Power to the Voice | Cash’s Story Part 2
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True Story Media. This episode contains a description of childhood sexual assault. Please see the show notes for details and resources. Some names and details have been changed.

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Her adopted daughter would have preferential treatment, so she would kind of determine who she liked the best. She had ranked who she liked, and she really liked the other foster child, and so they would always spend the night in her room. And then it became me. I'm Brittany Yard. You probably think this story is about you, but this story belongs to Cash. ♪

In this foster home, Cash felt like there were very real power dynamics at play between the adopted and foster children. She remembers feeling like the parents played favorites with their love, attention, money, and time. When the adopted child chose her, she finally felt special. And then one day I get the invite.

I think the first couple times it was just normal. Like, she has tons of stuff. Her room was, like, filled with toys. Things that we didn't have. And it would be, like, so fun. And I think she knew that it would be fun. She knew that we wanted, you know, the foster kids wanted to go in here because, like, she has all this cool stuff. And then it was like, oh, but you can spend the night. Or you can stay, you can, like, sleep over. Yay! And so you would sleep over. And then...

You know, all of a sudden we're laying on the bed and then she's like, oh, but we have to sleep like head to foot or something. And so, okay, that's normal. Like I've heard that before. Like I feel comfortable. But then all of a sudden you're touching me. Cash was sexually abused by this other child. She knew it wasn't right, but she didn't know how wrong it was. Cash didn't feel like she could turn to the foster parents for help. She had no one to confide in.

It keeps progressing. And then this is like, you know, continual. Like now it's like, oh, another sleepover. Oh, another sleepover. And then all of a sudden you're like full-flown, like engaging in this like sexual behavior with another child. But it's like, you know, you're not supposed to tell because she says like, oh, don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody. And then your mind starts thinking like, oh, is she doing that to the other girl?

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I know how impossible it can feel to have the courage to tell anyone. Cash didn't feel like she was welcomed in that home, and she endured her abuse in silence. There's no part of this that was easy for her to talk about. It's probably why Cash put this abuse out of her mind until she was older and felt safe.

Part of the uncomfort of addressing it, like, to an adult is, like, when I'm a child. But also, like, when it came to, like, kind of identifying that favoritism that the adults had, but also the children would also kind of reflect and also have, they hate it well. Because these are, like, God-fearing church people who are taking these foster youth in. And so, like, they don't, they can do no wrong, right? There was that, like, am I making stuff up? And I'm just in my feelings, you know?

The father was really quiet and I didn't really have a relationship with him at all. Like it was just kind of the mom was kind of like the head of the house. And the reason why we left that house was because they the father had lost his job. And so I think that that was like some of that income was important. I think they tried to hold on as long as they could. And so it was easy just to get rid of the three foster kids, you know. Cash and her siblings had spent years being bounced around from placement to placement.

In this home, at least she had her brother and sister with her. Cash knew there was a chance that her and her siblings would not get to stay together in the next placement. She couldn't reconcile that the other foster kid got to stay while their future was so uncertain.

Having to leave the home was confusing to Cash. All the while, she continued to be abused until the day she left. And they had accused my sister of stealing, like, thousands of dollars from them. And they said that they had, like, a jar of cash

quarters and their bedroom that my sister was like taken from over a year and it was a thousand dollars in there and so like that was another reason why they had to go but I remember the fact that like you chose us three to leave knowing that that would impact us because we were going to be separating it was such a quick decision I think that showed your favoritism the outcomes of situations like this in the foster care system will stick with a kid forever

I'm 32 now and I feel like I'm a little bit far removed. So it's like I can talk about certain things that I'm not in the middle, like flight and flight right now about.

Sometimes having like a consistent adult in your life helps, right? Because like it's somebody you trust and you know that you can tell these things. But when you're in foster care, they're moving around from home to home. At one point, my sister was in a group home. It's like, who do they have that's consistent? Who do I go to? And I know that social workers, while I believe I had the same social worker, they're overburdened, right? And, you know, big caseloads.

foster youth are coming from all different walks of life. And some of these are sexual abuse and some of these are, you know, physical abuse. And, you know, it could be just truancy. It could just be their parents that coming from all different walks of life, we're also expecting the social workers to kind of be experts in all of these fields. Later on in life, I would actually question too, like, was she also abused? Like, I think she was adopted when she was like a young child. So I'm curious about that. Like maybe she experienced it before she had gotten adopted.

