Side Stories: Baby Oiled to Death
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There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, yeah! Yes!

Halloween season is here. This is spooky! Officially, I feel super spooky. Oh, it's October 2nd. We're in it, man. Well, it's October 1st, today. Today. As we're recording, and I want the audience to know that. Okay, that we recorded a day early, just in case some news comes out. Well, it always does. You just want to be...

completely 100% honest. No, I like lying to them. Yeah. I do like lying to the audience. Because there's got to be a little lying. Of course, always. Because you don't want to just be with me uncut. No. You'd be upset. You'd be bored. Exactly. Frankly, you get angry at my behavior. Also, in the age of information, we have to pretend like it's the day that they're receiving it. Yes, but...

I don't want them to. I want them to know today because... Today, usually we record a second before you hear it. The second? Normally it's coming out live. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like as you hear the show. Unedited. It is, yeah. Unedited, pure magic each time. But I want them to know that we're starting our 31 for 31 for Side Story's

Today. Today. Because today is October 1st, but you're getting this October 2nd, so you're going to hear the discussion about it

Today, October 2nd. And I definitely didn't watch the first movie on September 30th. You definitely did not because I would not have told you to do that for the recording today. Yes. The day before the episode comes out. Yes. Which is actually October 1st. But that's how you know. That's when the episode comes out. That's how you know. I'm sorry. We should have led with the Jimmy Carter's almost dead. Jimmy Carter's almost alive.

Welcome to Side Stories. Happy birthday, old man. You fuck. He's fine. Write-in ballot. Okay? We need a write-in ballot for Jimmy Carter. Someone just knows. We know how he's voting. Just wrap his tendril-less weird little fingers around a pen. Now, if he sends it in and then dies, does his family go to jail? I hope so. Honestly, I hope so. Just for the sake of our nation. For the sake of our democracy. But I do think, I actually don't know how that works, but someone just

needs to wrap his hands. He's voting for Kamala because it sounds like Komala. That's where I want to be, but I can still see. I can still hear.

He's doing fine. He definitely doesn't look like... Definitely doesn't want to say blink once for Trump, blink twice, because you don't know if he can blink twice. No, because honestly, if he's blinking twice, it's probably a seizure. Yeah. And we don't know. He has a look of a man who's surprised at how nice the gates of heaven are looking. Yeah. You know what I mean? Where he's just like, I'll be there soon. But we know how he wants to vote. He talked about it, so he'll just wrap his little hands around a pen and we'll scribble in the

little hole and we'll just tell him we're like don't worry Jimmy democracy's been saved and he'll just go like hey vote twice

Can I have my peanuts back? But guess what? He can't have his peanuts back. Jimmy Carter there just looking surprised that he can still sit down. We got a whole bunch of dead. A lot of dead. Chris Christopherson, Dikembe Mutombo, Pete Rose, and Taggart, John Ashton. I just hope that Dikembe Mutombo isn't rejected when he gets to the gates of heaven. That's going to be his job. He's going to work next to St. Peter and just slap down murderers. No, no, no.

And just do the finger whack to each one. Sorry, Epstein shows up. No, no. He would be a great replacement for St. Peter. Actually, it's a really good job. Truly, yeah. An NBA center has to be in charge. One of the greatest blockers of all time. That's huge. Because I think that they let people in too much. We learned that from Randy Newman's Faust. Mmm.

Yes. This weekend that we saw. We saw that. That was nice. We went to go see one of our good friends, Jordan Temple. A star. A star in the making. My boy's a star. He's a star. And he went and he rewrote all the narration to this musical done by Randy Newman. And it was fun, but it was all about how easy, how it's too easy to get into heaven. Yes. Because all you got to do is say, I'm savvy. Mm-hmm.

And there were a lot of old Jewish people in the audience confused. A lot of them. There was a section of the musical that was involving people kind of like doing a mock sort of like Sunday evangelical thing. Oh, yeah. And then they started doing the, you know, they get you to clap, which is one thing. But when they get you to do the...

Oh, yeah, they could. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The closest they could do. Just normal one clap on one beat. The lady next to me just kept slapping her oxygen tank tube to the rhythm. So, again, I don't know if that was just her asking for help, but it did seem she was engaged in the musical. We got some updates today. Before we get to our revelations of our 31 for 31 highlights,

Halloween horror movie list. Well, we're not going to go through the whole list. It's going to end up on the fucking socials and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can look at it there. Play along if you like or create your own and send us yours. Or just go fuck yourself. Yeah. Whoa! But I hope that you play along. Yeah, but next week we're going to be talking about the whole 31 for 31 with our good buddy and sister Jackie Zebrowski. Yeah, we'll talk about it. And we're not recording that today. We're recording that

In eight days. You're right, Eddie. You're right, Eddie. That's not a lie at all. Now, let's get to some updates. First of all, the fact that we're even saying this, I have no idea. The sheriff, we talked a little bit. It's not much of an update, but there is an update. He quit.

Yeah, he retired. So the sheriff that went, it's Sheriff Steins, the Mickey Steins 43. He said he walked, this is the man who walked into a judge's office, to his chambers, his buddy, who was also involved in this sex scandal inside of his own chambers. Well, they're all involved with the scandal. Well, we don't know quite if he is.

But Judge Mullins, Judge Kevin Mullins, was shot to death basically at point blank range by this sheriff. Allegedly. He pleaded not guilty. Yeah, definitely. He definitely didn't walk in on camera with a trench coat, with a gun under the trench coat visibly, then walk into an office where several gunshots were heard, where he and the judge were the only ones in the office. And then he walked out and people walked in and saw a dead judge. That's fine. Apparently they showed the footage in his hearing. Yeah.

Cool. Yeah. Can we see it? I don't know if we can see it, but Reddit says a bunch of people saw it. Well, I would love this. You know, it's just fun. It's fun for me. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Watch some of this. Sobs erupt in court as they're shown footage of Kentucky Sheriff killing judge. But we don't know what's going on. I got a lot of messages, people talking about

In this town, in this area, much like with Murdoch family that we covered a lot last year. And we talk a lot about on last podcast what we call B-team Illuminatis, like little communities that are really not used to the national sphere of attention. Communi-nominis. Communi-nominis. Yeah. Right. And stuff like this where...

They keep news successfully behind closed doors so well. We don't see these things, and they all know each other. These are very, very small towns. So many people emailed me essentially being like, the cryptic nature of this town you'll never specifically understand. There's something going on. There's something fishy in Kentucky. It's not just the trout. Thank you. No problem. All right, here we go. So let's watch this video from the court. We're just watching ourselves. I'm just...

Can we hear it? I don't know if there's any sound. Yeah, they don't show any. You don't hear a judge's screaming. Not anymore. Not since January 6th, 2021.

So he comes, holy fucking shit. Yeah, no, he made sure he was dead. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's not guilty, huh? Yeah. Whoa, and then shoots him again. Oh, no, he made sure it was done. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's not in a trench coat, I will say that. No, he's very much not in a trench coat, but that is a very much, wow, that is a purposeful murder that I guess he's not guilty of. Was it his clone?

I wonder who else did that. Is that his mother in court? That's right. Yeah, that's his mom. They showed his mother. Of course, as they should. Now, he's saying that he is not guilty, as they should. Let her see it. But don't worry. He's retired as of today. Yeah, he retired and he pleaded not guilty. But I don't really understand. I feel like when you shoot a judge point blank, that is, I'm going to say you're fired. Or is that... He wanted to quit before he was fired. Yeah.

