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9-11 week is the best time to do a show. You know, I almost forgot. You know, me too. I was like, what is happening this week? That's the 23rd anniversary. Why is this cop crying right now? That was my first question. And then I was like, oh.
Oh yeah, that's right. Because his lungs are bleeding. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. We watched the reading of the names this morning. I'm Marcus Parks. We do it every 9-11.
With me is Henry Zebrowski. I taped mine on the VCR, and then what I'm going to do is tonight I'm going to go watch it because some of my favorite names are on there. There's Ronnie McDungle. Yes. Have you seen some of these? They're great. Have you seen Sarah Bress? No.
Very sad she died on 9-11. One of my favorite names. Yeah. I always stick around for Red Pepper, and then around Red Pepper, there's a woman whose last name is Red Pepper. Around the time of Red Pepper, that's when I start to kind of check out a little bit. That's when you get bored? Yeah. Do they read all the names or just the people who died in the towers? All the names. Do they read the Pentagon names, too, and the United 25 names? What about the pilots? I can't remember. I can't remember.
And so we're not even naming the Al Qaeda guys that are even the reason for the season? You mean to tell me of all of the names that are not on that list, those guys aren't there? They did die. You know? In the tower. None of that plaque wouldn't be there if it wasn't for them. Yeah, it's true. It's like when they skipped Gilbert on the Oscar memorials. Oh, don't even get me started.
Don't even get me. Same shit. We're here for part two. Not the horrors of 9-11. No, not yet. But the horrors of the underwater world. We're not in the sky. We're in the sea. Or at least an approximation of the sea at SeaWorld. At SeaWorld.
Bring us back into it. Ah, yes. It was lovely. You know, it was a great response. You know, it felt really good. A lot of messages. A couple people who worked for SeaWorld reached out to me. Yeah, to try to cover their fucking fins. There was, I will say, one of them was like, it's great over here. You know? What are you talking about?
We love it. Everybody loves it. But yeah, no, it was a thank you, everyone, who sent me the lovely messages. I really appreciate it. It's been interesting. You did some detective work this week. Well, this is a week that I started with orcas, killer whales. I did a little bit of research into one of the deaths that we'll talk about today, the Alexis Martinez death.
But it is kind of interesting where I slid right into the world of man-eating tigers. Yeah. Have you done any reading about man-eating tigers? Yeah, dude. It's fucking nuts. We really need to do even a more extensive series on man-eating tigers. This is great. I feel like I'm inspiring you. Yes. And for those of you that don't know, so this is all throughout. It's some Asian countries, but a lot of it's in India. And what you're seeing is, so a man-eating tiger.
is what, by definition, is a tiger that has shifted its entire diet to eating only humans and hunting systematically only humans. And so it's happened time and time again. Like, there was one that, like, they're all like, I guess, what was that one movie with Val Kilmer?
Oh, the Ghost of the Darkness, but that's lions. Yes, it's lions. And so it's not the same. But there's stuff like the Champawat tiger. This one tiger killed at least 200 people alone. I love these stories. Yeah, this is this one. But what's interesting is that they...
they found out is that it's because in rural India, they have a relationship with the wildlife that they live in that is extremely different than any other culture. Like, they are totally fine with living with some of the world's deadliest animals in their backyard. They have kind of a symbiosis with them. Once you get used to it. You got to. You're just used to it. But the
The problem is that they're getting, because of the population increases in India, they're going further and further into the tiger's territory. So they get super territorial. But the main thing is that they become man-eating tigers mostly. Because a tiger will eat a person every once in a while. But normally it's out of confusion. They say the one thing that the tigers do is that they'll...
stalk the guys picking rice, right? As they go down, as they crouch down. Like, why is that baby ox on two legs? Yes, but what the thing is is that apparently tigers, they get real close as they're in the grass. You don't even know they're there. No, but then when they stand up, when humans stand up, tigers become disinterested. Because largely they are afraid of human beings. They don't want to be anywhere near humans. Because humans have killed millions of them. Millions of them. Yeah, we're dangerous monkeys. We're dangerous, highly dangerous. But...
when tigers get injured and they don't get fixed. They said what happened with the Champawat tiger, first of all, as they realized that, is that she had a upper and lower canine teeth on the right side of the mouth were completely broken. The upper one and a half, the lower one was right down to the bone. And when they realized, it's like, oh, tigers that normally switch to full man-eating have hurt
have hurt themselves in a way that they can no longer go after their own prey. So now they are going after the highly defenseless pink monkeys that we are, and they realize they could do it one by one. But then they start to learn. Tigers are so good at hunting, they start to recognize when...
a man is armed or not armed, they start to recognize whether or not he's alone or not because they only go after single humans because, like, that's the thing. They're opportunity hunters and they try to, they come at you with surprises. It's crazy. I ain't trying to fight more than one person. No, I ain't either. I am. Yeah. Yeah.
man but what i've been getting into is like you know i mean i know everyone's watching chimp crazy right now but i mean i should have watched it man but it's it's amazing all this new travis the chimp footage that i've never seen crazy yeah travis the chimp of course was the chimp that you know ripped the woman's face off and you know and almost killed her chewed her hands off yeah chewed her hands up because man that's what they do that's what the chimps do they go for the
face and they go for the hand. Anything that you can attack them with, they remove. Yes. But the saddest one was when it showed that Travis, after he got shot multiple times by the cop and then he ran back to his enclosure, you just sort of see his hand that's like slowly gripping the weird little dungeon prison that he's been left in. It's extremely sad. Yeah. But can I just say, we'll get back to this, but with Chimp Crazy, what do we have to do to make sure Amber doesn't become Tanya? Laughter
She's too frugal to have chips. Yeah.
They have to make sure that she doesn't become Tanya. But you know what's interesting with the man-eating tigers is that not only is... So the issue with handling them is, one, is they try to find the man-eating tiger alone, isolate the man-eating tiger, but it's very difficult to do. It's because you have to find out there's a difference between if a tiger eats a human accidentally versus has been only eating humans, and they have to figure out how to prove that. So largely what all these people say is we can't.
kill the offending tiger. And then we leave the other tigers alone. We're trying to keep them from mass killing all of the tigers, which they at this point have yet to do. But the next issue is that their environmentalists wonder, they protest every single time they kill a tiger, whether or not it's man-eating tiger or not, because they're like, we need every tiger that we can get. So that's interesting. But number three, the worst seems to be the side effects, of course.
with the deadliest animal of all, humankind. Because sometimes, man-eating tiger goes berserk. Nobody knows what to do. This tiger seems to kind of be, they don't know how to handle it. So there's people within the town have to debate, do we kill it or not? Do we go after it or not?
turns into an angry mob. All of a sudden, the town is in flames. Like, they literally... Mobs of men getting drunk and mass sexual assaults, mass fires. Jesus. It's bad. It's crazy. I don't know why that happens. Over tigers. Tiger riots. Yeah, tiger riots. But that's my research project. Thank you for that, actually. That was... It's a good palate cleanser. Isn't it?
