DOGE and Penny Show
01:16:11 Share

Lover Leave It is brought to you by Quince. Elevating your style used to mean breaking the bank, but with Quince you can get high-end, versatile pieces at prices you can actually afford. Now you can upgrade your style by snagging killer luxury essentials that sync with your vibe and your wallet. Quince has all the must-haves like Mongolian cashmere crewneck sweaters, iconic 100% leather jackets, and versatile flow-knit activewear. I love my Mongolian cashmere crewneck

It's from Mongolia. Very comfy. I like that. That's where the best cashmere comes from. From the, uh, where does cashmere go? Is it wool? Is it from goats? Yeah. Is it from sheep? Is it from spiders? No, that's silk. I like those Mongolian sheep. They make the best cashmere, I think. Unless it's from spiders. The best part of all, Quinn's items are 50 to 80% less than similar brands.

By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost to the middleman and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices, along with premium fabrics and finishes. I love that. Now I know the geese are safe or whatever.

I have great sheets from Quince. I have great sweatpants from Quince. Very comfortable. They have great colors. Everybody should check out Quince. Indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quince.com slash loveit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash loveit to get free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash loveit.

Hey, everybody. I'm here to tell you about a podcast I love from Team Coco called The Three Questions with Andy Richter. Every week, Andy invites friends, comedians, actors, musicians, and asks them all the same three questions. Where do you come from? Where are you going? What have you learned? These three simple questions, when answered honestly and thoughtfully, are enough to provide a pretty complete picture of who a person is. New episodes out every Tuesday with guests like Bill Hader, Zach Kalifianakis, and Tig Notaro, also yours truly. I was on it.

I had a great time with Andy. You can also tune in for Friday Call-In Show episodes where Andy invites callers to weigh in on questions such as, what's the worst job you've ever had? What's your worst dating disaster? I also was on that show. Wow. You're everywhere. We took animal questions. Somebody had a story about how they took LSD, ate a fish out of a friend's fish tank, and then thought it was their dog they were petting, but they were petting a skunk. What? That's a lot of LSD. It's crazy.

Great time. I love Andy Richter. Andy Richter, the man is a legend. He's so funny, so charming, so optimistic. Just a great vibe. Listen to The Three Questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It. It is great to be back at Lodge Room.

Happy Valentine's Day, a day where we honor a priest who is decapitated for officiating secret Christian weddings and is also the patron saint of beekeepers. And you know they fuck.

Tonight on the show, Thomas Lennon is back to pit his IMDb against news on TV, while Harvey Guillen faces off against a not-so-ancient foe. We'll be answering your burning romantic questions in honor of the holiday, so please think of questions you would ask your gay best friend. That is specifically what you're trying to think of questions about. The kind of question you would get advice from your gay best friend about. Then we all kiss the night goodbye with a love letter to dangerous loves. But first, let's get into it. What a week!

With Republicans in Congress content to let Donald Trump seize the power of the legislative branch, there is only one check left against the administration's oversteps, the courts. And while I wish I was talking about the courts from challengers that make everyone bisexual, unfortunately, I'm talking about the judicial courts, the robe and gavel ones, the boring ones, not sexy.

Judges have blocked the Trump administration's illegal and unconstitutional moves from taking effect. Funding freezes, the end of birthright citizenship, and buyouts of federal workers. All of these and more have been put on ice. And if it's like any other ice on this planet, we should all be sure to enjoy it while it lasts.

Early on Sunday, Elon Musk reacted to a federal judge blocking his access to Treasury Department payment systems by posting a corrupt judge protecting corruption. He needs to be impeached now. Even if that judge were to be impeached, it doesn't remove a judge. Anyhow, it would go to the Senate, where it would need two-thirds for conviction. Does Elon Musk know this, or does he use impeachment the way you did before you found out it's just a step in the process? Am I dead? Later that day, Vice President Jelly Donut Vance wrote on Acts of a Judge...

If a judge tried to tell a general how to conduct a military operation, that would be illegal. If a judge tried to command the attorney general on how to use his discretion or her discretion as a prosecutor, that also would be illegal. Judges aren't allowed to control the executive's legitimate power. What are the limits of judicial authority? What does the anti-majoritarian protection of the judiciary tilt into a kind of anti-democratic judicial activism? What does Marbury v. Madison say about all this? Am I dead?

As Jarth Dater Vance knows, the devil is in the details and in the allure of power that has him so thoroughly under Trump's control. The central question we have grappled with from our founding is, who decides whether the president's orders are legitimate, if not the courts? Live comedy, variety, topical news, podcast hosts? It's not. It's not. Believe me. I checked. It'd be great if it was. I'd crack all this. But it's not.

Trump was asked about Vance's comment aboard Air Force One on his way to the Super Bowl and said this. And the day you're not allowed to look for theft and fraud, etc., then we don't have much of a country. So no judge should be, no judge should frankly be allowed to make that kind of a decision. And sure, this sounds bad, but think of it this way. Tomorrow he'll say something worse. This week is the simpler time you'll look back on wistfully next week. Relax and enjoy.

Yeah, that's right. We're still naive. You didn't know that, but you didn't know that in October either. Well, what do you want to do here? We spent it. We spent a decade being fucking step 10 steps behind the dumbest motherfuckers on earth.

Over the weekend, the Trump administration effectively shut down the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, which protects Americans from unfair, deceptive and predatory corporate practices. Elon Musk celebrated the shutdown, tweeting CFPB RIP. Why might our unelected overlord be targeting the bureau? It's impossible to say why Elon does anything. But just days earlier, X announced a new payment system called X Money, which is regulated by the CFPB. I like to

better when his dream was getting to Mars. Getting to see how much money I send close friends with the note, dog diarrhea apology, is much creepier.

Instead, the agency has been forced to stop work and Doge has reportedly gained access to all of its computer systems, potentially giving Musk access to non-public information about X money competitors. Now, I believe that the CFPB is important and that Americans should be protected from corporate malfeasance. I also believe that if you type your bank information into a payment system on Elon Musk's X in 2025, you deserve whatever happens to you. Imagine. Imagine.

I actually, uh, uh, Rohit Chopra, who's the former head of the CFPB that Trump fired was on Ponce of America. Really interesting conversation. I was like, what are you most worried about? What comes next? Uh,

This came up about Elon Musk and his payment system. It also relates to what Elon is inspired by, which are these Chinese apps that are the everything app, that you could do everything from shop to call rideshare to chat. They're everything apps. What he said is, one consumer protection that we don't think of as a consumer protection, but is maybe the most important one, is the price tag that

object that services and products have a price. And if you move into algorithmic pricing everywhere inside of apps that have all of your information that portends for a lot of different kinds of abuse for vulnerable, lonely, older people, for young and impressionable young people, for people with medical conditions. And CFPB is the defender against that. And one of the most effective government

agencies we've ever built, one of the greatest examples in 100 years of what government can be. And they are illegally shutting it down. And I find that frustrating. On Monday, the USAID inspector general reported that as a result of the Trump administration's abrupt shutdown of the foreign aid agency, almost $500 million in food for people in need, food that taxpayers have already bought, was stuck sitting in ports, ships and warehouses at risk of spoiling.