I think it was one of those situations. You know, we're like, we're going to fire you today. We'll accept your resignation. He shot a judge three times in the face. Yes. How is he allowed to quit? I mean, you should have been fired on the spot. But maybe that doesn't. Maybe that cancels the firing because that's your boss. Also, yeah, he's the judge and the sheriff shot the judge. Who's going to fire the sheriff?

Who's going to try? Exactly. Especially now that we know it's not killing people. Well, we'll find out more, maybe, with actually going on inside the story. He will probably... I could actually see a world where this man ends up playing out because...

his life in jail is not going to be fun because he's going to have to go back to the same. Oh, they'll protect him. You'll be in isolation for the rest of his life. Not for killing a judge, necessarily. Not for killing a fellow police officer. A judge isn't a cop. But in terms of the judicial system, they might not look too kindly upon that. He probably hired all the fucking jailers.

We'll find out. But that could also then come back on you. Because what if he's not a great boss? What if he's a pain in the ass? He seems like he's strict. It seems like he might... You don't want to have that progress review with him. Because he'd be like, first we'll see how far I can jam this gun in your mouth. Oh, wow. Wow, I didn't know he could get that far. I guess I must be a little bit more liberal than I thought. Well, there's no bail. No. As he should. He's zooming in. He's zooming back and forth. But not...

In terms of quickness. Because he's a big man. Because he definitely kind of waddles in there. He's a big guy. Oh, you know, he's huge. He's much bigger than I thought he was around the waist. But in his actions, he was not about waist. He was about thrift. That's Falstaff from Shakespeare. Now, another little update I wanted to talk about is, it does seem I'm slightly...

obsessed with this story and I think the reason why I'm slightly obsessed is because we're getting a lot more information on this than we ever got in Epstein or like because all that shit was clamped down and it should show. The Diddy story is completely fascinating. It is huge and I think that this indicates more of why

how important Epstein was to these various clandestine systems, right? Like how important Epstein was. Epstein actually had power. They attempted to cover up what he did. And then when whatever happened to him, whether he committed suicide, he was allowed to commit suicide or he was murdered. That was an imperative for the people that were around Epstein that are constantly getting roped into his shenanigans.

Shenanigans is a very polite word for everything he did. You know what I like about shenanigans? It's a good umbrella. Yeah.

You know, it's like a lot of stuff fits under shenanigans now. And I think that P. Diddy is showing and the intention that's going on to P. Diddy is because it shows that entertainers are viewed by whatever these systems are as expendable and that the Epstein, the information and the interconnectedness he had to various secret, essentially black,

Like, straight up, like, all these people, all these various, like, the Mossad and the British fucking Secret Service, all these various things. All these, like, weird, essentially espionage companies he worked for. But what we're now seeing is that P. Diddy, who was a billionaire... Could this be, before you go any further, could the Diddy stuff be Epstein fallout? Just taking years to figure out how to properly charge him? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like he thought of himself as...

He viewed Epstein, I think, as a role model in a way, the way he built his whole thing. He said, according to Sean Combs, the rapper formerly known as Puff Teddy, he said that he wanted, according to Forbes in 1989, I wanted to be very, very rich. And so what he would do, the way he began his business enterprises is that he would cold call into gigantic companies.

companies and simply just say, I'm here. Let's collaborate. Yeah. And the first one was with Mark Cuban, which I did not know is that he basically approached Mark Cuban and said, can Sean John design the uniforms for the Dallas Mavericks?

That's kind of where everything started in 2003 for his business mogul side. And then that kind of let other people start to kind of be more, they're like kind of interested in Diddy and they're understanding, oh, he's making really successful collaborations on his own merit. He went into business with Estee Lauder. He had Sir Rock Liquor. Yeah, he had Mark Wahlberg. But the thing that really is, again, more suspicious than anything else is his connections to people like Ron Burkle,

and a man by the name of Ray Dalio. Who are they? Now, Ron Burkle. Ray Dalio is this kind of, he's a hedge fund, like, master. So he's like one kind of money investment guy. But Ron Burkle, he's another real piece of work. He runs, he owns, I believe, some soccer team, and he's a stakeholder in the Penguins. And he came forward saying, like, The Pittsburgh Penguins. The Pittsburgh Penguins. Not just Penguins. That would be impressive. Yeah.

If he was just like, I own half the penguins. That is a real, a real supervillain. Oh, what a penguin. Good luck. Because I have all of them. If you want to see half of the world's penguins again. Come to my house.

First of all, here, wipe some cum off of Meryl Streep. Here, yeah, you're going to want to sit on her back. Yeah, yeah. This is so she can get the new Oscar, yes. So, Ron Burkle, he was named in the Epstein documents that were released at the beginning of this year as just straight up being very good friends with Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein, and was well aware of their activities. So, on some level, I think that P. Diddy is learning from some of these super cryptic,

guys whose names we're not supposed to know. People like Ronald Burkle want to stay in their shadows even though they are public billionaires, but they still like, they are, these are guys that go and they do machinations behind the scenes. And P. Diddy ended up thrusting himself into that world. There was a lot of money to be made. There was also a lot of cachet that P. Diddy brought to the table, which is giving them

access to celebrities. So they get to go to the Hamptons to the white parties and hang out with Leonardo DiCaprio and do all these things where they're all like kind of in these symptoms. I feel bad. I've always wanted to have sex with Ashton Kutcher. Thank God! More money, more problems. I'll tell you what, because I only purchased the first I only purchased the second half of Penguins because I fucked to death the first half. Ha ha ha!

Speaking of which, could I have sex with vanilla ice? Only as did Kutcher's Tokus will suffice. He looks like he has one of those faces. If you slapped him hard, it would just wiggle for a day. Yeah, it's like Homer Simpson. He definitely looks like he could swallow a fish. And there's also just straight up, there's a hundred...

And 20 new allegations of sexual assault are coming P. Diddy's way. So this is... 120 gations. 120 gations all around the nations, my friend. Oh my gosh. Any big names in those? I mean, none that we're seeing yet. This whole thing is big names. Everything's big. Well, we haven't seen yet because now we're seeing the celebrities scattered to the hills to try to figure out. They're obviously all looking through their calendars.

trying to find out which parties they went to. Yeah. I actually feel bad for some of our mega celebrities in a way because I do believe that they were used as props for some of these more nefarious activities. I mean, think about it, though. I mean, like, you show up to a party, you peek in a room, there's like fucking 30 people fucking, and you're like, ugh! And you walk out, like, are you implicated?

I don't know. Well, because the time you're not implicated because probably at the time you think like, man, this is some freaky shit. These people are crazy. You don't really maybe understand and think about the logistics of how all of these people got here. And are they liking it? You know, like it's very difficult to ask those questions, especially if you specifically don't want to be involved in it. If I pop my head and I saw that, I'd be like, oh, those guys are having a great time. I remember. I'm like, oh, you guys have fun. I want to go to the blunt.

pile if you never not walked seriously yeah i mean my penis would be so dead from that level of weed that i would just be i'd be in the pool i'd have no idea it was happening yeah i'd assume they're all and they don't want us there either i pretty much assume if i'm hearing noises like that in another room like that at that scale they're just doing zumba yeah you know like i have no idea what's going on in there i'm just always assuming you know these la people always working out

Ron Burkle owns Neverland. See, that's the other thing is that Ron Burkle has extensive ties to Michael Jackson. And one of the big things that they talk about with P-Dead, he was about one of the big celebrations they made. I believe after they made some like $500 million deal, they went straight to go party with Michael Jackson at Neverland. Wow. So they, yeah. That's where you get the good drugs.