All right, so I'm going to take you to November 1983, Iceland. Before Tilikum killed three people in captivity, he was a chill-ass orca eating fish, and he loved playing with his family. So we don't know how much he loved being with his family. Well, we knew that he cried when they stole him from them. How about that?
I'll get to it in a second. Some big tears. One day, while frolicking in the waters off of... Please try to pronounce this. I know how to pronounce it. Can you do it? Yes. That's the best that I can do. One day, while frolicking in the waters off of... His family was rounded up by thugs and he was kidnapped from his home.
Whale-napped. Yes. Calf-napped, I guess. The way this happened to Tilcombe was the hunters trapped the entire pod of orcas in a net, and then they pick out the smallest of the orcas, pull them out of the water with a sling, which...
This time was Tilikum. Tilikum was then lifted into a boat, placed in a tub a little larger than his body, half filled with seawater. The rest of his family are released because they're too large to get on the boat. They want to get the calves. It's an easier transport.
This is extremely traumatizing for not only Tilikum, but his entire pod. I did see some writings talking about the emotional sensitivity of orcas and whales. And it is like they are extremely smart. Oh, yeah. They are like they are straight up cry. They have emotions. Yeah. And they have. Yeah, they have connections. They make intellectual connections. Remember, we said biggest brain of all the animals. Yeah. Biggest cock.
Eight feet. Tilikum was on the boat and he could hear the screams of his family for hours as they chased the boat away. His mother, of course, chased the longest. She followed for miles until she was too tired to continue. Jesus Christ, Eddie. Before this point, Tilikum, this is, like you said, this is like how a Charles Manson gun started. It's a soup, man. You're fucking souping it up here.
Before this point, Tilikum had never been more than a few feet from his mother. Orcas have incredible hearing, and the silence of not hearing his mother anymore was for sure deafening. Eddie, does this help? Eddie, it's me, it's your mother. I need money. You remember?
Side note, when orcas are bred in captivity, the calf is taken from the mother. The mother calls and clicks for months in search for her lost calf. As time goes by, the calls get louder because she's trying to send calls miles away. But of course, they are not heard miles away because she's in a tank. I imagine Tilikum's mother did the same thing off of Iceland.
All Tilikum could hear on the boat was the crassness of sailors and the ship's engine. Yo, so you're sad of them going like, I come to the rest, all right, and then I flipped her around, and it was meat pie. Maybe we should take turns fricking the whale. I say we put it to a vote. Who's fricking the whale? What?
I say we let the whale go! Get him! He was then moved from the ship to a flatbed truck, driven to a concrete structure in a shed. In this tiny shed are two other female orcas. Oh, this is like the beginning of a fucking whale porn. You want to look at it that way? Sure. This orca is a child? Yes.
He's listed two. Come on. But in orca years, that's when they're... That would make them four. These orcas start to scream at him in a language he does not understand. They are confused by him and hate him because they were also recently kidnapped from their respective pods. He's bigger than both of them and takes up a lot of room in the shed that is already too small for the two of them. He spends a year in his cell.
One day he's removed and put in the back of a truck, driven to an airport, put into a cargo plane, and flown over to Victoria, British Columbia, and Canada to an amusement park named Sealand of the Pacific.
This was thousands of miles from Iceland. Obviously, this concept was lost on him. Yeah, he doesn't know maps. Yeah. He's like the Charlie Manson, institutionalized, fucked up in the fucking system and then put amongst the people. You expect me to get better in here? Wait till he gets to the point where he draws a swastika on his forehead. Honestly, at first, yes, I'd be offended, but quickly, soon afterwards, I'd be like...
How do you learn to do that? Learn the simple. There's no fucking, there's no sharp angles in the ocean. You find out there's an employee at SeaWorld that's just been reading a mind comp every night. I've been a doodling. The fish are delicious.
So he was placed in a containment area that's in the ocean surrounded by nets and docks. It wasn't like an actual pool or anything, but it was netted off and the people observe him from the docks during the day, flashing cameras and yelling, oh, that's a big fish, eh? Yeah.
Very good Canadian. Thank you. It wasn't. It sounded British. I'm trying to help. I'm not trying to roast you. Well, it's a big fish, eh? That's better, right? Oh, that's a big fish there, eh? Yeah, there you go. Oh, yeah, right there. But I tell you what, if I'd seen a bigger fish, and let me tell you, I'd seen a, oh, when I was over in Westminster...
I saw a fish twice that size. That's the thing, though, is that you're operating under the principle that that there's a fish and it's actually not a fish, mister. That's a mammal. Thank you, Bob. And then you got a fucking Canadian giving you a goddamn lecture for the next hour and a half. Thank you, Bob. Let's yell at this fat man.
Eventually, they move till they come to a larger enclosure with two other killer whales, Nootka and Haida. They're much smaller, but also not fond of him because he's so big and he takes up a lot of space and they're already cramped enclosure. I just saw a lion. I'm sorry. That is like his...
Bane. It was consistently like through his entire life, he was bullied by smaller whales that could maneuver around him and like kick his ass. That's awful. Yeah. They begin to bully him. Sometimes the big deserve it. We'll take it to the parking lot in a little bit. Oh, yeah.
They begin to bully him and beat up on him. They ram him, rake their teeth on him. And during the evening, the three of them are locked up in an even smaller indoor tank adjacent to the pool. So you saying that they were mean is interesting because I don't know why. Obviously, this is my issue. But when I see the names Nootka and Haida, like, I just imagine, like...
Two orcas with big, huge tits and big steins of beer and big blonde hair and a plate of sausages and stuff. But maybe that's just because it's just me. Yeah, no. I don't think it really holds water at all. Nine. The tank held water. The owner of Sealand didn't want them overnight and held in by just the nets in fear they would chew through it and escape. So at night they put them in the small pool.
The three of them would be locked in the module for 14 hours at a time from 5 p.m. to 7 a.m. every goddamn day. Most knights, Newt, Gunn, and Hyda attacked Tilikum. If he didn't get lacerated from their teeth, it would be the metal walls of the tank. Dude, this is Pan's Ram. This is Pan's Ram. There was hardly enough room for the orcas to turn around in the tanks.
