The Big Suey: A Hot Dog In The 10 O'Clock Hour
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This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stukas Podcast. ♪

I want to ask you guys some questions over the course of the show to legitimately give me some guidance because I don't know where you have been or what you have talked about. And so I don't know what the national reaction is to video that I saw from Miami and Copa America. I was watching the video and I assumed that the national reaction would be some form of

Brown people are totally out of control, that they're animals, that we're not ready for the World Cup, and that it looked like when you've got video of people climbing through air conditioning ducts, it looked like chaos and it looked like our security system.

That word is bogus, but everywhere it's bogus. You don't get security just because people are in suits and got earpieces. You don't get security because somebody's wearing a yellow shirt or an orange vest.

and writes it on the back of a black t-shirt. But this felt like what Miami thought was coming here was like a dolphin game or a marlin game or something, and then it just gets overrun by the soccer zealotry that you would normally see anywhere else in the world that isn't America and from sort of English hooligans. What Miami got overrun with was the incompetence of governing bodies in soccer.

And it's confusing to talk about, and it's pretty loaded. But for this Copa America, the governing body of South America, it's their tournament, organizes everything. The stadium presents plans. It's not the first time South American teams have been playing games. It's not the first Copa America game at Hard Rock Stadium. It's a venue that hosts Formula One, Taylor Swift, WrestleMania, Super Bowls. They have plans.

- CommNibals was presented with the plans, decided to cut corners on those plans because it meant they get to pocket more money. And what you had was a setup unlike anything they've ever had. You get more of a perimeter for Miami Ball State than you did for the Copa America Final. And this is a culture that is used to in South America. Plenty of people show up to the gates without a ticket just to be around the atmosphere. You mitigate that by having a perimeter. CommNibals eschewed those plans

And now you have a glorious game of multiple parties, stadium, governing bodies, even CONCACAF is in the mix, mayor's office, police department, all pointing fingers at one another. And everyone, and I think this is pretty lazy, and it shows you the failings of local law enforcement, is saying, hey, there's only so much we can do. They're the boss. There are certain concessions that you have to make to acquire a cup final. And hopefully they realize they can never do that again with CONCACAF.

You, I assume, are coming from a perspective that is protecting people here, Miami, from looking like total lunacy. Yeah, protecting Latin Americans, Miamians, because that was a really bad look. And I'm not going to excuse the behavior, Dan, because there were some bad apples there, but it was a byproduct of...

of really poor crowd control. That was not Miami. That was not Hard Rock Stadium. That was not even First World. My question to the group is, okay, because I know that you're coming from a perspective that is both informed and emotionally biased. Because when I saw that video, as someone who cares about Miami, who cares about Miami,

the minorities in Miami, because I don't believe from what it is that I've heard the scene was here outside of that video, that you will find more of Argentina and Columbia shirts, you know, jerseys,

on Sunday patrolling our streets in a way that separates Dade from Broward very much. It separates what Panthers hockey fandom is from what Wayne Huizenga built in Fort Lauderdale because he didn't like how brown Miami was. Dan, I know where you're going with this and it is a part of the conversation, but I'm not here. People are having a go at the spectators, rightfully so, I think.

But three years ago or so at Wembley Stadium during the Euro final, there were very similar scenes. There were Taylor Twelman can detail for you how he was calling a match and people were next to him in the press box and he felt it was very dangerous. Mike, I don't think you know where I'm going because I'm

I'm coming at this from ignorance. I have no idea what the reaction actually was, but because I'm absorbing everything that's happening around an assassination attempt and everything around a party that is making choices to really bury others, okay?

I'm asking how this is being received because I, as a Cuban person, looked at it and said, this is going to be viewed as animals. This is why we build a wall. This is why we talk about Mexico building a wall, because this is why the other side is overrun.

armed they're fearing some of what feels like when it's reported they fear something that looks out of control and overrun by people who aren't behaving the way they would soccer's dead no one cared dan

You can rest assured that the reaction isn't what you're fearing. It's not that. I think mostly, thankfully, not many people got hurt. It seems as though very serious. Messi got hurt in a game. That's one of the more serious injuries. MLS seasons, I joked to everybody, him included, apparently. But there is a lot of funny in this. The president of the Colombian Federation got arrested.

