Hour 1: Dan Got Chased by a Bird
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Stick. You know Arnold Palmer? Iced tea. Lemonade. Mix it. I'm missing a nap for this. Streaming June 4th on Apple TV+. This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stukas Podcast. Now that I think about it, I think I have to concede that it stinks as a superhero catchphrase. I happen to have a few questions for you. But it works for a TV detective.

Pablo Torre wandering the earth. I happen to have a few questions for you is something I think now in sports journalism, people don't want to hear if Pablo Torre is sniffing around trying to find out. If you're a superhero, you have the answers. You always have the answer. You don't have questions. You just have the answer.

Well, I think the implication here is that he has the answers. He's just asking him the questions. You're not asking questions to things he doesn't know. You're asking questions to things he does know. The best kind of questions. By the way, you're also missing the word at the end, specifically. Specifically. I didn't like that. You specifically. Specifically. What do you think he wants to ask Bill about? We will find out together. I happen to have a few questions for you, though. Does sound like the world's lamest threat, does it not? I don't know.

I happen to have a few questions for you. You get to the villain. And Tony is right that there is an undercurrent on it of I have the answers already, but my happening to have a few questions for you is only because

I know the answers. When Tony says those are the best kind of questions, I'd argue the best kind of questions are the ones you don't have the answers to so you could therefore learn. Tony is saying everyone wants to be New York Knicks fans. I already have the answers. I don't need any of your answers. I've got my alternative facts. Dan, in a court of law, you never ask questions you don't know the answer to. You only ask the questions you know the answer to absolutely. Yeah, like when you watch Law & Order,

And Sam Watterson's character, the DA, he asks a question and then the person gives the answer. He always looks surprised. Like, well, wait, but surely when you went into the house, you knew no one was going to be there. Well, actually, I knew someone. Oh, well, in that case, like, that's how you do it. And by the way, you got to understand the context of this, right? Bill calls Pablo a fake journalist, right? He basically questioned his bona fides as a journalist. So what Pablo's saying is like, oh, you think my bullets don't hurt you?

Okay, his bullets are questions, by the way. I don't know if you know that. He's like, what if I point the gun at you, Mr. Simmons? That's what he did right there. Put it on the poll, please. Questions come out of that gun. At Levitard Show, who's more of a journalist, Bill Simmons or Pablo Torre? But Pablo's degree is in sociology, so he's not a journalist. Well, I don't think journalism goes by what you went to school for. Wouldn't you need a degree to be a journalist? Not anymore. Still, God's proved that.

I'm not a journalist. I think working for Sports Illustrated is something that would classify you as a journalist if you're writing for Sports Illustrated. I want to make it clear. I'm Team Pablo. But when I discovered a couple of weeks ago,

that he's only written five pieces or whatever in his life. I've always thought Pablo was this prolific writer. It turns out he wrote five pieces in his entire... I've written more than that in a month. They're not small pieces. They're five takeouts. They're big articles that are about the process in Philadelphia. They're magazine pieces that unspool 5,000 and 10,000 words. I've written 10,000 words? Yeah, geez.

What, you think that's impressive? Oh, you wrote 10,000 words. Wait, why am I switching sides now? Weird. Some would say that's like an English assignment for sophomores, but that's fine. My kid is in high school and doing that. So you guys think that Bill Simmons is more of a journalist than Pablo? He's written more than Pablo. He's written books before, Dave. Try writing a column every week. I mean, I wrote a book, so...

Well, I wrote your book. I think it had 10,000 words. We wrote your book. You didn't write your book. You haven't even read your book. You didn't write your book. I'm getting to it.

We have a number of things that I want to get to, but I did want to ask you a question, Stugatz, because the other day I heard a sound and I was confused by it because the sound made me think of something that I had not thought of in a long time. And somebody nearby said...

Because I just heard music and I thought it was coming from a place that was playing music. And somebody said, that's an ice cream truck. And I'm like, there can't still be ice cream trucks. Are there still? With the amount of convenience that we have everywhere, I would assume the ice ice cream truck business.

business is hurting, even though driving through your neighborhood still makes it more convenient on something that can melt than DoorDash or anything else you were ordering. But would you not assume that the ice cream truck business is a harder way to make a living now than it's ever been? No, I would think it's thriving. In fact, I think ice cream trucks had their best year ever last year. I'll check it out at icecreamtrucks.com. But I'm pretty certain, Dan, they had their best sales year of all time last year. I think they're picking up steam. I mean...

