cover of episode S1 E2: It Was Weird

S1 E2: It Was Weird

2019/1/21
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Something Was Wrong

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个人财务专家,广播主持人和畅销书作者,通过“Baby Steps”计划帮助数百万人管理财务和摆脱债务。
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知名游戏《文明VII》的开场动画预告片旁白。
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Sarah: 我与未婚夫Dick的关系中,他展现出反社会人格障碍的特征,例如恋爱轰炸、煤气灯操纵、精神控制和情感虐待。他通过歪曲事实、挑起争端、贬低我的观点和价值观来控制我,让我逐渐失去自我,并对自身产生怀疑。他的行为严重影响了我的生活,包括婚礼筹备、人际关系和信仰。最终,我意识到这段关系的危险性并选择离开。 Greg和Rose: 作为Sarah的父母,我们目睹了Dick如何逐步影响Sarah的信仰和价值观,并将其中的问题归咎于Sarah。他总是夸大其词,并对所有事情都了如指掌,这让我们感到怀疑。我们试图帮助Sarah,但他的行为让她难以摆脱控制。 Karen: 作为Sarah的室友,我亲眼目睹了Dick对Sarah的控制和操纵。他对我过于热情和亲密,这让我感到不安。他的说话速度很快,难以理解,并且会回避问题。 Emily: 作为Sarah的姐姐,我一开始并不喜欢Dick,但因为Sarah的关系,我假装喜欢他。我注意到Sarah在婚礼筹备过程中的表现与典型的准新娘不同,她变得顺从,不再坚持自己的意见。 Tiffany Reese: 本集节目通过Sarah的经历,探讨了与具有反社会人格障碍的伴侣订婚的发现、创伤和恢复过程。我分享了一些个人研究的见解,并列举了施暴者的早期预警信号,希望能够帮助人们更好地理解虐待关系的动态,并避免类似的经历。 Dick: (根据其他参与者的描述,Dick的行为模式显示出反社会人格障碍的特征,例如,他夸大其词,歪曲事实,控制他人,贬低他人,并试图通过各种手段来获得权力和控制。他很少承认自己的错误,并将问题归咎于他人。) 旁白: 家庭暴力是逐步瓦解女性精神、摧毁其自尊、决策能力、人际关系和独立性的过程,其目标不仅是伤害女性,更是控制女性。施暴者可以通过各种手段达到完全的权力和控制,而无需大声喧哗;身体暴力通常是家暴的最后手段;恋爱初期施暴者表现出的魅力是其诱捕伴侣并获得权力和控制的工具。

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Domestic abuse is a systematic process aimed at breaking a woman's spirit and controlling her, often without physical violence being necessary. It involves a belief system that devalues women, and the early stages of a relationship can be used by abusers to entrap their partners.

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Domestic abuse is the slow and methodical process of breaking a woman's spirit, tearing down her self-esteem, decision-making, relationships, and just about every other aspect of her independence from her abusive partner. The goal of domestic violence is surprisingly not only to hurt a woman, but to control her. Abusive behavior isn't a symptom of anger. It is a belief system that women are less than possessions.

Some abusers can achieve their goal of complete power and control without ever needing to raise their voice. Physical violence is typically the last stop on the domestic violence train to hell. The power of those magical early months for an abuser is that they serve as a tool to entrap their partner and gain power and control.

This behavior is sometimes called love bombing, which is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. Not only does it feel great to have someone constantly telling you how amazing you are, but it also lowers your inhibitions, making you easier to manipulate. And by the time the abuse begins, women often start to question what's wrong with them or what they have done to have caused this huge shift in their relationships.

I'm Tiffany Reese, and this is Something Was Wrong. But my first clue was, everything was too perfect. Here's Sarah's parents, Greg and Rose.

There isn't a topic we could bring up that he didn't know about. And I've always been one that felt if somebody knows everything about everything, they probably really don't know anything. That's all a big cover-up. Or they're so insecure they have to convince you they didn't know everything so as to not reveal the truth that I'm an idiot kind of thing. If we're getting ready to barbecue some steaks, oh, I know how to barbecue a steak.