But what I do know is that you did this to me and it wasn't okay. Sometimes there needs to be a little bit more vetting of these families, but also like just making a little bit more sense in some of these placements. When Cash left that house, she was 11. She still had seven more years in the system. She had no idea what the next placement would hold. I would go on to several different homes post leaving her into that very traumatic experience. I went to several other homes after that.

I actually have a lot of flyers. I don't know if they do it now, but we had like this, like, "Looking for a home," and then "Family found," and we had this, like, "Failed adoption" that didn't work. Social services would use newspaper ads to match families with kids in the system. In one ad, Cash, her sister, and little brother are posing with big smiles. It reads, "Looking for a home." These siblings are looking for a two-parent family that can help keep up with their high energy.

In another ad, Cash said,

When I first saw these ads, they made me very uncomfortable. At first, I didn't realize why. But then I figured out that knowing these kids were asked to prove that they were lovable or worthy of a home broke my heart. Today, it seems like an unusual way to match families with children. But back then, it was normal. And thankfully, Wanda picked up the newspaper.

And so then I remember Wanda was officially retired from the social services and she said that she had, you know, was praying. She had seen that we had an ad in the newspaper that we were still looking for a home. It was us three, three of my siblings. And she's like, I'm adopted. Wanda is the true hero of this story. And she really ended up being that safe person that Cash needed when she was very young. And then again, as she was entering her teen years.

So one, I would come and be the hero and adopt me. So to go from a foster parent to my adopted mom was just like so crazy. And I'll remember this was a place I felt like at home and it was devastating leaving her. I went through so much trauma after her. So it was just like so grateful.

And so she went through the process and then it ended up happening that my brother got taken and it was just two siblings of mine, my older sister and I. While Cash and her sister got to go back with Wanda, her little brother was adopted by another family. There's a lot about this story that's still unknown to her. After we got adopted, we moved to the outskirts of Seattle.

part of this is I think a lot of decision making behind it one of it was that Wanda's children who were a lot they were adults they were like in their 40s and 50s at the time a lot of them lived in that area she was kind of over Kansas she had retired you know kind of starting her life and then I think it was a great opportunity my biological mom had actually gotten out of prison around that time she was like trying to figure out how to like get us to kind of like come back it was just a lot going on

So we took flight and we moved.

My Wanda, as it would be, she's a caretaker at heart. She would take in her three great-grandchildren, not grandchildren, great-grandchildren, at the same time she had my sister and I. And so it was like we had a full house. And I remember so many fun stories with them. One of the great-grandchildren, they were so annoying at the time because, you know, I'm in high school. And I remember wanting to watch this movie, which was Lovely Bones.

And this is, so this is whatever date that was, this is exactly when it had came out. And I didn't, I was like, I was so scared to watch it. It's more suspense than anything. I was like, hey, come down here and watch this. And they came running. I was able to focus on school and do really well. I graduated top of my class, applied to scholarships, like Step to 2.1, it was called the NRLTC, a full ride scholarship. And then they were like, whatever school you go to, you get to use this, you know, track. And I was a poli sci major.

It's so funny because I think a lot of people think that high school years are the worst time of their life, but it was my best years of my life ever because I had a home. I just feel so grateful. Like I said, Juana is the hero in my story. Forever in debt to her. I want to take a minute and talk about Hormone Harmony. It isn't just for menopause, even though I was...

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I was adopted as a teen, which is like super rare. But even as a teen, there is a need there. There is like a critical need. And so you have populations, I know it's not my story, but population kids who age out of the system and they still need mentors and guidance. Cash was adopted and got an ending she wasn't expecting. That isn't the case for most kids in the foster care system.

The foster care system ages kids out at 18, but kids need support, guidance, and connection, and that doesn't have an expiration date. Every child deserves a lifelong network of love, understanding, and belonging.

When I was in high school, a player on my basketball team was, like, unhoused. And it was nothing to her just to, like, recertify and bring her in. And I shared my room, and I was like, that was fine because that was what Wanda did. I just wish more people had, like, a Wanda, you know, in their lives. She's just, like, um...