One night, Nuka attacked Tilikum so intensely that she hurt herself when she rammed her head into him. She bounced her body off of the side of the tank and started bleeding out of her blowhole. Tilikum obviously became depressed. His dorsal fin slouched over and he was constantly covered in open wounds. And during the day, he was forced to perform for dead fish.
he very much would prefer to hunt and catch his own fish like he did in the wild. Of course. My God. If he refused to go into his nighttime enclosure with the other prisoner whales that beat him up, the humans would withhold food from him. In fact, they would often withhold food from him regardless to ensure that he would do tricks for the little food that they gave him. I always think that so many people like to check food
Big people. Oh, my. Dude, in my whole childhood. Oh, yes. I'd have to fight all the goddamn time because I was the biggest guy around. But there's something about this where it's like this idea. Humans are very interesting. This idea that you look at this 3,000 pound killing machine. 12,000. You know. You know what I mean. You're like this big thing.
And your mind is, I can handle that thing. It's like the first thing you thought being like, yeah, let's figure that out. He's going to be begging for fish. In fact, get two more and let's get people to come look at him. Yeah, but meanwhile, I feel like it's like bringing back to Chimp Crazy. Every single moment of Chimp Crazy when they...
The one where it was like they were all watching TV. They were with the chimp that was watching the chimp from 2001 on the screen. And this chimp is just going like, ah! And they're all laughing and shit. And then they showed old footage of them handing a toddler to one of the chimps. Oh, my God. It drove me insane. I'm just sitting there like, I'm just waiting for it to just rip it.
to pieces. Yeah, you know it's not going to, but still, it's in your head. It's this close. I don't know, man. There was that one footage of him, like, brought the teenager over to play, and he starts fucking, like, going nuts on him and starts grabbing at his arm. The guy's like, okay, okay.
Yeah, okay. This is really scary very suddenly. But they all just think they can reason with this animal. No. It's not a fucking person. No. I feel like this is like the perfect week to do this episode with all the Chim Crazy stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It really is. Man should... We were talking about this at home. Man made two categories of animal for that.
Dogs and cats. We have all agreed that we made dogs and cats for this purpose. Not chimps. I completely agree. If we spent generations mutilating cats and dogs to make them great to be kept inside of the house, if it wasn't for the centuries of eugenics, dog eugenics,
car me would not be able to exist. No, you know, so, but that's dogs were domesticated thousands of years before the wheel. Yes, they were a part. They've been a part of the human story ever since we literally have had communities. So they are, but they are made to be with us now at this point, chimps are not. No. Well, anyway, new can hide over in heat. Oh, all right. I think my vision is coming a little closer.
In Tilikum, he's still a pup at this point, but they dominated him and then made him have sex with them against his will. So he was raped? Tilikum was raped in the beginning. Jesus Christ. In Tilikum, he is panther. Yeah. And also the thing to know about Tilikum when he starts becoming a major part of the breeding program is he was known to be a very sensitive lover.
Hmm. Yeah. So orcas have different styles of lovemaking? Yeah, Ken Duke was a bastard.
Wow. So what do you mean by, like, it licked the clit? No, he would, like, follow them nicely and, like, rub the side of them, and, like, the orca would, like, look back at them. Yeah, it was very sensual. Kanduk would just, like, ram himself into the poor little orca that he was impregnating. Wow, great. Yeah, well, you know. Kanduk died, and Tilikum lived. Hey, that's how it goes. Fly from your grave.
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What happened was, between shows, Kelty slipped and one leg fell in the water, and that was all Tillichub needed. Oh, yeah. He grabbed her foot and dragged her into the pool. She broke loose for a moment, but there was no ladder out, and Tillichub came back, grabbed her again, and dragged her to the center of the pool.
He dragged her to the bottom of the pool and held her there. The water was cold. Remember, we're up in Canada. Witnesses said Kelty screamed for help as Tilikum let her up for air briefly, but was now a game for Tilikum. Fellow employees tried to free her with a long hook, but Tilikum kept her away. They threw a life preserver and he kept her away from that as well.
was doing everything they could to distract Tillichum to release her, but he would not. There's something about, like, I was reading one about one of the tiger attacks that had happened in captivity, and also the Siegfried and Roy attack. Yes. The Roy attack. That was in front of an audience of people. That's interesting because they tried to, but it's imagining all of the people
desperately like this giant animal is playing with a dead body in a pool like you hit it with a baseball bat it won't affect it yes and but they're literally like shaking keys at it like it's just it's crazy you have like a fish they have to slap the water and they're shaking keys at it and they got a little fish and they go like stop it stop it now please stop it and that's like all they that's all they could do because it's a 12,000 pound killing machine yeah
Until it come, he brought her under again and again, letting her get brief gulps of air. The other whales began to join in at this point. He was playing with her, balancing her while she cried on his nose. Whoa, so she was alive for that long? She's still alive. Oh, she's still alive? Yes, she's still alive at this point. And then Nootka and Haida began tossing her back and forth as well.
While she was fighting for air and survival, finally, Tilikum took her underwater to her ultimate demise. Oh! The whole event lasted for 15 minutes. Oh, I thought you meant she survived altogether. No, she's dead. Dead. Yeah. Yeah, she's very much dead. I assumed. Yeah. I assumed. Now... 15 minutes of just getting beach balled back and forth by a bunch of whales. By three orcas. God.
Ted Bundy. What was Sealand of the Pacific equipped to house?
Penguins. Seals. Yeah. It was basically like on the water. Yeah. It was just like docks and shit, and they had nets, and it was a very simple place. So this is, it's like the sea equivalent of like a roadside zoo. Kind of. It seemed like it. Yeah. And they were trying to, but at least they knew enough to get rid of the whales after this. Okay. In captivity, Tilikum would go on to be SeaWorld's best stud. Yeah.
having 21 offspring in captivity, and 11 died before he did, and seven of them are still performing to this day. Whoa. The rest were sent to other parks. He's Joe Jackson. Now, Tilikum, like, when you come and another whale, like, do you think that he made other more agitable, like, agitable whales? I guess not. Yes. Really? Very much so. Wow. Yeah, because he...
is an aggressive whale. Yeah. And it is in his blood. And he's also mixing his aggressive whale blood with other whales from all over the world, other different types of whales. Remember, we have residents. Yeah. And so there's different types of whales, transient whales. Wow. And he was a resident. So if he mixed with a transient, and then all of a sudden you got a whale that eats mammals that's aggressive. Yeah, man, we got to be careful because that's how we got Chet Hanks. Yeah.
God knows where she caught that dick, man. You got two of your favorite references in under like two minutes. Joe Jackson and Chet Hanks. That's my dream blunt rotation. Joe Jackson, Chet Hanks, Bobby Bonilla. Bobby Bonilla, JoJo Siwa, and L. Ron Hubbard. Yeah, man, that's your crew. That's my fucking group. That's my boys. What's his name?
