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Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Hey, it's Britt. Thank you so much for listening to Season 2 of You Probably Think This Story Is About You. In Season 1, I shared the most personal details of my life. And in the second season, we started to share other people's stories. It's been a big transition, and we learned a lot talking with Lou and Eve, Cash and Gina and Viv.
So I called up Lou and Eve.
Today I am having a conversation with Lou and Eve who were episodes two, three, and four in season two. Lou, you started all of this by reaching out to a stranger, which was Eve, and then another stranger, which was me, and now
Now there's a whole world of strangers that have listened. How has this process helped you through what you were sort of hoping in the beginning, which is getting some sort of understanding or closure of your relationship with John? I think it's made me own it a little bit more and just carry it a little bit lighter, if that makes sense, in terms of I'm like,
I've faced it head on. I was actually in one of the areas whereby he assaulted me years ago and I drove to the place unknowingly and then I double checked it and then I went back and I was like, I feel nothing. And it was OK because I wasn't sure whether I would like tremble or not.
And I was just like, okay, there it is. Or have that same reaction when you saw him at the barbershop. Exactly. Like you've been able to take control. It seems of the narrative for yourself. That's amazing. Have you shared this podcast with any of your people? Three. Yeah.
One at a time, very slowly. Were they people that knew the story or some aspect of it? Bits, I suppose. It was very tidily put together, so thank you. It was certainly more organized than my brain could have unscrambled piece by piece. The first person that listened to it was my partner. And I basically sat on his lap while he was listening. I was kind of like...
What part are you at? What was your partner's response? He listened to all three back to back. And then there was a bit of silence, just I think his brain sort of chewing on us. He knew a lot of what had happened. And I suppose it was hard for him to hear us.
you know, right into his ear. But he just said he was immensely proud and he thought it was amazing. I've had a lot of the same, similar reactions to people in my life. Like they know parts of the story, but maybe not the full thing. And when they do get to hear it in that full depth, I think it really shifts the perspective, but allows us to
understand the people in our lives a little bit better. So Eve, have you shared this with anyone? I've shared it with a few people. There's very few people in my life that know anything of the story apart from maybe Lou and John too. I have two children with two different dads and they both happen to have the same name. So I don't think he's listened to it, but he does know quite a lot of the story.
And I don't think he wants to listen to it because I think it would be very hard for him to hear Lou's side of it, even though he knows that Lou and I have a friendship and that we talk. I think there will be a lot of aspects of it that he wouldn't... There's a lot of aspects of the story that he doesn't like anyway.
As someone who was initially guarded about connecting with Lou, which makes absolute perfect sense, how has this experience of opening up, not just with sharing your story on the podcast, but connecting more with Lou, how has that been for you? I think as Lou has got to know me, she realizes I'm just quite guarded anyway.
It's just how I am. It takes a while to get to know me. But there was a time when I saw John again in a barbershop and I had my son with me. And as it happened, I was expecting my second son.
And I could see he was visibly shocked that I was pregnant again. And he'd grown this big, huge beard. And he tried to be really smart at me. And I just turned around and I said, look, I can't take you seriously. You look like a shoe in on a cat. And I think the fact that he knows I'm not afraid of him and he knows I'm not afraid to stand up to him. So he's a little bit different with me, but it has left me
I suppose very guarded especially in my job I wouldn't like when I was expecting my second son
a lot of people assumed that I'd had a teenage pregnancy and that I still lived at home with my parents. Now, I was in that job 10 years at that stage, and they didn't know that I was acting third, nearly 30 when I had my first son, and I was nearly 40 when I had my second son. He's nearly 10 now. Next year, I'm going to be 50, and I'm having a party, or I'm going to the Acres, I'm doing something big. But it has, I think...
