Hour 1: Wild Willy Is NEVER Wrong
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upon our next sponsored bit. I have been, I might be ready to admit, way too hard in demanding that you adhere to the standards of our sponsor, Boost Mobile, on our audience and on our callers demanding

that in a sponsored segment that Boost Mobile is giving us money for, they be good and funny and creative and clever and better than most people competing at good and funny and creative and clever. And I've been asking for weeks and months, do better, be better, do better, be better, as I have seen Chris Cody and Mike Ryan and Amin and Billy light up as the callers get a little bit better, like they used to be.

They've been great, Dan. I won't stand for this. I won't sit for this either. You can take a little advice from me and openly admit when you're wrong sometimes. It's actually endearing. Two and a half times? It actually buys you nothing, though, because everyone thinks that no one does this. In fact, there is no stronger political force in this country than people refusing to admit that they're wrong. We've lived it for over a decade. But you do buy something with us, the people in the foxhole with you. And it's a nice...

endearing quality that more people should turn to. Hey, went off me coach. That's good stuff. It's brave of you, Mike, to admit that you were wrong about saying that admitting you were wrong would buy you anything with the audience. Yes. So I think now we're up to three and a half times. Thank you, man. That was big of you. Pass it on. Let me remind the people it's the Boost Mobile hottest take from the weekend and it's presented by Boost Mobile, the newest 5G network in the country.

Hey, this is Gabe on an ET phone home. And my boldest state is Die Hard 2 isn't a bad movie.

It's just sandwiched between two greats. All right, I'll hang up and listen. Big man for sale or rent. I'm not talking about race, my friend. He might have played with Shaq.

It's Michael Doviac. He'll spend two hours in the film room, then sweep aboard like a human broom. Tomorrow he won't be back, Jack. He's Mike Doviac. That's a beauty. Hey, what's going on, guys? This is Paul calling from Texas. My hot take, when someone starts a sentence with, to be completely honest with you,

I immediately don't believe them. I'll hang up and listen. Hey guys, this is Josh on a mobile from North Carolina. I'll have to do that again.

I knew that. That's where that one was headed. They are getting better. Yes. If anyone wants to evolve the Michael Doliak song, which I am ready to retire and replace it with some Rafe LaFrent, I am here for it. I would delight in any. If you're taking requests, musical people out there and want to compete on Rafe LaFrent songs, I'd like to hear from you. I'm coming around on the boldest take.

from the weekend. Our callers, for too long, it took a long time to get a landline around here at Metal Art. Building video company, landline takes two and a half years. But we got one. Juju's got one now, too. I think Stugatz has got one. I don't know. There are a couple of them. There are two or three landlines somewhere the company has bought. If you want to call in, 305-486-GOTZ. G-O-T-Z. I think we can all agree that

Fake Jackie Chan and fake Chris Tucker, while not great, could have gone a lot, lot worse. Yeah, I'm surprised we actually included it. I thought it was bad as it was and shouldn't have been sponsored. Could have been worse, though. The concept there, it could have gone a lot, lot worse. As soon as he said it, though, I'm like, that's going to go poorly. And it didn't. It didn't go well. It went poorly. He could have been Blasian. Yeah.

That's true. Got you there. Got all your asses. Don't say he wasn't. I think that might be four. I think that's a half. Well, I wanted to ask you about this because Mike Ryan snuck in there something. When the smugness sweeps through the bottom of the mustache and our boy is feeling confident on the oratory...

He went real political on us with the sentence that I think could have been a platform, but I don't want to get this wrong. Did you say there is no stronger political movement in this country than never admitting that you're wrong? Specifically men.

I've often said this. There is no stronger political force than men, primarily white men, just refusing to admit that they were wrong.

But you felt like it was a banger in the middle of it, and I thought it was... Oh, I know that's a banger. That's why I've often said that. Because it's a banger. It's true. But you sounded smug and confident. It's true. Have you ever tried to pin down one of your conservative friends on what's happened over the last 15 years? It's impossible. Have you changed a single mind? Nope. Nothing will. I'm telling you. Like, we've...

well past the point of no return when it comes to these things. If they didn't admit that they were wrong after January 6th, they're never going to admit that they were wrong. You should almost give up and just try to work on the MPAs.