One time we were smoking ribs and he actually took over the rib smoking project right here. And I thought, this is my house. These are my ribs. But I thought, hey, he acts like he's a... I'm just learning. He's the expert. He's the expert. I'm going to let him do it. He ruined the ribs. Literally ruined the ribs. Did he think they were good? Was he like, aren't they good? Oh, no. He had excuses for... I don't remember now what the excuses were. It's something about the wind...

blowing the fire out on the burner or something. I don't remember, but he had some excuses. What was the other thing? Oh, wait, it didn't matter if we were talking about hunting, camping,

cars. One of the first things he did when he found out I was into cars is he started playing videos of race cars. Remember the race cars going around the edges and almost running the tires off the cliffs on TV, YouTube stuff, which was really fascinating. He thought, where did you find that? I love watching this stuff. He knew that once he learned that and he used it. So once we got to talking about smoking meat, he was talking about Irish whiskey. He brought it over. He started talking about coffee. He started talking about all these weird coffees.

I lived with two girls and they're awesome. One I just got really, really close to. And the other we never became best buds. And he really, really went out of his way to hang out with, talk to, and get to know my close roommate. I talked about her nonstop. I mean, he would walk into the kitchen, she'd be cooking. He'd be like, what's up champ? What's going on? And he would really, I mean, he would get very personal. Just a heads up on this clip. The audio quality isn't great. I apologize in advance.

Here's Sarah's roommate at the time, Karen. Yeah, he was a

It was like Sarah had to tell him, when you talk to my parents, can you slow down a little bit? We started thinking, well, maybe we can't hear well. Maybe we just can't track with them. Maybe we're a little slow. But she told him that he had to slow down. Who wants to admit they're too dumb to understand what you just said, so you just go quiet? We didn't know what question to ask because he just spins such a conversation. If I asked a question, I feel like I asked a question that he already answered, and he would look at me like...

Here's Sarah's sister, Emily. His mom, I mean, I don't know how much I want to say, but...

There was some, there was some emotional kind of instability there and he knew it. And he'd talk about it whenever he was mistreated. He handled it like a rock, just very level, very loving, very consistent. Um, he received a lot of abuse that I, I witnessed that was shocking to me because I was very sheltered. I didn't, I know it's common, but

I didn't experience the same version of what he did. So when I saw it play out between them, he handled it really, really well. So whenever I would see dysfunction, yes, I would see the dysfunction, but I would see the character with which he handled it. I

I'm not going to not marry somebody because the family has problems. Every family has their stuff. So I wanted to look at how he handled his own family stuff. And he did it like a champ. So anyway, found out later, it is good to pay attention to the brand of dysfunction because that does get passed along certain ways if that person has not dealt with it.

I had a few people around me that had been in dating relationships for so long and I didn't want that. Like that was the other extreme where I'm just like, it kind of looks like you're spinning your wheels and you don't know what you want. So I kind of had like A and B over here. Didn't want B, so I'm going to choose A.

I remember when he came and asked me for Sarah's hand, and I told him I felt he was a godsend. Because everything Sarah, from the time she started thinking about me and started creating a list of attributes and what this individual is going to have. And she's modified it over the years, but you don't expect somebody to find that at 30 years old. You expect that guy to have been grabbed up many, many years ago.

So I actually felt at the time when I finally got sold on the idea and got past all my hesitations that he was a godsend. Why are we giving God credit for answering our prayers? Why are we so skeptical? We've asked for this. Here it is. So that's kind of how I transitioned into, you know, it's a gift. Accept it. We met September 14th and we got engaged on January 20th. It's quick. Not that I would necessarily condone this, but at the time I had what I thought was everybody's support.

Here's Karen. It was weird. Weird on so many levels. Here's Emily. Because I didn't like the guy. I wasn't sure why I didn't like the guy, so I pretended to like the guy.

Sarah was also strange throughout the whole planning process. So that's also why it felt weird was I kept on telling myself, this is her first time being a bride. So there's no like normal way that a bride is supposed to act if it's their first wedding. So I kept telling myself, well, this is how Sarah does it. So I used to be a wedding photographer. I was around 11.

