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cover of episode Hour 2: The Pleasure Center

Hour 2: The Pleasure Center

2024/7/10
logo of podcast The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

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April Lampert
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Charlie
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Dan Levitard
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David Sampson
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Jeremy Taché
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Jeremy Taché:看好拉斯维加斯王牌队和芝加哥天空队在各自的WNBA比赛中获胜,并详细阐述了其预测的理由。 Charlie:对卡洛斯·阿尔卡拉斯在温网半决赛中战胜梅德韦杰夫充满信心,并解释了其预测的依据,包括阿尔卡拉斯的多样化打法和在比赛中的优势。 David Sampson:对棒球博彩的点差设置表示不满,认为其不合理,并表达了对网球博彩点差设置的偏好,同时解释了网球比赛中点差的计算方式。

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The hosts discuss their picks for various sports games against the spread, highlighting their strategies and predictions.

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You're listening to DraftKings Network. Now's a good time to remember where the story of tequila started. In 1795, the first tequila distillery was opened by the Cuervo family. And 229 years later, Cuervo is still going strong. Family owned from the start. Same family, same land. Now's a good time to enjoy Cuervo.

The tequila that invented tequila. Go to Cuervo.com to shop tequila or visit a store near you. Cuervo, now's a good time. Trademarks owned by Bekle. SAB, the CV. Copyright 2024. Proximo. Jersey City, New Jersey. Please drink responsibly. This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast. That's right. It's time for... Against the Sprint!

And it is brought to you by our friends at DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear all about what DraftKings has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Let's start with Jeremy Taché. What do you got? We were talking about Kids Day in the WNBA. The Aces are the storm today, but the Aces are favored by four. I'm going to take the Las Vegas Aces minus four. Against the Sprint!

I'm going to stay in the W. The Atlanta Dream, my Atlanta Dream are going to Chicago to face my Chicago Sky. I think the Chicago Sky, Angel Reese, Camila Cardoso, Young Ken, and Barbie will get the job done. The spread is seven and a half. I'm taking the Chicago Sky against the spread.

Charlie's maiden voyage on Against the Spread. And this voyage is going across the pond to Wimbledon. Carlos Alcaraz. Alky! In the semifinals. King of the ever. Minus four and a half games in the spread. Too much variety. The drop shot. Able to spread the court wide. He's going to beat Medvedev in straight sets. The minus four and a half. Lock it in. Against the Spread!

They'll bring us home. I'm going to bring it back to the WNBA. I got a feeling about this one. I'm going to take the Washington Mystics plus seven over the Indiana Beavers. Charlie's team. Wow. I think it's because Charlie's in town. There's just something about Washington I'm feeling. And that minus seven for Indiana, they did have a big win this weekend where they beat the New York Liberty. So Liberty kind of dismissively said this was their Super Bowl. What's going on, David? Are you okay?

Again? It's a three!

Keep going, Billy. I love it. That's it. But is David okay? Yeah, no. He was checking on me because I had my mouth open. I was waiting for the A. We were about to. We were trying to go with against. We were prepared. We were ready. And then Billy had another thought. And we were trying to see if we could hold our breath long enough before doing it. It's private conversation while I'm talking. Yeah, it's really disrupting the show. Of course you cut off the WNBA analysis. Shame on you misogynists.

Love it. Not one baseball pick in an entire row. I'm not allowed to bet on baseball. Those spreads in the valleys. I hate the spreads in the valleys. Baseball's always minus one and a half. Minus one and a half. It's a sucker bet. You like minus four and a half games in a tennis match? I like it more than those damn run lines in baseball. We just love those. You assume that Alcarez will get to 18, right?

No, no, no. That'll be total games. This is in the sets wins. It's not winning in tiebreakers. It's like winning 6-4, 6-4, I guess 6-4, 6-4, 7-6 would be minus four and a half games. So it's over the course of the sets that he wins. Or if he wins in four sets, does he get a minus? Yeah, it's a total spread of games. Do you lose two? Yeah, it's a total spread of games. I'm trying to teach people. Do we not want to teach people how to bet tennis?

Pablo, you're back in a big chair. Grab the wheel, doggie. The top five people David Sampson has fired. I do have a list of that. I spent some time on this because you asked me to. Thank you, sir. Do you have thought back to my whole career? Do you have OLIs or a straight five? Outside looking in.