Talking to Lou definitely helped me through a really, really rough time in my life. And our friendship, she's always kind of cheering me on and always encouraged me. And like we have what we'd say in Ireland, we have to crack, we have to laugh. I know for me, the friendships that I made through
connecting with the other women that had experienced Canaan the same way I did are ones that I'm going to have forever because of that, um,
There isn't a need to explain myself to them. They understand the base of how it feels. So I feel like I don't have to justify myself to them. And it seems like that's the same thing that you guys have, which is just that not having to explain the baseline of your feelings.
100% and like Eve said cheering each other on kind of going she's like I hope I get this job and I'm like I know you'll get this job because I think both of us can see where that little chip has been taken away and it's like well if you don't believe in you I'm here so that's fine. No just to tell you I actually got another job offer just as I was climbing in here. Told you. That's four this week.
Congratulations. That's amazing. What's been the most challenging part for you of sharing with not just us, but knowing that it's now public? The day I knew the podcast was coming out, I was quite emotional. I think it was mostly because I've never really spoken to anybody that is in my life now about it.
And I don't really see any need to. I don't believe in discussing things that, to me, are really personal for entertainment purposes. You know, I'm to eat like at work. That's my personal life. I went through absolute hell and back with John. And I mean, actually, I probably should reply that he put me through hell and he knew he was putting me through hell and he enjoyed it.
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This is a paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier two compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash you probably. You know, so I think facing that part of it was hard for me.
But it's all learning. You know, it's all growth. But it was very hard. It was painful looking back at it. There was a comment on part two and the listener had said, Eve, you're a warrior. And that was it. I really liked that comment because I think it really encompasses the things that you've been through. And I think the things that you've been through are
I'm kind of alone and silently. And to go from that to sharing with everyone, it really does make a difference to the other women and not just women, but mainly women in the world that are also going through that same thing. It means a lot to people. Lou, you sort of started this with wanting to figure it out, and I'm sure didn't anticipate that.
this is where you were going to end up? No, I think I had said to, I don't know if I'd said it to you guys before, but like if someone had said like, oh, what's your dating history? I'd be like, oh, I was with this guy. He was a bit mental. We broke up. End story. Next. Whereas I think, I think I had sort of packed that all away neatly. And then I think as I got older and then I was like, oh, and I think kind of owning that and
Like Eve said there about, you know...
your personal life is not for entertainment. I would never bring that up to people I didn't know or even people I did know because it's nothing to do with them. Being alone in it is the worst because you don't want to tell anybody because you think that they think bad of that person. And what if you make up with them tomorrow? And it's the classic thing of when you're friends with someone in school and you say it to your mom, like, oh, they stole my whatever. And your mom hangs on to that shit for 20 years.
And you're like, well, he could be a nice guy tomorrow. So, you know, you try to hide it as much as you can. And then when it's all over, you're just like, okay, it's done. Let's just, whereas now I'm kind of like, oh yeah, that happens. And, you know. I don't know if you guys listened to Cash's story, which came after yours, but her daughter's older and a lot of
What she shared, she shared with her daughter. And I think having mothers, which your kids have, that are willing to share so that other people feel less alone is really powerful. And I just wonder, do you think that you're going to talk to your daughter, obviously, when she's older? Do you think you would let her...
listen yeah I'd certainly be really keen to make sure that she knows what she won't tolerate a lot quicker than I had um and I'm certainly mindful of it like if her dad and I are having a row I'm like she's watching you so how you behave with me and how I let you treat me she's watching it so unless you want her to come home in 75 years when she starts dating with that yeah
Then watch, you know, and now he's Jesus. We just write. There's nothing. There's nothing at all like that. Like Eve had said, she teaches her son to be the opposite of what he came from. And I can see that like such a gentleman spoils the girlfriend. So sweet. And I think that's kind of a gift, dare I say it? It is a gift. Eve, I was just going to say you are.
Because you have a child with John, a son, there is a unique situation where you're trying to make sure that you're not bad-mouthing his father because there are psychological things that happen there, but also making sure he's aware that those behaviors are not how you should treat women. It has to have been so complicated to navigate that. Both my boys have girlfriends.
