Lasso. Oh yeah. It's called Wrexham and

And it's on Hulu. I think there's like six episodes. Craig and I are obsessed. Are you telling everyone about a documentary right now? It's not really a documentary. It's a docu-series. It's a docu-series. It's very different. It's a docu-series. How about Blake Lively having her fourth baby? Who? Blake Lively. Yes. But this documentary is about this small town. One of the first...

they call it football over there stadiums ever built they like invented soccer over there and their team sucks now but it's not their fault a lot of fucked up shit happened in their town and now they're trying to revamp it also like if you don't know anything about soccer you're fine it's the perfect show to watch because they pretty much explain the like which i had no idea i learned so much i learned so much are we soccer fans yeah i think this is a soccer podcast

This is a soccer podcast. They explained how like, you know, Ronaldo and them, they're all getting millions of dollars, but like to get into that league, there's so many leagues before it. And you, if you're bad, you drop to a lower league.

And they explain it using like our baseball. So like they'll explain it using like the Yankees or like, OK, this would be like if the Yankees lost, they'd go down. It's really good. And Ryan Reynolds is just so funny. They're very funny. And what's the other guy's name? McKinney. McKinney. He's the guy from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Yeah, he's cute, too. He's a little fireball. Craig really enjoys his style.

Oh, like the stuff he wears? Mm-hmm. Does Craig wear hats like that? Like flat-rimmed hats? And I was like, you could dress more like this. If you listen to me more. But that's a really good show. That is a really good show. Also, wait, one more thing about the Reynolds family. Yeah. I love Blake Lively so much, and I realize that I like her...

And I realize this about like famous people that I really like. You really only like famous people because you don't know anything about them. Yeah. And so like I find myself liking the most mysterious ones because you really don't know what they're like. So you have created. You can project all the shots. Yes. Like Jennifer Lawrence. I fucking love her. I don't know a thing about her. Like she doesn't even have Instagram. We don't really know anything about her.

And Blake Lively has been like very adamant about like her children and paparazzi. And so I love when a celebrity puts out like Instagram pictures and then she captioned it like putting out this picture of me being pregnant. So the 11 men outside my home trying to get a shot can leave. And I just like love that energy. Yeah.

I don't think I'm going to show my kids at all. But then I know there's a side of me that my kid's going to do something fucking hilarious. And I'll be like, right, right. I feel like that, too. Like I think about reality TV in that terms where I'm like, I nothing would make me get off reality TV quicker than me having a baby. Yeah. Like I just don't. But I could see your baby in like the cutest outfit and be like, I have to link this for people.

I would totally do that stuff, but to like have my child have a storyline makes me literally all cry. She has an earache and we're working on it. How is her earache going? I don't know. Oh my God. You're babying confessionals?

Okay, cry if you think mom has been a lot lately. No, like I just think about her, my unborn daughter. Yeah. And I don't want her to like see a cameraman and just like do things for a camera. I'm going to tell you something that's going to fuck you up. You know how some people like obviously their pages have a thing. Like I do comedy, you do fashion. I also do fashion as well. Yeah.

But here's the thing, you do though. But you stay so true to yourself and like your style though that that is my, that's why I want to see what you're wearing. Thank you. I want to see what you're wearing too. I think your pet peeve is when someone steals your outfit and pretends that they weren't inspired by you.

I hate that. I don't notice it. It's really, it's not like people on Instagram that I don't know. Like that's like why I post it. It's really more people that like I'll be at dinner with and I'll be like, I know. Yeah. No, you're within your like people, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Like if it would be so awkward if like I bought something from your Amazon and then didn't tell you and just like walked around in it. Right. Cause I've bought things from your Amazon. I bought those sunglasses. Oh yeah. The sunglasses. Thanks. Um,

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but what i was gonna say is yeah people have like themes and some people they've chosen to be like mommy bloggers right all about raising your kids but i'm gonna say something disturbing trigger warning and this is like really fucked up okay the amount of pedophiles right that follow these pages yeah is like sick like someone has been doing like a full report on it where it's like you posted a photo of your kid and why are thousands of grown men like saving it

There is a mom on TikTok that was doing like a deep dive. She ended up making her daughter delete her TikTok because she kept seeing like the amount of likes versus the amounts of shares and saves. And she was like, and my gut was just like, this is not.