I don't know what I was like. So do you have more than five? So sometimes I had to cut it down. Oh, boy. Yeah. Well, doesn't everyone who does a top five have to get the show? How do we not? David, you do the show every week. You don't know how the show works. Never mind. I'm okay to admit when I don't get something. Number five. Jeff Torborg. I got a story for you on the Jeff Torborg firing.

Jeff Torborg was our manager in Montreal. He moved with us to Florida. He was only hired as the manager because our owner made us hire him because he was a personal friend. And we fired Felipe Liu to bring in Jeff Torborg. But Jeff Torborg made us hire all of his kids, which is absurd. Can you imagine firing your kids to work with you? Oh, my gosh. Nuts. I mean, no one would ever do that. And so his kid, one of them was a wrestler. Yeah, Dale Torborg. Yes! Yes!

Why do you know that? I just know things, man. So the benefit of firing Jeff Torborg is that we also got to fire Dale Torborg. They both got to go. And having Torborg gone, it was a dream come true. That makes me think of an important question. Jordan or Torborg?

Number four. Dale Torborg was like a knockoff Kiss wrestler. Yeah, I looked him up. He's the Kiss demon. Yes. The MVP, the demon. And also his last ring name was Dale Torborg. That's his actual name. Number four. A pitching coach named Brad Arnsberg. He had to be chased.

When we went to fire him, he would not allow himself to be fired because he thought he was untouchable because of his relationship with the owner. But it was a power struggle. We won to get him fired. Had to be chased. Physically. Physically. Literally. Literally chased.

in order to get him fired. - So it was like you're serving somebody. Like they were trying to hide. - Gotcha! - I need the visual of where this chase is happening. Is it like through the tunnels of the stadium? - No, it was in a parking lot. A parking lot. - And are you jogging at some point in this chase?

So I wasn't the chaser. Okay, yeah, you have someone chase for you, of course. Yeah, I don't want to be that. I'm the team president. I'm not chasing anyone. But you enjoy the firing so much, I thought maybe you might get your hand in the dirt for this. And you like running. You know what? I got the perfect fit. Can you imagine? Bad boys back. Can you imagine? It's like...

It's like the police officer or the bounty hunter who's like, oh yeah, this is what I'm here for. Gotcha. It's more like the security people when someone runs on the field. Can I raise a related but separate Marlins person being chased story? Because I'm on Dale Torborg's Wikipedia page. And it says, Torborg later served as a strength and conditioning coach for the Florida Marlins during his father's tenure as a manager from 2002 to 2003. He made news...

If you can put him on, if you can show the kiss demon. The kiss demon Dale Torborg made news when he scared Marlins pitcher Eltonio Alfonseca into hiding in a trainer's room after Alfonseca swore at him in Spanish while refusing Torborg's request for a weigh-in. Does that feel right? Yeah, there was a lot of stuff under Torborg that wasn't great. Alfonseca, for people who don't know, had extra digits. Shake his hand, you get a little tickle. He had an extra pinky.

Would it actually tickle you? Yes. Yes, because my hand, I have a very small hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you... Extra ticklish. There's no correlation, by the way. So when you shake a hand, you get the little tickle tickle. We're going to ask the sex therapist about... About pickle tickle? Not that part. Number three, Billy the Marlin. Sorry, I was a little rattled there. Here's how this went.

I asked a very simple question when I got to Florida. Why does a guy, why does it matter who's under a mascot costume? Why is he paid so much? Billy the Marlin's a costume. There's a person under it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think that's true, brother. There's a lot of people who listen to the show that drive around with people in their cars that may not know that information.

So I don't think that's true. It's just a Marlin. It's a real Marlin, bro. You're accusing me of a spoiler alert for that mascots are not real? You don't say certain things aren't real, like the big guy around the 25th. We got a lot of listeners that listen with their... I want to respect the audience. But I do want to hear the story.

So what I've fired Billy the Marlin and and he was a long time He was the guy right and we realized that we can get another guy Who we pay way less money to and because the older guy was doing side hustles with Billy the Marlin Taking Billy to parties and taking Billy to various places and getting paid money with our mascot

And we said, no, the rules are changing. And he said, no, this was part of my old deal. And we said, well, there's a new sheriff in town and his name is Axel F. Damn, bro. That was a good one. You actually made the right choice. That was pretty crazy. And by the way, the guy who became Billy the Marlin had a huge long career and was fantastic at it. Number two, Ron Book.