Now, with the younger one, I kind of encourage it more as like a friendship thing. But he will go into the supermarket and he will pick up a bunch of flowers and put them into the basket and say, oh, they're for this particular friend. And, you know, they're both very kind and they're both very thoughtful. And that's not something that you can kind of put in to kids. I think it's either there or it's not.
But with the younger one at the moment, I got a journal and basically he filled in things about him. And, you know, like the little things like where if you lived on an island, what would it be like? And then what's your favorite memory of me? And then I do the same for him. And I think it's really important for kids to write it down because then it's not in their head.
The younger one got into trouble one day in school in a very, very minor and he came home. He used words that he shouldn't have.
So we got what we call the stuff it book. And if he has a book that he can write down, whatever he needs to externalize, and then, you know, that's it. And I did that with the older one as well, but just in a different way. It's kind of more, it's easier to do it now than it would have been 10, 20 years ago. Well, sorry, it would have been about 15 years ago when he was going through this stuff with his dad. But I do think that having that ability to communicate
However it needs to happen. I've raised both girls and boys and they communicate very differently with me about feelings and stuff. And you guys are both coming at it from, you know, Lou, you have a daughter and Eve, you have two sons. So it's interesting to see how you guys have also connected through parenting and having conversations. Even the lighthearted fun stuff, which is interesting.
probably the most important part. Lou, you told us in the very beginning that it's the Irish way. You know, you don't talk about your feelings. No, sure. Like my cousin just rang the door like 15 minutes before this. And my immediate thought, you know, you run through all the people it could be. And I was like, and I just answered the door and he was like, are you okay? And I was like, uh, yes, absolutely.
And he was like, your face. And I was like, is this my who the fuck is that? What do you want? He was like, okay, well, how is everyone? I was like, well, this fella, this isn't a new notion. And he was like, Jesus, what's going on? I said, well, we can't talk about it. He was like, okay, is there anything I can do? I was like, no, sure. We didn't have this conversation. He was like, okay, see you later. So...
Yeah. So you got to the root of what the issue is. It was a nod and then I heard the car pull away and I was like, well, I just dealt with it. It's fine. Oh, I think I told you this, but there was a knock at my door on Valentine's Day and I could see two people coming up the drive and I went, I'm not opening that because I didn't know who it was.
and when I went out anyway and there was this letter I think I still have it downstairs if I do I'll take a picture and share it with you and it was addressed to the resident and there was all these lovely stickers on it and I opened it and I was like heck this opened it the letter from the Jehovah's Witnesses the only thing I got in my drawer yep
they're sneaky it's just it's yeah the extent of romance in my life it's um there's an ad have you seen it Eve it's um
I'll send it to the group, but it's an Irish ad and it's for a cell phone company. And the son is trying to connect with the dad and they don't live together and they're on FaceTime. And he's going, Jesus, dad, tell me how you are. And he's going, oh, I just have to do this and I have to do that. Dad, how are you? And he goes, oh, sure, you know yourself. And they're like, this is how the Irish communicate. Yeah. So...
This whole idea of podcasts and feelings and it's like... So did you... Lou, I'll ask you first. Did you establish boundaries or decide what you were going to share before? Or did you just hop on the call with me and... No, very much just hopped on the call. Yeah. I did the same thing. So...
Does does it feel like does it feel like that was a good decision? Because it was it was it to me, it felt authentic. You know how you. Yeah. I mean, you sent me a text or an Instagram message back and you're like, would you like to jump on a call? And I was like, no, no.
okay and you're like I'm just gonna send you the invite and you know whatever and I was like totally in my head I was like I'm not going and then before I knew it I'm at the desk like yeah so this happened and that happened and then I remember texting Eve and going she's not gonna go for this and she was like yeah
Eve, how about you? I think that you are really great at the boundaries that you've already established in your life. You say you're guarded. To me, it feels more like you know what your boundaries are and what you're willing to sort of where you're comfortable. How did you feel about the stuff that you shared? And because, you know, we had a couple of follow up calls in things that come up as you share your story. You remember everything.