MPAs and the people that were somehow part of unions that even though they had the strongest political, uh, the strongest president ever when it came to unions, you had their union bosses endorsing whatever's going on right now. People just don't want to admit that they're wrong. I didn't like admitting that I'm wrong. I had Malik Rozier as a Heisman candidate until about week six. You think I felt good about that? I've learned.

And you get older and you learn and you get wiser and you realize it's not so bad to say, hey, my bad. Got that one wrong. Big mistake there. You know, when the meme stonks were going on? And I bought way too much AMC. Way too much. I was wrong.

And GameStop, like, I just could never get in on the right time. Another admission that he was wrong again? How many admissions? Five and a half. That was all about timing. There were a lot of people that made a lot of money. That's a quarter at best. You're really blossoming. You're growing on. This has to be a record. What's happening with you that you would grow? I don't understand why I have this reputation. I'm telling Max Shrews, hey, man, I'm sorry. Udonis Haslam, hey, I'm sorry. And everyone's like, well, you're just an egotistical asshole. And that may be true, but look.

I had my doubts about Jalen Hurts and Nick Sirianni. I was wrong. He feels good. Still do about Sirianni. I mean, you weren't wrong about them at the time, though.

We can't do that. We can't do that. That's moving the goalposts in the other direction. But Billy's saying at the time you were fair to have doubts, and now it's easy to say you don't doubt them anymore. With the stocks. Look, look. It was a timing thing. At that time, I'm like, they're going to need to figure something out because it seems like the league's caught on. They had a bye week, and damn it, they figured it out. So I got to be wrong, and they get to be champions. I don't know. I don't think you were wrong. Wild Billy Wednesday.

You could be right at the time and eventually it looks like you were wrong, but at the time you were right, so it's not really wrong. All we have is results. I'm sorry. I can't follow you down that path. I can't say at the... We've done this before. It's a new mic. But I will be right. Maybe that's a little closer, but I can't do I'm right at the time. There's really no end date on this, right? Because if Sirianni...

ends up being a bust. He could be right again. He could be right again, right? What is the time frame I'm right or wrong? Is it like the end? Well, there is an end date, but sometimes it can be confusing. I thought Baker Mayfield was going to be awesome, and I was feeling pretty good after that rookie year. And some injuries, and then all of a sudden he's running D-end at Carolina on their scout team. I'm like, I guess I had that one wrong. Guess what? Ultimately right. But this is Billy's point. Yeah. Well, it's tough. You're only wrong if you admit defeat.

Wow. You can have an argument go on forever, and until you admit defeat and concede that you're wrong, you're not wrong. The fight's not over yet. If you've ever seen The Apprentice, that's actually at the crux of the plot. Yeah, so you say you hold on to your guns, right? And then you're proven temporarily wrong, in which case you abandon that argument.

point, right? You abandon that stance. But then once you're right again, you gotta remind everybody, man, I was the first one to say that. You don't remind them that you abandoned the stance. You remind them that you were the first to have a stance altogether. I don't like to be the first to say things honestly. Like, sometimes I am. But I do tend to subscribe to fools rush in. Except when it comes to stonks. I mean, I was a fool.

And I rushed in at the wrong time. And it's like you're just off by a couple hours. It's like someone's watching me and just trying to get one over. But you know what? This is what's going to undermine the platform of whatever it is that you're doing with the

blustering, you know, swagger of there is no greater political movement in this country than people refusing to admit they're wrong. I'm Mike Ryan, political assassin, showing America what's right. I don't think I want to be called a political assassin. That has a really bad connotation. When you look at that group of guys. Wait, Mike, what's your middle name? He would just mysteriously die.

Well, I've had to change it. I don't really have... How'd that shift go? This is confusing. So I don't actually have a middle name, but in all my documentation since my restricted license, the fact that my name is hyphenated confuses too many people. You have a real ID now? Today was a deadline. I do have a real ID. Come on.

Mike, you have to have, if you're going to be a political assassin, you've got to have three names. No, that's how it works. Well, I do go by three names. And if I were to ever venture into politics, it would be Mike Ryan Ruiz. Because Mike Ryan as a brand has recognition. No, you can't go with Mike. Breaking news. And Ruiz would actually help me. The polling suggests. Thinking about politics? The polling suggests? It was John Wilkes Booth, not Johnny Wilkes Booth. You can't be Mike. Oh, but you mean political assassin. I'm sorry. Sorry, this is cutting a little short.

closer to the bone than you even know. Johnny Booth is a quarterback, I mean. Oh man, he can sling at Johnny Booth. The polling suggests...