Dan, we watched a report back here from Inside Edition about the state of the ice cream truck in America, and business is not good. Inflation is hitting them hard. The rising prices of fuel, the rising prices of ice cream, the rising prices of sugar, all of these staples that are required. And then you factor in that, you know, kids don't go outside anymore, right? They're on their devices. They're playing video games. They don't come outside. We used to play outside. That was the whole point of the ice cream truck. You're playing outside, and then you hear that sound.

Oh, ice cream! Ice cream! The ice cream man is coming! I think that's over. I don't think that's happening in neighborhoods anymore. Well, there's also a territory war amongst ice cream trucks. There is, yeah. They take it very seriously. You can't just drive around with an ice cream truck willy-nilly. You have to kind of get in and talk to the right people and let the heads of the ice cream underworld know that you're now in the ice cream business. And should they accept you then, okay, but should they not?

Don't let them catch you on those streets. Very territorial. Very territorial. Dan, in 2023, the global ice cream truck market was valued at $2.27 billion. It goes up about 3% every year. It should be valued at over $300 million by the year 2030.

Ice cream trucks doing just fine, man. All right, well, you just gave us a bunch of different numbers and then made it $300 million, which was a lot less. You weren't listening to any of the numbers you were saying. By 2030, by the year 2030, it will be valued at $300 million. But you just said it was more than that. But it was two-something billion a couple years ago. No, I said it was $2.27 billion two years ago. It grows at a rate of 3.17%. And then it'll grow to $300 million. By 2030. No, you're an ice cream truck. He still doesn't understand what he's doing with the math.

It's growing in a negative rate. What was your guys' go-to? I went screwball.

A two-ball screwball or just one screwball? The one. The little rock-hard bubble gum at the bottom of it. Strawberry shortcake. Oh, yeah. Choco Taco is good. Toasted almond. Classic ice cream sandwich. Flintstone Push Pop. Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Which is the best of the ice cream truck flavors? Let's list this. Strawberry shortcake. The push-up. Screwball. Choco Taco. The toasted almond. The chocolate eclair. If you go snow cone, you're a monster.

That would be terrible to choose the snow cone. Can I please get some kind of remedial understanding of the math Stugatz just did where something increased by 2030 from the number 2 billion to 300 million. How is that an increase? The last ice cream music song that Chris was playing was the Camptown Ladies.

This sounds like a video game more than a... I would not buy anything from this ice cream truck. This is the cheap ice cream truck guy who's down on his luck. Oh, you got that classy ice cream truck music? I mean, geez. Definitely not the one that's playing the Camp Town Ladies. Sing that song, doodah, doodah. I'm not getting ice cream in that one. If you're not playing this song, I'm not getting ice cream. This is the song. The standard song, yeah.

You mentioned video games and kids being inside. Tony, I don't know that anyone around here has made a worse appraisal about what their life is going to be than you before having a baby announcing to everyone here that you couldn't wait to get so much time to now play video games now that you have...

a baby that will be in the house. You thought you were going to really play a lot of video games. And then I heard people making fun of you here saying Tony hasn't been logged on anywhere in a month. A month is generous. That Tony has disappeared forever.

from the virtual reality world than his video games because fatherhood has swept him up into adulthood and he's no longer allowed to be a selfish child. So I would play a lot of video games, right? My wife was working. She's now home 24-7. And when your wife's home 24-7, you don't really have enough time to go out and play video games because she's always watching what you're doing to make sure that you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and helping the baby, doing the dishes, blah, blah, blah.

All that stuff. So I would play video games and then I told the boys here, don't worry, when the baby's little, she's going to be sleeping. And guess what dad gets to do while the baby's sleeping? Play a little video games. And we laughed at you. What I didn't realize...

Is that I have to watch said baby while she sleeps as a nervous father for the first month and make sure that everything is good even though we have the little outlets telling your temperature it's telling this and that I need to have eyes on just to make sure that everything's good so Playtime decreased I played once on a Saturday morning when she slept in a little bit, but yeah I haven't logged in in about two months, but there's still people asking. Hey, are you playing? Are you your LSU Tigers are doing well like what's the deal and I didn't respond I

It's been a tough five months, Dan. I don't know if you can tell. I'm starting to get crazy. What did you think fatherhood was going to be? Easy. I rarely hear the dad right before. He's like, I'm going to have a lot of free time coming up.

