The Big Suey: Billy's Pink Sand Paper Pastelitos
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Welcome to the Big Suey, presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Levitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar.

This episode is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. So Stugatz, we'll let this go after this and we will get to Stugatz's weekend observations in a second. But Carl Banks, do any people in the shipping container know who Carl Banks is or why the name Carl Banks is an important one? Of course. Cousin of Fresh Prince Will Smith. Yeah.

Carl Banks is a former champion linebacker for the New York Giants. And he says, Dugat, Giannotti's take. Which one is Giannotti? Is it Gio or is it Sal? Oh.

Gio is ripping Kat. Giannotti? Yeah. Best gas. I don't know whether it's Sal Giannotti or Gio Giannotti. It's a fair question, Dan. I'm with you. Look, those New York gasbags who get manned, I've been listening to them for 30 years on that platform. They all run together.

They're all named Giannotti. Carton Giannotti. Stugatz Giannotti. They're all Giannotti. Sid Giannotti. Doug Giannotti. They're all felons. Pope Giannotti. They're all people whose opinions you cannot trust. And Carl Banks says of Giannotti, quote, This is genuinely pathetic. Calling a man you've never met a loser says more about you than it ever could about him. I've known Cat and his family since he was a kid. Bonafide.

There's absolutely nothing about him that resembles a loser. Try being a better human instead of broadcasting this ignorant shit. Loser. Gio's response is you still owe me $50 from an appearance I made in Pittsburgh. That a boy. That is sports. 2010. In 2010, Gio says you owe me $50 from an appearance I made 15 years ago. Better come back that one or Greg Doyle. You can read about it tomorrow. Uh,

Forgive me, I've got it wrong. It was $500, not $50. $50 is cheap? My fault. $500 is pretty good for 2010. That's nice. 2010. Carl Banks was paying pretty well, I would say. I don't know why he would be. Why would Banks be paying? Did he run a radio station? I don't know why Gio is accusing Banks of owing him $500. Perhaps he thinks his last name is literal on Banks.

Uncle Phil had a lot of money, man. He lived a nice life in Bel Air. Thank you, Amin. Please keep that joke going all show. I think it's a winner. The thing that's happening in the kitchen right now. Not unusual. The thing that's happening in the kitchen right now is both upsetting to me and insulting to Billy. Billy yesterday, as an act of kindness, brought in pastelitos. Mm-hmm.

He was accused yesterday of just bringing over leftovers from a weekend party at his house. Looks like two have been eaten. And he's eaten them both. They're still there from yesterday. Wait, that's yesterday's food? Just the pastelitos. Some are saying it's actually from Sunday, but somehow the sandwiches look like they're yesterday's. The sandwiches were put there today, and they have been eaten by the Wolverines who live here. The pastelitos have been left alone.

Sandwiches look like they've been there three months. They're dangerous too though because those sandwiches often have like hidden toothpicks in them where like they can rip open your innards. Having said that, I've just had one of the sandwiches and you know what? Finger food because I had it and I went,

Nice. And that's it. I'm clean. That can't be a finger food. It's a sandwich. It's a finger food. When they cut it up into quarters like that, it becomes a finger food. If it was a full sandwich, no. Put it on the pole. Is a full sandwich a finger food? Because that was a full sandwich, and they've just been cut up in pieces. Again, we're getting off point.

The sandwiches are one thing. They were put there today, and you have seen what happened. Bacon sandwiches, gone. First off the shelf, they fly out. Stugatz grabs just the bacon from inside them, walks around with grease on his fingers, no plate, just eats the bacon. You see that nothing around here can stay out without being eaten except for Billy's pastelitos. Except for my act of kindness. The first thing in the history of...

Our consumption that I have seen just sit there. There's been some gluten-free stuff at Jet Springs that we've kind of let sit there. This is the part, though, that I wanted to ask both Tony and Billy, because you may have noticed that Amin, being in South Florida just occasionally, has developed a great many cultural impressions locally where he'll have friends.

food like flan for breakfast. And I don't know Cubans who will have flan for breakfast because that's a dessert, but Amin has absorbed the local culinary treats. I'm offended, man. You think flan is just yours, man? Flan is a global phenomenon. When I grew up in Sudan, it was called creme caramel.