She's everything. She's been that to so many people. And I'm just so grateful because like how you were my first foster, like one of my first like permanent, you know, placements. And then, so that's my story forever, you know, from, you know, foster to adopt it, you know, and Wanda was a part of both of that, those stories. As Cash shared about her accomplishments on social media, including a full ride to university, the foster mom from the household where Cash experienced abuse would comment.

taking credit for raising her. She kind of staked her claim in some sense as I left her house. This is my day. This is today. Like, I'm in my 20s and I'm getting, like, tags that say, I'm so proud of, you know, Cash. Like, she got this scholarship and at this school and she was at our home. And I kept kind of, like, giving herself credit for, like, where I was. And you were like, that's all Wanda, lady. Like, that's all Wanda. Right, yeah.

It didn't pop up for me as something I needed to address until I was in college. And I remember like blocking the whole family on Facebook once I like in college. I was like, that was, you know, it wasn't okay. It took Cash a long time to understand how this abuse affected her life. It wasn't until Cash got pregnant at 21 that she realized the full impact of the abuse. It actually was a pregnancy.

And I think that that was probably going to be it the whole time because...

I just remember, like, you know, having goals, like, educational goals, but it was like, I don't want to be anything like my mom. And then all of a sudden, I was going to become a mom a lot sooner than what my plan was. But I was third year. You know, the world was at the tip of my fingers. You know, I beat a lot of, like, foster care odds. I had gotten a full-ride scholarship to, like, the number one public university. It was like, life was, like, palm of my hands. And then all of a sudden, I get pregnant. It just...

brought up a lot of that trauma. Sometimes you go these years and you suppress it, and all of a sudden it was coming to the front because I was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to be a mom. Am I going to be a mom like my mom? I don't want to be. I'm not ready. I'm 21. What does this mean? Where do I go? And so I think that that was kind of just like the spark that just kind of started it.

Because I knew this was a big decision. I could lose everything that I worked so hard for. I wasn't ready. I think I had shared something to somebody and they're like, you need to get therapy. And so I started therapy. One of the things that I've recently realized is that I connected so much with Lou and Eve's story

and with Cash because it was when we became mothers that we really addressed the things that had happened to us so that we could protect our children from the same experience. There isn't a rewind button. So instead of taking that abuse as a marker, Cash and myself both agree you take it as knowledge, as a data point in how we can keep our own kids safe and what we can do differently to help others.

I've tried to teach my kids that if an adult or anyone wants you to keep a secret, there is no shame in confiding in somebody that you trust

and making sure that you're safe. - Put a name on stuff, like rape is rape, right? Like we kind of skirt around these topics, but it's like, no, like I'm gonna have, and I so appreciate your parenting 'cause I'm trying to parent the same way. Like my daughter is 10 and I'm like, girl, we don't do this. This is what we don't do. And oh, that's kind of, that's borderline prejudice. We're not, no, I'm gonna call it what it is. - There is so much power in naming what something actually is.

We're putting names on stuff around here. Cash has given her mom a lot of grace and given herself the space to heal. My mom, I still call her mom. Let me just say that, which is interesting because, you know, I had seven years with her. So she's what I know.

I have her on Facebook. I believe she has my number. I have maybe a few different numbers for her. It's like very spotty there. When I, as I became a mom, I wanted to like, you know, I was like, Hey, you know what? My daughter's going to have five grandmas. And like, that's just the way it's going to be. We're going to make this work. And so I did open the door to her.

But I think that like she struggled with her own issues. It's kind of shown up in like in terms of the relationship that I have with her. I keep a distance, unfortunately. Once she's able to kind of reconcile some of the things, like in the same way that I think me as a child has and my siblings, I think it will be better. I don't shut the door to her at all. She has my number and she's always free to reach out.

She has like sent gifts to my daughter before. I think that was also, I think she recognized it as a window to kind of get closer. It isn't always about vilifying the other people in your story. Cash and her siblings had to navigate the fallout of the system. This resulted in a fragmented childhood. And today she doesn't have a close relationship with them. In terms of like having kids,

Siblings, siblings are those relationships that's definitely been lost because of just kind of what we were exposed to in childhood.