Again, I thought I was going to be able to manage said free time around baby sleeping. That did not happen. But as a man of understanding, hey, I can understand when I'm wrong and when I should have listened to Billy and others that had kids and said, you're not going to have that kind of time. I should have listened. I didn't. But you know what? It's a learning process, Dan. That's all it is.

Congratulations on learning that your time is no longer your own. By the way, funny enough, it wasn't my own because she wakes up around 4.45, 5 o'clock in the morning. She gets fed. She had a mistake on the bed today. So at 4.45, the baby came out of the diaper. So guess who had to clean everything? Dad had to take all the sheets off the covers. I had to spray the diaper. Who put on the diaper? You or your wife?

Before she went to bed. I think it was her so yeah, that's put that back pocket Always always seem to do the diaper over like cleaning up messes like well I'll clean up the baby mask. She was breastfeeding so I was like oh you breastfeed I'll clean up the mess so I had to get on my hands and knees Dan and scrape the stuff off the sheets with this little spray and make sure that yeah mess on the bed when the mess was on the bed on the sheets I don't have like a protector

Well the sheet is still... No, you take the sheet off and you put the sheet to wash. Yeah I know but I had to spray it with like a special cleaner. You're sitting on a caca sheet now? The first 18 months they're not children, they're screaming shit monsters. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. You know you're not alone though Tony. I heard Shohei recently had a newborn and the other day he was caught falling asleep during a game. Can you relate to this Tony?

Oh, wow. He's asleep, and then you can see he does the thing of like, whoa, I've got to wake up. Is that fatherhood or baseball? It was a blowout. They were beating the Yankees 10-1 and clearly looking like he's sleeping. You've got to get it where you can, right? Those little two seconds of like, I'm going to close my eyes. They mean everything. But it feels like 30 minutes. It's called the cat nap. What's he doing with his nose on the end of the dugout? He thinks right there no one's watching him. I swear to God, that's my dad on the couch.

Then like that like Just go to bed like no I'm watching this I'm watching this he does the same move the hard blink and look around and like and then swearing He's still awake. I do I got maybe I'm getting old last night My wife is just like you're snoring and I'm like I'm not even as like I don't know I'm asleep and I'm on the couch like Once you hit the recline around 10:00 p.m. Yeah, I don't realize it and I

She's like, I'm like, what did it sound like? I'm like, what did it sound like? She's like, I'm like, no, I was not just making that. I would have heard it. I mean, that is also me. I will tell you that what I do more, I think, than any other action in the world is deny that I was sleeping while emerging from snoring. It's great. When I'm on the couch and we're watching something and then it's, you know, it's bad when you're like...

And the snore wakes you up. You're like, what was that? I am so tired that I am waking myself up with my own snore, startling myself, and then immediately lapsing into lying. Who was that?

I wish my dad woke up from snoring. That dude just snores like it's so loud. How is he not awake? Forget about the sound. The feeling in the back of his throat. It's like a chainsaw.

I wanted to ask the group here if you had the same reaction that I did, which I thought was funny to have this reaction, where I see the report, Giannis having a mutual interest with the Toronto Raptors.

And I'm like, that's not real. That's not the Raptors and not a possibility for any free agent under any circumstances who has every option. The choice is not going to be to be to leave America. However, at the moment, the choice might be Canada, given what's happening in America, because I heard an awful lot of threats that people were going to move to Canada. If there was a new presidency, I have not seen yet.

a lot of moving to Canada, though I have seen a lot of moving to Britain. I still don't, I can't get my head around the Toronto Raptors are going to get the coveted free agent. I don't believe that story. Well, you believe this part of it, that Toronto has interest. It's Giannis' interest that you have a hard time believing. I do not deny or am in no way skeptical that Toronto thinks there's a chance. Why are you treating Toronto like it's Edmonton? I don't know.

Toronto's like the biggest city in Canada. Why would he go there, though? The reason I'm doing that is because no free agent who has a lot of options ever chooses Toronto. First of all, he's not a free agent. I hate to be Mr. Well, actually, it would be a trade. Number one. Number two, and we talk about this on today's episode of Oddball.