Creme Caramel. That could be also Spanish too. Again, Creme Caramel is different than flan. Flan is the Cuban one. It's all the same thing. It's not all the same thing. They're all the same thing. They're not all the same thing. I will say Amin loves Hispanic food. Amin loves Cuban food. He's always in it. When there's Baca Frita, he's there the first one eating it. So I'm going to give him a commemorative Cuban.

Congratulations, Amin. My brother. Congratulations. He can talk about the pastelitos if you need him. Well, but the opposite of that, I would say, is Stugatz. Stugatz has lived in South Florida all his life. He looked at the pastelitos and said, what are those? Yep. Come on. I mean, I did. You know what they are. I don't. I've never had one. You've lived here for 20,000 years. You've never had a pastelito ever? No. No.

I can't. That's not true. You've had it. You just didn't know what it was called. Perhaps. The flakiness, the guava. The cheese. Yes. He would like it, but apparently no one likes Billy's Pastelitos because I can't tell you how rare it is for a dessert to last five minutes around. Anything to last. You know what you want? You want me to be honest? You want my honest opinion? They're dry.

A little on the dry side. You got here a day after they arrived. I know, but right now they look dry. When Gino rejects it, you got to take a look in the mirror. And they arrived the day after they were made. I took a look in the mirror and I'm proclaiming right now, I'm never doing anything nice for this office again. The bakery you got them from, is that a usual place for you? Or is that something that you're like, oh, I'm kind of cool. Don't worry about where I got it. They're never going to be in this office again. Neither will a kind gesture for me. I haven't tasted them. I'm telling you right now, look.

I would not describe myself as overly nice. I would also not describe myself as overly mean. I would describe myself in this office setting as quiet and I somewhat keep to myself. I have my little groups. I go and I talk in my groups. I come in. I do my job. And I go home. But I will say this.

I could create a lot more problems in this office based on my stature here than I do. Right. And if my kindness is going to be rewarded with not eating my kindness, then...

We may start experimenting with how far I can start pushing things here in this office. Problems are coming. I'm just saying. I tried. I tried. And I view this as an act of war by everyone. I was told by someone this morning with a straight face, with a straight face, while Dan was out there trying to stir things up, saying, look, no one's eating your pastelitos, hee hee hee. And he was trying to rub it in my face and get me angry with my coworkers. I was told by someone, while they were almost mid-bite eating something else,

that the reason that they could not eat my pastelito is because they were on a diet. Mid-bite, eating something else. Chris was there. He witnessed this conversation. I was told, I can't eat this. I'm on a diet. She was eating deviled eggs. I saw her. I didn't say who was. What did we all agree was that's healthier than a pastelito? I'm just saying. It's a healthier option. I'm quiet. I keep on my best behavior. But if people are going to be agitating me and poking the bear...

I can make messes. There are people here that make messes behind the scenes. They come on here and they do their thing and then behind the scenes they go and they throw their weight around. That's not me. Not me, friends. I come in and I keep to myself. I punch in and I punch out. Then I walk across the street in the rain to the parking spot that I got across the street, which we don't have to talk about while I play human frogger every day trying not to get hit by a car. Sometimes wondering if I do. I mean, Bird's going to have to pay for that one. But...

If I bring you pastelitos... Wait, so I can't politely decline because of a diet? No. Don't lie to my face and tell me you're on a diet while you're scarfing down a bunch of other shit. What? This is what... I mean, you on a diet is not believable. This is what happened yesterday, and it's the truth.

Billy put the pastelitos down and Chris tried to soothe Billy by saying, among other things, it's a Monday. Generally, people are dieting on Monday. The pastelitos, the dry pastelitos would have been eaten if it had not been Monday. Thursday or Friday, though, smack. Anything goes. And by the way, Ethan, cut that shit out trying to now give me pity pastelitos. You know what? They're going to trash. This is done. Oh, wow. Oh!