The little guy? Chris Chan. No. And Tuchuki. Tuchuki. Yeah. But Tuchuki's going to be my employee. But before we go, and for the record, as we stated, SeaWorld has since ended their breeding program. And once these whales pass or become too old to perform, they have pledged to end their orca shows entirely. So after this last batch. They're not doing it ever again.
All right. And also, it's important to note that the trainers no longer get in the water with the orcas. And that has happened since 2012. Well, yeah, it sounds like that's the majority of the main issues here. Yes. Yeah. So now the orca show is like there's a trainer on the side and they do tricks and it's more of like a presentation and they teach you about orcas. Good. Yeah. Which is better for sure.
One thing we haven't really talked about much yet, and that's the trainers. From what I can tell, most of the trainers are not marine biologists or scientists, but performers that love whales.
A lot got into the job because it seemed like the coolest job in the world. It does. Especially back in the 80s and 90s. Oh, yeah. Of course. It seemed awesome. I was enamored by it, personally. It was like, I remember going to see one of these shows in SeaWorld, and it's just like, you know, it's hot babes, and it's cool guys. Yeah, and they're like surfing on the whales. Yeah, it's awesome. It's fucking awesome. Yeah, but it's the same people that are like also working at like...
The Beetlejuice stage show. Now we know this. At the time, I used to think, well, there must be real experts. But it's not until they all started working there until they really found out what was going on.
Some of the trainers say that the only reason they stay working there is because they are scared of what will happen if they leave. That makes total sense. Yeah. They built a relationship with the animal and they don't want somebody. What if somebody comes in who's a total shithead? Exactly. So they love these animals. Oh, yes. The emotional attachment between a whale and his trainer is stronger, if not stronger, than we have with our cats and dogs.
Well, dogs for sure. I don't know. I refuse to believe that. I mean, imagine if Carmi was an orca.
How much more you would love her? Yeah. Actually, just because then I'd have like a pool that I could throw my enemies into. Yes. But they don't eat humans. They just kill them. They had some fun. Then I fish it out. Then I feed the rest in the neighborhood. Honestly, I feel like it'd be a good way for me to help feed the poor. Yeah. That's a great idea. Yeah.
People. Cannibalism. Thank you. Yeah. It's great. Also, you don't just become an orca trainer when you're hired. At first, they start you off working with seals and dolphins and false killer whales and stuff like that. And then once you're excelling there, they will move you into the bigger pool with the bigger animals. At least it's not just being like, well, she was good at the tilter world, so...
Let's toss her, Keiko. I think she's ready to handle it. She slung some corn dogs pretty fast the other day. I think Telecom needs a new rider. One ex-trainer, Carol Ray, remembered applying for a tour guide position, and on her resume, she had a psych degree, a specialization in behavioral activities, a scuba certification, theater training, and was a competitive swimmer. Holy!
Holy shit. Yeah. So they tried to make her an animal trainer instead of a tour guide, but she declined. She just wanted a job for the summer. When she was a tour guide, she was taught how to deal with problem guests who asked challenging questions. Yeah. That was always me as a kid. Yeah. Yeah. She was told to avoid buzzwords and phrases like, animals weren't captured, but acquired. Yeah. Oh, you don't know how they got here. Yeah. The animals weren't in cages or tanks, but enclosures and aquariums. Mm-hmm.
Captivity was called controlled environment, and animals never had sex. They engaged in courtship behavior. No, animals fuck. I know, but we know. Shit. If someone asked where an animal was that had died, they were simply told to say, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. Instead of kill, they say... Actually, it's in the tuna sandwiches in the panini press. Instead of kill, they say the animal ate...
And they didn't ever want to say the word evolve because they were a Christian organization. Jesus fucking Christ. So SeaWorld had them use the word adapt. Oh my fucking God. I hate them so much more now. I didn't know it was possible for me to dislike SeaWorld more. You remember when Jesus was on the cross and he's like, capture the whale. Capture the whale. Capture the whale.
Hello, Jesus Christ and say upon the disciples...
out onto the seas and bring back all of the greatest fish and put on shows for the people. Jesus, yeah. Jesus sounds good to me, Tommy. Got a bit of a question. What's a whale? Ah, but do you not remember the parable of Jonah? Honestly, no. I was walking on top of the water and I looked down. None of this shit's been written yet, dude. None of this shit's even been drafted yet, man.
I believe Jordan and the whale was Old Testament. But I think Old Testament, did they have the Old Testament during Jesus' time? Yeah. I mean, it was mostly talks and stories, I imagine. I think at the time that it was just the Testament. Yeah.
Well, eventually, Searold convinced Carol to take a trainer position because they had to move some of the regulars to Texas. And then they started her with the Dolphins and the Belugas and the False Killer Whales. And she was soon promoted to Shamu Stadium. She got a whole new batch of glossary terms once she moved there.
The first thing she was told was to tell people was the orcas only ate restaurant quality fish. Nothing but the best fish. Absolutely excellent fish. Top quality. You would get it anywhere at the sushi spot. You gotta love this fish. The best fish. Everybody knows it. They're all talking about it. They're all talking about it.
Meanwhile, when the fish arrived in boxes they had "not for human consumption" stamped on the side of it. But that was just cause that restaurant quality fish was for the whales. Just to make sure the humans didn't steal it. It said in really small words at the very bottom, "Jealous." So Shamu's, they eat over 200 pounds of fish a day at SeaWorld.
This includes smelt, herring, mackerel, salmon as a treat, and other fish. And this is much like Joe Biden where there's multiple of them, right? Some are taller, some are shorter. The ear lengths are different. They've never disclosed how much they spend on the fish, but it may be less than you think because they charge tourists money to buy fish from them to feed to dolphins and stingrays and orchids. Yeah.
So it's a pretty good business model. Yeah, I was at this place, I was at this gator reserve, which they also probably had to change their name at some point when I was in St. Augustine. And it was really fun, but there was like an area where you go and the gators are obviously...
like way overfed. Yeah. Yeah. So that because they're five feet from you. So I'm pretty certain they just feed him and feed him and feed him and feed him. But a part of it was that you could go and spend, you put a quarter in and you get a handful alligator feed and then you just fucking just pellets. It was just pellets, but it's just like, you're just watching countless children just literally pelt, uh,
an alligator's side of its head. Yeah, man. Like, throw and feed. Just throw and feed. And they're like, feed the gator again. Feed it again, Troy Joseph. And it's just like, just going like, just throw and feed at its face. And it's bouncing off of this ancient gator.
killing a killing machine. And they're just kind of like chomping it all up and they're just so swollen and fat. Dude, when I was a kid, my parents took me on vacation to Pigeon Forge and there was this one t-shirt shop that had on the sign outside, it said
see and feed five live bears. And I was like, I want to go there. That's where I need to go. So I go and they're like, I bought like a cup of sliced up apples. And then you're just on the second story, like walking on a catwalk above five bears that are just sleeping on concrete below you. And you just throw the apples at the bears and they like slowly walk over and eat it all sadly and shit. And you're like, oh,
I will say, I went to Pigeon Forge last year and it was no longer there. Okay, good. Now those bears are working in the restaurant. That's right. Paint them black and white. Put them in a pool. Our extensive collection of these new marine bears. They're not drowning, they're...