You know, there's a lot of memes that were born of it. Like that someone's going to have to pay for the destruction of that 72 club. But I think generally what you're fearing in terms of reaction, I think people realize that there were bigger fish to fry this week. And that's not really a part of the talking points. So it's just making fun of Miami for being Miami, right? Yeah. And it's a complicated thing. How did the guy think he was going to get into the stadium with that dog?

I mean, he did. He did. So that dog was not wearing a service dog vest. That dog did not have a ticket. He showed no one had a ticket. Apparently, I do some. I do think that some of the laughter that comes Miami way Miami's way is earned because I will tell you that the Zimbabwe airport bathrooms much better than everything at Miami International Airport.

While you were gone, did you see that it was just like MIA was just leaking green ooze from the ceiling? And I don't think anyone ever explained that. We just kind of moved on the next day. Some other story came up. But it was raining inside and it was green antifreeze looking like... It looked like a Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award. It was odd. And then it just took over a whole section of the airport where there should be people sitting. And then there's just...

As far as I know, never an explanation as to what that was. Are you saying their airports and their bathrooms and their airports are nicer than ours than Miami? It's the nicest thing in the Miami airport? Because you've never been to the Nathans at Miami airport. It's the nicest Nathans I've ever been to. Stugatz. I'm telling you. Stugatz, that's one of the most... And the sushi place is fantastic. Stugatz, that's one of the most disgusting things you have ever said. What? The Miami International Airport is a total dump. I don't think so. You...

There's some good parts, but man, there's two terrifying words. Gate H. Yeah, but Concourse B, Nathan's. I'm telling you, it's fantastic. It's the nicest Nathan's I've ever been to. It is. I might say more about Nathan's. That's not saying very much. It's really not. The man lives in Jupiter. You think he's actually going down to MIA? I love MIA. No, he's flying to West Palm. You're getting out of here. Duval County Airport. Sentences I didn't think he'd hear today. It's

You got to find a flight. I'm telling you, when you travel as much as I do, you just go anywhere. Why not have Orlando? Let's address this for a moment. Go check out the Nathan's. That's not even my... Underrated fries. I have. You know what? Let's send someone there. It's not that nice.

That's a good idea. Chris, that's a good idea. Well, no, because you have to buy someone a plane ticket. You got to go through TSA. I think you can walk through security. Is it on the other side of security? No, you can't. At some airports, you can. There are multiple Nathans in MIA. Concourse A has one. C has one. But the nice one is Concourse B. I'm just telling you.

You guys think we can get somebody into the airport sneaking in to check out to do a Nathan's review? It's on the opposite side of the security check-in. No. Sneak in. Sneak in. Given what we've seen of security both locally and nationally. I'll just stroll right in. That seems actually like it's pretty easy by comparison.

What is that green ooze? Explain to me what the green ooze is. Antifreeze? I don't think anyone ever answered what it was. It's just, look, there it is. Oh, yeah. Yeah, just there. Wow. I went to the Museum of Slime in Chicago a couple weeks ago. That didn't even look like that. No.

I can't believe what Stugatz is saying. I would run away from that. Yeah, I mean, how could you not? Of course you would run away from that. That's not doctored. That's the actual color. No, yes, it was raining down in the other video. Yeah, that was just there. No one really explained what it was. Stugatz, what's the earliest that you've had a hot dog at Nathan's in an airport? Oh, wow, Concourse B or just anywhere? Airport rules don't apply. Like, as soon as you step into the airport, time ceases to exist. You can eat whatever whenever. I would say... Or drink whatever whenever. I live behind that rule for sure. Okay.

I've had a hot dog in the 10 o'clock hour, in the morning. That's about the earliest I've had a hot dog. Put it on the poll, please. What is the earliest acceptable time to have a hot dog?

Or is it acceptable, I guess, to have a hot dog for breakfast? So how would the question be posed, though, the way that you posed it, Billy, as a poll question? Time ceases to exist? Yeah, time doesn't matter when you're in an airport. As soon as you walk in, time ceases to exist. You can eat and drink whatever you want at any point in time. All right, make that a poll question as well, just like that. Unless you're in Reno, in which everyone leaves at 6 p.m. and you're left to your own devices.

How can Stugatz be arguing, okay, that the Nathans at Miami International Airport. It's beautiful. I want to examine this from a couple of angles because. Brent Main. What? Tom Goodwin.