Ron Book may be someone that none of you know. Ron Book was a lobbyist, a very, very famous lobbyist here in Florida who was hired by John Henry to help get a new stadium. When we got to Florida, we got rid of every single lobbyist. We fired them all. Ron Book was so angry that we fired him that he made it his, there he is, he made it his lifelong passion to make sure that we never got a stadium built.

He became our sworn enemy because we took him off the payroll where he was getting paid money to not get a stadium done basically. And when we let him go, when I let him go, I remember it well, bless his heart. I don't even know if he's alive anymore, but I will tell you that getting rid of him

Made me happy. How did you do it like this feels like this one? I said I'm doing it myself Did you have like a did you have a special line for the people that you were most excited about letting go? Did you have like a like a movie style line that you would say and see you later? See you later alligator. I don't know. I was way more professional. Well his hand you get a little tickle Or I know what it was

I know what you did. You probably hit him with a "Knuck what you buck" on the way out the door. I definitely didn't do that. Ron Book is alive, so he hasn't gone through that door yet, thankfully. Thankfully. I don't wish him death. "Knuck what you buck." Not to get paid. Okay, and the number one best firing that really, really made me happy was Joe Girardi.

Joe Girardi, we gave him his chance to be a first-time manager in 2006. He was a nightmare from the beginning and it was all about his kids and having them around. It was all about his coaches, Bobby Meacham and Gary Tuck and all these people he demanded to be surrounded with. He was disrespectful to Larry and to Mike and to myself.

And we knew we were going to get him. And we got him good. Well, you got him twice, didn't you? Well, the first time we didn't want to get him. The first time was Jeffrey in the middle of a game.

We had to go down. It was a Sunday afternoon when Mr. Loria came into our box and said, fire Girardi right now because Girardi had yelled at him. And this was as he was on his way to winning manager of the year. Yes. So we sent our kids home because we knew we were going to be in the office late. We fired Girardi after the game. The players did a mutiny. We rehired Girardi. That's the one time a player mutiny worked. So we rehired him. I mean, not the only time. And then fired him at the end of the season.

And when we fired him, I remember looking right into his eyes and saying, goodbye, Joe. What was the tension? What was the tension when the players actually fought back and you guys were like, all right, fine, we'll hire him back? What was that tension like? It was a disaster because that season was a bunch of young guys. And we didn't want to empower any of the young players on the team. And Joe had made it his business to do an us against them.

And you're showing him as the manager, and he didn't have a bad rap. He then went on to manage the Yankees to a title. I would like to request a clip it on we didn't want to empower any young players on the team. I don't know. I don't need it for the show. I just need it for my personal collection of bullshit that I've heard.

Okay, thank you. Just personal. When I, to get me fired up for my workout, I would like to listen to some foolishness like that. It's just, oh, I'm going to lift something serious that day. And other times mutinies have worked. I think, was it 1952? The NBA All-Star? No, the NBA All-Star game, right? That was it. I think, yeah, player mutinies are effective occasionally. When you were facing your player mutiny, David, do you remember who was like the ringleader of the players? Yes.

See if you can find Dontrell and ask what Dontrell thought about it. Are you sure it wasn't rad? Don't make light of a player mutiny. It was very uncomfortable.

And we were actually, we were okay with it because we didn't want to fire him that minute. We knew we were going to get him at the end of the year. Oh, yeah, you wanted to be mutinied, definitely. But when you hire him back, do you give him a little, this isn't going to last long. You're back, but just a whisper in the ear. I would like to hear about their conversation. We told them the truth. September 30th. We said it.

I see dead people. Like in the field. No, we told them the truth, which was, yeah, you win. The players did not want you gone. And just don't do that ever again to Jeffrey for the rest of the season. And we will make sure you don't get fired until the end of the season. 1964 was the all-star game strike, I think, that the basketball players went on.

And it's... What were they going after? Pension, I believe. That's big. Yeah, it was big. You guys are evil. People don't realize how important pension is. I got an idea. You know who does realize it? People don't, huh? Yeah, people don't. Nick Cirillo does. Nick Cirillo knows how important a pension is. And his brother. Do you all? Do you get a pension here at Metal Ark? Oh, gosh. That's a good question. You don't know? No.