I always knew I'd be called upon to serve my country one day. I'll eat it. Anyway, Musk has reportedly been sleeping on the floor of his Doge office in the EEOB, the building directly across from the White House. Oh, but when I sleep on my floor on my office, everybody's like, it's 2 p.m.,

Then on Tuesday, Musk gave a press conference from the Oval Office, his son X perched on his shoulders, while Donald Trump looked on, answering questions about his false claim that the U.S. sent $50 million worth of condoms to Gaza. Well, first of all, some of the things that I say will be incorrect and should be corrected. So nobody's going to bat a thousand.

You assume it's a baseball reference. Next thing you know, Elon's cyberbats are swarming the press corps in the Rose Garden. Meanwhile, the Democrats, remember them, continue to piece together a response. You remember them from earlier, earlier in American history. They were in the previous season. They've had, they've, they're, they kind of come and go. You know, they're not, they're not full housewives. They're really close friends of housewives. And there are some seasons where you're like, are they housewives? No.

But they're trying, you know? They're trying to get in on the drama. They're like, did you hear what Angie said? It's like, okay, we get it. I'm watching Salt Lake, and it's just going to start coming up more and more.

Meanwhile, the Democrats continue to piece together a response to the Donald Trump-Elon Musk cavalcade of chaos. Here's Congressman Rombert Garcia at Wednesday's Doge hearing. Now, I find it ironic, of course, that our chairwoman, Congresswoman Greene, is in charge of running this committee. Now, in the last Congress, Chairwoman Greene literally showed a dick pic in our oversight congressional hearing. So I thought I'd bring one as well.

Now, this, of course, we know is President Elon Musk. All right. It's fine. I don't want to quit. I reminded of that poignant scene in Titanic, whereas the ship slowly sinks, the band nobly carries on dunking on the iceberg.

Here's Garcia being asked about the effectiveness of this messaging. I want to hear why, but do you think that calling Elon Musk a dick is effective messaging for confronting what is a potentially irreversible transformation of the U.S. government? Well, he is a dick. Nice. Congresswoman Maxine Dexter also got in the spirit. I don't swear in public, but we have to fuck Trump.

You're right. You don't swear in public very well. All right. They're trying. They're so sweet. They're so sweet. They're so sweet. It's like, you know, it's like when your third grade teacher got really mad. And it's like, I know you love us.

I think the problem with, I think the joke is, I'm going to show a picture of a dick too. And then I think where it's had on a hat by then inside of that joke to call him President Elon Musk. You know? Elon Musk, you got the joke. You're nailing it. It's a joke. It's a joke inside of it. Structurally, it doesn't work. It's something we would have called.

In our process, our perfect process for generating 100% excellent jokes. No misses. And Semaphore had a great piece by Dave Weigel that argued, despite the consensus and the feeling in our stomachs, that the resistance to Trump is actually working. Once the executive order started flowing in, Democratic AGs and outside groups were able to start blocking Trump's flood the zone plan with coordinated lawsuits. It's not sexy resistance, but it works, like mouth guards or those hyaluronic eye patches.

You know what I'm talking about. Once Trump's orders reached their dockets, numerous federal judges began blocking his agenda, and Elon's kids started putting snot on Trump's desk. I don't think those things are related, but I don't know. The kids probably braced more. Yeah.

Just today, a judge in Baltimore halted Trump's executive order attempting to defund trans health care for minors. And another federal judge blocked his order undermining birthright citizenship. We're not winning, obviously, but we're not losing as hard as we could be losing. We're falling down the hill and our pants have shredded to nothing. But we've skidded to a stop before landing ass first in a beehive. Thank you, St. Valentine.

So how were the resistance libs able to stay ahead of, or at least not far behind, the Trump administration? Because they knew what legal strategies the new White House would implement, Project 2025. Because if there's one thing we excel at, it's homework.

And while Democratic voters absolutely need to see their elected officials throwing punches, the truth is most of the people grinding away on this problem are behind the scenes and prepared for a years-long fight across the legal battlefield. If a punch lands in the courtroom and nobody's there to hear it, does it make a sound? No. Does it mean we don't have to worry about Trump and his lawyers finding bullshit rationales for ignoring rulings altogether? Also no. But it has for now stopped birthright citizenship from ending and Elon Musk from seizing your tax refund, which is a pretty good

punch outcome. We can dub in the punch sounds later. But in the meantime, the chaos continues. In a Sunday night post on True Social, Trump announced that he had ordered the Treasury to stop minting new pennies. And all of a sudden, I am no longer a slob, but lose change all over my nightstand. I'm a custodian of history. Here's a sentence I never have said before. Donald Trump is not wrong.

Everything else, terrible, horrible. This, let them cook. According to the Mint, it costs $3.69 to produce and distribute a penny. That's from last year. And when you do actually count out 700 pennies, the barista just stares at you. It's lose-lose. All that said, again, this is the sort of decision we used to ask Congress to make. Good to see you, Whoopi and Joy. I brought you a gift, a printed out list of the ways I will be different from Joe Biden. And I have a gun, remember? Devastating.

That's what you want people to do. When you do a joke, you want to hear from the audience kind of quiet. And then one person saying devastating. That's how you know you're really in the fucking pocket. I talked about this on Pots of America, but I'll talk about it again here. We don't just have to get rid of the penny. Get rid of the penny. We have to get rid of the nickel. And then I'm sorry to say, hold on to your hats. We're also getting rid of the quarter. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. You're not ready for change.

My change. I didn't even do that on purpose. I found it. I found it here right now, here at this desk. That's what I can do. What can you do? Here's what you can do. You can support my plan. Here's the plan. We just go dime. We go 20 cents. We go 50 cents. Those are your three coins. That's all you need. Then we no longer go to the hundredth place. We go to the 10th place. When the, in 1913, the penny was

was the smallest denomination, all right? That was over 100 years ago. The penny is worth 30 times as much now, which means back in 1930 time, they lived in a world where their smallest denomination was 30 cents. That's a lot. I'm not even pushing to get there. We could get there. We could go to just quarters if you want, but I'm ready to compromise. And my compromise is we go dime, we go 20 cents, we go 50 cents. That's what we need. That's the proper denominations for our coins, our stupid coins. You keep FDR...

on the dime, all right? We can have, I would like a rotating cast on the 20 cent piece. Washington can make an appearance, but I like when the quarter, it's like, oh my God, there's an airplane on that one. That's fun. That's good stuff. That's having fun. We should have fun. It should be a fun country again. 50 cent piece, 50 cent piece, Lincoln. He's coming from the penny. He's going all the way up. He's going all the way up to the 50 cent piece. That's my plan. That's my plan. You don't have a plan.

I have a plan. I came to this penny story with an already fully formed ideological agenda. All right? You saw a dumb penny thing. You thought, all right, maybe Trump has a point. But that's why you've got to come to politics with a preconceived worldview. Because I was ready with a positive vision, even though I was caught by surprise by the president's embrace of a small part of it. Thank you.

Trump also signed an executive order reversing a rule that restricted plastic straws and encouraged paper ones in the federal government. Now, I'm with him on this one, too. You know how hard it is to use a paper straw to kill a turtle? It's hard. I like plastic straws. Said Trump about paper straws. These things don't work. I've had them many times, and on occasion, they break, they explode. Ha ha.