There is a connection between Giannis and Masai Ujiri, the president of the Raptors. There's actually a video from the 2013 draft of Masai Ujiri in the war room trying to trade up to get to a pick where he can get Giannis.

and finally i think he gets up to like maybe 18 or whatever but yannis goes at 15 to the bucks so there's that connection he knows he's known him and wanted him for a long time obviously masai yujiri is of nigerian descent yannis is of nigerian descent there's that connection there but then there's the other thing which is he assisted in

and Giannis getting his visa to come to the United States originally. So there's a lot of stuff. There's a lot of background. Like, we know each other thing. And if you're Giannis, your big thing is I want to go somewhere where I know they know what they're doing. Well, Masai Ujiri is a guy who's got a great reputation in the league as a front office guy. They were 30 and 52 last year. Exactly, because they need Giannis. Oh.

I want to, for a second, though, explore the correction that Amin made that is the correct correction. When he says Giannis isn't a free agent, he is someone who would be requesting a trade.

The reason I make them the same thing is just because I think of free agency as options and I think of Giannis as just options. He can choose anything he wants. Why would Toronto be the choice? He's not going to be traded someplace he doesn't want. And people with options, go ahead and give them to me.

Kawhi got traded there on a rental. Give me all of the free agents or coveted option people who have ended up choosing Toronto. - I think that you're making my argument, which is it's mutual interest. Giannis would want that as an option.

It's not, guess what, Giannis, you don't want to be here? Take your ass to Canada. That's not what's happening here. It's Giannis being like, you know what? I have a connection with the guy that runs the team. I think I kind of want to go there. Would you be kind enough to answer my question, though? The greatest free agent, the Toronto Raptors, or comparable person with options that the Raptors have ever got

when they get into the bidding against American teams is? Kawhi Leonard. No, no, but trade. That was a one-year rental. I mean, so this is a two-year rental. I don't know what you're doing. I'm sorry. Like, he's under contract. He's not under contract for five years. He's got options.

He can go wherever he wants. He wants to get traded. And this is a place that is a trade destination. You're right, and free agents don't go to Canada historically. But players have been traded there, and that happens. The biggest free agent contract they've ever given out, 2009, Hito Turkoglu, five-year, $53 million. Hito Turkoglu.

I mean, he was coming on. It was a sign in trade, but he signed, he was coming, he was coming off an NBA finals appearance. Remember he hit the game winner against the Cavs. Uh, Ron McGill is going to join us right now. I will tell you one of the most shocking takes that we've ever had around here that flew under the radar. As soon as the Orlando magic, uh,

got Hedo Turkoglu. Stugatz proclaimed that the best starting lineup in the history of basketball. It was some starting five, man. I mean, go look it up. He wasn't lying. Jimmie Nelson, the one. I know. Was it Rashard Lewis on that team? Rashard Lewis. Oh, that was a good team. Dwight Howard. Yep. Hedo. Hedo was like a point forward. It was excellent. Who was the fifth? Courtney Lee? No, there was someone else. It wasn't Courtney Lee as a two-guard? No, because I would never say that's the best starting five in baseball. I feel like it was Courtney Lee. I think you guys need to...

Listen to what was just said. Those four are strong. It's not the best starting lineup in the history of the sport. At the time, it had a chance, in my defense. It did not have a chance. It echoes internally because it's such a bad take. Oh, it was J.J. Redick. Yeah. You want to list that again as the best starting five ever? Go ahead and list the whole thing. Jameer Nelson. Jameer at the one. Jameer, great leader, by the way. Great leader. J.J. at the two, one of the best shooters in the game, right? Yeah.

Three is Hiduturk, who point forward, controlling the game. Four was Rashard Lewis, stretch forwards before that was a thing. Dwight Howard, dominant center at the five. Thank you. Apologize. It's a good-ass team, you guys. You're right. It's not the best starting lineup ever. I made a tomato.

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Don Levitard. The elephant went into a 7-Eleven and bought a pack of cigarettes. But my question to Ron is this. Stugatz. That joke didn't really land the way you wanted it to, did it? We all just stared at you. It didn't land at all. This is the Don Levitard Show with the Stugatz.

Chris Cody has nominated the tomato tomato as the most versatile of all the foods. Yeah. Tomato. Try to beat me. It can be a drink. It can be a soup. It can be on a sandwich. It can be a condiment if you make ketchup with it. I mean, the tomato is doing a lot. Ron McGill joins us now. Ron, do you have a more versatile food? And we haven't seen you in a while. You've been traveling. Yes. Do you have a more versatile food than the tomato, sir?