Well, you go. It's like drugs you haven't even heard of. I feel like that's the drugs that are just too good because you want to remember the carousel. You want to meet the llama. I don't want to be...

I don't want to be asleep for this whole time unless Bubbles is the one dropping the IV. Yeah, Bubbles wasn't in Chim Crazy, was he? No. No, he got out. He's retired. He's retired. He's alive in Florida. Have you heard about that with Michael Jackson? That's what he would ask for at night? His milk? His milk. His propofol looks like white milk. Can I get my, can I get a glass of milk?

Each night. Then Conrad Murray would come out of his cabinets and give it to him. Absolutely. I can't wait to watch you sleep forever. No, yeah, he's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bubbles is doing good. Also, there's a massive conspiracy theory that I don't even know if we should talk about because people get angry when I even try to go through conspiracy theories, even when I say it's a conspiracy theory and it's definitely a conspiracy theory. Can we say something real quick? Anytime we say...

This is a conspiracy theory. That means we don't necessarily believe it, but are interested enough to talk about it. Because that's my job. So this theory is interesting. So Ashton Kutcher...

He's probably going to get divorced sometime soon. His butt is literally all over this. Just sticking up for Danny Masterson. Everything. He's got such a bad couple of years. He's fucked because sounds like he chose his friends poorly. So there's some talk that Brittany Murphy's death. This is insane. Is now getting tied together.

to P. Diddy. Now this is entirely... It's all fucking weird, out of left field, hearsay shit. It's all hearsay shit. But it's so crazy. It's all hearsay shit. Alright, so this is according to Distractify, I don't even... whatever, you know. But this is a good breakdown, right? So, Diddy and Ashton.

really great friends. Seemed kind of social on one aspect, but they were everywhere. Ashton always makes sure to tell everybody just how much he loved P. Diddy and his house. Oh, wow. Do you think Ashton Kutcher fears P. Diddy will betray him to get out of jail? No way.

But I also think Ashton Kutcher, you're going too, buddy. You're both going. I think there's plenty of room in there. We'll find out again, allegedly. I'm scared he's going to rat on me and I'm going to go to jail. It's like the worst thing you could say in public. Keep it to yourself.

Keep it to yourself. So, Brittany's husband at the time of her death, Brittany Murphy's husband, Simon Monjack, who's connected to Diddy, they had the same personal trainer. Okay. And so they got close. Because you know how it is when you share a personal trainer, Eddie. Right? You know how it is. Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember when I shared my personal trainer, the rest of the football team was like, have a good day. So were they just railing on him? Yeah, we took him. He didn't last long. Ha ha ha!

So they all just had group sex with him, huh? Yeah, we had to send him to the baseball team. Hey, you know, when in Boca. Now, they believe, right? I love this. They believe that Britney's death was from pneumonia at the age of 32. I mean, it was. Yes, she died of pneumonia. They also believe that she died of, there was a bunch of shit going on, right? That she had like several drugs in her system. They thought maybe anemia. I thought her system was clean. No, there was like something going on in there, but I don't know what sort of drugs. Yeah.

So they say that, so Simon, apparently, according to him, owed this personal trainer that I guess was also like Diddy's employee, right? He's saying that he owed him a bunch of money.

And so Kim Porter, they're trying to connect to Kim Porter, Sean Combs' first wife. Ex-girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Cause of death, same as Britney, right? So yeah, elevated levels of hydrocodone, acetaminophen, and chlorophenyramine. That was all in Britney Murphy's system. Okay, I do those. Yeah, we like those. But then, remember, five months later...

Her husband, Simon Monjack, also died of pneumonia. Yes. All right. In that time... So now we've got three close associates of Diddy, pneumonia deaths, right in a row, both young, all young, healthy people. Again, no evidence, right? No real evidence, but they said they had time. They linked alleged mold to the Murphy's home. They're saying that the mold caused them to get pneumonia. But...

Now, they're saying, we all heard about the baby oil, right? Costco, which I do think was a missed opportunity for Costco. They neglected this. They said that P. Diddy definitely didn't buy the baby oil from them because Diddy's lawyer came out to say that

Well, much like many Americans, Sean Combs, my client, loved to buy in bulk. That was their literal response as to why he had over a thousand bottles of baby oil in his house. Just so that he'd never run out. Yeah. It's not like Diddy goes to Costco and is like, I'd like to renew my membership, please. You don't think so? That's a huge debt in this town. Yes, but so...

What is interesting is that we've all been making fun about how many bottles of baby oil he has. He obviously loves it. But according to Poison Control, a less common but more serious adverse effect of ingesting baby oil is aspiration pneumonia, which occurs if baby oil is breathed into the lungs when it is swallowed. So there's some talking about...

Were these people baby oiled to death? Yeah. Did they swallow a bunch of it and then fucking have pneumonia? I don't know. All three of them linked to Diddy? Were they slicked up and lubed to the death? Or like, is that a way to kill someone and not really...

No, you just jam a bunch of baby oil down their throat. Concrete evidence. Look at the documents. I would like to see how many more people around Diddy died of pneumonia. I want to find out how many people a year die of pneumonia by ingesting that much baby oil and how we know that for a fact. Is it because we just dump a bunch of baby oil over a bunch of rabbits so they start coughing?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's how we do it. I want to get in that racket. Oh, animal testing? You want to get in the animal testing? For so long, I thought that animal testing was literally putting makeup on the animals. Like, I'm not even fucking joking. That's how stupid I am. I thought, like, I asked Natalie. She said that to me. I said something about, I mean, like...

I remember we were in the car once and it was like, we were talking about it. Like she brought it all up and I was just like, legitimately I made that bit. I was, it's been like, I just don't really understand. I was like, how could you deny a little cappuccino with like some blush on or, you know, like, and then you find out, Oh, a cappuccino is the spring. You know what I mean? Like one of those things. And then she was like, she literally looked at me. She's like, you thought that they put the makeup on the animals. And I was like, how else do they test them? I thought that was all point. I thought it was to see if the makeup's good.

She's like, no, they inject it to see if it has a reaction of chemicals. I was like, wow. I thought it was stuff like they try to see how long mascara will last on a fucking giraffe and shit.

Like, I thought that they, like, you know how they put those lip stains? I thought they put a lip stain on a chimp and see if he could make his way through a bunch of lettuce heads and still, like, keep the same look. Oh, look, none of it really came off. That's what I thought. Oh, he had, like, 22 bananas. And you just suck it on him and suck it on him, and, like, none of that lipstick came off on the banana, so. Put it out to Eckert's. Send it out to Walgreens.

Yeah, I'd still fuck the mouth of that chimp. Yeah, you're right. How old am I? I'll point a second guess. Cotton that I referenced Eckert's. Yeah, hey, I don't know. What's wrong with me? I just think it's in there. They haven't been open for like decades. Buddy, I just think that it's okay for us to travel back and forth in time. It's our age.

Oh, but yeah, so those are my updates. Do you have any other updates? Oh, is baby oil safe? According to, well, this is, I'm Rob. He chose the one that says, is baby oil safe? And she sees a woman just dousing a baby in baby oil. Baby oil contains mineral oil, which is odorless, colorless, and tasteless. Its main use is to moisturize the skin of a baby.

ingestion of baby oil is usually minimally toxic. It can cause diarrhea. A more serious complication is aspirational pneumonia, which occurs if baby oil is breathed into the lungs when swallowed. I don't even know how you do that. I guess you waterboard them with baby oil. You're onto something. I actually just realized that's probably what it was. They probably were waterboarded with baby oil. Wow. That's crazy. Or, you know, they flip them upside down and they put it in them.