I think someone got him already. No, nobody said Tom Gordon. He said Tom Gordon. I said Tom Gordon. Yeah, it's fine. He's on the TGs of baseball reference, clearly. Yeah. Why did you say Tom Gordon? Flash. Yeah. But was he a royal? Yeah, he's a royal. He was. He started his career with the royals. Of course he was. You know that? I don't think of him as a royal. You think he was a Ritzok. I do. He's Stephen King's favorite. Didn't he write a book about him?

What were you saying, Chris? I'm saying that I just, I think I found this Nathan's in the Miami International Airport. This is a nice Nathan's. Thank you. It is really nice. Thank you. There it is. Oh, that's a good spot. It's beautiful. Look at it, Dan. But it's just such a backhanded compliment. My point is I've never thought.

in any form that Nathan's, that tastes good, looks good, feels good. It's depression in a hot dog bun.

Summer's the best time to run the way you want. Dial it up with new challenges and programs and bring your workouts with you to make the most of outside sunny days. Stugatz, guess what? What? You know what you can do with Peloton? What? Get the app, go outside, ride a bike. Well, I thought you ride Peloton inside. Well, you do, you can ride Peloton inside if it's a rainy day or if it's cloudy or you just don't want to get outside, maybe it's too hot.

summertime, go outside. I record a lot for my office with you and you've noticed it's sitting there yet. It hasn't been used. Well, now's the time. Summer's the best time to start that push. Right. Can we do it together? Not on the same bike, but we could join a class together. I used to do that. We used to have Guillermo Tan. I'd invite people. We'd all take a class together. Okay. So I think you're starting to get concerned about my health and my age, Billy. I,

I sense that with you. We're beyond starting. Okay. Whatever road lies ahead, your training starts here with Peloton Tread and Tread Plus. It's not just a bike, a treadmill too. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do it with Billy Gill. I want to be in your class. I want you to be my instructor. You know what? I won't be your instructor. You don't want to spend more time with me. No, I can schedule a class and we can ride together. I won't be the instructor of the class. We can have Camila could be our instructor. I like the Grateful Dead class. My daughter, she uses the Peloton. Mm-hmm.

She was on it once and an instructor who was playing Grateful Dead tunes. Let's do that. Okay. Why don't we go for a run outside? Guided run. Peloton. Me and you. That's something we can do together. Okay. Turn on the app. Me and you go outside. Enjoy the summer. Call yourself a runner with Peloton at onepeloton.com slash running. All right.

Don Libetard. Dan is getting to his microphone real quick. Sorry about that. Thank you, Stugatz. I appreciate it. My apologies. I had to run out for a moment. Stugatz. Did you eat something? I did. I grabbed some turkey. You can hear it in my mouth. Yeah, you made it seem like you were doing something urgent and said you were just stuffing your face. I was doing something urgent. I went upstairs and grabbed some turkey and then I ran back down here. I'm sorry that I'm late. It's very unprofessional of me. Why do you have an entire turkey leg in your pocket?

I do. I walk around here like it's Disney World with one giant piece of turkey at all times. This is the Dan Levitas Show with the Stugats. I really did think, Roy, that you were choosing Tom Gordon as a royal just because he was black. That's the reason. No. No.

plenty of black people who have played for the Royals, including Bo Jackson. But I felt like you were naming most of them, weren't you? No, I was not naming most of them. I mean, you roared with laughter, you are Washington. Brett Saberhagen. Ah, saves. Mark Gubizot. I thought that's... I said Crisenberry, Dan. Okay, I'm sorry. That's my bias. I'm sorry. That's my racial bias. I missed it. I just assumed that that's what you were doing. I thought it was funny. Given all the Stephen King projects that get greenlit,

How bad must this book about Tom Gordon be if we haven't seen it yet? Pablo, I'm reading in I'm in the middle of Stephen King's book on writing right now. I'm in the middle of it. It's fascinating. Book on writing. Yes, it's a book on writing by Stephen King. Is there a podcast on podcasting? Apparently, Stephen King has a very easy time writing. He just sits down and gets things done very quickly. It's unusual. The back half is better than the first half. I won't spoil it for you.

Pablo, I tried to get caught up. I'm woefully behind right now. I've been off the grid and I saw some of the episode descriptions from last week while you were in charge down here. I was very pleased to see that you and Dom and Samson and Amin helped us out while I was away and not aware. And I'm reading the episode descriptions. Dan Lebitard wears fake glasses. The lazy river of milk. I think there shouldn't be a mental health month anymore.