This is not it. Like she's only 13. Like there's no reason it should be shared this many. And obviously if you're private and you're sharing your kids to like your people, obviously that is amazing and beautiful. I'm just saying if you're trying to start an account and like get likes based on your child. Also, there's the debate of like, is your child actually consenting to this?

Right. I was on TikTok the other night and I kept getting on my For You page this one, I don't even remember what her name was, but this one girl and she was doing her makeup to get ready to go to school and she was 13. Mm-hmm.

And I was like, I was watching one of the videos and then I went over to her page and I was like, wait, I, this is weak. Like I feel like I know she's doing something innocent and she's cute and she's doing her makeup for school and she's only in like eighth grade and she's talking about like eighth grade things. And I'm sure there's a lot of other eighth grade girls that are like, I like this girl and like whatever. But all I could think of was

This girl's in a crop top on TikTok. She's talking about her makeup. Like I...

started to feel uncomfortable thinking that there were like grown men watching these videos of yeah you were getting like protected yeah i was like i don't want her to do this well think about back then when we had like myspace and facebook nothing's going viral like everything is private where i actually saw this girl doing her makeup and i could tell it was like she was kind of like trying she's young and she was trying to like learn about makeup and she it's a very like she wants to be a famous makeup blogger yeah and it went viral because it was kind of like

unprofessional but yeah like it was cute like it was ironic and cute she was like maybe 13 and immediately i was like oh my god she's going viral and there's gonna be mean comments imagine your 13 year old daughter getting mean comments i think about it too i would no i would find those people the whole like mommy blogger thing is low-key like this generation's version of dance moms

yeah like we used to make fun of them or like the toddlers and tiaras and now it's just like a different way that people it's funny like as you get older like i i asked my mom questions about like having kids and when she got married and like things that you've just like never asked your mom before and one of them was like inevitably at some point in your life your child's going to get off the school bus see you and start crying like

They had a bad day. They got like a bad test grade or something. And I was like, how do you keep it together? And she's like, you don't. Like you will want to go to that school. You'll immediately want to call that mom and bitch that mom out. Like you raised a horrible fucking child. Like,

And I just don't know if I'll ever have that self-control. Well, that's like, I'll tell a four, four year old to fuck off. That's why I don't care. But even like in the sports world, oh my God. Like you imagine your daughter plays tennis as she could be. Yeah. And then she gets cheated by the girl with her. And the parents are like yelling mean stuff to your dad. Like, no, that's why they keep cars. It's fucking crazy. Um,

So anyway, hide your wives, hide your kids. We're going to be insane mothers. Insane. I'm actually scared that I'm going to be too strict. Well, I feel like there's the Kylie Jenners of the world who have like grown up visualizing like, like, you know, the girls you see like holding a daughter, like a little baby. As an accessory. They have like, like Emrata is very much, her child is a full on accessory. Yeah.

No, but I mean, you know, little girls who have a little stroller with them. They want to be a mom. Were you like that? Yes. Okay. Then you have girls like me who know that the idea of having a baby is a thing, but I've never actually like put myself in that place mentally. I brought my baby everywhere. Were you a Barbie girl? Because I didn't, I did not fuck with the girls that were Barbie girls. I know that I got Barbies. I was more like...

I would play dress up. I would like, I would do music videos. Okay. I would like play sports. I had that like Barbie thing. No, not Barbie thing, but that like fairy thing that you'd pull and it would like, the fairies would go, I hated that. I was like, this is messy. Yeah.

This is chaotic. That was insane. You could like take someone's eye out. I know. I also had like the horses. I wasn't like upset. I wasn't a horse girl, but they had those like pretty little horses. Yep. My little ponies. No, I was like, we're playing house. This is my, my fake kitchen. I'm the mom or the teacher. Like this is my baby. Oh, I would do the teacher. Apparently I would go in a room and tell everyone to shut the fuck up. Um, um,

But anyway, so we're going to be chaotic. But yeah, now we're at the point in our 30s and other girls are probably in similar situations where you're like, oh, wait, it could actually happen to me now. It's not just like an idea in my head of having a child.