No, I'm with Chris on that. Tomato. I'm a ketchup guy. You know, I have ketchup with everything. I have tomatoes and everything. I think tomatoes is a pretty versatile food, followed probably by the grape. Potatoes are pretty versatile. Yeah, potatoes are pretty versatile. It's true. Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. More versatile food, the tomato or the potato? I can't make a morning cocktail out of a potato. It's a little hard, yes, to make an excellent drink out of the potato. Actually, there's a potato soup. Potatoes made of vodka. Yeah.

Oh, that's true. Damn it. Checkmate. I think vodka's made of potato. Yeah, I was going to say, potato? But we got it, Tony. I was up at 445 cleaning shit, Dan. What are you going to do? The potato is made of vodka. Put that on the poll, Juju, at Leviton. Is the potato made out of vodka? Ron, where have you been traveling? One of the places was the Galapagos, right? That's true. I just got back from the Galapagos, and in two weeks I leave for Australia for them.

A few weeks. So that's going to be a pretty good trip. It's doing a documentary out there with Channel 10. So that'll be a lot of fun. I want to play for you here some owls showing affection to each other. I'd like for you to give us some play-by-play here and tell us which of the animals is most affectionate. They seem to be kissing here. It's like an aggressive make-out session, I'd say. Well, they're more grooming each other. They are definitely bonding, but it's not like you would think a make-out session. That's not really what it is.

But it is bonding and grooming. And, you know, owls are monogamous birds. They kind of mate with one mate for the breeding season. So they're pretty admirable birds, but they're not the most intelligent of the birds. I think we've discussed that before. They're probably one of the least intelligent of the birds because of the massive size of their eyes. It takes up so much space in their skull. There's not a whole lot of room left for the brain. Owls got it figured out, huh?

Every mating season, different mate? Well, not necessarily. They might come back with the same mate. There are some owls that are monogamous throughout their lives, but definitely during the breeding season. They're not promiscuous, so to speak. Why would you say different mate if he just said monogamous? I thought I heard him say a minute earlier that every mating season they rotate the mates. Get a new breeding season? They may get a new mate during a breeding season, but generally speaking, a lot of these birds of prey tend to be monogamous throughout their lives. So it's a choice. It's kind of like humans. Right.

Is there a reason for that, Ron? What they concluded is that it's beneficial for them. They get to understand each other's habits. They are being proven successful breeders. And that loyalty to each other helps for more successful reproduction. Ron, we were going to have you on after the Kentucky Derby, and we had lots of horse questions. One of the first ones was how prevalent is incest in the horse racing community? Because you hear like, oh, this person or this horse, I guess, is, you know, a

along the lineage of Secretariat. And then this past year in the Kentucky Derby, I believe everyone participating was, you know, from the Secretariat lineage. Even the jockeys. If you have so many people who are connected to Secretariat, how prevalent, I guess, is...

uh, incest in, or, you know, incestual behaviors in the horse racing community. And are there defects to horse incest? Wow. First of all, I think you're using the word incest really incorrectly. It's inbreeding. Inbreeding. They're not, they're not having these horses actually breed each other. Um, but the inbreeding is they're using the sperm from relatives of secretariat. But my understanding is that it's

really well down the line way out on the tree there way out on the branch it's not like brother sister you know mother son or that kind of a close relationship it's like you know 14th and 15th cousins but they're trying to get a the highlight of that bloodline that made secretariat so great um increased the value of that that's a scam right like that's a scam

The 16th cousin of Secretaria, what they have in their blood doesn't make them any better than another horse. I'm not a horse breeder, so to speak, but it tends to add credibility when they're selling the sperm for hundreds of thousands of dollars. When they can give that

sperm credibility because of what it's distantly related to brings more money. At the end of the day, guys, it's all about money. How do they confirm that? Oh, yeah, I'm 16 cousins with the secretary, believe me. Oh, well, they are very, very careful about documenting.

bloodlines of horses all the way down the pedigrees or it's even with dogs you know you'll find dogs oh this dog is a you know fourth cousin of the grand champion of this particular breed so there's a lot uh to uh you know assign to that credibility and value and being uh associated with a champion are there defects though in inbreeding in the animal community

Yes, absolutely there are. I mean, you remember a long time ago, white tigers were a big thing in zoos. Everybody wanted to see a white tiger. Well, they realized they were breeding brothers to sisters, mothers to sons just to get white tigers because it brought people in. It was a lot of money. And finally, they realized, listen, we can't do that. We're getting tigers with crossed eyes. We're getting them with all kinds of, you know, different types of defects going on. And that's why you don't see white tigers in zoos anymore. Can you tell us what the most affectionate animal is? Most affectionate animal? Hmm.