You're obnoxious, man. You're obnoxious. I'm not at liberty to talk about it. Oh, come on, man. I'm not going to talk. One day. One day. The book will be written. Now, listen to me. About the last few months I've had. You blowhard. I hope I'm the one writing it. I hope this company lets me. I hope you're around long enough to write it. So do I. Yes, so do I. Political assassin. Can I ask an unrelated question before we get too far away? Wild Billy Wednesday.

When you saw John Rhys' boat sank off the record. Well, wasn't that fake news? You were happy, right? Wasn't that fake news? I don't know. I don't pay attention to that. I think he's come out and denied it. No one wants to admit their boat sank. But before you knew whether or not it was fake news. Unless there's an insurance situation. I think I've seen his response to it. When you saw it, you saw the SS Life wallet went down. You're like, hmm. You smiled a little bit. This may be one of the times we have to admit that we're wrong. I think that came from a parody on three account.

By the way, it could be a good week for the Miami Hurricanes. Tell me Lee Oswald doesn't sound like a middle linebacker for Tennessee. Oh, wow. Mike Ryan's got a likability problem. He's out here making it sound like an act of nobility that he refuses as a matter of strength to go back and ever say, I was right at the time. Tell me Aaron Hernandez doesn't sound like a good tight end. Wow, Billy Wednesday.

Were you doing a different show than the rest of us? Because they were doing serial killers and how they would be as athletes. Hand up. I'll be the first to admit it.

Didn't think that guy was a serial killer when he got drafted. Was it serial? Yeah, if it's more than one. Was it more than one? Yeah, and you know, like, there's... Billy, are you informed about anything the last couple of sentences of speech out of your mouth? Not Wednesdays, no. Are you aware that the people of New England are worried that there's an active serial killer or killers? Yes, yes. I believe... Well, no, wait a minute. Hold on. I could be wrong. I believe he died and wasn't guilty.

Just let me backtrack for just a second. What Mike Ryan just said, I believe, I don't think I have this wrong unless there's different information in the last 12 hours. Everyone suspects there's a serial killer, but it's not being yet confirmed by authorities that it's a serial killer, even though everyone's saying, no, that's a serial killer because...

Do I have my information wrong here? Thank you. We have it in preview. But if you could quickly put it in programming before we jump to the serial killer thing in question. As you can see, instead of on three sports, it says no three sports. And you said it was misinformation. John Ruiz, who's always been truthful, says fake news. Not my boat at all. That's according to him. I think it was his boat. You are within your right, I guess, to be suspicious of the man.

John Gacy, center, Penn State University. I like it. This is Billy failing to admit that he was wrong on a fake news story. I ain't dead yet. I ain't wrong. Was that Greg Cody in disguise? So, I mean, there is a possibility that he does have a boat that sinks. Well, then you just moved the goalpost to be like, I meant that boat. I'm still not convinced it wasn't this one.

You think it's noble to say that I will not say that I was right at the time? Like, is it this important to be right about things? I will say this. If you start your defense with fake news exclamation mark, I'm kind of like, hmm, is it? I kind of know where you're at. I don't know. I'm not certain. You know, I'm trying to turn over a new page, and you would think that this would buy me something, but I think from the feedback it just made me more unlikable. No, I think it is. Nah.

Ted Kaczynski, cornerback, Michigan State University. Really? Sparty, huh? Billy, can you please help me with something because I'm smart. It doesn't seem like it today. Well, it's a Wild Willie Wednesday and we go where Wild Willie takes us. And the thing about your neck brace and the fact that you began your work day, you've had a difficult stretch. God bless football is roaring to life again as a new season starts. Billy the Duke has been battered climbing up the rankings in football and

And Billy's got a neck brace and he comes in today and I need him to help me on Wild Willie Wednesday because I thought Mike and Amin were going to be obnoxious. And I feel like every year at this time, and you tell me please if I have this wrong, it feels like you always have a neck brace on because...

and mothers on Mother's Day, do you fear it? Is it off in the distance in a way that makes you be like, hmm, there seems some tensions here on the way. No, no, I've got this all wrong. Like an antipath thing? I don't know. I don't know what's happening with you and your general fear. How do you guys, let me ask the married people here with mothers.