Well, yeah. Yeah. I haven't dealt with that. Like I haven't faced the reality of that. That one day you're going to have a child. Yeah. And actually considering how it really does change your life. Right. Everyone gives me mixed messages. They tell me two things. I go, what's it like to actually have a kid? They go, it's the most beautiful thing that'll ever happen to you.

But your life will never be the same. And sometimes it sucks. Wow. That's why I get so mad when people are like, oh, are you going to get engaged? Or like, oh, by 30, you got to do like X, Y, and Z. It's not because you don't want to grow up. It's more like, no, I don't want my kid's life to suck because I'm mourning my old life. Oh, my God. Like, I want to be so completely done with this phase of my life that

that I am so excited to have a kid. Not because like you're immature and you don't want to like stop partying. No, it's not partying. It's more like do you want to wake up and have to take care of a child as your top priority? But I think it also changes people's lives because you're so in your own head all the time for you to like wake up and care about something else is nice. But like...

Your life has changed. I'm looking at my phone because I got a text message from one of my mom's badass friends. She calls herself the vaginista because she's like a badass gynecologist. And she has two kids. They're having kids now. And she randomly sends me this text yesterday and she goes, I did not have a baby until I was 36 and

and you see how fab they are do not feel pressure to have one once they come you cannot get rid of them so true so true but I think about I think about having kids a lot more than I think about getting married really mm-hmm wow

Like I'm a lot more excited and pictured my life as a mom a lot more than I do as a wife. What about like me and you both are mentally ill. Yeah. And we deal with depression and anxiety pretty bad. All day, every day. I called my mom and I was like, I have days where I need to nap all day. Like, can you do that when you have a kid? And she's like, well, the kid can nap all day with you. But I'm like, you won't have those real rest days. I think about it in terms of like, I'm so selfish where like,

Everything I buy right now is for me. My day itinerary is for me. One day, it's going to be all the clothes I have to buy my child. All the shit they have to do that day. You have to make sure they eat. If you don't give them food, they starve. And I asked my mom, I was like, how do you just switch to not being selfish anymore? How do you do that? I'm so self-centered. And she was like,

once they're like there in the world, you don't even think about yourself anymore. She was like, I was the exact same way. I didn't give a shit about other people's kids. I only cared about like myself and like,

Yeah, like looking good and like doing what I had to do for myself. And she was like, and then I had kids and I was like, I don't give a fuck. All I care about is them. But I also think we have to normalize that like certain ages with kids do suck. Like certain times are really hard. So it's like. Yeah, like after they're 10, I don't want them anymore. Yeah.

Like my mom will say sometimes I miss the little Hannah. Yeah. Cause like she's gone. Yeah. Like I don't want to have a teenager. Fuck off dude. Like figure it out yourself. And then they start like treating you like shit. Or what about now where we're like in our thirties. But also.

But also, let's be honest, our mom both got a best friend. For sure. That's what I think it is now. What did you do before me? Who did you talk to? Dad? But like now I feel like I need my mom more because it's bigger life things. I'm like, hey, is this tax fraud thing real? Is going to jail for tax fraud? It is a real thing. We will deal with it. I'll help you. Is it a pyramid scheme? No.

Oh my God, what a deep baby conversation we just had. I know, I didn't think, I did not think that's where that was going to go. Anyway, no easy way to pivot. Jack Harlow said he lost his virginity twice. Yeah, what was that? I don't get it. Was it just like to be funny?

I guess he was like, by the way, Jack Harlow is in the same vicinity as us right now in this moment. He's performing right after Giggly Squad. So we're basically opening for him. We're opening for Jack Harlow. So he said he lost his virginity at 16, but he lost it twice.

When I was 18, I graduated high school. Somehow, someway, I landed this dime piece who was five or six years older than me. She was 23, 24. It blew my mind because Nashville, you have to understand, at that point, I'd only effed with girls I've seen in the halls. For me, this moment was like, welcome to the big leagues. It was huge. That gave me the ickle and all. Yeah, that kind of did too. So he was saying like that was the first time he felt like he was having like adult sex. Yeah, I guess. But like...