Because you're saying those owls, that was not necessarily affection. That wasn't necessarily mating. That wasn't... It's bonding. It's bonding. It's solidifying the bond between the two of them. And I guess you could associate that as courtship in a way. But, you know, the affection is...

I don't know. It has to be a dog, right? You know, listen, a dog is incredibly affectionate. Cats can be affectionate, too, though. They tend to be a little bit more independent. But dogs, my gosh. I meant with each other, though. Yeah, I think dogs can be very...

expressive, emotional with each other. You know, when they greet each other as a social animal, as a pack animal, you see them, you know, licking and jumping on each other and vocalizing and tails wagging. That's all kind of a form of affection between the dogs as they kind of, you know, cement their bond with each other again. It's all about that, creating that bond, that relationship, because animals like that realize that they're stronger

than they are individually. It seems like dolphins are affectionate towards each other, right? Dolphins are one of those animals that, you know, has been proven that they have sex strictly for fun. I mean, they have, you know, same-sex...

activity all the time which of course is not going to result in reproduction but it demonstrates the fact that they enjoy the pleasure of each other's company in a variety of ways so yes they can be very quote-unquote affection they've been known to cross the line from time to time as well they're line steppers dolphins oh yeah dolphins i mean there's documentation on youtube for instance of a dolphin trying to get a woman on a bikini sitting on a dock you know and this this dolphin got very amorous with her to the point it was dangerous um

You know, I remember there was a trainer working with a dolphin that I knew that was able to collect the sperm from the dolphin. Just by going out in her bathing suit, the dolphin would come and immediately present himself. Whoa.

Oh, yeah. No. And ejaculate so she could collect it. And they'd use that sperm for artificial insemination. I mean, she just had to be there in her bathing suit. I know. Listen, I know this is kind of crossing the line, but I'm just telling you facts. I'm not telling you made up stories. I just love the idea of the dolphin going back to his buddies. Like, watch this. Every time I come out, she can't get enough of this. Boys, she's back.

Ron, would it be more humane instead of putting down a horse when they break their leg to give it a big wheel? No, it's not feasible because of the behavior of a horse and because of the anatomy, the structure of a horse. Sustaining the weight, you couldn't put it out without putting so much stress on other muscles. It would just...

it's a domino effect that the horse would just catastrophically collapse. Well, what if it had two missing legs? So it had two wheels. So it was more on like a chariot. Like you see sometimes with little doggies, how the doggies are on, like they have wheelchairs. If you had two wheels for a horse. Dogs and horses are tremendously different animals. No, the wheels would be tremendously different too. They'd be round, but they'd be round.

Different size, different strength, titanium maybe. It's the weight, it's the behavior. Maybe stronger wheels. Ron, I'm not telling you we're going to put in a dog wheelchair. That's silly. That would break the dog wheelchair. This is going to be a wheelchair built for a horse. This is an intelligence issue though, right? Like the dog is smart enough to kind of realize that a horse isn't.

That probably has something to do with it, but at the end of the day, it's just the size and the anatomy of a horse. It's a big wheels, Ron. What about prosthetics, like what we give to veterans when they lose their horse? Yeah, thank you for your service. They're not able to be trained to use the prosthetic in a way without sacrificing other parts of the limb. Has it been tried? So we can't give them like an Oscar Pistorius blade? Ooh, yeah, blade-running horses would be sick, Ron. I'll suggest it.

To who? Who are you going to suggest it to? You were recently... Whatever horse person has a horse that breaks a leg or whatever, he's going veterinary and I come across him. I think there was some insincerity. I sense some insincerity. You're not going to suggest that to anyone. Ron was recently recognized by the Miami-Dade County Commission Chambers for 45 years of continuous service at Crandon Park Zoo, Miami Metro Zoo, and Zoo Miami. I believe that in those 45 years, you have never met anyone that you will share this suggestion with.

No one living, no one dead. You will not do it to a tombstone. You will never make that suggestion to anybody. You just wanted Billy to stop talking. Good point. Okay, thank you. It is bird breeding season. Do you have any tips for us if you find a baby bird on the ground? My wife was late to our first date because she found a baby bird on the ground and she ended up taking it in to a bird rescue place. Classic dog ate my homework situation. Yeah, listen.