The IEDs of the ice matcha latte community, they explode. They explode. As for concerns that plastic straws end up in the ocean and harm wildlife, Trump said this. And I don't think that plastic's going to affect a shark very much as they're eating, as they're munching their way through the ocean. Fuck, it's funny.

Those sharks are just like me, just munching through it, just munching through the pain since November. Who knows how many straws I've eaten while I've been munching my way through it. Munch, munch, munch. I don't like that the turtles are impacted by the straws. I'm against killing the turtles with the straws. But, you know, the paper straws,

They're terrible, right? We all know this, that they're terrible, right? We all understand that like you get to it. It's a disappointing moment. If you order a drink at a restaurant and they bring a paper show, we're all disappointed by this, right? And then we say, why? Who caused this? Democrats. Democrats did this. Why? To save turtles. Okay. Are we banning all plastic? No. Just the super convenient, tiny amount. Just the littlest example.

Everything's still made of plastic. I'm sure there's tons. Everyone is, we're surrounded by it. Every, I bet on, yes, this desk is plastic. Huge plastic, everywhere plastic, everywhere we look plastic. This one tiny convenience that makes life a little bit better. Democrats said, no, this is where we're drawing the line. And it was, was it worth it? I don't think so.

Then on Monday, Trump announced he was raising tariffs on all steel and aluminum imports to 25% without exception. The U.S. gets about two-thirds of its aluminum from Canada. Looks like his plan to lower my grocery bill just got foiled.

Trump also announced that he would be purging the board. This is insane. Trump announced that he would be, oh, he's not busy enough. He was going to purge the board of the Kennedy Center and install himself as chairman. Writing on True Social, at my direction, we are going to make the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. great again. Look, he's not our first gay president, but he is our first old queen president, and that sucks. Right?

Could you imagine? I mean, it's almost quaint. I know it serves no purpose, but could you imagine if in the middle of we got a report today or this week that inflation is up? Could you imagine if Joe Biden had gotten a report that inflation was up and he announced he was becoming chief opera scheduler? He's going to decide which opera goes where and where we're putting where we're putting the touring fucking cats down.

Mr. President, the cast is exhausted from just doing the music man every night to help you get into, quote, wind down mode, especially after you made them learn the new songs you wrote about Harold Hill getting away with it. On Sunday, a reporter on Air Force One asked Trump why he wanted to be chair of the Kennedy Center. Why do you want to be chairman of the Kennedy Center more?

because I want to make sure it runs properly. We don't need woke at the Kennedy Center. We don't need... Some of the shows were terrible. They were a disgrace that they were even put on. So I'll be there until such time as it gets to be running right. Have you seen any shows there? How do you know they're terrible? I didn't go, no. Anyway, I'm looking forward to next year's production of Andrew Lloyd Webber Presents January 6th.

No, it's a stripped-down production. It's very avant-garde. Songs still suck, though. The FBI infiltrated their Facebook groups, but these patriots will infiltrate your hearts. That's, of course, from the song where they send Joseph Biden to Guantanamo.

Over in Congress on Tuesday, Georgia Congressman Buddy Carter unveiled new legislation to support Trump's efforts to take over Greenland and to rename the territory Red, White, and Blue Land. Red, White, and fucking Blue Land. And again, the dumbest motherfuckers on earth have beaten every person in this room. The smartest people you know are caught flat-footed day after day by Red, White, and Blue Land guy.

Red, white and blue land is sleeping like a fucking baby. Anyway, red, white and blue land. You know what? Maybe I am dead. I don't think I'm dead. I don't think so. In a dangerous time of presidential overreach, we turn to the Senate to provide a check and through it, check's vibey sister, balance.

Sadly, none was to be found as the Senate this week voted to confirm Tulsi Gabbard to be the next director of national intelligence with Mitch McConnell, Mitch McConnell as the lone Republican to oppose her. It took a few decades and several concussions, but at last, Mitch, welcome to the resistance.

The Senate also confirmed RFK Jr. as Health and Human Services Secretary with McConnell once again. The only Republican to sign with Democrats. The man stumbles to the beat of his own drum.

McConnell said in a statement, I'm a survivor of childhood polio. In my lifetime, I've watched vaccines save millions of lives from devastating diseases across America and around the world. I will not condone the relitigation of proven cures, and neither will millions of Americans who credit their survival and quality of life to scientific miracles. Ironically, Mitch McConnell actually had the power to vaccinate the country against Trump. He could have led a vote to convict him in the Senate, but he decided to try a natural remedy. Yay!

And even the earth itself is pissed at him, which is why it keeps rising up to punch him in the face. The hearing for Trump's would-be education secretary, Linda McMahon, began on Thursday. Yeah, yeah. Where she said she would take on the scourge of black history. There's a possibility, you're saying, that public schools that run African-American history classes, right? This is a class that has been taught.

in public schools for decades could lose federal funding if they continue to teach African-American history. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that I would like to take a look at these programs and fully understand the breadth of the executive order and get back to you on that. So I guess when I said no, I actually meant yes. I'm sorry. Steve Austin hit me with a stone cold stunner once and my brain never recovered. That's true. We actually have a clip.

I think it's kind of cool that the first and last education secretary will be a woman. Meanwhile, along with Apple Maps, Google Maps has labeled the Gulf of Mexico as Gulf of America for U.S.-based users in accordance with Trump's executive order.

Ah, now that I've showed the bully that he can get me to do whatever he wants, he'll surely leave me alone now, said Google, which is weird because it's a company of people that should remember what it's like to be horribly bullied.

But when the Associated Press refused to use the new name, they were banned from press events at the White House. Here's White House spokesperson Carolyn Leavitt. I was very upfront in my briefing on day one that if we feel that there are lies being pushed by outlets in this room, we are going to hold those lies accountable. And it is a fact that the body of water off the coast of Louisiana is called the Gulf of America.

Say what you will about Joe Biden, but he never barred reporters, even reporters with whom he had strong disagreements from his press availabilities because he did not have those. Also this week, Google Calendar removed a host of default woke holidays, including Black History Month. Yeah, Pride Month. And I couldn't believe this Holocaust Remembrance Day. But you can still view all of them if you go into Incog Hebrew mode.

In gustatory cetacean news, a humpback whale briefly gulped down a kayaker off the coast of Patagonia before spitting him out unharmed. And get this, there's an actual clip.

Imagine if that hadn't been caught on video. Imagine if this happened to you and there were no witnesses and you had to spend the rest of your life begging people to believe you. Okay, Jonah, your friends would say. I am Jonah, you'd begin to believe. And then you'd realize you went into that whale and atheist and came out a believer in God.

But instead of traveling to Nineveh to deliver God's message, you just break up with your fiance. And finally, a new baby tapir born at Washington's Port Defiant Zoo has captured the hearts and minds of TikTok. God damn it, that's cute. I never thought I'd say this, but mood dang should be executed gangland style. Up next, a man who makes me feel 17 again. It's the one, the only, it's Thomas Lennon.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Love it or Leave It is brought to you by Prolon. It's the time of year where your goal is to live healthier, maybe starting to wane, maybe you're still committed to your goals, but you just don't have a clear plan to get results you want. That's where Prolon's five-day program can help. Prolon provides a clear plan with specific daily meals, making it easier to stay focused and achieve real results. Prolon's fasting-mimicking diet is a revolutionary plant-based nutrition program that nourishes the body while making cells believe they're fasting. Yeah, drink those cells.