And then weeks in, they get backwards pneumonia. Is that something we should cut? I don't know. I don't know. Have you ever felt a sense of unease when you leave your home? Yes, it's called being alive. You wonder if everything's going to be safe while you're away. You should, because it's not going to be. I know for a fact that if I didn't have 24-7 monitoring of SimpliSafe on my home,

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Well, we got some... Speaking of people that are upset with us, we got a civil engineer who's really mad about how we constantly fuck up cement and concrete. Dude, I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was listening to last week's episode and noticed you were misusing the term cement and you were referring to cement and concrete interchangeably. As a civil engineer, I...

Here, the layperson make this mistake often. The layperson. Yeah, we're not construction workers. You're also a layperson to us, by the way. Just saying. Yeah, you don't know anything about comedy. Yeah, you would try to fucking come up with a new way to say come. Yeah, what do you think about Diddy Baby Oil Cement Man? Come up with a bit now, you...

But cement is an ingredient of concrete. Oh, wow. And concrete is composed of five ingredients, water, cement, coarse aggregate, which is just rocks. You know, you just write rocks. And fine aggregate, which is sand and air. I don't think you ever need to mention air as an ingredient. My thing, too, is that, like, why can't we use stellar aggregate? Yeah, you're right.

I agree with you. I think that's probably why we got these infrastructure problems in this country. We keep using this fine-ass, regular-ass, mid-ass fucking arrogant when what we need is some fucking stellar A-plus arrogant. Yeah. Answer that, civil engineer. Mr. Rock, baby. Yeah. He says mixing cement and water sets off a chemical reaction and creates a paste. You're setting off a chemical reaction in me that's going to make me attack you. Yeah. He just wants us. That's what you're doing, man. You're fucking terrorizing me.

Peaking my rage. He thinks that we should be using our platform to inform the masses about the difference and we can collectively improve the public's knowledge of building materials. Thank you so much. And honestly, thank you for clarifying that and for clarifying the fact that COVID-19 is not real and long COVID is a myth. Yes. So I just want to say thank you so much for really clearing stuff up. Really clearing stuff up. People are upset about my candles thing. You can talk about the candles real quick. Eddie,

came forward and saying that the candles that you burn. My house is covered in candles too. Mine too. I love candles. I'm not anti-candle. I love candles. We're candle people, but I guess, but I've heard that it's safer to use candle melts, wax melts.

I've heard it's safer to just light little fires in your house. That's kind of what I've been doing, where I like to take the recycling... Potpourri lights up real good. I take the recycling and I cover it in kerosene and I let that go until it's liquid. All right, so burning scented candles contains many of the substances that are associated with bladder cancer. Furthermore, the scented candles are not only very popular, but also widely available on the market...

with limited quality regulations and unspecified raw materials, determining a spectrum of potentially dangerous substances emitted during burping. This is what we've been talking about, is the fact that it's an unregulated world in there, in the candle world. So that's like one of those things that anything can go into candles, which is why sometimes they can burn off toxic fumes. But most of the time, it's about how much are you using? Are you...

I think that we're talking about a level of lighting candles that you're hot boxing a room with your Yankee candles. Are you sucking over it? You know, you're up there like just like... I feel like that's what we're talking about. Because even in this email... It's basically, it's for my fart. She just says you can use them...

Definitely for farts. Because I honestly think there's more carcinogens in your fucking farts. Would you rather smell my farts or candles? Candles. I'd rather have cancer than from that. Than knowing that your active dookie particles are in my nasal cavities. Because that's what smelling a fart is. Yeah.

is getting poo-poo in your fucking nose. Which is why I like it. So we have someone on the inside that says, candles are safe. I've been making and selling candles for eight years and I have to answer this question a bunch. Yes, there are many articles, blog posts, and fear-mongering harmful ingredients in food, candles, household goods, etc. Basically, if you set something on fire, you're creating carcinogens. Yeah, sure. Of course. So it's whatever you're going to be having. That's why, you know, I tend to... But candles are safe.

fish. It's safe enough. Just don't

Yeah. Don't fucking... Don't have 10 going at once. Don't put a tube over it and suck out the fucking fumes from it. I'm not giving up my candles. I just want to say, I just threw it out there because I've been hearing it a lot lately, and it's the only reason I imagined it, but I'm not throwing out my candles. I love my candles. I do wish they were cheaper. Sure, but we talked about it. Sometimes it's because of the way they're put together. I imagine some of the more fancy candles probably avoid some of the more harmful...

Shit, because they put more like oat milk and seaweed and stuff. When I see an $80 candle, I get upset. There's nothing I can do about it. You don't like an eight-hour candle? $80, I said. Oh, $80 candle. Sometimes you have to. I can't. I bought one. I have one fancy candle at a time. When do you light it? I light it when I'm looking for guidance and leadership from LeBron James, because it's LeBron James' favorite candle.

Oh, and I have a leadership altar that if I need in my mind, if I have to dial in to the focus, it takes to play against my own son and beat the fuck out of him. Yeah. Right.

Then that's what I will light. How many LeBron shoes do you have? You have lots of Nikes. Do you own any bronze? I have three Bronies. Really? Yeah, I have three Bronies. But I don't buy... I've actually kind of stopped with the shoe collecting a little bit. Now I'm going more towards... You've got enough. I have enough and now I'm moving towards trying to dress somewhere between what I call goth godfather and not my father. I just don't want to be my father because the cop face is just shining through. Yeah, I really want to take back

dressing like an idiot from horrible people. That's what we're doing. Because horrible people really own dressing like an idiot. And you know what? They look great. They do. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everyone who looks great with their necklaces and their fucking cool ass. We're taking it back. This is what you and I are doing. We're taking it back. We're taking it back. Right now, I'm currently dressed like I'm Storm in the Capitol. No, you're dressed very nice. That's linen. They could never wear that nice of fabric upon their crusted skin. And you got that from who?

I got it from Quince. Our fucking advertisers. How about that, you fucking piece of shit company? That costs you more money. Yeah, my wife touched my breast this morning when I put this clothes on. She was like, oh my God, let me see your chest. That shirt's so soft. And she was like grabbing my chest and shit. It was fucking awesome. That's great. Quince. Quince. Hey, even your wife can touch you. That's a free one, you fucks. And one last...

Here is fucking one last little thing I want to talk about before we get into 31 for 31, which is to bring up. Actually, this is a housekeeping and also to educate the audience further. So we heard that several people received while they were listening to our show, a commercial for a website called October 9th dot com. Now, I actually think it's October Sky.

Well, this is the problem is that what this company did. So now there are a lot of people that look this up. Don't look it up, by the way. But October 9th, according to this website, there was a commercial that aired on some of our episodes of last podcast and left on October 9th. The sky is a picture of the book of Revelation.

The writing is literally in the stars and the very night scripture points to in the very year five independent prophecies provide exact year counts from known historical events. And they're saying here that yes, in seven days, five hours, 59 minutes and 44 seconds, 43 seconds, 42 seconds, the world is going to end. Now, the reason why plans on October 9th, like normally me too, Eddie, we're cancel them.

Cancel them. So the reason why we're even bringing this up is because we actually do control up to a point what ads go on our show. And one of the big sticking points we have as an organization is no religious or political ads. We will not have them. We don't want them on ours.

But what these guys did... We turned down the Army. We did turn down the Army. We took down things from the U.S. Navy. We took down because we were not trying to show any sides because we wanted to be able to make fun of everybody we want to make fun of, right? I personally love Army. I'm cool with the Army. We want to be able to make fun of you. But October 9th,

So these guys, the way they positioned their ad and the way it was presented to us was a lie. They presented it to our company as if it was a movie. And we are so old that for a second I think that we thought that it was a remake of the film October Sky with Jake Gyllenhaal and is that Laura Dern? Wow. Wow.