Whoa! Whoa! Don't throw them away now! Tony hasn't tried one. Get him now. I'm on a fast. Get him now, guys. I tried, Dan. No more. He's still in here. All right. Now he's going. My response to people on a Monday are dieting was not when there's good food available. Which is fair. Monday is never a problem. I have never seen anything in our history where

just not consumed in any way

Look how hard the bite he had to take was. That was a hard bite. He had to strike off. Dry, man. Dry. Oh, he stomped it back. He stomped it back. I'll take one of these. I'll take one. He's not giving them away anymore. Now he's keeping. He's going to spike. Are these guayaba? Are they queso guayaba? What are they? They're guayaba. There's no cheese in here. And I was going to throw them away, but that's wasteful, and I'm not doing that. Tony, get your hands on one. Let's see how hard they are. I'm on a fast. I can't. No, just give it a feel. Try it out, Tony. Manito Jatra. Manito Jatra.

Slapped the shit out of your hand. Billy, can I try one? No, you cannot. I didn't say anything bad about them. You're going to try one this morning. You're not having anything. I've never had one before. This would be my first. I want to try one. You'll never have a first. Never. Do you want water? I can get you water. I don't want water. You're delicious. He definitely needs water. You better have water. You better have water. He's going to choke. Because those things are like eating sandpaper. Delicious sandpaper. It's not nice, man. Sandpaper from the finest beach. It's got a...

Kind act. I've got the... Sandpaper from Barbados. Beautiful pink sandpaper. The pastelito needs cheese. Like, you're going... Tony, would you agree that...

I think that if you have a guava, patalito, it needs to be very soft, right? The flakiness of the patalito dough needs to be extremely soft. So when you bite it, you have the contrast of the softness with the guava. If you're going to have guava and cheese together, you can get away with a little bit of a harder shell because you have more of the crunch because you need more to grab to then pull it out.

It requires, though, the cheese. This is what has happened here. Billy just said the cheese ruins it. That's never been said about anything. Cheese ruins nothing. Cheese makes everything better. Everything's better. It's like cream cheese in the middle of guayaba. Love it. Not for me. It's so good. Well, that's because you guys are idiots and you don't appreciate a good thing. That may be so. I will say, though, that when you make the...

Gift from yesterday's party, something that stands in the kitchen for two days and gets drier. If that doesn't also have cheese, I'm like, this is the cheapest bakery thing there can be.

Not in this economy, friends. That's why I asked, what bakery did you get it from? Was it like a local spot? Is it somewhere that you go? I have told you guys before that I have seen the carnivores and the wolverines around here. They leave with pastelito flakes in their pockets when the pastelitos are good. Fresh. Something was deemed cardboard here. Something was deemed basically... Yeah, the hearts of all these assholes I work with, that's what's cardboard. Yeah.

Try to be nice. Share with you a moment in time. Something from my child's birthday the day before. Yes, it was recently. You had leftovers that you just wanted to dump on us. Come on. Like, what are we doing here? I could have dumped them on my wife's coworkers. I'm telling you right now. She dumped something else on their coworkers. She brought something to them. No. They got the bocaditos. They got the good ones. Those cocaditos. Those evil. Falsehoods. No, they ended up not even making it to the office. That was the plan. But then they were like, you know what? Those are staying with us. Yeah, exactly. Those stayed home.

This is what happened. I go to the thrift store, I grab my receipt for the things that I've bought to Goodwill, and those were things that I was otherwise going to discard, and now I'm getting a tax deduction on something that looks like charity.

Billy might as well have brought those in in the garbage bag from the garbage can that was behind his house after the party. I think we all had the same reaction. You've never been to a thrift store. No, I haven't been. I go to the Salvation Army all the time. Do you? Yes. Why would I?

Tax write-off. You asked for a receipt there. You want a receipt? I'm like, no, I just want to be kind to you. This is charity. Salvation Army. Again, though, it feels like an act of generosity. All I'm doing is getting things out of my house. Billy, the question is, did the lady at the bakery call you mi amor? No more questions. Don't talk to me.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Don Libetard. I want to talk about a team that I actually want to see come playoff time.