Yes, we do. No. I've never sent a piece of paper here, so I don't know if I actually work here. Walk in my faith, not by sight. And that's my top five. There's so many more.

The thing is in sports, and everyone you've worked with in management has a top five. Everyone's fired people. You're hired to be fired. Oh, okay, yeah. Do you dispute the fact that there are many firings that take place in sports? No, of course, yeah. I've had to fire people. I think you have openly said that you enjoy firing people. I enjoy firing people who deserve to be fired, and that's a distinction that people... So this was top five...

based on the ones that you enjoyed the most or just top five most interesting? 'Cause the last one was really interesting. - I actually found these as a combination. I wanted to do this top five list and the way I pared it down from OLI was there were ones that were required, there were ones that I didn't wanna do but the owner did. Like I could've put Larry Beinfest on here

But that one was terrible for me. I didn't want that to happen. So these are ones that I wanted to happen or there was a good story attached. What about when you got fired? It's a great one. Yeah. But I didn't do that firing. I thought these were ones I misunderstood. I thought the top five were ones that I did. Whatever you want it to be. But I didn't mind. I was. Listen, otherwise I wouldn't be here with you in chair three.

Summer's the best time to run the way you want. Dial it up with new challenges and programs and bring your workouts with you to make the most of outside sunny days. Stugatz, guess what? What? You know what you can do with Peloton? What? Get the app, go outside, ride a bike. Well, I thought you ride Peloton inside. Well, you do. You can ride Peloton inside if it's a rainy day or if it's cloudy or you just don't want to get outside. Maybe it's too hot.

summertime, go outside. I record a lot from my office with you and you've noticed it's sitting there yet. It hasn't been used. Well, now's the time. Summer's the best time to start that push. Right. Can we do it together? Not on the same bike, but we could join a class together. I used to do that. We used to have Guillermo Tan. I'd invite people. We'd all take a class together. Okay. So I think you're starting to get concerned about my health and my age, Billy. I,

I sense that with you. We're beyond starting. Okay. Whatever road lies ahead, your training starts here with Peloton Tread and Tread Plus. It's not just a bike, a treadmill too. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do it with Billy Gill. I want to be in your class. I want you to be my instructor. You know what? I won't be your instructor. You don't want to spend more time with me. No, I can schedule a class and we can ride together. I won't be the instructor of the class. We can have Camila could be our instructor. I like the Grateful Dead class. My daughter, she uses the Peloton. Mm-hmm.

She was on it once and an instructor who was playing Grateful Dead tunes. Let's do that. Okay. Why don't we go for a run outside? Guided run. Peloton. Me and you. That's something we can do together. Okay. Turn on the app. Me and you go outside. Enjoy the summer. Call yourself a runner with Peloton at onepeloton.com slash running. All right.

Don Levitard. Oh, I like firing people. So I take the opportunity to fire whenever I possibly can because I can use it as a learning experience for them and try to help them out and try to point out what they did wrong. But in this case, the employee was enough levels below where I was that I did not do the firing, but I had it done within moments of discovery. I'm just like, I like firing.

Like firing people. It's just absurd. It's absurd. Stugats. I'm talking about people who I fire who deserve it, who have done something that actively requires me to fire them. It is my unadulterated pleasure to do so. This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats.

Jeremy Taché's top five list of songs that came from movie soundtracks. This is going to be very unsurprising, but it's a very white list. OLI, What Was I Made For by Billie Eilish for the Barbies. Very good song. The only reason it's OLI is because I'm not sure it's actually her best song. She has a lot of bangers.

Another OLI, New York, New York by John Kander and Fred Ebb. They also wrote the musical's cabaret in Chicago. So again, tough to decide that it's their best. It's terrible. It's terrible.

Thank you. We can keep it going on that. I'm confused. You're making this list, and the first two don't qualify for the list. That's why they're O-L-I. They're great songs. They're made for movies, but they're O-L-I. You don't understand what O-L-I means, just like David. O-L-I is stuff that could be on the list, but wasn't quite good enough. It sounds like you just wanted to talk about those two songs. I did. I really wanted to bring those in there. All right, fine. Did you skip another O-L-I? No. Okay. Number five.

Night Fever by the Bee Gees for Saturday Night Fever. Number four. Bee Gees inflection on that falsetto. Eye of the Tiger by Survivor for Rocky.