How do you guys handle Mother's Day? Do you make it about your wife or, like, your mother? You make it about your wife. Well, that's not really an issue for me. All right, Sam. Okay. I picked a terrible sampling of people here. Among the worst. Your wife doesn't have a child. You guys have dead moms. I mean, this couldn't have gotten worse. I can play this game with you, Willie. I...

I struggle with this. My mom, I feel like since I've gotten married, has gotten a little bit less every year. More attention goes to the wife. And I feel bad for my mom, to answer your question. I need to give her more attention this Mother's Day. Oh, this is the act of a man and a son who will never actually do what he just said. It was just to sound good on television and radio. It's a good job out of you. It's your dad's responsibility, though.

Right. I mean, is it not for mom? I'm saying it's my dad's to do for my I mean, I don't know. I think it's the child. That's what I'm asking. If I may play one of your games, I can put the shoe on the other foot. Oh, I love. Oh, wow. That's a good game. Let's get that sponsored. Let's get that sponsored. Get that sponsored. The shoes on the other foot. Shoes on the other foot. I actually had like a Tessie exchange with my dad on Father's Day who still wants Father's Day to be all about. No, that's different.

And I understand it's different, but again, the shoe is on the other foot. Yeah. So my whole point to my dad was, look, man, you had your run. Yeah. Yeah. And now it's my time. Yes. And I don't need you bringing this look at me energy into my domicile on my day. Wow.

Daddy wants to sit on that couch, take about 20 mg, and watch Paul Pan. Again with Daddy. Daddy wants to melt into that couch, take 20 mg, and watch some left turns. You keep to yourself, I'll keep to mine. What I want for Father's Day...

is this and not you wanting your time. You had your time and it was a hell of a run. Almost 40 years. You just want silence. I'm not being about you. Right. I just want 20 MG. Yep. Melt into couch. Yep. Left turns. Yes. All I want. Sirhan Sirhan, kicker, USC. Wow.

So, like, do I get my wife a present or my mom a present? Because my kids... You give her 20 MG. My kids are too young to actually handle this, and now I have to do this for them. Don't I do enough for my children as it is? Now I have to buy presents on their behalf for their mother? It's not my mother.

I'm going to tell everybody now, and I've failed in many ways around here, but us as a media company not being able to show our beloved audience how lovely and wonderful and weird Mike's relationship is with his father is a failure of this entity on a number of different levels. No, it's not a failure. It's by design. Because every time you try to, I am there with, like, Thabo Cephalosha defense. I feel like

the people that have listened to this show for a while have a grasp on it. No, but here's the thing though, Chris. They get it. No, what people don't understand about... I think it's that deep. That was a pretty good name pool right there. Oh, it was amazing. The perfect name pool. And that one just came to me. I wasn't ready for that. I didn't want to go Bruce Bowen. Everyone goes Bruce Bowen. Obvious. Yes. Thabo's always going to be a winner there. That Thabo

The wonder of that particular ski slope is that the Thabo gets you in the game and everyone's roaring. But then when you can hit it on the back end with Cephalosha and all he did was play defense. It ends the game. It's just like, you will not do better than that. I think I finally found something that buys something with the audience. Thabo Cephalosha.

You know, when you celebrate 50 years of Miller Lite, I had to bring in a Miller Lite aficionado, Greg Cody. I mean, no one says Miller Lite like Greg Cody. When I think of me and you, I think of us on a golf course. Where else are we at? I mean, on a cruise ship, in my backyard. At the beach. At the beach is a good one. What do we always do? We hear that...

Oh, yeah, yeah. And then what do we do? We toast. We clink. Nice little clink. The clink, whether it's the can or the bottle, there's something about the clink of the Miller Lite. Yeah, and it's not just how much we love it. It's the whole ritual of it. You know, the popping the top, the sound of that. The sound.

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Don Levitard. Did you watch me at NC State? I was all ACC. I don't have necessarily the mobility, but no one can see over the line like me. Michael, the ACC network job is a good job. It's a stable job. I'm not ready to pack it in. I've got a lot of good football left in me. My footwork is underrated. I can step up in the pocket with the best of them. No one can skate in the field like me.