It was fine. It was the Rocket movie. I didn't see it, but I knew it existed. But we thought it was a remake of it or something. They literally lied to us what the format of the commercial was. So just so you know, we're trying to get rid of it now. But that is what happens, is that it can just lie. Yeah. And then we don't know. We don't. I mean, I don't know. People tell me all kinds of shit that's on the brighter side commercials that I'd never heard of. That's not good. Yeah.

Yeah. One of them was me shitting on Nestle for like 10 minutes and then immediately went to get some Nesquik. Just understand how little ad dollars affect what we say. Just know that. Just know that it really doesn't affect what we say. So these guys, they're a cult.

Yeah, they're the standard evangelical end of the world cult. So what do you think? You think they're all going to kill themselves with a knife? Honestly, good riddance. But why advertise it? Because they think it's going to happen. Where are they getting their money from? Oh, where they buy that website? Yeah, they're buying the ads on shows and stuff. Oh, people probably like J.D. Vance's uncle and those people. Mmm.

All the people that Natalie covers, all the various people that are really hoping for the end of the world. Yeah. Because then they get to the good part because they don't believe that life is the good part. They believe that heaven is the good part. Yeah. And they think Donald Trump's a good sign because it shows that the society's grinding to a halt. And that means it's getting closer and closer to Jesus coming back. And he's not going to come back. No. Because guess what? If he had an option to come back.

I don't think you'd take it. You'd probably go to the moon. This is the website. Yes, this is the website. Look up October 9th. Look up. Yeah, that's what we thought it was. Weird. So don't look. I mean, I guess you can go look at it, but if you have plans October 9th, just know it's going to be the last time you ever go to karaoke ever again. So make it count. Speaking of karaoke...

On October 7th, I'm doing stand-up, in case the world doesn't. On October 7th, I'm doing stand-up at the Good Night, when there'll be karaoke afterwards. I love the Good Night's karaoke. That's a serious karaoke spot, too. Yeah, yeah. You can't fuck around with it. I'm kind of mad. They're going to hate that I'm doing stand-up when everyone just wants to do karaoke and I'm going to be telling jokes and shit. Just be singing songs between each...

Like, joke. So just in case the world ends on the 9th. That's the last piece of comedy you'll ever see. If you want to see Ed Larson do stand-up, come out to the Good Night for, like, comedy or whatever is the name of the show. Oh, wow. Like, comedy or whatever. Whoa, very Zoomer-y. Yeah, well, it's Becky Yamamoto's show, our buddy. But she's not a Zoomer.

No, she's not a zoomer. She's one of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's trying to lie to them. She's a gloomer. So she's trying to lie to the zoomers to have them show up. It's good because if you make it sound super cash, they're not going to know the desperation inside. Yeah. Because zoomers don't fully feel that yet. So that's true. Good work. October 7th. Good night. All right. In case the world ends. We are about to embark. All of this is so spooky.

It's so spooky, it makes me want to go insane. You should have said, makes me want a dookie. No, I know, but I didn't. That's the way to go with that. I know, but that's how you would. Yeah. That's how you would go. It's so spooky, I want a dookie.

We get paid to do this. We're paid broadcasters that arrive. There's a production staff. Every time I see someone comment that all they do is do shit jokes, it's just like, that's the only thing I can think of after I read that. Yeah, of course. We're programmed, buddy. We are groomed by you. Live from North Lake.

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It's hard. It's hard to stick to it. It's a lot. You have not watched many of these films, and that's partially the reason why I chose a lot of the films I did. Now, Eddie and I did come together to make our 31 for 31 list. I took some from Eddie, but mostly I'm using this as another opportunity to expose Eddie to a bunch of horror films that he has never seen because up until this point, which I find hilarious...

And he's been very afraid of horror films. Not afraid. It's just like, I don't like watching people getting fucking sliced up and shit. I like a horror movie. I grew up on horror movies, you know? Yeah, you grew up in one with your mother and your father. Hey! Yeah, and all the fucking reptiles outside my house and the drugs that I did. And you just being like Frankenstein of a boy, just going like, I want me to know fire!

But yeah, all the movies I've seen are from like the 80s and 90s. I saw all of those horror movies. But you also have never, but you haven't seen any of the ones that are particularly extreme or the ones that are actually very scary. Now, I tried in our list here to make it both. I haven't seen most of these. To make it both fair to you, I wanted these to be, I feel a couple of things about Halloween films. Let me talk about it in general. Eddie and I immediately got into a fun little argument about my...

sticking to my parameters. Yeah, what a Halloween movie is and what a horror movie is. Well, I believe obviously they're all horror movies, right? But Halloween movies... No, they're not all horror movies. Yeah, of course they're all horror movies. Not in this list. Yes, these are all horror movies. Hubie Halloween? Yes. The Great Pumpkin? Yeah. Great Pumpkin is...

is a Halloween. This is different. It's a Halloween film. That I'm letting in for you, Eddie. Yeah, because you said Halloween films. You're allowed to have that one. So I put those two in there. He put The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown special, which is, again, it's more about the heart of Halloween. Yeah, it's more about the fact that it's 40 minutes. Yes, you're knocking out. Oh,

I view a Halloween film should involve something fairly stereotypical. And you actually said it really interesting. Should have something you can dress as within. Right. I like it being in the realm of ghosts, vampires, werewolves. Very traditional. Found footage. Stuff that's up and down scary, but has a fall feel. You like found footage. I love found footage. But has a fall feel and also like...

What I like about this time period is that it's really about celebrating. What is Halloween all about? The veil. Yeah. The spirit world and this getting thin. The leaves. Leaves.

And so in my mind, it's we're trying to get closer to that. We're trying to get close. We're trying to bridge closer. That's why something like found footage I like is because found footage, the conceit is to make you believe it is real. Yeah. And it helps towards this sort of the you know, the you're trying to believe in this stuff.

Yeah. A little bit. They're mostly stupid, though. Depends. I actually feel that I chose a mixture of stupid and not stupid that I hope that you will enjoy. I appreciate that, by the way. Now, we started off with Trick or Treat, which I believe is... I watched it last night. A full-on... You said you specifically didn't watch it. I did. Oh, yes. On the 30th. On the 30th, I didn't. I watched it tonight. You watched it tonight. I watched it later tonight. Yes.

Now, Trick or Treat is a perfect quintessential Halloween movie. I really loved it. Not only is it about Halloween, but it also features in what I like, which is I'm a big anthologies person. Does that mean the short stories? Yes. I love that shit. Horror anthologies are some of my favorite movies ever. And I've included some horror anthologies because I also think that's fun for Halloween. I don't see Tales from the Dark Side. That one's one of my favorites. I did not put Tales from the Dark Side on there.

So some of these other ones are... Oh, no, Tales from the Hood. That's what I meant. Love Tales from the Hood, too. Tales from the Hood's what I'm... And Tales from the Dark Side's a great show. Great soundtrack, Tales from the Hood. And Tales from the Dark Side's got a great movie, much like I like the Fright Night movie, the original Fright Night movie, much like I like the original... Oh, my God, my brain. Creepshow. Oh, yeah. Very similar. So this list, what I also think is important about a Halloween film,

is that I do like it being a film that you would throw on at a party. Yes. And that it's a lot of times for me, a Halloween film is a comfort movie. That is a movie I've seen many times that brings me a sense of joy and

And I'm just so excited to watch it again. And I can watch it so many times. And then, like, you kind of have to flip them over. Like, this year, I could not do. I wanted to make you watch Grave Encounters, but I watched it the last three years in a row, and I wanted to try something new. And I've seen it. Yes. And I want you to see some things you haven't seen. That one was actually pretty good, as far as found footage. Grave Encounters is probably one of the best horror movies ever made. Really? I love Grave Encounters. You like it that much? I love Grave Encounters.