Can't argue with that one. It's a good one. I didn't love white guy in you on that one, but I mean, it's still... Do you think he's going to go Eric Carman? I did not know. I didn't know that was made just for Rocky. It was. It was made for Rocky. It was the theme, I believe, for Rocky. Number three, the reason this list was created, accidentally in love by the Counting Crows for Shrek 2.

Love that song. It's not their best song. Could argue colorblind. I think it's better than Mr. Jones. I do. I genuinely believe it's... Mr. Jones and me. Not better than that. But it is better than Mr. Jones. Number two, Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds for The Breakfast Club. That's sick. And number one for The City of Angels, Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls. Why are you playing it for that?

Yeah, it had to be a really white list. I'm me. I mean, Waiting to Exhale, you didn't ever listen to that soundtrack. Sorry, what? Sunset Park got a great soundtrack. Kiss from a Rose? Not written for Batman Forever. That's a single that was featured in Batman Forever. There's a difference here, Pablo. You gotta learn the list. Now you're a stickler.

Songs written for movies, not just primarily featured in a movie. I'm not a huge Billie Eilish fan, but is it established that that Barbie song is her best song?

No, that's kind of why I kept it on the whole lie. I wanted to mention it. It's a great song. It's a beautiful song. What about the James Bond song she wrote and won an Oscar for? No, that was Adele, was it not? It was Adele. What about See You Again? Skyfall? Yeah. Skyfall's a great song. That actually maybe should have been on the list. Yeah, honestly, that was a good one. What about See You Again, the Wiz Khalifa song for Paul Walker? Is that his best song? Yeah.

Oh, I forgot about that caveat. Oh, lose yourself. Won an Oscar. It's a good one. All time scene, though, like when the good one. Yeah. Yeah. I cried. Still qualifies for your list. No, lose yourself is a good one. Yeah.

- I think it's a beautiful thing that we criticize people's lists because of their own taste. - No. - It's very bothersome to me. - No. - You have to be allowed to-- - Yeah, this was very clearly just my taste. - Which is fine. - Yeah. - My top fives are my taste too. I don't need you to agree with my top list of 100 movies.

Man, I gotta explain everything to you. - Okay, go ahead, I'm taking notes. What did I do wrong now, chair two? - It's not that what you're doing wrong, it's that you don't get, I was gonna say you don't get the show, but you don't get the industry. Like the whole point of a top five list is to make people mad and to drum up interest. Like that is the joke that we're making on the "Levatar" show. So when they present a top five list, if we are not going to criticize it, then we are not completing the joke that's being made on the top five list. - I think you're being a bit of an AI.

A bit of an audience insulter. I think the audience doesn't require fighting the whole time. Do you guys have a movie or something that's made you feel old? Because I've had two instances recently, and this is somewhat related to Jeremy's list, where I heard young professionals talking about something, and I was like, yeah, I'm old. Like, I'm too old. Yeah.

And it was two different instances. It was the exact same topic, and I don't know how it came up both times. But one time I was in a waiting room, and it was two people that worked at a medical facility. And it was two young professionals talking about the best Shrek movie. And they were comparing Shrek 4 and Shrek 3, and I was like, yeah, I'm old. Because that's a kid's movie, and you guys are seemingly adults. We were kids. Professionals here. And you're discussing which Shrek.

part of Shrek 4 was your favorite part and how excited you are about Shrek 5 and how you want to get the new Shrek things to put on your Crocs. And I'm like...

like, okay, I'm really old. And I thought this was an isolated incident. And then I encountered another Shrek conversation in another professional setting. And I was like, yeah, this is just a thing that now young professionals talk about is they compare their favorite Shrek movies. This has to be this week because Shrek 5 was just announced. No, this was last week. They were talking about rumors of Shrek things that they had been reading online. This was probably like a month and a half ago this happened. We young people love Shrek.