But wouldn't it be nice to be around the family more often and not have to worry about any injuries? Babe, just give me one more season. Stugatz. Tell you what, I'm not going to therapy. I'm not. Therapy is not happening. Sorry. You need to work on you. There's one person pulling the rope for this family right here, and it's Mike Glennon. This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz.

When I'm told, you don't need to get me anything, we just got a couch, that's a flat-out lie, correct? Yes. That's a lie. Yes. Okay. Yes. It's a trap. It's not a lie. It's a trap. Can it work the other way with the serial killers and football players? Like, can I go Austin, Safarian, Jenkins? Seven homicides. Oh, athletes who sound like serial killers. Well, I'm just like, yeah. Aaron Hernandez. Steve Martin. John Rausch.

I like that one. He sounds like he could kill a lot of people. In the woods, though. Andrew Toney. Well, I think the details might get in trouble. If I were Ryan Langerhans, I'd be really on edge. What do you think I'm going to do to somebody? Although I do use his name for cunnilingus. Ray Carruth. Jim Drunkenmiller.

That's a good one. It's probably a bad game, though. Yeah. See? First it would admit that I was wrong. And a fool that rushed in. Jim Eisenreich. Is that a good one? That's for Mike's game. Yeah, no, that guy kills. Well, maybe I was wrong at the time. But I'll be right now. Yeah, see? It's possible. You get it now. I'm not sure everyone in this room knows why Jim Eisenreich is so funny.

It's one of those things, like Thabocephalosia. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jim Eisenreich's got another layer. Thabocephalosia is comedically perfect for all the reasons stated. Jim Eisenreich is tougher. Because I don't know whether I have my history on this right, but I believe Jim Eisenreich also had Tourette's. And I don't know if anyone is allowed to make fun. You got that, Eisenreich. We can make fun of it that way. Just like that. In Stugatz's own Tourette's way. Mm-hmm.

Carl Anthony Towns. Oh, good one, Kat. That's a triple. You guys are cheating with that. Chris Douglas Roberts. Shea Gildas Alexander. SGA. You could do this forever. Look at Amin. Ben Griffey Jr. What am I doing where Contavious Caldwell Pope doesn't work for me when he was on a work release program, too? You would think it would work, but it doesn't. You know what? Too many syllables.

That's right. Bang, bang, bang. R.A. Dickey. That's a good one. You are a genius, sir. Look at that. Look at that. Multiple states. Multiple states. Cross state lines. Bodies everywhere. I'm sorry, Billy. Dismembered by R.A. Dickey. I can't believe.

I have never seen Billy Gil so delighted with himself that he pulled the knuckleballer out of his ass with two syllables of R-A and then Dickie and then did a dance and then bowed and then got hit in the neck by flowers thrown from

I don't know where. It was a curtsy that I was trying to pull off and then I moved too much and then, you know. I'm sorry. I've been told not to speak anymore and just sit at the entire time. It's Wild Willie Wednesday. What are you talking about?

When you went down at the knees, I imagined you getting hit with a bouquet because of how lovely a joke R.A. Dickey was. Thank you for bringing the knuckleballer to the conversation and 90s baseball talk, the only place we all love.

Was that not 90s? He probably started there. That guy pitched like 40 years. He was early 2000s. You're doing the knuckleballer thing where this guy must have been playing since the 80s. Careful. I said Negros. I know you did, but it still scared me. Jonathan Papelbon looks like he has a den like Quinn Ewers, right? The plural did it, Stugatz.

I know what you're going for, the Phil Necros of the world, but when you just say Necros. Yeah, especially like the Necros. Joe, Phil, I mean, whole family. The segment started with a fake Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker, and somehow you made it worse.

I can't believe Dan doesn't like that segment. It's the best. It's gold every time. What is the difference between turtles and tortoises? I don't know. I think when you get to a certain age, you become a tortoise, right? No, I think certain turtles can only grow so much. Tortoises are bigger.

What about the big ones in the Galapagos? Those are tortoises or turtles? I think that turtles can grow to any size. It just depends on what it is that's holding them in. So, like, if you had a tortoise in, like, a 10,000-acre field, I think that it could grow to the size of a car. Wait, doesn't Mike have a big backyard with turtles in him? No, I've never seen a turtle back there. I've seen a lot of, like, interesting birds. Really? And I hate birds, but I do get some real... Oh, I had an owl back there. Dude, we had an owl in our neighborhood. Really?