I want to see the chiefs. Oh, still gots. I want Patrick Mahomes strolling into my stadium with max confidence. I want Travis Kelsey. I want Taylor Swift. I want the team that lost to Jordan love. I want the team that lost to Aiden O'Connell. I want the team that trailed 17 to nothing to Jake Browning. That is the team that I would like to face in the playoffs. That's the team. Indeed. I,

that I would want to face in the playoffs because that team is not very good. This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugats. Time now for Stugats' weekend observations. It is time for Stugats to share his game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy Stu. I struggle throwing things away, man. I do. I don't like partying with things from my childhood or my past. I'm a hoarder.

You throw things away? I do. Hmm. Interesting. Anyway, Weekend Observations brought to you by Miller Lite. Dan, it was once bigger than Oprah, the biggest podcast in the world. But after Project came up and took precedence, it got lost in the shuffle. But Dan, a fire has been lit.

Nice.

I had no idea where it was. I got a notification the other day. I had to dig around. I had to find it. Stu Gatz, not to interrupt you, but it's kind of like in the movies where you get on the radar. They think every ship has been destroyed and on the radar you get the boop.

Boop! What's that? It's stupidity! It never died. Yes, that stupidity is still alive! It was at the bottom of the depth of the ocean. It's on its way back up. Like, comment, subscribe, unsubscribe, resubscribe. That's how you made us bigger than Oprah. Do it again. New York Knicks, the rare team that was built to beat the Celtics but not win a championship.

They were built to beat the Celtics and no one else. They really hadn't accounted for the architectural flaw of what if the team ahead of you isn't the Celtics? What if you don't meet them in the Eastern Conference final? Worldwide West is going over to Leon Rose and saying, we didn't think of this! We had it figured out for the Celtics! Why didn't

for the Pacers. It's like there's something about Mary where it's like five minute abs. He's like, that's great until someone comes out with four minute abs. No, no, no. It's five minute abs. New York added Mikkel Bridges and Carl Anthony Towns just to lose to the same Pacers team. What are we doing? When Thomas Bryant is out playing your superstar, you know what you do?

You call your superstar a loser. That's exactly right. You know. You also pack it up. Season's over. That was funny to watch Thomas Bryant at the center of all special things. Where'd he come from? He was more active in that series on defense than Carl Anthony Towns was. The Thomas Bryant minutes. Yes. Cat.

Not a winning player. In fact, the Julius Randle-Carl Anthony Towns trade, the rare trade that went from a win-win to a lose-lose.

I'd like to put in front of the group the person in sports that most deserves this loser label that so many people are willing to give if somebody has expectations that come with winning and then they lose. It's got to be Catter Durant. Loser. Carl Anthony Towns. I don't believe that Kevin Durant is viewed as a loser anymore. That's not. I don't think that's a real thing.

Has it ever been a thing? Do you guys have any nominees for this? Like somebody who is just considered a loser? Career loser? But it can't be just loses. It has to be you have expectations for that person because of their gifts. Like Ben Simmons would be somebody who would get this. Jerry West went to the finals nine times, only won once. Mike Trout. He's the logo. Mike Trout's...

He shouldn't be the logo. It should be Jordan, but Jerry West is a good one. I don't think that people do loser on Mike Trout. They know he's great and plays for a bad team. If they're not doing it, they should. It's him and Otani. They can do anything. Otani got away from one year later, boom, champion. What is it? Loser. Yep. I've never felt older than somebody trying to explain to me what the pink drugs were that Stefan Diggs had on that boat. What were they? I don't know.

Pop Rocks. Combined with, because now the Patriots are doing investigations and stuff, right? It's what you do. It's a whole thing. They kind of have to. You investigate. It's what you say. That franchise. When I see they're doing that, I'm like, that's good. They have to do that. Back to work, by the way. Running drills on Monday. They have to say they're doing it. Do they actually do it? They don't have to really do it. Just say that you're doing it.