of weddings, a lot of brides and a lot of, um, even from the very, very beginning, because as a wedding photographer, when your friend gets engaged and you are a wedding photographer, they think you know everything. So they go to you and they're like, Oh my gosh, I just got engaged. What do I need to do? And so I, I have experienced a lot of weddings from square one, from engagement all the way down to the wedding day. So I know what most brides act like. And I've been in a wedding. I've been a maid of honor for two weddings. So I know, I know what it

what it feels like and with Sarah it was different she was she wasn't the classic bride that's like all about having everybody involved and the wedding dress shopping having your mom and your maid of honor there and you know the venue shopping and deciding all these things where you just kind of it kind of is in real life it kind of is movie-esque you know it is kind of how you picture it but with Sarah it wasn't she did a lot of it by herself she didn't talk about a lot of it if you were to ask my mom we I think she would agree that it was just very just felt strangely

Watching her try the dress on, just nothing felt right. And I thought, is this what it's supposed to feel like? Aren't I supposed to be overjoyed? She looks gorgeous. Look at that dress. Look at her face. Look at... I was like numb. And I thought, what's wrong with me? Why don't you feel joy? What's wrong with you?

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I wanted to be very, very sensitive to the fact that this is our wedding. It's not my wedding. He also is very creative. He's got a designer's eye and he apparently had already had interests formed of his dream wedding, his dream house. And so he's kind of one of those rare guys that really looked forward to the planning process. And I didn't see anything wrong with it. I thought that was awesome. And one of his dreams was to design his future wedding invitations. And I was like, praise God, take this off of

of my plate because I'm so, you know, insecure and indecisive when it comes to stuff like that. When it came down to doing the invitations, we're on the computer and I was like, please do this. And he would say, nope, it's your, it's your thing. Like pick what you want. And we kind of got an argument and I said, babe, please do this. First of all, I know it's your dream. Second of all, I don't want the pressure and I'm going to love whatever you pick. And we kind of got an argument over it and he forced me, he's on the computer and he's hovering over two options and he's like, A or B, A or B, A or B. And I'm like, A, because he was about to pick, you know, B or something like that. And the

I know it, you know, I've designed these invitations and I find out later, well, it's not what he would have chosen, but it's my wedding. So he really wanted me to have what I wanted. And I went, wait up. I said, hold up. Wait a second. I specifically told you do this. I want you to do this. And he said, no, you did not. You were passive about it. You made it seem like, well, I'll give you this one thing. And I went, babe, no.

I said, dear God, would you take this off of my plate? And then instantly he goes, now, if you would have put it that way, if you'd have been that clear and actually communicated what you thought you were communicating, I would have done it. But you didn't. What you actually communicated was, well, here, I'll throw you a bone. I'll let you do the invitations.

And I thought in my mind, are my words that different from what I'm saying in my head? Because what I just told you was what I said and felt in that moment on that day. But you're telling me that you heard and received something completely different. So this became a pattern, which I found out later is called gaslighting, where someone makes you feel crazy and they make you feel like you said something you didn't or you said something that they actually said.

When we met with the DJ and I told him, you came across as a butt. I mean, lean back, arms folded, wanted to be anywhere but there. DJ would ask a question and he would go, I don't know. I'm just doing whatever I'm told. He would say, this is the first time that I have been told that I have an opinion or something like that. I thought, oh my gosh, we're looking like that couple right now. He was kind of playing the typical like exhausted groom. He's like, I'm just along for the ride. If you ask anybody that was closely involved with the planning process, they would say,

say, even my sister, she would tell me, you are not a bride. Like I said, I would say, was I like, seriously, tell me, was I a bride? She'd be like, and I was opinionated on some things, but there were other things where I could have afforded to be more opinionated. I, I even told people like, I don't know, wear what you want. I don't care. The DJ, a super awesome guy. Like later I actually texted him and I was like, sorry, because the DJ would look at him and be like, you know, you can choose what you want. Like what song do you want for this part or whatever? And he would, my fiance would say, honestly, that's the first time I've heard that.