Well, one of the things that never sat well with Carol Ray was the injury of San Diego trainer John Sillick. That was in November of 1987. You've probably seen footage of this. If you've seen Blackfish, they show it to you. He was riding an orca named Nootka. Another orca named Nootka? This was Nootka, too. I believe it was Nootka's daughter, I believe, which probably was...
Tillichum's daughter as well. Oh. Yeah. Out of, because he got, he got a hard, he got hard. So he got hard. So the, wow. Yeah. Under our Kamala presidency, that baby would be important. Yeah. Not in Texas. John. Don't fuck him.
Get boy to me. I haven't lived in that goddamn state in over 20 years. We know you're still running it. So John was riding the Orca and it was during a show and Orky 2 leaped out of the water and crashed on top of him, pinning him between the two whales. It didn't look that bad on the footage, but-
When you think about it, Orky 2 weighed 12,000 pounds. Yeah. And so John Sillick fractured his pelvis, his femur, ribs, along with other injuries, leaving him permanently disabled. And as far as I could tell, is in a wheelchair for life. Some people say wheelchair for life. I say I'm in a wheelchair for the fun of it. But have you ever met anybody who's broken their pelvis? No. There was a girl in...
high school that was a cheerleader and she was it was one of those where she was thrown up and they caught her wrong and it snapped her fucking pelvis and it just looks like the worst possible injury
Yeah. Yeah, it's real bad. Because you have to be entirely, like, stabilized. Yeah, no, you're in a body cast. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And she was very pretty, and she was so sweet, but she had to, like, come in in her body cast to school, and it was just, like, it was hard because she was the girl in the body cast for the rest of the girls. So it was just her, like...
Sitting in class, just all like... It was very hard for her. I'm sure she's doing great. That had been very, very difficult. Yes. Well, you know what SeaWorld said about the whole thing? Trainer error. Ah. Which would become a pattern for them whenever there was an incident. And when Carol inquired for further details with others, the only response consistently was it was trainer error. Soon, she had an incident of her own when baby Kalina bit her hand during training.
So after two years, Carol Ray left the job. I could see that they are putting it on the trainers. And it's interesting because they don't want to put it on the whales because then someone would have to come do something about the whales. Exactly. And the whales are their big moneymaker. That's where the money is coming from. It's the logo. You know, it's fucking, they need these things there.
Incidents like hers and John's were not the only ones, of course. There was an incident with Tamari Tolleson in July of 2002 in San Diego. Tamari was doing dry work with the two whales, Orchid and Splash. She was building up a relationship with them, something that she and others had done many times before. During this, one of the orcas grabbed her foot and pulled her into the pool.
Both is all on camera. This was a film by a guest. Both Orchid and Splash began to play with her, tossing her back and forth by pulling her underwater, all while she screamed for help whenever she came up for air.
Another trainer, Robin Sheet, made a very intelligent split-second decision that most likely saved Tamari's life. He knew that Orchid and Splash were juveniles, so he opened the gate to an adjacent pool, which allowed the more dominant female Orca, Kasaka, into their pool. Orchid and Splash let Tamari go, and she was able to escape with her life, but not fully intact.
Tamri's arm was totally broken, but like a badass, she was able to climb out of the pool to save her own life.
Here is a picture of Tamari's arm. Oh, it's spaghetti. Yeah. Oh, that's not good, man. That's got to, that sucks. She swam with that fucking thing. Yeah, I mean, I feel like that's one of those. It's that shock thing where you don't feel the pain at all. No. It's like, I got to get away from these gigantic fucking killing machines. Yeah, I feel like, yeah. You'd see me burst out of the water like the human torch. You see this fucking asshole offering his hand to pull her out. Oh, it sucks.
Oh, sorry. Does that hurt? I couldn't imagine getting killed by something with a cute name like Splash. Yes, it's ridiculous. It's very hard. When you talk about these, you know, Kandu and Corky, you know, the cute names of these stories make it.
extremely more chilling. It really does. So Orchid was 13 years old. I wish they called him Porky, though. Because you know what it is? You know what's one of the most chilling sounds in the world? Who did it great was Jordan Peele with Nope, where that sound of the emergencies happened.
audience is freaking out, right? You're watching people run from the stands, but then the silence of the room when you sort of see the aftermath of the dead body floating in the water with the orca, but you still hear the
A world of wonders. You hear all of the SeaWorld music playing as you're watching an orca nose a fucking harmless corpse. Thank you for coming to dine with Shamu. Yeah, there's been many video games based on like Bioshock Infinite and all based on that exact principle. Sound, yeah. Right from your grave.
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So Orchid the whale, the one that pulled her in the water, we think. It could have been Orchid or it could have been Splash. Was 13 years old when the incident took place and some say was the most intelligent whale at the park. She was also a deeply traumatized individual. I understand that orcas are not humans and vice versa, but Orca was born smack dab in the middle of a Shamu show in front of an audience of thousands. Laughter
It does feel like it shouldn't register with the whale. It shouldn't register with the whale, but it's such an embarrassing, weird thing. Yeah. But also there's a part of me that's like...
Because I'm addicted to the concept of showbiz, being like, that's Vaudeville, baby. Yeah. That's incredible. Barnastar. Yeah. Yeah. But this whale, like this orca, the first thing that it experiences when it comes up from the water is a bunch of fucking monkeys screaming at it. Thousands of people. Yeah. Yeah. So orchids' parents, orc...
Orky 2? All right. Orchid's parents were Orky 2 and Can Do. Three days after she was born, her father, Orky 2, passed away from pneumonia in an adjacent tank. Pneumonia? Yes. Usually it's pneumonia. And then 11 months later, she watched her mother, Can Do, get in a fight with Corky 2. So there's Orky 2. There's Orchid, Orky 2, and Corky 2? Yes, that's right. And obviously there's also Corky and Orky.