There are stages of realizing you're old. And I think that when people who you consider to be adults are talking about things

in their childhood, but you are a grown ass man for, that is a new level of old madness that you have reached. And I'm there too, where it's very weird when you see someone who's like 25 or like 33 talking about their childhood and you're like, I was in college. - So like the first Shrek came out, I guess when I was a teenager, right? But like I still was like, that's like a child's movie. - I saw Shrek 2 for my ninth birthday party.

do you think it happened with beverly hills cop the new one where 40 years was the first one are there people are going to see this one on netflix because everyone's watching it and are they going to not realize

I think it's not an enjoyable movie if you have not seen the other ones. Because the movie is all nostalgia. I think it could stand alone. If you're unaware of those things and you're watching it, it's a good enough action movie. I guess. It's fine. They do make references, too. When they go and they look at his, oh, I was looking at your file, the first one. There's an entry here in 1984, then 1987, and then...

1991 wasn't as good or something like that. That was a total cut of Beverly Hills Coffee. Yeah, 100%. And that was awesome. And they have Judge Reinhold going in his trunk with all his weapons.

Complementing his weapons. They had the little picture of Taggart in the back of Reiser's office. This is my point exactly. I think that this movie is largely mediocre at best. Unless you get all the stuff. I got it all and it was still mediocre. All of those movies were released before I was born. Like Fly, spoiler alert, flying a helicopter two feet off the ground because he's afraid to fly is great. Good bit.

Every single Beverly Hills Cop movie you were going to lie for? Yeah, Beverly Hills Cop 3 came out May 25th, 1994. I was born in 1995. That is the number one example of feeling old just there. No, I mean, the 9-11 in general has happened a few times where I've been around young people who have no recollection. I was like, I was a baby. I don't even remember. I was in college. I was a freshman in college. It was a not funny...

meme, but it was when I was in college age. It was a thing of like, if she doesn't remember 9-11, she's too young for you, bro. Because for those of us born in the 90s, we remember it. I was a kid. I remember being taken out of elementary school when it happened and the whole thing. But I don't remember it much. I'm sorry. Did we go from Shrek 5 to 9-11? Yeah, we did. With a reference of how young you can't do Belichick.

He violates the half plus seven rule. I've never heard this rule. I heard you say that, but I didn't get it. I've never heard this rule. So you're allowed to date someone half your age plus seven years. The original Shrek was released May 18th, 2001. So just a few months before said day we were talking about.

So take half of 56, 28, 28 plus 7 is 35. You know Chris Farley was supposed to be Shrek originally? Thank you. Are you just like dating someone and you did the math to make it work out for you? Yeah, I think he made this equation up for himself. This is a question for a sex therapist. Coming up next. Sex next.

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Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code DAN for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account. Redeem code DAN for $20 off. Download GameTime today. Last-minute tickets. Lowest price. Guaranteed. Don Levitard. I went in the margins. I'm like, you're Moneyball of sex. I'm basically Scott Hatterberg. A lot of walks. Stugatz. A lot of walks, but I'm on base. When it comes to sex, I'm Scott Hatterberg. Other dudes, they can be Giambi.

You know your role you play well? I know my role. This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugats. They prepped you. They told you that we need help.

Well, a little bit, yes. I have just some insight. So I'm here for y'all, okay? Thank you so much. Like a tag team, not a gangbang. There we go. Count us in, Pablo. Five, four, three, two, one. So at long last, our special guest of the day is April Lampert. April, I just want to apologize on behalf of everybody who may have already been pre-interviewing you.

because I've been told some things that I don't want to co-sign just off the jump here. So thank you for being here. My pleasure. Thank you for having me today on the show. So I have to be honest, this was my idea, April, and I am not always on this show. So there was a few weeks ago where...

I was listening to this show and I heard this sound. I went in the margins. I'm like your money ball of sex. I'm basically Scott Hattie. A lot of walks, but I'm on base. Other, other dudes. They can be Giambi. You know, your role, you play. I know my role.

So I don't know how much you know about sports, but there's a bunch of guys who are completely comfortable with being mediocre. And I was like, next time I'm on the show, we got to address this. And I suspect that it's not just the people who are on this show, that a lot of people in our audience also are pretty mediocre when it comes to making people happy. So I figured out, I figured we'd have you on to help us. So can we start with this? I'm asking for a friend, by the way, clearly.

Obviously, I'm asking for a friend. What is the thing that guys generally get most wrong about trying to satisfy their partners?

This is a great question, and I'm really happy that you asked. So when we're talking about straight partnerships, the facts are, the numbers never lie, the facts are out there. And 95% of men, when they have sexual activity with their woman, 95% of those people are coming. They're orgasming, right? But only 65% of the straight women are having the same experience, meaning they can climax sex.