You guys take for granted that the entire audience knows how funny it is to mention the knuckleballing necros. Everyone in this room, but hold on a second. Hold on a second, okay? Because I meet a lot of young listeners. Careful with the plural. You started this. You started this. LeBron! I believe...

That the majority of our audience, not the minority, of our audience, an aging audience, does not know who the Necros are. It's me, Juju, and Roy, right? And Hawk. And Dominique sometimes. He's not always here. Jason Goff, too. Any others? Bo? You know, like, knuckleballing is almost the exclusive domain of...

Of the white man. Really? Yeah. I did find a minority. Wait a minute. What a great observation. Put it on the poll. Of course it is. Is knuckleballing the exclusive domain of the white man? But please hold on a second. Just please everyone back off for just a second.

Okay? Please. I'm sorry. Forgive me for doing this. Actually, I don't think so. I think Chad GPT thinks Dennis Springer is black, and that is not the case. This is why you vet artificial intelligence. I don't believe that's an almost situation. I didn't even know why you threw almost exclusively. I defy you people in America to bring me a black knuckleballer. So I googled black knuckleballer, and I got a completely different set of results. Yeah, you did.

NSFW. I am willing to report without further information, no actual knowledge, and no research from the internet that there has never been on earth a black person who said, you know, I'm not going to get him out with the fastball. I'm going to do this with my knuckle. I'm trying to figure out why Chad GPT thinks Dennis Springer is black.

Because he is not. He's not a black man. The name sounds a little black. He threw a 43-mile-per-hour knuckleball to Barry Bonds, who hit his 73rd home run of the 2001 season on it. A 43-mile-per-hour. So you think the knuckleball is reserved for Tom Candiotti? I don't think. Great name. I think it's the exclusive domain of the white man. Well, I went with it.

I know why Chad GPT thought Dennis Springer was black. It sounds black. No, it's not even that. It's because Chad GPT is crowdsourcing off of my information, which is one time I did a SportsCenter hit, and they said, this is right when the Astros won, and they said, oh, so-and-so Springer, I don't even remember his first name, is going to be here, and I was shocked that he was black. Sean Springer, is that his name? Jerry, maybe? Well, definitely.

No, the one that plays for the Astros. Wild Willie Wednesday. Turns out that turtles are primarily aquatic, while tortoises are primarily terrestrial. Oh, Chris just whispered to me that he didn't have the Wild Willie Wednesday sound because he's trying to find a black knuckleballer. Chris, you won't! It's hard. Check the entirety of the internet. You will not find them. Check all of Earth. You will not find them. Black people will not say I will beat you at baseball with my knuckles. I'd rather...

I'd rather not play. I'm going to ask Tim Kirkson. He's not ready for this. Tim Kirkson doesn't want these problems, these questions. He avoids politics. Kirkson, why won't you answer for anybody why there's never been a black knuckleballer? And furthermore, all your comments, please, on the Necros.

It was George Springer I was trying to think about. Springer Dinger. He is black. But I was shocked. They said, George Springer's on SportsCenter with you. And I said, oh, that's cool. And I was thinking of some white guy, and I saw him, and I was like, oh, you're black. You said that to him? Yeah, it was kind of weird. You said that out loud? It was backstage. No one heard me. I'm sorry. I'm just learning this. What? That George Springer's black? Yeah. You thought he was white? Yeah.

It's a white name. George Springer? Yeah, but Mike's not watching any baseball. I mean, the Astros have been playing big time games and never once did it cross my mind. I just thought he had a great tan. Wait a minute. It's a coachman situation. Look, man, I'll wear it. This is vulnerable. I'm just learning this. You're wrong about this. Mike, you're bringing race relations forward in this country. I don't think I was wrong about this. I just wasn't aware. And so I'm learning about this and I'm sorry.

I feel bad about it. But we're still searching for a black knuckle baller. Not the kind that's on the hook. Stop your search! There's no search to be done! It doesn't exist. There's not a search to be done! What do you guys like to search for? Bigfoot! Canseco can pull that off!

Conseco can't find the black knuckleballer. There's got to be one. No! There has to be. Listen to me. I don't want to speak on behalf of black people, but in this one instance, can I get permission from somewhere to do this? I don't think so. There's got to be like the George Niang of knuckleballers, right? This is what I'm telling you. No honoring black person. They don't like baseball that much to begin with. Please clarify that statement because we're like that...