I mean, there has to be. Yeah, so Corky II rammed Can Do until she bled to death in front of Orchid. Orchid, obviously, now very traumatized orphan before the age of one. She was then raised by humans instead of orcas, and her only friend was Splash, the other orca in the incident. Eileen Wuornos. This is what we're seeing. I actually feel like that the trauma...
could be, you know, obviously tell me if I'm wrong, sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. I know you love to do that, but I have a, if it's so intelligent, it actually, I imagine it would experience more trauma. Yeah, of course it would. Yeah. And her best friend, Splash, he suffered from epilepsy and
and once had a seizure so bad that Orchid got underneath him and brought him to the surface and saved his life. Whoa, cute. During the incident, Splash hit his head on the gate and injured his jaw. SeaWorld then decided to remove all the teeth on his lower jaw, and he was never able to fully close his mouth again. Oh, yeah, this is not good. Again, very bad situation.
Zero killer whale chum. Yeah SeaWorld denied that orchid was an aggressive whale years later Her animal profile leaked and she had 12 aggressive incidents over as many years SeaWorld denying responsibility is a very clear pattern. You know, what's interesting is another one It's like with Travis the chimp was that they noticed that Sarah I believe was named the lady that owned Travis the champ is that after Travis killed her friend. I
So it was her friend who came over because they were finally going to essentially transport Travis out of the house. And so the friend was the one who got maimed. But apparently the owner of Travis was saying, revealed that Travis was getting more and more physically violent to her throughout the entire time before the attack.
So she was covered in bruises and shit. So it seems... But wasn't she, like, giving them Valium and shit? Oh, yes. But this is interesting because these whales are, like...
like building it's like the aggression builds inside of them but the weird thing they said this about both chimps that were killed after attacking humans is that after the attack they both have like they had these very confused looks on their faces like what happened yeah why did I do what I do yeah why did I just do that yeah they don't know it's a fucking moment of rage they're not supposed to be there anymore yeah
So the only death, no, I said there was four deaths until it come killed three. The only death of a trainer by an orca that did not take place at SeaWorld was the death of Alexis Martinez by the orca Kito. This unfortunate incident took place during a training session on Christmas Eve 2009 at Laurel Parquet in the Canary Islands.
This is the one that I had you look up a little bit about. Yeah, this is the story. Like, this dude, again, loved whales. He was a great trainer. He was a great trainer. For 14 years, he was a trainer. Yes, and he was at the Laurel Park, eh? So it was like out in the middle. The park is the world's largest indoor penguin exhibition. Oh, very nice. It's the largest shark tunnel in Europe, and it's one of the only two parks in Europe to house orcas. But I still feel like, why do I always feel like a European water park? Because it's...
it's gotta be kinda not great. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, because I think you imagine it being in Eastern Europe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I imagine it's just like concrete squares and it's been like, welcome to Prokerskorsk, where it's like, you will beg to
to see the monkey. You will cry and suck to see the puffin. Like, I could see it being, like, very intense and very sad in there. So, Martinez was working maneuvers with Keto, and he'd done these...
million times before but he decided to improvise a little and Kito rammed Martinez and then brought him to the bottom of the pool where Alexis laid motionless so the way it happened is that they were they had done he'd been acting weird he'd open acting weird the entire show right they were doing this thing the training session is a good training so he even acting strangely and
And so the thing that happened is, I guess, like, part of what they do is, like, in between, like, as they're trying to figure out what to do, they're, like, floating on top of the water. And they said the first thing that was weird was that Kido came around and positioned himself between where, like, the ladder and Alexis Martinez. So they were trying to sort of do... And then all of a sudden it...
like, flipped. Like, it was like, it was getting really aggressive and it just flipped and used its nose and just pushed him all the way down to the bottom of the water. Yeah. And in that push, crushed him against the bottom of the, like, literally just crushed him against the pool, came back up for air, went back down, crushed him again, and then came back up. Ugh.
Yeah, man. Keto retrieved Martinez from the bottom of the pool and brought his unconscious body back to the surface where everyone then tried to help perform CPR to no avail. And that's what happened. Laurel Parquet called it an unfortunate accident. Oh, yeah. So he drowned.
But after the autopsy, it was revealed that Alexis did not drown, but suffered a very violent death, according to the coroner, Ann Henry. Oh, yeah. His whole chest was crushed. Yes. He had multiple abrasions, a lacerated liver, badly damaged internal organs, a collapse of both lungs, fractures of his ribs and sternum, and puncture wounds consistent with the teeth of killer whales. He was smooshed.
Yeah. That would be the term, which you very rarely see in true crime. You know? It sounds like a car accident. Yeah. Like a really bad car accident. I mean, it's about the size of a car. But the only other smoosh we've ever covered was in the Salem witch trials. Oh, yeah.
With the weights. With the trouble. More weight. Interesting. Pressed to death. Good. We can't wait for the movie. Also, I find it interesting that the Canary Islands Ministry of Labor and Immigration, they basically said...
Well, working with orcas, that's inherently risky activity, and you're asking for it. Like, essentially, they said the only way to prevent orcas killing humans in captivity is to stop having orcas either in captivity or stop having humans interact with orcas in captivity. You know what?
They're right. They're not wrong. So I know what you guys are thinking back at home. Ed, you're piling on. This is called Horrors of SeaWorld. This happened in the Canary Islands at Laurel Parquet off the coast of Morocco, you know? SeaWorld has nothing to do with this. But...
The man leading the training exercise was Brian Rokeach, who was actually a trainer from SeaWorld San Diego on loan to teach them how to train the orcas. And Keto was one of four orcas on loan from SeaWorld. So Keto, in fact, had a list of incidents involving trainers back in SeaWorld in America.
I find this, it's like priests. It's like they're moving them around. I do also find it interesting that the ones that go on to actually kill people have a track record of hurting trainers over and over again. Yeah, they're traumatized. Yeah. Yeah, man, it's crazy. And they hide the fucking incident laws. Also, because they don't want to talk, because I feel like that's really the giant glaring red flag, which is...
It's not a one. They also can't say it's a one-off incident. Yeah. They can't say, oh, we freaked out. Like Roy, Siegfried and Roy, when he got attacked by the tiger, he was trying to say, the way he tried to keep the, what was that? I think it was like Monte Carlo. I forget the name of the dog. I was thinking of the tiger. I don't remember its name. But he, when he, he,
was dragged off stage. I think now it's called Rug? Yeah. When he was dragged off stage, his name was like Monteclair. Monteclair. Yeah, Monteclair. Monteclair. And so he got dragged across the stage and Roy tried to explain it. He's like, the problem is that during the attack, Roy had a stroke. And so he was trying to say, I had a stroke. The cat was trying to save me. And everyone's like,
No. They know he was that. They're all like, because he smacked the tiger in the face. That was what happened. He smacked him in the face after he did something wrong, and then the tiger grabbed him by the neck. I never knew this. It was on Roy's birthday. It was on his birthday. 59th birthday. Damn. And they'll never say they kissed. Siegfried and Roy. They died pretty close to each other. Yes, they did. Because he died of COVID in the end, Roy. That's what got him in the end. The biggest tiger of all. What?