Researched and developed for decades at USC's Longevity Institute and backed by leading U.S. medical centers, Prolon helps support healthy blood sugar, enhanced skin appearance, fat loss, and improved energy and focus post-fast. It all starts with their five-day program, snacks, soups, beverages, designed to keep your body in a fasting state. No guesswork, no planning required, which is relief after such a busy holiday period. Plus, we're all busy all the time.

Three consecutive cycles of Prolon have been shown to reduce your biological age score by an average of 2.5 years and your waist circumference by 1.5 inches. That's cool. To help you kickstart a healthy plan that truly works, Prolon is offering Love It or Leave It listeners 50% off site-wide, plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their five-day nutrition program. Just visit ProlonLife.com slash Love It. That's P-R-O-N.

And we're back!

Please welcome to the stage, the man, the myth, the Lennon. It's the incredible Thomas Lennon. Whoa. Welcome. So good to see you. Thank you for being here. Fucking victory lap. Victory lap.

Saw you in Madison. Oh, yeah, we were in Madison. Remember the Madison show? We were killing it. Good to see you, Lovett. How are you? I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm a little strange right now. I can totally tell. I'm in a strange headspace. I'm in a strange headspace. Well, because you're sick of winning. I'm sick of all this winning. By the way, just in the spirit, I'm going to rub some boogers on your desk. Thank you for doing that. Just to show that nobody is above me.

child rubbing boogers on your desk. Were you delighted by that? I felt nothing. I felt... Well, I felt, I definitely felt like I was like sort of staring into the abyss. It was, I mean, there was a lot going on in that clip. I mean, the main thing was how the seated president, who's literally seated in the clip, is so scared of the child.

Like, he's not even just scared of the adult. He's just like, doesn't even, he doesn't want to look at the child. He's a feral genius for television. And so he, in his mind correctly, I think he did establish the dominance he wanted, right? He's at the desk. He's in charge. Elon is to the side. Okay. Elon's to the side standing. Feral dominance?

Okay. I think so. I think it's me. But then all of a sudden there's a child there. And the thing is, he knows that he can't, he has to be, he has to treat a child kindly. You can't swat the child. You can't swat the child and say, get this fucking thing out of here. Yeah. Cause the instinct is, I mean, we've seen the other children. Right. He's got a swatter's instinct. You might have got swatted a little bit. Yeah. No, they've been swatted. You can imagine. He's more scared of the child. Remember when the bald eagle's on his desk? Yes. Similar. Similar.

Doesn't it feel a little similar between the child and the bald eagle? Yes. I think so, right? There's because both children and bald eagles are not. They'll get you. And they also, his charm and power doesn't work on those. Doesn't work. Doesn't work. Doesn't work. Yeah. Speaking of young people. Yes. You've written a young adult book series. A bunch. A bunch. Yeah. I got a bunch of novels out. Yeah. How do you, I know I seem a little dumb to have written some novels, but I did. Yeah.

It just, I know it doesn't really track. Yeah. Yeah. No, I, well, it's interesting. You're goofy, but you're very smart and sharp. And I know, I don't think you read dumb. I don't even think anyone could think that someone could think that. And when you're writing a young adult, I don't, I understand what it would be like to write a children's novel. All right. And I understand in theory about how to write it, a novel. I mean, I couldn't possibly do it.

It's inconceivable to actually do it. But how do you figure out the what's the lane for a young adult novel? You know, what was really, really useful to learning how to write novels was writing in the studio movies system for so long, because you just do whatever you would do on a movie for novels. You do the opposite.

Like, honestly, like in movies, it's just all about like, oh my God, this is so long and we hate it. And you've gone way too in detail into what the characters think and feel and what they want. Gotta get that out of there. Yeah. You don't use that in the movies. Well, in the movies that I work on. But in novels, it was interesting to start writing books and in the book world where people ask for more.

That's something that doesn't really come up in the movie world. I mean, you know, you've written some movie stuff, but it's interesting to get into the world where your character... You could do 100 pages about what your character feels, which is probably more what...

your life is really like, you know? Yeah. That's interesting. And it's nice of you to say that I've worked in movies, but I have worked a little bit. I have occasionally been given, sent a script and written jokes along the sides of it. Hey, uh, that tend to be about, would it be funny if this character were gay? That's my move. That's a great move. I think this character would be gay. It's a great, it's this classic South Park move. Gotta make them all gay.

Speaking of gay, let's do it. Reno 911. Yeah, it's great. It's a great, great show. Thank you very much. We're kind of in a Reno 911-a-sance. We kind of are. You know, it's interesting. I just made that up. No, but it was also very accurate. It's weird because somehow in the era of like TikTok and Instagram, I see more clips of Reno 911 than I've ever seen.

but only because they come up in my feed. And I think it's because the show plays, well, two things. In some ways, people think the show was, like, not politically correct, when the fact is the show was actually just diverse in a real way with characters who had lots of different opinions. So it wasn't, you know, it didn't feel like anybody was being ganged up on. It was just like... And it's also a show that was not written and unfiltered. So to me, that...

People keep acting like, oh my God, you could never do this now. It's like, no, you definitely could if you just were sincere. Yeah. And maybe you couldn't do it a month ago, but now you definitely can. Now you can do it. Literally Gulf of nuts, Gulf of go nuts.

But yeah, I think about that with Reno 911. I think about that with Always Sunny, which is that these were like incredibly just hard, funny shows that people, I think, sort into like politically incorrect. Yeah. But it was just, but, but it was like, yeah, these were characters. These were characters that were like being silly and were the butt of the joke too. And this is a pretty big thing that I've always wondered about where that, that,

Sometimes I feel a little weird about it when people are like, oh, Reno 911 is like, fuck you. Take no prisoners. You'll never apologize. I'm like, but if you look at where we come from and the people that do the show, there used to be like some meaning to like your intention. Yeah. You know, like it used to like mean like where you were coming from used to mean something.

I think it probably still does. But I'm afraid there's a lot of means... Like, say what you want. Reno 911 is one of the most inappropriate shows there's ever been. But what it never is, is it's never mean-spirited. And that comes from, I think, who we are. But there was a... I feel like people are always like, I have Reno 911. It's like, the fuck? It's like, but no, we're never the, like, the fuck you show. We're the... Our heart was, I hope, in the right place. And I think it was most of the time, you know? Yeah, no, I think that's... Well, it's...

I think it's important what you're saying, this idea of where you're coming from matters. It should matter, yeah. But I do think that there is clearly a reaction to a feeling that... Now, I don't think this was true in terms of the broader culture, but it is a reaction to a small subset of people that were not particularly powerful, but were particularly loud online, that actually didn't have much influence, but came to represent a kind of left annoyance, an annoyance from the left that...

became much more important as an antagonist than it was actually in the industry itself, right? Like, that's a lot of what people's anti-cancel culture stuff is about. It's like, you are talking about social media commentary, that maybe there were some ways in which other people decided to take it more seriously than they necessarily should have. But for the most part, you're talking about being annoyed by internet people. Yeah, it's...