Bad start. You sound real Pentagon-ish right there. Let's rewind. Start over, Dan. Let's start, yeah. Refresher. Take two. We're here for you. All right. Culturally, I believe- Take three. Take three. Yeah, take three. And slowly, please. Let's pace ourselves here. Think about it. I'm rattled, okay, because I still want to explain to the audience that doesn't understand who the Necros are. Because it's- God's-

Blurting that and not knowing what he was blurting and seeing it on his face, I will not recover from that for a while. And so I'd really like to know from our audience how many of you know who the Necros are because they're not just funny the way they played. They were frumpy. They were old men. They had long gray hair. They weren't dying anything. They pitched into their 40s. And what I am saying simply about a culture of people...

who love sports. I don't believe a black person with a strong arm or any arm would ever reduce themselves to trying to win a baseball game or getting even a single strike by tricking the opposing batter, by shortening their fingers on how you normally throw a baseball and fluttering in a knuckleball that butterflies and is not a dignified way to win a baseball game. I think we found one.

Ray Brown from the Negro Leagues. Wow. Wait, is that the Necro Leagues? Good question. I don't think that counts. Whoa. Whoa. Elaborate, please. It counts for me. I just want everyone to know that. No, I understand historically it counts, but when I say we haven't seen a non-white knuckleballer, I think you guys know what I mean.

You know, with cameras. We haven't seen them. Yeah, we haven't seen them. With our own two eyes. I mean, that was from a time where people had weird nicknames. You know what I just realized that I'd never thought of?

What's that? What? I don't think any Hispanic person would lower themselves to throw a knuckleball either. No, I'm thinking about it. Jared Fernandez did it. I think it's the exclusive domain of the white person. No, Jared Fernandez was a knuckleballer. He's Hispanic. He's from Utah. Jared from Utah. Okay. Jared. Let's look into this one. Jared from Utah. I've never thought about this before. Hold on. I thought of Hoyt Wilhelm. No, not Hispanic. Damn.

He pitched in the 1890s or 1910s or something. Born in 1922. Did he play in the Necro Leagues? He died in 02. Yeah. Which is around the time Dennis Springer lobbed up that meatball to Barry Bonds. 73 from a knuckleball. Barry Bonds should be ashamed.

Hit it off a fastball. I can't imagine. He did plenty of that. I can't imagine the force. I'm with Dan. I think he should have caught it and thrown it back to the guy. That's such a weak way to do it. Put it on the pole at Levitard Show.

Put it on the poll. If you hit number 73 off a knuckleballer, should it be diluted? Is there a rule that this sounds ridiculous and Tim Kirchman would lose his mind when we discuss this, but if someone throws you a 40 mile per hour knuckleball,

And you simply catch it and toss it up into the air and tee yourself up. That's cheating. Why is that cheating? Badass. Why would that not be allowed? What in the rule book says you can't catch the peach and throw it to yourself? How did you not hurt your neck taking the swing you just did? Well, let me ask you a question. Whose side are you on? If you're at the dish. You know what? Come to think of it, this started bothering me at work. Yeah, it's a problem. If you're at the dish. A bobblehead hit me or something. What is that?

Who do I call? Skip's not here. If you're at the plate and you make contact with the ball, but with your fingers at the base of the bat. You can still call him. You can still call him. I didn't like talking to me when we were here. You can still call him. All right. All right. Someone is following. I'm following you, Mike. All right. If you make contact, if you swing the bat, but the ball goes off your hands. Right. But it's a seeing eye single. Yes. Does that count?

You're hit by a pitch. Yeah, but you're swinging. You're swinging. So the ball hits your hands and you actually get a single off your fingers. Yes, that hand is part of the bat in those situations. His hypothetical can work. You know you can be hit by a pitch on the knuckles, which would really hurt at 104 miles an hour. And...

and it not be a hit by pitch if you're swinging. I think it's the catching of the ball and then tossing it up to yourself. No one's tried it. I guarantee you there'd at least be a review. Look, this is the thing. Billy, I wish that we could get off the ground with the help of Brad Williams, a league-wide NFL mandate where we change football Sundays because instead of the tush-push in short-yardage situations, every team does indeed have a little person who holds the football and you just throw him four or five yards. Why are we doing this to Brad, actually?