Did you see Sonya Morgan commented it and was like, I've lost my virginity 200 times. No, but that's hilarious. Or I thought she was going to say, it was me. Okay.

But Jack Harlow, I don't know. Don't maybe because he's like on stage performing. He called her a dime piece. But I'm like, really? Oh, that's the part that it do out. But that makes me out. Is that he had sex with a 24 year old? Like what? How old was he? He was 18. I think that's weird. Yeah. Like I don't have a problem with age differences. I have a problem with age differences at certain age ages.

yes you know what i mean yeah like if a girl is 19 and she's dating a 30 year old i have a problem with that yeah i think that's weird yeah i think that's more weird that's a lot more weird than you being 30 and dating someone who's 40 like that's normal i would argue our brains are 27 can date anyone i would even say past 25 yeah

If you've had like a lot of trauma. Yeah, because if you're 25 and you're like seen some shit and you but if you're 25 and you haven't seen some shit and you start dating a 50 year old, you're then going to see some shit like that's uncomfy. I think if you're a man and you're over the age of 30 and you're fucking with girls younger than 25, you have something wrong with you.

Agreed. I think that's gross. Well, I mean, Leonardo DiCaprio lived a crazy life and they do say that when you get famous, you get stunted at that age. That's... So that low-key kind of makes sense. Yeah, because he got really famous, what, at like 1920? Yeah. I can feel a pimple coming on and off. Oh, I'm sorry. It's one of those like cystic ones. Oh, yeah, like deep. Maybe there's a yoga position for that. Yeah.

They're like, flare your nose and hold and breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Okay, we have to discuss the Kim and Scott. They're in actual trouble. As they should be. But I feel like Kim could do anything and she won't get canceled.

Yeah. Okay. So you've probably seen them on... And then I want to talk about Kylie Jenner's TikTok. Because I have a bone to pick. You've seen Kim and Khloe and Scott. I don't know if Kourtney's done them. Kylie's done them. Where they're in front of all this Louis Vuitton...

Like bags and like Dior shit, like all this designer purses and like luggage and whatever. And it's like, oh, you could win if you just whatever. So they got caught taking all of those people's information and then selling them to like third parties. Are they doing it or are the people running the giveaways doing it? It's definitely the people running the giveaways are like getting all these people. But they're part of it. But they're getting paid to like run this fake giveaway.

Giveaway. What is it called? Like lottery, basically. So for people to understand it, you get DMs all the time about it, right? It's like giveaways. Yeah. And it's like get 20,000 followers guaranteed. Yeah. This is how a lot of people early on got their Instagram followers, which are kind of known as fake followers, but you'll pay like three to four grand and be like, Khloe Kardashian is doing...

She'll follow all the people who pay for the giveaway. I mean, yeah, who paid to get the followers. Right. So then in that thing where she says, follow all these people and you can possibly win the Louis Vuitton, all those people have paid. Yeah. And that's how it works. And then they get followers. But then over time, the followers fall off because they're not authentic followers. Which doesn't make sense because...

okay when i first started on instagram i saw girls buying followers and i because i would go to their instagram and then the next day they'd have like 15 000 and i'd be like no way and i i can still remember it was before i was on summer house being like should i just buy followers so that it looks like i have them and then people will actually start following me and i remember my mom being like don't you dare do that like that is just

you're cheating it like just like have no followers and see what happens like and so i remember being like okay yeah i'm not gonna do that then after i like actually got followers i went back to those same girls and they are still to this day at that like 15 000 it fucks up your whole you can't you can't if you've ever bought followers you will never go up in followers and

Back then there was a time where brands didn't really understand that you could buy everything. So they were getting some brand deals and shit. And then now brands have a whole thing to when they work with you, they find out if it's authentic because they're not going to waste money. If you see someone stuck at a number for a long time, that means that they have in the past definitely bought followers. I feel so bad. My comedy friend, her boyfriend for her birthday...