Mr. Thighs, open thigh shorts, Pablo was attacked by nerds, and Chris Cody's top five things he wrote down during our interview with a sex therapist. And I really don't know what any of this is about. It sounds like great work, though. I mean... Yeah, we did you proud, Dan.

David Sampson said that we shouldn't have a mental health month anymore. He said that we shouldn't have a black history month anymore. And he had the most sort of inspired. David Sampson, it's what he said. Billy can verify that. Chris Cody can verify that. You find the tape, you can roll it. I think what he said was why. Breakdown. Was that before or after he said that the Copa America final would be the safest place to be at?

He also predicted that security would be the big theme of the Copa America when it came to Miami. So he was nailing it on all fronts. And he was, I think, the most popular David Sampson has ever been. You guys can back me up on that. But I think we rehabilitated David Sampson for a larger audience, despite what those headlines that Dan just read from the feed might suggest. Mike, it's odd. The safest place in America over the weekend was Lake Tahoe. That's where all the security was with Travis Kelsey. And Jimmy Roberts.

Did you guys just mention all those things about David Sampson and not mention that people are accusing him of killing Dr. Ruth?

oh oh yeah we did well he did he did kill dr ruth allegedly over the weekend um we had the sex therapist on who was fantastic fantastic and her name escapes me one of you guys can jump in april april lampert maybe um something like that she was terrific uh and david's only really uh question of urgency was uh was her mentor dr ruth

And she immediately said, no, nothing in anything that I've done. The research you have would suggest that. And that weekend, Dr. Ruth died. So shout out to David Sampson for, you know, killing the foremost sex therapist in American history. Formerly Black History Month. Why is that? Yep. Told you. You think you rehabilitated him?

It worked. Dominique and David Sampson at one point, Dan, you will appreciate this, having been on Safari while it happened. David Sampson jumped into Dominique's arms like a koala bear after executing a dap that began with a Eurostep. That he called a dib. Which is, again, video worth revisiting. He called it a dib later. So we're still working on some stuff. But I believe that David Sampson has reached across an aisle. And despite canceling Black History Month again, which is what that sound indicated, he did...

become friends with Dominique, which was shocking. Like they're really good friends now, which none of us really anticipated given the aforementioned details we've also presented here. I think that there shouldn't be a mental health month anymore. Yeah. David has some human tendencies we found last week.

You're not playing any of them for me. They were there, though. They were really there. Here it is. Look, this is David Sampson Euro stepping. And then the leap is a choice. The leap up is a choice. Wait a minute. You didn't rehabilitate anything. Tucked in polo to shorts. He's doing well. He's doing well, doing well, doing well. And then the leap. The leap is where. The outfit is a horror show. No, those are the shorts that he can't pickpocket.

Yeah, the pickpocket-proof shorts. But he tucked in the polo. Look at the, again, though, the Manu Ginobili into...

And Dominique just like carrying walks over to the seat. Yeah, I think there's a real message of hope in there, not just for our show, but for America. If those two people can become friends, we all can. They they they might love each other now. And by the way, that video, that whole experiment was inspired by the fact that we found the one thing Joe Biden is still awesome at, which is DAP.

got a video of him dapping some up at a Waffle House. And so we just tried to recreate this in an inspiration to the Democratic Party and to democracy in general. And I think we healed America in the process, actually. And then the weekend happened. Yeah, and then there's that. And then that happened. I want to talk to Pablo about that for a second. Because we now have a situation where you have...

Unbelievably, in an election year that's headed straight toward us only having bad choices, only bad choices.

I find myself super rattled by what it is that I've come back to, which is an election news cycle that tells me that one candidate is dying and the other can't be killed. And it's unbelievable to watch what it is that I've returned to. And so I just ask you, walk me through this.

What is happening here with, you know, classified documents yesterday are allowed now sort of legal to be keeping secret in your bathroom somehow. And J.D. Vance, who's said very bad things about Trump and like we played that clip before. He's the guy who stood up and tried to fight. Right. Like he wanted just to fight.

This is now carbon copy, white copy paper, we're guns, and it's going to be an all-out war from within. Yeah, there's a lot of this talk about, like, look at the photo of Trump. We're going to teach this in history books to children. And assuming the photo has a caption and a page with text on it, I think it's worth considering what that page will say.