Skip the oppression. It's like the Dolphins' bully game thing. Have any of you guys got an explanation? Please forgive my lack of intelligence when it comes to drugs. Are there theories being floated on exactly what that was? Because you would have to explain it to me. Drugs? In the Ronald McDonald? There were no drugs. What are you talking about? So no one's going to help me with this. Okay, great. Thank you. Never felt older. Thank you. Thank you, everybody.

So you guys don't know what the pop rocks were or what combines with the pop rocks to make it drug use? I call it the pink. Okay. Toosie? Who? Who? Ah! Toosie. Fine. Not stovetop. It's told allegedly some people might think, allegedly, it could be ketamine and cocaine. Oh, no way. Some people might say. No. Not necessarily.

Was it confirmed that Elon Musk was indeed tripping on ketamine in the White House? And there is video of this. And also pissing himself because we've got drug addicts in the White House who can't control their bowels.

I don't think he took a drug test after, so we wouldn't be able to confirm. No, I can confirm it. Just get me, put it on, put it behind me. Just Elon Musk clearly rolling at the White House. Put it behind me, please. Alleged. Dan, we can't confirm it, but we can't confirming it. Confirming. Hey, Dan, want to feel old? Mike Cameron's son is a brewer. What? Oh, yes. Like father, like son. The brew crew. Mike Cameron is...

David Sampson saying Bill Simmons is jealous of Pablo Torre for his Bill Belichick reporting. Ha! Close your eyes and picture this. There should be a superhero called Company Man. He carries a briefcase. Hey, David, Bill Simmons sold the ringer for $250 million in no world, and I mean none, would Bill Simmons ever be jealous of Pablo Torre.

I'm just saying. I love Pablo, but there is no scenario where Bill is jealous of Pablo. That's not happening. I'm jealous of Bill. I have a confession. When you said Mike Cameron's son, for whatever reason, I thought of Kirk Cameron. I was like, wow, Kirk Cameron has a son who plays baseball. But why would we feel old, though? I don't know what you're doing there. Kirk Cameron having a son? But he never played baseball. I know, that's what makes it weird. Minor penalty, two minutes, stumbling.

♪

It may not have involved, allegedly, if this is what it was, while sometimes called pink cocaine, it may not involve actual cocaine. It doesn't have, rarely has cocaine, actually. Ketamine and MDMA, which some people refer to as molly. Confirmed. If you did cocaine, though, and someone trotted out pink cocaine, would you snort it? I mean, if you do coke, yeah. My coke needs to be white. If it's a batch, red, yeah. I'd feel like someone, you know, probably put something in it.

Right, it might be a gender reveal with a little cocaine. Cocaine? Yeah. Loser. Pascal Siakam is what Heat fans think Bam Adebayo should be. Yeah! Woof. That hurts. Pascal Siakam looks like he's 54 years old. He does. A young 54. Texas Tech softball.

snapping a 37-game losing streak to Oklahoma. You know what that means, of course, right, Dan? I do not. They were due. Okay. The Red Raiders. Sooners. It turns out all Juan Soto needed was a healthy dose of the Colorado Rockies.

Again, the Rockies won last night against the Marlins to get their 10th win of the season. I believe they are now 10-50. Scotty Scheffler. Chess. Rest of the world. Checkers. We're not talking enough about Scotty Scheffler, man. If he were black. Oh, boy. When both series end early, let's move up the games. There should have been hockey over the weekend.

It is a dry spell here that's weird after the last... I don't like just sitting around. For the fan bases, it's needed. I needed a few days. Your tongue was heavy first game of first round. Yeah. Your father's holding up pretty well. It's because the heat had been out of it. That is correct. Right. He was happy about that. Yes. He roots for his schedule. Like, I text him before every game, and he's just, like, rooting for whatever gets him the easiest workload. He roots for me maximum at all times.

Knicks fans, let's remember this moment. The next time we want to storm the streets outside of Madison Square Garden for winning in the second round. You know what they say, Dano? Act like you've been there before. I mean, we set ourselves up for this every single year. We celebrate so much over meaningless series victories that when we lose, everyone crushes us.