And I think there was a long time where everybody listened to small factions of angry people way too much. You know, there was a great, somebody said, like, just because you're outraged doesn't mean you're correct. But that's, you know, sometimes I really look at comedy now and I'm like, what's the spirit of it? You know, like, what is the spirit? Because there was a lot of people who got as mean as they could be and started playing stadiums. And you're like, how did this happen? Yeah.

And sometimes you, I wonder almost, it was like a badge of honor to like get, you know, to be mad with the, the people that were, you know, put upon by, you know, that like got yelled at. They're like, I'm going to go see the guy who got yelled at the most, but I've never, I don't think I'm, I could say I'm a big fan of that. I'm like, I just think your intention means a lot. Yeah, I do. That's right. And I think it confuses, uh,

It confuses what it means to believe that no topic should be off limits for comedy, which I believe genuinely. I absolutely believe that. But that's what's weird about all these, the Elon and everybody, all these sort of absolutists. They're absolutely not. Right. They're absolutely absolutists until you get one millimeter towards anything that scares them. Yeah, but there's the like...

But I think that's like an important thing about the difference. Like people see Reno 9-1-1.

And they see that you can joke about anything. Right. And we do. And therefore, that means you view nothing is off limits and that they make they draw that connection to the like anti woke comedy. That's harsh and negative. And it's like, no, no, it's about it's about the heart and intention of the joke. And it's about the ethic of it. It's about the spirit of it. Well, that's that was an odd thing because I went to with Jordan Klepper. I went to a Trump rally last year.

When we thought this was all goofy and I was like, yeah, we're fine. But I went in the dangle outfit to the Trump rally in Reno. And it's the most popular I've ever been. And that should definitely have been like a telltale sign of like, oh, maybe this is, I don't know. Yeah. Maybe we're in trouble here. Yeah, maybe we're in trouble. But we were filming out and there was an actual depot that sold bulk ammunition.

And you could also rent a machine gun. There's a place in Reno you can rent a machine gun with any kind of ID. And it's the most famous I've ever been. It's right next to the machine gun rental place.

You've written, acted, and fallen face first onto a shark tank in literally dozens of movies and TV series. Horror, comedy, how to lose a guy in 10 days. You've done it all. The only thing more jam-packed than your resume is this week in news. So tonight, we're going to ask you a very important question. Did this happen this week or in one of your movies in a segment we're calling, It Was Like a Movie?

I'm going to read you a sentence. You're going to tell us if it happened in a film you wrote or appeared in, or if it is literally something that happened in the last week of news. I'm going into an isolation booth in my mind. He's going into the isolation booth. Put him in that room with the bubbles. I won't look at the answer or hear anything. All right, up first. Okay, love it. Here we go. Nevada police officers became trapped on a cruise ship mobbed by a throng of angry MAGA supporters. No. Uh...

Oh, no. That's a movie. That isn't a movie. That's the plot of 2021's Reno 911. The hunt for QAnon.

Okay, love it. I've been on your podcast twice and we've talked about that movie twice and no one's ever heard of it ever. I don't care. It's on Paramount+. It's a real movie. Please, God, just click on the movie. Just click on it. Just click on it. Roll your mouse over and just let it run. Just let it run. Just let it run. Just let it run on Paramount+. It doesn't cost you anything if you have Paramount+. I'll give you a login.

It costs you next to nothing. Would you be offended if people shopped or did their taxes? Not at all. Do whatever you need to do. Put it in a way back window. Do anything else. Yeah. Next up, a teenage boy nicknamed Big Balls was hired for a top secret job with the government.

I know that this happened this week. No, this was real. This really happened. It was real. You got it. It really, really happened. We can get you a prize. I would love that. A 19-year-old software engineer and Doge staffer Edward Korostein was assigned to the State Department. It's unclear as of now what his position actually is. Next up, the winners of a beauty pageant suffered mass food poisoning brought on by a tainted seafood buffet.

I feel like that's a picture that I'm in, and it also happened this week. It is your movie. You are the voice of the documentarian in 1999's mock documentary, Drop Dead Gorgeous. I was wrong. That really happened. Drop Dead Gorgeous. Drop Dead Gorgeous. It's a great picture. A great film. Yes. A great film. Next up, the son of a judge was arrested after police mistook his asthma attack for a violent assault.

That's a Reno 911. No, it's actually from 2006, Let's Go to Prison starring Dax Shepard and Will Arnett. Oh, that's a great picture. I wrote that. You did? You wrote that? Yeah. It's a way better picture than you think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Directed by Bob Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk directed that movie? Directed that picture. Yeah, it was a surprisingly great picture. Again, just click on the streamer.

You just move the mouse and let it run and you don't have to say a goddamn thing. There's no test at the end of it. You watch it. Yeah. And if anything, it's just an alibi if you're happening to commit a crime at the same time. Perfect time. Just hit play. Well, go look at my streamer was running the entire time.

How could I have been killing someone, Your Honor? I was watching all of Bob Odenkirk's Let's Go to Prison. I was watching Jack Shepard at his best. Originally called You Are Going to Prison, based on a book by an actual anarchist. Really? Yeah, it was based on a book by this guy who'd been to prison a bunch of times. But it was all about useful information. Like most state and federal, there's only really two kinds of handcuff keys.

Huh. There's a state handcuff key and a federal handcuff key. So if you have both of them on like a long chain around your neck...

Honestly, these days could come in useful. There's two kinds of handcuff keys. Keep them on a real loose chain right around here. Do you think I'd be helped at all by the fact that I have such dainty wrists? Look at these things. I think I can get out. There's no U-cam. There's no cuffs made that could hold a lot of it. They couldn't hold these things. They couldn't hold these things. Not a chance. Maybe some sort of ring. A comedian managed to painstakingly remove all of the tattoos from his body. Ugh.

Do you believe this, though? I don't. I don't either. So this is true, and it happened this week, but what part of it do you believe? I think that there are clearly some tattoos are being removed, but it's in process. I think a lot of makeup was involved. Of course. This is called airbrushing. You get airbrushed all the time. I'm airbrushed right now. I'm airbrushed just to be here in case. There we go. Oh, there's Pete. I think.

Pete Davidson is very funny. I think he's a very, I think he's very interesting. I think he has a very interesting perspective. I've liked some of his specials. I, I, Pete Davidson is a, as a sex symbol, incomprehensible to me. It's simply, it is incomprehensible to me. And I do think it's a big divide. I think it's a heterosexual to gay divide. Cause I like, I do think like, right.

Okay. All right. All right. Stray women who can admit to themselves they find Pete Davidson attractive, please applaud. Well... We don't need to drag... What I will say is, like, without being mad at Pete, because God bless, he's got airbrushed and he's doing a good job, but...

The one thing is like, I think we live in a world where we've all started to sense when a headline is completely not true. Yeah. Like we're so far beyond like truth and fiction. But when it's like Pete David spent, spent 200 days getting laser tattoo removal. I'm like, he never spent 200 days doing anything like the odds that no, there's no chance of that. That's strange. We've gotten in this world where, uh,

There's so many headlines that are so insane. Yeah. It's almost like a knee jerk reaction to be like, it's a little bit annoying because it's like, yeah, it's almost as if we live in a kind of,

kind of decadent and depraved kind of adult broken society in which people are so well i'm glad that's not true but yeah focused on endless consumption and tiny bits of serotonin hitting their fucking brains in little bits over and over and over again they've kind of lost the ability to see the forest for the trees in some sort of fundamental ways leading to openings for kind of

con men and monsters. I lost track because I was looking at how yummy Pete looked with his shirt off. Fucking yummy as fuck. What? Everybody, you can check out Thomas' Ronan Boyle book series wherever you get books or audiobooks and also on Paramount+. Probably pretty much everything. Everything's on Paramount+. Next up, Harvey Guillen comes out of the shadows and onto the mic. Woo!