So what does that mean? There's this percentage of folks out there that are with their partners trying to please their woman and nothing's coming out of it. Well, why? I can tell you why. It's because the clitoris, which is what women own, right? It's the pleasure center and it's the only body part that works.

either of us have, that any one of us have, that is designed simply for pleasure. So only 4% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. So 96% of us need some clitoral love. And I think that's what happens. And that's the breaking point. What dudes, this orgasm gap, that it's kind of a buzz term that's thrown around a lot, but this is legitimately the issue. And blood flow is the key. Blood flow is the key here. And the clitoris needs blood flow. So that means it needs some love before you just

sticking it in. April Lampert has been named the industry sexpert of the year multiple times, the co-author of the book Shameless Sex. Choose your own pleasure, Pat, to unlock the sex like you've been waiting for. April, you mentioned the clitoris. Asking for a friend, how does one find that? Okay, so...

The good news is it's not that difficult. The bad news is every single person is different. Some people have a Rubik's Cube when it comes to their vulva. And let's get two things out of the way here. I'm not saying vulvo like the car. I'm talking about a vulva. Now, vagina everybody thinks of as what the vulva is. So when I'm talking about the vulva, that's the outside, okay? The vagina is what you put your penis inside, okay? So that's just basic anatomy. The clitoris is...

is in, well, on the vulva. Sometimes it's tucked inside. Sometimes it is noticeable outside. But it's between the two lips that are sometimes squished together. And the good news is if there's blood flow and arousal, the clitoris usually comes alive and you can see it more. I just...

Here's my issue, if we can just get to it in a few seconds. Oh, not for a friend? No, this is straight for me. Okay, okay. My issue is that I have a hard time waiting the time it takes to pleasure a woman because I can be much faster and I've got other stuff I want to be doing. So my issue is, what is the way, without thinking of your grandmother, to make it last longer? Okay. Okay.

It's legitimate. I'm being a practice. It's a total legitimate question question. And there's all of these. There's a lot of these. I've seen like power, power pills. Right. Like last longer. Keep your dick harder, longer, faster, which I obviously I don't own a penis. So I can't vouch for those things. I do know that there is some efficacy when it comes to some of these pills.

But if you don't want to pop a pill, because that's not really safe, you don't know what you're getting. There's a lot of variations of things. And there is Viagra, but Viagra and Cialis and I'm not going to shame those pharmaceuticals because I know they are effective for some folks. However, some people want that real hardness without popping a pill. So there...

are some things you can use like cock rings that you can fit around the testicles and the shaft and they kind of do you know what the perineum is the

The gooch, the taint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, wait. Nacho ass, nacho balls. For a friend, is that the same as the grundle or is that different? That is. So it depends on where you're located in the United States and what you'd like to call it. I've learned that the East Coast calls it the gooch. West Coast calls it the taint. In the middle, they could call it the grundle. I'm not sure. But that's a good stat to learn later on. It's also something that I think that... Don't wrestlers wear those? Yeah.

Or bikers, too. So bringing it back, though. Thank you. Of course. Different devices are out there, and they can also help pleasure your partner, your female partner. Pleasure your woman, because it'll constrict blood flow, kind of...

You could get a double-motored cock ring that isn't aggressive-looking. That's not going to be scary. That's not going to be like, what is this thing? And you put it on, and then when you start to get blood flow to the penis, you're feeling the vibrations of the C-ring. And then your partner, if she's grinding on you, can also feel the vibrations. Now, remember something else about the clitoris that I didn't mention. And this is my...

be a little bit hard to wrap your head around because it is such a mystery, the clitoris. Proceed. Yes. A lot of this information wasn't even discovered until like the 90s. That's how long it took. So the clitoris, when we look at it, it actually, from the outside, you can only see, and I wish I had a vulva puppet, but I don't. But I'll use my fingers. Like think of a wishbone.