It's from China. So, of course, with Alex Martinez's death, SeaWorld denied any responsibility. This was still before the fourth and most famous victim, Don Brancho. And she would be the third and final victim of Tilikum. Now, Don...
was not like the other trainers at SeaWorld. Oh, yeah? She wanted to be a Shamu performer since she was a child and stopped at nothing to achieve that goal. A lot of people considered her one of the best, if not the best, SeaWorld Orca trainer there was. Damn. She was even featured on their billboards alongside Tilikum. If you were at SeaWorld Orlando or even picked up a brochure, you probably saw her and Tilikum together.
Now, February 24th, 2010 was the last day of Don Branshow's life. It's like a spouse killing, it's like a husband killing a wife. Yeah, it really is. They were truly in love with each other. Yeah. Yeah. She had just finished a successful Dine with Shamu lunchtime show when the attack happened.
She was in the middle of a relationship session with Telecom when he decided to end theirs. What is a relationship session? What does that mean? I mean, just basically like... A date? You know, just like kind of like putting your arms up and he puts his arms up and it's just like, you're just kind of like hanging out with it. Okay. Making sure... And people kind of watch, like the VIP people kind of watch you do it and stuff like that. Yeah, but forming a bond. It's like the show after the show, kind of. But yeah, they are forming a bond and you're...
They are in constant contact with these whales. Yeah. They're hanging out with them the entire time they're at work. And they're playing with them at all times. You know, that's the thing. The orcas are very active, even though they're in a tiny prison. Yeah. You know? But they are- Well, they better be. Yes. Well, they have to be if they're going to perform. Feed them. Yeah. Yeah. And it'd be smart enough to not kill everybody. I mean, you put me in a solitary confinement cell. I'm going to be pretty active in there. Yeah. You're going, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Running back and forth, running back and forth, much like in Chimp Crazy. Did you know that after this incident, they put Tilikum in solitary confinement for a year? In a small pool, not much bigger than his body.
Yeah, so they had their relationship session. Yeah, and Tilikum grabbed her by the arm or ponytail, depending on who you talk to. Cyril claims that she was dragged in the pool by her ponytail, and it was her fault because she had a ponytail, and it seemed appealing to Tilikum, even though that's how she wore her hair on most days.
There's footage from a guest just seconds before the attack, almost if Tilikum was waiting for the camera to be turned off. They call it the millennial pause. Guess Suzanne Connell witnessed the attack and screamed, he took her down, he took her down. Below, because below in the tanks they have like giant windows where you can go look underneath. Whoa.
There was a viewing window where 30 guests were eagerly waiting for a photo opportunity with Tilikum. You would sit there and Tilikum would show up behind you and like nod its head and you get a picture and shit like that. Whoa, the best fucking picture ever, dude. That'd be fucking metal as hell. When Tilikum arrived, he had Don Brancho in his mouth. Whoa.
Tillichome then rammed her head at the bottom of the pool, dragged her body, and then held her there until she briefly broke free. Guests watched this. Several guests saw her surface and tried to get to the edge, but Tillichome came back for more. This is serious. Again, it's like if a serial killer was doing kills on livestream. Yeah.
At this point, more than two dozen SeaWorld employees tried to come to her aid, putting out a net, others slapping the water with their hands and paddles. Come here, come here. That's literally all they can do. They go, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Yeah, they were doing whatever they could to get the fucking thing's attention. Because they can't all go, they don't have the big knives on giant poles like they do in Japan or in Iceland, where they would just start stabbing it to death in front.
Because that would also, I wonder what that would do. If that's how they handled it. I imagine it would immediately kill her. Yeah. Instead of waiting a long time. Till it comes, most dangerous game was not going to end yet.
He circled the pool with Dawn in his mouth. He drove her to the bottom again and her body again drifted to the top. She was no longer moving. He then circled around and rammed her for a third time at full speed. He held her body captive for over half an hour. Eventually, the staff were able to lure him into a medical pool and cover him with a net. Dawn's body still in his mouth, confused and angry. He shook her like a dog with its toy.
10 more minutes passed before they finally got her body out of his mouth. After they retrieved her body, her arm was detached.
and still in his mouth. And her ponytail had been scalped from her head and was floating in another pool. Jesus Christ, dude. What do you think? Is there any sort of wondering what goes through their heads during a moment like that? Is it just because they are giant wild animals and they flip out? It's also a game. Yeah, it's a game. They could do that sort of ram games. Is that what they do with other orcas? It seems like they didn't know that
They were doing it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's what it does seem like. And then afterwards, it knew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was depressed. Whoa. Yeah. Jeffrey Dahmer. They tried to bring Dawn back to life, but the event was too violent, and she passed away there next to the tank. You may remember the famous image on the news of her body with a blanket over her and Tilikum in his tank next to her crying.
Possibly not sure what he had done. Yeah, I mean, the only way you would know if he had actually purposely done it, if he was posing like hard style next to her body. Everything changed after that. Obviously, such a public violent death of one of the best trainers in front of a small crowd of people got OSHA's attention. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. Yeah. They sued SeaWorld in defense of the trainers and Don, but as we know, the Shamu shows continue to this day.
That wasn't even Tillicum's final show. Holy shit. He kept performing for six years along his grandson. Holy shit. Now it's R. Kelly. Oh my God. He just kept doing it. Yeah, man. SeaWorld still claims that Dawn's death was her fault and that working conditions were and are safe for all employees. After the movie Blackfish came out and won an Oscar, SeaWorld took a major hit.
They now have roller coasters and other theme park fare to win back guests. Yeah, and it's like a shitty version of a... It's not... SeaWorld's bad. Now SeaWorld has Discovery Cove, a water park for humans. Turns out they're not good at that either because three people lost their lives there this year. The most recent was last week. Oh my God. How? Drowning. Yeah, man. They're all found unresponsive in wave pools and shit. Oh God. Yeah.
So January 6th, 2017. That'd be incredible. Tillicum arrived on the steps of the White House. We're going to be shot going through a window. January 6th, 2017. Tillicum's troubled life came to an end when he died, as many captive whales do, from bacterial pneumonia.