Bought her followers. It was like a joke. He bought her like 5,000 followers. She had like 2,000. And it fucked her up forever. And we joked, she literally can't move. She can't move. She can't move. And so anyway, but that is a larger like mental health lesson of like, don't take the shortcut for shit. And like, I do believe it is a little karmic too. For sure. Because also deep down, that's how you get actual...

syndrome of being what do you what is it called syndrome you're just there's a million syndromes no um when you you feel like you're a fake imposter syndrome because it's like you are

Yes. I have that sometimes like in my everyday life where you're like, there's no way I actually do this. Like, do you ever just like... I have imposter syndrome that I don't have a nine to five. Like it'll be a Wednesday and I'm just like petting butter and I'm like, how do we get here? Yeah. Like, are you ever getting ready for like a comedy show? And you're like, there's no way I'm actually going to do stand up right now. I don't have imposter syndrome, but I have the syndrome of like

Like that I tricked people that like I could make money off this. Like I'm like, this is not a real job. This is what I have to do. Like I feel like I tricked the system a little. Okay. Whatever the opposite of imposter syndrome is, that's what Craig has. Yeah.

So I'll be having like straight up imposter syndrome where I'm just like, nobody actually cares about me, Craig. Like not like in my life. That sounded really dark. But I'm like, nobody actually like likes us that much. Like and he'll freak the fuck out. And I'll just be like, why do you say shit like that? But you're changing the world one charm at a time in the South.

One reality TV episode at a time. We are helping people. I don't think we are. Well, I did realize if you think about Instagram, think about all the people who unfollow you every day. Remember those apps? I used to be obsessed with those apps where you could see who unfollowed you. I never got into it because I don't even want to get into the drums anymore.

I only had it when I didn't have followers because I'd want to see people from high school. Like, fuck you, bitch. But now it would be people that I didn't even know, so I wouldn't even care. I'm doing this new thing now that if I hear about drama pertaining to me, if someone's like, oh, I heard someone said something about you or something, I'm doing this new thing where I don't have a follow-up question.

And it's like a new level of peace for me. If it's like, oh, I heard so-and-so, I'd be like, tell me fucking everything. But when it comes to me, I'm now in a very like, like, okay, let's say I did find out someone who talks shit about me. How does it help me? I mean, I can protect myself from them, but also it's like, clearly they're not going to stop. This is who they are. Right. So it's almost, if they have a real problem, they would tell me if they really cared. So it's almost like, I just don't, especially when it's like career related, like,

yeah i get what you're saying i okay but do you do the do you still do like the fake fighting your head like when you hear because like my initial reaction when i see someone saying something fucked up about me or i hear someone said something fucked up about me they're done for life my initial reaction is like what i would say if this person what i would say to this person if they walked in the

And I say that to myself in my head and I get so heated, but I would never say it to them. And it's always the people that don't fucking know you well. Right.

It's I mean, it's crazy. So I've gotten to new point also in your career. Ladies, gays, when you're when you're doing fucking well, if people are not critiquing you, you're not doing it well enough. Right. You're doing it well enough. That's so true. There are people who their only job is to critique. Their literal job is to sit back and critique people that are like trying to do stuff.

Right. And you could sit back and become one of the critics. Right. Because I always think about like when I see like mean comments anywhere, anywhere online, I'm always like, wait,

This is crazy because never one time in my whole entire life have I ever left just a comment in general. That in itself can help you. Being like, okay, what kind of person would leave a mean comment like that? Right. Like, could you imagine going through like a famous person's Instagram and seeing one of your friends left a mean comment on that person's picture? How mortified would you be? Or it's like, are people that...

Disconnected That they think Famous people Are not human Like I saw these girls Recently I don't look at Comments a lot But this girl like Tagged her friend To talk shit about me And I'm like So you guys are Exposing that You too Like get off On like Making fun of me Yeah

And you're like showing that to the internet. Yeah. Like that's so crazy. Like if I saw, I've had this happen before in like a opposite thing where I, this, I mean years ago, this was like my very early twenties and I don't even remember who the guy was.