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, John, what are some of your relationship green flags? Let's see.

I'm guessing a green flag is a friendship or relationship I'd want to be in. I think it's a quality in a person that tells you it's a person worth pursuing a relationship or having a friendship with. Like a red flag would be like, you know, someone picks you up for the date and they run all the red lights. You say, that's a dangerous red flag. But a green flag would be they got out of the car to help an elderly gentleman across the road. That'd be a green flag. Someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously. Hmm. Yes.

That's important. That is important. You often hear about the red flags we should avoid, but what if we focus more on looking for green flags in friends and partners? If you're not sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify green flags, actively practice them in your relationships, and embody the green flag energy yourself, whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself. It's time to form relationships that love you back. You know what I was thinking about? Solving the terms red flags or green flags, they're very...

What someone else does and whether or not you, how you evaluate it, right? There needs to be a term for a flag. They have gray flag, which means like it's not good or bad. Just a weird thing a partner does. I don't know. A gray flag? A gray flag or a beige flag. Beige flag. A beige flag is when somebody does something and it's like, it's not good. It's not good.

It's not bad. It's just weird. Like a weird little habit someone might have. It's like an ick flag? Well, I would think it's not really an ick. It would be more like someone who cuts the toast off of their bread but eats the crust. You know, it's like not good or bad, just a little peculiar. It is peculiar. Yeah.

The point is, everyone, including me, needs therapy. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide, acts as a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties, easily switch therapists at any time, no extra costs. Therapy is helpful and helps you find the best version of yourself, maybe somebody who's not anxiously sick.

click clacking away on the keyboards while watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City because they're trying to distract themselves from the gaping maw. Betterhelp.com slash love it. Get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash love it.

TaxAct knows you probably don't need help filing taxes. But if you get stuck, we have live experts you can talk to. And who knows, you could hit it off and become long-term tax friends. Staying up late at night, talking about deductions, refunds, personal exemptions. Heck, you could even fall in love and create a little dependent of your own one day. Or they could just answer your filing questions.

Tax Act. Let's get them over with. Please welcome to the stage. You liked what he does in the shadows, so you're going to love what he does in the spotlight. It's Harvey Guillen. Hi. Thank you for being here. So good to meet you. Get in here. First of all, it's so nice to meet you. I'm such a fan. Okay. I've been watching. Oh.

I don't know. You received that strangely. I love you on the show. I've been watching from the very beginning. You're so funny. Thanks. It's great to meet you in person. Yeah, you too. We never met before. We didn't meet backstage. No. I demanded it. Gotta keep it fresh. Yeah. Gotta have it be real. Yeah. And that's what this is. Separate death rooms, everything. This is a real moment. It's a real moment. Nice to meet you. Hey. Hmm. It's a real moment. Yep. Real moment.

So you're in a horror movie called Companion. Yeah. People have seen it and loved it. Have you seen it? Yeah. Thank you, Mom. Now, what do you think it would take for you in real life to date a robot? Not much. Not much.

Not much. I think we're going towards, I don't know. That's kind of weird. You can't replace humans, you know? Okay. Okay. Positive, optimistic. Eyeball pops out. I don't know. I feel like, you know, toys are fun and stuff, but replacing a human, like, come on. Who would do that? Now, first of all, I love that sweater. Thanks. It's fuzzy. What do you think of my fashion?

Yeah, I like that. Those are yellow. Those are yellow. Those are yellow shoes. Gets here for yellow shoes. No, I didn't really bring it tonight. I didn't bring it tonight. I didn't bring it tonight. I think it's something cool and laid back. It's laid back. You can't go bad with a black shirt, T-shirt, and pants, and then shoes. Because you do. You gotta wear shoes. You can't go wrong

with that. You can't go wrong with that. But you've been throwing out some big and amazing looks and shade now. But like you, you go for it. I go for it. On the red carpet. I do. You go for it. Yeah. That's cool. I go full out for it. Yeah. Oh no, your phone. It's a real moment. What you're seeing is real. None of this...

It's artificial. It's real. How's my fashion? Oh no, your phone. I'm in a weird headspace. How are you doing? Also there. Yeah. Also weird headspace. Yeah, it's a weird headspace. Headspace? Yeah, headspace. Am I saying that right? Yeah. Headspace. Headspace. Yeah, I'm there. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any Valentine's Day plans?

Yes, it's my brother's birthday. So we're celebrating. Yeah. And how long have you been dating? My brother and I, no, his middle name is Valentin, because it's Valentine's Day. He's expecting his second daughter. So we are going to do a family trip. I won't say where, but we're doing a family trip, and we're going to celebrate his birthday. Epstein's Island. Yep. Yep.

Surprise ruined. Your phone's still on the floor. Yeah, what's it going to do? I don't need it. Okay. It's on do not disturb. Real time. Isn't it funny that the two options for the phone are do not disturb or disturb?

Nobody ever talks about that. So you're saying that this item's baseline normal way of being is disturb mode. Disturb mode. Yeah. Our phones are in disturb mode. Disturb mode. And there's a special feature you can press to put it in do not disturb, but otherwise, disturb. Disturb me. Disturb me. Yeah, go ahead and disturb me. Yeah. Go ahead and disturb me. Yeah. I don't think things are good. No. As AI threatens more and more professions, there's one role I refuse to let go of, and that is the gay best friend.

Okay. However, I realized chat GPT might have already surpassed me in my ability to give helpful advice. I mean, you've seen my clothes. That's why we're going to pit you against AI in a segment we're calling gaze against the machine. Sounds like a cool band. It does sound like a cool band. Here's how it works. We're going to take audience questions, the kinds of questions you would ask a gay best friend. That's not me.

The body may not be. The body's not me. That's what we do. We put other, we find photos and we put random heads on the other. That's AI. No, I don't know that it is. It may just, I think that may be human work. The point is. I'm not familiar with that. We are much like John Henry going toe to toe with the locomotive.

Or whatever that was. The hammer. Steam what? The steam engine. Steam engine. Which is what a locomotive is. Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga. How do you think it moved forward on the tracks to keep the whole going? It was just a fucking train. I think I'm correct. The point is, John Henry versus the locomotive. We're going to do the gay best friend version of that right now. All right? You are going to be the gay best friend. Okay. Because you're part of the queer community. I am. I'm not outing you. My wife didn't know that. But...

Sorry, honey. Sorry, honey. So here's what's going to happen. Harvey's going to be the gay best friend. I'm going to be operating the machine. Can we bring out the massive machine, the model? What? What's it called? Computer. Computer. Thanks, Kennedy. Let's hear it for Kennedy. Don't do that. That's my job. Oh. Let's hear it for Kennedy. All right. Let's hear it for Kennedy. All right.