But I think I found one better. I think there is one that is better on this list. Now, what you haven't really, I don't know if you've locked into any of the Asian found footage or any of that stuff. I think that's where I'm going to get you. I think that's where I'm going to get you, your ass boy. I've seen The Host, but that's more of a monster movie.

The host. Yes, it is more of a monster movie. Yeah. So the first one we started with Trick or Treat, and then we're going to do the Hatchet films. I think the way I'm breaking this up, I also like, is that we're doing it in silly. I got found footage. And the Hatchet films are considered silly? I view them as silly because I view them as, they are really good slashers, but they're largely comedies. Okay. They're very funny. All right. Yeah.

Then we have classics. There's a couple of classics. We have classics, 80s cheese, which I think is also important because you've never seen, what I love, the fact that you've never seen Frank and Hooker. Also, what blew my mind is- And I love Frank Henenlotter. Love Frank Henenlotter. He also, Eddie's never seen the, not Ringu, but the American The Ring. I've never seen either. Which is great, but I actually think I liked-

The new ring. The American one. Very rarely do I like the remake better, but in that case I do. That's the one with the VHS? Yes. Okay, okay. Yes. And no, there used to be a thing, it used to be square, that used to have films on it, and you used to put it inside of a machine. You fucking jerk off. You're right.

I don't need to know shapes. I'm not a fucking geometrist. All right? Yeah. And then we have classics. Now, what I like about the classics is I'm excited for this because a lot of these, I'm so excited for you to see these. I've seen the first one. You saw American Werewolf in London. Yeah, that I've seen a bunch. Bride of Frankenstein, he's never seen. Never actually seen it. I'd love to hear what you guys, what you think because I...

love Bride of Frankenstein. And I think of that iteration of classic universal horror movies is my favorite. House of Wax, which is going to be good. You've never seen The Wicker Man? No. I've seen the new House of Wax.

Yes, this is the OG. With Paris Hilton. Yeah, we're going to watch the OG one. Yeah, and that's Vincent Price, right? Yes. And then we're going to see The Wicker Man, which I always wanted to and never did. I hear it's phenomenal. I think that we did a good job of getting almost every single type of horror. Because then we're going to have the OG Suspiria, give it some Jalo in there, which you've never seen, right? No, I've never seen the original Suspiria. And you've never seen, which I'm super excited for, which we have to watch together as freaks. Yeah. You've never watched it? No.

It is... We'll watch it in my backyard. We're going to put it up on the screen. I love it. Let the neighbors see it. Oh, yeah, they got to. Oopa-goppa, oopa-goppa, one of us, one of us. You're going to love that fucking shit. But this is why I think you are going to... And we're going to put this whole list out on our socials and...

Please feel free to follow along. Put up your own lists. And then we are going to see the Terrifier trilogy. Yeah, we're going to do the Terrifier trilogy. We already bought tickets to see two and three in one go. Yes. For next week. Double feature. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So next week. So yes, we'll be able to do that all in one. We'll be able to do those three all in one day. Can I let people know the ones that I added to the list? Yes, please. Just so they know which ones come from me. Hubie Halloween. I added that to the list. I actually have never seen Hubie Halloween.

It's really bad. I'm excited to see it. You're going to love it. The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, Smile, which I've never seen. And Smile 2 is coming out. You didn't think we'd make it to the theater to put that on the list. I just think Smile is fine. I don't think I'm going to like it. See, that I didn't watch because I was scared. It just looks stupid. It is. Yeah, it looks really bad. I would go as far as to say it is kind of stupid. But I also have no problem watching a bad movie. Oh, I'd love that. Especially horror movies. All horror movies are my children.

I love each one. I love bad horror movies. I just don't like when they're insultingly bad or when everybody thinks they're artistic and then I think that they're stupid. You've never seen Jennifer's Body, right? No, I've never seen Jennifer's Body. Jennifer's Body's a fucking sleeper. Yeah. That is a good movie. We should do that one with the wives. It's super funny, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny. What's-Her-Name is wildly, is actually quite good. Megan Fox is very good in it.

Blood Diner, I added, because I own it on DVD and I've never seen it. But you've also never seen Gun GM Haunted Asylum. I don't even know what those words are. I think Gun GM Haunted Asylum is the best, if not one of the best, found footage horror films. I don't like it. Yeah. And then I also added Night of the Demons, which I love.

I tried it. And I love that. That was good 80s cheese, which I'm a fan of. And it's, what is more Halloween than Night of the Demons? No, that's what I love. That's what I love. And I wanted to do Night of the Demons, too, but Henry Kaibosh did. I did. Nightmare on Elm Street 4, I pitched, but you said we're doing 3, which I'm okay with. I like 3 better than 4. 3 is better than 4. I just felt like watching 4.

Yeah, I just will probably end up watching four after we watch three. I feel like it's going to be one of those we're going to toss on three. I'm going to watch three and I'm just going to watch four. Those two are. But the one, because normally I've said this for every 31 for 31 I've ever done, I've used a franchise, but we're using Terrorfire as the franchise. Yeah, Terrorfire is going to be, because I haven't seen any of them. And my buddy back home is like, you have to watch these and talk to me. Art the Clown is an extremely...

his character is growing on me. I thought the first one, it was kind of flat. And then it just like, Terrorfire 2 was such a good sequel. You're going to love it. God, I'm so nervous. You're going to love it. You might hate it, actually. But Kate Corcoran, my friend, is in Terrorfire 1. I interviewed her. She's wonderful. We should ask if she wants to come. Oh, we should. She probably hates it by now.

No, no, no. She loves it. Oh, yeah? Yeah, of course. She's a scream queen. Let's invite her. It'll be fun. Halloween 6, I put in there. It's one of my favorite Halloween movies. Yeah, I'm excited for Halloween 6. Paul Rudd's first movie. Yeah. And also, I saw that movie. I was a legend because that was one of my birthday parties growing up. And then I brought all the kids to that movie, and I was a legend in school. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to see a rated R movie. Yeah, so that one has a close place in my heart.

And then, oh yeah, that's it. The rest are all Henry. Well, see, I'm really excited. I think you guys were getting in the Halloween spirit this year. I'm already feeling spooky. So I got my Beetlejuice fucking shirt on. Yeah. There's a sequel shirt. Because it says Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

Yeah. But it has Beetlejuice from Stern. Oh, it's that Beetlejuice. Oh, I didn't even notice. God, they look so much alike. Yeah, Toy Snubs. Wow. I didn't really realize how much they look the same. No, it's so good. It's so much better than the normal shirt. It's just so much better. And have you seen the sequel yet? No, I haven't. You should have put that on the list. No, I will not.

Wow. I'm going to at some point. I'm going to probably watch it on a plane. I can't physically bring myself to watch it just yet. Really? Yeah. That's so crazy. Beetlejuice is an important film for me. I love that movie. I love that movie too. It's very important for me. Yeah, I'll get it back in there. I just feel like it's one of those where I just haven't been able to bring myself to go yet. Yeah. And so I haven't, I just haven't done it yet. But eventually I'll see it. Yeah, you'll like it. Yeah. It's fine.