I haven't seen this hope for a Knicks team in 25 years. But there's hope. That's a start. But a Knicks team that obviously wasn't good enough to win the championship. It really was interesting to see the fan base get that loud. I don't know how you handle, in general, your disappointment, but I know people who mitigate and manage their disappointment by lowering their expectations to start. Yes.

That is not what Knicks fans did. They behaved in a way throwing trash at Brian Windhorst and being louder than everyone else that made it awfully forgetful where hope resides. Loser. On one hand, I'm sad the Knicks lost. On the other hand, I'm happy I never have to hear from Reggie Miller again.

Is his career over? I believe so. You don't think he's going to be hired? You don't think Reggie Miller is going to have commentary the rest of your life on the... If I don't hear Reggie Miller on TNT, I'm not hearing Reggie Miller. Okay. So if he appears on the Dan Patrick show, he's not someone you're hearing? No. He's joining NBC. Is he really? Yeah. As lead game analyst. It's not Reggie on TNT. It's not Reggie. It's a weird take, but I'm just done with Reggie. Loser.

I mean, New York made Reggie. That's a good point. Thank you. We run you. Sound like you're both insulting him and praising him at the same time. I don't know what to do with Reg. We run you. There is no greater compliment that you can give Reggie Miller that he annoys you so much that you demand he be out of your life. He's winning. And then he stays in your life. I know.

You're so right about that. He is one of the guys. Man, we really do have to celebrate more the people in sports who are actually willing to be the villain. There are so few. There are so precious few that I'm willing to make Reggie Miller historically better than he actually was just because he was willing to do that for me. Loser. NBA on TNT. Tip of the cap. I'm going to miss that.

It's not. Yeah, but it's not. Listen, if it's not on TNT, it's not on TNT. You mentioned that. That's true. Reggie, yes. This is also true. It just feels different. Just tip of the cap. They did a great job. They did. They covered the NBA at an amazing level for many years. Just tipping a cap. Here, let's tip a cap. We should. Let's all do it. We should. Everyone look at the camera right now. It's rare. Look, man. Take all of us.

It is rare to get consensus in sports. That's great. You don't take the hat off on the tip of the cap.

You just touch the tip of your cap. Do you? It's a little just like head tilt down. Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Do you take off your cap when you give someone a tip of the cap? Just touch the tip of the cap, head tilt down. I did more. That's hats off, though. I gave hats off. I did hats off. I did hats off, too. I did. Tip of the hat. I go hats off with tip of the hat. I don't just tip it. Yeah. Hats off.

That's off to you. You don't take it all the way off. You take it like a quarter of the way off. That looks all the way off. It's like you stop right here. That's all the way off. I know there are subjective things throughout art that get universal applause, but there is very little in sports that is subjective, that everyone says, that's great, that's the greatest thing there's been. So little criticism. The only criticism I ever hear of the TNT show is...

Basketball players now don't like that Charles and Kenny and Shaq, old guys, have so much voice. They want new voice. That's because they don't have any rings. If they had more rings, they wouldn't mind. New York, the only market that could want their coach fired after he took them somewhere they hadn't been in 25 years.

It's amazing. Obi Toppin, Revenge Series. Here's something to ponder. If an NBA Finals happens and nobody watches, nobody cares, or nobody talks about it, did it actually happen? People will watch. People will care. People will talk about it. So much ratings talk coming the next couple of weeks. Yeah.

We control that. We can just not do it. Not here. It won't be here. Talk some hoops. I'm talking about we can't control it outside of here. Right. We can't even control it inside of here with Stugatz. Pacers Thunder, the rare series where both teams can point at trading Paul George away as the moment they instantly got better. Wait till Basketball Illuminati tomorrow. Woo!