Baby birds, if you find a baby bird that's fallen out of a nest, you see the nest, you can pick that baby bird up and put it back in the nest. That whole thing, oh, if you touch the bird, the mother's going to reject it. That's a myth. That's an absolute myth. Now, you have to be able to decipher whether it's a bird that has fallen out of a nest or it's a bird that has fledged. You know, baby birds, once they get some feathering and they start exercising their wings, they'll fledge and they'll move. They'll

they do what we call branching. They go out on a branch and sometimes they'll end up on the ground, but the parents are still taking care of them. Do not take that bird away. Do not take that bird to a rehabber unless it's obviously injured because the parents are still taking care of it. Again, if it's a bird that's fallen out and it's obviously hasn't developed any feathering or anything like that, it's fallen out prematurely, you can pick that bird up and put it back in the nest. The parents will come and care for it. Please understand that. Also during this bird breeding season, I get calls almost every day now of people saying,

Birds dive bombing me. It's attacking me. I can't get into my house. Listen, if they built a bird nest next to the entry door to your house, that's unfortunate because they think every time you go into your house, you're going to be threatening their nest and they will dive bombing. Mockingbirds are notorious for this. They will come down. Well, they'll draw blood. They'll peck you and they'll draw blood from your head. So please keep in mind that this is breeding season. Birds can get aggressive as they're protecting the nesting area. It's not that they're being nasty.

or just mean they're being protective of their nest. So you might not see where the nest is, but I guarantee you if they're dive bombing you when you go into your house, the nest is very close by. - Like I'm just gonna sit there and let that thing peck my head. - I'm bringing a tennis racket. - I'm gonna grab that thing and then just chuck it up against the wall. - Chris, Chris, Chris. This is just like your analogy of doing a giraffe with a steak knife. That bird will hit you in the head before you even know it's coming. - I'll that bird up.

Wow. That's unnecessary. But Ron, you're telling me I give Chris Cody a tennis racket and say, all right, walk into your house and the birds are trying to dive bomb him. You're telling me he's not knocking that thing out the park? I got a mean backhand. He could do that, and that would be very, very cruel. They're in his house. They're trying to attack him. My house. He's minding his business. How much did they put down on the house? Hmm. Hmm. Bird.

Do you understand that the bird is simply trying to protect its nest? So is Chris. What am I trying to do? A couple of weeks, maybe. Maybe two or three weeks. You could give it the grace and say, I understand. Okay, okay. And protect yourself. Put a hat on or something. Get in the house quickly. Instead of taking a tennis racket and bashing the bird and then, in fact, creating orphans in a nest that are going to die a slow, miserable death because you decided to hit a bird with a tennis racket. Let's remember this thing bombed me. Yeah. We didn't start it. I didn't bomb the bird. Like Pearl Harbor, we didn't start it, but we ended it. Wow.

Weird. I had this happen to me the other day at the park. You hit it with a tennis racket? My dog is perpetually being attacked by this one bird, but he doesn't know what's happening because it comes and tries to bite its ass, and then he turns around and there's nothing there.

And it happened the other day where I was nearby. It wasn't even in the park. And it started attacking both me and the dog. And my dog is running around. I'm picturing the dog looking at you trying to bite my ass. My dog was confused. What's behind me that keeps pecking at my ass? And then it would fly away. And it would get too close to me. I got to get my wife to send it because you will hear me say, ah! It's a normal reaction. You will hear me be like, ah!

That would be gold. That would go viral. That's gold. All right. I got to find this. I got to ask Valerie to send it by the end of the segment. In the interim, can you just look at this from the sea? You often tell us that the sea is less explored than space. What the hell is this thing from the sea? Do you know what this is? Wow. He says, I don't know what it is, but it's just, you know, one of the...

It's called a feather star, but I don't know what it is. That's a fish? What is that? No, no, it's an invertebrate, obviously. It's a feather star, so it's probably related to the starfish, and it's just an invertebrate. But, I mean, you know, when you think of the ocean, you look at some of the stuff that's found, you know,

2,000, 3,000 feet underneath the ocean. Man, this stuff looks like some of your worst nightmares that you see out of some Star Trek thing. I mean, it's unbelievable the things that we don't see that exist that are really real. I mean, you don't have to do any AI or any of that stuff. Just look at the bottom of the ocean to have your mind blown.