That's what I've heard. And that's what I don't want to deal with. You don't want to deal with it just being fine? No. I can't wait until you watch it on a plane so you just come off all mad. There's no way you're liking this movie. It's hard. Everyone keeps telling me the way they talked with me about it. Every way everybody talked with me about that movie, they're all kind of like, it's fine. They all do. They go like, that's literally the noise they make. It could have been a lot worse.

That's the review. So could have been Hurricane Helene. Yeah. And guess what? It's still bad. Oh, shout out to everyone. Asheville, I love you. Unbelievable. I almost went to Asheville this year and I canceled my vacation last second and the place I went is fucking gone. Asheville River Cabins. We really want to find a place. I mean, I got people in Asheville. I talked to our boy Drew Smith from Knoxville.

He's flooded out. He's staying with his mom right now. It's so fucking sad what happened. We talked about it a little bit before the show. Apparently, they're saying a good thing to do is give to FEMA. Yeah. I also think it's a lot of if you can go and help people there. Physically, they need bodies. Literally, there's trees that need to be moved and shit. It's a lot of that stuff. And we have a lot of friends. We have a lot of friends in the area. Obviously, a lot of listeners in the area. And we are so fucking sorry. And we really like... I feel like this is one of those things that will make us...

Hurry up and get to Knoxville. Yeah. At some point and do some shows because I love Knoxville. I love Nashville. I love all the places in between. Y'all don't deserve this shit. No, you don't. It's fucking it's a really cool area of the country and it's fucked up. Also, I just I'm kind of scared about how many how that whole area is. It might start turning into more of a storm zone.

over the next couple years. I hope not. But here's something that I've been doing, is because I didn't know who to give to directly, but since I have people there, I've just been emailing them Publix gift cards. That's great. Just tell me, honestly, tell me where I can go. We would love to find out. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. What's a really good place for us to maybe put our attention towards on the show? Because it really is, it's a horrible tragedy, and they are

You know, this is just extreme weather is going to be a part of our lives. It seems like it. Yes. Yes, yes. All right. But at least all the soup's cleaned up. Good and spooky. Isn't the weather spooky? All right. One. All right. Let's see. Do you have any mail? I want to rip through some stories. I want to rip some stories real quick. We did stories. These are mail. No, I got to do some stories. More stories. Yeah, real quick. Okay, what do we got? First of all. Oh, yes. Yes.

First of all, I do want to talk about the fact that one thing that came out in the middle of all this hullabaloo, everyone's like, man, you think prison, you think you need to be? They've just come out with the picture of the object that they shot over the Yukon. Now, if you guys remember, in February of 2023, oh, sleepy Joe. I'll tell you what, you can't believe how good it is. You can't believe how good it is. But, um...

Sleepy Joe shot down three objects over the United States of America. One of them being, you remember, it was the Chinese spy balloon. That's where I came out of. But then there was a couple of other unidentified objects that were shot down. One of them was over the Yukon in Canada. Now, originally, visually, they described it as a, to us, to the people of America, they described it as cylindrical objects.

They said it was a suspected balloon and that it appeared to be a small metallic balloon with a tethered payload behind it. Because it was the time of the balloons. That is what they said. It was the time of the balloons, the rain of the balloons. And Biden shot it down. And they were saying that part of the reason why they didn't want to release this image, which has taken 18 months to get, it was given to CTV News in Canada. And it took up a FOIA request and all this shit. They got the documents they were talking about. And so...

They originally were going to release this image, but then they said, according to their reaction, now this comes from the public affairs office that wrote in this memo, including the picture, should the image be released, it would be via the Canadian Armed Forces social media accounts.

Given the current public environment and statements related to the object being benign, releasing the image may create more questions, confusion, regardless of the text that will accompany the post. So what they're saying is, is that let's not show everybody this picture because it's going to freak them out. Because guess what?

It's really fucking freaky. If you look at it, it is a... It will only be described as an alien spaceship. It is a... It looks like a letter... A backwards letter C. It looks like the Criterion logo. It does. What if it's an advertisement? It's an extremely...

It's a new streaming service. It's an extremely odd shape. They kept trying to say that it was cylindrical, which it is cylindrical, but it's bent over. I don't know if what they're saying is that it was flippy flopping back and forth, but we don't know if that was true. So it wasn't straight and then flipped into a C? I have no fucking idea. It's just that's the picture they have, and that's the picture that they didn't want us to see because they thought it would cause confusion, and they are correct because I am confused.

I'm looking at this thing. It doesn't look like the thing that they described it as. It looks like an old school, like, laundry coin. Yes. The way they described it was that it was a balloon with a sort of basket-like thing attached to it. But we are really looking at a horseshoe-shaped UFO. They're saying defying the laws of physics where it is literally going against the wind. So how do we shoot it down? With missiles.

And it worked? Yeah. So where is the pieces? Oh, Eddie, they worked so hard looking for those pieces. And they said that there was no way for them to find them, Eddie. Even though they blew it up with the fucking missile. Look at this. Look at this fucking thing. That's what it is. Is this it blowing up? That's the thing, buddy. That is the video. That is fucking horrifying to me. Really? Yeah.

I mean, we shot it down so easily. Oh, it doesn't matter because we shot it. Yeah. But it's just fucking blew it out of the sky.

It's just a Millennium Falcon. It looks like a Millennium Falcon. Yeah, it's not good. But at first we thought maybe the reason why they didn't want to talk about it was that it was private companies, right? It was some form of tech being tested that we just didn't have necessarily a grip on. That was my original take, was stuff was just being blown out of the sky. More to show China that if we're looking for it, we can find anything we want. As I said, it was about the size of a sedan in the middle of the frozen tundra that is the Yukon.

So they said that the weather was too bad to go look for it. But then I had people on the ground. I had people on the ground say, is this the bad weather? And show the video of the Yukon of that day. And it was like sunny and it was fine. What in the living fuck is that thing?

Yeah, it looks like something. Well, we shot it down, but there's no chance it was Chinese. No, wait, we don't know. We don't know, Eddie. It could be Chinese. But that's part of what we're trying to figure out. They don't write it with a C. How fucking dumb would that be? I feel the same as when they fucking put the Russian label on Voldemort. Where it's just like, come on, buddy.

Oh, God, yeah. Maybe the C stands for communism. Well, either way, we ain't going to let it sit in the Yukon. Don't worry, Sleepy Joe won't sleep long. He'll wake up and he'll knock those UFOs out of the sky. I'll shoot down the aliens. I'll get out there in my gun. I'll shoot down the aliens. Let me be clear. We know, Jack. We know what's going on here, Jack. We've seen the writing, Jack. All right? Let's look at it. Come on. Come on, man. Let's think about this.

Just take from fucking Dana Carvey's impression. That's all I can do. No, that's good. You're great. All right. And then we got one more story. This one's very fun.

Which one do you want to do? Pee pee. Penis one. I want to talk about the penis. Of course. I like the mushrooms and the penis. Of course. Now, this guy, this guy, right? Like our fellow Austrian that we're covering this week, Josef Ritzel. He's a complicated guy. Yeah. No, this gentleman. Apparently, he consumed a large quantity of magic mushrooms. He's a 37-year-old man. He said he was suffering from depression and alcohol abuse.