And as much as it's impressive that and fortunate, truly fortunate that Donald Trump is alive today. I also want to point out that Donald Trump might be the only candidate that Joe Biden conceivably could defeat.

because Joe Biden is too old to be a viable presidential candidate and would lose to pretty much everyone other than a guy who, if we did not have goldfish level memory, would not be a reasonable person to reelect. And so all of that is obvious. All of that brings me to J.D. Vance. And the J.D. Vance part of it, Dan, I have a little bit of insight into because before I said that if I wanted anybody to run for president,

In America, it would be Dominique Foxworth, the aforementioned koala-holding bridge builder from the clip you saw before. And it's because people like Dominique are the opposite of people like J.D. Vance. And by that, I mean J.D. Vance is one of these classic—and I say this with all of the knowing—

resemblance to this concept in the eyes of my own critics, I suppose. J.D. Vance is the classic Ivy League, thinks he's way smarter than he is, and is transparently, transparently power hungry to the point where he was the guy, yes, calling Donald Trump America's Hitler. He was the guy who would give you chapter and verse about how this man, Trump, is not somebody we should ever want in power. But as soon as the Senate seat opens up,

He is, in fact, the opposite of everything he used to say. And so when it just comes to the question of who are we putting in power when it comes to personal ideology, agenda, forget about J.D. Vance wanting to ban pornography and wanting to ban abortion for even cases of rape and incest, all of which he has said before. Just think about whether you trust this guy, the guy who goes from that to now standing next to Trump. It's just nuts.

None of us should trust him. On either side of the aisle, nobody should trust J.D. Vance. And so the fact that he is now in this family photo, too, feels like a perfect encapsulation for a textbook, certainly. But I don't think the...

The caption there is one of heroism. It's one of, oh, of course all of this is happening in this way. It's kind of exactly what is supposed to happen at this part of a horrible movie. Pablo, I don't trust any of them on either side. You're saying, why should we trust J.D. Vance? Why should we trust Joe Biden?

I want Joe Biden out of this race, man. It's just, it's insane to me. It's insane that we are, to Stugatz's point, you watch him and you're like, we should not have

So little high ground in this argument when it comes to telling people something that they can plausibly believe when it comes to this is what your eyes are seeing and this is what they're telling you. I think Joe Biden's age, which is a different category of problem, is unsustainable. And again, if you want to stop the other side, there's a football metaphor here, right?

You don't want to do what the other team's coach is begging you to do. And it's very clear that everybody on the Trump Republican MAGA side of things wants to run against Joe Biden. And Trump is the only person Joe Biden could beat, except again, I just don't think it's plausible anymore given how bad his performances have been and how obvious and undeniable all of it feels now. So yeah, I don't blame you and that is a problem.

a fundamental problem for how much of a layup otherwise this election should be on the actual substance of anything. You nailed it any given Sunday. By the way, Dan, can I just propose one thing as a question that I wanted to have the answer to? Are your glasses fake? No. Why would they be fake? I've got problems reading.

Last week, we all wore your glasses and the ones under your desk. And there were there was clearly no prescription there. No. Are you talking about any of the ones that were in the cases? Because there was one around here, like a plastic one around here. There was like some fake glasses of Stugatz's. Did you try the one in the cases? Like, why would my glasses be fake? Like I'm Bryant Gumbel trying to fool people into intellect. Yeah.

We had trouble trusting you last week, is what I'm saying. It wasn't those glasses Dugas is wearing. It was the other glasses. No, but these are the only two that are here that are prescription glasses. Look, I don't want to sound defensive here. If you want to accuse me of being... That sounds like you are very... You're blind. We thought maybe they were blue light glasses, but you have now dispelled that.

theory. It's okay if it's prescription again. I would show you... It's even less plausible now. I would show you very expensive receipts for glasses that suggest... Expensive parts are a little unnecessary. Tax returns? No, because why would I buy expensive... Go to a pharmacy, get one and a half. Why would I buy expensive fake glasses? That's what we're asking. Yep. America wants to know. It's...

So how do I address what you're asking me? How do I prove what you're asking me? Because I do like the idea of me as a character who's not equipped to actually discuss anything that's happening politically in America right now, but is trying, trying to appear as a fake intellectual. Like I like the character of fake glasses to make me try to look smarter when I can't discuss, you know, assassination attempts because what the f*** is going on in America, man?