And what you see on the outside, on the vulva of the clitoris, is only about a quarter of the actual entire membrane. And did you know that the clitoris is made up of the same erectile tissue as what you all have? So we can get clitoral boners when that blood flow starts. And the rest of the clitoral legs are located inside the vaginal canal. So if you want to give your partner a clitoral boner, and I know that you said you...

you you're busy you want things to happen fast well it takes four times the amount of time for a woman to get the blood flow they need to get aroused and foreplay is the most important part of sex dude you have to understand you need to have the patience and the time now if you just want to you could just have your if you talk to your partner and you're like okay i i like i want a quickie well then watch them masturbate after or help them and don't just get out of the bedroom

Yes, Dominique. You're welcome. I mean, April. Write it down. I do want to be like we haven't been completely inclusive as far as sexual preference, but men are stupid. So it's not that hard to men together. I feel like it's really not that hard to get each other in the right place. But from a woman's standpoint, this is we have the manual for that. I mean, we know what we're doing when it comes to the manual. The I like that one. This might be a bit of a silly question, but.

As a sports fan and a sports broadcaster, we kind of celebrate the type of athletes who have like a special go-to move. And every now and then I try something new or I'm looking for a new move. Yeah, my friend does that too. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. Asking for a friend. Are there new moves that you could teach us that we haven't potentially experimented with?

Okay, so I don't know what y'all are doing. You can send me videos if you want later. But I would say trying new things is always fun. Because just missionary style all the time, come on. We're not monotonous creatures. We get bored easily, right? Humans need novelty. They always need something fresh. So is there a specific move? So this is going to be something that I like doing.

Always doggy styles is a good way to go. But then you could have the old reach around the doggy style and reach around and feel the clit or ask first. Don't just do things without permission. Be like, hey, can I can I feel your clit? Because doggy style can can feel great. That might be a typical one. But adding what about adding some some extra some extra gear, like some fun gear, like ask if your partner wants to be spanked a little bit or add some like restraints that

Obviously consensual because that can take away when you take away one of the senses like whether it's a blindfold Whether it's use use of the arms always remember always to have consent everyone I'm not saying just tie up your tie up your chick and then just go for it now ask ask if she's into this and That can that can kind of leave such a wide a wide canvas for you to paint with different position I have a friend who can't smell or taste so that is a pretty good head start. Oh, yeah

Do you know who Dr. Ruth is, April? Of course. I love Dr. Ruth. Is she your mentor?

She was just a goat, right? She like really such a what she overcame in the world of sexuality, which is still such a thing. Like, look, it's fun to talk to you guys about this, but it's still like giggly and sometimes taboo. When I say like gooch or cock rings, people like, whoa, they can get overwhelmed. I think she was just amazing. Now, she was like grandma, right? She's like sweet old grandma. She was going to like take a pie out of the oven and then tell you about

her favorite dildo and you're like okay uh so i would say uh in terms of mentorship yes dr sex with emily she's like one of my dearest friends and um probably my um biggest mentor uh in terms of this field this field found me i studied law right i never expected to uh be uh teaching the world about sex and relationships i feel really honored though that i get to talk to you guys about this

You guys are fun. I'm quite thankful you're doing this because there's such a stigma. All men are so macho pretending they don't have problems pretending. Lots of my friends have stigmas. They're getting late all the time. And I love the fact that you're willing to come on a show like this. And I love the fact that we have the flexibility to do this. I hope the audience appreciates it. But I have one quick question and we don't have a lot of time left. She joined a show like this. A very quick question. You got it. You got it, April.

What is exactly your view of monogamy? OK, so this is such this is a hot topic right now. Right. People are talking about ethical non-monogamy, opening relationships up. I need to hear you.

Okay, so I'm a monogamous person for now. So remember that sexual orientation, relationship styles, all of those things can change. They're fluid. So I think that if you can do non-monogamy in an ethical or consensual way, and I know that word's so often thrown around as well, so don't tune out. But if you can do it with a partner that's like, well, I'm bored too. You don't have to say it like that, but...

I'm curious because opening up a relationship doesn't necessarily have to be going out and banging someone. It can be people can have emotional relationships. They can have sexual relationships digitally. People sometimes think a sex doll is...

cheating, right? So I would say I'm not pro cheating. I know it can happen. Sometimes relationships just they go really, really far south and there's no way to get out except adding some spice and there's nothing that you can do in the bedroom to get out of that rut. There are things that both parties want to work on it. But yes, but so as far as I'm not going to preach non monogamy, do whatever feels good for y'all. Okay.

April Lampert, we thank you for your expertise. Author of the book, Shameless Sex. And again, I apologize for everything, literally everything David Sampson just said. Bye, April. Ciao, bye. Thank you.

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