I've heard that. I didn't know that that was the way this worked. And I'm like slapping the table, you know, but I don't want to look like this dysfunctional couple in front of our potential DJ. So I'm trying to be aware of the situation while I would look over and I would be like, babe, that's, we had that conversation. I kept asking you and I'm like, haha,

He was absolutely serious and I was mortified. I was so embarrassed. And later, the first time ever when we walked away, I kind of reprimanded him. And I told him that was embarrassing. But I also, I was too gentle. I could have been more firm. But I was just like, I approached it like, I don't want people to get a bad impression of you or a wrong impression of your heart. I know that that's not what you meant to communicate.

but just so you're aware for next time that the image that you gave was that you would have rather been anywhere else but there and that you do not enjoy the process and that you have been shoved out. On that note, do I make you feel shoved out? No, no, everything's fine. Totally, no. What? I communicated that? Oh, didn't know. No big deal. Move on. At the beginning of our relationship, I found out he told me he did this. He used to kind of poke at me and he would, we'd be in the car and he would bring up something like, um,

why I wanted a short ceremony in our wedding. And I would say, well, because nobody really remembers the ceremony after like 20 minutes. Everybody starts shifting in their chair. Unless there's something very significant. Ceremony is a ceremony. And he would say, oh, so you're really not in the wedding for the biblical part of it or the part that is the most important. You just want to get drunk and party. And I'm like, no.

Yes, but no, I do want to get drunk and party. But I mean, I want the ceremony. And he would be like, well, is God at the center of this? Because that's the only time at the wedding where you are acknowledging the vow that you're taking. So are you valuing? We're in the car and I was kind of getting worked up going, yes, but no, but yes. And later he starts laughing and he, and I'm like kind of like upset and worked up and I don't know why. He goes, oh, your reaction was hilarious. Like, and I go, wait, what? And he goes, yeah, I was just trying to get a rise out of you. He goes, I just wanted to see how far you'd go.

Alyssa shared with me about an Instagram conversation that she had with Dick on feminism. I posted a New York Times article, like some screenshots of a New York Times article, and it was actually pretty, it was pretty tame. It was written by a man. It was implying that men could take a cue from feminism in that men should let them give themselves permission to be whatever kind of man that they want to be, whether that's an emotional man or a

you know, whatever particular career or stay at home or whatever. And he said something like, LOL, we shouldn't take a cue from feminism. We need to tap into God's perfect design for men and women. LOL. And I said something like, I'm a pretty staunch feminist. I'm going to be a hard sell. And he said something to the effect of, I know you are. And I like having these kinds of conversations, which is why I reached out to you.

I'm like always up for a conversation. So, you know, like, okay, cool. And he wasn't being with the second response. He seemed sincere, like wanted to talk. And so I was just like, I think that this, what this article is saying is what I just told you, you know, men could take a cue from feminism and which would benefit both men and women. The point of feminism. He was talking about like God's perfect design for men and women as spelled out in Genesis, the first book of

the Bible. And I basically said, A, I don't think that the creation story has much to say in the ways of roles of men and women. Also, what the Bible has to say is not of utmost importance to me. So that's just not really the point you're trying to make isn't going to sway me because I don't really prioritize what the Bible has to say. Eventually, he just kind of stopped responding.

There was a weird mental pattern that was forming where I would, I would state an opinion or state something that I just took to be common sense and he would question it. And just enough to make me go, or just enough of a way to make me go, Oh, maybe my idea of common sense is,

isn't everybody else's. You know, like when you travel to a different country and then you realize you're an American, you don't know you are until you see it contrasted against a different culture. You just think this is the way everybody lives. The way I see the world is the way everybody else sees the world. But here to make the comment of, oh, sweetie, you know, that's constantly point out that I was raised in a bubble and I was.

Here's Sarah's parents, Greg and Rose. We could see her not only pulling away from us and her, but in a number of areas in her life she was changing her opinion. What's okay to eat or drink, or what's okay to believe, or what's not okay to believe. He was slowly, I don't know if brainwashing or disconnecting. Dismantling her faith.

just a number of things, just slowly picking away at it. And she was going along with it. She was drinking a little bit of the Kool-Aid. Yeah. But there was a little bit of a tilt. Like she told us afterwards that there were times when she'd kind of raise an eyebrow and then go, well...

okay. And then she'd think, well, maybe it was her own defect so that she would just have to work on it. And he got it so that he would turn whatever was wrong into her issue, that she was either being judgmental or not merciful enough or not gracious enough or whatever. And so then she'd examine herself and think, I just need to improve in that area. So he would, he would spin a web. She no longer needed about anything. Emily again. Like if we were at home talking about what we should do, she would just go along with it.

she all of a sudden didn't and she would just go go with not go with what kind of person I love her to death and she's got lots of and so I was like since when has it been so easy to plan something with you or she just wouldn't fight against any when we went to Cabo after the whole thing blew up and I wanted it really cold I wanted the AC down really really far so that when we walked back into the room from being hot it would feel really good and she didn't like it like that so she said oh it feels kind of cold in here and