I mean, you did start the show today with like a 20 minute monologue under a spotlight. So the fake glasses kind of feel like a big part of so much better as a character. God almighty for Joe Maddon. I mean, I should do it. I don't know how to defend myself against you without sounding defensive, but these are glass. Like I have trouble reading through the lenses and there were no prescript. Everybody who was in the container last week, we all took turrets and all of us.

Could detect no difference in prescription. Is this maybe a placebo thing? I don't know what's happening. Like maybe a placebo thing? So maybe am I wrong? Maybe my eyes are lying to me, literally. Someone's lying to you. Or my doctors. Not me this time. So we can't trust anybody is what you guys are saying. It's not just Vance and Trump. We can't trust anybody. Not my doctors. Not what I'm telling you. It's all AI. It's all misinformation. It's all.

Hell, you can't tell me the last three days, Pablo, with Daily Show and MSNBC like having to cancel stuff. You cannot tell me that the media is not running scared from the fact that Dana White's on Pat McAfee and they're all saying, yeah, Trump, Trump, Trump. It's a fair point. It does turn out that you literally cannot trust your own eyes. So that's a good place to land, I guess. I found that out this week. Dan Levitard is actually biologically incapable of trusting his own eyeballs.

Well, that's where we are. I'm just getting done. I am not equipped to discuss the insanity in America right now because I can't see anything clearly. Like I'm seeing all I see is black and white. That's all I see. And brown and some brown.

Little yellow maybe sometimes. Let me see these. Sometimes. Wait a minute, these are not racist colored glasses! Not nearly enough. Oh, these are fake. Thank you! What do you mean thank you? They're not fake! How do I prove this to you and get out of the quicksand of we're still doing this? Put your glasses over the lens of the camera. There will be no difference. No difference. Alright. Let America see through your eyes.

How are those on you? People are wondering. CVS. 850. Mother goose ass glasses. Yeah, you look like Mrs. Claus. It's the other ones, Chris. Chris, you've got the wrong glasses. Chris, it's the other one. Those are mine. It's the other one. I'm the one who can't see clearly. I'm the one. You know what I can't see clearly? Look. We should have another executive producer.

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Don Levitard. You are very comfortable talking about how you met your wife, how much you love her, how important she is to you. And that's the reason that I asked the question. I've always admired that about you, that you are and you have no problems whatsoever professing your love.

Well, the thing is, I got a new wife now. You know, me and Bianca didn't make it. So I moved on. We moved on. It was for the better for both of us. Stugatz. Things just got a little awkward there. So let me be the first on this show to congratulate you on the new wife, Vince. Congratulations on feeling whole, feeling complete. You know, let's talk tailgating. Yeah.

Don't be, don't, don't feel awkward, buddy. No, I don't. It's too late for that. It's much too late for that. I appreciate you soothing me in this regard, but I already feel terribly awkward. And then my teammate comes to my defense with not a question, but just a healthy congratulations.

And the further pointing out of that awkwardness because he's always good for me in those spots. I'm also thinking of divorce, Vince, after many, many years, 18 years with a partner who does things like that to you. This is the Dan Labatar Show with the Stugats. This is a really tough position you guys have put me in because I don't want to let this go. And I know we're in the quicksand. I don't think that it's a good subject to continue. There are serious things going on in the world.

But I have now been accused of something publicly that you guys all think like I'm a liar and I can only sound defensive in the face of that. And I'm trying to defend myself because it's only the God's honest truth that I have trouble seeing. I reveal all of myself to you all the time. I'm not trying to lie to anybody. It's not a strong prescription. And I do find it funny that you're confused. Like you put your glasses on and you're like, look, it looks totally like these are fixing my eyes. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's what glasses do. But if you guys, I am reading you.

think it's a placebo. They're doing their job. I can't read things that I've written here. Look, aging sucks, man. Ask Biden. Aging sucks, man. And so I can't. My eyesight and my health are going. Yeah, but like reading things are more of an issue than anything, right? So you kind of just got like a souped up pair of reading glasses. You also like, that's how placebos work. You wouldn't know if they were fake or not.

Also, if a rich man walks into my eye doctor's office. I'm a diatrist. What's the place called, though? It's...