Because Brad, that's his idea. It's his idea. It's actually Mike Leach's idea reported on the internet. But that might be a John Ruiz boat thing. That was also Reddit misinformation because it's something that he would say. It is something he would say. And if it was misinformation, that's fine. Brad Williams took it and ran 3.4 yards with it. He pitched it to the commissioner of the NFL. That makes it his idea now. That's correct. He can sponsor it. What will Raj say about it? He seems like a good time.

The last juju. That's his best friend. Put it on the poll. Does Raj seem like a good time? Honestly, of all the commissioners, I think I would hang out with him the most. Oh, no doubt. He does seem like he probably would be a good time. It is wild. It's not Bettman. It is wild that he's the best commissioner in sports. Adam Silver. Silver seems like a stiff. Nah, he'd have a good time. Guy goes to bed at 8. We're having tea with Adam Silver. We're getting drunk with Roger. Dan's hung out with Silver. I don't know if he's hung out with Goodell. Probably not. Certainly not Rob Manfred. I don't think they're talking.

You know make a penis joke to Adam silver. I remember that yeah, that's why I'll dinner right important dinner Yeah, and then he got all mmm. I'm looking listener. Don't talk about penises around me. She's There's a bit crass. I mean I mean what were you doing crude? Are you trying to mark commissioners off the list Manfred out? Silver out the devil won't even give you the time of day. I think silver would be a good time no No chance feel like he'd audit me

And then bill you for it. Yeah. I haven't been right since the Necros. And now you have summoned the memory of my late brother so that I can report, confirm to you that Adam Silver is a great deal smarter than Roger Dell as a report.

But is he fun? But hold on. I've been rattled by the memory of my late brother because I don't think you remember this story. And unfortunately, it's a very funny story that my only interaction with Adam Silver and the aforementioned Skip.

was with Adam Silver sitting across a loud table from my late brother, who is built very differently than I am and does not care that you need to respect Adam Silver. Because Adam Silver, I think my brother said something about he's got a parasol instead of an umbrella. And my brother couldn't be trusted in these situations in any way. OK, so my brother, before we were making Adam Silver jokes on the show, my brother was making Adam Silver jokes upon meeting Adam Silver.

And so that's not appropriate at a power table. I think Bomani was there that night, too. My brother is not appropriate at this table in any way. I've got 50 stories like this. This isn't in the top 10. It's not in the top 10.

Adam Silver is sitting across from John Skipper. These are two of the most powerful people in sports. And it's loud at the table. It's a Miami restaurant. It's really loud. And I can't hear what my brother seems to be yelling at Adam Silver, sort of the side of Adam Silver's face. Because it's loud. It's kind of nightclubby. It's popular. How did they end up next to each other at this table? You need to control your brother. That's right. You're correct on this. You're correct on this.

But I can never control my brother. The first journalist idol, his daughter works for our company that I ever had upon meeting him. My brother, he's got a Sports Illustrated press credential. He's meeting him and he whacks the credential and makes it spin around his neck while arguing with him.

That's a great move, by the way. I love doing that at a game. So, you do? All the time when I'm trying to portray nonchalance, like at the All-Star game, because they don't want you to stand on the floor until you keep moving. So I just stand there and I just hit it like a propeller. People don't mess with you. They're like, oh, he's so nonchalant. He must be here. It's a weird thing to do. By the way, I think we're getting player intros at the Conclave. Dude, did you see they got cards and everything? Yeah, I think Matteo Zuppi, Archbishop Bologna.

You're a grown man. I mean, what kind of, you're a respected NBA journalist. Why are you walking up to people and doing my brother's move of not getting the credential? Oh, I'm not doing it to other people. I'm doing it to myself. Where are you going with Lebo?

I'm getting there. It's a good one. Trust me. We should break because I'm pretty sure you said his daughter is working for our company. Whose kid works here? Thank you for pointing it out. Cynthia? Which one of you is the secret daughter? No, wait a minute. You guys are not aware that Metal Ark employs the daughter of Steve Wolf, legendary Sports Illustrated journalist? No, but we were also not aware that Lebo had a daughter that was employed here, and that is what you said. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry. So anyways, look, I've been disoriented.

He entered since the Negros. He had a child? Yeah.