If I had hands, I'd put my, I'd put them around the throat of the world and I'd strangle them to death. And that's his quote from his last words. They disposed of Tilikum's body like they do all other whales, which I learned about from an unnamed source who contacted me after the first episode. Yeah, because I have no idea how they do this. Because first of all, because it's like they can't.
Feed them to the other animals. So he was moved by crane to the back of house zoological area where the vets conducted a necropsy. Is that how you say that, Marcus? Necropsy. Yeah, that's good enough. They conducted a necropsy, which can last for hours. Then the whale is cut up into 45-pound pieces and placed in stericycle containers. That would be about 260 bins for telecom. Hey, you like whales? You want to make 45 of them? Yeah.
Hey, come on out. Oh, I heard you like whales. You have a chainsaw? If the whale dies in the afternoon, the people conducting the cropsy and disposal work all night. The next day, a stericycle truck picks up the bins to incinerate. It's a very messy process that would put the Gainesville Ripper to shame. Oh, yeah, buddy. Was that because it's the... It's just covered in whale blubber? Yeah, and then put in the bins. Yeah, yeah. All right. All right. All right.
We're going to need to sweep up in here. Chopping them up into cubes and chunks. Yeah, man. And then she said that sometimes she would show up to work in the morning and see that the fridge was full of bins and like, oh, something big died last night. You know? Like...
Can you imagine if they did this at Disney World with the character actors? They'd do it at the Animal Kingdom, probably. Most zoos have incinerators and stuff like that is another thing I learned. Today, SeaWorld, the aquarium, is a much better organization.
They are more than regularly inspected by multiple organizations like the AZA, the American Zoo Association, OSHA, USDA, Humane Society, U.S. Fish and Wildlife, and PETA is even a shareholder so they can have a vote in board meetings. It's almost like they have to. Yeah.
But hey, I'll take it. SeaWorld often rehabilitates animals like sea turtles and sea lions, etc. And they release them back into the wild. The people who work there truly do care for animals. But is it enough good grace to make us forget about the past? Well, think about like, I'm going to bring up Chimp Crazy again just because I'm in the middle of watching it. That crazy woman, Tanya, was only first there.
Because of how much she loved those goddamn chimps. Yeah. She loved them, even though she had no fucking idea what she was doing. No, she was giving them happy meals. But she was... Oh, my God. Did she order chocolate shakes for the fucking chimps? Oh, yeah. Pouring the milkshakes into the chimps' mouths was just, like, one of the wildest scenes I've seen in a minute. And I was just... But...
But it's hard because it was like when my mom would feed Gracie Mae fried egg sandwiches to the dog in the morning. Dude, I brought up, when we were watching that documentary, I brought up Gracie Mae to Carolina. I was like, this is exactly what Henry's mom did to their fucking dog. It's called toxic love. It's this thing where she does not know that her love is killing the animal. Yeah. Yeah.
Just because he likes Happy Meals doesn't mean that he should have them. You know, it's just hard. Yeah, fucking Wendy would love to smoke a cigarette. Well, as far as SeaWorld goes, people still go. It's still one of the most successful theme parks in the world. And recently, I stayed at the hotel next to SeaWorld in San Diego. Oh, so that's where they had beds your size. Yeah. It was wet.
I had the front desk hold my luggage while I ate one of my many meals. And when I went to retrieve it, the lady at the front desk yelled to the back, get me some more SeaWorld vouchers. And then I asked, do people still go to SeaWorld? And she replied to me, no one cares about that documentary. Maybe she was right.
That's it? Ed, thank you so much. My God. Good Lord. No one cares about that documentary. Wow, you're right. Yeah. They don't. I guess they don't. They really don't. Really great work, Eddie. Yes, great work. Really great. This has been great fun. Thank you. We definitely stepped outside of our normal territory, but I like that we brought it with the same vibe. Yeah, man. It's the same vibe. It's the same shit. Yeah.
We're going to get back to some real human crime. It's going to be murder next week. Yeah, murder's on the menu. I got murder on the docket. We got a bunch of shit. We have to. We'll figure that out. We got a bunch of shit coming up. What, murder on the docket? Everything. The docket. The future docket. Yeah. I want to do murder next week. No, I want to do murder. We're doing murder next week. Okay, all right. Yeah, for certain. And human murder. There you go, folks. You heard it here first.
Henry and Marcus are going to murder somebody next week. Yeah. Possibly in Chicago. So we're Friday. Come and see the Side Stories live show. Come and check us out. We are figuring it out. Yeah. And we can't wait. And it's tonight. So come on out to the Park West. Please do. And then tomorrow night, we are going to be, I think we have like, it's like we,
As of the time of this recording, they released 100 extra tickets. Yes, we had sold out and then they released another 100 tickets. Go pick them up. We're going to be in town. This show's our best show yet. It is. It's pretty fucking awesome. It's pretty fucking great. We just honed it like fuck in Australia. We can't wait to show it to you. I will say, though, I will have to cut all my breakdancing ray gun jokes. Yes. Because the time has passed. But that woman is still dumb. Yeah.
Man, it really was just the perfect time for us to be in Australia. I have never experienced... Yeah, it was cheap, but every single time I did the... Because it was only for Australia. They were so happy. They were so happy. Because it was great, because they had Ray Gunn. They also had the only Olympian to get arrested for buying cocaine. Yes, and then the succulent Chinese meal man died while we were there. While we were in Brisbane. Yeah, in Brisbane. So, hey...
That's the kind of stuff we bring everywhere we go. I don't know what we're going to change for our Chicago show. H.H. Holmes is coming back to life! Just go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left. Not only can you see us do this thing,
flopping around on camera. You do it there, but also you get a whole bunch of shit. You can go, you get tickets ahead of time, all the kind of stuff. Go check it out. We put a lot of content on there. And go to at LP on the left for all social medias. And don't forget to watch Side Stories on YouTube. Yeah, please. Please. And check us out
and check all the other streams that we do out at LPN TV. That is switch.tv slash LPN TV. And of course, go to lastpodcastontheleft.com and click on shows to see all the places we're coming to this year. Chicago, Boston, Los Angeles, London, and Reykjavik. Please come on out. And Brooklyn as well. Going to be coming to see you this year. So come on out. See us live.
I can't wait to perform in Brooklyn. It's been so long. I can't wait to go home. Because I haven't performed in Brooklyn since Murderfest. Yeah. It's going to be fun. Yeah, I can't wait. Hell yeah. Hail Sweet Satan. Oh, no. Hail Telecom. What? No, no. Not Telecom. No, I can hail whoever I want. There's plenty of whales that were traumatized and didn't kill their trainers. Hail Telecom. Whale rhymes with hail.
He's allowed. He wrote the script.
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