I'd say like prescription office. Yeah, I would struggle around that. If a rich guy walks in and he's like, I need glasses and he doesn't need glasses. Guess what? I'm telling him. Here's your prescription, sir. Have a nice day. Yeah. We'll charge your insurance $7,000. But I'm sorry. I got another one of those Hollywood whales.

Okay, so Hollywood hippos. So what the part I'm not really understanding. Doctor, someone from the cabal is here. This is what I walk into a place. I will grant you that in Miami Beach, this is funny because it is an I place that is in the building. An I place. Of like a condo. That's probably what it says on the marquee. I place. And it's just an I. I don't know.

I understand, because you said you go to your dentist and they give you massages and stuff. Are you sure you're going to doctor's offices? It's Miami Beach, man. And I do like Stugatz's idea of me just always walking in majestically into an eye place with an eye. Just like, yes, please, let's talk about...

more about me. A place where I can put on my phony glasses and pretend to be smart and say in this eye store, let's compete with Apple for this. You walk in. Is there just like an eyeball? Because maybe you're walking to an Illuminati office or something. Is there any triangles? It's just the letter I.

And they go in and say, sir, $200. Talk about me. Your copay is $200. Your insurance is getting dinged. But the thing I'm not understanding about fashion or whatever it is you guys are talking about when you say prescription is I went and bought reading glasses.

Is this something? Are you assuming I'm doing this for fashion or style when they fogged up on me the first time I started wearing them? You could not possibly be doing that for fashion. That's why I feel bad for you in this debate because you're out of moves. When you buy reading glasses, they need to put a prescription in. Simply the act of buying them doesn't mean that they...

They have a prescription. These glasses, all I will tell you is that these glasses, I went in for testing. They go and test my eyes. They tell me I've got some danger. That's how they get you. I'm going to tell you more of the story because it gets worse. Get that last row. I will tell you. Now you guys have got me. All right. Let's do this. Let's do this as a show. All right. Let's just go through my assortment of ailments and reveal myself entirely to the audience. We already went through gallbladder surgery. That was a winner right off the top.

Now let's go to where and how I'm aging, because what I'm about to tell you is true. I've been having panic attacks. I've been passing out. The last two years have been really bad, okay, just over here.

I go in and they tell me, "Hey, you got to get tested for glaucoma like immediately. You got to do that immediately." And I go and I go on a day I'm supposed to be Skipper for something to do some business thing and we go to offices and I just pass out. I pass out and he has to drive me home. Somewhere within all of that, I needed glasses and I went to a place where they scanned my head and did all sorts of brain stuff. I've had enough of those for two years.

Just for glasses? And I just need to read better because it's kind of important to what we're doing around here. I know I've got a couple of people who can't read, but I've got to be able to read things. I can't read my own handwriting. I can't see. I'm getting old. It sucks so much. Look what happened to Colin Cowherd yesterday with Jeter. He made Nolan Ryan in Derek Jeter's age an error, and I'm looking at it. That's a mistake I can make.

Errors confused all the time in baseball. Stugatz and I had a discussion the other day about the 80 Pirates, and he was naming, like, 1970 Pirates. I was. I've lost my touch on that game. That's what happens with getting old. Yeah, yeah. I can't read without glasses. Why am I being accused of being a liar? I don't want to tell the audience all these things. I mean, we held the prescription up to the camera. What does that prove?

That's not science. It actually proves a lot. I could grab someone else's glasses and you'd see how much it would prove. Andy Van Slyke. Andy Van Slyke. Wow. Nolan Ryan retired after the 93 season and Derek Jeter was drafted in 1992. How did Nolan Ryan not win a Cy Young? Think about it. These are the things you think about when you're riding around in the passenger seat in a gummy Lake Tahoe. I mean...

Never won a Cy Young. Nolan Ryan. Think about that. That's crazy. That's insane. Let's talk for a second about the mistake that went viral. Take that out of my observation. Compiler? Oh, that was a little riff you had in your observations? Yeah, you got to cross it out.

It's one of the laziest things you do, and that's a library of shit. 27 years. I mean, you're going to have the most wins and strikeouts and all that if you pitch for 27 years. You guys are saying Nolan Ryan is compiling you? We're asking. You guys could not foul off a Nolan Ryan fastball at his age, whatever it presently is. I don't know about that. I mean, come on. You got Ryan here. I can tell you, I can touch that ball. Nolan Ryan can still throw 90. No chance. No way. No way. Still throw 90? No way, Jose. Okay.