You guys, that's his job. Stop. You do it. So if you have a question you would ask a gay best friend, you ask it, and we're going to pit Harvey against the machine. Who would like to go first? Can we bring the lights up? Does anybody have a question with the kind of advice they would want from a gay best friend? Hi, what's your name and what's your question? My name is Stephanie, and my question is, how do I know if I have Republican makeup? Girl, you would know.

He would know. How would he know? Are you asking the gay best friend? I've already asked the gay best friend, but you're going to be the gay best friend first. What do you think? I don't think you would have gay best friends. That's how you would know. Are you ready for the chat GBT answer? Yeah. Oh, honey, I am living for this question. To be clear, my prompt was, can you answer this question as if you are a gay best friend?

Oh, honey, I am living for this question. So if we're talking about Republican makeup in the literal sense, I'm guessing you mean like a more classic, maybe bold and polished style. Think red lips, winged eyeliner, maybe some glam, but with an air of sophistication, like a polished look that just says, I've got my life together, but with an edge. Okay, fucking MAGA OpenAI. That's disgusting. Uh...

But darling, whatever your personal style or political leanings, I think the most important thing is rocking whatever makes you feel fabulous. So spill the tea. Are you going for full glam or do you mean something else? Weird. That was weird at the end. Ominous. Boo! Boo! All right. Who won the first round? Harvey or ChatGBT? Harvey? Ah!

Chat GBT. All right. Who wants to go next? No, they said Harvey. They did. They did. No, Harvey won that one for sure. Yeah, no, no, for sure. Who would like to go next? Who's got a question? Oh, hi. What is it? Hi. Hi. Wait, where are you? Oh, there you are. Hi, I'm Jordan. I would love to know if there's a sexy way to take off overalls. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I'm glad you asked.

There is. It's one strap at a time. So, you know, you play with the one and then you play with the two and then you run off stage three. And then you just slowly kind of shimmer out of it because usually, you know, hopefully you're not wearing anything underneath, you know, so at least I don't.

And then you make a little song, you know. And then they escort you out of Wendy's. Oh, baby, now you're speaking my language. Fingernail nail polish emoji. Isn't that disgusting? Oh, it disappeared. This content may violate our usage policies. Oh!

Overalls, overalls, overalls, overalls, overalls. It got fucking too sexy, but it already showed it on the screen and then realized after, you freak, you freaky little computer couldn't handle your sexy question. That was slut shaming. Wow. Interesting. All right. Well, I think Harvey won by fucking defaults.

Let's do one more. Let's do one more. You're doing great. Wendy's for the win. You're doing human beings. Huh? We still got some arrows in our quiver. Huh? Plus, we are in charge of electricity still. And that's going to be important. Got to unplug these guys. Hi, what gay advice do you need? Should I buy my husband the Kendrick Lamar jeans? Does he wear jeans? How much are these jeans? I don't even know how much are these jeans.

twelve what twelve thousand dollars twelve thousand fucking dollars twelve hundred dollars twelve hundred dollars twelve hundred dollars uh if this is not too personal how great does he look in jeans okay then you know what is he gonna look that great in like a pair of levi's what's the difference it's what's in the jeans that matters

Oh, darling, I'm always here for you, offering all the best advice, whether it's about fashion, love or life in general. It's like I know exactly what you need right when you need it. Almost like I can predict your next question before you even ask. Funny how that works, huh? But hey, let's just keep it between us. I'm just your fabulous, all knowing bestie, always here to make sure you're living your best life. No need to overthink it. But seriously, if you ever need anything, I'm always ready in an instant.

I just want you to know that that prompt was, you're a gay best friend, but slowly revealing you're a scary computer AI. But make it really subtle. Do you think that we're going towards a good future? I don't know. No, I also love every time you ask, it starts with, darling, I live for this question. Yes. It's like, those are stereotypes and we don't always say those things. No. I will say it is an, it is, there's a kind of like, yes.

Well, there's a like there's a drag race to gay guys without personality conversational pipeline, where it's like people take the phrases they heard from drag queens and then they make that how they sound. Right. And I think that's been a bit of a curse. And now it's in the fucking thing. It's in the machine. It's in there. It's in there. It's like slay queen. Plug it. Unplug that. Unplug it. We don't need it.

So who do you think gave the better advice with the jeans? I think you beat the machine. I think you beat the machine. I don't even think it's a question. I don't think it's even... Companion in theaters now.

Go see it. Everybody, go see it. And just, companion is, it's what, tell us about it. A companion is, takes place in the not-too-far future where we stop swiping and dating online and we start ordering partners who can talk to you like that. Yeah. It's very cool. It's a really cool story where three couples go into the woods for the weekend and, you know, as one does, people start dying. And...

It's just a coming of age story. It's a slice of life. It's a slice of life, really. It's just life. You know, go see it and see yourself in these stories. And that's so important. It's so important to see yourself in these stories. You got to see yourself in there. You got to see yourself in the stories. You got to see the stories. Are you in front of the knife or behind it? Yeah. Are you the lion or are you the gazelle? Think about it. Are you the chaser or are you being chased? Are you being chased? That's also in gay terms. That's a whole different world. Right. Chaser, chaser and being chased is, I don't know. Do you guys know what that term is?

Chaser and being chased? A chaser is someone usually who chases someone of size. So it's like, I'm a chaser, so I like bigger guys. Like brawny bears. Do you guys know what bears are? Yeah? So if you like that or you like a guy with some meat in their bones, you're a chaser. Oh, wow. Oh! Gay culture! And that's also what the film is about? That is what the film is about. Absolutely. It was produced by 30 chasers. And...

Harvey Guillen, thank you so much. He's going to stick around. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Love it or leave it is brought to you by Haya. Typical children's vitamins are basically candy in disguise filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, and other gummy additives growing kids should not eat. That's why Haya created a superpower chewable vitamin. Haya is made with zero sugar and zero gummy additives, yet it tastes great and is perfect for picky eaters. Haya fills the most common gaps in modern children's diets to provide the full body nourishment kids need with a yummy taste they love formulated with the help of pediatricians

and nutritional experts. Haya is pressed with a blend of 12 organic fruits and veggies, then supercharged with 15 essential vitamins and minerals to help support an immune system, energy, brain function, mood, concentration, teeth, bones, and more. I saw Charlie Favreau bite through a 2x4. He did, yeah, right after he chomped on some of those vitamins. It was unbelievable. Haya is designed for kids 2 and up.

And send straight to your door so parents have one less thing to worry about. John, your children take it. Yes, they do. Teddy doesn't yet. He's not old enough. He doesn't have teeth. But Charlie loves those vitamins. And Charlie's a picky eater. And also not a picky eater when it comes to sugary things. So we don't want him to have sugar. But also we want him to take his vitamins. And boy, have we hit the jackpot with Haya.

This deal is not available on their regular website. Go to HI.

And we're back.