Let's play for Ron this dog walker. I've never seen this many dogs for a dog walker. I think this is too many. I think he's overworked. I think that's close to 25 dogs that are going into the car. Look how organized they are and how well behaved they are. The guy's doing something right. The guy is obviously earning his money. You don't have any dogs to

running away or barking or jumping up and down they're all listening to this guy this guy they're piling for the audio audience they're piling into an SUV that is not a large SUV SUV is generous it's just it's a Honda element oh he left behind the Queen Elizabeth dog I need to see the video of what that car looks like with all those dogs in there I mean I think another one another one comes out that's a straight that's somebody else that's some other dog hey where's the party at

I'm impressed because all of those dogs were relaxed. They were calm. They seemed to be very obedient and, you know, systematically getting in that vehicle without any type of objection. The guy's doing something right. He's earning his money and he's making a lot of it because dog walkers get paid per dog. And he's got a good check coming in on that one.

Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Have you ever looked at the dog walker and said that person has a good check coming in at Levitard Show? Oh, Chris Cody apparently has found that he is sending the video right now to Lewis to see. All right, let's play this video as the close to the segment here. Send it to Lewis now. Evidently, I'm judging from Chris's jolly Santa. It's a little bit of a slow build. There's like 10 seconds and then chaos.

Can you recreate for us, before we play the video, the reaction you had when the bird came after you? Because I think that's the normal reaction. I will show, this was a video that I was sending Valerie, and I just saw Chris Cody, and I recognized from his chortling, jolly Santa laughter...

that he had finally received the video from my wife and probably heard whatever it is the sound was that I made when this bird had in its sights me and the dog retreating. The dog is dumb and confused. The dog doesn't understand what's attacking its ass. The bird's facing me. I am, I'm going to say, about 250 times the size of the bird.

The bird is not afraid of me. I am clearly and obviously afraid of the bird. It is a small bird. It's not a large bird. We have a lot of birds around here. It's flapping its wings. I know, but I am telling you, the balcony on my apartment, I did not know before the balcony on my apartment that the crow will be a carnivore that will eat other birds because it leaves bird parts on my balcony. Dan, I was at the Metrorail station. Ron, I wanted to ask you about this. There was a...

nest up there with one of those fledgling birds and the crow went and got it out of the nest brought it down started pecking it it basically bled out and I was just sitting there watching it from like six feet away and Ron I couldn't do anything I couldn't mess with the crow the crow is a thug that's it the crows are thugs but they're also one of the smartest birds in the world as a matter of fact they are the smartest bird in the world really?

Really? Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Is the crow... Did you know... That's a shocker. Did you know... Crows and ravens. That whole family. The crows and ravens are the smartest birds in the world. Did you know the crow slash raven was the smartest bird in the world? Only took a couple bites, too. Left him there to die. Okay, let's unveil this video here. I'm embarrassed. This was just something I was sending my wife from the park. I don't know exactly how embarrassing this is. I remember it as embarrassing. Okay.

Got your ass, girl.

Howdy, folks. It's Mike Ryan. Now, if you've been listening to the show a lot lately, you've heard so much playoff talk. Playoff hoops down here in South Florida were especially enamored with playoff hockey. It's not just limited to the playoffs. Motorsports, tennis, golf. It's truly one of the best times ever.

in the sporting calendar. And with the weather outside warming up, it's just perfect to hop in a pool, maybe grill up some food, but most certainly crack open some Miller Lights. I just described a pretty perfect day, didn't I? And it culminates with Miller time. There's something about a perfect grilling day. The sun's out, friends show up, and that first sip of Miller Light just hits different. I've been stocking up the cooler with it for years. This year, Miller Light turns 50.

That is five decades of cookouts, laughs, and ice-cold moments that never miss. And if you've listened to the show for its 20-year existence, you know this to be true. Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Cheers to 50 years of Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

All right, y'all. The Super Bowl is in the rearview mirror. The draft has come and gone. So now what? Now it's time to get the crew together. You keep the fandom energy going. It doesn't stop when the Super Bowl is gone. We gather. Exactly. And look, just because the pads are off doesn't mean game day stops. Around here, we do game days, even in the offseason. And what better way to do that than with a cold drink?

And listen, if you're going to sip something while plotting your team's comeback...

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