I mean, he's 77. Wasn't there a story that Nolan Ryan, like at the time, was suggested to have what I guess was Tommy John surgery? And he's like, nope. And then it healed itself in the offseason. This is the bullshit I won't allow from you young people who don't know anything. Okay.

Yeah. Telling me Nolan Ryan is overrated. I want you to put on the screen here. Hold on a second, Chris. I want to put on the screen here Lenny Kravitz right now at the age of 60. I want to look. I would vote for this man for president right now if you put him on the ballot just because he takes care of himself. And I'd like that from a president. Just seems to take care of himself well. Nolan Ryan...

who invented throwing harder than everyone else and never broke down, throwing 100 miles an hour and having however many no-hitters, you will not blaspheme against Nolan Ryan by telling me Billy Bunt can foul off anything. A 77-year-old does? Yes, I can. No? Yes. We need to set it up then. 14 years ago, he only threw 85. Okay. Okay.

Which is impressive as a 63-year-old, but that was like a feat he did at 63. All right. And now he's throwing breaking stuff. Let's see what Billy does with that. I mean, you said foul off. I can foul off. There's movement. He's not going to foul it off. You underestimate how good these people are through eternity. Not at 77. Okay. I mean, he had 292 losses. You're an ageist. Wait, through eternity? You think if I pitch Babe Ruth a pitch, his corpse is going to hit a home run? Get out of here.

Babe Ruth. Oh, you'd hit a gapper off the presidential candidates, too. I'm with you, Billy. Well, that's true. Yes, for sure. You guys... Have you seen Biden's golf swing? You haven't seen it. Man, that would have been electric, huh? If the two of them played golf. I'm telling you, it would be the highest rated golf match of all time. Sporting event of all time. The match on TNT. If they were playing for the presidency. Could you imagine? What is Netflix doing?

Maybe we want to see Kobayashi again. Come on. Winning. What is Netflix doing? Well, put that on. Okay. Yeah, we should go just lowest common denominator. I was a six, man. He's like, I've seen your swing.

What are you doing there? That was my Biden into my fake Trump. Are you going to need to work on that? Shane Gillis is killing you. Come on, man. We got to come together. Man. Who's that? That's my Biden. He says man. That's your Biden? He says man that much? It's never good when I'm confused as to which of the candidates it is. Come on. Now do your Nolan Ryan. Do you want to have a conversation with the limited fake Pierce Brosnan from 1997's Dante's Peak? What are we doing here? We got to come together. I'm going to turn into a Roomba.

Now he's just doing Shane Gillis as Joe Biden. I just can't imagine Joe Biden's leg kicking where it is.

Summer's the best time to run the way you want. Dial it up with new challenges and programs and bring your workouts with you to make the most of outside sunny days. Stugatz, guess what? What? You know what you can do with Peloton? What? Get the app, go outside, ride a bike. Well, I thought you ride Peloton inside. Well, you do, you can ride Peloton inside if it's a rainy day or if it's cloudy or you just don't want to get outside, maybe it's too hot.

summertime, go outside. I record a lot from my office with you and you've noticed it's sitting there yet. It hasn't been used. Well, now's the time. Summer's the best time to start that push. Right. Can we do it together? Not on the same bike, but we could join a class together. I used to do that. We used to have Guillermo Tan. I'd invite people. We'd all take a class together. Okay. So I think you're starting to get concerned about my health and my age, Billy. I,

I sense that with you. We're beyond starting. Okay. Whatever road lies ahead, your training starts here with Peloton Tread and Tread Plus. It's not just a bike, a treadmill too. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do it with Billy Gill. I want to be in your class. I want you to be my instructor. You know what? I won't be your instructor. You don't want to spend more time with me. No, I can schedule a class and we can ride together. I won't be the instructor of the class. We can have Camila could be our instructor. I like the Grateful Dead class. My daughter, she uses the Peloton. Mm-hmm.

She was on it once and an instructor who was playing Grateful Dead tunes. Let's do that. Okay. Why don't we go for a run outside? Guided run. Peloton. Me and you. That's something we can do together. Okay. Turn on the app. Me and you go outside. Enjoy the summer. Call yourself a runner with Peloton at onepeloton.com slash running. All right.

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