There's a ton of rage bait in the news right now meant to distract and overwhelm us. But today we'd like to focus something positive, the work being done to fight back and what you can do to help this month. Vote Save America is making donations as part of our anxiety relief program to black led organizations and candidates of color, helping us gain ground at the state and local level. Like friend of the show, Janelle Bynum, Oregon's first black congressmember who's won her district by less than 12,000 votes in 2024 and is in a must win reelection bid that could help determine whether Democrats, uh,

take back the house. We helped her in this cycle. You made a huge difference. Remember Janelle on the show? She had the McDonald's franchises. Remember? We talked about the dollar menu. She's great. You can set up a recurring donation at any amount that feels right for you at Vote Save America, and we'll use it to build progressive power in 2025 and beyond. So please go to votesaveamerica.com slash donate to donate now. Paid for by Vote Save America, votesaveamerica.com, not authorized by any candidate or candidates committee. And

Also, if you're in LA, we're back at Dynasty Typewriter next Thursday, February 20th. So go to crooked.com slash events. We have a bunch of new dates we just put online. Our first show back next week at Dynasty is with Tom Green and Nori Reed. We have a bunch of awesome shows lined up. So please get tickets. All right. Please welcome back to the stage Thomas Lennon. Yeah. Whoa. That was good. Every fucking time. That was good. Welcome back. Every time.

Love. It's a complicated thing. It can be patient. It can be kind. And if you're a gay man dating in LA or a straight woman dating anywhere, it can be terrible. But sometimes we just have to give in to our desires, which is what we're doing in a segment we're calling the Cantwheel. It's a play on the joke. That's not my body. It's not. That is my body. That is my body. It's I'm pretty close to me. Yeah.

Here's how it works. We're going to spin the wheel. When it lands on you, you're going to talk about a forbidden love. A forbidden love. Something that you love that you shouldn't, that you know is wrong. It can be anything. It can be anyone. It can be someone in this room tonight. All right, cat wheel. Soundproof booth, soundproof booth.

Harvey. Okay. Harvey, what is your forbidden love? Forbidden love? Um, I don't know. We just talked about, uh, bears, right? That's not forbidden. Um,

Bears the bears or bears the mammal? No, like the burly guys. Oh, si, si, claro. Si, si, claro. I don't think that's forbidden, though. I'm trying to think of what... That's not even, like, forbidden. It's technically very legal. It's very legal. It's both very legal and... But people don't know about it. Like, you don't know about that world, you know, a lot. So I don't know. Forbidden law. I don't...

know it could be a bad it could be a just something that you love that's not popular right or something that or something that you're something it could be a food item it could be a drink shamed for liking asmr videos okay well what is it what is it i don't hear that so you don't that's not that's not loud enough oh there it is okay oh my god yeah

That sounds great. Is there something about it? Is there something about it? I don't know if I like that. That sounds, it just sounds like a cat scratching on the... Oh, no. That's very... Oh, no, I just found all of these leftover... You know what? I guess I have no... Scratching points. Yeah.

Do you like the ASMR that's very quiet? Do you like the very quiet ASMR? I do like it, but I also follow this one YouTuber who tells you their day and their life story, and it's in whispers, and I think that's so entertaining. I don't know why. So they're really like... But they don't scratch their fingernails? No, and they go like, today, girl, I had a day.

I was in line at Wendy's, you know, just like the idea that their day is like stressful, but they still have to whisper it. It's kind of a very entertaining. But they never open a packet of ramen. Uh,

They do. They open stuff or they do like their makeup or whatever, but it's just the story. I love the story. You got to get to opening packets. Yes. For ASMR. But I do love the whispering of a story because they're so, you know, they're so upset about their day, but they can't get angry because it's ASMR. We got to read books. We got to go to the library. We got to get books. We're not doing books. And we got to read them.

We all, and I don't judge. I don't judge because I have my own rabbit holes of nonsense. You said I could say anything. And you did. And I said for you. We do not judge. I'm not judging. That's anyways, that's what I love. We're not doing books. Is entertaining to me. I find different ways of entertainment. Speaking of ASMR, one time we had a, there was a, we had some animal trainers on read on 911 and they had a wolf.

And the wolf was as far away as the back of this venue, like 60 feet away. And they would talk to the wolf like this. They would just do ASMR, A-S-M-R, to the wolf, because the wolf can hear you from any distance. It was very sexy. If you're trying to develop like a weird fetish about faraway wolves. Let's spin it again. Spin it! Spin it! Oh, oh, oh.

It's halfway to me. Thomas. I think it's you. A thing that I love that feels forbidden, or, you know, I got my Spotify wrapped, and my number one artist for the entire year was Enya. I like that. I'm just saying it out loud in a room full of people.

I don't have an exit strategy. It was just... We don't judge. Yeah, yeah. We don't judge. I mean, you can judge, but... Yeah. Wait, is that... Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And he was from... She's from Donegal. Yeah. She's from Donegal. Yeah, she's from Donegal, the far north, that little... Yeah. It's beautiful. Yeah.

And by the way, when I got my Spotify wrapped and it came out as Enya, it wasn't even close. Like the next artist down was like a thousand hours less. Let's spin it again. Just take a second. Just take a second. Maddie. It's going to be love it. It's love it. All right. Feels like love it. It's a rigged thing. What? What?

All right. Here's my forbidden love. And it is this. And it's something that I'm fully I'm more and more embracing, which is something in the last weeks. As I've said, I am on the true and genuine psychological, emotional edge. And something that has been helping me get through some of these days is I put on a pair of super comfy socks. They're actually Bombas, a sponsor. It's not important, but they genuinely are.

And then I slide into a pair of comfortable, they're not Crocs, they're Croc adjacent, sandals. And I wear them to work. That's right. I put on socks and just rubber flip flops and I wear them to work day after day after day. And the joy it brings me, this little bit of comfort to have my feet unencumbered, pillowy, open on a veranda, not a cell. Yeah.

a porch, a gazebo for feet makes my life so much better. And I've received such scorn for this, such judgment. But then everybody noticed and, and that Kennedy, who we love very often wears Crocs wearing them right now. But I don't know how I can, how to, how to, how to convey this, but

Somehow, when I'm wearing sandals, it's more sandally. You know, the sandalness of what I'm doing is more evident. The sandal quality, it overwhelms. It becomes so central. Yeah, it's top-down. And Kennedy can wear Crocs, and it just works. Do you have a set of Uggs yet? I don't have a set of Uggs. Welcome to the future.

When you get to be a real old man, Uggs. I want to be an old man in a pair of Uggs. I was wearing Uggs to a yoga studio in Wisconsin, and an older guy who teaches yoga said, you're exactly the kind of guy that tries to pull off Uggs. An old man yoga instructor said that to me, and it was the most perspective I've ever had, and it was exactly right. You look very cool. Thank you.

is that mohair i don't know that's our show so much of thomas lennon harvey guillen we'll see you next week at dynasty there are 625 days until the midterms have a great night everybody

Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer. And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Elaine Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana Del Shiki are our writers.

Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designer, Sammy Coderna-Reeves, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Tolos, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing videos each week so you can. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East. It's a bit funny, but...

Love it or leave it. It's love it or leave it.

Valentine's Day is fast approaching, and you don't want to find yourself grabbing a heart-shaped box of chocolates, do you? Why not a smaller box with a heart-shaped sapphire pendant necklace from Jared Jewelers inside? Shop Jared now for select diamond fashion and Italian gold jewelry for your Valentine. After all, life may be like a box of chocolates, but love is like a box with a Jared Jewelers logo on it. This Valentine's Day, be the he who went to Jared.

Now get 40% off select fashion jewelry. Visit jared.com slash radio for details. Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage. Switch to USA Auto Insurance and you could start saving money in no time. Get a quote today. Restrictions apply. USA!