It's 72. I want it. Saying it's 72. And as soon as I said that, she was like, okay. She walked away and I was like, fudge, who am I talking to right now? She didn't put up any kind of fault that she just left. So I turned the AC up a little bit. Who are you? What has this piece of shit done to you? And things like that. The time, and it wasn't easier, so it made me really angry because I thought, crap have you done to my sister? She was very firm in what she wanted before. Yeah, it caused me to get in fights with her.

away from her and it made me really anxious about what was going to start happening but I noticed it way before everything blew up. My fiance started to call me his little Frenchie, his little French bulldog. He would say, I didn't realize I got myself a French bulldog.

French bulldog. And what he meant by that was kind of delicate, delicate to the environment, sensitive. I have digestive sensitivities. I try not to eat gluten, you know, stuff like that. Well, Frenchies have digestive issues too. So he would always make these kind of parallel jokes that were subtle. But finally one day, because he would say, oh, my little snowflake, right? If I was shivering, he ran really, really warm. So I

I would always just rather be cold than ask him to turn on the heater because I didn't want him to sweat. It's easier for me to put on layers. So I'd be in the car trying to hide the fact that I'm cold. So I'd be sitting here, you know, like this or whatever. And he'd be like, oh my gosh, and kind of get irritated. He'd be like, my little snowflake. Like, could you just, then he would fault me for not telling him.

that I was cold and I'm like, well, damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I complain that I'm cold, I am now high maintenance and a snowflake. But if I sit here and shiver in silence, now I'm making you feel bad. So it's a lose-lose. So I kind of tried to just stay out of the way. Just don't rock the boat. Be as easy as possible. And that's kind of the point that he got me to. Just I want to be easy. I want to make things easy. I'm not going to argue.

From the day we met him up until that time, he continually told us stories about his dear friend so-and-so and my dear friend so-and-so. He had all these dear friends. Nobody refers to their friends as dear friend. Maybe my friend or my best friend or my school buddy, but everybody he referred to as a dear friend. So it was another one of these extreme too-good-to-be-true, not just my friend, but my dear friend.

There was this vast idea of all these diverse friends that they seemed to have, which I never met. We run with people that I'm making air quotes, but we run with people that don't function that way, that don't think that way. And I would think,

wow. I mean, I knew I was sheltered, but I didn't realize I was that sheltered. And at the back end of that, what that started to do was kind of strip away my idea of what I had to contribute because I thought, well, what do I know? What do I know? Yeah. What can I play? They run with real musicians. What can I write? He's a writer. You know, he's dated musicians. His ex is a musician.

Oh, he had convinced her that he went to prom with a gal that was on a show. I can't remember her name now. Julianne Hough. Yes. Oh, yeah. You heard that right. Yeah. Dick told Sarah and her friends and family that he took actress, singer, and dancer Julianne Hough to prom. I was unable to either confirm or deny this claim. Julianne, if you're listening, hit me up.

In my research of this story, I came across the video interview that Dick did on November 1st, 2017. Dick is being interviewed as an expert, of course. And I noted that even here on the internet, he's talking about his friendships with famous people. Here he is.

I think it's one of those things that God's given me that's kind of ingrained into my character. I have kind of a high operating brain, and so I definitely get a little bit bored, but I think Uber kind of satisfies a lot of that. But yeah, I think absolutely where it's one of those things where you have influence to kind of relearn or learn how new things are done because you're always the ceiling of your business. Dave Ramsey, brilliant man, phenomenal person, wonderful friend.

The church that she's loved for so many years, she's tried to match that feeling at one more local. And she's never been able to do that. She just loves the church in Vacaville that we go to. And she's tried so many to try to find a home closer, a church home closer. And she said, I hope he doesn't touch that one. In other words, he criticized this one and this one and this one, but he better not. And I thought, really? And sure enough, there were things that he found, I don't know how,

But he found that to criticize, and that is so seeker-friendly, and every age loves it. And he was able to, at one visit, to be able to do that, to criticize it and pick it apart. And she started buying into it. A little bit. Started asking herself the same questions. Yeah. Pretty amazing. He wouldn't come to us and discuss it and ask us, what is this?