Some revelations, some behind-the-scenes stuff. A big congratulations to Josh Allen and Hanley Stenfield. Hanley? Hanley. Hanley? I don't know what her name is. Stenfield. You made her a Marlon shortstop. I did. Regardless, Josh finally got a ring. Hanley Steinfeld. I think it's Kenley Jensen. Seinfeld? Seinfeld. What's the deal with the Bills losing all the time?

Mike Trout, do it in the postseason. What's the deal with Josh Allen's wife having a man's name? Mike Trout, make it to the postseason. Mariners, Cole Young with a walk-off in his MLB debut. How can you not be romantic about baseball? It's all baseball has left is romance. I still love baseball. Do you? Yes. You're the one. So does Kirk Cameron.

All right. Justin Fields. Hold on a second. Please hold on a second. That was the second time. Forgive me, sir. That was a good call back. Minor penalty. Two minutes. Stumbling. Justin Fields said he believes he can be great with the New York Jets. Hey, Justin. Got some news for you. You can't.

It doesn't seem like news. It just seems like a statement of fact. It doesn't seem like something. I'm just letting him know. Yeah, but it's not breaking news. It's just something. But he has set the bar so high for himself, and I want him to set it lower because he's not going to be great there. He wasn't great in Pittsburgh. He wasn't great in Chicago. He's not going to be great as a Jet. No one's great as a Jet except Rivas. Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Is it possible, humanly possible, to be great as the quarterback of the New York Jets? Name one.

And don't say Namath. I'll wait all day. Andrew McCutcheon, still doing it. Cutch. With all this additional time on my hands, I've been listening to a lot of content. Top five things you should subscribe to. Substack. Stugatz790.substack.com. God bless football. YouTube. YouTube.com at Stugatz790. Number two, stupidity. Stupidity.

And number one, the hockey show. That is a quality show. I'm telling you, Roy Dworky.

It's a good show, man. Who else is on that with them? No idea. Rose. Oh, and Rosie, of course. And Ethan. And Budski. I don't think that there's a Dworkski. I don't think. Dworkie. I think it's Dworkie. I call him Dworkie. I don't think anyone calls him Dworkie. I like Dworkie. They do hockey nicknames. They're hockey. All the time on the show. Dworkie. Here come the Jays. We sell a shirt that says Dworkie on it. Do we? What? There's a shirt selling contest going on amongst the hockey show right now. How does it sell it?

I don't have the numbers, but whoever sells the most shirt amongst Rosie, Budski, Dworky, and Belly win a big prize. Belly's winning right now. It's a good show.

Subscribe, rate, review. They're going to be doing a live watch-along, as is Tony with UFC. There are going to be a couple of pop-ups here in the next week. Yeah, this weekend, UFC 316, June 7th on Saturday. The boys will be out there at 10 p.m. New sponsor, by the way, at the Dead Flamingo, Boost Mobile. Shout-out to Boost Mobile for sponsoring the MMA Hangout. Baby, let's go. Bryce Harper.

Missing an entire series after getting hit by a pitch on the elbow. You know what Bryce isn't, Dan? A hockey player. An entire series? Jesus. I laughed the other day because Bryce Harper went up to bat and it was really nice with a gender-revealed blue bat. But then he struck out, which you can't do.

You've got to make contact if your bat is the gender reveal. You can't strike out. Not to bring it back, but the Cole Young walk-off on his debut is one of the saddest walk-offs I've ever seen. I thought it was romantic. It was for me. I mean, it was a little dribbler that was extra innings, so there was a runner running home and beats the throw home, but he dribbled it about.

38 feet before the first baseman fielded it, threw it home. The run got in before the tag, then he runs, he gets the first base. It's a hit walk-off, but man, it was a routine out.

But it was, I mean, a walk-off's a walk-off. Yeah, a walk-off's a walk-off. The way Stugatz painted it, I thought it was a home run. Yeah, it wasn't exactly Jeremy Hermita coming in and hitting a grand slam. Interesting reference. Hermita never did that. He was supposed to do that. Hermita doesn't remember that, and you do. It's the only moment of his career I think he remembers it. So I'm saying his life peaked at that moment. Not me, I wouldn't say that. He was supposed to have so many moments, though. He was supposed to have so many moments. But alas, it's going off.