He severed his penis with an axe. Yeah, while he was on mushrooms. And the first thing we said was just like, what kind of pecker has this guy got? Yeah, if you have a giant, you have to have a huge dick in order to like swing an axe yourself and chop off your penis. Wow. Now, I would definitely hit my stomach. There's no question about it. Dude, it would hit my tits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was reading this article. So first of all, this article is putting a lot on the mushrooms, half of it, where I just think that this guy was already kind of fucked up. I think the mushrooms kind of led him towards it. He was having a bunch of visions and stuff while doing it. Apparently after he was also having some problems. So it might have created an acute psychotic episode for him. He was a crazy person who ate mushrooms. Yes, and it just did not work for him. And so he was in his secluded vacation home. And then he took an axe. He chopped his penis into multiple pieces.

pieces, which again shows... Big penis. There's a honk. It must have been a big... Alright. He probably just needed a little... Take a little off the side. Alright, so this is the thing. So, this is the part of it where you're just like, Jesus fucking Christ. Now, this is according to the article from SciPost. He had to have been hard when he did it. I think he just pulled it taut. Now...

The man reported... Did you tie a rope to the end of it? He pulled it like this and hit it like this. That's two hands. Yeah. That's hard. Yes. It had to have been hard. No, no. I didn't even just bounce an awful hard dick won't do anything. You have to pull it tight. That's every single guy that I've read about that's done home circumcisions and home penis removals. I don't know.

Well, Armin Meibus was doing it with his teeth. That's different than an axe. Old-fashioned way. Yeah, of course. This could have been a sharp-ass axe. Oh, I think it was a sharp axe. Now, the man reportedly, he tied a piece of cloth around his genital area to control the bleeding, and he placed the severed parts of his penis in a jar filled with snow. He then left the house bleeding profusely in search of help. Someone found him in a confused state and brought him to the hospital. Now, five hours, they got chunks of it on. Now, this is what they say here.

His penis was contaminated with soil and snow and parts of the organ were severely damaged. Surges were able to save the tip of the penis and about two centimeters of the penile shaft. The other sections were too damaged to be repaired. He cut it into slices. Yeah. All right. So remarkably, the replantation was successful. Save the mushroom tip.

Of the penis. No. Even though the mushrooms are what made him cut off the penis. Very interesting, Eddie. Yeah, you put it that way. Now, he was placed under psychiatric care because he was saying he was having problems, obviously. I say let him go. You know... But apparently...

Remarkably, the patient was able to regain some erectile function within three months of the surgery. I don't even know why you would at that point. I think I'd just be like, I don't know if I can ever smile downstairs ever again, but it's just like all two centimeters of it. Fun talk with the doc. It's like, guess what? Got hard this week. Hey, doc. Hey, doc. Hey, doc. Hey, doc. Hey, doc. Hey, doc. Hey, doc. Wait. Hey, doc. Look. Wait. No. No. Give me a second. Doc, look.

Hey, wait, look! Hell yeah, almost an itch. Yeah, we're going to have to get you some old tapes of Rose McGowan's stat.

Now, you also say that heroic dose. But he also says, accordingly to this other thing that I didn't know, is that at his last follow up visit, he was able to urinate normally while seated. Fuck yeah. Through a minor complication, though a minor complication called hypospadias. Yeah, he pees out of the side of his dick now.

Unfortunately. It's not out the tip. Even though he got to save the tip, he pisses out the side like it's a fluke. PP takes the side door. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now you know he can whistle out his penis and a bunch of rats are following him. I usually feel like people can whistle on his penis more than out of his penis. Do you like Marshall Tucker band? Excuse me. I'm going off the country. He's Australian. That's Ken Heath. Sorry, you're right. Wow. God, wow.

The emails we're going to get. And the other one, we can see the other story we'll save for next week. Yeah, yeah. I like the other one. Do we have any listener mail that you want to hit? Yeah, you know what? We'll move on. We'll hit them up next week. Okay, great. We'll do some reading next week. We actually covered quite a bit in the beginning. Yeah, we did. We did. Eddie, we really packed in a lot of show today. Yeah, I'm excited to actually watch a bunch of horror movies with you. Are you? Yeah, I am. I'm glad. It seems like a lot of...

Unnecessary work.

And it shouldn't be because it's fun. You know what I am upset about with the 31 for 31 is it's going to be hard for me to continue to watch movies that I want to watch. Yes. That's the aggravating part. No, if you are watching a movie and it's not one of these movies, what's wrong with you? Yeah, no, then it's like I'm wasting two hours of my fucking day at this point because I got to get all those fucking movies done. Yes, welcome to my world, my hell, my creations. You don't have to watch them. You've already seen all these movies. Because if you're like me, you live.

Every day. Knowing that for some, spookiness is just one month of the year. I'm going to have to watch a bunch of these in the morning and shit. But I know. Because I love being spooky 24-7. 365 days. Because I know my constituency. And I know my soul. I am offended by Ju-on.

Spell different. And then... It's better than Jew off. And we're going to laugh. Yes, Eddie, how are we going to complete? You're going to laugh at this joke that Eddie's about to say. What was your completed... I was going to say Jew gone would be the worst. Good pitch.

patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to watch us warble on back and forth as we talk. You can see our bodies and there's a lot of extra goodies in there. Anywhere on socials, go to at LP on the left. Go check out our Twitch twitch.tv slash LPN TV. We got tears of a clown tonight.

Yes. On the Twitch. I'll be on Tears for Clown. We're going to be discussing who the ugliest rock stars are. And I gave you some good ones. You gave me one, and it kind of broke our thing, but we're doing it anyway. Because it was all classic rock until the one you gave me.

So we're at it in one. I'm a disruptor. I get it. I get it. Oh, yeah. Pesto the penguin. What's up? I love you. It's just a big fat penguin, right? It's just a big fat penguin. Yeah, you big fat baby penguin. He's huge. People wanted Eddie to acknowledge the penguin. Everyone's been sending me Pesto the penguin. Because he's cool. I think he's cool. Because he's also big. I think it's upsetting that he's going to have to end up with these ditty freak-offs, apparently. No one's making any show business.

This guy owns half the penguins. Hey, man. Hey, buddy. Don't blame me. I did say earlier I'm going to be doing October 7th. I'm going to be doing some stand-up here in Burbank. And that's at October 7th, 8 p.m. at the Good Night. You can find that on eddytoons.com. But also...

I'm doing a benefit for forest firefighters. This is the grassroots firefighter benefit. That's going to be October 13th, 8 p.m. at a place called Scribble, which I'm not even sure is real. Don't bring your wife to that. That's what I get to say. You can't trust your wife around all these firefighters. I'm glad we're doing something for them, but all they do is fuck. Yeah, I don't think the firefighters are coming. They're working. So we're doing the benefit. You sure it's not going to have one there? Not going to have one sexy guy? I'll find one.

But, yes, it's for the forest firefighters, which are mostly criminals, I believe. And that's going to be in Highland Park at the place called Scribble. That's October 13th at 8 p.m. Come and see that show and help out these firefighters. It'll be a lot of fun. Set a fire. Keep the firefighters at work. Yeah.

Yeah, because that's what's hard is create work for firefighters by setting fires out there. It's so hard for them to get to work. There's lots of people who do set fires. And this is one of the problems of forest firefighters is because there'll be a forest fire in L.A. and the fire will be going on and then some arsonist will light a fire on the other side of town because they know no one's watching. I always feel like arsonist is too fancy a word. It is. It is. You know, especially if it's not an art form. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if it is, then they get to be an arsonist.

Yeah. We're just setting random fires. I don't like random fires. Yeah. If you set a fire, do it with purpose. You know, burn down a structure. We're not trying to, you know, the forest we need. You heard it here first. Burn down a structure. All right? All right. A night of comedy and country music over October 13th. Come see. Hail Satan. Hail Chris Christopherson. Again, I love him so much. You're allowed to. He's so good. Last podcast and laughing goodbye is take a ZS love. Yeah, I like it.

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