I didn't see it as his problem. So I didn't think maybe, maybe I shouldn't marry this man. This was bringing up a lot of stuff in me and that's the purpose of marriage. It's very refining. So I had had this mindset very, very slowly built up that I would view our disagreements as not favorable.

fully my fault. That was too obvious. He would sort of admit his part in it, but it would be something that I elicited, something that I did, something that I needed to grow in, which sounds like brainwashing when you go back and you tell it to somebody, but when it's happened to you very, very slowly, you do not see it.

Throughout this season, I'll be sharing some insights that I've gained through my personal research in hopes this information will help you better understand the dynamics of abusive relationships as it did for me. I hope this information can also help those who might be in a similar relationship or help someone avoid an abusive relationship altogether. The majority of research I've done has been focused on the thought process, motivations, and behaviors of abusers, narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths.

The most helpful book I've read on abuse, and I've read three times now and counting, is Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. Lundy wrote this book after working for decades with 2,000-plus abusive men in specialized programs for abusers. Based on his decades of experience, Lundy lists the early warning signs of an abuser in a relationship as follows, and just so you know, I'm paraphrasing.

He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. He makes himself the victim of past relationships and speaks of past partners in condescending or degrading ways. He's disrespectful towards you. He puts you down in front of others or sneers at your opinions. He does favors for you that you don't want.

or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable. He's controlling. Subtly but steadily, he begins criticizing your clothing choices, relationships, giving lots of advice on how you should manage your own life. He's possessive. He becomes insensitive

irrationally jealous of others. Nothing is ever his fault, and as time goes by, the target of his blame becomes you. He makes promises he doesn't keep. They're broken due to the faults of others. He's self-centered. He chronically shifts conversations back to himself and his own importance. He abuses drugs or alcohol. Although substances do not cause abuse, they often go hand in hand.

He pressures you for sex. He sees women as sex objects rather than human beings. He gets serious too quickly about the relationship. He jumps into planning your life together before he's really taken the time to get to know you.

He intimidates you when he's angry. This is a major warning sign that physical violence may soon follow. This doesn't just mean talking too closely to your face or intimidating you. This can be veiled threats such as, "You don't want to see me mad." Driving recklessly, punching or kicking walls, throwing things even if they don't hit you. He has double standards towards women. He has negative attitudes towards women.

Stereotype beliefs about women's sex roles also contribute to the risk of abuse. He treats you differently in front of others. He appears to be attracted to vulnerability. He is attracted to power and seeks a partner who will look up to him with awe and allow him to lead her.

As an abuser begins to reap the rewards of his controlling behavior, and as he's gained more power than before, for example through moving in together or getting engaged, his tactics increase. Next time on Something Was Wrong.

Something Was Wrong is written, recorded, edited, and produced by me, Tiffany Reese. A heartfelt thank you to Sarah, her family, and friends for participating in this series. Check out Sarah's personal blog, Space and Purpose, via the show notes. All of the music this season comes from the band Gladrags.

Special thank you to Alyssa Doyle for her hype, support, and story editing assistance. Shout out to my husband, Michael, and our three children for encouraging me every step of the way. Follow the hashtag SomethingWasWrongPod on Instagram to stay up to date on this series. If you're enjoying Something Was Wrong, please subscribe now and consider sharing with your friends and family and like literally anybody you've ever met. Just that'd be great. Thank you.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. If you like Something Was Wrong, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. She struck him with her motor vehicle. She had been under the influence and then she left him there.

In January 2022, local woman Karen Reed was implicated in the mysterious death of her boyfriend, Boston police officer John O'Keefe. It was alleged that after an innocent night out for drinks with friends, Karen and John got into a lover's quarrel en route to the next location. What happens next depends on who you ask.

Was it a crime of passion? If you believe the prosecution, it's because the evidence was so compelling. This was clearly an intentional act. And his cause of death was blunt force trauma with hypothermia. Or a corrupt police cover-up. If you believe the defense theory, however, this was all a cover-up to prevent one of their own from going down. Everyone had an opinion.

And after the 10-week trial, the jury could not come to a unanimous decision. To end in a mistrial, it's just a confirmation of just how complicated this case is. Law and Crime presents the most in-depth analysis to date of the sensational case in Karen. You can listen to Karen exclusively with Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.