But I remember talking to a guy and seeing that he had commented, not a mean comment, like a hot, like he said hot on, and I remember it was Emrata's Instagram page. Immediate ick. Immediate ick. Immediate ick. Because I was like, why the fuck are you commenting on like a person's Instagram that you'll never meet? And like, I mean, yes, you're like giving her a compliment, which is so nice. It's not like he was saying something fucked up. But I was just like, it's...

ew but also why do you think she wants to hear you say yeah like that's so weird no absolutely not but yeah i'm doing this new thing where it's like if i get too into drama that i know is bullshit that i know is just other people trying to start shit if i get into it it affects like me with my big long-term plan

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is going on with her. I was like trying to get on like deep into TikTok, like people talking about it. Yeah. This one girl did a TikTok and she was like, hey, I've been sober from meth for like 15 years now. This is like clear signs of like doing meth. Like you can just like tell if you've ever been addicted to meth. And then the Margot Robbie thing, well, like her leaving her house and crying. And I didn't know that

Cara's family in London is like a very big deal. Like I had no idea. They own a lot of, actually I think like media shit too. Like they own a lot of shit. They're very much socialites and I feel really awful for her. Yeah. I've loved her. She definitely is going through it. Yeah. And yeah, we just have to send our fucking love. Okay. To pivot from that, have you seen any of Kylie Jenner's TikToks? She's not coming off my algae. Yeah.

Is it because it's boring? So boring. You would kill yourself. No, I can't. What is she doing? People will say that sometimes I talk like a valley girl, which I can drag out certain letters. I've noticed that. But I will watch Kylie Jenner's and I will be like... She almost feels like she's nervous to be doing it. And I feel like it's being forced upon her to be big on TikTok. Yeah.

Oh, like you have to post. Where like TikTok to me, I don't have any, I feel like I don't have any pressure to make TikToks unless I legitimately want to try that filter or like think this is funny and I want to do it. And that's why I like TikTok. Yes. Because it's like a funny. Well, people were saying the Kardashians are,

cannot figure out TikTok. Yeah. And it's the only one they can't figure out because Instagram. Because it's about being like real and being yourself in the moment. Instagram is fully like, even when they pretend that they're like, oh, I just posted this dump. No, you didn't. You've, it's a curated dump. It's a curated. Right. Even if the pictures are blurry, you picked that picture to be blurry. Instagram is for people who want to be aspirational and the Kardashians are so fucking good at that. And like they're fake. Yeah.

Then you go to TikTok and they don't know how to even like, they don't know what their curated personality is. They're so fucking lost. Right. But it's, I almost, I do feel bad. I feel bad. Yeah. Like she's struggling. I'm getting like, I feel awkward when I want, I'm like, Oh my God, you're going to get such mean comments. Like I don't want this to happen to you. But yeah, it's,

You wonder like does she actually want to post this video? She doesn't. She just wants to be with her kids like being a mom. Hey guys, get ready with me. I'm going to show you my outfit. Well, people were mad because she did it in the car.

People were mad because she did TikTok in the car because the Kardashians on the Hulu, one of the episodes was like Kylie and Chris doing like normal people shit. So like driving themselves and like going to a grocery store and they were like, wow, I haven't been to a grocery store in fucking years. And so then she like was doing a TikTok in the car and people were like, we know that you don't like drive yourself anymore and you're trying to be relatable because that's what TikTok is. But you're not anymore. Yeah.

It's hard. Would you just like embrace like not being relatable? But you know who pulls it off? My bestie. Haley Bieber and Selena are both really good at it. At not being relatable. No, at TikTok. Oh, yes. Haley literally seems like, yes, I'm married to like the most famous guy. I'm super rich. I also come from a very famous family and I'm best friends with Hannah Burner. And this is just me.