It's kind of like those things where people say I have Facebook friends, like I have Facebook family. And that's kind of to the day it's still true. I keep in touch with a few like if they do post on Facebook. At one point, I think we all had like a text thread. I think we try to revive this like, hey, we're like we're family and we're siblings. But it's not the same.

Foster care, these statistics permeate through a lot of different avenues. Sometimes we don't know how something as trivial as getting a suitcase might heal a scar we didn't know we had. About four years ago, Cash found an organization called One Simple Wish. They were able to give her a scholarship and a suitcase.

I got a suitcase from them in my late 20s. It was something that was so significant that I wanted to undo. And yes, over the years I've bought suitcases, but to be given a suitcase was something that was very significant to me because I just can't imagine that happening to children now because we stomached a lot back then with the system.

And still are. There's still kinks in the system and it's not perfect, but I think that they're improving. Even outside of suitcases, like things like hair care and teaching and trainings, like to teach, you know, a family of opposite race, like how to deal with this hairstyle and texture. I think those are things that I'm grateful for because those are not things that I was afforded as I was growing up.

Because it's such a large part of my story, I feel fortunate that I'm not in current like fight or flight mode right now. I'm not currently kind of dealing with those struggles now. And so I'm able to kind of openly talk and freely. Cash has taken all of her lived experience and been able to transform it into finding ways to help others and to show up for children the way someone should have shown up for her.

I have a story to tell and I'm ready to tell it. I'm in the place to tell it. And if it can help others and like power to the voice, because I'm ready for that. There has been shame. I think that was so much of my story for a long time was just like, oh, I'm a foster youth. Like, you know, but then you go to college and it's like on my personal statements, I'm like foster youth here, you know, like there's pride there. So it's, it's been this like journey, but I'm proud.

of where I am now because while there's so many great people like advocating and doing the work on behalf of foster youth, I think there's something different about like that lived experience. Now that Cash has found her voice, she uses it to advocate for change in a system that failed her. I was able to attend a judicial council meeting where Cash testified as a lived experience representative during adoption and permanency month.

I sat next to her daughter and we both got to witness exactly how amazing that change can be.

Now, the really important reason why we're here today, I'm joined by Cash, who will share her foster care journey. She's an incredibly impressive young lady who served as one of 10 judicial fellows in a nationally recognized judicial administration graduate program this past year. She's now working with a philanthropic organization to assist nonprofits with diversity, equity, and inclusion efforts. And she certainly exemplifies the importance of seeking adoption for youth in their teens,

and how a permanent placement for older youth can lead to quite amazing things. Thank you. Thank you, Justice. I'm here before you as a neighbor, a friend, a mother to my beautiful daughter who's here with me. And importantly, I guess in this space, as somebody with lived experience in the foster to adoption pipelines, my foster care journey began when actually I was six in the state of Kansas.

up until that point. So the Judiciary Council is basically, you can kind of say they're like the legislative voice of the judiciary.

it's headed by the chief justice. Truly excited that I was able to be a part of that and kind of go down in history to say like, hey, I was a part of, if I come across that form, of course, in the future, I probably will because I plan on adopting. So that was a really great moment. And then there's other items that we weren't a part of it later on. But in all, Judicial Council, pretty big deal.

I can't imagine how amazing it feels to know that your voice has a part in that change. What do you think little Cash would think about you now? Ah! Man.

Actually, it's so funny you're asking this question because I think I went through this very weird period coming from this post, this Friday meeting, where it's like I came back to reality and it was sad. It's like, okay, back to the loneliness. And like I said earlier, I'm appreciative of the affirmations I've been receiving throughout. That's been really kind of carrying me going back to reality. Yeah.

But I was thinking about, did I ever think I would do something like this? And also I was thinking about how I've had these moments in my life where I've reached these really high peaks. And sometimes I go back into this kind of regular whatever. I want to say that Little Cash would, oh my gosh. I think we knew. I think we had the potential. I believed it then. And I believe it even more now.

And so I think Little Cash, like, knew there was something bubbling there. I didn't. I still am confused. Like, what is it? Like, I need the particulars ASAP. But I know that's going to relate to who I am and the story, the parts of me that I didn't share when I was in the group. I know Little Cash knew. She knew that she would be speaking to others. I think she knew that she would be sharing her story. ♪

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