Double the David Sampson. Still wouldn't be five feet tall or weigh over 100 pounds. What? What? What do you mean? I love David. It really doesn't sound like it. I just said double the David. It was funny. Five feet tall. He's small. You get it? Good clean humor. I love David as much as he loves me. And as much as he loves Pablo. At any point, do you think Kylie Jenner looked around, realized,

She was in Indiana. Ed said, why the hell am I here? Speaking of hell, Mark Briles. Dan,

Those are the weekend observations. Excellent. We love those always. We love those weekly. We were mentioning Amin's love of the breakfast flan, and it made me think of the breakfast flan song. So let's go ahead and play that for the people. I wish I had some breakfast flan. Breakfast flan. Where can I find a breakfast like that?

Yeah, I regret doing that. Classic. Awesome.

I want some flan right now. Did you have good memories of it? I did. I thought it had musical accompaniment. I didn't realize it was acapella. I didn't realize it was a duet. Wait, there was music there if you hear it. I wish I had some breakfast flan. There's nothing I recognize as music in there. Waking up on a breakfast like that. Not anymore. Not after the pastelito incident. Sing all your shit acapella moving forward. Can I ask whether or not...

Anyone is siding with Pablo Torre in the beef with Bill Simmons because a lot of people are objecting to Pablo Torre's journalism rooting around in the bedroom of Bill Belichick, but it's also being wildly rewarded for.

Because Pablo's numbers are skyrocketing. Crazy. Because he's doing this reporting around this story that people are really hungry for. But there are also people objecting to it while there's widespread curiosity about it. And it's not being covered in the mainstream in a way that is satisfying to people. So people are going and hunting down Pablo. Dan, I know you mentioned earlier that he's going to go on with Bill Simmons. Did you see his tweet response, which was,

scathing and dare I say it little Stephen A. Smith-esque allow me to read it in a Stephen A. Smith voice Dear Bill Simmons since you have such a strong public opinion about my work I happen to have a few questions for you specifically unless you're afraid of Pablo Torre finds out and someone just pretending to be a journalist of course thanks Pablo

You think he meant that thanks? I have a few questions for you. That's a great question. It is a great signature catch line for a threatening movie villain dork. I have a few. Somebody who shows up with a briefcase, opens it up and says, I have a few questions for you. Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan. Now, if you've been listening to the show a lot lately, you've heard so much playoff talk. Playoff hoops down here in South Florida were especially enamored with playoff hockey. It's not just limited to the playoffs. Motorsports, tennis, golf. It's truly one of the best times ever.

in the sporting calendar. And with the weather outside warming up, it's just perfect to hop in a pool, maybe grill up some food, but most certainly crack open some Miller Lights. I just described a pretty perfect day, didn't I? And it culminates with Miller time. There's something about a perfect grilling day. The sun's out, friends show up, and

Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories.

Go to MillerLite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Cheers to 50 years of Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

All right, y'all. The Super Bowl is in the rearview mirror. The draft has come and gone. So now what? Now it's time to get the crew together. You keep the fandom energy going. It doesn't stop when the Super Bowl's gone. We gather. Exactly. And look, just because the pads are off doesn't mean game day stops. Around here, we do game days, even in the offseason. And what better way to do that than with a cold drink?

and your people around. You've heard it all season long. Football is not a solo thing. This is not a me thing. This is not an I thing. This is a we thing. There is no I in fandom, baby. So grab your crew, grab some Smirnoff, and get into that off-season groove. Summer workouts, training camp rumors, fantasy football prep,

It's all coming, folks. And listen, if you're going to sip something while plotting your team's comeback, Smirnoff's got you. It's the perfect vodka for crafting cocktails that are easy and tasty for anyone 21 and up. Smirnoff isn't just a vodka. It's the number one vodka in the world and the official partner of the NFL. Grab a bottle of Smirnoff at your local retailer and head to Smirnoff.com to find recipes of delicious cocktails perfect for you.

Please do not share with anyone under legal drinking age.