Right. And she shows off her nails. And Selena does it on just... She's either doing makeup tutorials, which her makeup brand really is fucking great. Or she's being funny. Or she's doing funny viral sounds. Yeah. I also have one thing to say about TikTok, and I'm going to be general about it, but I think we're getting to the point, in general, where snark accounts of being mean about people to get likes and to be funny by...

being mean to people yeah is out look i'm gonna say i started on instagram because of front page news and when i stopped doing it everyone was like bring it back like i like want to do it but i couldn't find and i would get so down on myself because i'm like this is why people even started following you in the beginning and now you're like you won't like you aren't even doing it anymore and

but I couldn't find like a happy middle where I would do it and feel good about myself over doing it just to like make other people happy. Like, yes, I still love pop culture and I want to know what everyone's doing and what everyone's wearing. And we talked long form about it here, but doing like short snarky, sometimes it's easy to make a mean comment. It's so easy. It's so easy to be a little bitch. And it's,

I've actually apologized to Craig for that so many times. Sometimes I'm like, I say mean things. No, you don't have to apologize to your boyfriend. You don't have to. Um,

But I couldn't I couldn't like do it, say a snarky comment and then like feel good about myself. So it's almost like when I see things on TikTok of people like making fun of influencers or making fun of celebrities, I'm like, I feel bad for that person because I'm like, you're going to get to a moment where like you don't want to be mean to people. But like you have to figure out how to get your own followers with like something you like. So it was a it's a very it was a very big like turmoil thing in my life. And that's why like I

stopped doing it because I didn't feel good about myself when I would do it just because I was making other people like and sometimes I feel like you would do it just because you knew the people wanted it but you didn't actually you weren't excited about a certain topic like you right you were kind of churning it out which was like you were giving people what they want and like tick tock was like my safe space from Instagram like I don't even have a Twitter and now like if a tick tock will come up about me I

I can't eat. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why are you infiltrating? And I just scroll because I'm like, whatever this Bravo account is even saying isn't real anyway. Why would I even watch it? Yeah. And obviously we're talking about learning and growing, but that's why when you see someone on a reality TV show and you want to hate on them, I know reality TV people

are you're edited for people to like come at you and laugh at you and pick sides yeah but like just think of the reality tv people as human for like a fucking second like a literal second even my least favorite reality tv person that i could think of i'm like don't trying to think who in the history of my least favorite reality tv person

And I feel like even if I saw them right now in Vegas, I would be like, oh my God, that's so-and-so. Hey. Well, it's funny. Like Spencer Pratt is having a whole like comeback because he's just like, hey guys, I wanted to make good TV. I did everything they wanted. And now sometimes I do have to say that the person you hate is actually sometimes like the one who's at least the realist and not faking their relationships. For sure. When Spencer does a TikTok, I'm like, fuck yeah.

Like, I love it. He's not lying. No, he's not lying. He's like, do you think I wanted to ask her if I thought she was pregnant? I knew she wasn't. I'm like, I'm just like, yeah. But I, so anyway, what I'm trying to say is challenge yourselves before you say something mean to like fit into a group or something snarky to like make someone laugh. Like that shit like follows you around. That's why we're so self-deprecating because we won't get mad at ourselves. You're gonna be mean to yourself. Yeah.

If you're going to be a hater, hate on yourself. But then go to therapy about it. Yeah, because it's getting dark over here. Then go to therapy about it. Oh my God, we're already at an hour. We did not even hit fucking our dope docs. We'll hit that next time because I have so much shit for you guys to watch. Actually, I'm going to give you guys a little bit of...

I want you to watch the Elvis movie, the Wrexham documentary, the devil in Ohio on Netflix. Jeffrey Dahmer documentaries coming up on the 22nd. Not a documentary. It's like a, it's like a Ryan Murphy, like a, like a scripted show. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Julia Child's documentary. And then the most recent one is sins of my mother on Netflix. You have to run. Don't walk. Um, we also,

Atlanta Oh yeah I'm so excited To go to Atlanta We're going to Atlanta I've always wanted to go Have you never been? No

Well, Sierra's coming. I think we're going to make it into like a weekend. A girls weekend. Girls weekend. ATL, the fashion is like great. Obviously. I feel like I need to really dress up. The music, the sports. Yeah, we have to go hard. And we have to go to a strip club, I think. We have to. Yeah. Oh my God. The content. The stories. We love you guys so much. If Atlanta's still on presale, use the code GIGGLY and we'll talk to you later. Bye.