more and hear different things? I think I said all along that there were parts of the story that I wasn't going to share because they're not my part of the story to share. I'm happy. I'm really happy with how you handled what I did share. And I think it was more things started to come up for me because I had had, I've been doing exams and I had an awful lot on my mind. I'd had a very, very, very busy two years of
I finished one college course and eight weeks later, I started straight into another one. And it kind of took me until now really to kind of catch my breath. I'm six months qualified now in another qualification. But more kind of started to come up. But if you had asked me two years ago, would I have shared? It would have been a flat no because I was simply too busy. I had too much on. I wouldn't have had the time to...
even for this call, to be honest. But I am happy with what I shared. And I think the story, I think Lou wasn't on this call, but I talked about how you put a frog into hot water or into a pot of water and he'll jump back out and then you put the frog in. I think that to me, I keep going back to that story.
and just how I didn't notice at the start. And then as the heat turned up was when I started to notice. But I have set boundaries for myself. I was asked, would I take on another voluntary position? Now it's within the job that I'm in now and I want to leave that. So I said, no, I have enough on. And I'm more comfortable now saying, no, I can't. I have enough. I can't do any more than what I'm doing. I think that that's...
I think part of it comes from sharing stories and feeling a little less alone and more empowered. I also think part of it is just, uh,
Every year I get a little higher after 40. I care less and less about what other people think. And it's like, no, I'm going to say no. And it's okay. I don't have to do everything all the time. So this question isn't on Sid's list. Don't get mad at me, Sid. Lou, what was it like listening to...
Eve's part of the story in the, in the episodes, because you guys didn't hear what you each shared until, until it released. It was incredible because I suppose, well, firstly, a lot of mine and Eve's relationship is like written. So at the start it would have been text because we would have had to know each other quite well before we started voice noting. Um,
Our relationship has been building very slowly as two damaged women. But it was incredible to hear her voice and how strong she sounded and to hear the whole thing put together, I suppose, in one piece. And there were bits that I hadn't heard. And I guess we had been relating on things like, oh, that exact same thing happened to me. And that exact same behavior or, oh, he said he was a...
an accountant. He told me he was a, you know, whatever. So it was interesting to hear a very similar story from a different perspective, I guess. Eve, how is it for you? I think you handled it very sensitively and it was very well done. At the time it was released, I couldn't listen for a day or two because I was working and there was other stuff going on and I wanted to give it my full attention.
But when I did, I was like, a lot of it I did know, but there were parts of it that I didn't know. And, you know, there's probably parts of it that I'll never know. But I am very, and I've said this to Lou, I am really grateful for her friendship because it got me through so many, like, social rough patches.
I was doing exams and Lou was like pew pew pew you've got this nailed and I think she was probably one of the first people that I told when I passed and I think she probably deserved to be one of the first people to know because she'd listened to me wean so much I was dying to know well I think I did tell you fairly quick yeah I did yeah I did
I want to say thank you to both of you. It means so much that you reached out initially, Lou, and that you both then agreed to share your story. And I think we can all agree that Sid did a phenomenal job. Thank you. Editing and sharing it in a way that...
Eve, like you said earlier, it's not meant to be entertainment. It's meant to be relatable, I think. I don't want to share stories to be sensational. And I think you both did a phenomenal job being authentic and really letting people see that there's a full picture around these sorts of relationships. I just want to say thanks.
to both of you putting this together so incredibly and I even started bopping around to the theme song connected to trauma but it's a banger there is one thing I think I would like to say I think the title of the podcast was very appropriate the photograph because I think it's time now we just put the memories on the shelf and we take a new photograph like yeah cheering song
That was probably cheesier than a cheese string dipped in fondue, but it's time to take a new photograph. You can support the show by joining us on Apple Podcasts or Patreon.
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